#i just dont like doing things alone and its weird

[homochadensistm]

please don't see at as judgment - I'm truly curious to hear your opinion if you'd like to answer- isn't is scary and uncomfortable working along palestnians when you know that potentially, with some changes to your circumstances, they could be doing what the gazans did to israelis in the south- working alongside them for years and even being "friends" but then when they knew about the attack on october 7 they didn't say anything, or worse- helped planning and participating in them? I'm also curious if you talked about the situation or is it a no-no topic?

Well, look. Ive spent every single day of 2022-2023 surrounded by hundreds of Palestinian men with powertools, knives, hammers and pickaxes, alone and unarmed. If somebody wanted to hurt me theyd have hurt me by now, and they had thousands of such opportunities throughout the years. I dont recall ever being afraid, in the beginning though it felt uncomfortable and unfamiliar because I was never in such a situation and my Arabic was 0, so when youre surrounded by a group of strangers who you only ever hear about in negative contexts, and they speak a language you dont understand, I think its normal to feel weird. But once you get to know these ppl and you start picking up the language whatever weird or uncomfortable emotion you had sort of naturally dissipates. The cure to distrust and fear is interaction.

As for the collaboration with hamas - according to the Shabak, none of the workers they interrogated (in the thousands) were found to be connected to Oct7, neither by direct or indirect participation. Is it necessarily accurate? I dont think so. Just from a purely statistical POV there must have been some ppl who knew in advance, who helped gather intel and who participated, but is that % in the single and double digits, or in the .0 digits? I think the latter. Its similar to the settlers who pogrom'd Huwara, Im sure some of them also work alongside Palestinians yet had no qualms about setting their houses on fire. Youll always find at least 1 cunt in a group of 10.

A lot of them dont want to talk about Oct7, someone Im close to said that some of them dont want to because they feel shame. I did talk about it though to some guys Im really friendly with, and they expressed nothing but disgust and disdain for the massacre. Even the guys who think the violent outburst is "understandable" due to their circumstances said that there are some lines you cannot and should not cross as a person. Are they saying these things to me because they feel like they have to cause they work in Israel? maybe, but idk, with some ppl its pretty easy to gauge whether theyre sincere or not, and imo most of them definitely were.

#israel #palestine

[hexational]

freaky fuckin guy. stupid evil shit. regretesona! yay :)

uhhh use he/it for him, just call him zombie miles for now because i just do not care enough to think of a name for him

he is a weird dog-like-not-dog thing, kinda like how i percieve poob, but he's also a zombie and is going to eat you. also his entire lower half is just bone he is a boney boy, but he is short and stumpy they are not very skinny bones (i do not have very skinny bones)\

also i am terrible at normal human anatomy let alone dog anatomy so just pretend its correct idfk dont percieve me im scared

NORMAL version under cut

"hex he just looks like you but a kind-of-furry" NO FUCKING SHIT HE IS ME BUT A KIND-OF-FURRY

#regretevator #regretevator art #regretevator oc #regretevator sona #regretsona??? #wtf what would you call it #regretesona #sure lets go with that

[todayisafridaynight]

YOU MAKE THAT POST AND DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON EVERYONE'S OPINION ON SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG???

I MEAN IT'S SUCH A NICHE FUCKING TOPIC LMAO I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD CARE

but anyway here's the Egregiously Simplified version of Everyone Is Forced To Play Ten Routes Of Shadow The Hedgehog And Has To Give Their Opinion Afterwards

#snap chats #i already hear someone going 'the fuck you mean mine is number one shadow the hedgehog defender' YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME #at first i do think he'd be like 'what the fuck' but then going through all of shadows routes. or at least ten to get the final story #and seeing the constant betrayal and inability to trust others he faced yet still ultimately persevering due to his promise to maria #i think bro would be moved.. just a little.. would he think shadow a bit headassed for that considering what the humans did to him #Of Course but also its evident that shadows clearly taking things into his own hands now- as righteous of a mission as it is #despite the persistent attempted influence by everyone around him. shadows a complicated TRAGEDY he'd be moved #mine's artsy like that..... gotta go before i get shot ive said insane things before but this one'll take the cake me thinks #im not explaining everyone else mine's just felt like the one i NEEDED to explain lest i look more insane than usual #06 daigo's purely a Shadow Angst enjoyer. he understands shadow and he's wallowing in the misery of his backstory #majima's weird to categorize cause he definitely can be like Lmao The Fuck and/or just play the game chaotically #and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like #Damn He Just Like Me Fr. i think. idk i dont study majima leave me alone im not making ANOTHER One Chara Exclusive category #i said i wouldnt explain anyone else and here i am explaining shut UP im gonna go eat #im not looking at this anymore bye #FORCING myself to leave cause i really will just end up typing essays on bitches perceiving shadow LMAOO

[lycan-mutt]

desperately asking my body why i jsut got the most insane surge of being horny at 2 am. this cant be right man

#not like im Trying to go to sleep. but like. uagggggggggggghhhhhhhh now im THINKING aboutthings #theres like a list of things that would fix me. ive been thinking of tf today a bit. its Your fault (you know who you are) btw #something soemthing telegram stickers #anwyays #also thinking about fat as usual. being totally stuffed #i spent a significant amount of my day today being a little fuller than usual and my god. Ueagh (affectionate) #need to do it more i just feel weird walking around like that so i usually only do it when im home alone (is never home alone) #imgetting off topic though #need someone to fuck me or to let me fuck them because like #god #i just. hmgnnhjhtnbggnnghgghghrrgnghghrnnghhhmhmmgghgrgh #and yes: it can be kinky i literally dont give a fuck. hotter #send me asks or dms or something idfk just say things to me #lycan rambles

[oceanwithouthermoon]

seeing my mutuals make fun of me with other people (especially where i can SEE IT) makes me feel sooo awkward like i thought we were buddies hi what is the problem...

#i have considered just deleting my tumblr so many times because people are so mean to me for no fucking reason hello #like can we not disagree on certain things without me getting called a freak or people asking whats 'wrong' with me #im literally BEGGING. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. #if u wanna have an actual conversation then lets do that but this weird high school bully shit is so fucking mean #my MUTUALS. PEOPLE IVE SPOKEN TO. #idk i sorta thought of this account as like an escape from irl shit but i just come on here and get people treating me in similar ways #there r people who i see their accounts and go 'cool i know this person!' +only have positive opinions of them even if we disagree sometime #but they just dont have the same attitude about me and it makes me feel so. isolated ? #this is sooo dramatic LOLLLL IM NOT THAT UPSET its just weird

[ganondoodle]

i really dont know how to write an utterly harmless opinion, ultimately irrelevant complaint or comment on an observation without someone getting pissy at me for it

#ganondoodles talks #how many times does one need to try and clarify that i dont mean it accusatory #yes yes i know tumblr and twitter are barely comparable #i have been here for twice as long as on twitter #im not being bitchy about getting less notes on my art here than twitter #im used to it #i meant to highlight that one EXTREME difference in attention that on post got and how weird ifeel about it #twitter is much more explosive like that #and no im not used to that on twitter either #like i SAID in that post #on twitter my art rarely if ever gets over 1k notes combined unkess i got lucky and a giant account rtd it #which in 99% of cases wont happen bc i draw mostly oc or very niche fanart #it just feels WEIRD #especially when the clown baby man himself is tearing twitter apart over and over #posts not getting super popular can be a good thing too #the amount of mind boggling stupid comments i got on twitter on my edit alone is enough for me to know that #im surprised the gan art has been nearly 100% positive in feeback #my point is that its WEIRD to watch the same art explode on one and do normal on the other site #i love tumblr!! #i dont care about numbers that much!! #im not gonna leave this site for twitter #ESPECIALLY BC NONE OF MY POSTS DO THAT WELL THERE EITHER #what kind of fool would i have to be to care that much about numbers id leave the only other site im on #for one that isnt much different just has more explosive potential yet still is way past its best before date #and each time you wake up you wonder how much more moldy it can grow before being thrown out #bc one post got popular once

[bandomgay]

I'm to dissociated to rationalize anything about the situation still but like man...we know there's a fanonized reality vs like real one and like that's just like how it's been?? It's no body's fault that those lines blurred for yall

#like i get it shes a bad person its a bad situation its an even stranger situation for him #but everytime something happens its just so exhautinggggggggggg to be in here like whatever ur allowed to express whatever but do u guys #even know where your coming from with all this #its just so whateverrr #i cant say what i really wanna say but like im so sick of everytime something foesnt happen to our liking everyone gotta suffer about it #well whatever anyways uhm also stop using miles as a thing to focus on when Alex qoute on qoute dissapoints u thats weird im not rockin with #that but uhm yeah besides all this ONE MAN BAND SOOOON!!!! AHH #and please dont sent me anything about this lmao like #please like..leave me alone not judging or being rude about it just like...im not in the mood for that #james talks

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel #the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule #and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office #classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand. #which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a #mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively #i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when #i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an #office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then #when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low #energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its #like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that #i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my #lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to #convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture #of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing. #the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like #they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha #yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc #i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself #from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode #and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at #like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop #so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd #also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry #bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting #hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that #the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun #unrelated

[rayvern-sheep]

Whenever i see “pro-ship” or “anti” i have this funny thing where i instinctively unfollow… its weird…

I could have followed you for years but as soon as you share some post abt how “kids these days don’t like all my dark sexual fantasies, they must be fascists” I’m gone. I’ve disappeared to another fucking dimension to escape the black hole in your skull where your brain was supposed to be.

#bro please… everyone thinks those things mean different things #its gotten to a point where pro-ship can mean ‘fiction and reality are completely seperate entities and do not affect each other therefore- #i can draw as much children having sex as i want and youre all puritanical baby fascists for not liking me doing this’ #or it can just mean ‘i think hannigram is okay to ship plz dont harrass me’ #which is it???? #if i have to see the word ‘puriteen’ one more fucking time im gonna throw myself into a volcano #shut up ray #there a kinks that im not into that idc abt #just a ‘you do you’ kinda thing #there are kinks that i find gross but do not have a moral issue w/ #then there is literal child porn… my guy… i didnt know it was weird to find that shit morally reprehensible..? #no i dont believe those ppl just be harrassed or killed jfc.. but wtf are they posting that shit for??? #delete later #if i hit 30 and start whining abt teens not being into the same sex things as me and finding it gross #just shoot me. put me down. its over #teens being weirded put abt adult sex stuff is normal. just leave them alone to grow up instead of calling them names lmao

[icicleteeth]

I tell my most embarrassing things I don’t have the balls to post on twitter sorry guys... But (purely because I love watching all food and drink and cooking videos) I watch a LOT of alcohol related videos for someone who does not and will never drink 🙈

#cw alcohol #like i think i probably sound like a child saying that but its not because im squeemish or never did it before #it's for a dumber reason #friends and i bought walmart whiskey idr the brand it was whatever was the cheapest shit at walmart #and i dont know WHY but i thought the rules of booze drinking was drinking neat. no ice no mixers no nothin #needless to say with that being my first exposure to drinking i thought there was no such thing as a good booze it all tastes just as bad as #this raw fire sewage #which in the long run it's good to never touch alcohol but the food artist who loves tasting many foods to better understand and appreciate #them for when i eventually draw them... i do feel a little sad in a weird way... #and in general there are still a lot of places where not drinking as an adult is stigmatized which is a whole other can of worms #like leave me alone man im not a child i just dont like it lol #if you started out with literally the worst 40% alc content swill trash you wouldn't either i reckon #but why whiskey i cannot lie to you all i just thought it sounded cool. i wanted to drink like a cowboy okay #i did no research outside of wanting to yeehaw

[todayisafridaynight]

One of my fave jackets is this green jacket with a fur hood im wearin rn because 1.) its green 2.) my dad gave it to me 3.) it reminds me of saejima. Who also reminds me of my dad

#snap chats #p sure i talked bout this jacket before but idc read my diary #sorry that every other middle aged man i see i say reminds me of my dad its a compliment #tbh love how i clowned on ichi for being on premium copium bout arakawa but highkey i woulda done the same bout my dad.. i get it ichi.. #anyway :) i legally get to talk about my day with him now :)) HE SAID THE FUNNIEST SHIT UPON SEEING ME #HE SAID ‘oh wow we dress similar :)’ and keep in mind. he was wearing a latte brown coat with a black turtleneck and pants and shoes #meanwhile. i approach With Black Pants And Shoes Admittedly but then im in this goofy old ass jacket with a red scarf #and a crane-decorated dress shirt that i got two buttons undone on like DAAD you are senile. hes so funny #so fun my dad actually recognized this was the jacket he got me- it was one of the first things he bought for me after i told My Secret 🙈 #also i finally asked how tall he was and i can’t believe my dad matches the criteria to be an rgg character he’s fuckin 6’1 like i thought #AH but today was really nice- i got to hang with my sis and her husband as well as my dad’s wife :) #it was awful tho cause the second my sis saw my dad’s outfit she’s just like ‘it’s so kdramacore’ AND SHES RIIIGHT 😭😭 #we later found out dad’s wife loves kpop…. and she bought him his new clothes…. so we are no longer surprised….. AWFUL. #honestly i could write a drama based off my dad’s life i really could it has elements for it. i mean ig i kinda do that already dont i #i borrow. anyways. today was fun :) even if i almost lost my mind trying to take the train the first time #this train system was weird… it wa worth tho it was great seein popop again #yeah….. ugh i have to still drive home from the station. and hope my car is still there #i get very paranoid leaving my car alone so openly i dont like it… #anyways. bye bye :) i might nap til my stop or work on a fic i started #‘snap what happened to’ dont worry about it i need to look at something else or ill scream #ok bye 👋

[saddlepunk]

fascinating message from my mother vis a vis the camera in the living room that i unplug any time she leaves. her reasoning is that shes been cheated on in the past, so shes paranoid and needs to keep track of who's coming into the house. my reasoning, i feel, is that reason makes 0 sense because i am her Son, and if i bring someone into the house thats not... even close to the same thing??? what the fuck kind of logic line is that??? i might be doing secret illicit relationship stuff with... my own boyfriend? in my house where i live? what kind of an example for needing the cameras is that????? shes not in a relationship anymore, my """"dad"""" moved out already. what is the fucking issue here.

#saddle says #'having people do secret hidey stuff like having other women in my house is why theyre there' #okay well im not bringing in women and even if i was they arent the 'other woman' because you are my Mother #explain to me why your relationship issues should impact my ability to have an unobserved conversation with my partner #explain to me why her kneejerk response to me not wanting her to know everything im doing is immediately to go #'are you having sex in my bed?????' #no!!!!!!!!!! that would be weird!!!!!! why do you bring it up every time!!!!!!!! #i just dont like being Watched when im trying to relax in the living room alone #i dont think she believes me abt not fucking in her room also #she never has and she never will its some gross fixation of hers #if shes still on this shit when i get home i might legit just call it here bc im not abt to sit there and let her do this shit again #shes wildly paranoid and doesnt listen to a thing i say and i swear to god if she turns this into a whole thing im going to kill myself #and on god ill try to burn the house down at the same time #smash every camera before i do it

[oceanwithouthermoon]

im ngl i just think kub0ka1 is so overrated 🧍🏻‍♀️ theyre the most popular ship in this fandom but i personally dont think they work as a monogamous relationship.. neither of them are getting what they actually need from a relationship with just each other imo, so even if they did date it wouldnt last

sure, kaido gets someone who can protect him.. but anyone in the saiki k group could do that. hes like.. the ONLY person that cant protect himself☠️

i just feel like if youre gonna pair off kuboyasu with someone, it needs to be someone who can like.. handle him ?? if you know what im saying ?

teruhashi, yumehara, saiki, saiko, hairo, (maybe mera ? maybe aiura ?) they all work !! even if you dont directly see their chemistry in the show or manga, they work and have good dynamics that you could easily bring out with just a little bit of character exploration

and kaido needs someone who can help him grow up and be with him throughout his healing, which kuboyasu CAN do, but we see him more as like the guy who can indulge in their childish behavior together and doesnt really truly UNDERSTAND him, which is great too but great for like.. best friends..

he could be paired off with yumehara or saiki and theyre like the only people he could work with

they work really well in poly ships.. i just cant see them working by themselves

plus, how would they even get together? they would hate each others views of romance.. theyre like opposites, theyre both a little immature about it but kaido cant even say the words "hold hands" and has zero interest in it while kuboyasu is obsessed with love and just wants to commit to someone to spend his life with

i just feel like people saw two queer coded best friends who are a little silly and bromantic and were immediately like "theyre dating" but it makes such a boring and not thought out ship.. i have never once read a kub0ka1 fic that was in character (and the ones that are just make them seem like besties to me) and thats enough to tell me what i need to know☠️

#i get that its like a bromance thing but it just wouldnt happen #whoever they do end up dating would def like think theyre together before THEY get together though #maybe im just biased cuz im so tired of seeing everyone draw and write kaido as a shy wittle twink and kuboyasu as his big strong bear bf #please leave them alone im begging #also theyre both comphet in ways that i dont think would match up together if yk what im saying ? #like they couldnt help each other get over that because they see life so differently #censored ship name so people dont find this when they're specifically looking for ship content #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #meows post #i shouldnt post anti-ship content its kinda weird sorry #i just havent been able to stop thinking about this #cuz i see so many people being like 'if you dont ship them you didnt pay attention enough' #and i know its not that serious but i like analyzing characters and im very autistic so i just have to put this out there

[urostakako]

its so odd thinking back to my life a few years ago compared to now

#like. my life really sucked. its so weird to think about that. every second before i thought 'its not so bad' even when it was bad #and now i see shit it really was that bad. i really did have a reason to want to kill myself all the time #maybe i dont have to blame myself for the person i was before while i had was dealing with all that stuff. who could act normally in that #kind of situation. of course i did bad shit and feel bad about it but i was a kid. and now im treating her the way that i was always treate #back then. i was in survival mode the entire time and just never realized it #and its so strange to think about how my life sucked and i was scared and alone all the time from the perspective of myself now #im not without support anymore. im not walking on eggshells anymore. im not afraid of violence all the time anymore #i dont believe my family hates me anymore. im not ready to pack up and leave because i think theyd be better off without me anymore #before i got good at anything my hobby was thinking of all the ways i could die and who would care. i spent all my time doing this #my daydreams were only about how people would react if i died. i dont do this that often anymore. close to never. and its so odd to remembe #since i was 6 i used to think this way. and up until a year or two ago i hated every version of myself and blamed them for me #but how was that fair. my life doesnt suck anymore. people i was without came back to me and love me #i see my cousins all the time. when i text them they text back. they ask me if im okay. they know when im not eating even when theyre not #around. i dont walk on eggshells around my mom as much as i used to. her attention isnt as divided as it used to be. #my brother is more of a brother than a stranger or an enemy. the image of him now and our relationship compared to what it used to be is #crazy. i had so much reason to be sad back then. i dont know why im still sad now when i got out of that life. #even now the reasons i have to be sad have dissolved. i used to feel like i was going insane without anyone to say the things i want to to #but i can say them to my cousin now. i have places i belong. its so strange to think about. idk #aricouldyounot