Tumgik
#i want to come out and transition but 1) if i do that now im gonna b homeless lmao
dykeinthedark · 6 days
Text
venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
6 notes · View notes
suckishima · 4 months
Text
rrrrrrrrr im so frustrated with my writing. its just been weeks of struggle and whyyyy. idk i think i need to rework or rethink what im going for with this one or something, its like i can feel the threads of the themes i wanna do are sooo close to tying together but it just isnt quite reaching yet and so it reads like a stilted bland mess but the more i stare at it the further away it feels aaah
i know it can get there i kNOW it can, the ending and like aha moment is so cleaaaar that i think its almost too solid and thats why my beginning feels so fucked—like i just keep asking myself 'well if hes gonna get there in chapter 5, whats stopping him from getting there now in chapter 2??' i tHOUGHT i had reasons but now that im there i just keep instinctually writing him to have the connecting/realization moment anyway and like. if that's how it is then what even IS the story??? i need a break
#leaving for my parents for christmas tomorrow and while its always a little lowkey stressful there esp during holidays#itll be nice to at least have a different stress than this one for a few days lmao#mandatory writing break coming at a good time ig#anyway a lot of the real problem is that a big reason i wanted to write this fic is bc i wanted to explore tsukkis mental space during#the ball boy arc bc i feel like its an interesting transitional time for him in terms of like being after his big moment but then#he slightly regresses in that post match bathroom scene until yamaguchi sets him straight and like. i love just how furudate is showing#that growth isnt linear and so i wanna explore how tsukki would feel during the camp (which he didnt seem stoked to go to)#and in contrast with hinata who couldnt go but weasels in anyway and like how does tsukki deal with#that intensity of stupidity and passion in regards to how he feels about his own relationship to volleyball now#like i dont think its a straight line from blocking ushijima -> admitting yeah sometimes volleyball is fun#i think theres some wavering in there and oooo i wanna explore it but FUCK its hard??#why furudate why does tsukki deny extra practice the first night of rookie camp but accepts the second night??#i know why he accepts night 2 im excited abt that. i'm big time struggling with pinpointing why he says no night 1 in a way#that doesnt come off like 1 hes fully regressing 2 like im having him say no purely bc thats how it is in canon so magical ~plot reasons~#truthfully furudates reason is probably just 'was funny to have tsukki and kunimi say no in unison' and it isnt out of character for#tsukki to say no either but i also can feeeel it i can feeel the threads of a solid character developmental reason that will fit with#all the OTHER stuff im also trying to do lmao#i just need to piece it together in the right way in the right order and right emphasis#and its so cloooose rn but ugh it just feels wishwashy atm#and so. i struggle lmao#eesh anyway fun tag rant yay#heres to hoping not thinking about this for a week will help#x#....who wants to take bets on whether ill delete this later lol
4 notes · View notes
chrliekclly · 20 days
Note
if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out
i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)
i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it
iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly
evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.
having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:
baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game
middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.
high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]
college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now
joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.
as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.
i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.
so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.
124 notes · View notes
savnofilter · 4 months
Text
Makeup Sex HCs
-> dabi/t. todoroki, s. todoroki, e. kirishima & k. bakugo
Tumblr media
Dabi | Shouto Todoroki | Eijiro Kirishima | Katsuki Bakugo x [GEN]Reader
Tumblr media
CONTENT WARNING(S): sexual content, makeup sex. 🧍🏽‍♀️
COUNT: 1.1K words [1-3 mins each].
READ MORE: masterpost + [students | bakugo | adults masterlists]
A/N: ive been wanting to write this for a hot min and now i finally did sjdjsjdn anyways this will be my last nsfw work for students. pretty anti-climatic but 🤷🏽‍♀️ i will be releasing the rest of my sfw stuff for them somewhere else so stayed tuned for that. 👀 ANYWAYS I AM SAUR READY FOR THE DABI CONTENT IM GONNA BUST 🥰 THANK YOU ANON AND HAPPY YEAR YALL. 🤢🤟🏽🤟🏽🤟🏽
Tumblr media
if its serious & Dabi knows hes fucked up, hes gonna force himself to talk about it.
don't think that he’ll be mature 100% but he will communicate with you.
is a little manipulative (don't come at me we know he ain't at therapy) and might divulge to get into your good graces once again.
makeup sex with Dabi entirely depends on how serious he finds the situation.
if it's something super serious (to him) then he will not go for sex and will not want to be touched physically like at all. comfort wise too.
but when it's something where all you two need to do is properly communicate, he's actually more empathetic. you could almost say the makeup sex between you when this happens is more… intimate.
if submissive!Dabi is something you like, here he is!
don't expect him to go full on tho, he’ll just relinquish a bit more of letting you take control as a form of apologizing.
[+] only you have been able to see him in such a position… you better be thrilled.
gets more needy tho? the audacity… if you love brats there here he is.
tries to say stuff to throw you off, shit like if you're teasing him he'll say something along the lines of, “stop playing and come sit on my cock, doll.” or “look at you slobbering all over my dick, you greedy XYZ.”
a little whiney about it too, has no shame whatsoever, though.
if he's the one giving you head, it's very messy and sloppy like he's making out with your nether regions. his goal is to have you c(um)e undone and having you surrender your thoughts to him.
when you two actually get to fucking though, it's really rough and grabby at first. it's as if you two are trying to fight each other whilst also attempting to one up another in pleasure.
very much a lot of rough thrusting, pinning, bite marks, hickies and hand prints galore.
then it soothes out—once all the pent up energy is exerted you two transition into a more, and this is where I talked about earlier, intimate love making.
mumbling apologies, a teary eye if you manage to make eye contact with each other and soft mutterings of how good it feels.
it's like a rollercoaster ride of high and low emotions, the end result being the balance of both.
Tumblr media
probably the same kind of style as Dabi.
honestly it wouldn't be surprising if the root of the makeup sex being unresolved things, as in the inner conflicts that you two don't even address.
quiet aggression waiting for its release between you two.
makeup sex would be more like a week or a few days after, where you two are probably having a normal session but then the pent up and forgetting energy comes up and gets released during the deed.
Todoroki grips you way more often and holds you close as if you might disappear in one second.
uses a lot of his hands and probably toys too to let out his pent out anger.
will have you bonded up so he can freely do what he needs to do with having to keep his attention divided by keeping you down and pleasuring you.
a ton of words of affirmation here, both you and him.
that's how it normally is, but he throws in some endearing terms a lot more this time around.
“that feel good, baby?” “who makes you feel good like this?”
his attention is solely focused on you and not so much his.
will probably edge you until the point where you both need to climax as he enjoys seeing you tear up and beg for him.
the makeup sex was probably about jealousy if we're being honest here.
Todoroki is just so emotionally constipated but he doesn't know how else express it.
is definitely working on it though.
Tumblr media
probably the most emotional out of them lol.
Kirishima is the type to cry and be a mess, super emotional and empathetic.
isn't doing crazy positions or trying to rough you up, unintentional or not.
very much, “I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry” sort of attitude 😭
feel like when thinking of Kirishima, since he has this hidden, passive aggressive side that it'd transmute into rough handling but no I think he'd let all his barriers down for something like this.
would probably get rougher near the ending tho, like harder thrusts and more bite marks.
he wants to be in your good books again and is doing his best to be that again.
everything is sloppier too, just pure rawness tbh.
the makeup session may take place a few hours later or a day later, if it doesn't then that's how you know it's something serious that can't just be mended with a bit of physical bonding.
so in a way when you two make up like this, Kirishima feels grateful because of the unspoken common rules in your relationship.
he puts his all in to make sure that even with your disagreements he still loves you a lot. :’)
Tumblr media
surprisingly so, i honestly believe makeup sex with this man would be soft.
it's passive aggressive at most, the only thing being harsh is the rough grip here and there or a little taunting whisper every so often.
lots of eye contact and just admiring you under him.
likes to be on top so he can shield you from everything else in the room and wants your attention all on him.
make up sex with him is smothering in the way that it's like he's trying to mold himself into you and only you.
doesn't care about what you guys fought about or disagreed earlier, he's more or so focused on the connection this will bring.
Bakugo is more quiet during this time, not really saying much but lets a few noises slip by every so often.
if he does talk, it's not very loud or aggressive, more of check ins like, “you okay?” “you like it when I XYZ?”
it's like Bakugo is treating you in a fragile manner, not wanting to shatter you or startle you. :’)
this is one of the times where his energy level isn't on 1000.
ALSO HAND HOLDING FOR SURE.
prefers to mostly do positions where he can see your face too, wants to make sure you're okay.
he's very mellow and the sort of energy is needed for the mending between you two.
Tumblr media
    all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter or copy this work.
102 notes · View notes
royallygray · 6 days
Text
Scar HC S10E12
actually welcome to Scar Says Sus Stuff
this was supposed to be me talking about my favorite parts or parts I want to share but it's just the sus parts and several things that I specifically liked
like. a rly in depth AO3 comment except with a YouTube video.
spoilers for his video
(I haven't watched most of scar's episodes so far)
-- --
1:01 "grant me access to the hole" scar. scar please. your wording. fix it. but also never change we love you but oh my god SCAR
it is actually triggering me that he's just casually on three hearts. my man PLEASE EAT
3:53 "I'm gonna wait for [Grian] inside of his mouth"
5:38 "well now Skizz and my bits are all mixed together"
6:06 "I fall for it EVERY time, by the way" -Skizz. I love Scar and Skizz, the two gullible-est people bonding over how they're gullible. It's genuinely somehow wholesome.
6:20 "something of substance was gonna come from this"
6:44 SKIZZ COME ON MAN I HAD FAITH IN YOU WHAT THE HECK
6:51 There was PASSION in this. Scar go off on them YEAH
7:33 how did I know he was gonna be one block off. rip scar you tried o7
7:40 "he didn't get inside my hole at all" SCAR.
8:17 "we could get six horns" the word horns sounds like hoards. and also kind of the other word.
8:39 (for one frame) the inside of scars face is cursed
10:17 THAT WAS SMOOTH THAT WAS SO SMOOTH IM OBSESSED??? SCAR YOURE A MAGICIAN. A WIZARD. THAT SNAP. IM OBSESSED.
but also. scar. why do you have a tnt minecart as decoration. scar I don't have high hopes for this room. scar you come from the Life series. scar. it's gonna die. someone's gonna shoot it with a flame bow I guarantee it
10:46 LMAO the way he tried to say cartographer sounds so. like. idk endearing or smth idk. Like he tried to breathe in and talk at the same time.
11:05 "I've just realized I kind of look like a composter" that is the entire clip by the way. all you out of context makers, I need that in there. idk if it'll be as funny as it is in here, because seriously, the delivery of having literally no other context other than it just being a random thought that popped into Scar's head is so funny to me
11:41 scar at the goat horn shop what will he do. I'm not mad scar. I think you're an adult who is making decisions with their fictional money. and you deserve it. you deserve that goat horn.
11:52 I lied put it back
12:44 WAIT YOURE GONNA PUT TURTLES AND DOLPHINS IN HERE THATS SICK I LOVE IT
in seventh grade we did an essay on whether zoos are good or bad and while I do love scars character in this I literally cannot stop thinking about it :(
13:15 SCAR THAT WAS TOO SMOOTH I--OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THATS SUCH A COOL TRANSITION AND ALSO THE SOUND EFFECT OH MY GODSSSSS
ALSO YOU SWIRLED TO SUCH A COOL NEW THING WHAT THE HECK WOW LIKE OKAY
wait oh my god it's a sink?? the water and lava?? oh my god??
14:55 damn Gem and Grian's spike has grown
15:35 scar I don't think you remember where your stuff is in the first place. at least like this it'll look cool. although the underground weird chest monster has character and I actually kinda like it in the same way that I like when my floor is a mess because it just feels inhabited and has personality
15:58 oh my god scar you transition god
16:33 scar why are you there
16:35 Etho I appreciate you LMAO
17:19 Etho have you seen Skizz's storage. it's. bad. like. it is worse than Scar's. Genuinely. It gives me pain.
17:25 THE PEARL DOORS. THE BOATEM PEARL DOORRSSSS also scar going through the middle even tho Etho literally opened the other door for him LMAO
17:32 ah yes dig when there is an entrance yes yes
17:43 honey roofs. I see you're obsessed with Joel's gift mr. slab.
this scene is actually amazing. I've never seen Etho and scar interact 1 on 1 (I don't watch a lot of Scar, and I have watched Etho a total of approximately once. his videos are rly long) and also just. Etho's system is so cool.
also Etho's storage system is adorable :D
I like both storage systems. Etho's is significantly more functional (and less likely to explode, scar that minecart is making me wary) but I really enjoy the aesthetic of Scar's.
thank you for coming to Royal says stuff, go watch scar's video, it's great.
27 notes · View notes
heart2beom · 1 year
Text
1. how to not embarrass yourself
Tumblr media
SYNOPSIS a romcom office series; in which you're a huge romantic at heart but the shitty men you attract leaves you with countless failed relationships. then, you meet choi soobin. in an elevator. he isn't interested in you, he finds you annoying, and he clearly has zero respect for you, so why the hell are you so bent on making him like you?
WARNINGS none + NOT a smau, tag used for more reach
AUTHOR NOTE ill go according to schedule next time, bare with me for the first few chapters T-T anyways, after reading im always always open to feedback or just comments in general, i want to start this series by saying that i want this to be as interactive as possible with readers. that said, you have a suggestion, i might make it happen :)
masterlist | next
Tumblr media
The first day you met the blonde, it was, to put it lightly, your worst encounter with a human being. Ever. No, like...the worst. You lost your dignity that one day in March, the transition to spring.
“Hey! Hey hey hey!”, you had put your hand in the middle of the closing elevator doors, that the person inside wasn’t bothered to try and stop. “Why didn’t you...”, you bit your lip.
Nope. Not today. You kept it to yourself, maybe he didn’t see you. Running. And yelling. Yeah, he probably didn’t see you. 
You walked inside the elevator, awkwardly. 
Your hands were clammy, you don't know why. What do people do in an elevator? Were you supposed to do something? Take a little peek at the guy? It wouldn't hurt...you've heard your few shares of elevator love stories.
You looked away when you noticed his blonde hair, cursing in your head. Guess you weren't destined to get the elevator relationship.
You’ve been holding onto the theory that the blonde in men’s hair seeps into their brains and turns it rotten. Filthy, smoosh rotten brain. Naturally blonde men were actually born, and medically are evil. Despite people questioning the validity of it all...come on, you've heard "its just your bad limited experiences with blondes" a bajillion times now, its true.
Well, you haven't personally tested it out.. but there's several blonde dictators! And more than once, the dirtbag your friends would cry about was none other than a dirty ol' blonde man. There's no redemption.
But then you furrow your eyebrows---naturally blonde men. Naturally blonde men are the evil ones. You take a second glance, and notice his roots. 
Oh, they were awful.
But that only meant one thing. He wasn’t born evil. And he was cute! And young, young's important.
“Hey, what floor are you going to?” you asked with a little smile tugging at your lips, a little too smug for seven in the morning, looking straight at the closed elevator in front of you. You’re a self proclaimed romantic, when you try, you could even get some random billionaire on his knees.
But oddly, it was quiet. All your ears could pick up was white noise... Had you finally gone deaf? You could've snapped your hands to test that thought, but you hadn't.
Looking back, everything went wrong because it was seven. Even further back, maybe your parents should've forced you into being an early bird when you were a teen. Maybe then, this day wouldn't have existed in your timeline or some bullshit.
You cleared your throat, looking to your side. And the fake blonde was as collected, and silent as he was for the past thirty seconds that you’ve known him.
The elevator was incredibly slow due to it being a hundred years old but thankfully that time, it was seen as a blessing for your situation.
You tried again because hey, what harm could it cause? “So... what floor are you going to?”
One thing you learned that day, of march, in the transition to spring, was that you weren’t fucking deaf. And if it ended at that little embarrassing incident, maybe you could stand the little blonde bitch a tiny bit more.
And he didn’t look like he was going to reciprocate your small talk any time soon too. But so what? It also quite frankly, didn’t look like you’ve had any romantic suitors for the past ten months either. And you’d promise anyone that those were the most boring... dryest... lowest point of your life.
No romance? You can’t go another month like this or you’ll end up in the trajectory of a lonely cat mother who actually enjoys the taste of black coffee and not drank it for the purpose of getting approval from hot coffee snobs.
So, you took it upon yourself to try and save this in the ten seconds you had left before you’d leave to work at your job and continue to sell your youth.
“Ah, so I guess we’re going to the same floor huh?” you said taking note of the bright yellow 16.
“I like your blonde... suits you.”
“You have the face of like..an adorable rabbit, but like a very big and tall rabbit. It’s a charming thing by the way”
You kept on going, one second every sentence, something should get him. 
“You know you could be a model." you exhaled. "Hey, are you wearing airpods?” Admittedly, as much as you pride yourself to having the patience of a monk you were...you were getting impatient and every word you said was punching your self esteem to the floor. It wasn't great.
You were beginning to think he was either the one who was actually deaf or was listening to music. Both would make perfect sense so you did the most perfectly sensible thing to do and ...pushed his hair to the side to see if he had something in.
“What the hell?”
Was the first sentence fake blonde had spoken to you.
And was also the first time had acknowledged you, looking at you straight at your face. Fortunately, the elevator had reached your floor and opened. 
You were frozen, frozen like glued to the floor there while the blonde furrowed his eyebrows giving you his first but not last, judging side eye as he walked out the elevator. Leaving you there. Staring at the space he was occupying. 
All you could think about were his ears. His ears were perfectly free of any wired and wireless earphones. So he wasn’t listening to music.
You snapped out of it and remembered your job, spam clicking the 16th button on the elevator. “Fuck”, you gasped. 
“What if he was actually deaf?”, you said to yourself pondering, biting your lip. 
When the elevator dinged, you hurriedly ran out. You had to get to your job, you couldn’t risk being late a fifth time in a row.
Kim & Associates was an easy find. Glass doors however showed you something. The blonde. You pushed open the door, hesitantly walking in. 
“You remind me of myself. Handsome, young, and eager. Ah, it makes me reminiscent-- Oh, your mentor's here!” the old man pointed at you, fake blonde looking your way too.
You walk fast to get closer to them, confused. You don't show it though, you're a professional.
"He's...he's the..." you tried to keep on a smile. Your boss was just nodding, completely clueless. Yes, you were an outstanding employee but you can't mentor someone who has a difficulty you've never had to deal with...
Fake blonde. You looked to your side to see him...you felt bad, how hard is it to be deaf and work in an office that prioritizes salesman...ship...
Your eyes widened. Then narrowed. How deaf was this guy really?
"Hi." you turned to the blonde, extending a hand. He shook it, looking right into your eyes. "Hi...um" he looked at your chest quickly, "Y/N. I look forward to working with you."
"Wonderful wonderful. Y/N, this is Choi Soobin." the manager gestured to the blonde, and you nod. He looked like his name.
It was quiet, again.
"So...now you've met. Fun! I'll steal you for a bit Soobin to give you your name badge, after that, you can head to Y/N and she'll start you up with all the ...business."
When your manager took Soobin away, you've by long figured out that the likelihood of him being deaf...was very low. Which flared your cheeks into a very embarrassingly bright red.
And when Soobin ended up finding you after an hour, you still took your chances.
"Are you deaf?" you blurted out, avoiding eye contact. Maybe this was the only time you would ever pray for a person to actually turn out to be deaf, maybe this wasn't your brightest moment...but it had to done, or you would go to bed every night saying 'what if i asked the god that i don't believe in'.
And there it was, the minute of silence that always has to go by with this guy.
"What?" he finally asked.
"God, forget it. You're clearly not." you painfully laughed; you turned your head to look at him in the eye again. And you wished you hadn't. It's the same exact look you give Sunghoon every time he spills water on his computer, the fucking hooligan, at the office.
"I need to..." You pointed being your back, nodding. "To go shit. Yeah, bye. Have fun."
The first day was bad, alright. So what? You were always one to to get back on your feet, no matter how tough it was. That's exactly what you did the second day. You called it, 'Trial number 2 of day 1.'
Everyone deserves second chances.
You got on the elevator, and there he was. Tall and...cute as ever if you cared to add.
"Hey, my little mentee guy." you said playfully punching his shoulder, chuckling.
"Hi."
Awkward.
"Soobin, right?"
"Mhm."
He wasn't deaf, he just isn't a communicator, check.
The elevator wasn't the best, but who kills it in a cramped up claustrophobic inducing space? Not even the best of the best can do it.
So, your most obvious plan was to get him to warm up to you through your fun mentoring!
"You aren't Soobin's mentor anymore, Sakura is assigned to him."
"What the fuck?" you yelled, and the manager slightly jumped up from his chair, "Why? I thought--I thought that wasn't allowed?" you were frantic, blonde asshole asked to switch to another mentor? And his request was bad enough that it was accepted?
"Language language." the manager shushes, sitting back down. He exhaled. "He said...well, he said that you were making him uncomfortable...and ...and I take the word 'uncomfortable' seriously. You know how HR takes these complaints if it gets out of hand... I could get fired, demoted, then--"
"That little blonde bitch." you whispered under your breath, scoffing.
When you stomped out of the manager's office, you headed to Chaeryeong at the receptionist desk to declare war...basically.
"You look pissed...did you get fired?" she said taking a bite of the almond cookie from the jar on the desk.
"What--No? How can you say that so casually, you know I'm the best here. Also, are you seriously eating those?"
She shrugged. "They're starting to taste edible."
You raised a brow, extremely worried...until you remembered your lack of lunch breaks, then it made sense.
"Well, that's besides the point. Chae, you see that blonde guy over there with Sakura?" She nodded, "The new guy?"
"Yeah. He's going to fall in love with me by the end of the month. I'll make sure of it." you said as a matter of fact.
Chaeryeong raised a brow in shock.
"Okay, okay, I get it.", you rolled your eyes and she reached in the cookie jar to get another one thinking you would stop being ridiculous.
"By the end of next month."
Tumblr media
TAGLIST @baekberrie @bestleeknowstan @linnysposts @wccycc (send an ask)
347 notes · View notes
our-t4t-experience · 3 months
Note
hi Evan! Big fan of what you do on your page. I very recently got a boyfriend who is also a trans man. Do you maybe have any tips on how I can make this relationship last more than a month? (Knowing my luck…)
-🦦(if I ask anything else)
there are some things that are in your control and some things that are out of them. its worth mentioning that if you have been abused before, its more likely that you will either perpetrate those behaviors, or on the flip side, allow people to perpetrate those behaviors against you
in my experience i have had a lot of unstable relationships where the instability wasnt necessarily caused by me (or me alone) as much as it was the other person being abusive to me and me letting it happen
so this advice IS coming from a place of "ive been abused," if this isnt applicable, my apologies
-communication is very important and remembering that people communicate in different (and sometimes incompatible) ways is also very important. you may be extremely direct and dating someone whos a little sensitive. you may want to de escalate an argument by being by yourself and they may want to talk about it. its important to be able to compromise sometimes and for them to compromise sometimes if your communication styles arent aligned. my girlfriend has to be very direct with me because shes learned that while we're both southern and she has learned to approach boundaries and conflict in a passive, sugar coating way, because im autistic, that approach doesnt work, for example
-how do you express love? how does your partner express love? its important to show your love in a way that is fulfilling to you, but its also important to show your love in a way that your partner receives it. ive heard mixed things about the "5 love languages" test but honestly i did the test and it was decently accurate and may be a good start, its also worth noting that neurodivergent people may also express love in different ways than the "norm"
-never stop dating your partner. yall like flowers? get each other flowers! go on cute dates! send each other memes that make you think of the other person! never stopping trying to impress your partner can make for a more fulfilling and exciting long term relationship
-time together, especially later in your relationship, is super important. distance can make the heart grow fonder (trust me, we're long distance lol) but you dont want to be away from them all the time. work and family obligations can make that hard, but having time to yourselves is important, me and caspian sleep together on the phone every night, and thats one of my favorite parts of the day
-specifically trans advice, but your trans partners transition should be a celebration. ive heard from one trans man that you should be responding to your loved ones transition like you would if someone was having a planned and wanted baby, and thats good advice. get excited! get funny with it! get romantic with it! my girlfriends excited for me to get top surgery and that makes me feel very good about my transition
(past this is longer term advice)
-i dont usually like those "3 weeks 3 months 1 year" rule stuff, but in my experience, you can usually tell if youre compatible with someone by 3 months. this is enough time for the "honeymoon phase" to chill out a bit and youre more receptive to their flaws. by some point you should be able to know if these flaws are a dealbreaker (unless youre like me and have a fawn instinct lol), and ive also found that i can tell when a relationship is unhealthy USUALLY by around 3 months, at least in my subconscious
-i knew i wanted to marry caspian by 6 months of us being together, and we're not getting married right now for a couple different reasons mostly boiling down to we're just not ready yet, but id recommend waiting 6 months before you start thinking seriously about a future with this person
-a rule ive had for a long time regarding marriage with anyone is that i want to have lived with them for a full year before we get engaged. i dont live with my girlfriend and wont until probably the end of this year (our 7 months os tomorrow!) but i have lived with a partner and have found that you can find out a lot about a person by living with them for an extended period of time
if i missed anything lmk, anyone else is also free to give advice in the comments (:
28 notes · View notes
girlbossblackbeard · 7 months
Text
s2 brain thoughts: the squeakuel (ep 2)
as a reminder, if u see me posting any of these points as their own posts mind ur business:
-i'm sending my hospital bills to david jenkins for weaponizing thef cuking "you wear fine things well" scene WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING i literally almost choked to death from shock
-hey so what the whole actual fuck is up with transitioning directly from the very painful "you wear fine things well" scene which, as we've already established, has REAL HUMAN CASUALTIES DUE TO THIS USE-CASE, into the "run from me darling" lyric overlayed on top of the god damn shot of ed pAINTING THE BRIDE CAKE TOPPER TO LOOK LIKE HIM AND BASICALLY PLAYING OUT HIS FANTASY OF MARRYING STEDE. david jenkins you have committed crimes
-also!!!!!!!!!! that cake topper has kohl smudged all over it so you KNOW our boy ed has been caressing it against his cheek and sighing longingly
-i know we've all talked about how insane the "ed plays with the wedding cake toppers pretending they're him and stede" scene is but i don't think we've really comprehended how GENUINELY INSANE it is like??? edward teach, blackbeard, the kraken, the scourge of the seven seas, the most fearsome pirate the caribbean has ever known that has recently been on a non-stop slaughtering spree, painted a bride wedding cake topper to look like himself which he then scoots next to a wedding cake topper that looks like stede so he can imagine that he's marrying him. this man carefully rubbed kohl on a cake topper to give it darker skin and darker hair and a BEARD. to make it look more like himself. so he could then. put it next to a cake topper that looked like stede. and pretend. they were getting married. i've written that 3 times now and my brain STILL refuses to fully process those sentences.
-i said it in my first brain thoughts post for ep 1 and i'll say it again: every time im reminded that ed has been crying NON-STOP. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. for MONTHS. over stede. my wall gains another hole
-the way ed is so delirious in his sadness as he pushes the cake toppers out the window. i don't even have any thoughts on that i feel like all i can do is just note it and let y'all deal with the rest
>>actually I lied, he literally watches them sink into the sea after he pushes them out the window that's so fucked up whomever made that decision to make him do that is so fucked up
-"the sea is restorative isn't it" "YYYYEEESSS QUEEN!!!!!!!!!! I'VE ALWAYS SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!" "ohh that guy knows" IS THE MOST UNDERRATED EXCHANGE IN THE ENTIRE SERIES IT LITERALLY HAD ME SHAKING WITH LAUGHTER
-would looooooooooooooove to know what went through stede's head as soon as roach mentioned "some place called China??" like did he immediately think of the kiss or getting sent to the naval academy or the kiss or ed's excitement at the prospect of running away together or the kiss or getting kidnapped by chauncey or the kiss or watching chauncey shoot himself in the dome or the kiss or his flop behavior of running back to his family that doesn't even want him or the kiss or
-the crew of the red flag being so immediately kind and welcoming to stede and his crew <3
-i genuinely cannot wait to watch buttons fully immerse himself in the red flag traditions like he was made to be on that crew
-"how should I put this, your energy is..." can't believe they got hatecrimed like that
-RAT BOY
-HE'S HERE
-OUR BOY IS HERE
-fun fact: i recorded my live reaction to episodes 1 - 3 and posted the clip of my friends and i reacting to lucius coming back because we were quite literally jumping for joy and crying over the reunion and THE illustrious Nathan Foad himself told me it was literally the cutest thing he's ever seen (his words, not mine!!) so we're basically best friends forever now and the rest of my life will be spent chasing the high of the happiness i felt during that interaction
-i am also crying once again over his reappearance and i think that's just gonna happen every time i watch this scene :')
-roach's shocked face when lucius appears is something that can actually be so personal
-the way they all dogpile on top of him because they're so happy to see him bitch what the FCUK
-also stede's STUPID LITTLE "huh!" LIKE??????????? THAT WAS YOUR SCRIBE AND RELATIONSHIP GURU YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER WHERE IS THE ENERGY AND EXCITEMENT AT KNOWING HE ISN'T FUCKING DEAD??????????????
-"i love it" *BIG SMOOCH* "i love all of it" *BIGGER SMOOCH* oh so they're trying to kill me by smothering me in the syrupy sweetness of their love. okay
-okay sorry but lucius's absolutely microscopic furrowing of his brow right before black pete kisses him again. for a split second he had a slight look of sadness which lines up with the very real trauma he's endured and how even in extremely happy moments they can be tinged with sadness - maybe a sadness for the past and the way things could've been if he hadn't been pushed off the boat - and all i can say is nathan foad. ur big powerful acting mind
-we gotta talk about lucius choosing not to reveal that ed had pushed him off the ship in front of the whole crew. i'm still trying to figure out if that was him trying to spare stede's feelings (unlikely considering he lets it all out later), spare black pete's feelings (possible, since he knows black pete idolizes blackbeard), prevent himself from having to relive that trauma in front of his friends when he's not prepared to confront those memories, or a combination of all of the above
-"i fell. off the ship." "that doesn't sound like you. you have impeccable balance, babe" i literally love black pete so much i may legally have to change my name to lucius spriggs
-"toouwelss? what is this? are these jobs?" stede i love you so very much to the moon and back but for the love of god you gotta shut it my guy
-I AM LITERALLY SO EXCITED FOR THE BUTTONS SEA WITCH STORY ARC LIKE IT MAY ACTUALLY BE ON PAR WITH MY EXCITEMENT TO SEE ED AND STEDE PROPERLY REUNITE AND OPENLY LOVE EACH OTHER AGAIN
-ed just. washing the door handle. i dont have any other thoughts
-GODDDDDDD HE'S SERVING SOOOOOO MUCH GENDER WITH HIS LIL HAIR BUN AND MOSTLY CLEANED UP WAR PAINT AND DANGLY EARRINGS AKEFJAPWHFA OPERGJAER
-the way frenchie looks genuinely happy for ed when he says he thinks he got all the poison out of his system and it's a new day :((
-idk much about piracy but i really don't think there's a rule about the new first mate traditionally having to kill the old first mate, i think ed just made that up so someone else would have to kill izzy instead of him. despite everything, despite how low he's sunken into the very dark parts of his mind due to the heartbreak, ed still can't bring himself to deal the killing blow
-"i expect great things from you" might be one of the more chilling lines in that interaction because for THE blackbeard to have not just any expectations from you, but GREAT expectations? that's not a compliment, that's a threat. measure up to what blackbeard thinks you should be or else
-can't comment on the amputation scene too yucky sorry
-stede trying to triangulate ed's coordinates based off of his string of crimes on a map HE drew is me trying to triangulate where tf this season is going based off of buckwild theories i've made up and used as the foundation for even more buckwild theories
-yeah idk what the mushy ass lyrics stede wrote on that map mean but i know they're frighteningly homosexual
-"FUCK YOU. that's how i am" I am SO glad lucius gets to be openly bitchy towards stede it feels like a cathartic release for me personally
-ed's fuckin "heyyyy" to frenchie in the kitchen is both hilarious and unbelievably unsettling
-absolutely obsessed with the writers for once again showing just how scarily observant and intelligent ed is when he calls frenchie out for using his right hand to mime killing izzy even though he's actually left handed
-i really admire how david chose to use a low camera angle that looks up at ed as he reveals to frenchie that he's well aware he hasn't killed izzy yet because taika's performance was already unsettling enough but that specific angle adds so much to his overall menacing presence in that scene
-joel fry's performance in the kitchen scene with ed literally makes me want to bite something he's so good at acting quietly terrified
-this is almost certainly an unpopular opinion but i really would've loved to see more buildup to jim and archie kissing. i just feel like we know NOTHING about her let alone her relationship with jim prior to the two days we've seen them interacting and i feel like that kiss would've felt like a much more satisfying payoff if we had seen more interactions between them before they got to that point. i would've taken delaying that kiss by a few episodes if it meant feeling fully invested in it once it did happen, but i also know the show already has so much material to get through (which is why we should've gotten 10 eps but i digress)
-"hey no one told me this room existed" is giving "i didn't even realize there was piracy happening"
-"take the fuckin leg" is such a perfect line delivery
-love the foreshadowing of olu explaining how the little ships on the war table were all over the place and "some of them were over land"
-roach waxing poetic about the noodles is so relatable
-"jesus christ stede keep your pants on" hands down one of the funniest fucking lucius moments of all time
-sorry but we gotta give a shout out to lucius modifying the chinese fleet uniform so it's sleeveless. the edges are cleanly done so either he was put on tailoring duty at some point and picked it up there or someone on the ship wanted to enable the slayage
-there's something to be said about the fact that the only other man who has lasted being on board the red flag ship is another member of the revenge who was picked up and welcomed into the fold well before stede and the rest of the crew wound up there. something about how stede attracts and retains other people who he can tell are gentle at heart, even if they're putting up a tough front. something about how lucius had bounced from ship to ship until he finally wound up on Zheng Yi Sao's ship where he was allowed to be himself
-"ya don't know............if ya picked up....smokin....." nathaniel buttons my beloved
-OOOOF stede's guilty face after lucius talks about how he must've picked up smoking somewhere. after the crushing guilt he already feels about the ed situation this definitely would've weighed extremely heavy on him
-MY SPICY LIL RAT BOY IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME
-"what the hell is going on in towels" wee john my beloved
-look i know izzy is on the brink of death but he genuinely looks kinda beautiful before ed wakes him up from his shock induced coma and i won't apologize for that
-"my leg" izzy is so fred rechid coded
-"it's up in leg heaven now" i need to know if ed said that as a way of metaphorically digging the knife into izzy and getting back at him for trying to force ed to send stede to doggy heaven in season 1
-i dont have the emotional capacity to dive into the ed and izzy shooting scene rn but just know it destroyed me on a metaphysical level
-"too scared to do it yourself" no because unfortunately now im thinking about ed thinking through taking his own life but coming to the realization that he can't do it. whether it's because of childhood christianity trauma and thinking he'll be sent to hell for doing so or because he knows he can't follow through with it himself if there's still a tiny shred of hope that he'll reunite with stede and everything will be okay again, he always has to outsource the big job
-also, very interesting choice to have almost jovial classical music playing in the background of the ed/izzy scene. it definitely undercut a lot of the tension compared to how supremely uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing the scene would've been if it were dead silent behind the dialogue
-"i loved you...best i could"
-"i've got an ex-wife, two messed up kids probably" LMAO stede acknowledging he would have no way of knowing how fucked up his kids are because of him
-"sounds like you're quite the fuck-up pal" "yeah, i am! and im alone! talk to pete. don't be like me" ohhhhh my god stede is in just as much agony as ed is over this breakup he's just been using his polite society social skills of saving face and never showing how truly devastated you are to others to cover up how supremely messed up he is over all of it. he is BEGGING lucius to talk to pete and NOT make the same mistakes he did because maybe if he can prevent lucius from bottling it up and actually deal with this in a healthy way he can make up for a fraction of all the hurt he's caused not only ed but lucius as well. maybe if he can get lucius to talk to pete he can absolve himself of some of the soul-crushing guilt he feels over how his actions have irreparably damaged the people he cares about the most. maybe if lucius and pete are able to work through this trauma and still come out the other side loving each other just as much or even more than they did before, he can believe that there's still hope for him and ed.
-ed choosing to put on the cravat for what he believes is going to be his last action on earth before dying because he's resigned himself to his fate but is still scared shitless by it and wants that modicum of comfort that stede will always be able to provide him no matter how badly he hurt ed is giving me the urge to find the nearest cast iron skillet and loony toons my skull
-"some people are just broken no matter what you do" noooo why do i feel like lucius was talking about himself when he said that to stede about ed ://
-oof i know they were an unnamed character but fang tried to save someone who went overboard during the storm and wasn't able to :(
-GGGOOOODDDDDDD izzy looks so fucking hot and badass all soaking wet and leaning up against the rigging after shooting ed jesus christ
-"finally" ed was so relieved to have his pain finally end. even after his journey of self discovery in the next episode im really curious how he's going to deal with having to confront the pain he thought he escaped in addition to the pain he inflicted on others while failing to cope with that pain and stopping at nothing, including nearly killing the rest of the crew, to end it
29 notes · View notes
convexicalcrow · 8 months
Note
Does Scar also have a possession kink? I read your 'Old Habits' and just... Im thinking they both are whores for it. lol
I mean... yes and no. They are both whores for it but for different reasons. They get different things out of it. Yes, because possession is the vehicle by which they become full Vexes and access their powers. Scar wouldn't be so possessive of his Vex head if he wasn't into it. But there's more to it than that.
To me, what makes me say Cub has a possession kink is that for him, it's all about the lack of power, the giving up of control to a higher being or authority. It's about willingly giving your body to Something Else to use as It sees fit. (Or unwillingly, as was the case with the skulk.) It's like being in a 24/7 total power exchange/TPE relationship, to borrow some BDSM language. Cub's not in charge, because he doesn't want to be; he just does what he's told, and he's fine with that.
And ofc Scar does have that to a certain extent, because he does place the Vex as a higher authority. He still has his Vex head that he's so possessive about, he has the giant Vex head in Scarland, the Evoker in Main Street, he won't kill Vexes beause he's Not Allowed To, it's there. He's willing to serve and embrace the Vex and give them a presence in Scarland.
But to me, this isn't about Scar giving himself over to the Vex in the way Cub does. To me, this is a show of power. It's signposting what he is, what power he has access to, who he is. Scar is a Vex, and you can't go to Scarland without being able to see that. It's a threat, and a reminder, that the ConVex never went away. ConCorp didn't die at the end of s6 with Scar on his diamond throne. That lore never ended. It wasn't like wizard Scar or tycoon Scar or Elf Scar or any of the other various characters Scar has played over the years. They come and go, but Vex Scar is forever.
Contrast that with how Cub leans into it, but he isn't building Vex shrines in his base, he's not having Evokers everywhere, it's not something he shows off, because that's not who Cub is. With Cub, you don't know what's hit you until it's too late. You never see it coming. Things seem normal... until they really aren't, and you can't remember how we got here, but that's what's happened.
Like, when the crossover happened, Cub hid one (1) skulk catalyst under the sheep/cow/animal farm at the Hermit base on the first day for shits and giggles, and that seemed fine. Talked about building a cake empire. Sure, why not? Built a house out of blocks from every empire, which was a nice touch. Becomes a monster slayer bc why not and also cool giant battle axe. And then all of a sudden, ya boi decides to go into a swamp and get his ass possessed, and starts pranking hard for a couple of weeks before finally getting cured and escaping back through the rift. Like. LIKE. IT WAS LIKE FIVE WEEKS. ALL OF THAT HAPPENED IN LIKE FIVE WEEKS. There's no way we could have predicted ANY OF THAT given where we started. Especially given it was his idea. Just go to another server and get posssessed for Lore Reasons nbd. Lore that Shubble also took on as well later on in her series when she got skulk possessed while Supreme was around. Lore that Cub still leans into even now, which makes me see him as serving both the Vex and skulk, since he hasn't just left the skulk lore behind either. It's left residue that he isn't interested in dropping.
(as an aside, I find it SO INTERESTING that of all the character lore Cub has, there's nothing for the old man -> young Cub transition. He just entirely changed his default skin bc he wanted to at the start of s8 and left it at that. Which is fine! You do you, Cub. But you better believe I'm gonna fill that lore gap if he won't. XD)
Meanwhile, Scar was hanging out at Tumble Town, and having a lovely time of it which included building trains and Western-style buildings and ponderosa pine trees and not getting possessed by swamp skulk. SEE. IT'S NOT HARD CUB I PROMISE.
So yes, Scar has a possession kink, but it's nothing like Cub's. For Cub, he serves the Vex (and the skulk); for Scar, the Vex serve him.
37 notes · View notes
windypuddle · 1 year
Text
enstars headcanons
ok im going in order but i dont have headcanons for a few characters for sure. so. whatever on we go . just saying in advance these are mostly gender and Autism
fine:
eichi tenshouin: look i cant say anythinf about this guy hes already canonically terminally ill and gay. like what do you want me to do
wataru hibiki: genderfluid. whatever gender fits the performance. shes the moment hes the star theyre the epitome of an actor
tori: boy you are so gnc. princess but not a girl you know
yuzuru: has definitely had impulse thoughts about dying his hair and having a scene phase at 3 am
trickstar
hokuto: bigender. sooooo queer . also autistic
mao: um ritsu braided his hair sometimes when they were younger
ryuseitai:
chiaki: trans guy i have many feelings about this but he leans into the hero thing because its gender affirming. also autism
kanata: no gender only blublublub. likes wearing long skirts. filipino. has like 1 million fish earrings. also autism
tetora: TRANSMASC ‼️💥💪
midori: transfem... also autistic.. she is so important
shinobu: Autism Autism Autism. bonus the detachment from gender that sometimes comes with the autism but he hasnt really thought about it. hes just some guy
alkaloid:
hiiro: transmasc autistic i will die on this hill
aira: my lovely mutuals have convinced me with blasian aira its canon to me now. white french? no. cowards happyele are cowards i tell you. theres such a vast portion of the francophone world that is not white . also transmasc
mayoi: scaredgirl weirdboy core. whatever gender is easier at the moment. she likes being pretty
tatsumi: ok yknow what. fuck it. aroace tatsumi
eden:
nagisa: so much autism. nonbinary guy. religious trauma
ibara: lesbian. not going to elaborate bc thats not my problem ibara is just a lesbian
hiyori: hes just gay idk what to tell you. cisboy gay who is so annoying. when people complain about "gay isn't a personality trait" theyre complaining about him. also chubby
jun: also gay but fans love him for being normal about it. one of his main motivations for working out is being able to princess carry hiyori. hes so polite usually its insane but with eden he doesnt care because he loves them so hes a bit of a bitch
valkyrie:
shu: god is a woman and her name is shu itsuki. transfem and autistic i will Also die on this hill.
mika: transmasc and autistic
2wink:
hinata: men liker but dont ask me about her gender idk
yuuta: i see those slipups in twin peaks girl u are transfem nonbinary i think
crazy:b:
rinne: bigender [wild cheering] also demi aka down bad for niki specifically
niki: tboy swag but hes not really bothered too much about medically transitioning. arospec i think
himeru: Sooooo nonbinary. so so so nonbinary. i like to hc afab nonbinary himeru and mainly got top surgery to more easily pass as kaname but like gahdamn of course you have blue hair and pronouns (they/it/no pronouns)
kohaku: tboy swag . the gender in crazy:b is off the charts
Undead:
rei: 1 million genderqueer and SO gay. has all the problems of an older sister but also the hotness that comes with issues u know.
kaoru: ok. bear with me. aussie. also transfem... like what do you mean you hate men and only hang out with girls. definitely arospec
koga: AUTISM!! weirdgirl to autism boy wonder transmasc swag pipeline
adonis: also autism. he can be gnc. as a treat
akatsuki:
keito: come on man we all know youre gay and insufferable about it
kuro: he should get to have piercings i think
souma: autism boy wonder. while you were busy learning social cues he was studying the blade. also applies to gender norms
ra*bits:
nazuna: boy there is something gender going on with you. weirdboy or maybe a gender cis people have never heard of.
tomoya: That Is The Normalest Girl I've Ever Seen
mitsuru: autism
hajime: girl what is your gender. hes like the narrator of the arch nemesis cynthia post. so poor they cant afford a gender
knights:
tsukasa: autistic and please please please let him be chubby. staring at happyele with my biggest saddest eyes Please let tsukasa be chubby. while you're at it can he wear a skirt. please
leo: ok i give a lot of characters autism because i have autism and i get it but i think leo has adhd
izumi: agender. any pronouns. idk what to tell you he said in next door that he doesnt care about gender only beauty
arashi: only normal one in knights. i love aranee she should get 1 million hours to stress bake if she wants to
ritsu: ah i understand why vampires are gay. occasionally a girl if its funny
switch:
natsume: Diversity win!! the angry witch is transmasc!!! neurodivergent but i think its funnier if i dont specify.
tsumugi: new gender unlocked its pathetic wifeguy. hes every spirit in the fields of punishment and he does it willingly for natsume
sora: wahoo autism ^_^ yippee!!
madara: is cowboy a gender?
feel free to reblog and throw in ur own headcanons i love hearing other fans hcs it is so awesome!!
67 notes · View notes
spacecolonie · 1 year
Note
Hello! Do you have any advice with painting? Every time I start I end up just doing lineart with colours underneath, and when I do kindles art it looks kind of like plastic. Am I supposed to merge the two layers and then start shading? What would you recommend?
Hey anon!! I actually do have some advice for that!! I'll shove it under a cut because it got way longer than I thought it would, sorry for the infodump everyone _(:3 」∠)_
quick tl;dr: painting process should consider both personal taste & the desired aesthetic of a painting, & to avoid plastic-y colours, make sure your hues vary within your values (and layer modes are ur friend) ♥
there's a million ways to start paintings & its all down to personal preference -- the end goal for the illustration can often influence the approach you take; a crisp digital painting might call for meticulous layering & sharp edged flats, but if you want something to look like an oil painting, you should try and mimic that process as close as you can! here's some examples:
Tumblr media
this is the sketch for my FYR zine piece from last year; i intentionally approached it in a way that looks like traditional underpaintings so that when I worked directly on top, those orange tones would peek through like this:
Tumblr media
after doing that undersketch, i manually painted everything -- no fancy layer modes, just me, one layer, and screaming ಥ_ಥ it was hard but it worked for the vibe i wanted!!
now v.s something like this:
Tumblr media
simple shapes, roughly blocked in shading that just gets merged and painted over, as well as lots of layer modes on top for those colour changes! this is by far the easier one & the one i'd probably recommend, solely because it lets you keep more control. i go more in depth here on that -- but to quickly answer, i personally block everything (including shading) in before I merge & render!
for the other thing you mentioned, a lot of the times that 'plastic' feeling can come from either a lack of transitional shades or only using white/black for your value tones. this tweet thread (direct image links 1, 2 & 3) by frozensoba demonstrates it incredibly well -- by adding certain colour shifts in your values, it can create extra depth which is what makes stuff look more alive!! don't be afraid to really push it and get wacky
an easy way to add it while you're learning is using gradient maps to add richness in your midtones. It's not perfect since different surfaces & materials diffuse light differently, but adding one at the end of a drawing can help tie everything together. If you can do both at once though it always looks best; here's some very quick 2 minute orbs as an example:
Tumblr media
ok I'm almost done (and im so sorry for how long this got... special interest moment TM) -- one last thing is to try varying your brush strokes & adding textures if you want. using only an airbrush or heavily relying on blurring brushes can make things look plastic too; sometimes you want that, but for the times you don't, adding some texture & leaving brush marks in can do a lot!!
lastly, since this is just me rambling, here are some artists that are incredibly talented & i highly recommend looking at for their advice & processes because it will be much more coherent than this:
Marco Bucci -- amazing educational content. if you check out any of these artists, he's the one to look at first imo. his 10 minutes to better painting series is a great place to start
Sinix Design has some amazing tutorials on anatomy & the mechanics of painting! This video & the intermediate part 2 are super
Dao Trong Le -- a veritable goldmine of speedpaints
Bo Chen & any of the riot splash artists. If that's the vibe you're after, you can't go wrong with the LoL splashes as reference
i hope that helps!!!
91 notes · View notes
autoandro-meda · 2 months
Note
already sent this to a couple of blogs that aint answered me yet, need someone to acknowledge and praise a bit. im so desperate to start my medical transition that i lifted a couple bottles of testosterone supplements from my local pharmacy. i hope it does something, anything for me. im hoping.
Hey anon. Kink gloves off im gonna talk to you real serious right now.
Ill just rip the bandaid off: that is not going to do what you want it to do (transition you). Testosterone supplements either do one of two things; decrease estrogen production on a very small level/ridiculously high dosage, or increase existing hormone production. Unfortunately, since we typically dont produce testosterone already, taking a t supplement does not work akin to hrt. Im sorry to tell you.
I was barred from HRT for a good while due to my families rejection of it, my healthcare not covering it, and only having 4 clinics in the state that would actually treat me (despite having branches all over the state.) It was miserable, i was misgendered everyday and mostly gave up on binding or doing anything. Anon if youre not doing good right now doing risky things out of desparation isnt going to help you. At best youll stressed yourself over something you now have to hide and at worst you get caught.
I do not know your situation but here are some broad things i can suggest to hopefully try and help you out/relieve any amount of dysphoria:
-im not sure if youre in the states and if so where but plannedparenthood is the usually referenced for a reason. I got to my HRT appointment and had no insurance and not enough money. So they lied about some stuff to get my fees waived. If it is legal where you are at least google you locations treatment pages/insurance options.
-there are simple forms of voice training you can do that do help lift spirits a bit. Im sure theres tons on youtube but my usual practice was cycling through specific syllables at the lowest pitch i could possible for a bit. So like, for the duration of a shower id be prattling off strings of noises like "Beng Bong, Heng Hong, Seng Song.." or "ka-ku-ki-ka-ku-ke-ka, ha-hu-hi-ha-hu-he-ha" trying tk do it in routine. You can laugh, i hope its funny.
-im not saying go hyperdrive workout routine but if you have the ability to be a bit more active some how i suggest it. I took a hour walk most days before i could start transitioning and it didnt change much but it made me feel more confortable.
-if working out is something you would wanna look into theres a ton of options for high protein foods/drinks that do help with muscle development (i used to be more into em when i started my transition.) Check if theres a place by you that does whey protein smoothies im so goddamn serious they taste so good and are the main reason i have Something Resembling Biceps
-i am behind a screen. I have a sort of idea of how i come off to my followers but take it from me i am 1 year into my hormones and its not been a very massive change at all. I look almost the same in my comparison pics, i hardly have facial hair, you realize quickly this is gonna take time. Which i mention as to say your transition will always be waiting for you and while right now it may seem out of reach or impossible i promise that will someday change.
-tip from me: dont shit where you eat. If youre gonna shoplift dont go to a pharmacy thats local to you, try to go somewheres you dont frequent. But for real stop stealing dick pills bro.
-i am taking this ask in good faith because i dont want to potentially shut this anon out, but if this is a troll or copypasta youre a piece of shit.
-if not, sorry about above, i hope you know you have a place with trans men who would love to support you in this difficult process because we know. Its alright.
-you gotta keep trying. With love.
9 notes · View notes
cbkeats · 2 years
Text
⋆˙ Eddie Munson Headcannons!!!
summary: I love my dark, curly haired, nerd punks as much as the next idiot, but let me tell you exactly why; between sharing interests and personal space, here's a few things I think would come included with your Eddie Munson Boyfriend Pack™ :)
wc: 645 words, short n' sweet !
warnings/tags: sexual behavior implied but not explicit, gn!reader, fluff
Tumblr media
⚘᠂ strong attempts on his part to clean / tidy up a bit before someone important to him comes over. things like gathering up any old dishes, bottles, or cans, emptying ashtrays and throwing dirty laundry into a more discreet spot to be dealt with later. maybe he makes his bed and makes sure all his drawers are closed, picks shit off the floors and makes sure whatever needs to be put back, is.
⚘᠂ it's a show that isn't actually all that necessary considering how long and how well he's been know, but it's sweet and welcome nonetheless.
⚘᠂ You’ll be carrying hair ties on your wrist if you don't already do so. Maybe you can even teach him how to take care of it lmao
⚘᠂ sitting on his lap (or vice versa?) for physical contact and also to provide a familiar weight that can keep him still. his fingers will still tap, and fiddle with things like the hem of your shirt or your own hands, but be careful because he will get handsy very quickly (it's the understimulated/bored ADHD needing instant gratification for me)
⚘᠂ sometimes you can sus out his more suggestive motivations by what rings are on which fingers (or more like which ones they're specifically Not on)
⚘᠂ it means enduring the sudden bursts of dancing and movement that possess him during the music he's listening to, fully jumping up and giving in, putting that hair to such good use
⚘᠂ mutually strong hugs!!!! hold him tight he'll hug you tighter! in good times it's more like a challenge or a joke; a "see how far we can get before someone injured their ribs" kind of thing, but in times of panic it can be grounding for both of you, a reminder that you're both still kickin’.
⚘᠂ He can’t rollerskate worth a shit. doesn't really matter because it's not his scene nor his music - but you can drag him into a rink anyway.
- (take it as you will: either u make him, and he manages to pick it up, or you circle around as he watches from the wall- all holding hands and smiles with sudden cocky bursts of competitiveness or showboating, and nervous near-falling when transitioning on and off of the rink
⚘᠂ but speaking of music: sitting in on his rehearsals, he might sound terrible, it's his house shows and small gigs that matter tho and you make yourself loud and known, biggest fan #1
⚘᠂ he's the type to crowd you randomly before backing up after surprising you to gauge ur reaction. it just doesn't occur to him to be conscious of it, but he'll continue his theatrics when he can tell you're caught up.
- he's the type to go for back hugs and resting his chin on your shoulder (whileee rocking back and forth just to be annoying)
⚘᠂ i wish so hard that lord of the rings came out at this time so i can say: please watch lord of the rings with him he would love it it would be great. but i can't, you can't - im gonna cry real
⚘᠂ him skipping school or leaving early or during lunch to go find you at work or at home (also didn't fully communicate)- leaving campus
⚘᠂ that handkerchief isn't in his pocket for no reason, babe. check the tapes, there's cuffs on his wall. he's been outcast he's a little fucked up is a little high-chasing and he's got his painful skin markings - he likes it! let's do it
⚘᠂ chances are he's never seen the ocean, the biggest body of water would have been a lake, but i think as someone who's lived on a coast their whole life i'd love to see him see it. he might now how to swim.. even if he doesn't, he'd have fun getting goofy on the beach, playing with the sand, throwing water, droplets off his curls
Tumblr media
a/n: first post!! it's not my branding and a little bit short, but i wanted to start somewhere - big things are cooking up! hope you enjoy and your time is really appreciated!! written with the help of @somnichron ⋆˙⊹ .
210 notes · View notes
cacklefrendly · 3 months
Note
I love how you draw your gin and vodka!!!!!they so cool and cute!!!now I wonder what is you're gin backstory.like do he parent work with the organization or something like that??I'm just curious
:D AWW THANKIEEE ANON!! i keep telling myself that i'm gonna draw them being threatening and. it doesn't happen. they end up being sappy again. so im glad i'm not the only one who enjoys it regardless lmao
as for backstories. uh.
Tumblr media
good question.
what backstory my personal versions of Gin and Vodka DO have — and my versions of the entire Black Org. team, too — is vague enough to be almost canon-compliant while leaving plenty of wiggle-room in case future canon declares any new information i think is interesting. it's not a tactical choice! working around canon to make things complicated is part of what makes playing with side characters fun for me. :>
also i'll admit: i usually don't think much about a character's childhood unless it gives something meaningful to the story. i don't think it matters too much why Gin got into the Black Organization? to me, it matters more that he's there and making it everyone else's problem :P i might change my mind later though, we'll see!!
for Gin and Vodka, at least, their backstories are more of a years-long, vaguely three-arc showcase of who they are at wildly different points in their lives together, which has some really interesting moments implied but not explicitly stated.
just for fun, here's a synopsis of those 'Arcs': (i remembered to write a transcript this time, it's under the read-more)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
“ARC” 1: SETUP (met once, briefly, by accident.)
VODKA (asides: “Just some dude” & “he uses cheap ballpoints and it hurts my soul. he gets better I promise.”)
maybe grew up in a rural area?
recently finished college, working at one of the Black Organization's front companies
dealing with being a closeted gay man while also trying not to get involved in normal office drama and still hear all the gossip
Very Aware that the company is doing some shady illegal stuff and is SUPER CURIOUS, but 1), he'd like to keep being payed thank you, and 2), he has enough self-preservation to know better than to go snooping
honestly he's just Some Guy
GIN (asides: “dysphoria hoodie” & “[PROTOTYPE] called, Alex wants his damn clothes back.”)
where did you even come from-
working as a low-level assassin with the Black Organization but already starting to garner attention from some of the higher-ups
aggressive, paranoid, AND experiencing dysphoria all at the same time!!! uh oh!!
dealing with the gradual realization that being trans is. a Thing. while also having a really bad-ass action movie as a life, complete with betrayal and murder and explosions
starts transitioning after he climbs the Organization's ranks enough to carve out a place he KNOWS he's safe and can relax
“ARC” 2: MEET-NOT-CUTE (a year or two after “Arc” 1)
VODKA
suffering from the aftermath of The Incident and trying to grapple with the fact that he's been working for an international crime syndicate
and trying to understand his role in all of this mess
and trying not to get killed by his new boss
AND is trying not to think about the fact that his new boss is SO scary and mean
AND trying SO HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT HOW HE'S KINDA INTO THAT-
GIN
high-ranked enough that he can no longer keep working alone and he HATES IT SO MUCH
it's not just a blow to his pride, it's also all the paranoia. it's mostly the paranoia, to be quite honest
called dibs on the most harmless, pathetic-looking man he could find who still seemed to be useful. and that man was Vodka
even so, spends a good while CONVINCED that Vodka will turn on him if Gin gives him the chance.
BOTH
Gin keeps trying to bait Vodka into trying to kill him and is infuriated as nothing happens.
Vodka sees the bait and is confused at first, later horrified when he figures out what Gin's expecting him to do
as Vodka shows his usefulness, Gin starts to calm down. full-on Trust takes several years to develop
the first time Gin falls Asleep near Vodka freaks Gin out more than a little
“ARC” 3: GET A FUCKIN ROOM (roughly a few years before and into Canon)
Vodka: “If you want coffee you gotta’ let go.” Gin: “*unintelligible sounds of disapproval*”
they aren't in a romantic relationship. they haven't even had a one-night stand. and yet they carry a very "aging gays who've been married for 30 years" energy. it drives the Team up the wall.
before the Trust developed, Vodka let Gin control/initiate all contact as an appeasement/self-preservation strategy. at this point he still does it, but out of habit more than anything.
plot twist, Gin's actually super tactile with people he trusts. he invades Vodka's personal space constantly. it's especially bad when he's cold or tired (so, most of the time)
they know each other's boundaries very well even though they never, like, sat down and talked about it. it's been trial and error thus far. it helps that they're also good at reading each other.
Vodka's uncomfortable attraction turned into a crush, which turned into quiet love. Gin's wariness turned into trust, which turned into love. BUT Gin's doesn't think much about trust OR romance so he's not actually aware (yet) that his feelings for Vodka are more than Really Strong Trust. he also doesn't know Vodka's feelings for him (YET)
there are so many ways this fucking slow-burn could end and I love all of them too much to pick just one
8 notes · View notes
glass--beach · 3 months
Note
Live reacting to plastic death!
Just heard coelacanth for the first time, holy shit those time signatures?
Just heard motions for the first time, what the fuck the variation! (Teared up)
Just heard slip under the door for the first time, omg it's this one! Oh it's different! Holy shit.
Just heard guitar song for the first time, what is happening! It's so cool!
Oh my god! It's rare animal! Lovely transition for a lovely song :)
THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!
Just heard cul-de-sac for the first time, I LOVE STEREO USAGE I LOVE THIS ALBUM OH MY
I love hearing the snippets we've already heard on the website its so fun
Just heard whalefall for the first time, I've been hypnotised into sleep in the depths and I'm enjoying it
I'm free here
I fucking love these clashes!!!!!!
Just heard puppy for the first time, I'm crawling back and forth!! I WANT TO SCREAM BUT THAT WOULD ANNOY PEOPLE!!!!!
Just listened to the killer for the first time, this seems chill for a song called the killer. I'm sure it won't change. I can't believe I got caught in the teeth of a hunters trap. THE FIDDLE?? IS THAT A FIDDLE??? NO IDEA????
Hey!! It's the CIA!! Wiretap my head!!! You have succeeded in that!!!! IN YOUR TEETH; ON YOUR MIND; YOUR SYMPATHY'S A WASTE OF TIME; LITTLE BLINKING LIGHT YOU LEFT BEHIND!! I CAN'T HELP IT I KEEP COMING BACK TO YOU!!!
Just listened to 200 for the first time, OH THOSE CHORDS AND VOICE TOGETHER ARE SO GOOD. ... What the fuck is happening
My mouth is fucking doing the shocked emoji holy shit. What the fuck OH IT'S THIS SNIPPET. HOLY FUCKING SHIT HOW DOES IT KEEP GETTING BETTER I'M WHAT. what. I think I'm short circuiting
Just listened to commatose for the first time, thank you for this album so much guys. This feels like the time to say that literally every song so far has fucking destroyed me this is such a good album and fuck. Oh! It's speeding up! I am jamming!! So hard!! Nothing left! Nothing left! Oh. OH. OHHH! the FUCKING CHANGE ONCE AGAIN IM BEING PUMMELED TO DEATH!!!1
NOTHING LEFT! NOTHING LEFT!! I'm bleeding out to death on the floor with a smile on my face. How is there like half of this left. How can it get any better. oh. a sense of calm washes over me as I wake up. I'm a bloodied mess but somehow still alive. I stare up in the sky dreading the future but living in the now. I recall everything that i must do and what's left for me. I close my eyes, right now i want to lie down and rest with my cuts and bruises. And maybe get pummeled again. The sun rises. I open my eyes. The stars are still there? I watch the sun and stars intermingled, something I didn't think possible until now. I promptly collapse on the ground due to blood loss but in a good way. The noises die down around me as I am once again trapped in my own mind.
Just listened to abyss angel for the first time. I'm burning, with the blood in the trees. I think I'm about to cry. There's definitely tears here. It feels like the end of a journey, every single step a delight. I sit. A new day is ahead. The sun has indeed risen again. For real this time. I lean back and smile, tears welling up, and feel prepared for the future ahead of me. Thank you.
10/10, every song.
*beep* this recording has ended. Thank you for listening.
dont even know what to say to this this is like a whole ass review and incredibly positive and kind so thank you so much! i’m glad you’re enjoying it!
8 notes · View notes
genderkoolaid · 2 years
Text
"I have no clue how to word a reply to this post but honestly,,, I can't tell if it's just the villianization of detransitioning or just Everything about this post that kinda turns my brain into a train wreck" - Anonymous
okay. this is a doozy. im not gonna link the actual post (which was linked in the ask) bc I don't want to possibly be blamed for any potential hate that could get sent, but here's a screenshot.
Tumblr media
so the implication here is that you have trans men going from believing that being trans is a medical disorder, to believing that trans men face unique oppression, to being transmisogynistic, to believing that misogyny is the basis of all oppression and only sex is real, to detransitioning to become a full TERF.
now, I can see some logic here: the fear is that focus on transandrophobia (which is believed to entail "transfems oppress us") will lead to an "AMAB vs AFAB" view, which in turn leads to bio-essentialism and "penis bad vagina good". Which is a real thing, viewing issues as "AMAB vs AFAB" IS a TERF talking point that should be called out as such when it is seen. 
But my problem with that is
 1. The dominant idea in the transandrophobia discussion is that transfems do not oppress us, do not have power over us, are not the main problem, and that solidarity with transfems is mandatory for trans liberation. While some people may fall into AMAB vs AFAB rhetoric, in my opinion that comes from a lack of understanding in transandrophobia and transmisogyny, and is not the prevailing opinion of most "TMRAs".
 2. This "pipeline" assumes that transmeds are where most "TMRAs" are coming from, and I... don't think that's true? Transmedicalism seems to be pretty universally rejected by everyone involved in the discussion. Many of us are genderqueer and nonbinary ourselves, many of us have unconventional transition goals, things that transmeds are opposed to. Transmeds are a group that is largely transmasc and discuss transness, yes, but I think we're just being grouped together because we are both "harmful transmasc groups". I don't think there's an actual ideological connection.
 3. Does this pipeline... exist? Like, we know the exclus to TERF pipeline exists, we've seen it in action or heard TERFs and ex-TERFs say it exists. But in terms of transmascs going from talking about transandrophobia to detransitioning to be TERFs, I have neither seen nor heard of that, and I question if this discussion has even been big enough for long enough for a substantial amount of detransitioned TERFs to have come from it?
now, having explained my issues with this "pipeline", I'm gonna say that this feels extremely fucked up. I've said before how the focus on transmascs who discuss our oppression as being TERFs-in-the-waiting feels like we are being seen as inherently AFAB. The idea that we will revert to our biological loyalty, that we can't be invested in ourselves and our experiences without that being reduce down to "AFAB separatism" and the like. I can't imagine being a TERF sympathizer after I've been suicide baited and harassed and swarmed by TERFs who call me a misogynist and a troon and that I should commit suicide for saying that trans men's voices on "women's" issues matter. Obviously this person disagrees with transandrophobia so it's not surprising that they've connected two groups that are widely-accepted as transphobic (transmeds and TERFs) to transandrophobia to make it seem inherently damaging and de-legitimize it's discussion.
241 notes · View notes