i’m already having such a shitty day
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Non of you will ever know the true eldritch horror of your dad knocking on your door and awkwardly announcing to you that he and your mom want to get it on tonight so that you are informed and won’t come busting into the living room in the middle of the night (mom sleeps in the living room for health reasons, it’s a long story) followed by the question of what it means when a kid calls another kid “an NPC” (he’s a teacher) - and I am so happy that you won’t.
I miss my therapist.
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I want to move out. My parents aren't abusive in the physical way, but they (mainly my female parent) make me feel like I don't have a voice and that I can't change anything about how I'm treated in the household. Heaven forbid I try to explain myself; it's always coming across as "rude".
Except I can't move out. It's too expensive where I live to live alone, none of my friends are ready to move out, and it's likely not gonna happen for years to come. My parents are controlling and strict and even though they seem great on the outside, but they aren't.
I was supposed to be their "child they couldn't have biologically". Without problems. Much to their chagrin, I do have problems. So anyways, long story short, one day I will move out. And then I'll be free.
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I feel like I’m suffocating!!!!!!!!!!
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Today is August 2nd
I can't wait to move out.
My parents and siblings are out of town and so I've had the entire house to myself. Other than my mother's puppies that I despise because she "keeps forgetting" to get them into puppy training, it's been a pretty good weekend.
I sleep so much better when I'm home alone. I think they take the stress with them so my body and brain are like "wait I'm allowed to relax??" so I can actually go to sleep before midnight! That's progress! I eat so much healthier by myself because I will get my own food rather than order take out every other night like my parents. I feel better already. I can actually do schoolwork at home rather than escape to the library because I don't have the stress of my family's presence and children hanging off of my arm. I don't have to try and fit in "alone time" because I'm home alone. I can actually watch what I want to rather than getting berated or made fun of for it.
I love grocery shopping. I like picking out my own food and planning meals for the week and trying new things. I tend to get stuck on one meal for a week, so if I plan a meal for lunches and a meal for dinners, I don't mind eating the same thing. I'll just try something different next week.
I also really like getting up early. Like 4:30 am and the sun hasn't come up yet. I make some coffee and chill by myself. I take my time getting ready. I put on some nice tunes and drink my coffee and get ready at whatever pace feels comfortable. Then I have the rest of the day to do whatever. Getting up early is so much easier when I'm home alone. I can play my music out loud. I don't have to worry about awkwardly walking in on my mother in the kitchen or living room when I clearly want some time alone.
I really enjoy my alone time. The world is so draining and my family is so overstimulating and loud. I usually grab dinner and go work outside when I get home from class because they are so loud.
I can't wait to go eat by my window with the sounds of the streets in the background. I can't wait to get up early every morning and do things the way I want to because I don't have people telling me how to live. I can't wait to go grocery shopping and make vegetarian bibimbap for the week and have some vanilla coconut milk ice cream with lemon curd for dessert. That sounds so good right now.
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The guy I live with is sending me lists of cheap places to live elsewhere. I am legit not mad, this is hilarious.
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my sister hoovering our side of the house at 2am is actually insane what the fuck are you DOING girl are you HIGH
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