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#idk man

I had another nightmare. O~O

What is wrong with me.? 🤦‍♀️ I don’t have dreams fr. Why. It wasn’t too bad this time though. The first one rattled me more.

Anyway.

I don’t remember how it started fr. I think I just went to work (Dominos) and was stocking boxes, answering phones and stuff, and I kept noticing Caleb looking up from folding boxes in the back of the store, and we made eye contact a couple times because I would look every time I felt it..and then he or I would just look away. It seemed a little busy.

*Skips to a little later* I was going to the oven and Caleb was getting his delivery order from the heat rack and he said something. Maybe something funny.¿ Idk. & he complimented me at some point..on something yellow I was wearing, and then took his run.

Then it skips to us hanging out at his farm or somewhere woodsy. A day or so later I suppose. We were walking up the drive and just talking. I was wearing like gray jeans and a honey colored sweater (& probably like three layers under 😂) with my black tactical boots, and he was wearing like blue jeans, gray shirt, camo jacket, and some orange/brown cowboy boots. It’s like I was far away - I couldn’t hear us talking. I was just watching. We laughed. It looked nice.

*Goes to next day* I texted Caleb a little at some point. He said his car was messed up, so..no work rn. I get up and talk to a woman in the kitchen who was finishing up making breakfast. I’m not sure if she was an older sister or whut, but she obvs took care of me. We were talking and something happened at work. Store goals or something. I dk how she knew, but I wasn’t worried about it. 🤷‍♀️ Drivers had to do something or try for higher goals. Then she said something that kinda worried me. She said there was a driver in particular that really stressed over it when they first introduced the goal a couple years ago. Not having what he needed or something. Idk. She said he killed himself..and you never know if that’s why y’know, but stress can do a lot.. Anyway. I had to know more about this. I had to know. She said his name was Caleb..no last name. I thought that was weird. I had just seen mY Caleb, so. Heh. Nah. Anyway. I needed to know. So I searched some records and I saw his name, and all of this information. Same name.. The realization that maybe it was my Caleb..I started to panic. How. Why. How. I had just met him. I had to talk to him. I texted but he wasn’t answering fast enough. I went to the farm. No one was around, but no one was when I was there before. *was inside now* It’s dark. One light in the living room. I look around. Searching for signs of life, idk. I was pretty sure by that point. I was in despair, frantic. I just sat down and sighed. Tried to calm down..and then he appears in front of me - out of the shadows across the room. He’s coming to me very slowly and looks kinda sad and confused tbh. I’m just like staring, waiting for him to vanish into thin air. He knows I know. He looks at me kinda defeated and doesn’t say a word. I just stand and stare at him. How.. ‘I want to touch him..try to…nahh that’s crazy.’ .. I don’t ask him why. Or how. My memories flash in my head. Us. Laughing. Yellow. Him. It hurts..my head, my insides.. I am far away again. He says something gently and I want to laugh and cry at the same time. He said he didn’t know how to explain, but I wasn’t really asking him to. He didn’t know why I saw him. He said it had just been too much (which was kinda crazy to me ‘cause he’s normally very optimistic), but I can understand that. I swear he touched things though - like how did I see him work if he’s dead; I mean how did I see him at all, but.? 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I was confused, but I just wanted to be there..while I could..I didn’t care much about anything but him being there at that point. I just took in his presence and it was just sad man. I was sad, and he hugged me..held me. Which was very surprising. He could touch me. I held on to his arms around me and closed my eyes. & then I woke up..

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sent a patient without medical insurance home today w a prescription for his severe glaucoma that I know he won’t be able to fill…. the guy already has no light perception in one eye and rapidly losing vision in his other eye. this guy is going to go blind bc he can’t afford the $200 a BOTTLE eye drops that he needs. idk who I’m venting to but our health care system is so fucked man this makes me sick

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In other news, I had a job interview today.  

If I get (and accept) the position, I would have to move, and not close to NE or any of my family. 

but I did like the office, and the people were all nice (Very busy), and I do like the product.  

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do u ever catch yourself writing really toxic lessons as a part of your OCs backstory in regards to them being LGBT based on your own experience and go No i cant do that thats bad…. but it would make sense.. for me

idk if im saying it right but uh anyway if u know what im talking about…. how do i get rid of it???

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That moment when ya friendos make ocs specifically to interact with yours/when your friends make content of both yalls ocs/ y'all talking about cute shit your ocs do/ y'all having headcannons with them and loving all content involving them

image
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Literally every time Assassin’s Crees: Odyssey comes on my dash I, without fail, see people just shifting on Alexios.

Why is that? I’ve never understood the whole rift between Alexios-players and Kassandra-players.

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To what setting world of Demon:R most close to? Dystopian(with all those immortal ancient mutants it could be situation in the world), cyberpunk, i dunno, some kind of urban fantasy? Besides superheroes, what else defines it?

Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. I couldn’t decide if I should go for sci-fi, urban fantasy, or medieval. So I just slapped the past, present, and future together. I would say it’s closer to urban fantasy. :/

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in two of the scenes where Markus dies, North is obviously upset, but I love that both times Josh steps up and pulls her away to protect her from running into danger, bc that shows that despite all their fighting and disagreements, they still care about each other.

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