#if i end up hurting myself dont let them put me in the ground

[coolkidstuffsblog]

Could you do we're misty gets sick and nats been staying at misty bit when misty tries to hide it from Nat and when tai and Shauna comes over while misty is talking to Shauna misty passes out nat ends up taking care of misty please 🥺

I GOT U BIG BRO

misty sat in her bed as the worst sickness has hit her two days ago, it was terrible! it made her head hurt, dizziness, eyes burn even when closing them! she even looked paler then ever, she would even vomit but for fucksake shes not pregnant ofcourse? she never laid with a man after nat came along.

__

misty went down the stairs but dizziness overcame her as she fell face foward the stairs "fuck! misty, you okay?" misty nods "yeah..yeah im great!" forgot to mention nat was here, nat stayed over at mistys house because she forgot about paying for rent in the motel so she had to hang around til she can pay.

misty has hidden the sickness for only two days so it isnt gonna be easy this day, its a bit worse then the other days 'so maybe this is the last stage? i hope.' nat helped misty up and misty tries to keep her eyes open but they keep shutting, as if she was about to fall asleep "misty are you sure your fine?" misty nods "i-im great its just im a bit sleepy is all." misty pulls away from nat to avoid getting her sick too, that makes nat pout in annoyment.

__

nat and taissa sat in the living room watching a little show about serial killers or whatever and talked about some weird things misty didnt even bother to makeout.

misty sat across shauna "okay..lets talk yeah." shauna asks and misty gave an enthusiastic nod "okay, so have you by any chance left dna..like in his-" misty cuts off with a grunt and touches her head with a finger, it clearly shows shes in pain but immediantly washes away the signs "misty? you okay?" misty nods "yeah..yeah im fine, as i was saying! you didnt leave dna around his like property’s like car, house or any other place right?" shauna shakes her head "alright but how did they figure it out? did somebody give you out?" shaunas eyes widen "i havent thought of that." misty groans "great now we have to look even harder..for fucksake now we.." misty fades off and falls face first onto the table.

"misty?" shauna touches the top of her head "misty!" shauna says a bit more concerned as she got up and shook misty a bit, nat and taissa walk up but nat kinda ran "fuck! misty this isnt time to play around." nat spoke as she shook misty but she shook her a bit too rough because she was close enough to fall over to the ground if shauna didnt catch her, shauna pressed two fingers onto her neck "she still has a pulse but its kinda sped up..maybe she caught something?" nat sighs "goddamit." taissa sighs "alright, get the hell out of here." taissa and shauna glare at nat "fuck you staring at? you wanna take care of her?" both women shook their heads and walked out saying farewells.

nat stared at misty "what am i gonna do."

__

misty saw a washcloth get pressed on her forehead well barely as it was too blurry to see upon not having glasses.

misty tried sitting up "dont move." nat spoke as she pressed misty down "sorry nat..i didnt mean for you to find out." misty could already feel the fact nats eyes widen and her jaw clench "you hid the fact you were sick from me?! why?" misty sighs "because i..i didnt want help, im capable of taking care of myself." before she even had a couple seconds to rest she felt vomit coming up as she ran straight to the bathroom.

"think you can accept a bit of help?" nat spoke smuggly "whatever." misty grunted in disgust "alright cmon lets get you to bed yes? i'll get you some pain killers and something to stop the vomiting." misty nods as nat took her by the waist and lead her to the bed.

misty laid in bed not bothering to open her eyes nor move a muscle in fear it may cause even more pain "hey..made you something." nat put down something onto the nightstand misty had "what is it?" nat sighs "its soup ofcourse." misty nods "nat..i cant eat anything." nat rolls her eyes "why not." misty sighs "because it may hurt my throat or whatever." nat whines "cmon mistyy eat! you cant stop eating because of this shit." misty smiles "alright fine." as she took her glasses and slid them on trying to ignore the aches that spread on her body.

__

misty laid in bed curled up before feeling nat slide in "wha- nat! your gonna get sick." misty spoke "eh who cares." misty scoffs "i care about your well being!" misty pouts making nat chuckle and pull her in for a hug "nat..your going to get a terrible fever or whatever this is." nat rolls her eyes and chuckles "whatever..as long as i have you to take care of me i think im great." misty smiles as nat presses a kiss onto her head.

"i love you misty."

"i love you too."

#yellowjackets #misty quigley x natalie scatorccio #misty quigley #natalie scatorccio #misty x natalie #misty x nat #mistynat

[beatupcorpse]

look I made that AU for me and my need of my monkey brothers bcuz this fandom has me completely starved. I JUST WANT BONDING AND PAIN TIMES

the title refers to -SWK's- greatest fear, which is to fail MK so badly that this is how things end up, the kid the Lady's new weapon.

i already said it and kinda showed it in my post but MK takes the hit instead of SWK and immediately this is bad this is terrible he attacking right out of the bat. his hits actually hurt. SWK realizes this is full power MK.

since we know that the possessed are still aware of everything, on MK's sight, getting himself trapped like this just kinda leaves him defeated and becomes the perfect vessel for LBD. doesnt help that he is terrified of this demon

This whole situation is a bit different from possessed!SWK who could hold back punches and fight off his possession even if just a lil bit at first. MK won't get that. He is the perfect weapon for LBD basically. doesn't take much energy to control, equal to SWK in power and cannot hold back. DISASTER

Even worse! His friends don't want to hurt him in the first place! w SWK it was easy because fuck the guy amiright, but this is MK! their friend! Mei's bestie!!!! Dadsy's son!!!!!!!!!!!! it hurts to see MK and be met with souless eyes and murderous intentions

haha.... haaaaaaa...this means that when Mac teams up with them....he and SWK get to have moments oh god I can't let my shipper brain take hold. is FIEN, WE JUST GET MORE DIVORCE ARGUMENTS but also perhaps maybe they are very in sync as they talk about the plan? Mei would probably make fun of em. ok thats it thats all Im giving myself .... and the rest of the time they spent together

aND MAN!! SWK IS JUST SO FILLED WITH GUILT!! probably super numb and serious now. trying to make a plan. muttering to himself. Mei forces him out of his bubble and demands him to act like he is part of the team and share ideas or else they (and MK) are TOAST. and he has to SUCK IT UP AND LISTEN. FOR ONCE!!!!!

we get a "you're right pony girl" "I HAVE A NAME" to light up the mood anyway

bcuz at the end of the day, the team would have to be divided just like in the show, just that instead of MK is SWK. Lucky for Mac tho, in this au he doesn't have to fight MK alone, now he has SWK to take half of the hits. its his time to suffer as he tries to defend himself against his own power, take the staff and try his hardest to not hurt the kid.

whenever he does land a hit on him!! man that feels terrible. LBD taunts him about it. careful there, u wouldn't want to take out ur own student. SWK could maybe win if he put his all, he is the monkey kiing after all. but he would rather take a beating and hear her laugh her head off.

Im not talkin much about Mac bcuz I think he would be taken out of the competition so fast. sad sight. he still tried tho. hes bleeding but not dead he is fine i promise. he is happy to just let SWK take it from there

btw don't think too hard about the staff and how its in MK's hands and not stabbed into the ground just shhhhshshshs. wireless charging the mecha (i actually dont remember if thats what it was doing)

but fuck the staff man. IS DESPERATION TIME! SWK starts talking to MK. he apologizes for everything. he begs. "MK. forget everything Ive told you, listen to me now: you cannot give up"

MK seems to stutter in his next attack. SWK blocks it and keeps talking

"Don't give up on me and especially don't give up on yourself. fight it out kid. I believe in you"

The blue glow of MK's eyes weakens. the sounds of LBD struggling increase the more SWK talks to him. she tries to shut him up. MK now has SWK on a chokehold. Still, the annoying ass monkey won't shut up.

The grip in his neck tightens but he continues

"You have such great friends. You need to keep on fighting for them. They miss you too."

"You're something special bud and not because you are the monkie kid."

His expression starts to change

"I'm proud to be your mentor. Please come back"

and MK snaps out of it.

-

from there I feel like itd be pretty much the same. as u can see the au is not terrible different. is just different enough for me to get SWK being honest and sweet to MK and MK to listen everything he needed to hear. and also pain. I could span on many lil things but is very late and im basically ripping this off my chest so its just out here

oh and also

I get a real hug between them in this AU

#ghost talk #rotten art #worDS ARE ART!! #juvenile monkey

[captainxandis]

So as a kid who was bullied to the point where my mom made me change schools I have some Thoughts on Team Star

My first impression of them were that they were bullies and I was super excited to take my frustration of habing BEEN bullied out on them. As more and more of the story was revealed I started feeling extremely guilty about the whole thing and so I put off taking on team star for a while.

When I was being bullied I was basically public enemy number one. I was mocked (even in front of teachers, who never stopped it) and if I ever pushed back they claimed I started things or that I was lying which led to me being in trouble all the time and them being told to tell the teachers if i was acting up. Other kids were afraid to be my friends even if we got along because they'd be targetted as well. My best friend though, when I was at school she played exclusively with me even though we were in different classes and she was probably oke of the most well-liked people in our grade. I don't really know if she got bullied for being my friend, when she was around they usually backed off aside from snide comments. But she was everything to me.

Team Star all being bullied and banding together to stand up to them was something i had always dreamed of happening. But for me, it never did. The other kids who were teased would join in when i was being picked on to get on the bullies good side. And being alone, there was only so many times I could stand up for myself only to be shoved around even harder.

So seeing the story of a bunch of outcasts band together and stand their ground meant a lot to me. Even if that was where they left it, with just the truth coming out and the team just disbanding, I wouldve felt okay about it.

But Director Clavell went out of his way to find out WHY Team Star were being seen as bullies, why they did what they did, why they didn't trust the teachers. And then he did what he could to fix it.

And just. Seeing an adult who looked at the bullied kids as the trouble makers realize that he was wrong and then try to do the right thing by bringing them all together and telling them team star could go on...... It broke me a bit. It gave catharsis I never got for myself and honestly I ended up sobbing for a good ten minutes or so. Even now as I'm trying to figure out how to put what it made me feel into words Im trying not to cry.

Because I had learned adults don't do that. I had learned that bullies got away with it and that nobody cares about the helpless. That when youre at the bottom of the totem pole even those who are hurting for the same reason don't want to get close to you let alone help you.

Those were lessons I had to unlearn. That I'm still unlearning. Because it's worth fighting back, it's worth sticking your neck out to defend people even if they're too scared to do it for you.

I'm not sure what else to say about it just. The world can be cruel sometimes, but that doesn't mean we have to be. If we don't protect eachother we'll just keep on suffering so it's worth it. Be kind, especially when you dont have to be.

#jean can you n o t #pokemon violet analysis #ig #team star #anyways i love the direction they chose to go for this game it means a lot to me #anyways if anyones negative on this post ill block them i just wanted to talk abt it #bullying tw

[laffy-taffy-creations]

WOOOOOOOO WHUMPTOBER DAY 8 BABES

This fic was cross-posted on AO3 here

Collateral Damage

Overcrowded ER | Outnumbered | "It's all for nothing"

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Words: 1,188

Taglist: @athenswrites @lili-loves-whump

Warnings: hospitalization, power overuse, past experimentation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The shaking started first. It was the first sign that anything was wrong.

Next was shouting. The sounds of things, walls, doors, windows breaking. I made the mistake of going out into the hall to figure out what was wrong and almost immediately got decked had I not ducked.

Villains. So many villains.

There was reason UA prided itself on security, it set up it’s offense defensively and it’s defense offensively. But the defense had broken somehow.

Shit shit shit what are we meant to do? None of the kids from the lower levels are heroes! Are any of them safe? Are they okay?

[Focus Clo. We’re a hero. We handle this.]

I had already ended up engaged in combat with some of them, but there were just so many that I wouldn’t be able to take any of them out using only the power I showed off.

We’re outnumbered. We’re out of options. We just have to stand our ground until support arrives.

But support wasn’t arriving. I put maybe 3 out of commission, and 6 more showed up for me and the others in the hallway. If we go all out now, it’ll end up hurting people. I cant get them all to safety in time.

Someone hit me in the back.

[Fuck it. Void.]

My power stretched and I let it go as far as it deemed through out the school, causing damage like no other. I knew it would end up going out of control, I fought to stay conscious the same as my fight to contain the full power of my quirk from harming innocents.

I let it rage, let myself go for just a little bit, let them have my wrath. Let them see exactly why they should never come back ever again.

I let the anger and hatred fuel it, let what had happened to me cause chaos, let my quirk handle and give proper catharsis to at least a small sliver of my fury. My happiness, my protectiveness, my want for others to live a better life than I had barred it inside as much as it would be leashed.

And after that I was in a hospital.

“No, nononono stay down! You need rest!” the nurse said when he saw me get up. My confusion must have shown. “We barely managed to get you in but you’re the current most likely source of whatever wrecked UA. You need to rest,” he explained.

My just-waking-up mind was still confused but I wrote it off in the name of sleep.

The next thing I remembered was waking up again. I could think more clearly now. There was an IV in my arm. I was hooked up to a heartrate monitor. I was no longer wearing my suit, instead being put in a hospital gown.

“They’re awake!” I heard vaguely.

My dad was the first to enter along side Ochako and Izuku.

The same nurse as before said, “their condition isn’t critical so we’re allowing the one extra visitor, but if it is to change at any point you all will need to leave the room and they will only be permitted to have 2 visitors after that. “

My friends nodded and my dad immediately crouched down by my bed side.

“Are you okay sweetie? Is everything alright? Did you use too much power?” he whispered so only we would hear.

“Yes… to all three of those. Ugh, I feel like death.”

“Yeah well, you almost put us in death when we couldn’t find you. What happened?”

“Uhhh…” I wracked my brain for memory. “I went to the bathroom, the building started shaking, I heard sounds of general conflict and when I opened the door there were way too many villains for anybody to feasibly take in a fight storming their way through the building.”

There was a pause.

“You mean you dont remember anything about UA having a complete shift in reality for like 5 minutes before going back to normal?” Ocha asked.

“Yeah, even those of us on the training field experienced some of it,” Izuku added.

The nurse cut in, “they’re the most likely source for where all that power would have come from currently, so they probably dont remember anything about it. Plus, if it was someone near them, some part of said power might have knocked them out or caused them to forget.”

“Are you telling us they were the one that caused all that carnage?”

“Most likely, yes,” the nurse answered.

My dad looked at me and I nodded. “They are,” he said.

All eyes were on him now. “It’s been something of a secret since I adopted them, but yes, they have a very intense and powerful quirk that, under the right circumstances, would be able to have done that to UA.”

“I thought their quirk was Illusion?” Ochako questioned.

“One of, yes. I have multiple. Illusion is the one I was born with.”

“...Are you trying to say there’s ways to manifest multiple quirks?”

I sat up. “Well, considering I can do this,” I paused and concentrated, letting my heartrate monitor flatline for a bit, “for a minute straight without any sort of repercussions, I’d say that’s a fair assumption.”

“But why keep this secret?” Izu said confused.

“Because I didnt get these of my own volition. They were forced on me.” Dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it.

“By who?”

“That’s a question best left to the police,” my dad cut in.

“A pro-hero,” I responded.

The silence and tension could’ve been cut with a knife.

“A…A hero?”

“Yes. A very famous one. One that nobody would honestly believe me. He pumped me full of chemicals and now the official quirk blocker on file for me is a sedative.”

“A sedative?”

“You saw how strong my quirk is. Normal blockers dont cut it, I have to make special ones for me that are 10 times stronger than the current strongest ones available to heroes and cops, and even those still break when I lose control.”

The silence was only broken by the small shuffling of clothing as my dad offered me a cup of water.

“...We had a tough time finding you. There was a lot of people rushed to 3 different ERs to properly accommodate how many people ended up injured and otherwise passed out.”

“I can imagine.”

“...What exactly does your, uhhh… lab quirk?... do?”

“I was given three. You’ll have to be more specific.”

“Uhm… The one we saw you use?”

I put down the water. “That one’s my most powerful. It started as a general item-creation quirk, with the main component being a form of matter manipulation that with enough stamina turned into this.” I shifted the room around us, changing realities, shifting the environment, then letting it settle back to normal.

”So it’s matter manipulation?”

“At one point while it was still developing fully. Its true form is much better described as reality bending.”

Ocha spoke up, “That’s… terrifying.”

“Indeed.”

There wasn’t much else to be said.

The truth is finally out.

#whumptober2023 #no.8 #outnumbered #overcrowded er #my hero academia #fic #hospitalization #hospital scene #power overuse #past experimentation #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #writers #creative writing #my writing #whumpblr #whump scene #whump writing #whump writer #whump #oc: ov

[girlwithfish]

id always feel its my fault bc my bpd is hard on him i acted this way so this is why he did that but idk i guess like its no excuse hes in control of his actions or responsible for them no matter what i did its not ok the things he did especially the violence and aggression i didnt make him do that. unless if it was self defense or i instigated first but itd always be him dojng it grabbing me, shaking me picking me up forcing me onto the couch or bed if i wanted to leave bc i was overwhelmed from conflict. some of rhe really nasty stuff i dont understand. at first he was kind of apologetic saying hed change and he just felt like he was crazy and didnt know what he was doing idk like the early violence started Early after we moved in together so like august of last yr. it just grew and grew. i feel stupid i believed him or let myself think it was My fault. i still think that too. idk how i loved him so much that i let myself get hurt and mistreated. i just repressed a lot i would look at bruises from when id fall down or id end up on the ground sometimes bc he was super aggressive at times wouldd rag me across the floor he was actually insane like oh okay. scrapes bruises stuff like rhat it wasnt huge or apparent but id get some actual like marks on me at times after a physical fight. but hed turn it against me saying how scratched up he is bc at a point after the grabbing got much more escalated and aggressive id grab him back to try to get his hands off me and would get really distressed fight mode just viewing him as a threat and i was also in a bpd episode whenever id be at that point so id try to get him off me and my nails would scratch him and i always felt bad but idk if its self defense or not he never viewed it that way hed call me aggressive ans violent. like idk maybe dont put your hands on your girlfriend bro. Lol

[fxlling13]

Can you write Whittaker!Master with prompts 44,51, and 52 all together? I was thinking of something with both angst and fluff

HI HELLO! thank you so much I absolutely love getting requests! I just love writing for other people. Now there may be spelling mistakes and I tried to keep it gender neutral. Also I'm sorry if its bad, I tried my best :>

Summary: You get kidnapped whilst on your adventure with the master. Of course, she comes to your rescue. Though, you can't help but think you're a bother in her life.

Warning: blood, violence, self deprecation

My head rolled upright as I managed to pry my eyes open. Everything hurt. Why did it hurt. Looking around, I found myself in some sort of cell. There was water running down the walls, explaining why I was so cold and damp. Around the room, there were many human remains which definitely didn't help my nerves. More importantly, where was she master. We were exploring the planet together then she was ripped away from me. That's all I could remember.

"Oh, you're awake human." A grainy voice came from the barred doors. It was some kind of fish creature. With green scales and gills along its cheek. It unlocked the door and grabbed my arm harshly, tugging me out abd along the corridor. We walked for several minutes until we came to a large, bright white room. The thing sat me on metal chair and strapped me down, tightly.

"Stop shaking!" It demanded, screaming in my face. I recoiled, whimpering in fear.

"I'm sorry I'm cold. I can't." Grumbling, it carried on working, pulling out a wire. An electrical wire that connected to the restraints on me, back to the computer situated at the back of the room. Extremely confused, I swallowed down my nerves and spoke up.

"What's that?" Cackling, it trod over to me.

"That, child, is a trip wire. If the thing get cut, the whole planet goes boom!" Flinching, I just nod, not wanting to interact further.

"Shame you're all alone. No one left to help. Not that they could at all." It laughed manically, observing me for a second.

"You know? I was just supposed to leave you to die. I doubt your buddy is coming back. So why not have a little fun?" My blood ran cold as it drew in closer. Webbed fingers gripped my hair, forcing my head up. Pain spread across my cheek as it slapped me but I kept quiet, not wanting to satisfy its thirst for torture. Displeased with my reaction, it reached into its pocket and pulled out a knife. Oh great. Agonisingly, it dragged the blade under my chin slowly, increasing the pain tenfold somehow. Maybe the knife was special? No idea, I didn't want to know if it would kill me. Blood dripped onto my thigh, thick and hot. If I was in the right frame of mind, I'd if made an innuendo out of that. For some reason, I was now feeling very dizzy.

"Such a pretty littke thing. Shame I'm about to end your life." It growled, lifting the dagger high. During my panic, i could just about make out the tardis engine noise. The creature spun round just as the door opened. Out came the master, TCE in hand and after written on her face.

"Dont lay a finger on them!" She yelled, marking over. Laughing, the thing tilted its head before taking the knife and thrusting it into my thigh. I screamed out, tears running down my cheeks.

"What? Like that?" The masters eye twitched, this wasn't going to end well.

"Bad idea." She spoke through gritted teeth then shot the man, who dropped to the ground dead instantly. Kicking him out of the way, she went to cut my ties but I put my hand up.

"No stop! Don't cut it. If you do, it will trigger and the planet gets destroyed." Stopping in her tracks, she observed the wire and groaned. Nothing could ever be easy, could it?

"I know you might have a problem with it. But I don't. I'm not leaving you here." She told me, crouching before me. I looked down at her, my eyes still watering. Reaching up, she cupped my cheek and wiped just under my eye.

"I swore I'd protect you and I let you  down. Never again. I need you safe, with me, in the tardis." Setting her TCE to it's laser setting, she moved towards the wire.

"So, I know this might sound selfish. But I don't care about the world. I only care about you." And shd cut the wire. Immediately, the ground began to shake. The master scooped me up delicately, rushing into the tardis and hitting the levers as she ran to the med bay. Placing me down on the bed, I whined and tried to move but she stopped me.

"Okay, this is going to hurt." Closing my eyes, I cried out when the dagger was removed. She shushed me quietly, grabbing the cotton pads and disinfectant. Once the wound was all wrapped up and the cut on my jaw was covered, she stepped back.

"You should rest okay? I demand you stay in bed." Giggling at her assertiveness, I nod. Honestly, i was exhausted and still in agony but I wanted to distract myself. In times like this, I always wanted the master close to me. Yet I was too scared to ask, to sensitive for rejection. So I just smiled through the pain, not wanting to seem weak. Luckily for me, she picked me up once again and took me into my room. Without a word, she tucked me into bed and left. Now alone, I sat up and sighed. All I wanted to do was cry, I felt so useless. Always getting into trouble or being captured. What was the point of travelling with her if I just caused her issues. Rubbing my eyes harshly, I decided to stop the self pity fest and get up. Somehow. With great difficulty, I stood up and made my way to the console room. I hunched over, out of breath from the short trip. Shaking my head, I stood straight and scanned the room. It was empty, that was odd. Going to the console, I spotted something beautiful. A golden pendant that had galifreyan writing on it, with a red gem in the centre. Why did she have this? The master wasn't one for wearing jewellery. Picking the necklace up, I inspected in up close. It was honestly really pretty.

"Curiosity killed the cat. (Y/n)." Jumping, I turned and saw the master, stood in the entrance way. She sauntered over, looking disappointed.

"I told you to stay in bed. Its not even been ten minutes." Blinking up at her, I just shrugged.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. You're hurt. You need rest or you'll make it worse. I know you're in pain." Avoiding eyecontact, I wet my lips nervously. My heart was begging for comfort whilst my head was telling me to keep the strong act up.

"I'm fine." I repeated, still not looking to the taller woman. She huffed, frustrated with my resistance. Holding her habd out, I looked at it confused.

"You have something of mine." Realise she meant the necklace, I let out a small 'oh'. Of course, I could of been easy and just give it back. But what was the fun of that?

"Now (y/n)." She was getting impatient. Did I really want to test that? As i said before, i wasn't feeling myself completely. Gazing up at her, I smiled.

"You want me to give it back? Make me." Stunned at my words, the blonds lips parted slightly and I did catch myself staring. She chuckled, letting out a breath.

"Oh (y/n). You make me laugh." Not understanding, I let out a squeak and I was pressed against the console suddenly. We were less than an inch apart, I could feel her breath on my cheek. My guard dropped and the necklace fell from my hand straight into hers.

"Right then. Bed." Of course, I was lifted into her arms once more. This time, I took advantage of the closeness ans resed my head on her shoulder. Feeling overwhelmed, my eyes filled with tears and I bit on my lip to suppress them. Instead of going to my room, she carried on and entered her own. I was placed on the bed. It had silky purple sheets and was dimly lit. All in all, the room was top tier in comfort. Almost perfect.

"Since I can't trust you to stay in your own room, you can stay in m-" She paused, looking over me and her face fell. Taking a seat in front of me, she frowned.

"Why are you crying? Does it really hurt?" Sniffling, I looked away from her in hopes it would help. It didn't.

"No. Well, yes. A lot. But that's not..." I trailed off, not sure if I was making any sense at all. Moving closer, she wiped my cheeks gently.

"I'm such a bother to you. You had to come and save me again. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, stop that. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. You're my person and I'm going to protect you." That just made me cry harder and the master panicked, coming to my side. Though, she made no effort to comfort me physically.

"Shh, i swear that i-"

"Why don't you want me?" I stuttered out, having enough of my emotions. They were all over the place. Most likely due to the injuries.

"What?" She asked, eyes wide from my outburst. Seeing as there was no going back now, I let it all out.

"You took me in, you do everything I like. You gave me the perfect room. You come for me no matter the situation. You even destroyed a planet to save me. Said you only cared about me. Said I wad your person. So why don't you want me? It's so obvious how much I want you, I don't hide it. Yet you j-" a finger landed on my lips, breaking my train of thought. Turning my head, I found the master smiling. There was even a slight tint to her cheeks.

"You think I don't want you? Listen to yourself. You think I'd do that for anyone? No. Only you." She said but my brain couldn't comprehend.

"So, you like me? Or am I just-" again she cut me off, hands cupping my cheeks.

"Would you just shut up and kiss me?" Turning bright red, I nod dumbly and allowed her to close the distance between us. I melted into the kiss instantly, my arms wrapping around her neck. She lay me down, subtly pulling the covers up as she did so. I was left breathless as she pulled away. Finding myself now tucked into her bed, I deflated, thinking I'd be left alone again. To my surprise, the master slid in beside me and pulled me into her hold. Her lips pressed to my temple.

"Now, rest up love. I need you in peak condition for our next adventure." Simpering, I hummed and nuzzled into her chest.

"Thank you." I spoke whilst yawning, finally giving into the sleep I'd been needing. She just laughed quietly, holding me closer. With a click of her fingers, she turned the lights out and settled down properly.

"Goodnight sweets."

#doctor who x y/n #doctor who #whittaker!master #whittaker!master x reader

[pbandjesse]

I feel like I haven't been recognizing myself lately. I don't know why. I just feel uncomfortable. Even yesterday and last night I felt like this but then I saw the pictures James took of me after the game (which we did win) and I looked fine! I don't know why I feel like my hair is wrong and my face is puffy. I'm trying to just be chill about it but I don't feel particularly chill.

I did have fun last night. My overalls were hurting me though, feeling to tight sitting there on the bleachers. A little after 9 I asked James if we could go home. And they said yes and we went to wait for the lightrail home.

We chatted with a guy on the train and watched the score on James's phone. And soon we were walking home.

When we got back I was happy to just go and take another shower and try to feel normal. I did not feel normal.

Falling asleep was hard. But waking up was harder and worse. I would be okay but I was being a little bit of a baby about it. James made me a sandwich and we headed out to our jobs.

I actually would end up feeling a lot better but I really didn't want to be there. Like don't get me wrong I love being there. But I dont love doing the same ground elements/low ropes every day. Like I get it but also I hate feeling bored and that's why I usually do a bunch of different things! Tomorrow I get to do a new thing so that will help I'm sure.

And the group was a lot of fun but we were all tired. Me and Celia got there before everyone else so we waited for a little, sitting in the sun. And once we were able to get inside we got the keys and headed up to the low ropes course.

Once everything was set up we went up to the field to wait.

Again they decided to do free choice. Why. This was so stupid. So all the kids were confused again, and some ended up in groups that didn't get to see some things and had to do things twice. It was stupid. Whatever.

I had fun at least. Even if I was tired. Even if all of us were tired.

We did low ropes, and then Sarah went to horses to drop them off. And I got to go help with flying squirrel.

Tony had to quickly show me how to set up the harnesses, which were slightly different from the Zipline ones. But that's fine. They were a bit frayed at the end so it was hard to get it to work but I would eventually and was proud of us for working through it. And it would be fun! Tony is such a great personality and even when things were hard we got it together and everyone who wanted to go up on the line got to.

The last of our three programs went the weirdest. Halfway through the second program the horse program was already sending their group down. And so then we had to scramble. And then everyone was in programs way to fast. Ugh.

Me and Celia went to wait for our group in the feild but no one came. After 15 minutes we called over the walkie but no one knew where they went. Finally the lead teacher figured out thy decided to just go chill at the lodge. So me and Celia sat in the sun and ate pretzels for a few minutes. And then started to put everything away.

We would go check in with Elizabeth and get the gator so we could collect the watercoolers and put away the rest of the ground elements. And then we went up to the lodge to clean the coolers.

The group was having lunch and they let us have some sandwiches. Me and Celia and Tony sat outside and chatted with some of the older boys, who are graduation in two days! And they told us how important this trip was and it just let them be themselves without thinking about what's next and that was so sweet. We also argued if the taxidermy mount outside was a deer and an elk. It's clearly and elk, it's huge. But the boys were convinced.

After we finished eating we would go take the gator back to the office but the catering truck blocked up. The nice guy went to move it though and Celia went and got us cosmic brownies while we waited. Then we had to quickly go around the bus that was coming in. But no big deal. We were just being silly, screaming and stuff. Pretending to be dead bodies.

We would sit at the office for a bit. And I would have my discussion with Heather about pewter casting and they are all for it and that's awesome. And I chatted with Alexi about my concerns about specialty staff this summer but she made me feel a lot better. Supported. Fingers crossed.

I went back to the lodge to go help out away tables and chairs. And then it was time to go home.

I was really excited to go home. I had thought about going somewhere but no. Home. Shower. Rest.

When I got back here I would clean up and lay down. I didn't mean to sleep until 5 but I did. James was home when I woke up. And they brought me cereal. It took forever for me to feel normal. We would lay on the couch eventually and have nachos.

I would go work in the studio for a while. Putting stuff away. Cutting out little felt bears for keychains. And I would vacuum while James made an apple cake. Which made the apartment smell so nice.

The mail came and my new dress came and it's so good!! I don't know if it's appropriate for Cate's wedding but maybe??? I am going to wear it for our anniversary dinner tomorrow if nothing else.

I did some changing of the decorations in the frog tank. And I think it looks good. After it was cleaned up I have basically just been resting.

I am teaching about turtles tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well. I hope it's a good day. And it's our anniversary!! I hope it's a really nice day.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of each other!!

[bridgyrose]

The Vytal Tournament was delayed a couple of years. Blake went through a lot of recovery and growth, but just when she thinks she can ask Ruby out at last, she finds her dating Emerald. Blake then mopes about it.

Blake felt her heart break as she watched Ruby and Emerald kiss at one of the food stalls on the festival grounds. She took a breath to keep herself calm and sat down to keep herself from running over to Ruby. Of course Ruby’s with Emerald now, Blake thought to herself. “I waited too long and now she’s moved on."

“You know, the longer you stare the more its going to hurt you,” Yang said as she sat down next to Blake.

“So, what, I should just avoid her?” Blake asked.

“Avoiding her isnt going to fix it either. You’ll still have to see her during our fight and we need you to have your head clear.” 

“Its… not that simple.” Blake let out a sigh and watched Ruby and Emerald, her voice cracked as she held back the pain she felt. “I wanted to be the one to make Ruby happy and I waited too long. I know I should’ve asked her before, but I… I was scared.” 

“Look, I get it, but I think you’re beating yourself up over nothing right now.” Yang turned around to move her gaze to Pyrrha and Jaune. “Thing is, asking earlier might not have helped. A couple years ago, she wasnt ready to be in a relationship. Between helping you with the White Fang, arresting Roman, the threats on our school, Doctor Merlot’s experimental grimm that attacked Vale… Ruby’s mind has been elsewhere.” 

“Are you still talking about Ruby or is your mind on Jaune now?” 

“We  can leave my issues out of it.” 

Blake rolled her eyes and looked away from her team leader. “RIght.” 

“All I’m saying is that even if you had asked a few months ago, a year ago, or even back when we first became a team, Ruby wouldn’t have been ready.” Yang put a reassuring hand on Blake’s shoulder and gave her a soft smile. “That doesnt mean you have to give up or just accept this without question. You can still show her you care about her by backing her up and being there when things do go south.” 

“I know, but… I just…” Blake sighed and dropped her head to the table. “When we first met, she reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger, and who Adam used to be. I saw the passion she had to do the right thing like Adam used to, and the way she looked at fairytales the same way I did. But I think what really made me realize my feelings for her was the way she’s followed through with her words. ‘That’s why we’re here, to make things better for everyone.’ Words that I thought were just to impress me, but watching her made me realize that she truly believed in them.” 

Yang nodded and pulled her hand away from Blake. “Then stay by her side. Sure, you’re not her partner, but you’re still her friend and she still cares about you. What she has with Emerald isnt going to last forever and all you have to do is be there for her when things end between them.” 

Blake sighed and nodded as she slowly sat up. She knew Yang had a point, but at the same time, part of her felt like there was more to it. “So, you dont think they actually love each other?” 

“No, I just think that what they have is in the moment. No real substance and probably more of a fling over anything else.” 

Blake turned around to watch Ruby and Emerald again. She watched every movement the two of them made and paused when she saw a small necklace around Rubys’ neck with a green gemstone glinting in the light. “No real substance, huh?” 

Yang nodded and started to focus on her food. “Yeah. The two have been talking for a couple months now, but until we all made it here to Atlas, its been a few quick conversations between the two.” 

Blake got up and started to walk to Ruby. “I’m going to check out what the rest of the festival has to offer. I’ll meet you back at the dorm later.” 

“Sure thing Blakey.” 

Blake kept herself hidden among the crowd of visitors as she made her way closer. The only necklace she knew Ruby had was the one she had gotten for her birthday: a small silver chain with a rose charm and a ruby in the center. 

“You know, maybe after the tournament, we can see each other some more.” 

Blake’s ears twitched as she heard Emerald’s voice over the noise of the crowd. She made her way to a small stall behind Ruby and Emerald and listened quietly to them as they talked. 

“Sure, I wouldnt mind that. Though, it might be hard with you graduating this year and heading off on missions.” 

“Dont worry about that. In a couple days, everything will be ready for us to be able to spend more time together,” Emerald said. 

“You sure?” Ruby asked. “I figured you’d want to get a few missions under your belt instead of sticking near me.” 

“Ruby, you can trust me on this. I have everything under control.” 

Blake turned around to watch Emerald place a hand on Ruby’s necklace and watched the stone start to glow. Her ears started to flatten as she watched Ruby lean into the touch. She turned back around as Ruby and Emerald started to get up and walk off, her ears followed the sounds of their footsteps. She quickly pulled out her scroll and texted Yang as she stood up. 

Ruby in trouble, following to help her.

Blake turned her scroll off and followed after Ruby and Emerald, her eyes glued to them as she followed. She was going to save Ruby no matter what. 

#rwby #rwby ruby rose #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #emerald sustrai #gemstones #ruby x emerald #ladybug #ruby x blake #drabbles #angsty drabbles #tagging as ladybug for Blake's desires

[ventcode]

I just wanna kinda,, ramble, I guess, so many thoughts on my mind, and I never really ramble on purpose (it's mostly an accidental thing..) so.

my shoulder still hurts kinda. it all hurts alot, actually. i don't know why. no matter what i do. ive stopped bringing it up over and over again though. nobody seems to quite listen. some streches, but the pain only subsides for a little bit.

im hungry, but i ate food all day yesterday. seems no matter how much i eat lately, ill still be hungry, and if i dont eat im starving, it makes my stomach feel horrible, the six and kyoko brain mix surely isn't helping.

im listening to my theme, six's theme part II, it's been calming me down, ive been humming along, im just making sure i dont have another panic attack, it surely does help, afterall its calmed me down before, as six. im not surprised it still helps now.

i keep having to change my shirt, it gets uncomfortable too much, its quite annoying, i put on deodorant too but it seems to wear off and it becomes uncomfortable again, maybe i just need to shower tomorrow (today? i don't count it as the next day until i wake up that morning.), that must be the case, im just not clean.

speaking of, its annoying but i seem to always need reminders to do stuff, or i dont take care of myself and do my own thing, with the food thing its gotten better since im always really hungry lately, so the first thing i try to do when i have time is eat food. but with the other stuff of taking care of myself, i seem to neglect it. showering. cleaning my room (i havent done that in MONTHS). drinking water. brushing my teeth. laundry stuff. i always need reminders. but i cant get reminders from my parents. "you're 14, you need to remember this stuff", and if I set a reminder on my phone, I always swipe away the notification and forget about it without fail. it's annoying. i hate that.

I miss my fort from last year, my matress on the ground next to the window, my tv there, just. ofc it neglected the rest of my room but. i miss my own little space there. it was from a calmer time. it had problems like bugs (i found a cockroach crawling on the tv once at night), but otherwise, everything else was okay, i miss just. i miss that, i guess. maybe I should use that tv again, it still works, just not my PS4, the Wii U works though, so, maybe I'll try that.

I think about holding your hand alot, anywhere, I don't really care where it is, but lately I just. have the feeling it'd be nice to just hold your hand, like you're there with me, I've just been holding onto that pillows sleeve more and more, like im holding onto your hand, it keeps the comfort, it helps just a little, I wish it was real, I want to hold your hand. When we meet, I don't think I'll let go of it. ^^"

My dreams have all been,, upsetting as of late, probably because of my anxieties before I go to bed. it sucks, it gets me in a bad mood in the morning, but I'm trying not to lose my hope for atleast a better dream, if dreams reflect subconscious, then I just have to think good things before bed right? I surely try but, I don't know why they all end up bad, I have alot of bad days, but, during the evening, it gets a bit better, and then bad again, I don't know what's really been happening. A horrible nightmare, they're stressing me, but I need to stop thinking too hard on them, if I do, then nothing good is bound to happen.

I think of those bad opinions on me, I'm really no monster, I'm a traumatized 9 year old, a kid, a child, I'm little. I'm surviving in a world that's trying to kill me. I really just wanted to survive, that's all I wanted. sure I ate a nome and I ate the ladys fucking neck and probably did something else Im unaware of in source atm and didn't save those kids in the maw, but, I really am no monster. I swear and promise. I didn't want to be the "hero who saved the kids", I wanted out, to survive, cause I'm a fucking child. I wish everyone knew that. but who'd believe me, if anything, everyone else would think im crazy, that I'm not really six, that im most likely just delusional, and that upsets me. so I can't be honest. that's such a stupid reason but, yk, the anxieties. (fun not so fun fact! during those hunger pangs when i was playing the game and watching you play as well, my stomach felt like SHIT dude. </3)

Speaking of, depending on the ID, I hate referring to myself in 3rd person (unless im speaking in 3p at the time), it just bothers me and I feel separated from myself, and it hurts. with some its fine and others its not. and sometimes I fuck up, so I'll accidentally refer to myself in 1st person with an irl friend and they'll look confused, I mostly just go oops and correct myself but, god does it really hurt, alot. But I don't wanna be honest abt that since it's easier to just refer in 3rd. even I just do it out of habit, but it just gives me a bad feeling, like I'm not me, and the others aren't. the others. I don't know. maybe I just have issues and shit.

idk why but talking about that just reminded me of that time I met a double and got them banned from using tumblr. bro is that mad !!! but srsly I got like so mad in the dream and spam reported them and Tumblr was on my side and banned the account and ANY NEW ACCOUNTS THEY MADE. bro dream me is winning everyday (/lie im having frequent nightmares!! /silly)

it's hard to talk but also extremely easy to talk, the words come out but I don't want them to, like I don't really want to talk to anyone, of course I make my exceptions, if nobody could tell /silly but, idk, it feels meaningless to talk, I'd rather just. do stuff. not talk unless needed, but, when most your friends are online, you kind of need to talk most of the time, or nobody understands what you're saying, even on voice calls, not like I wanna have my camera on at all times (depending on the person), so, it's still useless, I don't exactly know what to do about this, I feel myself talking more and more even though I wanna talk less and less. oops I guess.

me and toaster talked, we're still friends, but we wont contact for awhile, or atleast not every day, i apologized, and so did he, i really do feel bad for acting like an asshole. but everything's okay now, and it'll all be okay.

seems im getting teary eyed writing,, all this, there's so much I'm saying, yet I say I wanna talk less, that's funny, isn't it? I've written so many thoughts down that it's been like 40 minutes at this point, that's funny, how much is really on my mind.

enjoy my thoughts and rambles, I know atleast one person will read this, waving!! sorry I ruined my sleep schedule again, I'll do better.. :')

Goodnight. ♡

[pupuseriazag]

tw: venting about unlove:

Four months have passed after that "man" broke my heart. Treated my like he was interested, talkrd daily with him, he was there for me in some low moments (during which I would cry because I didnt felt enough for him or anybody), flirted and showed me signs he wanted me

Only for him to suddenly start being less and less caring with me, stopped giving me all those words and spent less time with me.

And I, in a stupid moment of weakness... Confessef my feelings for him

Wanna know something funny? He didnt reply in the moment. I talked to his friend and he listened to me talk how much I appreciated and loved him... How much I was willing to do for him. And he agreed we would've be nice together... That he was rooting for us and he was glad he had found someone so "nice" and "caring" as me.

He talked to him... 3 hours later he gives me the bad news... He is mad and sngry at his best friend for using my heart and not actually wanting to b with me... but still leading me on to believing we had a chance.

I was broken again, man. How. Many. Fucking. Times. Has. It. Been.

Time and time again I end up likr a fool.

And then he texted me. He was sorry for making me go thru that... After I had told him I was on the verge of stress for no one wanting to put the effort or wanting to fight for me.

He said that for weeks he did felt love for me... But realized he did not wanted to actually make the effort.

Thats when it happened. Thats when I got confirmation that no one would fight to be with me. Thats when I got confirmation that Im not enough for anybody... That theres something in me that people are easy to let me go.

Why am I not interestinf enough to keep them around? Why am I not pretty or handsome enough to keep someone? Why am I not... Anything actually special...

I was going everything alright... I've never hurt anybody and yet Im always the one hurt

My heart realized that night... That no one will ever truly love me like I love them...No matter how hard I search. No one will come to my life like I daydreamed when I was a little child. No one will work hard to be with me, no one will. No one will make sure I understand I am so....So very loved by them. No one will rver treat me right... And for some reason I dont deserve it.

But I know I do dederve it. I do deserve all those nicr things... But why does it never come? Why am I always thrown back to the ground amd forgotten?

I dont want to turn into the "I CAN love myself 😤😤" because I dont love myself. Being me has never made anybody feel like they want to fight for me... Not even myself.

And you knoe what I hate? I fucking despise the "Oh calm down! :) God will give you a nice MAN soon! Its all God's plan and God's timing is perfrct 😌"

I DONT WANT TO KEEP FUCKING WAITING. I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL MY STUPID LIFE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME DEEPLY AND NO ONE TO THIS DAY HAS EVER DONE SO. WHY DOES GOD WANT ME TO GO THRU THIS?! JUST SO I CAN """VALUE""" THE ACTUAL ""CORRECT"" PERSON?! I ALREADY FUCKING DO THAT WITH EVERYONE.

ITS FUCKING UNFAIR FOR ME TO ALWAYS HAVE BEEN EITHER A FUCKING EASY TO LET GO PERSON AND NEVER HAD ANYBODY SHOE ME THE ACTUAL LEVEL OF LOVE I NEED AND DESERVE I FUCKING HATE IT I HATE IT A LOT

I DONT DESERVE ALL OF THESE HEARTBREAKS

I DONT DESERVE ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME

SO IF GOD HAS ANYTHING IN PLAN FOR ME IS PROBABLY JUST TO FUCKING LAUGH ST MY FACE FOR EVERYTIME I BELIEVE I FOUND THE CORRECT PERSON.

WHY CANT I HAVE LOVE NOW???? WHY CANT I FEEL LOVED NOW??? WHY DO I NEED TO KEEP WAITING AND FALLING AND FALLING IN NEW TRAPS SO CALLED LESSONS?!?!

ITS ALL BULLSHIT TO ME

I just... I dont want more people... I think I deserve love... But it always feels like god and the universe dont think I do...

So guess what? You won. Enjoy seeing how from time to time I cry again to sleep becquse of how unloved I feel. But I wont try it again. I wont open my heart to anybody in that way again.

Enjoy watching how I have to write fanfics and hyperfocus on those becquse I want to feel some type of love nesr me... And at least my mind is good and crrating those peope that do care for me

#moona rambling #Sorry I just... #Ya estoy hasta la vergs. Honestamente

[idislikefrenchclass]

hiiii! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals, followers and all the wonderful people on here! happy new year and all the best :)

hello! i dont know how to ask other people i have basically no idea how tumblr works besides from posting haha but heres my list :)

-my dog and my family. my dog is the greatest being i have ever met and my family is very nice and i love them all. sometimes i HATE going on walks with my dog but this is how i get my time alone to think so i actually do like it!!

-my friends! i dont have many but the ones i have i love too. they make school survivable 4 me, but especially my best friend. whenever i wish the world were ending i can call her up and well do the dumbest shit (well literally climb trees or lie around doing nothing. i mean really dumb shit. yesterday we set styrofoam on fire) and i feel like a human being again

-music. whatever i do normally theres music playing in the background. well not now since im writing something i need to think about so not always. most of the time i listen to shit alt rock but i also have a couple cds and cassettes which are.. also shit alt rock *shhshs radiohead, csh, and weezer*. i have a björk cassette from the 90s DUHHHH

-drinking tea or coffee and reading, i love tea. i have a couple of nice cups too but my favourite has to be my dads southpark cup. i usually read books that my friends recommend to me or that i find online or at the book store and think "hm this book looks cool ill buy it" (currently "the secret history" its great). theres this book shop that has a cafe in it kinda near where i live, i like going there. usually by bike but when its cold i go by tram because i love being on the tram. its like a little treat i give myself when i find am unused tram ticket on the ground or just buy one but let me tell you thats pain in the ass since theyre so fucking expensive it hurts my brain

-making/seeing art. i like drawing, painting, making collages, writing, taking photos, making music, putting makeup on my face, making cool outfits. all sorts of art. it doesnt have to be good, i just have to like it. my writing in english is kinda meh but in german its fun to write since my writing is actually good and i can put lots of weird words in it that i dont know in english and the grammar just feels so much more natural. it soothes my brain to have written something i like. going to museums is aaah too. especially the modern art ones, historical ones are just boring tbh.

-i know it said 5 things but im extra so hihi. being outside!!! when im inside for too long i just feel like im a rotting piece of meat. which is gross because i dont like meat. and milk. and eggs. AND TOMATOES THEYRE SO GROSS. did i ever say im vegeterian? like almost vegan even. anyways, i love being outside just watching the clouds or listening to the silence. i love quiet but i also love noise.

thats all i think. hope this is not too long or fuck it i dont care

#blog intro #your mom

[fecundaratis]

panic tastes like electricity.

the dread of the inevitable, like when the hair on your arms stands on end.

pins and needles in your hands and feet, the path of pins and needles that the wolf asks me to choose from.

a lightning rod knows it will be struck by lightning. it was made to do so. it will take it over and over and over again because it was made to do it. if it doesnt, the lightning will hit something that cant take it. a lightning rod is made because there are things that are worth protecting from lightning.

its dangerous to be near a lightning rod during a storm. if you stand near it, as the electricity uses the rod to travel to the ground, you may still be struck. the lightning rod doesnt mean to be dangerous. it didnt ask to be made, or to be put where it is, and it didnt ask you to stand near it, but it hurt you anyway.

if you stand near it on a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, it would never dream of hurting you. a lightning rod doesnt have a malicious bone in its body. im sure if you told it, "im scared one day youll hurt me, in the exact same way you have been hurt," it would be beside itself with remorse.

but it has one purpose. and if it doesnt do it, the lightning could strike you anyway.

i have a purpose too. the lightning rod and i have this in common.

nothing so sympathetic as a sacrificial lamb. like a lightning rod, im prone to lashing out. i snap, and push people away, and pick fights, and make being around me dangerous.

but i was made to take what you cant. i dont mean to be a danger to you. i was created to, ostensibly, protect you from it.

but when it hits me, i cant help it. im dangerous. i want everything around me to hurt as much as it hurts me.

the hairs on my arm are standing up.

the electricity of life is pulsing through me, filling my mouth with the slightly sour taste of raw flesh.

if i scream, worse than no one will hear me. if i scream, i will be heard, but no one will save me anyway.

better to take it silently. my silence keeps them innocent of letting me suffer. if they didnt know i was suffering, theyre not responsible for helping me.

if i lash out, and hit the walls, and pick fights and get mad, if i make myself scary to be around, i cant electrocute anyone else.

i hate when you look at me with pity. you know why i snap and yell and fight and i wont let you touch me. my body is alive, alive, alive. i tense every muscle and i am so, so sore.

worse than hating you for pitying me, i love you for it. see me, see me, please. see how much i am hurting. i dont want to be struck by lightning anymore. i am begging someone to take over this evil task. i cannot take it anymore. the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

a storm approaches.

#entry #csa tw

[kassandraqueenn]

Once in a blue moon i always log into my tumblr account just so i can comfortably express myself because no one is watching..

I dont know how i got here again and its eating me alive trying to figure it out. my aunt thinks i havent been myself since dannys death and i think shes right. how can someone you share a person with just up and leave this world. no more breathing, no more laughing, just no more life. His death hit me hard. i didnt truly grieve how i wanted to because as a mother how can you let yourself crumble entirely? you cant. you have to be strong for your children because as a parent youre the strongest person they know. i cant allow myself to be weak in front of aaliyah. The only time im able to truly fall apart is when aaliyah is with her nina and im drinking. i dont know how to express myself sober. once the alcohol starts to set in my mouth just goes like i put fresh batteries in. i have no care in the world who is in the room either. if im aching i spill. I remember the last few nights in the apartment in la mirada. i was the last one drinking and i broke down. the tears wouldnt stop pouring out. i know it hasnt been easy trying to share a child with danny but that man gave me the best gift the world can offer somebody. danny at one point, was my everything. we met when we were 14 so how can he not be. towards the end of his days we got closer , we talked a lot came up with the problems and the solutions to be better at co parenting together. everything was great and then one day i get the call that hes in the icu. fighting for his life. at that moment my heart dissolved completely out of my chest. i couldnt remember how to breathe anymore and i disassociated from reality. i caught myself and grounded into reality again and i didnt know what to feel. i went to go visit him twice during his time in the icu and i had no emotions i didnt know how to process it. death is inevitable. and he passed so quickly. i went to see him at the funeral. aaliyah went up without me and talked to him for a bit. as for me? i didnt go up until it was almost time to leave. seeing him in that coffin did something to me. laying there lifeless when he used to be so full of life. his tattoos. his smile. his sarcasm. his everything. just empty. his sister went up with me and was telling me stories how he would tell them i was being crazy as usual but he was the one who started everything. god i miss him so much. i think one of my biggest regrets is not answering his calls and facetimes every single time he called. not texting him back not letting him see aaliyah. it bothers me and it will always bother me. its one of my biggest regrets and danny i am so sorry. but doing what i did is a part of the trauma that i was left with after everything he did to get into prison after still getting to go out and be a person with a life while i was at home being a parent doing everything. spending every dime i have on her while he gave me nothing. i didnt think it was fair for him to come and go. and like i said towards the end when we were getting better i was slowly opening up myself to him and then he just dies? how is that fair? why couldnt i get more time with him when everything was finally falling into place. how is that fair? i want him back. i want more time with him. i want him to know that hes always had a special place in my heart for him. i dont hate him as much as i told him i did. i just dont know. my heart aches every day for him. and my heart also aches for aaliyah. i wanted her to grow up with a dad because i never had that chance i missed my dad growing up but he was alive. i wanted a bond with my dad and now im finally going arounf him more and thats what i wanted for aaliyah and now she will never know what thats like she wont get that chance and i ache for her. i feel like every time i start to get close to someone again they leave or god takes them from me. maybe thats why i push everyone away because itll be easier to have no feelings when someone finally leaves vs feeling everything and hurting when they do leave. i just wanto be okay again.  

[vinnieswife]

Out of the Ring

boxer!Vinnie Hacker x assistant!Reader

words: 1,3k

Warnings: blood, violence,Vinnie being his own warning.

author's note: after the fight between tiktokers vs youtubers I was circling this one-shot in my head about a relationship between (boxer and assistant) as in the movies, it sounds a little clique but it is the best thing I have, and finally I have finished it :)

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The last fight had not gone well, the opponent had changed at the last moment leaving Vinnie without time to study his opponent and train focusing on his weak points, He had no idea on how to defend himself and how to attack a completely random opponent you knew what this was rigged about.

Just before the fight you and Kio went to the stands to cheer on Vinnie in the fight, but your surprise was looking at the ranking screen and seeing another name on the table.

"Wasn't he supposed to box Bryce?" (let's say this was a friendly match between Bryce and Vinnie) Kio asked puzzled, but when he saw your confused face he realized that you didn't know either.

"Yes, he's been preparing for weeks, I don't understand why it could change, I'll go tell him" you got up from the stands leaving a bewildered Kio in them.

On the way to the locker room you came across several boxers who were also fighting tonight, some with concern and some with pride.

When you got to the locker room you heard Vinnie fight with Jordan.

"How has it changed ?! I have been preparing for combat with Bryce for weeks, not to fight Deji! " Vinnie yelled grumpily.

"And what do you want me to do? They have changed your rival.” Jordan left the locker room greeting you on the way. Upon entering Vinnie's eyes fell on you, you just walked over and wrapped your arms around his torso.

"Give up, say you won't fight" you whispered against his chest.

"You know I can't do that, I'm very close to getting the title" "but it's going to hurt you" you caressed his cheeks carefully "I can't see that Vinnie" you whispered looking into his eyes.

"T/n ..."

"Yes, when I started dating you I knew where I was getting myself into but, I'm never going to get used to seeing how they hit you"

"I will try to get hit as little as possible" he smiled leaving a soft kiss on your lips.

You both left the locker room together, when you appeared in the hallway facing the ring, the screams of the people there began to resonate throughout the stadium, Deji was already inside the ring warming up, you looked at Vinnie, his eyes were fixed on his opponent.

He grabbed your hand planting a kiss on the back for good luck.

"Please don't die"

He laughed "I'm not going to die doll" he left another kiss on your lips, this time something more intense. "Good luck" you whispered and he stepped into the ring.

You quickly returned to the stands with Kio, sitting next to him. "Wow that has been romantic" "oh shut up" you said tapping his shoulder gently.

The fight had already started, for the moment everything was going well, they both gave and received blows, until Vinnie was distracted for a second and one of his opponent's blows hit his ribs, taking all the air out of his lungs, since then the things went from bad to worse, Deji didn’t gave him time to think between blows, blood dripped from his nose from the last blow, Vinnie managed to stop one of the blows towards his stomach but his opponent's left fist hit his lower lip, throwing it to the ground, your heart was beating at a thousand per hour, while you tightly grasped Kio's arm fearing the worst, the bell that indicated the end of the round sounded.

"Saved by the bell" said the commentator, you and Kio quickly went down to the ring entering through the gate, Vinnie was sitting on a stool that the referee had placed on,you grabbed his face carefully examining the blows and cuts of his face.

"Vinnie..."

"I'm fine, but he’s so fast, I can't defend myself" He said, breathing heavily.

"Maybe when you lose I could teach your girlfriend what a champion is, oh wait, maybe I could even fuck her better than you" Deji blurted out looking you up and down, Vinnie got up ready to smash that guy's face, but you and Kio you stopped him quickly.

"Beat his ass" you whispered on Vinnie's lips before placing a chaste kiss on his mouth.

You and Kio left the ring watching the fight again, the bell rang indicating the start of the fight, "you're going to pay dearly for talking to her like that" Vinnie said by widing the blood falling from his lip with the boxing glove. "oh really? I' love seeing it", but this time something was different Vinnie was in another position, as if in the first round he had just been taking mental notes about the blows from his adversary, his opponent's attacks were quickly stopped by Vinnie as he struck back with even more force.

Several punches flew up to his opponent's face leaving him dizzy with what Vinnie took advantage of by delivering a strong punch against his jaw leaving his opponent on the floor.

"I told you you were going to pay dearly for talking to her like that" Vinnie said looking at Deji on the floor.

The stadium was filled with shouts of excitement and applause from the audience, Kio and you jumped in excitement when you saw that Vinnie was still in one piece.

"I can't believe He did it" Kio said shaking his head as a slight smile appeared on his lips.

"Let's give thanks that he’s still in one piece" You both laughed at the thought.

When people began to disperse you went down to the locker room, finding your boyfriend in front of the mirror examining the cuts and trying to wipe the blood from his face.

You carefully took his face between your hands, removing the cotton from his hands to clean it, "you don't know how much I hate you" "you're in love with me darling” you shook your head outlining a small smile, you carefully passed the cotton through the cut of his nose earning you a little hiss from his part. "I'm sorry" you whispered.

His eyes followed your every move on his face, you were so focused on doing him the least possible damage that you didn't realize that Vinnie's hands settled on your waist, sticking you closer to him.

"I love you Vinnie, and I would never leave you alone, do you hear me? never” you put your forehead with his, leaving a phantom kiss on his lips.

"I love you more" you opened your mouth to refute but he was faster covering it with his hand "don't you dare brat"

You laughed at his childish behavior removing his hand from your mouth, his hands descended to the back of your thighs getting you up and placing you on the locker room sink. you know, I have a couple of tricks up my sleeve"

"oh really?"

"Do you want me to show them to you?" he said with a smiling smiling "I'd love it" you said on his lips.

pd: all the respect towards Deji the fight well in the fight and I don't want to send any kind of hatred towards him.

DONT REBLOG MY WORK!

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[onionsaremeansstuff]

You should have begged me to stay

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Gender: Angst & Fluff

Summary: Jensen is never home and you can’t stand this anymore 

I dont own the character or the gif

Beta’d by @chaoticgaysstuff​

Your relationship with your husband, Jensen was something. 

You two have known each other since you were kids. He was pretty much your best friend. You two played together when you were kids and knew that you two would be close forever.  

When you were 9 years old, you declared each other as boyfriends without really knowing what that meant because you both were two innocent children. 

But as it turns out, you both were still boyfriends now that you weren't the innocent child you used to be. 

As years passed, you both loved each other more than you did before. Hugs that you both gave each other when you were children turned into a pretty heated make out session that was behind closed doors. 

When Jensen first told you how he wanted to become an actor, you supported him like you always did. 

"I will never abandon you." Was what you had told him that night. 

If only you knew everything that would happen with him becoming a world famous actor. 

Hollywood wasn't the most acceptable place for LGBTQ people, so you both kept your relationship a secret, but there comes a price to pay when hiding something sometimes. 

With each passing year, Jensen almost always became unavailable to you. You barely spent any time with him anymore. 

Hell, you two only spent a minimum of two months together last year. 

You were very frustrated, especially with that woman being Jensen's beard. 

Now, you didn't have anything against her. You actually liked her, but she took a lot of time that you and Jensen were supposed to be spending together by pretending they were in a relationship. 

And honestly, sometimes you felt that you weren't Jensen's true love. 

---

Jensen would be back today from a trip and you were really excited. It has been so long since you've seen him. You couldn't wait to throw yourself in his huge arms along with having a night where you could talk about everything and nothing. Just like old times. 

And as hours passed, Jensen still hasn't come home yet. 

You've been sending him messages, but they were just left on delivered. He hasn't opened any of them and you were starting to get worried. 

Was his flight delayed? Or did something come up? Was there an  accident?

You paced back and forth, your mind consumed with worry. 

---

When 3 AM came, the front door to the house opened and Jensen entered. You stood up from your spot on the couch, feeling fully awake and ran over to him. As you got closer to him, you immediately knew what he was doing. 

Jensen stunk of alcohol and you noticed a purple mark on his neck. 

What happened to you?" You asked, feigning Innocence. 

"N- Nothing. I was at Jared's place and he had a party." He spoke, voice slightly slurred and you could tell that he was drunk. 

"You know, a phone call or text message wouldn't kill you." You said and he snorted, walking straight to y'all room, completely ignoring you. 

Jensen threw himself on the bed, falling asleep immediately before you could talk to him. 

You sighed and went to sleep in the guest room. The smell of alcohol was essentially too much and you couldn't sleep next to him. 

---

The next morning you prepared  breakfast for you and your husband. 

Although you were still a little hurt because of last night, you knew that it was because Jensen was drunk. So, you decided to make breakfast for him and actually talk to him. 

When breakfast was ready, you went to wake him up as you grabbed some medicine for his hangover. 

But, looks like he wouldn't need it after all, seeing how he wasn't in the room. 

You searched every part of the house but there was no sign of him at all. You took out your phone to call him when a message popped up on his phone. 

“D and I are going to breakfast and then will be spending time in the mountains.  I'll be back next week.” ~Jensen. 

As you read over that message, you let out a humorless laugh. 

You barely spend any time with your husband and when he finally comes home, he decides to spend time with her. You cook nice and he's not here to even eat it. 

And apparently he gave her a nickname, too. 

You loved Jensen from the bottom of your heart, but you couldn't take this anymore. You couldn't take being the only one putting in any effort into this relationship, or if it could even be called that. You couldn't take being the one to text him first only to not receive a response. Couldn't stand being the person who waited for him to come home, only to never really come home. 

You've had enough. 

---

Jensen had texted you that he was coming home in an hour. 

Your bags were packed with all of your clothes and stuff, and placed into your suitcase. 

"This is for your own good, Y/N." You told yourself once again. 

You glanced around your house one more time. So many memories have been here. Happy memories of you and him. They seem like distant memories now. 

The door to the house opened and for the first time, you didn't meet him at the door like you'd usually do. 

Jensen was surprised by this, having expected it. He walked over to you. 

You didn't have the courage to end like this. Maybe he'll wake up and see what he has been putting you through. 

"Hey, I'm gonna go to sleep. In a few hours I'm going to Vancouver." 

You looked at him and managed to mask the hurt and anger that made it's way onto your face. Looks like he still hasn't realized. 

You shook your head, "No your not. We're going to talk right now." 

"Look Y/N I'm tired and-" 

"You always seem to be tired when you're with me, right?" You interrupted him, standing up and looking at him in the eyes, "Always tired and can never have time with me. Can never stay with me." 

Jensen looked at you confused, "What, Y/N? What are you talking about?" 

"I'm talking about our relationship being one huge joke, Jensen." You stated. 

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, not understanding what you are trying to say. 

"You're never at home, Jensen! I always have to be the one to try and make our relationship work and you seem to be looking for an excuse to get away from me. Hell, last year we barely spent two months together!" You snapped. 

Jensen laughed sarcastically before looking at you angrily, "Well, I'm sorry that I have to work. I forgot how selfish you could be. I need time to myself. It's not easy working my ass off to give this life. This rich life." He growled. 

"Oh, well I'm sorry that wanting to spend time with my husband is selfish. And do you really think I care about being rich? I loved you since you had to ask money to buy candy. I never cared about money. I always wanted you and you clearly can't see how unhappy I've been." 

The eyes that once looked at you with love now looked at you with hatred.

Jensen didn't answer for a second, thinking as he looked down at the ground before snorting and looking at you, "If you are so unhappy then why don't you just leave." 

You looked at him with sadness in your eyes. 

That was it. 

Jensen no longer cared about your relationship and he didn't even fight for you. Or even try to make things better between you both. He just gave up. 

Just like that. 

And you felt your heart break. 

"If this is what you want. I'll leave." You stated, trying your best not to cry in front of him. 

You left the room and went to get your bag and from the bedroom, you heard the sound of Jensen's car engine taking off down the road. 

You sighed as you looked around this room looking one last time. 

'Do it for your own good Y/N.' You thought as you walked out of the house. 

---

Seven months have passed since your break up with Jensen and you hadn't been doing well. 

Jensen was someone who was always there for you since you were a kid. Not talking to him was a completely strange and new sensation to you. 

You couldn't help but think about him. 

When you saw something funny or when you had a nightmare you would always call Jensen. 

Sometimes, you'd have your phone in your hand with his contact information, ready to call him. 

'Would he answer me?' You asked yourself. 

You shook your head, "He doesn't care about you. Move on." You muttered. 

Both of your lives went on without one another. 

"You will survive Y/N." You told yourself, "You got this man."

---

You were sitting in the cafe that was across the street from your job. The place was pretty empty and you sat there in a booth with a cup of coffee, enjoying the peaceful silence.  

The place was in complete silence, except for a small TV near your table which was playing something. 

You weren't paying attention to it until you heard the name Jensen Ackles coming on the TV. 

 "The actor, Jensen ackles who is best known for his role as Dean Winchester on the TV show supernatural, posted a video saying that he and Danneel Harris have been in a fake relationship for years." 

Your eyes widened, staring at the TV as you sipped on your coffee.

"Well, there is no reason for him to keep her as his beard anymore. He must have found someone he really loves now." You sighed in exasperation. 

"The actor also stated that this fake relationship has cost him a lot,  especially the relationship with the love of his life." The anchor said but you didn't care.

---

You arrived at your old house after a long and exhausting day of work. 

After your parents died, you refused to sell your old house. Jensen always said  that it didn't make sense since you lived with him. Nowadays, you are grateful for not selling it. 

You threw yourself on the couch and fell asleep quickly.

---

You were woken up later by a knock on the door. 

"Who the fuck could be at the door this late at night?" You pondered, getting up off the couch and walking over to the door. 

You opened the door, not fully awake and your eyes only half open, "What?" 

"Can I talk to you, Y/N?" The sound of Jensen's voice made your eyes open, feeling fully awake at the moment. 

Jensen stood in front of the door, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers. 

You stared at him before slamming the door in his face.

"Y/N, please open the door!" Jensen pleaded and you didn't respond, "I'll climb into your window, or break your door down and you know I can." He threatened and you sighed, opening the door for him. 

Jensen was wearing Dean Winchester's classic smile as he held the flowers out to you. 

"A beautiful thing for a beautiful thing."  You looked at the flowers before looking at him again as you gave him a look that said, 'Just get on with it already.'

"Teenage you would have loved the fact that I gave you flowers." Jensen said as you took the flowers out of his hand. He walked over to sit on the couch. 

"Teenage me believed you cared about me." You spoke up, and placed the flowers on the counter and walked over to him. You stood with your arms crossed as you waited for him to speak. 

Jensen opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. 

If you don't tell me what you came here to tell me, I'll call the cops." You said seriously. 

"I'm sorry." Jensen spoke quickly and you waited for him to continue. 

An awkward silence took over for a few seconds before Jensen coughed. 

"If that's all you have to say, then you can get out of here." You exclaimed, turning away from him. 

"Y/N I'm an idiot, okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah, you are." 

"And I regret what happened that day. I should have asked you to say instead of telling you to leave." 

"You should've but didn't. Close the door on the way out, will ya?" 

"Y/N I-"

"Look Jensen, I don't know what game you are playing, or if your just desperate for sex. Or if the person you were staying with dumped you, but I will not continue to give my all to someone that isn't given back. You can leave." 

"I'm not dating anyone Y/N, and I'm not here for sex." Jensen sighed, "I'm a complete idiot. I was so used to you being there that I was never aware of how much I needed you. "Jensen looked down at the ground as he spoke. 

"Ever since you've been gone, I missed you like crazy and all I wanted was to hear the sound of your voice. I missed having you by my side." 

"When we were together, you never slept at home and didn't even bother to call me, so stop bullshitting me." You shouted, feeling fed up with this crap. 

"And I deeply regret everything that has happened. I was frustrated because I never had time for you anymore and I pushed you away. Not the smartest decision, I know and when you brought it up, I took my anger out on you, though I was angry with myself. When our relationship ended, I thought it was for the best, but i can't live without you!" He explained, tears falling from his eyes. 

He crouched down next to your feet, wrapping his arms around your leg and hugged it tightly. 

"I love you so much, Y/N. I'm such an idiot and you deserve better than me, but I love you so much. I've loved you ever since we were kids, and I promise that if you take me back, I'll drop everything for you. I'll quit acting, won't go to anymore conventions, all of it! I just want my man back." 

Your pants were really wet now because of the tears from Jensen. You knew now that he regretted his decision.

And deep down you knew that Jensen was the one for you. 

You ran your fingers through Jensen's hair which made him look up at you, sniffling a little. 

"You have another chance, but you better not fuck it up again." With that sentence, Jensen stood up and started planting kisses all over your face, "And you don't have to give up your career for me, Jen. You just need to make sure that we spend time with each other, okay?" 

He nodded, shedding a few happy tears. But they weren't sad tears. They were tears of Joy. 

---

~ 6 months later ~

"Hey Karen, can you please give these files to Jenny?" You asked, holding the files out to her as she took them and  nodded her head, "Thanks!" 

Y/N L/N!" Your co-worker, Lily called out, walking into your office as Karen walked out, giving you a hug, "Or should I call you Y/N Ackles now? Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!!" 

You looked at her confused and a little frightened. How did she find out? 

Seeing how confused you look, she showed you her phone and it was pictures that Jensen posted on his instagram. 

It was pictures of you and him. He posted 5 pictures of you guys together. 

The first phone was you and him as babies, playing in the sandbox together which was taken by your mother.

The second one was of you and him in high school. He had a wide smile on his face as he hugged. 

The third one was of you and him cooking together and smiling happily at the camera. 

The fourth one was of you and Jensen the day you got married. 

And the last one was of you lying on his chest. 

The caption said: Today, I would like to show the world my handsome husband and the love of my life, Y/N Ackles! I have known him since we were kids and always had a crush on him. He is the most amazing and lovable person in the world and he's very out of my league. Unfortunately, I fucked up our relationship many times, but he gave me another chance even though I didn't deserve it. I love you Y/N Ackles!! Thanks for always being with me! 

(Btw, I know he's hot, but he's mine!) 

You were shocked to see that he told the world about your relationship and tears started streaming down your face.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" Lily asked, as you gave her back her phone. You didn't answer her question. Instead, you ran to the men's room and took out your phone, calling Jensen.

He picked up the phone after 4 rings.

"Hey Y/N!"

"Jensen, what was that all about?" You questioned.

"Did you not like it?" He asked, worried that you didn't like what he had done.

"I loved it. I loved it alot and I love you, but are you sure you were ready to come out right now? You know how Hollywood is."

"Fuck Hollywood! If they don't want me anymore for loving another man then I don't care. I have you and that's more than enough for me."

You smiled at the words spoken from Jensen and the two of you talked for a little while longer like two teenagers.

Your relationship with Jensen was strange and difficult at times, but you wouldn't trade him for anyone else.

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