#im just super high rn

[kinghlaaluhelseth]

you need to play morrowind on openmw for distant land, shaders, bugfixes, stability, etc

#MORROWIND WITH DISTANT LAND IS SO COOL #IT'S SO WEIRD BEING ABLE TO ACTUALLY SEE MY DESTINATION IN THE DISTANCE... #current release build also has a framework for rendering shadows but it's not super well optimized rn #i had to turn it off bc it was eating my frames lol #my distant land settings are also not cranked up too crazy high but are still really cool to play with #the shader im using is corona the cold shade bc it's a solid shader without impacting my frame rates #just look how vibrant everything is #tes #tes morrowind #screenshots

[rapidhighway]

ngl i had a couple rough days regarding my food intake and im just losing my fucking mind rn

#im trying to be sooo normal about food but good lord the food noise is absolutely insane rn #and it doesnt help that im not in the mood for any activities that would take my mind off this or that i was #eating absolutely horribly yesterday AUUARHF #well at least i dont feel sick and its super hard to eat normally rn #not even craving anything really badly rn i just have food noise on the highest possible setting and its impossible to determine if im #actually hungry or if my broken brain is just begging me for the food it wants #TOT #so yyyeah kinda rough and im not in high spirits overall either so its just. hard #not having much fun drawing or writing today either and i just keep getting pulled back in to thinking about the food goddaminnttt #ok um #vent #lmaoo #cw food #food mention #cw binge eating #byee <3 #um welcome to my diary i guess i just need to write these posts i always feel so much better when i do xd

[strange-doll-child]

Yeah <33

#ughhh #uugudhhfh feeling- Mehhhh #Dottie gonna get a redesign im super unhappy with her rn and idk whyyyy #oc #oc art #monster high oc #mh oc #im aware Dorian Gray is kinda just some guy- I just wanted to because haha funny and ufhdhfh #ocs #oc stuff #monster high

[hopefulqueer]

BIG gummy worm for baby Bean

#tarantula #caribena versicolor #spiders #dead bugs #her colors look so fucking pretty rn these dont even do her justice #she took this prey so lazily also flskjdfhj just kinda felt it for a minute before slowly striking #im p sure it's the biggest food she's ever been offered #it was just slightly bigger than i rly wanted to feed her but u cant be super picky with 75% off hornworms #there was a tiny one in there as well which i'd love to give sprout. IF she would stop hiding #but anyway she honestly hasnt eaten as much as i'd have liked since her molt #and hornworms are of course super high in moisture #so that's rly good for her #i'm hoping she's having a lovely little spider time enjoying her feast #in a couple days when she's not hungry and also done eating i might try handling her #we'll see #baby: bean #ALSO she's finally started webbing up a good convenient cave for herself in the top corner :`) #so much easier to get food to than her previous hide near the bottom between some leaves

[thirdmagic]

my feelings on the characters in the bg3 change completely depending on what playthrough i'm doing. for example my first playthrough i was romancing karlach with a tav who i designed kind of as a self insert of meaning she was pretty much just a regular person who got dragged into this adventure, and because i was and am so insane about karlach i was like 100% with her and playing it as if it were me myself undertaking this journey with her. so obviously i told gortash to fuck himself at every opportunity, like god i hated him so much every time he opened his mouth, all i was thinking about was him in relation to karlach and from the pov character who only knew him through her. but then i did a dark urge playthrough and i saw how gortash acts when he greeted my durge and i was like 'why is he kinda cute actually. in like a sweaty edgy emo boy looking hasn't slept for a week straight kind of way. and look at him smile he's so genuine and so happy to see his friend. he really wants to be friends again' and now i think i like him and meowmeow'd him in my brain

#also they were totally kissing. they absolutely had a thing going on between them. explored each others bodies as it were. #im tempted to do a dark urge playthrough but with karlach route again just because... can you imagine the high drama #i also am super into durge and orin.... im doing the yaoi durge plathrough rn with astarion route but imagine #what if durge yuri route with her and lae'zel and orin.....

[silenthillbunni]

🚬🧸🧃🎀

#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance #so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life #and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future #so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D #what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk) #i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it #i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months #then i'll start my other 4 classes in january #i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery) #(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..) #also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt #if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may #if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless #i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university???? #i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education #bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it #also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move #i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!! #but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try #i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?

[vypridae]

oh also heres vados i drew not too long ago

#dbz #dbz super #dbs #dbs fanart #vados #dbs vados #vados dbs #xandraws #GOD i love her #her n whis im so in love w both of them. all of the angels actually #JUST. ISUUAUAGSHSHGFHDHDN HELLO JUST ONE CHANCE I BEG. #sorry anyway #im on a dbz high rn HJSHSJHDKHD gimme a break

[skrunksthatwunk]

RASCAL'S BACK

#MY BABY BOY RASCALLLL #my silly biscuit.. #he keeps breaking away from this contraption to snuggle up to me and then go back to batting at it #he loves it so much jdhsjs #for those of you who remember i finally got him some stuff ~december bc again his owner dumped him on us for like a month and a half #and it's been so long since then but HERE HE IS.. HES SO BIG 🤧🤧🤧 #and he was supposed to be here for a weekend buuuut when his owner dropped him off she said a couple weeks? #she told my roommate and everyone she qas going out of town and we were catsitting (didnt inform us of this) for a weekend #and now she's like no ill be here just yknow. have him for a bit bring him back when you're sick of him #...i dont get her she's super weird about him but im not gonna get into that rn #BECAUSE I HAVE TO WATCH MY BOY HAVE FUN!!!!!!! #hes so soft... it's way easier to notice now he's bigger #he sounds the same though which is cute. baby voice. high chirrups and stuff

[kulemii]

and so anyway, we're in love now. anyone interested in a wedding invite?

#kulemiiplayslove&deepspace #kicking my feet and giggling rn you have no cluuuuuue ahhhhh #saw someone upset that there weren't any black hair options- girl i was just mad that for the longest time all i could change was the bangs #i dont even gaf about the hair I'll pretend im wearing a fresh lil silk press or got a cute lil wig #you know how fucking rare it is to be able to change to a darker skin tone in a game like this??? #I WILL TAKE THE CRUMBS BABY I WILL TAKE THEM hahaha #she's also on the thinner side and you can't change that and i imagine that bothers some people #but tbh it's been kinda standard to not be able to change your figure for so long im used to it #im so happy to not have white hands I'll take anything atp LMAOOOO #there's also voice customization for english but like i said i kinda hated the English dub- #bc of copyright tho you cant modify the jpn voice tho #i was so worried the Japanese mc would have a super high cutesy voice that i couldn't identify with but it's a nice middle ground tbh #so there's it's pros and cons! #i think it's a matter of whose playing and what they personally struggle with that makes them decide what's good or bad about that stuff

[roseband]

ew he's in nyc for some boring luxury brand's launch

#personal #they're livestreaming it tho..................i could also work from phone/minilaptop and go to meatpacking lol #but i wont that's...... too much #i never get like... the minimalistic luxury brands tho... if im gonna buy any high end designer #it's either karl lagerfeld shoes (yes i know what he is.... they're all samples cuz im a 6 shoe lol and i got em for $15) #OOOOOooOOoor me being tempted to get moschino or and other stories when it's in nordstrum rack or c21 #there is soooo much moschino on sale at c21 rn like two season's ago's line... but it's still too much for me to justify buying lol #like i am the biggest clutterbitch aesthetic forever and always #im not sure what i'm wearing for eric's two concerts but i have my the rose concert outfit planned already #like i'm wearing this rlly cute corsetted crop top with a rose pattern fabric with off the shoulder long sleeves #(which i'm soooo sad bc i got it at goodwill and like it was $5 but i looked up the brand and it's rlly expensive :<<<< #which means i can't just buy another thing from the brand but it fits super well lol) #and then either black flared slacks or vintage tripp cargo pants #and my usual platforms for concerts cuz theyre the only comfy enough shoes that give me height #and im borrowing a hat from my mom that looks like leo's in alive and making a rose corsage choker similar to the freepeople one #FOR ERIC i'm thinking one night this plaid green blazer i have with a black turtleneck and a tulle skirt but it might not be cool out #i could try to convince my mom to loan me her long leather jacket like eric's in the mv LOL #it doesn't even fit her anymore so she should just give it to me *grabby hands*

[pastrycreamsicle]

cheesecake & creme caramel today 😋

#personal #baking #yooo #school is so much work but look at the outcome! #i also get a discount (yes. i actually have to buy my product unless its mass production baking then u can take 1 like that flan) #the cheesecake was only $7.88CAD. dude #THATS SO CHEAP FOR CHEESECAKE RN #And we used super high quality ingredients #ok brb. gotta go do my pie test #its a crossword LMAO #im just struggling with friendships and stuff at school

[asteraceaye]

So my final project for this class is video art and I was gonna touch up my undercut for it but my professor said it'd be more dramatic if I buzz my whole head and guess who did just that and desperately misses it already

#it was only like 3/4ish months of growth but 😭😭 #i better get a fucking A in this class i swear to god if i lost my hair because of this project AND DONT MAINTAIN MY 4.0 OH I WILL RAMPAGE #this is also like the first time i was like #yeah lemme grow out my hair #and actively wasnt wanting to go back to a buzz cut #oh well i do like my buzz cuts it just looks so fucking strange because its back to being super short #it probably doesnt help that i put on makeup for the project and actively made myself dysphoric akdjhdh #i was joking about making myself dysphoric for the project but I didn't actually expect that itd be true #it was so bad i cant look at my face rn because it literally looked like how i was in high school and my freshman year of college #and it's eeee my face seems round even though i know its no longer not #im just icked #im going hard for the dysphoric meaning now and im going to explicitly say it in class tomorrow #aster rambles #aster is actively avoiding his video project because his laptop is protesting

[cynical-cy]

might be a little late now but i think ive discovered what i actually need to do for a new year's resolution: teaching myself not to be a perfectionist

i constantly keep thinking as im working on comms (especially with new clients) like "oh god i hope this looks ok i dont want to give them something they don't think is good enough" but it's like. clients actively kinda know what to expect, already, and my process is literally sketch > payment > finishing so they already know roughly what the finished product will look like, it's just a matter of time to make it happen and the things i deem as mistakes and do over 1000 times probably aren't even perceivable to viewers

#cyspeaks #i am just super stressed about a hundred things and it'sreally eating into time i could be using to draw #then that drawing time is spent overthinking things that no one but i will notice #then i get stressed out all over again bc i really need the money and taking so long isn't getting rent paid any faster #not to mention i REALLY need to visit a dentist and a doctor but have no insurance and no money #and it's not like my parents can let up on rent so i can build a buffer cause the rent is high here #and my dad alone isnt able to cover it + food because capitalism fucking sucks #anyway i need to sleep i think #way too in my own head rn and it's showing #if push comes to shove i may need to end up crowdsourcing funds so i can actually see a dentist at least #that's the main thing im worried abt rn