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normiewrites · 4 years

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happy birthday katsuki! despite it being such a joyous occasion, i wrote something pretty down in the dumps. i dont wanna explain the plot and hope you all understand it, or not, doesnt matter as long as it made u feel something cause i felt nothing writing this. i tried making it more realistic than fiction and im pretty proud of it.

prompt was taken from @daily-prompts

thanks for beta reading @savnofilter @kingtamakimurder !

other tags: @mci-writing @lady-bakuhoe @mutantjournalist @assortedanime

warning(s): its kinda depressing, angst, smut, fwb, drugs (not too much)

‘when is it ok to steal something?’ - bakugo katsuki x (fem)reader

you didn’t know when you started noticing it all. but you did, whether you liked it or not. the way that the newspaper cut outs would hang lazily off his dull yellow walls, the gravity forcing them to bend over like worshipers. or the way that the green big grenades on his desk were more roughed up than you were with the drugs in your system. or the way that his left calloused hand was always so tightly held onto your waist, leaving bruises for the next day as memories, while his right robotic one barely ghosted your skin, as if he was trying not to accept the truth.

but the biggest thing you noticed was how empty everything was inside of him. you believed that you didn’t have any choice but to notice these things, because you were constantly only being fucked doggy style, never to face him and only the blank sheets beneath you. or maybe because it was to distract you from the cold droplets of water that would rain onto your back in small amounts. he always cried and maybe that’s why he never wanted you to face him, to never see how his tears pulled out his broken soul for you to see.

it was always like this, and each time, you would never get closer. you’d meet him in the parking lot near your apartment. it was a big and lonely parking lot, the streetlamps barely working as they flicked on and off, like the universe was sending you a morse code. he would always be ten minutes late no matter what time you would reach. maybe it was because he wanted to guarantee your existence, to know that you’ll be there waiting for him, like he was scared that if he showed his eagerness, it would make you run away.

was he even eager to ever meet you? you wouldn’t really care, not because he was a good fuck and gave good prices for your drugs, but because you couldn’t. he was always a mirage, there for you to see but not touch and despite how hard he would rut his hips against your ass, he could never be close enough to capture.

there was never any time for ‘talking’. he always got straight to the point once he picked you up. smoking a few blunts in his living room before taking off both of your clothes and proceeding to his bedroom. neither of you would ever mutter a word yet you both knew what each other wanted. it was a ritual now. you always picked the easiest clothes to take off, not even bothering to wear a bra, and he liked it that way. most boys would, they’d find it hot and alluring, always aroused with how you planned to get down. but bakugo liked it because it meant he would spend less time close to you. it would mean he would have to use his prosthetic arm less.

you felt like you knew nothing about him. or maybe you knew too much to be true. the news paper cut outs would be all about the pro-heroes’ stories. deku, uravity, red riot, grand and many more. but most of them were about all-might. at first, you would’ve thought that he was just a fan boy and loved to keep track on the hero society. but the more times you came over and looked at them, the more you realised that they were pinned up so wrong. they were hung with sorrow and regret, pins in the wrong positions like he was playing darts while drunk. why did he do that? why did he pin them up with more pain than joy? was he actually drunk or was his past controlling his future?

it was amusing to you, the way he would make you feel so good and satisfied yet so lost and yearning. you weren’t even yearning something for yourself, rather for him. no matter how hard or how longed you yearned, you could never understand what it was for, and neither did he. of course, you never asked him about it, because the first few times you did, either you were told to leave or he would just straight up ignore you.

however, this night was different. you were going to hold your ground against him and find out the truth, because while it felt so good to be filled by his warm actions, it was all so empty and felt like there was no purpose as time went on. maybe this new found confidence was due to having the pro-hero deku walk by you on the street during patrol, or maybe because you wanted to desperately know what was on the photo frame that he always put down before giving into your urges.

“katsuki!” you moaned softly, moaning as he pressed a searing hot kiss against your neck, smoke gliding out of his mouth and tickling your chin as his hands massaged your ass.

you had gotten to the use of the cold metal of his prosthetic hand against your skin, in fact you found it slightly pleasing of the contrast in temperatures of both of his hands. maybe that’s why he kept you around; you were the only one who accepted him like that without questioning it. you couldn’t care to question it, you were a quirkless girl in a quirk filled world, nothing was shocking anymore. besides, you found it kind of cool. if only you knew how cursing it was.

the night was hot and urgent, the both of you were tearing each other’s clothes as you sat atop his lap on the sofa in the living room. the cheap material of the sofa dug into your knees as you grinded against his hard and restrained boner, moaning against his cheek, not caring for the sweat that accumulated on his forehead. you both had never kissed. it was one of the two rules that he had put from his side. no kissing, and no facing him. you had respected them as he respected yours, but the time you both spent together wanted you to be a rebel and break down those walls.

you giggled softly, the feeling of your high running through your body like silk on freshly shaven skin overriding your usual thoughts and stresses as you heard the familiar tear of your panties, a rough mark being left behind on your skin.

“you’re giving me the next 10 grams free, that was expensive, katsuki” you whispered, tugging on his hair as he growled softly at your name, leaving rough kisses against your collarbone and breasts.

katsuki liked having you around. you didn’t talk too much, didn’t question the mess of his room and silently adored his prosthetic arm, no matter how much he hated it. you were simple and not demanding yet you could pull out so many explicit moans from him. but the most important part is that you didn’t push about the tears that always seemed to find their way onto your bare back. you were comforting, almost too comforting that at times it alarmed the scared animal in his heart.

after sharing a few more rounds of blunts and hickeys, you felt the familiar nudge of his arms, his signal to tell you to go on all fours, never to face him for the rest of the night. but something inside of you stirred up, almost like you were being controlled from an outside force. you found your hands pinning his against the backrest of the sofa, a confused look shooting through his red eyes, his blonde eyebrows furrowing underneath his matching hair.

he moved to speak up but you cut him off, “please, just for tonight. i promise, i won’t judge, just please.”

you didn’t realise you were closing your eyes tight until you saw the sudden intrusion of red and blonde in your vision once his gruff answer snapped them open.

“why?”

least to say, bakugo was nervous. he had never felt this nervous since his surgery day. he couldn’t even believe you made him nervous, it was so stupid to him. his younger self wouldn’t be as nauseous as he is now, but then again, lots had changed and he wasn’t like him anymore.

“your face is just so pretty, i wonder how much prettier it gets with tears falling down” you muttered, holding his face in your palms as your thumbs brushed his cheekbones.

you were so close to him, much to close for his liking. well at first, it was too close, but he soon recognized the spike in his heart was the fact that he was exhilarated by your statement. he knew that you knew he cried, and he felt too ashamed to show you. but there was no hiding now, there was no point.

despite the soft blush that adorned his cheeks and the furrowing of his brows, he kept his face the same. it was like he had the inability to change his face, like he was wearing those clay face masks that would restrict movement. it was the expression of when you get laid-off from a job that you worked so hard for and was praised by your bosses for.

you nearly thought that you ruined the night as he backed his face out of your hands, his eyes looking elsewhere. now it was your turn to be nervous. the air was so still, unlike his red eyes as they tried to look for something to lock onto, to anchor him and help him make his decision.

“fine” was all you heard before you felt him lift you up slightly, aiding him and standing on your knees as he shifted his sweatpants and boxers down, his eyes still not on yours.

you couldn’t comprehend what happened, not only because of how surprising his reaction was, but because of how less time he gave you before slipping his cock into your wet hole. the action was so simple yet so satisfying, just like you.

“katsuki!” you moaned loudly, your fingers going over the small scars that littered around his undercut till they reached his blonde top, pulling on them.

it was hot and desperate, the way that he would quickly get to work on your nipples as he would thrust up into you and how you would roll against his hips, tugging on his hair and nipping on his ears. you fully understood how much you had been missing out on, how close it finally felt. the way that his arms would snake up against your back, pulling your chest closer to his face, even managing to angle his cock deeper. there was just one bridge left to cross and it was the man himself below you.

he was thankful for how loud your moans were to cover up his sniffles, and it was an odd feeling as his cold tears raced down your chest to your belly rather than on your back. and like before, you weren’t going to ignore this.

and like before, it didn’t feel like they were your actions as you had tugged his face up, connecting his lips to yours before he could say anything to stray you away. his lips were chapped and motionless against yours and you tasted the saltiness of his tears that had reached the cavern. it was so hot yet empty, just like him.

“what the fuck, y/n?” he asked, the nature of the words contrasting from how soft his voice was and how tired his eyes looked.

neither of you noticed how both of you stopped, the lust gone just like the rules that you had broken. if you could describe his face in terms of a colour, it would be grey. it was so sullen, tear marked and conflicting, just like thunderstorms.

“who are you, bakugo katsuki?” you asked, hands gracing his bare collarbones as you searched his face for answers. but it wasn’t like you were going to find any, because there weren’t any. hopefully one day though, you could make some for him, or at least he hoped that.

he completely ignored your question, sighing softly as he rested his forehead on your chest, not bothering to clear up his eyes.

“tell me, y/n, when is it okay to steal something?”

when was it okay to steal something? maybe it was okay when people got what they wanted through injustice manners. or maybe if it was something needed for an emergency, of course not that the cost of others. but then again what was stealing? poets would call it love, judges would call it a crime, thieves would call it a life.

you had so many answers that you didn’t want to say any, because what if the other was a better choice? so you stayed quiet, letting him fill the silence this time.

“tell me, y/n, when was it okay to steal my parents? when was it okay to steal my arm? when was it okay to steal my fucking life?”

the pain that rippled through your body was enough to ignore the snot and the buckets of tears that fell down your chest. in fact, it was too much, making your own eyes water, your hands instinctively rubbing his warm and firm back. who was he? the answer was too broad. too complicated. too scarring. it was all about him and nothing about him.

you didn’t mind the way that he gripped your arms, because the bruises would be nothing compared to what he went through. so, you pulled him close to you, letting him shake against you and cry against your neck.

bakugo didn’t know why he was opening up to someone like you. you both were just supposed to be fuck buddies, nothing else, and yet you had broken him down, and he fell voluntarily. maybe it was because of your quirklessness, or how observant and patient you were with him. but like many other unknown answers that night, it couldn’t matter to him, because you understood or at least wanted to. he needed you.

he needed a reason to live again.

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thewritingstar · 4 years

Note

Ooohh! For the prompts, can you please do 85 or 88 with Buttercup and Butch??

85) “Could you come get me?”

Pairing: Butch x Buttercup (Greens/ Butchercup)

Fandom: PPG

I really need to right more Greens. (the next few asks are greens so yall are getting the goods) I really hope you enjoy this because I had fun writing it and its short and cute and angsty and soft and i was butch and bc to love each other forever

requests/asks always open :) ---

The door to his apartment slammed shut. His temper was spiked high and Boomer looked up from his guitar with concern while Brick simply cocked an eyebrow and went back to his video game.

Butch was angry. No furious, no full of rage, whatever synonym that was formed was processing through his body as he shook with a violent tone. The poor orange juice bottle didn’t stand a chance and soon his wrist was in a tight hold by his notorious leader.

“Chill.” Was all Brick said with a cold and deadly tone. He took the bottle from his brother who looked like he was about to burst with even a poke and poured him a glass and sent him to his room. He was not a fucking child! but he had orange juice now, so it was whatever.

He slammed his door shut, Boomer yelled but he couldn’t care. Taking the juice down in one gulp, he carefully placed the glass on his desk because the last thing he needed was to break something and have Brick in his face. He had just healed from last month's brutal brawl and he didn’t need more scars from Brick's fist, not now at least.

He paced around his room. His thought went berserk in his head and he wanted them to stop.

God he was an idiot. How could he do that? How could he ruin the only good thing he had.

He slunk down against his wall until he hit the floor and just sat there with a shaking head and a bitter laugh.

“You fucking did it now Butch.” He said bitterly.

He fucked up big time. This wasn’t some simple and stupid fight that he could come back from, no, he really ruined their friendship. For what? for something else? Pathetic. He should just go back to stealing but that would mean more of them. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole, destroy him too if it meant it would get rid of the heavy feeling.

He almost didn’t notice his door opening to his younger brother. He couldn’t care either. Instead his eyes stayed in one place on the carpet until his brother sat down and took away his view.

“Hey bro.” Boomer said softly. Butch’s leg only bounced as Boomer handed him some water. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

“Nothing.” he tried to say with fire but it died in his throat. He hated that his brother could see him at his weakest points but that's what he always liked about them. Boomer may have been deemed “dumber than the dumbest '' and everything in between but he had a merit of compassion that neither of the boys possessed, at least not as much.

Boomer laughed a little before rolling his eyes. “Yeah well I’ve never seen you this upset.”

“Im always angry.”

“Mmm no not really. You may be ready to punch and fight at any given moment but that look in your eyes and your body movement, you’re upset. Plus Brick is always angry, you have calmed down over the years.”

He stayed silent. Sure maybe he didn’t have the same anger as the red ruff but he wasn’t cheerful like Boomer, maybe he was more content. Fuck, he was turning soft.

“So tell me what's up.”

Butch frown deepened as he drank the rest of his water. “I kissed her.”

“Who?” Boomer asked.

“Who do you think?” He spat and the look of confusion didn’t leave his face.

“Kelly?”

“No.”

“Ashley?”

“God no.”

“Molly-”

“BUTTERCUP. I KISSED BUTTERCUP!” He shouted and instantly stopped when Boomers eyes widened. He can’t remember the last time he cried. When he felt the hot tears on his face but the sensation building up in his chest as the tears came was too much.

“You kissed-but she has a boyfriend?”

“You don’t think I know that?” He yelled again and this time his head began to pound.

“Why?” The blond asked and he looked up through blurred eyes.

Why?

-- Earlier that day--

“Wanna hit the skate park?” He asked as he grabbed his backpack from the sidelines of the basketball court. Buttercup shook her head as she looked to the sky.

“Not today, it's gonna rain and uh, i have plans.” She said the last part quietly.

He only rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Let me guess, with Alex?”

She punched his arm lightly as she picked up her own stuff. They felt the beginning of the rain drops fall on to their heads but didn’t make a rush to move. “Yeah and?” She knew he wasn’t a fan of Alex.

She doesn’t know why. Alex was nice. He didn’t play sports, or like horror movies, or really anything Buttercup liked but he was...nice. They had only been together for two months and Butch hated every moment of it.

“And? You’re blowing me off for a dude who can’t even kick a ball straight.”

She huffed, not this again. “Butch you don’t have to like him.”

“I don’t” She didn’t know why it stung. Her sisters liked him, he was more of Bubbles' friend anyways. Bubbles got them together and it was fine. But Blossom was skeptical, almost like she didn’t approve for some reason.

“We are gonna hang out on Friday for movie night so what's the big deal?” She asked. The rain was now coming down harder but his feet stayed glued to his spot. She could see a tense look in his eye as if he were debating what to say next.

“Forget it. Have fun.” He tried to turn away but she caught his wrist.

“He’s nice.” She tried to convince him and maybe herself too.

He let out a bitter laugh before stepping closer to her.

“You’re too good for him.” He whispered in her ear. It was the truth and they both knew it. “You know he’s only with you for the title, don’t do that to yourself.” The rain was now pouring on them. Soaking into their clothes and if they were fully normal, they would be shivering but instead their skin burned like fire.

“Butch, please don’t.” She gulped. “Please I need my friend.” It wasn’t convincing.

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She tried to reason but she was losing and he was inching closer. She should have hit him. Told him to stop and that she just wanted her best friend by her side. But that was all a lie. One that she had been saying to herself for months.

“You know that I can treat you so much better. He doesn’t understand you, he never will. Face it BC, you and I aren’t just counterparts. We are one in the same and I get you. Please.” His voice above a whisper as his lips connected with hers.

He felt her tense up. He shouldn’t be doing this. She had a boyfriend. A lousy and lame boyfriend who couldn’t ever treat her how she deserves. She was a walking goddess among these mortals and he knew that. She was dark and devious but in a pleasing way and he wanted nothing more than to call her his.

She fell into his kiss. Pulling at his collar as she screamed at herself for doing this. But it felt so right and so good. they fit like puzzle pieces, as cliche as it sounded, it was true. She had never felt the spark or fireworks people say when you kiss someone. But right now it was an explosion of lust and comfort, and she knew only he could ever make her feel that way.

They pulled a part as their breaths felt heavy and their foreheads touched. He expected a punch to the gut or even a slap to face. He deserved it after all. But she didn’t and she hated that she didn’t.

“I have to go.” She said as she looked away.

“Hey.” he tugged at her fingers lightly. “I don’t care. But I’m going to be there for you.” He turned his own head the other direction as she flew away. His chest felt heavy and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip as blood touched his tongue.

He felt it in his system. The guilt and the dread. Mojo taught them not to feel any of that, they were villains after all. He saw the fade of the neon green streak and without thinking, he turned on his heel and walked away. A near by tree blasted to pieces as smoke burned from his hand and he never wanted to see this stupid place again.

And now he was here. Soaking wet while tears spilled from his eyes and his little brother looked at him with pity. He hated that dude. Hated how he would look at other girls in the hallways while he had the best one on his arm. Hated how he hadn’t bothered to show up to any of her games and cheer her on. Hated that he told Butch that he won.

He gripped his fists and finally stood up, Boomer helping him from toppling over and he doesn’t remember his shirt being off but now he was pushed towards the shower and his brother telling him not to get sick. He let the water run over him as he tried to get rid of all those thoughts.

He could be mad all he wanted but he shouldn’t have kissed her. No matter how stupid Alex was, he didn’t want BC to be seen as a cheater, it was his fault. Before long he was now out of the shower, warm and clean but he starred in the mirror and hated how his eyes were puffy.

He didn't bother combing his hair or doing anything and just wanted to go to sleep, even though it was only 8 pm. By the time he flopped onto his bed and grabbed his phone, he saw three missed calls. All from Buttercup.

“Fuck.” It was probably her screaming how he ruined their relationship and that she never wanted to see him again. He would understand. He didn’t want to press the button to call her back, he wanted to savor what was left of their friendship but on the first ring she picked up.

“Buttercup before you yell I just need you to know-”

“Could you come get me?” Her voice was like a meek squeak through the phone and he wasn't sure if he heard her right.

“What?” He heard her sniffle as if she was crying.

“Butch please. You-you were right.”

He hung up.

She heard the phone line go dead and sat on the sidewalk with tears in her eyes. She was stupid. So incredibly stupid for thinking that Alex was nice. She knew it all along and for what? What was she trying to prove?

Her head was in between her knees as she sob. She just wanted her best friend but that was gone now.

“BC?” she lifted her head and saw him through blurry tears. She wiped her face with her sleeve but it didn’t matter since the rain was pouring down. “What the hell did he do to you?” His tone is now sour.

She held her hands up. “Guess he forgot I was coming over and when I got there, that bitch from English, she was. And they were-” She choked out a sob before she felt him pull her to his chest. She wrapped her arms around them and tugged at his shirt, hoping that he wouldn't go away. “You were right and im just some stupid fucking girl who-”

“You’re not stupid.” He stopped her and pulled away so that he could look at her. “He is a piece of shit for not treating you right. And an even bigger shit for sleeping around, fucker.”

“Two months.” She whispered. “He was with her for the entire time.”

He thought the anger he felt before was his limit but now he was seething. He had lied and cheated on her for the entirety of their relationship and now he didn’t even feel bad for kissing her. Instead of bolting up and going to find him, he just hugged her.

“I'm sorry.”

“Buttercup you don’t have to apologize.”

“I only dated him because of you.” her voice was quiet.

He furrowed his eyebrows and she let out a deep breath.

“I was afraid to be with you because I didn’t want anything to change. I wouldn’t forgive myself, so I thought if i had a distraction, i could keep those feelings down.” She bit back a small laugh. “And we see how that turned out.”

She looked at him and he was silent. She laughed a little and he tilted his head. “We are so stupid.” She smiled before rolling her eyes and pulling him into a kiss. He had been on his knees as she was sitting down and now due to the force of the pull. He was leaning over her with a hand behind them keeping him from toppling over her.

He embraced the kiss and she cupped one of his cheeks with her hand. It was an awkward position but he couldn’t care as he was too focused on kissing the most amazing girl he had ever met. They pulled apart and before he fell over, he moved so he was sitting next to her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I don’t think anything would change.” He stated and she hummed.

“Really.”

“Nah, we are both too stubborn for that shit. I wouldn’t give us up in any way.” She cracked a smile and the rain had lightened up. “So... what do you say. Babe?” He laughed as he held out his hand and she looked at it before placing her hand in his and pressing her lips quickly to his cheek.

“Game on.”

And this time when he kissed her lips, it was slow and just right.

hope you enjoyed!!!

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xxshesjustanxious · 3 years

Text

Hello, fear.

Today’s no different. Yet, it is. There’s a block in my brain. A pause in my reaction. A hesitance in my voice. Is this fear? Somethings happening.

I wake up, and my head begins to fail me. It commits me to a mental prison. And it takes me awhile to figure out that I’m there. My mind takes what I have, and makes it bad. It shakes me up, rattles me to the core, cuts up my stomach with a freshly-sharpened knife. And it’s barely even six in the morning.

I’m starting to panic. My eyes are darting from left to right, scanning….trying to find the source of what i feel coming. It’s like a fever is spiking, my body’s hot all over, and a sudden rush of horror consumes me.

In a split second I can literally smell the worry under my skin , and the little distorted waves wriggling across my vision tell me my perception is warped. A neurological trigger has been pulled. It’s here.

Hello, fear.

I tell myself “This is primal. Instinctive . This is supposed to happen.” But it’s actually not , if you’re not being hunted. So why am I acting like prey? I’m alone, and in this moment, that should be comforting. But it’s not. I’m not ‘comfortable’. I’m crouched in a corner hiding from something I can’t see. So am I prey? Am I being hunted? Am I?

Im starting to misfire. Nothing about this makes sense. I’m confident, definite, sure..Yet I’m questioning everything. Im calm in my emotions, no tears, I’m not hyperventilating , I’m silent. Not a murmur . Yet I’m Unraveling inside. Screaming internally. Begging, pleading to be pulled from this blood bath of irrationality and paranoia.

Every thought that comes up Is being filtered like tap water, scrambled through sound waves, beaten like an egg. No matter how vital a choice in this moment would be, I will undoubtedly make the wrong one. The rash decision. The one I can’t un-do. I can’t trust myself when It’s like this. When I’m transported here. Locked away in the motherland of anxiety.

This. Is. Fear.

Time seems to slow down, the world spins a little differently. I’m almost off balance , off kilter. I’m confused. Held up. Thrown off.

I’m frozen. My body feels paralyzed , but my heart is pounding, racing, preparing me to run for my life. My arms go limp, my hands dress themselves in sweat , and damnit, I can’t. Breathe.

I can’t breathe!

My gaze is fixated on the ceiling above me. I can’t stop staring at the bumpy white drywall. The shrink says to hone in on my sensory skills when This happens. So I give it a fucking shot.

What do I notice?

I Notice that the smoke from my incense swirls around me, dances in my face like it’s laughing at me while I lay here in distress.

I notice that I’m already covered in goosebumps from panic, and my fan keeps blowing cold air all over my skin when the last thing I need is to be more aware of how my body feels.

I notice that I can hardly swallow, that the little bit of saliva that’s left in my mouth is fighting not to completely dissipate. My throat is a desert .

I notice that my ears are ringing. But, I can still tell that the movie I rented is playing in the background and I’ll never even know what I payed for because right now, I’m not here. I can’t watch that movie. I’m somewhere else. Another wasted moment. Hour. Morning. Day?

So much for sensory skills pulling me out.

When it gets this bad , I only ever want to know one thing . What am I afraid of? What am I really, really in this hell for? What is it that is shrinking me down, gluing my feet to the cement of my mind? But it’s obvious that the answer is both nothing, and everything.

Every day it always feels different, and then suddenly , it’s exactly the same.

I never know how long I’ll spend here, terrified over nothing. Hands turned into claws, gripping the sheet beneath me , scared I’m going to die.

But once more, I’ll wait it out , and let it pass , until it comes back for me tomorrow.

Hello, fear.

#panic attack #anxious

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