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#incorrect iron man quotes

Peter: I’m gonna go get some soup.

Tony: Be careful not to burn yourself, it’s hot.

Peter, leaving the room: Pfft, i’m not gonna burn myself.

[ 30 Seconds Later ]

Peter, entering the room: I burnt myself.

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Peter: *smiles*

Tony: *slams hand on the table* If anything happens to him I will kill everyone in this room and then myself

Pepper: Or you can just hug him

Tony: K-killing is easier.

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Thor: wee snaw

Thor: wee snaw

Thor: wee snaw

Thor: wee snaw

Tony: snaw wee

Thor: you fool. You absolute buffoon. You think you can challenge me in my own realm? You think you can rebel against my authority? You dare come into my castle and upturn my dining chair and spill coffee grounds in my Keurig? You thought you were safe in your idiotic armour behind that door of yours. I will take these laminate wood floorboards and destroy you. I didn’t want war but I didn’t start it.

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*Tony after meeting Peter Q for the first time*

Tony: Please, I can’t deal with him anymore!

Peter: Mr Stark, he’s not as bad as you make him seem-

Tony: Peter, his family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

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Peter: You fucking took everything from me!

Tony: Okay calm down, what happened?

Peter: Wade beat me at monopoly.

Tony: seriously. Your arguing about monopoly.

Wade: What can I say, shit goes down. Nobody is safe when playing monopoly.

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Steve: [after trying to entertain a baby with a bear costume for charity] I thought I heard you guys out here.

Tony: Steve? Is that you in there?

Steve: Yeah. It’s me…

Tony: Oh my god, the bear ate Steve. Bad bear!

[shoots a bolt of energy into Steve making him go flying]

Steve: Ahhh! Never do that again!

Tony: You’re not the boss of me. [fires a blast again]

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T’Challa: Hey.

Tony: Hi. I gotta tell you something.

T’Challa: You’re gonna tell me that there was no bad luck? That Shuri did all that stuff to me?

Tony: How’d you know?

T’Challa: Well, I didn’t know when it was my pink shorts and my laptop, but I saw her loosening the bolts on my claws.

Tony: But I thought your claws fell apart while you were fighting

T’Challa: Nope, I just pretended on that one.

Tony: So you’re not gonna try to get her back?

T’Challa: You mean, do something devious, like tell her we are going to California to go to Disneyland when in reality I have a meeting?

Tony, gasping: I didn’t know you could be so bad.

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Tony: I feel like ass! (coughs) Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?

Stephen: No, I said, “Tony, don’t lick the swing set,” and you said, “Don’t tell me what to do, Strange,” and then you licked the swing set.

Peter, appearing behind them: Oh, so you get to do that but when I lick foreign objects, it’s a problem??

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*all the Avengers gathering for a meeting and Tony getting sidetracked yet again*

Tony: [about Peter] He’s a terrible liar. One time we–

Peter: Don’t tell the story!

Tony: I’m telling the story! One time we were going to ride roller-coasters on a school day, and when I came to get Peter, he told his teacher he was being taken to the doctor. So the teacher says “Which one?” and Peter said…

Peter: [meekly] Dr. Roller-coaster.

Tony: And guess what we didn’t get to ride that day.

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someone: tony stark is worthless

every single avenger, throwing copies of their 1,346 page ‘Essays About Tony because He’s the Best’ collection at the offender:

excUse Me wHAt The FUCK did YOU just Say???? Do you BITE YOUR THUMB AT US, S I R???!?!?!?!?!?!?

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