#incorrect welcome to nightvale quotes
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Cecil: So I know we’ve always had this unspoken rivalry...
Kevin: It’s not a rivalry, you just hate me.
Cecil: ...
Kevin: And it’s not unspoken, you talk about it all the time.
#incorrect welcome to night vale quotes#incorrect wtnv#wtnv#welcome to night vale#welcome to nightvale#welcome to desert bluffs#wtdb#cecil wtnv#cecil palmer#cecil gershwin palmer#kevin wtnv#kevin wtdb#incorrect quotes#wtnv meme
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very very bored
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A bunch of incorrect quotes just cuz I'm bored and these are funny. I might have went over board and no I'm not sorry.
Jon: I am an expert at identifying birds.
Gerry: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Jon: Yeah, they're all birds.
Gerry: What’s up with you?
Jon: What do you mean?
Gerry: You’ve been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?
Gerry: *makes Mike a cup of tea but puts salt in it*
Mike: *sips tea*
Gerry:
Mike: *finishes tea*
Gerry: Didn't it taste bad?
Mike: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.
Gerry, tearing up: Oh, okay.
Tim, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?
Gerry: …
Gerry: What’s in the box?
Tim: What woul-
Gerry: Tim, what’s in the box?
Tim: I think you know.
Jon: What did you two do?
Mike:
Tim:
Jon: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.
Gerry: Why would I flip my shit about that?
Tim: Because you flip your shit about everything.
Gerry: Well, will you look at this. Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped. Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side. It’s a miracle.
Jon: Mike, we're hungry!
Gerry: Mike! What's for dinner?
Tim: We're hungry, Mike!
Mike, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Tim, tearing up the room: Where are they?
Tim, looking under a pillow: Who moved them? Who moved my children?
Tim: Somebody moved my M&M's, and now I am going to start killing.
Jon: If you water water, it grows.
Mike: ...What.
Tim: They've got a point.
Jon: What are you two arguing about this time?
Mike: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly!
Gerry: Cry me a table, Mike.
Jon: *Locks Mike in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child.
Mike: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?
Jon: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.
Mike, used to Jon being dumb: Sure...
Jon: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.
Mike: Okay?
Jon: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.
Mike:
Jon: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-
Mike: Jesus, that one is a little-
Gerry, interested: No, no, Jon, keep going.
Tim: Gerry? What are you doing here?
Gerry, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.
Jon, texting Tim: I’m a theif.
Tim: Thief.
Jon: Theif.
Tim: I before E except after C.
Jon: Thceif.
Tim: NO.
Mike, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!
Jon: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.
*at a zoo*
Daisy: What are they in for?
Not Sasha: Daisy, this isn't prison.
Daisy: So they can leave?
Not Sasha: No, but-
Daisy, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Daisy: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.
Kevin, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.
Not Sasha, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.
Kevin: Coming right up.
Daisy: As you know I keep a list of all my friends in order of how likely they are to betray me.
Mike: Where am I on the list?
Daisy: Well I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.
Daisy: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Not Sasha: And?
Daisy: And you are.
Kevin: A banker? Me?
Melanie: Yes, Kevin.
Kevin: But I don’t know anything about running a bank!
Melanie: Good. No preconceived ideas.
Kevin: I’ve robbed banks!
Melanie: Capital! Just reverse your thinking. The money should be on the inside.
Tim: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.
Mike, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.
Gerry: Awww, why don't you like cats, Daisy? They're just snuggly buddies! They have toe beans! They make a little blep! What's not to love??
Daisy: I don't know Gerry, I just prefer to be conscious instead of dead on the floor.
Gerry:
Daisy: I'm ALLERGIC.
Tim: Made you all playlists!
Tim: Gerry, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
Tim: Kevin, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
Tim: And Melanie has the ABBA Gold album.
Not Sasha, excitedly: Heeyy!!
Daisy: Hey, someone's excited.
Melanie, deadpan: Yeah, and it's making me sick.
Daisy: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Martin and Jon's convo?
Gerry: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.
Tim: I'm in the washing machine.
Mike: I'm in the closet.
Gerry: We accept you Mike. <3
Mike: No I'm literally in the closet.
Gerry: Love is love. <3
Kevin: Who hurt you?
Not Sasha: *snorting* What, do you want a list?
Kevin: ...Yes, actually.
Melanie: This can’t get any worse. Can it?
Tim: Sure it can - just give me a minute.
Helen: Hey, Sasha, where are you going?
Sasha: Well, it depends. When I die, probably hell.
Sasha: But right now I’m going to McDonald’s.
Gerry: Mike said its my turn with the brain cell.
Sasha: Square up.
Kevin: Sometimes I like to place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes...
Kevin: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.
Basira: ...That took an unexpected turn.
Melanie: So did their neck.
Sasha: If I say yes am I joining a cult?
Jon: Possibly.
Sasha: I’m in.
Martin: I think this might be a bad idea...
Tim: Don't start thinking on me now!
Melanie: Basira, I know you love Helen. I mean, we all do, they’re a very nice person and I respect them immensely.
Melanie: But I think they might be a fucking idiot.
Basira: *cooking*
Melanie: *kicks down door*
Melanie: *grabs knife from Basira's hand*
Melanie: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR?
Basira:
Basira: What.
Martin: They're trying to tell you they want to cook.
Sasha: Kevin and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Michael: What did you do?
Sasha: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Kevin: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?
#daycare au#the magnus nightvale daycare au#chaos#the magnus archives#gerard keay#jonathan sims#michael distortion#not sasha#welcome to nightvale#incorrect quotes#sasha james#mike crew#melanie king#basira hussain#martin blackwood#daisy tonner#kevin wtnv#they're all dumbasses your honor
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Skin't Tom: Today's show is sponsored by Knife.
Skin't Tom: Need to cut a thing? Use Knife! Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using Knife.
Skin't Tom: Have one thing and want it to become two or more smaller things? You could try Saw. Saw sometimes works.
Skin't Tom: But other times, you need Knife!
#old gods of appalachia#old gods pod#ogoa#skin't tom#skinned tom#incorrect quotes#source: welcome to nightvale
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“Bring forth the reptilian agenda, Prince Zuko”
“Prince Zuko, knowing what makes you a woman, will help you become a better woman”
“Prince Zuko, keep telling yourself that your girlfriend is your friend”
“Prince Zuko, when you find yellow snow, don’t just fly away, stop to smell the piss”
“Prince Zuko, If at first you don’t succeed, then give up”
“Dare to dream, Prince Zuko. Seriously. I dare you. Do it. It’ll be fine. I promise, Prince Zuko”
“Prince Zuko, if it’s a big enough stone, you can kill way more than two stones”
#atla#prince zuko#atla zuko#zuko#i’m sorry#uncle iroh#iroh#it’s just iroh giving zuko…weird advice#welcome to nightvale#night vale presents#incorrect quotes#avatar the last airbender
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Nick: *sees Hancock laying face first on the floor* John. Get up. It's Wednesday.
Hancock: *muffled against the floor, obviously stoned* Wednesday day has been canceled due to a scheduling error...
#fallout 4#fo4#nick valentine#hancock fo4#hancock#fo4 incorrect quotes#I'm relistening to welcome to nightvale and this feels appropriate
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Geoffrey: Today's show is sponsored by Sword!
Geoffrey: Need to cut something? Use Sword!
Geoffrey: Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using Sword!
Geoffrey: Have one thing and want it to become two or more smaller things?
Geoffrey: You could try Saw. Saw sometimes works.
Geoffrey: But other times? You need Sword!
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Maureen: My whole life, my one goal was to avoid dying in Night Vale, and yet... here we are.
Cecil: Hey, it could be worse. You could be dying in Desert Bluffs.
Maureen: Fuck Desert Bluffs!
Cecil: Fuck 'em!
#welcome to nightvale#wtnv#cecil gershwin palmer#intern Maureen#wtnv incorrect quotes#The guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm
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You miss 100% of the bank robberies you don't commit.
Teru, during Phantom Chocolate Thief photoshoot behind-the-scenes
#source: welcome to nightvale#teru tendo#imas sidem#sidem#idolm@ster sidem#the idolm@ster sidem#incorrect quotes
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Cecil about Carlos: I have only had him for five minutes, but if anything happens to him I will cry uncontrollably
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I like my coffee like I like my nights: dark, endless, impossible to sleep through.
Jigen
#Source: Welcome To NightVale#Lupin III#Lupin the III#Lupin the Third#Incorrect Quotes#Daisuke Jigen#Jigen
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Kit: Whisper a dangerous secret to someone you care about.
Kit: Now they have the power to destroy you, but they won’t. That’s what love is.
Plo: So you don't want me to tell everyone about how you tripped up the steps while walking to the Archives
Kit: No, that's fine, they know. I made Cin mad and the Guard released the footage already
#Kit Fisto#Plo Koon#PloKit#Cin Drallig#Disaster Lineage#Jedi Temple Guard#The Jedi Temple Guard#The Temple Guard#Incorrect Star Wars Quotes#Star Wars#Star Wars: The Clone Wars#Star Wars: The Expanded Universe#Star Wars: The Prequel Trilogy#Source: Welcome to Nightvale#sorta
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While working my shift, I was thinking about all the media I have consumed lately where librarians are The Bad Guy.
Mostly just Parks and Rec and Welcome to Night Vale although I could swear there's been a third thing too.....
Anyways. Babs is a p savy lady. And I just. I like to think that Jason and Dick give her all kinds of shit.
"Oooooh, everybody run! A librarian is coming!"
"Grab the book and run, Blondie! Stick it to the librarians!"
Anyways. Just. Imagining Babs making a little yard sign that she sticks on her Oracle desk that reads "Not All Librarians."
She's just. Sitting there. With glitter strewn about that she's stolen from her kids' batgirls' arts and craft bins. Angrily muttering like "I'll show them." And then she gives them each like a $40 fine until Jason notices and cries.
That's all. That's all I'm thinking about while working my shift. Did I mention I work at a library?
#batfam#incorrect batfamily quotes#dc comics#oracle#barbara gordon#batgirl#parks and rec#welcome to nightvale#batman#dick grayson#jason todd#nightwing#red hood
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Jack: I've never studied law but I've spent years on the wrong side of it. That teaches you everything you need to know.
#old gods of appalachia#old gods pod#ogoa#jt fields#jack of the wood#jack timothy fields iii#jack#incorrect quotes#source: welcome to nightvale
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"Today's mood is sponsored by KNIFE! Need to cut a thing? Use Knife! Need to poke a hole in another thing? Try using knife! Have one thing and want it to become two or more smaller things. You could try a saw. A saw sometimes works. But other times? You need Knife!"
-Definitely Nova
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It's probably nothing. If we had to shut down the Academy for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we’d never have time to teach anything, right?
Luke Skywalker
#Luke Skywalker#The Jedi Academy#The Jedi Academy Trilogy#star wars#star wars legends#incorrect star wars quotes#original: welcome to nightvale
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