Peter: Mr Stark I think I've been stabbed!
Tony: What!? Who stabbed you?
Peter: A.J.Smith
Tony: How the fuck do you actually know who stabbed you?
Peter: *pulls knife out of stomach* He has his initials engraved in it!
Tony: Oh mY gOd! Don't pull it out!
Peter: Oh sorry! I'll just put it back
Tony: *on the verge of a panic attack* Don't put it back!
Peter: ... can I keep the knife?
Tony: NO! YOU CANNOT KEEP THE KNIFE!
1K notes
·
View notes
peter: I need someone to take me out
natasha: with a gun or on a -
tony: for the last time pete, you need to stop saying that when you want attention
47 notes
·
View notes
Peter: C'mon Tony!
Tony: No Peter, there will be sand everywhere -
Peter: I don't care, I need you!
Tony: - and people could come by the beach anytime.
Peter: *doe eyes* please daddy 😢
Tony: ... okay but only quick!
204 notes
·
View notes
Peter: *kicks the door down looking panicked*
Peter: *proceeds to hide behind the couch*
Tony: *whispers* What did you do?
Peter: No-one got hurt and nobody died
Tony: *iron-dad mode activated* WHAT TYPE OF ANSWER IS THAT?!?!?!?
41 notes
·
View notes
Peter:
Peter: would you love me if i was a worm?
Tony: ......
Tony: I don't like dirt
Peter: I can't believe you don't love me
179 notes
·
View notes
Magic! More magic! Magic with a kick! Magic with a... • I've been waiting so long to use that quote haha. I'm super hyped for the MoM premier tonight that I got a Cloak of Levitation. What if Sam Rami puts Spider-Man into this mind-bending movie!? Put your craziest fan theory down in the comments! • Pattern: @arachnidstudios Suit: @printcostumeofficial Save 15% when you use code: PIZZATIME at Checkout! • #tomhollandspiderman #peterparker #spiderverse #cosplayersofig #spidermanfans #avengers2 #spidermancosplay #avengers4 #avengers3 #friendlyneighborhoodspiderman #spidermansuit #cuteguy #spidy #spandex #spideyverse #marvelnerds #hotsuperheroguys #ironspider #cloakoflevitation #multiverseofmadness #closetcosplay (at Sanctum Sanctorum) https://www.instagram.com/p/CdL_W4aL0gr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
7 notes
·
View notes
Tony: When life throws you lemons-
Peter: Freeze them and launch them back twice as hard
Tony: I--
281 notes
·
View notes
"You have to let go. I'm gonna catch you" literally tore out my heart and spat on it why are there like 0 fics about it
153 notes
·
View notes
Tony: I wonder what glue tastes like
Peter: It tastes bad
Tony: How do you-
Peter: -I answered your question, that's all you get
591 notes
·
View notes
Morgan, to Peter: Would you do me the honor of becoming my other dad?
Tony: Did you just propose to Peter for me?
Morgan: Well, someone had to.
Tony:
Tony: Peter, would you do Morgan the honour of becoming her other dad?
255 notes
·
View notes
Tony: Pack warm clothes and your passport! I'll pick you up in 10.
Peter: What happened? I just came home from school.
Tony: I decided that we need some time to ourselves, so we're going on a trip for a week. Surprise!
Peter: A trip, where? You said warm clothes and passport, are we going camping to Canada or something??
Tony: Not exactly... More like on a ski & spa vacation in the alps?
Peter: *gasp* Give me 15 minutes and I'll be ready!
178 notes
·
View notes
“Get me a pen, boy. Now.”
“What... what type of...”
“Something that’ll stay on your skin. I’m not going to ask twice.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Perfect. Bend over the bed.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Mmm... you look perfect for me, such a pretty canvas.”
“Sir?”
“Yes, boy?”
“What are you writing? Please?”
Insert Here, Naughty Boy, Daddy’s Little Slut, Cum Dump, Boy Toy
“All good things, baby.”
Property of Mr. Stark
“Thank you, sir.”
216 notes
·
View notes
Thor:
Everyone:
Peter: yeah, he could probe me
23 notes
·
View notes
Peter: *Hands Tony a bottle of water*
Tony: Thanks Kid, what’s this for?
Peter: Natasha said watching me train made you thirsty.
Tony: *Chokes on water*
228 notes
·
View notes
[Peter arriving home 10 minutes late after patrol]
Tony : *spins around in a chair ominously* I've been expecting you
Tony : *chair continues to spin* shit
Tony : *tries to stop spinning* shit!
Tony : *tries to grab onto a lamp* SHIT!
Tony : *falls off the chair* shit.
Peter:
Peter: *hands Tony the swear jar*
574 notes
·
View notes