#it feels like my grad party is my parents not mine

[tieronecrush]

hot & heavy

chapter ten: a hidden gem, my own goldmine

neighbor!joel x f!reader

series masterlist

series rating: E (18+ MDNI)

series summary:

over the course of three summers, joel miller becomes woven into your life. the first summer is spent falling for him; nannying his daughter and sneaking around with him in a burning love affair. you know how you feel about joel, he isn’t so sure about how it all is gonna work. the second summer is brief. a month spent at home after graduation and before you move to boston for your dream job. one look at you, one time hearing your voice, and joel is hooked again. he pines over you for that month, but you think — how is long distance of over a thousand miles going to work for a single dad? the third summer, you return home burnt out and pride bruised from your post-grad life. you need time to feel at home again, like your complete self, so you’ve come back home with no return ticket booked. it’s only a matter of time before joel seeks you out, slowly spending more time with you. without an inevitable end to the summer looming over you both, what chances are you willing to take?

word count: 10k

warnings: NO OUTBREAK (don’t need to worry about the mushies), no use of y/n, inexperienced reader, age gap (joel is 30/31, reader is 22), canon-divergent (sarah is 7 y/o), nanny au, pet names (sweetheart, darling, sweet girl, mariposa, etc.), polite southern manners, feeling familial and self-pressure, ESTABLISHED relationship FINALLY, spanish cause joel is latino, fingering, unprotected p in v, dirty talkkk king joel miller, soft (and soft dom) joel, possessive joel, mentions of depression diagnosis and symptoms, struggling with self, discussion of co-parenting, angst, MAJOR doubt! and a slumber party! yay!

a/n: thank you as always to the bestie/cousin/sister wife/sweet, sweet gf @northernbluess for beta-reading this chapter, seriously i can't write without you so you're stuck with me. also this chapter is a little heavier in spanish then before, so if there are any corrections needed, please comment or message me! i went through multiple translations to try to find the best/most common, but things are bound to slip through the cracks.

Joel’s been catching up with some chores around the house this evening after Sarah’s gone to bed: dishes are washed and put away, counters wiped down and floors mopped. He reset the living room after he put the laundry in the dryer, settling onto the couch with a long sigh. Hands rub at his tired eyes, muscles aching for his bed but he is determined to stay up until you text him that you’re back at your friend’s house safe.

A few of your friends from college ended up with jobs in Austin, and tonight you’d all arranged to go out downtown. You had, sweetly, invited Joel to tag along but when you mentioned that the only other guys there would be boyfriends of your friends that were your age, he politely declined. Well, he used his daughter as an excuse because he didn’t want to admit that he was a little insecure about the age difference, even still.

It’s not even a large one, you’re twenty-five  and he’s thirty-three, but with a nearly ten year old kid and his own business, he’s willing to bet he’s in a much different place in life than your friends' significant others. And if there isn’t a lot of common ground, Joel knows he’s not the most social or conversational.

Resting his eyes, his head rolls back onto the couch while the TV drones on about the latest Astros game. A short buzz from his phone in his pocket peels his eyes open, yawning quietly as he fishes the device out and flips it open.

FROM: Mariposa

Cn u pcik me up pLs????

While deciphering your drunk text, another couple are delivered and he keys down to see them as he chuckles at the antics. 

I miiss u

Eveynoe is w their BFs n I wnt mine 

Plesaseeeeeee J

Before he can type a response to you, an incoming call blocks out his screen, his thumb hitting the accept button quickly and bringing the phone to his ear.

“Feelin’ alright, Mari?”

A hiccup on the other line makes him laugh quietly again, your voice coming in over the music and people in the background, “No, not alright. M’sad.”

“Why’re you sad, sweet girl?”

“Cause you’re not here. Every—everybody’s…No I didn’t want a vodka water, gross! I wanna vodka soooooda with lime…Oops, sorry J. What was I saying?” A giggle from your end pulls a smile on his face, only slightly worried at your level of intoxication.

“You were telling me why you’re sad.”

“Right! M’sad cause all my friends have got their boy—” One hiccup. “Boyfriends here. And you’re aaaallllll the way at home.” Another hiccup. “I wanna be home with you.”

“I see. Well, I don’t want you to be sad, darlin’, so m’gonna come pick you up. How’s that sound?”

He hears a gasp into the phone and your voice gets quieter, imagining you holding the phone or turning your head away to a nearby friend.

“He’s coming! Jus’ to pick me up though, we gotta get back for Sar—Sarah…Yeah, she’s so cute…Well, yeah duh, he’s a DILF…I mean, to me I guess he’d be a DIAF…‘Dad I Am Fucking’…Oh, shit!” There’s a rustling as he laughs to himself overhearing your conversation, a smug smile on his face from you bragging to your friends. “M’sorry, J, god I totally forgot I was on the phone!” You punctuate your sentence with an incredulous laugh before quieting down to hear Joel.

“That’s alright, Mari. M’gonna drop Sarah with Tommy and then come and get you, okay? Can you tell me where you are?” Joel is already standing from the couch, grabbing his keys from the entryway before making his way upstairs to get Sarah into the car.

“Ummm…One sec!” The line rustles again while he stands at the top of the stairs. “Okay, we’re at that place on 11th, Nickel City.”

“Yeah, I know where that is, sweetheart. Be there soon, okay?”

“Okay. Tha—” One last hiccup. “—nks, J.”

“Anytime, amor. Anytime.”

With Sarah dropped off at Tommy’s, Joel goes into town to pick you up. It takes another twenty minutes from Tommy’s place, finding a parking spot not too far from the bar. He slips in the door and starts to comb his eyes over the crowd, most people stepping out of his way from his intimidating frame while he weaves through the masses.

Spotting you off to the side at a high-top table, some friends he recognizes from your photos dotted around the surface as well. You’re wrapped up in a conversation with the person next to you while you sit on a stool, Joel’s eyes finally landing on the person you’re talking to. It’s another man, about his height, maybe a few inches shorter. He’s got light hair, a clean-cut look with some fancy shirt on. Clearly, the guy is flirting with you, standing closer and leaning an arm around the back of your chair. Knowing how drunk you sounded over the phone, it occurs to him that you likely don’t even realize this guy’s body language, a primal possessiveness taking over his judgment. 

He’s waited years for you. There’s no way in hell he isn’t putting on a show for this guy to send him a message.

Joel rolls his shoulders back, chest raising with the corrective posture. He saunters over to the table, politely smiling and waving as your friends must recognize him and welcome him to the group. He walks right up to the other side of your chair, placing a hand on your lower back and brushing against the skin exposed by the tank top you’re wearing.

A small gasp exhales from you with the surprise contact, turning your head and beaming when you see him. The look makes the wings of his butterfly flap faster, beating in time with his heartbeat.

“You’re here! M’so happy to see you.” He matches your smile before he is crushed in a hug, your arms around his neck. Unraveling from each other, you turn back toward the other man, before one of your other friends comes over to tell you something, pulling you away but still within arm’s length for Joel to keep his hand on you.

Joel reaches his hand out toward the man,  “Nice to meet you…”

“Colton.”

“Nice to meet you, Colton. Are you one of the college friends?”

Colton gives a weak handshake to Joel, shaking his head with a laugh, “No, actually, never met any of ‘em until tonight. Well, except Taylor. M’relatively new to town, met Taylor through work, so you know how it is. Trying to make some connections.”

Joel has to hold back his eye roll, annoyance clear on his face at the skirting around that this Colton is doing. Joel’s heard it before from Tommy — going up to a girl and using the ‘new in town’ line to get a conversation started and to hopefully get them to leave with you to ‘show you around’.

Mine. You’re mine, he repeats to himself, the jealousy pumping in his veins.

“So’re you one of the college friends? Or an Austin friend?” Colton makes polite conversation while you turn in Joel’s arm and wrap your own around his back. Tugging on his t-shirt the fingers of one of your hands slip under the material and skim across his skin. Joel clears his throat, chuckling dryly as he keeps his gaze on Colton.

“Uh, not quite. M’the boyfriend.” His head nods to his side to you, a tight, smug smile on his face as he watches the gears in Colton’s head turn.

It’s not happening for him tonight. Or ever.

“Oh shit! You must be Joel! We’ve been waiting for you. I’ve just been making sure she’s had some water and didn’t wander off before you got here. She’s been talkin’ about you all night, made me think about how many times I’ve drunkenly ranted about my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, Taylor’s my girlfriend — she’s the one with blonde hair right across the table.” Colton beams down the way as Taylor makes eye contact with him, waving to the woman as she smiles back at him.

The man is a golden retriever. And Joel thought he was some douchebag trying to hook up with his girlfriend. Joel opens his mouth to apologize for his cold behavior, but before he can your head pops up from his chest, grabbing his attention. Hands at his back scratch your nails against his skin, humming contently as you press a sloppy kiss to his jaw.

Colton considers his duties relieved and goes to find his girlfriend before Joel can thank him, leaving the two of you at the end of the table. Joel pulls his chin in to look down at you, smiling softly and moving a hand to the back of your neck.

“You alright, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, jus’ happy you’re here. Missed you.”

Joe presses a kiss to your forehead and you hum again, swaying sleepily in his arms. “M’glad you called me, Mariposa.”

“Can we go home now please?”

“Yeah, Mari, ‘course we can. You want me to bring you to your house?” His hands move to your sides, running up and down against the fabric of your tank top. You hook your arms around his neck and shake your head, a tiny “humpf” accompanying it.

“No, home.”

“My house?”

“Yes! Home. Wanna sleep in your bed, s’comfier than mine.”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I can bring you home.”

A warm stirring is felt in his chest, steadying you in your stance and keeping an arm around your waist. You say goodbye to your friends, all of them waving to you both as Joel steers you through the bar and to his truck outside.

Joel calls Tommy on the way home, his brother telling him that Sarah’s out cold and he can bring her back in the morning when she wakes up. He presses for an answer about why Joel had to drop Sarah off, but Joel ignores Tommy’s question again and hangs up.

Safely back at his house, he helps you out of the truck and inside, walking behind you on the stairs as you stumble. It’s like a baby deer learning to walk — he’s never seen you this drunk, tipsy, sure, but never at this level. A smile crosses his face as he imagines a moment like this in the future with you, maybe after a night out for the two of you or maybe even after your wedding.

Your voice pulls him out of his thoughts, tripping over your feet at the landing and recovering on your own. His hand hovers at your back, ready to break your fall if it happens.

“I’m alright, m’alright. Jus’ tripped a lil’.”

To be safe, Joel holds your hips the rest of the way up and into his room, sitting you on the edge of the mattress and gathering a t-shirt from his drawers for you to wear to bed.

“No, I want the funny one that I like,” you whine, waving a hand back at his dresser. Joel shakes his head to himself, chuckling about the fact that you still have a preference for sleep attire.

He grabs the shirt you’re talking about, a worn and washed one that he got as a joke from Tommy a few years ago. He normally wears it to sleep himself, if he wears one, or around the house if he knows he won’t be going out. It’s faded black now, yellow text that reads ‘I do know it all…I just can’t remember it all at once.’

Upon finding it in his drawer last week, you laughed hysterically and made him put it on for a Polaroid. You’ve also requested it every time you’ve stayed over since. 

In front of you again, with the correct shirt, he kneels down and pats the outside of your thighs. “Can you stand for me, sweetheart?”

Using his shoulders as support, you stand on sea legs, swaying back and forth as he looks up at you. “Can I take off your skirt, darlin’?”

“Yeah, you can, cutie.” You giggle and sway wider, playing with the curls at the top of his head, turning his head to your will as he unbuttons and unzips your denim skirt. “You got some grays mixed in here, mister.”

“M’getting old, Mari. No surprises there.” He chuckles and helps you lift each foot to step out of the tube of material completely, rubbing a hand on your calf before he stands in front of you again. He’s faced with a pout, brows knit together in anger.

“You’re not getting old. You’re literally in your thirties. Not old.”

“Say that to the gray hairs then, sweetheart.”

“Gray hairs—“ Hiccup. “Mean nothing ‘sides the fact that you’re gonna be a silver fox. My silver fox.”

A content smile, closed lips, pulls the corners of your mouth up. Heavy eyelids cover your irises halfway, the sight of you so drunkenly drowsy is utterly adorable to him. Fingers grip the bottom of your tank top, kissing your forehead.

“Can I take off your shirt?”

“Take it all off, bay-beeee.” Your swaying causes you to stumble again, Joel catching you before you fall back onto the bed. Once you’re steady, your own hands slip under his shirt, running over his tummy while you press sloppy kisses into his neck. “Mm, want you so bad, J.”

“I love you, darlin’, and you know I want you all the time, but not tonight. You need to get some water and go to sleep. For a while.” A defeated sigh blows against his skin, rocking back on your heels and Joel holding your weight to bring you to stand straight again. “Arms up, baby.”

You comply without another ask, lifting your arms as if they’re heavy weights, allowing Joel to tug the material over your head. With a slight slap sound, your arms drop back against your sides. Joel takes off your bra for you and gets you into his t-shirt, giving you a small kiss. He walks you to your side of the bed, tucking you in.

“Be right back, sweet girl. Gonna get you some water and then you can go to sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” You sigh, nesting into the sheets and duvet. Your eyes close, soft hums filling the room as he runs downstairs, filling a glass of water and grabbing ibuprofen to leave at your bedside for the morning.

Returning to his room, he coaxed you to sit up, having you drink half the glass. He changes for bed himself, stripping down to his boxers and slipping under the covers, pulling you closer with an arm around your waist.

“G’night, Mari.”

“Mm, night, J. Thanks for coming to get me and bringing me home. Like sleeping next to you lots more than a sleepover with my friends…”

“Like sleeping next to you too, Mari. Missed you all night. M’glad you’re home now.”

“Nightie night.”

“Nightie night, sweet girl. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” He pinches your side playfully, breathing a laugh out of his nose at your yelp and squeezing you closer. With a kiss to the top of your head, he lulls you to sleep with his fingertips running up and down your spine, thoughts going right back to those flash images of a future with you.

“Love you, Mariposa.”

There’s an ache all over your body, eyes too sore and crusted over with sleep to peel open when you first wake up. Light peeks through the curtains, shining onto the bed and directly at your face, making you groan into the pillow and attempt to roll over.

Unfortunately, your body is telling you to get up, find water or pain meds or some coffee, you really wouldn’t be all too picky at this moment. Rolling over onto your back, you reach out to your side and feel bedding underneath your hand, pouting to yourself when you finally open your eyes and see Joel’s gone. As you sit up, you can hear the shower turn on in the bathroom attached to his bedroom and you can hear some quiet humming from the other side of the door. A smile crosses your face, the idea of a shower nestling itself in your mind and feeling like it would be the only thing to get rid of all of this hangover.

On the nightstand next to you, there are two burgundy-colored tablets and a half glass of water, vaguely remembering last night when Joel made you drink the other half before going to sleep. Washing down the ibuprofen with the entirety of the water, you start to recount what you can recall from the night before, cringing internally when you get to the point that Joel showed up to pick you up. You don’t really remember getting home, but looking down at the t-shirt you’re wearing clues you in that Joel must have done most of the work to get you into bed.

Slipping out from under the duvet, you set the empty glass back down and slink over to the bathroom, twisting the knob and opening the door. The squeak of the hinges breaks your sneaking attempt and Joel’s humming stops.

He speaks up over the sound of the water, “Mariposa? That you?”

“I sure hope no one else would be sneaking into the bathroom this morning. Unless you have another drunk girlfriend you had to pick up from the bar,” you laugh at the self-deprecating joke, picking up your toothbrush and squeezing out a dollop of toothpaste to clean your teeth. And to get rid of the taste of tequila lingering on your tongue.

The shower curtain slides back a bit and Joel’s head sticks out, goofy grin on his face with curls hanging on his forehead. “Nah, just got the one. How’re feeling this morning?”

“Like I got beat up by a bunch of vodka sodas and a couple of tequila shots.” Your words are muffled around the foamy toothpaste, leaning back against the counter facing him.

“Yeah, you were pretty drunk, darlin’. But it was honestly cute, you’re a funny drunk.”

Turning back toward the sink, you fold over the sink to spit out and rinse your mouth out, groaning softly, “God, please tell me I didn’t do or say anything embarrassing.”

“Nothin’ too bad, but there were some things that I will be committing to memory,” Joel laughs and winks, the noise getting louder as you groan again and roll your head back.

“This is the worst part about getting drunk. People holding stupid shit you said over your head.” Crossing your arms in front of your chest, you look at Joel across the few feet separating you and watch him shake his head and grin sweetly.

“I’ll tell you what you said, sweetheart, but I think you’re in too physically fragile of a state right now.”

“God, you are right about that,” you sigh and shake your head, propping yourself off the counter you were leaning on, crossing the tiles to be only a foot from Joel’s face, “Can I join you? A shower sounds like exactly what I need right now.”

He nods quickly, halfway through the question and you chuckle at the antics, pulling the t-shirt over your head and slipping off your panties to leave both in a heap with Joel’s clothes. He opens the curtain for you and steps back toward the other wall while you close the curtain and drag yourself under the stream of water.

A sigh relaxes your chest and shoulders, closing your eyes as you let the warm water run all over you. Joel’s hands brush across your skin, the feeling of his work-worn palms sending a tingle of excitement down your skin and chilling your body even under the hot water. His thumbs cup under your breasts while the rest of his fingers splay out on your ribcage, tips of them toward your back as he holds you closer to him.

“Mm, you’re so beautiful, d’you know that, mi Mariposa? La mujer más hermosa del mundo (The most beautiful woman in the world),” Joel mumbles against your skin when he nestles into the crook of your neck, curving his back to fit with you perfectly. His hands wander from your ribs, circling around your back and drifting down to the swell of your ass where they settle with a gentle squeeze.

“I think I’m getting better at Spanish 'cause I understood that. And it was very sweet, thank you, J. I think you’re the most beautiful man in the world.” You giggle and feel Joel exhale a chuckle against your neck, peppering slow and spaced kisses along your shoulder.

“You also told me something else about what you think of me last night. Well, it was to one of your friends but you were still on the phone with me so I heard,” he stretches to full height again with a smug smirk, squeezing your ass again as you sigh.

“Oh god, what did I say to you? Did I feed your massive ego?” you tease, bringing your hands up to his shoulders and lightly scratching your nails against his skin.

“I learned that I am a DILF last night. Or according to you, I am a DIAF to you. Dad I Am Fucking.” He can barely get the last sentence out around his loud laugh, your embarrassed reaction of wide eyes and jaw dropped egging him on more.

“Stop, I cannot believe I said that. And that you heard! You’re never going to let me live that down.”

“Not a chance, sweetheart. Not a chance,” Joel can’t wipe the giggly smile off of his face as he continues, “Oh, and you also were definitely really into me getting you into pajamas last night. I asked if I could take off your shirt and you said ‘Take it all off bay-beeee’. Which was very tempting.”

“Oh my god, if you don’t stop telling me all of this right now, I won’t take anything off for you again.” It’s a thinly veiled threat, both of you know it holds zero weight.

“Alright, alright. I’ll stop.”

“Thank you,” you breathe out as you turn toward the shelf in the shower, reaching for the body wash before Joel intercepts your hand, holding it in his and lowering it to your side. He presses his chest to your back, the contact also nudging his hard cock into the flesh of your ass.

“Y’know, I woke up this morning after you were all over me last night with a fucking hard on. Aching for you. And then you come in here and ask to join me in the shower, made it come right back…” he leans down, kissing your shoulder, up your neck and to your ear, “D’you still want me, Mariposa? Hm?”

One of his hands drifts to your inner thighs, coaxing your legs apart and swiping two fingers from your entrance to your clit. Your arousal coats his fingers, a quiet whimper leaving your lips in an exhale, eyes closing and head rolling back against his shoulder.

“You still want me, mi dulzura? Feels like you do,” his lips are against your ear, voice low and gravelly, and he slowly circles your clit as you continue to whimper and writhe in his arms, “Sounds like you do, too, mi amor. Y’know, we have the whole house to ourselves, Mariposa. I want you to be loud for me while I touch you. Understand?”

Lost in the sparks of pleasure slowly building, your words get caught in your throat as one of your arms reaches up to wrap around to the nape of his neck. At the lack of response to his question, Joel pinches your clit before pulling his hand away.

“No, no, no, please. I understand. I’ll be loud for you, J. Please touch me…”

You grip the curls at the back of his head, biting your lip and opening your eyes again to look at Joel’s head at your side. His hand comes back, his thumb rubbing your clit while his middle finger sinks into you until the first knuckle. He keeps his eyes on your face, slowly working the finger in and out of your cunt, never giving it to you fully.

“Fuck, don’t tease me, Joel. Please, pretty please, gimme more.”

A deep chuckle rumbles from his chest, his nose nudging at your cheek to turn your head straight toward the tiled wall, pressing open-mouthed kisses along your jaw.

“You want more, Mariposa?”

“Pleasepleaseplease.”

“Mm, and are you going to be good? Give me all your pretty sounds that I love?” Joel pushes his entire middle finger into you now, holding it there, “If I give you what you want, you gotta be loud for me, pretty girl.”

“I will, I promise.” You wiggle your hips to get any more friction building, grumbling in frustration when Joel’s other arm tugs your hips back against him, strapping you to him like a seatbelt. The thumb against your clit leaves, and as you’re about to complain again, Joel adds another finger and starts to thrust them in and out frenetically, the heel of his palm rubbing the sensitive bud at the front of your folds.

A sinful moan rolls from your gut, bouncing off of the walls of the shower and drowning out the sound of the water for a few seconds. You can feel Joel’s satisfied smirk against your skin, his mouth dipping to the crook of your neck to suck at your pulse point and leave his mark. His hand continues its rapid pace, your legs bending as they start to give out the closer you reach to the edge. To attempt to hold your weight, you lean your arms against the tiles, feeling yourself being held up by Joel’s arm tightened across your hips.

“Fuck, Joel, feels so fucking good. Oh!” Your voice pitches up when his fingers graze that spot inside your walls, the sound catching in your throat. Joel pushes deeper with his fingers, hooking them to find that same spot and petting against it with small strokes of his fingers. The sounds coming from you are uncontrollable, head falling back against his shoulder as a mess of his name, lustful whimpers and whines, and wanton moans echo in the steaming shower.

“That’s it, pretty girl, I can feel how close you are. Nearly squeezing my fingers out of ya.” Joel’s small groan vibrates against your shoulder, his hard-on being pressed into your back and leaking pre-cum. You can feel yourself clench around his fingers, the edges of your vision blurring as you near your peak. “Gonna come for me, Mari? Gonna be a good girl and come all over my hand so you can be ready for my cock?”

His words are the final push, pleasure oozing around his fingers and dripping down your folds, warmth spreading in your body as your nerve endings tingle. You can hear yourself moaning his name, small encouragements spoken in your ear as Joel continues to fuck his fingers into you throughout your orgasm. When you’re fully present in your body again, Joel slips his fingers out of you slowly, turning your head and kissing you deeply.

“Need you so fucking bad, Mariposa,” he says against your lips, kissing you fervently before speaking again, “Wanna bend you over and make you take my cock, and you’ll tell me how good it feels filling you up. You want it, pretty girl?”

“Need it, J. Please, I need you so bad.” You kiss him this time, pressing your hips back and grinding against his cock, the rumble of a mouth muffled into your mouth as your tongues meld together. Joel pulls away and grips your hips, turning both of you so his back is facing the stream of water.

“Hands against the wall, amor, arch your back for me—” You follow his instructions with one of his large hands skimming along your spine, folded to an angle at your hips. “That’s it, baby. So good for me.”

Joel takes his cock in his hands, teasing his tip at your entrance and earning a whine from you. A dark laugh is heard faintly from behind you, an equally quiet sigh of relief when he gives you just the tip.

“Mm, fuck, Mari. Estás tan apretado, y húmedo, y cálido. Nunca me voy a cansar de este coño. (You’re so tight, and wet, and warm. I’m never going to get tired of this pussy.)” 

Before you can formulate any sort of response, despite not fully knowing what he said, Joel gives you a few more inches of his cock, stuttering out a moan from you before his hips set a rough, desperate pace. Grunts and groans, moans and whimpers fill the bathroom, your names exchanged back and forth as he fucks you from behind. His hands hold tightly onto your hips, digging in to surely form bruises to match the hickey at your collar, and to keep you from being rammed into the wall with how hard his thrusts are.

“More, fuck, gimme all of it, J. Want you to fill me up, make it hard to fucking walk straight.”

There’s a vibrating rumble that resonates in your own chest, Joel completely pulling out on the downstroke and heaving his chest up and down with shallow breaths.

“Fucking dirty girl. Mi chica sucia. Filthy, baby.” He runs his fingers down the line of your spine, still arched for him. You feel him lined up at your entrance again, whimpering for him and pressing your hips back to try to get him inside. Joel chuckles, shaking his head, “Mm, can’t get enough of my cock, can you, sweetheart? Greedy little thing.”

Your jaw drops open with a toe-curling moan, Joel’s hips thrusting his throbbing cock into your waiting cunt to fill you completely, the same rough and hard pace set as he makes you knock forward and brace against the wall with every movement.

“Take it, darlin’. Oh, fuck, aguantarla. Puedes aguantarla, mi dulzura. (Oh, fuck, take it. You can take it, my sweetness.)” Joel’s head rolls back with another guttural moan, tilting forward to watch his cock disappearing into your dripping hole. “Fuck, such a pretty pussy. And it’s all fucking mine, isn’t that right, Mariposa?”

“Y-Yes! Fuck yeah, it’s all yours, J. No one could ever fuck me like you,” you glance over your shoulder and he makes eye contact, a wide, knowing smile on his face. Your cunt clenches around his cock, his brutal pace hurtling you toward the edge. Just as you’re about to ask for that little bit more, he reads your mind and slips one of his hands around your front, errantly rubbing circles in your clit.

“Can feel you around me, Mari, know you’re close. You gonna let me fill you up with my come? Gonna milk my cock with your tight pussy?”

All you can do is nod, eyes shutting tightly as moans squeak out of you. One hand reaches back to grip his wrist as he keeps you right there at the edge.

“Say it, baby. Say it back to me and I’ll let you come. Give you just what you need.”

A deep breath brings enough air into your lungs to rasp out, “Please fill me up, Joel. Wanna milk your cock of everything you can give me, want you to be dripping out of me all day. Remind me of how only you can have my pussy.”

“Fuck yeah, that’s right, sweetheart. Such a good girl.” Joel eyes that you have a hand bracing you still, letting go of your hip as he fucks you, rubbing your clit continuously. He reaches his free hand around to your mouth, prodding his thumb at your lips and humming when you take it into your mouth and suck. After a minute, he pops out his saliva covered digit and brings it back to your body, pushing into the tight ring of muscle facing him. The sensation of stimulation at all three places barrels you to your high, pussy gripping his cock as everything tenses and pleasure rocks your body and clears your mind.

With the tightness felt in both holes around him, Joel takes one, two, three more thirsts before he’s spilling into you, ropes of come coating your walls and lazy jerks of his hips fucking it deeper into you.

After a moment, Joel pulls out of you slowly, gathering all that dribbles out of you and pushing it back inside with his fingers, causing a shudder down your spine.

The two of you come down from your peaks, the water running cold now. Still needing to clean yourselves, Joel washes your body while you shampoo and condition his hair as he folds over to gently exfoliate your legs. The tasks get swapped, Joel washing your hair while you wash his body.

Stepping out, he grabs a towel for you, wrapping it around you tightly and giving you a sweet, chaste kiss. He gets another towel for himself, both of you drying off and heading back into his bedroom to get dressed again.

You sit on the edge of his bed in your clothes from last night, one of his shirts pulled over your tank top and tucked into your skirt. As you comb your fingers over your wet hair, you look at Joel as he pulls on a pair of jeans standing next to his closet.

“Hey, I have a question for you, actually.”

“Shoot, darlin’.”

“Am I remembering correctly that last night when you came to the bar, you were acting a little jealous toward Colton? Did you think he was flirting with me or something and you got all possessive?” you giggle quietly.

Joel blushes and shakes his head with an overexaggerated eye roll. “Pffft, no. Don’t remember it happening like that, probably a bit clouded in your memory.”

Laughing more, you stand up and cross over to him, hands splayed on his soft tummy and head tilted away from him.

“Oh, sure. Sure, J, we’ll go with that if it makes you feel better.” Reaching up you give his cheek a gentle pat and wink at him, giggling faintly before he gathers you up in his arms and gives you a kiss.

“Good, 'cause it does make me feel better. ‘Sides can you blame me for getting a little jealous? We’ve waited like three years to get this right with each other, m’not letting it go.”

“Me neither, which is why you don’t ever have to be jealous cause it’s only you, baby.” You send him a wink and a grin, giving him a kiss before you both hear the front door open, Tommy’s voice echoing upstairs as he calls out for Joel. He looks down at you, biting his lip.

“I didn’t think he’d be bringing Sarah home this early. Uh, d’you mind that he’s here or should I jus’ say…” he trails off awkwardly, waiting for your thoughts on how to broach the fact that you’re over here, in Joel’s shirt and clearly have stayed the night with your wet hair from the shower.

“If you’re fine with him knowing, we can tell him. That is if Sarah hasn’t spilled the beans already.” Joel laughs faintly and nods, running his hands up and down your arms.

“That is highly possible. But guess we’ll have to find out when we head downstairs. And I’m apologizing now for any stupid shit my brother says.”

“You act like I don’t know Tommy already.”

“You don’t know Tommy as my girlfriend. He’s going to give you some shit, and he’s going to give a lot to me for keeping it from him.”

“Think I can survive Tommy Miller. Now, c’mon, get a shirt on, and let’s go. I need some coffee.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Joel descendsed the stairs ahead of you, rounding the corner into the kitchen and greeting his brother as Tommy pours himself a cup of coffee. Sarah is already at the table, cereal bowl in front her as she eats and reads her book. Joel grabs two mugs from the cabinet, earning a confused look from Tommy before you walk into the room, the confusion melting into mischief. His brother nudges at Joel’s arm and winks.

“Ah, así que esta es la razón de su aventura nocturna en la ciudad. Puedo ver por qué estabas tan desesperada por mi ayuda. (Oh, so this is the reason for your late-night adventure into the city. I can see why you were so desperate for my help.)”

Joel’s eyes roll into the back of his head, “Cállate, Tommy. Necesitaba que la llevaran a casa, así que le di una. (Shut up, Tommy. She needed a ride home, so I gave her one.)”

“Claro, claro. Un paseo. (Sure, sure. A ride.)”

“Pendejo de mierda (Fucking dumbass).”

“¿Qué? No estoy diciendo que haya algo malo en ello. Estoy feliz de ver a su hijo si significa que usted consigue algunos. Finalmente. (What? I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I am happy to watch your child if it means you getting some. Finally.)” He laughs when Joel glares at him, Tommy crossing over to the table and covering Sarah’s ears. “Además, ella está jodidamente caliente. No sé lo que ve en un viejo como tú. (Plus, she’s fucking hot. Don’t know what she sees in an old man like you.)”

“Yo tampoco. Y deja de hablar de ella así. (I don’t either. And stop talking about her like that.)” Joel’s voice grits out the last sentence, his short fuse being tested with Tommy’s teasing this morning.

“No, realmente, ella es casi diez años más joven y podría conseguir a quien quisiera, pero ¿eres tú? Mejor empieza a apostar por los caballos, hermano. (No, really, she’s almost ten years younger and could get anybody she wanted, but it’s you? Better start betting on the horses, brother.)” His younger brother comes back to stand next to him, picking up his mug and taking a sip.

“Déjalo. (Quit it.)” Joel sends him another glare, grabbing the milk out of the fridge to add some to your cup.

“Maldita sea, tal vez tengo que contratar a una niñera para Sarah cuando está en mi casa. O tal vez la contrate yo mismo. (Damn, maybe I gotta hire a nanny for Sarah when she’s at my house. Or maybe I’ll hire her myself.)”

When Joel looks back at Tommy, he sees him eyeing you as you talk to Sarah at the table, smacking him upside the back of his head.

“Tommy, si no te callas la mierda ahora mismo, lo juro por Dios. (Tommy, if you don’t shut the fuck right now, I swear to god.)”

“Qué? Ella tu novia ahora? (What? She your girlfriend now?)” The young Miller questions, raising an eyebrow.

“Sí, lo es. Así que deja de hablar de lo caliente que es mi novia. (Yeah, she is. So stop talking about how hot my girlfriend is.)” Joel states matter-of-factly, shutting the fridge after returning the jug of milk.

“I understood some of that actually,” you say with a proud smile on your face, one of eager mischief on Tommy’s across the room.

Joel whips his head to you, wide eyes, “What did you understand?”

“You called him an asshole. Something about Sarah. The word girlfriend was thrown in there.”

Joel sighs quietly in relief, picking up your prepared mug of coffee.

“Oh, and something about you being old. And that your brother thinks I’m hot. ” Tommy sputters on his drink as he starts to laugh loudly, a deep blush warming Joel’s cheeks. You walk over to him and take the mug out of his hand, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. Cause you’re not old and Tommy just wishes he wasn’t single at thirty years old.”

Joel laughs and Tommy waves your comment off, rolling his eyes before winking at you, “Oh please, you wish you found me before this old man.”

“Sure, Tommy. You can think that all you want, but I met you both on the same day.” Joel barks out a laugh, a smug grin on his face from you holding your own toward Tommy.

Joel looks at his brother, a smile growing on Tommy’s face, “Well, maybe you needed to get your eyes checked that day, Posey. Cause you’d have to be blind to not pick me over the decrepit ass.”

“Y’know, I’m happy to set you up with one of my friends. She likes the type of cute guys who think they’re funny.”

“I know I’m funny, Posey, so not sure if it’s gonna work out. But yes, I would like to be set up with this friend of yours, please…” You laugh and nod, sipping your coffee before answering.

“I’ll work some magic for ya, Tommy.”

“I like this one, Joel, better keep her around so she can be my wingman.”

“You say ‘this one’ as if there have been others,” Joel rolls his eyes and continues, “And I certainly don’t need your advice on that front Tommy. She’s got me as long as she wants me, but please dear god, you should not be his wingwoman. Don’t subject yourself to that torture, Mari.”

The three of you chat to catch up, Tommy genuinely asking about your time in Boston and telling you how glad he is that you’re back around to make his people happy again. The comment swells your heart before your attention is pulled to Sarah as she asks about having a sleepover with you.

“I would love to throw a sleepover with you, sweet pea. I’ll bring over all the goodies to your house and we can stay in your room and watch movies and paint our nails and do all the fun girly things.”

“Yes! And Daddy and Uncle Tommy aren’t allowed ‘cause no boys.” She points at the two of them, both of them frowning and sighing.

“Can I at least be at home, mija?” Joel jokes, and the three of you laugh as Sarah seriously considers her answer.

“Yeah, that’s fine, but you gotta leave us to do the sleepover things ourselves.”

“Deal, Bug. I can do that.”

“Oh yes! It’s all decided then, we’ll have a sleepover when your week at camp is over.” You clap your hands together and grin, already planning everything you need to do this week to prepare for it.

“Damn, Mari, you brought a lot of stuff for one night with Sarah.” Joel eyes you from head to toe, a duffle on your arm, and shopping bags in your hands. He takes the plastic bags from you, holding the back door open for you before following you over to the island to set down all of your purchases. “You do know it’s only Sarah, right, darlin’? None of her friends are coming. This is a practice run for a sleepover.”

“I know, but I wanted to make the first girly sleepover she has at her house fun. I loved having my friends stay over when I was younger, and I dunno, you’re a boy so you don’t get it.” Rustling around in the bags, you start to pull out snacks and candy, along with fun new nail polishes and nail stickers, new hair clips, some young-girl-friendly makeup, and new pajamas for Sarah and you.

“Sweetheart, this is all really nice, but let me give you some money for it all. This is a ton of stuff.” Joel glances at the counter covered in supplies, and before you can answer he’s walking to the front door to get his wallet from the entryway table.

You call out after him, “I’m not going to take it so don’t bother trying! It wasn’t even that much anyway.”

Popping back around the corner into the kitchen, cash in hand, he shakes his head with a mocking laugh, “You’re funny. Even if it was five dollars, I’m giving you ten. Now please take the cash.”

Joel stops in front of you, hand out with a hundred in his hand. A dry laugh leaves your chest, pushing his hand away as you continue to sort through everything from the shops, “Not happening. This was way less than a hundred dollars too, so definitely not accepting that. Go put it back in your wallet, Miller.”

“You’re so goddam stubborn sometimes.”

“Oh, yeah, and you’re not?”

“Hey, I didn’t say that. I know I’m stubborn, that’s why this argument is happening. And why I am about to do this.” Joel steps behind you, slipping the bill into the back pocket of your shorts. You groan, fishing it out and shoving it back in his hand, pushing at his chest.

Joel rebuttals with another attempt, stepping toward you but you step back, backing around to the other side of the counter as he follows closely. You hold your arms out to keep space between the two of you, not being able to hold back a laugh as you start to pick up the pace in your cyclical chase.

“Joel! I’m not taking your damn money, leave it!”

“Mariposa, please, we both know I am way more stubborn than you and m’not gonna stop unless you take it.”

Shaking your head, you turn around to actually move into a speedwalk-jog kind of walk around the kitchen, serpentining your steps.

“Darlin’, I can still catch you if you walk like that.”

“Well, I’d like to see you try.”

Joel takes that statement as a challenge, suddenly catching up with you and wrapping his arms to your front, slipping the bill in the waistband of your shorts before letting you go, putting his hands up in the air.

Wordlessly, you snatch the money from your bottoms, throw it on the counter, and go back to the pile of purchases on the counter. After all of that, you start to unload the drinks in the fridge and open the pantry to throw the sweets and other snacks on one of the shelves. Joel stands and watches you, eyes going back and forth between following your movements to all of the things lying out, including the money.

A feeling kicks up in your chest, tightening your insides with a wring. Small moments send you back to feelings like these, unsupported by actual occurrences but your brain doesn’t care about what actually happens; it prefers the what-ifs. What if this doesn’t last, what if you’re too young, what if you’re too anxious, too broken, too much and it all comes crumbling from under you before you fully realize it? What if this is one of those moments you look back on as a sign? It’s taut and consuming, begging you to say something about it to release the corkscrew.

“If this is too much or if I’m overstepping a — I don’t know — a parental boundary 'cause she’s not my kid, and I know that, of course, but I wanted to do this for Sarah. M’not the nanny that you have to reimburse anymore, I just thought it would be fun to make it like how my sleepovers used to be as a kid…”

Joel’s brows stitch together with what looks like confusion or concern, rounding the kitchen island and standing next to you. A hand on your hip closest to him presses into the flesh there, turning you toward him as the other hand reaches up to tilt your chin to him. Your eyes avoid his, embarrassment heating your body with licks of flames.

“Can you look at me? Please?” His voice is unwavering but shy, boyish. You answer with a flick of up, meeting his own stare. “Mari, sweetheart, this isn’t about anything like that. I know you aren’t ‘the nanny’ anymore, and if I’m being honest, I don’t think you were ever just ‘the nanny’ to either of us. I was being pigheaded, and I didn’t want you to take on doin’ all of this yourself. It’s jus’ automatic for me to want to cover for Sarah, with any sort of activity. Not that I don’t want you to do all of this. I can’t even begin to explain how much it means to me that you care so much for Sarah. I’m just, I’m being her dad. And not giving you the means to do things for her yourself. M’sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, J. I should have better explained myself from the beginning. I want to be a part of your lives, I want to….I don’t know, I don’t want to take the place of her mom, obviously, but I want to be someone she can do girly things with if we’re gonna be together for a while—”

“Not if, Mari. I don’t plan on letting you go without a serious fight,” Joel’s thumb brushes against your cheek as he holds your gaze, “I am so grateful and so relieved that Sarah has someone like you in her life. ‘Specially right now with everything around her mom leavin’, you’re exactly what she needs. What we both need…I will take the money back. But next time we’re splitting it, and every time after that ‘til it’s time that it’s coming outta a joint account.”

When Sarah arrives home from her playdate, Joel retreats upstairs after ordering pizza for the two of you (and him, because he claimed he was gonna sneak down) to watch something on the small tv in his bedroom. You and Sarah changed into your new pajamas and got all of the snacks moved into the living room, trekking blankets and pillows and stuffed animals from her room and around the house to build a nest on the floor in front of the couch.

Sarah had chosen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants out of the stack of movies you had rented, popping it in and sitting back with you while you had her pick out a color for her nails. The two of you talked about camp and the past school year, her confessing a crush she has on a boy in her camp group this year. There’s only a few details you get from her as you paint her nails, giggling with her when she gets shy and telling her about your first crush.

Sarah eventually is the one to paint your nails, turning out a bit messy and abstract during the process but nonetheless it was fun. As she’s finishing up a second coat on the last nail of yours, the doorbell rings for the pizza and Joel jogs downstairs a minute later to answer the door. Carrying the boxes over to the kitchen after he paid and tipped, he grins at you and nods to the set up.

“Is that every pillow in our house?”

“Well, no, you still have the ones on your bed cause you were sitting on ‘em,” you reply as you walk into the kitchen behind Sarah, fingers splayed apart, careful not to smudge. The younger Miller does the same, looking up at Joel when she stands next to the pizza box.

“Daddy, can you get the slices for me? I don’t want to mess up my nails that Posey painted for me. Look at them! They’re so pretty!” She raises her arms up to give Joel a look, his hand taking one of hers and inspecting it.

“Gosh, Bug, these are just gorgeous. Mari did a great job,” he grins at you, giving you a wink at the same time an idea pops into yours.

“I could do your nails, J. They could match Sarah’s!” Your suggestion is immediately supported by his daughter, her small stature jumping up and down in front of him.

“Yes, yes! You need to get your nails painted, Daddy!”

“Wasn’t this sleepover ‘no boys allowed’?” he arches a brow before he grabs a piece of pizza, plopping it on a plate for Sarah to take into the other room, “If I can stay for longer than it takes to paint my nails and hang out and eat your snacks, you can absolutely paint my nails.”

Sarah takes her plate from her dad, grinning ear-to-ear as she retreats back to the blanket nest. Joel makes a plate for you, carrying it out with his own and setting them on the coffee table. With a groan, he lowers himself to the ground, leaning his back against the couch and holding out his hands to you.

“Go for it, sweetheart.”

“D’you want the same thing as Sarah or something different?”

“Hmm, what d’you think, mija? Should we match?”

“I think you should give Daddy the color I gave you, Posey. It’s so pretty!” she leans back against you, using you as a backrest while she eats her pizza carefully with her wet nails, engrossed in the movie.

“Alright, guess it’s decided then. We’ll be matching,” you smile at him, taking one hand in yours to pull it closer, relaxing it against your thigh as you open the polish bottle. Concentrating on the tasks at hand, Joel wiggles his fingers when you aren’t in the midst of painting to get your attention, holding up a piece of pizza near your face.

“Eat, darlin’. Gotta fuel your artistic brain,” he winks and smiles sweetly at you, earning a quiet laugh before you lean in and take a bite chewing as you go back to painting. You switch hands after a few more bites, giving him a break to eat his own pizza and you yours while the three of you watch the movie. Once your job is done, you close the bottle tight and set it on the table, getting Sarah’s attention to look at it.

“How’d I do, Sare-Bear? Does your dad look pretty?” Her giggles pull some from all of you, nodding and clapping her hands together.

“Daddy, you need some of my pretty stickers and then Posey needs to take a picture with her camera.” Sarah stands and moves over to the pile of beauty supplies, grabbing the pack of nail stickers you bought and picking out a sheet. She sits next to Joel, stickering around his face as he closes his eyes and lets it all happen.

“Is this what happens all the time at girl sleepovers?” He peeks an eye open at you, getting a wide smile and shrug.

“Guess we’ll have to have some more for you to really find out.” Sarah steps back from her handiwork, and you pick up the Polaroid camera, lining up the shot from the side of Joel where there’s multiple star stickers clustered around his eyes. The shutter snaps when he looks at you, spitting out the image. You hand it to Sarah to watch it develop, showing you both quickly before going to hang it on the fridge along with a few other of your shots. You snap another of him looking at you directly, soft rounded eyes filled with affection.

Once you set the camera down, holding onto that photo for yourself, his hands find your thighs, running over the soft cotton of your PJ pants.

“Thank you for doin’ this for her, she hasn’t been this happy and giggly since before you left last summer.” Joel leans in, giving you a gentle, lingering kiss. “I love you. So, so much, Mari.”

Instead of answering, you give him another kiss before Sarah walks back in, settling between the two of you on the floor nest, cuddling up within your little unit of three to finish out the movie.

A few nights after your slumber party, you sneak over to Joel’s again before bed, using the key to the back door that he had made for you. He’s sitting on the couch, a line of sight to the door and a sleepy smile tugging at his lips when he sees you.

Padding your feet across the floors, you climb onto the couch next to him and curl your legs under you while you lean into his side. His arm wraps you up and his lips press against your forehead with a content sigh.

“Hi, Mari.”

“Hey, J.”

“How was your day, darlin’?” he asks as he turns off the TV, fingers ghosting up and down your bicep.

“Good, it was good. Babysat for the O’Connors today with the little baby. She’s so adorable, just a day full of baby giggles.” You grin and Joel smiles back at you, nodding along, “And then after that I drove to therapy and had that for an hour and then went home and waited to come see you.”

“M’very glad you’re here. Can’t sleep without you anymore,” he kisses your temple, “How was therapy, amor?”

“Today was a little hard. Talked more about maybe looking into medicine cause I feel like it isn’t fully there yet. But I do feel like I am happy. Like in my heart. My brain just can't keep up. Still have a lack of interest in things and not a lot of energy like I used to.”

Joel hums an acknowledgment, looking down at you on his shoulder, “M’here if you need to talk about anything, sweet girl.”

“I know. Thank you,” you give him a chaste kiss, smiling drowsily, “How was your day?”

“Pretty alright. Had to go fill in for someone who called in sick today at a job site so I’m exhausted from all the lifting and using machinery. But the framing is all done which means there’s something that looks like a house standing on the lot,” Joel chuckles softly and glances out the front window, “And then, uh, ran into your mom when I got home. She must’ve been running out for something but she stopped to talk and invited me and Sarah and Tommy to celebrate the Fourth with y’all.”

You sit up, grinning excitedly, “Really? Oh my gosh, that will be so fun. Our first official holiday together. Even though it’s just the Fourth of July. Kind of lame.”

Joel chuckles along with you, nodding his head and avoiding your eyes, “I mean, I told her yes ‘cause I didn’t think you’d mind. But the more I got to thinkin’, I guess, I just—I think I need some more time before we tell your parents about us.”

Your face falls before you can hide it, Joel’s hand immediately reaching to cup your cheek delicately, “M’sorry, sweet girl. I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do it at a family event and maybe it might be best if we can sit them down sometime to talk about it all.”

A slow nod keeps you quiet, in your thoughts, rambling out an agreement as you bring your eyes to Joel’s again, “Yeah, yeah, I understand. I agree. Would be best to wait a little while longer.”

“Thank you, darlin’. M’so glad you agree. We’ll find the right time, eventually,” Joel gives you a tender kiss, lingering against your lips for a few more dopey exchanges. He pulls away, standing up and gathering you up with him, leading you to his bedroom and getting into bed with you, “Night, Mariposa. Love you.”

“Night, J,” you reply meekly, the small sound of your voice easily brushed off as fatigue. Joel keeps you close, spooning you with his front against your chest, falling asleep behind you quickly. You can’t rest, especially after that short and decided conversation.

Why did you agree so easily? And why was he even asking for more time? His daughter knows, his brother knows, your friends know. What’s any different about your family? Is he afraid that if he breaks your heart he’ll have to move? But why would he even think about that possibility when all he’s told you is how much he loves you, how he’ll be yours until you want nothing to do with him anymore?

Every reassurance that he’s given you is flooding your mind, those doubts and fears worming their way into the sweet memories and poisoning them with twisted words.

Every time he’s said he loves you, does he mean it? Or is he only saying it to say it, to placate your anxieties about the future of you two by committing in a way?

Is this push back about telling your family a response to you not being ready to say ‘I love you’ back? Is he getting fed up with waiting for it?

Are you too much too quickly? Weaving yourself too tightly into his life and his daughter’s life? Is he going to start to drift, to put off telling your parents until he can end it?

These thoughts cycle in an endless loop, keeping you up while Joel sleeps soundly beside you. Nausea stirs in your stomach, rapid heart beating from the spiraling of your mind keeping you wide awake until the early hours of the morning.

The only way you can manage to fall asleep is turning in Joel’s arms, cuddling into his chest and breathing in his scent to halt the carousel of negativity in your brain long enough for his even breaths to lull you to sleep.

One last question flashes to you before you’re finally asleep:

 What happens when Summer ends?

taglist: @beskarandblasters @undrthelights @swiftispunk @joelsversion @asirenbyanyothername @ellenmunn @ja-ehyun @sw33tp1xie @marisemonteiroo @brunetteeras @beee-haw @jenna-mcgraw19 @whore-4-pedro @katifefe @joelmillerswifu @itsgiorgiaz @soph55 @wild-hearts-runfree @youcancallmeelle @jupitre @starkovli @thatgeminigirlx @livingdeadmaria @bunnyskisses @houseofballoonsth @casual-obsessions @pedro-pascal-lvr @bimbodolls-world @burningnerdchild @tuquoquebrute @mrsvedder12 @estelivi28 @bongsrconfusing @addictedtotlou @angie2274 @pedrostories @pedroholicx @theelishad @johnwatsn @elissaaa @felicityofbakerstreet @atinylittlepain @northernbluess @cannolighost

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[ceciliaglass03]

Back home and a curious misery has made its way over me. The quick succession of events that were menial in all the right ways has me stuck here. I'm unchanging. My parents moved out of the house I had lived in my whole life three months after I moved into my university. I can't even remember all the particular emotions that would've felt familiar to me in my old room, my old house. The unhappiness is new in the sterile walls I've only become familiar with in a few years.

All the drinking seems so logical, a healthy response to an unhealthy series of emotions. I used to use alcohol as a social tool. It would allow me to be able to have uninhibited conversations with people I liked or that I wanted to like me. While in Ireland for the past few months, not being around anyone I'd want to look smooth for changed the way I drank. I did it the same way I had done it during the summer, just to pass the time. My roommate would make vague comments of wasting my own money on alcohol if I was going to lie in bed drunk every night. I did get her to promise me to buy me alcohol once we got back to the U.S. I knew deep down this feeling would find me eventually, even years before I had drank at my high school grad party three days before the ceremony. Drinking is all wrong in my hands. It's chosen me improperly and I can't stop. There's so many things I want to change. It's so hard to hate your family because there's not many options after that. They aren't the type of people you can just run through.

I was thinking about the CSH song "Will You Please Pass The Milk Please." I couldn't remember the title of the song till my best friend who showed it to me reminded me of it. The song which is another example of a music-esque monologue with this sort of vignette into his relationship with his father We imagine people must act egregiously to be hated. You can harbor negative feelings after living with action after actions levied against you. I'm gonna go out and say that I don't think hate should always have such lofty criteria. I don't even live up to that in my own life but those are my principles. Can I never be angry at my father because I believe that he is intelligent, cares, and provides? Why must I let my negative thoughts about him also live in conflict with my head's conditions? It's like this self indulgent need to manufacture tension, when I can really just let go. The hate can live with everything else, even take precedent over affection. Any struggle's all me. I don't have to just love everything.

Yesterday after I had gotten into an argument with my dad and left the house, my mom asked me to buy chicken broth. The type of arguments we get into usually aren't too personal. I think personal conversation is something he's unwilling to engage in.. He won't ask meMy friend who was driving me around didn't need to go to the store and by the time I asked, they were all closed. When I came back home and told my mother I hadn't gotten it, she said to me, "Ava, it seems like the only person you think about is yourself." Being that ticked over chicken broth was a bit ridiculous, honestly. I thought about the vodka bottles in our pantry I had all filled with water in three months, the bottle of wine I stole from her and chugged until I realized it was only 9%, the dozens of bottles of vodka and wine deteriorating in an Irish landfill out there. I wish she could know, I could shove it in her face or something. Everything is just so meaningless that even a big dramatic occasion would't seek to satisfy what I'm looking for. I don't feel like I can really feel anything as much as I want to. I'd feel anything, even the really low terrible stuff. It's all water to me, neither here nor there in importance. Cold, stiff, and all the same.

If this seems weird or you know who I am, this is all really elaborate method acting and is not real and you may think the artwork of this account looks like mine but it really isn't I stole it from someone and this is not me. Look at my artwork if you don't know me, follow this account no matter what a maladjusted idiot I am! I'm fun! I like things! look at my music taste ooooh!!!! Also I always use #diary and that's causing people who are pro-ana showing up in my for you. the first thing my mother said to me when I got to see her after re-entering the country was I've lost a nice amount of weight. This comment has driven me insane so pro-anas be gone and get wrecked, ya know. I think I will hate myself for writing this but I do not care. I'll draw dogs for everyone, all you sick fucks who keep liking just two of my posts, love you all. Writing as a fun little pastime over my winter break to a 99.999999999999% anonymous group I think is just self indulgent enough to keep it fine. No one's reverse image searching my work anyway. Might Just start doing stuff just for Tumblr too.

#text #writing #diary

[lacharcutiere]

give me one night [nsfw 18+, sawamura daichi]

1,2k words

masterlist | next ➪

part one of i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone miniseries. high school graduation is a very bad time to realize you're in love with one of your closest childhood friends.

lol just to clarify, JST means "japanese standard time". i'll also be using EST later on, meaning "eastern standard time" (aka the time zone new york is in). JST is 13 hours ahead of EST !

tings // briefly referenced alcohol consumption, v soft n loving sex :) , a lil angst // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // dm, ask or comment to be added to the taglist ! minors dni.

— AFTER-GRAD PARTY: 27TH MARCH, 2021. 22:37 JST.

daichi’s always hated obligatory picture-taking, but he doesn’t mind it so much now. maybe it’s because of the thoughts about how these are your last few months together, the questions about whether he’ll see you again after it’s over. it’s been only hours since he realized he loved you, watching you walk across the stage, dazzling smile on your face as you received your diploma. he’s got one arm around your shoulders (and the other around kōshi’s) as parents and friends stand around you guys, snapping picture after picture until he’s sure he’s about to go blind from the flash.

out of nowhere, you pull the brim of his graduation cap down over his face, and he laughs. he loves you. and it’s a terrible time to realize that, because you’ll be leaving for new york by august. he’s lucky, at least, that he won’t be headed off to college until then either; he doesn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t get to see you again before you leave.

your voice, glittery with laughter, startles him out of his thoughts: “dude, y’okay?”

“oh, ha, yeah. i’m fine.” he notices a group of your other friends waving you over, nudges you toward them with a little laugh. “hey, i think you're needed elsewhere.”

you’re like magic, making him smile as he watches you laugh with your friends, exchange hugs, take a thousand more photos.

☾𓆙𓂻

you are like magic. he doesn’t drink often, but hey, kōshi tells him, we graduated, have some fun, man, and a few beers—just enough to blur the line between want and need—in you’re drawing him to you; he literally cannot stay away. he’s going to tell you he loves you. he has to. he absolutely cannot keep it a secret. he cannot keep you a childhood friend and nothing more. he thinks he might implode if he does.

— AFTER AFTER-GRAD PARTY: 28TH MARCH, 01:12 JST.

somehow you’re in his bed, he doesn’t know how you got there, not because he’s intoxicated but because all he can focus on is you. you, as you giggle and press his shoulders back into the pillows, kneeling on his mattress and trapping him between your thighs; you, as you ghost your lips down his throat and allow him to undo the zip on the back of your dress; you, as you stand and let it fall to the floor, leaving him in heaven and the presence of a goddess.

he can’t even fathom how complete he feels when he’s inside you, your arms around his shoulders, tugging at his hair and scratching into his back. he doesn’t understand how there can possibly exist a sound as beautiful as you when you cum, whining and shivering and clinging even tighter to him. he loves the way you say his name, soft, breathless whispers of daichi, daichi, fuuuck, loves the way your lips part when you do, soft and pink as he brings them back to his own.

— 07:43 JST.

was it all a dream? it must have been; there’s no one else in his bed. but there are cumstains on the sheets which prove otherwise. he’s almost afraid to text you.

— 16:31 JST.

☾𓆙𓂻

he arrives to pick you up a couple minutes early, sending you a simple I’m here text and leaning against the hood of his car as he stands outside and waits for you. when you step out the door, his breath catches. the smile you meet him with is mesmerizing.

☾𓆙𓂻

“so… what now?” you ask him over half-finished bowls of udon. after nearly an hour of avoiding it, it’s probably best to address what the two of you came here for in the first place.

daichi sighs, trying to balance rationality with the fact that he’s definitely in love with you. he realizes he still hasn’t asked you what your feelings are, and although he’s almost scared to know, he counters with a question of his own. “what do you want to do?”

“i dunno, what do you think—“

“no,” he says. “forget about what we should do, for now. i wanna know what you want first.”

his eyes don’t leave you as you avert your own, staring down into your soba and thinking. your cheeks flush and he swears he can feel his pulse speed up. when you look back up at him, your expression is soft and almost sad.

“i kinda want this,” you say, and suddenly everything stops except you. “i do want this.”

“okay…” he nods, urging you on vaguely aware of where this is going.

“but. new york. columbia. i already accepted their offer. and, i don’t know…”

“hm?” his tone is gentle.

“i don’t… i don’t think i could do long distance.” you pause to try and collect your thoughts; he waits for you to continue. “i don’t think that would be a good idea. because i don’t even know how often i’m gonna get to come back home. and, um, i don’t know—i mean, like, if we were actually together—i don’t think i’d be able to just not see you, you know?”

you’re right, he knows you’re right. he tells you this.

“but i do really want this,” you say quietly.

“me too.”

“so what do i do?”

“tell me your plans after college again.”

you shrug. “get my master’s, i guess? get a job in sendai or something?”

“okay,” he says. “okay. i’ll wait.”

“what?”

“i’ll wait,” he repeats simply. “i mean, if you’re okay with it, too.”

“what do you mean, you’ll wait?”

“we can, like, just keep things the way they've always been until we can make it work? until we’re both done undergrad, at least.” he stops, realizing he might be going too far too fast. “sorry.” and then quieter, almost shyly, he asks, “i— uh, sorry, i— how much do you want this?”

you shake your head at him, and there’s a tiny smile playing on your lips. “i’ll wait.”

— PRE-DEPARTURE: 20TH AUGUST, 2021. 18:32 JST.

somehow he’s managed to convince your parents to let him drive you to the airport separately tomorrow morning. they probably assume there’s something going on between the two of you already; you hadn’t hung out nearly this much since elementary school, when they’d still been the ones arranging your play dates. no one really minds, though; your families were always close and anyway, it really is just a matter of time.

he’s just finished dinner with your family when he nudges his knee against yours under the table. “spend the night at mine?” he says quietly, although he knows your parents will still hear. it’s fine; they love him. he watches you look to them in question, half surprised when your mother nods and allows you to go.

☾𓆙𓂻

on the walk back to his—just a few streets down, actually, he catches you thinking out loud. “is this a good idea?”

“is what?”

“you know... to, like, stay over. at yours.”

he laughs. “we won’t do anything, promise. friends for now, remember?”

“okay.”

— 23:32 JST.

you’ve fallen asleep next to him, in his bed, midway through the second movie of the night. he notices almost immediately, shuts his laptop and turns out the light. he pulls you into his chest, arms firmly around you. just this night. just for one night, he doesn’t have to let go.

taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia

#haikyuu!! #haikyū!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #daichi x reader angst #daichi x reader fluff #daichi x reader smut #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura #sawamura daichi #haikyuu series #daichi texts #haikyuu smau #? kinda

[aaronhotchnersquarterzip]

Meeting You Flipped the World Upside Down - Or Maybe Just Mine

So I’ve decided I’m gonna start posting the finished fic on here. I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I do :) 

Summary: Reader has been a rut, stuck in a never ending cycle of college worries and job interviews. Never did she think that SSA Aaron Hotchner, or Agent as she likes to call him, would walk into her favorite late night diner and flip her world upside down. And he for sure didn't expect to fall in love so quickly with the soon to be college grad. They navigate finding love and working together to rediscover what that means for each of them.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner X Female Reader

Word Count: 1.2K

The Diner

I quite literally had nothing to do. I swear the couch had an indent from where I had sat for, minimum, the past week. There were three months before the new semester started and I was nonstop scouring for a part-time job in the area. Whilst all my friends partied the summer away I was stuck in my parents house so I could at least live three months rent free. As I was approaching my senior year at Cornell, I carried an impressive amount of student loans to my name. I worked several jobs to keep myself afloat during the year but for some reason I had no luck the past few months. With a sigh I closed my laptop for the third time that evening and decided to go for a late night drive. My tiny Subaru sped through the Virginia freeways until I ended up on the edge of D.C. 

This wasn’t the first time I drove into the city at such a random time, 2:54 to be exact. There was a 24 hour diner just outside the city that I frequented on nights like these, I guess subconsciously I wanted a milkshake and some fries. Sure, McDonalds would've been more convenient, smarter too, but where's the fun in that? I sat down in a booth facing the entrance so I could have a clear view of my surroundings. Something my former Marine father instilled in me at a young age, never have your back to the enemy. Nobody had ever bothered you before at the diner so you weren't on high alert when the bell rang, signaling someone had walked in. It was only when you heard his voice did you acknowledge his presence. He was talking to the waitress about what she recommended at the time like this, going on about how he wanted something sweet. 

“The chocolate milkshake does me wonders at 3 am,” you yelled over with a smile. One he returned. 

“One chocolate milkshake then please.” After ordering he promptly stood up and walked over to your booth. “Would you mind if I sat?” 

You thought for a few moments. He didn’t look like a threat, hell, what serial killer orders a milkshake at 3:15 in the morning on a Wednesday. It was best not to think about statistics actually, this would be a pretty good ploy. As if he sensed your hesitancy, he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out his badge. 

“SSA Aaron Hotchner, I don’t want to intrude but it's hard to avoid the presence of such a beautiful woman so close to me.” Damn, well now I had to let him sit with me. 

“Flattery will get you nowhere Agent,” you smirked while gesturing for him to take the seat across from you. “I’m Y/N Y/L.”

The waitress appeared moments later with his milkshake and smiled at the both of you before walking back into the kitchen. 

Taking a sip on his milkshake he smiled up at you, “thank you for the suggestion Y/N. Now what brings you into a diner this early in the morning? You can’t be much older than a junior in college.”

“Sometimes you just need a break from reality. I could ask you the same question, Agent but I don’t think you’ll give me a clear answer either.” He raised his eyebrows at your remark, testing you. “Unless I pegged you wrong Agent, so tell me, what are you doing here?”

“I certainly like the break from reality answer, but you’re right there's always something more. I just got back from a case and my son was already asleep at his aunt's house, I figured I could use the distraction. An empty house isn’t the most comforting.” You nodded along, knowing all too well the feeling of being alone. When you weren't at home you were normally holed up in the campus library or in your apartment. Your roommate during the semester was nice and all but you both had your own lives, mainly she had one. 

“Trying to find a job that will utilize my education is draining, I needed a break from the constant rejection. A real mood killer.” 

“What do you study and where?” When you entered this conversation you did not expect some real interest. This was beginning to feel like the small talk part of a first date, something you’re way too accustomed to lately. 

“Cornell studying economics.” You slowly sipped on your straw and pushed your fries toward the center of the table to share with Aaron. “I want to work for HUD, although that's nothing compared to the FBI Agent Hotchner.” You smirked and winked at the man. 

“It’s certainly not unimpressive though, you should be proud, honestly. The FBI isn’t all it's cracked up to be, it has its moments but I feel satisfaction from what I do. That's what matters in the end isn’t it?”

“I was a federal prosecutor before I joined the FBI, being able to stop criminals in the act grants me more satisfaction than reading their case files and presenting it in front of a jury. I feel like I do more good this way.”

Never in a million years did you think this was what you were going to walk into when you got in your car hours prior. How in the world did this seemingly kind hearted man, and not unattractive as well, walk up to you of all people. You stared in awe as he drank his milkshake. I guess you were staring far too long because all of a sudden his voice boomed in your ears again. 

“You still here? I know I can be pretty boring.” He smirked and snapped his fingers in front of your face making your cheeks tint a shade of red. “Yeah yeah of course I am. Sorry about that, I guess the time is starting to get to me.” You chuckled slightly and shifted under his soft gaze. “You aren’t boring Aaron, in fact you’re the opposite. I haven’t talked to anyone so passionate about what they do. It’s - It’s inspiring, really.” Your body reacted on impulse and reached across the table for his free hand, holding it over the table. 

Both of you seemed just as shocked at your actions, making you quickly let go and cough to try and ease the awkwardness in the air. Luckily, the waitress came by with both of your checks at the exact right time. Before you could reach into your wallet Aaron had already placed his card out and handed the waitress both of your bills.

“Aaron, I am capable of paying for my own food.” You still smiled at the sentiment. 

“I am well aware that you are capable, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to thank you for your company.” He swiftly grabbed your hand in the same fashion you had earlier, except this time you didn’t pull away. 

“There were other ways to thank me, Agent.” Summoning all of your confidence, you reached for his phone and quickly typed your name and number into it. “Don’t be afraid to use it, Agent. I’ll be waiting.” And with that, you winked and walked out of the diner without a glance back. 

And man, were you hoping he would use it soon.

#aaron hotchner fanfic #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #criminal minds #hotch fanfiction #hotch x reader #hotch x you #fluff

[hoodharlow]

Holiday Surprise

El Novio Quarantine Edition: Part 7

AN: Quick reminded in Song of the Year I previously said that Claudia was 20 weeks pregnant, but bc I want them to have a Taurus baby I moved pushed everything by 4 weeks. So in this part she's now 20 weeks pregnant and in SoG she's 16 weeks pregnant. Also tyy to @wastelandcth for letting me run ideas with her ilysm Gemma

Requested? No

Warnings: overall fluff with an angsty ending, briefly jealous!Cal, pre-sex (no smut!), Mitchy, mentions of violence, an argument bc someone can't follow basic CDC guidelines and went out to party, and talks about deathtolls/covid cases

Word Count: 5.9k words

Claudia waited for the nurse to print her a few copies of her ultrasound. Christmas was in three days. Since her and Calum were staying at his house for Christmas, they decided on sending out care packages to their families. In the boxes they planned on having envelopes with their Christmas card and a picture of the newest member of the Hood-Santos family. But that they should wait to open them together via Zoom because Calum and Claudia were going to find out the sex of their baby. 

They had made a compromise. If baby's sex is female then Calum is naming them because the Hoods' firstborns are always female. Whereas in Claudia's family the Santos always have male firstborns so if the baby is male, she is naming them.

They were nervous. This was the biggest secret both of them have ever kept from their parents. Claudia felt queasy just thinking about how her parents were going to react, especially her parents. She doesn't want to disappoint them.

Sure Diego and Soni, and her brothers started their families at a young age, but there was an underlying pressure for Claudia. She was the only girl and the first in her family to graduate from a four year college, her mom had gone to community college and studied fashion merchandising. Her parents hadn't said it outloud, but she knew that it was expected of her to have a career before even thinking about settling down to start a family. She was supposed to get her master's then teach for a few years before moving her way up to school administration. Getting pregnant just during her first year of grad school was not the plan she and her parents had.

"All set." the nurse said, handing Claudia the envelopes.

"Thank you. Hope you enjoy the cookies and happy holidays." Claudia said, stuffing them in her bag. 

She pumped some hand sanitizer before she exited the doctor's office. She pulled Calum's flannel tighter and made her way to the car where he was waiting. He got out and helped her up. 

Claudia clicked her seatbelt and turned to Calum. "Can't you drop me off at your house and you go down to see my parents?" she asked.

"No you're going with me. I'm out of excuses." He said. He squeezed her hand, reassuringly before he backed out of the parking spot. "We're just going to drop off their box and say hi. After that we'll get hotdogs under the bridge at that place you like." 

"Fine." she sighed, giving in. The things she did for some hotdogs from Barrio Dogs down in Chicano Park. 

On their way to the post office, Claudia finished up packing the boxes. Once they arrived, Calum helped her seal them with packing tape before he took them inside to get mailed out. While she waited for him, Claudia texted her mom that she and Calum were going down to leave them a box for them to open on Christmas Eve.

She rubbed her stomach. She was almost twenty weeks pregnant and still couldn't believe it. It feels like just last week Danny had come over to fight the cat and accidentally found her pregnancy tests on the bathroom sink. Which was why she was nervous to go over to her parents. One look at her and they would know Calum got her pregnant. Luckily for her with Calum's big t-shirt and his zip up jacket that she packed, she was able to mask her growing belly. 

She shifted in her seat, trying to get somewhat comfortable when Calum unlocked the car to get in. He squeezed her hand and rubbed her belly. He passed her his phone so she could play some music as he pulled out of the parking lot. She played EL ÚLTIMO TOUR DEL MUNDO, and quietly gushed to her belly that Calum helped Bad Bunny produce the album and that he played all of the instruments in Yo Visto Asi. 

She reached for the pillows she had in the backseat; as best she could she curled up. Claudia spent the whole night baking. She needed something to keep out of her mind while she waited for final grades to be posted. She knew she did good, but the waiting is what got to her. 

When she first started grad school, she made a vow to be a fast grader and to have a good grading system. That way her students would know what their grades were in real time. She even managed to get everything graded for her classes the day her students turned in their finals. Unlike half of her professors who haven't updated grades since Thanksgiving. 

Her eyes fluttered closed and began dozing off, with help from Calum who played with her hair. He gently shook her shoulder, waking Claudia from a nap that felt like only five. 

"We're here." he whispered, kissing her cheek. 

"No, I just fell asleep." Claudia whined. 

"C'mon," he said, kissing her. 

He got out and grabbed the last box left. He stopped by Junior's house first. Though while he was there Damian overheard him and Junior talk about Claudia and her pregnancy. Calum just hoped that Damian kept his pinky promise and wouldn't tell anyone.

Claudia waited for Calum to make his way up the steps before changing into his t-shirt and zip up hoodie. She kept the thin long sleeve top and layered his shirt over it. She got out and grabbed the hoodie, putting it on as she went up the steps. 

Calum slammed the front door, looking pale as if he saw a ghost. 

"I just saw your dad's ass." He shuddered. "Didn't know he was the type to get an ass tattoo."

"How long did you look at his ass?— you know what, I don't wanna know." Claudia said, lifting her hands up in surrender. 

A minute or so later, Diego opened the door, buckling his belt. "Do you know how to knock?" He scolded Calum. 

"You didn't knock?" Claudia asked him, awkwardly hugging her dad. 

"I did, but I used your key to get in since they didn't open." Calum explained. He held up his  UCLA lanyard out to them. Claudia's San Diego Chargers key stood out against all the other silver ones.

"Now that that's sorted, can we go in? Tengo frío." Claudia said. 

Diego took a step back and let them in. He motioned them to the kitchen where Soni made a pitcher of agua de nanche. She set down the ladle and went to greet Calum and Claudia. 

"Can I have some?" Claudia asked her mom. 

"Agua de nanche?" Soni gave Claudia a confused look. In the twenty-two years she's known her daughter, she never willingly asked for agua de nanche. She placed her hand on Claudia's forehead. "Are you okay?"

She giggled nervously, hugging herself. "Ay ama. It's just a little craving I have." 

"A craving?"

"Yeah… craving."

***

Calum still couldn't wrap it around his head that Claudia's pregnancy made her eat pickles. She absolutely dreaded them before. One time, before the pandemic, they went out to a burger place and she sent back her burger because she tasted the pickles in the bottom bun. She could tell that they took them out before bringing it to her. Now seeing her pregnant and scarfing them down was something that left him both surprised and confused. 

"Claudia?" a voice called behind Calum.

"Oh my god, Luis!" Claudia squealed excitedly. 

When the guy approached their table, Calum felt like he had seen the guy before. He just couldn't remember where he saw him. 

"Cal, this Felix' brother, Luis. He's the one who's mine and Danny's age." Claudia explained. 

Calum smiled politely and introduced himself. He sat back and watched them talk. Luis leaned closer to Claudia, laughing at whatever bad joke she said. He noticed her voice slightly went higher. 

It was her 'I'm not really flirting, but oh shit you're hot as fuck' voice. She used to use that voice before they became an official iten. The last time she used it was when they were at lunch with the guys, their old producer friend named Jon and Tyler Posey. On the drive home, she went on and on about how Tyler Posey was the sweetest and funniest guy ever. It drove Calum mad.

"It was nice seeing you, Claudia, but my friends are waiting." Luis said, making Calum smile. 

"Same, and congrats on getting into med school. I saw Profe's post the other week." Claudia smiled.  

"I find it weird you call my mom Profe." He teased. 

"It was an old habit." She laughed. She turned to Calum. "We should go right? With traffic and all."

He nodded. "I'm going to pay and bring the car over." Calum got up and nodded to Luis. "It was nice meeting you."

"Back at you." Luis said leaving to his table without telling Claudia goodbye. 

Calum helped her up and hand in hand they went to the booth to pay. He signed the receipt and dripped a very generous tip in the tip jar. 

After thorough convincing, Claudia waited for Calum as he jaywalked and went to get his car from the public parking lot. She replied to a series of messages from Danny asking why she drank agua de nanche and that Luis texted him telling him he just ran into her and that she looked pregnant. She gave him a vague response and put her phone on silent. After eating three hotdogs and a side mac and cheese, the last thing she wanted was to answer more messages from Danny. 

Calum pulled up in front of her and got out of his side to help her in. It was more of him standing back and being there in case she fell, so she'd fall into him, breaking her fall. Once she was in he circled back and got in. 

He missed the street that took them to the I5 and now had to drive a bit further to get on the I15. Just before he got off the ramp, Claudia's soft snores filled the car. He pressed a few buttons and made her seat lean back. With one hand Calum moved her so she was laying on her side. As best he could, he placed the pillows around her back and stomach.

The drive went by quickly. Calum got off the freeway and started driving through the streets. His phone began to ring. Ashton's face lit up his phone screen. It must be about their management. Calum had asked him to call him once everything was sorted with their lawyers and teams. He connected it to the car and answered. 

"Hey, mate, I'm driving right now. Claudia and I are almost home. Call you in a bit." Calum said before Ashton got a word in. 

He hung up as Claudia stirred awake. She groaned and shifted in her seat. 

"I have to pee." she said. 

"We'll be home in about five minutes. Can you hold it?" He asked her, intertwining his fingers with hers. 

"Yeah," she said, stifling her yawn. Claudia rushed out and went to the guest bathroom when they arrived. Calum took advantage and returned Ashton's call. 

"Claudia, I'm going to be in my office if you need me," he called. 

"I might be in here a while, those hotdogs didn't agree with me." she murmured. 

"There's an air freshener in the sink." Calumteased. 

He greeted Duke and Cherry as he made his way to his office. Ashton answered and went off in a tangent about a melody that was stuck in his head. He paced around, agreeing and humming in response as Ashton went on and on. Calum didn't want to cut him off and ask about their contract, so he listened. 

"...so I talked to Renee Hastings, that lawyer that does a lot of work on this and she said that she can get us out of our contract. She even has—” 

“Are you serious?” Calum asked, cutting him off. 

He desperately wanted and needed to get out of their contract with their management. Especially with what they’re asking him to do. There’s no way he’s going to do what they want. 

"Yeah, everything is going to be finalized in the next few weeks." Ashton went on. "I'm glad we're out. Even more so that you won't have to… you know."

"It's a relief honestly. I can just focus on music and raising my baby with Claudia." He sighed. He reached for a small picture frame of him and Claudia from when they went hiking at some waterfall they accidentally found while out hiking. 

"Speaking of baby, do you know their sex? I have compiled a list of names. Of course, my top five are Ashley, Asher, Ashton, Ashe, and Ashlyn on said list, but I found some other names." Ashton said, earning a snort from Calum. 

He set the picture frame down and chuckled as Ashton listed more names. He spotted the new contract their old team had made for him. He grabbed it and stored it in a drawer under a package of printer paper.  Calum caught Claudia's shadow as she waddled past his office, making her way to the kitchen. 

"Hey, I gotta go. Claudia just scurried past my office so I have to hide her hot chips or she's going to complain all night that she has heartburn. 

Ashton  chuckled at his comment. They bid each other goodbye and agreed that he was taking Calum to the studio in a few days after spending the holidays in the snow with KayKay and Penny. 

Calum went out to the kitchen and found it empty. But there was a stool in front of the cabinet where Calum hid Claudia's Turbo Flamas and Takis. The two large chip bags were missing. 

He cursed and searched around the house for her. He found her once more in the kitchen sipping on a Hi-C pink lemonade juice box while she watched her frozen Italian style meatballs heat up in the microwave. 

"How many times do I have to ask you to not climb on stool to reach for things? You're already clumsy as is, Claudia." He scolded. 

"I didn't use the stool. I was going to, but I didn't see my chips." Claudia explained. She got up and grabbed her plate. "So now I'm gonna shove some balls in my mouth."

"I have some you might like more." 

Claudia gave him a glance over. She didn't get it. She was almost twenty weeks pregnant and somehow Calum's cock was as hard as the kitchen's marble counters. Did it have to do with the fact that she only wore his flannel and some panties? Yes, it still surprised her that she had that effect on him. 

She bit into one of her meatballs and watched him. Once she swallowed, she walked up to him and gently patted his hard on. "And they say pregnant women are the super horny ones."

***

Christmas Eve rolled around a few days later. Calum spent the better part of the morning at the studio with Luke and Michael then he spent the afternoon driving around dropping off and picking up things for their little Christmas celebration. Claudia baked and made sure their house was ready. Danny, Medelyn and Sebastian were coming over to their house since Claudia and her brothers divided which holidays they spent with their parents. Danny got thanksgiving, Junior got Christmas and Claudia got left with New Year's. 

Calum entered the house and his nose was filled with the smell of warm gingerbread cookies and the tamales Soni had given them when they visited. He quickly rushed to the guest room and changed into some clean clothes. With Claudia being pregnant they knew that she was more at risk of exposure, so they took extra precautions for her to be safe. He took his clothes to the laundry room for a quick wash.

He went to the kitchen and was surprised it was empty. Calum was sure he was going to find Claudia decorating some cookies or baking some elaborate pastry she couldn't pronounce. He found their dogs in the living room intently watching 102 Dalmatians. They didn't even notice him when he arrived.

Calum jogged upstairs and heard a faint buzzing sound in their bedroom. He knocked a few times so she could let him in. Other times he would have sneaked in and playfully scold her that she knew better than to get started without him. That usually led to him telling to keep going until she was very sensitive then he'd go down on her and do other things to her that they both enjoy. But with a human growing inside of her, Claudia has gotten a bit self conscious about her body. 

He knocked a few more times and there still wasn't a response. He opened the door and found her naked in a sitting position. She was fast asleep with her vibrator in her hand.

Calum took the vibrator, turning it off, he cleaned it and stored it in her drawer with her other toys. He fixed her pillows and slowly moved her into a more comfortable position. He covered her with her Snoopy blanket and smoothed her hair out. He kissed her forehead and let her sleep. 

He went back down and worked in his office. Now that the band was without any management and team, they had a lot of paperwork to prove that they were management-less. Once he was done with the paperwork he decided to do some in depth investigation[long cash]lurking— on the lawyer that helped them get out of their contract. All he knew about her was that one of Michael's best men gave him her number because she was well known in the NFL among the wives of the NFL players. He looked her up on Google and it showed that she is married to a retired NFL player who she had three children with, one son and two daughters. Her husband played for the San Diego Chargers until the team moved to Los Angeles where he went and played for the 49ers. He had retired just last year. In his rabbit hole investigation he ended up on Renee's Instagram page. He was about four years deep when he saw a familiar face. Claudia. 

She was posing with, who Calum assumed was, that Isaiah guy. He had his arm around Claudia's shoulders while one of her hands was on his chest. They both had big smiles. 

Calum scrolled down and read the caption. Noting that Isaiah's @ was in the caption, he clicked it. He cursed when he saw that his account was private. He went back to Renee's and kept scrolling. He saw more and more of Claudia. From school fundraisers to family barbecues, Claudia and her family were there. 

It hurt him, not in 'she looked so happy with him' but more of how he knew their families can't have that relationship. Mostly because Calum's family lived on the other side of the Pacific Ocean. They couldn't just arrange to meet up for a barbecue or a dinner. There was so much to plan just for them to be in the same place. And with the ongoing pandemic, it made things rough for them. 

Calum and Claudia's parents briefly met via Zoom when Joy and David thanked Soni and Diego for taking Calum in. After that there were quick Zoom calls or just Calum or Claudia passing along their parents' regards to the other. The more Calum thought about it, his parents had better relationships with Diego and Soni than Marlene and Medelyn's parents. From what Claudia told him, Marlene's parents kicked her out when she was sixteen after finding out she was a few months pregnant with Guito. Diego and Soni stepped in and took her in. Her parents eventually came around, but according to Claudia, the tension is very present whenever there's a family party and Marlene's parents attend. But it's much better than Medelyn's parents. He witnessed first-hand how her parents want nothing to do with her or the Santos family. 

"Hey, you okay?" Claudia asked him, bringing him back from his thoughts. "I knocked a few times and you didn't answer."

"Ye-yeah, I'm good." He said. He motioned her to come in. She took a seat in front of Calum. 

In other circumstances, he would have dropped to his knees, but those circumstances are probably why Claudia was pregnant. 

Calum pushed her t-shirt and gently kissed her belly. "How are my babies?" he asked before blowing raspberries into her belly.

"We are good." Claudia gently patted her belly. "This one was in the mood for tamales."

"What time are they showing up?" He asked. 

"In like two hours. I'm so hungry." She fake cried. 

"The lighting is good right here." Calum noted, ignoring her hunger comment. He unlocked his phone, accidentally revealing to her that he was lurking. He exited the app and looked for the camera icon. He quickly took a few pictures of him with Claudia's belly. He passed his phone to her and let her see the pictures.

"You think showing me cute pictures of my belly is gonna distract me from the fact that I saw my ex's mom on your phone?" She asked as a matter of factly.

"Kinda?" He laughed nervously. He sat back and ran his hand over her thighs. "Now that I got you here. I have something to talk to you about that involves her." 

"Oh?" 

"You know how we dropped our album and that our management fucked up the release, making us debut a week early and all that?" He asked her. She nodded in response. She remembered clearly tweeting Billboard and cursing them out. Calum took her hands and intertwined her fingers with his. "Well we decided to part ways with them. Thanks to Renee, we got out of our contract drama free. So now we have more freedom with our music and lives." 

"Oh my god! I'm so happy for you and the guys!" Claudia smiled. She carefully hopped off the desk and sat on Calum's lap. "Mrs. Hastings is such a badass. I'm glad she was able to help y'all."

"It's a relief. It's nice to break apart from a group that never had your back." He said. 

Claudia smiled to herself. It's been a while since she saw Calum look so relaxed and content. She was happy to see that he found peace of mind. She knew how exhausting their management was. Especially when their relationship was exposed. The band's team was quick to tell him to break up with her. They were desperate to keep his image of the one single band member. But Calum was very adamant and refused. 

"My question is why were you on her Instagram?" 

"I was bored. I have a question too." 

"What is it?" 

"The dress you wore to your prom, is that the one you had planned on wearing with me?"

"No." she giggled. "I had convinced my mom to take me to Saks up in HillCrest because I wanted to impress you and maybe you know with you."

"Weren't you seventeen?" 

"Yeah? Wh— oh yeah nevermind." 

***

Calum paced around his office, waiting for his dad to answer. Earlier Damian had accidentally spoiled Calum and Claudia's surprise by asking if his tía Claudia already had her baby. They came clean and told their parents they were having a baby. 

After an unexciting baby and sex reveal, their moms tearfully congratulated them on their baby girl. Diego came around after a few jokes from Junior and Danny. He even shed a few tears after it finally hit him that his baby was having a baby. Which only brought more jokes about how he doesn't hide the fact that Claudia is favorite. The only parent that didn't have much of a reaction was David. 

Calum quickly noticed the change in his demeanor as Joy and Soni gushed about the thought of being grandmothers to a baby girl that had both his and Claudia's dark brown curls. He texted him, letting him know that he was calling him. He stepped out and was now waiting for his dad to answer. 

"Llo?" David answered. 

"Hey, dad." Calum said back. He didn't know where to start. The last thing he wanted was to argue and ruin Christmas for them. But he wanted answers.

"You're really going to be a dad, huh." David spoke up, breaking the silence. 

Calum laughed nervously and leaned against his desk. "Yeah, we were a bit surprised at first but we're excited now." 

"Isn't it soon? You've been dating Claudia for what? A little over a year and now you're having a child? I never thought you'd settle." 

"If you're implying that she purposefully got preg—"

"I'm not… children are a huge responsibility, Calum."

"I'm aware." He scratched his arm. "This is something we've already discussed. We had agreed on waiting a few more years, once Claudia was done with school and working, but it kinda sprung on us. We know the timing isn’t ideal, but we want this. We want her.”

“Alright,” David sighed. 

Calum braced himself for what was going to come. 

“I want to be called pops though, I’m too young to be called grandpa.” he said, earning a chuckle from his son.

Both of them ended up talking for what seemed like hours. They caught up on how things were going for them. They even joked about having a serious talk with Felix, Mali's boyfriend and a family friend of the Santos family. Calum didn't even notice Claudia walk in and leave him a plate of tamales de rajas con queso and a mug of ponche Navideño on his desk. After another half hour, Calum and David hung up, agreeing to talk later in the week. 

Calum made his way back to the living room where Claudia, Danny, Sebastian and Medelyn were while he scarfed down his tamales and ponche. After he finished, he took his dishes and placed them in the sink, letting them soak. He joined Claudia on the floor, letting her lean against him. An hour later, Danny, Medelyn and Sebastian left since in Los Angeles there was a strict curfew. Calum and Claudia offered them one of the guest rooms, but they declined. It was now just the two of them. 

By the time they finished cleaning, it was well into midnight. Claudia had changed into a simple yet sexy, panty and bra set, covering it with a silky robe and settled in bed. She scrolled through one of her favorite stories on Wattpad while she waited for him. She was at the part where the main characters established that they are enemies when Calum entered the room with a small plastic box.

"Merry Christmas." He offered her the box.

"We agreed to open presents in the morning." Claudia said.

"I know but I couldn't wait. Remember a while back I found out it was you that I was supposed to take to prom?" He asked. 

Claudia nodded. She vaguely remembered the talk, but she did remember that afternoon he posted a screenshot of that Tweet and picture of them in the pool. There were mixed reactions. Some fans were confused why the pool was green, not knowing Ashton was in the midst of working on his album. Some gave them positive responses while others continued with their negativity. 

"Anyways," He said, bringing her back from her thoughts. "I found the corsage and I wanted to give it to you. There's also something else in there."

Claudia carefully opened the box. It was beautiful. The flowers were dry, but she always liked dry flowers. To her they represent memories and experiences. She gently ran her finger over the ribbon that matched the dress she had originally bought. She still remembered their team asking her to link the website of her dress so they could get an exact color. She lifted the corsage only to reveal a BVLGARI ring box. Her eyes widened. 

"No." Claudia shook her head. She passed him back the box. "Just because I'm having your baby, it doesn't mean you should propose." 

"Umm, well good thing I'm not proposing." Calum awkwardly chuckled. He opened the small box, inside was a rose gold serpent ring. It was similar to the necklace he first gave her and the bracelets. "I wanted you to have the complete set. It fits your pointer finger, not the ring finger."

"Oh, thank god." She exhaled, relieved.

"Why that reaction though?" He asked her. 

"I've seen too many couples get engaged for the wrong reason and end up miserable. Not that that would be us, but I don't want you to feel obligated because I’m having your kid."

"What do you think about marriage?" He shifted so she could be more comfortable.

"The overall thought of spending your life with someone and stuff sounds great. It's the fact that the government and/or church have to get involved to verify that gets me. Legally speaking it makes sense why they get involved. You?"

"I agree for the most part. I don't need some piece of paper to tell me that my feelings for you are valid." He said. 

"Well thanks for the ring." Claudia said, showing him how it looked on her pointer finger. "I love it. Also I have something for you to unwrap."

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." She giggled as she stood on her knees in front of him. 

Calum slowly opened her robe, revealing her bra and panties. 

"You're my favorite present." Calum said, before gently pulling her down to kiss her. "The best thing that has ever happened to me."

***

"Check his left pocket." Ashton told Luke while he held Calum up.

Luke nodded and slipped his hand into Calum's pants. But in his drunken state, Calum pushed him away. He shook his hand and tried yo

"I'm flattered, but I have a girlfriend." he went on. "She's amazing. She also has a great ass and even more phenomenal brain. She's having my baby whilst getting her master's at UCLA."

"C'mon you cunt, just cooperate with us. Claudia is going to kill us." Luke grumbled. "Where are you are your fucking keys?"

"I have a spare under the potted cactus." Calum said. He yawned and rested his head on Ashton's shoulder. 

Luke gave him a look and crouched under the potted plant. He lifted the pot and retrieved the keyes. He opened the door, holding it for Ashton to carry Calum in. They guided him to the couch. 

Duke and Cherry jumped on Calum wanting to get cuddles from him, but he wasn’t in the mood. He grumbled and rolled on his stomach.

“We need to get ice on his hand.” Luke whispered to Ashton.

“Why does he need ice on his hand?” Claudia asked, startling them. 

She stood on the doorway with a plate of sliced green apples drizzled with honey and warm peanut butter. She was pissed. 

Calum had told her he was going to go to the studio with the guys. Only he didn’t. She was mindlessly scrolling through the explore tab on Instagram and saw a picture of Mitchy with Calum in the background. Claudia wasn’t mad that he was out with Mitchy. She could care less about him. What pissed her off was that he thought it was okay for him to be out partying in the middle of a global pandemic. 

“He punched Mitchy.” Ashton said as if it was something Calum normally did.

“He WHAT!” Claudia yelled. 

“That’s what Luke said. I don’t know. I was home sleeping when he called.” 

“I was in the other room when it happened and when Jordan came to get me, he didn’t tell me what provoked him. They were just held back by a few other guys.” Luke explained.

“Did anyone else see?” Claudia asked. She was worried about the video getting out and that their old team could use it against it.

“No, there were like three other guys in the room when I got there. Everyone else was out in the yard. There guys were smoking and Cal was helping Mitchy get more drinks.” 

Ashton patted Luke’s arm. “We should get going.” 

“Bye Claudia and congrats on having a girl.” Luke said before he left with Ashton.

Claudia sighed when she heard the door close. She went over to Calum and got him out of his clothes. She grabbed a blanket and covered him, leaving to go upstairs to sleep. 

Calum woke up hours later. His whole body was in pain. He couldn't lift his head up from the pillow at how heavy it felt. Though when he caught a peek of himself in boxers he jumped up. 

It took him a minute to realize he was at his house. He didn't even know how he got home. The last thing he remembered was punching Mitchy for calling Claudia a bitch. He glanced down at his hand, even against his brown skin, his knuckles were still red. He opened and closed his fist, cursing at how it hurt. 

He heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen. He recognized the voices instantly. Danny and Claudia were arguing in Spanish. On the opposite end of the couch were a t-shirt and sweatpants neatly folded. He put them on and went to the kitchen. 

He barely made two steps in the kitchen when two hands shoved him hard. 

Danny, what the fuck!" Claudia yelled. She pulled her brother back, letting Calum regain his composure. 

"You don't come to my house and fucking start shit." Calum snapped at Danny.

"No, but I do come over and take my sister home with me because her baby daddy is an irresponsible headass." Danny sneered. 

"What did you just say?" Calum asked.

"Are you fucking stupid?" Danny began. "Claudia is fucking pregnant and you think it's cool to go out and party. You're putting her life and your baby's in danger. Hell, even yours. You're fucking selfish."

Calum didn't know what to say. He felt like shit.

Danny gently reached for his sister's arm. "Claudia te vienes conmigo."

She shrugged him off and crossed her arms. "I'm not leaving." 

"Me vale verga."

"She said she's not going." Calum spoke up.

"Cal, don't say anything right now." Claudia said defeatedly. "Danny, go home. We're going to resolve this."

Danny looked at Calum then to Claudia. "Fine." he said, knowing she wouldn't budge. He reached for his keys on the counter. "Me hablas al rato. Y más si este pendejo anda con sus pendejadas."

He hugged Claudia and went through the back to avoid getting close to Calum. Seconds later the front door slammed shut. 

"Claudia,"

She lifted her hand up, stopping him. "I don't wanna hear Calum. I'm exhausted. I stayed up all night because I didn't know where the fuck you were. Then you come home late, so drunk that Luke and Ashton have to hold you up. Don't get me started on the fact that you got in a fight. I don't want to know what caused it, but it better not repeat. 

What am I going to tell my parents this time? 'Yeah we can't make it because Calum decided that it was okay for him to party in the middle of a global pandemic where there were thousands of people dying and being hospitalized in just the city we live in. Feliz año.'"

"Claudia,"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you."

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower @f-mu @another-lonely-heart @sunshinebabycal-deactivated2021   @calumscalm @karajaynetoday @cherryxwildflower @ashtonsunflower  @idontneedanyone @findingliam-o @5-secondsofcolor​ @mulletcal @polycashton @fckingpernico @2fangirl4u @calpops

#calum hood fluff #calum hood angst #calum hood one shot #calum hood blurb #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagines #calum hood oneshot #calum hood fanfiction #el novio quarantine edition

[victoriareyloficlists]

12 April 2021 Additions to Reylo Fluff

These fics have been added to the Fluff lists located in the following lists:

Fluff Part 1 Titles A-G

Fluff Part 2 Titles H-M

Fluff Part 3 Titles N-S

Fluff Part 4 Titlez T-Z

Zombie Run by OptimisticBeth (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: During a charity run, Rey is relentlessly pursued by a zombie.) The Road Taken by gogoburritos (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pulls a prank on her housemate Ben. She doesn't expect it to turn out so well.) Loose Change by spicytofuuuu (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "I ate your pizza. It was a desperate move. I'm sorry. Not proud of myself. Here is $4." An Oh-My-God-They-Were-Roommates, They-Have-One-Single-Shared-Brain-Cell fic.) just say you love me by darthswift13 (AO3 2021  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: In which Rey gets drunk on Saturday nights and confesses her true feelings for her roommate Ben, only to forget on Sunday mornings. Will Rey ever be able to confess her feelings when sober?) r/Relationships by elle_reads (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben's new roommate moves in just before a shelter-in-place order is issued. It's just the two of them—and Reddit, of course.) The Sublet by javajunkie (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and Rose sublet their spare room to Ben Solo.) Knock Me Down by commandercrouton (AO3 2019  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben gets a concussion thanks to Rey.) Love in the Language of Sweaters by SaintHeretical (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Corporate executive Ben Solo mocks holiday sweaters until he sees the delivery girl wear them.) You Need a Tutor by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 28 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey is an engineering student who finds herself struggling with calculus. Desperate, she goes to the math tutoring center on campus for help. Meanwhile, Ben Solo is a grad student who's required to work a certain amount of hours in the math tutoring center. When Ben reluctantly offers to help Rey with her work, a relationship forms between them that neither are expecting.) Five Times That Ben Saved Rey's Valentine's Day & How She Forever Saved His by AnneAnna (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben makes a confession in his wedding speech: He knew he was going to marry Rey when he and Rey were 4 years old and she gave him a Valentine she made and colored herself. And 21 years later, he still has that Valentine.) Newspaper Hearts by Celia_and (AO3 2021  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: “She made her Valentine’s cards. She tore hearts out of newspaper and glued them onto used envelopes and painstakingly wrote each child’s name. She probably spent days making them. And you know what she wrote on mine?” He doesn’t need to read it to know what it says, so he looks down at her instead, and the hand on her heart and the tears in her eyes. “Ben: You are OK. Rey.”) When the party ends by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets wasted at a frat party. Ben finds her, puts her in his room, where she's safe. Rey wakes in the morning after Ben comes out of the shower and nakedness ensues.) Fleeced by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: AU where Rey is a mechanic and Ben is her grumpy client. Ben is car shopping and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend so the dealer won't screw him over.) My Sandwich by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Someone took Ben's turkey sandwich at work, he is infuriated and eager for revenge, until he finds out it was Rey then those feelings no longer exist.) Sleepyhead by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben, a mere himbo, tucks a stray hair behind Rey's ear in class. He knows he deserves the hot coffee in her hand to be thrown in his face and yet he gets a date. ) When You Know It by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben finds out his roommate Rey has never had someone to celebrate valentine's with, so he sends her 25 roses, one for every year she's been alone, in attempt to make her feel better.) Port in the storm by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey pretends to be afraid of thunderstorms so she has an excuse to sleep next to Ben. Ben figures it out when he races home early after seeing thunder, fearing Rey will be crying alone curled up in a ball, only to find her totally chill and eating ice cream.) Neighborly by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey and her son move into a new apartment and meets her new neighbor Ben and his cute dog.) Tinder and Cinder by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey joins tinder after a long long dry spell due to her flatmate Kylo's derision, they argue about why and in a fit of jealousy Kylo screams out 'use me instead.') Traditions gotta start somewhere by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2020  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Christmas Tree vignettes of Rey and Ben over the course of their relationship.) All of my wishes came true with you by Blueyedgurl (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Fantasy AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey works on a wishfarm for Plutt. One day after she's out of wishes, she catches the star of a man who wishes for an end to his loneliness. She pockets it and after a particularly rough day she grants it with herself.) Knot It by MotherofScavengers (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: When Omega Rey’s heat starts early, the Alpha friend who agreed to assist her is nowhere to be found. When she unexpectedly meets Ben, the delicious smelling Alpha offers his help...and his knot.) It's You by SpaceWaffleHouse (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben and Rey have been costars for years when the time comes for them to film their first kissing scene. Neither of them ever expected their soul marks to appear in the process.) Through the Years by castles_and_crowns (AO3 2018  Rated T Complete, 10 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben Solo and Rey Jakkson meet on the playground as children under unusual circumstances and quickly become best friends. This fic follows them through the years, showing glimpses of their friendship as it slowly progresses into something more.) I Hate You by orphan_account (AO3 2018  Rated M Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben has been in love with Rey for two years and so when she storms into his office he finally decides he can't keep it in any longer.) In Small Packages by DyadamDriver (AO3 2018  Rated G Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: It was then that Ben realised three things. 1. He had never had a cat in his life. 2. He had no idea what these little things ate. 3. He had a crippling crush on his neighbour.) ignorance of etiquette by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Regency AU, Quick Synopsis: Lady Rey Kenobi lives a life of pristine comfort and luxury on her family's estate in Chesire with her parents Lord Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lady Satine Kenobi. When they receive word that an old family friend, Lord Benjamin Solo, is coming to visit, Lady Rey is reminded of how he tormented her as a child. She decides that she will prove herself not the same girl she once was in more ways than one.) heaven in hiding by blessedreylo (AO3 2021  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: They say it's impossible for a guy and girl to be "just friends", but Rey and Ben had managed to discredit that throughout their decade long friendship. What they both have is special, that people would often arrive at the conclusion the two were made for each other. He's her safe haven, her rock. She gives him a sense of clarity and direction. Ben and Rey know each other more than anyone ever possibly could. Therefore on Valentine's Day, their friends decided to secretly set them up together on a blind dinner date.) a quiet storm by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Rey gets off to Kylo Ren, a popular audio erotica account online. She hasn’t been on a date in so long until her friend Rose sets her up on a blind date with her boyfriend's coworker, Ben. They seem to be hitting it off and finding that they have a lot in common, but she can’t help but think that he sounds so...familiar.) key to the kingdom by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 12 Chapters, Princess Diaries AU, Quick Synopsis: Most girls get a drunk weekend in Vegas for their 21st birthday, but Princess Rey Kenobi gets the chance to rule the country of Alderaan. But the only way she can become Queen is if she marries a man in 30 days, or the throne goes to the selfish (and annoyingly attractive) usurper Lord Benjamin Solo. Will Rey be able to ascend to the throne or will it all just become a royal pain in the ass?) fueled by fire by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 2 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Ben annoys the hell out of Rey when he tries to write passive aggressive notes about where she leaves her stuff. Rey pisses Ben off by being loud and picking a fight whenever she wants. Being neighbors for the last five months has been interesting to say the least. Their little rivalry comes to a crescendo when their hate for each other turns into another kind of passion.) 1 April Fool by Maloreiy (AO3 2021  Rated T Complete, One-Shot, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: "Honk! Act like you know me! My name is Ben!" Rey sees the sign on the car when she pulls up to the grocery store, and decides to play along. The giant, surly man, apparently named Ben, is not amused.) when I look to you by blessedreylo (AO3 2020  Rated M Complete, 7 Chapters, Harry Potter AU, Quick Synopsis: Best friends since Year Three, Gryffindor's Ben Solo and Rey Niima navigate their final year at Hogwarts. When exposed feelings and unrequited romance get in the way of their friendship, they wonder whether they'll survive the school year.) Dreaming of Hope by adamsackleriskyloren83 (AO3 2019  Rated M Complete, 2 Chapters, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: Kylo Ren goes to bed one night only to awaken as Rebel Pilot Ben Solo. Discovering that not only is Rey his wife, but he is also the father of a toddler(s) son/daughter.) Talk Nerdy To Me by andabatae (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, 7 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: Grad student Rey is addicted to watching nature documentaries narrated by the mysterious Kylo Ren. In fact, listening to him recite animal facts is her favorite masturbation inspiration. One day, the poetry class she TAs for has a guest lecturer: Ben Solo, a large, cranky man with gorgeous hair, adorable glasses... and a very compelling voice.) Everything You Are by kereia (AO3 2019  Rated E Complete, One-Shot, Canon AU, Quick Synopsis: But the thing she loved most of all, the thing that she was downright addicted to, was the way Ben reacted whenever she touched him.) Eggplant Emoji by trasharama (AO3 2020  Rated E Complete, 5 Chapters, Modern AU, Quick Synopsis: A desperate Rey seeks refuge in Poe and Ben's spare bedroom. Ben didn't know she was a girl when he agreed to the roommate trial period--and now she won't stop sexting him? Climb aboard the Smutty McSmuttSmutt train!)

#reylo #reylo fanfic #rey #ben solo #kylo ren

[carlosxhook]

The Law Of Total Madness ~ H.H

Pairing: Harry Hook x Reader (yes I wrote Got7 into this sue me) + (please don’t I’m broke 🤦‍♀️)

Y/N’s P.O.V

Being Chad Charming’s twin sister was an interesting occurrence, Ben being your best friend for your whole life and growing up around Chad expectation of the perfect sister was exhausting this was where you found your love for singing and dancing thanks to Ben. He also introduced you to your other best friend prince Yugyeom originally from Jypnation and 6 other his friends who made music together the 8 of you were always glued together, you stuck together and turns out it was good for you to get away from Chad he may of been your brother and yes you loved him but god was he unbearable! Even better the 8 of you talk in korean to confuse anyone trying to ease drop Princess love to be some nosey bitches, you were a hip hop dancing, princess role breaking rebellious free soul and Chad HATED that. Perhaps the icing on the cake was that you were secretly dating a Scottish pirate, the only son of Captain Hook, the love of your life Harry Hook. It happened when you and Ben were kidnapped with Ben after convincing him you should go with him for “protection” when really you just wanted to wag chemistry class they kept you and Ben seperate and you and Harry ended up in a long make out session about 15 minutes before the most epic battle you’d ever witnessed, Ben announced that after 6 months since Dizzy, The Twins and Celia came to auradon that 3 more vks would be coming over! Hoping it would be Harry, Uma and Gil you talked to Gil while ‘kidnapped’ you two were close it was nice he seemed genuinely like a good guy, it was nice that he’s loyal to his crew and today was the day they were to arrive. Ben, Chad, Mal, Carlos, Jay, Evie, Doug and I were all gathered around waiting for them to show them around and such, the limo pulls up and all three vks get out my chest gets tight thinking about seeing him again yeah we starting “being a thing” very quickly but I liked him a lot I knew that much “Welcome to Auradon” Ben smiles “Try not to break anything” Chad snarls and I smack him over the head earning a deep chuckle from Harry as he smirks at me “it’s very colourful here” Gil smiles he’s too pure omg “well I would love too stay and help but I promised NaNa I’d be at practice 10 minutes ago, it was lovely too see you all again.” I wave before running off towards the school dance hall and quickly issuing magic to get changed into a red crop top and some high waisted black shorts with black converse, damn I was too cute for my own good sometimes, poor Chad never got any magic my parents had me enchanted when I was little so I could protect myself.

Harry’s P.O.V

“I apologise for Princess Y/N’s departure she’s preparing for a very important event and competition as a representative for Auradon, if any of you need her she’s typically in the dance hall!” Ben hints looking towards me it’s not like her and I were seriously anyways, yeah I liked her, a lot but I’d barely say I thought about her. That’s a lie everyday that stupidly gorgeous girl plagued my mind and she just runs off before I can have her in my arms again, how selfish? Does she even still care about me, about us, we had a connection fuck I knew feelings and l..l...lov that l word made you weak, how pathetic I thought I had a happily ever after.

We go through the entire of auadorn and finally reach the Dance Hall we hear loud music coming from within and I peek in seeing Y/N practicing “let’s watch!” Ben opens the door and we stand at the back my eyes fixated on the gorgeous girl dancing her heart out, “she’s gonna win” Chad laughs at Gils proud statement “please who does she think she is this isn’t the isle she should be in a castle or locked in a tower” Chad snorts “I’m sorry say that again Princey” I growl “cool it” I hear Uma whisper “you wanna get found out huh” she follows. “He’s an ass” I mutter focusing back on the events in front of me Y/N walking towards us with a big smile “what did you think?” She asks as her sparkling eyes meet mine before Chad can even open his mouth I reply “Ye did very good indeed” winking at the now blushing princess “anyways” she chirps “we need 3 more female dancers to back up Yugyeom and I’s duo for the competition, because as much as I’d love too see Jackson, Mark and BamBam in skirts with wigs and heels... I don’t wanna frighten the audience” she giggles looking behind her at the 7 boys now making their way over once they reach us the throw Y/N a questioning look before speaking in what I can only assume in another fucking language.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss Harry I did and as much as I wanted to run into his arms and breathe in his scent and glory I know I can’t, I lean over to Uma to get closer to Harry “Hey Uma, I don’t know if ben told you but we are sharing a room, I’m barely ever in my dorm so don’t worry I won’t bother you!” I smile and she just scoffs she’s not the biggest fan of me I mean she did kidnap Ben and I after all, I couldn’t blame her though the Isle was shocking I would wanna get out too I am kinda thankful cause of it I found Harry. That was if he still even liked me, I heard from Mal he’s a player and no good that he flirted with anything that moved I mean one of the old exchange students Nana did that too, and he was harmless I was just hoping Harry’s flirting was too.

“Yugyeom, can we finish I wanna show em to the dorms?” I smile to the fluffy haired boy sweat dripping down his white shirt making it slightly see through “only this once ya, usually I’m the one to try cut practice shorty” he laughs “sweet, don’t forget we go all day tomorrow with the boys!” I point to our 6 other friends and wave shooting them a wink before turning around seeing everyone but the pirates had left “well I’ll shall show you to your rooms I guess” I lead the way to the dorms it’s a bit awkward and the silence burns.

“So Y/N” Gil cuts the air “what’s this competition?” He smiles coming and placing an arm around me I hear Harry growl but I just let Gil rest his arm on me “well it’s a multi-kingdom performance competition, we must sing and dance and the winner’s kingdom hosts a massive party and a heap of important musical performers come for all necks of the woods too play and come watch!” I smile getting excited just thinking about it “Yugyeom and I have a duo, I have a solo and so does he, then a boy group performance and then a girl group performance if we win 3/5 of the categories Auradon will host its first ever K fest, it’ll be amazing!” I stop abruptly “our duo performance is gonna be the best we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot” I chuckle “anyways this is the boys dorm 701 Gil and Harry are here and then just down the all at 690 is where Uma will be if y’all need her. Your belongings will be inside for you if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask” I turn around and walk to my room Uma in tow “so Y/N, been a while huh?” She laughs “indeed it has, how’re you feeling about all this?” I ask pointing around “it’s where I’ve always wanted to get my crew, I got Gil and Harry here, now I need to work on the rest” I see a glint of sadness in her eyes “I’m only really here because I care about those boys and they don’t deserve to rot on an island, yeah they’re dicks and trouble but they’re loyal to me so I am loyal to them, they fight for me so I fight for them. Always!” I was shocked Uma was really caring I didn’t expect this side of her “I’m only telling you this because I know you and Harry are a thing” she pays my back “wait we still are?” I ask hopeful “yeah, the moment he gets you alone he’ll be all over you like a hungry wolf, watch ya back” she laughs I take a deep breath “thank you Uma I wasn’t sure he even still knew me” I lay on my bed and my stomach grubmles “girl you’re so busy dancing you don’t eat” Uma scolds “come on” she grads my hand “were getting you some food!” Running out the door she takes me too the kitchen and starts making food “I used to have make chips all the time at the shop, so hopefully Auradon sir makes them taste better than the grubby isle ones” she scoffs “Uma, can I ask something?” I nervously fiddle “sure princess what’s up?” She says cutting up potatos “Did Harry’s father ever abuse him?” She seems taken aback “it’s just I remember telling Harry I’d stay behind he just had to pretend he had me at sword point, and he said he’d never even pretend to do such a thing because he wasn’t his father.” I wipe a few tears I was confused was Harry harmful “Harry gets his father’s temper or therefore lack of, he had outbursts, I’m sure he’ll still have them, yes to put it shortly his father before he was in the crew would often abuse him. But it wasn’t uncommon, not in the isle love is a weakness.” “Then am I weak for loving him no matter what Uma” why was I even opening up to her “no because I think you could be good for him, just don’t turn him” she jokes “or I’ll use this” she holds her shell out “yes captain!” We laugh. “Maybe finally having a roommate won’t be so bad aye” I smile as she cooks Uma might actually be a really great friend and she knows more about Harry than anyone else maybe Hook and I could work.

*The Next Day*

“Those boys I swear are always late” I mutter to no one in particular “now what’s a gorgeous girl like you doing standing ‘ere all alone?” My heart jumps hearing his voice again “Hi Harry” I turn around smiling “ye know isle got boring without a princess to kiss” she smirks “is that so, awe Harry did you miss me” I joke about he moves closer “believe me or not love, I actually did. Let’s say you left a bit of a mark on me so to speak” I giggle “now come here babe” I pull him in for a long and heated kiss “Lovely doing business with ye princess” he smirks spinning around and walking out. What the actual fuck was that, what is he playing at I’m not just some toy, I turn on the music and start dancing to Bonnie & Clyde by Dean nothing can distract me not even Harry.

Harry’s P.O.V

I fucked it up I panicked and played fuck boy player again the confident fascade is what I’m know by I must keep it up, show no emotion, no weakness. Sorry princess. It’s just how I am.

I walk to uma’s room and knock on the door “yeah what” I hear her shout “it’s me” and like that the door flies open “Where’s Gil?” She questions “running round with Jay apparently they’re besties or whatever I’m just letting the dog loose” I plop myself down on the princess’ bed “geez Auradon beds are comfy” I sigh “I don’t think your little girlfriend would appreciate your smelly leather and metal scent over her sheets” Uma jokes “not me girlfriend” I point out “I’d watch it if I were you then, she gushed on about that Yugyeom boy for a very long time, of she ain’t yours surely she’ll be his I mean they’re never not together.” As if on cue in walks Y/N “Hey Uma did you see where I put my tablets, the ones with the orange jar, I’ve got a massive headache.” She rubs her head still unaware I’m laying on her bed “yeah left hand side of the bathroom counter top” she smiles did I miss something what are they all of a sudden so... friendly...

“Thank you so much oh and by the way I’ll be back late tonight so don’t wait up I’ll sneak in, Yugyeom and I have to rehearse til late cause Ben wants to come watch us and make sure it’s all good” I watch as she leaves then I close my eyes and drift off too sleep surprisingly.

“Harry wake up omg” I hear as I open my eyes too see Uma standing above me “what?” I ask rubbing me eyes then picking up me hook “get off of Y/N’s bed and wake up she’s gonna be here soon” she scoffs “surely she wouldn’t mind a handsome looking lad in her bed waiting for ‘er” I laugh.

Y/N’s P.O.V

“Ben I don’t really understand?” I question “you want us... to kiss?” I point between Yugyeom and I “yes the chemistry is there I’m telling you it’s the winning touch, the performance is so dynamic it just needs the big ending, it’ll leave everyone shocked, stunned and more importantly it shows how well you work together.” The king smiles “are you sure this is a good idea?” He’s gone crazy completely mad oh this is not going to end well “let’s call it a day you two need to eat and back again tomorrow for more practice” Ben smiles holding the door open for us both, “he’s not serious right Y/N” Yugyeom whispers “I hope he’s not, but something tells me he is, it’s fine gyu we are the best this is nothing!” I smile placing a hand on his shoulder “what about that boy?” He asks in a small voice “we aren’t dating he made that very clear, who cares this is our dream we are so close!” I smile side hugging him and briefly laying my head on his “fighting!!” I smile before grabbing his hand and walking to my dorm he always walks me to the door of my room when we practice late “Thanks Yugyeom!” I smile “let’s work hard tomorrow!” I hug him really tightly saying goodbye and open the door to find Uma working on something and Harry asleep on my bed “I don’t remember ordering a strange man in my bed, Uma I think this ones for you.” I point to the pirate passed out on my bed “he’s been like that for hours, I don’t think he’s sleeping at night” Uma shrugs “I’ll be back I have to go try round up Gil watch the scot” I laugh before going to change clothes in the bathroom I walk out no more than 10 minutes later and he’s still there snoring away. “Harry I told you if you were struggling to come find me” I play with his hair and carefully remove the hook placing it right next to my bed I grab the spare blanket from the cupboard and put it over him and when I go to walk away I hear “Please, just stay with me love” he says almost way too soft “I’ll explain later just please” I notice he’s shaking must be nightmares or ptsd “it’s okay Harry I’m right here, I’m always gonna be okay” I smile placing a soft kiss on his forehead and jumping into the free slither of bed he’s left much for my surprise he moves and pulls me close with his arm around my stomach before I know it I’m fast asleep.

Harry’s P.O.V

I woke up and there she was in my arms and it felt right, it felt like nothing could ruin this moment until once again I panicked I’m not used to feeling this I grab my hook and leave her all alone, pangs if guilt hit me but I ignore them I’m a pirate the best one I don’t need feelings they make you weak and I will never be weak. I will make my father proud he will call me his son and I’ll finally have a family, I don’t need some stupid princess to distract me.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I woke up alone in my bed with nothing left but the memory and slight scent of metal and the ocean, or was it leather? Doesn’t matter now he used me again and I let him, I need to watch myself no distractions that would discredit all of Yugyeom and I’d hard work I’m letting Harry ruin this for me. That being said another day another practice T-minus 1 week until we gotta rock this competition he’s obviously gotta work himself else I ain’t here for his amusement ugh, today there’s a big school meeting where we perform some songs as a taster for the school and our sister school (team) Ateez High are sending over their recruits to perform, I can’t wait we have had these prepared forever so we got this in the bag.

{Might do a series on this one, kinda proud my first imagine for Harry Hook x Y/N reader I had to add something kpop okay just bear with me! Got a few requests so I’ll be getting right into them⚡️🤍}

#carlos de vil imagines #carlos de vil smut #harry hook smut #harry hook imagines #harry hook oneshot #harry hook onshot #harry hook x you #cameron boyce imagine #disney descendants #uma x reader #mal x reader #evie x reader #disney descendants 2 #disney descendants 3 #descendants x reader #descendants #doug x reader #chad x reader #Jay x reader #carlos x reader #harry x y/n #Harry x reader

[shewillreadyou]

Retrospect for Life

As always. I hope that you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

A/N: Bree meets Emmett’s parents. Then her Dad meets them too. Will this end on a good note? A big Thank You to @secretaryunpaid​ for the preread.

Disclaimers: Most characters are property of Pixelberry

Warnings: Language and adult content.

Catch up: Ride or Die

Word Count: 3019 ish

Pairings: MC (Bree Hill) x OC (Emmett Perry)

Song inspiration: Retrospect for Life-Common

Be Kind: Hit the heart button, leave a comment or reblog. It makes a writer so so happy.​

She stood in the entryway of Emmett’s town-home with her mouth agape hoping that no one noticed the blush of her cheeks. His mother was the definition of youth and beauty. Not to mention his father, Emmett was a perfect mix of the two of them. It was clear where Emmett got his stunning good looks. 

“Mr. Perry, Mrs. Perry, the pleasure is all mine.”

“Mommy, since when do you just pop in on me?”

“Did he just call her Mommy?” she thought to herself.

“Since you’ve taken a serious lady friend that you haven’t introduced to us.”

“Em, where are your manners? Please, do come in,” Bree stepped aside, one arm wrapped around Emmett’s waist to welcome his parents.

“May I offer you something to drink?”

“She’s very well mannered as well, Nathaniel.”

“I can see that darling.”

“Thank you, we’ll have Perrier.”

Bree ducked into the kitchen trying to suppress the smile creeping across her face. 

“What a pretentious beverage. It’s even more telling that Emmett actually has that in stock,” she thought to herself. 

When she returned to the living room, Emmett had an unreadable look on his face. Bree turned on her most charming smile, noticing that Mr. Perry hadn’t taken his eye off of her. 

“So Bree, please sit.”

She sat. Suddenly feeling like she was on display. Emmett moved closer protectively placing his hand on her knee. 

“I was telling my parents that I’d like for them to meet your Dad the next time he is here.”

“That sounds like a great idea, Em. I’m sure he would be thrilled. Maybe we could all have dinner,” Bree said sheepishly.

“Dear, Emmett tells us that you are a BioChem major?” 

“Yes Ma’am, I have always been obsessed with science.”

“That’s quite the workload. I’m surprised you have time to entertain our son. Tell me, what do you plan to do with it?” Mr. Perry asked as he sipped his beverage.

“Yes Sir, It is quite the load, but Emmett is great at making sure I’m focused. I’ve toyed with doing something with forensics and possibly going to medical school.”

“A doctor? With manners and her own hair. Color me impressed. Emmett normally goes for girls who major in Art and share a brain with their roommates.”

Bree shared a giggle with his parents and the mood seemed to lighten considerably.

“This has been delightful. But, we must run. We have to check into our hotel before 3pm. Dinner reservations at Crave at 7. Don’t be late.”   

“Yes Ma’am,” Emmett didn’t hesitate. 

“It was good to meet you Bree, we’ll see you tonight,” Mr. Perry said, still never taking his eye off of her.

“Likewise.”

They headed out the front and Bree watched Mr. Perry as he opened the door to his silver S class Mercedes for his wife.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea that they would just show up like that.”

“It’s ok. I didn’t know that you had taken a serious lady friend. Maybe I should leave. I wouldn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” she said teasingly. Her eyes went wide and her hand demurely covered her mouth.

Emmett smiled, pulling her into his embrace. “I’m sorry. It’s been a minute. I got excited and told my Mom about you.” 

“And what exactly did you tell mommy?”

“Basically, that I have it bad. Now, do you have a nice dress to wear to dinner?”

“I should be able to come up with a little something.”

“Take my car. Pick me up by 6:30p?”

She smirked. “Are these baby mama benefits? I get to drive your Benz? What would Kira think?” she teased.

“You got jokes! You are having my baby. You can have my Benz and if you see Kira, wink at her for me.”

“Bye boy. You are trying to get me killed. See you at 6:30.”

She headed back to her dorm to shower, and wash her hair. She pulled her long wavy tresses back into a sleek ponytail. She only had a couple of options, so she chose her graduation dress. It was a black boat neck dress with a modest split in front. She paired it with black strappy heels, a small black clutch and gold accessories. 

She arrived at his place to pick him up she had packed another bag, warming to the idea of spending more time at his place. When he heard the garage door he opened the door and noticed her pulling the large duffel bag out of the trunk. 

“B, I’ll get it. I don’t want you lifting anything that’s heavy.”

“How do you think it got in here? I’m fine.”

He rushed over to the trunk and as he lifted the bag on to his shoulder he noticed her dress. She looked like a snack. He swallowed hard before licking his lips and biting the bottom lip. She looked over her shoulder at him. 

“You good?”

“Yeah, B.. uh, you.. you look--”

“Is it too much? I was trying to find something nice, that didn’t show too much skin.”

“No, I'm speechless. You look. WOW. I mean you look beautiful. I feel lucky to have you on my arm.”

“Oh Emmett, stop it. You’re gonna give me a big head. But thank you I guess it’s a far cry from the sweats and tees I’m normally in.”

He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled into her neck. 

“I mean I like the sweats too but, damn girl,” he ran his strong hand up her arm and she shivered.

She placed her glossy lips at his ear and whispered, “dinner, Emmett.”

 Dinner was fairly pleasant, more casual conversation, and getting to know one another. His mom was clearly impressed, but the jury was still out on the patriarch of the Perry family. Before they wrapped up the evening, the date was set for them to meet Mr. Hill. 

The two weeks passed quickly and before she knew it, she was picking her Daddy up from the airport.

“A Mercedes Benz? Where is the GTO?” 

“It’s in Emmett’s garage. He had to work an event this evening, so I just dropped him off on campus before I picked you up.”

“Do you normally drive his car?”

“Yes, he told me i’m his girlfriend.”

“You didn’t know that before? He’s kind of marked his territory.”

“Daddy?!?!” she laughed.

“How have you been? Do I need to start looking for jobs on the east coast?

“I’ve been good. I go to class everyday, I eat mostly at Emmett’s, he cooks healthy food and reminds me everyday to take my prenatal vitamins. I go to bed early, and I need naps frequently, but i’m ok.” 

An awkward silence fell over the car. She waited for him to speak instead he kept his eyes on his phone, texting furiously. 

“Daddy, may I ask you a question?”

 “Yeah, Babygirl. What’s up?”

“Why have you been so calm through all of this? I was expecting you to yell or disown me.”

“Well, I didn’t know if I would tell you this but, how old do you think your Mom would be now if she were still with us?”

“Let’s see, she was born in 82 so, what? 38?”

“Yes, now subtract your age from 38.”

She had always been great with numbers. Shock and realization washed over her face almost immediately. Her big brown eyes fell on her Daddy and before she could speak. 

“How could I be angry with you for doing the exact same thing that your mother and I did at your age?”

“But Mom had been a nurse for as long as I could remember.”

“Yes, you were four years old when she graduated from nursing school. We didn’t have the help that I am offering you. So, if you don’t finish what you came here to do then, I will be angry. You can do anything you put your mind to, no excuses.”

“I will Daddy, promise. But, about that. Emmett wants to keep the baby here in Langston with us. He’s probably right Daddy. Four months at a time is a really long time to be away from my baby.”

“Don’t get upset but, I told your Aunt Rhyan, she suggested a night nanny for me. I’m sure if you two decided to keep the baby here, we can find some help. I think that I can cover a nanny with my FSA account.”

“I’m not upset. Is she still in Boston? You know, Emmett’s family is from Boston. I will be calling her if--”

Her Daddy glared at her.

“I meant, when I go to medical school.”   

“Sounds good, now tell me about Emmett’s parents.”

“Oh, well they seem nice. I met them a few weeks ago. His Dad is a Kappa. He’s the owner of an engineering firm near Boston. I think he expects Emmett to take over one day. His Mom is really pretty. She is a partner at her accounting office. Emmett is really close with her. They talk everyday.”

“Interesting, what else do you know about his family?”

“Detective mode much? He has a brother at NYU and twin sisters.”

“I can’t help it. Where did his parents go for undergrad?”

“They both are Langston grads.”

“Hmm, do you have an address for them?”

“Daddy!” she warned as she pulled in front of his hotel. 

“You’re right I’ll find the address myself,” he said as he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Behave, and we will pick you up right here at 6pm. I have to get to class.”

After class she picked Emmett up from his event and they went back to his place to get dressed for dinner at Oishii, a very upscale Asian restaurant. 

She chose an ivory one sleeved fitted dress that hit her right at the knee and he wore grey slacks, a crisp white button up and a black blazer. When she was dressed, she stood looking in the floor length mirror in the corner of his room. He watched from across the room before moving behind her and snaking one arm around her waist. His large hand rested on her abdomen as he sniffed her hair.

“What are you doing, creep?”

“You smell like dessert.”

“Really Em?”

“Yeah, and I feel sorry for this kid. Look at how good we look together.”

“You do look pretty tasty tonight,” she said as she walked out of the room.

“Girl, don’t write a check you aren’t prepared to cash,” he said as he followed her out of the room.

After picking up her Dad they headed to the restaurant for the 6:30 reservation.

“Mr. Perry, Mr. and Ms. Hill, your party has arrived and are waiting for you. Right this way.”

They follow a thin asian man to the center of the empty restaurant where the Perry’s were waiting with drinks and appetizers. They stood as Bree approached. Mrs. Perry pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on both cheeks.

“Oh Bree, you look simply ravishing in that dress. Emmett won’t be able to focus dear,” she giggled. 

“Thank you Ma’am, you are too kind.”

 “Mr. and Mrs. Perry, meet my Daddy, Detective Alvin Hill.”

“Detective Hill, it’s good to meet you brother,” Mr. Perry said as he offered his hand.

“Mr. Perry, Mrs. Perry, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Please, sit. Your daughter is one impressive young lady, you must be proud.”

“I am. Thank you. Likewise, I have been oddly impressed by your son as well. I’m usually not a fan of the boys my daughter chooses to consort with, but Emmett has been a breath of fresh air. Not to mention if my Babygirl is happy, then so am I.”

“So Dad, Detective Perry here is an UCLA grad. He and his late wife Alicia, were college sweethearts, like you and Mom.”

“And like you and Bree?” his Mom chimed in.

“Yeah Mommy, that would be a good look. Hopefully, she won’t dump me for the next charming guy who moves her into her dorm,” he said as he beamed at Bree and winks.

Just then a server comes with a plate of raw sushi and places it in front of Bree, and a plate of tempura in between Alvin and Emmett. Mr. Perry eyed Emmett suspiciously as he slid the plate of raw sushi in front of him. 

“Son, is there a problem?”

“No, no problem. Bree just doesn’t like raw sushi.”

A wave of nausea threatened to overtake her at the smell of the fish.

“If you will excuse me.” 

Bree stood and headed to the restroom. Emmett excused himself to check on her.

“So Mr. Perry, our children seem to be getting serious.”

“Please, call me Nate. And it would appear so. I believe that my son is quite taken with your lovely daughter. I assume that she is on birth control.”

“Why would you assume that? I would have assumed that you taught your son to use a rubber.”

“You know they are adults, and I would be naive to think that they aren’t being intimate. I’m just trying to protect my son.”

“Nathaniel, you are being quite presumptuous,” Mrs. Perry warned.

“My daughter doesn’t sleep around if that is what you are trying to insinuate.”

“Whoa, Dad tell me you are not sitting here discussing our sex life,” Emmett asked returning from the restroom.

 “Actually, he has quite a bit to say about my daughter.”

“Nathaniel, Emmett’s right. This is hardly an appropriate time to have this conversation,” Ella chimes in.

“Actually Mommy, while we are on the topic. Bree and I have some news.”

“News? What is it baby?”

“Mommy, Pops, we don’t know how else to tell you this, so I’ll just say it, Bree’s pregnant.”

Ella squealed. “I’m gonna be a Glam-ma?”

“Not so fast, Ella. How can you be sure you are the father, son?”

“Here we go. I am the father. I’m sure of it.”

“Like hell you are. I’d like a DNA test.”

“I thought you might say that.”

“Why? Because Bree here doesn’t know how to keep her knees together?”

Emmett reached into his suit coat producing a copy of the DNA results.

“Are you happy now?”

“No, I’m not happy to watch you throw your life away on a piece of tail.”

“Nathaniel Perry, you are OUT OF LINE! Apologize at once.”

“I will not, the girl is beneath us and so is her father.”

“You don’t mean that. He didn’t mean that!”

“You are entitled to your opinions but keep my daughter out of it.”

“Dad, you will not talk about her like that in my presence. This is not her fault. We both made a mistake. But ultimately, I didn’t protect her. In the heat of the moment, I chose not to wear a condom. Dad if you can’t see this for what it is, then I guess this conversation is over.”

“She is smart Emmett, think! She saw you as a meal ticket, and you fell into her trap.”

“Nathaniel, I can’t believe you. You would speak of the mother of your grandchild this way?”

Bree sat speechless as hot tears ran down her face. 

“Man, my daughter doesn’t need your money. We aren’t rich and we don’t all drive a Benz, but we are comfortable.” 

“Come on B. We should go.”

“Yeah Babygirl, let’s go before I catch a case out here in the sticks. Buying out this restaurant was a power move. But he’s playing checkers and I’m playing chess.”

“I’m coming with you. If I have to spend another moment in his presence I don’t know what I will do.”

Bree nodded as Emmett wrapped his arm around her waist and led her out to his car. 

Once inside, there was more awkward silence, as Emmett rubbed Bree’s knee, she struggled to steady her breathing. Her Daddy furiously texted on his phone, while Mrs. Perry searched for the words to comfort her.

“I know you were probably expecting me to be upset. But the truth is, me being upset wouldn’t help or change anything. You two are consenting adults and I’m gonna be a Glam-ma. This won’t be a walk in the park for you two, but your father and I will help as much as we can. You have to prioritize your education now.”

“Yeah Mommy. We appreciate it, but it didn’t seem like Dad got the memo. I can’t believe the things he said.” 

“He will come around. Also, he may have had a little too much to drink.”

“Yeah well, a drunken man’s words speak a sober man’s thoughts. It will be a minute before I can forgive him. He needs to apologize to Bree and her father. He was way out of line.”

“I do apologize for my husband's behavior, Alvin. I promise I don’t know what has gotten into him.”

 “Don’t worry about it Ella.”

“Babygirl, say something. Are you ok?”

“No, Daddy, I’m so sorry,all of this is my fault.” she sobbed.

“That fuckin’ bastard!”

“Emmett language!”

“I’m sorry Mommy, but I don’t care who he is, he doesn’t get to make Bree cry.”

Just then Ella’s phone rings. 

[This is Ella.]

[Ella, it’s me Nate. I’m down here at Langston Police Department. I got pulled over after pulling out of the parking lot of the restaurant. I was arrested and charged with a DUI. You have to come post my bail.]

[Ok, dear. I’ll be there when you are ready to apologize to Alvin, Bree and Emmett.]

[You have got to be kidding me, Ella.]

[Oh, what’s that dear? You’re still being unreasonable? What a shame. I guess I have to go now. I’ll check on you in the morning.]

Alvin’s phone chirped with a text message as they ended the call. 

** 1 Unread Message from Sgt. Massey**

 Done. Have a good night Detective. 

Alvin smiled placing his phone back into the inside pocket of his blazer.

“Checkmate motherfucker.”

Tagging: @pixie88​ @txemrn​ @khoicesbyk​ @lucy-268​ @lovelyladyk88​ @choicesfannatalie​ @kimmiedoo5​ @secretaryunpaid​ @hopelessromanticmonie​ @lem-20​ @maurine07​ @romewritingshop​ @texaskitten30​ @secretwolfdreamertree​ @mom2000aggie​ @bebepac​ @ao719​ @bbrandy2002​ @shanzay44​ @wingedhairstylemusicweasel​ @sfb123​ @queenjilian​ @dcbbw​ @shannonsaid​@romereadingshop​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @missdreamsalot​ @blackkingliamstan​ @burnsoslow​ @zaffrenotes​ @choiceslady​ @tayroleplays​  @cooljustanotherrookiesportskid​ @omgjasminesimone​ @janezillow​ @utterlyinevitable​ @justanotherrookie​  @openheartthot​ @rookie-ramsey​ @aussieez​ @fanjessfic​ @starrystarrytrouble​ @jamespotterthefirst​ @cocomaxley​ @the-pale-goddess @the-soot-sprite @kat-tia801​ @kingliam2019​ @mskaneko​ @blackcatkita​ @bay-lee​ @choicesficwriterscreations​ @bobasheebaby​ @darley1101​​

#ride or die #choices fanfiction #fanfic #fandom #team logan #logan x mc #loganwho #meet emmett #langston #life as kim #kim reads #kim writes #shewillreadyou #meet the parents #retrospect for life #checkers #daddy hill

[live-long-and-time-warp]

It’s hard to leave your toxic friends... but it’s so worth it

I don’t normally do this, but as I sat in a Saturday morning meeting thinking about all of the things I felt this past Friday, I felt compelled to share my story.

A brief background: throughout college and for several years afterward, I considered my tight-knit group of college friends as some of my closest. In addition to my best friend of 20 years, some friends from high school, my work team, and some other dear friends scattered across the globe and throughout the U.S., this group of college friends was who I considered to be my foundation. This group of friends was extremely important to me, but it was not without its bumps in the road.

In my senior year of college, I had a falling out with one of these friends, the ringleader I’ll call her. I say this because she is quite honestly the source of 95% of my problems with this group. She is a master manipulator, and an expert gaslighter. There were a few others that contributed to this too, but she was by far the worst.

I can’t elaborate on every single thing that this person said and did over our 7 year “friendship” but a brief summary would be: asking me point blank if I thought I might be a lesbian after coming out as bi (to this friend group and in her presence, I might add) only several months prior; asking me how much money I spend on books about “Chernobyl” every month with the implication that she’s concerned about my finances; telling me that my resume may not be as impressive as I think it is (I’m the deputy director of a nonprofit with both state-based and national projects and had been for close to a year prior to this conversation); would clean up the crumbs from in front of me while I was still eating and comment on my messiness; told me that one of our mutual friends doesn’t like discussing politics with me because I get too fired up (again, I work for a nonprofit that deals with social justice); telling me that crying while comforting my friend who had just lost a loved one to suicide after they began crying was weird and that I “stole her thunder” (we were slightly drunk, I’m an empath, and she was talking about some deeply personal things that moved me and crying was my natural response... and oddly, she was appreciative of my tears because I was “the only person that actually stayed with her”); and so much more that I know I’m forgetting.

There were many other things more insidious, including gaslighting me about my inclusion in several group activities and why it should have been obvious why one friend disliked me enough to not invite me to her wedding after years of claiming cluelessness.

In our senior year, I left that friend for the first time after she humiliated me at a party by commenting loudly and with condescension on my weight. When I cut ties with her, I felt as if I had just left an abusive relationship, and for a while I didn’t want to seek a friendship with her again.

But the other friends in our group still hung out with both of us, so eventually I allowed myself to be sucked back in. 

In the years after we graduated, I thought that this person had actually changed- I worked abroad for a year after college, and after returning I saw a marked difference in her demeanor and how she interacted with us. She seemed more self-aware of how her words and actions adversely affected other people, and I thought that maybe the ugliness of that horrible portion of my senior year was now just a faded scar.

But then things escalated very quickly. Over the course of several weeks at the beginning of this year, I started to feel myself questioning whether I had made the right choice in rejoining the group: I was so sure of how I felt after I left it the first time, I felt so empowered and free. So why did I allow myself to rejoin them? Was it really the right choice?

I got my answer a week after the insurrection at the Capitol. One friend who already had a history of saying hateful things about women (which I tried to put a stop to to no avail) finally went full white supremacist asshole, and instead of joining me in calling his comments unacceptable and defending me as he mansplained my job to me, the ringleader criticized me and told me that “I can work in activism and politics and be wrong”.

That’s the moment I finally woke up.

I left the chat that very moment. Every time they added me back without my consent, I left again.

Every time I got message from the ringleader that was full of gaslighting comments and false apologies, I didn’t say a word. Just deleted the message. Finally, I was able to gather the strength needed to block those toxic friends from all social media and my phone. One of these friends was someone I tried to make like me for years after I was told that she hated me for no reason, by her own admission.

Some may not agree with this approach, but I made the choice to cut contact and go radio silent on my own after consulting my friends, specifically my best friend who had been there for me during the incident my senior year.

As weeks went by, some of the true friends from that group reached out, and then immediately backed off after my polite request for space, indicating that I was welcome back at any time and they were always here for me.

The ringleader chose the opposite approach. She continued to gaslight me, made a group chat with myself, the white supremacist, and herself. She sent me messages from her second account, one that I remembered to unfriend but forgot to block. She told me that if I don’t “course correct” by a certain date she would block me on my account (too late, bro) and that “we wish you all the best”. This implies that it was on behalf of the entire group, something I know three of them would never do. However, at this point, I have had to distance myself from all of those friends so as not to give the ringleader the attention she wants from me.

I lost over half of my closest friends over night. It felt like my skeleton had been torn from my body. I considered giving in several times and reaching out to them. But now, over a month later, I understand how necessary it was to excise what was essentially a malignant tumor. The Chernobyl researcher in me wants to compare it to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS): an unseen poison that slowly infiltrates every part of your mind and body and rots them from the inside out.

2020 was an extremely hard year for me, as it was for so many. I am so lucky and privileged to have been in the financial situation that I was and had the support of my genuine friends and family.

But it was still the worst year of my life. I have suffered from pretty bad OCD for most of my life, and while I usually keep it under control, last year it became nearly impossible to do so. I also fell very deeply into clinical depression, and worked to the point of burn out and exhaustion. The primary thoughts I had during this depression were: 

“Why aren’t you working? You’re lazy.”

“You’re a failure, you’re 26 and haven’t applied to grad school yet.”

“You piece of shit, still living with your parents? What a disappointment.”

“What is wrong with you?”

It was unbearable. I’m honestly not entirely sure how I survived it, but I think a certain 3-year-old goddaughter of mine and a few close, real friends had something to do with it.

I worked very hard with my friends, a therapist, and a psychiatrist to overcome this depression and get my OCD back under control. Now, I feel like such a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I still have depression, and the OCD will always be with me (like a bad habit... literally?); but I am so much more happy with myself and my life, as I should be.

And I am very, very, very well aware that therapy was not the only reason I have recently begun feeling this way. It’s very hard to see that you’re being manipulated while it’s happening. Because of my trusting nature, sometimes manipulative comments would be interpreted as heartfelt guidance.

It wasn’t until I started the journey away from them that I saw just how much this group and their negativity (because even the best of them weren’t always the kindest) impacted my mental health.

The event that made me want to share this story is this: yesterday was a rough work day. As a full-time community organizer, I am pretty much burnt out all of the time. Breaks are taken, but with projects addressing issues from COVID relief to systemic racism and police brutality, it never feels like enough. 

I had to officially take a step back as a sole lead on an annual event that I organized for two years, and it was gut-wrenching.

Now, I cry often, but I don’t usually get to have therapeutic cries. You know what I mean? Like, as you cry, all of the tension that built up in your body by negative feelings is finally being released with every breath and sob?

Well, the dam finally broke in a team meeting on Friday. I started sobbing and couldn’t stop. And my colleagues were so, so kind. They let me vent, they let me cry, they would not accept my apologies for crying. They told me that I was strong for setting up boundaries, and that they were here for me.

We spent a lot of time at the end of the meeting each talking about our self-care routines. And as I sit here typing this, I am actively trying not to cry at the purity of their support.

This experience has taught me what real friends are. Real friends do not put limitations on your emotions and fears.

Real friends do not give you deadlines for processing your feelings.

Real friends do not criticize you for things that, while they may not agree with, do not affect anyone’s health or marginalize anyone.

Real friends don’t marginalize vulnerable communities.

Real friends help and support you with constructive criticism (when it’s asked for) and love, not patronization and manipulation.

I thought I knew all of these things before, but I know now that I am still learning... and that that is perfectly okay. I don’t regret most of the times we shared together. I am appreciative of the positive memories that their friendships gave me.

Three of the friends in this group are actually good people, and maybe one day when the dust is settled I’ll reach out to them and establish one-on-one friendships with them (if they want to). 

And I have to thank my real friends, including @tryingtobealwaystrying, for all saying the exact same thing: you deserve so much happiness and fuck all of those guys.

So, the point of this post is to tell everyone this: you can leave your toxic friends. It’s incredibly difficult, stressful, and honestly traumatizing. And there’s no shame in needing time or feeling unable to leave those friends now. There’s also no shame in returning to those friends.

But please know, from this nerd to the reader: anyone that makes you feel any less than the beautiful, amazing human being you are and doesn’t want to help you become an even better human on your own terms is not a true friend. They don’t deserve you or the light you can bring into their lives.

And every agonizing step away from those friends is a step closer to a happier, healthier life.

#toxic frienship #mental health #living with ocd #depression #storytime

[flirtybynature]

Today would have been our first anniversary.

That sounds so melodramatic. I doubt you even know the date. But it would have been, if we were counting from our first date. The way we started, we could have a few different days. I would have listed them for you. The night we met. Our first date. When we made it "official."

I know the dates of the first four times we saw each other. I know when I met your parents, when you met mine. I know the first time we had sex. When I stopped thinking it was casual. 

A year ago today we met for coffee. Seeing if we actually liked each other, considering the night we met was a party at a bar - I was already drunk when we were introduced. I didn't realize I knew your name until the morning. But we did like each other. Enough to go out the following weekend. And the weekend after that. And then you were driving three and a half hours each way just to see me; we spent the entire weekend together, every weekend we could. I met your parents at Easter, you came to my graduation banquet a week later. 

Maybe it's because we started long-distance. That certainly makes it easier to maintain a relationship. Or maybe you changed your mind about me once you moved back. Or maybe you never intended it to be long-term. I can certainly see, now, how and why it ended. I can see the cracks weeks before it happened. Regardless of your intentions, it hurt me. More emotional pain than I have ever experienced in my life. For a seven-month relationship - six of which were spent in different provinces - it was more than I expected. But it was the first time I felt like I could see the way my life would go with someone - and the first time the thought of it didn't scare me to death. 

So. Five months post-breakup and here we are. One year later. A friend said, "wow, doesn't seem that long ago, a year can go by so fast," and she's right. Not that long. Relationship and breakup and attempt to move on. Not that long.

I hate that I still think about you. I hate that I still wonder where you are, what you're doing, if I'll ever run into you in the neighbourhood. I ache for and dread that last one in equal measure. I'm sure you aren't still thinking about me. That's the way you are; once you make that decision you aren't going to second guess yourself, or bother with wondering. But I do. Sometimes I feel like all I do is imagine what could have been - whether it's with you or not, whether it's something I regret or something I'm just curious about. Not you though. Once it's been decided it's as good as done. No point thinking about it or dragging it out. Quick. Easy. I envy you that. 

But at night when I'm alone with my thoughts - or maybe a little drunk, like right now - I can't help but feel... unsettled. Like we never got closure. Like I still don't know why or how you decided, unilaterally, that this was best for me. Not for yourself. I would have accepted that. But that I deserved better. And if that isn't the biggest cop-out you could have pulled. Still, I've managed to accept it. To start to move on, get past it. And while it's over and done in my head, my heart isn't ready to let go (again with the melodrama).  

Everything else in my life is going well now, by the way. In case you were interested. I bought the piano I've been thinking about since I first told you I used to play last summer, and I practice for hours because I want to, not because my mother is forcing me. I joined a gym, found new issues with my knee, and finished the soccer season on an incredible high note. I've got amazing friends. I'm looking for my own apartment. Work is looking up; I'm thinking about grad school. It's almost spring. And yet (and yet). I've been on one borderline-disastrous date. I see your picture on Facebook and it feels like a punch to the gut. I still get irrationally angry about your mattress (or lack there-of). And yet, here I am, one year to the day since our first date, writing an essay to you about us.

I want this to be over. I don't want to think about you (Where you are. What you're doing. How your training is going. If you think it was worth it.). I want to find someone else. Be happy on my own. So I'm hoping this will give me closure. Give me a chance to stop thinking about it. I'll never, ever, send this to you. This is for me, to make me feel that closure, to help me get over it, get less bitter (and that is really the sad part. Bitter about Life and Love because of one seven-month relationship where you didn't fall in love with me, and really isn't it as simple as that) and move on.

#my writing #essay style #letter writing #break up #break up letter #fiction #writerblr #closure #what a fucking turd #relatable #melancholy #prose #wistful

[yuta-nakamots]

Beautiful Time - h.rj ; Part 3 of 6

Pairing - Vampire!Renjun x Reader

Genre - Fluff with a hint of angst

Warnings - Mentions of blood, description of feeding

Summary - Vampires are creatures forced to walk upon the earth for longer than humans could possibly imagine. One would think it gets boring after a while, but not to Renjun, the foreign exchange student who seems to know a little too much about the early twentieth century.

Word Count - 2.5k

A/N - this chapter is shorter than the rest of them because i was more concerned about moving the plot along but i promise the next few will be a  lot more packed

Following the sudden end to your previously joyful Christmas party, a general agreement is made that Haechan will now live with Renjun and Jaemin for his own safety and that all three of them will not leave their apartment more than necessary to decrease the chances of getting tailed by the hunters. Again, Haechan stays in Jaemin’s room, though this time, a permanent addition, and you stay with Renjun. He had told you the party was going to be a sleepover so you had brought your own clothes, however, you opted to wear one of his shirts instead, taking in his calming scent.

As you settled into his bed while he sat at his desk, anxiously hunched over his computer, you heard the muffled sounds of a shooting game coming from Jaemin and Haechan’s room as your mind wandered to what would happen to you and Renjun now that the hunters were an issue, though you didn’t let it weigh on your mind for too long, wanting to hear an answer from Renjun himself. You called his name softly, receiving a light hum in response from him. “What do you plan on doing about the hunters? Are you planning on just avoiding them?”

Renjun leaned back in his seat, closing his laptop as he formulated an answer, “To be honest, I knew this would happen sooner or later so I already had a plan, it’s just a matter of putting it into action,” he glanced over at you before continuing, “I’m going to send Haechan and Jaemin over to my hometown in China where they can stay in a house that belongs to my family. I have connections there so I know they will be protected” he explained.

You rolled onto your side to face him, noticing the brighter red coloring of his eyes as you asked, “what about you? What about us, Renjun?”

Renjun replied to you while he changed his own clothes and got into bed next to you. “I plan on staying here for the remainder of the school year to make sure you’re safe,” he said, pulling the blanket up to cover both of you even if he didn’t need it, “though once you graduate, I’m not too sure how much longer I’ll be able to stay around given the severity of the hunters’ antics. I suppose I’ll go with you to wherever you choose to go and pursue your future plans if you do want to leave home.”

“I’m willing to go to China after graduation,” you proposed, feeling his arms wrap around your waist and pulling you closer towards him, “there’s bound to be a school I like over there and if it means you and the others will be safe, I’m more than happy to make the move.”

Renjun placed a soft kiss to your lips before speaking, “y/n, are you sure you want to do that? You’d be leaving your entire life behind”, he said, looking into your eyes, searching them for a definitive answer.

“If it’s for you, I’ll do anything as long as you’re by my side” you stated as Renjun began to butterfly kiss his way to your jaw.

He lightly groaned into your neck as one of his hands found yours, intertwining your fingers, “you’re such a good girl, y/n, I can’t believe you’re mine.” You looked down at him, your eyes meeting his.

“Renjun, are you hungry?”

“Not in the conventional way you would be, darling.”

“Feed from me, Renjun,” you practically pleaded, “mark me as yours.”

Renjun pulled back from you suddenly, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. “Y/n are you sure you want this? Are you sure you want my marks on you where people will know you’re in a relationship with one of us?”

You threw one of your legs over his, pulling him back towards you, allowing you to trace shapes along his chest and stomach. “I wouldn’t move to China with you if I wasn’t willing to let you feed from me” you said, placing your hand on his cheek turning his head to face you for a second, his eyes turning an even brighter shade of red before he gently grabbed your wrist and returned his gaze to the ceiling as he sighed.

After an hour of reassuring Renjun that yes, you were sure you wanted this, he finally gave in to your wishes and fed from you.

He bit into your wrist, not wanting to risk marking your neck as it would be harder to hide. He doesn’t take much, just enough to satisfy himself, in turn making you a little drowsy and feeling like you wanted to fall asleep right then and there, the comfort of his bed enveloping you. You barely even noticed when Renjun had gotten up and left his room, coming back with a glass of water and a small blue packet. “This is a vitamin pack to restore the nutrients you lost” he explained, his words falling on virtually deaf ears as you were on the brink of sleep, though you still force yourself to drink the water and eat the vitamins he gave you before drifting off into slumber.

You woke up to the sound of the boys arguing out in the living room, Jaemin’s whining being hard to miss along with Haechan’s voice filled with annoyance. “Let me get this straight, you’re sending us to a country where we don’t even know the language while you get to stay here with your girlfriend” Jaemin exclaimed while you slowly got out of bed and made your way to the living room.

You heard Renjun sigh, “You’ll be safe in China, and I’m staying back to protect her. She said she’s willing to move with us after she graduates so I won’t be alone here for long.”

Haechan started to speak but Renjun cut him off, “Haechan, you know the plan. I’ll be fine.” Their heads turned to you as you entered the room, sleep still evident on your features.

Haechan looked back at Renjun, blurting out what he was going to say a few seconds earlier, “but she’s still just a human, she’s vulnerable no matter if you’re here or not.”

“Which is why I’m staying back to protect her” Renjun said through gritted teeth.

“She’s gonna have to be turned sooner or later though” Jaemin mused, eyeing you to gauge your reaction as he moved to sit down on the sofa, pulling out his phone.

“Guys, I’m literally right here,” you grumbled, “you could at least ask for my opinion.”

Haechan rolled his eyes and scoffed, “okay then, princess, what would you like to do on this matter?” His voice laced his sarcasm.

You mimicked his haughty expression before responding, “I’m willing to be turned...after graduation though.”

“That still means you’re vulnerable until the end of the school year” Haechan pointed out.

“Which is why I’ll be with her” Renjun seethed out of annoyance, his hands flying towards Haechan’s throat.

Haechan backed up, his arms raised in defense as if this were a normal occurrence, “okay okay, alright. We’ll go but only if you promise that she’ll be turned once she moves to join us.

“Fine.” Renjun huffed, though Jaemin wasn’t satisfied with that, forcing him and Haechan to shake on it, to ensure both parties would uphold their respective end of the bargain.

The second half of the school year goes by quickly, Renjun barely showing up to school, only coming to the class you had together all the while having just a single run-in with another hunter, though he told you he was able to take care of it easily. You had started looking up colleges in China within Jilin, the city Renjun said Haechan and Jaemin were now situated in. You found a few that interested you and applied to all of them, hoping that by some miracle you’d be accepted into at least one. You were so anxious about it that you asked Renjun to pull a few strings to get you into the one you liked most though he swore you could’ve gotten in on your own accord.

Given your good grades and other academic achievements, you were in the range of one of the best students in your class, however, you knew you wouldn’t be able to live out the college life you had dreamt for yourself, as this was only a facade so your parents would let you leave for China. Renjun went over the ‘plan’ with you and explained that once you arrived in China and settled down, you’d have to withdraw your enrollment due to the agreement he made with Haechan, where you would be turned once you moved in with them.

When you announced that you’d be studying abroad in China for your years in undergrad, it came as no shock to your friends and family. It was well known that you  had an interest in different languages and cultures, so they all congratulated you on your decision and bravery to study in a country you’ve never lived in before. But what they didn’t know was that you wouldn’t be coming back, or at least, not in their lifetime.

Graduation came quicker than expected, you having gotten sucked into the storm that was final projects and exams, but nevertheless, you managed to survive. Renjun didn’t come to your graduation ceremony or your grad party for obvious reasons, the biggest one being the fact that he doesn’t show up in any pictures or videos, which you would be taking a lot of on those days. But being one of your classmates, you did manage to find his name among the list in the program being handed out, his name as just another one of your many other classmates who were graduating alongside you, causing you to smile as you thought about taking this next leap of faith with him.

After all the ceremonies and parties had come and gone, you filled your time by often going over to Renjun’s apartment, neither of you worrying about projects and tests anymore, nor did you have to worry about Jaemin and, especially, Haechan, interrupting the two of you. You allowed Renjun to feed from you every so often, definitely more often than before, the act becoming a sort of bonding activity for the both of you. You found that Renjun enjoyed it most when he had you in his lap, your arms around his shoulders as your hands tangled in his hair.

But aside from getting to spend more quality time with him, you were also finally able to call Jaemin and Haechan, not previously being able to due to your schedule. You were overjoyed when you heard Jaemin cooing at you through the screen of Renjun’s laptop, “y/nnnn I miss you so so sooo very much, you miss me too, right?” Jaemin, making kissy faces at you as Haechan dry-heaved from somewhere else in the room along with Renjun gagging next to you.

You didn’t even mind when Haechan called you princess and told you to hurry over because dealing with Jaemin alone was quite a headache. You and Renjun stayed in a call with them for over three hours, only realizing how much time had passed when you let out a yawn, letting Renjun know you were starting to get tired. You both said your goodbyes to the other pair, Renjun flinching in disgust while ending the call as Jaemin rambled on about how he can’t wait to have you, his baby, back with him again.

You and Renjun did your nightly routines in silence, not feeling the need to talk to each other when you had just spent such a long time in conversation with some of the most high energy people either of you have ever met. As you were lying in bed, your body half over Renjun’s the reality of this whole situation finally hitting you that in just a few months your life was about to be drastically different from what it is right now. You’d have cut ties with your family, moved to a country that you barely even knew, and maybe even have become a vampire.

Renjun caught on to your tense state, your moments of overthinking becoming more and more common as the days passed by. “What are you thinking about, love?” He asked, rubbing your back as if to ease the pain you were feeling in your mind and soul. You unloaded your thoughts on him about your worries of the plan not going accordingly but also, more importantly, the anxiety you felt from having to leave behind your family and friends, the people who raised you, the people who stayed by your side through the many struggles you experienced.

You started tearing up as you spoke, your voice getting caught in your throat. Renjun pulled your head in his chest, his hands moving to caress your sides, running up and down them soothingly. “If it helps, think about it as if you are recreating yourself. You can make yourself into an entirely new person” he began, “when I first met Haechan, he said something like that. It had taken me a while to adjust to this new lifestyle because I didn’t like change but yet I didn’t like how it felt as if life was just going on without me while I’m forever stuck in the same state.”

You lifted your head to look up at him, only to have him gently press your head back down into his shoulder, allowing himself to run his hands through your hair, his fingers playing with the longer strands of it. “I feel like this is more of Haechan’s story to tell so I won’t say too much about it, but he had completely remade himself as he transitioned. His birth name is Donghyuck, but he told me not to call him that, to call him Haechan instead. He told me he was finding a way to live as himself while not getting stuck in the past as some of our kind does.” You let yourself relax into Renjun’s hold, enjoying the silkiness of his voice as it almost lulls you to sleep, though your brain suddenly starts up again at what he says next.

“Y/n, how about you take my last name,” he proposed, “not as in marriage per se, but as a way to help you separate your new self from your old self. Huang Y/n sounds quite nice.” You felt your cheeks heating up, causing you to bury yourself further into the shirt he was wearing, causing him to let out a laugh. “What? Do you not like that idea? Is it too soon?”

“Too soon, Renjun, too soon,” you acknowledge, “ask me again in a hundred years and I might say yes.”

“Might? Only ‘might’?” He questions, teasingly pulling your body against his and allowing himself to place playful kisses up your neck and jaw.

Willing your worries to go away, you melted into Renjun’s embrace and found yourself floating off into sleep as his kisses slowed and he started humming a song the two of you had embarrassingly danced to earlier that morning.

A/N - this chapter is shorter than the rest of them because i was more concerned about moving the plot along but i promise the next few will be a  lot more packed

@nct-writers​

#NCT-WRITERS #beautiful time #NCT imagines #NCT scenarios #NCT fanfic #NCT dream imagines #NCT dream scenarios #NCT dream fanfic #Renjun fanfic #Renjun imagines #Renjun scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #nct #NCT dream #renjun #huang renjun #NCT renjun #NCT huang renjun #NCT dream renjun #NCT dream huang renjun

[lovemesomesurveys]

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter. I don’t get the Nutella hype to be honest.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? I refuse to choose cause I love both.

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Do you like breadsticks? Yes. The more cheesy-garlicky, the better. <<< Yesss. With marinara or some kind of olive oil sauce for dipping.

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Food and clothes.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy. 

How old will you be on your next birthday? 33. 

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes. I’m a picky and particular eater, even when it comes to how I eat. Plus, I take forever to finish my food, so I’ll still be eating longgg after everyone else and I just feel awkward and rushed cause I don’t want to keep anyone waiting.

When you opened your eyes this morning, what were your first thoughts? What time it is is generally my first thought. 

What is one thing in the room you’re in that reminds you of somebody? A framed photo of my dog, Brandie, who passed away December 26, 2016.

Would you ever want to be a supermodel, or date one? I have no desire to be one. Not like I’d be cut out to be one anyway, so it works out. As far as dating one... I don’t know if I’d want to date anyone in the spotlight like that. That kind of life is not for me. 

Honestly, have you ever made fun of somebody so bad they cried? Nooo. I don’t make fun of people or purposely try to hurt someone.

Honestly, would you rather be complimented on your looks or intelligence? Intelligence.

Have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise? No.

You can get one thing, anything, for free right now. What do you pick? Why? All expenses paid vacation.

Honestly, have you ever danced naked? No.

What was the first illegal thing that you did? Did you get caught? Take candy from the candy bins at the grocery store when I was a kid. I was a big rebel, I know. 

What is the home page on the computer you’re on? Google.

Do you like to write poetry? I don’t write poetry. I’m not a poet and I do know it. 

Are your ears pierced? Yeah, my earlobes.

If so, were they pierced with a piercing gun, or with a sterile needle? I’m not sure, since my mom had them pierced when I was a baby. I would guess piercing gun, though. <<<

Do you wear makeup regularly? No. Prior to my brother’s grad party back in May it had been like 4 years since I wore any makeup. I haven’t worn any since then. 

Did you eat cereal for breakfast today? No, I made a microwave breakfast egg scramble thing with these microwave mini pancakes. 

When was the last time you tripped over something? My doggo likes to leave her toys right in the way so it’s not such a rare occurrence. 

Who was the last person you yelled at? Not yell, but had to get stern with my doggo earlier when my aunt brought her doggo over. Mine was getting too hyper and excitable and wanted to play of course, but her dog is a tiny chihuahua and was scared. My dog forgets how big she is sometimes lol. To be fair, she hasn’t had a lot of interaction with other dogs, which is something we should have tried to do more.

Why did you yell at them? ^ That.

Favorite type of apple? The brand, ha.

Ever seen live horse racing? No.

How about live greyhound racing? No.

What’s one thing, besides the obvious, that you couldn’t live without? I need my coffee, ha.

Have you ever touched a giraffe? No, I wish!

What does your mom call you? She often calls me “Sis.” What stresses you out the most in life? My health.

Do you play any PC games? What is your favorite? Yeah, The Sims 4. I’ve been obsessed again lately. I go through phases with it.

If you were pregnant, how would you tell the father? Well, that would depend on the circumstances. Did we want a baby? Was it a bad surprise, a happy surprise? I can't answer this with just one idea. < Yeah. <<<

What’s the hardest level you can play on Guitar Hero? I rocked out hard on easy mode, ha.

What ever happened with you and your first boyfriend? I realized I wasn’t ready for a relationship and he was moving too fast for me so I ended it.

What’s your favorite country song? I like several, but the first that just randomly popped into my head is “Rainbow” by Kacey Musgraves.

What is the worst thing a former boyfriend/girlfriend has done to you? Use and play me.

What were you for Halloween last year? I stopped dressing up a few years ago.

Are you feeling guilty for something? Yes, a few things. 

Are you usually quiet or loud? Most definitely quiet. No one would describe me as loud.

How many hours do you spend on the computer a day? It really varies. Some days definitely more than others.

What is the show that you watched when you were little, and you still do? Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and Doug to name a few.

Do your siblings text you? My younger brother does.

Do you want a small or big wedding? I don’t plan to ever get married.

Have you ever searched for your own house on Google Earth? Of course. That was like the first thing everyone did when it came out, which is quite funny because you could search anywhere and we chose our own house haha.

Who is your ex dating/talking to? I have no idea nor do I care to be honest.

Ever kissed someone who smokes? No.

Does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? No, especially not nowadays. I’m so moody and irritable.

Do you own your own computer? I do.

Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? No.

What noises in the room you’re in, do you hear at the moment? The ASMR video I’m listening to, my fans, and myself typing.

Have you ever dated someone with longer hair than yours? No.

What’s the biggest upcoming event for you? I don’t have any.

What do you typically order from Wendy’s? Meh, I rarely go to Wendy’s but if I did I’d just get a cheeseburger, fries, and a frosty.

Have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper? No.

What do you love most about yourself? :/

Have you ever received a hickey from the last person you kissed? No.

What are you doing right now? This and listening to an ASMR video.

What’s bothering you right now? My stomach.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

Be honest, do you like people in general? I’m not a people person.

Do you want your tongue pierced? No.

Do you change your phone background a lot? I change it for the season or holiday. Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? Not that I know of.

Have you ever been strip searched? No.

Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No, a lot of people have said they like it.

Ever have a drug overdose? What did you OD on exactly? No.

Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? People do throw that term around too loosely. That one and OCD.

Describe your day so far in three words: My stomach hurts.

What was the most stressful project you had so far/while in school? There had been many.

Choose one- Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Butterfinger.

Have you ever stepped in dog poop? Ugh, yes.

What was the last thing you spent money on? Food.Yeah.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? No.

Is there a guy that knows a lot about you? Yeah.

Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? My parents and brother.

Do you prefer Starbucks coffee or small cafe coffee? Ooooh, both. I love coffee. <<<

Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? No.

Do you enjoy being outdoors? At the beach, yes.

Do people tell you that you have an accent? No.

Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? I wish they weren’t so damn loud.

What’re some unspeakable subjects for you? Meh.

Is there anyone you would take a bullet for? My parents and brother.

Do you enjoy tanning? I don’t mind if I get one while I’m at the beach, but I don’t actively go tanning or get tanned.

Are you a virgin? Yes.

Who’s your celebrity crush? Alexander Skarsgard.

Did or do you get good grades in English class? Yep. English was always my best and favorite subject.

What part of your body are you self-conscious about? All of it.

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? No. I like doing the appetizers, though.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? No.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? No.

When was the last time you got a shot? It’s been many years.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Heart to Heart

Missing scene from the latest chapter of The Nanny Affair. My MC comforts Sofia after being publicly embarrassed by her father. I hated that scene, and I hate that Sofia is such a one dimensional character. 

Background MC (Luna Stafford) x Sam Dalton, but only if you tilt your head and squint.

Tags: @choices-lurker @paulfwesley @zodiacsign1 @thatysn @ermidc @badchoicesposts @senseofduties @canknot @drakewalker04

~v~

Luna can’t enjoy the fact that she’s drinking her salary in fancy champagne, enjoying a rooftop dinner with some of the richest people in the tri-state area. Any other day, this would be a dream come true, but in reality, she’s stuck in a nightmare.

For the past two hours, they’ve been forced to listen to Paolo make snide remarks on everything under the sun from her nannying skills to Sofia’s business acumen. Luna is not a fan of Paolo Russo. He seems like a miserable, stuffy old man whose only joy in life comes from whining and looking down on other people.

She casts a quick glance at Sam. The always poised and out together man looks as bored as she feels. His elbows are on the table, a finger lazily tracing the rim of his champagne flute. Gone are the manners and the fine dining etiquette that’s been drilled into him since infancy.

He looks up, sneaking a glance at her. An easy grin adorns his features as they lock eyes, and she quickly looks away, heat blooming on the apples of her cheeks. It’s rare that Sam is so unapologetic in his flirting with her, especially in the presence of his kids. 

The sound of a knife hitting the stem of a champagne flute is all it takes to pull Luna out of her thoughts. Paolo is standing at the head of the table, waiting on everyone to watch him with rapt attention.

He clears his throat obnoxiously, “Ahem. Thank you all for coming to congratulate my beautiful daughter and her future husband on their upcoming nuptials.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Luna sees Sofia sit up a bit straighter, eagerly awaiting the praise she’s sure her father is going to heap onto her.

“Sofia has been run ragged at Russo Industries for far too long,” Paolo continues. “Now she can finally fulfill her purpose to become a wife and mother. After all, a woman in a position of power in the business world is like an unstable explosive, especially around that time of the month.” The older man turns toward Sam, hoping to get a co-sign on his speech. “Right, Sam?”

Luna clenches her fist tightly underneath the table. She can’t believe the unmitigated fall that his man has. “Did he really just say that?”

Sam turns to her with a mournful expression. “Unfortunately.”

Luna isn’t the only one at the table embarrassed by Paolo’s speech. Sam’s mother Vivian leans over to her husband, whispering harshly. “Mason honey, I thought you talked to him about this.”

“I tried, but you know how it goes with Paolo.”

Luna balks at the scene unfolding in front of her. So they all just let Paolo get away with talking like this? It’s just talk, that they all chalk up to Paolo just being Paolo?

Paolo, the arrogant man, is far too caught up in his own spiel to notice that they’re all openly horrified. He just keeps going. “...A family disarms the bomb! That’s why it’s called a biological clock.”

Luna wants to scream. She wants to hit something. She wants to do anything else but listen to this man continue on with his horribly misinformed and misogynistic speech.

“Finally we’re getting to the good stuff.”

“I predict a Sofia meltdown in three...two…”

The countdown doesn’t have to finish as Sofia all but slams her champagne flute down on the table. The noise startles Luna and she flinches slightly.

“I’ve heard this speech before. I don’t need to hear it again.”

Sofia scrambles, attempting to gather her belongings. Luna notices that her hands are slightly trembling and her eyes are glossy, tears threatening to spill.

Before she can stop herself, she’s opening her mouth, “Actually Paolo, men and women have the same brains. Neurologists have been searching for differences for years, but nothing ever turns up. And this society makes girls lesser than men, which is a gross assumption that’s pushed by men like you.”

The admonishment causes a faint blush to appear at Paolo’s neck. “And what does that have to do with my daughter’s role at Russo Industries?”

Luna shrugs. “Even I can tell she would make a great CEO. In fact, I bet you’ve already seen gains under her management.”

“My daughter’s abilities aren’t in question. It’s a matter of right and wrong. Women belong at home. It’s why you became a nanny, right?”

“Paolo, you are way out of line,” Sam says, his voice taking on an uncharacteristically gruff tone. “I won’t have you speaking to Luna like that.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Luna sees Sofia rush off, heading back into the country club, not sticking around for any more of the conversation.

“It’s fine, Sam,” Luna says. The last thing she wants to do is cause a confrontation. It’d raise too many questions. Why is Sam so quick to defend the nanny and not his own fiancée? “This conversation is done anyway.”

Pushing her seat back, Luna throws her napkin on the table and gets up, leaving behind an awkwardly silent dinner party.

Sofia is a very fast walker, but Luna manages to keep a decent pace behind her, her platinum blonde hair making her an easy target to follow. The older woman heads to the restroom, angrily pushing open the door. Luna weaves through patrons of the club and various waiters carrying trays until she reaches the bathroom as well.

Luna is instantly swept up in just how fancy this restroom is. The lighting is dim, it smells like eucalyptus and mint, there’s soft music playing, and she’s pretty sure the faucets are made of real gold.

It isn’t until she hears a sniffle coming from one of the stalls that she is reminded of the reason she entered the restroom in the first place. Taking a peek under the stall, she sees Sofia’s signature Louboutin heels.

“Sofia, I know you’re in there.”

“Go away,” Sofia orders. Her tone doesn’t have its usual bite or chill. Luna frowns at how small she sounds. “I don’t need you here to coddle me.”

“I can’t do that. My conscience won’t let me leave a sad woman crying in the restroom alone.”

“I’m not crying!”

“Sure you’re not. But my point remains, I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”

A minute ticks by and Luna is met with silence. Sofia is just as stubborn as she anticipated, maybe even more so.

She leans against the marble countertop, careful to not lean against any wet spots. “If anyone knows how you feel, it would be me.”

More silence.

“I’m a black woman in STEM,” Luna continues, not waiting for a response. “I don’t know what it’s like in the business world, but if I got a dime for every time a man, and sometimes other women, told me to not pursue chemistry, I’d probably be able to afford your shoes.”

“Really?”

Luna smiles to herself. Sofia actually responded to her! She’s making progress! “Really. I was told to focus on nursing or a social science, like sociology or anthropology by multiple teachers, classmates and counselors. Not saying there’s anything wrong with those fields, I think they’re great, but that wasn’t the path for me. I’ve always loved chemistry. I’ve had the periodic table memorized since I was in 3rd grade. Thankfully I have parents that support my passion, because everyone isn’t so lucky.”

Sofia scoffs. “Got that right. I got my BA from Yale, I graduated summa cum laude and I went to Wharton for grad school, but let my dad tell it, I simply wasted 6 years and half a million dollars in tuition costs. Those degrees mean nothing to him because he’s the stereotypical, conservative and traditional Italian man. I’m not the correct sex or gender for him. In a perfect world, I’d be the perfect song but instead, I’m his fussy daughter. I’m not supposed to do anything other than get pregnant and cook, and how dare I want anything else out of life.”

“I say this with the utmost respect, but your father is a sexist jerk,” Luna deadpans. “You can yell at me for saying it, but I don’t regret it. And I’m shocked Russo Industries is still standing because I can only imagine the HR complaints and harassment lawsuits against your father over the years.”

“There’s no need to apologize because it’s the truth. My father doesn’t respect me. He doesn’t respect women at all. My mother was never allowed to have an opinion, and mine isn’t all that valued either.”

“I thought taking the initiative and getting engaged to Sam would make him respect me,” Sofia adds. “I wanted to do this in order to prove to him that I’m worthy. I thought he’d see that I’m a go-getter, and I’m ambitious, and I want the Russo family to thrive, but he doesn’t care about the business aspect of the merger like I do. He’s just glad I found a rich husband.”

Another bout of silence falls between the two women, but this time it’s not as awkward as before. it’s almost peaceful. Luna still hears the occasional sniffle, but she doesn’t call any attention to it. Crying is too vulnerable for Sofia to be open about.

“Besides, I don’t know if things will even pan out the way I want them to,” Sofia says. “The boys aren’t that fond of me, and Sam is just so...cold. I’m trying to make this a decent transition, and I’m trying to find out where I fit in that family dynamic, but it’s not working. He didn’t want me around for his birthday, he doesn’t respect my opinion on how to raise Mickey and Mason. More times than not, it feels like he’s counting down the minutes until he has to be in my presence anymore.” The stall door opens up and Sofia steps out. Her eyes are bloodshot and her nose is red and raw. Luna averts her gaze quickly, not wanting to draw too much attention to it.

“I don’t even know if this is worth it anymore. I’m exhausted, and I’m trying to sustain a relationship all by myself. Sam can barely sustain a conversation with me, and my dad isn’t impressed, so what’s the point? What am I doing this all for?”

Luna frowns. Sofia has always seemed so...bold and intimidating, like nothing ever rattled her. But looking underneath the perfectly put together surface, Sofia is just a woman trying to fight and claw for every inch of success, despite the lack of a support system.

“I meant what I said earlier,” Luna says. “I think you’re smart, and I think you’d make an excellent CEO of Russo Industries. And I don’t think you need Sam at your side to do so.”

That shocks Sofia. Her eyebrows shoot up past her hairline at the compliment. “You really think so? You have that much faith in me?”

Luna doesn’t know if she’s giving Sofia this advice because she truly believes in it, or if a selfish part of her wants the other woman to leave Sam alone, so they can finally be together. Her stomach twists uncomfortably at the thought, full of guilt. Does this count as manipulation?

She swallows thickly, pushing down whatever guilt is trying to bubble to the surface and nods. “I do. You don’t need a man to be successful and fulfilled. You don’t need your dad’s approval. And you don’t need to feed into the bullshit cycle of misogyny that your dad perpetuates.”

Sofia walks over to the sink and turns the faucet. After she splashes cool water on her face, she turns back to Luna. “Thank you, I guess. No one has ever talked to my dad the way you did, especially not in defense of me. And thank you for coming in here.”

“You’re welcome. Even the rich and powerful Sofia Russos of the world need 5 minutes to vent and cry.”

“Never mention to anyone that you’ve seen me like this,” Sofia orders sharply. No one, especially people in New York high society, can know that the ice queen herself shows emotion. 

“What happens in the ladies’ room, stays in the ladies’ room. Scout’s honor.”

“Good.” Sofia sighs and straightens herself up. Luna watches the cool facade slip back into place as Sofia fixes her makeup and runs a brush through her hair. Sofia is back to being the poised, elegant woman everyone knows.

Once she’s done, she straightens out her clothes and heads to the door. Hesitating, Sofia lingers by the door. She turns back to Luna, her eyes softer than the younger woman has ever seen them. “You know what? Maybe I misjudged you. You aren’t as bad as I originally thought.”

A soft smile tugs on the corner of Luna’s mouth. “That’s high praise coming from you. I’ll take it.”

Without another word, Sofia sweeps out of the restroom, leaving Luna all alone, the sound of her heels clicking against the floors now an echo. With the presence of the other woman no longer stifling her, Luna lets out a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding in.

She didn’t know what to expect coming in here to comfort Sofia, but now everything feels much more complicated.

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #the nanny affair #tna #sofia russo #sam dalton #pixelberry

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

#personal

[doggrowth]

What it honestly feels like to graduate in 2020

From the perspective of an incredibly sentimental/emotional person. 

Important: this is not the most important thing in the world right now. There are much bigger injustices and difficulties happening. Not getting a graduation ceremony or prom is something 2020 grads will get over, but that does not mean we cannot and should not grieve the things we hoped for. 

There are lots of kids out there, in high school and university, that are not upset by not getting a graduation ceremony due to the effects of the Covid pandemic. I know a lot of kids have taken this situation and have spun it positively... or they simply do not care. But I am not either of those people. I took this personally and was absolutely devastated. I have not cried uncontrollably this much since Avengers: Endgame (that’s a joke I definitely have cried more - especially when I watched Star Wars: the Last Jedi... I don’t know why). I know that people all across the world are missing out on all kinds of things: final seasons of sports, competitions, proms, and other school traditions. But I am just going to draw from my own experiences... because it’s all I have.

When I was in grade ten I made friends with a bunch of grade twelves who were in the drama club. I was anticipating watching them leave, but it was consistently comforting knowing that in two short years I would be in their place. When we finished our drama year, they cried because they were done with drama and I cried because they would be leaving. I watched as the senioritis took over and they gave in and dropped the classes they didn’t actually need. I was there with them on their last day of high school. We all ate lunch at our usual spot one last time, I gave them gifts and we took loads of pictures. I spent forth period sitting on the lawn outside the school, just talking to them. I saw them the next day as they retrieved and tried on their grad gowns in the drama room. I was the emcee at their ceremony so I watched them all nervously go up onto the stage on grad day. I got to hug them and talk to them and cry to them. I went to their grand march and we danced and cried together. I went to a party with them and then it was over.

I loved the decorations, the photos, the suits and dresses, the speeches, everything. It wasn’t unique. It was the same kind of graduation ceremony that every class gets every year. It’s a big school with nearly 300 graduates every year and it can be really impersonal. But it was also their grad and it was special for them and exciting in it’s own way. 

It was also exactly what they were promised their entire lives. If you’re lucky you get an over the top pre-kindergarten graduation with the hats and food and... I don’t remember what else was done there. Most schools do a “grade eight grad” I’ve found. Our high school graduation is hinted at in small doses our entire lives (even more than graduating university which is arguably much bigger). We see cousins or siblings or friends graduate high school and it seems so far away but really cool and grown up. And some kids really don’t care about that stuff, I know my brother didn’t. But when I watched my friends two years ago I looked forward to my day. It was also going to be 300 other students days and millions across the world but everyone would celebrate the biggest thing that I’ve done in my life so far. I wanted everything that had to do with my senior year. I wanted the last few months of terrible stress and senioritis that ultimately would end up being worth it. I wanted to get to finish my last play in the drama club and get to go to the regional drama festival and win or lose, I don’t really care anymore. I wanted a day where I could dramatically walk out the door and have a chance to empty my locker. I wanted to see group pictures of people either jumping in the air saying “we did it” or just flipping off the school with the caption “good riddance” (I’ve already seen some of those but it’s just a bit different vibes lol). And, as egotistical as it sounds, I wanted a big stage and massive decorations and a dance party to bad country music because I’m from Saskatchewan and no matter how much I asked for it I probably wouldn’t have gotten them to play Mr. Blue Sky. And I wanted to get to sit in a crappy, uncomfortable, slippery blue chair on the concrete floor for three hours to watch the people I went to school with and didn’t really talk to walk across the stage as a strange playlist of country music mixed with 80s best hits played in the background. And I also would have loved a giant sign reading “2020″ to pose in front of because that’s such a cool number. Not only did I want all of that, I was promised that my entire life. Until I was suddenly told that I was not getting ANY of that. 

My heart broke. It’s still breaking. I feel like I still have minuscule bits of hope that I might get a real high school grad with these people one day. And I was really having a hard time being excited about the things that my school is doing. 

We have been able to get grad pictures done. They were done last week and although it was a lovely experience, I also cried for an hour after I got mine done because it just wasn’t what I wanted. As soon as I put my graduation gown on for the pictures I realized how much I didn’t want to take it off and how I badly I wished that I could walk across the stage after being handed my diploma. 

Of course graduating high school is (hopefully) not the most exciting thing that is going to happen my entire life. Of course when I’m 54 I’m going to look back on my life and not be so upset about it anymore. But that really doesn’t matter. Because right now, at 18 years old, this is the biggest thing that I have done my entire life. And I know exactly what I am missing out on when it comes to celebrating that. 

But... I haven’t been in therapy for five years of my life for no reason; I know how to look towards the positive in these kinds of situations. I’m super excited to get my grad pictures in the mail and to also take photos in the $300 dress my parents got me. I will get to have friends and family time where I celebrate with the people who matter the most. More graduation photos have been posted on the school’s instagram than ever. We have been able to have more personal experiences through social media. At the end of the month there will be a beautiful video put together of all of the graduates with their plans and stories and photos. It’s so much more personal. Although I would 1000% take a proper/plain/boring grad year over this, I will admit that it is nice. That once I got all my tears out, I was able to smile when my mom took me to party city to buy decorations. I am excited to see the video and, even if it doesn’t really feel like it, I did it. I did graduate. And I have a lot more to look forward to. 

#class of 2020 #graduation #grad 2020

[purplesurveys]

924

Do you have a taste in your mouth right now? What of? Just the faint taste of coffee since I have a cup at the moment but haven’t drunk from it in the last few minutes. Which is your least favourite day of the week? I’ve lost the concept of the days of the week for a few months now, man. Back when we used to do things, though, I hated Sundays as I felt loneliest on that day. It was always an automatic thing too so I had little control over it. If told to clean the house, would you be more inclined to clean one room really well or clean all of the rooms with hardly any effort? Clean all rooms with maximum effort. I’d be really bugged if I didn’t strive to be perfect with the whole place lol. Do you put glue on the object you're sticking down or on the paper? Object, so that the amount of glue I’m putting would be accurate. What was your last dream about? I don’t remember the details anymore but at the very least, I know it was very vivid since I remembered it throughout the morning. I’ve been having very detailed dreams lately – it’s the depression for sure. 

What is your favourite part of the last movie you watched? Haven’t seen a movie in a while but the last thing I watched in full was The Crown; Vanessa Kirby as Princess Margaret really shone through in the last episode I saw. Have you stuck any stickers to the computer you're using? I put all my stickers onto my laptop case but not the laptop itself. I haven’t had the case on for a while now though, since I’m always just at home now. Do you ever write or talk to yourself in your head when you're bored? Yes or when I’m feeling upset, as long as I’m alone. I’ve found that talking to myself is a healthy way to address and deal with my emotions. What interests you the most about other people? What I find interesting always varies. I have friends who I find interesting for their music tastes; some others for their knowledge of random trivia; some for their jobs, etc. It’s always different. Do you ever take random pictures out of boredom? What of? Not really. If I take photos it’s because I want to remember a moment or because I find something cute or funny. Basically anything that elicits a strong emotion out of me, I’m bound to take a picture of. Do you prefer listening to things through headphones or speakers? Headphones. How many siblings do you have? Do you get on with them? I have two siblings. I only get along with my sister; I have not talked to my brother since last year and have no desire to again. Would you rather live in a log cabin or a brick house? Mmm I’d take the brick house. Log cabin would be nice for a quick getaway, but I wouldn’t want it to be my permanent home. There’s a psychological factor in there and I just think that staying in a log cabin would make me feel suffocated eventually, haha. Do you have a calendar up for this year? I have a ‘Job Applications’ calendar that I’m currently monitoring, and it tracks the applications I’ve sent out to different companies and how long I’ve been waiting for a response from each of them. Really needing some positive vibes and energy since I actually just got my first rejection notice today. Other than that this year has been pretty fucking boring and there’s been little need to keep an active calendar. What was the very first CD you bought? The first CD I remember asking my parents to buy for me was like the High School Musical official soundtrack. I was big on Disney as a kid and wasn’t a big fan of any solo acts or bands up until I was around 10. Do you keep things like old train tickets, etc? Yessssssss. Do you like your smile? Why (not)? I like it; I find my smile friendly and warm. I just hate smiling with my teeth at the present since one of my front teeth protrudes. Can’t wait to get braces again. Would you rather be able to sing or dance? Why? Dance. Dancers are super hot, lmao. What was your favourite colour when you were a kid? Do you still like it? It was purple/violet and it was mostly influenced by my great-grandma who lovedddd the color and had it everywhere in her home. When she passed away, my love for the color slowly faded away and I don’t think too much of it now. Have you ever said 'lol' in real life? Haha yeah sometimes. I pronounce it as ‘lohl’ and never ‘el oh el’ though. Do you like your friend's parents? I like most of their parents, though I’m aware that some have abusive tendencies. Most of the parents are super nice, though. JM’s mom cooked a big lunch for us once and his dad buys like four party-sized boxes of pizza every time we come over, Angela’s parents treat me like their own kid, Gab’s mom constantly tells me she loves me...it’s in the little things. How many times have you moved? I can remember just the two times, but I know that we moved several times more when I was an infant. Have you ever refused to try a certain food? Which? Most stuff with fruits, hah. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, like when a sushi roll has mango or if I’m having banoffee pie, but I almost always refuse a meal with some kind of fruit in it. What's your favourite type of soup? Not really big on soup. I just like miso. Very occasionally I’ll have mushroom soup too. What is your favourite candle scent? I don’t buy candles nor do I know people who regularly get them, so I’m not very familiar with the different scents. Does the sight of blood make you feel ill? In real life, it would. I always have to look away whenever Gabie gets a nosebleed ha. But I have no problem watching bloody wrestling matches and I actually enjoy the bloodier ones. Super weird quirk of mine. What do you call it when you're sick anyways? (Sick, ill, not well, etc) If I’m referring to a fever I call it sick/ill/not feeling well. If I feel like throwing up I say I’m getting dizzy/need to vomit. I’ve never referred to puking as ‘getting sick,’ and it took me a very long time to realize that it was a common American saying, haha. Did you ever really believe in the tooth fairy? I did, and I felt super betrayed when I put my tooth under my pillow only to see it again the next morning. If you had to appear in a movie, which genre would you choose? Coming of age. What do you do with unwanted gifts? I keep them, since I still appreciate the effort of the gift-giver. Are there any clothes you haven't worn in ages, that you've suddenly started wearing again? HAHA yes. There will be rare instances where I get to go out and I always take the time to look stylish as all fuck, even though I’m only running an errand and wearing flashier pieces would be so unnecessary. I just miss dressing up and looking cute, man. Do any keys on your keyboard stick? Like, if they’re sticky? No. Would you rather own a laptop or a computer? Laptop. Love it when things are portable. Do you think you'll look at old photos of yourself and be embarrassed? My teenage years are definitely bad especially with regard to my fashion choices lol, but so are everyone else’s so I’m not super embarrassed. I cringe at the photos but I wouldn’t mind if my friends poked fun at them because chances are I’d join in too. What was the worst hairstyle you ever had? I always hated it whenever my mom took me to the salon to have my hair rebonded. That kind of look has never worked with my face shape and so I usually did everything for my hair to start curling up quicker and go back to its original form. Do you like t-shirts with sayings on them? Why (not)? Not really. It’s just not a personal preference. I like plain or slightly printed pieces. Do you click on the adverts at the side of the screen? No. Have you ever coughed and sneezed at the same time? I’m sure it’s happened before. Are you embarrassed to show people your ID photo? Nah. Whatever dude. Have / would you ever become a cheerleader? I haven’t, but I would have loved to. We don’t have a cheerleading club or varsity in my old school though so I was never able to hone my skills, if ever. What's the longest you've gone without eating? Maybe a little more than 24 hours. What is one of your biggest irrational fears? Commercials airing at night. I find jingles and graphic effects unsettling by a certain hour lol. What comes up when you press Ctrl + V? “I reeeeally miss seeing you and your purple things and seeing you give glares to people who deserve it. what a lodi <333” omg aw. It’s Jane’s birthday today and I copied that bit of my greeting to move it to another paragraph so that my message would flow better. Out of the bands you listen to, were most of them around before or after you were born? After. When did you last jump out of fright? I don’t remember. Are you currently waiting on something? What? For a company to take me in. Does time pass slowly or quickly when you're on the internet? Usually it’s quickly, but now that I feel more and more useless around the house, time’s been more slow and for the first time the distractions of the internet haven’t been working. What about when you're at school / work? Depended on the amount of stuff I had to do and whether I’m enthusiastic about them or not. Does the thought of being pregnant gross you out? The thought of giving birth does, but not pregnancy. What was the last thing you made with your hands? I mean I made myself a cup of coffee tonight, but the coffee mix itself was already pre-packaged. I just mixed it with hot water. Are you good at making shadow puppets? I’d say no. Are you more hungry or thirsty right now? Neither. I’ve been so anxious and depressed these days I’m actually skipping every single meal except dinner, and even then I eat very little. I don’t even do it on purpose; my anxiety has simply stopped me from feeling hungry. No idea what the weighing scale’s gonna tell me the next time I check, sigh. Someone hire me plz. God it really sucks being a fresh grad in this current state of the world. Are you prone to headaches? No. They only come out during hectic schedules and stressful weeks. Do you forget things easily? The little and everyday things, like forgetting my school ID at home or where I placed my keys. But I don’t forget things that are more bigger-picture, like birthdays or faces or memories. Do you enjoy going out to dinner? I enjoy it and I terribly miss being able to do it. Would you ever go on a cruise ship holiday? I would and I have. Lots of fun. Would do again and again. What's your favourite sea animal? Dolphins and whales. Do you get coughs or colds more? Coughs.

#survey #surveys