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joshsjipple · 2 days

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Second Chances

JOSH KISZKA X FEMALE READER

A/N: I’m so sorry for all the Josh fics but he seems the be the only one who fits my ideas atm. I promise to get another Jake and Sam one out there eventually. Bear with me!

Word Count: 8.3k

WARNINGS: 18+ mature content, graphic sexual content, p in v, unprotected sex, oral sex (f & m rec), fingering, praise kink, spitting, hair pulling, a bit of a mustache kink, language, FLUFF! this is a more gentle, sweet fic:)

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Your hand shakes so vigorously as you sign your name on the papers at the car rental counter that you’re shocked when the receptionist hands you the keys. Your phone vibrates in your jean pocket and you give the clerk an apologetic smile as your pen scrapes across one last form. With a bag in your hand, you head for the doors. Your rental car isn’t exactly ideal, with rust infecting the edges and dents along the passenger side door, it looks like it survived a zombie apocalypse. But it will get you to Frankenmuth, so you cram yourself in and prepare for the hour and a half drive.

To say you were surprised to receive a call from your high school bestie Robin, would be an understatement. In fact, when you heard her voice on the other line, you nearly dropped your coffee in the middle of downtown Manhattan. It had only been five years or so since you’d walked across that stage, cap and gown on and diploma in hand, but it felt like a lifetime ago. It was strange for your class to already be arranging a reunion, but you weren’t complaining. You knew your boss–Sara– wouldn’t mind giving you a few days off to return home, as you had only taken two sick days this year. You felt like you deserved a bit of a break–even if that “break” included spending time in your childhood prison cell.

It’s around 4pm when you arrive at your parent’s house just 15 miles out of town. You’ve been home plenty of times before to attend family gatherings, holidays, and occasionally some birthdays. But you haven’t entered the town itself since you left it. It’s silly, but you could never bring yourself to do it, so you’d take the back roads, windows down, blasting music from your specially made playlist with a smile on your face.

As you tug your bag out of the back seat, you already hear the front door opening. As you turn around, you’re greeted by two overly-excited parents. It takes only a few seconds before your mother has you wrapped in a bear-hug, her body gently rocking yours as she strokes your hair. When she finally releases you, your dad scoops you up. It’s brief, but it does the job.

Your parents leave you to get situated in your room, and when you enter, a wave of deja vu sweeps your body. It’s always the same as you leave it, a time capsule you get to revisit when you’re lucky. You posters still hang on the walls surrounding your bed, neither you or your parents having the guts to remove them. Books still line your shelf, all sorted neatly by genre categories. Your box of vinyls are placed under a desk, dust creeping over the covers. Your window sills still have the same flower-patterned curtains that they did when you were just a girl. Despite your friends making fun of them as you grew up, you were too sentimental to just tear them down and throw them away.

You’re examining the room, your eyes occasionally stopping on something that brings back a fond memory. When they scan over your night stand, time seems to freeze. A framed picture is set up on the wooden surface, slightly facing towards your bed. Two kids, a girl and a boy, are waist deep in the water, their skin dotted with water droplets as more fly through the air. Their mouths are open, screaming and giggling as the water hits their faces. Suddenly, you’re transported back six years to when that was taken. You can recognize those damp curls anywhere, even if the sun is blinding the camera and blocking half of him out. You can remember that day like it was just last week, and the fact it still feels so recent, sends shivers up your arm.

After you pick your jaw up off the floor, you cross the room and immediately bring the picture to your face. It’s clean, like it was just recently set there. The tip of your finger traces the frames, the corner of your lips tugging into a smile. You had to have been only 16 or 17 at the time, making Josh the same age. That summer was the best of your life, a forever memory engraved in your brain. You and him spent those whole two and a half months together, basking in the sunlight in his backyard, listening to him complain about his twin brother. You had watched nearly every movie out there, staying up till 2 am every night before lazily dragging yourself back to your house only to join him for breakfast the following morning.

It’s a bittersweet moment for you as you stare at the boy you once knew and now know nothing about.

Placing it back in its original position, you run your fingers through your hair a few times before sitting on your bed. The window is open, a fresh breeze spilling into your all-the-sudden claustrophobic room. Needing to get your mind off things, you pull out your phone and answer a text from Robin.

Robin: In town yet?

You: Yep! Everything’s the same.

Robin: Pretty close. We’re all meeting at the bar downtown at 7pm.

You: Got it. Who’s all coming?

Robin: Everyone except Evan and Lily; something about sick kids and a tight work schedule.

Your thumbs pause momentarily before dancing on the screen. You don’t want to ask, but at the same time you do, so you type the message a few times before ultimately deleting it. Falling back, you groan slightly, rubbing your tired eyes. Your phone buzzes by your thigh again, alerting you of another text.

Robin: I know you were contemplating on asking, but yes, Josh will be there.

–

At 5pm, you eat a small snack with your parents. Your mother made bagel dip for you–an all time classic– so you munch on it as you catch up with your family. As suspected, nothing’s really changed around town, unless you count new tourists pouring in every year. You tell them about your job and what it’s like living in a big city, a fascinated daze over both their faces as you speak. You’re just about to head upstairs to shower when your mother calls from over her shoulder.

“Are you still in contact with Josh?” she asks, causing a pause in your chewing. Your eyes find your father’s, but all he does is shrug and place his folded hands on the table before you.

“Not really.” you manage to say, praying that will be enough to end the conversation. But of course, you’re not lucky enough.

“That’s too bad. Did you know his band got huge?” she returns to the dining room, a towel in her hands.

“No. I didn’t.” you lie. Of course you knew it did.

“I always knew they would, they were very talented, even as kids.” you dad chimes in. You sink deeper into your seat, feeling a slight ping of guilt prick your stomach.

“Is he coming tonight?” your mom asks in a knowing tone. You smile warmly, eyes darting across her face to try and decide what she’s trying to do.

“Yes, him and Jake.”

“That’ll be fun, just like old times.” she replies, the last few words sticking out slightly more than the rest.

“Sweetie–” your father attempts to speak, but you cut him off.

“Did you put that photo on my nightstand?” you question. She only shrugs, which is fine because it gives you your answer. “It’s not ever going to happen, mom.” you put your foot down, eyes slightly piercing into hers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I found it in storage and didn’t want it to break.”

Although her answer seems to make sense, it’s not like her to not have a motive. Following your better judgment, you just nod in agreement. That last thing you want to do is spend your few days here fighting with your mom.

–

By 6:30, your hair is washed, curled, and neatly displayed across your shoulders. A small ribbon ties a few strands back, keeping them out of your eyes. Going for a more simple look, you skip the major makeup steps in your routine and settle on some mascara and lipgloss. With two dainty gold necklaces hanging across your neck-line, you settle on a tight black dress. You slip on a pair of white heels before standing in front of your whole-body mirror to look yourself over. You decide it’s good enough, grab a handbag, and head out the door.

Driving through Frankenmuth made you feel like a teenager again. You mom let you take her car once she examined the state of your rental. It moved smoothly across the roads as you admired the scenery. When you passed the school grounds, you nearly lost it. You hated it at the time, but now that you’re grown, you miss it like hell. Correction: you miss him like hell.

Every spot in this town holds a different memory, each containing Josh. The big hill that the two of you would ride your bikes down; he was always braver than you were. The parking lot of the hometown grocer where the two of you pushed each other around in grocery carts. That park where you smoked your first joint (with Josh’s supervision, expertise, and guidance). And finally, the downtown road that would lead you to your final destination tonight. It was one of your fondest memories of Josh, it made you see how much he cared for you. You were wandering around town when he took your hand and dragged you into the street, a sly smile on his face. He set a hand on your waist and hummed a soft song, recreating that scene from The Notebook because he knew how much you loved that movie.

It didn’t occur to you until now that you would be seeing him tonight. You sat parked, hands gripping the steering wheel, trying to imagine what he looks like now. Of course you could have just looked it up, but you thought that would be cheating so you pushed that urge out of your head. Once you gather up all your courage, you remove yourself from the car and make your way to the door.

The committee must have rented out the whole building, because when you step in, there’s only a few handfuls of people in your presence. The place is cleaned up nice, the floors redone and the walls decorated with patterned paintings. For once, it doesn’t smell like fried onions and beer which you’re coming to appreciate.

Once you’ve scanned the room thoroughly and don’t find either Josh or Jake, you say hello to your former classmates. You all make small talk for a while, smiles filling the room as everyone talks about their success. You even find one of your ex-situationships, Mark, and fling your arms around him. The two of you talk for a while, even giggling over how dramatic your ‘relationship’ was. He’s explaining his fiance when you catch a chestnut brown haired man talking to someone. Begrudgingly, you finish your conversation with Mark before approaching him. Your heart beats quickly in your chest as you join his small group nonchalantly.

The boy turns his head, giant chocolate eyes staring straight back at you. Your heart skips a beat while your brain tries to comprehend. Tilting your head, it clicks together. It’s not Josh, it’s Jake.

“Jacob?” you finally ask, knowing 100% it’s him.

“Miss me?” he smirks before pulling you into his arms.

You were never as close with Jake, but you still knew him better than your other classmates. He smells of alcohol and musky spice, making your head spin. Once he pulls away, he keeps a hand firmly planted on your upper arm.

“How have you been?” you ask quickly, not wanting the interaction to end just yet.

“I’m good, very busy. And you?” his eyes shine.

“I’m great, actually. Thanks.” you reply, exhaling deeply. “You look great. I love the mustache.”

“We just got back from Europe. I’ll probably shave it off within the next few weeks.” he admits in an awfully comfortable tone. He looks rather relaxed right now, and you take note of it. You probably look like a constipated cow right now, nervous and shaking.

When you open your mouth to speak, Robin shouts your name. You turn towards the sound, finding her already trotting towards you with open arms. The two of you embrace, rocking back and forth on your heels. When she pulls away, she looks the exact same as she did in highschool. Her bright blonde hair is tied up, blue eyes glimmering, smile lines showing. She was always one of the most radiant humans you had ever met.

Appearing from behind her is no other than Josh Kiszka. Your moves falter, but Robin offers you a quick squeeze and a smile of encouragement. You barely notice her, or anything around you other than him.

“We’ll catch up later, hm?” she says before leaving to talk to another person across the room.

Time seems to pause for a brief moment, the world allowing you to stare at him without feeling awkward or rude. The once shaved sides of his head are now filled in completely, messy curls atop his head like a mop. He had been clean shaved his whole life, but now, hair grows above his lip and down his chin. He looks more mature, and kissed by the sun, but nonetheless, it’s Josh.

You both seem to have the same idea, because you meet each other halfway. He wraps you up in his arms, his arms gripping your waist. Your hand rests on his back, the other briefly toying with the curls on the back of his head. As always, he radiates warmth and affection, making you want to break down in his arms. You can feel his heart against your chest and you shut your eyes to soak up the feeling. He rests his chin in the cavern between your shoulder and neck, his nose moving some of your curls out of the way. When he breathes, the warm air ignites sparks of electricity, flowing through your blood. He smells like love and wine and you begin to feel drunk off of him.

He pulls away first, a beaming expression on his face. His hands grab your forearms, unwilling to let go. He clutches onto you like you might disappear if he lets go, making your heart skip a beat.

“How are you?” he starts off.

“I’m great, Josh. And what about you? How’s the rockstar life treating you?” you speak rapidly, unable to control anything.

“Ah, so you have been stalking.” he chirps joyfully, teeth showing. “It’s okay, me too.” You’re so taken back by his words that your brain doesn’t think of a response. But just like when you were a teenager, Josh has that under control. “Come sit. We’ll have a drink.” he announces after a pause, leading you to the bar.

He pulls the chair out for you before pushing you in, your knees brushing against the table top. Taking his place next to you, he takes a hand to call the waiter over.

“I’ll do a Salty Dog and she’ll have some red wine.” he speaks confidently for you as if you haven’t spoken for five years. The man behind the counter leaves and Josh turns to you. “What?” he asks once he notices your confusion.

“You remembered?” you say with a laugh.

“Remember what? That you can’t drink hard liquor? I had a permanent reminder in my car for a few years.” he quips, earning a giggle from you.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, which is why I’m nice about it.” he grins. The bartender arrives with your drinks and you quickly bring your glass to your lips, desperate to consume anything that will help calm your nerves.

“So,” you say once you’ve both swallowed the liquid. “How was Europe?”

“Doing a little more stalking than I thought, eh?” he jokes again.

“Funny. I talked to Jake before this.” you tell him. Folding your hands in your lap, you struggle to look him in the eyes.

“Figured. He does get all the ladies nowadays.” he sighs dramatically. “Europe was awesome, it’s so lovely. You’d love it.” he insists, hand rubbing his chin. “And what about you? Did you become that world-selling author you always wanted to be?”

“Josh, don’t you think you would have heard about me if that were so?”

He takes a second to think as he purses his lips. “I don’t read much anymore, so no.”

“You don’t read anymore?” you ask in disbelief.

“I only liked your stuff. It just felt weird…” he pauses briefly, taking another sip of his beverage. “So if you’re not an author, what do you do?”

“It’s similar, but I edit other people’s work.”

“Really? Do you write at all?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Not much.” you admit.

It makes you sad to finally say it aloud. You haven’t written since you and Josh went separate ways as he was your inspiration. You loved the idea of describing people you thought he would like or relate to just to see his face when he reaches the plot twist.

“That’s too bad. You were very talented.” he compliments. “I’d like to talk to some other people before they leave, but would you want to meet up in a couple hours and head back to my place?”

Your heart rate spikes. “Your place? Or your parent’s place?”

“Tomato tomato.” he shrugs, accentuating the words differently.

“I’d love to.” you say, standing to your feet.

Josh follows your lead, but as you begin to walk away, his fingers wrap around your wrist and pull you to a stop. Your face is inches from his and you can feel every breath he takes. With his fingers tightly placed on your wrist, you know he can feel how fast your heart is beating. Feeling confident from your drink, you hold eye contact and only break it to watch his tongue run over his bottom lip.

“Don’t slip away again, okay?” he swallows, his brows pulled down into a knotted expression.

You don’t even understand what he means until he’s walking away. By then, it’s too late to answer, so you shake it off and begin your search for Robin.

–

After an hour or so of meaningful conversations, you manage to slip away and find Robin. She’s tucked away in the kitchen, digging through her purse for something. When you approach her from behind, she jumps slightly with her hand over her heart.

“Jeez you’re sneaky.” she relaxes again, a smile resting on her lips. “How’s it going?”

You move next to her and shrug absently. “It’s good. Everything’s changed so much, don’t ya think?”

“Some things haven’t.” she says in a simple tone. You quirk your head to the side, trying to decipher her words as she continues to dig through her purse. Her lips are molded into a mostly flat line, the only action being the smallest of grins only you could recognize.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You and Josh, I mean.” she states, her eyes failing to meet yours.

You scoff and mess with a strand of hair that has fallen into your eyes. “Yeah right. I think he’s changed the most.”

“Maybe, but did you ever sit and think that he’s always been that kind of front man? I mean, he was the main character in the school plays for four years straight.” she adds.

“I suppose. But it’s still different.” you frown slightly.

Robin huffs loudly before turning her body to face yours. “The only thing that has changed, is the shift of platonic love into romantical love.”

Her words make your blood run cold, goosebumps pricking on your skin. You swallow loudly, eyes locked with hers, searching for some sort of clue to let you know she’s just joking. It never comes so you’re forced to think of an answer.

“It’s not–no!” you squint at her. She only shrugs and juts out her chest a bit. “It’s not like that between us. It never has been and never will be.”

“It’s obvious. I’ve known you since we were just girls playing barbies, and you’ve never once looked at someone the way you look at Josh. Not even Mark, and he was the hottest guy in school.” she pauses to shove at your shoulder. “I mean, even after five years of no contact for whatever reason, he’s still the one.”

You stand in front of her gobsmacked and motionless. With a flat gaze, you watch her eyes curiously dance over yours. Not once has anyone ever pinned the tail on the donkey so well, so the fact she did had your jaw on the floor. After a few more seconds, she rolls her eyes and combs through her hair.

“Okay.” you say. “Maybe you’re right. But it hasn’t always been like that. High school was platonic, completely. Nothing ever happened.”

“I know.” she says quickly. “Except for that one time when–”

“It was a kiss and we were wasted. You dared us to!” you point at her with furrowed brows. She laughs, the sound filling the room and relaxing your shoulders. “Don’t tell him. We’ve both changed over these five years, I don’t want him to find a reason to be with me when he has so much ahead of him. So just keep it between us, okay?”

“I don’t have to.” she says cooly, just as a knock appears on the door.

“Hey guys.” someone says, and you turn around quickly to see Josh perched at the door frame. “Still gossiping I see. Some things never change.”

“You know it.” Robin smiles, going in for a hug. They share a brief moment before she does the same to you.

“Trust your gut.” she whispers just loud enough for you to hear. You smile at her and watch her mingle out into the party.

“Are you ready to go?” he questions, motioning to the doors. You nod and follow behind him, a weird feeling sitting in the pit of your gut.

Your goodbyes to everyone are short, but you spend an extra minute in Jake’s arms. He tells Josh he won’t be home till later because he’s having a few more drinks with a friend. You and Josh split off a few moments later, him holding the door open for you as you step out into the street.

“Remember what happened here?” he asks as he falls into pace with your steps.

“Your Ryan Gosling moment?” you joke.

“He wishes he could do as well as I.” he boasts, giving you a playful shrug. “My cars here.”

The drive to his house is short. The two of you sit in silence, music filling the void between you both. You watch the road wind in its familiar pattern, twisting and turning until he turns into his driveway. The house looks the same as it did the night before graduation, its walls still giving off a welcoming aura. You’ve barely fathomed the fact that you’re here until Josh’s at your door, holding it open. You smile warmly and thank him under your breath as you get out.

“Home sweet home.” he says, leading you to the front door as if you didn’t basically grow up here.

“Are your parents not home?” you ask, noticing the lights shut off.

“Not till later. Just us for now if that’s okay.”

You nod and enter the house. Immediately, your knees begin to feel weak. It feels like you’ve been running away your entire life and finally reached home. It still smells like cinnamon and freshly cooked waffles. The air is warm and inviting, and you fight every urge not to crawl on the couch and drift off to sleep. You must be ogled, because Josh stands beside you, watching your face cover so many emotions in a record amount of timing. He doesn’t say a word, but his hand brushes yours and brings you back to reality.

“Do you want anything to eat or drink?” he offers, moving towards the fridge.

“Water is fine.” you tell him, leaning over the counter to watch him. The house is silent, but Josh fixes that by humming a song to himself. He fills the cup with ice and cold water, his eyes focused on your drink.

“Three ice cubes?” you ask when he hands the glass to you.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” he asks in a fake offensive voice.

“Do you want me to answer that?” you joke. He gives you a scolding look before giving into the laugh that’s creeping up his throat.

“Wanna go upstairs?” he asks. “I’ve got something for you.”

“What?”

“Just come on.” he encourages, already at the staircase.

You follow behind him, taking note of his movements up the stairs. The hallway is pitch black, but neither of you have an issue because you know the path like the back of your hands. When you enter his room, you’re engulfed by the familiarity. His bed is made neatly, bed sheets still the same maroon as they were throughout highschool. Everything looks the exact same besides a duffle back on the floor by the wall. Almost immediately, Josh wanders to his vinyl collection. He digs through it and places his choice on his player.

You take your seat on the edge of his bed, watching him kneel to set the volume just how he likes it. When he’s finished, he stands and brushes his hands across his khaki pants. That simple motion makes your heart pump a wave of sadness through you. As kids, Josh never put any effort into looking presentable when it came to you. Although he always somehow managed to smell like peaches and flowers, he never cared what he looked like to you, and neither did you.

“You’ve grown up.” you say in a flat tone, emotionless.

He pauses on your face and reads you like an open book. “You too. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Depends on how you look at it.”

Josh just nods and sits on the bed, his weight causing it to sink slightly. He pulls his legs up and sits criss-cross applesauce, just as he always used to do. The simple action makes you relax a bit, a small token of a reminder that he is still him, and you’re still you. Now, you remember back to sitting on Josh’s bed, knees tucked under your chin as you fiddled with a string in your denim shorts. He was across from you, his hands working skillfully on his acoustic guitar. You two sat there the whole day, saying very little to each other. You could do that with him–sit in silence and enjoy each other’s company. Now if you had to do that with someone, you’d be in for one hell of a panic attack.

“You look beautiful tonight.” he tears you away from your thoughts. “You are beautiful.”

You feel a hot shade of pink dust on your cheeks and you giggle like a teenage girl. “You too Josh.”

“I try.” he sighs. The air is silent between the two of you, and you struggle to not break down and tell him how much he means to you and how sorry you are for everything. Josh always had a way of making you feel sentimental, especially now.

The silence seems to weigh you both down, and when neither of you can take it, you open your mouth to speak first. “Did you ever think of me?”

Josh is quiet in front of you, but you’re too embarrassed to look at him right now, so you stare at his blankets below you.

“What do you mean-”

“Just tell me I meant something.” you say, opening a part of your heart to him no one has seen before. You feel stupid, this isn’t a book, but the love you two shared as kids, felt like it could be one.

“You did.” he says immediately. “Of course you did. You were my best friend.”

His voice wavers as he speaks, making your heart fall. You’d imagined this conversation for so long, what you would say and how he would react. Would he take you in his arms and allow you to cry into his shoulder? Or would he cup your cheeks and kiss your lips? You had so many things to say to him, most of them coming to you on nights you couldn’t sleep. But now that your opportunity is here, your mind is blank.

He scoots closer to you, his knee brushing against yours. You still can’t bear to look at him, especially since your face is as red as a beet and tears well in your eyes. His fingers push a strand of hair behind your ear before gracing your cheek. You shutter at the touch, a long breath drawing from your lips. One hand cups your face, the other rests softly on your knee. He lifts your eyes so they meet his, and you find he too is feeling the same way you do.

“Maybe we should let this go.” your lip quivers, but you try to keep your voice steady and convincing.

“I don’t think I can handle letting this go–letting you go.” he shuts his eyes.

“Josh, don’t. Please don’t.” you beg pathetically, standing to your feet to escape his grasp. “I can’t let you do this.”

“What?”

His tone makes you feel like you’ve misread the whole moment, but Robin’s words reply themselves in your mind. “Look at you! You have a mustache and a full head of hair. You wear khaki pants and long white t-shirts with beaded necklaces hanging across your chest. You’re a popular rock band that tours around the world. You’ve won a Grammy for crying out loud!”

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asks.

“We’ve changed, Josh. It’s all too different.” your voice shakes and you wrap your arms around your body to help comfort yourself. Josh runs a hand over the back of his neck, breathing out of his mouth loud enough for you to hear.

“We have changed. That’s how things work. It’s been five years since we’ve last interacted-”

“That wasn’t my fault!” you raise your voice, a tear spiraling down your cheek.

Josh pauses and stares for a moment. “I know. I know. We were dumb and didn’t know what the world would hold for us. But we do now.” he stands to his feet. “I’ve been with others, I’ve tried to move on but I physically can’t when you’re in my blood. I see a leaf the color of your hair and my heart sinks. I thrift sweaters and immediately think of you because in a perfect life, they’d be our sweaters.”

For what seems like the millionth time today, you’re stunned and at a loss for words. Not ever did you imagine Josh would think about you this way. It wasn’t an insecurity, it was a fact. He was a rockstar, traveling the world, anyone he wanted at his fingertips. Josh’s face is red and he rubs his face a few times, gathering himself. This was clearly not the way either of you expected tonight to go. You take a step back, feeling like he deserves some space.

“I never knew.” is all you are able to say.

“Never knew?” he asks, confusion and hurt coating his voice. “I watched you study for hours. I cooked for you every chance I got. We had matching keychains. I spent every day with you. I wrote songs about you and now sing them on stage for thousands of people.” he informs you. Your heart is beating inside your chest at an insane pace as you imagine Josh writing and singing songs about you. You search for the words to tell him how you feel, but he beats you to it. “Y/N. Remember the 4th of July our junior year? We sat in the lawn with nail polish and I watched you paint your nails. You asked me if I wanted mine done–which I didn’t– but I was looking for any excuse to feel your hand in mine, so I let you.”

Still standing away from him, you lick your lips. He did let you do that, but you never thought anything of it until now. It all makes sense now. “When you’d ask me to rub your back or put sunscreen on you, I’d write you messages.” you admit, his eyes watching you. “I spelled that I loved you.”

A second later, Josh’s hands cup your cheeks and his lips connect to yours. He sucks the breath out of you, and you step backwards. He pushes you until you’re sandwiched between him and the wall. Your lips work at his, passionately taking him in. His hands wrap around your head, cradling it as yours work at his curls. His tongue traces your bottom lip, and you moan into him and allow him access. Your tongues dance together like they’ve done it a million times. It all seems natural, the way his body feels warmly pressed against yours and the sounds of your mouths working together. When his hands trace down the sides of your dress and he squeezes at the back of your thigh, you jump into him. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you can barely feel his length against your heat. It’s enough to make you tug on his hair a bit tighter.

With his hands still stationed on your thighs, he stumbles to his bed, laying you down carefully. Your lips pull apart just long enough that he’s able to remove his necklaces and his shirt. You watch him above you, his cheeks pink and his skin smooth. The tip of his tongue rests on his lip as he tosses his shirt to the side and averts his attention back to you. You’re both smiling when your lips connect, your teeth gently knocking against each other. He places gentle kisses across your nose and forehead before trailing down to your ears and neck. He sucks gently on your skin as your hands rub the skin of his torso. He’s smoother than ever, and you feel safe under his touch. His hands work the necklaces around your neck and he sets them next to his before kissing the straps to your black dress. Your hands are tucked away in his hair as he drags both straps down, his eyes never leaving yours. Once they’re off, he pauses before continuing. You nod to him, using your own hand to help him remove the rest of the fabric. With a wink, he continues.

Once your breasts are exposed completely, he sits up slightly, taking you in. You feel like an angel as his eyes sweep over you. “You’re the prettiest human I’ve ever met.” he says softly as he places his lips on your hardened nipple. You suck in a breath as his wet lips take you into his mouth. One hand is gripping your hip while the other plays with your uncovered breast. He laps at the skin, his tongue swirling in every direction. He switches, the hand on your waist now massaging your tit that once had his mouth on it. With a pop and a pathetic whine from you, he lets go. You instantly try and shimmy out of the rest of the dress, but his hands grab your wrists and pin them above your head.

“I’ve waited so long for this, let me do it.” he says in a silky voice.

His fingers pull the whole thing off your body, leaving you in nothing but a skimpy thong that hides nothing. He’s hard and pressed against your leg, his teeth gritted as he notices the patch of wetness in your panties. Cursing to himself, he kisses your lips again while his hands travel down your navel. His fingers are a fire, igniting a forest as he trails them along your sticky skin. As you swallow his lips, his fingers tug on the waistband of your panties. Unknowingly, your hips grind into him and he hisses. His middle finger dances across your heat, the thin line of fabric keeping you from his skin. His lips are still on yours and he swallows every whimper you give him.

“Please, Josh.” you manage to pull away long enough to speak. He smirks before sliding his hand into your panties. As a finger gathers your arousal, you wrap your hands around Josh’s neck and pull him back into your lips. The single pad of his finger runs quick circles over your aching bundle of nerves a few times before he slides it in. You’re too lost in his touch to feel embarrassed of the whine that escaped your mouth, but he seems to enjoy it.

“More.” you ask, and he delivers, slamming a second finger in with the first. Your body jumps and he giggles. You smack his arm once before latching onto it to keep you steady.

“Can I go down on you?” he breathes in your ear.

“You don’t have to.” you squeak.

“I didn’t ask that, did I? I asked if I could.” he grunts, nipping at the skin of your neck.

“Yes. Fuck, please.”

He removes his fingers and makes quick work of your panties, tossing them into the pile of discarded clothes on the floor. Placing one last kiss on your nose, he trails down your body. You spread your legs for him, eyes shining at the view of him between them. He coolly blows on your cunt and you shiver as he does. When his finger drags itself through your wetness and his lips connect with your bud, your hands grip the sheets. He licks a long stripe from top to bottom, sucking on your clit for a few seconds.

“You taste like honey, mama.” he coos, the vibrations adding to the pleasure.

He tenderly eats you out, paying close attention to what your body does and doesn’t like. His eyes watch you as he works, noting your facial expressions and your breathing. No one you’d ever been with has paid such attention to you like this, but the fact Josh does, doesn’t surprise you.

He laps at your cunt, fingers buried inside of you. When he finds your specific spot, he curls roughly into you and your hands shoot to his hair. He giggles gently again, working fast circles into your pussy as your fingers grip his head. The feeling of his mustache against your folds makes for a delightful experience. The pit in your stomach grows quickly and before you know it, you’re catapulted over the edge. With your hips bucking into Josh’s face, you unravel below him, stars shooting through the black of your eyelids.

Once you’ve come down from your high, you release his hair and throw your arms behind your head. He kisses along the insides of your thighs, cleaning up all of your release. Sliding his fingers into his mouth, he sucks them dry with a shit eating grin. With arms on either side of your head, he lowers himself back onto you, kissing your forehead and stroking your hair.

“How am I expected to eat anything else ever again?” he quips, earning an exhausted laugh from you. “You don’t have to do anything for me. I’m happy with this.” he tells you softly.

“No, I want to.” you tell him.

He nods and rolls onto his back. You straddle him first, kissing his face. Then, you slide down, your tits dragging across his bare skin. You bite your lip at the friction, and he watches you through hooded eyelids. When you palm him through his pants, he lays his head back, mouth open. You unbutton him and slide both his pants and boxers down at the same time. You toss the material on to the floor before giving him your full attention. His cock sits against his stomach and you drool at the vein running across the length of him.

He hisses as you take him into your hand, gently wrapping your fingers around him. You drag your tongue across the tip of him, cleaning up the precum that glistens before you. He perches on his elbows and watches you–ass in the air– take him into your mouth. His eyes roll back and he grunts when he reaches the back of your throat. You toy with him for a few seconds, letting your tongue and fingers mess with his length. When his hands grip your hair and pull you away from him, you frown.

“I love this so much, but I’m gonna cum if you don’t stop.”

“Maybe I want you to cum.” you dare, raising your eyebrows at him.

“Fuck, you little shit.” he groans, moving away from you. “How do you want it?”

“However you want it.” you smile. He shakes his head, a wide grin on his lips.

“Lay on your back for me baby.” he directs and you listen embarrassingly fast.

“I’m on the pill.” you quickly tell him, marveling at the idea of him finishing inside of you. He pulls his lip between his teeth and kisses you gently, situating himself between your legs.

When his tip runs through your folds, you open your mouth and lay your head back, leaving your neck open. He sucks on it as he sits at your entrance. You feel as if you may explode if you have to wait one more minute to feel him inside of you.

“You’re so wet. Fuck.” he whimpers, finally slipping himself into you.

In unison, you both moan. When he’s buried deep inside of you, you wrap your legs around his waist to keep him in place. He kisses your cheek and then finds your lips, his hands on your hips. Once you tell him to move, he pulls out before slamming back into you until his pubic hair meets yours. His hips continue to snap into yours, the sound of skin filling the room. You cry his name and he buries himself into your neck. His mouth opens and his teeth latch onto your skin. He doesn’t bite, but you can feel his top set marking your shoulder. The whole idea makes you clench around him. He removes his teeth and rests his forehead on yours, a hand on your cheek. He mumbles above you, his sweaty curls in your eyes.

“You feel so good.” you say and his eyebrow knit together closely. “So big, baby.”

“Jesus.” he cries, his thrusts getting a bit sloppier.

“Gonna cum, Josh?” you pant, trying to tip him over the edge. “Do it.”

With a groan, he removes himself from you and grabs your waist to move you to your stomach. When he taps your side, you raise yourself on all fours, sticking your ass up. He slides himself through you again, a trail of spit leaving his mouth and falling onto your pussy. He slides in again but doesn’t stop to allow you to adjust. His hips snap furiously into your ass, pornographic noises clouding your judgment. He unties the ribbon in your hair and uses his hand to mess it up a bit. Grabbing a handful, he pulls you up to him and kisses your cheek. You whine at the position, mouth hanging open as you fall apart. In one swift motion, he shoves you down into his pillow, your cries being silenced. Screaming his name, he holds your head in the pillow. You can hear him grunting above you, painting an image in your mind you’ll never be able to shake away from.

“Fuck, Y/N. You’re gripping me so tight. You gonna cum for me, pretty girl?” he taunts.

“Nope.” you say, your voice in shambles along with the rest of your body.

“Are you sure?” he asks again, this time, snaking a hand between your legs to work circles into your clit. You cry at the contact, trying to fight the feeling approaching in your stomach. “Fuck, mama. Cum for me, baby. Let it all go. Soak my cock.”

Doing as you’re told, you cum all over him. Your body is shaking rapidly as he still pounds into you. He’s chanting your name like it’s his religion as he lays his sweaty chest across your back. You’re still coming down from your high as he reaches his, lashing above you. You feel him paint the inside of you, all warm and wet. He falls onto you, both of your body’s exhausted.

After a few moments of being pancaked in between the bed and him, he lifts himself off of you and pulls himself out. Your body feels cold without him tucked away inside of you, but you’re thankful to get out of the position and breath. You stand and disappear into the bathroom while Josh changes the sheets. When you return, he’s under the covers waiting for you. You smile and so does he as you walk back to him–still completely naked.

“I’m hard again just watching you walk back here.” he says, pulling back the covers for you. You smack his arm playfully and take a sip of your water.

Setting it down, he grabs your waist and pulls you down on top of him. You laugh as you fall on him, crushing him. Instead of pushing you off of him, he holds you tighter on top of him. You let him have his moment, his love language has always been physical touch. Enjoying the moment, you hold his head in your arms, your nose buried into the damp curls on his head.

Eventually, you slide down so your head is resting on his chest. You both lay there in silence. You listen to his heart and breathing, your eyes beginning to shut. You’re not per say, tired, but being in Josh’s arm in his room at this exact moment, makes you want to forget the outside world around you. But of course, you’re not lucky enough for that.

“Can we talk about this?” he says quietly, his lips pressed against the crown of your head.

“I just want to enjoy this, Josh.” you say.

“Me too. But I can’t enjoy this until I know how you’re feeling.” You rotate yourself so your chin is on Josh’s chest, the fronts of your bodies pressed together. He looks exhausted, but somehow more beautiful than ever. His face is still red with a sheen of sweat over it. His curls are frizzy and lay lifelessly atop his head, casting a shadow over his eyes. “So will you talk to me?”

You nod. “I don’t know what to do.”

“About what? Us?” when all you offer is silence, he gets the drift. “Is this because of what happened on graduation night?” Once again, your eyes fail to meet his so they stare at the soft skin you’re resting on. “You know I meant nothing of what I said that night.”

“You mean when you told me I’m holding you back from your dreams?” Your voice is hoarse and cold.

“Is that why you didn’t want anything to happen between us? Because I said that so long ago?” he asks. His tone isn’t snippy or rude, it’s curious and a bit hurtful. His breathing hitches below you, letting you know he’s nervous for what comes next.

“No, Josh. I’m afraid if you realize your feelings for me, I really will hold you back from your dreams.” you admit in a low tone.

“I realized years ago.”

“And you succeeded after I let you go.” your voice is raspy and you can feel your bottom lip quiver.

“I succeeded because I was able to leave here. It had nothing to do with you. How many times did I want to quit growing up? You never let me. You pushed me just as hard as Jake did.”

You cover your face with your hands, trying to hide your expressions. He pulls them into his hands and gives you a blank expression. “Josh, I can’t–”

“I don’t care if my career is ruined, that’s not what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid I’m going to love you more than I’ll ever be allowed to.” he says firmly. Your heart burns as your eyes meet his. They’re glossed over and filled with emotion, so much, you can hardly stare at him any longer.

“I love you.” you sputter out. “I want to be with you–”

“See? So let’s be together.” he says, a smile engulfing his face. He cups your cheeks, dragging you in for another kiss.

“Okay.” you melt into his touch. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Really?” he asks. “I won’t ask you to give up anything. We’ll work around your life.”

Your cheeks are a bright red as you drop your head onto Josh’s chest. His arms cover your back, holding you tightly into his body. Skin to skin, you feel more seen than ever before. He’s your home, you realize that now. After being apart from him for so long, you got used to the pain in the corner of your heart. But after tonight, you know the pain will never subside.

“I’m sorry I never answered your calls or texts.”

“Shh. I want to enjoy the moment.” he mocks your words from earlier. All you’re able to do is laugh at him and tuck yourself back into his arms.

You lay awake, listening to his breathing. The sound consoles you, lulling you to sleep. Your mind wanders about your future with him, the years wasted pushed behind you. You’re surprised it took you so long to realize who was the one for you.

It had been him all along afterall.

⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊

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