#journal account | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

traumadumpjournal · 4 months

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recently i have been thinking about accountability in one’s own healing. i made that decision to leave for good, & i have to be okay with that. there’s no way i can ever live a life, let alone a life better than it was, without accepting that.

i have freedom—not for the want of material things, nor did i ever desire the ‘western’ lifestyle that they all thought i did. i am free to love myself & love others & to be loved. i am free to speak & eat & wear clothes & show emotions & have hobbies without any of it being questioned/ridiculed/dismissed.

so why can’t i be okay with that? how can i still miss being in a place where i was more shadow than person? where the only time i felt warmth in a house full of people relied on the physical concept itself —a shower or a mug of tea.

the concept of family is so innate, socially, culturally, religiously. i feel like i’m going to hell for choosing to cut off contact, have been made to feel like that by them. my faith was weaponised against me. i know it’s a beautiful faith, & i will find it again. i’m just fearful of the journey.

also…it wasn’t all bad. a lot of it was unspeakably torturous, but some stuff was nice. a mother’s love is healing when a child is sick—until it’s the mother making you sick. my father’s laugh, when it wasn’t at my expense. my youngest sibling with his tiny child hands, now probably a lot larger than mine. i wouldn’t know. i could never know. & that almost kills me with grief, all the time.

#personal #journal #journalling #mental health #tw: depression #tw: anxiety #tw: trauma #vent account #vent post #journal account #on healing #tw: abuse #tw: family estrangement #tw: estrangement

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cawefee · 1 year

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Hello, November.🍁🍂

ig: magiapages

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bujokookie · 1 year

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New month, New 👖

IG: Nza.png

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lavenderpanic · 6 months

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urloveangel · 10 months

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affirmations for inner child healing and supporting your adult self 💗✍🏼✨

I am no longer responsible for my parents or their happiness

I am fully capable of surviving and thriving without my parents

I am no longer waiting for my parents to change or give me the love, support or care I desire

I am releasing all the expectations of my parents to be someone they’re not

I am accepting my parents exactly as they are and that they give me all they’re capable of giving

I appreciate the love and support my parents give me in their own way

I am responsible to give myself the love, care and support I desire and need

I am committed to fulfill my needs and love myself unconditionally exactly as I am

I am responsible for my life, happiness and healing

I am fully capable of supporting and being there for myself

#self healing #inner child #inner child healing #self accountability #trauma healing #journaling #affirmations #affirm #forgiveness #surrender #recall healing #divine love #higher self #self love #personal growth #inner work #energy work #mindset shift #lightworkers

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wackachewbacca · 1 year

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The historian in me is thinking about how tumblr blog posts might be used as first person sources/accounts for the political decline of the UK/Scottish Independence

There are going to be academic papers addressing the significance of the Star Trek meme and I hope I get to write one of them

#history #world events #scottish independence #an aside I’m neither Scottish or English but you can bet I’m routing for Scotland and every trans person being withheld their human rights #another aside electronic sources are cool and all but also hand written accounts are just as good #write in your journal about these world events if not for future historians then for yourself #you’re gonna find out you lived through incredible times with recognizing how significant they were

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aropride · 1 month

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this post was a game changer for me. thank you ryan reynolds

#text #LIKE. i beat myself up for a WHILE abt my reaction #But what that person did was much worse #& i did not say a single unkind word to them #& if i had a big freak-out break-down on a PRIVATE BLOG that was essentially a diary because i DIDNT KNOW THEY WERE STALKING ME ONLINE ⁉️⁉️⁉#well i was well within my right to do so. because i should not have been expected to account for their feelings right after what they did #IN MY OWN PRIVATE SPACE. !!!!!!!!! GOD.#and i kept myself in check speaking directly to them & thats all that should have been expected from me. i was allowed to say mean things a #about them in what was essentially a digitsl journal. after they LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED ME ‼️‼️‼️#Sorry Everyone im finally going back and like processing stuff from years ago due in no small part to the shelby abuse stream #so sry if im complaining abt being traumatized more than usual 😒#traumablogging

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dent-de-leon · 4 months

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would read a whole dnd book that's just cataloguing different entries of weird relics scavenged from the ruins of Aeor, archives of the Cobalt Soul, little curiosities of Nana Morri's, etc.--

#a whole book on just Incredibly Cursed Relics compiled by the cobalt soul sounds just very fun #imagining like. different entries and firsthand accounts of chaotic evil vestiges or horrors lurking in ancient ruins #frantically scrawled notes from lucien about the effects of the nonagon's journal #meticulously written articles compiled by caleb of his latest arcane discoveries #also. the boots king made out of uk'otoa are there--

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beegalactica · 1 month

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accountability.

Recently, for my 17th birthday at the start of March, I received this tiny pocket A7 book. I didn't know what to write in it considering I used to have a habit of collecting pretty notebooks and never using them.

This book was too small for me to write long things in. I considered making daily to-do lists but decided I'd stick to my other systems for that. Then yesterday, whilst reflecting on some things weighing on my mind, I decided to write it down. There isn't much space on each page so I kept it brief and just tried to use the most concise words possible to acknowledge what I was feeling.

I call this book my 'honest truths' book. It is a way for me to acknowledge harmful thoughts, beliefs and behaviours I may have, and I aim to use it as a way to be present when facing difficulties whilst also remembering that they do not define me.

If you want to start one, you can use whatever medium you like, but I would recommend pen and paper because there's nothing like that feeling of pen on a page, which evokes such honesty. Just be honest with yourself. Spare your ego the feelings associated with finally acknowledging you are struggling. Leave yourself some words of encouragement at the end of each entry so that whenever you feel yourself slipping back into old habits, read that entry and remind yourself that you can come out stronger.

Stay safe.

#lifeblr #becoming that girl #self improvement #girlblogger #girlblogging #it girl #that girl #self care #journal #journalling #accountability #becoming her #glow up #it girl energy

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the-joy-of-knowledge · 2 years

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Finance Girl Starter Pack

1. Books

You will read books but don’t be overwhelmed by them. Every finance book reiterates the same thing. Understand the difference between personal, corporate, public, and international finance. Hence there are certain I moody to vocabulary for each field. Once you become family with the basics, it will be easier to understand as you go on.

2. Finance media

Being on top of the financial news is a good way of knowing the finance. You’ll come across real life scenarios of some of your textbook definitions. Watch CNBC, Bloomberg. You can read Wall Street Journal, Barron’s, Kiplinger. You can also check online sources like Investopedia, Nerdwallet, and some interesting ones that include news on fintech.

3. Productivity & tools

My favorite is Notion. I use it to track assignments and projects, Google Calendar is your friend. Know how to use Google Docs. Play with various tools to figure out which you like best.

4. Skills

Knowing how to use Excel and PowerPoint is a pathway to opportunities. Use YouTube first, then try other classes available on Udemy, Coursera, or eDx. Build up skills in modeling and business analysis. Communication and other soft skills should also be worked on.

5. LinkedIn

LinkedIn is very important to network in finance. Start with a professional headshot. You can connect with industry leaders and corporations you’d like to work for. Create a profile that includes your skills, showcase your financial modeling, dashboards, infographics. Be consistent and engaging.

6. Good business wear

A wardrobe of staple work clothes will go a long way for interviews and busy work days. Two to three blazers ( including tweed), a classic work bag, comfortable shoes, formal dress, and pants. The goal is to be business- professional, business-casual, or business-chic.

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traumadumpjournal · 5 months

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loneliness kills. why won’t it claim me already???

#personal #journal #journalling #mental health #tw: depression #tw: trauma #tw: loneliness #vent account #vent post #venting #journal account #tw: anxiety #tw: disordered eating

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cawefee · 2 years

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⋆ ˚｡⋆ ✿

ig: cawefee

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buddygrouse · 1 month

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#hobonichi #my most colorful year yet on account of remembering about colored pencils #journal

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uncanny-tranny · 2 months

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For TST

I just finished listening to Elliot Page's book and I have to say it was an interesting piece of literature. I highly highly recommend it.

I have never read a book that is so closely aligned with myself as a trans man and my upbringing. I never thought I would read book that defines what it means to be a trans man in the public eye. I do not want to be as famous as him but I would like to make a change to the world as he has.

I am comfortable in who I am and who I love and how I choose to express my gender. Things really can and often do get better with time. And I hope that any person that sees this knows that they are not trapped in the shoes that society has put them in and they can actively choose a different pair.

I would love to read Pageboy soon; these memoirs and other art and literature are our history, part of our lifeblood as a community, and it's vital that we read each other's lives and understand that we truly are here in this world💛

It's great to read such a glowing review from you, and I'm so happy that his words lit your soul like it has

#ask #anon #transsexual thursday #to any trans person reading this: please document your life however you can. make music or keep a journal or paint or write books #your existence is so important and leaving as much evidence of your life as possible is important no matter WHO you are #it doesn't matter if you're famous or rich or the top in society. it matters that you *exist*#if you can and want to: documenting your life is an amazing way to engage with community and who you are #you can document anything you want or need to - the good the bad the ugly - whatever you want to share is important #i know i for one am FOREVER grateful to see historical accounts of trans people - sometimes it's all you have when you first come out #the only figures i had that i knew to look up to were men like billy tipton and dr. allan L. hart and a couple others #and while it felt lonely at first i was so comforted to know that my existence as trans and as a man was not unprecedented or unknown #so if you can/want to document yourself please do #it isn't conceited or selfish or bad. it's human. it's natural. it's revolutionary - especially when you're trans #ESPECIALLY when our history is both impressive and sometimes limited

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phatburd · 3 months

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Bessières and the 600,000+ Franc Question

For @josefavomjaaga

While going over sources and material related to Jean-Baptiste Bessières, there's one thing that keeps twigging my journalist Spidey sense, and I don't like that.

Always, without fail, it's presented as a fait accompli that Bessières blew anywhere between 600,000 to one million francs on his mistress, a Paris opera dancer named Virginie. The fact he had a mistress isn't actually unusual by itself, when compared to the affairs his peers carried on. The exceptions were probably the Davouts and the Lefebvres.

Furthermore, his wife, Marie-Jeanne, discovered the affair after his death when his personal affects were returned to her from the battlefield.

The massive debts the Marshal left behind bankrupted his family, necessitating that Marie-Jeanne into selling their estate, Chateau de Grignon, to cover some of it. Napoleon also paid down some of Bessières' debts and set up a yearly pension for Marie-Jeanne her son. According to some accounts, she struggled financially for the rest of her life.

This is what I don't like about it, and why it doesn't completely pass the sniff test.

I accept that Bessières died flat broke and in debt. In debt to whom, however? Who were his creditors?

When did he meet his mistress? Was that fortune spent over a period of years, or in a fairly short time?

Even as a Marshal of France he had to pay his officers out of his own pocket, and provide his own carriages and some supplies on campaign. If he was flat broke, how did he continue to pay his officers?

Bessières was also bad with money to begin with. He was known to be generous and charitable, to the point where he'd be giving away money to anyone whom he thought was more in need than he was with it. Allegedly, Virginie was in debt herself, and he paid down all of them out of the apparent goodness of his heart.

(This raises even more questions. Was she a gold digger, was she blackmailing him, was he totally besotted with her that he didn't realize what the hell he was doing? Was he just lonely? Did they have genuine feelings for one another? There's a lot of there there, but no real answers.)

My conclusion is, no, Bessières did not spend 600,000 to one million francs on his mistress. Her presence, however, was not helpful to his situation.

He paid down Virginie's debts, however much they were. Being terrible with money, he kept putting himself in a financial hole, and then he kept digging. The upkeep on Chateau de Grignon had to be ridiculous. He still had to pay his officers and his staff. He was probably borrowing and burning through money and racking up the debt. Like that meme goes, "This is fine" while everything's burning down around him. A bit like using a credit card to pay down a credit card, as one might do in the modern parlance.

(His financial problems may have contributed to his increasing depression towards the end of his life as well. Was someone blackmailing him with his debts? Another interesting question that can never be adequately addressed.)

From what I've gathered, he hid all his problems from pretty much everyone. Even Napoleon seemed caught off guard with how bad Bessières' finances were. I argue that the 600,000 to one million francs he owed upon his death were cumulative and not to a single person as the historical narrative wants people to believe.

It seems a small thing to be annoyed with, but there seems to be more than a bit of misogyny to lay all of Bessières' troubles on a single woman as the historical narrative seems to want to do.

Another thing ... if Bessières burned a lot of his recent correspondence towards the end of his life, what exactly was the evidence Marie-Jeanne discovered as proof of the affair. How did she prove it? Did other people know about the affair and kept her in the dark? If so, who was that?

In the novel, "The Battle" by Patrick Rimbaud, a semi-fictionalized account of the Battle of Aspern-Essling, Rimbaud's characterization of Bessières has him wear two gold lockets under his Marshal's uniform. One for Marie-Jeanne, the other for Virginie. I don't know if Rimbaud based that on an actual account, or if it was something he made up. I have a lot of problems with that book though, probably because the translation seems somewhat robotic and not great. It's an interesting idea, however, and maybe worth keeping around as a headcanon.

Did Madame Bessières struggle financially for the rest of her life afterwards? Possibly. I don't have enough information to make a conclusion there, but it's not impossible. She did continue to faithfully visit his tomb for years after his death.

TL;DR Bessières died broke and in debt but it wasn't all because of his mistress. If someone else has something to the contrary, I'd love to read it.

#in my headcanon #the other locket has Murat's portrait in it #now wouldn't that be trippy for people to find #jean baptiste bessières #napoleon's marshals #my old journalism professor would have an apoplexy reading some of these historical accounts #they fail the basic how what when why where test #napoleonic era

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wahwahmoment · 12 days

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my @attollogame mc, isaac! before and during attollo. he's just some guy (until the horrors get to him)

#attollo #attollo game #attollo if #attollo mc #cryptk.png #cryptk's ocs #he keeps a journal to stay somewhat sane in attollo #i'd like to imagine the codex entries are in his journal but written from his pov #also can you tell i didn't know wtf to do with the background.#i just wanted to make it presentable enough to post SOBS #btw @ the author pls let me know if tagging your account in posts is bothersome or whatever 🙏#i'm not sure what the proper etiquette is when it comes to interacting with IF accounts #IGNORE THAT I IMMEDIATELY REPOSTED THIS CUS I NOTICED SOMETHING WRONG GRAHHH

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