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smoll-tangerine · 3 years

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come morning light

PAIRING. king louis xiv!hendery x female!reader (feat. molière!sicheng) GENRES. romance, angst, drama, love triangle, historical!au WORD COUNT. 30k

part of the NCT HISTORICAL COLLAB hosted by @puppywritings

SYNOPSIS. king louis hendery XIV, king of france, had always reassured you ever since you were children that you were to be his wife and the future queen of france when you became his one and only significant other at the tender age of sixteen years old. but when a war that seemed to never end threatened the existence of the kingdom, he had no choice but to put your promise together temporarily on hold.

and you were left wondering if there was even a happy ever after with him to begin with.

WARNINGS. love triangle/square?, arranged marriage, cheating, explicit language, kinda toxic relationship, mentions of war, alcohol consumption, implied nsfw but nothing explicit.

DISCLAIMER. while the story contains some historical facts, it is purely fictional and any similarities are coincidences.

PLAYLIST. salvatore by lana del rey • yes to heaven by lana del rey • la vie en rose by édith piaf • je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson • rêverie, l. 68 by debussy • aphrodite by honey gentry • moi c’est (slowed version) by camelia jordana • a thousand years by christina perri

TAGLIST. @crescent-iak @kunrengui

[a/n]: i would like to give a biG FAT THANKS TO MY FAVOURITE VIRGO @jeongvision for not only proofreading this fic, but for also brainstorming and screaming about this monster at 2-3am in the morning. thank you so much em for pushing me through this process and helping me flesh out this whole thing! ilysm, i cannot thank you enough for supporting me through this!!

it’s been a while since i’ve last posted and written something this long. it’s also been a while since the last time i’ve felt proud about a story, so, i really hope you will all enjoy this story as much as i enjoyed writing it! and pls let me know your thoughts and comments! ♥

Louis Hendery Dieudonné, son of King Louis XIII and Anne of Austria, was regarded as a divine gift and his birth, a miracle of God, as his mother had experienced four stillbirths before giving birth to him. To his parents, he was their precious heir. To the people, he was a divine wonder.

But to you, he had always been just Hendery.

In 1643, King Louis XIII passed away. Prince Hendery, at the tender age of 4 years old, became the new king of France. You saw him for the first time at the late king’s funeral. Your impression of the young prince who was around the same age as you, was that he was painfully gorgeous.

You noticed that his brown locks, which curled a bit in the ends, shone under the sunlight. They were a shade similar to a dark caramel, but almost blonde under the light. He stuck by Queen Anne, who seemed overly protective of him—at least more so than her second son, Philippe Lucas the First, Duke of Orléans. Or to you, he was just Lucas.

In 1646, the court appointed your father, Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy, as King Louis XIV’s tutor. You and your older brother, François Xiaojun de Villeroy, often accompanied him to the tutoring lessons and became close friends with the two royal princes.

You were there for him, when he was declared to have reached the age of majority on September 7th, 1651, at the age of thirteen.

You were there for him, when your father, who served as the Grand Master of France, legitimized Hendery’s ascension to the throne on June 7th ,1654, when he was only sixteen years old. You remembered celebrating his coronation with him alone, soon after the celebrations at the Notre-Dame-de-Reims Cathedral, and he had asked you to be his.

You dared to call yourself Hendery’s closest confidante, not counting his mother. And for years, France had been governed by a Council of ministers that was led by his mother. Because he had lost his father at a young age, Hendery always thought that he had to do everything in his power to not disappoint Queen Anne.

However, one thing he had never compromised with his mother about, was his relationship with you.

You felt special whenever Hendery reassured you that the nature of your relationship wouldn’t change, that you would always remain as his special significant other, and that he would do everything in his power to have you stay by his side. But you didn’t have it in your heart to tell him that he didn’t have much power and that the person who was actually in charge was Queen Anne.

It was a sunny afternoon of 1659. Hendery was twenty-one years and you were twenty years old. You two were lying on the grass, in the backyard of the Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye, thankfully, without any of his courtiers around. You had a feeling that his promise cannot be kept anymore as he informed you that he had to head over to Spain with Queen Anne, for diplomatic purposes.

Your body tensed at the news, knowing that Spain had a princess who was around yours and Hendery’s age. You quickly turned away from him and sighed as you leaned on your elbow and flipped through Le Dépit amoureux, a play written by an up-and-coming author called Molière.

“Come on, my love,” he cooed as he kissed you on your naked shoulders. “You know you’re the only one in my heart. What are you so worried about?”

You brushed him away, still sulking a little bit. It didn’t matter whether you were the only one in Hendery’s heart or not because in the end, the matters of his relationship and marriage were public. He couldn’t make these decisions, at least, not without his court, and you knew that Queen Anne wasn’t too favourable of you especially since you couldn’t bring much to Hendery if you were to marry him.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

It was only then that you allowed yourself to turn towards him and you immediately softened at his slightly broken, conflicted expression. It was never your intention to make him pull that expression especially since you never wanted to burden him, in any way. Under his cool reserve, there was a wealth of depth and sentiment that he only shared with you and no one else.

Hendery wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his face against your chest. You gently stroked his hair as his face drew closer. After you combed your fingers through his loose waves, you rubbed his temples. Your king narrowed his eyes at your actions, like he enjoyed your touch. And you felt your heart wrench as if it was so full of love for him.

“I have no intention of breaking my promise to you,” he announced with a grave voice and leaned his forehead against yours. “I am yours and you are mine, and nothing in the world can ever change that.”

You breathed sharply against his tender lips and nodded in reassurance, showing Hendery that you wholeheartedly believed him and his words. Hendery always had a way with words and he never failed to make you feel like you two were at the top of the world. But, you should have known that the higher you were, the harder you were going to fall.

“I love you,” he told you, his chest rumbling against yours, “from the bottom of my heart. Always and forever.”

You smiled and meshed your lips with his as you echoed, “I love you too, my King.”

“Come,” he asked you as he pulled you up and led you back into his castle. “I’ve got something to show you.”

You tried not to roll your eyes at his actions and felt a bit worried. Hendery was a known prankster, always causing trouble for his close friends. While he would never act this way in front of his mother and his servants, he would never miss the opportunity to give you or Lucas or Xiaojun a scare. So, you kept your guards up just in case he decided that pranking you for the 99th time was a good idea.

But against all of your expectations, Hendery did not prank you.

Hendery brought you to the castle’s treasury. While most of his prized possessions were safely guarded in the Garde de Meuble de la Couronne of the Place de la Concorde, which was the official Royal Treasury, you knew that he did keep some of them in his castle for safety purposes. For that reason alone, you wondered just what he wanted to show you exactly. Not to mention, you didn’t exactly receive security clearance (though, with the King by your side, security clearance was perhaps not needed.)

You were amazed by all the glistening jewellery that surrounded you both, so pretty and precious that you were afraid to even look at them. But the question still remained.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

Oh God, you hoped that this wasn’t a prank.

You heard his clothes rustle and Hendery slipped his hand away from yours, scaring you just a little as your eyes were closed.

“My King?” you called him out.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here, my love,” you heard him say. His voice didn’t seem distant so you were reassured that he was still close to you.

After a few seconds, Hendery finally broke his silence. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

You opened your eyes to not anything in front of you other than the jewels displayed. Your eyes searched for the king, wondering just where exactly he went when he was right next to you. And you found your answer literally in front of you.

Hendery knelt in front of you, his eyes shining and bright as he stared up at you. You were speechless as you stared him up-and-down, and then to the glistening ring he held in-between his slim fingers.

Oh God, you really hoped that this wasn’t a prank.

“My King– I–” you stuttered, “H-Hendery, just what are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

You asked because you didn’t dare to hope. Not when he just told you that he had to go and visit Spain where a certain princess resided. Not when he had never shown any indication of actually making you his wife, of making you the Queen of France.

“Words can only do so much,” Hendery explained. “I had this custom-made the second I found out that I have to leave the country for a while. I didn’t want you to think that anything was going to change between us.”

Your heart hammered against your chest. “Hendery, you’re kneeling—just what exactly am I supposed to think of this?”

“Exactly what you’re thinking.” Hendery took a deep breath and said your name fondly before asking you, “Will you marry me?”

Tears filled your vision and you quickly nodded, the moment clouding your judgement. You were too happy to think of anything else. And this joy that exploded in your chest as Hendery exclaimed in happiness before sliding the ring onto your left right finger and kissing you on the lips; you didn’t think you could exactly describe it in words but you wished that this feeling would last forever.

You took a look at the ring after you and Hendery pulled away from each other after a few kisses. The engagement ring was a gemstone one, the oval-shaped red ruby stone in the centre circled by little diamonds like sun rays. It either looked like a sun or a flower, both shapes you adored nonetheless because it reminded you of Hendery.

“Wait for me,” he asked against your lips.

“Okay.”

However, you realized belatedly that perhaps you were too rash with your decision to accept Hendery’s proposal. You were simply too caught up in the moment, too impatient to think of the possible repercussions following the event. How could you possibly forget all the people who were against your relationship from the beginning? Like his courtiers who had no shame in talking behind your back? And of course, Hendery’s mother.

But Queen Anne wasn’t the only one against your relationship.

Your father gave you a disapproving look as you finally came back home to your family’s hôtel particulier, an overly large townhouse that couldn’t possibly be compared to the palace, but home nonetheless. Your father built it in 1640 on family grounds, shortly before your grandfather’s death.

The maids scurried around as they welcomed you back. Your older brother, Xiaojun, raised an eyebrow at you as you joined the two males in your family home’s garden. You giggled a little bit to yourself as you remembered how the young king used to love to come and visit the beautiful courtyard of your family’s building when he used to live in the Palais-Royal.

And speaking of the Palais-Royal, you thought to yourself that you should pay a visit to Duke Lucas of Anjou, soon enough. Ever since Hendery gave the Palais Royal away to Lucas, and moved to the Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye, you saw him less and less. Hendery might have been your significant other, but Lucas was still your best—if not, closest—friend just like how Xiaojun was Hendery’s best friend.

“How many times have I told you to not visit the King so frequently?” your father said in a gruff tone. “No matter if he is the King, people talk, my child.”

You tried not to roll your eyes at your father but managed to refrain yourself at the last minute. Your mother died shortly after giving birth to you, leaving him as a single father. You understood how hard it must be for your father to have raised a daughter, but with the help of a wet nurse and governess, you dared to say that you turned out just fine.

“Why is it that Brother can visit the King whenever he wants, but I cannot?” you questioned with a curious smile, even though you knew the answer to the question. “Is it due to my gender?”

“Very funny,” Xiaojun deadpanned.

Your father sighed tiredly and rubbed his temple. “You must understand, my daughter, that you are a lady, one who is yet to be married.”

“The King and I will marry soon enough,” you answered without hesitation.

You didn’t miss the flash of anger that went through your father’s eyes and then a look of pity. Your father was close to Hendery and you wondered if there was anything that the two of them had kept from you that you couldn’t have possibly uncovered from the gossipy staff at Hendery’s palace. But you immediately shook those thoughts away and decided to have faith in both Hendery and the ring he had just gifted you.

“The King has not yet asked for your hand officially,” he replied with gritted teeth. You almost gasped at your father’s words as you couldn’t believe he would say that—to imply what he meant to imply. “He is young, he is of marrying age, and we are at war.”

He then sighed. “It is foolish of you to continue thinking that you will be the one by his side.”

You bit your bottom lip, your eyes slowly tearing up at your father’s words slowly ripped you apart. You noticed Xiaojun shooting a chastising look over at your father and motioned you with his chin and worried eyes. Although you were grateful for your older brother’s actions, you couldn’t deny the truth there was in your father’s words.

Despite Hendery’s promises, he never really acted upon them. But you were young and so in love, you were willing to overlook everything if it meant that you could stay by Hendery’s side. But it was truly foolish of you to think that Hendery was yours and yours only.

He was the king of one of the most powerful and richest countries in Europe; he was a young king eligible for political and diplomatic marriages. With France in a war that seemed never-ending against Spain, you could only imagine the purpose of Hendery’s trip to the said country with Queen Anne.

You knew.

But it didn’t mean that you had to acknowledge it.

At least, not until it actually happened.

“I’m going to see Lucas,” you muttered as you got up and pushed your seat away harshly. “Probably going to spend the evening there, so do not bother sending a carriage over to pick me up.”

“Dear–” you could hear your father calling after you.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” you said without sparing a second look as you left the gardens and headed over to your carriage, asking the coachman to bring you to Palais-Royal.

The short, ten minutes horse ride allowed you a little breathing room. It was ten minutes away from Hendery’s suffocating court, ten minutes away from your overbearing family, and ten minutes alone just for you. But that little breathing room could also allow for negative thoughts to creep into the little crevices of your head; as soon as you’d let your guards down, they could consume you completely.

You were torn between staying by Hendery’s side, knowing that his indecisiveness could perhaps lead you to your demise as a woman in the 17th century, and doing what would be best for you by slowly distancing yourself from the young king.

It was obvious to anyone with a sane mind which would be the better option. But they didn’t understand the relationship between you and Hendery; the pull and yearning you guys had for one another. You could feel it deep in your soul that the king was made for you, the missing puzzle piece to your whole picture.

King Hendery’s presence was essential in your life. Being with him and loving the king was as easy as breathing air. Being basked upon his presence felt somewhat like a blessing and being at the receiving end of his love made you understand why the people thought of their king as a divine wonder.

His position and his nickname as the Sun King made you constantly wonder if you could touch him without burning yourself, just like how he had touched you and made you fall in love with him without even using his hands.

You didn’t think you could love anyone other than Hendery, but it was especially during these times when he had to be away from you for political business; when your family would constantly remind you that despite your family status, it would still never be enough for the royal family; when Queen Anne herself always made it perfectly clear to you that she’d never thought of you as a prospect whenever you visited Hendery at the château by never sparing you a single glance.

Your only remaining solace, other than being by Hendery’s side, was with Duke Lucas.

Lucas was a casual royal, never caring much about titles and statuses. He preferred staying away from his family’s politics and doing his own things, which garnered some criticisms and gossip. But the duke being the duke, he didn’t care much for them—a trait you were vehemently jealous of and yet greatly admired him for it.

“Did you finally remember that you have a best friend?” he asked teasingly as he welcomed you into his palace.

Your nose scrunched at both his words and his attire. It wasn’t hard to compare the two brothers: Hendery was always impeccable in everything he did, from his outer appearance to his behaviour, whereas Lucas was a bit rough around the edges. But, still dazzling in his own frenzy and lazy way.

“Just because we are best friends does not mean that you can greet a lady in your sleeping garments,” you chastised him jokingly while motioning his clothes with your fan with a fake, horrified expression.

But your face soon melted in a smile before giving Lucas a hug, ignoring all the royal protocols—you were never really one to follow them, anyway. And Lucas had never allowed you to bow to him either.

“How have you been?” you asked.

You took in his dishevelled self and raised a brow at the love marks on his neck that he never really bothered to hide unless he was on official royal duties; perhaps due to his status as the second-in-line that he never really cared. But, he was still one to adhere to etiquette and panoply especially when it came to official royal duties. While he could care less about his own reputation, he would do everything to avoid tarnishing Hendery’s.

“Same old, same old,” he replied nonchalantly as you two made your way to the dining room.

“Mademoiselle, the Duchess,” the maître d’hôtel of Lucas’s household, Philippe of Lorraine, greeted you with a small nod of his head, and you did the same.

Philippe came from a prominent family, being the second son to the Count and Countess of Harcourt, and their family’s rank just one below yours. Philippe’s father, Henri of Lorraine, was the Grand Squire of France, a prestigious position that put him in charge of the royal stables, the transport of the king and his ceremonial entourage. It was then at Hendery’s coronation that you all met Philippe and his family, officially.

You never really liked Philippe, his demeanour reminded you of a sleazy snake, always leaving you uncomfortable following an encounter. But Lucas adored Philippe like no other, and as his best friend, you didn’t have a choice but to go along with his whims, even when you did not necessarily agree with them.

After all, he was doing the same with you and Hendery.

“How have you been, Monsieur Philippe?” you asked politely. While he was the butler, he still held his title. You couldn’t address him too informally even though you two had known each other since teenagers.

“Never better,” he answered briskly before handing a long, beautiful navy blue silk robe to Lucas. “Please, your Highness, while the Duchess is your closest friend, you still have to be mindful that she is a lady.”

“And that is what I keep telling him,” you said with a roll of your eyes while Lucas begrudgingly accepted the sleeping gown and wore it as Philippe guided you two to your dining seats.

As you two were enjoying your meal, Lucas decided that your silence was enough.

“It is not often that you visit me without prior notice. Dare I enquire the reason behind your visit?” he asked with no animosity behind his voice. He truly was concerned about you.

He wished for your happiness more than anything: he understood how difficult it could be to be entangled with the royal family.

He was a member of it, after all.

“I feel like my reason is always the same whenever I come to see you, so do you really wish to hear about my complaints, once again?” you replied with a small snort, though you were still a bit worried that Lucas was going to be annoyed with you.

But Lucas, with his heart of gold, couldn’t possibly ever push you away. You were a dear friend of his just like how he was a dear friend of yours, and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that you two would do absolutely anything for each other as long as it meant ensuring you two would secure some form of happiness.

He noticed how tired you seemed, how sick you were of being constantly surveilled by the court whenever you were with his older brother, how you tried to hide the shakiness of your hands as you brought the goblet of wine to your lips with a small smile.

And he just knew that it was related to Hendery.

But what you needed at the moment wasn’t his advice or his opinion. Instead, you needed his support and a lending ear, and that was exactly what he was going to give you.

“My older brother is an idiot,” he simply said before going back to his chicken pie.

You chuckled as you mirrored his action. “An idiot we both love.”

A pregnant silence followed your statement, the sounds of your utensils scraping against the food and plates echoed in the large dining hall, and the servants were as silent as ever, never ones to speak up unless spoken to.

“You know that my offer still stands, right?” Lucas finally whispered.

You looked up from your plate to see your friend staring at you with an unbelievably soft and concerned look. You gave him a mellow smile, grateful. You could also see Philippe shifting uncomfortably at his master’s words from your periphery.

You sighed through your nose. “I appreciate it, Lucas, but you know I could never ask you to do such a thing. I would never ask you to throw away your own happiness if it means securing mine.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, but you knew there was part of him that was secretly relieved by what you had just said. “You’re my best friend, who else if not you should I do this for?”

“True friendships shouldn’t require you to sacrifice your happiness,” you answered back stubbornly. “And besides, us marrying each other, even as a last measure, is simply a recipe for disaster, don’t you agree?”

Lucas shook his head with a cheeky, defeated grin on his face before raising his wine glass to you.

“Amen to that.”

Hendery came back from his short trip to Spain.

To make up for his absence, he had asked you to join him at his palace as he had a surprise for you.

You were skeptical of his intentions, but the King seemed really excited and was enthusiastic that you joined him for the day. He genuinely seemed excited in his letter. His happiness was so infectious that you immediately asked for a carriage to bring you to the king’s residence. Hendery had been a little busier than usual lately, so you appreciated that he valued your time together.

And besides, you missed him terribly.

To your utmost surprise, Hendery was the one who greeted you when your carriage arrived in front of the château’s front gates, his servants and guards flanking his side. He quickly approached your carriage as it came to a complete stop and opened the door before handing you his hand as he helped you down. Hendery had always been a gentleman. But for some reason, he was acting more extra than usual.

He pressed a kiss to your hand and smiled up at you as he asked, “Now, if it is not the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes upon?”

Your nose scrunched at his remark. “Really, my King, stop it.”

“Why should I when it is the truth?” he replied with a small twinkle in his eyes before dragging you inside his castle and you tried to acknowledge his servants in the process with a small nod of your head. “Come, I have something to show you.”

“A surprise, my King?”

“Something of the sort,” he admitted with a half-smile. “A surprise I believe you will find absolutely delightful.”

“Aren’t we feeling overly confident, today?” you asked with a small chuckle.

“What are you talking about? This is how I am every time that I am with you.”

You two were practically jogging inside the castle at this point. You had to tug at his arm to remind him that it was not royal protocol to do so. After all, he was watched by everyone in his household, even those that did not belong to his court.

You gasped in surprise when you two came to a stop, the matriarch of the kingdom stood in front of you with all her regal and charisma. You immediately let go of Hendery’s hand and bobbed a curtsy to Queen Anne.

“Your Majesty,” you greeted her.

“Mother,” Hendery said after you.

The queen motioned you to stand up, almost surprising you because she never really acknowledged you. Usually, you would wait until she was gone from the room before getting up. Queen Anne gave you a soft smile, one that you returned shakily.

You shot a subtle glance over at your lover, wondering if he knew why his mother was acting so uncharacteristically. But Hendery’s face remained rigid and stoic, one that didn’t give you any hints that could possibly explain his mother’s behaviour.

It was ironic how his lack of emotions just told you everything you needed to know.

“Today is such a beautiful day,” Queen Anne said to the two of you with a smile. “I hope that you two will enjoy it to the fullest.”

“We will, Mother.”

You curtsied again. “Thank you, your Majesty.”

It wasn’t until Queen Anne left the room that Hendery grabbed hold of your hand again and led you towards the château’s interior court. Usually, the inner courtyard of the château was void of any decoration or greens, except for the few flowerbeds you forced Hendery to install so that his castle didn’t seem too monotone, something he agreed to only because he wanted to make you happy. You often used the numerous rows of flowers as an excuse to come and visit him, claiming that you wanted to take care of them as they were, in a way, a gift from Hendery to you.

This time, the interior court had a whole stage set up with two plush seats in front of the stage and large parasols overseeing the two seats with a table filled with delicacies and drinks.

Hendery brought you to one of the seats before sitting in the one next to yours.

“What is this…?” you asked as you kept looking around in your seat, confused.

“Settle down, my love,” he said with a soft smile and rubbed circles on your hand to soothe you. “You’ll see soon enough.”

The curtains of the stage were brought down and you instantly recognized the setting, the decoration, the characters the actors were playing. Your breath got caught in your throat as the actors started reciting the lines from the very play you were reading a couple of weeks ago, right before Hendery left for Spain: Le Dépit amoureux.

“You didn’t…” you said in marvel before turning your head to him. “How did you–”

His eyes crinkled, satisfied by your reaction, and Hendery bobbed his shoulders as nonchalantly as possible. “Can I really call myself the king of this country if I cannot even surprise the woman I love and make her happy?”

His smile was like sunlight on a summer day and all of your words just melted away.

“Y-your Majesty,” you stuttered. “I do not deserve this.”

“And I do not deserve you,” he said before kissing your cheek and stared deep into your eyes. “Forget about whether you deserve this or not—because we both know what the answer is—and enjoy this to the fullest, alright? If you are truly grateful, then pay attention to the play, will you?”

You nodded at him before bursting out in happy giggles and immediately focused on the play. Unbeknownst to you, Hendery didn’t focus on the play at all and spent the time staring at your face, drinking in all the lovely expressions you made during the duration of the play.

He smiled when you smiled.

He laughed when you laughed.

He groaned in disappointment when you groaned in disappointment.

He cried when you cried.

Hendery truly was radiant. A sun unto himself, and you were bathed in his warmth.

King Louis Hendery XIV, majestic Sun King of the powerful country of France, a divine wonder to his people, thought to himself just how wonderful it would be…

How wonderful it would be if you two could stay like this forever.

The famous troupe de Molière stood in front of you on stage and bowed as you and Hendery applauded them for an excellent performance. While the rest of the troupe began to clean up after their performance, a tall man with beautiful features approached the two of you.

Your mouth slightly dried at the man’s appearance. You’d always thought that Hendery was the most gorgeous man you had ever laid your eyes upon with his dark brown hair and prince-like features. But, the man who stood in front of you possessed a charm that was different to your king, one that exuded some sort of mystery and charisma that could only be attributed to a man of great creativity and intellect.

The man who stood in front of you was the famous writer Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, also more commonly known as Molière.

Sicheng to those very close to him.

To say that you were a great fan of his writings would be the understatement of the century.

“Sicheng, that was a wonderful play,” Hendery commented as the writer walked to you two and bowed.

“Your Majesty,” Sicheng said and turned to you with a curious smile that left you wondering. “Mademoiselle, the Duchess.”

You nodded back. “Monsieur Molière–”

“Please,” he cut you off. “Call me Sicheng.”

You raised a subtle brow at his request but listened to him nonetheless. “Sicheng, may I say how much of an honour it is to finally be able to witness your play in person. I was afraid that I would have to chase you all across France just to see a play done by you and your talented troupe.”

Sicheng bowed in thanks and laughed. “You flatter me too much.”

“Well, my love,” Hendery said and wrapped an arm around your waist before pulling you close, surprising you a bit. While he was very affectionate towards you in private, Hendery was also one to be careful with his gestures and manners when he was in public.

You didn’t understand his sudden possessiveness.

But then again, you never really understood men in general.

“You will not have to chase after Sicheng and his troupe any longer,” Hendery continued. “They are back in Paris, for good.”

“Oh?” Your eyes bulged in surprise and curiosity. “How did that happen?”

“Sicheng and his troupe actually performed in front of me, Mother, and Lucas before,” the young king admitted to you. “A little while ago, last year.”

The writer nodded in confirmation with a grateful smile. “Yes, his Majesty generously invited us to perform in front of him and his court at the hôtel de Bourgogne. Then, his Highness Lucas graciously extended his royal protection and an invitation to become our patron.”

You brought a hand to your mouth as you gasped in delight. “Oh, my! How wonderful! I visited Lucas a few weeks ago and he did not even mention a thing.”

“Are you close with his Majesty and his Highness?” Sicheng inquired, though you did not fail to feel the slight squeeze of Hendery’s hands on your waist. You almost rolled your eyes at your significant other.

“Yes, my father was his Majesty’s private tutor when he was younger,” you answered politely. “He became best friends with my older brother and I became best friends with Lucas. The rest is pretty much history.”

Sicheng let out a small ‘ah’ in exclamation. “Well, if you visit his Highness so often, I believe that his Majesty is right that you will not have to chase after me and my troupe any longer.”

You turned to Hendery, a raised brow in question. “Your Majesty?”

Hendery laughed and pressed a kiss against the crown of your head and left his lips there for a moment before pulling back. “Lucas, that little rascal, has renovated the theatre inside of Palais-Royal for Sicheng and his troupe. That auditorium will thus be at their disposal when the renovations will be complete, and you, my dear,” he tapped your nose affectionately, “will then be able to attend all the plays you want.”

You giggled and your laugh, similar to wind chimes, brought a smile to the king’s face. “My, my, I am too spoiled.”

“No such thing as too spoiled,” the king refuted with a faux air of grumpiness.

You shook your head and turned your attention back to Sicheng who seemed startled by your sudden attention. “If that is the case, I look forward to seeing you soon, Monsieur Sicheng. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

He bowed slightly and raised his hat. “The pleasure is all mine.”

“I will see you again soon, Sicheng,” Hendery told him and the two of you walked away.

You two left the interior court in the direction of the king’s room as it was night time and thus, near dinner time and he would like to refresh himself first. You took the seat in front of his vanity as he went into the room next to his, a walk-in closet, in a way, with easy access so that he wouldn’t always have to ask for his servants’ help.

“Are you sure you do not want me to call for someone, Hendery?” you asked, just in case.

Your lover was stubborn and believed that he could do everything on his own, but at the same time, you knew that he was also considering your feelings, knowing how much you hated constantly having his court’s attention on the two of you. It almost felt as if they were monitoring you rather than simply looking out for their king.

He emerged from the next room and you laughed at his appearance.

“What?” he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

You got up from your seat and made your way towards him.

“Honestly, my love, continue this way and I might think that you are doing this on purpose,” you said with a small giggle as you fixed the collar of his white metallic doublet.

His hands immediately went to your hips and pulled you close as you continued to fiddle with his collar. “What if I am doing this on purpose?”

“Then, my King,” you said, almost like a whisper, “I believe you should find a better hobby.”

He remained silent as you continued to fiddle with his collar. Though, it had been fixed for a while. There was this tension between the two of you that you had expertly ignored since your arrival. But it became more and more prominent following your meeting with Queen Anne.

“Are you hiding something from me, my King?” you asked softly, your eyes stuck on his collar, unmoving—unblinking. You didn’t dare to meet his eyes in fear of your walls breaking down, in fear of crying.

“You know that I would never hide anything from you,” he answered back swiftly and you almost had to laugh at how quick he answered you. Hendery had never been a good liar, something that worried you because how could he be a good politician if he didn’t know how to lie?

“Your Majesty should know that I am not some fragile little thing,” you continued, stubborn.

You wondered whether you were a masochist as you kept pressing the love of your life to reveal what you were fearing. To tell you what you were expecting to hear even though you knew it was going to hurt you—scar you for possibly the rest of your life.

Hendery sighed tiredly and rubbed comforting circles on your waist, his eyes never meeting yours either.

“Look at me,” he finally said after a small silence of hesitation.

You refused.

“Look at me,” he repeated, a bit more sternly this time.

You exhaled sharply and forced your eyes to meet his. Hendery leaned his forehead against yours, his nose pressed gently against the tip of your nose, and his lips just slightly above yours; never touching and never giving you the reassurance you yearned from him.

“I love you,” he said all of a sudden. “And nothing in the world will ever change that fact.”

“Hendery–”

He cut you off. “I need you to know, need you to imprint this in your heart, that I do love you and that I am so unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. And that my words speak true or may Death take me away if they are found to be false.”

You shook your head. “I believe you. And I love you too, my King. So much that it is unbearable sometimes. But to not love you and to not be by your side is a feeling that I never wish to experience.”

Hendery brought you into a hug and you tightened your hold around him as you tried to hold in your sobs.

“You’re getting married to that princess, aren’t you?” you asked.

You knew the answer deep in your heart, but you were still afraid to hear it from his lips.

“No,” he said, still refusing to tell you the truth. “Why on Earth would you ever think that?”

Your chuckle came out like a breathy scoff. “Why else would the Queen even spare a look at me, today? Isn’t it because she knows that you are betrothed to someone who is not me, someone who is worthy to be called your queen?”

“Love–”

You shook your head. “No, if you truly do love me, my King, you wouldn’t hide this from me. You promised to be honest with me, no matter what. I told you that I am not some fragile–”

“It is not because I think that you are fragile that I do not wish to tell you the details,” Hendery immediately cut you off, his expression slightly angry.

“Then, why?” you pleaded. “Why won’t you let me know?”

“It is because I am ashamed,” he admitted, his eyes red, “ashamed that I cannot keep the promise I’ve made to you when I was sixteen. Ashamed that, despite my position as the most powerful man in this kingdom, I cannot even do a simple thing such as upholding my vow to the woman I love.”

Your expression broke and you brought a hand to Hendery’s cheek. “My King–”

“And most importantly, I am afraid,” he continued, “afraid that I will lose you forever.”

Despite his words, you simply couldn’t find it in you to reassure the love of your life that he shouldn’t be afraid, that you intended to stick by him no matter what. Because, despite everything, you also found yourself unable to uphold your end of the promise.

While you knew you could love the king for the rest of your existence, you didn’t know whether you were capable of staying by his side knowing that you could never become his queen.

And it hurt.

His eyes searched for yours as if he wanted to know what you were thinking right now. Hendery held your small hands in his as you trembled slightly. But no matter how much of himself he gave you at the moment, the shades of worry never left your eyes.

“Your hands,” Hendery started to say with a bitter chuckle. “I’ve been holding them for the longest time and yet I have to let go of them tonight. And here I am, wanting and wishing to hold onto them just for a little longer.”

You felt the same, but you didn’t have it in you to tell him. At Hendery’s words, you finally couldn’t contain your emotions anymore and tears streamed down your cheeks.

“I love you,” he said.

Three words he had always uttered to you for as long as you remembered. And these last words he said to you showed how much he cared about you and about your future. And perhaps while he had hurt you again, time and again, in the end, you were still thinking of Hendery.

“And I love you too,” you replied earnestly.

Your hands had a slight tremor in reaction to your own foolishness. Your cheeks then brush against Hendery’s. And before you knew it, you two embraced each other tightly. You could feel your lover’s arms tightened around you and you sobbed against his chest.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Hendery whispered, “but please, allow me to love you into the moonlight, one last time.”

Your bodies, hot and yearning for each other, fall together onto Hendery’s bed. You tried to shower on him all the affection that you couldn’t say anymore. Hendery chanted your name over and over and you allowed him to feel you with all of his heart and every nerve in his body.

You silently reached out your hands to him and he intertwined his fingers with yours. You hoped that they would never slip away from you.

“I don’t know what will happen after this,” Hendery said with his forehead pressed against yours. “But I want you to know that I care about you and that I want to leave you with this warmth, hoping that you will never forget that I wholeheartedly love you. I will forever protect you and our light.”

You pressed your eyes together at his words, not wanting your tears to fall once again.

“Hendery…”

You two know what you felt for one another and you took turns in expressing it to the other.

After making love, Hendery slept peacefully beside you. Your naked skin glowed with warmth. Your fingers naturally played with his hair as his head rested comfortably against your bosom. The rain pelting outside the window didn’t help your mood, almost as if it reflected your current state of mind.

You stared at the ring he gave you and then back at him.

The idea of spending the rest of your life without the man with whom you thought you were supposed to share that life was unthinkable, a possibility that hadn’t crossed your mind even once.

Your father was right to call you foolish.

While your father and your family had been loyal to the royal family for decades, there was nothing more you could offer to them. You didn’t have the money, the political sway, the connections that could help Hendery and the country grow.

You painfully took off the ring and set it on his nightstand before slowly retreating yourself from Hendery’s bed. You quickly wore your clothes and made sure you looked presentable before leaving his room, unable to stay with Hendery any longer.

The only thing you could offer him was your heart.

That could never be enough in Queen Anne’s eyes.

But little did you know it was the only thing and everything Hendery needed.

June 7th, 1660.

Hendery and his court were to meet Princess Maria Theresa of Austria on the Isle of Pheasants. Being a high-ranking official, your father had to accompany the young king to his destination, while you had politely refused his invitation.

Wasn’t inviting you to the official wedding not painful enough?

Instead of heading over to the island, you decided to head over to Palais-Royal and visit your best friend and favourite playwright. Lucas mentioned that he didn’t have to accompany Hendery, though you had an inkling feeling that he did so out of consideration for you. While you were unsure of how to feel about his action, you felt grateful in a way, nonetheless.

Sicheng, on the other hand, became someone whose presence in your life was inexplicable.

As you distanced yourself from the King following that fateful night, you found yourself finding it hard to spend your days without him by your side and turned to your friends for support.

Your relationship with the king was like an open secret in his court. Everyone knew but didn’t dare to speak a word.

You’d always felt uncomfortable with the number of people that knew of your relation to the King. While breaking up with him brought you some relief in a way, lessening the pressure you subconsciously felt from his court, somehow, more and more attention was brought upon you. Courtiers and servants enjoyed gossiping and you were their latest victim. It was tiring and at this point, you didn’t know what was worse.

“You must be joking,” Lucas said with a scoff after you told him about the invitation the king had graciously extended to you and your family. “Did Xiaojun go with your father?”

You played with one of the props that the troupe prepared for their upcoming play, while Sicheng sat diagonally to you and Lucas and was working on a new play that he didn’t want to reveal to you two just yet. The three of you formed a little triangle in the garden of the palace, enjoying the nice weather that was the complete opposite of your current mood. Lucas had hoped that soaking in some sun would help with your mood.

“He didn’t really have a choice,” you answered, your eyes and hands still focused on the prop. “Xiaojun is Hendery’s best friend.”

You grimaced at the way you used the King’s name so easily and nonchalantly; that was a habit that you were going to have to let go of soon. No matter your past relationship with him, it was over and addressing him so casually in the presence of his court that included his future wife was not going to bode well in their eyes.

“And Lucas is his Majesty’s brother,” Sicheng quipped with a teasing raised brow at the Duke, “and yet, here he is.”

Lucas shrugged his shoulders, unbothered. “It is not my marriage, but his.”

“You don’t feel like meeting your sister-in-law?”

“The only person whom I want to be my sister-in-law is sitting right besides me,” Lucas answered swiftly and raised his wine cup at Sicheng, “so, no, forgive me if I lack interest in the Spaniard princess.”

You tsk-ed at the tone Lucas used. While he might have not approved of his brother’s future wife—and you were grateful for it—she was still going to be part of his family until her death, most likely.

“You are going to have to meet her eventually,” you countered.

“And that will be a problem for future-me,” Lucas continued, “while present-me will simply enjoy his afternoon with his two closest friends.”

You rolled your eyes amusingly at his attitude and instead, decided to look over at the numerous papers scattered across Sicheng’s lap. You stole a glance over at him, confirming that he wasn’t paying you much attention before swiftly stealing a page from him.

“Hey!” Sicheng ended up exclaiming, but did not seem too annoyed or mad that you stole a page from him.

“Oh, don’t worry, Sicheng,” you reassured him and continued, “I was just curious about what you were working on so diligently that you did not feel like listening to how the love of my life is going to end up marrying another woman and I am left to be alone in this world for the rest of my life.”

One side of his lips tugged upwards. “That is a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

You tilted your head at him. “This coming from a playwright?”

“Well, you know that I’ve always been one to prefer writing comedies over dramas.”

You laughed out loud at his retort, probably the most genuine one you’d let out in a very long time. You could see how surprised both men were at your laugh and how a hint of relief was hidden behind their smiles.

You had to wonder, just how much of a wreck were you this past year?

And how were you going to better yourself knowing that Hendery wasn’t going to be yours anymore in a matter of hours?

You didn’t want to worry your friends anymore.

“If it is not impudent of me to ask you, Duchess,” Sicheng started to say, piquing your curiosity as Sicheng never really addressed formally unless it was regarding an important matter. In fact, you made sure that he stayed casual with you. “Will you be attending the King’s wedding in two days?”

Your expression fell a little and you nodded slowly. “Yes, I will.”

Lucas almost did a double-take at your answer. “Why would you put yourself through such pain? You do realize that the invitation is just a formality, right? Hendery won’t blame you nor will he allow any reprimands against you for not attending it.”

“You are right in asking why I should put myself through this painful procedure.” You sighed tiredly and leaned back against your chair. “As painful as it will be, I must attend it,” you shot Lucas a look of resignation, one you hoped that he’d understand without any more words, “especially if I am planning on breaking free from him.”

He shook his head at you. “Your stupidity astonishes me.”

“I’d like to think that I am being rational, instead, thank you very much.” You turned to your other friend. “Sicheng, help a lady out?”

Sicheng chuckled deeply at your plea and threw away his quill pen onto the table, supposedly done with whatever he had planned to write. “I supposed it is not unreasonable for her to attend the wedding. It will allow her to close a chapter in her life, once and for all.”

“See, thank you,” you said as you motioned him with an outstretched palm. “Even Sicheng thinks it’s a good idea.”

“He’s a writer,” Lucas retorted with a sniff of his nose. “He believes in character development, or whatever that is.”

Sicheng snorted but did not refute His Highness’s claim.

“Can’t you just support me as my best friend?” you pleaded with clasped hands. “I know I will feel extremely miserable and lonely after the wedding but that’s why you are my best friend, isn’t it?”

Lucas cocked a questioning brow at you.

“So that you can take care of me as I drown in alcohol following the ceremony,” you answered, point blank.

The Duke simply shook his head and laughed in disbelief. He didn’t know if you were being plain stupid or extremely strong.

He decided that you could be both.

“The Palais-Royal’s wine cellar shall be at your disposal.”

“Why thank you. That was the answer I was looking for.” You turned to Sicheng who seemed amused by your whole interaction. “So, Monsieur Molière, why did you ask me that?”

Sicheng crossed his legs and leaned forward. “Well, for one, I was wondering if you’d like to attend the wedding with me.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Well, I assumed that we were going to attend the wedding together…?”

Sicheng shrugged. “Just making sure.”

You chuckled and nodded at his request. “I’d love to, Sicheng.”

“Should I come and pick you up with my carriage or should we meet at the location?”

“We can meet at the location,” you quickly confirmed with him.

You were grateful that Sicheng asked you to attend the wedding with him. It gave you an incentive to not ditch the wedding party at the last minute. And so, wanting to change the atmosphere, you clapped your hands in excitement as Lucas’s servants finally brought out the afternoon tea and delicacies.

“So, Sicheng, tell us more about this new play you’ve been working on since morning, what was it called again? Dom Garcie de Navarre ou le Prince jaloux?”

“The jealous prince?” Lucas mused and brought the cup of coffee to his lips. “What an interesting title.”

It was the morning of June 9th, 1660.

The dreaded day arrived quicker than you thought.

You couldn’t sleep a wink the whole night and the next thing you knew, the sun had already risen. Your maid, Yuqi, helped you through your morning routine with worried eyes. Yuqi was more than a maid and was more like a close friend to you who refused to drop formalities, no matter how many times you had insisted that she didn’t have to be so formal or polite with you. But, that was just one of her quirks that just made Yuqi, well, Yuqi.

She could tell that you were disheartened and lifeless and although it wasn’t her position to do so, she was vehemently mad at the King for breaking his promise.

“What was he thinking? Sending you an invitation?” Yuqi huffed as she brushed your hair.

“Yuqi,” you said in a warning tone. “No matter his actions, he is still the king of this country. Don’t you dare disrespect him on my account or for any other reasons.”

She lowered her head. “I apologize, my Lady, it’s just–”

Yuqi paused. She probably didn’t want to say anything that might offend you even if the remark was not directed towards you.

“My Lady doesn’t deserve this,” she finally said in a whisper. “Your name should have been on the wedding invitation.”

You exhaled deeply, almost frustrated by your maid. “It is on the invitation, Yuqi.”

“What I mean to say is that your name should have been written alongside the King’s, my Lady,” she replied stubbornly.

It was a good thing that she was the only one allowed in your chambers today or else Yuqi’s words would have certainly gotten her into trouble if ever the other servants of the house were to hear and spread her words to the royal court.

“–not on the outside of the invitation, on the envelope, as an invited guest.”

While you appreciated her sentiment, you were tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. You hated to see the pity in people’s eyes, the scrutiny as they probably compared you to the Spanish princess. You lived through it all for almost a whole year, it was probably about time for you to stop pitying yourself.

You were going to show them that you were more than the King’s ex-lover. You amounted to more than that. You refused to be pitied by everyone anymore. And at that thought, you immediately raised your chin and told yourself that this was the perfect opportunity to display who you were truly.

Not just the King’s secret ex-lover.

You were you and you refused to be defined by your past relationship.

“Yuqi, bring out my diamonds,” you told her as you removed the pearl earrings from your ears and the pearl necklace from your neck.

Yuqi’s eyes shone at your words and almost dropped the hairbrush. “M-My Lady?”

You gave her a small smile, letting her know that you weren’t going to go down easily like that. “Well, I have a date for today’s wedding and I am not about to disappoint him like that. Wouldn’t that be just rude of me especially since the other party has graciously asked me?”

Your friend squealed and you almost curled up at how high her voice was. She didn’t waste any time and immediately took the pearl jewellery that you just removed before heading back to your walk-in closet, where most of your gowns, jewellery, shoes, and accessories resided.

“Are you going to change the gown you were supposed to wear as well, my Lady?” Yuqi asked as her head popped out from the door and she had a mischievous smile on.

You narrowed your eyes at her jokingly before you rolled them as you asked, “What do you have in mind, Yuqi?”

She giggled and brought out a gown that made your breath catch in your throat. “How about this one?”

You exhaled sharply as you got up from your seat. You slowly walked up to her and reached for the dress with shaky hands, almost as if you couldn’t believe that this dress existed. If anything, you almost forgot about it. Yuqi stood still with your gown in her hands but her face was one of confusion as if she didn’t understand your sudden drop of mood.

You didn’t blame her. After all, she didn’t know the history behind the precious garment she was holding.

It was your favourite one out of all the gowns you owned. Being the daughter of the King’s tutor, you had your fair share of custom-made gowns, made with the finest materials anyone could afford. But this one had a sentimental value.

Unlike your other dresses, this one was void of any patterns. It was a light golden dress, made with the finest silk and goldwork embroidery. It had an off-shoulder neckline that would show off your beautiful collarbone and your skin, with short full cartridge-pleated sleeves. And while it might look simple in other people’s eyes, you knew that, not only was it probably one of the most expensive gowns ever made, but it was also a gown given to you by Hendery when you had reached of age, a dress gifted to you on your 18th birthday.

It was such a precious gift that you never dared to wear it, in fear that it might get dirty or damaged in the process.

Until now.

While the gown was void of patterns, on the side of the bodice was sewed with a dark gold thread, a small appliqué of a sun symbol. It was almost invisible to the naked eye and only a person who would pay extra attention to detail (or to you) would notice it.

You wondered whether you should wear this dress.

Or ask Yuqi to get rid of it.

“I think that if you were to wear diamonds, my Lady, then this gown would make you even more radiant than ever!”

“S-sure,” you answered shakily as your fingers still continued to rub the garment’s fabric. “Let’s go with this one, then.”

Yuqi squealed again. “I just know that my Lady’s admirers will exponentially grow after they see you in this gown. It is almost as if it were made for you.”

You didn’t have the energy to tell her how true that last sentence was. So, you only offered her a kind smile as she helped you out of your nightgown and slowly into the golden silky dress. You didn’t dare to take a look at yourself until you were completely dressed up, scared that if you were to take a peek at yourself in a dress given to you by your ex-lover, you would immediately ask Yuqi to rip it off from your body.

So, you let her do your hair and accessorize you wherever possible. Yuqi helped you into a delicate pair of gold velvet shoes with squared toes for the final touch of your outfit before guiding you back to your vanity.

“I swear to God, my Lady,” Yuqi mumbled as she did your makeup. “When I’m going to be done with you, you’re going to dazzle everyone at that wedding!”

“Don’t overdo it,” you said in a warning but teasing tone.

“Please, I’m going to make you so staggeringly beautiful, you’re going to steal everyone’s attention away from the bride.”

“Yuqi.”

“Yes, my Lady?” she replied in an innocent tone.

You sighed and rubbed your temples. “You know what? Do whatever you want.”

“Fret not, my Lady. That is what I’ve been doing since the beginning.”

Almost a whole hour later and with some nagging on Xiaojun’s part, you were finally ready.

Yuqi did an amazing job as always, probably better than usual. She puffed her chest proudly as she forced you to spin around in front of the mirror so you could see how good of a job she did. You managed to muster a smile to show her: you truly did look wonderful in the dress that Hendery had gotten you.

But despite the gorgeous dress, the gleaming accessories, the shoes, and the beautiful makeup, you didn’t feel pretty at all. You simply weren’t able to match your mood to your outward experience, and you felt bad because you didn’t want Yuqi’s work to go to waste.

“Thank you, Yuqi,” you whispered as you stared at your reflection, that fake smile still plastered on your face.

But Yuqi didn’t seem satisfied with your response. If anything, she looked like she was about to burst into tears. Your eyes slightly widened at her reaction; you didn’t think that her feelings were going to be this hurt.

“Yuqi–”

“I’m so-sorry, m-my Lady,” she cut you off and sniffled. She frustratedly wiped her tears away and didn’t dare to look at you. “It’s just– I feel so sorry for you, my Lady. I’ve always dreamed of helping you prepare on the day of your wedding to the King, but to think that I’m doing it when he’s getting married to someone else–”

Your expression softened at her words. “Yuqi…” You took a step towards her and gave her a tight hug. “Why are you crying?” you asked with a small chuckle as you tried to comfort her. “I should be the one crying here, shouldn’t I?”

“No!” she refused adamantly with a shake of her head. “You cannot cry today. I won’t allow it!”

You raised a brow. “You won’t allow me to cry? Who are you, my mother?”

She blew her nose into the handkerchief you handed her. “If you cry, all my efforts are going to waste.”

“Geez, here I thought you were going to tell me that I shouldn’t cry because Hendery doesn’t deserve my tears or something.”

“That too.”

You threw your head back in laughter. And Yuqi seemed relieved by your reaction judging by how much she had calmed down already. You patted her head and said, “I should thank you, actually.”

“Huh?” she blurted. “What for?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “For making me look pretty, I guess? Without you, I don’t think I would have even gotten out of my bed this morning. Let alone be energetic enough to go through the trouble of dolling myself up for the wedding of my ex-lover.”

Your maid let out a breathless chuckle as she dabbed her eyes with the other side of your handkerchief. “You were pretty much a wreck for the past year, I guess.”

Your jaw dropped at her statement. “Yuqi!”

“Well, did I lie?”

You rolled your eyes. “No, you didn’t.” But you then held her hands tightly, hoping it was enough to convey the gratefulness you were feeling. You felt more than thankful. “Thank you, again, Yuqi.”

“It wasn’t just me, you know, my Lady?” She slapped her cheeks a few times as if to snap herself out of her crying spell. “If you weren’t beautiful to begin with, even with my skills, I don’t think I would have gotten the same results.”

While you understood that she was trying to joke with you, perhaps in an attempt to lighten your mood even more. But, she didn’t have to, anymore. Even though it wasn’t much, you sincerely did feel slightly better. At least for someone who was going to attend her ex’s wedding.

“No, Yuqi.” You squeezed her hands again. “Thank you for shedding tears in my place.”

“Finally!” Xiaojun exclaimed as you made your way downstairs to the front door. “Any longer and the horses would have fallen asleep waiting for you.”

“Funny,” you deadpanned as he helped you into the carriage, where your father was already in and waiting for you. You nodded in greeting as you took the seat in front of him. “Good morning, Father.”

Your father turned his head to you from the window, worry evident in his aging eyes. You couldn’t tell whether what he truly felt as a man torn between his duty to the king and his duty as a father. You told yourself that you had worried enough people already.

You gave him the brightest smile as you could as Xiaojun entered the carriage after you.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t join you guys to the Isle of Pheasants,” you started to say as the carriage started moving. “How was the trip? I heard that the weather was nice that day. Were you two able to hunt for a little bit?”

Xiaojun gave you an indescribable look.

You blinked your eyes. “What? Is it not hunting season yet? I can’t say that I’m very well versed in whatever you men do. Who still hunts in this time and age?”

Your older brother was probably going to reprimand you when he opened his mouth, but he was immediately silenced by your father’s hearty chuckle. You two looked at each other before looking at the older man with a look of concern. You didn’t have to ask him why he was laughing.

“I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better,” your father admitted. “I was a bit worried when we came back from Pheasants Island and you weren’t here to greet us back. But I’m glad to see that I have raised a strong daughter. I’m proud of you, my dear.”

The words your father had just uttered to you seemed to have hit something deep in you. Those were the words that you kept repeating to yourself ever since Hendery admitted that he was going to get married to the Spanish princess, almost a year ago.

Words that you kept repeating to yourself every day.

Words that were slowly breaking you apart from the inside.

Because strong was the furthest thing you could possibly be or feel, at the moment.

All you ever wanted to do was cry and admit to your father that you were not the strong daughter he thought he had raised.

Admit to Lucas that he was right and you were wrong for accepting to go to Hendery’s wedding.

Admit to Hendery that you were a fragile thing whose heart broke at the news and couldn’t recover ever since.

Admit to yourself that perhaps, you would never be able to have the ability to love again.

Because you simply couldn’t imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with a man who was not Hendery.

A man you knew who couldn’t make you happy, unless that man was the King of France.

But what was the use of admitting those weaknesses?

Would it help you in any way?

Would it bring Hendery back to you?

Admitting those weaknesses publicly would only make others pity you.

And pity was a cause for regret or disappointment.

Two things you had never felt as you were in a relationship with the King.

You never regretted being in a relationship with him nor had you ever felt disappointed in any way by him.

And you refused to let others dictate how you should feel about your feelings.

So, the only words you could utter to your father, in the strongest voice you could muster at the moment, were, “Thank you, Father.”

Xiaojun looked at you weirdly, as if he didn’t believe those were your true feelings. But you told yourself that out of everyone who should remain unaware of those exact feelings were your older brother.

You understood how important Hendery’s friendship was to Xiaojun. While your father was too busy with his duties, Xiaojun was left juggling the roles of a father, of a mother, and of an older brother. As a kid, you were slightly mistrustful of others, always sticking yourself to Xiaojun like glue. Although he had never resented you for it, deep down, you knew that he longed for some sort of normalcy that would allow him to act like a normal boy without any responsibilities.

His friendship with Hendery allowed him to do so.

And who were you to take that away from your older brother?

Because you knew that if you were to admit to Xiaojun just how truly broken you were over the young King, Xiaojun would never forgive his best friend. While he must have had an inkling to how much of a turmoil you were in for the past year, without your confirmation, Xiaojun was able to continue living his life in ignorance.

And you know what they said.

Ignorance was bliss.

Keeping Xiaojun in the dark was the least you could do for him.

“You know you don’t–”

“–have to attend the wedding,” you completed his sentence and bobbed a shoulder. “I know. But I have a date, so it would be rude of me to abandon him without any notice, wouldn’t it?”

Both your father and your brother’s eyes bulged out at your sudden confession. You couldn’t blame it. After all, you said those words as if it was nothing. Nothing worth mentioning to them until the very last minute.

“Well, who is this man?” Xiaojun continued to pester you with questions. “And why haven’t we been told of this?”

You couldn’t admit it to either of them that up until this morning, you were really contemplating on whether you should fake an illness to not attend the wedding. But then you thought about Sicheng and how he must have taken your feelings into consideration, asking you to be his date so that you wouldn’t feel lonely at your ex’s wedding. You couldn’t possibly abandon him like that, either.

“Sicheng,” you answered bristly. You didn’t want them to make a big deal out of this.

“Sicheng…?” your father wondered out loud with a hand rubbing his chin. “As in the playwright, Molière? That Sicheng?”

“Do we know any other playwrights named Sicheng?”

Xiaojun furrowed his brows. “I never knew that the nature of your relationship with him–”

“–is actually none of your business,” you cut him off. “But, thank you for the concern. And while it is very much appreciated, may I also say that it is also very much unnecessary?”

Both your father and older brother’s eyes widened in surprise at your coldness. You refrained yourself from sighing and apologizing for your actions. They already meddled in your last relationship (granted, they weren’t the only ones to meddle, either), you didn’t want them to meddle in this one—not that you expected your relationship with Sicheng to go beyond anything platonic. But if ever it were to go down that road, you’d rather play it safe.

You cleared your throat and asked, “Are we there yet?”

Xiaojun blinked away the initial shock and looked outside. “We should be there soon.”

The rest of the carriage ride flew by. While you could do without the awkward tension lingering in the air, you appreciated the silence your family had provided you as you all were on the way to Hendery’s wedding. That silence allowed you to think about how you were going to greet the young king and his new wife.

Everyone knew how close your family was to the royal family. To act cold and distant would be too suspicious and might come off as too disrespectful regardless of your past relationship with Hendery. But to act all friendly and accepting would mean that you were admitting defeat.

But… weren’t you?

You found yourself at an impasse. If you weren’t admitting defeat and letting go of Hendery, then what were you supposed to do in your current situation?

You haven’t spoken much to Hendery ever since that night, when you two agreed that parting ways would be the best.

But, was it really?

You shook your head mentally: it wasn’t good for you to think or regret decisions that were already made. The logical and mature thing to do in your situation would be to just suck up and accept reality. However, were you really able to accept a reality where Hendery wasn’t part of your life? When you spent more than half of your life with him?

The more you thought about it, the more you thought Hendery’s promise could still be kept, just not in the original, intended way.

You exhaled sharply as you made up your decision. You were going to have to speak to Hendery privately when you were going to see him. The only iffy part was to figure out a way to meet up with him privately in order to convey your true thoughts, which was something you hadn’t really been able to do.

But that would be a problem for you would have to deal with when you were to confront it.

The carriage arrived at Hendery’s private residence. Your father went down first, then Xiaojun, then you as your older brother helped you down by holding your hand. Your eyes immediately went to the decorated château and the numerous gorgeous flowers that decorated the path that would lead you to the palace’s entrance.

Oh, what were you thinking?

This was a terrible idea.

It was already too late for you to turn around and go back inside your family’s carriage as it was already being driven away by one of the palace’s valets.

“Welcome, Duke Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy, Sir Xiaojun de Villeroy, and Mademoiselle de Villeroy,” the King’s servants greeted you all as you entered the palace.

Your father motioned your servants to come forward with the gifts your family had prepared. “These are the presents our family has prepared for His Majesty and Queen Maria Theresa,” he said and you swore there was a small flash of anger in his eyes as he muttered the next words, “as congratulations for their wedding.”

You three were guided to the gardens, where it was decorated as magnificently as the front of the palace. Classical music played with tables filled with food and desserts dominated your view. People immediately started whispering amongst themselves at your appearance and you could only wish to dig yourself a hole at the moment.

But, against your expectations, Xiaojun grabbed your hand and held it tight before muttering to you, “Keep your chin high. You haven’t done anything wrong or shameful.”

Xiaojun’s words made you see him in a different light. While he could never outwardly criticize his best friend, the King, he could certainly voice out on whose side he was. And you were more than grateful that Xiaojun was on your side.

“Thank you,” you whispered to him before you sneaked your hand into the crook of his arm.

You two followed your father to greet the royal couple and Queen Anne, who were all sitting on a man-made stage, under the shade as people were paying respects to them. Xiaojun patted your hand reassuringly as your turn came closer and closer.

“The Honourable Duke Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy and his children, Sir François Xiaojun de Villeroy and Mademoiselle de Villeroy!”

You unintentionally squeezed Xiaojun’s arm as you held your head high and you stood behind your father who bowed to Hendery whose expression remained cold and stoic as he ordered him to stand up. You reluctantly let go of your brother to curtsy, your eyes not daring to meet Hendery’s when you were given permission to stand again.

For a second, just a tiny fraction of a second, you swore you saw a hint of sadness and longing flash through Hendery’s golden brown eyes. But you quickly ignored it as you knew that the walls you had built around you would crumble the second you’d acknowledge that perhaps, Hendery was in the same turmoil as you were.

However, you realized too late that it was a mistake.

Because as you turned your head away from the young king, your eyes met Queen Maria Theresa’s, who was staring directly at you without sparing a glance over at your brother. Her expression was as unreadable as Hendery’s. She gave you a gentle smile and a small nod as you were about to retreat. You could only respond with a shaky one.

Was Maria Theresa’s expression any indication that she knew of your past relationship with her husband?

The last thing you wanted was trouble from the new Queen. If anything, you would prefer to avoid all contact with her at all cost, whenever possible. But logically, you knew that wouldn’t be possible given that you and your family were important members of Hendery’s court. But you wondered if you could be made an exception.

You heard someone exclaim your name as you were being guided to your table, hidden under a large parasol, by one of the servants.

“Sicheng!” you exclaimed back as the writer made his way to you.

“Duke Nicholas, Sir Xiaojun,” your friend greeted your family first before giving you a bright smile as he complimented you, “You look… amazing. I have no words to describe just how painfully gorgeous you are, today.”

You smiled back and teased him, “Should I consider it an honour that I have left a writer speechless? It’s not everyday that my appearance could make a writer forget his words.”

“You got that right,” your friend replied back with a good-natured scoff.

You shook your head at his playfulness. “Did you just arrive?”

“I’ve arrived just a bit before you,” Sicheng answered and then asked you with a lopsided grin, “Would you like to dance?”

You looked back at your family, wondering what their reaction would be, but they paid you no mind. You took that as their acceptance, even though you weren’t asking for their permission. However, it was nice to see that they had approved of Sicheng, for now.

“Of course,” you replied as you let Sicheng lead you to the dance floor.

Your friend did an amazing job at keeping you distracted. You didn’t know whether it was intentional or not, but you were eternally grateful to how thoughtful he was. Sicheng was always so attentive to your needs, always making sure that you were comfortable amidst a crowd that was perhaps not too warm about your attendance.

For a brief moment, Sicheng made you completely forget about Hendery.

But while it was something that you wanted, it was also something that made you feel like a piece of you was missing; an ache in your heart that you couldn’t seem to relieve no matter what you did. And subconsciously, you knew it was because Hendery had taken a piece of your heart away and had never given it back.

Upon that realization, you resorted to drinking your sorrows away under the worrying eyes of Sicheng and Lucas.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Sicheng said as he took away your wine glass, causing you to whine but he remained stoic in his stance. He then used your name sternly, something he had never done before, making you sober up just the slightest. Did you perhaps anger Sicheng? He always had a good temperament, so you must have crossed a line if he got angry a little.

At your expression, your friend sighed and gave you a reassuring smile. “Don’t fret, I’m not mad at you—just worried. Drunk isn’t a good look on anyone, especially not on you. And especially not when you should be showing to others that this wedding isn’t affecting you as much as they think it is.”

Sicheng was right, as always.

He turned to Lucas who seemed grateful that he was able to stop you. Knowing Lucas, he would have felt bad for you and would have allowed you to drink until the wee-hours instead. And him, drinking by your side, of course. “Do you think you can prepare a room for her to rest until the ceremony later, tonight? People are starting to pay more attention to her and I don’t think that’s what she wants.”

The Duke immediately nodded. “Of course. I’ll get the servants to prepare her usual chambers.”

It didn’t take long for the royal servants to prepare your room. It wasn’t surprising that you had your own room in Hendery’s château but you would have never thought either that you’d be back in here.

“Rest,” you heard Sicheng say as he and the servants helped you into the bed. “I’ll come back and wake you for the ceremony.”

“Wait–”

“And I’ll inform your father and Xiaojun as well, don’t worry.”

You smiled lazily as your eyes started to droop. “Thank you, Sicheng, for everything. I don’t deserve you.”

You already fell into a deep slumber by the time you had completed your sentence. You didn’t register Sicheng’s last words before he closed the doors to your chambers. You didn’t know for how long you were asleep but you woke up to tender hands that stroke your hair, filling you with a warm tenderness you haven’t felt in a long time.

As you opened your eyes, the sight surprised you so much that you wondered if you were still asleep. Did you drink so much to the point where you couldn’t even distinguish fiction from reality?

You didn’t dare to hope, but you also couldn’t help yourself from calling out, “H-Hendery?”

At the sound of his name, the King smiled tenderly at you. You took in the position the two of you were in: Hendery lied next to you with his arm around you while your head laid on his chest and you had an arm over his body.

You immediately pushed yourself away from him and you almost regretted your action when you saw how hurt Hendery seemed.

And at that, you couldn’t help but think how selfish and cruel he was.

“Don’t do this to me,” you ended up whispering with your arms around your body, shielding yourself.

Hendery opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again to only say with a resigning smile. “You look absolutely splendid.”

You took in his outfit. Hendery wore a dark suit with golden embroideries and frills. You once discussed with him that you wanted him to wear a white suit with golden embroideries and frills. You wondered if wearing the opposite of what you wanted was intentional on his part or not.

“You would have looked better in white,” you responded, not daring enough to ask but Hendery knew what you meant. He always did.

And he didn’t disappoint you.

“My white suit is reserved for another occasion,” he replied. “For only that one occasion. I can’t possibly waste it for today.”

“Today is your wedding.”

“No, it is not.”

“Did you perhaps get amnesia on your way here or something?” you added with a humourless chuckle.

“Whatever the others call it, this is not the wedding I’ve wanted,” he said as he slowly approached you almost as if he was afraid that you’d slip away from his fingers. “The wedding and marriage that I’ve always wanted, that I’ve always imagined ever since I was a kid—they were with you by my side. You were supposed to be my betrothed, no one else.”

“Your Majesty.” You sighed tiredly as you rubbed your temples. “We’ve been through this already.”

You were so, so foolish.

So foolish for allowing your heart to beat and yearn for this man, once again.

But the heart wanted what it wanted.

“I miss you,” he said, barely above a whisper, almost as if he was afraid of admitting it out loud to you.

You held back your tears, refusing to give yourself in when you forced yourself for the past year to forget about him.

“I missed you,” he repeated as he approached you and held you tight in his arms, “so, so much. No words are enough to describe this emptiness that I felt for the past year without you by my side.”

Without any of his courtiers around, without your family and friends, without anybody around the two of you, only then did you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of the man you still loved. There was no point in continuing to deny your feelings, not when it did more bad than good.

“I missed you too,” you admitted with a sob.

It wasn’t just the feeling of being reunited with Hendery that caused your waterworks. It was his scent, his warmth, his heartbeat, his presence that made you realize how much you longed for Hendery. It was simply everything you wanted and needed. And while he was yours in the moment, you knew that he wasn’t anymore.

You fisted the back of his suit, not knowing how you were going to let him go after this—just how exactly were you supposed to find someone new after this?

Deep in you, you knew you didn’t have a choice. But you chose to selfishly relish in this moment, especially if it meant that Hendery was yours just for a little while longer.

Your palms felt clammy as you made your way to the Queen’s room.

Only a week had passed since Hendery’s wedding to Queen Maria Theresa of Spain (or was it France now?). You had seen Hendery a couple of other times since then, but always in secret as much as you hated it. But if that was the only way for you to spend time with Hendery, so be it.

A part of you felt a twinge of guilt whenever you thought of the foreign Queen who believed that Hendery was loyal to her. But, God, how could you forget the most important fact?

You were the mistress.

You were the third person in this marriage.

It didn’t matter that Hendery was yours first. The matter of fact was that Hendery had married another woman. On paper and in front of the French people, his official wife, the Queen of France, and the one by his side was her and it could now never be you.

She had the kingdom and the status.

You had Hendery.

And despite that, he could never be yours officially.

Whatever that was between you and Hendery was now an affair. And if his people were to discover it, you were going to be the villain in this story. You were never one to condone two-timing because you wouldn’t want to be the one being cheated on. But it seemed like everything related to Hendery made you irrational, foolish, dumb.

You couldn’t figure out why the new Queen would summon you. You barely exchanged any words with her, let alone getting close to her enough for her to ask you to visit. The only thing that made sense was that against all odds, she had discovered the affair between you and Hendery and was now going to punish you for it.

You unconsciously rubbed the sides of your throat, not knowing how to feel about this whole ordeal.

What were you going to do if she were to confront you about this?

You were powerless against her and it wasn't as if Hendery could come to your defense either.

Perhaps this was a sign that you should have kept your distance. You should have never allowed yourself to be weak the second you were in the same room alone as him.

If Maria Theresa was a nice person, she might ask you to leave him.

If she wasn’t, she could very well execute you.

You had to consider that last possibility and wonder whether staying with Hendery was something worth dying for, worth ruining your family’s reputation for.

Mistresses were no strangers in the history of France. Hendery’s father even had a few before he passed away. So, it wouldn’t be too much of a scandal if you were to be announced as Hendery’s mistress. But the issue was whether you could accept that or not.

Why should you be known as Hendery’s second woman if you were by his side, first?

However, you quickly shook those thoughts away. You couldn’t risk thinking as such. Why were you overthinking about something that wasn’t a problem?

Yet, you bitterly thought to yourself. It wasn’t a problem, yet.

You hated it when your heart conflicted with your mind. Wasn’t your father the one who taught you that you couldn’t have your cake and eat it? But you just had to stubbornly think that you would have to cross that bridge when you have to. For now, you only hoped that Maria Theresa hadn’t summoned you because she had discovered the illicit affair between you and Hendery.

(You still weren’t able to call him her husband, when you’d always thought that Hendery was going to be yours.)

“Mademoiselle de Villeroy!”

You gulped your nervousness down and subtly wiped your hands against your dress. You held your high as you made your way to Queen Maria Theresa. Though, you immediately averted your eyes when you met her gaze and curtsied until she gave you permission to rise.

Whether you liked it or not, you heard a lot about Maria Theresa of Spain from the gossipy court (and of course, from Lucas). You found out that she had lost her mother at a young age, then her older brother followed the matriarch soon after. You also heard that her father’s second marriage was one that left her unhappy and alone in Spain.

You could see the similarities between her and Hendery, but you had to pretend not to notice them as a twinge of guilt started to take over a piece of your heart.

Lucas told you that Maria Theresa wasn’t beautiful. You had a feeling that he was just trying to make you feel better. You’d seen her at her wedding and you thought that she was quite a beauty (to which the Duke replied that all ladies looked beautiful on their wedding day, only to realize belatedly that his comment wasn’t helpful at all). The gossipy court didn’t think that their Queen was a beauty, but they did admire her Hapsburg ancestry and her gentle and demure nature.

But she was.

So beautiful that you couldn’t understand why Hendery would choose you over her when Maria Theresa had everything to give him and to make him the most powerful man on Earth.

The Queen ordered her court to leave the two of you alone in her tea room before asking you to take the seat next to her as she started pouring some tea into your tea cup.

You nodded at her request and shakily made your way to your seat, carefully sitting down with your hand over the other on your lap, not daring to move unless she had said so.

“I’ve heard much about you.”

Your breath caught in your throat at her words. You blinked away your nervousness as your heart pounded so loudly that you could hear blood rushing in your ears. The ruby ring Hendery had given you back on his wedding night seemed so heavy and felt as if it was burning against your chest, hidden underneath your dress.

“Your Majesty?” you responded in a breathy voice.

Her gentle demeanour did an 180 and was replaced with a cheerful and excited one. The change was so abrupt and unexpected that you were startled by the Queen. “I was so excited to hear that one of Louis’s best friends was a girl!”

Louis.

You internally sighed to yourself when you heard her use Hendery’s first name. But you also hated yourself slightly at that fact, as it kept reminding you that the married couple couldn’t be as close as the Queen wished to because of you.

“His Majesty said that?” you asked.

The young queen rolled her eyes. “No, that man doesn’t tell me a single thing. I only found out about you when your brother, Sir Xiaojun, came over a couple of days ago and I kind of asked him if you were his wife or his significant other and God! You should have seen Hendery’s face at my question, it was as if he was horrified by it! And to be honest, I thought that his reaction was a bit suspicious.”

You could only chuckle awkwardly, wondering just what you did exactly to deserve this (but you knew the answer—it was quite obvious and “it” was sitting right in front of you).

“Aha?”

“But then, I understood that he was horrified because you were actually Duke Xiaojun’s little sister! I mean, who wouldn’t? I was horrified by my own mistake as well but your brother reassured me that I have done no wrong.”

Your smile tightened as you thought about where this conversation was going. You could only hope that the Queen could get to her point so that you could leave here quickly. Even though Maria Theresa had asked her servants to leave the tea room, you couldn’t help but feel like you were still being watched.

“Your Majesty called me over… because you wanted to tell me that you’ve mistaken me for my brother’s… wife?”

Maria Theresa snorted as she took a sip of her tea. “Well, when you put it that way. But that’s not the only thing! I’ve asked you over because I wanted to be your friend.”

Your friend.

You wondered what kind of sick joke this was.

“M-my friend, your Majesty?” you repeated, hoping that she’d understand the absurdity behind her request.

Was she really asking you to be her friend?

Did she know that you were still seeing Hendery?

Did she even know who you were and what you truly were to Hendery?

“Well, us ladies got to stick together!” she replied, appalled. “How do you expect me to be left alone with not only the King, his little brother the Duke, and your brother? So, to find out that there is a girl amongst our ranks is like finding an oasis in a desert!”

You bobbed your head in thanks, though you were unsure if she meant it as a compliment or not. “Thank you... for your kind words, your Majesty.”

The Queen grabbed your hands and clasped them tightly. “So, what do you say?”

Could you even refuse the Queen’s request? You made a mental note to yourself to explain to Hendery and to advise him that you two should be more cautious and to keep the visits to a down-low.

So, you could only give her a fake, bright smile and an unsure nod. “Of course, your Majesty. I would be honoured.”

She squealed in excitement and your eyes slightly widened. Did you hear wrong from the courtiers and servants? Where in the world was this gentle queen you’d heard about? Because as far as you were concerned, the lady sitting besides you was far from the elegance everyone was talking about.

“Call me Maria,” she abruptly said.

“P-pardon me?” You almost choked on nothing. You could already see Lucas laughing at your situation. “I couldn’t possibly–”

“We’re friends now, aren’t we?” she insisted. “And friends should call each other by their names!”

“I-if you insist, your Majesty.”

She immediately tutted at you.

“I apologize. I meant to say… Maria.”

Maria (God, you were never going to be able to get used to being on first-name basis with Hendery’s wife) smiled brightly at you before finally releasing your hands and poured you another cup of tea.

“So,” she said. “Tell me about your love life!”

God helped you.

As much as you hated it, you kept refusing to attend the secret meetings Hendery had invited you. It simply didn’t feel right to sneak inside his château while his wife was literally a couple of rooms away. Not to mention, the last thing you wanted was to get caught. And while that risk had always been there ever since you and Hendery decided to rekindle your romance, it never hit you as hard as now, as you were now friends with his wife.

You could tell that Hendery was getting more and more frustrated. Not just because you kept ignoring him but also because you knew that he needed you by his side, to rant and to blow off some steam. You remembered him complaining to you about how hard things were as King, especially now that he was married and was seen more as an adult and therefore had more responsibilities to shoulder than ever.

Your presence brought him a sense of comfort that he couldn’t receive from anyone else, even from his wife.

But you two weren’t the only ones who were antagonizing.

With your blossoming friendship with Maria Theresa (you still couldn’t call her by only her first name so you resorted to calling her by her full name), you were victim to her never-ending rant sessions about how her husband didn’t pay any attention to her. While at the beginning of your friendship, you were inwardly smug about the fact that those times were spent with you rather than her, now you only felt pity for the young queen.

You cursed at your softening heart. You were not supposed to become… fond of the Queen. Not when she had taken almost everything from you. But you also had to remind yourself that you were not entitled to anything: Hendery’s promise to you, while it had kept you two going for a few years, was nothing but empty words now. Even that ring he had given you was starting to lose its meaning as more time passed by and Hendery showed no intentions of divorcing Maria Theresa.

You almost snorted at the thought of Hendery divorcing Maria Theresa. It had been almost six months since the wedding and Hendery had never mentioned that he was going to divorce her despite him reassuring that the two of you were endgame.

Ha, if only that were the case.

But even though your hope was starting to dwindle, your love didn’t. You didn’t want to give up Hendery and you didn’t think you ever could.

And almost a whole six months after Hendery’s wedding, you two were still going on strong despite how little you’d seen each other, how little time you’d spent together. All of his time was for Hendery to spend with the Queen as they were newlyweds. Hendery reassured you that he had never touched her except for that one instance on their wedding night, where he didn’t have a choice.

You understood, but it didn’t mean that it hurt any less when he told you about it. At least, he was honest about the matter. And you made him promise that he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone else but you, to which Hendery agreed quickly and reassured you with kisses all over your body that he wasn’t interested in anyone else but you.

Time flew by ever since Hendery was promised to another woman and Christmas time came.

Your family had been invited to Hendery’s château for a Christmas party by the royal family. As it was a formal invitation, you couldn’t feign sickness and stay at your family’s hôtel particulier with Yuqi. You weren’t sure whether you’d be able to handle a party with the rest of Hendery’s family and court. Not to mention how Maria Theresa was probably looking forward to your attendance.

“What were you thinking? Becoming friends with her?” Hendery mumbled to you as he handed you a drink and covered your shoulders with his navy blue and white fur cape.

You came out to the balcony for some air and Hendery followed suit after making sure that no one was following him. Lucas and Sicheng were doing a good job at keeping Maria Theresa entertained and your father was speaking with Queen Anne.

You rolled your eyes as you accepted the drink from him. “What was I supposed to do? Refuse? And then what? Wouldn’t that be more suspicious, if anything?”

Hendery exhaled sharply. Your heart twinged in pain as you noticed his baggy eyes and solemn look. He looked more exhausted than usual. Was something going on with the kingdom or his family that he wasn’t telling you?

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just… frustrated. Every other year, I can hold your hand, embrace you, keep you next to me without any other person blinking at my actions. And now, if I were to do the same…”

He trailed off. You didn’t need him to complete his sentence to know what he meant.

You quickly looked around and behind to see if anyone was going to come and get you two. When you confirmed that no one was going to disturb you any time soon, you boldly grabbed hold of Hendery’s hand and squeezed it tight.

You understood the frustration and helplessness as you couldn’t treat Hendery like he was yours, so you could only hope that your hand’s warmth would provide him enough comfort. You didn’t dare to overstep your boundaries in a place where you two could get caught at any given moment.

You heard Maria Theresa calling for Hendery, so you immediately dropped his hand and distanced yourself away from him.

“Hey, guys,” the Queen peeked her head out and rubbed her arms as she stepped out to the balcony. You saw the slight narrow of her eyes at the cape that covered your shoulders but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “What are you guys doing out here? It is so cold.”

“Just catching up,” you replied and removed Hendery’s coat to only place it over hers. “Your Majesty, you shouldn’t have come out like this. You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Honestly, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Maria!” the Queen chastised you. “And come in here, you’re also going to freeze to death if you don’t get under this coat!”

You couldn’t even get a word out when Maria Theresa pulled you towards her and forced you to share the fur coat with her.

Hendery’s expression slightly tightened at your actions. After all, you gave his coat away when he gave it for you to use. But what did he expect you to do when the Queen noticed that her husband’s coat was used by a woman other than her?

“I’m heading back inside,” Hendery abruptly announced. “You ladies enjoy your time together and don’t stay out too long.”

You wished that you could spend more time with him, but seeing him in person was enough. It had to be enough.

“It seems like Louis still doesn’t like me,” Maria Theresa declared after Hendery had left and sighed before giving you a tight smile. “Even though we’ve been married for six months now, he only touched me once and never again.”

You bit your bottom lip as you didn’t know how or what to respond to your friend’s revelation. While she always complained about the lack of attention on Hendery’s part, she had never explicitly told you that they weren’t doing anything in bed, either. You felt a mixture of delight and disgust, and then joy and guilt. Was Maria Theresa hinting something at you?

“How am I supposed to tell Mother and the court that it’s impossible to get me pregnant since my own husband refuses to touch me?”

“Maria…” You put a hand on her shoulder, hoping that it’d comfort her somehow. You were never one with words and you had never been in her position, either. Your words would have felt empty, especially considering how they were going to be from Hendery’s mistress and not from her friend.

A real friend wouldn’t do that to their friend, right?

“His Majesty… it takes a while for him to warm up to new people,” you ended up saying. “He didn’t exactly have the most conventional childhood that allowed him to socialize and befriend people, you know?”

She sighed again. “Of course, I know.” She turned to you with a raised brow and pursed lips. “Was he also like this with you?”

You blinked.

“You know, when you two first met? Was he always this… cold?”

You clenched your fist as you allowed it to drop from her shoulder and looked up at the starry night sky. You exhaled sharply and could see your breath evaporate into the air as you mumbled to her, “His Majesty… when I saw him for the first time as a child, I thought that he must have been lonely. He had always been beautiful, intimidating, and cold. And yet, for some reason, he had always reminded me of the sun. So warm, generous and compassionate towards his family, friends, and people. But just like the sun, he’s always shining, too bright for the naked eyes, but also so far away.”

Maria Theresa remained silent at your words and you were scared that perhaps you had revealed too much. So much that she might have seen a glimpse of your true feelings for the King. However, you couldn’t lie about your feelings. You were already lying about your relationship and if you were to lie about how you felt about the King, then it would also seem like your relationship with him was bound to be doomed.

“So, don’t feel too dampened if his Majesty is a bit standoff-ish—it’s in his nature,” you quickly continued. “Just like the sun, let him warm up to you. It might take some time, but trust me when I say it’s worth it.”

The Queen abruptly hugged you tight, to which you awkwardly tried to mirror her. “Thank you so much. I’m so happy that you’re my friend.”

You squeezed her back, hoping that she didn’t catch how your body froze at her words. “Of course. Anything for your Majesty.”

She slapped your arm jokingly as you two pulled away from each other. But you ignored the aching pain in your heart and linked your arm with hers before dragging her back inside as it was getting too cold.

You two went back inside just in time for the gift exchange. You were guided back to the dinner table, where all the food had been cleared up and was replaced with a small heap of beautifully wrapped gifts and small delicacies to pair with a cup of warm coffee. Your father and Queen Anne sat respectively at the end of the long rectangular table whereas you sat in-between Sicheng and Xiaojun, whereas Hendery sat directly in front of you, between Lucas and Maria Theresa.

Usually, the reigning royal couple should be seated at the ends of the table, but out of respect for the elders, Hendery gave way to them. Hence, that was how you ended up sitting in front of your King.

As you were the youngest of your group of friends, you were thus the last one to receive your gifts from everyone else. Xiaojun bought you a beautiful red coat, the colour as deep and rich as wine, perfect for the winter season. Lucas, like every year, gifted you a small amethyst bracelet charm to add to your collection, each stone commemorating a whole year of meaningful friendship.

Sicheng’s gift, unlike the others, was not as beautifully wrapped or extravagant looking. His hands shook a little as he handed you a stack of paper, tied together with a red bow, and the papers decorated with thousands of lines and strikes. You tilted your head in confusion, wondering what exactly he gave you. Rather than feeling perplexed, you were left with a feeling of curiosity; that red ribbon was begging to be untied and the papers to be read in a single night.

“It’s a story,” he explained quickly, abashed and with a hand rubbing the back of his neck. “An unpublished one for you.”

Your mouth fell a little in surprise. “You… wrote a story… just for me?”

“W-well, yes, I mean, it’s not completed yet. I’ve only written the first part and–”

You brought the stack of papers to your chest and hugged it tight. “I love it, Sicheng. Thank you so much.”

Then it was the royal couple’s turn.

Since the gift exchange started, the couple came as a set. They gave gifts as a set and received gifts as a set. Even Lucas bought a gift for the couple and not for each of them individually. You weren’t sure whether that was a snub towards his brother or not, but knowing your best friend’s personality, you wouldn’t be surprised.

So, you prepared yourself to receive a gift from both of them. No more gifts that Hendery carefully selected for you with your interests in mind. No more gifts on his part that tell you how much he loved you. But all of those didn’t matter—you couldn’t even give him a gift without everyone else being suspicious of your actions anymore.

“Here you go!” Maria Theresa exclaimed happily as she handed you a box. You immediately opened it and gasped when you saw the most beautiful pair of red heels, decorated with red and white lace, and even rubies.

“Thank you so much, your Majesties,” you thanked the both of them, but looking at the Queen’s reaction, you assumed that she was probably the one who picked them out. So, you directed your question to her, “How did you know that rubies are my favourite stones? I don’t recall telling you this.”

“I didn’t,” she replied with a big smile, seemingly genuinely happy that you liked your gift. “His Majesty did though and suggested that we should go with something like this.”

So, you gave him a small nod that hopefully conveyed your gratitude. “Thank you, your Majesty.”

However, Hendery’s expression remained indifferent and he barely acknowledged your thanks. Your face stiffened a little at his lack of expression and you wondered if you did anything wrong. Was he mad about your friendship with the Queen? Or was he still mad about how you shared his coat with her earlier on?

“I have a gift for you,” Hendery ended up saying.

You were taken aback and quickly tried to recompose yourself at his statement. “Aren’t the shoes a gift from your Majesty, as well?”

He shook his head and motioned a servant to come forward. “No, this one is from me personally.”

At your slightest panic, you quickly stole a glance over at Maria Theresa who seemed even more taken aback than you, then at the Queen Mother whose expression hardened as the servant came forward with what seemed to be a huge bouquet of flowers.

Hendery took the beautifully wrapped bouquet and handed it to you, unmoving from his position until you shakily accepted the floral gift.

First, you felt confused by the second gift. Why on Earth did Hendery give you a second gift in public? Couldn’t he have done that at another time? But knowing him, he was a stickler for your tradition. If he were to give you a Christmas gift, it had to be given on Christmas.

Second, you felt fear. You were afraid of what the others would think of you, of Hendery personally giving another gift to a member of his court. And that was all you were supposed to be; the daughter of a high-ranking official of his court. Nothing more.

And lastly, you felt relief. It was just a bouquet of flowers. It couldn’t mean more. Perhaps if Hendery had gifted you jewellery or a gown like he did for your 18th birthday, that might have raised some eyebrows in the room, not to mention the small wave of gossip it might cause amongst his staff and servants.

While the bouquet was humbly wrapped yet huge, the flowers exuded a sense of delicateness and beauty that you’d never encountered before. Hendery knew of your love for flowers and gardening—the interior court of his château was proof—but he never really bought you flowers before. So you were both pleasantly surprised and glad that he had decided to give you something simple this year.

“Whoa, wait,” your brother then piped up out of nowhere. “I’ve never seen those flowers before. Where on Earth did you even get them from?”

Your brows furrowed at Xiaojun’s statement and you took a closer look at the rich blue little flowers with consistent bright yellow eyes in the centre of the flora. They seem rather simple and humble, not as extravagant and meaningful as roses, for example. At least, that was what you thought.

“Aren’t those myosotises?” your father asked in clear awe.

“Myosotises?” you repeated.

Hendery cleared his throat and looked away from you all as he answered, “They’re also commonly called forget-me-nots,” he stole a quick peek at you and then turned away, “and they’re flowers native to the African continent. That is why you might have never seen them before.”

You were completely astonished by his revelation, not to mention you didn’t miss the little glance he gave you as he pointed out that the flowers were forget-me-nots. Your heart squeezed at the beautiful meaning behind his gift, delighted by the thoughtfulness behind the flowers. But then, your temporary high came crashing down as you realized that perhaps Hendery’s gift was not as subtle as you thought it was initially.

Maria Theresa seemed to be holding back from saying something, judging by the way she chewed on her upper lip and the way her hands fisted the skirt of her dress. However, the Queen seemed to have quickly regained her composure and gave you a bright smile, as if the bad mood she was in just a couple of seconds ago never happened.

“What a wonderful gift!” the Queen gushed. “They must be one-of-a-kind.”

“T-thank you again, your Majesty,” you sputtered. “I will take good care of them.”

His expression immediately softened as if pleased that his real gift really did make you happy. “I heard they are relatively easy to maintain, but feel free to ask the royal gardener for any advice if you ever need it.”

You curtsied slightly. “Thank you for your Majesty’s kindness.”

However, your wish that the evening would come without any mishaps was left unheard.

The wishful thinking on your part backfired and you could barely hold the breakfast down in your stomach as only two days after the Christmas party, you were once again summoned to Hendery’s château. However, this time, not by Hendery or by Maria Theresa, but rather, by Queen Anne.

The one person who was the most against you and Hendery’s relationship from the start.

Unlike with Hendery or even Maria Theresa, one did not simply refuse the Queen Mother’s summoning. And truth to be told, the whole journey to the château almost felt like an execution, with every passing minute felt like you were closer to your death.

You didn’t dare to inform your family or Lucas or even Hendery about the Queen Mother’s summons. You didn’t want to spring around accusations either. Perhaps, the older woman wanted to have coffee with you. Throughout the whole carriage ride, you were trying to convince yourself that the reason behind her summoning couldn’t, hopefully, be because of her eldest son.

Even when you knew that it was most likely the case. She normally wouldn’t spare you a glance unless it concerned him.

The Queen Mother’s chamber was dead silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop. It even seemed like her servants were being more careful than ever, cautious to not anger the matriarch more than she already was. But you had a feeling that your presence and depending on how you were going to reply to her were going to worsen the already cold atmosphere.

“You think you are so sly, don’t you?”

Her voice and statement felt like knives against your chest, causing you pain as your breaths became shallower and shallower by the second. She didn’t even beat around the bush.

Queen Anne knew.

“Leave him.”

Not a suggestion, but a demand—an order that left no room for negotiation.

“I don’t need to tell you what could happen to your family if you don’t do as I say, do I?”

You breathed out shakily and shook your head, your eyes facing the floor, unable to raise your head and face the matriarch. A turmoil of emotions washed over your body as her words continued to hit you where it hurt most.

Shame, guilt, anger, frustration, regret.

But, you simply didn’t have it in you to defend the love between you and Hendery anymore.

And while you were certain that Hendery was going to hate you for the rest of his life if he were to find out about this, you would rather that he directed his hate towards you rather than his mother. You knew that he couldn’t possibly forgive his mother for meddling into the one thing he had never allowed her to meddle with, even if in the end, he was married to someone of her choice.

Staying with you was his choice and his only.

If Hendery were to break up with you, it had to be on his terms and not on his mother’s.

You didn’t know how to feel about that fact. All you knew was that you couldn’t allow Hendery to do this to his mother especially since they had a close bond forged by the death of King Louis XIII when Hendery was younger.

So, you lowered your head even further and gathered all the remaining courage left in your body as you uttered your one and only request to Queen Anne.

“I understand,” you affirmed, “but, please give me two more months with him.”

You stared right back at her, unwavering.

“Two more months and I will break things off with him.”

She stared right back.

“Very well.”

The very next day, you headed for Lucas’s Palais-Royal to tell him what went down between you and his mother.

For as long as you remembered, Lucas had never gotten angry in your presence; him with his easy going personality and nonchalance. No matter what you did, he had never shouted at you for your sheer stupidity.

And for some reason, you decided to change that.

Lucas’s expressionless face was one that you had never seen before, but also one that reminded you just exactly whose son and brother was he. While Hendery resembled his mother more than his father, Lucas was the opposite and it almost seemed like the previous King’s features were copied and pasted onto the Duke’s face. However, it was this moment that just reminded you that he was also Queen Anne’s son.

“You did what?”

You gulped down your nervousness. “I–”

“No, I know what you did,” he replied with a calmness that scared you to the bones. “What I don’t understand is why you agreed to my mother’s bullshit request.”

“Request?” You chuckled humourlessly. “More like it was an order, so I didn’t really have a choice when you think about it.”

Lucas got up from his seat. “This is ridiculous.”

You quickly held him back. “Wait, where are you going?”

“To go see my mother, of course.” He gave you an incredulous look as if he was confused why you were questioning his actions. “She can’t threaten you about your family like that!”

“Don’t!” you almost barked before turning to Sicheng who remained quiet since the beginning. “Sicheng, please, talk some sense into him.”

Your writer friend, ever since the beginning of your friendship, had always taken your side no matter what. You could tell that he understood the reasoning behind your demand, why you didn’t want Lucas to go and confront his mother about this. Though, for the first time since then, Sicheng hesitated. He always had your best interests at heart and not once did he ever judge you for staying with Hendery even though the latter was a married man.

However, was there any point to your relationship with the King if you didn’t become Queen in the end?

Lucas and he agreed that there was none as it could only lead to heartbreak if Hendery didn’t make you his officially. But, knowing the state of affairs and Queen Anne’s feelings about you, anybody would be an idiot to not know that it was practically impossible for that to ever happen.

Sicheng could see the determination in your eyes, see that you were resolute in upholding your end of the bargain. But looking at your track record, could he really take your word for it?

All he ever wanted was for you to be happy.

Lucas believed that you could attain that happiness as long as you stayed with his older brother. But the playwright could tell that this illicit affair was slowly taking a toll on you, gradually sucking the life out of you as you were too busy worrying about getting caught. Sicheng wondered whether this was truly the relationship that you wanted, that you imagined when you first got together with Hendery; the life that Hendery supposedly promised you.

“You should listen to her for now, Lucas,” Sicheng sighed. He only hoped that you wouldn’t come to regret this decision in the end.

Your friend was sure that even if your family were to be led to ruins by the royal family, Lucas would still be able to do everything in his power to keep you and your family safe no matter what. And perhaps, you knew that too.

He thought that you were simply too selfless, too good for your own good, that even if you were okay with being annihilated by Queen Anne, you could never forgive yourself if your family’s reputation was destroyed because of you.

“Are you sure that is what you want?” Lucas inquired, his tone oddly soft.

“Positive.”

Lying to your friends was becoming second-nature to you.

But, it turned out that you were better at lying to yourself.

Two months had never passed so quickly before and the next thing you knew, the deadline you had given to both yourself and Queen Anna was coming up soon.

It was the month of February and therefore, your birthday.

Your family had planned a birthday party and had invited some family friends but also the royal family. And so, because you were not available on your actual birthday, Hendery had managed to take some time off from his royal duties to come and visit you at your family’s townhouse to celebrate your birthday, just the two of you. Albeit, in secret.

However, despite the sense of impending doom slowly creeping up your body, you managed to muster the happiest smile on your face as you were finally able to spend some alone time with your significant other.

You thought you had seen it all, but watching the King of France trying to sneak into your room without getting caught by your family or your servants was quite something—a memory you were sure to remember until your death.

You held your giggles in as you quickly ushered Hendery into your room, the King never looking this frightened before.

Yuqi, God bless her soul, managed to bring to your room everything you had asked her for the romantic evening ahead. Your maid was aware of your continuing relationship with the King. You had an inkling that she didn’t approve of it but only because she was concerned with your well-being. After all, she was the one who took care of you as you remained in your bed for a whole week, unwilling to eat, drink, or even bathe. Yuqi could, however, tell that these little moments secretly shared with Hendery brought you joy, as temporary as that feeling was.

All night, you two spoke sweet words to each other over a romantic candle, surrounded by the most beautiful red roses Hendery had secretly sent over to your place. For a moment, it really felt like it was only the two of you in the world. And you could only hope that this moment would last forever.

The clock chimed at midnight and Hendery curled a hair strand over your ear as he whispered, “Happy birthday, my love,” before fondly pressing a gentle chaste kiss against your lips.

“Thank you,” you mumbled against his lips and gasped when he presented you with a small red velvet box. Big enough to contain a pair of earrings or a bracelet, but not small enough to contain a ring. You opened it and you were right: it was a pair of earrings.

At a first glance, they didn’t seem to be anything special. You didn’t expect Hendery to give you a pair of expensive jewellery, but that was usually his pattern. With a closer look, you realized there was something familiar with them. They were your typical teardrop earrings, with a small pearl connecting to a hexagonal shape encrusted with more pearls. However, you realized belatedly that there was something else within that hexagonal shape.

You whipped your head around, your mouth slightly ajar upon the realization. “Are those–” You took another look at the earrings just to be sure. “Are those real pressed flower earrings?”

“Would I give you fake ones?” Hendery shot back cheekily.

You jokingly punched his arm. “I’m being serious! And these blue flowers– They’re the same ones you’ve given me for Christmas, right? The forget-me-nots?”

Hendery’s smile grew. “Yes. They’re one-of-a-kind.”

Your heart melted at his gesture. “You shouldn’t have, your Majesty.”

His expression immediately turned sour. “No, I should be doing more for the love of my life. I should be able to pamper you, smother you with kisses every day, wake up next to you for the rest of my life—those were things that I’ve promised you. And now, I cannot fulfill them anymore. So, the least I can do is ensure that you will love your birthday gift.”

He was wrong.

There was one thing he could do that would guarantee to make you happy for the rest of your life. But, you were still too much of a coward to voice it out, to tell Hendery what you really wanted, because your relationship was just not the same anymore. And therefore, you couldn’t talk to him like you did before. And so, you had to keep your mouth shut. In fear that it might change the nature of your relationship and the last thing you wanted was for Hendery to slip away from you, yet again.

“Thank you,” you repeated and pressed kisses to his whole face. “I’m going to treasure these for the rest of my life.”

He cupped your cheek tenderly and rubbed circles on the apple. “I know this is all very stressful and confusing to you, but I do have a plan in mind that will allow us to stay together for the rest of our lives without repercussions.”

His revelation knocked the air out of you. “Y-your Majesty?”

You didn’t dare to hope as your hand instinctively went to the ring he had given you, worn on your finger only in his presence.

Hendery pressed another kiss against your lips. “I swear, everything will end up just fine. Just please be patient. I’m doing everything that I can at the moment, and in the future, all of the promises that I’ve made to you will be fulfilled.”

At his words, your heart swelled with the slightest hope. Could you really trust his words?

But, time was ticking.

Two weeks have passed since you spent your birthday with Hendery.

It was already the night of your party and the deal you had made with Queen Anne was going to expire soon enough. But you didn’t have it in you to end it when you had the opportunity to see him the other night, not when he was so sweet and happy to finally spend some alone time with you. And you weren’t about to go and lie to yourself that you didn’t want to spend that precious time with him, either.

You were sick of lying to yourself.

Was it possible for you to… lie to the Queen Mother?

You could tell Hendery everything that had transpired between him and his mother. Perhaps convince him to lie about your relationship too. After all, the Queen Mother didn’t have to know.

You were adamant in continuing your relationship. The determination that washed over your body two months prior was gone and all it was left was that childhood dream that you and Hendery could finally end up together. If it weren’t for his words and his request of you to stay patient because he had a plan in mind, tonight would have been the last day of your relationship with him. You would have broken up with him on the night of your birthday party.

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, it was pathetic of you.

But sometimes, love made you do stupid things.

And this was one of them.

The party was a bore. Your father and Xiaojun were too busy making rounds and keeping the royal family entertained. But at least, Lucas managed to sneak away from his mother and the royal couple to keep you company.

Unfortunately, Sicheng wasn’t able to make it because his troupe needed to rehearse for Dom Garcie de Navarre ou le Prince jaloux, the play he had been working on for the past year and was finally published this month. The play was so well-received that Lucas immediately requested that his troupe put on a play as soon as possible. Sicheng, however, promised you that he would make it up to you soon enough.

“The deadline is soon approaching,” Lucas reminded you. “How are you going to tell my mother that you and my brother have officially broken up? Or is she just going to assume that you held onto your word?” Lucas did a double-take. “Wait, are you even going to tell her? I doubt that this is something that you would just send a letter about and it’d be ridiculous of her to summon you to the castle just for this.”

“Too many questions, Lucas,” you mumbled with a hand to your forehead. “And I’m neither drunk nor sober enough to answer any of them.”

A look of concern immediately took over the Duke’s features. “Are you feeling sick? Have you had too much to drink?”

“Perhaps,” you answered as you rubbed your temple.

It wasn’t just the alcohol. It was the people, the gossip, the royal family, the pressure—it was all simply too much for you to handle on the night of your party. You couldn’t refuse your father’s request for a birthday party, but you didn’t expect this many people to show up, either.

As your father paraded you around and as you received everyone’s birthday wishes, you felt like a Greek vase on display in a museum. Pretty to stare at, but passive as the people stared and scrutinized you from afar. Never daring to touch and only there to see. There was just so much you could take.

The second you heard a familiar female voice call you, you immediately plastered a fake smile onto your face, so quick that Lucas snorted into his wine goblet.

“Your Majesty!” you greeted her with a small curtsy.

“I have something to tell you,” Maria Theresa announced to you with a big grin. You would have thought that the party was for her and not you judging by how bubbly and happy she seemed. She then shot a glance over at Lucas before adding a quick, “In private.”

“In private?” you repeated.

You looked over worriedly at Lucas. Was it something related to Hendery? Gauging at how untroubled Maria Theresa seemed to be at the moment, it couldn’t be because she had discovered the affair between you and the King, not to mention, looking at royal etiquette, something that she would do at a birthday party.

“Excuse me for a second then, Lucas,” you told your best friend as you got whisked away by the Queen.

You brought her to your room, where you thought would be the most private space in the townhouse, and you had asked Yuqi to kindly leave the two of you alone and to only come and disturb you if someone were to look for you. And while your maid remained courteous towards Maria Theresa, you didn’t miss the look of resentment hidden behind her usually kind eyes.

“No one should disturb us here,” you told her as you closed the doors to your room. “Your Majesty?”

Maria Theresa immediately whipped her head around and looked at your ears, more specifically your earrings. The Queen then put on a smile. “Yes?”

Your eyes went over to your vanity, where the bouquet of forget-me-nots Hendery gifted you for Christmas was displayed and where the Queen was looking at just a few seconds ago. You managed to keep it alive for two months straight now, thanks to your constant attention and advice from the royal gardener. However, you didn’t expect the flowers to last this long.

Though, you were initially worried as to why the Queen would pay so much attention to a simple bouquet of flowers. Granted, they were a gift from the King, but a gift that didn’t necessarily scream of opulence. She shouldn’t have anything to worry or suspect about.

And so, you brushed your concerns away and cleared your throat. “You said you had something to tell me in private?”

“Right!”

You motioned her to sit with you on the edge of your bed. The Queen followed suit and grasped your hands as soon as you took a seat, startling you in the process.

“We did it,” she simply said.

“Pardon me?”

“The King and I finally slept together!”

You immediately dropped her hands in shock. A buzz of pain shot up from your heart to your brain, worsening your headache. The words that then came out of Maria Theresa’s mouth didn’t seem to register in your brain as everything seemed to move in slow motion. Your brain automatically shut off everything that surrounded you and for some reason, focused on the pain, on the devastation that threatened to overcome you.

You clenched your hands, hoping that it’d distract you from the numbing pain that threatened to overwhelm you. But you had no choice but to cut yourself off from your own emotions; you weren’t allowed to feel this hurt because you were in the wrong ever since you had decided to continue to entangle yourself with Hendery.

You forced the bile down your throat and gave the Queen the brightest smile you could muster at the moment. “That is great news, your Majesty! Does this mean that we will be expecting a prince or princess soon?”

Maria Theresa mirrored your enthusiasm. “Maybe, who knows?”

Your smile tightened. “Well, your Majesty always told me that his Majesty had always refused to touch you ever since your wedding night. This is good progress.”

She clasped your hands again, somehow unaware of the great turbulence hidden behind your mask. “Thank you so much for your words from a few months back. You told me that I should be patient with his Majesty. I was and look at us now!”

You gulped and lied through your teeth. “I’m so happy for you.”

Following the Queen’s divulgence, the rest of your evening seemed to pass slower and slower. You reunited with Lucas but refused to tell him what his sister-in-law had just disclosed to you. The Duke could tell something was wrong and was unrelenting as he tried to coax it out of you. But you simply weren’t in a joyful and celebratory mood anymore that you almost lashed out at him. However, you managed to keep your emotions barely in check and asked him to simply leave you alone for a while.

You managed to escape to your hôtel particulier’s gardens, a small safe haven to you, so to speak. The smell of the flora and the wind always managed to calm you and ground you whenever your emotions were in a turmoil and thus, didn’t allow you to think as logically and rationally as you wished. February’s weather had calmed down a little and thankfully, it wasn’t as cold as you expected. Xiaojun’s Christmas gift came in handy and kept you warm regardless.

“What is the birthday girl doing out here in the cold?”

You slowly turned around to see Hendery walking towards you with grace and poise. It bothered you slightly that he looked unaffected by his own actions, the complete opposite of what you were feeling currently. While you felt confused and deceived by his lack of transparency and his betrayal, you were conflicted by your own feelings as you weren’t sure whether you were entitled to feeling this hurt or not.

Staying with Hendery meant that your emotions couldn’t be seen as valid because you were the mistress and you were in the wrong. And pushing and ignoring those feelings was slowly starting to chip away at who you were and it was becoming detrimental to your mental and physical health.

“The earrings look good on you,” Hendery complimented you as he curled a strand of hair around your ear. But his expression fell as soon as he realized that you weren’t in a good mood. “What’s wrong, my love?”

You took a deep breath. “Maybe we should break up.”

Hendery’s hand froze still. He slowly retracted his hand and took a step back. You pretended that this action didn’t hurt you. But after promising you that he would never touch a woman other than you and breaking that very promise, it was too easy to hide that temporary pain.

“What did you say?” asked Hendery.

You looked away from him as tears threatened to fall from your eyes. “I’m saying that maybe we really weren’t meant to be together.”

“Y-you–” Hendery started to say and shook his head vehemently. “No, you don’t mean that. What happened to your promise? To promising me that you’ll stay patient as I sort this out?”

“Hendery,” you called him out in a pleading tone. “I know what I’ve promised you. But do you?”

The King seemed shocked by your response as if unexpected. He probably didn’t think that you were going to confront him especially since you’d been so understanding and considerate of everything that had happened since the day you found out that he was going to be married to another woman.

But what he didn’t realize was that you shouldn’t have to be this understanding because you were the other woman. And you were sick of tip-toeing around, never knowing whether a future for you and Hendery was viable or not.

“I’m trying my best–”

“I know. I know you are–”

“Are you saying we should break up?”

Hendery’s question left the two of you in a pregnant silence. A question that reflected the reality that the two of you were in. While you were too much of a coward to ask him about whether he actually slept with Maria Theresa or not, or why he had to sleep with her, you also didn’t understand why Hendery simply didn’t want to come clean to you about it. You were more hurt by the fact that he kept this hidden from you.

“I-I don’t know,” you replied back. “I don’t know what I want.”

But Hendery seemed frustrated with your response. “My love, just talk– Talk to me, please. Weren’t we doing fine just two weeks ago? Weren’t we happy?”

But his ongoing spurt of questions left you more exhausted than ever as you came up without any answers to them. And your future together that then became so muddled when he got married now got even more darker as there was the possibility that he had sired a son or daughter. And getting married to Hendery and having his children were all you ever wanted and dreamed of.

And that dream was snatched away from you.

Happiness was simply not enough for you anymore, to continue living in-between the grey zones of your relationship with the King. You needed more and now you were starting to think that the love of your life wasn’t able to give that to you anymore.

And apparently, your silence was the only thing Hendery needed to walk away from you.

“Please, my Lady,” Yuqi pleaded. “Just please have something. An apple or grapes, just please.”

You and Hendery hadn’t been in contact ever since the night of your birthday party. While you knew you were partly—mostly—at fault, you couldn’t help but hope that he’d be the one to contact you since he was the one who walked away from you.

But perhaps, you were the one who walked away first.

You also thought to yourself that it was hypocritical of you to wish that Hendery would contact you again when you were the one who wanted to end things. And while you were willing to end things, you were still unwilling to let him go as if something was still holding you back from leaving him completely.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled as you read through the “book” that Sicheng had gifted you for Christmas. “I’m not feeling hungry.”

“My Lady–”

A knock on the door to your chambers interrupted her. Your maid sighed and went to open the door while you hoped that the interruption would keep Yuqi away long enough that it would stop her from asking you to eat or drink again. However, she quickly came back and her expression seemed to have done a complete 180. Gone were her woes and a sly expression confronted you instead.

“Yes, Yuqi?” you said, your eyes still stuck on the same page as earlier. Sicheng’s writing was impeccable as always but you couldn’t really focus with Yuqi pacing around you.

“A letter came from the royal palace,” Yuqi announced and then added with a small cough when she noticed the slightest twitch of your brow, “from his Majesty.”

Your head couldn’t help but whip around at Yuqi’s news and your eyes wide in both relief and surprise. You were slightly dumbfounded at your own actions so you quickly cleared your throat and went back to Sicheng’s gift as if nothing happened. Your hand, however, instinctively went out and your fingers wriggled, motioning Yuqi to hand the letter over.

“Only after you eat something,” Yuqi ordered.

You scoffed in slight disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“My Lady heard what I’ve said.”

You narrowed your eyes at her and she kept her nose up, refusing to back down. You couldn’t win against Yuqi, knowing how stubborn your friend was. So, you huffed out in exasperation and went to the small dining table in your room reluctantly. “Fine. I’ll have some yoghurt and berries.”

“Good.”

After Yuqi made sure that you were filled to the brim with the amount of yoghurt and berries she had forced you to eat, she finally allowed you to read the letter Hendery had sent you, requesting your presence at his château whenever you were done with your breakfast. So, you immediately headed for his place while thinking of what you could possibly say to him in your carriage.

Fifteen minutes proved to be insufficient as you still had no clue of what to say to Hendery when you were to meet him. You could only hope and think that he summoned you because he wanted you two to reconcile. However, your joy was left in the dust when the person who had met you in the room you’d been ushered in was none other than Maria Theresa.

“Your Majesty!” you blurted out in surprise and quickly curtsied. What was she doing here? “How have you been?”

The look on the Queen’s face was indescribable, an expression that seemed foreign to you as she had always been friendly with you.

“Great,” she muttered with animosity. “But I would feel even better if you left my husband.”

Your body went still as ice filled your veins. Did your ears just play a trick on you? Your brain struggled to process what the Queen had just asked you, but it struggled even more to truly understand the gravity of the situation you now found yourself in.

“I-I don’t–”

“Don’t know what I’m talking about?” Maria Theresa scoffed with a roll of her eyes. It was daunting for you to see her act this way, but a part of you understood why. “You must have thought of me as a fool. To think that I considered you as my friend. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”

Your mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish. Anything that you’d say to her at the moment would just sound like excuses to her. There was no way you could justify why you went behind her back, why you decided to betray someone who considered you as a friend, especially when she had done nothing but be kind to you.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words you could say.

“I heard,” she said with a sniffle, “from the gossipy people from the court. About how his Majesty had someone he was completely smitten with ever since he was a boy, about how he promised her that he’d take her as his wife, and about how I might be the Queen of this country but I would never be the Queen in his heart—I know everything.”

You remained silent.

“I didn’t believe them,” she continued. “I didn’t believe them until Queen Anne told me about it.”

You swallowed hard at her revelation. What was said between you and the matriarch; you had expected it that it was confidential, that it remained between the two of you. And while you may have told Lucas and Sicheng about the deal, you didn’t expect Queen Anne to say anything to Maria Theresa as you thought she would have acted in her daughter-in-law’s best interest.

Telling her daughter-in-law that her son was having an affair with one of—if not, perhaps, her only—friend was something you thought Queen Anne could keep because she wanted to protect Maria Theresa. But in turned that, more than anything, she just wanted you out of the picture. Even if it meant destroying every relationship that Maria Theresa had as long as you were not part of the royal couple’s life anymore.

You supposed that what you did to the Queen of this country was plain wrong and you understood that your actions were unforgivable.

The time you had left with Hendery was just borrowed time anyway.

It was a cruel way to separate you and Hendery.

But you supposed that you had no right to get angry nor betrayed. After all, you were the one who backstabbed the Queen. Whatever punishment that came your way, you didn’t have a choice but accept it.

“I didn’t want to do what she had asked me to do,” Maria Theresa confessed. “But then, I thought it wouldn’t wouldn’t hurt anyone to put Queen Anne’s ruse in place. I trusted you and well,” she scoffed to herself with her eyes up, “you just had to go ahead and prove me wrong.”

Your eyes blinked repeatedly. “A r-ruse?”

“The night of your birthday party at your family’s townhouse,” she continued. “I told you that the King and I finally slept together—that was untrue. We never did.”

Your heart constricted at her confession. You couldn’t believe that Maria Theresa lied to you about that. But more than anything, you thought that you were such a heinous human being for believing a woman you had just met over the love of your life; over Hendery, whom you knew and loved since you were barely a teenager.

Hendery didn’t deserve someone like you who would doubt both his words and actions. And more importantly, you hated yourself for not communicating properly with the King even though he had begged you to just talk to him.

It was all your fault.

“I’ve had my suspicions, you know?” she told you. “Whenever we speak of your family, he would always bring you up and would always speak of you fondly. He always had that soft and gentle expression whenever you were brought up as the subject. But along with that soft and gentle expression was this face stricken with both love and grief. An expression he had never used with me or to me. The King had always been good at hiding it since he had always acted so closed off to me. But, do you want to know when he slipped up?”

She didn’t allow you to answer her rhetorical question.

“Following our conversation at your birthday, you and the King disappeared together for a while,” Maria Theresa said. “I perhaps had an idea of what might have gone down between the two of you. Neither of you are particularly good at hiding what you feel or think. And that night, when we went back home, his Majesty slept with me. That was when he slipped and I was finally allowed to have a look in his heart.”

You held your tears in as much as possible, the truth hitting you harder than expected.

You had driven Hendery to the edge, had driven him to perhaps do something that he might have regretted. But you had also driven him to do something completely unforgivable and cruel to someone who loved you and who loved Hendery more than anything in the world. Amidst the procession of your grief and pain, you couldn’t even see that your unwillingness to talk things out with Hendery—to really break up with him— ended up hurting more people than you had originally accounted for.

“And now, I am pregnant.”

“I–”

You closed your mouth and bit your bottom lip. What were you supposed to tell her? How were you supposed to feel? Were you supposed to feel happy for the Queen? Or were you supposed to feel dispirited because her pregnancy simply meant that Hendery was getting further and further away from you.

Amidst your conflicting emotions, you forced yourself to say, “C-Congratulations, your Majesty.”

Maria Theresa snorted at you in disdain. “Spare me the fake good wishes.”

And while she spoke to you in a voice full of anger and contempt, her expression stopped matching with the negativity connotation hidden in her words.

Like you, the Queen tried to hold her tears in. You didn’t know whether she was disconsolate because of the aftermath of finding out that her husband cheated on her or whether because she was about to lose a friend. You didn’t dare to even consider that last possibility—you had no right to.

“I really liked you, you know?” Maria Theresa mumbled under her breath with a sniffle and laughed in disbelief. “And I can’t believe that I’m about to say this, but I still do. I still like you despite what you’ve done to me.”

“I’m sorry,” you kept repeating, almost like a mantra, and brought a hand to your mouth as you tried to contain your sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry–”

“After finding out about your affair with my husband, I felt like such a bad guy.”

You shook your head. “No–”

“I felt like I was the one in the wrong,” she admitted and waved her hand around. “Like, I was the third person in the relationship because you two were already together way before I came into the picture and now, have to break up because of me.”

You closed your eyes as you didn’t have the guts to face her anymore.

“It destroyed me when I saw myself that way. But it didn’t take me long to understand that I wasn’t the one in the wrong. I never was. And while I know that both you and his Majesty did this together, I cannot fault him as I love him. I love him so much that it is almost unbearable sometimes.”

And you understood that feeling so perfectly. That feeling of always wanting the love of your life loyal to you, of having him stay by your side, of wanting to continue to be basked upon by Hendery’s love. Deep down inside of you, you had considered her as your friend. And the guilt that slowly ate you up for the past couple of months was proof of your ever-growing fondness for Maria Theresa.

It had always been Hendery for you.

But perhaps now, it was time for you to acknowledge that Hendery wasn’t yours anymore and that he now had to be King Louis XIV for Maria Theresa and their future child.

Gone was the kid who ran around in your family’s hôtel particulier’s courtyard with you, Xiaojun, and Lucas.

Gone was the boy who lost his father at a young age and found solace in you.

Gone was the young man who asked you to be his.

And gone was the love of your life.

It was time for you to let go.

That was why when Maria Theresa asked you, “So, please, I’m begging you. Please leave him.”

You could only say,

“I will.”

Right after your conversation with the Queen, you immediately went to the King’s room as it turned out, the invitation was from him, but Maria Theresa managed to catch you right before your meeting with Hendery.

Your mind was a mess as you tried to think about all the possible ways of telling him that it was time for you two to end things. You hated that tiny part of you that hoped that he wanted to fix things with you, but your rationality beat your feelings for once: this simply couldn’t go on anymore as you just didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore.

You didn’t want to hurt yourself anymore.

“My love,” Hendery called you as soon as he entered his chambers and headed for you in a frenzy.

You immediately got up from your seat to stop him, but he suddenly engulfed you in a tight embrace. You were about to stop yourself as you recalled Maria Theresa’s last request of you, but you knew you were going to uphold your end of the bargain this time. So, you allowed yourself to embrace him back as you recognized that this was perhaps going to be the last time you would be allowed to embrace Hendery.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to you, agitated. “I’m so sorry, my love, I don’t know what I was thinking, leaving you like that on the night of your birthday. Truly, I don’t know what came over me that night. I–”

You forced yourself out of his embrace, surprising him. His brows rose in shock and then furrowed as you distanced yourself from him again.

“My love, what–”

“It’s alright, Hendery,” you said with a crestfallen smile and a tight heart as you knew where this conversation was going. “You don’t have to apologize. You did the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Hendery repeated, bewildered. “What kind of man leaves his woman–”

“The kind that’s already married,” you cut him off mercilessly. “The kind that shouldn’t have involved himself with another woman when he’s rightfully married to his wife!”

Your outburst shocked the two of you. It was never your intention to raise your voice at him, but he had to understand that everything was just too much for you and while you still had strong feelings for him, it simply wasn’t right for you to continue down this path.

You crossed your arms as you took a step back from him. “We shouldn’t do this anymore.”

Hendery shook his head frantically and tried to reach for you. “No. No. Don’t you dare say that to me again! I refuse to listen to this! I– No, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t be together anymore!”

“She knows!” you burst out and threw your arms in the air. “Your wife knows that we were seeing each other. Isn’t that reason enough?”

“No,” Hendery firmly replied. “I don’t care about what she thinks. I don’t care about her.”

You scoffed at him. “And you care about me?”

Hendery’s eyes widened in incredulity at your question, as if he couldn’t believe that you would doubt his feelings ever. “Of course I care about you!”

“Then, why didn’t you marry me in the first place?” you confessed your true feelings, knowing that they would hurt you both. “Why didn’t you convince your mother that I was enough? That you didn’t need to marry the princess from Spain to end the war?”

“You know I couldn’t–”

“Do you even know how I felt when you told me that you were going to marry someone else just a few weeks right after you proposed to me?” you asked with trembling lips. “How I felt as I watched Maria Theresa walk down the aisle and marry the man I thought was going to spend the rest of his life with me?”

The emotions you held since the beginning burst out like a dam and you cried as you finally let them out. You cried in relief; relief that you didn’t have to suppress these emotions anymore.

“Your mother– She–” You took a deep breath to calm yourself. “She knows. She knows that we were still seeing each other after you got married. She wasn’t sure but we somehow confirmed her suspicions at the Christmas party. The next day, I was summoned to her chambers and she told me to break things off with you–”

Hendery’s brows furrowed in anger. “Wait, is that why you–”

“No! I– I told her to give me two months and then I’ll end things between the two of us–”

“But–”

“Listen to me, please!” you reiterated. “I told her to give me two months but it was just a lie. I was prepared to put my life on the line if it meant that I could spend the rest of it with you. But,” your breath shuddered. “But then, your wife told me that you two slept together. On the night of my birthday party. You slept with her.”

A sense of panic washed over Hendery’s body as he frantically approached you. “No! That didn’t mean anything to me. Trust me when I say that it was meaningless. I–”

You recoiled away from him slightly and exhaled sharply as you looked away from him. Hendery had always been your soft spot and you just knew that you were going to give in to him again if you were to face him properly.

“Well, meaningless or not,” you croaked. “The matter of fact is that she is now pregnant with your child.”

“No,” Hendery refuted, his eyes shaking. “You’re breaking up with me because of my mother, not because of the fact that she got pregnant.”

You shook your head furiously, desperate to make him understand that you didn’t want to do this as much as him but you were left with no choice.

“Please, Hendery–”

“Do you know why I’m inclined to think so?” Hendery replied back. “It’s because I went to see my mother. I went to see her and she told me about the little deal between the two of you. I knew everything from the beginning.”

“You– you what?” you sputtered. “You knew? You knew? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I waited for you to tell me!” Hendery snapped with a hand to his temple. “That night, on your birthday, and you wanted to break things off. I asked you, I pleaded with you to just talk to me and you refused. What was I supposed to do?”

You crossed your arms in defense. “That’s not the point! Why did your mother even tell you about that deal in the first place?”

Hendery went silent, his expression turned desperate and lonely as he admitted to you in a soft voice, barely above a whisper. “I… I went to see her to ask for permission to marry you.”

Your jaw fell open slightly before you shut it back. “Marry me? You’re already married! Unless… unless you’re planning on divorcing–”

The tiniest of hope got crushed by his next words.

“No, I cannot divorce her,” Hendery said and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “France still needs Spain’s resources in case another war breaks out in the future. The relations between the two countries are too important. Not to mention I cannot divorce her when she’s pregnant, it wouldn’t look good on me or the French royal family.”

You backtracked. “W-wait, you knew? You knew that she was pregnant?”

Hendery pursed his lips. “I found out about it just a few days ago.”

You laughed humorlessly to yourself. You felt like such a fool.

“When were you going to tell me that you got your wife pregnant?” you questioned in quiet anger. “Actually, no. How dare you ask me to marry you when your wife is pregnant? When you can’t even divorce her!”

“Be my mistress,” Hendery cut you off and looked more determined as ever. “Marry me and become my official mistress. Then, we don’t have to sneak around anymore and we can still be together.”

You felt suffocated as tears started to slowly drip down your cheeks. “Do– do you even hear yourself at the moment? How could you ask me to become your mistress when you promised me that I was to become your wife!”

“You would do it because you love me.”

His words knocked the breath out of you.

“You would do it because you’re the love of my life and I’m yours.”

Because you couldn’t believe how untrue they were.

You couldn’t do this anymore.

The bittersweet pain that came with being with Hendery while he was legally married to someone else was too much to bear. At first, it brought you to an unbelievable high that made you never want to come back down.

But now, it made you wish that you never reached for it, to begin with.

“No,” you said and looked down. “No.”

How silly of you to forget that you were supposed to be the love of your own life.

“My love–”

You finally looked up at him and felt a pang of guilt when you saw that his expression mirrored yours. He looked more broken than ever with his eyes devoid of light and his cheeks stained with tears. You’d always hated it whenever you were the cause behind his pain.

But that was just it.

You two weren’t supposed to cause each other pain, not when you two were supposed to love each other. You didn’t want to stay with him because you loved him. You didn’t want to get stuck in a never-ending cycle of always questioning his love, of always being scrutinized and hated by the Queen and the court, of always being second to Maria Theresa.

You wanted to be freed of this.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed into your hands. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your mistress. I don’t want to be your mistress. I– I deserve more—and better—than this, Hendery. I– I simply cannot do this anymore.”

And only then you allowed Hendery to embrace you because you knew it was probably going to be the last time that you two could hold each other this way, both as lovers and as friends.

Hendery tucked you under his chin and rubbed comforting circles on your back. However, you could feel how his body was shaking, how hard he tried to hide his sobs, and how bad he didn’t want to let you go.

“And I’m sorry, as well,” the King said with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for not keeping my promises to you. I’m sorry for not marrying you. And I’m sorry for not being able to protect you properly.”

You chuckled lowly to yourself as your forehead pressed against his and his hands were wrapped tenderly around your waist as if he was touching fine china, something so fragile, breakable, and precious.

“I love you,” you told him, one last time.

“And I love you.”

One might ask you why did you two decide to end it when it was clear that the two of you were still in love and perhaps, your love could have survived if you had decided to go through with it as you and Hendery had initially planned.

But you didn’t want to be in a relationship where you weren’t going to be his priority, no matter how much he loved and adored you.

It was a matter of the wrong time and place for your relationship to prosper. And you sincerely believed that maybe, if the two of you had met in different circumstances, in a different life, your relationship would have turned out differently and then, you would have had the happily ever after you first dreamed of as a child.

So, you two broke up for good this time.

Not because you didn’t love each other anymore.

But because a bitter end was better than an endless bitterness.

You forgot how much time had passed since you and Hendery had broken up. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that you had lost all sense of time as you shut yourself off from the world inside your room, only allowing Yuqi to come in and out to bathe you and to fetch you the occasional glass of water.

But the matter of fact was that you got out of a long-term relationship that was both good and bad for you, and you needed the time to grieve and heal.

And during your time of grieving, while you had refused to cry, you felt more lonely than ever.

No matter how many times you thought you would finally be able to get out of your bed and greet your father and brother for breakfast in the dining room, you always fell back into the comfort of your bedroom.

Your father and Xiaojun had an inkling of what was going on, but you didn’t dare to tell them the truth. You had a feeling that your family would cut all ties with the royal family if they were to find out what really transpired in the last few weeks and months.

You were grateful that they didn’t question you. But more than anything, you were grateful that they didn’t judge you for your questionable actions, especially considering how they never really liked the fact that you were in a relationship with their King.

Lucas also tried to visit you a couple of times, but you refused to let him see you because you knew that it might cause a rift between the two brothers. The last thing you needed was to ruin another relationship. Queen Anne might have forgiven you for getting in-between Hendery and Maria Theresa, but you knew that she would have your head if you were to pit the two brothers against one another.

Your best friend was willing to go to all sorts of length for you, but that didn’t mean you were going to allow him to ruin himself that way. He had done enough for you, for the past couple of years.

“My Lady,” Yuqi started to say carefully after opening the door to your room as if she was walking on eggshells. “Someone is here to see you.”

This time around, you felt slightly better than usual. Instead of being bedridden, you managed to get out and change into a new comfortable silky robe before deciding to settle yourself on your window seat, where you had the best view of your family’s large townhouse.

You slept so much these past few days that you did lose all sense of time. It was only now as you opened the curtains to your window seat that you realized that it was actually nighttime.

“Okay, let them in.”

“A-are you sure, my Lady?” Yuqi stuttered out, surprised that you’d allow a visitor to come in.

You nodded again, this time with a small smile, hoping that it’d reassure your maid. “Yes, Yuqi. I am sure.”

Without hesitation, Yuqi allowed the visitor in and your eyes widened when you realized who the newcomer was.

“Sicheng,” you blurted out in surprise.

You hadn’t seen him in so long. Perhaps since the Christmas party with the royal family. You instantly felt bad that you missed out on the play that he and his troupe had put on during the month of your birthday. You had promised him that you were going to attend one of them, no matter what, and yet here you were, not keeping your words.

You knew that promises were meant to be broken. But given how much importance you usually gave to promises, you weren’t really one to break them easily. And yet, here you were, breaking them as easily as making them on the whim.

“W-what are you doing here?” you asked as you got up to greet him.

Sicheng forced you back down with a concerned, furrowed look before his expression turned soft. Your friend then smiled at you with a raised brow. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? I promised that I was going to make it up to you, didn’t I? For missing your birthday?”

You laughed softly to yourself. “Right, you did say that.” Your expression then turned somber as you told him, “I’m sorry that I’ve missed your plays, Sicheng. I truly am.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. I can only imagine what had happened for you to not keep your promise to me. It’s only one play—there will be plenty more in the future that you can attend.”

You hadn’t expected him to be so understanding. “O-oh,” you murmured with your eyes facing the other way, too ashamed to look at him face-to-face. “Okay.”

“You want to talk about it?” he quickly asked you before a silence engulfed the two of you. You turned around with a questionable gaze. Sicheng at least had the decency to look the slightest embarrassed with his hand behind his neck as he admitted to you, “Lucas told me the gist of what happened. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

You lightly scoffed to yourself. “Does it matter, whether you hear it from me or from Lucas? In the end, the story remains the same, does it not?”

Sicheng slowly approached you and looked at you silently for permission to sit down next to you. When you nodded, he took a seat at the edge of the window seat and looked at you earnestly. “It matters because I have a feeling that you have been bottling up your emotions.”

Your eyes remained unblinking whereas he cocked a skeptical eyebrow at you.

“Was I wrong?” he asked with a slight teasing tone. “You’ve got to admit that you have a bad habit of keeping everything to yourself in fear of hurting everyone around you.”

You snorted before muttering under your breath, “I do not.”

“Well, fine then. So, for now,” he said with a bit more lightheartedness in his voice. “How about we start with why am I here?”

You weren’t that interested in the reason why he came to visit you. You had a feeling it was because he was worried about you and Lucas had probably sent him over to check up on you. But then, Sicheng pulled something from behind his back. You never knew that he was hiding something from you from the beginning.

“For you,” he said as he handed what seemed to be a booklet with a red ribbon tied around it. “I’m afraid I’m a bit late to the party but happy belated birthday, Mademoiselle Villeroy.”

You giggled and accepted his gift gratefully. “Thank you, Sicheng,” you told him before asking, “What is this?”

“The second part of the story I have given you for Christmas.”

You gasped and hugged his gift. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” Sicheng scratched his head. “I know it’s not an extravagant gift like giving you flowers imported from another continent but–”

“No, no, don’t say that,” you cut him off and grabbed his hand. “I love it.”

“Y-you do?”

“Well, of course,” you said as a matter-of-factly. “I’ve been waiting for a second part ever since I finished the first one. I wasn’t sure whether that was how the story was supposed to end or not and I didn’t want to ask or pressure you to write me the sequel if there isn’t one to begin with.”

“You’re welcome, then.” Sicheng pretended to lift off a hat from his head.

You two fell into a silence. You could tell that you couldn’t hide it from him any longer. And knowing how stubborn Sicheng was, you knew that he wouldn’t leave until you told him everything. His expression turned serious again and said softly to you, “Talk to me.”

You exhaled sharply and looked out the window. “There’s nothing left to tell you. You probably already know everything.”

“No, I don’t,” he replied almost snarkily. “I know that you and his Majesty are over, but that’s not why I came over.”

“Then, why did you come over?”

“Because I wanted to know how you feel. I wanted to know if you were okay,” Sicheng answered gently.

So, you did talk to him.

You told him about how exhausted you were of keeping up appearances. Of how you couldn’t stay with Hendery anymore. Of how you betrayed Maria Theresa’s trust. Of how you had a hard time discerning morning from night due to how much you slept. Of how you couldn’t cry despite how much you wanted to. Of how afraid you were of letting out your worries to Hendery, considering how much stress and responsibilities he held as the Sun King.

And somewhere in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but think of how good this felt; how you didn’t have to worry about burdening Sicheng with your woes and feelings. You felt supported and safe. You were in an environment that allowed you to let out your emotions rather than suppressing them.

You appreciated how Sicheng gently coaxed everything out of you patiently. He didn’t rush it nor did he ever get impatient with you because you needed a small break from bearing yourself emotionally to him.

You cherished the fact that Sicheng wasn’t one to judge you or anyone. And you treasured how he reminded you that everyone was human and that humans were not free from the downfalls that life gave us. Because all of those emotions, those downfalls and those experiences, and how we come back up, were what made us human.

“Oh, God,” you said to yourself, almost horrified by the few drops of tears that fell, and tried to wipe them away with the sleeves of your dress. “I’m so sorry–”

“Don’t!” he abruptly cried out, causing your hand to freeze midair. Sicheng then cleared his throat and brought your hand down. “Don’t hold them in.”

You frowned, unable to understand.

“There’s a beauty in your tears,” he explained kindly, his eyes unbelievably tender as he gazed at you, “so, cry—it’s okay. Let it all out. Because it shows how strong you have been up until now. And please grant me the honour of watching them flow just like that.”

You were rendered speechless by him; as expected of a playwright. You had always known that he had a way with words, with feelings, considering how you always felt a turmoil of emotions whenever you read his plays or, in this case, the story that he had given you. But being on the receiving end of his beautifully crafted words were another story.

You suppressed a small laugh. “You’re ridiculous, Sicheng.” But, you didn’t make a move to wipe away your tears. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

You exhaled as you tried to regain your composure, but every time you did, you kept thinking back of all the pain you had suffered and it seemed like a never-ending cycle. “God, I’m basically a waterfall at this point.”

“A cute one,” Sicheng quipped out of nowhere with a cheeky smile.

“Not the time,” you told him with a small glare before waving his comment away. “Quick, tell me something to distract me from my thoughts!”

But he didn’t seem to agree with your suggestion. “But, we were supposed to deal with your feelings. If you feel like crying, it’s better not to try and hold it in because it’ll help you manage your emotions.”

“And I’m managing them,” you swiftly replied. “But now, we’re dealing with the aftermath and that wasn’t in the plan. So, please, just tell me something— anything—to stop my train wreck.”

Seeing how desperate you were, Sicheng’s expression quickly turned to one of panic and grabbed the small packet of papers he had given you earlier—your birthday gift and the second part to his story—and began to read it to you.

Sicheng’s story was about the story of someone from the royal court catching the eye of an above average working member of society. The latter always watched the royal member from afar and admired them from a distance, only for that working citizen to have fallen for their charms without knowing.

“And he continues to wonder, whether that person will ever come to look his way,” Sicheng read and then flipped the last page. “The end.”

“That’s it?” you mumbled, still entranced by Sicheng’s story and writing.

“Yes, that’s the end, for now,” he said and patted your head before his hand ended up on your cheek. His brows furrowed with concern as he gently rubbed the areas under your eyes. “You should get some sleep. It’s going to be morning soon.”

Your eyes widened and your head immediately turned to your window, where you could see the sun slowly rising. And before your eyes, you saw the first rays of the sun grace the flowerbeds of your garden as clouds became lit with greens and blues that somehow warmed up your heart, just the slightest.

“Say, Sicheng.”

“Mhm?”

“What happens to them? To the couple in your story?” you whispered. “Do they end up together in the very end?”

Sicheng looked at you intently as you gathered yourself in a small ball and watched the sun rise, before turning his eyes to your window with a pensive hum.

“Who knows?”

THE END.

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