i want to kiss you. it’s clumsy, i bump your nose and your hair gets in our faces, but it’s perfect.
i want to take a road trip with you, playing games with billboards, listening to our favorite music, making up stories about the cars we pass, just spending time with each other as we see the country
Sports Day 1st July
My other Classics teacher called me and E ‘kindred spirits’ at sports day because we were both reading and i had to hide the fact that my heart was going 😍😍😍.
we sat next to each other and chatted about life and summer, she wants me to go to the university that she went to because i’m her ‘protege’. She went to get some food and brought me some food too and i literally died in that moment ngl.
She we got onto the topic of gayness because I was reading the diary of Anne Lister and she said that she watched Gentleman Jack (which is basically coming out right??). She asked if i was seeing anyone (come on play it cool!) I said no and she kinds smirked?! (im probably reading into it a lot but i knOW WHAT I SAW)
She also defended me when people were telling me that i should do the 1500m run (not in a million years) and they were being really persistent so she put her arm across my body and said ‘come on guys let her read’ and i can honestly still feel how that felt omggggg
ik that this isn’t well written but it’s mainly for me to organise my thoughts
I look at her and I feel a wave of an emotion that I didn’t believe in until I met her: love. I see her skin and it takes all my effort to keep myself from reaching out to touch her. My fingers burn with the desire to run through her hair. There are moments when she is listening to someone talk that she runs her thumb across her lips and I wish I could feel how soft they are. When she laughs, I can’t keep from smiling and she can always make me smile.
I know that I don’t post or update this page very often…practically never, but I think it’s because I like to savor the moments between D and me. Whenever something new or significant happens between us or in our friendship, I always have the intention of creating a post about. But I stop because I like that it’s something private (for the most part) that I can look back on as our little secret. However, I am moving soon and will see D a lot less and my memory isn’t the greatest, so I’m worried about not remembering these moments. Because of this, I’m going to try and post things from the present and past as I remember them, as well as my random ramblings.
I moved in to D’s house about five days ago. I’m house sitting for her while she and her family is in Europe for part of the summer. They haven’t left yet though, so I’ve been living with the fam for almost a week now and it’s so nice to see a non-dysfunctional family. I love their dynamic so much. I also love notice all the little idiosyncrasies of how D interacts with her kids and her husband.
There is a little…okay, a big part of me that wishes that she would make a move on me while I’m there but I think I have to resign myself to the fact that it wont happen.
This was all so out of nowhere. So unexpected. In one simple text you had me falling for you. I tried so hard not to let myself fall, but the more we talk, the more I think about you, the more I see your face, the more in love with you I fall.
You’re all I’ve been able to think about for the past week. I can’t focus on anything. My mind keeps going back to the time we hugged and as you pulled away you left your hand on my waist for a moment longer. Or the time you called me darling and I got so flustered that I can no longer remember the context or anything else you said. When I watched you cry and all I wanted to do was hold you and make you feel better. The way I made you laugh by simply saying that I lost my pants.
God, I can’t believe I’ve fallen so hard. I’m not sure I’ve ever fallen this hard before. I know you like another girl. I know you don’t know how I feel. But one day, I promise, I’ll tell you. I want you to know how special you are to me.
Someday you’ll know.