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#lets help each other

I found this some time ago when I was scrolling through Pinterest.

I never understood why people were mean to me (not all of them obviously, but I’m talking about the ones that did make their contribution to my misery). I used to be very mean myself and I mistreated others. I do think it was a response to all that happened to me. ‘Why would I be nice and stay positive if all I am getting in return is disrespect?’ I thought. However now I see it differently. I started looking at things from my OWN perspective - I was mean because I needed help and kindness. However, every single time someone was kind to me I felt like they weren’t really nice.. if you know what I mean. It was just a pretentious way of showing that they pitted me.

I am a teacher and I teach kids aged 12 and above. There is one student in my class that last year made me question all my teaching techniques and life in general. He would enter the class late, chew gum, throw his backpack in front of me and then not care whether I was there or not. He was an extremely difficult case. Or so I thought. I tried on him everything the teaching books advised me to do - activate him/try to calm him down/entertain him/show him that I didn’t care. But I did care and I wanted to find out the answer to him being rude and mean to everyone around. In addition, he is a great learner. He learns fast and has a remarkable memory. So I started sowing little seeds of kindness in him. I would always tell him how much I appreciated even the smallest positive things he did during my class (sometimes I really had to think hard to find these things, but you gotta do what you gotta do). Slowly but surely what I praised became the norm and he started finding new ways to impress me with. He started saying 'hello’ when he was entering the class. Not just to me, to everyone in the school. To his classmates. He wanted to help them. Help me. He knew he belonged and that without him the class wouldn’t be the same. I tried my best to make sure he knew that. The school year ended and we went our separate ways. I didn’t think he would come back to my class or that I would have a chance to teach him again. I won’t lie. The whole process of 'throwing kindness’ at someone who was not eager to receive it was emotionally draining for me. And I felt like I failed.

Here comes September and he’s back. He’s not only back but he’s happy. He goes “I didn’t do much this summer and my parents didn’t really care if I did. I’m so excited to be back and I couldn’t wait to see you and my friends.” And then my year-long attempts at showing him that I cared finally paid off. Happy he left the school, greeting everyone on his way. As of now, he’s one of my top students and I know he will exceed everyone’s expectations this year. I can’t wait to see what happens with him.

Be kind, encourage others, and CARE 🌸

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For being a weak and insecure person, I still try my best every single day to be strong. I hide and avoid all the negative thoughts that crashes in my brain so when I have a mental breakdown it means my wall broke. Many people right now are suffering way worse. I want to let people be aware that not all people can hold up themselves and be strong. Lets help those who we know are suffering, cause you’ll never know how much help this is for that person and what good you’ll have in return.

Be sensitive.

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I’m going into my second semester of college soon, and I go to a college that I love and don’t regret my choice at all. However, in high school I dated a guy we’ll call Tyler for a month shy of 3 years and we broke up when I was going into my junior year. It was a really bad relationship, and don’t worry this story isn’t about him. It’s about who came after him. I came out of the relationship with Tyler, I was pretty ruined. I didn’t really know how to love, because all I knew was unhealthy. Then along came Gabe (fake name obviously). I met Gabe when I was still seeing Tyler actually as a sophomore, because we ended up meeting on a school field. Gabe was sitting by one of my friends, and we talked before the play, during intermission, and after the play, and I thought Gabe was incredibly cute and nice. We ended up talking a little bit for the rest of my sophomore year, but nothing really developed or happened since I was in a relationship. At the start of my junior year, Tyler ended up sitting with all of my friends at lunch and wouldn’t interact with me and it was awkward for everyone involved. I had the same friends for years, and suddenly I lost them because of Tyler. I ended up eating lunch with a teacher for the beginning of the year, until one of my other friends said I could sit with him at lunch beside (you guessed it) Gabe. I already liked Gabe as a person, and I was excited to make more friends. Me and Gabe started talking as friends, and then slowly moved to talking as more than friends when I gave him the answers to some homework we had. We started dating, and cue the best two years of my life with anybody. I had an incredible amount of fun with Gabe, loved his family, loved our relationship, grew as a person, and most importantly loved him and who I was with him. A lot of things happened in those two years, and I accomplished a lot of things I wanted to with the best person in the world by my side. Gabe was a year older than me, so he was already in college by time I was applying and stressing about pay. In September of my senior year, Gabe gave me a beautiful promise ring that I still have and wear on occasions. Now since I’m writing this on this blog you can guess that something happened between me and Gabe. I thought we would be fine when I also went off to college, but I was wrong. Suddenly Gabe wasnt the only one busy all the time, and it was the both of us. He ended up ending the relationship the first weekend of my school year, September 1st was the exact date I think. I caught up with Gabe a little bit, and he actually thinks I broke up with him but thats not it at all. The night everything came crumbling down was the most I’ve cried in my entire life. I was sure that Gabe was the love of my life, and part of me still thinks that. He said he felt neglected and that we just didn’t want the same thing anymore, but all I wanted was him. Time passed on, and I ended up starting a relationship with another guy named Fred. Fred is just as amazing as Gabe, but we get along better than me and Gabe ever did. Fred is my absolute best friend, and he’s smart, confident, charming, driven, makes me feel comfortable, and everything I could want. Fred makes me feel sexy and loved and he’s all I could ask for. I was so sure I was over Gabe because of my relationship with Fred, and then I came home for the holidays. Gabe is in a new relationship too, and I’m not mad at him for that because that would be hypocritical of me. Whenever I came home, everything I thought I got over at college suddenly came rushing back to me full force. I know that I do still care deeply for Gabe, and I can’t think about him without extreme heartache. I’m so so so so incredibly happy with Fred in all ways, but something about Gabe keeps pulling me back to him now that I’m home. The weird thing about all of this is that I want to be with Fred, and I know Fred appreciates me as much as I appreciate him. I have this new self-confidence that I love, and its my breakup with Gabe that started my confidence. What makes it weird is that I keep thinking that Gabe is who I am meant to be with, though. I want to be with Fred and not Gabe, but something in me is telling me to be with Gabe because thats who I’m meant to be with. I dont have a single regret in my life because thats how I like to live it, but I’m starting to think letting Gabe walk away from our relationship is my first. I don’t know what to do at all, and I have already told Gabe I have leftover feelings for him (and Fred knows I do too), but we both are aware the other is in a relationship. We’re trying to be friends, and I want to be his friend but I find myself thinking about him as the one who got away often. Whenever me and Gabe were catching up he referenced having feelings for me too still, and talked about us getting back together in the future, so I know something is still there. I’m sure he’s happy with his new girl now, and I am with my guy but I really just don’t know how to feel or what to do. Thats it, thats my story of regret. 

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does anyone else have bpd and wanna talk about it? I’ve never really talked to anyone else with it and I feel like I could use some perspective

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You’ll see… If you reblog it would help to take the post to more people, and honestly knowing that more people read and like the stuff an author writes helps a lot <3

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I get it

Most often , I find myself fumbling for the right words to describe what I feel deep down. Every single time I come up short.

I ve been told to reach out for help , but how can you, when you can’t even begin to form words to make coherent sentences.

Whats goes on inside my head is far worse than any physical pain. It’s the kind the paralyses your mind to function like a normal human being. The inability to feel anything beyond the turmoil in your head. Whispers that start to sound right to you.

I’m not a schizophrenic. I’m just another mid twenties “millennial” , as the society would like to tag me. Except what this society doesn’t realise , is that I’m the by product of their fuckups, they’re impossible standards, their constant criticism. Im the byproduct of their insecurities.

I’m not alone in this battle, I’m very well aware of that. Because I sought help, only to realise that there were people who needed it even more so.

I write this to let you know that its okay. ‘I feel the way you feel ’ is about the closest I can come up with describing the chaos in our heads. I understand that we’re all looking to each other for answers that we may never find. But let’s help each other , because just maybe if we stand together , we might be able to rectify the mistakes of our ancestors. Right the wrong and pave way for happy minds.

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This is not a fanfic that I’m writing right now, but let me tell you a story of a girl that I’ve known.

Call her J. She grew up in a very loving and caring family. She was not the one to throw tantrum as a child, simply because of her strict upbringing. She’s following a strict schedule even at an age of three when she started attending the preschool, for some, it may be too much for a little kid to handle, but she couldn’t care less. And oh, I failed to mention that she’s so sickly.

So sickly that she can only just laugh when she says that the hospital was her second home..

So sickly that she can no longer cry when the needle pricked her hands or fingers..

So sickly that she started to isolate herself from the other child since she’s not allowed to play outside.

But still, she was able to cope up, lived a perfectly normal life, and able to go into a perfectly normal school.

J eventually had made friends, a lot of them. They were a group of girls who were known around the campus, they eat together, do shits together, until they all part ways for college.

It wasn’t that hard. J had been admitted to one of the country’s top university. Her university life passing in a blur..a mixture of clubs, alcohols, cigarettes, wrong set of friends, and wrong judgments help her grow along the way. She still did finished the University with a degree in Business and minor in Law. Her boyfriend had dumped her because if his own insecurities, but it didn’t matter.

It goes on. She got hired almost instantly at one of the largest company in the country, starting to build a good career at the age of 21, everyone thought she had it all. Career, and money wise, but little did she know that that was the start of her downfall.

It only took her nine months to get her shit together and resign from the company, throwing a good opportunity right there. Her jobless state makes her feel worthless and depressive, even though she laughed so well when she watched a good funny movie with the others. She cries for no apparent reason, and life became too much for her to handle. Suddenly suicide became an option.

J was no other than me exactly 4 and half years ago. Others may be too quick to judge why or when a person had fallen into the pit of depression. But no one could really point out the exact reason. I, myself, had become too detached even with my closest friends. They didn’t even know those panic attacks that I’ve experienced all those times, and I was thankful that my family had stood by me even though I knew I’m at my darkest. My family had become sort of my motivation that I’m not fighting this thing alone inside my head. I’m not writing this up because I wanted attention, believe me, that’s the last thing that I’ve wished for. I’ve always wanted to join calling up to those who were silently fighting depression and anxieties, you guys are definitely not alone. I wanted you to know a day will come when you open your eyes and you’re suddenly thankful that you’re alive and breathing.

You are loved.

You are heard.

Just let us help each other.

I’m writing this up because I was deeply saddened by the sudden passing of Kim Jonghyun. Another beautiful soul had gone away too soon. His beautiful music and voice will forever be in our hearts. I may not be a Shawol, but I am one with the whole kpop community right now who felt truly heartbroken by this news. This is me as J who had been there. Who thought that everything’s in my hand and yet I still felt emptier than before, this is me as the one who tried to commit suicide but didn’t succeed—and was thankful that I did not.

I hope that there will come a day that word depression won’t be treated as taboo topic or just ‘someone’s issues.’ For those who had been suffering you can hit my message box and freely rant about whatever you wanted to say. It’s what I needed the most when I’m in that outlet. And I’d be happy if we can talk just about anything under the sun. I know it’s hard and it takes a lot of courage for your part, but I know you can do it, if you can’t say it to the closest people in your life, might as well just let this stranger listen. :)

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Being totally honest , what can I do now ? I don’t have the answer , and I generally have , this is my thing you know , have answers . But now I’m so lost without myself , without people on my side saying what I’m (i know so lame letting people discribt you ) but when they did that I was a little like what a wanted be . Now I’m alone , and I have to figure out to myself is awakward ,and just now I realize it .Somehow I’m more free .People need people , but I think I need more myself than others , maybe I just have to take one day at time

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I live on the 45th parallel, and in the wintertime our daytime hours dramatically decrease. Most days are gray and unappealing. Many people in this region, myself included, have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) -or just seasonal depression. I was made to be wild and free…and outside. I love where I live, though, and have worked to combat the SAD without medication.

Throughout this wintertime I will share things that have helped me. I am in no way a therapist or even qualified to help people who also have depression. I’m just a regular human whose ability to face each day is apparently weirdly tied to the weather.

If you are hunting for happiness (that elusive creature that is only found when you’re too busy having it to look for it) allow me to share some ideas, quotes, photos, and stories that bring me joy.

After all, every day has a Sliver of Silver.

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41, 42, 43!!!

41. who would you want to meet again in your life?

i’ve never met anyone that is famous but i did see b.a.p before so maybe them.

42. why did you choose your career path?

because i’m a video game loving nerd, nah. video games always made me happy when i was upset or in a bad mood because it reminded me that there was always a way to happiness fosdnafdas im lame.

42. what is something you regret from your past?

my phases.

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Here it goes for everyone struggling out there. Here’s my story, that it may not make a change in the world, but at least I hope it cheers someone who’s suffering right now.
I’m now sixteen years old, and although people say “aren’t you too young to feel like that?”, believe me I did.
I don’t really know what was it.
At the beginning i started feeling bad with myself, unconfortable and ashamed of who i was, physically and in my personality. The problem started growing faster, till the point I didn’t trust myself for anything, and then I couldn’t trust anyone. My relationship with my parents was so poor, I nearly talked to my friends, and I stayed at home instead of going out like before.
It was horrible, beacuse I was all the time feeling upset and disappointed about myself, like if I did everything wrong. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I cried a lot, but none ever noticed it. I got to the point where I was feeling bad for my parents for having such a horrible and imperfect and stupid daughter. I said the most hurtful things to myself and I started to tear myself down.
I always tried to find what was missing on me on other things, such as internet and social media. I did too many stupid things in a desperately way to try to be someone, and I totally regret that, because I wasn’t being truly with myself.
I was lost. My mind was my worst enemy and the only time I was in peace was when I was sleeping.
Suddenly, I stated to search helping communities or something like that. And I started my “Getting along with myself” process. It wasn’t done in one day, but I did it. I started cheering myself up with just little things, such as taking care of my body, doing exercise, organizing my things, cleaning my room, my space, getting rid of things I didn’t need anymore. And the most important part: saying everything I wanted to say, being honest with myself. And it was the harder part. I tried to talk more to my parents, little by little. I realised that people wasn’t against me as i once thought. And listen to this: PEOPLE IS JUST PEOPLE, THEY DON’T HAVE NOTHING AGAINST YOU, NOT ALL OF THEM ARE BAD.
Anyways, I started reuniting more with my friends and I started going out more.
It was difficult, I’m not going to lie. But it’s possible, trust me.
I did it when I thought everything was dark and hopeless.
You may found people like me that would love to help you and cheer you up, but IT’S UP TO YOU TO FEEL GREAT AGAIN.
Learn to love yourself as you are, to be honest and respectful, to yourself and to the others. It’s not easy, but YOU CAN DO IT.
Take your time, don’t worry about that, you have your whole life.
So this is my message, now it’s your turn to start working.

You got this, I love you.

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Okay… so I’ve seen a lot of posts about transphobia today.

A lot of people are getting upset over the unintentionally transphobic things people say. PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT TO RESPOND TO THINGS THEY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IN INAPPROPRIATE WAYS!!

One celebrity posted about Jenner having better boobs than her, and I’ve seen people freaking out over it being rude and transphobic. Yes, its a bit insensitive, but she meant it to be positive. She doesn’t UNDERSTAND.

Example: I have a triple DDD32 chest naturally and my back hurts constantly, I have no bras that fit because they’re either lose around my chest or to small in the cup. When I comment on not liking my chest, my female friends always say “Oh I’d kill for your boobs! They’re so big and nice!”

It really offends me, because they bring me pain. They’d kill to have what causes me physical distress. So instead of getting mad, I explain. “You know, big boobs seem glamorous, but I can’t run, I can’t lay on my back or front, people comment and ask if they’re real. I don’t like it, they’re too big for my frame. So if you want big boobs, then okay, but don’t make me feel guilty about commenting on it please.

Generally after I explain myself, they say “oh, I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry.”

Instead of getting mad at people for not understanding how to react properly. We explain in a nice way? I know you guys are trying to be supportive to Trans people, but remember. They’re people too. They make comments that are insensitive, just like we turn around and make insensitive comments about their remarks. Don’t judge them. Help them. We are all guilty of insensitivity at one point or another.

Thank you.

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