“ I am aware of my own phantom, my regular ghost. ”
Paul Valéry, from Three wakings.
“The mark of the real is absolute insignificance.”
Paul Valéry, from Three Wakings: Night in The barracks.
This time, we sit in the afternoon sun eating pomegranate seeds, the rubies slipping from your fingers to my tongue, the sun caressing your locks golden terrace bricks glowing with the warmth of a dull lifeless winter.
Days fly past in foggy mornings, sometimes we forgot about the abandonment, and I forget to call you during my forty five minute break. some days, my brain doesn’t trick me into closing my eyes for the day and I make it last for hours.
This time, we sit next to each other lush grass and a picnic basket, fruity wine and cold sandwiches.
this isn’t really a memoir because I am not in this park. I’m abandoned in the nearby crossing, gaping at the lights turn red, turn green.
lit: 21st century Romeo
midnight on the balcony with a cigar in hand,
you, with your pink peony lips
and tender blue eyes, shine brighter than
all the night sky.
I am Juliet,
in total rapture on my fabricated death bed.
climbing the stones and vines to get to you.
hoisted up by your big strong hands,
and our fingers are covered in sticky honey,
nectar of love,
the earth’s natural sweetener.
I take the sweetest thing I have ever known
and show you that Verona
is only as far as we allow it to be
It’s so funny and weird to me how sometimes Bram Stoker will construct a perfect sentence and then undercut it with some super cheesy thing.
e.g when Van Helsing is retelling how he killed Dracula’s brides
“For, friend John, hardly had my knife severed the head of each, before the whole body began to melt away and crumble into its native dust, as though the death that should have come centuries agone had at last assert himself…
…and say at once and loud ‘I am here!’”
So I did a thing. Got some music sync lights to jam with when I’m stoned.
(In the Dream House, Carmen Maria Machado)
I need to hurt myself more than the world can hurt me, and then I can comfort myself.
Kathleen Glasgow -Girl in pieces
“Denn wenn ich nichts mehr fühle, fühl’ ich mich okay.”