they say
there’s a difference between being alone
and loneliness
but where do you draw the line
when one’s cause is another’s effect
and walking in circles is proving to only solidify the rut in the ground
I’m walking on
alone
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I still paint fantasies
of what we could’ve been
but
without the color I provide,
the canvas remains blank
- we were never a masterpiece
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teach me how to forget you
like you’ve forgotten me
how you’ve dragged the memories out
and left your mind clean
teach me how you’ve moved on
and see me as someone you once knew
because this is something I’ve never mastered
and I’m afraid I’m losing me to you
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i’m trying to heal,
but with you floating in my mind
it’s like
a bare wound
breaking open as the waves crash through.
a pain too satisfying to let go of.
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it doesn’t hurt quite as much anymore
to know I’m not your happiness
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as it was
as I wish it were
as it now can never be
- let’s go back
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do you know what it’s like
to feel so deeply
the oceans seem shallow
to think so often
the winds echo stillness
to shout so loud
the storms fade to a whisper?
- forecast
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some songs are ruined
others are on repeat
I endanger myself to their sounds
pulling me closer to the rarest thing I know
- back to you
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you me
you me
you me
you me
you me
you me
you me
- reality
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they never teach you
how to break an addiction
when it has to deal with
meeting one of your basic needs
- you can’t “quit” food
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abandoned on a shelf
too painful to finish
perhaps one day
picked up again
- our story
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I’ll put myself on display
show myself off
fill myself up
with lies
so at least maybe
I’ll be filled with
something
- consumerism
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my forever fear
is that I
caused you pain
left you questioning
made you resentful
for all I want
is your happiness
- I’m sorry
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I can’t wait to become
everything
I’ve been waiting for
- freedom
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like a flower
wilting in the cold
I think I loved
the memory
more than I loved
the reality
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February 16, 2020: rebirth
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