February 22, 2020
I had few crushes before, some were shallow, some were deep. I remember clearly how i get so kilig when they’re close. Shocks, how embarassing!
Even on college, i had this kind of crush to someone who got looks and brains from veterinary dept. It made my college looks like a mixture of beautiful colors when i saw him on the hallway on early seven at the morning and how we accidentally saw each other outside our respective rooms when our subject teacher lets out those students who are exempted to take since they’re outstanding (?), yep we are. Hehe. Gosh! I remember how crazy I was when i saw him wearing the same shirt color during our PE practices. I also couldnt stop smiling even when i get to sleep the night after we had a play where we have to act as couples!Hahaha if someone could only hear my shouts inside, they could go deaf. But yeah my crush stayed crush and it successfully ended on my fourth yr when i prayed i wanted to be clear to my vision on becoming a pharmacist, then there he met my closest young officer. Boom, they became couple!
How funny life turned out, right?
I don’t deserve to have those love luxuries. I had a lot of worries. My college scholarship, my grades to achieve to gain some review discounts. My family finances. Our daily needs: food, water, transpo, meds and all. I know I matured early. I am the eldest born child at home (since my kuya is in his dorm as an inhouse scholar) kaya I have to go home everyday not just because staying dorms are expensive, i have to be home to let my siblings see how i strive and help mom in a little way with my dad.
On my dark edge days: thesis defense+ pharmacy week culmination+ business proposals+ pharmacy community service reports+ other presentations to submit (HANGING GRADES) = total depression.
/Then i saw a letter from a friend from highschool which inspired me a bit/
I got free admission on a great review center since the coordinator knew i graduated with flying color and my cousin who topped the board was a teaching there. Hence, i got double triple pile of pressure to top also. But the days were so heavy and instead of 1 yr review expectation, i have to make it to 5 month since my fam badly needs income already. I had breakdowns alot!
/i suddenly met the hs person who made me the letter that inspired me before graduation; i dont know but my body works faster than my mouth and brain. I hugged him/
/I fforgot to tell you this but during my hs years and my early college days or even on mid I had a lot of dreams about him despite i have a deep crush on other persons. /
Now, i cant stop thinking about that person.
Gosh, how funny,. I remember he was such a great bully!!! I once said it to myself “once this guy ask me to date, i will surely DECLINE HIM immediately!” But look at now, i am daydreaming about him. I even made a fake google account to chat with him. Haha what a loser abi! I am re reading our facebook chat and laugh how he and i used to get angry with each other.
Probably by now, he must have liked someone like before. Those tiny feminine chick who talks so girly and who is very sophisticated one. One who is so updated with the world. We are totally a big different person. But still, i cant stop thinking about him.
I talked about this thing to my closest college friend (bec when i tried to talk about this to my hs friend they just laugh and think of it as a just a big joke). My college friend told me i was probably just sad and lonely esp that my RPh gang are nowhere closer and on their own diff world already.
I thought so too, probably this feeling is just lonelyness.
I just wish i can talk to him soon about how his letter inspired me before and say thank you.
/and if he’s reading this one, hehe how embarassing but i think i got a crush with the idea of you and i guess it might change when we meet in real person. Im just sharing this to remember this intense memory i had right now. And by the way, i am totally impressed and proud of what you’ve become. Congrats!