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asdfghjklfancat · 8 months

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I just watched Gravity Falls for the first time recently, and I related so damn hard with Mabel!!!

Part of my response to trauma is age regression and dissociating into my own fantasy world to not have to deal with reality.

Unfortunately, I can't grow and HEAL without working through my traumas. If I can't heal, I will perpetuate the abuse that was done to me. I find myself responding in ways similar to the person who abused me because I am triggered.

I can't stop the cycle of abuse if I don't work on myself. If it was only about me, I wouldn't care about getting better because it's hard, and I'm coping semi-okay without having to put in any work.

I get better because I want meaningful relationships, I want kids, I want to exist with other people fully without having a breakdown because I've been in reality too long.

Mabel cares about the people around her. She might have difficulty with selfishness at times, but she's 12 and doesn't realize it's hurting people until she's already hurt them. She also has the ability to ask for what she needs but sometimes doesn't think about what people might have to give up to meet her needs in the way she is asking.

I am autistic and really relate to that. I try to ask for what I need, but sometimes, I don't consider how that would impact others. I've had people in the past just do what I'm asking and snap when it hurts them because they thought I did it maliciously. I simply did not see it from their perspective.

I've learned to ask if there would be any drawbacks to fulfilling my needs in this way and, if so, how to brainstorm a solution with the people involved.

It doesn't make the times I didn't less hurtful, and it doesn't mean I won't make any more mistakes.

It means I took the truth that I hurt someone and grew from it. It means I didn't want to hurt them by miscommunicating, but I also wasn't going to let them hurt me from the miscommunications.

The solution was never "don't ask for the things you need" it is "there is a better way, you have to keep learning".

To grow up is to learn

To grow up is to make mistakes

To grow up is to change

To grow up isn't to avoid the truth. It's facing the truth and trying to do better for you and others.

The truth is disheartening

The truth is scary

The truth is unfair

The truth can be a problem, and ignoring problems never makes them get better. It only continues to hurt.

It will take a lot of work to heal. I will have times where I question if it's worth it and sink back into old habits. I deserve the chance to try again.

I deserve the belief that I can do different this time, for us.

I can do it for the people I love

I can do it for the people I will love

I can do it for the people I have loved

I can do it for the people I have hurt

I can do it for total strangers whose day might be a little brighter

I can do it for my future self

That is the choice Mabel made that Bill Cipher thought took a will of titanium to choose.

Mabel chose friends. Bill Cipher didn't consider that an option.

Community with others is always an option, you just have to face the truth.

You will be wrong sometimes

You will hurt people

You can choose to apologize

You can choose to change

The truth is in both sides of the story, yours and the person you hurt. You just have to look for it.

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mbti-notes · 9 months

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Anon wrote: Hi, I’m a 22 year old INFP in college. I’m at a point where I am deeply unhappy with my position in life, and I’d like your advice for how I should proceed. I want to change so badly and have been trying for so long, but somehow my efforts seem to never amount to any substantial change. I’m really sorry, this is going to be long and contain a lot of backstory. I have a lot of respect for you and have been reading your blog for years, and you seem incredibly wise; however I understand if you do not have the time to answer this. But if so, I appreciate it more than anything.

I come from an extremely dysfunctional family, whom I still live with. My mother is truly a narcissist, and I believe she’s an xSFP. She’s extremely dysfunctional and can hardly handle herself let alone her children. She has extreme nonconformist opinions (anti-vax, total disregard of modern medicine, arranged marriages, etc) and has instilled so much self-hatred into me. She cannot handle anyone who thinks differently from her. She blames me, my dad, and my younger brother for everything wrong with our household. For the past few days she’s been especially horrible, constantly berating me and calling me a failure. She’s extremely toxic but believes herself to be a saint.

My father is an ISFJ who is a total enabler. He suffers at the hand of my mother too yet will throw us under the bus whenever and never stick up for me or my siblings, even though he too gets treated horribly. I believe if he married a better woman he would’ve been salvageable, as he seems to just adapt to my mom’s views, although he gets so much shit from her too.

I don’t think I’ve experienced genuine love from my parents, ever. They’ve always wanted me to be something I’m not. They never approved of my interests (arts, humanities) or valued my opinions. When I was 17 they discovered that I was self-harming regularly, and instead of helping me, my mother shamed me for months and called me evil, a child of the devil. My father cried and asked me, how could you do this? What did we do wrong for you to end up like this?

I have a whole lot of pain in my heart. I’ve worked on myself to the point where I, when needed, can speak relatively objectively about who I am and my strengths. I no longer self-harm. But in my darkest moments, I have completely adapted the label of “evil” and beat myself up over it.

Despite being 22, I do not have my driver’s license. I’ve had my permit since I was 16, but cannot legally drive on my own. I think I could pass the test if I practiced more. However, that would require spending time with my mother, who’s temper stresses me out to no end while on the road. Its because of this that I’ve put it off for so long. I am too unwilling and fragile to deliberately put myself in a situation where I know I will get yelled at and degraded.

Despite being 22, I am not allowed to dress in anything “revealing”, nor get my nails or eyelashes done, I am not allowed to drink, I am not allowed to date, I have a curfew, and I am not allowed to move out.

A few months ago, I tried to take control of my life. Despite all of my misfortune, I am lucky enough to have a lot of genuine friends who care for me. My best friend and I decided to move out together. We leased a place, made payments, and started packing our bags. Right before our plan to move officially, without even knowing, my parents decided to go on an impromptu road trip to our hometown. I decided not to tell them until we were driving back from the trip… huge mistake. I was mentally tortured for the entire drive back (3 days). They degraded me to no end, guilt tripped me, cried, acted like I had murdered someone. My mom even accused me of being a lesbian for moving in with another girl, which is not only disgustingly homophobic, but also makes no sense!!! At one point my mom screamed so loudly and banged on the car door in anger while my father was driving, and he ended up pulling over on the highway. She blamed me and basically said if we died it would be my fault. Scared me and my younger siblings shitless.

In the end, it was more trouble than worth. Me and my friend called it off easily, having not signed a real lease and only giving a verbal agreement. We paid the rest of the month off and continued to live at home. I had felt like such a failure. I didn’t have a job or anything, but I was so confident that after moving out and being away from all the horrible shit at home that I’d be able to get ahold of my life, develop good habits, and become my own person… but my dreams of independence and freedom were ultimately crushed, and I remain in jail.

Because of that same trip and failure to move out, I became even more depressed. My parents had overstayed by almost a week despite my protests and their apparent dream of me doing well in school, and the school work and feelings were so overwhelming that I dropped almost all of my classes that semester. They don’t know of course, I’d be dead.

I truly wish I could get my life together, learn to love myself, and move so far away from them. I never want to speak to them again, as cruel as that is. They want to marry me off one day. I can’t handle it. But I have no money, no car, I’m struggling in school… I am always thinking about how I can improve or turn things around, and I always take one step forward and then fall 5 steps behind. I hate my body, I hate my incompetence, and I hate my life. I’ve been trying for so long, reading, writing, thinking, yet I can’t seem to get anywhere.

And then there is the matter of my little siblings. 17 and 8 years old. My younger brother (17) told me during that trip that if I moved out he would kill himself because he wouldn’t be able to handle them on his own or deal with them potentially getting even stricter once I left. It made me so sick, that I wanted to throw up. Luckily, he is most likely moving away for college next year after he graduates… which they are okay with, because he is a boy I suppose. My baby sister is a trooper and understood why I wanted to move out and even pretended to be on my mother’s side. However, when I tried, my mom said she would forbid us from talking because I am a horrible influence. The thought of abandoning her with mother makes me want to cry. I thought that maybe I would secretly buy her a phone before I move out and let her keep it a secret to talk to me with. But if me moving away and living my life the way i want to made her life worse, I dont know how I’d forgive myself or make up for it.

But either way, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to move out. I hate my body and my bad habits. I try to get clean and become healthier all the time but I can’t stick with it. Something always happens with my mother having an episode and it depresses me to no end and I lose it, try again, lose it. Then with driving. I keep thinking I’ll get my license soon. I never have motivation to practice with her. I need to be able to take my self places to get a job. And even if I do get a job, I know based on my old ones that the stress of home life, my self esteem, and fragility will make it so hard to hold down a job without breaking down constantly or just giving up. And then there’s school. I want to be educated and do well so badly, but it’s so hard with how things are. What should I do? How can I change? I want to escape this nightmare and live for myself more than anything. I want to be content with who I am and comfortable in my body and in my life decisions. I want to be able to voice my opinions and follow my values without being punished, stifled, or suffocated. If I don’t figure out things soon, I fear everything will come crumbling down and the life I long for will never be realized. I promise I try to be positive and appreciative of what I do try. I try to do things that will make me happier and take steps towards a better life. I try to deconstruct my mind so that I don’t fuss over everything and accept even horrible things as they are… But I always get shot down. It always becomes too much, and my progress always becomes undone. It’s like I’m trapped and can’t get out. All I want is the basic right to be myself, unapologetically.

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You are a young adult and it's an important aspect of young adulthood to establish an independent mindset. I believe you have it already, but your environment is not allowing you to express it fully. This is not your fault, so there is no reason to blame yourself for it.

Blame is a distraction, and it can even lead to problems like self-harm. Blame keeps you hyperfocused on the negative aspects of situations, which drains the precious mental energy you need for moving forward in positive directions. The sooner you can let go of your blaming mindset, the better you will feel and the more rational your thinking will be when tackling problems.

Remember: The blame you direct at yourself is an echo of your mother's way of blaming you. Do you want to internalize her negative attitude? If you truly have an independent mindset, you should be able to separate your own thoughts from someone else's. Where will you find the truth about you: her words or your heart?

With regard to confidence: Most people experience times in life when it seems that problems or obstacles are too big to surmount. The best approach is to break them down into very small steps and manageable goals (requires proper use of Si). By doing this, you allow yourself to feel a relatively continuous stream of small wins that gradually improve your self-confidence. Believing that you are capable is half the battle, isn't it?

With regard to motivation: You say you have good friends to support you and that's a great resource to draw from. Whenever you're feeling down, reach out for some emotional support. Whatever it is you're having difficulty with, get input or assistance from someone more knowledgeable than you. For example, is your mom the only person in the world who can help you with driving instruction? Getting encouragement and support at crucial stages of your path helps keep your motivation up.

Failing to achieve a goal doesn't make you a failure or a bad person. If you believe it does, you are still thinking like a child and it is yet another manifestation of an unhealthy blaming mindset. Failure is really an opportunity. It helps you learn new things. It helps you improve your knowledge and skills. It helps you find a better direction. What mistakes did you make last time? What do those mistakes tell you about how to do better next time? An important aspect of personal growth is learning how to turn failure into something educational, edifying, or valuable.

For INFPs, Ne development is necessary for learning how to be resourceful and making the best use of what you have, rather than always getting lost in thinking about what you don't have. You've spent a lot of words telling me how your situation sucks so that I can understand where you're coming from. But I wonder: What is good about your situation? What resources, both internal and external, are available to you? What's the best way to use those resources to achieve your goals?

#infp #auxiliary ne #tertiary si #self esteem #self confidence #blame #failure #making mistakes #ask

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inlovewithquotes · 6 months

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Here’s the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something’s a mistake, you gotta make it anyway.

-Ted Mosby

#quotes #life quotes #mistakes #making mistakes #tv show quotes #tv shows #himym #how i met your mother #ted mosby

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mental-health-advice · 6 months

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hi, I just wanted to ask, how do I handle the fear of disappointing people? I know it’s normal but I’ve always felt like I have it too intensely, I feel destroyed over small mistakes I make and I end up pushing myself to be perfect for others because if they don’t like me, they’ll leave me and I’m afraid of that. I just seem to be terrified of the idea of people disliking me or thinking I’m bad or a failure. Do you know if there’s anything I could try and do about this?

Hey there,

It can be really hard when it comes to us wanting to please others as opposed to allowing ourselves to be OK with making mistakes and showing who we truly are as a person. I think it’s great that you have acknowledged that it is normal to make mistakes but the next step I guess is to really allow yourself to show your flaws, imperfections and vulnerabilities as we all have them even if we wish we didn’t. Doing this to a degree is building on your self-esteem and self-confidence whilst also experimenting with the fact that yes, some people will choose to leave us and the friendship we may have with them, but not everyone will do this and especially really good friends that we may find/ have.

So how can you work on your self-esteem and self-confidence.

A good starting point is sometimes to write positive notes about yourself and put them on post it notes and place them around your mirror or somewhere where you look at on a regular basis. This can help to reinforce to yourself the good qualities that you hold as a person and the things that perhaps you aren’t so great at and so consequently things that you can work on bettering in the future. Remember that we all have things we can work on, things that we are not good at and consequently this can sometimes lead us to making bad choices in life, but it’s about learning from these bad choices/ mistakes that we make and using them to improve ourselves and what we do in the future. This mindset may also help to make you feel more OK when you do make a mistake – instead of feeling like a failure, using it as a learning experience.

Do you have any close friends? If so, then try to talk to them. Try to practice showing them some of your vulnerabilities to them and be kind to yourself. I think that you will be surprised when you see that none of us are perfect, and this does not impact on whether we lose friends or not over those imperfections. And if by chance friends do leave you, I can almost guarantee you that they weren’t good friends to begin with as often people will not leave a friendship over a simple mistake that someone may make or for not being a perfect person or being the person that we think that they want us to be.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #friends #making mistakes #no one is perfect

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inherited-by-ocelot · 1 year

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Nobody said “no” so I’m going to take it as an “okay sure” and just upload some of my TikToks here to make them more accessible.

Anyways, here’s me making and fixing a pretty big mistake because artists aren’t perfect and if you don’t get it right the first time, it is not an indication that you’re a bad artist. Keep at it, make mistakes and fix them when you catch them. You won’t regret it I promise.

Also because it’s Aziraphale and this was one of my favorite scenes. I too would lose my good senses for want of a well baked sweet (and to maybe meet your crush rival while dressed to the nines)

Post with the final drawing this way

#good omens fanart #good omens #michael sheen #aziraphale #drawing timelapse #neil gaiman #being an artist #making mistakes #being imperfect perfectly #pencil drawing #tiktok #drawing video #hyperrealism #ocelot tiktoks

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mystic-crafting · 1 year

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If crocheting has one thing over knitting it's that it's way easier to undo a row when you realize that you've fucked up a little too late

#crafting #crochet #knitting #frogging #making mistakes

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languageboutique · 8 months

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#english in madrid #english #english language #learning languages #learning english #english as a second language #english as a foreign language #english words #motivation #inspiration #positivity #making mistakes #positive thoughts

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euesworld · 1 year

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"Good morning, we all make mistakes but what is important is if we learn from those mistakes.. remember that. You are not your mistakes, don't let them define you. Move forward, always forward and don't look back.. we all make mistakes, it's part of being human. You are flawed and that's ok, cause you are perfect exactly the way you are.. glow up and grow up every which way you can."

It's ok to make mistakes, that's how we learn.. if it was a perfect world, nobody would be learning shizz, nobody would be growing.. that's what makes life a wonderful thing, the growth, the transformation. Don't let your mistakes make you or break you, just be beautifully you - eUë

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thepeacefulgarden · 1 year

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#self compassion #self care #making mistakes #you are not a failure #you are enough #you are worthy #self forgiveness #self compassion and accountability can and must coexist #your feelings are valid #trusting yourself

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nightgnome · 9 months

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today i was scammed out of $300 and i feel so foolish and hurt that this happened

everyone i talked to about it is like “she took advantage of your kindness” and “the karma will follow you and be good in the long run” but i cant shake this feeling of hurt over being taken advantage of

#making mistakes

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wafflefrie · 4 months

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With the start of this new year I think I would like to go forward with the mindset that I will mess up.

I will mess up time and time again.

And that’s to be expected. I’m starting a new job. I’m starting new hobbies. I’m taking new classes.

I’m going to be doing things both new and old and I will mess up. I will make mistakes. I will make a fool of myself. I will wish I had done something different.

That’s just a side effect of being human and living life. It’s simply learning. And I’ve always loved learning.

So I am going to learn to love making mistakes.

#new year #making mistakes #learning #living life #this year we are thriving not just surviving #sometimes I say smart things

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mbti-notes · 5 months

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Is failure inevitable for Fi doms? Are they bigger failures than other types? Some of your descriptions make it sound so. Or is it just that they tend to take failure harder and more personally instead of learning from it objectively?

Failure is inevitable for everyone. If you've met someone who has never ever experienced any failure in life, please introduce me to them, because I would consider them a miracle to behold.

For your future reference, I dislike abstract questions. Why are you asking? Are YOU Fi dom and does the topic of failure trigger or affect you? If so, talk about that rather than asking questions in the abstract. People bring issues to me because they want me to apply my knowledge of psychological theory and research to make better sense of them. That's all I do. I don't make judgments about people of the sort you're suggesting. Even if it's true that Fi doms bring up the topic of failure more often than other types, I certainly would NOT take it to mean that they are destined to fail or that they are bigger failures, though I'd be interested to know why you'd interpret it that way. To me, it has no other meaning except that they have difficulty making sense of their experiences with failure. If you want to read more into it, I can't stop you.

Personally, I am loath to call anyone "a failure" because that would be inconsistent with my deeply held beliefs and values regarding the resiliency and redeemability of human beings. Yet I constantly have to hear people call themselves or even each other "a failure". If they are intent to believe it, who can convince them otherwise?

Taking failure very personally and treating it like a crime to be punished is indicative of an ego development issue. Everyone has an ego. The more immature the ego, the more fragile it is, and the more reactive a person will be to ego threats such as "failure". Psychological immaturity is not specific to any type, but different types may express it differently. Generally speaking, ego problems get expressed through unhealthy function use such as tertiary loop and inferior grip, which would look different in different types due to different function dynamics.

Some people struggle with failure because they can't face the reality of it, while others struggle because failure becomes the only thing they can see. Either way, the manner in which they misinterpret failure is the problem, not the failure itself. To err is human. If failure is simply a fact of life, then what's the best way of handling it? Acceptance, learning, then growth. But these methods won't be available to you until you can get past all the immature/incorrect views of failure you picked up in childhood.

#infp #isfp #te grip #failure #making mistakes #development #ask

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