We were woken up with a bang. Jumping out of bed I grabbed my head in pain at the headache from too much alcohol set in. I look to Steve and his face is white as a sheet, which makes my blood run cold. There was only one reason why he’d react that way.
Bucky stood in the doorway, my door now half off its hinges. His face was red and murder was in his eyes and he looked at his so called best friend. It was pure silence between the three of us, my heart pounding in my chest.
“You BASTARD!!” Bucky screamed as he charged Steve and tackled him to the ground. The sound of two super soldiers colliding was nothing less than loud. They rolled together on the ground and threw each other. Both were yelling at the top of their lungs and punches were being thrown.
“How could you-“
“You don’t even know-“
“She’s my fiancé!”
“You need to relax!”
“You were asleep in her bed, with her!”
“It’s not like you just weren’t in bed with another woman Bucky!”
That last comment made Bucky completely shaking at this point and I knew it was from anger. Tears gathered in my eyes as I began to sob and my breathing becoming erratic. I tried to scream for them to stop but my throat was too busy dry heaving that I couldn’t manage a word over their fighting. It was when an authoritive female voice rang in the room that the two super soldiers stopped their tussle. Her eyes were trained on me and worry sat in them.
“STOP AND GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!” Quickly running to my side she grabbed my face and tilted it up to get my eyes on her. Bucky and Steve both separated, bruises and all, and eyes widened at my state. Both tried to reach for my shaking form but were quickly slapped away by the fiery redhead whose protective instincts kicked in. “I SAID get the FUCK out now! Both of you!” Both were unsure but not wanting to face the wrath of the angry assassin. After the door closed behind them I sunk to the floor as everything crashed down upon me. Nat quickly sat next to me and brought me into her arms, shushing and cradling me as she tried to get my panic attack to ease. “It’s okay y/n. Breathe, honey, breathe.”
It took 5 minutes to finally calm down and get air into my lungs that I had been desperate for. My limbs still shook in Nat’s arms but I didn’t move.
“I ruined them nat. I ruined their friendship. How could I do that?” I sobbed.
“They did that all on their own. Do not blame yourself for anything that’s happening right now, okay? NONE of this is your fault in any way.” Her fingers played with my hair in comfort as her voice was soft. I felt like it was my fault, I mean they were fighting over me.
“Maybe I should leave. Get a breather while also giving them one. I could go to Italy? Maybe even Spain. I’ve always wanted to go.” Her arms grip me tighter.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to leave, y/n. Because you don’t. But if that’s what you truly want to do I will support you. Your well-being first.”
I nod and we sit in silence for the next hour before she excused herself to go start dinner because if she left it up to Tony we would all die. I laughed and nodded, accepting the alone time. The door locked behind her and in the silence I made my decision.
I didn’t say goodbye, making sure Nat kept my leave top secret. I was packed and on a plane by that night with no other thought in mind than the thought of getting space to think. What I planned on being a short trio turned into 3 months and I was peaceful. I was immersed into the quiet that I needed.
The warmth of the Italian sun graced my skin as I laid on a lawn chair outside my small cottage. A strong margarita with its pitcher and a bowl of fruit sat on the table beside me as I read my latest book. Lately, I had been on the political thriller grind and couldn’t seem to put this one down now that I had all this peace and quiet. Not that it was too quiet, my thoughts were sometimes pretty loud but I’ve been almost an expert at avoiding them. I knew I needed to face making a decision at some point but I was enjoying time on my own so much, and to me being away seemed like a good idea for them. My reading was interrupted by a phone ringing with a ringtone I had picked out specifically. Standing up, i walked into the cottage and Picked up the burner phone that I bought for the trip. Only one person knew the number.
“Y/n. You need to come home.” Ice Cold water flowed through my veins at the sound of this voice.
“Tony…why do you have Nat’s phone?” My chest was tight. What was going on?
“Y/n, that doesn’t matter right now. You need to come home. Something happened. It’s bad.” My heart stopped at the possibilities but my brain locked on what i had to do.
“Send a quinjet for me now. I’ll send you my location. That’s if you haven’t already figured it out.”
“On it.” The line went dead and within ten minutes I was packed and waiting for the jet.
What was I going to do when i got there?
Would things be like they were before?
Was everyone okay?
I came out of the quinjet, bags in arms by myself and greeted by no one. Concern filled my bones and I rushed into the quiet tower. I dropped my bags on the floor and began walking around and looking for anyone I could find.
Where were they?
I jump and turn to face Tony who stands in a messed up suit with his tie undone and his hair a mess. His eyes were rimmed red and swollen. All of it was a bad sign. My lips trembled at the many possibilities in my head.
“Who was it?” Quiet. He doesn’t respond yet and it makes the anxiety even worse. My heart rate quickens and tears fill my eyes. I needed to know. “Stark! who was it?!” My jaw clenched and I braced myself for his words.
“All three of them. Nat, Bucky, and Steve. They went on a mission.” My hand went to my mouth as I held back a sob.
“Oh my god.” I sunk to my knees as I shook. Tony gritted his teeth as he tried to hold back tears of his own, knowing if he went and held you that he would break apart completely and he couldn’t do that. Not right now. Not when you needed him most.
He sniffles. “There was a bomb. They tried to get away but…it detonated before they could get far enough. The only good news is they aren’t dead, all three are in ICU with Helen and Strange.”
Taking a deep breath I nodded and whispered as I got up, “take me to them.” Step by step, the dread grew in the pit of my stomach. Three of the closest people to me now lied in their respective hospital beds. All barely alive. “I should have been there. I could have run better logistics and warned them. I’m so sorry tony. I am so fucking selfish.” Letting out a shaky breath I let my arms go limp at my side in utter defeat.
His eyes went to me and he grimaced. “Kid, you couldn’t have stopped this. Don’t put something on your shoulders that you were never meant to carry. You needed your time and space and everyone here understood that. Even the two dumb soldiers.” I nodded, but no words left my mouth. “I was thinking you probably want to visit nat first, so here’s her room.” We stopped in front of a door and I nod before entering.
She laid in the small hospital bed with countless wires and tubes connected to her, her eyes closed as she slept. Bruised covered her skin paired with scratched, gashes, and burns. I shuddered at the thought of how much pain she must be in. I walked over to the seat beside her and sat, taking her cold hand in mine. “I’m so sorry Natty.” I whispered. Her eyes squeezed shut before opening, blinking rapidly. Finally focusing on me her voice came out raspy. “Hey y/n, you came.” I laugh, tears in my eyes now.
“Of course I came dumbass. You’re my best friend. As soon as tony called I was on a jet here.” She smiles and squeezed my hand. “Have you seen them yet?” She asked and I shook my head. I give her a sad smile and reply, “thought it was best I see you first. They can wait.”
“You haven’t chosen, have you?” I groan and my head hits the hospital bed. Of course I haven’t and she knew me through and through. “I have been kinda avoiding all that actually, nat.” I raised my head and gave her a sheepish look.
She quickly smirked and quipped, “any Italian men distracting you?” Which made me blush hard and choke on the air. Embarrassed I sputtered our, “no nat, no!”
Sighing, I let go of her hand and stand as I began to pace. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared shitless of either decision. I love Bucky. I know I do, but he cheated and broke my heart and I don’t know if i can trust him again.” I let out a sad chuckle and bite my lip in thought. “And Steve…He is my best guy friend. He has been with me through everything and you know i did like him first. He was the self righteous good guy that no one can help but love, you know? He just had that quality that everyone just fell In love with and I did. But then Bucky came into the picture and he was the complete opposite. He was broody, always kept to himself, and was always carrying around negative energy. Which you know, SHOULD repel everyone right? But it didn’t repel me. As angst filled as he was and troubled…all I wanted to do was help him and not leave him alone to suffer. So I did and it was like I fell down the rabbit hole, too deep to emerge from. My love for Steve at that point was so overshadowed by this that There was no room to even keep it dormant in my heart anymore and so I thought I was over it. But then all of this happened and he was THERE. He was there for me more than Bucky has been the past year and it just brought everything back in and he has a room back in my heart again.”
“They can’t be roommates in your heart though, y/n.” She laughs out. I groan and nod. I knew that, oh god I knew that. But she had no idea how hard it was to choose. “Tell me what loving each one is like.” She says.
I hum. “Well, loving Steve reminds me of warmth. It’s safety, and full of endless meadows and sun. It’s peaceful and I feel so secure. I know I could trust him. He’s nurturing, He could grow a forest in me with his warmth and love.”
“But?” She asked.
“But what?” I reply.
“There’s a but there and you know it. I can hear it in your tone woman.” She sassed back.
I sigh. “But…it’s not liberating. It’s not a burning desire. I don’t itch to have him all over me all the time. It’s the purest love I’ve ever experienced.”
“And Bucky?” She asks after a break of silence.
“Bucky… god loving Bucky is like Being around a wildfire. It’s hot, exhilarating, and keeps me on my toes. It’s passionate and full of angst and need, a hot desire.”
“Buuuuuutttt????” She rings out.
“But…then there are the moments that remind you that wildfires are dangerous. Where there is desire and heat, there is always going to be pain. A chance to get burned. And I did, I got burnt. And it hurts beyond belief and even if I do choose one of them…it’s not going to heal it.” I breathe out.
“I don’t know what can really but time. Which I was taking, and i thought it was all going to be okay. I was going to heal and then finally come back and know what to do. But then I got Tony’s call… and I just couldn’t keep away. The thought of you all like this when I could have been here. I’m still not put together about all this but I will be here every damn minute for all three of you during your recovery. Feelings put aside.” She smiled at my words.
“I’m glad to have you back y/n. Tony shouldn’t have called you but I’m glad he did. I needed my best friend here.” She rasped out with a grin.
Tears filled my eyes and I wipe the strays that fell. “Your ass isn’t getting rid of me anytime soon either.” We both laugh and sit there, simply enjoying one another’s presence.
“I know I need to talk to Bucky, about the affair. I need to hear it before I make my decision. I want the whole truth, his and Steve’s.” I state firmly.
Nat nods in agreement. “I agree strongly. He’s in the next room over I think. You should go see him, I know you’re worried about him too.” I smiled and hugged her quick but softly so I wouldn’t hurt her injuries and quietly left the room as she drifted back to sleep. Making my way to Bucky’s hospital room was probably the most stressful minutes of my life. I kept thinking to myself step by step, you got this…you got this. The pep talk was very necessary. Taking a deep breath as I finally reached the room, I gripped the doorknob before turning it and opening the door.
He laid in his bed, shirtless with his metal arm on full display. His eyes were closed and similar to nat, he was hooked up to a lot of stuff. I smiled sadly at his peaceful bruised face and walked to the side of his bed. My fingers laced through his flesh hand and gripped it tight, letting him know I was here. His eyes eventually fluttered open and immediately caught on me. He gave me a weak smile and whispered, “you actually came to see me. I didn’t think you would.” I lift my other hand to brush his hair out of his face and Give him a half smile.
“No matter how much you hurt me, I still love you Bucky and care about you. Of course I’d come to see all of you. Tony called and I was on the next quinjet in. You guys are always getting into messes. I just wasn’t there to clean up this time, I’m so sorry.” I whimpered out to him. My heart broke at his state, and all I could do was want to sob for days and apologize until I couldn’t breathe.
He shook his head at my words. “Baby, don’t worry you’re fine. None of this was your fault. I’m the one that put us in this situation. You couldn’t have known this was going to happen. Plus Steve and I are the ones that pushed you to leave anyways, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I’m so sorry for that. After what I did I deserved it.”
I sniffles and rub away the tears. “Before I ask you about…everything I need to tell you. That night with Steve… I was drunk. Nothing happened between us but a kiss but I did admit that I had always liked him. Even loved him, before you came along. And that’s the absolute truth. I knew Steve before you came back from cyro and that’s when it all happened. But then when you came along and he hadn’t acted on anything it gave me the chance to fall in love with you. So i did and I fell hard and thought we were forever, I mean you proposed to me, you know? So Steve wasn’t in the ballgame then. And then you did what you did…” I take a deep breath at the hurt seared my chest. “And he was there for me in a way you hadn’t been for a while. He took care of me and was just THERE. And it just brought it all back. So honestly this whole thing is so fucking hard for me. Because I love both of you. So I came here to get your side before I talk to Steve. Is that okay?”
He nods. Silent from my rant, he simply waits for the questions to start.
“How long?” My first question.
He sighs. “About three months.” Stab number one to my chest.
“How did you meet her?” Second question. Not as important but still valid.
“I met her at the bar the guys and I would go to after a mission.” Stab number two. That was where he first asked me on a date.
“Did you love her? At all?” The doomed question. The one I didn’t want to ask. But I had to.
“No. I didn’t. I liked her, but I didn’t love her. You’re the only one I love.” Stab number three but this one contained a little bit of relief as well at his rejection of love.
“Why did you do it? Why did you willingly hurt me like that? Hurt us?” The last question I had to ask, the why. I think that’s the most important thing to know in any situation. Why someone chose to do what they did.
“The wedding was coming up and I got cold feet. You’re so perfect and full of light, radiating a sense of home and warmth I wasn’t used to. It scared me and It made me feel like i wasn’t good enough to tie you down forever. And when I met that girl it gave me an excuse to try to let go of these feelings. But every single time I was with her I wanted to be with you, but I was afraid that if I told you everything you would have left. And I didn’t…and you still left.” His voice broke at the end, tears filling his eyes at the reality of the situation.
I let out a sob and replied, “you should have just talked to me! I was your fiancé. If I thought you were bad, or that I could do better I wouldn’t have said yes and I would have left. But I didn’t, I loved you through everything and wanted a life with you. If you had just talked to me about how you were feeling…none of this would have ever happened and we’d probably be married and on our honeymoon by now.”
He sniffs and wipes at his eyes. “I know baby, I know. I’m an idiot. Everyone has reminded me. Especially Nat and Tony.” I let out a sad laugh.
“Even tony?” I ask.
“Yeah, as much as he is an aloof dick. He really cares about you. He threatened to blast me all the way back to the 40s if this wasn’t all fixed. Which you know at this point I really deserve.”
I sigh and brush through his hair again, wishing the circumstances were different and fate didn’t have a messed up way of things but here we were. His words gave me some small bit of resolve but I was no where near making a decision. I still had to talk to Steve and really think. I lean forward and place a kiss on his cheek softly and held it there for a long second before pulling away.
“I love you buck. Rest, I’m going to go talk to Steve. I just want everything to be okay once i settle this all.” I admit in a hushed tone.
He nods and replies, “I know, doll. I’m going to love you and be there either way this goes. I love you y/n.” I smiled sadly before slinking out the door to then find Steve’s room. My heart was heavy from my talk with Bucky but I was glad the talk happened. It helped with the burns.
Finding Steve’s room, I enter softly only to find him wide awake, wires and all. I send him a small smile as I make my way to his bedside. “Hey Stevie.”
“You’re back!” He whispers hoarsely.
I quirk an eyebrow up and reply, “Well when I get a call that three of my favorite hooligans got into a bad accident and end up in the icu, of course I’d be back. Came as quick as i could with stark tech.” I know he must see my eyes red from crying and my cheeks flushed with my raging emotions.
“I take it you already saw the other two?” He asks softly. I nod in reply. “How’d that go?”
I sigh. “Well, You all are hooked up to all these machines, even the super soldiers. I had a great talk with nat, it was nice after not seeing her for a while. Then I saw Bucky and we had our talk, which was very necessary. So now I’m here to talk to you.”
He hums and nods as he thinks. “What do you want to talk to me about?” I bite my lip in anxiousness as I think of the right words.
“Well, I actually wanted to talk to you about us. How you feel about me…your side of the story. I can’t make a decision without knowing the full truth.”
He nods. “Okay shoot your questions.”
“How long have you liked me? Or loved me?”
“A while now, since before Bucky.”
I frown. “Why didn’t you do anything about it then?”
He grunts as he sits up in his bed. “Well we had a lot going on after New York and ultron. I was wrapped up in Being Cap, and focused on that instead. It was always hard for me to balance emotional stuff with the business stuff, you knew that. So I thought I had time and then Bucky came back around and suddenly i was out of time. He took you before I could.”
“You had so many chances to ask me out. But you didn’t, because you prioritized being Cap over being Steve?” I ask.
“Yes.” He says.
I nod in acceptance at his words before opening my mouth again. “You kissed Sharon while on the run. That was before me and Bucky even got engaged. Why did you do that then if you were pining for me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, distraction maybe. She was something different which took me away from my feelings for you. It was a nice break. You were with my best friend. I don’t think it mattered.”
I shook my head and scoffed. “But it did, Steve. I loved you since the start. All you needed to have done was speak up if I was important but you didnt.” Silence filled the room then, and not the good kind. His fists gripped the sheets while my arms wrapped around my torso praying they’d keep my insides together at this point.
“You- you were always important to me y/n. I just needed to protect everyone. Including you. Especially you.” I let out a sad yet small laugh.
“I know Stevie. You always have to protect the world. You’re you. Captain America, the first super soldier that was made to save the country in the first place. I’ve seen it on missions with you and I have seen it as your best friend and confidant. It’s your passion.” My hand finds his fist and grips it until his loosens up and holds mine. Sadness is in his eyes.
“You’re my passion too, y/n. I need you to know that.” His eyes are now begging for me to understand.
“I know. I know Steve. I just…” I groan and let out a deep breath. “I need some more time to think after hearing this all. I’m sticking around, even told nat i was gonna be taking care of you lot until you recovered. Which will be shorter for you and Buck. But not so much for Nat. Even though her stubborn ass will try to get back to training ASAP.” We both laugh at that and soon drift to a more comfortable silence.
Then suddenly, I stand tall and a frown settles on my face as I give my resolution. “Once Nat is healed and everyone is okay, I’ll give my answer.”
He gives me a warm smile and my hand a squeeze. “Well I’ll be here.”
After another hour, he drifts back to sleep and I make my way out and towards the towers elevator. Walking in, I click the button for my floor and let out an agonizingly deep breath. Decision time was coming up very soon, I needed to be ready.
Hi, how about Journey- Faithfully with Carol? Thanks.
I had to break my 5 sentence rule for you because I love & appreciate you. This was a beautiful song & I hope you enjoy what I came up with (:
Faithfully - Journey
Sun showers are rare, but when they happen, you’ve got a look in your eyes that flame up the sky.
It’s not always easy, you can’t start a family on the road, but Carol is thankful that she can see you more often than not. She’s stationed in Morocco, and Carol just wants to enjoy the time she has with you.
“A cut again, Danvers?” You raise your brow at her as she takes a seat on the bed.
“Can’t help that I’m clumsy, nurse,” she teases as you clean the cut on her finger with a smile.
“You’re such a clown,” you roll your eyes.
“Yes, but we all need clowns to make us smile. And luckily for you, I’m faithfully and exclusively your clown,” Carol smiles as she steals a secret kiss.
You grimace and shove your hands deeper into your pockets, hoping the warmth will help alleviate some of the aches. Your family wanted to walk around and look at christmas lights and you refuse to be the reason everyone goes home early, even if every step hurts. The cold of the winter always made your arthritis flare up, and your mom is checking up on you every five minutes, knowing you’re in pain but refuse to admit it.
“You doing alright?” you hear her whisper and you nod. She sighs as pain shoots through your leg, causing you to wince again, “love, we can head home.”
“No, I’m fine!” you argue, “maybe we can just slow down a bit?”
“Of course,” Natasha slows her speed and the rest of the Avengers follow suit. You all walk for another 20 minutes, pointing out houses and enjoying the festivity. They can hear your sharp intakes of breath every few minutes, but you just continue to insist that you’re fine.
“Young y/n, the view is better from higher up. Perhaps I could give you what you mortals call a piggy back ride so you can see better,” Thor says, causing you to laugh and your mom to send him a grateful smile. You agree and the rest of the night is much more enjoyable and pain free.
As soon as you get back to the tower the team decides it’s time to watch holiday movies. You all get comfortable in the living room, your mom disappearing for a few minutes before silently returning with a heating pad. You smile at her and accept it, relaxing even further at the comfort it brings your aching joints.
You settle down as the movie starts. You hate the hassle your arthritis brings you, but you love the way your family always knows just how to help you.
“You wanna hold them?” You bounced the baby in your arms, watching Steve’s expression change. He wasnt sure what to feel, or say, or do. He hadn’t seen you in five years, but he was getting everyone back together, a one final go to her the world back together. “You wanna go to Uncle Steve?” The baby smiled, and so did Steve. You made sure he held them right, supported them, bounced them so they wouldn’t get fussy. He was nervous, of course, but they liked him immediately.
“Guess I missed a lot since I last saw you.” He smiled, sad he didn’t get to be there for you. You’d met someone, gotten married, started a family. It wasn’t the ideal situation, with half the population being gone, but you weren’t gonna waste the years you were lucky to have. In this time you’d made huge changes to your life, major ones. You hadn’t told your teammates, something you’d regret, but they all reminded you of familiar faces that wouldn’t be at the wedding or your kids birthdays. You thought it was better to keep them secret, hidden, safe.
“Oh it’s nothing really,” you joked. The team was your family, too. You’d always wondered what would have happened if they’d been there from the beginning, if you hadn’t completely shut them out. “I should have said something or called, but-”
“But, that’s your business.” Steve said, putting his hand on your knee. “I’m happy for you, your family.” He missed you, always wondered what happened to you, where you went, what you were up to these past few years. Know he knew. You were safe, and loved, and trying to move forward, using this time for good instead of wasting it, something they all should have been doing all along.
Warnings - swearing, angst (again it’s me what do you expect?), mentions of violence
Prompts - 53 - who cares about what they think?/84 - going somewhere?/ 91 - that’s in the past
A/N - This was a prompt request sent in by @afictionaladventure16 I haven’t written prompt requests in a while so I hope this is okay and I was super excited to write for Peter because I haven’t written for him yet which is honestly super shocking for me considering he’s one of my favourites. Anyway as usual y’all please send in requests and enjoy!
You sling your
rucksack over your shoulder as you go to leave through the window of your boyfriend
Peter Parker’s bedroom.
The tired voice of your boyfriend cuts through the darkness, causing you to
freeze partway through climbing out the window.
“Just wanted some
fresh air Pete, nothing to worry about.” You reply quickly, hoping he can’t see
your bag on your back and will go back to sleep to let you leave.
“If you just
needed fresh air you wouldn’t need your bag. Where are you going?” Peter asks,
climbing out of the bed and crossing over to you, the moonlight reflecting off
his face showing the hidden concern in his eyes. You open your mouth to lie
once again but noticing the look in Peter’s eyes just makes you incapable of
lying to him in fear of hurting him.
Bucky dropped his arm, shocked. He couldn’t see under the mask, you had to practice with it on, but your voice sounded so young. Too young. Bucky backed away when you took it off, trying to figure out how old you were. To him, you looked like a little kid, too young to be on the team fighting crime. Chronic baby face made you look younger than you were, but not by much. Tony called you a young adult, Natasha referred to you, in a loving way, as a dumb teenager. Bucky decided then and there you were a kid.
“Did I do something wrong?” You’d tried to do everything right, practiced everything they taught you to make sure it was perfect. You were still new to the practice fighting, especially considering everyone had their own style, but you’d done well with Clint and Natasha. They decided the next step was Bucky. You were guessing, by the look on his face, he wasnt expecting so young when they said young. “Mr. Barnes, sir, are you okay?”
Being capable was one thing, he could see that. He could read all the papers and watch all the videos of you doing these amazing things, but your age was something else. You had your whole life ahead of you. With one wrong move you could end that all, wasting how much time you had left to be a kid, to make all these big life decisions. No one would listen to him, though. They saw what you could do, how much potential you had, regardless of age.
*EDIT*: This will now be a full series cause I have no self control.
Summary: In 1920s Brooklyn, you met a scrawny Steve Rogers and fell for him, following him into the battlefields of WWII. Nearly a century later, Steve thinks you’re long gone. What he doesn’t know, like Bucky, you were taken by Hydra to become the ultimate weapon.
Author’s Note: This came to me today while writing the update for Privileged (as I listened to Lovebug by The Jonas Brothers– don’t judge me). Title inspired by what Loki called Steve in Avengers “The Man out of Time”.