Wonder what flavor of hallucinogen got slipped into my breakfast.
“I’m sorry, did I step on your moment?”
Natasha Romanoff // Black Widow
Nebula: I’ll f*ck up anyone
Harley: I’ll f*ck up everyone
Tony: I’ll f*ck up everything.
Peter: I’m a f*ck up.
Steve: I’m f*cking done with this f*cking family.
[Peter is watching an old Disney show in the living room with Tony and Morgan]
Five year old Morgan: I don’t want to watch this anymore. It’s boring.
Tony: We have two other TVs in our home and there’s a tablet is in my office, Morgan. Go watch one of those.
Morgan: I don’t want to move though.
Peter to the tune of Sweet Caroline: I WANT TO DIEEEE, BUH BUH BUH
Tony with his head down: I don’t even know anymore
Tony: You’re just a fourteen year old kid from Queens.
Peter: I’m sixteen!
Tony: Age is a social construct. You’re fourteen in my mind.
Peter: …I’m pretty sure I’m sixteen.
I keep getting this in my recommendation on YouTube…………. I get that some people have a……morbid sense of humor. But I DON’T YOUTUBE PLEASE END MY SUFFERING.
Not bad, at least every time I’ve seen him. Still worry about the guy but much less than I have.
Tony: What was your street name in Queens?
Peter: Lil Peetie :)
Tony: You lived on a street called Lil-?
Peter: OH you meant my address…
harley: if i painted a dick on the back of the cupboard nobody would know…
tony stark left peter parker a new suit, nearly unlimited access to his tech to make new suits, exclusive access to a ready-made array of weaponized satellites and even happy hogan and somehow didn’t think to leave peter a cool new place for him and aunt may to live and maybe one of those sweet audis he drove in every movie.
Tony: after all these years, youve never once gotten me something
Peter: not true. Ive given you hundreds of headaches, and once, a homemade birthday card
Peter: Tony! Meet my new boyfriend Johnny!
Tony: oh so this is how you want to play if? Fine I see how it is.
Peter: I-I what?
Tony: you know that people subconsciously date those that remind them of their dad?
Peter: w-what are you going on-
Tony: Am I a perfect father? No. but I try! I try so hard! AND YOU WENT OUT AND BAGGED YOURSELF A CAP LOOK A LIKE?!?!?! Ungrateful.