#merthur angst

[counting-stars-gayly]

Sometimes, I think about how Merlin purposefully turned Arthur against magic twice—the first time to save his soul and the second to save his life—so when he finally told Arthur he was a sorcerer, it was the ultimate bamboozle.

“How could the bumbling idiot I’ve known all these years have been my greatest protector the whole time?” Yeah, sure. But also: “How could a sorcerer have chosen me over magic? Over his own freedom and the freedom of those like him? Over the gods who created him and the religion that saves him?” It’s one thing to die for someone and another thing entirely to give up who you are for them.

Obviously, Merlin was wrong, and that’s why playing God had an effect opposite to what he’d intended. But I think it’s so interesting to consider how Arthur might have viewed this confession. He was betrayed by Morgana because she loved herself more than her own brother and betrayed by Uther because he loved himself more than his own son. And all of this while Merlin, at first, fell in love with the cause and, then, even more with the man behind it. His loyalty to and love for Arthur was so pure it turned sinful, and I don’t think Arthur would have ever gotten over that. If he hadn’t died.

#there’s something so hozier about this it’s killing me #anyway #I’d forgotten this was in my drafts and…March Me was going through it I think #bbc merlin #Merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #merthur angst #Merlin season 5 #Merlin s5 #merlin 5x13 #merlin finale #Merlin magic reveal

[mirayladraws]

Finally can show the whole piece for the excalibur zine I participated in!

You can find the zine here if you haven’t already, all donations go to Doctors Without Borders: https://excaliburzine.gumroad.com/l/zine

#my art #digital art #art #fanart #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin fanart #merthur #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #king arthur #excalibur zine #fanzine #merthur angst #phoenix #dragon

[roosterlasagne]

Arthur suspected Merlin had magic from the beginning. Possibly since he confessed to being a sorcerer to save Gwen, when she was accused. He didn't have any proof of the claim, but all the instances of a lucky escape or Merlin knowing the correct path have been piling up. And by the time Arthur became King, it was hard to ignore that his manservant, his best friend and closest confidante may have magic.

But then the Disir give him an ultimatum. Both Merlin and Arthur believe bringing magic back will save Mordred, and the keeping it banned will kill him. Arthur wants his knight alive, and maybe through asking Merlin for him opinion will finally prove he is a sorcerer. Maybe Merlin will come clean and Camelot will see a new era of magic.

Yet, Merlin tells him magic has no place in Camelot. Arthur, as kind-hearted as he is, doesn't for a second think that Merlin might want Mordred dead, that's why he's tearing up, right? Because Merlin hates magic, and is so scared of it, he cannot bear to imagine it being legal, even if it means sacrificing a friend. This means Merlin can't possibly be a sorcerer.

So it comes as a surprise to Arthur when Merlin confesses to being a sorcerer. He spent the last months convincing himself that Merlin is scared of magic. How could he use magic when he is scared of it? And then it hits Arthur, as he is lying in Merlin's arms, dying. He wanted Mordred dead because he knew he would kill Arthur. His tears when condemning magic were grief over his freedom.

And as Arthur said his last words, took his last breaths, he realised that Merlin would sacrifice anything for Arthur. A human life, his freedom. The words of the Disir suddenly rang true. He has indeed lost everything by condemning magic once again.

#bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #angst #merthur angst #merlin headcanons

[drainsdorm]

the realization that you’ve fallen out of love is brutal, bittersweet at times, but brutal. merlin didn’t mean to fall out of love with arthur, it was in no way an active decision but rather a subconscious defense mechanism, a barrier to protect his overly generous heart. merlin was well aware that they couldn’t maintain what they had in its delicate secrecy forever, yet he willingly drowned himself in arthur’s affections anyway, even if it only made it excruciatingly more difficult to call it quits when the time inevitably came.

the night before the wedding, merlin shut the door behind him as he entered arthur’s chambers, standing before the king who sat pensively by the fireplace.

“if you are to remain on this path and devote yourself to another, i don’t think that we, or i, can continue,” merlin spoke in one breath, the anxiety of this dreaded conversation getting to him.

“we can’t or you don’t want to?” arthur asked without sparing a single glance.

“both.”

“both?”

“i apologize but i cannot bear to indefinitely be a skeleton in your closet.”

“merlin, that isn’t what’s happening at all.”

“tell people about us then.”

“you know i can’t-“

“then at least you’ll have gwen to love you dearly.”

“are you implying that i am soon to lose your love?” arthur finally locked eyes with merlin, a steel gaze that would be nearly impossible to pry away from.

“i’m afraid it’s already been lost.”

the silence that followed was unbearable, it ate away at each man’s heart like piranhas to a slab of meat. arthur had already averted his now glossy eyes, staring into the fireplace where no fire burned, just the desolate grimness of darkened wood and scattered ashes. merlin gnawed at the inside of his cheeks to compose himself. knowing well that he couldn’t, he began to make his quiet exit, pausing in the middle of the doorway for a few moments, softly remarking, “it isn’t your fault,” and he was gone.

merlin did the right thing in his mind, but selfishly, he wished that arthur would come banging on his door to tell him the wedding was off, that he was ready to devote himself entirely, that tradition no longer shackled him into a predetermined life. perhaps it was just a case of right person wrong time, maybe merlin would just have to endure arthur’s inevitable death and inevitable return, praying that by then, it would be the right time for them.

#merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #merlin x arthur #merthur fanfic #merthur angst #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #king arthur #arthur x merlin

[acciohanbrough]

arthur “ i will be the man my father never was “ pendragon and merlin “ i’m more that what my mom told me to be “ emrys

#merlin x arthur #bbc arthur #bbcmerlin #merlin bbc #bbc merthur #merthur #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #merlin #the amazing devil #TAD #inkpot gods #merthur quote #merthur angst #king arthur #incorrect merthur quote #bbc merlin

[earlgreyinpajamas]

merthur fic recs: angst with a happy ending

sometimes you just want to hurt a little, but feel better at the end

1. I Can See the Stars by AeonTheDimensionalGirl  (@aeonthedimensionalgirl)  

By the time Merlin realized what was happening to him, it was already too late.

~~~

the emotional damage this fic put me through,,,

2. only honest when it rains by somethingaboutwriting (@somestuffaboutblogging)

Merlin is sneaking off to see a girl. Arthur's handling it very well.

That is, apart from these weird flowers he keeps coughing up. . .

~~~

ahhh the angst of wanting something you think you can’t have

3. For the Love (For Laughter) by arthur_pendragon

Arthur’s heard rumours, whispered in the dark corners of Camelot where Uther’s law is yet to tread, of the bond of true love stitching a pattern of your lover’s wounds on your body. He hadn’t dared believe them. He hadn’t hoped until Merlin nicked his finger slicing an apple for Arthur one day and on Arthur’s thumb bloomed a fiery red line. Then he had rejoiced; then he had given in. ~~~

the angst hurts so bad in this fic 10000/10

#merlin x arthur #merlin fic #merthur #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur fanfiction #merthur fic #merthur fluff #merthur fanfic #merthur fic recs #merthur fic rec #merthur angst #Angst with a happy ending #angst #soulmates au #soulmates #merthur soulmates au #soulmate au

[mobycotton]

sneak peak

#mobyswips #merthur angst #merlin angst #merthur fic #merthur #merlin fanfic #merthur fanfic #merlin fic #ao3 fanfic #merthur wip #merthur fluff #wip

[i-never-even-wanted-to-be-here]

"I don't want you to change", Arthur said to Merlin before he died.

Fast forward fifteen hundred years, Merlin went through lifetimes of incomprehensible trauma that changed him in unimaginable ways, and Arthur has to just deal with that immediately upon coming back in the midst of his general confusion about the modern world.

#merthur angst #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin #arthur pendragon

[luflory]

sometimes i wonder about drawing comic about Archer!Merlin  you can read abou it here

#my art #archer merlin #archer!merlin #archer merlin au #merlin bbc #merthur angst #merthur fanart #bc they obv fucking ok #one day one day #digital art

[ambriel-angstwitch]

You’re losing me is Merthur coded

You say, "I don't understand, " and I say, "I know you don't"

Arthur responds to finding out about Merlin’s magic with confusion and disbelief

We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

Merlin thought he could save Arthur from his fate but now he realizes he can’t

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

Merlin and Arthur loved Camelot because of the life it held. Merlin loved it even more because of Arthur and the future it promised, but now Arthur’s gone and he didn’t get what he wanted.

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

When things get hard Merlin might wonder if all this was worth it

I'm getting tired even for a phoenix Always risin' from the ashes Mendin' all her gashes

Merlin is a a resilient person enemies keep beating him down but he just keeps going. He’d destroy himself and he’d destroy other people and things just to keep Arthur safe.

You might just have dealt the final blow

Merlin loves Arthur more than anything but he knows that Arthur might kill him if he learned about his magic and he knows he’d let him (at least if he knew Arthur would be ok afterwards)

Stop, you're losin' me… I can’t find a pulse My heart won't start anymore For you 'Cause you're losin' me

As Arthur put all of his focus on Gwen and then on the anger that came from losing her. He started to lose Merlin, Merlin would never leave but he didn’t have as much energy, his smile faded, he didn’t joke as much anymore.

Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eyes How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'? I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick. My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

Arthur said he loved Merlin but yet he chose Gwen that slowly drained Merlin. The one Merlin loved so deeply couldn’t give the same love back.

And the air is thick with loss and indecision

When Arthur finds out about Merlin’s magic their relationship will never be the same again. No matter if it turned out ok or horribly it still could never be the same. Arthur doesn’t know what to do with this information, he knows what someone having magic should mean but it’s Merlin.

I know my pain is such an imposition

Merlin is an imposition of the law just by being himself, but his pain is something of a burden because he wants something he can’t have not only is he a servant but he’s a man. Arthur and him could never be accepted.

Now, you're runnin' down the hallway And you know what they all say You don't know what you got until it's gone

Merlin couldn’t imagine how much it would hurt to see Arthur marry someone else until it happened and he didn’t even confront the possibility of losing him until it happened and he had to deal with the pain

How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?

Arthur and Merlin were a tragic story and that started even before Arthur died but when he died that cemented the end. They could have been something greater if Arthur had known sooner but it’s too late now.

I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

Merlin gave Arthur his everything. He stayed even when Arthur lashed out at him. He wasn’t mad at Arthur for hating what made Merlin because he understood that was how he was made.

And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

But in the end all Merlin got was pain.

Fighting in only your army

Merlin only ever used his magic for Arthur

Frontlines, don't you ignore me

He stood by Arthur’s side against all odds, the dragon, Morgana, the Vikings, you name it. No matter the odds he was there, that was something Arthur saw and respected.

I'm the best thing at this party

Ok a little break from the angst. Do you ever think of that scene during a feast where it’s Merthur having intense eye contact like they’re the only thing that matters? Because that’s the only Merthur connection I could think of here

And I wouldn't marry me either

Merlin realizes why Arthur chose Gwen.

A pathological people pleaser Who only wanted you to see her

Merlin despite being argumentative and sometimes annoying still just wants to make Arthur happy.

And I'm fadin', thinkin' "Do something, babe, say something” "Lose something, babe, risk something" "Choose something, babe, I got nothing To believe Unless you're choosin' me"

Back to how I started this Merlin doesn’t like that Arthur responded to learning his secret with silence. He wants an answer, he needs to know what Arthur thinks and feels. Nothing is worse than the outright hatred. The unknown is far worse than knowing it could have been better.

#Spotify #merthur analysis #merthur angst #bbc merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #king arthur #bbc merthur #merlin x arthur #song analysis #you’re losing me #Taylor swift #midnights taylor swift #midnights ts #merlin bbc #merlin emrys #bbc arthur #arthur bbc

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

In The Next Life, My Love

A quick little bitter drabble that I didn’t have time to develop fully but needed to write.

TW: The ending is not open. Everyone’s dead yo. Angst.

It’s dark and cold, where they are, The King and his servant, and the end is coming. They know it’s coming, no point denying it, or fighting it; they’ve been locked up for so long that their wrists, once strong and thick and soft, rattle in their chains. The mould is getting to them, making their heads ache and their skin crawl, but they have each other, and in the darkness they each have a light in the form of the other’s exponentially bony fingers intertwined with their own:

“Merlin,-”

The King coughs, and this one word—this name that now means everything to him, and perhaps always had—quiet and rasping and so very very pained, saps almost all his remaining energy. His companion comforts him the only way he can, a cold, damp-wrinkled thumb scraping the back of his hand, and waits patiently until The King’s chest calms enough to allow him to continue:

“-in the next life,-”

Merlin interrupts him, his voice more quiet, more rasping, more pained, but far, far more determined:

“I’ll serve you. Always, Arthur.”

“No.-”

His dismissal, his order, is the loudest noise either of them have heard in days, and Merlin flinches, moaning quietly as the pounding in his head, which he had managed to forget about, magnifies significantly:

“-no, Merlin, no.-”

Arthur’s continuation is so quiet, so soft, Merlin has to think for a few seconds before he can process what he’s said:

“-In the next life, Merlin, I... I...-”

He sighs, or sighs as well as he can when every breath he takes in is as shallow as a puddle on cobblestones and painful as a knife to the chest; his eyes close, though he couldn’t really tell they were open before, his vision having become so blurred he couldn’t tell his thinning legs from the rotten floor. There’s a long pause, and the only evidence Merlin has that his King hasn’t passed on between one word and the next is the rattling breaths he hears from beside him. 

Breathing is what he focuses on, what he holds on to. It had been a cacophony before; an orchestra of inhalations and exhalations had surrounded them, before the candles they’d been left with had burned to nothing and the others had stopped breathing, one by one.

Merlin has always known his King well, so when he stops speaking—stutters, stutters, stops—he doesn’t worry, Merlin knows Arthur is just searching for the right words. Always, always searching for the right words, and never quite finding them. Always searching, always being too afraid of settling for something subpar, so never saying anything at all. Every time it happens, it breaks his heart a little, but every time Arthur tries again... it mends him.

He lets him think.

Think.

Think.

Think.

Another stroke along the back of his hand prompts Arthur to continue. He’s not sure he’s found the right words, but he thinks they’ll have to do:

“-In the next life, Merlin, you will not serve me for a second. Not for a second. In the next life, I’ll find you, you won’t have to find me, I’ll find you, and I’ll tell you that I... that I love you, and we’ll spend our lives together again, but... but better. I promise, Merlin, next time it will be better.”

His voice cracks and crumbles and falls apart as he whispers his secrets to the darkness. He wonders, for a moment, if Merlin were really alive. If perhaps he’d died days ago like the others and he was just imagining the squeezes, the strokes. The hand he’s holding is cold enough and stiff enough to be from a corpse. He thinks maybe the breathing and coughing were just echoes of his own, that maybe he is alone in the depths of the earth. The silence—other than the rasping rasping rasping breaths so similar to his own—stretches long enough that Arthur is halfway further to being mad when Merlin finally, really, replies:

“Ok. I... Ok. Just... promise me one thing?-”

Arthur hums, and the choking noise is something terrible, but it gets the point across, and he figures the clicking sound coming from his right is Merlin twisting his head, so he can at least pretend that they’re able to look at each other; Arthur follows his lead, and he likes to think that, when he opens his tired, dry eyes, and squints through the pitch blackness, that he can see something blue peering back at him:

“-Have better timing, next time?”

Arthur can hear the smirk in his voice, and he thinks, if he’d had enough energy, he could cry and wail and scream at the prospect of the next life not being promised, and even if it where, their meeting in it not being guaranteed. He can’t conceive of a world, or an unworld, whatever comes after he stops hurting so much, in which he doesn’t have Merlin’s smirk. As it is, the only reaction his starving mind can manage is a single, small tear slipping down his cheek as he tactically twitches his pinkie finger in Merlin’s grip, and mumbles back:

“Promise.”

The silence descends once more, and when Merlin speaks, or, more accurately, when Merlin forces his last breath to take the form of words, he realises, in his last spark of thought as his tongue collapses over the very last syllable, that his last remaining companion may not have remained long enough to hear him:

“I love you too, Arthur.”

~

The End.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Anyway.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Hope you enjoyed😅

#bbc merlin #merthur #merthur angst #merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur love confession #everyone dies nobody lives #everyone dies no one survives #they all die #everyone dies #bbc merlin angst #hurt arthur #hurt arthur pendragon #hurt merlin #no bamfness here #:( #ANYWAY #how's you?? #I promise I'm ok #just SUPER busy #and i figured when inspiration strikes #better take advantaged #even if the inspiration takes the form of a horrible little cackle #and gives me this ^ monstrosity #merlin angst

[counting-stars-gayly]

Thinking about how, for Merlin, the events of the show happened so long ago that he can’t possibly remember much, and the memories he does still have are probably vague. So when Arthur returns, with everything far more fresh in his mind, he probably keeps referencing events that Merlin has forgotten or is confused about, and it breaks both their hearts.

#queued #this rewatch is actually killing me #bbc merlin #merthur #bbc arthur #arthur pendragon #modern merthur #modern merlin #merlin rewatch #merlin headcanons #merthur angst #merthur hc

[mirayladraws]

LET ME PRESENT YOU MY RVBB PIECE FOR YOU!!

Yes I am this excited I waited so long for this moment!

First art:

Second art:

Third art:

Divider:

Also I would like to share the amazing fic that was created for my art by @magicalmischel

#digital art #art #fanart #merlin #my art #merthur #bbc merlin #merlin fanart #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #king arthur #arthur #merthur angst #rvbb #reverse bang #merthur fanart #merthur art

[foxontherum]

So I’ve been thinking about this for weeks

So it’s an angsty immortal Merlin fic idea nothing new or really ground breaking.

But the angst is less will Arthur return or not like I see in most immortal Merlin fics but it’s more about the language barrier and the loss of language

So the fic starts and Arthur walks out of the lake in chain mail speaking in 6th century English

Merlin finds him and he’s ecstatic Arthur has just returned just turned. He’s been waiting for this. For like over a millennia. So he runs and goes tries to talk to Arthur in modern English, because Merlin’s English would have evolved as time passed and Arthur just looks at him confused because he’s just sprouting nonsense. Because Arthur doesn’t know modern English.

So Merlin tries speaking old English like are used to when Arthur was alive and the words feel clunky he feels like a child, because it’s been so long since he’s had to anyone to speak the language with he’s lost the ability.

And some flash backs of Merlin being upset because of the isolation but also he’s trying to make sure he remembers the language and then one day he just forgets a word something small like soup or bedsheets something he should know but it just wasn’t as important but to him it feels like he forgot how to pronounce Arthur’s name like they would have a millennia and a half ago.

But the fic can take a comfort turn after the hurt and it can be about them learning/relearning each others languages and can have a funny bit of Arthur learning modern English on like Duolingo or something.

If anyone wants a fic like this let me know.

Also if I got anything wrong about the loss of language please let me know I only know one language so probably not the best person to write about this but I think it’s neat.

#merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #fic ideas #merlin ​angst #merthur angst #bbc merthur #I just think this idea is neat and it won’t leave my brain

[a-star-is-here]

Chapters: 2/4 Fandom: Merlin (TV), Merlin BBC Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin & Morgana & Arthur Pendragon, Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine & Gwen (Merlin) Characters: Merlin (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana (Merlin), Gwen (Merlin), Gwaine (Merlin), Leon (Merlin), Uther Pendragon (Merlin) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Songfic, Framed, Bad Parenting, Bad Parent Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Everyone Hates Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Regular dumbassery, What's new, Jann - Freeform, based on a Jann song, The Letter, neglected child, aka arthur, Uther Pendragon's A+ parenting, burn - Freeform, in many different ways, cheers - Freeform Summary:

Arthur and Merlin are in love and happy, and the only thing keeping the tension between them is one asshole of a parent named Uther Pendragon. After a series of events, Arthur is forced to choose between living to his father's expectations, or cutting loose from Uther.

 Based on the song "The Letter" by Jann!

(I suck at summaries, I apologise )

GUYS GUESS WHO FINALLY UPDATE??

#*points thumbs at self* #THIS LOSERRR #merlin #arthur x merlin #bbc merlin #bbc merthur #merthur art #merthur angst #merthur fanfic #arthur #arthur pendragon #bbc arthur #bradley james #colin morgan

[clockwrkpendrxgon]

"You are a dead man," Arthur spoke, his tone filled with untamed rage.

"You don't want to do this,” Merlin stated flatly, already feeling the energy dancing at the tips of his fingers.

"I have never wanted anything more." Arthur swung his sword in the air, signalling that he was about to strike.

The Phantom of Arthur Pendragon on ao3

#this is just the tip of the iceberg #fine i'll do it myself #dark!arthur pendragon #post finale #merlin fic #arthur x merlin #ao3 #merlinbbc #merthur angst #merthur #yessss #give me pain #i would sell my soul #for #bamf merlin