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sorrowsofsilence · 3 months

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Burning Out • V

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Fem!Reader

I was lost, but now I'm found Under the lights and in the sounds So let us sing and sing it loud That we're not perfect, but we're proud of who we are.

Noah Sebastian is lost. His crime-filled lifestyle is anything but perfect; but everything changes once he meets you.

Words: 9.9k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, mentions of drugs and alcohol (underage drinking mentioned during flashback!) Crime, pls don't do illegal things lol.

Authors note: Chapter Five- I Wish I wasn't Lost: its currently 1am and i am EXHAUSTED lol. I Do hope you enjoy though <3 Thank you for all the love and support on this story, I appreciate every single one of you <3 Songs are Lost in Echoes by Caskets and I wish I wasn't by unprocessed.

THIS IS A FANFICTION USING REAL PEOPLE IN A FICTIONAL SITUATION! I AM NOT IMPLYING THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO THE THINGS IN THE STORY OR ACT THE WAY THEY DO IN THE STORY IN REAL LIFE! IT IS FICTION! IT IS JUST FOR FUN! <3

Tags: @crimson-calligraphyx @lma1986 @spicywhenspeaking @sammyjoeee @shilohrosechicken @princessmarshmallowx @laurpartyprogram @cookiesupplier @nojoyontheburn @lacktoesandtoddlerant @veronicaphoenix @er3nslovergirl @cncohshit @thescarlettvvitch @scrumptiousfestivalpost @melcchs @flowery-mess

This is an omen, a warning, a lesson to take So listen to the words that I say

I moaned as she slid down one more time and I gripped her hair, holding her still. I filled her tongue as threads of my release coated the back of her throat. The sight below me left my legs shaking as I pulled away, tucking her hair behind her ears, and rubbing my fingers underneath her chin in endearment.

What have I done?

“Good girls swallow,” I whispered and she moaned.

“Open,” I said, watching in complete reverence as she stuck out her tongue, showing me that she obeyed, drinking in all of me.

I leaned down towards her, pulling her chin up to kiss me as I melted into her lips, sighing with commitment.

What have I done?

+++++

NOAH

I wonder how How can it be that two souls live beneath my chest? I wander on Through the snowfall And the firestorm

One week passed.

I had robbed a few houses, but nothing was valuable enough to compare to the price of Y/N’s drugs. I barely made 4.5k, just enough to keep up my goal of 645 a day; and I was trying to think of another move I could make to get more.

I brought the money and log to one of D’s bitches, snarling at the satisfied look on the man’s face as he ripped the envelope from my hands.

‘Having fun Sebastian? Surprised you even made this much yourself.’ It took everything in me to walk away without bashing his fucking face in.

As each day passed I was being eaten alive by guilt, and I could barely look at Y/N. She noticed the shift in my behaviour, persistently asking me what was wrong and if she had done something.

‘Nothing,’ I would say.

‘Just stressed,’ I would say.

The last night we spent together was the night I stole her meds. I couldn’t sleep as she clung to my lying body, gentle breaths escaping her lips while she slept peacefully. I had sobbed quietly next to her, afraid to wake the candid woman that lay delicately beside deceit.

That next morning I told her I’d sleep in the spare bedroom across the hall, and the look she gave me was agonizing.

‘Oh, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I know that the nightmares are hard to deal with.’ She had said, her eyes falling briefly before she attempted to hide her expression with a smile.

My heart yearned at her words, wanting to hold her against my chest, ready to block out all the evil in the world if it meant protecting her. It wasn’t the nightmares that pushed me away, it was myself.

‘I don’t want to invade your space more than I already am.’ I responded.

I watched her take her pills when she did, my chest clenching in shame with every sip of water that followed the lies.

I wish I wasn't afraid of The haunted valley

The boys watched the remorse control me as I began to shut off the world, secluding myself from Y/N, and them.

I wish I wasn't a failure That nobody needs

“Noah?”

In the depths of my mind, I'm lost and confined A question gnaws at my core; I can't deny

“Noah.” Am I a mere illusion, a ghost in the crowd? Or do I carry a soul screaming out loud?

“Noah!”

I pulled out my earbuds at the call of my name, and my eyes squinted open. Ruffilo stood over me as I lay on the mattress in the basement, drowning in lyrics. The music blared from the removed bud as Nicholas glared, folding his arms.

I wish the voices in my head stopped their shrill tongues Just for a second so I could breathe some fresh air For a moment so I could stop sinking into despair I am a traitor in the face of myself

“Did you want to work on the song?” He asked, “Or are you wallowing in self-pity?”

A slave to a maggot that eats away my soul I ask the mountains to consume me as a whole How long will I be captured in this maze in the hail?

The song.

Y/N had hooked us up with a gig at Sammy’s tomorrow night, and Jolly had the brilliant idea of finishing our first-ever set with an original song; despite us never even playing for an audience. I wasn’t sure if I was more nervous about playing some shitty music in front of an audience of strangers, or that one of the audience members would be Y/N.

I shrugged at him, closing my eyes as I sunk into the pillow, placing the bud back in my ear.

“Nuh-uh,” Nicholas sighed as he leaned down to pull on the string of one, forcing me to listen, “you can’t wallow forever.”

“Watch me,” I glared, pulling the bud back from him as I sat up.

“You’ve ignored her for days, can’t you see how sad she’s been because of you? You fucked up, and you’re treating her as if she did something wrong.” Nicholas said sharply, “How’s that fair?”

I turned my head to avoid his targeting gaze, my eyes falling onto Jolly and Folio who pretended to be busy but listened to every word we said.

“She’s brought you your regular coffee every day after work Noah- because you haven’t even been going there.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as my head hung in shame. She has?

I rolled my head back “I know. None of it is fair to her.”

“So,” Nicholas began, sitting on a chair by one of the walls as he watched me with careful eyes, “Stop taking your guilt out on her.”

I exhaled swiftly, standing from the mattress and tossing my earbuds into the sheets, “I just- I can’t look at her without feeling like she can see right through me.”

“Is that a bad thing?” he questioned.

I scoffed, throwing my arm up as my frustration built, “Yes, it is because I stole her fucking pills and had to watch her swallow fake ones.” I began pacing around the room, shaking my head, “Pills that are supposed to be helping her, but are fabricated lies!”

Nicholas’ gaze followed me as I walked across the carpeted floor, eyebrows furrowed. Folio watched as well, his face falling. The guilt ate him too.

“She takes them thinking they’ll give her relief, but they don’t, and I took that away!” I stood still for a moment as I pushed the heel of my palms into my eyes, sighing audibly in conflict.

“You made a choice,” Nicholas stood up and I watched as he approached me, standing in front of me.

He peered into my eyes, a mix of anger and sorrow, “I hate seeing you like this Noah, but you fucked up.”

“I know I fucked up Nick,” My chest heaved as I began shaking. Nicholas wrapped his arms around me, squeezing my body gently.

“You need to tell her,” Nicholas said, placing a consoling hand on my shoulder.

I melted into his hug, holding my brother against me, “I can’t. Not yet, anyway.”

“So you’re just going to ignore her for weeks? Until everything with D is over?” Nicholas shook his head, “We live with her now. You won’t be able to avoid her, and you shouldn’t. Not after everything she’s done for you, for us.”

I pulled away from him, nodding in agreement, “I know; so I’ve been thinking…” I trailed off in thought.

“About?” Nicholas raised a brow.

“A pharmacy heist.”

“By yourself?” He watched me with amusement, “Are you crazy?”

I heard Jolly laugh in the corner and I quickly sent a glare in his direction.

“Of course I’m crazy,” I shrugged, “but I can get a fuck ton of money from this Vincent guy for getting pure shit.”

“Last time you did a big heist like that yourself was when we got into this mess in the first place. You don’t do big shit alone.”

The lights flickered around the room as I sat on the motel bed, my chest heaving with excitement. A seventeen-year-old Ruffilo sat beside me with the tattoo machine ready to brand my knuckles as twelve-year-old Folio watched eagerly.

“Today’s the day,” Jolly cheered, a wide smile stretching across his face as he threw a beer in my direction, “Our young padawan becomes a man.”

The can fumbled between my fingers as I looked down at it proudly, jittering with thrill. Jolly’s never let me drink before.

I opened the can in acceptance, hesitant to take the first sip with shaky hands, before bringing it up to my mouth. The beer was pungent and bitter, my lips puckering with furrowed brows; yeah, it was disgusting.

I tried to hide my distaste with a weak smile, “Yum.”

Jolly laughed, throwing his head back in amusement.

“You might want to chug it,” He said, taking a sip of his own beverage, “the knuckles hurt like a bitch.”

My eyes danced between him and the can as Nicholas and Nick began chanting, “Noah, Noah, Noah!”

Jolly joined with a raised fist, smiling with admiration as I chugged the drink, throwing the can to the floor in excitement as I stomped on it, the scream of elation ripping through my lungs as we all laughed. Nicholas hollered as he grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and I grinned, living within this moment of adventure.

“You ready?” Nicholas said, raising a quizzical brow as I began to feel the buzz. I nodded eagerly, throwing my hands in front of the table placed next to the bed.

Nicholas slid plastic gloves over his own tatted fingers before he wiped my knuckles with an alcohol wipe.

“There’s no going back,” He smiled as I sucked in a breath, anticipating the familiar scratching of the needle as it embedded the letters into my skin.

“Happy fourteenth birthday, baby bro,” Jolly walked over to me, patting my back. He handed me a crumbled paper bag, and with my free hand, I reached inside excitedly, pulling out the fabric.

I bit my lip as I tried to hide my smile but couldn’t. I was finally one of them.

“Your first mask.” Jolly nodded in approval. I tried pulling it over my head but couldn’t with one hand, so Jolly reached over, pulling it down over my face.

He bent down in front of me, his hand on top of my head as he shook me with fondness and it took everything in me not to cry with happiness at his praise.

That evening Nicholas wrapped my knuckles with black tape, protecting the freshly wounded skin. He went over the plan with Jolly, pointing towards the map indicating where I was to go, and where I would meet them after.

“This garage is filled with fancy as fuck cars,” Jolly nodded, leaning over the table, “so you have options. Don’t settle for any car, but don’t linger too long.”

“Remember, Kia’s and Hyundai’s are easier to hotwire, so you’ll have better luck getting in and out,” Nicholas said and I nodded as I jumped up and down, amping myself up.

“The alarms will go off almost immediately once you break in. People in this hotel get that shit valet, so someone is bound to notice right away.”

“Don’t forget, one, Underneath the steering wheel column find the wiring harness connector, Two,Pull aside the battery, ignition, and starter wire bundle, Three, Strip about 1 inch of the battery wires and twist them together. Fourth, Connect the ignition on/off wire to the battery wire.” Jolly listed and I nodded with each of his commands, reciting them back, “And don’t forget to break the steering lock or you won’t be able to drive.”

“Wire bundle, trip and twist, ignition to the battery,” I repeated, “Steering lock.”

“Well, I have no choice,” I threw my arms up, laughing, “What, you want me to ask Y/N then?”

Ask Y/N…

“No but-” Jolly started, but I interrupted him. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. She could be a diversion. A distraction in the plan.

“Y/N could be an extra body, and perhaps…” I trailed off, my mind wandering in thought. Yes, this was crazy; and the idea that followed even more so…but perhaps it could work.

“Okay,” Nicholas said as anger started bubbling from his tone as he watched me with disbelief, “And?”

“And,” I grabbed his shoulder as a smile wound up on my lips, “I can steal Y/N’s prescription while I’m there, and then replace her meds. So, she’ll never know.”

Nicholas rolled his head back in annoyance, almost laughing at my words, “Dude, you’re just going to dig yourself a hole here. You can’t be serious. Just tell her the truth about the fucking pills rather than getting her more involved.”

“I will eventually,” I sighed, “Just not now.”

“You do know how hard it is to steal from businesses alone versus a few houses here and there?” Jolly said as he scribbled in his notebook, “What is Y/N going to be able to do? Other than putting her and you in danger?”

“I have a plan,” I said, as I started pacing around the room.

“You’re considering her help? Are you fucking insane?” Jolly’s mouth hung open, “Du är en riktig klydderöv.” (You are an ass who likes to make things harder than they are)

“Listen,” I held my hands up in defence, but Nicholas threw his arms up.

“You can’t be serious; she could get hurt! You’re just using her?” he seethed.

“And you guys aren’t?” I laughed, pointing to the guitars and motioned around the room, “We are fucking freeloaders.”

“Aren't you worried about her getting injured?Caught? Better yet, Arrested?” Nick asked through clenched teeth. Why did he care so much?

“Of course I fucking am!” I growled, trying to not let any more guilt eat away at my insides, “I just want to have her as an extra body for that bit of fear factor. I don’t want her doing anything upfront or dangerous.”

“That’s still dangerous!” Nicholas exclaimed, “The fact she will be in that situation in the first place is not a good idea.”

I nodded in agreement, “I know. But what other choice do I have right now?” My eyes danced past each of the boys.

I knew this wasn’t the best idea, but my options were slim. I wanted to continue whatever was going on with Y/N- I didn’t want to feel this guilt, and if I was being honest with myself…

I was scared.

I was scared she wouldn’t see past my deceit, and I was scared she would hate me. That she wouldn’t forgive me.

I knew I had to make up for everything that had happened, but the first step was getting her proper medication back.

And to do that, I needed her help.

I wonder how How can it be that two souls live beneath my chest? I wander on Through the snowfall And the firestorm

“Let’s work on the song,” Folio changed the subject as the room heated, and I sighed heavily.

“Yeah, whatever,” I sat back on the mattress, pulling up the lyrics I wrote on my phone.

“Whatcha got Noah?” Jolly asked as he picked up the guitar.

“You've run out of luck, and I'm calling your bluff You stabbed me in the back, but not deep enough But not deep enough I see through you.” I hummed.

Jolly nodded as he tried to match the chords.

“Then the chorus, yada yada,” I said, eyes scanning my device as my thumb scrolled the screen.

“You said I'd never make it, you said I'd fall on my face But now I'm right where I belong, and I put you in your place You said I'd never make it, you said I'd make a mistake But now I'm right where I belong, and you've got nothing to say.”

Jolly eyed me briefly with a slight glare as I spoke, and I avoided his eyes.

“I like it,” Nicholas said, plucking the bass.

+++++

Y/N

With my fingers wrapped around the paper coffee cup, I sighed, fiddling with my keys to open the front door to my house.

Noah’s sudden distance made my chest clench in worry.

“look at me, show me those pretty eyes while I fuck your mouth,” he demanded and my lashes flicked up toward him, his body shuddering as I stared into him with complete greed.

The last time we spoke was that night. Noah hasn’t come to the cafe, and he has barely been home. I chalked it up to him being busy paying back D, but I couldn’t help but feel slightly broken, and that it was my fault for his distance.

Doubt ate at my insides, beginning to regret inviting them into my home.

I wish I wasn't afraid of The haunted valley I wish I wasn't a failure

Maybe Noah saw how unwell I was, after the nightmare. Maybe this whole situation made him uncomfortable. I made him uncomfortable.

That nobody needs That nobody needs That nobody needs

I’m sure he heard the nights I woke up screaming, and I can’t lie about how my heart broke when he wasn’t the one running into my room in concern. Not that he had to.

Nicholas however, was there in a heartbeat.

The boys were easy to live with, and I had a few game nights with Nick, Jolly and Nicholas. We got along surprisingly well, and I became quite close to Nicholas these past few days.

He must have noticed my inner battle because he often reassured me when I came home between shifts, running down to the basement with a coffee to greet Noah; only to be left disappointed when he wasn’t there.

“Hey,” Nicholas had waved, his gaze falling when he saw the coffee in my hands.

“Not home?” I asked, giving him a sad smile.

“No… I don’t know where he is either.”

I shared a curt nod before turning around to run back up the stairs.

“Y/N?” Nicholas called out before I took the first step up.

I stopped, sucking in a breath before sighing, “Did- did I do something wrong?” I asked, turning to look at him briefly.

Nicholas shook his head quickly, “No! No, of course not. You’ve done nothing but be kind to us.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m the problem? Did I scare him away?”

Nicholas’ shoulders dropped as he patted the seat on the couch next to him, pulling me into his side. I rested my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my arm warmly.

“Noah is a difficult creature,” He said, “But I haven’t seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

I sniffed, “Then why is he ignoring me?”

Nicholas stiffened at the question, and I tried to shrug it off, but I knew that he knew.

“I- he’s going through it. This is a lot of money for him to get himself, without any help.”

I pulled away from his hug, “I just wish he would let me help.”

I closed the door behind me, smiling down at Juice as he greeted me. I heard someone puttering in the kitchen and assumed it was Nicholas.

“Hey, Ruffilo-” I shouted, slipping off my shoes and prancing into the kitchen. I immediately gasped in surprise when it was not Ruffilo, but Noah, who sat at the table munching on a grilled cheese. Our eyes locked as we silently exchanged words, and my breath hitched in my throat. Why did I feel so nervous?

“Oh- hey-” my face flushed as I stood in place, staring at him for a moment too long, before bowing my head to pass him in anxiety. My heart immediately hammered, everything in me wanting to stare at his perfect smile or the way his long hair sculpted his face.

“Hey,” he said gently, his gaze burning into me as I placed my bag on the counter, taking in a nervous breath. I placed the coffee for him on the counter as I grabbed a cup from the cupboard and filled it with water. Anything to distract myself from his presence.

“How are you?” He asked, still staring at me with intensity. I hesitated before I turned around, my back pressed against the counter as I let my eyes wander to his own. I couldn’t help but wonder why he was suddenly talking to me after days of distance. Part of me wanted to walk away.

“Uh,” I took a slow sip, the cool liquid a poor attempt at slicing through the tension that built between us, “Good. And you?”

He watched the cup that touched my lips, eyes skimming over the glass my fingers wrapped around before he hesitated, as if afraid to speak the words that left his mouth.

“I’m okay.” He began, trailing off before looking away, eyes fixated on the ground, “I’ve missed you.”

My heart raced at his confession, my shoulders falling gently with the relief at his words. Part of me wanted to scoff, part of me wanted to hold him and succumb to his touch. Did he really miss me, or was he just feeling guilty for being MIA the past few days? But nonetheless, the way my breath hitched in nervousness told me how excited I was to see him.

“I got you your coffee…” I said softly in response as I turned and handed him the cup, unsure what else to say. Our fingers touched delicately as we passed the drink, and my arm buzzed as butterflies spiralled through my body, reminiscent of the day we met.

He gave me a small smile, thanking me shyly, but I could tell that something else was on his mind as he took a sip.

It was silent for a moment as more unspoken words danced between us.

“I’ve missed you too,” I confessed quietly as my cheeks warmed, and I began playing with my fingers nervously.

Noah’s ears flushed with colour as he genuinely smiled, “Let me take you out tonight.”

“I- I have work,” I stammered, excitement replaced with disappointment.

“Call in. Let me take you on a date.” He shook his head as he took another sip, refusing to let down.

“I can’t afford to call in,” I gave him a sad smile, “But I would love to go out with you this weekend when I’m free?”

“I’ll give you the money then,” He stood up now, grabbing the glass from my hands before pulling my palms into his grasp, “Just let me treat you.”

His October eyes begged as they bore into me, trying to read my mind. I looked away, trying not to succumb to his silent plea but instead I smiled, looking at our connected hands. Why was he suddenly being this way?

“Stop looking at me like that,” I laughed.

“Like what?” He teased, before sticking out his bottom lip, packing on the puppy dog eyes.

“Like that!” I giggled, and Noah tugged on my arms, pulling them so they were wrapped around his body as he buried me in his chest.

I sunk into his arms in alleviation as we swayed in the kitchen to the beat of our hearts.

Part of me wanted to pull away, tempted to see if he would bring me back. The other part of me wanted to berate him for his attitude. Part of me wanted him to take me against the kitchen table. There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t want to ruin this moment together.

“I’m sorry I’ve been distant,” Noah whispered now, his voice vibrating from his chest as my cheek was pressed against his soft cotton t-shirt. I nodded against him in response, squeezing his torso as I closed my eyes, my mind beginning to overthink everything that’s happened between us.

I finally sucked in a breath, hesitant to ask, “Did I do something wrong?”

Noah immediately pulled me from his chest to look me in the eyes with a sullen expression, his hands cupping either side of my face, “You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re perfect.”

My eyes began to glaze over as my mind eased a little, and I chuckled softly, “Definitely not perfect.”

“Definitely are,” He whispered, hesitating once more before his broken eyes began analyzing my own. He made me feel like I had no reason to think he was lying. He made me feel perfect.

Noah watched me carefully before his eyes closed briefly. He sucked in a breath, hesitating, “I- I think there’s something wrong with me. I’m so lost right now.”

“I hope you know you can talk to me,” I matched his tone, my head tilting in empathy as we stood in the kitchen, holding each other. My fingers gripped onto the fabric of his shirt as I pulled him into another hug, embracing all his insecurities.

“I know,” He sighed, before masking his sorrows with a smile.

“Please come out with me,” He pulled away and pleaded again, the pad of his thumb beginning to graze across my cheekbone before tracing the outline of my lips, “I want to spend time with you. I want to hear your story.”

I smiled at his words, my breath catching in my throat as we watched each other, completely mesmerized as my eyes travelled across the outline of his ochre eyes. The slight stubble outlined his perfect lips that wrapped around the whites of his teeth as he smiled charmingly, and it left my palms sweating.

“You know plenty about me now,” He said gently, concentrated eyes devouring me, “So who are you?”

Subconsciously I began leaning in closer to his touch, our lips inches apart, “Why are you so convincing?” I whispered, the warmth of Noah’s breath cascading along my face.

“Ahem.”

I turned immediately at the cough, and Noah pulled away from me, staring back at the ground. I looked between him and Ruffilo, who stood leaning against the wall, watching Noah with analytical eyes.

“Hi, ruffles!” I then smiled warmly, confused at his interruption but happy to see him. He acknowledged me briefly, nodding in my direction before glaring daggers towards the brunette.

“A date?” Nicholas frowned as he folded his arms with an accusatory tone.

Noah shot back a look and my eyes flickered between the two of them, squinting in confusion.

Noah shook his head, turning his back towards us, “it’s none of your business.”

“It’s all my business now.” Nicholas stood up, standing next to me in defence.

My brows furrowed and I took a step back from Ruffilo, “Ok, what the fuck is going on?”

Ruffilo’s face contorted as a quick cynical laugh left his lips, scoffing at the brunette in front of him, “You didn’t ask her where you really want to take her out?”

Noah ran a hand over his face, “I was getting there.”

I looked between them again before my eyes landed on Noah, turning my head to the side, “Take me… where?”

Noah licked his lips in thought before turning to me, “I need your help.”

“Y/N hurry up!” Kiean yelled, his blonde curls bouncing underneath his black hood as he threw the canvas duffle bag towards me, placing his gun between his waistband. He ran behind the counter, typing on the keyboard of the desk computer frantically.

The alarms blared between the walls as I hastily tried to listen to the clicks of the safe, my heart racing as adrenaline rushed through me, my hands sweating beneath the leather gloves.

My breath quickened beneath the full white masquerade mask, the moisture building between the plastic and my skin, causing my chest to heave.

In a matter of minutes, the police would arrive and a shoot-out would begin.

‘k-12 to k-11’, Kean screamed over his walkie, my senses completely overloaded as the mixture of sounds rang through my ears.

‘k-11 to k-12, over.’

‘status of the doors?’

I looked away from the safe briefly towards the glass front doors, watching as the other masked figures held the rifles pointed towards the blocked exterior. I turned back as I anxiously flicked between the code, seconds being wasted the longer I failed to open it.

‘blocked.’ the voice responded.

‘hostages?’ Kiean asked.

‘detained.’

My eyes flickered towards the hunched bodies sitting on the floor, covering themselves in defence as they shook with fear. Another group of men with guns stood above them, shoving the rifle into the skin of a woman who mouthed back, creating an echo of screams as one of them fired the gun.

I closed my eyes, wishing to wake up from this nightmare.

But it was real.

“Is that fucking safe open yet?”

My blood ran cold as a shiver ran through my spine, the voice of my bad decision stopping my fingers mid-turn.

A gloved hand gripped the back of my neck and I looked up at the mask that mirrored my own, the only skin was his piercing green eyes that glared at me, filled with outrage. My lungs could no longer suck in oxygen as I gasped for a breath, desperate.

“You have ten fucking seconds to open it before I blow your goddamn brains out you pathetic piece of shit.”

His fingers dug into my neck as tears threatened to spill from my eyes as I watched back in horror, trying to nod underneath his grasp.

“Kade!” Kiean growled, “Fuck off!”

Kade looked back at me with disgust for a moment longer before he let me go, and I finally felt like I could briefly breathe.

I used to love his green eyes.

I sat on the edge of my bed as I hung up the phone with my boss, telling him I came down with food poisoning. Classic excuse.

I picked up the plastic mask as the pads of my fingers grazed over the years of shame associated with it, as my mind replayed the memory from my past.

Noah knew bits and pieces of my story, but he didn’t know the full reason why I left my old life behind.

I was scared to tell him; even though I knew he would probably still accept me; I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him yet.

I think I lost my mind Everything I knew came falling down Anything I build comes crashing down

I was trying to leave my old life behind…but I knew I was experienced enough to help him.

However, I knew that this was going to tie me right back to those I left. If I helped him, I would be stuck in the never-ending loop again. They would find me.

I'm pleading, "God, not now" Save me from my sins before I leave Free me from the weight so I can breathe

But for some reason, I was willing to do anything for Noah.

Why?

I was clearly fucking crazy.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

+++++

NOAH

Y/N and I agreed to go tonight.

I was scared to ask her, especially after Ruffilo confronted us. I did genuinely want to take her out on a date. I wanted to spend time with her.

But I did need her help.

I explained the plan of the heist and she agreed surprisingly quickly. The look she gave me left me confused. I was expecting some pushback, but she just sucked in a breath, lost in her mind for a moment before nodding and telling me she needed to grab a few things.

Her reaction was strange; almost as if she was conflicted. Was she conflicted between morals, knowing what she was doing was illegal? Or was there something else?

I sent a text to Vincent, telling him I’d meet him right after the heist to sell the drugs, right around midnight.

“See you then, Sebastian. Same spot.”

Hope ran through my veins as the plans fell into place, and I grabbed my backpack and gear, before running up the stairs to Y/N’s room.

I knocked as I pushed open the door, her eyes flickering up towards me before backing down at the mask she had resting in her palms. It was a simple white plastic party mask; the black masquerade design spiralling around the eyes.

I eyed her tentatively as she continued to stare at the mask. She flipped it around and my eyes narrowed as I analyzed the pattern. I swear I’ve seen this mask before, but I couldn’t place a finger on from were.

“Do you want one of my masks?” I asked, sitting next to her on the mattress, assessing the plastic she traced her fingers with, as if recalling a memory.

She took a shaky breath as she declined, turning to face me and giving me a curt smile, “This one work fine.”

I watched as Y/N’s shoulders began to shake in what I assumed was nervousness, and I placed a hand on hers that held the mask, “You don’t have to do this with me.”

She jumped lightly at my touch, leaving me confused before pulling away.

“I told you I’d help you, Noah,” she said as she stood up, walking to her desk and grabbing her own backpack.

Y/N pulled out a walkie-talkie from the fabric, tossing me one. I raised a brow as I caught it, staring at the machine.

“When did you get these?” I asked, almost laughing at the tactile equipment. This was a high-tech radio, something that surprised me she owned.

She shrugged, eying me once more before zipping up her backpack, “A long time ago. I’ll give one to the boys too so we can communicate. They can keep track on the sidelines.”

I hummed in response as I placed it inside the pocket of my cargo pants. I watched as Y/N paced around the room, grabbing various items before turning to face me.

“Are you wearing a change of clothes underneath the black?” She asked me, her serious expression sending shivers down my spine.

I turned my head to the side as I stood up from her bed, “No… should I be?”

She nodded, raising a brow as if I was stupid, “Yes, and bring another hat.”

I gave her a curious glance but obeyed, crossing the hall to the spare bedroom to grab another set of clothes.

Once we gathered everything, we stood at the front door, prepared to leave. Ruffilo stood waiting by the stairs, folded arms analyzing us before he went up to Y/N, giving her a tight hug before moving to me.

“You guys stay safe. I’ll be tracking you.” He gave us a curt nod, sighing as he glanced at Y/N in worry.

“Please keep your phone and my laptop on next to you. Remember the password is Juice.” Y/N said to Nicholas, and he nodded, giving her a thumbs up.

“Why?” I asked her, staring down at her, slightly in surprise. I didn’t know her and Nicholas were as close as they were.

“You never know when you need backup.” She smiled, the worry dancing behind her eyes causing my own anxiety to spark.

We gave each other a nod before waving to Nicholas, leaving through the front door. The crisp air slapped me in the face, waking me up to the reality that this was really happening: that Y/N was going to be with me. Was this really a good idea?

We got into the van, me in the driver’s seat and Y/N in the passengers.

“So,” Y/N began as I pulled out from the curb, driving down the street, “I’ve never been to this pharmacy, and I have no idea how many cameras there are.”

“Folio said that there shouldn’t be any inside since this place is pretty old, but I believe that there are two outside,” I replied, turning down the music in the car.

Y/N nodded, “Well then, we definitely should park on Twelfth Ave, so we are far enough from cameras around the pharmacy.”

I hummed in response, sucking in a breath. Her analysis and knowledge surprised me, “You seem to know what you’re talking about.”

She glanced over at me briefly before staring out the window, watching the city pass by, “I’ve seen movies.”

I chuckled, fingers tightening around the wheel, somehow not satisfied with the answer, “I guess so.”

We sat in silence for the majority of the ride, soft music from the radio tuning out the silence. As we approached Twelfth Ave, I parked alongside the road.

“Ready?” I said, glancing at her.

Y/N hummed as she peered out the window, looking for cameras before giving me a nod.

“We’re good. Masks on before we get out.”

I laughed, cocking my head to the side, “Isn’t this my mission?”

She smiled at me, “Of course; but you asked for my help.”

“Touche,” I slipped the fabric over my head as I pulled my hood over. The car doors slammed shut and we began walking down the sidewalk, Y/N’s hands now governed with gloves.

“Walkie is set to channel 14?” She asked me, double checking hers before clipping it to her belt.

“Yes,” I chuckled, reassuring her with a glance.

Y/N nodded, walking ahead of me quickly, “Ok. Before we hit the 13th street we need to check for more cameras, especially on the buildings across the street. Then scope out a place we can hide behind to change once we’re done.”

I blinked rapidly her knowledge of this surprised me, leaving me innately curious. I trailed behind her, following her commands. We hit 13th Ave and I watched Y/N as she scanned the brick that surrounded us, pointing to a camera across the street.

“That one will already have seen us. We can’t continue-” she said, her breath hitching in her throat.

I pulled her body back, turning her to face me. “What-”

“Let me finish,” She cut me off, heavy breathing erupting from behind the mask, “I need to call Nicholas.”

The woman next to me pulled out her phone, dialling Ruffilo’s number. Y/N grabbed my arm and pulled me to the side between two buildings, holding the phone close to her ear as the bricks sheltered us.

“Hey, Ruffles.” She whispered, “yea everything’s ok. I need help with the cameras, so I need you to get my laptop.”

I watched her with curiosity, listening to every word.

“Login to my computer and click the blue app on my desktop, the one with the eye- yes- yes that one.”

She glanced at me before staring at the ground, “Password is Kade. K-A-D-E. Capitals.”

Kade?

Y/N held the phone closer to her ear, frantically beginning to pace, “OK, now I need you to type the address of Noah’s tracker into the box on the bottom. Grey box.”

What the hell was she doing?

I watched her with furrowed brows. This was some spy level shit and I had no idea how or why she knew this; but something was telling me I don’t know as much about Y/N as I thought.

“Yes, the IP. Include the zeros. Then click the red icon that will pop up on the right.”

“It’s asking for another password.” I could hear Nicholas on the other side of Y/N’s phone faintly.

“Try Kiean. K-I-E-A-N.”

“Nope.”

Y/N was silent for a moment, and I watched as her chest heaved beneath her black zip-up. She hesitated for a moment, as if the words were unable to escape her lips, “Try- try my name and the date 06-13.”

“Yeah, that worked. Now what?”

June 13?

I peered at Y/N’s eyes through her mask, tears welling up along her eyelids, “OK, c-click the box that should have popped up. You’re going to need to enter this code…ready?”

I heard Nick hum and Y/N began spitting out random letters and numbers, “qqp;//0-0-0:879230/live.”

“Then put in Noah’s IP, and then continue with ‘.off/GO113MODULE=shutdown.”

What the fuck?

“Ok. That did something?”

“Did a timer pop up?” Y/N asked hastily, before eying me.

“Yeah- it says 7 minutes and it’s counting down.”

“Call me when two minutes are remaining.” Y/N hung up the phone before grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the ally towards the pharmacy.

“The cameras are down. We have seven minutes to get in and get out; maybe even less before the alarms signal the cops.”

I had so many questions, but all I could do was watch her with complete confusion, but also awe.

We reached the pharmacy door, and I pulled out a crowbar from my back, hinging it between the wood. I struggled for a moment, my teeth gritting as I pulled on the door.

“Push don’t pull. It’s faster.” Y/N mumbled, and I did as she said, the door popping open within seconds.

“How the fuck do you-”

She ignored my response and walked past me as the deafening alarm began echoing through the street from the pharmacy. My adrenaline began to spike as I rushed in and scoped the shelves before aimlessly grabbing things off the shelves hastily and throwing them into the extra backpack I brought. I began to make my way to the back of the building where the prescriptions would be, rushing along the wooden floor.

My heart pounded as the alarm rang, signalling the short amount of time we had to be in and out.

Y/N followed suit and I watched as she swiftly jumped over the counter, swinging herself between the shelves. She crouched next to me, pulling various boxes and pills off their designated spaces before shovelling them into her bag.

“You fucking know what you’re doing,” I yelled over the ringing alarm, throwing bottles left and right, trying to be as fast as possible.

Y/N glanced at me as she continued to shove random items into her backpack, turning away to ignore my question.

I leaned over, grabbing her arm as she grabbed a bubble pack of pills, “You don’t know this from movies. The fucking camera hacking? What the hell?” I knew now wasn’t the time for an interrogation; but I couldn’t help myself.

“Can you shut up?” She seethed through her teeth, eyes squinting at me angrily, “Now is not the time Noah, the cops will probably be here any minute. You’re wasting time worrying about me when you should be worried about the money.”

She ripped her arm away from me, walking to the other side of the counter, towards the register. I watched her in disbelief as she then went to pop open the register with a crowbar, grabbing the cash that lay amidst it.

I shook my head in a mix of mistrust and admiration. Maybe taking her was a good idea after all.

Her phone rang and we looked at each other, her eyes hallowing beneath the mask, “Two minutes till the cameras are on, we need to go,” She yelled, her voice raw over the sound of the alarm.

I nodded briefly before I remembered one of the sole reasons we were here; to grab her meds.

“Wait-” I hollered, turning around. Diazepam, Adderall, Zolpidem.

My eyes flicked through the shelves, desperately searching. Adderall. Check. Diazepam. Check.

“Noah!” Y/N screamed, standing at the door, throwing her arms up. Amongst the store alarm, I could hear sirens whaling in the distance, signalling their justice.

“Wait- fuck!” I yelled, anxiously searching the last section. My gloved hand ran along the shelf as my heart hammered in anticipation, before I landed on Zolpidem. Check. Y/N stood by the door, head swinging between me and outside, peaking around the corner to watch for cops.

Grabbing my bag I hopped over the counter, slightly tripping over the mess we created but caught myself. Sprinting out of the store I grabbed Y/N’s arm, dragging her with me.

My ears still rang as we ran, and Y/N began pushing into me.

“Here,” She pushed into my side, leading us between an alleyway further down the street.

“Strip,” she comanded as she exhaled heavily, throwing her hood off her head and mask off onto the ground hastily, as if peeling it away in disgust.

“Can’t wait till we get home?” I tried to laugh, and she glared in my direction, unamused given the state of haste we were in. As my smile faded, I barely noticed her tear-stained cheeks as she took off her hoodie, pulling a pink one out of her bag. She threw on a pair of sweatpants over her shorts that were beneath her jeans and knelt to slip on a pair of white Converse.

I followed suit, throwing off my attire quickly before slipping into a pair of black and white shorts, along with a white hoodie. As I threw on my vans and hopped to get my foot inside, I shoved everything back into my bag.

The sirens got closer, the red and blue lights reflecting down the buildings at the end of the street. We began to panic and once she was ready, I grabbed Y/N’s hand with my sweaty one, pulling her with me down the alley. I looked up and down the brick towards the end before finding a ladder, pulling on it to test its strength and hopping up, beginning to climb.

Y/N followed below and once we reached the top we stood on the roof for a moment. She watched me before I began to run. The rocks that layered the top of the roof crunched beneath my feet as I bolted, my head snapping back as I kept looking behind me to check Y/N was still following, making sure she was ok.

We reached the edge of the roof, and I scoped the scene. Although we were surrounded by buildings, I wasn’t sure where to go from here. The sirens still echoed as they flashed from below, anticipating us to decide quickly. I looked below, noticing a ladder and ledge attached to another building. We would have to jump to make it, but it looked doable.

“Do you trust me?” I asked, breathless, looking down at her. The moon light cascaded delicate shadows along her frame, leaving me captivated. As her beautiful E/C eyes looked back at me, she held out her hand, complete commitment radiating through her.

“Always,” She whispered back, squeezing my fingers. I smiled at her and looked ahead, preparing to jump.

“Follow me,” I squeezed her hand in encouragement before letting go, and she nodded.

I stood on the edge of the building, my eyes flickering over the ladder as I sucked in a breath, ready to push myself off the ledge. I jumped, the air sliding between my limbs briefly before I caught myself on the metal. I sighed heavily, looking up at Y/N and giving her a thumbs up.

She hesitated for a moment, looking down at the ground below. I watched as her gaze analyzed everything; and before fear could take over, I encouraged her.

“You can do it, I believe in you,” I said, and she nodded, her body swaying with the wind before throwing herself off the stone and landing next to me.

We walked across the ledge before reaching the end, and I looked at the ground below.

“Ok, we can swing off that pipe and then onto the top of the dumpster. Then we run,” I said, preparing to jump again.

She let out a puff of air, “Parkour?” She laughed.

“Easy,” I matched her tone, letting out an anxious chuckle, “Just watch me.”

I walked across the pipe, holding my hands out to distribute my weight and keep my balance until I was above the dumpster below. Kneeling, I then made sure I had a tight grip before dropping my body, so I was hanging from the piece of metal.

I took a deep breath before letting go, bending my knees to catch my fall on the plastic lid.

Y/N did the same, but as she hung on the pipe, she closed her eyes, afraid to drop.

“C’mon princess,” I praised, “I’ll catch you.”

She scrunched her face in thought before letting go, and I caught her, pulling her close against my body. I hugged her briefly, wanting to hang onto her forever; but we still had a job to do.

We slid off the dumpster onto the cold pavement, and I grabbed her hand, holding her as we then made a sprint toward the van. Our footsteps rang along the cement, adrenaline pushing me more than caffeine ever could. At this moment, I felt alive with Y/N next to me.

We approached the van with our chests rising and falling, pulling ourselves into the dirty grey fabric seats, and locking the doors. As we sat in the car not speaking, the only sounds being our heavy breathing, I peeked over at Y/N, who then turned to face me.

With flush cheeks, her eyes trailed along my gaze, before a wide smile grew upon her face, “Fucking hell.”

She laughed, and I mirrored her, the grin on my face expressing my devotion to this woman.

“I can’t believe we pulled that off.” I laughed, coughing as my throat dried with thirst, and rested my forehead onto the steering wheel.

Our laughs died out and I turned to face her.

“Yeah,” She watched me again, but her smile began to fall, “we did it.”

“How did you-” I began, wanting to begin asking questions, but she cut me off immediately.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” She curtly responded, completely beginning to shut down as the adrenaline wore off. Her eyes remained fixated straight ahead and I watched her in confusion and concern, millions of questions racing through my mind.

What was wrong? And how does she know so much?

“Look, I know you don’t want to talk about it,” I began as I started the car, revving the engine gently before pulling out, “but what you did back there was more than even I could do. All the boys.”

Y/N remained silent, turning her body away from me.

“You’ve done this before.”

Y/N’s head snapped toward me, “Noah,” She warned, my name leaving her lips angrily.

I stared at her, licking my lips in annoyance, but dropping the subject, “We need to visit someone before we head back.”

She swallowed harshly, nodding in silence.

My mind raced as I drove. Y/N definitely hasn’t been honest about her past. I swear I’ve seen that mask before; and I know for a fact that she’s had to have done a heist in the past or some shit. She was experienced… and who the fuck was Kiean?

Thoughts invaded my mind and once we were close to the pier I stopped abruptly before an allyway.

I turned off the engine, grabbing my mask.

“Put your mask on,” I said, and she nodded, reaching into her bag. I watched as she placed the mask on top of her face and I followed with my own, before we pulled the hoodies over our heads once again. I waited for Y/N to get out of the car, watching carefully as she closed the door.

I quickly grabbed her replacement meds from my bag, sliding them into the glovebox before grabbing both our backpacks. I slid out of the car, walking next to her.

I leaned over, whispering, “Stay behind me, don’t say anything,” and Y/N nodded, trailing behind me as we walked down into the alleyway.

It was quiet, the only sound was our footsteps and distant traffic. I stopped Y/N with my arm before we walked any further down the cement, waiting.

Y/N breathed heavily, and seconds later we heard him.

“Sebastian!” Vincent’s voice boomed through the brick walls.

I cautiously kept my distance as he turned the corner, exposing himself. He walked towards us and was flipping a coin between his fingers, tilting his head slightly as his eyes immediately latched onto Y/N. She stood behind me, almost hidden.

“a friend?” His voice raised slightly in question.

I held out my arm to hold her behind me, but Y/N pushed past my defence and stepped beside me.

Vincent immediately stopped flipping his coin once she was exposed, his eyes flashing with recognition as he stared straight past me, eyes locked onto the masked girl. He was fixated on her. My stomach churned at the way he stared, completely lost in a trance.

I looked at Y/N briefly and she stared back, shoulders heaving.

A deep chuckle radiated through his chest before he spoke, his words leaving me confused.

“We live in a twilight world.”

Y/N stiffened beside me, silent for a moment before responding.

“And there are no friends at dusk.”

I turned to her in complete confusion. The interaction between them building tension so thick I could cut it with a knife. My mind began to race.

She knows him. He knows her.

But how?

The mask.

Vincent looked away from their eye contest first, the shine of his grillz radiating once he smiled at me.

“What do you have for me? Other than an oh-so-riveting friend.”

I ignored his question regarding Y/N as I slid the backpack off my back. I opened it toward him, revealing the dozens of pill bottles.

“Quite the haul,” Vincent laughed, a low whistle escaping his lips, “but I didn’t come quite prepared with that much money.”

I tried hiding my disappointment, “Then what can I give you?”

“I brought the same amount as last week,” He said, nodding towards the bag, “Got any more of that Adderall you got me? and the zolpidem and diazepam?”

Don't worry, I'll be lost in echoes Be laughing on my own It's tragic, but it's the only life I know (Only life I know)

My breath caught in my throat as my eyes began to widen, and I stared at him.

“From whatever that name was- Y-N? Something?”

My body froze, immediately afraid to look in her direction. From my peripheral, I saw her remain perfectly still. Too still.

What should I do, what should I be? (I'm at a turning point right now) I'm so full of rage, too blind to see

“Uh- n-no.” I stammered, taking a step back as I avoided Y/N’s gaze, “I have a few opioids.”

Vincent shrugged, smiling, “Ah sounds good.”

I looked at the bag as my hands began to shake.

“I’ll take those today for twenty-five hundred. But uh, bring the others next time. They sold great. I’ll offer thirty-five hundred,” Vincent said, reaching into the bag to assess some of the bottles.

I swallowed harshly as I nodded, “Yea- I’ll get some of those.”

Vincent whipped out his testing kid, assessing each of the bags and bottles before pulling out the cash.

“Pleasure doing business with ya, Sebastian.” He nodded as he placed the bundle into my gloved fingers, licking his lips before smiling towards Y/N.

He watched her tauntingly,"I'll See You At The Beginning, Friend."

Y/N only gave him a small nod, silently and swiftly turning around, walking back towards the car.

As I watched her leave, I then glanced at Vincent one more time who watched curiously.

“See you,” I said in a conflicted tone, before jogging after the girl who was now gone from the alleyway.

Y/N was already sitting in the car with the mask thrown onto the dashboard, staring down at her lap in complete emptiness.

I got into the driver’s seat, too afraid to say anything once I saw how she collapsed.

The words that then left her lips sounded broken, strained, and defeated. “I trusted you.”

My heart pounding in agony as she fixated on her lap with disappointed eyes. I swallowed harshly, panicking. As my heart hammered the only question that left my mouth was Why.

I wanted to blame her as if it was her fault for trusting me. As if she’s the one who made me steal her drugs. Part of me wanted to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her, my body fighting the urge to shame her for being so kind.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Why would you trust a criminal like me?”

As soon as the question left my lips I had sunk into the seat of the car, shame taking over. I was never meant to be the good guy.

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

Her eyes fell as she grew small, suddenly insecure, “B-because?” She stuttered, “You’re not a bad person Noah.”

Yes I am, it’s my fault for taking advantage of her.

“Why did you do it?” She asked, still staring at her hands.

“Why else?” My hands ran up across my face, “I need the fucking money. Not like I do this for fun.”

I keep picturing my ending beneath a yellow rose I don't recall this type of feeling, a seed inside my bones My soul turned its back and left me, I burnt the bridge within Just another waste of humans weighing down this skin

“I tried giving you options- like the bar, or even a position at the cafe,” She began rambling, her hand moving erratically as she explained.

“And I'm grateful,” I reached out towards her arm, but she pushed herself towards the window, away from me defensively.

My hand fell in shame, “but that can’t make me enough. It’s hard to make money this way when it’s just me doing jobs.”

“I get that,” She folded her arms, holding onto herself, “But I told you I would help.”

And it pulls me further from the point that I belong And all you wanna do is take me, break me, hide me away Or you can shame me, blame me, burn me at the stake on a lie 'Cause my own mind wilts at the thought of being alive And that I'd like it if I tried

“You didn’t need to go behind my back. You could have just asked,” she whispered.

“I- the whole reason I did this robbery in specific,” I stated, opening the glovebox in front of her, revealing the plastic bottles, “was to get back your meds. That’s why I’ve been so distant.”

She stared at the orange bottles, detached.

“I have felt so fucking guilty, that I have barely been able to look at you knowing what I did,” my voice began to raise, “Like how fucked up am I? That I could do that to you, knowing, that they’re supposed to be helping you?”

I scoffed at myself as I slammed the glovebox, making Y/N jump in the process.

The more I fool myself The more I feel it creeping in I think I lost my mind again

“Y/N,” I whispered now, “I am so sorry I did this to you. I am so sorry I dragged you into this.”

The more I start to fall The more I don't see me at all I think I lost my mind again

Chapter 6

#burning out fanfic #sorrows of silence #bad omens #noah sebastian #bad omens cult #bad omens band #noah sebastian davis #metalcore #noah sebastian fluff #noah sebastian smut #nicholas ruffilo #crime #criminals #money heist #heist

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