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#movie review the lodge
satansbakesale3 · 1 year
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5 Films to Watch if You Loved "The Menu" (2022)
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By now I'm sure we've all heard about the newest horror comedy starring Anya Taylor Joy and Ralph Fiennes that has been taking the world by storm. The way this film melds precisely timed comedic moments into the suspenseful environment these characters are in without breaking the tension is marvelous, and the exact reason why is has been praised by many. When a group of elitist snobs (and Margot) attend an overpriced exclusive dinner experience on an isolated island hosted by a deranged world renowned chef, the film takes a turn from an intense slow burn to a batshit crazy action-packed evening.
"The Menu" holds a very impressive and unique ability to keep the audience intrigued and guessing at every turn, not sure what's going to happen but knowing it can't be good. The way it invokes dread during every dish is what's so captivating and exciting about it. So if that's something you deeply enjoyed about this film, here are 5 others sure to feed your appetite.
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The Invitation (2015) dir. Karyn Kusama
"The Invitation" is the most impressive example of innocent yet unusual situations turned diabolical and menacing within seconds before your eyes. When Will (Logan Marshall Green) and his new girlfriend attend a dinner party at his ex wife Eden's (Tammy Blanchard) home in the company of all their closest friends, unresolved trauma of their relationship looms over the entire evening. Things turn even more sinister when Eden and her husband Will's (Michiel Huisman) new friends from a "wellness retreat" join the party, adding to the uncomfortable tension plaguing the evening. This night goes from bad to worse, but the true mastery of this film is the way it depicts trauma and how it eats away at people, how people will look for anything and everything to feel alright again, to find their sense of purpose again. Not everyone processes or deals with trauma in the same way, and "The Invitation" shows how easy it is for desperation and grief can be manipulated, taken advantage of, and turned into something horrifying.
The Lodge (2019) dir. Veronika Franz, Severin Fiala
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Isolation horror and religious horror are two of the most popular sub-genres of horror, and "The Lodge" combines them both in the most magnificent way. The movie surrounds Grace (Riley Keough) as she joins her fiance and soon to be stepchildren Mia (Lia Mchue) and Aiden (Jaeden Martell) on a trip to their remote winter cabin. When work pulls her fiance away and she is left with the two children alone, a blizzard traps the three in the cabin and things begin to go bump in the night. The psychological trauma that Grace has endured in her life, coupled with the hatred and resentment the two children have for her begin to get to her head. "The Lodge" makes a simple story of a family caught in a snow storm and elevates it to seem more petrifying than I could have ever imagined, and the unravelling of the individuals stuck in that cabin grips your interest the entire time.
tw: suicide
The Platform (2019) dir. Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia
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"The Platform" is a social commentary on the class system and how vicious it can be, how people on the top take whatever they can and leave nothing for the rest. It takes greed and gluttony to an extreme level. This dystopian hellscape is set in a large tower type construction and involves two people per level living in the tower, with its residents switching levels every month at random. It becomes the home for Goreng, who volunteered to spend six months in "The Pit" in exchange for his diploma, and Trimagasi, who is serving a year long sentence in the facility for manslaughter. Each resident gets one item to bring into "The Pit," and while Goreng brings a copy of Don Quixote, Trimagasi brings his self sharpening knife. With at least 200 levels theorized by the residents, the only source of food and sustenance is a single platform that travel through the center of every level. It begins at the top, and makes its way down to the very bottom. As you can already guess, the lower the platform gets the less food there is for residents to eat, which leads to the most extreme and basic natural instinct; eat or be eaten. The commentary on this film takes its critiques on capitalism and social systems that favor the rich and shoves it right in your face. It forces you to look at humanity at its most masochistic, and how capitalist or socialist systems turn us against each other.
Barbarian (2022) dir. Zach Creggens
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As another heavy hitter of 2022, "Barbarian" stampedes into the horror genre as one of this decade's best. What I feel to be the absolute best depiction of modern technology and horror opens with Tess (Georgina Campbell) struggling to get into her Airbnb after it was double booked to her and Keith (Bill Skarsgard) for the same night. Without giving too much away, the unsettling moments and utter suspense have you on the edge of your seat with brief bouts of comic relief reminding you to breathe. Breakout director Zach Creggens created an outstanding film that I can already tell will withstand the tests of time and become an ultimate horror cult classic, while the hilarious and talented Scream King Justin Long adds to the different dynamics between the characters and brings this movie to another level of excellence. If you think you can guess what's coming, no you fucking can't.
Ready or Not (2019) dir. Matt Bettinelli-Olpin, Tyler Gillett
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Ready or not, here comes Samara Weaving as one of this generation's favorite scream queens in this violently funny horror comedy. The movie opens to Grace's (Weaving) wedding day as she gets ready to marry Alex (Mark O'Brien) and join the LeDomas family, an affluent family who's ancestors gained their fortune from a man named LeBail. In order for the family to hold up their end of the LeBail deal and keep their fortune, they must uphold the tradition of playing a game from chosen by a puzzle box anytime someone marries into the family. When Grace draws the "Hide and Seek" card, it soon becomes apparent to her that this game of hide and seek is more sinister and deadly than she initially thought. Between the cynical alcoholic brother Daniel (Adam Brody), the coked up sister who can't seem to do anything right, and Weaving's incredible ability to make even the most violent and gruesome encounters a little humorous, "Ready or Not" is a masterpiece of social commentary horror comedies.
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lesbiancolumbo · 11 months
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you guys wanna see something funny
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scaredy-cat-cinema · 6 months
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The Lodge (2019)
-spoilers-
this movie is so wild, i can’t decide if i like it or not! despite being beautifully shot and accurately capturing the isolation grace feels, the behavior of the two kids is incredibly unbelievable. why would they do that?? how on earth did they come to this decision?? and didn’t expect it go terribly wrong??
as i saw in a letterboxd review…FUCK THEM KIDS
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jhsharman · 1 year
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Critical Acclaim
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Subtle but distinctive difference. Mark one for the loss of trust in elite opinion.
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adamwatchesmovies · 1 year
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Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White—Another Bite @ the Apple (2009)
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While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...
I never thought I’d see a movie that would have me looking back fondly at Happily N’Ever After but here I am, wondering if the original really was THAT bad. Yes, it was but this direct-to-DVD follow-up is even worse.
After her mother dies, Snow White (voiced by Helen Niedwick) grows up spoiled, caring only for the fame and fortune of royalty. The kingdom’s chances of a “happily ever after” ending is in danger when Mambo (Jim Sullivan) and Munk (Kirk Thornton) accidentally tip the scales of good and evil and give Lady Vain (Cindy Robinson) - who hates Snow White - the means to seduce now-widowed King Cole (Kelly Brewster) and become queen herself. Banished from the kingdom through Vain’s machinations, Snow White must learn kindness to save her home and people.
This is one of the worst-looking movies I’ve ever seen. People sometimes joke about first-generation computer imagery looking like something out of a video game but this time, no one is exaggerating. Every character is stiff, lifeless, and moves around like a cloud. The backgrounds are missing textures, objects seem misaligned, and everything is generally ugly. When characters speak, their mouths are stretched in any which direction. - You’ve seen better lip-synch from one of those rubber talking fishes hanging on the wall. It’s an eye-sore to watch and the experience is made worse by the garbage story.
You’ll notice none of the voice actors from the original film return. It's the same for the characters. Only the dwarves, the fairy godmother and both Mumbo & Munk make an appearance. Those last two add so little to the story they should’ve been cut. They weren't because this would’ve made this sequel even more tenuously tied to the 2006 Shrek wannabe and it would’ve also slashed precious minutes from the 70-minute running time. Even at barely over an hour, this feels like an eternity.
The jokes are never, ever funny, the dialogue inane and the plot lazy. The songs are so bland and forgettable you’re likely to fall asleep (if only you could). There isn’t an ounce of inspiration to be found anywhere. Happily N'Ever After 2 is inexcusably lazy and takes every shortcut possible. I can’t imagine anyone was clamoring for this sequel considering what the first one was like so this can’t even be something that was green-lit by some misguided fans. Happily N’Ever After 2 was spawned by an accountant; a bean counter who figured out the company could make X profits if they made a sequel that cost less than Y. It’s a disgrace.
If Happily N’Ever After was to Shrek what vegan spaghetti and meatballs is to regular spaghetti and meatballs, then Happily N'Ever After 2: Snow White—Another Bite @ the Apple is a collection of dog turds squeezed through some Play-Doh moulds to look like food. I can’t imagine anyone enjoying it. The ones who worked on this should be ashamed of themselves. (On DVD, March 22, 2019)
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MOVIE : Little Bone Lodge
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Watch Full Movie : https://bit.ly/3vViVor
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thenefilim · 6 months
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Review - The Haunting Lodge (2023)
An unscripted investigative documentary, The Haunting Lodge, is about a remote hunting lodge in Georgia that has been experiencing paranormal activity for over a decade.
https://www.voicesfromthebalcony.com/2023/10/14/the-haunting-lodge-2023-review/
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killmurray603 · 6 months
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The Lodge (2019)
I give it a solid 4 out of 5
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This movie hit on multiple levels for me. As someone who grew up in a family that was very religious in a town that was very religious I was Happy to know that the main character escaped that Cult lifestyle only to later be saddened when she dives right back into it. Lots of people boohoo about slow burning horror movies but I love them because you get to really establish people's characters and motives. This movie did a great job with that. There were a couple cop outs and a couple things that reminded me of Hereditary (Doll houses and Disassociating). Really heavy stuff. Highly recommend it.
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teacupcollector · 1 year
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Perennial Lovers (Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader) (Tattoo Artist AU)
Modern Warfare II Masterlist
A/N: This is my longest fic 4.4k words... A/N: This is a birthday present for my mutual @sant-riley please check them out!
A/N: MDNI Summary: Getting a tattoo was something you have always wanted to do. So when you saw that 'The 141 Cowboys Tattoo Shop' was open to walk in you immediately made your way there. You meet a tattoo artist who picks up on your nervousness and his relaxation methods are interesting, but you like them all the same.
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Never have you been so nervous. Not only were you getting your first tattoo, it is also a very big piece. You saved about two-thousand dollars just in case. Now as for finding tattoo parlors, that was a different story. You don't mean to be a snob, but it is going on your body so you have a right to be picky. When you went searching online for any websites the only one that stood out to you was linked to a Facebook.
It only had eight reviews, but all were five stars. Some reviews went into detail work, cleanliness, as well as customer service. It was called 'The 141 Cowboys Tattoo Shop' when you scrolled through their albums you liked a particular artists style. He was proficient in black and gray realism work, but as you looked through it he did add splashes of color where it was needed. You decided to give them a call to set up an appointment. Fortunately they were doing walk-ins this weekend and told you to come on down.
So here you are standing in front a little hole in the wall trying and willing yourself to go in. You step in and there is a little jingle at the door.
"Be there in a minute!" You hear a deep Scottish accent reverberate from behind a wall.
You stand by the door for a moment before you hear a jogging of footsteps come around the corner.
"Hello Lass what can I do for you?" A man with a Mohawk, tight blue jeans and an Army green shirt that is a bit tight on the chest asks.
"I-I am here for a tattoo? Uh... I called on the phone..."  His face lights up in recognition.
"Ah yeah! Rudy mentioned you would be coming. Come over here and we can start a consultation." He says with a smile as he guides you to a small seating area.
It has a book case with different books. Such as religious symbols and what they mean, a couple comic books, a few books on the history of tattoos and where the different art styles come from, etc. There is a big flat screen TV on an entertainment center with an assortment of movies underneath for you to watch. The seats in question was a long leather couch that looked slightly worn, but in a good away, and in front of it was a small coffee table that was made out of red wood, and when you get closer to it you can actually see there is a bullet lodged inside. You sit down and he rushes to the book case to grab so binders off of the bookcase and set it down in front of you, before sitting next you on the couch.
"So whatcha lookin' ta get? I'm Soap by the way." He says as he holds out his hand.
You shake it with a smile. "I uh... I am wanting a black and gray tattoo? Kind of realistic? Oh! Here I'll pull up what I want."
Soap get's a strained look on his face, but it relaxes once he sees what you pull up. "I'd kind of like a rendition of 'The Hasanlu Lovers?' I am willing to work with you on it. It doesn't have to be exact..." You say as your voice slowly dwindles.
"Sorry Lass, but I am more of a new school artist. I can get someone who could do this justice." He says as he stands up.
"I'll be right back." He walks around the table and into the studio area.
You hear some murmuring before you hear two sets of foot steps come your away. When you look up you see a big hunk of a man. He is tall with broad shoulders. Wearing a black t-shirt that are a bit tight on the arms and chest 'What is it with these men and not wearing the right size shirt?' He was wearing black jeans as well. His arms were veiny his left one has a partial sleeve on his forearm. The most noticeable feature was the mask he was wearing.
"Shit is there a mask mandate? I can go ge-" "No No! It's fine. He wears it just because." Soap says and he gets a scoff from the man beside him.
"This is Ghost he does Black and Gray as well as realism. I think he will be a better fit for you." Soap says before handing you the binder that says "Ghost."
You flip through really quick before smiling. "Yeah I saw these on Facebook! I really like your work!" You say with a smile.
There is a grunt in response as he sits down next to you, but a little farther then you deem necessary. because you want him on top of you You hand over your phone so he can look.
"Anythin' you want to add to it?" He asks you and you draw a blank all you could think of was his eyes. He looked at you like he wanted to eat you alive, but you couldn't tell if that intimidated you, or turned you on... Or both.
"I uh... I'm not really sure..." You mumble shyly.
"I'll draw somethin' up real quick and see what you like." He says and you smile and nod.
He stands up and goes into the studio portion and grabs a tablet, before coming back and sitting down. "Might take me a bit... You're my first customer of the day.... So you might want to go grab something to eat." He says not looking up from  his work.
"Go sign a paper at the front and we'll call you." He says as he gestures to the desk near the entrance of the shop.
You nod before walking up to the desk. Soap happened to be working back there and his face brightens when he notices you.
"Hello! Did you change your mind?" He jokes and you shake your head.
"No Ghost said he will be a bit so he told me to come to the front and sign a paper with my phone number on it!" You say excited.
Soap smiles back at you before pulling out a clip board. "He normally doesn't take clients that fast. He is very picky on who he tattoos."
You looked at him confused before beginning to sign the sheet. There were three sections. one for your name, two for your phone number, and three for the artist you want. You quickly fill out the sheet before setting it on the counter. Soap gives you a nod before going back and filling the snacks that were underneath the counter. You walk out and decide to get something to eat as well as bring back some food for Ghost. You hope he likes what you chose.
It's been about an hour when you get a call.
"Hello?" You answer.
"Hey, just want to say I am finished with the concept art, I forgot to talk to you about where you want to put it." Who you now know as Ghost responds.
"Oh Yeah I'll head right down!" You say.
You hear a grunt in response before the line goes dead. You quickly get the rest of your food as well as his and get it 'to go' then you make your way to the tattoo parlor. As you walk in you notice that there is more people in the shop. Customers getting consultations, Someone working behind the counter, people watching the TV, and finally people getting to work on Tattoos.
You notice Ghost standing in the threshold of the sitting area and the studio. He motions for you to come over.
"Alright I have three sketches." He says as he opens his tablet.
"One is just normal, because you said you weren't sure if you wanted anything. The second is of them in a coffin, and the third is what I assume to me the masculine skeleton putting a rose in the female skeletons "hair" I will add a pop of color in the flower if you don't want a full black and gray piece. I didn't know if you wanted to go morbid with this or not."
You stare at it for a moment and hum to yourself. "They all look so good... I am torn between these two." You say pointing back and forth between the flower and the coffin one.
"I... I don't mean to be pushy or anything, but could I suggest something?" You ask.
"'s your body. You choose what goes on it." He says.
"I was wondering if we could maybe mix these two together? Maybe instead of an actual coffin it could be a uh... A picture frame in the shape of a coffin?" Ghost is silent for a moment.
"Where would you wan' it?" He asks.
"I was going to say my hip, but now I am thinking on the front of my thigh." You say.
"It's a pretty big piece... This your first tattoo?" He asks and you nod your head.
"Pretty bold you are." His voice has a more gravelly undertone as his Manchester accent comes out.
"Well. I will put us in a room instead of the studio... You wore a skirt. Don't need you flashin' all the customers." He says as he leads you to a small room.
It has a tattoo chair, a TV, some speakers and a computer, for what you assume would be for music and finally a printer.
"I'm gonna get drawn' you can stay in here. Need let the boys know that I'm using this room." He says as he walks out.
You hear more murmuring before he enters again. this time with some equipment like inks, a bag with what you can assume is his tattoo gun, and some needles. He sits down at the desk and begins drawing.
"Turn on the TV or browse your phone if ya wan'..." He says.
"Thank you..." You say as you begin to browse on your phone.
About thirty minutes later he gestures for you to come look. "This look good?" He asks.
As you look at it you see a coffin shaped picture frame that was all black. It had a dark gray border on the inside of it. Then there is another cut out where the lovers are laying. There is a mixture of black and many shades of grey all mixed through out this piece. You noticed that there are tears falling down their cheeks as well. Finally the flower which was a beautiful light blue.
"I didn't want a cliche red rose so I went with a Perennial Blue Flax flower. An' don't take my word for it, but I think it would go with the theme because Perennial flowers last longer and come back even after they die... Thought it could go with the "Love lasts beyond death." Which I assume is what you wanted..." He says.
You are in absolute awe. "This... This is absolutely beautiful! This is exactly what I want!" You say and you couldn't tell but his left eye crinkled slightly so you can assume that he was giving a half smile under his mask.
"Alright then. Lets get started." He says as he gestures to the chair. "Stand there so I can put the stencil on you okay?
You nod and walk over to the chair. He begins to wrap the handle of his tattoo gun while the stencil begins to print. He then looks at you.
"I need you to lift your skirt for me." He rasps and you immediately turn red.
You move your skirt up the leg you want to tattoo. He takes the stencil out of the printer and moves next to you. He sits down on a rolley chair and he looks at your thigh. He then takes out a shaving razor.
"Shit sorry! I should have shaved be-" "Doesn't bother me, don't worry 'bout it..." He says before taking a wipe and wiping away any of the loose hairs. He takes care in wiping your thigh a little longer then appropriate, but then again it wasn't like you were enjoying it.
He places the stencil on your thigh before motioning to a mirror. "That look right to you?" He asks and you smile and nod.
"Then lay down for me?" He says his tone seeming more rough then before.
You lay down and lift your  skirt again and make sure to try your best in covering your other leg to at least have some form of protection.
"You ready?" He asks. "I am gonna be putting my hands on you, if you get uncomfortable at any time let me know. It is important that you stay relaxed and not move. You got that?"
You nod with an audible "yes" before he turns on the tattoo gun and gets to work.
You would think you would notice the pain of the needle penetrating your skin first, but in reality you notice the vibration. At least where the vibration was place.
"Gonna start with your inner thigh okay? Have a couple of stretch marks that I want to be gentle with." He says as he rotates your leg to have your knee facing outward.
His arm and hand are placed in between your legs and you feel the vibration of his hand against your mound. You let out a short gasp which causes him to look up but then he continues his work. Luckily he starts working his way down your thigh so you get a moment to compose yourself.  It is about fifteen minutes before he is back at your inner thigh.
"Gotta do some shading now." He says as he ads water to some of the inks to get a variety of gray coloring.
He dips the needles in before he begins to move his hand back and forth. It goes from his knuckles to the handle that is protruding from his grip that rub against your core. You try your best not to jerk but the pain of the needle with his movements are so addicting you can't help but squirm around. The hand that was placed on your outer thigh begins to caress the skin underneath it.
"Gotta stay still for me okay?" He grunts as he continues.
You nod, but bite your lip. Each stroke of the needle causes his hand to move against you in just the right way. You are hoping your underwear aren't soaked through, because you were sure he would be able to feel your wetness if it was. On occasion you would catch him glimpsing at the crease where your leg meets your body. You were hoping he wasn't uncomfortable. You were especially worried about the puddle that will be left after you get up from this chair.
He begins to move his hand up your thigh and to the crease of your leg. He then slides his middle and ring finger underneath the band of your underwear.
"Need to move this a bit 'cause it is in the way." He says.
His pointer finger and thumb begin to slowly massage the crease of your leg which makes you sigh with delight.
"Actually gorgeous I think it might be best if you remove your panties all together." He says, his voice dropping impossibly lower as he removes the tattoo gun from your leg and turning around. "If your comfortable..."
"No it's okay don't worry about it!" You say as you shimmy your underwear down. You his in pain when you accidentally rub the cloth against your raw leg.
You flip your skirt down half way and use your hand to cup your core over your skirt so you wouldn't accidentally flash him after putting your underwear behind your back since your purse is on the other side of the room. "You can turn around now." You says. You are trying your best to sound confident in yourself.
He turns back around and rolls back over to where he was previously. He places his left hand on your outer thigh and begins to work again. The vibrations seem to be more intense now that your hand is there. You bite your lip in an attempt to quiet you whimpers of pleasure.
"Come on love... You need to relax..." He says as he begins to massage your thigh in an effort to relax you. But unfortunately that does the complete opposite.
"Need ya to spread your legs for me..." He says.
You can't tell if you were imagining it or if he said it in a suggestive way, but his left had creeps down your thigh and to the crease of your knee.
"What can I do to relax you? You were being such a good girl before you started squirming around..." He says.
The look in his eyes were lustful. Like he was taking you apart and putting you back together in his mind.
"You can't help..." You mumble.
"Is it something to do with the mess you made on my chair?" He asks with what you assume to be a smirk.
You cover your face which makes him chuckle. You hear the machine turn off and the sound of him setting the gun down on the table before his left hand returns to the inside of your knee.
"C'mon baby... Spread 'em for me." He says as he guides your legs open.
Now that your hand isn't on your skirt to hold it down your cunt was on full display. You shiver at the cool air hitting it. He uses his right hand to flip the skirt all the way up.
"She's just drippin' isn't she?" He asks and you squeak in embarrassment.
"Gotta be quiet gorgeous, that's how relaxing works. Bein' nice and quiet..." He says as he scoots forward in his chair, propping your leg against his shoulder.
He moves your hands from your face only to put them over your eyes.
"Keep 'em closed..." He says as he slides his face mask down and kisses the inside of your knee.
"You don't need to see to relax..." He murmurs against your skin.
"Tell me what to you like more?" He grunts as he kisses up your thigh.
"The pain..." He says as he grips the outside of your thigh just bellow the tattoo. He uses his hand to stretch the skin slightly to put the emphases of what he means by pain. "Or the vibrations against your pussy?" He asks as he is about midway up your thigh.
You try your best to keep your eyes shut, but you refuse to open your mouth in fear that you wouldn't have control of what comes out. You feel his teeth sink into your inner thigh and you yelp.
"Gonna need you to answer me gorgeous..." He whispers and you whine.
"Both... I like both!" "Gotta be quieter then that... Don't need anybody else to hear." He says as he continues to kiss up your thigh.
You want to look down and see his face, but you were worried that if you did he would stop. He finally get the the crease of your leg next to your mound, but instead of going to where you need him most he moves up your V-line and bites down there. You let out a soft moan.
"So if I were to turn my machine back on... And press the handle of my tattoo gun against your pretty cunt... 'nd maybe nibble on you a bit... You'd like that?" He asks as his mouth travels back down to the crease of your leg.
You nod your head with a small "Mhm!"
He leans over and kisses your clit. "Now that wouldn't be sanitary... So you are going to have to deal with my fingers..." He says and before giving your clit an open mouth kiss.
It is as if the moment he tasted you he wanted more, because he immediately stood up from his chair and buried his face in your pussy. You muffled your moan by biting down on your palm as he put your leg over his shoulder. He pulls back for a moment and begins to nibble on your outer labia. No man has ever done that before, but now you are pretty sure you have a biting kink. He nibbles downwards before nestling himself in your cunt. His tongue probes your slit as he moves his head back and forth. The feeling of his nose against your clit makes you jump.
"Taste so good..." He murmurs into you before he massages his tongue into your slit. You feel your walls clamp down on his tongue.
He continues to shake his head back and forth slowly, his nose brushing your clit almost perfectly.
"Faster... P-Please!" You try your best to keep your voice down by putting pauses in between words.
He seems to follow your instructions as his head moves faster. The sounds that he was making into your pussy was almost enough to make you cum on the spot.
You remove one of your hands and lace it into his hair. It was soft and short, almost perfect grabbing length. "Keep your eyes closed." You hear him say.
You follow his order and begin to arch your hips up and grind against his face. You groan in frustration when he uses his right arm to pin your hips to the now very wet chair. So you take to clamping your thighs around his head instead. You hear him hum in delight.
He takes his left hand and pries your leg from his head and moves his hand in between your legs. He pulls away from your core. A small pop coming from your slit as he removes his tongue. He inhales quickly before latching his mouth onto your clit.
"Oh god!" You say as you feel the small gentle flicks of his tongue against your nub.
You feel him slip a finger into you only to add another a second later. He starts off by spreading his fingers in a scissoring motion before actually moving them. He times the flicks of his tongue with the thrusts of his fingers. You hear your pants getting louder and louder, Your eyes hurt from how hard your are closing them, and you are so close to your release.
"Please, please, please, please! Ghost please!" You cry before smacking a hand over your mouth.
Your chest is heaving and your shirt that you were today is clinging against your body due to sweat. The room smells of sex. All you want to do is look down and see what he looks like between your legs, but again you know he will stop if you do. As this is going through your head he curls his fingers upwards and your yelp again.
"There it is..." He grunts before clamping down on your clit again.
He thrusts his fingers One. Two. Three times before you come apart. Your core tightens around his fingers ad your entire body tenses up. The curling of your toes are painful. You taste blood in your mouth from biting your lip so hard. You hear him release your clit with a pop.
"That's a good girl... Come on... Let it all out." He says as he helps you through your release.
You let out a small sob as your body begins to relax. You hear the sound of a water bottle opening and the sound of a paper towel being torn before you feel a cold rag against your cunt You shiver and try to keep your eyes closed to the best of your ability. You hear silence for a few more minutes before he speaks.
"You can open your eyes now." You open your eyes to see a now disheveled haired and masked Ghost.
"Can you stand up for me pretty girl?" He asks and you nod slowly.
He helps you stand up before he kneels on the ground and wipes your tattooed thigh. "I'm gonna need you to come in for a second session... You alright with that?" He asks softly.
Now that you think of it you look down to see only the shading of the coffin is done and inside the line work of the skeletons are empty.
"Y-Yeah that's good... Uh what do I owe you for this session?" You ask out of breath.
He wraps your leg and stands up. "$400." He says as moved to the other side of the chair and begins wiping it down.
"Only $400? T-This is a 1.5K tattoo at least!" You exclaim, but it only comes out as a small wheeze.
"Deal with it. The total for this session is $400... The next might be worth more due to the small details." He grunts.
He walks over to some cabinet and gets out some disinfectant before spraying and wiping it down a second time. You stand there for a moment dumbfounded.
"Come on..." He says as he tosses the used paper towels away and opens the door to the room.
When you walk out you can hear the sound of loud bagpipes echoing across the studio. Ghost leads you to the counter where he puts in the total of $400 into the register. You pull out that and an extra $50 but he immediately pushes that back toward you.
"No tip..." He says before glancing down to your skirt and back up again.
You feel your face flush. He reaches over the counter to a card holder and he grabs a card that has a skull and his name plastered in graffiti letters.
"My number's on here. Call me when your free." He grunts.
"For the tattoo?" You ask as you take the card.
"Or somethin' else if you're interested." He says before shutting the register and reaching under the counter and grabbing you a water bottle.
"Drive safe Gorgeous." he says as he walks away and back into the room.
You quickly take your card and your water bottle and thankfully you grabbed your purse and dash out of the shop. You get your keys out and get in your car before taking off down the road. You then realize once you are halfway home that you left your underwear at the shop...
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runwayrunway · 7 months
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No. 50 - All Nippon Airways Airbus A380 "Flying Honu" Livery
Happy 50th Runway Runway post! I had a bit of a hard time deciding what to do for it - after all, it's a pretty significant number. I already sort of know what I want to do for the 100th post, but I hadn't put much thought into the 50th, and I had to scuttle any plans for something long and interesting after a rather stressful week. Instead I decided to do something both fun and requested!
source: ANA Stories
One (well, three!) of the most beloved special liveries out there, All Nippon Airways' turtle-themed "Flying Honu" Airbus A380. These three friendly giants fly from Japan to Honolulu, delighting anyone lucky enough to see them.
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Actually, I love the Flying Honu so much I have one myself.
I would describe myself as a bit of a magpie. I collect useless things, be they historical ephemera, horror movie memorabilia, old books, pretty rocks, or way too many fountain pen inks given I mostly use them to take notes. I even have a bunch of my old teeth in a pillbox. Surprisingly, though, the things my talons have lodged in don't include many model airplanes. I have...a few. I've actually, though serendipity, gotten two more since I started this blog, expanding my collection to a startling five. Maybe seven if you count my Starscream and Brainstorm figures, but I don't think I even remember how to put either of them in their alt modes. The fact is that while they aren't a fortune or anything plane figures are expensive enough that it's a commitment to buy one, and I usually only do when I stumble on a good deal for a model I really want. And one of the few times I've actually decided that I just needed a model of a specific livery was the "Flying Honu" A380. Specifically, the one I have is the airframe registered JA382A, Kai. (She's the 1:500 JC Wings diecast model and is around the size of my hand.)
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I just needed to be able to gently tap her nose in person, okay? She can't fit up on the shelf with a lot of my other miscellaneous trinkets so she sits on my desk and sometimes I explain things to her while trying to figure them out, like a coding rubber duck. She makes me happy.
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All Nippon Airways (全日本空輸) is a major Japanese airline. In fact, in terms of both fleet size and number of destinations they're bigger than flag carrier JAL. They're consistently described as being among the best airlines in the world for the discerning well-to-do business traveler, and let's just say that's not me, but what I am is a reviewer of airline liveries, and ANA sure has those! In addition to their standard Triton Blue livery they do all sorts of special designs, particularly crossovers with properties like Pokémon and Star Wars. All of these are something I would like to someday feature, but none of them matter at all to me when compared to the Flying Honu, introduced with the A380 fleet in 2019.
A couple of times when I've told people I know about this livery they asked me if 'honu' is Japanese for 'turtle'. That's a reasonable question, but the Japanese word for turtle is 'kame'. 'Honu' is the word for turtle, though - in Hawaiian.
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image: ANA
In fact, Honolulu is the A380s' only destination. ANA didn't really want A380s to begin with, but ended up stuck with them while acquiring another airline. The thing about the A380, and the reason it failed commercially and so few were ever built, is that the use-case for a massive plane is pretty limited. It goes as such: you have a passengerbase of people who have to travel from one giant hub that can land an A380 to another frequently enough that you can actually make money on a plane with four entire engines.
Okay, so the use-case is that you're Emirates. ANA might be expensive, but they don't really have the central location or sheer amount of regular business travelers that Dubai does. 'Three' also isn't really that many A380s, which creates a bit of a question of reliability. So instead they fixed the problem in a way that's honestly pretty genius: they made it turtles.
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image: ANA
ANA seems to be generally invested in Hawaii, with a fair amount of partnerships with local organizations. A lot of Hawaiian real estate is owned by Japanese companies, and those of Japanese descent are the second-larget ethnic group in Hawaii at 16.7%, so it makes sense that a lot of people would want to travel there. Tokyo to Honolulu is a nice 9-hour flight with no possibility for a stopover of any kind (unless they invent civilian aircraft carriers for A380s), so it's the perfect route for precisely three really huge planes.
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images: ANA
They can fit 520 passengers across four classes on one flight, seated across both decks of the massive planes. There is also a section of seats which convert to couches, marketed for families. Those who fly this route get to enjoy rainbow lighting and the ability to buy a duty-free 1:500 model of the plane (not the same model I have, though, I'm pretty sure) or a set of Flying Honu plushes.
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Ra looks like she's plotting something. Lani looks like she's never had a single thought in her life.
And they do make money off this, because people absolutely love these planes. People have apparently had their weddings on these planes, and I would too! They make ten weekly flights right now, but in December that will be increasing to fourteen weekly, or two daily.
Okay, so, the actual liveries.
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Here's Kai in full-size! The light in my room make her look way cooler toned in the photographs, but in real life she's this color. It's frequently described as 'green' or 'emerald green', but I think it's definitely turquoise and would go so far as to call it blue. Whatever the case, it's meant to represent the color of the sea near Hawaii. Kai is also distinct from the others because of her eyes, which are closed as she smiles from ear to ear. That's why she's my favorite - she just looks so happy!
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...a bit weirder looking from upfront, but look how even the ventral fairing is painted! That's part of the flippers where they curl around, tucked into the shell. Unlike the Transocean Air Jinbei Jets, the cockpit windows blend in with the 'scales' of the Flying Honu, looking rather natural.
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'Ra' is a beautiful orange, meant to represent the Hawaiian sunset. She has a bit of a peach undertone if you look closely, but her details are done in an extremely vivid reddish orange. Her distinguishing feature are those gigantic eyelashes, similar to Sakura Jinbei's. The actual mouth shape on all three planes appears to be the same, but I find that the eyes still give them distinct 'personalities'. Ra has always looked very thoughtful to me.
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Just look at her in flight! I've never understood why people call the 747 stately or graceful, and same for the A380 - double-decker planes are just inherently goofy-looking, and that's great, but ANA managed to make one look pretty elegant. I think it's because turtles are already regarded as large and slow creatures, so fitting like for like just makes it seem as natural for this absolutely gigantic aircraft to be flying as it is for a turtle to swim.
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Finally, Lani, the turtle everyone agrees to be blue, represents the Hawaiian sky during its brightest color in daylight. If you look closely, you can see her blue 'eyeshadow', which I've always thought made her look relaxed.
This picture gives a good angle of my only real critique of the Flying Honu, which is that the shells and heads don't entirely look aligned, as if the head is in the process of being retracted. That said, I think that's just a fact of working with the shape of an airplane. There's just no more space below to fit any more shell.
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Rather than being just one turtle, though, each "Flying Honu" has two fully rendered baby turtles following behind their 'mother'.
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I think this is adorable, and beyond that it solves a crucial problem - the tail. Turtles do have those, but not in a way that maps onto a standard empennage. Instead, ANA makes the smart choice to end the shell at a certain point and add these two extra turtles make-way-for-ducklings-ing their way across the fuselage for more visual interest, leaving the tail empty for an ANA logo without making it jarring. This is a huge improvement over the Jinbei Jets, which again serve as a point of comparison as the other major Japanese marine life planes. (Amakusa Airlines is way smaller and thus not going to get caught up in this.)
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I mean, it's hard to find too much to say about these that isn't just "oh my gosh, look at them". The Flying Honu are vividly colored, with clever shapes used to make them immediately recognizable as turtles. I smile every time I see one, including the little one on my desk!
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And in case you weren't already delighted, there's two extra bonus turtles!
I think it's pretty obvious I'm giving these an A+. Come on, just...just look at them. The fact that ANA bothered to make three distinct ones with their own names and faces is just icing on the cake for me, but I do love that they did.
I can't believe I didn't find a way to fit this in earlier into the post, but I really love turtles. If you have an aquarium near you, and that aquarium has turtles, I really recommend stopping by to see them. My local New England Aquarium has had Myrtle for more than 50 years. As they describe her, 'the 550-lb Queen of the Giant Ocean Tank is large, in charge, and ready to receive your adoration'.
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True to form, although a lot larger and dealing in a different type of fluid dynamics, the Flying Honu jets get plenty of my adoration too.
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napoleondidthat · 4 months
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I Went, I Saw, I’m Back….
Today was Napoleon movie day and I lived to come back and report.
You know how you go into a movie with super high expectations when you have heard it’s the best thing ever, then inevitably find it less than you expected? The reverse happened a bit for me, everyone had hated this so my expectations were low, and though the movie is problematic, because everyone I read was losing their minds, it wasn’t that bad.
That is not to say it was good.
So for me it’s a mixed bag of stuff. Things I liked and and things I did not.
The main problem with the movie is that it tries to fit everything in it and therefore nothing works because everything is trying to be in there. Since they try to cover everything, nothing is covered and everything suffers, including the flow of the movie. It’s one of the movies that I felt like I could see what they were trying to do, and maybe it would have worked if they didn’t slam everything in there.
So this is going to be a bit scattered because my thoughts are scattered. And warning: spoilers will be discussed.
I wish they would have just skipped the French Revolution altogether and assumed the audience had a working knowledge of it. Shoehorning it in didn’t work. We have a brief scene of Marie Antoinette running the halls with her children trying to escape arrest to then a fade out of her execution. Yes, it’s all wrong, she is too defiant, her hair is too long, her dress is wrong. I get what they are going for here and a defiant Queen is probably a bit more dramatic than one who apologizes to her executioner for stepping his his shoes. Napoleon in the crowd, even though he wasn’t really there, works in the dramatic licensing department and his reaction was actually good.
Then we are whisked to Napoleon getting into a meeting with Barras, who acts as a sort of a narrator to the audience to catch them up on the state of things and Toulon. What I dislike in this film is that they introduce the characters by flashing their names and titles on screen. Ugh. I do not like this. Napoleon gives his plans on what he’d do with Toulon and Lucien (he’s been mistaken as Joseph in some reviews) acts as interpreter to Barras over what Napoleon just said (What my brother is saying….) .
There is a bit of time spent at Toulon with Napoleon walking around the place and even melting cannons for new cannons. The British are brutes who yell at him calling him a “shitbag” and yelling at the locals to move their “fucking goats!” . No, they really had wandering goats.
The battle is intense. Now, I know a lot of complaints have been filed due to battle inaccuracies and too few of them. This isn’t a problem for me. I am not a scholar on Napoleonic warfare. I am a wimp when it comes to blood and gore. I dislike seeing people blown up but even hate seeing horses blown up more. So one of the first casualties of Toulon is Napoleon’s beautiful white innocent horse. It takes a cannon ball to the chest and it’s graphic and it makes me want to do a cry. The horse falls and Napoleon is thrown but regains his composure to go fight with one on one with some a combatant until someone else decapitates the guy with a sword.
One battle down more to go.
Barras magically is on scene to literally crown Napoleon general with a sword like the Queen knights people. Napoleon wanders away to his poor dead horse and fished out the ball lodged in the chest and hands it off to I think Junot with instructions to give it to someone. I thought I heard “for mother” but that can’t be it….can it?
Now we are back to revolution stuff and Robespierre is being denounced. Why are we putting this in here? It’s too…whatever. He runs out of the chamber, tries to shoot himself when he can’t shoot the chamber and of course just ends up wounding himself in his jaw. Barras pops over to put his finger in the wound (ew sir) and tells him he missed and off to the guillotine for you “dear friend”.
Enter Josephine. She escapes her prison in her dramatic cloak where she is hugged by a nameless woman.
Enter Napoleon being instructed by Barras on the civilians uprising. There is a scene of Napoleon wandering through a crowd of citizens shouting long live the King. Napoleon places his cannon, the citizens line up and then boom! More bloodshed for everyone. People are mowed down, blood spray. The back crowd runs off and the camera pans to a woman trying to crawl away with her severed foot in the street. No horses dead thankfully.
Back to Josephine in her cloak walking empty Paris streets and looking at various overturned debris. Is she just walking the streets for days? Is she coming upon the whiff of grapeshot? We don’t know.
Napoleon is now wandering around a Survivor’s ball. The lighting is gorgeous in here. Josephine has ditched her cloak for a dress her boob might escape from at any moment. She’s sitting with Barras with her insane asylum haircut and red long gloves and red ribbon neck decoration. Napoleon looks bored. Later Napoleon is still wandering around and Josephine is hanging out gambling. She notices Napoleon starring at her and confronts him. Here we meet Josephine with her dramatic British accent and Napoleon’s awkward American one (but it strangely fits all the same). She asks why he was starting and there is some back and forth but no lines from the trailer with her “has the course of my life change Napoleon?” Instead Napoleon tells her not to tell him her name and she stares at him and wanders off to gamble some more I guess. What?
Next is the scene with a very small Eugene doing the probably made up Napoleon myth scene of “Can I have my father’s sword please sir?” Napoleon and Junot have been throwing shit at the wall before this for…reasons. Napoleon explains to Eugene that he can’t give back the sword because citizens can’t have weapons. The boy says it’s a rememberance of his dead father. Napoleon asks what he is doing there and the boy says his mother said that Napoleon could. Napoleon then goes to a room with loads of swords that were taken from the executed officers. Napoleon asks if anyone thought to put names to them but no, they did not. Napoleon grabs a random sword and heads to chez Beauharnais. There everyone seems to know him, including the help, and he gives the maybe sword back to Eugene. Everyone thanks him and Napoleon tells Josephine that he gives his compliments to the house chef. ???
Now Napoleon has random meetings with Josephine that I guess is supposed to be their abbreviated courtship. Josephine stares into her makeup mirror and wonders aloud to her maid (Lucille) if she looks in love. They have random conversations about how her husband was executed in front of his mistresses. How she tried to get pregnant in prison to save her life. Will any of this bother Napoleon? Napoleon answers “no, madam”. She flashes him her nether regions and Napoleon just stares. Awkward. Some old lady behind me in the theatre went “oh!”
Oh well then it’s time to get married.Josephine has the fastest growing hair in the history of the world. Last scene she was a mental patient, now her hair is shoulder length. They are giddy, well Napoleon is, at the register’s. They are sure to share Josephine’s real name but then announce that Napoleon was born in February. What? Didn’t he just change the year and not the month of his birth? But none of it matters since they never discuss their age difference anyway.
They have a dinner party where Josephine flirts with Hippolyte Charles with Napoleon glowering and then we cut to the sexy time scene where Napoleon and Josephine have sex doggy style! Oh God. Cringe. Napoleon talks of having a son. Napoleon is very broody in this movie.
Napoleon is now in Egypt. Italy is mentioned only in a letter voice over where he happily informs Josephine that he was victorious in Italy. He wonders why she isn’t writing. Insert scenes of a naked butt Charles romping in bed with Josephine. Napoleon and the mamalukes line up by the pyramids and Napoleon fires the cannons. They hit the pyramids and then he just wanders away. Is this the battle? Lol One mamaluke falls off his horse. No horse casualties.
If you ever felt that General Dumas never got his moments to shine, well he is in this movie. He’s not singled out, you just have to know it’s him. He accompanies Napoleon to see a mummy. Napoleon looks at the mummy and goes to touch it’s cheek and the mummy shifts away from his touch. Is this like some omen that like Josephine, even dead mummy’s don’t want Napoleon touching them? Lol
Junot later informs Napoleon while they eat that Josephine is unfaithful. Napoleon tells Junot that he gets no dessert and to leave, which he does. They later meet up again and Napoleon tells him he’s off to France.
Napoleon lands to fanfare in France and greets the crowd with smiles and waves. He gets in the coach, finds an English paper making fun of him and Josephine’s affairs. He waves at people out the window. He arrives home to No Josephine but dogs! There are a lot of dogs in this movie that is a win for me. He questions Lucille on her whereabouts, throws wine at her and tips a chair over. Josephine arrives to her luggage in the yard and she goes to the locked door and….next scene she is in tears and Napoleon is yelling. She is a “selfish little pig” and how could she do this…why didn’t she think of his feelings? Josephine says sorry and Napoleon makes her say she is nothing without him.
The scene cuts to the first of many scenes of Napoleon sitting awkwardly on the couches with their heads on the back cushions staring at each other. Lol. Can’t they sit normal? What are these two adults doing? Here Josephine makes Napoleon recite to her that he is a brute that is nothing without her and “your mother”. Oh boy, Napoleon is a mama’s boy too.
Napoleon has a meeting with those in charge which is a great scene of him telling all of them that they aren’t fit to run France. They accuse him of deserting his army in Egypt. He points out one by one why they can’t serve getting to one man and saying “though you can scowl very well!” He marches out saying that they have nerve questioning him when they have ruined France and he has found out his wife is a slut.
Napoleon has brunch with Sieyes and he invites him to a coup. Scenes follow of the various men being arrested or asked to step down. One man tries to escape by running up the stairs and then getting into a slap fest with two soldiers. Dumas arrests another man who says he can’t believe this he was just about to have a “scrumptious breakfast!” Dumas escorts him out leaving his hysterically crying wife saying “enjoy your breakfast”. Talleyrand tells Barras of his dismissal to which Barras says he will gladly go back to being a private citizen.
The coup is hysterical. But it was, wasn’t it? Napoleon gets manhandled and runs away falling down a flight of steps and barricading the door from the mob. He can barely stand up. Now I know some of this rubs scholars the wrong way but the coup was about as good as this. Napoleon was given a horse that he couldn’t control and was almost thrown off.
Now Napoleon is talking to Caulaincourt who talks to him about the czar. This scene actually works well. Napoleon walks around questioning and using his knife to hack away at the furniture.
Napoleon confronts an ambassador and screams at him. Here is where he shouts “you think you are so great because you have boats!”before stomping out. It is laughable but again, Napoleon was known to do this at times. He did kick one ambassador in the stomach once for no reason.
Talleyrand says hey why don’t you become Emperor. Napoleon laughs and pinches his ear.
Napoleon leads an older woman around. You guessed it! Mama is on scene. Napoleon walks her over to Josephine where Madame Mere says “This must be Josephine!” They nod at each other and then Madame Mere says “Is that Charles?” and wanders off to talk to Talleyrand. Who knew they were friends?
Napoleon still is broody. He walks in on Josephine dressing and acts like a horse, baying and stomping the ground. Josephine dismisses the maid and says “you nasty man” and more doggie style sex! She tells him her nether regions are his. Cringe.
Napoleon the next morning questions Josephine on why she isn’t pregnant. She makes excuses but says she has been busy cleaning up his messes. Napoleon whimpers again, crawls under the table and grabs her.
It’s coronation time baby! No lead up, just happens. Hippolyte Charles is there to give the evil eye to the imperial couple. Josephine looks at him as she walks by. Barras comes out of nowhere to get a prime seat up at the Dias. The pope is pretty enthusiastic proclaiming Napoleon emperor. The end.
Now Napoleon is watching David paint his portrait with a model as Talleyrand says he needs to divorce.
Now we are at Austerlitz. This is beautifully shot. There are lots of blood in the water and sadly dead horses. This doesn’t seem to be a lake they are falling into, but the ocean as they sink sink sink forever.
Now Napoleon is chatting up Emperor Francis.
Now there is a montage of happy Napoleon and Josephine moments. Napoleon plays with a dog while Josephine smiles. Napoleon and Josephine share a bath.
Now Napoleon and Josephine sit at a dinner party and Napoleon asks in front of everyone why isn’t she pregnant? Awkward. Josephine says there hasn’t been much love making in the place. Awkward. Napoleon’s mother is even like “ew”. Napoleon says that is a lie. There has been years and years! Josephine fires back that he is a fat fat fatty. Napoleon says that is true, he likes to eat, destiny brought him this lamb chop. Josephine throws food at him. Napoleon throws food at her. She throws more. WTF is going on here? No lie, an older man behind me in the theater whispered in this scene to his wife “he’s probably been putting it in the wrong hole. “
Madame Mere is the one and not Caroline to tell Napoleon she has rounded up a girl for him to see if he can get her pregnant. She says it’s time to know who is at fault. Napoleon and she drink brandy while Napoleon studies his feet. She says the girl, Elenore Denuelle, is waiting for him naked in the bed. Napoleon asks if he can have another brandy. He pauses at the door while mama shooes him in.
Next scene Madame Mere tells Napoleon the happy news of Elenore’s pregnancy.
Napoleon and Josephine have an awkward stare conversation sliding down on the couch.
Napoleon announces over dinner with Josephine the divorce. She tears up but then laughs. Napoleon leaves in a huff.
The divorce scene. Josephine has tears rolling down her cheeks. Napoleon sniffles and roughly wipes her face and his. He reads his statement. Barras is also somehow here too. Standing in the audience like a bad omen. Napoleon scolds Josephine to read her statement. She can’t get through it because she keeps laughing. I guess we are going for hysterical laughter but it plays wrong. And of course the history is that she cried so much she had to have the statement read by someone else. Here she gets slapped by Napoleon to her shock and everyone else’s but still laughs her way through it.
Josephine leaves in her carriage and lands at someplace that is Malmaison but is not Malmaison. She walks around gloomy. Napoleon visits her and puts his hat on her head. Tells her to cheer up.
Napoleon chats with the Czar and tries to marry his sister.
Napoleon is now meeting Marie Louise. Now the casting is all screwed up. Napoleon ages through the film but for some reason Josephine never does. Josephine is taller than Napoleon even though she was in reality shorter. Marie Louise is a black haired little thing when in reality she was taller than Napoleon.
Napoleon is given his son. He cries. He’s been wanting a kid for a long time, man. Napoleon takes the baby to Malmaison to visit Josephine who looks like for a second she might throw the baby over a Cliff.
Napoleon is off to Russia. Cossacks attack. Napoleon rips off little pieces of bread to his troops as they walk by. They fight at Borodino and Napoleon is leading a Calvary charge but what the hell? He’s wearing his Italian uniform. Since when did fat Napoleon get into his closest and grab up his ornate uniform? My guess is that this was meant to be Italy, they scrapped it for time and used this footage for Borodino thinking no one would notice.
Napoleon find Moscow abandoned including the Kremlin that has apparently been abandoned for decades as pigeons have taken over the place and have shit all over the czar’s nice throne. Napoleon fits so he sits. Birds continue to shit on it. I think this is supposed to be some poetic metaphor.
Napoleon wakes up flames. He comes out and asks who did this. Luckily the marshals are all there waiting and inform him. He wants to march to Petersburg. They tell him no because of winter. Napoleon puts his hands over his ears and then screams into his hat. Chill man.
Napoleon marches back in snow. Dead people. Men eating horses. Not the horses!!
Oh Napoleon is abdicating. That’s quick. Surprisingly Barras is missing from the audience.
Napoleon lands on Elba and parades around. Josephine greets the Czar and dances with him in a really stupid dress. Malmaison is always cloudy with fog and rain. Always. Every scene. Napoleon sees a paper on Elba that mocks him about Josephine entertaining the czar and him being cuckolded again. But they are divorced? He beats the paper on the table. He then writes to Josephine and tells her that he is coming back to France to reclaim his stuff including her. So I guess we don’t care about Marie Louise or baby anymore.
Btw, Josephine should be dead by now.
Josephine is shown being ill and the doctor telling her to open her mouth. He says her chest is congested and her throat inflamed and recommends going to bed. But she says Napoleon is coming over and over again. I don’t think Josephine ever called a Napoleon Napoleon either.
Napoleon gets on ship and lands on French soil. Kisses it. Josephine dies. Finally. Too late.
Napoleon greets his troops. They go to his side. He lands at Malmaison and learns from Hortense that Josephine is dead from diphtheria. Napoleon is mad at her. Why didn’t anyone tell him? He wants her letters that he wrote to her. Hortense says the valet stole them and sold them. Napoleon cries. Hortense apologizes and Napoleon says he forgives her. For what though?
Napoleon is at Waterloo. Rupert Everett is Wellington but all I can think is damn he’s old. I remember when he was a heart-throb in movies and now he’s old Wellington. Battle. Dead horses (no!!!) dead men. This is the longest battle filmed.
Napoleon is on the Bellerophon giving a class to a bunch of boys. Wellington for some reason comes for a meeting and Napoleon and he are rather friendly to each other. I wonder where Barras is? He could be here. He wasn’t. But he could be. Wellington dashes Napoleon’s hopes of remaining in England and tells him he will be off to St. Helena “a rock really”. Napoleon laughs.
At long last, Napoleon is on St. Helena with a voice over with Josephine talking to Napoleon. Next time she will be Emperor and he will have to listen to her. Napoleon is shown washing his face. Napoleon is shown drinking wine at his desk while plantblow out of the ground outside his window. There is a dead fly in his wine that he fishes out. Napoleon is at an outdoor table while Betsy Balcombe and some other girl fence with sticks. Napoleon grills them on the capitals of Europe. They do the Moscow story. How it was burned to get rid of the French. Napoleon asks who told them that and then throws dates at them as they run back to play. Another voice over from Josephine. She tells Napoleon she has prepared a place for him why doesn’t he come? We see Napoleon’s back and his famous hat from the back as he sits at the table. Come she tells him and we will try again. Napoleon drops over dead. Well, that’s not how it went but okay.
Jesus. That was a lot. I will do my final thoughts tomorrow.
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blues-valentine · 1 year
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I am not surprised the Gossip Girl Reboot got cancelled because it was boring and I couldn’t finish season 1. I think the creators thought having that property would be enough for the show to be successful and focused all of their energy on those outfits and soundtracks but did nothing for the show to actually work. My opinion on why the reboot failed to impact audiences that no one asked for:
It’s not like the original GG was a writing masterpiece but it came out at the right time. In 2007, while there were a lot of successful shows, a lot of the teen shows like The OC, One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls etc were tame in comparation to the format GG was presenting. Aside from the UK (Skins), it was unusual for American TV to exploit sex and drugs on teens the way Gossip Girl did. They turned the negative reviews into promotional banners. That was A+ marketing. They wanted to be problematic. That was their selling point. So in theory, the idea of a group of wealthy teens from NYC doing all sort of awful stuff was appealing. The show wasn’t trying to be apologetic. Yeah, some issues were too much not just Chuck but so many other things but the point stands with the show not wanting to fix it. This with a really good fashion sense — GG really pushed the boundaries on fashion during late 2000’s. It was meant to be a hit ahead of its time. The problem with the reboot is that is not new or original. Euphoria already exists. Teens doing alcohol and sleeping around has been in media for a while and people crave something new. If they wanted to stand out they need so much more than just a known intellectual property but most importantly create characters with personality and sadly, that wasn’t the case.
The characters for the reboot lack distinctive personalities and it was difficult to buy why they were even friends. Like, the group on the OG worked because there was an established dynamic but every character in the new one felt like a parody. The initial conflict was them being mad Julien had a sister. For the OG, the initial conflict worked because at first Serena presented herself as a mystery – as the IT girl that ran away and no one knew why. That increased her mysterious persona and her popularity. She ran away because she slept with Nate (Blair’s boyfriend) and while she was away Blair managed to establish herself as the IT girl. That made the rivalry between Blair and Serena more believable and so Serena's dynamic with Nate. Blair had reasons to feel insecure over Serena because she had the influence and wealth to out power her. They tried to recreate that with Zoya and Julien but failed miserably.
I think every character in the OG group had a very established dynamic and propose. Serena was the mysterious girl that created the rivalry with Blair and also presented herself as a bridge outside of the Upper East Side because of her relationship with Dan. Blair was the "mean girl" — the one ready to create chaos if she feels like she is being displaced from her status. Julien never gave me that energy. Neither did Audrey. None of them were able to go the lengths Blair would go for a little drama. The closest thing to Blair they had was Monet and they didn’t give her enough to shine but that’s also the thing. Teen media keeps trying to recreate their very own version of Blair Waldorf but fails everytime. Every teen show after GG now has their sophisticated "mean girl" that is able to quote books and movies (aka Veronica Lodge or Cheryl Blossom) and it fails every single time. Blair worked because of what Leighton Meester brought to the table but also because Blair was actually really mean and unapologetic about it. She wasn't meant to be taken as a parody with some mean one liners. Her only characteristic wasn’t just being mean, it had realistic layers. And even when I feel she became a bit of a parody the later seasons because the show not longer needed her to be mean, I think she remained charming mostly because of Meester.
Serena worked on early seasons then she became unnecessary and boring. Her character only worked because of Blake Lively's charisma which I feel a lot of the new ones lacked. Then there was Nate. He was like, just there. He wasn’t that problematic until that season they made him date a minor for zero reason. I would assume GGRBs version of Nate was Obie (?) and that was such a boring character. Now, Dan was a good character until they needed to use him as a plot twist because they didn't know who GG was and needed a finale. Dan was the one that was inside the elite but hated it and brought interesting points about their privilege and had not problem in checking them once in a while because he was like the impartial one. Again, they tried to make Zoya the one that wasn’t in their circle but her character was just boring, the actress did good with the material.
And Chuck, he was introduced as a rapist from the get go and didn’t deserve to get as far as it got or even a "redemption". Blair deserved better and I will never go down with the Chuck and Blair train. Blair coming back to him on season 6 after learning her own value and worth outside of Chuck's shadow and toxicity only to make her regret it was character assassination. Chuck should’ve died on Season 4. Now, here's the thing. It was clear Max was supposed to be their unproblematic version of Chuck and it's a shame because Thomas Doherty was giving THE perfomance. I wish him luck in his career. Also, Savannah Smith as Monet did good when given good dialogue and stuff to deliver.
Jenny was an interesting character. It gave the show the outside drama it needed. Georgina was an amazing villain. Even Rufus and Lily served. GGRB had potential but didn't give anything interesting. OG GG embraced being problematic and the reboot tried too hard to be "woke". There's nothing woke about a group of wealthy kids (and not just any money but generational wealth for some of them) that don't need to worry about paying the bills. Maybe if they didn't take themselves so seriously it would've worked a lot better. They should've allowed Monet to be the mean girl she was clearly destined to be. Luna also deserved her own plot not just a sidekick.
Lastly, their biggest problem: GG being the teachers. The teachers story line made me cringe. It was so weird and unrealistic. The thing about GG is that it could be anyone. It was the anonymity that made it fun. GGRB fumble by giving GG a face and an underwhelming one too. In conclusion, while I loved the diversity of the new cast, none of them had the charisma on screen except for one or two on occasions and charisma is what carried the original series until a season 6.
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queermediastudies · 1 year
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Family Porn Night: A Movie Review
As the opening titles come on screen, we hear but don’t see the sound of water sloshing in a bucket, being wrung out of a rag, heavy breathing, scrubbing. The titles fade and we see a woman, on her hands and knees, cleaning the floor of what we eventually learn is the British Museum. We hear footsteps, the sharp bark of a man saying, “Move!” as he and several others, carrying a fossil on a stretcher, tramp across the floor she has just cleaned. On the fossil we see a handwritten tag that reads “Sea Lizard found by Miss Mary Anning Lyme Regis.” The man in charge harrumphs, pulls the tag off, and replaces it with a tag that says “ICHTHYOSAURUS LYME REGIS Presented by H. Hoste Henley Esquire.” He has written Mary Anning out of history. 
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Ammonite is writer/director Francis Lee’s attempt to write Mary Anning, and queerness, back into the world of 1840s Britain. The plot is a simple romantic drama with an enigmatic ending. Simply put, Mary Anning falls in love with Charlotte Murchison but chooses to remain alone rather than give up her career by moving with Charlotte to London. The complex beauty of the movie comes from Lee’s subversion of audience expectations as well as some traditional film-making procedures. But how well he succeeded is still up for debate. The movie flopped at the box office, grossing under $1,000,000 world wide, failing to recoup the $3,000,000 distribution rights, let alone the $13.4 million in production costs. Carson Timar of “Clapper” wrote, “This is a bland and empty feature that feels like an ancient fossil void of any passion or substantial emotion” (Timar, 2020). With movie darling Kate Winslet in the lead and rising-star Saoirse Ronan playing opposite her, the lackluster reception is surprising. Does Ammonite, like Moonlight, prove that queer films need to be sexless to be successful (Lodge, 2017), or can we ascribe Ammonite’s box office bomb to other causes? I believe the erotic scenes are only part of the answer. While I disagree with the Rotten Tomatoes reviewer who said, “Simply out [sic], Ammonite commits that cardinal sin of being truly boring” (Andrew L., Ammonite, 2022), the slow pace likely contributed to Ammonite’s poor, reception sealing Ammonite’s fate as a “perfectly respectable, eminently professional slice of prestige arthouse” (Clarke, 2021) doomed to accrue financial losses. The other variable is not lesbian eroticism per se but rather lesbian eroticism scripted by women for the female gaze. In other words, two of the components that Lee uses to queer cinema are the very things that make it a failure in the public sphere.
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In Ways of Seeing (1972), John Berger writes, “Seeing comes before words…It is seeing which establishes our place in the surrounding world” (p. 7). Lee builds Mary Anning’s rocky world slowly, introducing the audience to her visually before any words are spoken. Although this is the well-trodden territory of a period romance, this is a romance that reimagines history. Mary Anning was a real person from Lyme Regis, UK, who sold fossils (called ‘relics’ in the movie) to the British Museum beginning at age 11. But there is no evidence of her having a love interest, gay or otherwise. Some of Anning’s descendants have questioned Lee’s manipulation of her story, which highlights the problems with “outing,” or ascribing queerness to public figures. Posthumously attributing identities to people may be a tempting way to queer the past by showing “the world that many widely admired and respected men and women are gay” (Duggan, 2006, p. 153), but it can be problematic to apply a modern understanding of queerness to people who cannot confirm or deny those identities and who may or may not have accepted our definitions. In other words, even if Anning had engaged in romantic liaisons with other women, she may not have seen those relationships as queer, either in the sense of their being gay or out of the ordinary. Lee attempts to “honor the complexity of [Anning’s] differences” (Duggan, 1991, p. 155) by building a rich and textured world that includes multiple ways of forming relationships. Even while I acknowledge that “outing” Anning may be problematic, I still find joy in the sapphic world Lee imagines.
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Lee’s femme-centered world doesn’t limit gender expression. Mary is a complex character, outwardly mirroring the coldness of her Lyme Regis beach but with a depth of feeling we catch in glimpses, most often through Winslet’s uncanny ability to convey emotion without speaking. Mary plays with gender performance, but retains her essential womanness, subverting early Hollywood’s “gender-inversion stereotype” (Bernshoff & Griffin, 2004, p. 7). She smokes and swears frequently, has dirty fingernails and armpit hair (appropriate for the time but not for Hollywood). When engaged to take care of Charlotte, who has “melancholia,” Mary says, “There looks to be fuck all wrong with you to me” (0:28:30). She genuinely loves finding and cleaning fossils. When Charlotte, who has recently lost a baby, asks Mary if she has children, Mary replies, “I have my work. I don’t need children as well” (00:51:38). 
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As the movie progresses, Lee reveals Mary’s tender (feminine) side, showing her caring for a sick Charlotte and, at one point, wearing a dress and perfume to attend a recital with Charlotte. After Charlotte returns to London, Mary receives a letter from her. Before opening it, Mary lifts it to her nose hoping to catch the perfume Charlotte wore.
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Charlotte originally acts as a more traditionally feminine counterpoint to Mary’s masculinity. She wears bonnets and bows, black to show mourning, and delicate heeled shoes. She’s weak and pale from what her husband calls “melancholia” but which could more honestly be called depression, either from the loss of a baby or the pressure of passing as heterosexual. Her angst doesn’t last long. Within a few scenes, Charlotte sets aside her expensive clothing for rugged boots to better accompany Mary on her morning fossil huts. Color comes back into her cheeks, she laughs more frequently, and she fully engages in Mary's work. Charlotte’s awakening coincides with her temporary move from London to Lyme Regis while Mary simply is regardless of her location. This juxtaposition has been noted by Karl Schoonover and Rosalind Galt in Queer Cinema in the World (2016), “Some people have to travel to express their sexuality and/or gender, and others stay home” (p. 77). 
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Lee contrasts elements in order to show how the women grow closer while retaining their core identity. While lying in bed together, Charlotte says, “Say it again.” Mary then recites a limerick:
There was a young woman named Sally
Who loved the occasional dally.
She sat on the lap
Of a well-endowed chap
And she said, ‘Oh, you’re right up my alley” (1:15:45).
Charlotte smiles, having let go of some of her feminine-coded sensibilities, while Mary, nude and vulnerable, curls trustingly next to her. 
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In a similar contrasting scene, Mary wades into the white-cap waves, turns, and waits for Charlotte to join her. Charlotte slowly walks out, frightened. She reaches Mary, who grabs her around the waist and smiles. Charlotte clings to her, still afraid, but feeling safe in Mary’s arms. This scene is the only time we see Mary laugh, and her joy mirrors the bright sun and warm filter unusual in this movie. Here, Mary both protects and pushes Charlotte, never demanding Charlotte change but offering help if Charlotte chooses to take it.
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Two intimate scenes in the movie show just how transformative Lee’s film-making is.  Rather than hire an intimacy choreographer, Lee, Winslet, and Ronan scripted each sex scene by themselves, relying on open communication and the trust they had in each other. These aren’t the “throw her up against the wall with no foreplay” scenes so common in heterosexual sex scenes, nor are they the “soapy shower and giggling college girls” lesbian scenes meant for the male gaze. Instead, Ammonite’s “staging of sexuality, gendered embodiment, and nonheteronormative sex” (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 11) successfully disrupt heteronormative ideas about how sex happens, who enjoys sex, and how they enjoy it. 
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“Don’t take no for an answer,” seems to be the mantra in many erotic heterosexual scenes, but the first erotic scene in Ammonite queers cinema by pausing the action mid-point. After Charlotte kisses her, Mary kneels in front of Charlotte. Before going further, she waits, staring up at Charlotte until Charlotte raises her own skirts in enthusiastic consent. 
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The final erotic scene queers cinema by subverting audience expectations. The night before Charlotte is to return to London, they lovingly caress each other’s faces. Noses touching, they gently kiss. As the scene progresses, they each guide the other’s hand, sometimes moving the hand to their own pudendum and sometimes away. Lee uses close camera angles, focusing on how the women’s bodies move together. The camera stays on each woman’s face as she climaxes. These are women showing each other how they want to be touched. Each woman confidently directs the actions of the other while asserting her own right to pleasure.
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Both erotic scenes are enigmas in the movie industry: female pleasure for a female gaze. Per Schoonover & Galt, cinema is “an apparatus of desire, endlessly reconstituting what Jacqueline Rose called sexuality in the field of vision” (2016, p. 11). Eroticism scripted by women, focusing on how women experience pleasure, queers film in a uniquely feminist way; it uses “the potential of the erotic to remake the cinematic desire machine” (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 11) reflecting the sapphic world Lee has created. I argue that the initial sex scene with a focus on enthusiastic consent and cunnilingus is a “counterpublic logic of visibility” that queers media by “extending representation beyond mainstream fantasies about white femme lesbians” which is “achieved in and through sex acts” (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 12). Both erotic scenes, as well as other hinted-at but not seen moments, occur in Mary's home or on Mary's beach, "locating lesbian desire in a domestic setting and turning to familial intimacies as a place where women might find fulfillment beyond the strictures of marriage" (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 19). Once the women are in London, in Charlotte's male-owned home, the intimacy (physical and emotional) falters and dies.
Gender expansiveness and eager consent are not the only way Lee queers cinema. We learn that Mary had a relationship with another woman in her town, Elizabeth Philpot (played by Fiona Shaw), which ended when Mary’s father died. Elizabeth acts as an oracle, guiding Mary in her relationship with Charlotte and foreshadowing the end of that same relationship. When Mary’s mother, Molly (played by Gemma Jones), dies, Elizabeth visits Mary and says, speaking of their past romance, “I wasn’t sure I could live up to you. Or your expectations of me…You seemed to do everything you could to be distant…It seems your Mrs. Murchison has been able to unlock something in you I couldn’t…” (1:34:16). Here, Elizabeth references the softness Lee showed in the limerick and beach scenes. It’s also vital to note that neither woman seems to have faced ridicule because of their relationship, nor do they seem to have kept it particularly quiet. I appreciate seeing a lesbian relationship that doesn’t double as a morality play. 
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Mary follows Elizabeth’s advice and accepts an invitation to visit Charlotte in London. From this point on, Lee relies more heavily on language and sound to convey how small and out-of-place Mary is. This sudden cinematic shift undermines the queer worlding I found so lovely in the first two-thirds of the movie.
At London port, bodies (all of them male except hers) are in constant motion. They press around her while they yell to and at each other. We’ve lost the cool tones of Lyme and found harsh sunlight. Lee’s feminism is not subtle. If "(queer) film theory is always a feminist project" (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 11), Lee hits the brief, but he does so with a sledgehammer. 
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At Charlotte’s house, Mary opens a curio cabinet containing fossils she helped Roderick Murchison (played by James McArdle) find. The tag on one of the fossils reads, “Cornu Ammonis. Dorset Coast. Miss Mary Anning.” Taking it out, Mary notices the last line has been pasted on top of the original line. Pulling it back, Mary reads, “Mr. Murchison Esq.” Lee doesn’t just allude to his correction of the historical record, he screams it.
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The breakup scene between the two women is similarly heavy-handed. Charlotte shows Mary to a room she has decorated for her “so we can be together always.” Winslet does an excellent job conveying a parade of emotions, but the ensuing dialogue lacks finesse and undermines the acting prowess of both Winslet and Ronan. 
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Mary doesn’t directly answer Charlotte, instead saying, “I really shouldn’t…I wanted to see my relic in the British Museum today….”
When Charlotte expresses dismay and repeats her offer to provide Mary with a new home, Mary says, “You presumed I’d just be fitted into your life here, like one of my relics in your fine glass case…Will you label me, too?” (1:47:45). Charlotte insists, “I want this to be different. Our different…I don’t want to go back to the life I had before you” (1:48:07). The unnatural, forced dialogue breaks Lee's “show, don’t tell” rule and makes it hard to access the emotion Lee wants us to feel. 
Mary rushes out of the house, and we next see her in front of her ‘relic’ at the British Museum. She notices the tag, the first time she’s seen it, and, looking up, sees Charlotte gazing at her across the glass-encased fossil. The camera pans out in one of the few long-shots of the film and we see the women, faces covered by bonnets, caged fossil in the middle. Men in top hats circulate around them. 
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As if afraid that he wasn’t clear enough, in the last scene Lee reminds the viewer of his intentions. Mary walks through a portrait gallery showing the men who helped create and run the British Museum. The very last image is Mary, facing back toward the gallery, framed.
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It isn’t just the shift to London or the sudden heavy-handed cinematography that jars the viewer. The final 20 minutes of the film tackles class issues but ignores broader themes of imperialism and racism. 
Classism is seen best in Mary’s interactions with Charlotte’s housekeeper. When the housekeeper answers Mary’s knock, she assumes from Mary’s rough clothing that she’s a hired worker. The housekeeper says, “Tradesman’s entrance is around the side. Go all the way back” (1:41:29). After explaining who she is, Mary is shown to the drawing room and Charlotte greets her with a passionate kiss. Mary glances at the housekeeper, but Charlotte says, “Oh, that’s just the maid,”(1:44:23) at which point the housekeeper side-eyes the women and shuts the drawing room door. Class bias goes unchallenged by any of the characters even in light of Charlotte’s relationship with poor, rural, crass Mary. Additionally, there are no Black, Indian, or Egyptian people. At the height of British imperialism, there should be several non-white people, especially once the action moves to London. 
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Ammonite does not employ “an anti-imperialist stance that de-privileges the Western queer film canon” (Schoonover & Galt, 2016, p. 15) in part because it fails to address Britain’s imperialism and in part because it, too, uses Western imperialist structures to (unsuccessfully) promote itself. Originally available only in theaters and on Amazon, viewers can now access it through other streaming services such as Hulu and Vudu. All subscription based. All part of the cinema industrial complex. 
I enjoyed Ammonite. At least, I enjoyed it the second time. The first time, thinking it would be similar to the 2019 movie Wild Nights With Emily, I convinced my husband and my two daughters, aged 18 and 15, to watch it with me. As a heterosexual-passing pan woman who has been in love with Winslet since the 1995 remake of Sense and Sensibility, I had looked forward to seeing her in a role that more accurately represented me. However, sitting with two of my children I felt my face turn red. In a brilliant parenting moment /s I tried to cover up my embarrassment by saying, “This is important. People with vaginas experience sexual pleasure differently than the movies make it seem. As people with vaginas, we have to advocate for our own pleasure,” at which point my 15 year old ran out of the room, eyes closed, hands over her ears. The 18 year old stayed, but mostly to ridicule my parenting. Two years later, when my daughters feel particularly spicy, they’ll say, “Hey, mom! Remember when you made us watch lesbian porn?”
They echo criticism from the public. One reviewer said, “Serious concerns that a famous lady has been wronged by the Lesbian storyline. Proof/truth? As for the soft porn. Why? Nothing more than eroticism for a very small segment of the population” (Alastair G, Ammonite, 2022). Even though I disagree that the movie is soft porn, and I disagree that we're a "very small segment of the population," I think Alastair hits (unwittingly) on the reason the movie failed. A combination of the slow pace and sex by and for women, two of the aspects that queer the movie, result in an insurmountable barrier for a public that is trained to prefer action and rough-and-ready sex created for the male gaze.
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References
Benshoff, H., & Griffin, S. (2010). In Queer Cinema the film reader (pp. 1–15). essay, Routledge. Taylor & Francis Group. 
Berger, J. BBC and Penguin. (1972). chapter 1. In Ways of seeing (pp. 7–34). 
Canning, I., Sherman, E., O’Reilly F.C. (Producers), & Lee, F. (Director). (2020). The Ammonite [Motion picture]. United Kingdom: Lionsgate.
Clarke, D. (2021, March 26). Ammonite: Even the saoirse ronan-kate winslet sex scenes are too respectable. The Irish Times. Retrieved October 10, 2022, from https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/film/ammonite-even-the-saoirse-ronan-kate-winslet-sex-scenes-are-too-respectable-1.4517920 
Duggan, L., & Hunter, N. D. (2006). Chapter 12: Making it perfectly queer. In Sex wars: Sexual dissent and political culture (pp. 149–163). essay, Routledge. 
Lodge, G. (2017, January 5). Does Moonlight show gay cinema has to be sexless to succeed? The Guardian. Retrieved October 10, 2022, from https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/jan/05/does-moonlight-prove-that-gay-cinema-has-to-be-sexless-to-succeed 
Na. (n.d.). Ammonite. Rotten Tomatoes. Retrieved October 10, 2022, from https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/ammonite 
Schoonover, K., & Galt, R. (2016). Introduction Queer, World, Cinema. In Queer Cinema in the world (pp. 1–34). Duke University Press. 
Schoonover, K., & Galt, R. (2016). Figures in the World: The Geopolitics of the Transcultural Queer. In Queer Cinema in the world (pp. 35-78).
Timar, C. (2020, December 6). Ammonite. CLAPPER. Retrieved October 10, 2022, from https://www.clapperltd.co.uk/home/ammonite 
by Bryn Brody
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adickaboutspoons · 5 months
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overboard au for the wip game?
AU based on the movie Overboard (1987) (if you've never heard of it, don't worry about it - it will NOT have aged well, and you don't really need to know it to get the AU). Basically, a slightly younger Stede (just recently married) meets a slightly younger Ed who is occasionally moonlighting as a ship's carpenter to stave off the boredom of his now-too-easy pirating life, and because he enjoys making things with his hands. Stede's father sets Stede to oversee the work, and Ed and Stede become friendly - so much so that Ed draws out the job longer than necessary, and Father Bonnet decides to stiff him on the bill because of it, but makes Stede deliver the bad news. Ed is hurt by Stede's high-handed attitude and tries to storm off - Stede tries to stop him and apologize, but gets knocked overboard by accident and gets amnesia when the waves slam his head into the hull of the boat. Ed rescues him and decides to take him back to his ship and tell him he's a pirate serving under Blackbeard as payback for how the Bonnets have treated him, and tells the crew to not to rough Stede up too much, but to otherwise do their worst and play along with The Bit. Eventually, this results in Izzy having Stede lashed for insubordination, which Ed stops, and then has a pallet set up in his cabin so he can personally oversee Stede's recuperation. The following snippet is from several weeks after the incident:
Stede’s mouth slants in a complicated little smile. “I know what you’re doing.” A sharp spike of wariness plummets through Ed’s chest and lodges in his stomach. “What’s that?” he asks with an air of complete and utter nonchalance. He hopes.
“You’re trying to distract me so I don’t think about how I’m not pulling my own weight.” Stede hauls himself to his feet. At this point, Stede is recovered enough from the lashes that Ed allows him to move about the cabin a little, as long as he doesn't overtax himself. There is hardly any hesitation or stiffness to the way he moves anymore. “If I’m going to be in here, I can tidy up a little, at the very least.” He shuffles toward the desk with its burden of scattered papers and books and skulls and other miscellany.
Ed has been terrible about putting the books away after he’s had Stede review them - instead letting them pile up in precariously stacked towers around the perimeter of his desk. He jumps up now and sweeps up one such pile, and takes it to the bookshelf he built into the wall next to the door of his cabin, shoving them untidily on the topmost shelf. “No! That is, I have a very specific system.” Ed doesn’t have a system. He just doesn’t want Stede stretching his back by reaching to put the books away and possibly hurting himself.
When he turns around, Stede is regarding him very peculiarly. His head is tilted at a quizical angle and his eyes dart under pinched brows back and forth between Ed’s face and the shelves behind him. He gives his head a little shake. “I just had the most peculiar sensation. Looking at you and those shelves… it’s almost like I was remembering something. From before.”
Shit. Shitshitshit. Ed standing near the shelves probably sparked some part of Stede’s memory of the cabinets that Ed built on his father’s ship. Who knows what might unravel if he keeps pulling on that thread? His heart pounds in his chest as he frantically scrabbles for a way to stop this train of thought before it has a chance to pick up speed. Fuck. Fuck! Ok. What if he makes it awkward? Makes it so Stede will want to avoid thinking about this at all costs and just leave off. Yeah. Ok. Yeah. That could work. “Oh. Yeah. ‘Course you remember,” he says, just as cool as he can manage, “This is where I kissed you for the first time.”
Stede may not remember he has a new wife (no doubt anxiously awaiting his return) back home in Barbados, but it’s been Ed’s experience that the kind of fellows who exclusively fancy the ladies get a lot less friendly when they find out Ed kisses other men. Doubly so if they think Ed might have any interest in kissing <i>them</i>. Even without his memory, Ed expects Stede will feel weird enough about even the idea of kissing a man that he will want to get out of there as soon as possible. He doesn’t suspect it will turn violent - Stede doesn’t strike him as that kind of fellow - but a certain amount of discomfort and panic is to be expected. So he’s not surprised when he sees Stede’s eyes go wide and how he freezes up.
“You mean…? You and I…?” He can’t even bring himself to say the words. Any minute now he’s going to find a reason to be elsewhere.
“Oh, yeah, man, we were lovers,” Ed confirms.
Stede’s eyes are no longer wide. Stede’s eyes are canny and speculative. Stede isn’t finding an elsewhere to be. Stede steps closer. “Were?”
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pokemoncenter · 6 months
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I am going to review the movie I saw yesterday. I suppose this is where I should warn for full spoilers for the movie, I suppose? The movie is Ronin of the Earth.
The movie begins with the main character, a nameless ronin, entering a small village, Kusanomura, in the state of Aoba, accompanied only by their young Cubone companion. They ask for lodgings, but have no money, offering to work for their stay instead. The innkeeper tells them they may stay, but they have to leave early the next day, before they are discovered.
In the night, the ronin and Cubone are awoken by a fire. Bandits had heard of an extra head arriving, and demanded taxes for the ronin- Fifty thousand zeni. The ronin, of course, simply defeated the bandits with powerful strikes, while Cubone watched. The bandits fled, but warned that the shogun would hear of this defiance.
Talking to the innkeeper, the ronin learned that the state of Kaen had been on an expansionist streak, conquering all the lands around- Izumi, Kigan, and Daichi had all fallen already, and it seemed Kaen would become the masters of all the land, by burning all dissidents.
There are scenes interspersed throughout the movie where the ronin trains with their sword, and watching them, the Cubone trains with its bone in the same motions.
In the second act, a great samurai comes to try to attack Kusanomura to defeat the ronin, and the ronin can only win by using their secret technique, a slash so powerful it erupts into flames. The samurai then recognizes this technique, the signature of the former general of Kaen, Homuramaru.
It is revealed that the ronin was formerly Kaen's greatest warrior after all. The ronin, Homuramaru, led the campaign against Daichi despite her own misgivings. However, witnessing the destruction caused by her own forces, including the death of a Marowak, she turned against her own side to protect the infant Cubone left behind. Abandoning her nation, her honor, and even her own name, she became a nameless ronin roaming the land.
Hearing of the traitorous Homuramaru, the shogun musters all his forces to descend upon Kusanomura to destroy the village along with the ronin. Standing against them, alone, Homuramaru does her best to defend it, but is forced to sacrifice her life to protect Cubone. There, she tells the Cubone that she never gave it a name, due to feeling unworthy as one who had cast aside her own name, but with her dying breath, gives Cubone the name Gou'u.
Gou'u then stands alone in front of the oncoming soldiers who plan to destroy Kusanomura, and, using his bone, uses the same technique as Homuramaru. But rather than flames, the slash instead projects the power of the earth, destroying the army in one attack, as rain falls to douse the fires.
One year later, Gou'u, now a Marowak, sits in front of a nameless grave adorned only with a sword. His slash seemingly revitalized the earth around the burned Kusanomura, and the city has been rebuilt into the beautiful Hananomura, a city of flowers. But once the city has been rebuilt, with his bone and Homuramaru's sword at his side, he departs from the city to continue to wander as a ronin.
Overall, I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. The core of the movie was not the action scenes nor the set pieces, but the quiet bond of the ronin and the Cubone, as well as the ronin's guilt for her past crimes. The emotional nature of the movie culminated in an illogical 'miracle' in the end with Cubone's attack, but I did not mind.
It was overall, a very good movie.
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queenofbrooklyn · 10 months
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My unpopular newsies opinion is that Newsies Live has real big pacing issues to it, and that takes away from the story. They talk a bit too much in the beginning about how kids shouldn't be working, because while that's true, it makes it confusing as to what the strike is about. Having Jack make a speech about child labor in the first half of the show makes it seem like that's what the strike is about the whole time.
It also takes away from the impact of Once And For All, because THAT is where the story should change. It's like how the original was Point Of No Return. That's where it becomes something bigger, and there's no way to close your eyes to it.
In Newsies, Jack stays because "he's still got stuff to do," which is in part about the family he's found, and in part because the fight isn't over. It leaves the story open, because the newsies winning doesn't mean things are all happy. "When I rise it will be with the ranks, not from the ranks."
Livesies, he could have stayed for the same reason, but they don't really say it in as impactful of a way. It feels like he stays for his friends, which is a good reason, but not as great a narrative as staying to continue the good fight.
I totally agree anon. The pacing in livesies really suffers and I have had a hard time putting my finger on it. My initial review, when I saw it when it was touring many years ago, was that it managed to achieve less characterization despite the fact the run time is a half an hour longer than the movie. They some how achieved less and built a smaller world with more time and it confuses me to this day.
But back to your point, that's one of the reasons I REALLY dislike Jack getting the illustrator gig. He rises out of poverty and is no longer a newsie. He rises from the ranks instead of with them. And I know Jack can't be a newsie forever (I mean he CAN, there were adult newsies after all) it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth that he becomes more on level with Katherine and less with the newsies. He still DOES have work to do, and it sure as hell isn't working for the man who caused them strife for two weeks.
(I'm sorry I'm going off topic again) I think the issue with livesies Jack is he has no loyalty. In the beginning he's not in the lodge house with the other guys, he's up on the roof with just Crutchy. Then Crutchy gets arrested and Jack doesn't try to break him out! (This is the most damning thing to happen in the whole show). In the movie he scabs out of protection for David and I honestly can't remember why he does in livesies, it might be the same, idk. but then he still essentially leaves the newsies by taking the job. He may not go to Santa Fe but he really shows his newsies very little loyalty. It makes me sad because Jack is loyal to a fault. The talk about moving to Santa Fe is just talk, it's a pipe dream because he's sad and confused and wants a nuclear family, but Jack has never really been alone.
Any way I'm sorry I derailed your very excellent point about pacing. It very much stands true.
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