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#moving on

Never settle

I’m still genuinely shocked to here that the way my ex treated me wasn’t normal. I thought it was normal for a boyfriend to tell you how to change your life so that you will be a “better” girlfriend. I thought it was normal for him to insult my beliefs and everything I stood for. I thought it was normal for him to cancel plans or not show up every time we had a date. I thought I was normal for me not to be a high priority at all in his life. The reason I’m just starting to realize that all of these things aren’t normal, is because of the way a guy friend treated me last night. My guy friend and I were video chatting and having a good time. And I started saying some self deprecating jokes, that really weren’t jokes at all because I believed all those bad things to be true about me because of what my ex has said. But then my guy friend told me that none of those bad things were true at all. My guy friend told me that it was cool that I have science poster all over my room, and that my short hair looked insanely good, and that I wasn’t too skinny, and that he was genuinely having a good time talking to me. As he was saying all this stuff, I was just frozen in my own head. I didn’t even know if I could believe him, I thought he was saying this to be nice. I even said to him that it wasn’t normal for a person to treat me this well. And he said back to me that with the amazing person I am, every person I encounter should be treating me this well. That sentence right there that he said to me, was the most meaningful and inspiring thing that I’ve ever heard. It doesn’t just apply to me either, it applies to everyone. If your are in a relationship, you should smiling like an idiot while talking talking to your girlfriend/boyfriend, not trying to stop yourself from crying. You should be excited to see them for a date, not worried that they won’t show up. Never settle for anyone who doesn’t making you feel like you’re on top of the world.

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My whole life you were by my side. We grew up together, and honestly I don’t think that I could have ever fathomed a life without you. 

When I started school you wanted to be just like me. Mom and dad bought us matching outfits so that we could get on the school bus looking nearly identical, though two years apart in age. You were a mirror image of your big sister.

This continued well into high school, where you would hide my stolen sweaters in your locker. We did nearly the same extracurriculars even though it infuriated me at the time. We even dated boys with the same name.

Things only changed a little when I went off to college. College wasn’t for you even though you tried so hard to convince yourself you wanted to go away too, but every time I came home, I still saw the little sister who wanted to spend time with me, who was closer to me than almost anyone ever could be. 

Over time things began to change. Slowly you became someone that I had trouble relating to. You met a boy and became more focused than ever on starting a family. 

Your husband thinks I’m not good for you, and you’ve expressed how you think our relationship will dwindle once you’ve had a few children (as my college degree and my career aspirations mean to you that I hate babies and the concept being in love). 

I know you don’t want to be like your big sister anymore, and I know that you’ve got your own dreams and ideas about what it means to have a fulfilled life. I don’t doubt that you will be immeasurably happy. I just want to be there to see it. I’m so happy for you to have found yourself. I just want to be able to get to know who you’ve become.

Even though our lives are so different, I’ll always be cheering you on in everything you do.



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I mark you red in my calendar

and the rest either blue or purple.

Blue is for before you.

Purple is for after you.

The poems after you

didn’t really feel like moving on,

until one purple morning

one eventually did.

~ Zora Lewiz

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Loved and Lost

I don’t love him like how i loved you.

It’s not love- it’s yearning.

It’s being touch starved-

It’s being abandoned.

Malnourished to the brink of death.

No, i don’t love him like how i loved you.


But i see something-

A future so bright and possibilities so endless-

That i do not care.

He gives me hope for the future.

And that- itself- is more than anything you have ever given me.

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The memories we had

One week ago, at this time, I was with him. He was at my house, and we were cuddling and watching a movie. I was playing with his hair and he had his arms around me and my head was pressed up against his chest. The blanket we were using even still smells like him. And it’s hard. It’s so hard for me to think that one week ago at this time, it was like that. Even though at that point, he had already hit me and hurt me so much, it was one of those nights where I felt like the old him came back. Although, I do realize, that don’t miss the person he truly is, I miss the person I thought he was. I don’t even know how I felt safe in his arms one week ago. And yet it still doesn’t change the fact that when I picked up that blanket and I realized it smelled like him, I cried. I cried so much. It’s the first time I’ve cried since we’ve broken up. I felt ashamed at first for crying. Everyone is around me is saying that I shouldn’t miss him, and that I shouldn’t still love him, and that I’m going to be happier without him. But how can they say that when one week ago, we did have a night where he was being the loving boyfriend that didn’t hit me or make me feel bad. How can they say that when a day after he came over we went to a movie and we cuddled and joked around and fell asleep on FaceTime that night. How can they say that when just 4 days ago, at this time, he was still my boyfriend. That’s when I learned, it’s okay to miss him/her, even when they have abused you. It’s okay for myself to remember the good times and feel sad. Even though it was an abusive relationship, it was still a relationship that was a big part of my life. It’s okay to grieve, and cry, and be hurt. You have that right. So display your emotions, don’t bottle it all up, and know that everything you’re feeling is valid.

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Pretty Lights – Understand Me Now – Making Up A Changing Mind

Sometimes I find myself alone

regretting some little foolish thing,

some simple thing that I’ve done.

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Hi, How can i stop thinking about a girl? I used to work with her and loved her with all i had. We were awesome together. The world would dissapear when i was with her. I also hurt her but things with me were complicated. I would still do anything for her, to see her. I really still love her even though its been over for months. I feel im addicted to her and she has moved on.

it’s a difficult situation you’re in and i sympathise with you because i know how it feels to be the only one left caring.

you tell yourself that you need to move on. you realise that things didn’t work out for a reason and that even though it feels impossible, you will meet someone else and fall in love again. but that can’t happen until you’ve healed and moved on.

you distract yourself and you stop fixating on her. you say yes to plans you normally would’ve said no to. you meet new people. you focus on your job. you read books that make you feel better about yourself and your break up. for me, i read “it’s called a break up because it’s broken” and “the unexpected joys of being single”. they really helped me to put things into perspective and love the new life i had without my ex.

you stop thinking about her because you need to move on for your future. there’s someone so great out there and there’s such a good life ahead of you that’s waiting for you. but you need to heal and move on before you can get to it. you realise that even though it feels like it’s the end of the world, it’s not.

you have a choice. you can either carry your heartbreak around with you and fixate on things that went wrong and things that went right until you drive yourself mad. or you can put the heavy weight of your broken heart down and realise that this was a learning opportunity for you. now you know what you need to do in your next relationship and what you need from your next partner.

you can’t live in the past. no matter how much you think about the good times it doesn’t make them come back into your present. but here’s the thing, there’s so many more good times with different people waiting for you. whether it be with a new lover or with your friends and family.

even if you done some wrong in the relationship, you still deserve someone who stays. who will try and work things out no matter how tough it gets. no one is perfect and people always make mistakes. you deserve much more than what that relationship could give you so be grateful that it didn’t work out and learn from the experience.

right now there is a hole in your life where she was so you need to find other ways to fill it.

so get out of the house more, keep yourself busy, start walking or running daily, read new books, learn something new, meet new people, reconnect with people you haven’t seen in a while, visit your family or focus more on you career and what you want out of your life. there are so many better ways to spend your time so please try some of them because i promise you that you’ll feel better once you do.

time does heal but you need to put the effort into your healing. block her from social media, don’t contact her or stalk her online profiles, avoid places you know you might see her and tell yourself that you want a love that stays. because you do, don’t you?

i know this is a terrible situation to be in but you’re not alone in what you’re going through. and i want you to know that it feels like you’ll never get over it until you do.

forgive yourself for what you done wrong and forgive her for her wrongdoings too. you need to let go of the guilt you hold in order to move on. you done what you thought was best at the time with the information that you had, it’s okay if you made the wrong choice, you’re only human.

i really hope things get better for you and that you start healing soon.

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Moving On Pt2

Summary: While you and Peter wait for the Avengers to bring those who died in Infinity War before the snap and Endgame you try to find a way to keep your mind off of everything. That may include some danger and lots of time to yourselves while you wait for those who we lost to return. That is if they return.

Pairing: Peter ParkerxStark!Reader

Warnings: Fluff?, Angst, INFINITY WAR AND ENDGAME SPOILERS, (Possible Far From Home spoilers so if you haven’t seen it amd you don’t want spoilers just DM me and I will catch you up!), Also small mentions of mental health/bottling up emotions so I want you to know that if you suffer from either of those that you can talk to me or someone you trust and that it does get better! Stay safe Lovies!

(Moodboard is by @laureharrier she is so talented and all credit to her!)


School that day went pretty slow. Classes seemed to drag on longer than usual, lunch seemed quiet and dark, and it seemed that everyone was talking but nothing came out of their mouth. The only thing you really heard was in Mr. Harrigton’s class. “Ok class, please remember that over the summer we will be going to Europe! We will take an 11 hour flight to Italy first!” Mr. Harrigton got your attention… That’s new.

After school you and Peter were walking home as usual. But something about New York seemed different. The streets seemed to be more empty than usual. And everyone who walked by you gave you looks. Not good ones. Those dirty and dissapointed looks that your family gives you when you did something wrong.

You decided to ignore it. When you got home you walked past the other Avengers and went to your room not saying a word. When you closed the door you slid down the door back to the hard wood, and you cried.

You don’t cry much. In fact you hadn’t cried since your father’s funeral, even though Dr. Banner and the rest of the Avengers were trying to get him and Natasha back that wasn’t enough for you. He was gone and it was your fault.

You knew it was. It should have been you who did the snap. It should have been you who died that day. Not that you really wanted to die. You liked your life and all you just hated the fact that your father had to die. Someone who imapcted the world. Someone who everyone loved and looked up to. Someone people cared about and who everyone thought that if he died the world would be so empty. And now, the world is empty in so many people’s eyes. And you felt like that was on you. He promised you he would be there always. He promised you he would be ok. He promised that he would never leave you. And he broke every promise that day.

Nobody bothered you until it was time to eat dinner. They knew better than to bother you right now. After Sam came to tell you it was time for dinner you made sure to re-apply your makeup to hide your red puffy cheeks and possibly distract people from your red blood-shot eyes from crying for who knows how long at this point. When you got downstairs you noticed everyone was already at the table waiting for you and Peter to be downstairs. “Where’s Peter?” You questioned.

“In his room I think. I told him that dinner is ready but he said he wasn’t really hungry and he would get something later.” May said, a almost worried tone to her voice.

“Be right back…” You said as you went upstairs and knocked on Peter’s door.

No answer. You knocked again. No answer.

You decided to just open the door. You stopped dead in your tracks when you saw Peter sitting infront of your dad’s mask watching the clips he recorded in space and the one’s that were played at the funeral. He looked at you and quickly turned off the helmet. You had tears brimming your eyes. Pepper told you that she didn’t want either of you to see those clips, knowing how upset you both were about his death.

“W-Where did you find that?” You managed to choke out.

“In Pepper’s room. I kinda just wanted to see his face and hear his voice again. I didn’t think anyone would come in here and thought now would be the time I guess.” He explained. “You ok?” He finally noticed your tears.

“Oh um I’m fine sorry eyes are watering a bit I think an eyelash fell into my eye.” You quickly wiped the tears off your cheeks. “So um not coming to dinner?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry right now. Sorry.”

“It’s alright just uh wanted to make sure. To be honest I’m not hungry either.” You chuckled a bit at the last sentance. “Wanna just sit here and talk? Maybe let some things off your chest?” He questioned. “Sure that would be kinda nice I guess.”


A/N: Finally got this done. I was feeling very angsty today and inspiration struck! I didn’t proof read so…oops! Hope you enjoyed and please give me feedback! If you would like to be added to my taglist for this series please DM me or send me a ask letting me know you would like to be added! Love you guys!

Taglist/Mutuals: @thollandss (Mutual), @foreverstuckwritingandimagining (Mutual), @lunathepettuna (Mutual/Taglist member), @heyhihellowhatsup0 (Mutual/Taglist member?), @petersmparker (Mutual?), @nothingbutimagines (Mutual?).

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Something I didn’t know was abuse

I’m honestly baffled right now, and here’s why. My ex used to do this thing where he would ignore me as a punishment. I have an anxiety disorder, and one of my worst triggers is when people become upset with me or won’t talk to me, and then won’t give me a reason why. Of course I know that I can’t ever force someone to talk to me, especially if they don’t feel comfortable with it, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s all my mind can think about while I wait for the other person to hopefully reach out to me. My ex knew this about me, and he took advantage of it. If we were on the phone, and I would disagree with something he said, he would hang up and block me for a few hours as a punishment. If I was at his house, and he wanted to do something that I didn’t want to go, he forced me leave. If I ever did something that he didn’t like at school, he would give me the silent treatment for the rest of the day. It would drive me insane, and I’ve even had panic attacks over it. What made it even worse is that everyone would tell me it’s my fault, and that I can’t be upset with him for doing that to me because when he needs his “space” I have to give it to him. His mother even told me it was my fault that he hit me one day because I shouldn’t have asked him what was wrong when he started ignoring me. I genuinely believed that all the emotional and physical abuse he put me through was my fault because I would get upset when he ignored me as a punishment. Finally today, I learned that ignoring someone as a punishment, is also a form of abuse. I almost was relieved when I learned that I wasn’t crazy just because I didn’t like it when he did that. I want to let all of you know as well, that if someone your in a relationship does this to you, it’s not okay and your not crazy for not liking it. There’s a difference between someone asking for a little bit of space or time to themselves, and ignoring someone as a punishment just to hurt them.

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i refuse to be the reason why i have a bad day. i refuse to be the reason why my intentions fail. i refuse to be the reason for someone bad experience. i refuse to be the reason for anyone’s pain or trauma. i refuse to be the reason the world is so chaotic. i refuse to be any less than what i expect from others. i refuse to be the reason i am not being heard. i refuse to be the reason someone feels unworthy.  

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When life does you dirty

Sometimes I feel like life does us dirty. That somehow we get the short end of the straw. This isn’t a pity post, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes you just feel as though everything is a bit unfair.

I’ve kinda been feeling that way recently. I’ve been giving people second chances that many say that do not deserve. I’ve been helping those who didn’t help me when I needed it. It seems I’ve been putting myself on the line for these people, and yet somehow I always end up the bad guy.

I’m not sure if any of you can relate to this at all in anyway, but if you can, please tell me. I honestly feel like I’m the only one out there who feels as though they unfairly get painted as the bad guy. I was hoping this post would help me come to some kind of resolution of how to deal with this. To be honest I know the answer, but it’s not the answer I wanted.

The answer is this: do not put yourself on the line for people that do not deserve your time and energy. I’m not saying don’t give people a second chance, what I’m saying is stop putting people’s opinions in high regard, if that don’t deserve it. All you can do is your best to help, and if they don’t accept that or can’t see the good it in, that’s a reflection on their own securities not on you.

Keep being kind, even when you feel like you can’t be anymore.

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