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#my favourites are the ones with doie
nctynuniverse · 2 years
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A.M.
Kim Doyoung x reader
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A/N: This is part of the One Direction Symphony series. I don't think I really like how this one turned out but it's the best I can offer right now.
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“Would you like another beer?”
Doyoung was currently sitting next to the girl of his dreams, who also happened to be one of his best friends. For some reason, the tall boy was not exactly Luck’s favorite and he was, sadly, used to being rejected. He would always assume so before he even tried.
This, his friend Taeyong thought, was because of a girl who rejected him back when they were trainees. And because of his suspected one-sided crushes that had happened over the years. However, this time things seemed to be different.
She did seem interested and had sent some hints, but this time it was Doyoung the one that went all about ‘not ruining their friendship’. Bullshit.
“Yes, I’d love one”
She offered a soft smile, then pout.
“Just one more though, it’s getting late and I need to go home anyways”. ‘Please ask me to stay’ she thought, heat on her cheeks.
Doyoung looked at the time: 10.30 pm. It was getting late. He did not comment about it and continued with their conversation about their favourite series.
And from series they went to theatre plays and only then had Doyoung learned that her favourite play was The Phantom of The Opera. And that she had seen it live the two times she travelled to London. Because that's her favourite city. And suddenly, they were talking about cities, and going on holidays together.
y/n was so easy to be around. And her eyes sparkled whenever she talked about things that she liked. He didn't notice when they came so close, while she looked on Booking for cheap hotels in London. Places he could only dream of visiting, as his fame wouldn't let him anyways.
And Doyoung took a quick glance at the clock: 11.45 pm. y/m was too focused, daydreaming about going on holidays together. He rested his head on her shoulder, the alcohol already taking the best of both of them. What started being a simple beer and pizzas, ended up with five cans for each other and some random plans for going together to London.
"It's getting late, Doie" - she sighed.
"It's late already, y/n" - he answered, his head still on her shoulder, his right hand drawing patterns on her arm.
"I should get going, for real, an uber back home at this time is going to be fucking expensive".
"Then stay the night"- He answered, already looking at her, so close their noses were touching.
Her heart almost jumped out of her body. And she could feel herself trembling. She looked in his eyes, then his lips, then his eyes again.
"I won't sleep on the couch. And you shouldn't either".
"Then we can both sleep together. On my bed"- He said in a whisper, leaning in, capturing her lips in his. And they felt so soft when she kissed him back.
At 9 am he woke up, with a little headache and his now girlfriend's legs tangled with his, the girl fast asleep, clothes long discarded on the floor.
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dojae-huh · 2 years
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Yes like pretty handsome yes good looking maybe his kind heart reflect in his face. Im just -idontknowhowtosayit- why there are so many hatter while he is so kind. And jae akgaes just in denial, many doie antis from there meanwhile his idol is the number one supporter for doie activity.
Haters don't spend their time getting to know Doyoung. They also selectively don't remember when members say positive things about him. They watch content with their own biases or, which is even more often the case, only read what others write on twitter and get misinformed. For example, many solo stans cut off other members from gifs. Which results in a smiling Jaehyun without the one who made him smile.
Some time ago we had a discussion on this blog about a possible reason for Doyoung not being very popular in the West. And one of the reason was that he comes off as "know-it-all". His smarts and him being proud of it was perceived as undesireable, a bad trait. So people make first wrong judgements, then read mean comments and keep to their ungrounded opinions.
In most cases, it's as simple as needing to make someone an enemy, find someone to blame. "My bias doesn't get a solo song. Who gets solo songs? Doyoung posts covers. He must be SM's favourite. He must be a bootlicker, a principal's pet. He takes away opportunities from my poor bias. He is the reason my bias doesn't get solo songs. Punish him!". That kind of train of thought.
Rule of thumb: listen to people who know an idol in real life, met him personally. Fans can both praise too much or hate for nothing.
Jaehyun's fans are in denial, heh, they see it's Doyoung who gets the heart eyes, they simply can't agree with what their eyes tell them and accept it. A lot of Jae's fans have a very skewed perception of him. They bias him for the looks only, they are simply shallow.
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khaotunqs · 1 year
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it’s your secret santa again 🎁💞 the holidays really are always a season right between nice and really stressful, but i hope the nice part is lying ahead for you and your week has gone well so far <3
loved what you said about nct (127)!they’re one of my favourite groups too and doyoung is one of my biases too, i sooo get what you mean. at first i only listened to their music without watching any videos or content, so his voice stood out to me first and i was like … damn, who is that … and here we are now! he has a fantastic voice and is really hilarious dhhdhehje. and your song choices! ahhh, i loved seeing those! your blog title made me think of time lapse right away and seeing you mention it i was like, well, that’s clear now (what a good song whew). overall, i just love how nct always has some stuff going on and you can just sort of pick what you want to enjoy and see from them 👌
loved your character list, i feel like these are so very you and fit what you’ve told me about the shows and stories you go for (and dw i would find it difficult to seoerate jwds and vegaspete too, they are so intertwined in each other). your taste really shines and i love how your gifsets always are an extension of that. the way you see your favourite media and characters and give them room in your stuff and your creativity is so cool! ☺️
i know our time is coming to a close, but some last questions bc i still love reading what you have to say: are there any dramas you are looking forward to in 2023 or any on your watchlist? any movies you really loved this year? and any show or movie that took you completely by surprise or was just a fun watch for yourself?
sending you good vibes and thoughts! 🌞
hello my mystery friend! i'm a little sad that our time is coming to a close--i've had such a nice time "chatting" with you!
this got kinda long, so i'mma put this behind a cut!
i'm trying not to freak out about the holidays--this was a rough year for us and frankly i don't need to compound my stress, y'know? it'll be okay. my family is relatively healthy and happy, and that's more than i could ask for.
right??? doyoung's voice is so good! doie, release a solo mini album, i beg 🙏 my friend pointed out once that my biases tend to skew toward the singers and when i thought about it, i realized she's right. doyoung from nct (also taeil!), kihyun from monsta x, onew from shinee, baekhyun from exo... there's definitely some merit to that lol
i was reviewing that list and wow i do have a type, don't i? i like my men slutty and/or emotionally stunted. 👌
you're so kind 💕thank you for saying that about my gifsets. i'm enjoying making them and stretching myself creatively. honestly, i haven't felt this creative in years. i didn't realize how much i missed giffing until i started doing it again on a regular basis. i thrive on engagement, and i'm so happy that people seem to enjoy what i do.
hmmm. dramas i'm looking forward to... i don't have a lot of new dramas on my list but there's a lot of already-released stuff waiting for me. 'prison playbook', 'under the skin', and 'big bet' are a few that come to mind. there are A LOT of dramas that i need to get back to (that adhd brain baby!): 'tomorrow', 'extraordinary attorney woo', 'the guest', 'flower of evil' and 'my country: the new age' come to mind. despite having lots of shows to resume, i've delved into a couple of new ones--'bad and crazy', 'somebody' and 'connect'. i'm enjoying them all so far. 'bad and crazy' is so much fun right now (i suspect it will get less fun as the series goes on) and the chemistry between lee dong wook and wi ha joon is great. 'connect' is interesting (and kinda gross, but it is takashi miike so). and 'somebody' gives me the chills. love it.
as far as movies, i really liked 'incantation'. i finally saw 'the handmaiden' this year--amazing. i also watched 'mother' and 'memoir of a murder'. both very very good films. i hope to continue my journey through shin ha kyun's filmography 😍 (god that man makes me insane)
i'm trying to think if anything took me by surprise, and honestly it would be 'beyond evil'. i realize i'm a broken record at this point, but that series really changed my life. i went into it anticipating a murder mystery and what i got was this beautifully told story about love, loss, death, greed, companionship, loneliness, found family, and flawed people. i think about it literally every single day, i've watched the whole series three times so far, and i feel like i'm due for another one soon.
sending you good vibes and positive thoughts!!! i hope you're safe and well, mystery friend! 💕
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favoritejohn · 5 years
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the way his whole face beams when he smiles, he's the actual sun 😭
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your-world-with-nct · 3 years
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— @doyoungcore ty for the inspiration for this post joyce 🥺 consider this a very belated bday present hehe (also apologies for the late post, i hope this longer blurb makes up for it 🙈)
💌 • 4:56pm
browsing the clothing racks for items that caught your eye, you sighed as you checked the price tag of the pair of jeans you’d been considering getting for a while, groaning at the fact that it hadn’t gone on sale yet.
you dragged your feet to the next aisle, looking down at your worn-out sneakers and heading for the shoe section instead, immediately spotting some reasonably-priced stylish boots along with your favourite shoe brand’s name splashed above the display.
“hey, excuse me, hi, do you have a minute?” you would be lying if you said that the man standing in front of you panting and swiping at his forehead wasn’t the most beautiful person you’d ever laid eyes on, your throat drying up at his unbelievable looks.
“oh, me? yeah, i have a minute, are you okay?” you questioned why this man who could pass off as a model was acting as desperate as those people in the town centre who passed out flyers that nobody ever paid attention too, pausing to take in his breathtaking physique.
“i’m so sorry to bother you, but my name is doyoung, and my ex is here with her new boyfriend. i was wondering if you could just pose as my partner for a bit, y’know, until she’s gone,” stranger!doyoung nervously smiled at you, his eyes flitting all over as, you assumed, he was searching for his ex, “if i’m interrupting your shopping, i-i’ll go but, i, i just don’t wanna look pathetic in front of her.”
the request shocked you, but there was a small voice in your head that wanted to go along with it. not only because you felt sorry for doyoung and you didn’t want him to embarrass himself in front of his ex, but also the fact this gorgeous boy thought that you were believable enough to be, well, in his league and dating him, inflated your ego and you had to repay him for doing wonders with your confidence.
“no, no, that’s fine, doyoung! i’m y/n, by the way, and don’t worry, you’re not really interrupting anything,” you grinned at him, trying not to scream when an adorable gummy smile appeared on his face, “just do what you need to do, i’ll go with it.”
contrary to your statement, you couldn’t hide the shock on your face when doyoung went straight for your hand and interlocked your fingers, leading you to those shoes you’d been eyeing, while gazing at you with his twilight orbs, “how about those, babe? i remember you saying you needed more shoes to go with those pants you bought last week.”
considering how jittery doyoung was when he approached you, you were beyond amazed by how easily he transformed into an endearing ‘boyfriend’, helping you reach shoes on higher shelves and asking employees for your size, all whilst making light-hearted conversation with you and calling you the cutest nicknames.
within a few minutes, you were immersed in your role, completely embracing doyoung’s kindness, and even forgetting that it was all an act at times, especially when he tidied away the shoes you didn’t want and wordlessly handed your sneakers back to you, as if it was his silent way of showing affection.
except… it wasn’t; he was just trying to save himself from embarrassment and it meant absolutely nothing to him, whilst, you, on the other hand, basked in the undeserved attention he gave you. the feeling of being cared for was so unfamiliar to you that the slightest acts of service from a handsome stranger had you melting.
it had been almost ten minutes since you were parading around as doyoung’s lover, yet you still hadn’t seen his dreaded ex nor her new boyfriend. seeing as he was currently too focused on picking out his own shoes, you examined the adjacent aisles, looking in all directions just to find that there was quite literally no other couple in sight. either his ex had already left the store, or doyoung was the smoothest man you had ever met.
the new discovery had your brain running at a hundred miles per hour, eventually deciding to keep playing along with doyoung’s little game, you know, have a little fun before you went back to being single and lonely.
“hey, doie, not to alarm you, but i see a couple on their way over here,” you whispered in his ear, coming up behind him as he was returning a shoe box to its rightful place on the shelf, “is that your ex over there?”
doyoung didn’t know if it was your statement or the close proximity that had his heart racing, clearing his throat in an attempt to soothe his erratic pulse, “oh, is it? i-i don’t wanna risk checking though, let’s just–”
taking a page out of the romcom protagonist book, you smirked as you stepped closer to the blushing boy, forcing him to take a step backward against a wall of branded trainers, cocking your eyebrow when you noticed the coral shade spreading across his face, “let’s just stay like this for a bit, i’m sure she’ll hate seeing her ex like this with someone else, huh?”
the confidence oozing out of you had doyoung in mental shambles - when he tried the elaborate pick-up ploy on an unsuspecting you, he didn’t think it would go this well, and now he felt obliged to tell you the truth, although that would mean he was risking rejection and, judging from what he learned about your personality in the past fifteen minutes, possibly an emotional response.
however, it occurred to him that, if he played his cards right, he could walk away today with your number, and a date at the cafè his best friend owned, all he had to do was not to react, which was proving a difficult task right now as he felt your hand on his waist and your breath ghosting on his collarbone.
“okay, okay, fine, there is no ex!” doyoung blurted out, not being able to last any longer with your intense gaze on him, “i-i made it up as an excuse to try and talk to you because, well…”
“because what?” you sat down on one of the small sofas to give doyoung some space, scattered with abandoned shoes that had no pair.
your nonchalant reaction had him furrowing his eyebrows in confusion, brushing off his bewilderment to answer your question, “i just, i thought you were really pretty and i wanted to talk to you. how was i supposed to know you would go along with, all that, so quickly and easily?”
doyoung couldn’t explain the relief he felt when you began giggling, as he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“it was easy enough to pretend, when you’re probably the most likeable person i’ve ever met,” you chuckled, the shyness from before evaporating the longer you stared at doyoung’s beauty, “since you basically tricked me into hanging out with you, how about we actually go do something? y’know, where you don’t have lie to me about what we’re doing?”
“wait, really?” doyoung’s eyes widened, surprised that you still wanted anything to do with him.
“yes, now, let me pay for these and we can head to your friend’s cafè down the road. unless that was a lie too?” you both broke out into wide grins, as you took his hand and led him to the counter, whilst he balanced your purchases in his arms.
you couldn’t explain where that courage cane from, nor why a mere twenty minutes with a stranger made you feel more content than ever; but meeting doyoung was like listening to a song for the first time and immediately knowing it would be your favourite.
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papergirllife · 3 years
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Birthday Getaway
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Kim Doyoung (M)
*a short smut for our doie’s belated birthday, hope you guys like it!
Doyoung had brought you to Jeju Island to celebrate his birthday together, he booked the most famous resort here, treating you to a whole day of good food and spas, spoiling his girlfriend was one of his favourite past times even on his special day. After a whole day of sight seeing, it is good to be treated with a spa or two in the resort, with your tummy filled with a delicious dinner prior.
When it was time to retreat to your rooms and retire for the night, you went outside the room to see a small patch of grassland, with trees surrounding the front of your mini yard as the sides were built high up to give visitors utmost privacy.
You stepped onto the soft grass, looking up to see the stars filled sky, a stark contrast from Seoul, where the pollution was worse there.
“Look, Doyoung! There’s so many stars!”
“You’re right, baby. The sky’s as beautiful as you are tonight,” Doyoung complimented shamelessly. 
You hit Doyoung’s chest lightly as he tries to take cover by back hugging you.
“Stop it, Doie. You’re making me blush.”
“I like it when you blush.”
Doyoung releases his hold on you to lay down on the grass, patting the spot next him, signaling you to join him. You laid down next to him, looking at the stars in a more comfortable position.
“This is so comforting, looking at the stars, you next to me, I could feel my worries fading,” Doyoung said, speaking out his thoughts. 
“We should travel more often then.”
“I’ll hold you onto that.”
Doyoung holds you close as your head lays on his chest, moving you on top of him to give you warmth as the wind blows gently, his hand rubbing up and down your arms in a loving manner.
Doyoung reaches down to kiss you, tasting the soju you had before.
“I love you, Y/N.”
You sat up and turned back to face Doyoung properly, your smile bright even in the night.
“I love you too, Doie,”you said before kissing him passionately, arms wrapped around his neck gently as you pull him in closer, your chest against his, his arms circling around your waist.
Your arm slides under Doyoung’s shirt, tracing his abs gently, making him shudder under your touch.
“Do you want to take this inside, Doie?”
“I want to make love to you under the stars, baby. Let me profess my love to you under the beautiful night sky,” Doyoung said breathlessly as he slips off your cardigan, his cardigan.
“Is that a way of covering up a secret kink or something?” you teased.
“Maybe, just let me love you, baby.”
You laughed at the pink that slightly dusted his cheeks.
“Sure Doie,” you said as you slipped your dress off, your matching lingerie set on display for him to see
“I love this colour on you,” Doyoung said as he tugs at your bra strap in a playful manner, letting it snap against your skin.
Doyoung unhooked your bra before laying you down gently back on the grass, stopping to rid himself of his own clothes.
Doyoung quickly delves into your core, your spread legs welcoming him in a perfect manner that he just couldn’t help himself. He gives your clit a few kitten licks, before lapping a big fat stripe at your whole slit, collecting your arousal on his tongue just to push it back into you as he fucks you with his tongue, making you moan his name, a sweet melody to his ears as he felt your fingers hold onto locks of his hair.
Doyoung slips a finger beside his tongue to get you worked up more, sliding in another to scissor you open so that you could take him without any pain. Your back arches into the cool night as Doyoung quickens the pace, his thumb mixing into the play, rubbing quick circles on your once neglected clit.
Doyoung opens his eyes to look up at your figure, noticing how beautiful you look with your breasts glowing in the moonlight. When he sensed your high approaching, he quickly stops all action. You were going to open your mouth to complain when Doyoung positioned himself at your entrance, pushing in gently, inch by inch.
Doyoung starts to thrust into you with slow deep thrusts, as he captures your lips in his, swallowing your moans for himself, in fear that the people next door would make a noise complaint against the two of you.
You roll your hips against Doyoung’s, not wanting him to do all the work because both of you had a tiring day today. You break free from the kiss to catch some air, attacking his neck instead, leaving marks in your wake, you purposely sucked harder on Doyoung’s sweet spot, making his movements stutter, but recovered almost immediately, in fact, he thrusted into you faster, fueled by the heighted pleasure, not giving a care in the world that other people might hear him.
“Doyoung-ah, I’m close,” you said as you felt the knot in your abdomen tightening, your hands that are on his back scratching him, the pleasure mixed with pain only pushes him further over the edge.
“Cum for me, baby,” Doyoung encouraged. 
You reached your high when Doyoung dipped down to bite at one of your nipples as the other was pinched by his lithe fingers, making your back arch as your orgasm washes over you like a broken dam, walls clenching around Doyoung’s length, making him cum.
Doyoung tried his best to ride out both your highs, milking your orgasm for all its worth, a slight gasp when he felt the overstimulation as he slid out of you, a mixture of your juices leaking from your core, dripping onto the grass as your legs shake slightly from the overwhelming pleasure you had received.
Doyoung brushes away the strands of hair that were sticking to your forehead, taking in your wrecked face, giving himself a mental pat on the back for making you feel this well.
“Come on, let’s wash up and get you into bed,” Doyoung said as he scooped you up in his arms, carrying you bridal style back into the room, laying a kiss on your forehead as you drift off to sleep, feeling safe and secured in your lover’s arms.
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wokainight · 3 years
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NCTeaction: Cooking as Your Boyfriend
notes: hope the title makes sense but it’s legit what they would cook for you as your boyfriend,, well as far as cooking goes anyways lol
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TAEIL: okay uh what cooking
not like he couldn’t but if getting you your favourite drink from your favourite coffee shop (even if it’s water) seems like a better choice (which he thinks it is) 
then obvs screw cooking
casually drops it at your workplace/home without notice,,
“hey”
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JOHNNY: okay but melting chocolate is a cooking process and reshaping it into very decorative moulds is A+++++ because it’s heart shaped and he added sprinkles on top
literally dumps a bag of remoulded chocolate in front of you
“this is just a fraction of my love for you”
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YUTA: he’s feeling up for some oyakodon (jap dish)--  buys two and meets you during lunch time !!
“oh you’re here?” and when you coo at him, praising him for buying you one and telling him how do u kno i was craving this?? daw thanks yu--
and he just grins at you slyly,,,
“they’re both mine.”
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TAEYONG: welcome to heaven
he’s got a whole luncheon packed inside individual glass container with pretty labels and instagram worthy decorations. the two of you would go out on a picnic somewhere nice (probs at hangang river) and just enjoy a quiet date filled with soft music, scattered books and napping under the afternoon sun.
“im so lucky to have you” he’ll say out of the blue
you’d sit up, look at him going ???? “okay random but appreciated, thank”
you’ll both end up laughing with him bringing you into his arms. 
“just wanted you to know, 
that’s all”
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DOYOUNG: dinner at his place is as perfect as it can be.
despite his tsundere demeanour ( yes you said it your doyoung’s a tsundere and everyone deserves the right to know and fawn on )
he’d have sappy shit-- candles, roses, dimmed lights and all that jazz
the menu differs but they’d always be things that you’d see in michelin star restaurants... honestly why isn’t he opening up a restaurant again??
“d’aw doie this is so nice,” you’d fawn, taking heaps of pictures to post on the 127 squad group chat.
doyoung would roll his eyes, already piling things up on your plate. “yeah yeah we all know, hurry up before it gets cold.”
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JUNGWOO: would really really really really try his very very very very best like the uwu president he is but realistically,,
he’s burning down the building y’all
would cry when he’d burnt all the dishes (that’s a true skill to have: incinerate everything you create)
and you’d soothingly rub his back,
“it’s okay woo, we can grab some takeouts”
he’d be all snot and tears: “b-b-but what went w-wrong?”
you glance at the amount of oil covering the stove. “hm, i don’t know really...”
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MARK: you know what homeboy’s gonna whip up 
/flashback to nct world.
there’s no ifs buts or questions. 
i present to you mark lee: 
the saga of the sunny sides and fuck ups
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haechansfbuddy · 3 years
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Never bloom again
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Jung Jaehyun x female reader
Based on: never bloom again by waterparks
You and Jaehyun had been dating for 9 months, and you had decided to move in together, with a house in LA. Jaehyun was your favourite place, he was your escape from reality, and he never failed to sweep you off your feet.
"Good morning darling" he came and pressed a kiss on your collarbone and have you a back hug while you stood at the stove cooking breakfast. You hummed happily in response, continuing to fry your eggs. "Jaehyun baby, could you go and set the table" "of course princess" he said, detatching himself from you to and set the table. You plated up the food, and took it into the dining room, gently placing them opposite each other so you could look at Jaehyun and talk to him over breakfast. He smiled contently at you as he say down, you focusing on his cute little dimples, and how prominent they were when he smiled.
You two talked over breakfast. And then you helped him put his jacket on and fixed his pretty hair before he kissed you and left for work.
The days always went slow when Jaehyun was at work, so you called your best friend Karina and chatted about nothing. Once the clock hit 2, you started preparing Jaehyun a snack for when he got in, like you always did. And you left it with a little note next to the plate that said "Hi handsome, I'm in the shower, but when I get out I'll be there to cuddle you" And you headed upstairs.
As you turned the shower off, clicking the head back into place, you heard the back door slam closed. You hurriedly dry yourself and get dressed and practically throw yourself down the stairs "Jae you're home" you squeak excitedly, but he just ignores you. You notice he looks upset, and he didn't eat his snack either. "What's wrong Jae you look sad, and you seem distant" He just huffed in response and you try to hug him to imply you're here for him but he just pushes you away.
You decide to give him space and you go and sleep at Karinas house, leaving breakfast in the fridge for Jaehyun and a note on the side. Karina tried to assure you that everything is fine, and Jaehyun probably just had a bad day. You still can't sleep regardless, worrying about what could possibly be that bad.
Jaehyun pov:
I didn't want to do it. I feel so bad, but it's all for work. I can't just leave my princess without telling her why. But if I tell her anything I'll get fired. Jaehyun lead awake all night thinking, knowing he has to leave in the morning without telling you why. He tried to write a not to even explain something to you, but he didn't know how to say it. So he just write a sentence and left.
Reader pov again:
When you get home in the morning, you see a little tatty teddy holding a heart, and a note that said "sorry princess, it will all make sense one day" and that's when you realised he was gone. You sobbed for hours, rereading the note a thousand times, though the tears were blurring your vision. You decided to just wallow in self pity, dancing around the living room to lover of mine. You just didn't understand.
You both suffered for the next few weeks, Jaehyun waking up a four am and wishing he was home again. You realising just how much you needed Jaehyun to function. It only got harder and harder. You knew what it was like to be alone, but it has never stung like this before. You just wished you never left him alone that day. You wanted to give him space but you stepped away from his brain. But what you didn't know is that you never left his mind. Everyone he saw looked like you from a distance, not because there was any resemblance, but because he wanted to see you. Every night you were both restless, thinking of each other, taking sleep until you were dreaming.
You decided, on tuesday, you were flying around to go and find him. You called Jaehyuns friend doyoung.
"What is it"
"Tell me where he's gone"
"I can't tell you anything"
"Doie please" he could hear the desperation in your voice.
"Look y/n, I'm sorry but I just can't tell you what's going on, I can't tell you why he left, I can't tell you who he left with"
"He left with someone" your voice was weak and sounded somewhat heartbroken.
"Don't worry, it's not like that, he didn't leave with someone to forget about you, he still loves you I promise"
"Doie where is he"
"Korea." He sounded a little shy and scared " but don't tell him I told you" he added quickly
"I won't, thank you for your service"
A plane ticket to Korea, how expensive.
You woke up on the Tuesday, determined to go find Jaehyun. You fell asleep for most of the plane ride, exhausted from spending 3 weeks sleep deprived and sobbing most of the time.
What you didn't know, is that Jaehyun had quit his job to go back to you. And just as you stepped off the plane, Jaehyun entered your home in LA.
All he found when he entered the house was his lonely words "sorry princess, it will all make sense one day"
You were gone, he didn't know where to, and he never found out the Doyoung knew where you were. He knows you are his one and only, and he'll never bloom again
Requests
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starlitmark · 2 years
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one of my favourite things is bunnies sharing households with cats and/or dogs and bossing them around... so i feel like poly dotae's firstborn would learn to appeal to/"manipulate" (as children do) taeyong more than anyone 😂 "mommy and doyoung-dad said no ice cream tonight..." "so why do you think i'd say anything different?" "🥺🥺🥺 daddy please i've been good all week" "... okay, fine, but only after dinner." "YAY!!" she picked up/inherited his persuasion skills lol, definitely his daughter
Naur 😂 taeyong’s son being the younger of the two siblings doesn’t help either that kitty gets away with so much cause he pouts and looks all cute to get his way. 100% inherited taeyong’s boba eyes too 🥺 please he gets so spoiled and their bunny daughter whines to Doie about her brother getting ice cream but she didn’t and Doie can’t do anything but let her have it too. (Definitely scolds yongie for caving again cause they can’t keep having unhealthy snacks all the time)
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celestialmark · 4 years
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Lacuna - Part Three
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- Characters: Johnny Suh x reader, members of nct  - Category: single parent au, fluff, slight angst.  - Word count: 6.3k  - Warnings: - - Navigation: prologue | part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | epilogue  - Author’s notes: ACK SHE IS FINALLY HERE SKSKKSK if u noticed, I'm adding an extra part to the series ksksksk as always, this series is dedicated to you bub! love u heaps. 
“How was it?” Taeyong asks, taking a sip from the cup of coffee you had just made him.
You ponder on the question for a few seconds before you take the seat opposite him on the dining table. “Pretty well. I think Youngho really likes him.”
Taeyong nods knowingly in relief. He studies your distracted expression before proceeding with his next question. “And how do you feel?”
“Good. I’m happy if Youngho is,” you reply almost too quickly while you play with the ceramic mug nestled in your palms.
Taeyong’s brow shoots upwards and you begin to hate the fact that you really were incapable of hiding anything from him. “So how do you really feel?”
You let out an exasperated sigh this time and the familiar sensation of heaviness comes back to sit on your chest. Ever since that day at the playground, you have been anything but at peace. Seeing Youngho elated meeting his father finally after four years should make you the happiest mother on earth, but whenever your thoughts trace back to that day, worries and concerns cloud your mind.
“I should be happy right?” You start, trailing your eyes to the wooden table. “But.. I don’t know. I feel restless Yong. Johnny has every right to meet his son and that was the primary reason why I allowed it to happen in the first place. But now what? What happens next? Is he going to stick around for Youngho? He’s going to be the next in line for their company– He has so much on his plate. I–” your voice drops when your thoughts run haywire and you don’t know which words to say next.
Taeyong listens to you silently and decides to never let you know how it crushes him inside to see you like this.
“He came back here for other reasons yet I come along and tell him he’s a father of a four year old. I don’t want to impose that role on him so fast nor do I want him to feel he has the responsibility of looking after Youngho because I can do it by myself just fine. I want him to have the choice..”
“Y/n, of course he’s going to want to take responsibility of Youngho. He’s the dad, and any sane person on this planet would feel the need to take care of and protect their own child,” Taeyong replies calmly, making you look up at him. “You’re forgetting about the kind of person Johnny is. We’re talking about the person who once contemplated abandoning everything he’s ever wanted in his whole life just to be with you. Remember? He wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for you convincing him otherwise.”
Taeyong’s words are like daggers to your heart and you almost choke on the impending tears when you remember how difficult it was to let Johnny go.
“So what makes you think he’s going to leave his son behind?”
It’s not often that you have these kinds of conversation with Taeyong, the last one being five years ago when you were absolutely in fragments the day Johnny left. But whenever you do, you always expect Taeyong to leave you speechless with everything he has to say because he was always right, just like now.
The familiar ring of the doorbell echoes in the house and you get up immediately to hide the fact that Taeyong’s words stirred the things you’ve buried deep down back to life.
Through the glass door, you find Youngho in Johnny’s arms and they’re laughing with each other, probably about something Johnny said. Sliding the glass door open, you catch the attention of the two and Youngho’s eyes immediately brighten up when he sees you.
“Mommy!” He outstretches his arms out to you and you instantly take him from Johnny’s hold and hug him tight. You notice the way Johnny’s scent lingers on your son and you try hard not to let the distinct smell affect you too much as it sends you through waves of nostalgia.
“How was school?” You murmur into his ear, his arms never leaving your neck.
“Really good! I have a surprise for you in my bag,” Youngho replies, excitement evident in his voice. “And Daddy brought me my favourite fruit snacks when he came to collect me so I’m extra happy.”
Your eyes involuntarily widen at the term that leaves Youngho’s lips for the very first time and your gaze flies to Johnny who’s smiling bashfully as he rubs the nape of his neck. You melt at the thought of Johnny feeling ecstatic for being acknowledged by his son and the thought of Youngho finally having someone to call his dad. Taeyong’s words reverberate in your mind and before you know it, a glimmer of hope finds its way to comfort you.
“Thank you for picking Youngho up from school today,” you say to Johnny who’s still caught up with Youngho calling him his dad.
“My pleasure,” he replies. Youngho lets go of you then so that he can twist his body to look at Johnny. “I’ll see you soon?” Johnny says.
“Are you going to bring me to school tomorrow again too?” Youngho asks innocently, eyes expectant.
Johnny pauses before he glances at you. “Of course. If mommy is okay with it?”
You try your best not to flinch when Johnny directs at you and you wish he had used your name instead.
“Mommy is it okay?” Youngho asks you, breaking you out of your trance.
“Of course baby,” you reply.
Youngho beams at you then and his smile motivates you even further to give it your all to keep it. Taeyong appears by the hallway and Youngho instantly scurries off your arms to go and greet his favourite uncle.
“Hi Johnny,” Taeyong says as he scoops Youngho into his arms.
Johnny gestures at Taeyong with a nod, “Hey Tae.”
“I’ll take Youngho inside first,” Taeyong announces. “Thanks for bringing him home man.”
When Youngho smiles at Taeyong, he whizzes Youngho away to leave you and Johnny alone. You watch Taeyong’s back disappears behind a door and when he’s gone, you turn back to Johnny who has his hands hidden in the pockets of his jeans.
“I hope spending time with Youngho isn’t interfering with your schedules,” you say, genuinely worried. “You must be so busy.” 
Johnny shakes his head right away. “Not at all. Don’t worry about it. There’s so much I need to make up for, I don’t wanna miss any chance I get.”
You give him a weak smile. “Johnny I hope you don’t feel you have to do this, you know–”
Johnny is already nodding at you. “I know y/n. I want to though–” He’s peering into your eyes and you can’t quite point a finger on what his eyes want to tell you.
“I want to be his dad.”
You blink at him in utter shock but his words bring your raging concerns and previous worries to rest. And you let out a huge exhale when the comfort relieves all the contemplations that’s been keeping you up at night. You didn’t know the words Johnny has just said were the ones you were in desperate need of.
“Okay,” is all you can say, still stunned.
“And I want to say thank you, for letting me meet him,” Johnny adds, voice genuine and lips smiling.
“Johnny, he’s your son. Of course you have all the right to meet him,” you answer.
Johnny shrugs his shoulders and shift in his spot. “I know that. But it mustn’t have been easy on your part to let Youngho meet someone he’s never met all his life and to even introduce me as his dad.”
You nod understandingly, gaining a better insight to Johnny’s thoughts. Taeyong was right. You really were starting to forget the Johnny you knew from before. Because up until now you’ve forgotten how he always managed to reassure you in some sort of way. His reassurance only makes you believe even more that allowing Johnny back into your life was the right decision. If not for you, but definitely for your son.
“Hey, everything is good, he really likes you,” you say in attempts to lighten up the mood.
Johnny chuckles, the sound he emits sending goosebumps all over your skin. “I’m glad. I want to beat Taeyong and be his only favourite.”
You laugh at this and so does Johnny. Silence follows after.
“Hey y/n?”
“Hm?”
“Is it okay if I pick you up from work some time? With Youngho?”
And it feels just like nine years ago. Everything happening at this moment reminds you of the very first time Johnny had asked you to go on your first date with him; a shy smile grazing his lips, his eyes imploring yours as he rocks back and forth on his toes. The nostalgia floods even more and for a second, you swear that the butterflies have come back.
You smile at Johnny when you manage to bring yourself back to the present, loving the featherweight settling in your insides.
“Okay.”
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“How are things at home?” Doyoung asks over dinner, your schedules finally aligning with each other’s to make up for the time you bailed on him last minute. 
You swallow your noodles after munching on them, wiping your lips with a napkin, “Really good. Youngho’s doing great.” 
Doyoung nods with a smile, leaning across the table with a napkin between his fingers to wipe the corner of your lip which you had missed. Your eyes widen for a moment as he sits back in his seat, “That’s good. I haven’t seen him in a while. Maybe I should come and visit soon,” he replies casually, as if what he just did didn’t just throw you off the edge. 
You play it off with a smile, silently asking yourself if Doyoung did indeed expect more to come out of this friendship than you did. “Of course. He’d be thrilled to see you.” 
“What is he into these days? I should bring over a present while I'm at it.” 
You chuckle, the familiarity of Doyoung’s nature settling in again. “There’s no need Doie, you don’t have to get him anything.” 
Doyoung shrugs, “I want to. I want to win his heart over.” 
You raise a brow as you watch him take a big gulp of water in one go. He’s avoiding your eyes and it makes you suspect if those words were meant to come out or not, or if there was so much more laid hidden underneath them. You don’t want to assume anything, but Taeyong’s words keep eating at you and though you’ve considered asking Doyoung straight upfront, you always seem to find yourself deciding against it for fear of making it awkward between you two or even worse, losing a friend you really liked being around with. Doyoung was good company and the many times you’ve spent with each other was proof that he was a friend who supported you in all aspects of your life. 
But a part of you, the bigger part of you, can’t help but wish Taeyong was wrong. 
You decide to drop the subject when you see Doyoung shift uncomfortably in his seat. Dinner continues on like that, the both of you carrying on like he didn’t say what he just did, talking about little occurrences of your lives you hope the other would find interesting, maybe just to pass time and to ignore the elephant that’s sitting in the room. 
Doyoung drops you home like he always does, jogs over to the passenger seat to open the door for you so that you can exit his car. He does something different tonight though because you see him offering a hand out to you. It’s very Doyoung-like, you think and as you take his hand and step out of the car, you can’t help but feel his hand linger in yours, the seconds lasting too long for your liking, so you slowly pull away. 
You use your retracted hand to rub your arm, suddenly growing conscious under his gaze and he’s in the midst of opening his mouth to say something when the headlights of a car emerging from the distance shine directly into both of your visions. 
You see Johnny coming out of the driver’s seat not too long after he pulls the brakes and before he sees you both, he’s jogging over to the backseat. Youngho comes into view then as Johnny unbuckles him from his carseat and into his arms. Johnny smiles the second he sees you but the moment doesn’t last too long when he sees Doyoung beside you. 
“Mommy!” 
Youngho is asking to be put down and Johnny complies by setting him on the ground. The child zooms his way over to you, arms outstretched to greet you in a hug. Doyoung watches the whole thing unfold in front of him, a burst of questions running through his head when he gets a clearer view of Johnny walking towards where you both were. 
“My baby! I missed you!” you exclaim as soon as Youngho lands in your arms, hugging him tight as you lift him up. “Did you have fun today?” Youngho continues to hug you tight by the neck, melting your heart knowing that he had missed you as much as you missed him. 
“So much fun,” Youngho replies into your shoulder. You see Johnny standing in front of you and you shoot him a grateful smile. He returns it to you, a smile even bigger than yours. 
“Doyoung,” Johnny clears his throat. “It’s good to see you.” 
Doyoung blinks out of his daze. “J-Johnny. I didn’t expect to see you here.” 
You realise the situation then, mentally face palming yourself when you catch the knowing or teasing look in Johnny’s face that’s clearly directed at you with a crooked smile on his face. You shut your eyes to avoid his teasing gazes, remembering the night at the gala where you practically pretended it had been the first time you met him. 
“Mister Doie!” Youngho calls and he waves at him from your shoulder. 
Doyoung momentarily takes his eyes off Johnny to entertain Youngho who's now grinning at him and gazing at him with big wide eyes, smiling at the nickname. “Hey little one.” 
Growing too uncomfortable in the situation, you immediately try to get out of it. “Johnny, can you take Youngho inside first? I’ll follow after.” 
You’re not sure why Johnny’s grin is growing wider by the minute and you’re raising a confused brow at him when he takes Youngho from you. You fish your bag for your keys and when you find them, you give it to him, his smile still too prominent for your liking. 
“Baby I’ll see you in a bit okay?” 
“Okay mommy.” 
“Okay y/n.” 
You’re frowning at Johnny when he responds to your statement that was clearly directed to Youngho. Even Youngho is perplexed that he snaps his head to his dad, who appears to have no notion of what he had just said, his gaze still on you, too soft and too gentle, as if you had the entire world to gawk at right behind your back. But it was just you, frowning at him, and it was less likely that he’d be staring at Doyoung like that too. 
You make a face at him, your features taught as you silently signal him to take Youngho into the house. He blinks once, the smile never leaving his lips and finally tears his eyes off you to direct his attention to Doyoung who’s been watching silently this whole time with widened eyes. 
“Doyoung, I’ll get going first. I’ll see you at the office.” 
Johnny doesn't wait for a response and proceeds to walk away from the two of you with Youngho watching you from his shoulder. 
You laugh awkwardly to break the silence that lingers between you two when Johnny and Youngho are no longer in sight. Doyoung nods slowly, trying to make an understanding of the situation but no matter how many times he’s tried to come up with theories, none of them made sense. All he knows or assumes, is that you and Johnny had gotten very close since your first meeting at the gala, so much so that he’s even looking after your son now.
You know you’re not in any way, indebted to explain yourself, or the current situation, but you feel like you owe it to Doyoung anyway because if there was one thing with Doyoung, he had always been honest with you. 
“Hit me with it,” you say, facing him as you secretly brace for the worst. You’re not even sure why you’re nervous but the slight tremble at the tips of your fingers is enough to indicate that what you’d be talking about next will change your relationship with Doyoung forever. 
“Johnny?” 
You nod slowly, pursing your lips together. It wasn’t a full question, but the mere mention of the name was all it took for you to understand what he meant. 
“Johnny, he’s, he’s Youngho’s dad.” 
Doyoung’s already round eyes grow even more round, his mouth hanging agape in the process. Silence hangs in the air again and Doyoung’s blinking into nothing, as if trying to put the pieces together to form a coherent picture, but there were still too many information missing. 
“I thought you didn’t know each other?” Doyoung quizzes, brows knitting together in the middle. “At the gala?” 
You smile sheepishly, “Well you see, I was so stunned to see him there. I didn’t expect him to be there at all since it had been so long since we saw each other last, so when you introduced us... I really didn’t know what to say.” 
Doyoung blinks hard and shakes his head once as if to shake the confusion away from his head. He holds his palm up to you as a signal to give him a few minutes to comprehend so you press your lips together in a thin line. You wonder how much more information you’re going to have to give him and you ponder if it would even be necessary knowing that your current situation with Johnny had nothing to do with him or your friendship. 
“So... wait. Johnny told me he’d been in the States the past five years,” Doyoung trails off, finally looking at you again, his eyes still hazy with confusion. “Does that mean...” 
You nod to confirm his theory. “Johnny only found out about Youngho when he came back.”
Doyoung breathes a big chunk of air, his shoulders rising at the same time his chest does before he releases it through a sigh, slowly comprehending the situation. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks genuinely. 
You blink, the question taking you aback a little not because of the way he asked but because it was the last thing you thought he’d ever ask. “I didn’t really see any relevance in telling you.” And it sounds harsh, but it was true.
“Of course it’s relevant y/n!” You’re caught by surprise when he raises his voice slightly, the flinching of your body giving you away and when Doyoung sees this, he pauses to recollect himself. “Y/n- I-” 
“I like you, okay,” Doyoung admits quietly, lowering his head to the ground after. “I’m not sure if you could tell, but I've been trying to give you hints for the past two years we’ve known each other.” 
So Taeyong really was right. 
Youngho is the first person that pops in your mind. 
“Doie, I have a son.” 
Doyoung takes a step closer to you, “I know that. And it never mattered to me.” 
You feel your heart shatter because even before this very moment, even before Doyoung had to spell it out you, you already knew the answer and you knew it wasn’t going to change. 
“Doie-” 
“I know y/n, I know you don’t feel the same,” Doyoung cuts you off, a hint of dejection in his features under the moonlight. “I can feel it. But, if you’d just let me, if you’d just give me a chance.” 
Doyoung’s voice is delicately laced with a tinge desperation and you can’t bear to look at him longer because this was a side to him you didn’t want to see. 
“If you’d just give me a chance to change your mind.. That’s all I want.” 
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As promised, Johnny is waiting outside the gates of your preschool with Youngho’s hand in his. Youngho waves at you energetically as soon as you come into view, exiting the building after what you felt to be a really long day. Thank God it was Friday and there was Youngho in the distance to welcome you to it. 
You exhale the biggest sigh of the day when Youngho greets you with a hug. His hugs always made everything better. You in your crouched position, relishing in the way Youngho’s small palms are patting your back gently, knowing you really liked it when he did so, for who knows how long until the fatigue from the day dissipates. 
“Rough day?” Johnny asks when you let go of Youngho and stand back up, extending his hand to you where you find a bottle of water. 
You take it from him, a smile lifting on your face, already feeling so much better and even better when you realise that he’s already left the cap of the bottle loose so that you didn’t have to struggle. “Yeah. I'm so happy it’s over.” 
Johnny smiles and studies you as you take a sip. “Do you want to go straight home then? Or would you be up for a little detour?” 
In all fairness, you were exhausted, but the sun is shining so nicely in the sky and the expectant glint in your son’s eyes makes it painfully difficult to deprive him of a Friday to remember rather than lounging at home. So you push past the tempting thoughts of rest. 
“Well what do you have on the agenda?” You tease with a grin. 
You watch in silence as he takes the bottle of water from your hand when he’s sure you’ve finished drinking and recaps it, taking it upon himself to also unlatch the strap of your bag from your shoulder, your belongings now firm in his palms. 
And you hate it.
Because you can’t help but compare the similar mannerisms to Doyoung. And can’t help but feel way more with Johnny. 
Johnny shrugs his shoulders, the boyish grin on his face reminding you of old times. “Not much. I was thinking ice cream. And a stroll in the park?” 
And you hate it again. Because you almost forgot that if there was anyone who knew you better than yourself, it would be Johnny, even better than Taeyong. And he knew, more than anyone else, how you took pleasure in little things, in simple hobbies that didn’t require much thought. 
“That sounds good,” you finally manage to utter after a flood of memories rush past. 
Johnny smiles and it reaches his eyes. 
And you hate it because under the sun, he looked absolutely breathtaking like this. 
Johnny pulls up to the same park he first met Youngho in. And as you both walk side by side one another, a wave of emotions hit him, watching Youngho lead the way with his ice cream in his hand, skipping along happily because looking back now, he and Youngho had come such a long way in such a short span of time. He can’t help but glance to his side where he finds you licking your ice cream quietly, the smile on your face a clear indication of your satisfaction. Johnny thinks that you’re the only reason why he’s gotten along so well with Youngho in the first place.
“Ice cream good?” Johnny asks, starting up a conversation first.
“So good,” you reply shortly, swiping your tongue across your lower lip. “Has ice cream always tasted this good?”
Johnny chuckles, redirecting his attention to his own ice cream. “So what was life in the States like?” You ask absentmindedly, trying to imagine his life there.
“Different,” Johnny replies curtly. “But good. There’s a lot to see there actually. I just didn’t have enough time to since the five years just revolved around the company.” He glances at you again as you train your eyes to Youngho who has now reached the gates of the playground. “But I know I prefer it here.”
You nod slowly, not noticing his gaze and what his words implied, too focused on keeping an eye on your son who’s busy gobbling his ice cream down as fast as he can so that he can finally entertain himself at the playground.
“That’s good,” you acknowledge, munching on your cone. “No place like home, yeah?”
Johnny knows he’s gazing at you for far too long and that any minute that you’d decide to turn to him, you’d catch him and maybe even the longing in his eyes but that was the last thing in his mind right now.
“Yeah.. no place like home.”
And you don’t catch that because Johnny at this point mumbled it to himself. 
“How did you and Doyoung meet?” 
Johnny anticipates your response, slightly fearful that he’d stepped over the line too soon. But he almost sees no change in your expression when you both sit down on a bench overlooking the playground after having finished your ice creams. 
“Two years ago, at a party, we had a common friend,” you answer, watching Youngho come down excitedly on the slide. 
Johnny finds himself nodding, memories of the encounter at your house replaying in his mind. And as if reading his mind, you turn your whole body towards him, your right leg bending up on the bench with your arm propped up on the backrest. “Speaking of, what was that all about the other night?” you ask curiously, narrowing your eyes at him. 
“What was all about what night?” Johnny asks innocently, avoiding your eyes by staring straight ahead even though he knew what you really meant. 
“That night when you met Doyoung,” you start. “Something was off with you.” 
“What did I do?” He asks again, finally turning his head to look at you. 
You shrug, struggling to describe his behaviour from that night. Was it all in your head? “I don’t know.. you were like.. really, um, smiley?” 
Johnny laughs for a second and you’re beginning to think that maybe it really was all in your imagination, that maybe you were beginning to be delusional. “You know what, forget it.” You turn away from him then, trying to distract yourself from what you just tried to confront. 
Johnny chuckles this time and you feel him scoot closer to you as you try your best not to be bothered. “Man, you’re still the sharp person I remember.”
You roll your eyes, crossing your arms across your chest. “Is that a compliment? Anyone could tell you were being weird Johnny.” 
Oh how he loved it when you said his name and hearing it coming from you makes it so hard for him not to smile even more when he’s trying to explain himself on a more serious note. 
You see him grinning from the corner of your eye, “You just can’t take me seriously, can you?” 
Johnny purses his lips in hopes of hiding his smile but it’s almost impossible when he sees you almost sulking like this. “Okay, I’m sorry.” He scoots even more closer to you, you can feel his shoulder bump against yours. “You want to know why I was behaving like I was that night?” 
“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.” 
Adorable, he thinks. 
Johnny finds Youngho amongst the children playing in the playground and smiles once again before answering, 
“Because I knew that I had so much more advantages than Doyoung.” 
You frown but don’t budge, “What does that even mean? You make it sound like it’s some sort of competition.” 
“It always is if it involves someone else liking you.” 
Johnny’s second guessing himself suddenly, wondering if he’d revealed too much in one day, or better yet, if he’d indirectly confessed something too early. 
“How did you know that?” 
“He told me.” 
“He did?”
“Yeah. He didn’t have to though, it was pretty obvious.” 
“I.. I only found out that night.” 
Johnny looks at you. “Really?” 
You nod slowly, Doyoung’s words replaying in your head. “Yeah. I didn’t know.. Taeyong had to tell me. It was only then that I started to think that maybe. Turns out Taeyong was right.” 
“Wow, and you’re still as dense as I remember you to be,” Johnny teases, grinning, staring straight ahead. 
You nudge him with your elbow, earning a laugh from him. “Hey, I’m not that dense. I just didn’t want to assume.”
Johnny pretends to roll his eyes, “Right.” He takes a breath, his smile slowly disappearing when a thought comes to mind. He runs a palm on his thigh and prepares himself to hear the answer to what he’s about to ask next. “Well, now that you know.. how do you feel about it?” 
You shrug again, uncrossing your arms and settling to play with your fingers, bringing your head low. “I don’t know. Me and Doyoung are friends.. And it’s just a bit more complicated with Youngho in the picture, though he said he didn’t mind.” You sigh when you remember the look on Doyoung’s face, “He said he just wanted a chance, that’s it.” 
A gush of wind blows and it carries the momentary silence with it. 
“Are you going to give it to him?” 
You turn to look at Johnny who’s already staring at you. 
“I don’t know.”
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It’s a Tuesday evening when you begin to worry about Youngho. Having left work immediately to pick up your child, you find him weak and pale by the nurse’s office of his school. Youngho has just vomited for the fourth time since coming home and thought he insists he’s feeling okay, he certainly didn’t look it. 
Youngho was definitely stubborn, just like his dad.
When the evening deepens into the night, you stay with Youngho in his bedroom, keeping a close eye on him and keeping supplies close in case he needed to empty his system again. He’s half conscious and you break at the sight of him so weak and so helpless. You come to a conclusion to bring him to the hospital if he didn’t feel any better soon. 
Youngho opens his eye slowly and takes off the damp towel resting on his forehead, “Mommy, toilet.” 
You’re quick to draw back his covers and place his slippers by his feet. “How are you feeling ranger?” 
“A little better,” he croaks but you’re not convinced. 
You let Youngho lead the way and decide to grab a fresh shirt from his closet before following him closely. Not even a second passes that you briefly take your eyes off of him, you hear a thud in the distance and scream for his name when you find him unconscious on the floor. You try not to panic but that’s impossible to do when Youngho isn’t responding to your calls, when he isn’t opening his eyes no matter how vigorously you shake him in your arms. Youngho is sweating and his peripheries are cold to touch. You scoop him completely in your arms and bolt right outside your front door. 
Your hands are shaking as you strap him to his seat, too unconscious to even keep his head upright and you’re trying so hard not to cry at the sight of him. You shut his door once he’s secure and you’re scrambling for the driver’s seat. You fish your phone out of your pocket and dial the first number you see through the blur of your vision. You wipe your eyes aggressively with the back of your free hand as you wait for your call to be answered and as soon as it is, you spare no time. 
“Y/n?”
“Youngho passed out. I’m bringing him to the hospital.”  
You’re fully crying by the time you reach the emergency room, watching helplessly as the doctors wheel your son away from you. And you follow them blindly until you can no longer proceed once they pull the curtains around his designated cubicle. The worst possible scenarios come to mind and no matter how hard you try to block them out, you begin to think that you’ve lacked as a mother, blaming yourself for this very situation. 
“Y/n!” 
You turn and see Doyoung entering the emergency department, a sigh of relief leaving you at the comforting sight of someone familiar. He grabs a hold of your arms as soon as he reaches you and you know he’s trying to calm you down. 
“Take a deep breath, tell me what happened.” 
Your breathing is staggering and there’s huge droplets of tears falling down your cheeks, but you try your best follow Doyoung’s instructions, “Youngho, he, he wasn’t feeling well all day. He vomited the whole evening and he passed out thirty minutes ago—“
“Okay okay y/n,” Doyoung tries to match his breathing with yours so that he can train you to slow down with him, his grip on your arms firm and eyes trained straight into yours. “I need you to calm down for me. Youngho is going to be okay, you’ve brought him to the right place. He’ll be okay.” 
“Doie what if—“ 
“Shh, he’s going to be okay.” 
And true enough, Youngho was okay. You watch him by his bedside, sleeping soundly, a needle dug into his arm with fluids infusing into his vein. He looks a lot better, with the colour returning to his face and his hands now warm to touch. He didn’t look like he was in pain anymore and you’re tugging at his covers to make sure he’s warm. Youngho’s room is quiet, having been transferred to his own room after clearing the emergency room an hour after arrival. While Doyoung is out to buy some food, your hear the door slide open behind you and Johnny emerges from behind it. 
Another wave of relief washes over you at the sight of him and you stand immediately from your seat. You smile weakly at him and he tries to do the same but to no avail, switching his gaze from you to Youngho. 
“What happened?” He whispers, examining Youngho when he reaches the side of the bed. 
“Gastroenteritis the doctor said. He was vomiting all night because of it and the reason why he passed out was because of dehydration,” you reply in a low voice to not wake your son. “They said he’ll be okay.” 
Johnny nods but his jaw remains tight. He should be relieved, he knows he should be, after all his son was okay, but there’s a sour taste in his mouth and an even bigger thought eating him alive.
“Y/n, can we talk outside?” 
Johnny’s voice is emotionless and his eyes are empty from where you’re watching him. You’re unsure but you agree anyway, fully convinced nothing would be as scary as the initial conversation you had with him when he found out he was Youngho’s dad. 
When you slide the door closed behind you, you’re met by Johnny who’s in the midst of turning to face you. The long corridor is desolate and quiet and it somehow matches the way Johnny is gazing at you with empty eyes. There was definitely something wrong. He hasn’t smiled the moment he set foot here and you kind of wished you hadn’t picked on him for being so smiley that night, preferring that side of him way more than the one you're facing now. He looks sad and somewhat.. lost. 
“Why didn’t you call me?” 
“What?” 
“Why didn’t you call me?” Johnny repeats again, this time a little bit louder but his expression unchanging. “Why is it that I had to find out from Taeyong that you brought Youngho to the hospital?” 
Oh. 
“Johnny no-” 
“And why is it that I met Doyoung on the way here?” He cuts you off and you silently watch him slowly becoming worked up, huffing every breath now and shoulders rising and falling with each one. 
That’s when you see it. The utter disappointment in his eyes. 
“Was he...” Johnny’s voice is quiet all of a sudden. “Was he the first person you called?” 
You feel the extreme need to explain yourself because you realise then what Johnny was implying at and you feel so guilty it makes you sick to the stomach. “Yes but- Johnny let me explain.” 
Johnny remains silent and just stares at you. You take this as your cue to continue. 
“I panicked okay. I didn't know what to do. And Doyoung’s number was the first one on my phone and I called him on a whim because I just wanted someone to know.. I just wanted someone with me because I was so scared.” 
“And you didn’t think of me even for a second?” Johnny asks, the hurt too evident in his low voice it makes you choke. Your eyes are already swollen from earlier but you feel another batch of tears threatening to fall. How many times do you have to hurt Johnny until you finally get it right?
“Y/n, Youngho is my son,” Johnny reiterates. 
You nod in defeat, biting your lower lip. “I know I know. I’m really sorry.” 
Johnny sighs, bringing his head low, “Is this it? Do you choose him?” 
You frown slightly. “Choose?” 
Johnny takes a step closer to you and you heart beats erratically in anticipation. His eyes are focused on your hand and when he finally takes it in his, you feel all of the hairs on your skin stand because not only were his fingers cold from being outside, but also because Johnny’s touch always had that same effect on you. 
He looks up at you again, eyes sad and features worn. 
“I don’t want you to have to tell me go away again,” he says lowly, his voice delicate, eyes revealing broken pieces of him. “Y/n..” 
“I want you to choose me this time and ask me to stay.” 
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dojae-huh · 2 years
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What are your favourite character traits of jaedo ??
For me , it's doie's kindness.
At first glance he kinda seems outspoken , rude and whiny
My fav from doie is " when you make a promise to yourself you must uphold it" and he lives by those lines
doie's personality is such a rarity .
Jae's stubbornness and his constant search for good music and his nature of 'needing ' doie
I'm not saying jae's best part is his Doyoung
But there's that complete vulnerable trust he places in doie ( same from doie's side too)
But the way he lights up when he has doie's attention, the way he sulks when he doesn't , the way he clearly needs doie's reassurance on his insecurities about his appearance and such
It's hard being so completely open and so trusting to a human
That just says loads about doie
It's hard to trust a human
But to jae it comes naturally cuz it's his do
From a human perspective, I like JaeDo because they click and compliment each other so well. Which is rare. The future is unpredictable, but I think JaeDo have a very high chance to last for long, to be that exemplary couple.
From a shipper's perspective, I like the unusual combination of characters and their dynamic (Jaehyun looking stern but being a softie in reality, Doyoung looking weak but being a leader, so on).
About Jaehyun being vulnerable. I agree. And it's probably the main reason it would be very hard for Jaehyun to find a substitute for Doyoung. There are plenty of people who like control, who like to lead, but few of them combine it with kindness/caution. As you noted, Doyoung's character is pretty unique.
It's easy to build up a perfect image and fall in love with Jaehyun. However, the real person won't follow these expectations. He is not a macho, he is soft. He is independant, but isn't one to lead and make hard decisions. Yes, he is kind and attentive to strangers, but the real him is moody and opionated. He is very good as a supporter, however he doesn't like to be told what to do (it should be his own choice and volition).
As a result, a person who would like a prince who makes decisions would be dissapointed, a person who would like an obedient cutie, would be dissapointed. And neither would be good for Jaehyun.
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smileysuh · 3 years
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You're most definitely my favourite writer, I’ve gone through everything and even reread some of your works. My fave is the frat series, esp the haechan one it was so cute. Looking forward to reading about doyoung and his fwb and mark and that girl in the library that keeps coming up
AW THANK YOU! ooof, mark’s is partly written he’s just taking so god damned long- soft boy - and thank you for being invested in doie and his fwb too oh my gosh :) im so soft for you i might have to cry
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notnctu · 4 years
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HI JOYCE... IM SO SORRY PLS IGNORE THE PREVIOUS ASK 💌 self promo time: reply with five of your favourite creations and pass this on to some of your favourite creators! thank you for writing such lovely fics!!! i always look forward to seeing them 💌
HAHHA thank you jan for sending this in <333 wow im so happy :) i love you so much and thank you for always reading them ): 
1. just a star - jaemin 
ive been saying how much this fic means to me, it’s also my first long fic that’s not smut. in this piece, it shows my growth as a writer. the storytelling, developing plot. i really put my everything into being the best that my writing ability goes haha
 2. 127 as cliche love quotes
i did this in one sitting, editing, formatting, and writing despite having several lectures to watch. and honestly the blurbs are chef’s kiss LOL i read it sometimes and im like.... is this poetry wow this flowery language 
3. nct by the hour
i wrote this in one sitting as well, it was definitely something i wanted to create and post the day of bc i was excited??? coming up with 21 individual tropes but also connecting them all was lwk difficult. one of my more challenging pieces that i thoroughly enjoyed writing. 
4. white - taeyong 
i know i get a lot of comments saying through the lens is art but i personally think this was better written (ok its shorter i know LMAO) and it’s the one drabble in the color series that describes white without needing too much usage of similes/metaphors to white inanimate objects? 
5. sugar - johnny 
this one was recent, again, the imagery/descriptions/narration are top tier in this one. def one of my better writings as well. 
ok i noticed a theme here LOL these were all works i wrote in one sitting (except just a star) aka these were my passion projects that i was excited about enough to not stop writing. i love these with my whole chest really, and i can wholeheartedly say that these works are better articulated. less telling, more showing! less simple sentences, more flowery imagery!
-author doie ❀
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your-world-with-nct · 3 years
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— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰
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— to my followers ;
my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3
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— to my dearest mutuals ;
@emistoomultifandom
em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜
@misfitneo
bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞
@nsheeteeish
loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤
@cloudyangers
dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍
@nctsoftarchives
andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰
@jensungf
coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟
@doyoungcore
joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕
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— favourite reads of the year ;
i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)
@nsheetee - moonlight café
obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈
@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before
the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌
@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride
it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!
@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever
these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖
@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss
although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰
@luvdsc - not clickbait
i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞
@pwarkhans - the neo academy
i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘
@yongtxt - vintage
when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!
@byunbaekby - apartment b23
i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰
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— favourite works of the year ;
unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3
1:48pm -> dad!johnny
one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈
1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong
i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)
12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark
7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at
11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno
this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>
waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction
when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰
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— favourite releases of the year ;
just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED
nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2
nct 127 - neozone: the final round
nct dream - ridin’
wayv - awaken the world
superm - super one
enhypen - border: day one
twice - eyes wide open
txt - minisode1: blue hour
seventeen - semicolon
stray kids - go live + in life
itzy - not shy
conan gray - kid krow
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if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))
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thisiswherewestart · 3 years
Text
I Remember (1/?)
Today had started out like any other Tuesday. I had woken up, logged in to work remotely for a few hours and then moved to a café for a change of scenery and to grab some lunch.
I usually frequented cafés close by my apartment, but my friend had highly recommended this quaint, newly opened one with an extensive pasta menu that was a half-hour train ride away. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for good pasta, and her rave review of their squid ink spaghetti had haunted me for the past week.
And so there I was on a Tuesday afternoon, after checking that they welcomed lingering customers. My laptop sat open across from me so I could monitor my inbox and I surveyed the simple decorations that created a homely ambiance. The fact that I was the only customer helped complete the serene scene. If this café were within walking distance, I would come again just for the atmosphere.
Ten minutes after giving my order to the waiter, my food finally arrived. The dark sauce coated the noodles beautifully, the seafood peeking out between the long strands making my mouth salivate in anticipation. As I picked up my fork, a tinkle of a bell sounded from the café entrance.
"Hello," a soft but confident voice greeted the approaching waiter. "One salmon aglio olio to go please. Thanks."
My fork stopped halfway to my mouth. My back was to the entrance but I would recognise that voice even in a noisy room.
"Tasha?"
And that confirmed it. It was him.
"Dongyoung," I greeted, standing and turning around to face the man. "It's been a while."
"When did you come back to Korea?" His tone was accusing now.
"How are you? How's Taeyong? How are the kids?" I shot out question after question, hoping he would forget the one he had asked.
"We're all fine. When did you come back?"
So much for that.
"Oppa…"
"Don't you 'oppa' me. We're basically the same age."
I sighed, dropping onto my seat and turning away from him. "I've been back for a year now."
He took the seat opposite me. Uninvited, but not unexpected.
"One year." The hurt in his voice made me wince. "A whole year and you didn't bother to call."
"Dongyoung, please."
His laugh was void of mirth. "So we're back to this, huh? The last time I saw you, you exclusively called me Doie."
I looked up at him.
"I guess that's what four years of silence does between friends."
*~*
"Five, six, seven, eight…"
The 7th Sense NCT U unit was made up of my favourite fellow trainees. 
Mark, who was the same age as my little brother whom I dearly missed. His naive sense of humour and bright eyed wonder had me growing fond of him in no time at all. Our shared love of story writing also brought us closer, as we encouraged each other to keep up with writing even as we were busy with idol training. He was my happy pill during our years as trainees together.
Ten, my fellow international school kid. We were different in that he came from money while I was the daughter of a diplomat. PSA: not all diplomats are wealthy! They are still government officers and don't earn nearly as much as you think they do. One of the perks was getting subsidised education, which made it possible for my siblings and I to attend international schools in non-English speaking countries we lived in. Ten and I hadn't known each other prior to becoming trainees, but he and I found that we just clicked. We even found several mutual friends in our international school networks.
Jaehyun and I took a little longer to warm up to each other. I was a fairly quiet person, only talkative around people I was comfortable with, so I was never one to initiate conversation. Jaehyun never approached me to start talking either, so a few months after we first met, our relationship had not progressed beyond a polite greeting when we bumped into each other. It took Taeyong to help us break the ice, but once we got to talking we found that our interests overlapped and they were the foundation to our pretty solid friendship.
Taeyong is the one trainee to whom I’m most grateful. I entered the company shortly after he did, and he seemed to decide to take me under his wing upon our first meeting. It didn’t matter that our training schedules didn’t overlap; he would always check in on me and help me when I struggled with getting dance moves memorised. In time, as Taeyong started writing and producing more songs, he would include me in his process and get me to record demos with him and Dongyoung.
Dongyoung was an enigma to me. I knew he had a kind heart because he would do things like invite foreign trainees home during holidays so they would have somewhere to go. I could see the warmth in his interactions with other trainees but he was only ever cordial to me, so I always thought he did not like me very much. It was, once again, thanks to Taeyong that we got closer. Dongyoung and I were both vocalists, but I dabbled in some rapping and Taeyong seemed to enjoy writing songs that featured the three of us. Studio sessions with the two of them became some of my favourite memories of my time as a trainee.
I was looking through the lyrics of the latest song Taeyong had written when the group finished their practice run and paused for a water break.
“Tash,” Taeyong greeted as he flopped down next to me, leaning his back on the cool mirror.
“You guys are looking really good,” I praised, handing him a water bottle. “The modifications you guys made last week improved the overall performance a lot.”
“Right? I’m so glad the choreographer let us do that.”
Dongyoung approached us, sitting on my other side. I passed him the last of my stock of water bottles. “Hey.”
“I’m beat,” he sighed. “But we look good right?”
“Yeah I was just saying that.”
The three of us sat in amicable silence for a few moments, the two of them gulping down the cool water as I finished perusing Taeyong’s lyrics. I shut my eyes as my thoughts turned to my own debut, or lack thereof, and my family’s increasing worries. 
“Hey, you okay?” I opened my eyes to find Dongyoung peering at me in concern.
I gave him a half smile. “I guess.”
“You’ll debut soon,” Taeyong assured me, guessing the subject of my thoughts correctly. I appreciated his vote of confidence, but we all knew that was a lie, at least if I stayed at SM. Having debuted Red Velvet two years ago, it was highly improbable that they would debut another girl group so soon. And besides, they were all tied up in NCT’s official debut, with two U units, 127 and Dream all training hard to perfect their debut performances.
“We should probably get back to training,” Taeyong said apologetically. His eyes were kind as he briefly grasped my shoulder with a comforting hand before standing up. “Tell me what you think of that song later,” he nodded at the printed lyrics in my hand. “I want your verse by the end of the week!”
Dongyoung sat studying my expression for a bit longer.
“I’m fine, Doie. Really.” I pushed his shoulder gently. “Go. They’re waiting for you.”
“We’ll go out to eat after this, okay?” he offered, standing. “We can get pasta. My treat.”
“Man after my own heart,” I proclaimed, clutching my chest in jest.
He grinned as he walked to his starting position. 
I watched as Taeyong counted the boys into yet another rehearsal. Meeting Dongyoung's eyes in the practice room mirror, I could see the nerves he increasingly felt but rarely showed for their debut performance, only seven days from now. I smiled as brightly as I could, hoping he couldn't tell my heart was breaking knowing I would be leaving in five.
*~*
The Doyoung that sat before me today was a fully fledged kpop star, hair perfectly coiffed and clothes fitting his comfortable but stylish lookbook. He had truly grown into his looks, and seeing him was making my heart ache. With pride? With longing? I didn't even know myself. I had just started developing maybe-more-than-friends feelings towards him when I had found myself back with my family.
"You look good. Healthy."
"Where have you been for the last four years, Natasha?"
His use of my entire first name hurt more than I expected. Was this how he felt when I called him Dongyoung?
"I went back home."
"As in back to your home country?" he asked, incredulous.
"Yes."
"Why? And don't tell me it's because you didn't debut with Red Velvet."
"You're kidding, right?" It was my turn to laugh humourlessly. "Has SM debuted another girl group since then?"
"Well no, but-"
"Don't say they might have added me to the group like they did Yeri. When I left, it had been one year since that happened and two years since they debuted!"
"But why did you have to leave?" Doyoung's voice was rising. "You could have moved to another company. You know you had the skills to debut."
"I just… had to, okay?" 
I guess he heard the pleading in my voice because he switched to another line of questioning after studying me for a minute.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” His voice was quiet. “Taeyong and me, especially,” he sighed. “We missed you. We still miss you.”
“I’m sorry. I know it was shitty of me but I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of me leaving.” I did not want to give you guys the chance to persuade me to stay.
There was a pause. “Did you miss us?”
Tears I thought had dried up years ago threatened to fall. “You have no idea how much,” I whispered, willing myself not to cry.
“Oh I think I do-”
“At least you guys had each other,” I blurted. 
“Excuse me?” Doyoung narrowed his eyes at me. “We were not the ones who stopped talking to you! I called until your number went out of service! And then we looked for you online but there was absolutely nothing. Why did you fall off the grid completely?”
I opened my mouth to respond but was interrupted by the waiter bringing Doyoung his food. Doyoung thanked him and handed him a card. “I’ll take care of her bill as well.”
“Don’t,” I protested. We were in the middle of an argument and he still wanted to take care of me. “Just charge him for his food, please,” I asked the waiter.
“I’ll pay for her,” Doyoung insisted. “Thank you.”
The waiter left, an awkward smile on his face as he retreated.
“I have to go now, so we’ll put a pin in this conversation.” Doyoung stared hard at me until I nodded my assent. "Does anyone know you're back?"
I shook my head. "I work in software now. I don't run in the same circles anymore."
"You know we have these things called phones, right?" He gestured at his Samsung with exaggerated motions. "They're amazing. You can connect with anyone, anywhere. Even if they're in a different country." He looked at me pointedly.
"I'm sorry, okay? I know I could have, should have, kept in touch but I just… I couldn't."
"Why?"
A million reasons. "I don't want to get into it right now."
"Fine. But you know I'll keep asking until I get answers."
I smiled, thinking about his habit of persistently badgering us until he got what he wanted. "I know."
"In fact," he grabbed my phone, which had been lying next to my rapidly cooling plate of pasta. "I'm going to call myself so I have your number."
Before I could protest, he had held my phone up to unlock it with my face and was dialling.
"Wait, I-"
He clicked the dial button and automatically put the phone up to his ear, before slowly lowering it again, staring at the screen in disbelief.
"So you kept my number. This whole time. And you still never called."
I didn’t know what to say to that. All I could do was apologise again. “I-”
“Just save it, Tash.” He put my phone back on the table. “I’m going now. Pick up when I call, okay?”
“I don’t like talking on the phone. Can you text me instead?” I joked, trying to keep my tone light.
“Do not test me,” Doyoung glowered. “Answer when I call.”
“Okay,” I murmured, but he was already walking to the counter to pick up his card.
He left without looking back.
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taelme · 3 years
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Hi 🥺 your Doyoung fic was amazing and I loved every part of it... got me in my Doie hours (even though I’m already a Doiezen hahaha)... One of my favourite parts was the elevator scene, because I vividly remember him saying that before 😭😭😭 (I may have cried.) He was PERFECT in this, I want my own Doyoung to spend Christmas & New Years with... also the last part was adorable, 😘 scene made me Barked, saying Merry Christmas instead of Happy New Year kinda dumb but so Doie... 201/10!!!💚 -🐶
hello 🥺🥺 thank u so much for ur kind words... doizen indeed u managed to spot the little tidbits i put in on stuff doyoung has said before! he's someone that i feel has a very big heart and a lot of love to give and i really wanted to try to show that through his character's words and actions n thoughts ... 😭😭 but yes. being able to spend christmas and new years with doyoung? many thoughts are being thunk rn... again glad u enjoyed it! (and that it was good enough to make you bark HAHAHAHAHHA) ❤️❤️❤️
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