#my parents wont help

[sandinmybed]

can i be fr for a minute?? sending abuse to people online for holding different views than you is not activism and in fact actively hurts your cause. most people are not extreme in their viewpoints, you can give them a new perspective if you're willing to spend some time explaining shit. if someone is saying something you disagree with and you rush in there to condescend to them and call them disgusting and subhuman and dont even TRY to explain calmly why their views are harmful, they're going to shut you out instantly and double down on their views.

most people are simply genuinely ignorant to the issues they're talking about - they just pick their views up from the news and the world around them and express opinions because that's what every person does. if you run in there and tell them they're scum for it, what then? if someone does that to you, are you going to think "maybe i should do some research" or are you going to think "this person is an asshole, im blocking them." a lot of you think you're activists and then refuse to do any kind of actual WORK to support your cause.

#this is not about the isr*el thing even tho thats obviously a huge issue rn #its just a pattern ive observed online #im not saying you have to be kind to people who oppress you dont twist my words #but if youre trying to support any cause and you think calling people names is going to help #youre a fucking idiot lol #people call themelves activists and pro-X cause because they called their opposition dirty c*nts online #how the hell is that meant to help anyone? theyre just going to retreat into their propaganda chambers because you proved what the leaders #of those spaces have been telling them #you can obvs block people if you dont want to deal w them but thats a neutral action. sending abuse harms ur cause. #text #like educating ignorant people is hard work! yeah! its also the entire fucking point of activisim #and if you think its too much effort then just stop pretending you give a shit tbh #like my parents managed to change our neighbour's very xenophobic stance on migrants with a calm conversation #some people will listen and some wont and shes not exactly going out to protests for migrants rights but shes not hostile anymore #and a lot of yall think that isnt good enough but let me tell you it IS good because these things take time! #unlearning things is MUCH harder than learning them in the first place and a lot of people grew up in environments that taught them #very discriminatory and conservative views and its actually not their fault. and its hard to educate yourself differently on something you #have no idea is not true. where do you start w that?

[noasmirrorball]

Me trying to keep the single parent james au sfw 🤡

#me doing outlines for conversations #and then this happened #i promised myself i wont write smut this time #AND I WONT #i need a break from smut writing #someone talk me out of it #and now i just have this image in my head with james’ hand clasped over regulus’ mouth to keep him from making any sounds #help #marauders #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #single parent james au

[guinevereslancelot]

eye doctor was trying not to scare me today bc i have a sight threatening condition 🥲 it's probably treatable but i need to go to a specialist

#havent been to the eye doctor in six years but i was like okay i need to update my prescription my headaches are getting really bad #and my prescription barely changed so the doctor said it wasnt that #also this other condition doesn't cause headaches either so treating it wont even help :( #tho it does make me light sensitive which is a trigger ao maybe it will help a little i hope #but mostly i hope its treatable #also i have no health insurance so hopefully its not expensive lol #but at least the job search is going well so maybe i can handle the treatment myself #but since i will go blind if its untreated my parents will definitely cover it if i cant i just feel bad #they paid for my appt to get the new prescription today too but that wasn't very much i didn't even get the new glasses #but seeing a cornea specialist regularly to treat a scary condition is going to be expensive 😭 #i dont even know how expensive yet tho #maybe i should make a gofundme or something #this has been a shitpost #im not 100% sure my parentsncan afford it if its expensive #probably depends how far its progressing and how fast andnwhat the cause is and a million other things #but i know it can be difficult and resist treatment 😰 #and its not early for catching it at all

[flamboyant-king]

Game development? More like Foreshadowing!

Back in November, after I went back to work, I wanted to figure out RPGmaker all by myself. I wanted to help my darling friend, Que, work on Wiwi and The Golden Acorn, I would do all the dialogue and it would all change based on what events have occurred. So, we had an idea for a quick game to help us get down the basics before we work on any big projects.

It's called How Can I Be the Legendary Swordsman When I Have Carpal Tunnel?

It's also called I hyperfixated on this for a day until I made my hands hurt. Which is ironic. But the story really is about me getting isekai'd into a fantasy world after working myself to death (the foreshadowing is too great), but my problems still came along with me. But there are fantasy versions of my friends there to guide me along the way to recovery and success.

So I messed with the dialogue, scenes, events, and intro to make it feel very game-y. I made the sprites of the legendary hero, Que did the friends, we only used the assets of RPGmaker cause we are just testing. Of course it has to have my humor. The legendary hero is called Morshu Junior and his colors were ripped directly from the Lamp Oil guy, Morshu.

The gameplay is the legendary swordsman does all the damage, but he also hurts himself, so his companions are actually all healers and you can use their turns to heal the swordsman. They can do damage, but the swordsman will keep losing health, whether they're attacking or defending, the swordsman will keep losing health. Which is an awesome idea, but we didn't figure out how to incorporate that yet. Maybe one day but not anytime soon.

I hope you like my idea, it's silly and we'll use it as our testing grounds and also just goofing around. I would love to hear your feedback. I love you guys.

#i pretty much foresaw my hospitalization excpet my parents bring me to the hospital and im in a coma #i broguht myself to the hospital last week because im like no yeah i dont wanna end up like video game isekai me #i cried in the shower about the dialogue in the beginning. im bearing my soul to you folks through memes and video games #which has always been true. ive been a trainwreck for years. but i always tried to make others smile ya know. im booboo the fool. the clown #i love yall and i wanted to share this. i was gonna wait til i finished the whole intro/castle area but look at me. no yeah look at me #that wont be for a while. like this is from november i havent added anything since. i wish my hyperfixations lasted like they used to #hopefully i get help for that too. but enjoy this. #rpgmaker #gamedev #game dev #game development #video #Youtube

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving. #sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno. #i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity. #again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

[hayaku14]

kuroba toichi you need to stay dead or im going to fucking kill you myself

#you sick son of a bitch #if you truly love your son you wouldnt be alive #it's bad enough that you basically left the mantle for your teenage son to take up but you actually being alive???????? #you just out there living your life while your son is destroying his relationships chasing after something that you started???????? #his very motivation is your death and it's not even real??? the utter fucking betrayal??? #and maybe being kid has kade him a better magician and has helped him find out more about himself #but he shouldve been able to have a choice if he even wanted to be kid at all it shouldnt have been a responsibility pushed upon him #AND IF YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE AND YOU'RE JUST WATCHING YOUR SON RUNNING AWAY FROM THE POLICE WITH PRIDE INSTEAD OF GUILT YHEN YOU CAN #GO FUCK YOURSELF #Honestly the worst #also that theory that maybe chikage is travelling the world because she KNOWS toichi is alive and she's with her elevates this fuckery into #a whole different level #anyway go read cuethesun's tomorrow and the next day #good fucking food and bad parent chikage and toichi enjoyers will be pleased ;> #lol #dc prattles #as much as i want happy everybody is alive kuroba family #i need touichi and chikage if she knows too to feel the repercussions of their horrible parenting and i need kaito to be able to let himself #feel the hurt and betrayal that he is justified to feel even if he is happy that his dad is alive #but i dont trust gosho to handle that nicely if anything i think hes gonna just handwave it and wont address it properly #anyway my point is i just need more hurt and angry kaito also if shinichi is there im happy #sorry i sneaked in a kaishin i cant stop the brainrot unfortunately theres no cure 🤚😔 #ALSO DONT GET ME STARTED WITH BAD PARENT KUDOS OOOOOHHHH

[blazevillains]

sooo crazy that your parents are allowed to sabotage your life in so many different ways and you just have to accept it. They can block you from seeking diagnosis, or meds that you need, or mobility devices, or whatever else and its just fine cause youre not 18 yet and well what if the kids are fakers or weak or just want attention? The parents always know best. and we gotta uphold "parents rights" or whatever.

#i have a friend that desperately wants a cane but his mom doesnt think he's ''disabled enough'' for it. #my parents wont let me seek out an adhd diagnosis because they dont believe in it and because they dont want me on meds no matter how much #they may help. like is that not fucked up. thats fucked up. #my life and the lives of my friends are actively a lot worse because of this. ABLEISM! #sorry for ranting so much today im going through it #negativity

[popfever]

well everyone there is now officially a very real possibility that on march 24 of this year i will fucking disappear because my parents sent me to a religious community entirely cut off from the rest of the world. no phone no contact with anyone outside of the community no support system no nothing. im trying to get the hell out of this house before they can do that but im not sure if i’ll be able to manage it because i only barely make enough to afford a cheap apartment + gas for my car (not enough for groceries or other necessities). so 👍🏻

#🌀.txt #like i think i officially dont have a choice anymore according to my parents #and i was told that they dont want me ‘running away’ because it ‘wont help anything’ either

[wyldhunt]

thinking about how atreus didn't really get any of kratos's features — he doesn't have his dark hair or his yellow eyes or his olive brown skin, he's a perfect carbon copy of his mother. her red hair, her blue eyes, her pale skin, can you imagine what that must be like for him?? seeing so much of his mother when he looks in the mirror, how much he must miss her when he sees his own face? can you imagine what it must be like for kratos, to see so much of faye in their boy's eyes?

#chatter #god of war #atreus #kratos #i say ''can you'' because *I* can ! because ive lived this !! #losing a parent when you're young that you grow up looking like a 1 to 1 recreation of #and having your other parent see them in you every time they see you #not to get like. Super Personal but #my mother has literally burst into tears seeing my eyes when i take sunglasses off because they're just my dad's eyes #and the thought of atreus dealing with the similar feeling of seeing someone who gave you life in your own face after theyre gone #is comforting but also pains me to imagine him thinking of #the thought of atreus growing his hair out during his journey to find the giants and ends up looking even more like his mother #or the thought of him finding *comfort* in their similarities‚ like shes still there in the smile they share #i also cant help but feel like that might be a reason for the disconnect between kratos and atreus before they mended their relationship #like kratos already feels he's not worthy to be atreus's father and when atreus is born he looks nothing like kratos #and kratos is *relieved* because atreus wont have to grow up with the ghost of sparta's eyes #and its easier to distance himself for atreus's sake and divorce himself from the role of father #so atreus can take even more after his mother that he already looks exactly like #but then she dies and kratos is left with his son who looks just like his mother‚ with her eyes and her mannerisms and her lessons #and not an ounce of kratos's influence in his life #and kratos has to deal with that and come to terms with that and be there for atreus #and he does! even if there a moments where his throat feels tight seeing the quick flashes of faye in atreus's features #and his heart hurts because he misses her so much #but he loves atreus more than his heart hurts in grief #anyways #im emo over the kratos-faye-atreus family and have my own issues to work through can you tell

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

how does one like. get a binder

#like ik how #im priveleged enough to be able to buy one #ik ehic5h company id go with #but its like im waiting for permission #which no one can really give me #like i could wait til im registered back with the doctor's but even if i was brave enough to bring it up they'd either say just don't #or your asthma is completely fine like they always do #like im the best placed to gauge if my lungs can handle wearing one #really i want someone to come along and say it'll help you're allowed this it wont be a waste of money #and you won't have to share with your parents the specifics of your dysphoria #when i could barely come out without apologizing for it even tho they were ok with it #if it were anyone else i cannot emphasize how behind them id be but when its myself im just stuck going in circles #im gon try and call sib at lunchtime and order it then bc yesterday was really not pleasant #a properly fitted binder can't be much more uncomfortable than a too small sports bra surely #and im already good at taking breaks w that so #we'll see ig #mine #gender adventures with neednoggle #not to complain abt being a skinny person w a big chest when society is obsessed w skinny ppl w big chests #but JFC

[tearfest]

mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

#u can ignore but! #in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26) #i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah #*way #if that makes sense #like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge #sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would #get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it #she put her name on the deeds to all my assets #so i have money but it is inaccessible #i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me #anyways! thats lowkey besides the point #my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago #but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9 #n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him #but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery #so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice #its like having a real family #and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister #like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags #tbd. #if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac #but yeah! this is why im so inactive #n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn

[thediktatortot]

Don't mind me, I'm just fucking depressed

#life feels meaningless again and i don't know how to make it go away #i have friends but i cant find the energy or the mental ability to be around them #i cant even get myself out of my house let alone see people #ive got no car again which means you habe 0 autonomy #the VA has zero empathy for anyone and im left stranded for help #ive got my parents winter depression to deal with on top of my own #I'm basically the primary bread winner in my house because of my disability being more than my dads SSI #everything is breaking and i have no money to replace it #my country hates me in multiple ways #my avenues of enjoyment are being priced out or gotten rid of #there's no third spaces #no places to hang out #my grocery bill is 2x the price now #my body hurts my brain hurts my heart hurts my teeth hurt everything fucking hurts #i cant even use Tumblr anymore because the account ive been using for the last few years wont get un shadowbanned #i dont even get the reprieve of dreams when i sleep

[jrueships]

they Need to Kiss.

#yes lovie #( i love your name btw it's very cute #one of my best friends is named lovie ) #(you are my best friend now) #anyways #yes lovie derek WOULD fit inside sauce best ty king for seeing my light #i will never forget sauce posting a selfie that he thought was cool and captioning it 'I'm the best in the draft.' #before getting drafted under another cb derek stingley #derek being surrounded by parental role models involved in football #having the training and skill to be known as a number 1 COLLEGE draft prospect AS WELL AS A NFL DRAFT prospect #thanks to his football loving family (coaching father wise retired football player grandfather) #vs sauce being raised all by his mother alone who had to work overnights at an automotive seating manufacturing factory #being the youngest of three of his siblings and never leaving his eldest brother's side bcs he was lonely and unsure and afraid #allante (the eldest) trying to draw sauce spreadsheets to help sauce understand the recruiting processes (and why he wasnt as high #as he wanted to be) #sauce fighting as an underdog his whole life in detroit then going to an underdog school that at least had the name 'King' #so he can feel like royalty as a wr/cb #promising his mom he'll be a college graduate no matter what so he'll always have something to fall back on so she wont worry #sauce's secret not so secret envy of derek and all his resources #his secret not so secret stuck up nose bcs he thinks hes had to climb higher hills than derek and therefore deserves the better recognition #then hiding behind 'im just working for my family' when ppl notice theres a lot more ego involved in his envious little nose scrunches #derek just smiling and being lively bcs hes just thrilled to be in his familys dream that a lot of ppl dont have the chance to obtain #even his dad played in the arena football league but not the nfl #im telling yall ppl with a chip on their shoulder... watch out 😭 #it's like a beautiful giant marble statue with a bruise #i need to see them interact. i must. #sauce: you took Every. Thing. From. Me. #derek: ... OOH-- did I accidentally take a swing from your gatorade dude? aw #im so sorry man :( !! sometimes i just see shiny things and KABLAMMO! im on it like a silk bonnet! sorry bro u can have mine tho 🐶! #i didnt open it yet so it should be cool clean! AND refreshing 😁👍🏽!

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#shouldn't have shoved aside the panic attack that was building last night #when I had to leave work during a massive snow storm #because that overwhelmed feeling carried over into today #and im exhausted and I'm about 2seconds from losing my shit but i cant AGAIN because i have to get ready for work #my shift starts in just over an hour lmao #and i feel like a raging bitch #all snappy and nasty #but really im stretched too thin #and im terrified #of not getting into grad school of this forever being my fuckin life #but also because my health is bad but my brother's is worse and i just watched something terrifying happen to him #(something in his neck temporarily dislocated) #and i just #im so SICK of everything being shitty #im so sick of our shitty medical system and how my brother cant find anyone to take him seriously and actually help him #and i go each day wondering if... if. and i can't handle it. and if i get into grad school I'll be leaving the state... #and if something..... #i know ive put my life on hold for my parents because im afraid of what ifs and my dad's health has ALSO been shit #(i love growing up with a parent that casually says stuff like I Wont Be Alive By Then. or When Im Dead-. all the time.) #and ive been terrified of leaving Just In Case. and every time my brother's health goes bat shit sideways again i freeze and panic #and I don't have TIME to panic or freeze rn but as im well aware the body will make you take a break if you don't make time for one #it's all BS & im tired & lost & i want so BADLY to get into this particular school but i feel Guilty for wanting to leave so fucking badly #idk what to fuckin do #☉ #tbd #im gonna cry. or be sick lol. maybe both.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ed recovery with autism and adhd is so weird.

Like I'll either forget to eat lunch entirely or I'll forget when I ate last and end up eating lunch 3 seperate times instead.

Then sometimes I have to literally ask my girlfriend if I'm hungry because I don't fucking know what my body is feeling ever and she's usually like "Yeah you should eat".

Then when I go to prepare food it's like:

Me: okay body so how much food do you want

Body: hm...m... food...?

Me: yes food. But HOW MUCH

Body: uhh... s e v e r a l

Me: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

And then I end up making too much for me to eat (thank God I'm allowed to not eat all of my food now- I hated that rule so much growing up) but its still so goddamn confusing skgjfjfhff

#wrong #anyway im incredibly thankful for my girlfriend who is so so patient and supportive #the amount of help and support i never realized i need is actually insane #like i genuinely cant function without help because of my autism (and adhd to a lesser degree) #idk its just really nice to not only have help but not feel like i should be ashamed of needing it either #oof i forgot the other thing that happens when i make food is that i prepare it and then by the time its done cooking #i dont even want it anymore -_- like wtf? i literally was JUST hungry #or i wont feel hungry but then as soon as i go to bed and cant make food because everyones asleep #and the lights are all off and im all cozy and sleepy #THEN im starving. my body has the worst timing ever sometimes istg #still not as bad as before recovery though #ive just elected to be a lot more patient with myself #i used to compare my recovery to other peoples never understanding what i was doing #but the truth of the matter was those people i was comparing myself to #had only had eds for like 2-5 years. which is still bad of course but its not applicable to my scenario #they were also neurotypical and cisgender which i also couldnt relate to #the thing is i never learned how to eat properly. before my ed i still wasnt eating enough #because my parents were neglecting me #i only know hunger and i never learned how to eat properly or what being nourished feels like #that means i have to not only relearn things but learn them entirely for the first time #i have to learn what hunger feels like and what being full feels like and when it is and isnt ok to skip a snack #its just really hard learning these things for the first time ar 20 years old #and once i acknowledged that- that it was really hard for me- i think i felt a lot of relief #like im struggling but it makes sense that i am and i wont always feel like thia #one day i will heal. i just needed a little help