#n i've been finding myself watching this focus cam a lot ! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dojae-huh · 1 month

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I've been binge-watching all NCT MVs, stages and dance practice videos, again :p Doyoung really has something that intrigues everytime I watch though he is not my bias. I have a soft spot for him since I watched some of NCT life seasons but I follow him just lil bit then. I have the complex that I can't leave the ones that I have so much time invested to watch them, even when sometimes I find other members much more intrigue me.

Ermm, when is the exact moment that you know Do is your ult bias and just focus on him? You are keen to observe him mature as an artist but also as a person, I mean both on cam and off cam. You must have a strong faith in who he is and what he gonna offer next I guess... Sometimes I realize that I am toxic to expect my biases to go the way I want and achieve this n that, kind of living by proxy mental. That's frustrated! Do you ever expect anything from being a Do bias? For me I think I am about to give up on the idol-fangirl relationship.. I mean I would still support them but I want to observe many other things besides that I don't notice be4 instead of screaming and crazily watch tons of videos with guilty pleasure. I admire people that can observe everything and offer ideas on things in general, hmm like the stuff you write about SM and kpop idols. Anw, thank you for your contents and sorry for this long confusing question. Thank you again!

That's normal. When humans invest a lot in something, they have hard time abandoning it. It's a problem in business. Most can't terminate a project in progress even if it becomes evident it will fail and won't be profitable (so it's better to drop it and stop spending money on it).

Life hack. If you'll make people help you somehow, they will be more ready to care about you, heh. You will make them be invested in you. Literally.

Anyhow.

You can take a break with your biases though? And comeback with renewed interest after some time. The good thing about k-pop is that content is saved on platforms. No problem in catching up after a few years. The time you invested in them won't become a waste of time in any case, your gained knowledge about them won't dissapear.

When I asked what should I watch to get to know NCT, I was directed to Idol Weekly with NCT2018. I'd already singled out Jaehyun, Doyoung and Taeyong after watching a few MVs and dance practices, but I hadn't memorised their names yet. By the end of the programme I was sure Doyoung will be my bias. You can read this tag for more info.

I usually "fall in love" very quickly and don't get dissapointed. Eventhough it happens when I warm up to celebreties/fictional characters with time, after getting to know them better, such cases never turn into a new obsession. So Doyoung wasn't an exception. And the fact that in Wish I like the members, but noone hooked me, most probably mean that there won't be a second Doyoung. On the other hand, it's nice to have a whole group to be appealing for a change.

Hm, eventhough I want Doyoung to achieve this and that, I'm still a passive observer, so I won't be dissapointed with any outcome. I'm an admirer, not an "idol-producer". Doyoung does, I observe and marvel. Whatever he wins in life are his achievements. I get from him the process, the journey to those mountain picks. A life story of an ambitious person and an artist. There are no other types of parasocial relationships and co-dependencies.

If you understood your problem of an unhealthy fan-idol relationship (living vicariously through someone is bad), you have the power to change yourself and your attitude. The first step to solving an issue is a recognition of the said issue. Likewise, if you feel like you outgrew fangirling, then move on to newer pastures.

Eventhough I can safely call myself a stan, I'm an active participant in the fandom, my interest in NCT (and Doyoung) is supported by much more than a pretty face and a nice voice. It's showbusiness, it's social dynamics, leadership, stage outfits, concept development, Korean culture and mentality, Korean variety, the fandom itself, afterall. Doyoung is the White rabbit that leads me to Wonderland where I encounter all other interesting things.

As for content. I skip "empty" content and make sure to watch "informative" programmes. Those that will show me the members from a new side, or provide me with a better understanding of them.

Pick up a topic that is either very interesting to you (brings satisfaction, joy) or can be very useful to you (develop you) and dig. If anything, you'll practice active search and choosing your own direction. In this age of algorythms offering us stuff and deciding for us, it's a needed skill. How to be proactive and be a manager of one's own life.

Like Doyoung-sonsennim.

#ask me away #kappa ate my soul

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