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aesjae · 5 years

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tears fall like snow | taeyong

probably not the best i’ve ever written, and probably not the best to read while you’re in the festive mood. i’m glad to be writing again.

Summary: Any and every date on the calendar could mean something significant to any and everyone. However, the twenty-fifth of December is unanimously proclaimed as the day of the birth of Jesus Christ to the whole world — Christmas Day. But Christmas may not unanimously be just as jolly to everyone.

Style/ Genre: Scenario/ Angst Word Count: 3,669 Date Posted: 26 dec 2018

Downtown, 8.48 p.m., 24th December 2018

“ ‘Dis the season to be jolly, tralalalalalalalala~”

At every corner, at every alley, the streets and town square were bustling with people. Masses of people moved like the great reef, moving in great entirety. At every angle that you turn to, you would be greeted with large toothy grins, the festive seasons pumping through everyone’s veins.

Everyone but one.

Hot cocoa, gingerbread men cookies, thick woollen scarfs wrapped around necks, intertwined mitten hands, festive songs.

Everybody seemed to have been engrossed in the festive season, many mouthing along to the words of Christmas songs. As people moved almost continuously through the streets, one man stood still amidst the crowds. Covered in black from head to toe, his frosty white hair stands out. Compared to the life and gusto of the city, he was still and lifeless, standing outside the bustling activity of the crowds. A bouquet of crimson roses in his right hand, he gazed contemplatively through the window of a boutique, at a particular dress.

His dark orbs slowly took in the pristine white beads on the sleek silk material, the intricate embroidery on the dress, the flattering smooth cut, as if relishing the beauty of it, imagining it being worn on someone in his mind. A soft yet somewhat wry smile formed on his face, and he dropped his head down, looking as if he was biting down something that was growing heavily in his chest.

He looked back up. With another contemplative gaze on the elegant dress, he stepped up the short flight of stairs leading into the shop, and not more than 10 minutes later, he descended back down onto the narrow streets of the city with a big pink box in both of his hands, the bouquet of flowers rested on top of it.

He continued walking, albeit his pace was significantly slower than that of the mass crowd. The crowd around him exuded the festive spirit and joy, but he remained indifferent, the mood surrounding him evidently gloomier. Unlike the excited faces of most people, his brown orbs were filled with chilly emptiness.

Couple after couple, faces after faces. Everything was passing by him in a blur, yet he felt like time was crawling. It was as if he was in his own world where the everybody and everything, including time, moves on, except him.

Finally, he reached a traffic junction. Just like the pedestrian pathways, the roads were jammed with vehicles. The glistening of the car lights illuminated the streets, mirroring the Christmas lights hanging off street lamps in the midnight sky.

Joy Street

He lifted his head slowly, his expression turning grave upon sighting the familiar street name. Glimpses of past events threaded their way into his memories, causing his heart to wrench in unspeakable sorrow. Deep creases along the box’s borders instantly appeared as he clenched onto it tightly.

No. I have to be strong. For her.

A frosty feeling rested upon his cheeks from an escaped tear, reminding him of the existence of those unerasable memories. Regaining composure, he forcefully loosened his grip and willed his body to move.

Inching closer to the town square, an enormous Christmas tree sat in the centre of the square.

“They call it the Wish Tree,” her smile glistened, her face lighting up brighter than the Christmas lights.

His eyes widened at the sudden flashback, an immediate headache following it. He dropped to the floor in a crouched position, struggling with the prominent ache in his head.

Suppress. Suppress.

His right hand instinctively reached for his coat pocket, but there was only an evident absence of the bottle. The bottle of pills that had been keeping him alive. Nothing else was going to save him now, only himself.

Despite the pain, he picked himself up. His heavy footsteps resonated across the streets and his lifeless form was continuously nudged and hit amongst the crowd like a rag doll that was thrown down the busy streets.

City Cemetery, 9.58 p.m., 24th December 2018

He pushed opened the gates that lead into the cemetery, and it tweaked open in response. Despite the harsh weather, there were families who had came to visit their deceased family members. His eyes lingered on them, an unreadable expression hidden behind his brown orbs.

Trudging past rows and rows of graves, he halted at the second last row of graves in the entire cemetery. His throat felt parched as he glanced at the long row of graves before him. He took a step, then another, towards the last grave of the row. With every step closer to it, he felt his body growing heavier. When he finally reached it and peeked a glance of the name on the gravestone, it was as if a hundred-ton weight dropped down onto his body, sending him slumping hard onto his knees. The pink box and bouquet of roses in his hands dropped onto the floor, petals falling among the grass. He stared at the inscription before him, a trembling hand reaching out, fingers tracing each of the delicately carved words with caution. The lump of suppressed emotions in his throat proliferated in size, choking him.

‘ Y/F/N XX XXX XXXX - 25 D E C EM B E R 2 0 1 7 M A Y Y O U R E S T I N P E A C E’

By the time he had traced finished the last letter of the inscriptions, tears were pouring down his face, his expression contorted into a heartbreaking sight. He wept in grief and agony, just like how he did exactly one year ago. Each sound from him escaped in sorrowful wails, burning his throat like a flame set ablaze.

“I-I’m sorry Y/N… I’m sorry…… I’m sorry I did not come earlier… I’m sorry for being such a coward and avoided you for a year… I’M SORRY”

He cried to the earth and he cried to the heavens, hoping that his apology could somehow be delivered to the one. The cemetery was already empty at this time, and his cries only echoed in the empty silence, leaving him alone to face his own misery.

Everywhere burned. His eyes. His throat. His head. His chest.

The emotions that he had suppressed for a year boiled in his insides, dangerously threatening him to explode.

All of a sudden, the long-suppressed memories came crashing in his mind unforgivingly, causing him to lose total control over them. This time, he was too worn and tired to will himself to do anything. He let the memories engulf him, and pitch darkness curtained his physical world.

7.07 p.m., 24th December 2017

He took one last look into the mirror. His reflection stared back at him, and he noticed the mix of nervousness and excitement in his own eyes.

“I can do this. Fighting, Lee Taeyong.”

With one last encouraging smile at his own reflection, he headed for the front door, picking up the bouquet of fresh roses from the door side table.

“Going already, Taeyong-ah?” A familiar voice sounded from the kitchen, and the face of his long-time friend cum housemate popped out from behind the wall.

“Oh gosh, going for all black, again? The number of times I have seen you in all black is quite… You can technically work for the Grim Reaper.”

He had his head slightly tilted back to look at his friend, but that comment made Taeyong rotate his whole body to glare squarely at his friend. His expression then softened into a small pout.

“Johnny-hyung, don’t tease me. I know I look good all black. Plus it complements the white coat I bought for Y/N.”

“And how are you so sure that Y/N will wear it?”

“I am confident that she will,” Taeyong smiled at the thought of Y/N in the pristine white coat, which instantly reminded him of her when he saw it through the shop’s window one random day.

“Haha, okay, I hope you maintain this confidence throughout the night tonight,” Johnny winked.

“Ew hyung, don’t be disgusting. When is your girlfriend coming?” He gave his close friend a look of disgust.

“Around 9pm? She’s a busy woman, even on Christmas Eve.”

“Mm. Okay, I’m going now hyung! Enjoy your dinner date!”

“Yep! Remember to take all your stuff!” Johnny’s voice faded away as the door closed behind Taeyong.

“Oppa! There you are,” a bright voice startled Taeyong, bringing him who was deep in thoughts back to reality. He lifted his head and was immediately greeted by the face that he had been looking forward to seeing all day. His face immediately mimicked the gleaming expression on his girlfriend’s face, a toothy grin unconsciously forming and pressing against his cheekbones. He took a step back and observed his girlfriend who was clad in a simple red maxi dress that hugged her body under a long white suede coat.

“You look absolutely beautiful. And you’re wearing the coat I gave you -- you look like an angel,” Taeyong pressed a kiss on his girlfriend’s forehead, earning giggles from her.

Everything was going smoothly that night. Y/N received the bouquet of roses cheerfully. They went to their favourite restaurant and had a splendid dinner. The restaurant even had a special Christmas event and both of them ended their meal in all smiles.

Stepping out of the restaurant, the lovely couple strolled along the bustling streets, moving along with the crowd and enjoying the liveliness of the festive season. The walked past shops after shops, streets after streets arm in arm, admiring the stunning Christmas decorations in town. Not even once did the smiles leave their faces.

As they continued walking toward the town square, a large Christmas tree came into view. It stood tall amongst the crowd, white lights twirling their way towards the top of the tree, illuminating the whole town square with its radiance. It was a new and interesting sight to Taeyong, who had moved to this town only over the past year to live close by to his girlfriend.

“They call it the Wish Tree,” her smile glistened, her face lighting up brighter than the Christmas lights.

She dragged him by the arm to the tree, convincing him to write a wish down to hang on the tree. Taeyong was slightly reluctant, but he could not reject the excited expression on her face. A loving smile and fixated eyes on her followed her every movement, completely enamoured with her.

‘I wish that we will be together forever, in life and death. -(Your name’s initials) & T.Y’

She stood there in front of the tree, staring at the wish that she had written and hung up thoughtfully. It was obvious that those few words carried a lot of emotions and sincerity. In the meantime, Taeyong could not help but just stare at his other half, feeling absolutely grateful for this godsend angel. His heart full of warmth, he pressed an affectionate kiss onto her forehead again.

Feeling the appropriateness of the mood and atmosphere then, his hand reached into his coat pocket. However, these trembling fingers only met with emptiness. Panic filled his head, but he tried to keep as calm and composed on the outside as much as possible. Instead, he reached for his phone in his pant’s back pocket.

After a few furious taps, he finally heaved a heavy sigh of relief. He informed Y/N that he had forgotten something at the restaurant, and asked her to meet him after 20 minutes. She agreed without any questions asked, grinning sweetly and telling him to be careful and to be back soon.

“Hyung, over here!” Taeyong bent over his legs, panting heavily as his friend jogged over in front of him.

“Gosh- Taeyong! I reminded you to take everything, how could you forget about the most important item of tonight?” Johnny lightly chided his younger friend, voiced laced with concern and a hint of tease.

“I know… I’m sorry for interrupting your date, hyung. I owe you a /big/ favour, I swear.”

“It’s okay. I’ll do whatever it takes to see you smile. Don’t screw up tonight!”

Taeyong fiddled with the small box between his fingers, a smile of relief on his face. He raced back to his destination, all the nervousness from before replaced with eagerness.

With every step he took, he felt bubbles evolving inside him. He smile grew bigger by the seconds. His anticipation grew. His hope grew. His love for her never stopped growing. He knew she was the one, and he wanted to have her by his side forever. With every step he took, the rhythm of his footsteps grew quicker, and he soon stopped at a road junction.

Joy Street

She stood on the opposite side of the street, at the peripherals of the crowd on the pedestrian pavement, allowing the couple to face and see each other fully. They looked at each other, both of their smiles clearly depicting the amount of love they have. Even as cars drove by in front of them, their eyes never left each other for a second.

The green man came on and both of them stepped down from their respective pavements onto the road. Despite the crowd, all he saw was her. He prepared to raise his arms to embrace the incoming Y/N, already feeling the familiar warmth against his body.

Suddenly, Y/N was gone.

A piercing scream penetrated the air. Within a few seconds, there were sounds of skidding, sounds of frantic footsteps, the sight of shocked faces, engine smoke billowing out and clouding the surroundings. But one thing made Taeyong’s blood run cold: the sound of a body heavily thrown onto the asphalt ground.

Unable to see Y/N, he hastily looked around before he instinctively swung his head towards the direction the had caught other pedestrian’s attention. Underneath the blinking green man, a car had halted awkwardly in the middle of the pedestrian crossing. Marks of skidding lined the asphalt floor and the engine smoke surrounded the car. A car accident.

Taeyong did not have his attention focused on the accident, for his only priority was to find Y/N. To propose to her. His eyes continued searching the crowd but to no avail. It was that moment when he caught a glimpse of white on the ground, in front of the car. Realisation struck.

He sprinted. He kneeled beside her, instantly taking her into his hands. Her face had a big gash across her forehead, blood dripping down her beautiful face. Her limbs were limp, slumped onto the ground at awkward angles. Blood was oozing out rapidly, the blot of crimson red on her white coat increasing in size at an unstoppable rate.

“No… No…” With one hand cupping her face, Taeyong wanted to deny reality, unable to and refusing to accept what had just happened.

Feeling his presence, a weak, bloody smile formed on Y/N face. Her bloodied arm reached out to touch his face, its intense trembling signifying the very little energy she had left.

“It’s okay..” she had said.

It was not okay. It was not. He wanted to fight for her life, but he was powerless. He wept, and his face was a mess. People around kept their distance to give the couple space, many tear-stricken faces amongst them.

“Sir, we need to take her away,” a man in a familiar paramedic uniform gently voiced to Taeyong, waiting patiently. It had started to snow.

Fully aware that time was tight, he reluctantly removed his hands from Y/N.

Right before the paramedics lifted Y/N on a stretcher off the ground, Taeyong hastily stopped them.

“Wait-“

The paramedics looked at each other before stepping back behind Taeyong again to give them some time.

He took her hand into his.

With his other hand, he finally took out the box from his pocket, taking the ring out.

He looked endearingly at his partner, tears still dripping down from his eyes. “Y/N, we have been together for a long time, and I want to make our wish come true. Let’s stick together forever. Will you marry me?” His words came out in stutters, but they were full of sincerity.

She looked at his tear-stricken face, a weak but loving smile on hers. She nodded weakly.

A bittersweet feeling swamped Taeyong’s heart as he delicately put the ring round Y/N’s ring finger.

“I love you,” he muttered.

Ding Dong Ding Dong~

The church bell chimed as the clock stroke midnight.

“Merry Christmas Taeyong,” she mouthed.

He held her hand more tightly, stroking her finger with the ring and gave a teary smile. “Merry Chris-“

Her hand dropped, leaving his.

Her head slumped towards the side like a rag doll.

Snowflakes continued to descend, covering her body with a sheet of white.

His eyes went blank, his vision still fixated at the place her face was. Paramedics rushed over.

“…… Y/F/N, pronounced dead on 25th December 2018, 0001 hours.

I’m sorry for your loss, Mister…”

At this point in time, Taeyong was not even listening anymore.

His heavy tears dropped, falling like snow onto the ground.

Even at the point of her death, she looked like an angel. And then she became one.

A year passed and nothing became easier for Taeyong. Over the past year, he could not get over Y/N’s death. The person that had been there for him since the very beginning. The person who had held his hand and gave him strength during the days he felt the weakest. The one who loved him despite all his flaws and shortcomings.

She was gone.

He cooped himself up in his house most of the time, and Taeyong never looked as full as life as he did when Y/N was around anymore. He became an empty shell.

His close friend, Johnny, who was worried for him, repeatedly tried to convince him to go for counselling when he showed no improvement after 6 months. It was only because it was Johnny that Taeyong finally agreed.

For the next 6 months, Taeyong had been relying on anti-depressant pills. He did not attend Y/N’s funeral, nor once visited her grave. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take the pain. He never fully moved on, as he felt guilty for leading a life of his own without her. It felt so empty, so solitary. Something was missing. She was missing.

This Christmas was different. It had already been a year, and Taeyong knew he could not deny reality any longer.

City Cemetery, 11.55 p.m., 24th December 2018

“Sir, the cemetery is closed for tonight. Could you please take your lea- oh! Sir, are you okay?” A deep, rough voice sounded in the night, the owner of the voice rushing towards the fainted man in front of the last grave of the second last row.

In his unconsciousness, Taeyong felt two warm hands holding onto his two arms. He was freezing. He felt weak. Then he felt small icy sensations forming on his face and hands. Snowflakes. It was snowing.

“Sir, sir, can you hear me?” The voice increased in urgency, tapping the collapsed man’s cheeks gently in hope for a response. “Shit, you’re hella cold. This is not good.”

Taeyong’s face continued to drain in colour, his dry lips already becoming a shade of blue.

In Taeyong’s vision of darkness, he suddenly saw someone. The silhouette approached him slowly, step by step, filling Taeyong with a sense of familiarity. When the person stopped in front of him, he stared at the white coat, before lifting his eyes to look into the person’s face. An angel.

Tears instantly formed in his eyes. “I missed you,” Taeyong choked out in a soft voice. In that 3 words was vulnerability, longing and anguish.

She did not say anything, only a soft smile on her face, just as how Taeyong last remembered her. She wordlessly stretched out her hand towards him, as if beckoning him to follow her.

Taeyong glanced at her outstretched hand, and without a mere contemplation, he put his own hand into hers. He followed her with obedient silence as she took him by the hand, leading him further into the darkness.

Taeyong’s eyes opened slightly, but his vision was extremely blurry. He could not make out where he was, and could only tell there was someone hovering over him. He glanced at the dark night sky behind the man, making out a blurry white spot in the sky which he presumed was the moon. He felt the last of his energy drain with each millisecond.

Ding Dong Ding Dong~

It was Christmas.

With the very littlest of his will left, he gave the slightest of smiles. A tear slid down his face, falling along with the snow onto the ground.

“We can be together now, Y/N.”

And his vision went black.

Downtown, 8.55 p.m., 24th December 2018

He stepped into the shop, triggering the front doorbell to chime.

“Hello Mister, how can I help you?” A staff at the boutique approached Taeyong naturally, giving a warm and welcoming smile.

“Erm, can I have that dress that’s at the window?”

“Ah, yes, of course, sir. I’ll get it prepared for you right away.”

“Thank you.”

The staff had the white dress snugly packed into a simple pink box.

“You look young sir, is this for your wife?”

In the first time in a while, Taeyong gave a genuine smile.

“Yes. I did not manage to give her the wedding she wanted.”

“Ah, I see. What a lucky wife you have to have a husband like you. This bridal dress would definitely fit her beautifully. I hope both of you will live together happily.”

“Thank you.”

Not more than 10 minutes upon entering the store, he descended back down onto the narrow streets of the city, the big pink box in both of his hands, the bouquet of flowers rested on top of it.

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seungkwanslowqualityenglish · 6 years

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An Unusual Date

Who: Jaemin [ NCT Dream ]

Word Count: 1,022 Words

Genre: AU / Fluff

Warnings: N/A

NCT Masterlist l Masterlist l Mobile Masterlist l Request Here

Tagging @/ukulelewrites since I feel like she needs this right now, and @/albdajirk since I said I’d write something cute without death for once.

The orchards were always a place that families congregated to on the weekends. The allure of paying for fruit, and then having to pick it yourself, always enjoyable. It was odd when Jaemin refused to tell you where he was taking you for your usual weekend date. It did not stop you from joking that he was driving you to some remote place to murder you, and it startled you when he drove through town to the outskirts. Yet, you calmed as he pulled into an apple farm, picturesque with the tall trees and families with their children running tree to tree trying to pick the best apples.

“You brought us to an orchard?” You asked, honestly confused. Apple picking was not exactly something you considered fun, and especially was not something you considered date night material. It seemed like that thing parents took their kids too just to get rid of them for a while, not exactly a hot date spot, at least to you.

Yet, Jaemin did not think the same, he felt it would be something fun to do. “Yeah, we get to pick apples, and we can eat them, or bake a pie, or eat them.” He said, before he started to escort you out of the vehicle, and towards the orchard.

It was not long before the two of you were deep into the orchard, Jaemin occasionally picking an apple, claiming it was the best apple ever. You found yourself leaning against a tree, the sunlight hitting Jaemin in such a way you just wanted to marvel at your boyfriend, but it did not last long. “If you wanna stare, take a photo, I would turn to my good angle, but we both know all my angles are good.” He said, with a slight smirk, before you watched as he started to walk near you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, you found yourself looking up at him.

“You know, I would take a photo of you, but I don’t think I could fit all of your ego into one frame.” You said, before his lips found yours for a moment, then his forehead rested against yours. Pecking his lips, quickly once more, you wrapped your arms around his neck as you gazed up at him.

He returned the short kiss, before pulling you so you were flush with his chest. “Well, then I guess it’s good for you that I’ll be here all day, so no photo is needed.” He told you, then he moved back, removing his hands from your waist, and instead taking your hand. “Come on, let’s go do what we paid to do, pick the best apples.”

Letting him drag you away from where you were standing, you walked alongside him throughout the orchard. The evening was enjoyable, well really anything was enjoyable with Jaemin by your side. The sporadic kisses, longing gazes, random compliments, and his hand in yours made it worth it. He talked of what you two could do with all these apples, you could eat them, bake things, make apple butter, cider, or something, but a good half of his suggestions were just eating them.

You knew more than likely the apples would end up in the possession of his mom or one of his friends, since you highly doubted he would actually cook anything with them. However, you did not bring this thought up, just letting him keep pretending like he was going to be rage baking some pies later with all of these apples. The basket was growing fuller, well as full as it could be, seeing how it was a rather small basket. Fingers intertwined, you two trekked through the orchard, your eyes focused on his beauty, while he was more so focused on finding the perfect apples. The perfect apples which he would proclaim as the best apple ever after each one he grabbed.

The allure that this had drawn him in with was fading, and the energy he had when you both first entered, had drained mostly also. You found yourself sitting on the ground, by the biggest tree Jaemin could find, within the near like ten foot area since he did not want to walk far. His arm around your waist as you talked. Anything little thing that came to mind was an open topic, and it was not long before the conversation had faded, and you found yourself on your feet again.

Minutes passed as you walked in the silence, until he broke the silence. “You know apples are sweet, but I can think of one thing in this orchard that is sweeter.” He told you, before wrapping his arm around your waist once more.

“I don’t know, what is sweeter?” You asked, knowing good and well it was another one of his pickup lines he used so often. Even though you had been dating for a while, he could not keep himself from using them, especially to see how flustered you got from them.

His reply was simple. “You.” He muttered, before his lips connected with yours once more.

As you kissed back, the grumbling of a nearby elderly couple caused the both of you to laugh, as the elderly lady started complaining to her husband about why did not do cute things like that to her anymore. After a moment of laughing, you moved your lips towards his once more, kissing him again. “You know, I might be sweeter than the apples, but your lips are by far the sweetest thing in this orchard.” You said to him, between kisses.

“Hey!” He started to whine, as you tried to quiet him with kisses. “Don’t steal my lines.” “This relationship only has…” “room for one cheesy person.” He between kisses, before finally giving in and just silently returning your kisses.

Moments later, you found yourself walking with him, hand in hand towards the entrance. As you planned to leave, it made you think, that maybe orchards were not as bad as you thought they were. Well, at least they were not that bad when you had Jaemin by your side.

#nctwetnet #thekpopnetwork #kreativewritersnet #kmultiverse #nctwriters #jae #jaemin #nct #nct dream #na jaemin #jaemin nct #nct jaemin #nct dream jaemin #jaemin nct dream #genre: fluff #au

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narika-a · 6 years

Photo

Hearts from Junguwu 💙

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discohues · 6 years

Photo

Poetic Beauty

I used to be the sweetest boy ever till I found out being the baddest boy was better

#nctinc #thenctnet #smtownnetwork #nctwetnet #nct #jaehyun #my gifs #this is my first time using topaz and it was a struggle

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mauloveskpop · 6 years

Photo

Send me your bias + [insert word here]: ↳ Jaemin + Laughing for @wildestdeepestcycle

#na jaemin #nctinc #nctwetnet #smtownnetwork #thekpopnetwork #jaemin #nct #mine #gif #requested #bias set #wildestdeepestcycle

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yukbaee · 4 years

Photo

🕊 vs 👀

#nctinc #smtownnetwork #neoculturenet #nctwetnet #nctlucasnet #wayv #yukhei #love love everything about him #lucas #wong yukhei #huang xuxi #Xuxi #nct #nct lucas #wayv lucas #*gifs #mine #era: tbt #turn back time

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babyjungwoo · 5 years

Photo

jungwoo in miami :^)

#jungwoo #nctinc #neoculturenet #nctwetnet #smtownnetwork #hazel gifs #maybe i lvoe u so much id d*e for u?#:')#1k

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doyoungis · 5 years

Conversation

doyoung: did you know that it takes 3 sheep to make one sweater?

jaehyun: wow! i didn’t even know they could knit

#dojae #doyoung #jaehyun #nct #incorrect nct quotes #nctwetnet #incorrect quotes #nct 127 #kim doyoung #kim dongyoung #dongyoung #jung jaehyun #jung yoonoh #yoonoh #mine #source: tumblr #im back kids

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injunnie-dreamie · 5 years

Text

Home

Friends to Lovers AU Johnny x Reader

Johnny was coming home to Chicago for the first time in….. God was it over a year? The months had blended together.

The time he spent in Korea was much greater now that he was an idol and not just a trainee. He was working harder than ever, with little time to stop.

You were so happy for him, thrilled that he was finally able to live his dream after waiting so long for it. But that didn’t stop you from missing him.

Even though Johnny was hardly ever in Chicago anymore, he was still your best friend. Growing up together made the bond you two shared strong, and it made missing him worse.

But that didn’t matter now, because he was back. Only for a few days, but he was here.

When he was back it was like nothing had changed, like he had never left at all. It was always easy being around him. Your conversations were always filled with laughter.

Johnny’s mom used to joke about the two of you already being married, since you were so attached at the hip when you were both younger. But now you and Johnny were adults, with life pulling you to university and Johnny halfway across the world. And yet…

And yet you were still in love.

Time had changed nothing. Distance had changed nothing. The feeling had been growing and flowering within you for years. It cramped your stomach with nerves whenever you were around him.

People had joked constantly that Johnny was in love with you. But you couldn’t tell for sure when Johnny never said anything to you about it. Maybe it was useless to hold onto this feeling. You couldn’t help but hope that maybe one day he would see you as something more than a friend.

“Maybe you should just tell him how you feel. At least then it won’t be eating you alive.” Somin made the same suggestion every time you complained to her about Johnny.

Then again maybe you should be taking her advice, she had already managed to get engaged. Were people your age really getting engaged?

Suddenly you felt old.

“Somin I just can’t do that.”

“I mean you really can. Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen?”

You give Somin a look. “Oh my god I’m so glad you asked because my anxiety has conjured up at least fifty ways it could end horrifically.”

“What, worse than you pining after this guy until you both die of old age?” Somin crosses her arms. “You need to make a move!”

“Okay I will! I will.”

You won’t, most likely. But telling Somin that will at least make her stop bugging you about it. Honestly you worried that one day she would just call Johnny up and confess for you. It seems like something she would do.

***

You and Johnny facetimed almost every week when his schedule allowed it. Sometimes that meant picking up calls at really weird hours of the night, given the time difference, but you didn’t mind much if that meant you still got to speak with him.

It was hard to see him sometimes, to talk to him with all of these feelings bubbling inside you and not say anything.

***

[ CALL LOG ] [ May 10, 12:33AM ]

[Incoming Call…..]

Johnny looked tired. That was the first thing you noticed as his face appeared on your phone screen. But he was also excited and it almost managed to cover the fatigue.

“(Y/n)! We’re gonna be in Chicago at the end of the week p l e a s e say you aren’t busy?”

As if you wouldn’t drop everything to see him.

“Yeah! Your mom let me know ahead of time I’m not working or anything! Will you be here long?”

“A few days I think. We’re filming something in my hometown but I think we’ll have lots of free time in between. Do you think you can come over?”

“As if you have to ask! Of course I’ll be there. It’s been months and months since I’ve gotten to see you in person!”

“I know, it’s been way too long. And you’ll finally be able to meet my friends here!” Johnny seems excited at the thought and you can’t help but smile along.

You had met some of them over facetime before, but Mark was the only one of them you had met in person. Oh god what if they hated you?

Johnny’s voice is reassuring. “It’ll be fine (Y/n) they’ll love you.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“You didn’t have to, you have that stressed face you do.”

Oh. “I don’t have a stressed face!”

“You do! You have it literally on your face right now! You’re terrible at hiding your emotions (Y/n).” Johnny looks smug.

How ironic that he thinks so. You shrug. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

***

The days leading up to Johnny arriving are stressful and it’s no one’s fault but your own. You work yourself up into an anxious mess, thinking of all the ways seeing him again could go wrong.

What if you slipped up and said something stupid? Or what if one of Johnny’s friends found out you liked him?

But you’ve convinced yourself you’ll just have to go regardless. You miss Johnny too much to not see him while he’s in town.

***

There’s a thousand apologies at your lips when you finally arrive at the Seo’s house. You were called in last minute to work to cover a shift and then on top of that got stuck in traffic on the way back. You weren’t too late but it added to your nervousness, thinking how everyone’s eyes will be on you when you walk in.

***

“So that’s the friend from home you’re in love with? I guess I see why.”

“Shh! They’re looking over here.”

You can see Doyoung and Taeyong speaking to Johnny, but somehow the words don’t connect. You’re the friend from home. You’re the only friend here not in NCT. Doyoung’s talking about you. Oh. They don’t know you speak Korean. Johnny must not have told them. Or maybe they thought I didn’t hear. Oh. Johnny likes you. Johnny likes you?

Is this real? It can’t be.

Your head is spinning. This can’t be real life. Was he joking? But Johnny had seemed worried that I had overheard them.

“Johnny you’re in love with me?” The words leave your mouth almost without permission in your shock. You’re rooted to the spot.

“Oh my god wait (Y/n) heard? Shit” That was Mark’s voice but it sounds far away right now. All of your concentration was on the gentle blush creeping across Johnny’s cheeks and down his neck.

Johnny won’t meet your eyes but you watch in disbelief as he nods slightly.

Yes.

He loves you.

Immediately there’s chaos. Everyone is trying to talk over one another but you stand still in shock. This can’t be real. Maybe you fell asleep after dinner or something. This couldn’t be your reality.

“Oh god is Johnny gonna kill us? I feel like we’re gonna die.”

“We should definitely run.”

There’s almost a stampede of some of the younger boys running out the front door into the night, laughing and shrieking about what had just happened inside.

You take a few steps closer to Johnny.

Taeyong brushes your arm gently. “We’ll give you two some time to talk.”

You nod mutely as he helps Doyoung to clear out everyone remaining in the living room.

You aren’t sure what exactly you’re expecting to happen, but Johnny immediately apologizing and looking like a kicked puppy definitely isn’t it.

“Johnny why in the world would you be sorry?” You’re close enough to reach out to him now, if you dared.

“I just feel so stupid, I never wanted to ruin things between us. You’ve always been my best friend and I didn’t want to mess that up.”

Wow. You two really were similar. And also idiots.

“Johnny I’m glad I found out, even if it was an accident.”

He finally meets your eyes at that, looking confused. “You are?”

“I’ve been in love with you since like the fourth grade Johnny! I’m beyond happy. I never told you because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship either.”

This is real, this is happening.

You get to watch as a radiant smile stretches across Johnny’s lips, all of his sadness and confusion melting away into joy. “Really?”

You can’t help but grin too. “Yes, really!”

Johnny leans forward to give you a hug, something you’ve both done a thousand or more times but this time it’s something new. It means something different.

“So… what happens now?”

“Whatever we want, right?” You feel giddy with happiness.

***

Long distance was hard, but honestly at this point you and Johnny had the hang of it. Your friendship had lasted years that way, and both of you were confident you could make a relationship work the same. You missed him so much more than when you two were just friends. It was almost cruel in a way, to finally know the feelings you were hiding for so long were returned, only to have him leave again for the other side of the world.

But it wasn’t forever, and you could wait for him to come back. He always did.

also on Ao3

#johnny #nct #nctwetnet #neoculturenet #ultkpopnet #kpop #fic

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