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#night disorder
3liza · 2 years
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one of the most enlightening realizations ive had was finding out that non-24 hour circadian rhythm people were a pretty large group and most of us have oddly similar cycles of usually around 28hr internal "days" and this masquerades as "insomnia" but if allowed to sleep and wake naturally we will just advance forward through time an extra 2-4 hours a day at a relatively stable pace. we can't go to school or jobs or even run errands on normal schedules without massive pharmacological and behavioral intervention. most of the people who have been diagnosed or figured it out themselves will report horrific, life-ruining disruption in their professional lives and terrible health from accrued lack of sleep. this disorder is most common in vision-impaired people which seems to suggest it's related to light cues. anyway just thinking about this as extremely loud yard work woke me up at 8am for the second day in a row
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zivazivc · 1 month
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Sorry if this has already been asked before but why did the band break up? And did they break up on decent terms? Do they still talk to each other sometime?
It has been asked before, I just never answered jshfbdjcbh I'm still piecing everything together and stuff is changing or getting tweaked all the time, so I'm always super hesitant about answering these types of questions, afraid that people will take whatever I say as the final answer. So basically what I'm going to answer now will already contradict what I told some people already. And maybe in the future the story might go a little differently too (although I'm pretty satisfied with the current events)
Uhhh, get ready for a long info dump. I didn't expect I'd write this much...
Floyd basically stayed with the band for 8 years (from 14 till 22) and got pretty messed up in the process. The rest of the guys are all quite older than him so I guess I could say they were more responsible, or at least had a better understanding of their own limits (also they grew up in this kind of environment or grew up aware of it, while Floyd was oblivious and naive about all of it) and while they do get drunk and do drugs often, none of them are really dependent on them. They are also pretty good judges of character and know how to avoid trouble. Floyd on the other hand drove in with no breaks and constantly got himself in trouble that the rest (mostly Les) had to drag him out of. He also developed bipolar during this time (in my story Floyd constantly fluctuates between being saturated and being desaturated because of this) and his manic and depressive episodes started getting out of hand after his teenage years. (None of them are aware it's a mental disorder that's making him act so out of character.)
Floyd was becoming miserable because of this and all of his problems pilling up, and started blaming Les for the way he was. Les never argued this which only fueled Floyd to blame him more. In the end he was getting so frustrated and irritable that Floyd constantly tried starting arguments with him, even putting him down and getting aggressive at times because Les gets very unresponsive and closed off during personal conversations (guy is a giant onion of suppressed trauma that Floyd is hellbent on peeling open).
Eventually there was one fight too many, terrible things were said, some objects flew through the air, and Floyd walked out (or Hed kicked him out, I haven't decided yet) with the promise of going home and never seeing them again.
So, yeah, it was very messy and Floyd was the primary asshole, even though he's not really to blame either...
But Floyd didn't make it home (was too scared to sneak through Bergen Town to get to the tree (i don't think i can judge him for that either)) and he just returned to the reckless lifestyle, this time without anyone being there to keep him safe. So if he was messed up before, this is the time period where he got absolutely fucked up. This is also when he got heavily addicted to sour worms. And when he chronically slept around (half the time just to get offered free worms or have somewhere to sleep, other times because he was having manic episodes and was feeling hypersexual). (This is also potentially the period when he had the two eggs with that techno troll, but I'm still thinking if I want that to be canon to the story or not.) During this time he also grew to become very anxious and his self-confidence went to shit when he was being himself.
Then after about three years of that, he bumped into Les at some party. He wanted to dodge him out of shame but Les grabbed his arm and manhandled him outside to talk. Floyd felt like shit about the way they had split up and tried apologizing for all the stuff he had said and done to Les, but Les wasn't having any of that because he wasn't angry at Floyd, he was just worried about him. Les is also insanely empathetic like Floyd, and he knew that Floyd never really meant any of it, and that he was just looking for an outlet when he was hurting. Also he does think he is to blame for the way Floyd ended up.
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Les wanted to know why he didn't go home like he had said (because that was the only reason Les had even let him walk out in the first place). A few exchanged words later and Floyd broke down telling him all the awful things he'd done, and Les promised to help him, feeling insanely guilty. Floyd wondered if he was allowed back in the band but Les made it clear that the band wasn't good for him and that he was never taking him back. Instead Les helped him go though rehab. I don't think trolls have those institutions (or at least not many are aware of them or how they work (I'm sorry but I refuse to believe the Trolls world has internet and cellphones, Mountrageons can keep that for themselves lol)), so it was more or less just Les finding Floyd a job and his own place to stay in the middle of bumfuck nowhere where he had no option but to detox, and constantly checking up on him to make sure he was doing okay. During this time they grew pretty close again. Or maybe the better term would be that Les slowly started putting his walls down again.
Hed needed a while to warm up to Floyd again. He's almost as protective of Les as Les is of him, and he resented Floyd for the way he had treated him.
Flea is pretty phlegmatic when it comes to any sort of arguing or drama. He was casual about seeing Floyd again, they were never super close anyway.
And Liv, she left the band when she and Hed broke up (haven't decided if that happened before or after Floyd left), so Floyd didn't get to see her again after bumping into Les at the party. And I haven't thought yet if they'd ever meet again somewhere later in life. But if they did, I think they'd both be happy to see each other.
Anyway...
Floyd managed to detox and successfully kept the job for about a year, but then he became manic again and messed it all up. After that he returned to his nomadic lifestyle, but he never fell as hard as those three years again. In my story Floyd's life is a constant cycle of getting his life together and fucking it up and booking to the next place. And he and Les are trapped in a never-ending cat and mouse game where they're both trying to fix each other.
So, uh, Les and Floyd are still very close and see each other somewhat often...
(sometimes monthly, sometimes yearly)
Yeah...
I am so fucking obsessed with them I'm gonna hurl. Please take this song before I combust:
youtube
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turkitty5 · 1 month
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three people behind
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xitsensunmoon · 1 year
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Tw: negative, depression, mental illness
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Idk how to feel about posting it but... I just hope that it helps someone too
A lil comforting bonus too:
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Omgggggggg
Looks like someone is wasting their time on tumblr needs a glass of ✨water✨
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smartestgirluknow · 2 months
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it would be so funny to see tiktok try to romanticize npd like they’ve done to bpd
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malehorror · 2 months
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i'm still rotting in the same spot they left me in. i never left that spot. they left me there instead of holding my hand and taking me with them.
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bpdohwhatajoy · 1 year
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Sorry for being weird at night. It will happen again
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thesoftestmess · 3 months
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this might not be canon, but personally i need furina to struggle a whole lot longer and harder with post-prophecy depression and mental illness. She's played the same tiring and painful act for five centuries, was constantly in a life or death scenario and had to hide her true self from the world the entire time and she won't just recover in a few years from that.
There's parts of her that will never ever be compatible with a simple human lifestyle, and parts of her that are irreparably broken. She isn't sure of her personality after everything that happened and the lie she had to live. She slips between personas and her archon temperament comes through like a defensive mechanism at any sign of conflict or trouble.
She's plagued by nightmares. Of the flood, of the trial, of the people closest to her conspiring against her behind her back, and of being found out in a million terrible ways. Of saying the wrong thing, making a wrong decision. Of being found out, of being found out, of being found out.
Lying or keeping a secret feels existential still. Being honest still feels life threatening sometimes. Putting herself first feels like putting both hands on a hot stove.
She doesn't live in the palais anymore, doesn't have to sit through trials anymore, but her heart and soul are still there. In her dreams she's still at the place she spent her entire life's memories at.
Yes, she can make new memories, but it'll take time. More time than she has, maybe, now that she's the closest to being human she'll ever be.
She'll never be human in the way the people around her are.
What sort of human has 500 years worth of memories after all? What human tells personal anecdotes and mixes up their centuries?
What sort of human can feel the absence of their divinity like it's a physical thing? A voice that will never speak to her again, or keep her alive? What human has no family, no childhood?
What human remembers so little, but still remembers death somewhere deep within?
She jerks out of sleep from it sometimes, gasping for air, and spends the rest of the night awake, almost frozen by fear. The flood is over, but it's hard to convince her racing heart that the danger is too.
Humans have entire family trees that go generations back, but Furina was put into this world a solitary creature, her blood heavy with sin ever since she turned human.
She owns a hydro vision now and doesn't know how to yield it, but the ocean still calls out to her some days. Sea creatures flock to her like they can smell she's not human enough.
She learns how to make little hydro companions for herself, so the darkness and emptiness of her apartment feels less ominous when she lies awake at night.
She can't turn her vision into a weapon quite yet, but when it rains the droplets seem to cling to her. She's watched them roll upwards along her arm, watched them gather in her palm like kin. She wonders if sea creatures flock to neuvillette in a similar way, or if his immense power makes them recoil. She wonders if elemental dragons can feel regret. Wonders if he, too, ever feels entirely foreign in that human body he was given. If he, too, lies awake trying to grasp faint memories of a past life.
She's extremely human in the way she's plagued by body pains from not being able to relax just one day in five centuries. The years catch up with her once she gets out of survival mode, and fatigue is a constant companion now. Sleep comes difficultly and getting out of bed was easier when the fate of a whole nation depended on it. On her. She's never lived for just herself before and some days she's not sure she wants to.
She did her duty and earned her retirement and the story turned out well, all things considered. She still has people by her side, some of them.
Still, she feels raw and tired and overwhelmed by the life lying ahead of her. As a human and as someone who will always be Something Else.
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adhdandcomics · 4 months
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wait something is just now clicking. if my delayed sleep disorder makes me naturally wake up around 11:30 (being generous here) and i am scheduled to work at 8:30, and the average US adult wakes up at 7:30, that is the equivalent of asking a normal-sleeping adult to come in at 4:30am. which is BATSHIT! no fucking wonder i feel like garbage !!!
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pastelanasblog · 5 months
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“you don’t look like you have an eating disorder”
i never said i was good at it
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thecorvidforest · 6 months
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your intrusive thoughts don’t make you a bad person. your intrusive thoughts don’t reflect who you are. your intrusive thoughts aren’t secretly your beliefs. your intrusive thoughts won’t send you to hell. your intrusive thoughts are not your fault. your intrusive thoughts are a symptom. you are not a bad person for experiencing them.
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candiedfright · 8 days
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akutagawa finding out he's in love. akutagawa who doesn't recognize or doesn't want to acknowledge it but once he does he's terrified. he doesn't want to push the other person away because he refuses to even imagine how he'd go on without them, but how can he ever dream of keeping them around?
he doesn't necessarily have great knowledge about what normal is but he knows that he is not— there is simply no way for him to love anyone without scaring them away with his need to take all that they have to offer him. his ability is based on devouring: it's all he knows and he's convinced that it's all he'll ever know. he wants to consume, everything and then some, because he'd rather own all that they are so leaving would make them leave themselves behind— he can't lose someone important to him again, not ever.
and worst of all, he knows that he's foolish. he developed feelings he shouldn't have, he's put himself in a limbo in which he can't possibly choose either path without hurting one way or the other. he shouldn't be doing this to himself.
and yet, he fell.
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cursed-nyxan · 4 days
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OK, but did you know that even those hilarious ads in A date with Death are based on other visual novels? It just makes them twice as cool! | edit: By the time I decided to post this -it was in my drafts since january-, they've already add links to the ads, but whatever. still, if you don't want to wait in game, here's all of them in one place | Slay the princess
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The Ocean at Night
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Moonflower
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Heart Agency
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The Inn Between
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Dreambound
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The Divine Speaker
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The Sun and the Moon
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The last rose
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Please be happy
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> one way
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