#no one made this yet

[thelooniemoonie]

Hbomberguy right before obliterating James Somerton's career:

#the moon speaks #hbomberguy #james somerton #i hope no one made this joke yet i just got out of the shower visualizing it

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[ily-tothecore]

Buck being held at gunpoint *mildly inconvenienced*

Buck being caught by Eddie on his “first date with a dude” *life and death flashing before his eyes*

#911 spoilers #has anyone done this yet #evan buckley #my beloved #the thing is #oliver stark has such a wide acting range #and made a choice to to act it like this #a very deliberate one at that #i love him #911 abc #buddie #bucktommy #911 7x05 #eddie diaz #tommy kinard #poor tommy

[canisalbus]

WOAH can we see the skull if thats ok?? that sounds so cool (also only 20€????)

Also since it's hollow you can stick led lights in there for this sort of effect (pardon the mushy quality):

#like I said it's a real Asian water buffalo skull #these are carved by hand in Indonesia mostly in Bali I believe #to my understanding skull carving is a long standing tradition over there but most pieces like this seem to be made for & sold to tourists #I got this one second (third?) hand and I suspect that perhaps the seller didn't know what it was and what they're worth #and yet they graciously agreed to go through the trouble of packaging it carefully and shipping it to the other side of the country #which couldn't have been very easy since it's a big and heavy skull #answered #apricottheapricat #vulture culture #animal death #cw animal death #taxidermy #cw taxidermy

[lucksea]

ITS DONE. MY VISION

#cult of the lamb #cotl narinder #cotl spoilers #Youtube #null havoc damage #my one regret about this a week later is that NOBODY has pointed out that hes krumping yet. #i think i should have made that joke clearer

[batshaped]

trick(xie) question

#mlp #twilight sparkle #lyra #lyra heartstrings #trixie #trixie lulamoon #bon bon #mlp:fim #mlpfim #my little pony friendship is magic #boast busters #mlp g4 #i had this one sitting in the backlog forever #i always have 10-20 pieces of art in my backlog i haven't gotten around to posting yet #sometimes like #i will get to a point in halo head where i don't want to disrupt the flow by posting something randomly unrelated between episodes #but that is the nature of the beast #because often times i get struck by a stupid idea and need to make it right now #anyway i made this earlier in 2022 but i can't remember when #so as always just tagging with the post date because i don't keep THAT meticulous of records lol. #01092023 #january 2023 art #2023 art #art

[eriochromatic]

Agares, duke of hell

based on that demonology post noting the similarities between buggy and agares...he’s gonna crown luffy pirate king frfr

#one piece #cross guild #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #erio art #erio stuff #im so sorry idk who made the original post #sorry for riding ur coattails but u were cooking fr #also lmao can u tell i only know one type of composition #and i just keep doing that bc it hasn't failed me yet lmao

[b100k]

#starkid #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid nerdy prudes must die #npmd brainrot #peter spankoffski #pete spankoffski #i hope no-one has made this yet #pete is autistic #source: i am autistic

[olasketches]

two sides of the same coin

#itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #my art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #brainrot incoming (pls don’t mind me) #one thing sukuna and yuuji have in common is that they’re both absolutely miserable #sukuna is utterly selfish and yet it only made him hollow inside and now he’s just killing time waiting for death to come #yuuji is completely selfless and yet it’s only made him suffer and bc of that he’s been constantly trying to check out of life #and I think the funniest but also the most painful thing about these two is that… #despite that they’re vastly opposite they might be the only people that can understand each other the most #imagine them having a heart to heart lol maybe then they would realise some things about themselves

[nappi]

a new blorbo just dropped

#i mean no-one's made Alexandre Cabane's Fallen Angel Miguel yet so i took it upon myself #i have to do everything in this house istg #miguel o'hara #atsv #nappiart

[benevolenterrancy]

~ Kiss Kiss Fall From Heaven ~

@biboomerangboi your tag on my last picture opened my third eye, Xie Lian literally starts the series off by accidentally breaking shit and getting himself into ridiculous debt where's my Ouran High School au???? guys??????

#this is not a rhetorical question has this been written yet because the need for it is BURNING me #also @biboomerangboi i sure hope that was an intentional ohshc reference because if it wasn't i made it one #tgcf #hualian #hua cheng #feng xin #mu qing #shi qingxuan #he xuan #yin yu #ouran high school host club #heaven official's blessing #my art

[kiashieart]

you try to hide it. hidden it in plain sight. your heart on your sleeve, boiling over as it drives you forward

#one piece #trafalgar law #trafalgar d water law #law one piece #trafalgar one piece #one piece fanart #you give me a man who acts like he doesn't love #yet literally has heart motifs as tribute to the love and compassion he was once given that he holds so dearly #(head in hands) fictional men made for me to be a freak about ❤ #other caption contemplations where how he barely contains it but his love is bursting at the seams #which i'm now realizing i maybe should've gone with given how that much more ties with the visual metaphor #EDIT: I FORGOT HIS FINGER LETTERS. so i fixed it and changed the caption lol

[anna-scribbles]

they should've been at the club(infertility treatment centers)

#like guys. be real with me. how many options did you even try before turning to dark magic #nothing about the situation called for all that😭 #in my mind they're like 22 and 25 here which makes it all even funnier #guys please just adopt a dog or something😭 #nothing about either of you screams ready for parenthood #im so happy adrien agreste exists but the circumstances of his birth are so ridiculous #there is so much gabe and emilie couldve done besides this. they could have done anything #honestly knowing them(<-girl who believes she knows them) im not even convinced the infertility treatment wasnt working #I think they just both were so allured by the concept of a magic baby #they were like six months in and hadn't gotten pregnant yet and were like. well. I guess we're out of options! dark magic it is! #and made it everyone else's problem forever #these two wanted to be doomed by the narrative SO bad #honestly though being a 22 year old girl I kind of yet it. sometimes I see a cute baby and want one so bad maybe I too would use dark magic #maybe emilie agreste was just a girl. #anyway. sorry adrien that your parents were Like This but it is so so funny #anna rambles #ml #gabriel agreste #emilie agreste

[churroflavoredwaffles]

doodles of my personal ctommy design

#Sorryyy the format is like so weird these are all on one huge canvas so. the cropping is hard #Ummm Context! this is a special outfit made for prayer/religious reasons #he does not wear this everyday that would be crazy. He still has the cardigan/khakis #cdream also wears a similiar garment yet slightly different <- Becausde they were in church together you get it #<- ​ok sorry for rambling this is just for anybody who cares #dsmp #c!tommy #ctommy #dream smp #dsmp fanart #doodlez

[hothammies]

two guys arguing at the aquarium? must be lovers (fic)

#posting something more self indulgent for my birthday #my favorite tragic ship oooooh #yet again based on another fic that i absolutely fucking love but also you can see it as the canon date they have on 7/29 #fic is called marigolds go read it NOW arguably one of the best fics ever made. #persona 5 #shuake #goro akechi #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #sammi's art