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spicywhenspeaking · 3 months

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If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-One

when you realize the significance of the monkey (∩˃о˂∩)♡

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

word count: 3.6k , edited by me ....soooo if you see something spelt wrong no you didn't.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk @madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12

I picked up Erin from Ashely’s house at around 10 am the following morning. I don’t think anything will ever compare to her seeing me and running with excitement into my arms for a big hug. I just hope she still feels that way later today when I tell her about Noah.

“I missed you Mom!” she calls out and I pick her up and swing us around in a circle. “Oh my sweet girl, I missed you so much!” I tell her and kiss all over her cheeks and the top of her head. We finish gathering her things and thank Ashely and her mom again before we eventually get into the car and head off to begin our girls’ day. “So nails first or food? How are you feeling?” I ask as I turn on the radio and begin backing out of the driveway.

“FOOD! Please! We only had cereal for breakfast and you know I need more than that.” I laugh because I know exactly that. My girl can eat! “Okay, so first food and then nails!” I say, then reach over to turn up the radio when I hear “Dancing Queen” by ABBA come on. We sing our hearts out on the drive to our favorite breakfast spot near our house. We sit in our regular corner booth by the back window. I order a coffee and a full stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon. Erin orders an orange juice and the same amount of food and I know she’ll finish it all. She recaps me on the last two days and all the fun she had with her friend, “but I missed you and Hales a lot. I’m happy to be back home now.” she says stuffing a huge piece of pancake into her mouth. “I’m happy you’re home too little bug, but why don't you take smaller bites? I don’t need you choking thirty minutes after getting you back.” She smiles with her mouth full of food, “okay” her muffled voice comes out and I can’t help but laugh.

With breakfast finished the two of us head to the nail salon and I decide we should really pamper ourselves and we get the deluxe mani/pedi package. The salon I like plays old MTV music videos on big TVs all around the room. The sound of Paramore while my feet soak in the soothing heat and the massage chair digs into my back puts me into a state of complete relaxation and I find my mind wandering. Stuck on a moment from the night before, Noah and I sitting together on the couch and our almost kiss. If things were different, if we lived in an alternate universe and it wasn’t ten years later I would have closed the distance and would have let myself be sucked into his gravity. He has everything he wants now, his music, his band, it’s what he left to find ten years ago.

I look over at Eric who’s set the chair to the back-patting setting that has her voice bouncing “Ah, ah, ah, m-o-o-m, d-o-o-o I s-o-u-n-d w-e-i-r-d.” the smile that breaks across my face is full of love as I take in the beautiful girl in front of me. “You sound perfect baby,” I say and ruffle her hair softly. The rest of our appointment goes by in a relaxing daze. We laugh while Erin tells me about her last two days. We finish up and I mentally prepare myself for the conversation we are about to have. I am going to tell her about Noah. I just hope she doesn’t hate me afterward.

We get back to the house and she rushes into her room to unload her dirty clothes and reunite with the stuffed animals she had to leave behind. “Fluffy! I never want to be separated again!” I hear her exclaim from outside of her room. Before talking to her I head into my room and open my closet door, I’m looking for a certain shoe box. “Where the hell is it?” I ask myself, “Ah ha!” It’s nestled deep into the corner hiding under the Carhart hoodie I borrowed from Haylie who stole it from who knows. I take a deep breath and lift the lid of the box. On top are several photos of me and Noah, some of the two of us, and Nicholas as well. Wadded up in a tight ball is the Bring Me The Horizon shift Noah gave me all those years ago. There’s also a CD, some random ticket stubs, drawings, and more pictures at the bottom. I decide to just take the whole box and head towards Erin’s room.

Knocking on the door I hear a soft, “Come in!” I walk into her room and see that she’s decided today is the day she’s going to reorganize her bookshelf.

“Hey sweety, can I talk to you about something?” I ask and try to hide the nervousness in my voice. “Umm yeah, is everything okay? You sound weird.” So I didn’t do a great job at hiding it. “Yes, everything is okay. There’s just something that I need to talk to you about. Something important.”

Two lines appear between her eyebrows and her face contorts in confusion. “Is this an I can keep working and listening important or do I need to sit next to you on the bed?” she asks and I pat a spot next to me on the bed to wordlessly answer her question. “Oof, okay,” she whispers out and climbs next to me on her bed.

“You remember how I told you that I got pregnant when I was still in high school but my boyfriend and I had already broken up?” she continues looking at me with confusion all over her face but nods slightly, “Yeah, I remember. You said you two never saw each other again.” I take her hand and smile, trying to fight the tears in my eyes.

I open the box and hand her a picture of Noah and I. “His name is Noah. This is your father.” She takes the photo and looks back and forth between me and and younger version in the photo. “You look so different,” she says and I huff a laugh. “Yeah, that’s what growing up will do to you.”

“Where is he?” she asks quietly looking up at me. “Well, he’s actually in town for a few days if you would like to meet him.”

“Where has he been?” she asks and that takes me off guard. I struggle with what to say, not wanting to keep anything from her but also not wanting to upset her. “He’s been in Los Angeles. That’s where he works.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s in a band, playing music, and sings all around the world.”

“Hm,” she says and I’m not sure what she’s thinking.

“So he didn’t want me?” and there it is. The knife in my heart makes it hard to keep the food down from earlier but I push through, remaining strong.

“Oh no sweety, that’s not true at all. He didn’t know for so long. It’s very complicated adult stuff. Things that took me a long time to understand myself” I try to explain to her.

“Will you tell me when I’m older the complicated stuff?”

“Of course baby, I’ll tell you anything you’d like to know about him.”

“Is he nice?” Erin asks in a quiet shy voice, “Do you think he would like me?”

I wrap her up in my arms and squeeze her tightly, “he is very nice and he will like you very much I promise.” I run my hand down her head, soothing her soft brown hair.”Does that mean you’d like to meet him?”

The air is still in the room as Erin takes time to think. Her small face scrunched in concentration. “I think I would like to meet him, yes. But are things going to change? My friend Brody’s parents don’t live together and he goes to his dad’s house every other weekend. Do I have to do that now?” I pull her closer until my head is resting on top of hers. “Nothing will change without you making that decision. Right now, we take things one step at a time.” she nods her head and wraps her arms as tight as she can around me.

“Would you be interested in meeting him tomorrow? He will be leaving again soon with his band so we won’t see him again for a few weeks. I can tell him we can wait if you’d be more comfortable.” I’m also definitely scheduling an earlier therapy appointment for her this week. Her head remains buried in my side while she takes everything in. I am giving her all the time she needs to process, so if she wants to wait until he’s more available I don’t blame her.

“I think I would like to meet him. But what if you just invited him over here? So I can show him my stuff and maybe he will like me even more?”

I move back so I can take her small face into my hands. “I can do that but I need to to listen to me now, there is no one on this planet that could possibly not like you Erin Howlston and I know for a fact that he will love you so much because you are you and you are perfect,” I emphasize my point my giving her cheeks a little squeeze. “But you have to think that because you’re my mom.” she quips through pursed lips. “And he’s your father, so by your logic, he must also think that,” I argue back and I see her eyes turned down slightly in the corner.

“But he made you sad right? That’s why you broke up when you were in high school. I don’t want him to make you sad again.” My heart swells. While I drop an atomic bomb of information about her life she’s worried about my feelings. I must be doing something right with this whole parenting thing.

“Sweetie, that was a long time ago. My heart is all better now and I’m not sad anymore. I am so so so unbelievably happy with our life. With you and Aunt Haliey, Uncle Kyle and Aunt Mags, and little Natasha. I think Noah is a very good person and he wants to be in your life because he cares about you. Even without having met you.” She gives me a small smile and hugs me again.” okay, I want to meet him. You said tomorrow right?” she looks up at me with her deep brown eyes that have always been just like his. “Tomorrow it is. I will give him a call later today, but what do you want to do now? Play? We could watch a movie? Or draw together?”

Quickly detangling from my arms she races to pick up her paper and stretching pencils, “Drawing please! I need help with the cat I’m drawing.”

We spend the next few hours drawing together on her bedroom floor laughing and listening to music. For Christmas last year she asked for a Google Mini so she could ask it to play music whenever she wanted. Now we are listening to “The Very Best Of Otis Redding”. When she was a baby I listened to it all the time. I used to sing “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” while rocking her to sleep. Sometimes I walk by her room and she is listening to it while reading or playing with her toys and it reminds me of holding her when she was so little and how she would hold my finger so tightly.

I feel the tug of guilt in my gut about Noah having missed those moments but force it down, there’s nothing that can be done about the past but we can create new memories with the three of us together. Even if Noah and I aren’t together we can be the two parents that Erin needs. Maybe we can even be friends.

Later, once Erin wanted time alone to play with her toys I went into my room to call Noah. I haven’t been able to talk to Haylie about any of this yet, she woke up late with a hangover and had to run out of the house for the day to meet with her editor to talk about her next book release.

I close my door most of the way, only keeping a small sliver open in case Erin calls out for me. I sit on the edge of my bed and hit the green call button on my new Noah contact page, It rings a few times before I hear the sound of him picking up on the other end.

Hey! Natty, how are you doing? How’s it going?

Hi Noah, things are good. How are you?

There’s rustling in the background of his call, “oohh is that Natalie??” I hear who I think is Folio.

Yes, shush…not you Nat! You don’t have to shush. Sorry, Folio is being an idiot.

I’m good, just working on some new remixes for our deluxe album.

I just finished talking with Erin and she suggested I invite you over tomorrow to meet. Is that okay?

Tomorrow sounds great! What time is good for you two?

How does 12:30 work? I can order us sandwiches from the sub shop in town, Erin’s favorite.

Perfect, 12:30 is perfect. Thank you so much, Natty. I won’t let you down again. I promise.

I try not to blush like a preteen at the way his voice goes almost breathless as he makes his promise to me.

Um. so I’ll see you tomorrow then, bye!

I try to rush off the phone as fast as possible before I let myself word-vomit anything stupid.

Bye Natty, I’ll see you tomorrow, looking forward to seeing you and meeting Erin.

A few minutes I hear Haylie unlock the door and head into the house and she calls out like she did the night before. “Honeys!! I’m home!” she calls from the front room. “Hey Hales!” Erin and I both call out.

Before I have the chance to call down to her to come up so I can relay everything that’s happened since we separated after the concert, she is racing up the stairs taking two at a time. She swings my door open, stepping into my room with a huge face-splitting smile on her face. “Sooo?? How did it go?” she asks moving closer into my room and creating the same small gap in the door before sitting down next to me on the bed. “Well, before I drunkenly barged in. sorry about that. That Folio knows how to throw them back, he’s pretty hot don’t you think?”

She has this twinkle in her eye when she says it and I laugh and roll my eyes at her. “It went well, he was a little upset at first which I wasn’t surprised by. He cried I cried, it was very emotional. He wants to meet her and then stay in Austin during their break in between tour dates.” As I recant my mind whirls and everything hits me more than I expected. “He said that he wanted this life with me, wanted the family and the happiness and the love that he should have fought harder for me, should have never let me go.” I try to keep my voice steady but I can feel my throat getting thick with emotion. Haylie wraps her arm around me and remains quiet while I continue telling her all about what happened. “And then when I was showing him pictures in her baby book there was this moment..” I slowly trail off and she pops forward and her eyes widen in surprise.

“What kind of moment?” she asks in a voice that goes all jelly-like and I manage to look slightly shameful before I tell her. That I so easily folded in his presence is borderline embarrassing, just shows how powerful his hold is still over my heart. But right now I can’t think with my heart, now is the time to think with my brain. While also considering Erin’s heart.

“We might have almost kissed,” I tell her while I bury my face in my hands. “OH MY GOD! NATALIE !” she shrieks and I quickly throw my hands over her mouth. “Shush! Haliey oh my god, Erin will hear you!” and just like that I hear her little voice calling from down the hall, “everything okay in there?” she asks. “Yes!” “Everthing is fine!” we answer in unison and I think she retreats back into her room.

“You almost kissed him! How? What did he say? Did he lean in? How did he act after the almost kiss,” she shoots out the questions in a rapid-fire succession and I rub the sides of my temples before answering her. “Um. I guess he was kind of leaning in, he was doing that thing you know. When a guy looks between your eyes and your lips. I felt so weak. Oh my god, I almost kissed him, and then the book fell and I remembered what we were doing and why he was there and I felt so stupid.”

“You are NOT stupid! There were a lot of emotions flowing, you hadn’t had a moment alone with him in years and it’s not like when you broke up you two weren’t completely and totally in love with each other. It’s not like those feelings just go away.” she says while rubbing up and down along my back.

“I just can’t do that with him, It’s not a good idea for the two of us to do anything that could jepordize Erin’s happiness.” I nod to myself, wiping one of my hands down my face and then raking them through my hair. Haliey and I flop backwards onto the pillows while I finish catching her up on everything that happened, including my conversation with Erin and then my phone call with Noah right before she got home.

“You want me to clear out tomorrow so y’all have some privacy?” she asks and I balk at the thought. “No way! I would never ask you to leave your own house. Plus, you’re such an important person in Erin’s life, I’m sure she would also want you here.”

The three of us spend the rest of our evening lounging in the living room watching TV in our pajamas. We make homemade pizzas and cookies for dinner together in the kitchen while singing along to Disney’s greatest hits. We end the night all cuddled together on the couch watching Erin’s favorite movie “The Secret Life of Arrietty” and when she falls asleep I carry her up the stairs into her room and deposit her into her bed. I gently kiss her forehead and turn on her glowing nightlight before closing the door and heading back to help Haylie finish cleaning the kitchen.

The next day is quickly upon us and I nervously watch the clock ticking away as we get closer and closer to 12:30. I picked up the subs a few minutes ago so hopefully Noah isn’t late. No one likes a soggy sub.

Just seconds before the second-hand crosses over the 12 on the clock there is a knock on the door that causes me to jump straight out of my seat. Haylie laughs at me as she rubs my shoulders walking past and into her room. She told Erin that if she needed her at any time to just barge in and get her. I walk towards the door and Erin suddenly looks very nervous and gets up to hide behind my back. “Are you okay baby?” I ask her quietly before answering the door. She nods her head against my back and whispers, “Yes, I’m fine.” she gripping the back of my jeans but I think if she didn’t want to do this anymore she would say something, she’s just nervous. Hell, I’m nervous.

I open the door and Noah is standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers in one hand and a stuffed monkey in the other. “Hi,” he says in a soft and nervous voice. I return his greeting with a warm smile. “Come on in” I open the door wider so he can come in and Erin scoots along with me not quite ready to reveal herself. “How are you doing?” he asks and hands the flowers over to me, “these are for you.” He gestures to the monkey, “And this is for Erin.” she peaks her head out from behind me and looks up towards Noah and the monkey. “That’s for me?” she asks quietly. Noah crouches down to be at her eye level and hands out the toy to her. “Yes, this is for you. Do you like monkeys?” He asks and I see a small smile appear on her face. “I do like monkeys. I saw some at the zoo a few days ago with my friend Ashely.” She holds out her hand to accept the offering. “Hi Erin.” he says with a warm smile, “I’m Noah, it’s very nice to meet you?” She slowly eases out from behind me and is now standing beside me and at eye level with Noah, still crouched. “It’s nice to meet you too. Even though you made my mom sad.”

Oh, Jesus, this is going to be an interesting afternoon.

Next chapter

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rainofthetwilight · 5 months

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Jenna/JJ Walker HCS!

since I've also seen the other jaylings get their HC posts, now it's JJ and soon ethan's time to shine!!

(most of these are connected to or need the lore post to understand; so check it out if you haven't!)

Jenna, at first, seems like a sweet and shy kid (if you didn't intimidate her), but she's a literal demon once she gets a bit used to whoever she's talking to

^ to continue with the above, she has trust issues, so if you already leave a bad first impression on her or if she just seems wary then she'll have a hard time even standing next to you

and for that reason it was hard to bond with Jay before he got his memories back, he's a person she knows but doesn't at the same time, and it heavily hurt her because she just wants him to love her like his daughter again

she still was able to keep a good relationship with Nya, but it was a bit hard to talk sometimes because of how much Jenna's changed and that they haven't seen eachother in years

she had such a big bond with Cole, so it would be an understatement saying she missed him severely

she was also very close to Kai! Lloyd, compared to now, wasn't very close to Jenna pre-merge but would love to sneak her some candy when Jay didn't let her

Zane was also pretty close, he'd only wear obnoxiously oversized hoodies just to carry Jenna in them

Wu loved spending time with Jenna, and would give her some scrolls to read to improve her Ninjargon! Jenna hosted tea parties with him, too, and would give him a pink birthday hat instead because his current hat was 'too boring' in her perspective

her handwriting was also pretty decent, too

she is touch starved but sometimes needs her space or she'll get snappish, hugs are what usually calm her down

her favourite animals are, well, dragons! she had basically been around dragons her entire life, so she was never afraid of them, other than dragons though she really loves cats!

her blue phonecase even has a cat on it, it's a small white kitty in the middle and she decorated the rest of the phonecase with small stickers (that are mostly Jay's old ones she borrowed, like his pins)

suprisingly tho, her favourite colour is neither red nor blue, it's actually lavender! her second favourite being any shade of gold, she digs those kind of colours :D she only wears clothing that mostly consist of red and blue to match with her family, she doesn't hate those colours though because they're also on her favourite chart

when she was almost 14, she hit her growth spurt and became the second tallest sibling (Noah being the tallest), she couldn't stop laughing at the look on Kaida's face when she realized she's becoming the shortest 😔 (even Tessa is taller than her, and Ethan was already starting to be tall for his age)

she's, unsuprisingly, unbelievably stubborn, and tries to convince herself to not give up too quickly

she has whole boxes of markers, coloured pencils, and paint! her obsession for art is too great, she even asked Lloyd if she could help paint the new bounty

when she'd go out, there would be some paparrazi she obviously did not like them that much, but had grown used to ignoring them

she had so many of those children colouring books and had alot of drawings pre-seabound, and most of them were complete, but they all burned down along with the monastery in crystallized :')

she was a bit anxious about going to school, but was still excited and had enjoyed it! alot of kids had wanted to be friends with her and she didn't mind the attention

she's a theatre kid! would act in alot of plays when she was still at school and she goes absolutely all out when she does, now she isn't so open about that fact but would sometimes sing and dance in secret (she got caught by Kaida one time, and she never felt so embarrased)

her room's walls are painted by her, she painted simple things like landscapes with some dragons thrown in there

she's that sibling who's always got your back, she'd get into fights if it meant that she'd protect you that way

but she is not much of a good listener, wanting to hurry up with things, but if you needed to rant to somebody so badly she'd try

for her whole life, she was very protective of Ethan, their dynamic was good but got a bit wonky during the timeskip because of how dull everything seemed, and because of how Jenna would be in her room most of the time

she loves to cuddle him alot tho and is still able to carry him sometimes, she never realizes that he's heavier than he looks lmao

sometimes, Lloyd would come and find them asleep on top of eachother on the living room couch, the movie they were watching still playing on the TV

and she despises how Ethan never knocks on her door, fsm knows how many times he's jumpscared her when he slams the door open 💀

she loves to pull pranks on people (that people is Kaida) with Quinn and Finn, those three are unstoppable 😎

speaking of that, Jenna warmed up to them eachother quicker than she expected, it just took a while because she was still not sure of them, but she liked their energy and they didn't seem like a threat to her

she was just envious of the two because they spent their entire lives with Nya and Jay, which was what slowed down the process

being very protective of Ethan, she hated the fact she had to share him, so she was very wary of everyone (especially Noah, who she noticed loved to spend time with him) and didn't want him so close to anyone

but when she saw the way Noah treated him gently and had genuienly loved him, and how much fun Ethan had when he spent time with him, she grew to love Noah aswell

Jenna loved to climb on his shoulders before her growth spurt, with him being ungodly tall she felt like she was standing on the borg tower

with all of these fights, she never thought she'd get along with Kaida one day, theur fights would even sometimes get a bit too heated, but once they starting warming uo eachother, and talked in conversations that weren't fights, they both quickly became protective of one another

she doesn't know how to use a gun, she never used a gun before, so Kaida had obviously taught her (Tessa and Noah taught her too when they could)

BUT she does know how to use a sword! she would sometimes train with Lloyd during the merge timeskip, so she has some pretty decent fighting skills and is good with a sword for her age

she has a love-hate relationship with sparring, tho

she hates blood, she really hates blood, but having seen it so many times in her lifetime (*cough* including hers *cough*) she got only a bit used to it

she was scared about coming out as aroace, but nobody in her family is straight (obviously) and neither are the walker kids (obviously #2) and was suprised when they were all so chill

Jenna: Guys, I'm aroace.

The rest of the walker siblings: Cool.

Jenna: ...what-

Ethan: What's an aroace?

during her stay with them, Ed and Edna would teach her how to engineer and how to use unimportant spare parts to make something new, and she was suprisingly a quick learner and it had distracted her a little from what had happened

she is not a great cook in the slightest, she'll break the pan she's using the moment she touches it :'D

she is an avid reader of comics (just like her dad) and finds them to be more interesting and funnier than books, she borrowed jay's starferer comics during the timeskip after the merge and read them all, and god she did not shut up for weeks about it (which made lloyd very proud lmao)

she loves to swim!! her love for it had plummeted a bit after seabound however

but before the merge, she had been taught how to swim by nya quite alot and always loved to go to the beach just to jump in the water (she's that kid to do those massive cannon balls lmao)

and she loves to run too! she'd never back down from a race and is extremely quick, unless you're Tessa or Quinn it's hard to catch up to her sometimes

(I hit that block limit 😭)

EDIT: she, obviously, knows some swear words

she has frequent nightmares from her ptsd (cough crystallized cough near death experience cough fuck I'm spoiling again-) and gets extremely anxious, the pain seems like its still there, and she cannot stay alone by herself for too long or she'll spiral

EDIT: she also has slight pyrophobia from crystallized (try to guess why)

^ during the merge timeskip, when they started happening more frequently, she'd instantly go to Lloyd, but now she almost always goes straight to Tessa during those times. when she's at her lowest point especially, Tessa's the only sister who listens to her and lets her cry it all out which is why she's one of her closest siblings

in fact, Tessa's the first sibling she grew close to!

Nya does know about these problems too, and when Tessa for any reason isn't able to help Jenna heads straight to her

sometimes, when her anxiety gets the best of her too, she talks walks across the monastery courtyard and climbs up and down the stairs a few times, it always calms her down

Tessa mostly uses her a benchpress along with their sisters, so no one is suprised when they see Tessa benchpressing Jenna who's currently on her phone

she's usually comfortable around Finn and Quinn, and begged Quinn to teach her how to fly once she got her powers too

when she and Kaida got along, those hellspawns LOVED to gossip, and would constantly laugh about an inside joke between them while everyone is so confused (me and that one friend meme be like)

like how the brothers have movie nights, the sisters all have movie nights too!!

before Kaida warmed up to them, she'd constantly fight with Jenna during the film and Tessa would try her darndest to shut them up, while Quinn is just focused on the TV while eating popcorn 😎

and if it isn't obvious enough already, other than Ethan of course her favourite sibling is Tessa, but Kaida quickly followed suit

when she'd be bored, she'd grab Finn and Quinn to paint the walls of their room together

whenever she hears Noah talking about Sasha, she goes "nope" and leaves the room instantly

Jenna borrowed Lloyd's old headphones, which she also decorated with her stickers, she only lets Tessa use it

it's easy to tell that something belongs to Jenna, she always has her nickname 'JJ' on her stuff everywhere

EDIT: Jenna also gets an aviator jacket from Tessa! all the sisters have it :DD

in the future, she eventually gets more chill and Ethan will become the energetic one

ohh my god that was LONGGG..

bb boy ethan's next!! I'm going to sinai tomorrow though and staying until saturday, so yeah expect him to be a little later on!

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cadybear420 · 20 days

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Cadybear's Reviews- My Two First Loves

Welcome to the twenty-seventh official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about My Two First Loves, which I have ranked on the "Rotting Flesh Tier" at 2 stars out of a possible 10. My last and only playthrough of this was back in April-June 2021.

Oh boy! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I could write a whole essay on everything wrong with this…

So I will.

To put it briefly: this story feels like it was adapted from a Wattpad story that was written by a 12-year-old whose only ever exposure to high school media and depictions of teenage sexuality was Glee, and then had serious queer and mature themes slapped onto it in order to make it seem better. Y’know, the equivalent of trying to polish a turd.

Or, heck, it’s probably PB’s attempt at ripping off “The Kissing Booth”, seeing as both have a MC in a love triangle between her childhood best friend and a bad boy named Noah, after all. Which, funnily enough, was also originally adapted from some tween’s Wattpad story. That’s about the equivalent to a dog eating some rotten food, shitting it out, then another dog finds it, eats it, and then shits it right out again. And THEN that second dog’s owner comes along to try to polish that double-toured turd.

Number 1: The LGBTQ+ tag is clearly an attempt to appease the queer players that they probably think are being whiny.

Ava’s arc about realizing she’s a lesbian who had been experiencing compulsory heterosexuality is pretty solid in a vacuum. But her being an LI was so blatantly only a last-minute decision PB made during the writing process, and it shows because Ava’s CG just uses her game sprite while Mason’s and Noah’s are fresh art.

MC starts to fall for Ava sometime around at least 30 chapters in, but we don’t get to officially pursue her as a romance option until about 70 chapters in. I get delaying her as a love interest a bit because of the whole thing with MC realizing she’s bi, but even then, there’s just so few opportunities for building any kind of relationship with her that it hardly feels authentic.

Speaking of, MC’s supposed bi awakening is completely rushed and treated with about as much value as a Family Guy cutaway gag, even outside of Ava being sidelined. As someone who realized I wasn’t straight three years ago and is still questioning if I’m bi or straight, I understand that people take different amounts of time to figure out their sexuality. But this MC does not spend any period of time figuring out her bisexuality. She basically just goes “Welp, guess I’m bi now”, and then it’s back to being indecisive as per usual except now there’s a female love interest in the mix too.

To add insult to injury, "discussions of sexuality" is placed in a "player discretion" warning, alongside "racial tensions" and "occasionally violence" to boot. How the fuck is discussion of sexuality even remotely on the same level as either of those? If they meant discussions or depictions of homophobia then maybe I could understand… but I don’t even recall seeing any depictions of homophobia in the book, so including this in the freaking warning tags is pointless at best and kind of insulting at worst.

Not to mention, plenty of other Choices books like MOTY, ILS, D&D, etc. have had discussions about sexuality/LGBTQ+ stuff before, and didn't have to warn us about it. Not even MAH, a later book which had discussions about freaking conversion therapy for Christ’s sake. Sure, some of those books did have content warnings, but they were generally vague and/or mainly warned for violence, and didn’t warn specifically for depictions of queerphobia or discussions of sexuality. Yet for some reason, MTFL feels the need to include a player discretion warning for sexuality discussions, even though it contains far less harsher queer themes.

Number 2: The portrayal of teen sexuality in this does not feel earnest.

Let me just say, I found it very jarring how this one was much more sexually charged compared to PB’s other high school books. PB is usually way more “safe” and PG-13 at most when writing high school characters. Even in books like ROD and WEH, where the characters are 18+ and do have smutty scenes, it’s clear that those books are a lot more restricted compared to the adult cast books.

I mean, with WEH, the safeness makes sense– it was meant to be a serious and tender story from the start, and it does actually follow through on those themes. But ROD feels like it could have easily been as horny with its writing as MTFL was, what with being about a studious “good girl” who goes rebellious. In fact, the story’s loading screen was pretty infamous at first for looking “steamier” than other covers and loading screens.

In actuality though, ROD had only, what, one smut scene? And despite a lot of MC’s outfits being revealing or arguably sensual, there are practically no moments where MC fawned over how “sexy” a revealing diamond outfit looked. Like, I’m pretty sure there were just little to no sexually charged scenes in general.

My point is, whatever compelled PB to make MTFL *this* sexualized is beyond me. My guess is the fact that PB called this one a story about “navigating sexuality” and thus wanted to focus more on the aspects of sexuality, but if that’s the case… hoo boy, did they do a terrible job at it.

I don’t really care about the hypersexualized writing of the teenage characters on its own, or how the characters were initially not confirmed 18+ when the earlier smut scenes were written. What I find far more important is the fact that this sort of cliche and formulaic hypersexualized writing is in a book that markets itself as being about “a young woman navigating love and sexuality for the first time”.

Teens do indeed have sex and can be all over the place with their hormones and sexuality. A lot of us have been there in some way, myself included. And there are ways to talk about that type of stuff in a manner that is silly and/or exaggerated, but still earnest and respectful. But the particular way that MTFL handles super-horny teen sexuality, specifically while claiming to be a coming-of-age story, is neither earnest nor respectful.

The way this story handles these sorts of topics is the writing equivalent to doing a surgery with Fisher-Price toy surgery tools. It’s genuinely difficult to take MC “navigating her sexuality for the first time” seriously when has to constantly blubber about how Mason and Noah are so muscular or how a diamond outfit has “naughty little thigh highs” or how she wants to do a “down and dirty” cheer routine with Ava for Mason and Noah.

That last one especially feels like the kind of stuff we’d see more in a campy chick flick that doesn’t take itself seriously. Honestly, if this was a more campy high school book with the tone of DLS or the 2023 movie “Bottoms”, it probably wouldn’t be as glaring. But in a book that markets itself as a coming-of-age story, the tone feels completely off and the whole book honestly felt like it couldn't decide what it wanted to be.

(Also, while we’re on this topic of MC’s premium outfits, I really fucking despise how MC gets so upset about wearing "mom clothes" if you choose to wear the free modest clothing instead of the revealing diamond outfit in Chapter 2. Ugh. Yes, the dad was being shitty about not letting MC dress how she likes, but all it does is it just makes you feel like shit for not wanting to dress in more revealing clothes. Stop making me feel bad for wanting to wear simple non-revealing clothing. Same goes for you, Chris Romantic Getaway story with your “the regular jerseys aren’t cute enough for girls to wear, we have to cut one up into a cleavage crop top in order to make it good for us girls to wear” bullshit.)

And it just slaps you in the face with these sexual moments too, placing them in frequently whenever it feels like it, and the amount of it that actually contributed to any coming-of-age navigating-sexuality are few and far between. Honestly, it felt like it was trying way too hard to look "mature" with how it handled sexuality (as well as some of the other stuff like them drinking alcohol). Like it maybe was trying to portray teens realistically, but it only does so at a very shallow level.

It's literally just "Look at the teens that talk about sex and like doing sexy things and having sex and doing grown-up stuff like drinking alcohol, see how MATUUURRREEE they are!" and they don't do anything more with it. It's just tacked on so they can pretend their book is a realistic story about maturing/being mature, when it fails at actually doing so.

I mean, I guess you could argue that the MC is meant to be seen as more messy and hormonal. And in that case, I could give it a pass. But, again, MC’s supposed arc of “navigating sexuality” never goes anywhere from that until the very last few chapters where you choose which LI she ends up with. It’s pretty much the same crap all throughout the book. MC doesn’t navigate sexuality, she just runs around aimlessly in it like a chicken with its head cut off.

Number 3: All the serious themes they try to have in the story are overshadowed by MC’s stupid indecisiveness plot.

I’ve already said MTFL tries way too hard to make its story seem “mature” with the trashy way it sexualizes its characters. I’ve said it feels like it doesn’t know what it wants to be. Honestly though, this just sums up MTFL’s writing in general.

MTFL has quite a handful of subplots, and I will admit, all of them are pretty compelling. You have Ava figuring out she’s lesbian, Mack dealing with gang drama, and Mason and Noah dealing with their past and Mason’s dad’s abusive behaviors. And an admittedly decent arc about MC discovering her love for photography instead of cheerleading.

And then you have MC going on about how she can’t decide between her love interests, which is just the bad apple of the bunch that ruins the rest. It just makes it very hard to take everything else seriously. You ever seen that one meme where the Power Rangers put their hands in a circle but then a Teletubbie tries to join in? It’s the writing-equivalent to that, and MC’s indecisiveness plot is the Teletubbie.

And maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if MC’s indecisiveness wasn’t the main focus plot of the whole book. I want to take these other storylines seriously. I want to take this story as a whole seriously. But how can I when the main focus of the story is so god damn shallow? No matter how many "soft positive heartfelt" piano tracks and “so sad and tragic sad” piano tracks from WEH they try put over it, it doesn't change the fact that the focus is MC going on and on about being unable to choose between Mason, Noah, and Ava.

I get teens are shallow and can have shallow issues, but did we really need it to be that big of a focus of the story? Especially when the way it handles it is completely empty? Something like OG HSS was great because even though a lot of the issues the characters had were seemingly shallow and basic (such as the band fighting over which song to play), they do give a little more depth to it and reason to care about it (ie. Aiden starts to feel like a failure at music because of the band infighting). MTFL just throws MC’s indecisiveness at you for 95 chapters and expects you to take it seriously with nothing else surrounding it.

And they try to pull the twist on the title at the end where it’s all like “LI and photography, the two greatest loves of MC’s life”. Which is an interesting idea in concept, except it feels so artificial and non-earned when MC’s romance plot was spending 95 chapters being unable to decide between the LIs.

Number 4: It reuses way too much from HSS.

I know this is a less severe issue, but I just can’t get past it. Sprites, backgrounds, school colors… even plot points like the corrupt principal embezzling from the school, or MC and LI(s) being locked in a large school room (remember when HSS:CA MC and Ajay were locked in the auditorium?). Heck, even MC having lost her mom and having a photography passion connected to that, rings way too similar to one of Autumn’s arcs from the freaking HSS PRIME GAME! Oh yeah, and both of those characters have a love triangle with a golden boy and a bad boy. Holy hell.

Easily the most noticeable part is the sprites. In my playthrough, I counted 7 whole HSS sprites that were used in MTFL: Sydney became Iris, Payton became Toni, Frank became this random kid in a flashback for Mason and Noah's past, Morgan became a kid in Elijah's gang named Lucy, Lorenzo became Chad, Aiden's mom became Asian Noah's mom, Skye's dad became White Mason's dad (PB really said use that sprite for abusive dads huh). And there’s probably more, I’m sure.

And the worst offense? They even reuse the iconic bird's-eye view of Berry High in MTFL. Call me petty if you must, but that's just criminal. It's one thing to reuse and alter a bunch of the sprites, uniforms, and backgrounds from the series but to reuse another book series' iconic background like that? Honestly, it feels rather insulting. They couldn't even be arsed to change the "Go Tigers!" on the football field, that’s how little sense it makes to use that background outside of HSS. Fuck’s sake.

I know it’s kind of the norm for Choices to reuse assets throughout different series, but the fact that they do it so much here and majority of it is from HSS just rubs me the wrong way. At best, it’s jarring and lazy. And at worst, it comes off as trying way too hard to be a “more mature” version of HSS. When in reality, it makes HSS:CA’s side characters look like Citizen Kane in comparison. I mean, at least Clint and Natalie and MC stopped whinging about Rory ⅓rd of the way through the series.

At least when other high-school-setting books like ROD, WEH, and ILITW were made, they at least somewhat bothered to change up a few things and make it feel like an actually different school. They changed up the backgrounds a bit, used different school colors and uniforms, and didn’t reuse nearly as many sprites from HSS.

In MTFL, all they did was make new cheer uniforms for the non-reused sprites and remove the Berry High logos from everything HSS that they used. Yeah they made some changes, but it’s clear that they didn’t put nearly the same amount of effort into it as they did in the other high school setting books.

All it does is just make me miss HSS. Like, stop toying with my heart by piggybacking off of a better series (that has better queer rep too) so much. It’s to the point where it feels like they should have just used the time making this book to instead make a HSS senior year (Which, y’know, would be nice, especially since the sendoff we got in HSS:CA 3 was absolute flaming fucking garbage).

So… in all honesty, I don’t hate this book. But it had a lot of things that annoyed me to no end and it sure as fuck is disappointing wasted potential. It had a great opportunity to be a nice queer coming-of-age story. But instead it felt like a Kissing Booth rip-off with serious themes only hamfisted in order to make it seem more “mature”.

#choices stories you play #choices #choices game #choices stories we play fandom #choices stories we play #choices mtfl #mtfl #my two first loves #choices my two first loves

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foliosriot · 5 months

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new bad omens au just dropped. lemme know your thoughts!

enter nicholas ruffilo and noah sebastian.

nick ruffilo — talented bassist and violist who is much more partial to the upright bass. he loves art and wants to become a tattoo artist. but he loves music just as much, and knows he can fall back on one if the other doesn’t work out. his affinity for string instruments goes beyond those he plays in the orchestra, ranging from guitar to electric bass. and yet, with the world practically in his hands, he doesn’t know what to do.

noah sebastian — a passionate and dedicated cellist who loves music more than anything. he has been playing cello since elementary school and has put in the hours to be so talented. but he’s suffocating and needs an out of some sort. he doesn’t want to be stuck in a life he isn’t sure he even wants anymore.

so noah goes to his best friend nicholas and talks to him about starting a band — outside of school, outside of symphony, outside of everything. he wants something for his own. and he thinks this is exactly the way to go.

nick loves the idea and knows just the guys that would be perfect for their band.

nick folio — a phenomenal drummer and overall percussionist. he is forced to water down his talent with a snare drum, a bass drum, or (if maestro is feeling generous) a timpani. he’s only in the orchestra bc maestro is family friends with the folios. he wants more but doesn’t know what “more” could be.

joakim karlsson — foreign exchange student that is a violin prodigy. he is destined for great things and has the drive and passion to become one of the best violinists in the world. first chair 1st violin and concertmaster for the past three years. he’s doing what he loves but still feels stuck in an endless loop.

#if you cant tell yes i am an orchestra kid #orchestra kid forever and always bb #but this is gonna a college au and they’ll be playing in the school’s symphony orchestra #i am also totally not projecting onto all of them ok do not fucking look at me like that #(alex is projecting lolollllololool)#anyways gimme your thoughts please!!!#bad omens #𖤐

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soicysandwich · 11 months

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I saw a post by @noperopesaredope about PBS Kids childhood TV shows, and the nostalgia flooded back to me, so yes. PBS kids nostalgia dump!

Curious George: One of my all time favorites! I don’t know what it was, but I remember trying to replicate George’s fun hat thing when I was like four or something. Catchy music (especially the Inside Story Song). Standout Eps: The Inside Story, the one where George goes to Allie’s preschool, the airport one, the snow shoes one, and the pirate ship one (S.S. Dignified).

Oh Noah: Nobody seems to remember this one, but I explicitly remember watching it on the website when I was a kid. Was always one of my favorites! Standout Episodes: The balloon one, the ball in the sewer one, and the cheese one.

Dinosaur Train: Barely remember it, mainly from watching it in barbershop waiting rooms. Oddly nostalgic and it was sweet.

Thomas the Tank Engine: Same as above, except I have a bold image of the Cask of Amontillado scene (one of my classmates pointed it out while we were studying it).

Arthur: I watched more of the mid-later seasons. I never understood the D.W. hate though, the Tibbles were much worse lol. Never watched it as religiously as Curious George, but still great! Standout Eps: Seeking Shelter from the Storm, The Last Tough Customer, etc

Martha Speaks: I think I’ve only watched one episode of this, but it was good when I saw it.

Word Girl: Watched slightly more episodes, but still not many. Also really good! Kinda reminds me of the PPG art style ngl.

Super Why!: I watched this show a lot as a kid, but I can’t really remember many of the episodes. I was always fond of it, however, and the theme song is a banger.

Cat in the Hat Knows Alot About That: I never see that many people talking about this show, which is kinda saddening. Again, this was one of my favorites, and some of the music was extremely catchy. Extra shoutout to the games on the website. Standout Eps: the one with the “Red, Orange, Yellow Green Blue, Indigo and Violet to” song.

Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood: God I loved this as a kid. I think I only watched the first season, but damn it was good. I loved most of the characters and the show was overall really sweet. Standout Eps: The Vaccination episode.

Caillou: I. Hate. This. Show. My parents never let me watch it as a kid, and now I understand why. I still can’t believe this tragedy is getting a reboot.

Liberty’s Kids: I remember watching this in elementary school history class. It was pretty good ngl.

Sid the Science Kid: The animation freaked me out and some of the character designs were questionable. I freaking loved their school’s playground though. Even when I was seven or something, I found the show to be extremely annoying and the voices to be grating (no offense to the VAs, of course).

Honorable Mention: Wild Kratts: My mom never let me watch this as a kid, but I watched it with my friend during lunch periods, and good lord, I missed out!

I will probably mention other non-PBS nostalgic shows for me in a different post

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miss-independentt · 11 months

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Jelena Malou Carter is a fascinating 18-year-old young woman living in Toronto, Canada. As a metamorphmagus, she has the unique ability to change her appearance at will. Her metamorphmagus makes her a mysterious and versatile character. Jelena still goes to high school and is a gifted student. In addition to her schoolwork, she is also very talented artistically and finds cheerleading a way to exercise her creative side. Her 20-year-old brother Benji has been going through a rough time after being in a coma due to a field hockey accident. Fortunately, he has now awakened, which is a great relief to Jelena. To build a special bond with him, she devotes herself to figure skating. This sport allowed her to be somehow close to him during the time when her brother was in a coma. On top of that, she learned by chance, through her brother to be exact, that they had another brother in common. The demigod Noah, who is the son of Thor. At first, Jelena had her difficulties to cope with this all-changing news. But the more she dealt with the subject, slowly approached to get to know her "new" brother, the more she could get used to the fact now to have another family member. Jelena is a girl with a preference for rock and pop-punk music. These genres reflect her rebellious and independent personality. In her free time, she enjoys hanging out with her friends and exploring the Toronto cultural scene. Despite her adolescent phase, Jelena is an extremely family-oriented person and attaches great importance to her relationships. She has a good relationship with her parents, who support her in her pursuit of artistic self-realization. Jelena's close companion is her cat Bacardi, who brings her joy with his playful nature. Jelena dreams of studying something in the field of art and music in the future. She wants to turn her passions into a profession and enrich the world with her creative vision.

#userfakevz #own character #metamorphmagus #she/her #pansexuel #no24/7 #roman preferred #No fixed faceclaim #r: Him 🖤

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jopper-lovechild · 4 months

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things that exist in my stranger things self-insert universe because my mind is an expansive universe:

- dustin goes to harvard for 2 years until one of his science professors challenges him that there’s no way otherworldly planes exist so dustin starts talking about the upside down and even brings evidence of the upside down and the literal CIA has to show up at his dorm room and force him to leave the college with a boatload of hush money (he drives back to hawkins in a brand new porsche and claudia loses her mind)

- eddie is borderline asexual simply because he does not give a FUCK. like he has sex with his partner if they want but it doesn’t consume him because there’s much more important things to focus on like hyper-analyzing every single metallica song that was ever created

- max is a raging bisexual and has an amicable breakup with lucas sometime in high school. they remain best friends <3

- lucas actually becomes a single dad! he went to ucla to play basketball and knocked up a girl his senior year by accident but she wanted nothing to do with the baby and dumped her onto lucas

- mike and el stay together because they’re trauma-bonded but also because they love each other. will goes to an art school in Indianapolis and moves to europe after graduation, never to be seen again (because i don’t want to think about noah schnapp ever again)

- we came up with this before the screenplay but dustin’s dad is from hawkins and his mom is from new jersey. they met because his dad went to college out there and they both ended up moving back to hawkins after his dad graduated. but then his dad was drafted into the vietnam war and died a month before nixon signed the paris peace treaty which is why claudia is a single-mom

- most of the parents grew up in hawkins together and the real reason ted wheeler is so annoyed at mike’s friends is because he hated their parents growing up and all they do is remind ted of his childhood 💀

- i’ve been dabbling with lucas x dustin and chrissy x robin, not sure yet

- two of our sonas are dating eddie and steve so we made them each have a daughter in the future so we can steddie-ify them lol

#eddie munson #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #mileven #dustin Henderson #stranger things au #stranger things hcs #buckingham #self insert #stranger things funny

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gutsfics · 19 days

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pls tell me all about devi before the events of ilitw!! what kind of activities did he do? who were some of his friends? did he still talk to any of the people from his childhood friend group? if so, who? etc. etc. anything else you want to share!!

ok this is gonna kinda jump around a bit bc thats how my thoughts are rn :3 i love this ask though thank u for letting me talk about my special guy

so after Jane's death, he did try his best to hang onto the friend group for a while (especially Noah) but due to not having a very good therapist, his kid logic made him think "thinking about Jane makes me sad, and not thinking about her i can be happy, but i'd rather think about her and be sad forever than evetually move on and forget" so he kinda shut himself off from everyone so he could hold his memory of her forever

his parents tried their best to help him but the therapists they took him too didnt believe him when he told them about Mr Red (or when they did believe him, they only believed him if they were reading lines that weren't there and assuming that Mr Red was a real living guy in the woods and jumping to conclusions about it) so maybe like a month or two after Jane died he just... stopped talking, bc what was the point of speaking if no one was going to listen? and then he stopped talking to anyone ever until half way through his freshman year of highschool when he told Cody to "gargle my cock and balls"

because of Devi being mute for all that time, he didn't really have any friends (which he was fine with for reasons stated earlier) & a lot of people found him kinda weird and offputting for the most part, especially when he got really into expressing himself through art, specifically photography. a lot of "ew that weird quiet kid is taking pictures of things again what a creep" but for the most part he just shrugged it off

Cody used to think he was kinda cool bc he was quiet and goth and in 6th grade asked him to the fall formal but Devi turned him down and that's when he started bullying him. he tried to turn it into a "HAH WELL OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WOULD WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU YOU CREEP WEIRDO YOURE STUPID TO THINKING I WANTED TO GO WITH YOU" which somehow worked on everyone around them despite the fact Devi turned him down

after he started talking again, he joined the yearbook club & got really good at the composition of pictures of people & formatting them on the pages, but bc he was still a bit of a loner at this point no one else in the club realized just how much he did? especially after the older kids in the club graduated, bc they were the ones encouraging him and teaching him how to do the formatting and stuff. ive actually been rotating a fic in my head where post ilitw Lucas goes to the yearbook club to see how theyre doing bc its almost time to get em printed and its like. not even half done and also theres a memorial page for Cody but not for Devi????

in Sophmore year he took a Japanese class for an easy foreign language credit, which Tom was also in for the same reasons and they became friends :3 not as close as Tom and Andy at this point, but they'd hang out at lunch when Andy was busy and sometimes go to eachother's houses after school. but after that year the teacher for the class made sure to put them in different periods bc they would kinda. make fun of him a little bit in japanese bc he was a white guy who thought he was way better at the language than he actually was and that made him big mad

of the original group, he was probably closest with Lily when he started talking again. and then not as close w Ava and Andy but he talked w them fairly often. Lucas, Stacy, and Dan he really only saw when he was doing yearbook stuff, w that conversation he had w Dan junior year being the longest conversation he'd had w any of those three in a while (all three 100% knew he was the backbone of yearbook btw. & when people were being like "ew that weirdo goth kid w the camera is here again" they were the ones to be like "ITS FOR YEARBOOK, ASSHOLES.")

he and Noah avoided each other as much as possible. sitting next to Noah during that assembly the first day of senior year was the first time in years that one of them didn't immedeatly turn around and walk out of the room upon seeing the other in it (they lowkey had each other's scheduals memorized to better avoid each other) (for the most part Any picture of Noah that might show up in the yearbooks were not taken by Devi) (although. ngl. Devi did take a few candid photos of Noah occasionally. which he promptly would delete bc he felt bad about it. a little bc he and Noah hadnt talked in forever but mostly bc he felt like "creep weirdo with a camera" was an accurate description of him when he did that)

#it lives in the woods #ilitw mc

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louisupdates · 11 months

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A lucky collector will be able to purchase one of Louis’ white label vinyls through auction to benefit the Brit Trust. [Article]

The White Label Auction in Aid of The BRIT Trust – the world’s only known auction of “white label” test pressings – takes place next week on Tuesday, 6th June 2023. This year it will have more than 200 lots of highly collectible ‘white-label’ test pressings – the most offered in the four editions of the auction to date since it began in 2019.

The online/on-site auction is once again being hosted by music memorabilia and vinyl records specialists Omega Auctions from their Newton-Le-Willows (Greater Manchester) base. The full catalogue can be accessed here.

Fans and collectors can bid from a huge selection of white label test pressings that rarely come to market, with some even signed by the artists such as The Cure, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, New Order, and Wilko Johnson.

The UK’s record labels led by Universal Music UK, who founded the event with the BPI, along with BMG, Domino Recordings, Cherry Red, Sony Music Entertainment UK, Warner Records and others, each year join forces to curate a broad selection of white label auction lots to raise funds for the vital work of music industry charity The BRIT Trust – which promotes education and wellbeing through music and the creative arts to support causes that include the BRIT School and Nordoff and Robbins.

In January the BPI reported that vinyl albums had recorded a 15th year of consecutive growth in the UK, with over 5.5m LPs purchased in 2022. This rising demand for vinyl has in turn resulted in a growing archive of white label test pressings – so called because there is no sleeve artwork at this early stage – which record labels produce ahead of the full release of an album to ensure its audio quality. With only a handful produced, these first-off-the-press copies are snapped up by collectors on the rare occasions they become available, as evidenced by the huge interest in the three White Labels Auctions to date, which between them have raised around £100,000.

White label test pressings by the following artists:

Arcade Fire / Beth Gibbons, Portishead / Black Grape / Blind Faith / Blossoms / Brian Eno / Bryan Ferry / Budgie / Buzzcocks / Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa / Calvin Harris, Katy Perry & Pharrell Williams / Calvin Harris & Sam Smith / Camel / Caravan / Celeste / The Charlatans / Chemical Brothers / Christy Moore / Corinne Bailey-Rae / Cream / The Cure / Daryl Hall & John Oates / Deep Purple / Derek and The Dominoes / Dexy’s Midnight Runners / Diana Ross / Dio / Dirty Pretty Things / Donovan / Doves / Duffy / Dusty Springfield / Ed Sheeran / Emeli Sandé / Eric Carmen / Eric Clapton / The Ethiopians / Eurythmics / The Fall / Fairport Convention / Frankie Goes To Hollywood / ightened Rabbit / Gary Moore / Gaz Coombes / Genesis / George Ezra / Graham Parker / Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five / Gregory Isaacs / Helloween / Inspiral Carpets / Iggy Pop / J Hus / Jacob Collier / Jake Bugg / The Jam / Jamie T / Joe Cocker / John Martyn / John Martyn & Beverley Martyn / John Mayall / Joni Mitchell / Julian Cope / Justin Hayward and John Lodge / Karl Hyde / Kate Nash / Katie J Pearson / Kelis / Kid Creole / Kings of Convenience / Koffee / The LA’s / Laura Marling / Level 42 / Led Zeppelin / Lindisfarne / Linton Kwesi-Johnson / Louis Tomlinson / Ludovico Einaudi / The Lumineers / McAlmont & Butler / Madness / Manic Street Preachers / Marianne Faithfull / Mark Ronson & Miley Cyrus / Mark Knopfler / Meat Loaf / Melt Yourself Down / The Members / The Mighty Diamonds / Mike and The Mechanics / Mike Oldfield / MJ Cole Moby / Monty Python / The Moody Blues / Motorhead / Mott The Hoople / Nathaniel Rateliff / Nazareth / Neneh Cherry / New Order / Nicholas Briteli / Noah and The Whale / Nothing But Thieves / Nova Twins / Orchestra Manouevres in the Dark / Pale Fountains / Paloma Faith / Paul Weller/ Penguin Café Orchestra / Pete Townshend / Pete Townshend and Ronnie Lane/ PiL / Pulp / Quincy Jones / Rag ‘n’ Bone Man / Rainbow / Rhys Lewis / Richard & Linda Thompson / Rick Wakeman / Rizzle Kicks / Robbie Williams / Robyn / Roger Waters / Ronnie James / Rory Gallagher / The Ruts / Sam Cooke / Sandie Shaw / Sandie Shaw & The Smiths / Sandy Denny / Scissor Sisters / The Scorpions / Scott Walker / Selecta’s Choice Series / Sex Pistols / Shed Seven / The Silvertones / Simple Minds / The Skatalites / Sparks / The Slits / Soul II Soul / The Specials / The Spice Girls / Squeeze / Status Quo / Stereophonics / Steve Winwood / The Stone Roses / Supertramp / T-Rex / Tame Impala / Tangerine Dream / Teardrop Explodes / Tears For Fears / The Teskey Brothers / Therapy? / Thin Lizzy / Tom Speight / Travis / UB40 / The Undertones / Underworld / UNKLE / The Vaccines / The Vamps / Van Morrison / Various: Blue Note / Various Folk / Various Dance - John Morales and others / Various – Little Big Lies / Various – NOW Yearbooks 1980 - 1985 / Various – The Wanderer / Various – Soul / Various – Sound of the Suburbs / The Verve / The Wedding Present / The Who / Wilko Johnson / You Me At Six

See here for full Omega Auctions catalogue list of featured titles.

#brit trust #white label vinyl auction #louis tomlinson #1.6.2023

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cat-penguin-anon · 10 months

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Spooky Month OCs pt. 1: Ben and Noah

I have a lot of characters but more specifically I have 4 of these guys!! they're in duo's tho so two posts it is. heres the first two, descriptions and artfight links under the cut! (my af is Kats_Creations!)

Ben:

He/Him ll 15 ll Gay

Obsessed with "Nef" guns (in universe nerf guns), and always carries at least the pistol. Chaotic and brash, but nice enough. Shotgun Man's nephew; he looks up to him a lot. Best friends with Noah. Definitely just besties what are you talking about haha (theyre gay for eachother). Goes to the same school as the hatzgang, Susie, and Asher (another OC, see pt 2 post or af page below).

Noah:

He/Him ll 16 ll Bi Athleic kid, more specifically basketball. Still super dorky tho, could probably ramble for several hours about his favorite webcomics. Chill and kind, but has a pretty big competitive streak and can be pretty snarky when he wants to. Best friends with Ben. Crush? What crush haha he doesn't have a crush (thats a lie he has a big fat crush on ben and they get together eventually)! He at least knows of the Hatzgang and Susie (as well as Asher) considering they're at the same high school. He knows and is friendly with Robert, who sometimes helps him record trick shots with Ben.

#my art #art tag #digital art #spooky month #spooky month ocs #spooky month oc #spooky month fanart #artfight #ocs #ben tag #noah tag

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every-captain · 2 years

Photo

Two ladies spending an afternoon outdoors in each others company. I was really inspired by classic picnic paintings for the vibe of this one, but wanted it to be decidedly LGBT.

#painting #digital painting #lesbians #lgbt art #picnic #noah goes to art school #captains art log

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spicywhenspeaking · 4 months

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If I'm There: Chapter Fourteen

its the halloween episode !

image source (x)

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie meet in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

taglist : @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @thebadchic

It’s two weeks until Noah’s birthday party and only a few days after that, he will leave to go on tour. He was able to get his leave of absence approved by the school. The counselor gave him a huge stack of papers and workbooks that he’s expected to complete to get the credit for the rest of the semester.

When I walk into Noah's room after his meeting I see the huge pile. “Wow,” I comment. “That's a lot!”

He nods in recognition and waves it off. “I can help you with some stuff before y’all leave again and when you get back I can be your tutor.”

Noah laughs “Only if you promise to dress up like a sexy librarian.” Giggling I playfully smack his shoulder. “You pig.”

He stands and wraps his arms around me, picking me up and swinging me on the bed. “Oh hush…you like it,” he winks and settles his body on top of mine. “Don’t worry about the school stuff. It’s the last thing on my mind… right now there's only one thing I can't stop thinking about.”

He says as he places kisses all over my face and down my neck, lightly sucking on the pulse point that's now pumping faster. Noah's hands begin to roam and squeeze my breasts gently as a soft moan escapes my mouth. Before anything gets any further we hear someone barging into the house.

Nick quickly rounds the corner of the hallway and shrieks when he sees us tangled together on the bed and covers his eyes dramatically. “WOAH! sorry! But dude! We have band practice!” Nick says and Noah collapses onto me. “Bro…horrible timing.” I scootch out from under him and adjust my clothes. “I guess I should probably head into work now.” Noah rounds the bed to where I am and wraps his arms around me. “I’ll be counting down the hours until you get back.” I laugh at his ridiculous words. “It won’t be that long, you can come and pick me up at 9,” I respond leaning up to kiss him softly ignoring Nick’s fake gags of disgust and Noah flips him off for both of us.

Thankfully we weren’t interrupted by Nick later that night.

The rest of the time before the party goes by pretty fast. I try not to push it, but Noah doesn’t do any of the schoolwork in those two weeks. Before I know it, it’s Halloween and Noah is dropping me off at work before heading back to his house to get ready for the party with Nick.

Outside of the coffee shop, we spend a few minutes saying goodbye before I have to head in. “Happy birthday Noah,” I tell him in between kisses. “The happiest one now that I have you.” He responds sweetly against my lips. “I’ll see you tonight,” I say to him and then he says in his best Frankenstein voice “Until then my bride.” Laughing, I walk towards the coffee shop and wave before heading in.

Work is slow, so Maggie and I can get ready during our shifts. She’s driving me back to the party when we’re off and will crash on the couch at Noah’s if she parties as hard as she's hoping to. I’m trying not to let other people's drinking upset me, not everyone has a problem like my mom, and we are only young once.

It's 9 pm when we get the go-ahead from our manager to close up early for the night. We finish up our makeup and Maggie helps me get my hair to stand the right way. I didn’t want to get the wig so I’m doing my own take on Frankenstein’s Bride by wearing my hair in a 60’s style updo with sprayed white pieces, disheveled just enough to look like I was brought back to life with a lightening blast. Before heading to the party we swing by my house to pick up Noah’s gift. It’s a signet ring with a N on it that I saw at a vintage shop in town. I hope he likes it. After getting ready and then running by my house it's already 9:45 by the time we drive up to Noah's house. There’s already a lot of cars but we manage to find a spot that's not too far away.

The front door is unlocked and we walk right in. It's a sea of people I don’t recognize, but a lot of people are wearing masks. “Nice costume.” a random guy comments and leers at me. The music is loud and unfamiliar. Maggie tells me to go find Noah and that she’s going to the kitchen to start taking shots. I laugh and shoo her away. I check around the living room and walk through the house. I don't see Noah or any people I’ve met at the shows I’ve been to. I do notice, however, a lot of people are drinking or already drunk. Deep breaths Natalie, you’re fine. Making my way through the rest of the house I decide to check the garage.

I find Noah with Nick and more people I don’t recognize smoking weed and drinking out of red Solo cups. I notice Alex, the girl from the other band is here too, with a lit joint hanging out of her mouth.

“Looks like the girlfriend finally showed up,” Alex says with a weird edge that I can’t quite place. I notice Nick’s brows furrow slightly at her but he seems to shrug it off and nods to greet me with a smile. “How was work Nat?” he asks and at the same time, Noah yells “myyy briiiide!! She has returned!”

“It was good” I laugh in answer to Nick as Noah strides the short distance between us and pulls me close to press a firm kiss against my lips and then sweeps me up into his arms causing a surprising squeal to escape me. “I must away with my bride.” Noah jokes as he takes me through the party into his room so we can have a few minutes alone to talk. Laughing at his antics, I wrap my arms around his neck and press a kiss to his cheek leaving a red lipstick mark. I move to wipe it but he moves his head away too fast. “No way Natty, keep it there.” I continue giggling as we pass more unfamiliar voices until we reach his room. Fumbling with the door while trying to balance me in his arms he manages to finally get it open and throws me onto the bed, kicking it shut again behind him.

Sitting up and straightening out my dress I reach into the small shoulder bag I was carrying to pull out the box and card. “Happy birthday Noah.” I smile and hand them both to him as he settles down on the bed next to me. “Natty! You didn't have to get me anything.” I can tell Noah is a little stoned by the goofy way he’s talking but it’s kind of cute. “You’re already my best present.” He nuzzles his head into my neck and leaves a wet kiss. I move my hand to cup his face “And you’ll get plenty of me later, now open your gift.” His eyes sparkle with delight. “Yes ma’am” he jokes and he opens the card to read it.

Happy birthday Noah, I hope this is one of the best ones.

*Inside is several pictures printed out of Noah and Natalie. Smiling, Kissing. One of Natalie on Noah's back, both laughing.

“Baaaabe this is so fucking cute,” Noah says and leans over to kiss me. Smiling into it I tell him “There’s more, open the box.” I say to him.

Noah opens the box and sees the silver ring. “Oh wow Nat, this is awesome!” He pulls it out and puts the ring on his ring pointer finger. “N for Natalie right?” I shake my head “No, N for Noah.” He cups his hands around my face and leans to press a kiss to my lips. “N for Natalie.” Melting into the kiss I don’t have the energy to disagree.

When we emerge from his room an hour or so later, slightly disheveled, I tell him I’m going to look for Maggie to check on her. When I find her she’s stumbling down the hallway and I manage to catch her before she collapses on the ground. “Naaatyyyyy there you are!! Did you find Noah and give him your present? Oh! Looks like you gave him more than that. You have sex eyes.” Hiking her arm over my shoulder to hold her up I lead her into the nearest bathroom. “Let's just get you cleaned up.” Upon seeing the toilet, Maggie is quick to rush over and empty out the contents of her stomach. Coming up behind her, I gently pat her back in soothing circles. I’m used to this part, the sickness that follows the highs of a drunken night. Your worries for that moment are gone and you can just be loose and fun..at least that’s how some people make it look.

We stay in the bathroom for a while and I get Maggie cleaned up and help her into Noah's Mom’s room. It’s dark and quiet, the perfect place for her to crash for the night. Leading her onto the bed I lay her down and pull the trash can to the side in case she gets sick again.

I try and push my way through the wall of people that as grown. I didn’t even know Noah had this many friends. I bump into people as I navigate my way toward the kitchen, having to make my way through the dance floor that is really just the living room. Some guy bumps into me and sloshes his warm beer onto my outfit and I’m overwhelmed by the smell. “Oh- burp- sorry,” he says and I wave him off just trying to get out of the mess of strange people and smells. My eyes are scanning the crowds to try and find Noah’s familiar face. After what feels like an eternity I manage to push my way to the kitchen where I hear his laugh and sigh with relief.

Noah, Nick, Alex, and other people I met in the garage are all gathered in the kitchen drinking. I wasn’t gone with Maggie for that long, I thought, but I guess it was long enough for them to have drank a significant enough amount to get tipsy. “Baaabe you found us!” Noah slurs and he slings his arm around my shoulder. I laugh softly and lean into his warmth. “Yeah, Maggie is crashing in your Mom’s room. She had a little too much to drink.” I take his cup and take a small sip. “Jesus, you want some mixer with your tequila?” I joke as I hand him the drink back and untangle myself to grab a water bottle before retuning to his side.

“Let’s do shots!” Alex shouts from the kitchen counter that she’s perched on. One of the other guys lines up a bunch of shot glasses and pours a bottle of something in them and starts handing them out. I politely decline and I hear Alex scoff. “You can’t even let loose for Noah’s birthday? Come on Natalie..live a little.” She says and Nick starts to say something but I cut in “I’ll have plenty of time to let loose with Noah later.” I look up at Noah and wink while remaining tucked into his side while Alex rolls her eyes.

Raising their shots in the air they all call out “Happy birthday Noah!” and Alex ends with “Congrats to the birthday boy for joining us degens in the dropout club.” They down their shots and it takes me a second to register what she just said.

“What are you talking about? Noah’s not dropping out. Right?” My eyes move to Noah’s and he is stuck staring guiltily at the floor. “What is she talking about Noah?” I ask.

“You told me you told her already man,” Nick says. “Um, why don’t we talk about this later Nat,” Noah says in a hushed whisper. I feel like the friend at the party that wasn’t invited to the sleepover after. Like the only one that doesn’t understand the inside joke.

“Noah, what is she talking about? I thought you were finishing remotely? That’s what you told me.” I tell him and he shifts uncomfortably.

“Yeah..rockstars don't have a lot of time for homework on the road…” Alex says again and I don’t know what comes over me but I’m sick of hearing this girl I don’t even know talk to me like she has any say in anything. My hand flies up, motioning Alex to stop talking. “Just shut up.” I seethe at her and I angle my head to face Noah again.

“So when were you planning on telling me? Just talked it all over with Alex and made the decision together?” I snap at him and walk out of the kitchen in search of fresh air.

Noah is stumbling after me trying to catch up. The front door slams behind him as he grabs my arm and whips me back around to him. “Natty, you’re being fucking dramatic. What the fuck was that? I get you're upset but it’s my birthday, that was fucking embarrassing.”

I rip my arm back tears falling down my face at his outburst. “Embarrassing? You know what’s embarrassing? Having some bitch I don’t even know have more insight about my boyfriend’s life than me! How long were you going to keep up the lie that you’re still in school?” I ask.

He looks way more fucked up in the moonlight, It makes my skin itch with discomfort. “I don’t know what hurts me more, the fact that you’ve been lying to me for weeks about something so stupid or that the only person who said anything was some girl who for some reason hates me,” I say and tears are spilling down my face. Noah stumbles closer, moving to wipe them but I take another step back. Everything else disappears, all I can focus on is Noah and all I can feel is a deep and heavy dread. The seedling of jealousy sprouted into an untamable beast.

“Natalie, please just let me explain,” Noah says. “I just- looking at all that work? Just for this degree that doesn’t fucking matter, It would have been a waste of time.”

“But why didn’t you tell me? All this time you knew you were just dropping out and you didn’t tell me? Was I just supposed to find out at graduation?” My voice is breaking and exasperated. “I just- I don’t know why you would keep that from me.”

“I just-” he starts. “I didn’t think you’d understand.” Noah breathes out. “You’re all about school and grades and shit and that just doesn’t matter to me. Alex dropped out and her band is thriving, because she can focus all of her time on it.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Alex is thinking about what’s in your best interest.” I wipe the tears off my face with the back of my hand. “I can’t believe you didn’t think I’d understand Noah. I asked you to consider your possibilities.” More tears are falling and I see that his eyes are glistening slightly. “I said I supported you and you lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie..technically.” He says and I can tell he barely believes it himself.

“So what else are you not technically telling me the truth about?” The question leaves my mouth before I have time to stop it.

“That's not fair Natalie, I didn’t intentionally keep it from you to hurt you.” Noah retorts. “Do you really think I would keep things from you?”

“You did! You just did Noah! You thought I would judge you, not like your new friends who all don’t care about anything right? Natalie only cares about school and grades. Boring ol’d Natalie couldn’t possibly understand anything about your lifestyle right?” It’s a mixture of feeling like an outsider, at the party and tonight in my own relationship.

“Natty, please don’t cry.” Noah comes closer and I don’t step back when he wipes the tears from my face that have continued to fall. Even harder now that he’s comforting me. How fucked up is that the person that’s causing my tears is the only person I want to help me feel better. “I don’t want to make you cry again.”

My eyes are fixed on the ground. “I can’t help but think where I fit into all of this. your life is so different from mine, is there even room for me in it anymore.”

“Natalie, I love you. What do you even mean?” Noah says pulling my chin up to meet his eyes and I can still smell the alcohol on his breath. My own eyes are red-rimmed and clouded with tears that have refused to stop falling.

“I think I’m going to head home and we can talk in the morning when you’re sober, I’m just going to call Kyle to come and get me since Maggie is not good to drive.”

He takes a step back and something flashes across his face I don't recognize. “Not too long ago, I was the one you were calling to rescue you from him and now look at us. This isn’t what I wanted Nat. I - I didn’t want this to happen.”

“I know Noah, let’s not fight about this. It’s your birthday, you should go have fun. I’m just going to head out. The drinking and everything, It’s just too much for me. I thought I could handle it, but its just - its to much.”

I call Kyle and have a hard time holding back the emotion in my voice, he’s at a party a few minutes away and he’ll be there soon. Noah sits with me on the curb while I wait for him to pull up.

Ten minutes later Kyles whipping out of the car and over to my side. I get up to go not seeing the rage in Kyle’s eyes, not noticing he was heading straight for Noah who stood up with me.

“I knew you’d pull some stupid shit like this and now she’s calling me fucking crying because of your bullshit,” Kyle says as he’s surprises me by pushing Noah back further onto the front lawn.

“Kyle! Let’s just go, please. Come on! stop.” I’m pulling Kyle back and I guess the commotion alerted the people inside and the others are gathered out the front door. Nick runs to help create more of a separation between the two. “Nick, can you grab Maggie and bring her down? I’m going to head home.” He nods and moves to go get her. With Kyle distracted Noah uses the chance to take a swing. “Fuck you man! You don’t know anything. I love her.”

I move out of the way in time to miss any of the punches Kyle takes and watch in horror. He wipes blood from his mouth and says “Yeah, you love fucking up her life,” then he pounces. Swinging his full strength at Noah. “Shit!” I say and try to pull them apart taking an accidental elbow in the commotion of it all. Someone else pulls Noah away and Kyle and I stumble back as Nick returns with Maggie hanging off of his shoulders. “What the fuck!” Nick yells and I’m too preoccupied with my now bleeding nose. “Ow.” I mumble and Kyle turns to see my blood-drenched dress. “Oh shit, Nat. Are you okay?” he asks and I glare my eyes at him. “No, I’m not fucking okay. Get Maggie. Let’s go.” Looking up I see Noah standing next to Alex of all people, he sees my nose and deflates. “Natty-” he starts. “Just let her go,” Alex says and I can see him struggle with what to do. “I’ll call you tomorrow okay?” he says in a small voice.

“Okay,” I respond as the three of us get into the car and drive away from the scene I unintentionally created. On the drive home, I just lay my head against the cold glass as fresh hot tears stream down my face.

Once I’m home I climb up the stairs while Kyle sets Maggie up in the guest room. I shower and wash the makeup and blood from my face. Looking into the mirror I can tell I’ll probably have a black eye from the hit I took to the nose. Despite the adrenaline from the fight I’m out as soon as my head touches my pillow.

I wake up late and around 10 am I have a text from Noah asking me if I can meet him outside to talk.

Noah’s face is red and blotchy when I get to him and he takes a breath when he sees the purple bruising around my eyes. “Fuck Nat, was that me?” He asks in a weak voice.

I touch the tender skin and shrug. “A lot was going on, It could have been Kyle but it was an accident.”

“I’m sorry about last night Noah, I shouldn’t have embarrassed you like that,” I say to him and the wind picks up blowing my hair around. He’s wearing a beanie and his hair stays calm against the nape of his neck. “Why are you apologizing? I should be apologizing to you.” He says and his voice breaks. “God, I was such a drunk ass.”

“I should have waited to talk to you about it in private. Yelling at you in front of everyone was so lame.” My voice is calm and even now that we are away from the chaos of the party.

“I should have never lied to you Natalie, that was fucked up. I should have told you from the start that I planned to drop out. I can’t believe I yelled at you. Fought your brother. Again. And you ended up hurt and crying.” He’s rambling now, which is usually my thing. “I always seem to be the one hurting you lately.”

“That’s not true Noah. It was a stupid fight. It’s okay.” I try to reassure him.

He looks up at me and his eyes are glossy with tears. “Noah, what’s wrong?” I ask suddenly worried.

“Nat. I love you so much.” He says and a single tear runs down his cheek.

“I love you too,” I tell him.

“I love you, but I can’t do this.” his words break at the end and I don’t know what he’s saying.

“Can’t do what?” I ask as the world stands still.

“I can’t do this anymore. We can’t be together. I’m not good for you.” Now more tears are falling down his face and I don’t even notice my own have started falling as well.

“You’re breaking up with me?” My voice squeezes out.

“I’m sorry Nat - you’ll be better off without me.” He wipes his tears and tries to put on a brave face. “It’s for the best.”

And my heart shatters.

“I’m sorry Noah, I’m so sorry. Please don’t do this. I love you.” I move to bury my head against his chest and his breath hitches.

“We can’t Natalie. I- We just can’t. I can’t be what you need right now.” He says.

I take a deep shuttering breath and step away seeing the stains my tears left on his shirt.

“There’s nothing else I can say.” I stare at the ground. “You’ve already made up your mind.”

“I’m sorry, It’s for the best.” He gives me one last lingering kiss on the forehead and quickly moves to get back into his car. No longing stares and waves goodbye, he just takes off and leaves me a blubbering mess on my front yard.

crying and screaming and throwing up ....NOOOO WHYYYY

next ->

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