Uhh, you mentioned in a post a while back - like, 25 march 2021? ish? (lol, not me going through all your posts ever) - that you've accidentally joined cults before, and I wanted to ask about the signs? Since, as far as I'm aware, no one in my family has been in one and I want to know what to avoid/be wary of? Because I DO want to keep myself, my family and my friend safe from anything I can, so any infor/help would be appreciated!
Okay, first of all, never 'not' about going through my posts. I love when people do that! Even aside from the 'happy chemical boost', I like seeing what you guys enjoy when I post. The reason I have fifteen million posts about Huma is because people liked and reblogged those posts and that spurred more head canon creation. Engage with the posts you wanna see on my blog.
Now, for the actual reason you wrote -
I'm gonna start by saying my experience with cults are probably not the kind you're thinking of. One was when I was like...six. My babysitter was telling my mom and posting flyers at school about an art camp that rented a room at her church. Well, surprise, turned out to be a cult that brought us to the auditorium and lit fires and made us sing hymns and come and pray in front of the fire before they brought us back like five minutes before pick up time and gave us 'crafts' like 'dump glitter on a rock so you can tell your parents you did art today'. Well, I was TERRIFIED of fire and so I was extremely quiet when I got home. My mom noticed and my friend told her what happened at camp. She LOST IT. So did our school principal actually - he was going around tearing down flyers himself the next day. My poor babysitter was horrified - this wasn't her actual church putting on the camp, just some group that rented the room and she had no idea what was going to happen. So that was cult number one.
The next one was secular and primarily online but it was still abusive and harmful like, say, Scientology. People still have some lingering health problems from shit the leader made them do. I'm being vague on the details because the leader's still around and is known to trawl online to find mentions of himself or his cults and I'd really rather he not know who I am. I was only there for a month or two before I realized the group wasn't what I thought it was (it presented itself as a fan-space with a lot of the cult stuff happening behind 'closed doors' so to speak. I wasn't privy to a lot of that but I saw the effects on everyone else and it tipped my 'y'all are weird' alarms).
One of my friends is also a cult survivor and this is the test she uses. It was originally based around harmful Alcoholics Anonymous practices, but it's useful for identifying habits in a cult. https://www.orange-papers.mx/orange-cult_q0.html
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships by Janja Lalich and Madeline Tobias is pretty good too, according to her.
Also - Leah Remini. Look into what she says about Scientology. LOTS of good stuff about escaping scary, no shit, 'people who try to leave disappear sometimes' cults.
Now, MY advice?
Is there a leader of a defined group who is either somehow Specially Capable, whether it's a divine connection, psychic abilities, or just really really profound Super Duper Special insight into people? Are they always always right and they (or their followers) get super defensive if they're questioned or caught out lying? Red flag.
Are you free to leave the group without there being totally unreasonable responses like being treated as a totally horrible person forever or losing your whole community? If not, that too is a red flag.
LOTS AND LOTS of abuse tactics like gaslighting, 'bread crumbs' where they drop little hints and lay groundwork for believing things (like say, talking about believing in the possibility of life on other planets (something lots of reasonable people believe in) and talking a lot about New Age stuff people believe and slowly ramping up 'coincidences' until the target takes the risk of going 'OMG you're an alien'. This is how you get cults believing their leader is a Divine Alien. "Well I'd never believe that" - Well, sure, probably not at first. Give it a couple months getting softened and softened up until YOU take the risk of sounding like a weirdo instead of the leader), emotional abuse, intentionally putting you in dangerous or emotionally heightened situation with no warning so you're easier to control, lots of wearing down self esteem, sabotaging other relationships, isolation, 'us against the world' crap, etc.
BRAINWASHING TECHNIQUES. Sleep deprivation is really common, especially if the leader and others get crabby if you try to get a break and go to bed. Even if they're not though, they might still be trying to keep you awake as much as possible so you're less likely to think through the lies (and there's ALWAYS lies upon lies upon lies - or at least bullshit upon bullshit upon bullshit, in the event the leader really believes their own Kool-Aid.). Again, isolation, absolute obedience, some sort of punishment for failing like physical abuse or isolation, etc. If they can use their worldview or framework to totally reframe your identity on their terms, that's one way they can do it (like if you complain about sleep deprivation and they go 'Oh, don't worry, it's normal for aliens, you'll adjust eventually'. Y'know, because you found them as an alien so you're totally one too, you Cool and Clever so and so. Oh but don't tell anybody else outside the group or you'll end up in a lab somewhere). LOTS AND LOTS of guilt trips and again, gaslighting. This isn't all of the tricks but they're the ones I'm thinking of off the top of my head.
Whataboutism - like, sure, I burned half your stuff when you fell asleep on me, but I didn't hit you so this TOTALLY isn't a cult. Or, hey, I don't make you pray, just ~meditate~ so it's not a cult. Those religious ones, they're the cult.
They always always always need more from you for the group. More money, more time, more devotion, etc. Nothing's ever good enough. Oh, but if the leader gets bored of you and moves onto someone else and pushes you away, it just sucks to suck. Never mind the fact they've trained you to build your life and self worth around them. Again, sucks to suck.
EVERYTHING has to be on the leader's terms. It's the Leader Show, all the fucking time.
If all of this is sounding like 'abuse, but make it religious/otherwise small, enclosed group dynamics', then ding ding ding! We have a winner. You're absolutely right.
If you're reading this and going 'oh my god, I think I might be in a cult', first - try not to beat yourself up. You're NEVER too smart/savvy/mean/untrusting/etc. to get snowed. In fact, the more you believe that, the more susceptible you are. Arrogance is absolutely a vulnerability cult leaders use too. Next, try to figure out ways to build up resources to GET OUT. If the cult leader and your other members do not live with you, this is a lot easier. If not, try to look into Leah Remini or others who've escaped cults and see what they did. I specify Leah Remini and other Scientologists because even among cults, Scientology is NOTORIOUSLY hard and dangerous to leave. You basically need a lawyer to do it. They'll have a lot more advice than I will. The general 'leaving an abusive house' tips stand - try to squirrel away money, important documents, anything you can't stand to lose or leave behind because it might not be possible to get it back once you leave. Don't tell anyone ahead of time you're leaving. Try to find a therapist with cult deprogramming experience. I'm sorry, I don't have many specific tips here. Due to the nature of the cults I was in, I never had much difficulty leaving. My friend who left was basically taken home by her mother "just for a few days" and by the time those days were over, she was ready to leave and told the leader she wasn't coming back. She'd already taken most, if not all, her meaningful possessions with her (and the leader was living with people who weren't in the cult so they could always help her get any other personal items back via mail or whatever).
If someone you love is in a cult, try to follow the 'friend in an abusive relationship' playbook. Voice your concerns gently and carefully, don't argue when they push back, and try to be there for them as much as you can. Cult leaders THRIVE on isolating their followers so it's crucial not to let them cut you off from your loved one as much as is possible. Recognize there will be times you're mad at your loved one or burned out, but try to keep present as much as you can. Don't call the police unless it's EXTREME MEASURES time like they're in actual, physical danger. When you're with your loved one, try to provide them as much autonomy and support for their self worth as you can. Ultimately, your loved one will have to realize the cult is a problem on their own. Sometimes the bullshit builds so much you get to the point you just....cannot swallow one more piece of it and the next bit blows it all down. That's when you really need to be there.
Again, I'm not an expert here and I've never had to leave from somewhere imminently physically dangerous, so if you'd like, here are some more resources: https://www.goodreads.com/list/tag/cults. I particularly recommend the cult survivors list.
https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model/ - The BITE model is great too.
And above all remember that not all cults are mystical, and not all of them are religious. A lot of them front like fan pages or multi-level marketing schemes (LOOKING AT *YOU* DOTERRA) so just...keep your eyes open.
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