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#ok i got like 5hrs of sleep bc i was ill all night i feel lik shit
opens-up-4-nobody
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6 months
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#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol
#this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable
#im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work
#property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me
#like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well
#and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for
#Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too
#like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and
#down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy
#last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just
#feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b
#put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back
#down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then
#that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her
#i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better
#on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out
#dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really?
#ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious.
#i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles
#but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol
#unrelated
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