the longing is killing me
lucille clifton the book of light: “climbing” \\ pia brambley
buy me a turmeric latte
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on longing, romance, and every in-between.
References:
1: painting by Filippo Lippi
2: John Koenig 'The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows'
3: painting by Anthony van Dyck, 'Portrait of Mary and William of Orange'
4: uncertain, will be added once found
5: painting by Luis Caballero
6: 'Elegy for My Sadness' by Chen Chen
7: a fragment of ourselves returning v, 2018 by Beatrice Wanjiku
8: Richard Siken
9: uncertain, will be added once found
10: Tumblr post by @mothicalspoken
11: uncertain, will be added once found
12: Joan Tierney
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Jack Gilbert, from Collected Poems; "Rain"
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the fact that life keeps going when you’re going through something unbearable feels so terribly unfair. it feels like the world won’t stop moving so fast when all you wanted was for it to stop until you catch your breath, but that’s just not possible.
there is infinite sadness and grief in loss and a memory might be enough to bring your mind back through years, but not being able to physically go back is sickening.
and i am still grieving all that i lost, and sometimes i am so exhausted i feel the need to be quiet, and i wish the whole world could go slower. but it’s a good thing that life goes on. i got to go on. it took a lot of effort to move on, but i am here, alive. i am here! i don’t think i ever truly believed i would get here. some things don’t hurt as much anymore. the world kept moving and it forced me to move with it. it forced me to face a lot of what caused me so much pain. the grief will always be here, but so will be this proud feeling of having survived, the feeling of happiness, joy, laughter, and relief.
time doesn’t heal all things. but it brings news types of joy too.
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