#once i figure out how to not take the exact same photo every selfie night its over for u hoes

[touteslespetiteschosess]

Going For Gold || Kylian Mbappé

Plot: It's the evening of the Ballon d'Or but Kylian has his eyes on a different trophy.

Warnings: pda, fingering

Word count: 1726

Masterlist

Lights flashed, the second Kylian's dress shoe hit the tarmac. Easily, he slid from his leather seat, out of the blacked-out car. He strolled around to y/n's side and opened her door for her. Taking her hand, he helped her out and she stood up, glancing at her surroundings.

The road was packed with fans, yelling and screaming at the sight of Kylian. They clamoured at the metal barriers, hundreds and hundreds of phones pointed in their direction. She smoothed down her dress; it was silver and shimmered in the bright lights. Its tight, sequinned fabric hugged her curves, accentuating her perfect hourglass figure.

He rested his hand on the small of her back and guided her toward the red carpet. As they walked toward the crowd on the carpet, his hand left her back and found her hand instead, ensuring she wasn't pulled away from him.

A large camera pointed at the pair, broadcasting their every move to millions of people. Kylian swerved from the path his security team were forging for them, signing a fan's shirt and posing for a couple of selfies. Y/n hung at his side, smiling politely at people; this was Kylian's domain, his night, she knew nobody had come to see her.

Once he'd finished, they started down the carpet again and he leant down to whisper to her, "Are you okay?"

Smiling softly at his handsome face, he glanced up, "Peachy."

He squeezed her hand, their fingers intertwined; a woman in a black blazer and skirt approached them. "Kylian, suis-moi pour les photos. Y/n, attends ici un instant." she instructed, briskly whisking him away. Kylian, follow me for the photos. Y/n, wait here for a moment.

Cameras flashed as he smiled, hands folded in front of him. She almost drooled at the sight of him in that well-fitted suit, the exact same shade as her dress. His watch's gold accents glimmered on his wrist and she eyed the single button of his suit jacket, thinking about how efficiently she could undo it.

Suddenly, the same woman from before ushered her toward Kylian, who wrapped his arm around her waist. The second the woman stepped out of shot, cameras started flashing, as the pair smiled for them. After a few seconds, they began to move away from the cameras but once again, the woman rushed over, stopping y/n.

"Y/n, quelques photos en solo maintenant." she said, ushering Kylian to the side. Y/n, some solo photos now.

Y/n glanced after him hesitantly but as the cameras resumed their incessant flashing she looked back to them smiling. She hadn't expected them to want photos of just her. Not that it was a strange request- after all she was probably equally famous to her boyfriend in her own career. The actress was only here to play Mrs Mbappé tonight though.

As she finished with her photos, she glanced over at Kylian, who watched on with the closest a human could physically get to heart eyes. She wandered back over to him and his hand rested on the open back of her dress, discreetly rubbing the smooth, exposed skin.

Her cheeks flushed as his hand crept lower, sneaking beneath the fabric, "Kylian..." she murmured.

"What?" he asked innocently, though his dark eyes glistened with desire.

"Do you know how many cameras there are here?"

"Only two hours until we can go back home." he shrugged, moving his hand up to her back again.

As they stepped through the theatre's grand entrance, she quietly said, "You don't have to act so miserable. You're nominated for a Ballon d'Or, crack a smile."

"Well, I've not won. We all know Leo will win again and it's a waste of time I could be spending at home with my beautiful girlfriend." he hummed, glancing around nonchalantly.

"Thanks, hon." she smirked.

A man with a clipboard approached them, toying with the hem of his neat, navy suit. "Monsieur Mbappé, es-tu prêt pour la cérémonie? Nous avons besoin de toi dans les coulisses." Mr Mbappé, are you ready for the ceremony? We need you backstage.

"Ouias." he nodded, dropping a kiss on y/n's lips, "You know where you're going, amour?" she nodded and he was quickly whisked off.

Heading toward the auditorium's doors, she glanced to the usher, "Y/n y/l/n." He guided her to her seat, which was in the very front row, beside Kylian's. Confused, she glanced at the usher, "Sorry, I thought that plus ones sat separately from the players?"

He shrugged, "This is where you are on the seating plan." When she still looked perplexed, he offered, "You're a big star. They probably want reason to give you more screen time- it'll attract viewers."

As he walked off, she glanced around at the seats next to her. Kylian sat on one side of her, Erling Haaland on the other- which meant she was going to be consistently sandwiched in every shot that was broadcasted. The rest of the name plaques on her row read the names of other footballers, not a single wife or girlfriend in sight. Great.

As the rest of the theatre behind her began to fill up, her row remained entirely empty and she sat there, awkwardly. Eventually, the lights dimmed and she slipped her phone into her purse, getting ready as the ceremony began.

One by one, all of the nominees stepped out onto the stage until finally they called Kylian's name. Confidently, he stepped onto the stage, one hand tucked into his pocket as he strolled to the front of the stage.

After a few minutes, they were sent to their seats and he locked eyes with her, smirking. As he sat down, his hand found hers, resting in her lap.

The ceremony dragged on for hours and hours, a camera continually fixed on Erling and Kylian and, in turn, y/n. As they wrapped up handing out the women's trophy, Kylian, who'd been growing more and more impatient, let his hand slip under the thigh split of his dress. Her breath caught as he slid his hand around to her inner thigh, nipping at the sensitive skin.

She hissed, "Kylian, stop."

"What?" he shrugged, staring ahead at the stage, as he rubbed circles on her thigh. David Beckham walked out onto the stage and as he began to speak, the camera continually cut to Kylian but he didn't seem to care. She caught his wrist and pulled his hand up to a more appropriate position. "Fuck," he whispered, "I can't wait to get you out of here."

"Keep it in your pants." she scoffed, patting his hand.

Trying to hide her flushed face and rosy cheeks, she readjusted her hair, flicking it over her shoulders. "Let's discover the four finalists of this year's edition. Who will succeed Karim Benzema?" the host said.

A montage of clips of Kylian, Haaland, Messi, and De Bruyne played but Kylian didn't even bother cracking a smile or pretending to be interested.

Beckham flicked his envelope open, "The winner of the 2023 Ballon d'Or is... Lionel Messi."

Kylian didn't even flinch, his expression remaining the same bored line. She squeezed his hand but he really didn't seem to care. After Messi had wrapped up his acceptance and the ceremony ended, everyone headed to a reception.

Kylian's hand held y/n's firmly but as they got to the drinks reception, he carried on, pulling her after him toward the exit. "Kylian!" she called, glancing around self-consciously, "Kyky! What are you doing?"

"Getting you out of here," he muttered, wrapping his arm tightly around her waist.

She stopped, firmly digging her heels into the ground and refusing to move, "No, hon, you've got to stay at the reception for a little while. It's rude to leave."

"I don't have to do anything. What are they going to do, cancel me?"

"Obviously not but it's just polite." she scoffed.

His hand moved to her ass, giving it a squeeze, "I will actually fuck you in the bathroom if we don't get out of here soon."

She giggled, "Sure, bud."

"Do you want to try me?" he asked, deadly serious, practically shoving her out of the door.

Fans still waited outside, yelling for his attention, but this time, he elected to ignore them. The second the car doors shut, his lips were on hers, hungrily. His hands squeezed her sides as he moaned into her mouth. Her lips parted, allowing his tongue to explore her mouth.

His hands worked lower and lower, once again slipping under her dress through its slit. He cupped her heat through her panties and she pulled back slightly, "I'll never be able to look your driver in the eye again."

"Don't mind." he declared, latching onto her neck. His lips worked lower and lower, pressing kisses onto her chest. His fingers pushed her panties aside, "Fuck, baby, you're so wet for me already."

"Kyky-" she warned, though it came out as more of a moan, as he applied pressure to her clit.

"What was that?" he asked, squeezing one of her breasts with his free hand.

With his other hand, his fingers gathered up slick before diving inside her. He slowly began to move his digits, twisting, curling and pumping them up inside of her. Her hands gripped his shoulders so hard that her knuckles turned white, as he quickened his pace.

"Fuck, amour," she murmured, resting her forehead on his.

His hand finally left her tit, sliding down the strap of her dress. She didn't wear a bra beneath her dress and he groaned at the sight. His mouth latched onto her tit, sucking hungrily. His long, calloused fingers continued working their magic.

"Kylian," she whined, "I think I'm close."

His lips moved back to her neck, "You can cum for me, baby."

As he sucked on her sweet spot, the coil in her gut wound so tight it snapped. She bit down on his shoulder to stop herself from yelling. Stars overtook her vision, as she rode out her orgasm on his hand.

As she rested her head on his shoulder, trying to catch her breath, he pulled his fingers out and sucked them clean of her juices. Softly, he brushed her hair out of her face, dropping a kiss on her temple.

He smiled at the sight of her, whispering, "Je t'aime, ma belle."

Masterlist

#kylian mbappe #kylian mbappé #mbappe #mbappé #kylian x reader #kylian imagines #kylian x you #kylian fanfic #football #footballer #psg #smut

[tinyboxxtink]

Hey so loved your black magic series! I read your post about using REE/Rafael. I’ll read anything you write but this idea to me is RPF and kind of squicks. ☹️ Maybe if you use another character he played? Nevada?! Someone sees “Barba” doing something super bad and they’re all “omg omg” and think it’s Barba? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hear you, I do. HOWEVER, I made a "Version" of Raul Esparza in this story that is 5 years younger, and...I hate to say it, "more" famous?

IDK I wrote a 'prototype' chapter last night, so I'm gonna put this to you. I assume/hope you're an avid reader and I can gauge the public consensus, but also I want ALL my readers to be happy!!

So here, read this and then tell me if you still find the idea "Squicky".

That goes for anyone else! Maybe I should put my tag list in here....

The way I wrote him though anon, I truly feel in my heart that it's not RPF, because like I said RPF freaks me out as well.

Before you already go in skeptical, let me set up the plot I had planned. {As told to @madamsnape921 in an IM:

the thing was gonna start that someone sees Rafael proposing to the reader, and tells a tabloid that Raul Esparza is engaged to some rando. Because they think that it was him. And then Rafa, the reader and Chloe start to discuss on how either it's a multiverse thing, or a doppelganger thing because it turns out that Rafael and Raúl are very similar, like personality traits and the Broadway dream, except that Raul's childhood was basically the opposite of Rafael's so Chloe THINKS that Raul is Rafael from a "multiverse".

Right and then Raul goes to Rafael's office to confront him and then the reader and Chloe are there to take Rafael out to lunch and they're like holy shit!

And Rafael is super uncomfortable with the idea of the reader EVER being in a show with Raul because obviously they're like the same person and Raul probably has more in common with her

Oh and also Raul is five years younger, and thinner. So then Raul's like you shouldn't listen to him, I could really help you with your career.

Annnnd that's all I have so far.

Okay so read this really and tell me you honest opinion.

Screw it putting the tag list:

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

You were walking towards the exit of Central Park hand in hand with your now fiancee, when all of a sudden two giggling girls came running up to you.

“Oh my god!!!!! Raul we didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” One of them started squealing.

“Fiancee,” He corrected. “Wait I’m sorry, what? Did you just call me Raul?”

“Uh...yeah, duh,” One of the girls made a face. “Raul Esparza?”

“What?” You bursted out laughing. “I’m sorry, you think he’s Raul Esparza?”

“Um, we know he is,” The other one crossed her arms.

“Um, no he isn’t!” You wrapped your arm around Rafael protectively, as if the two girls were going to kidnap him or something.

“I can promise you ladies, I am not-- whoever you just said,” Rafael assured them.

“Why are you doing this? Are you trying not to embarrass your lady friend here?” One of the girls made a weird face at you.

“Wha? No--” Rafael tried to defend himself but the girls were already clearly ticked off.

“Wow, I have heard of actors trying to get away from fans but completely pretending to be another person, that’s pretty low Raul,” One of them glared at Rafael.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t have taken you much effort to just take a selfie with us,” The other one added with a scowl.

“I...um--” He looked to you for help, but you just shrugged. You had no idea how to handle such a weird situation.

“I guess we can take one--” He offered.

“Oh no, forget it now,” One girl scoffed.

“Yeah, jerk!” The other one stomped her foot and they both sauntered away angrily.

-----------

“...What the hell was that?” Rafael looked at you in utter confusion and disbelief, you just gave him a “wtf” smile.

“I have no idea baby--”

“Oh my god, are you guys ok?” Chloe suddenly came running up behind you. “What the hell did those teeny boppers want? To rob you with water guns or something?”

“No they-- they wanted a selfie?” Rafael was still confused, trying to figure out what just happened.

“A selfie? With you?” Chloe snorted.

“No-- With Raul Esparza,” You looked at her with a confused smile. It was pretty entertaining to think that your fiance looked like a Broadway star.

“I don’t get it, you said that I didn’t even look like him!” Rafael looked at you.

“I mean I said I didn’t see it, and that you were more handsome,”

“....Yeah well you might wanna rethink that answer babe,” Chloe’s eyes were wide as she handed you her phone. She had googled RAUL ESPARZA, and the images that popped up were-- Rafael’s face.

“Oh my God…” You whispered, showing Rafael the phone. He quickly pulled out his own and started searching for himself. You handed Chloe back her phone and did the same. Pages and pages of articles about Raul Esparza’s shows, and accelaides, and all with Rafael's face plastered all over them.

“He’s….me,” Rafael whispered in horror.

“He looks more like you than you do!” You teased, he looked at you with a very serious face. Clearly he was not ready to joke about this yet.

“Holy shit. This is some multiverse shit,” Chloe muttered as she went through her Google search.

“Excuse me?” You asked her.

“You know, the multiverse theory? There’s an infinite amount of universes in every decision anyone ever makes.”

“Meaning…?” Rafael asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Raul could be Rafael, if he hadn’t given up on his Broadway dream,”

“Oh my god,” Rafael started laughing. “Chloe, did you get loaded in the park or something?”

“Oh okay, so you have a better idea, big brain lawyer?” She crossed her arms.

“He might not, but I do,” You piped up, showing her your phone.

“Doppelgangers?” Chloe read with a face.

“Yes, it’s a fact that there are 5 people in the world with the EXACT same face,” You continued reading.

“And he just happens to live in New York, where Rafael lives? AND is on Broadway, the one thing Rafael gave up?”

“Look sure it’s a million to one shot that those events would line up, but what’s more plausible: Doppelganger or ‘Multiverse’?” You looked at Chloe, who looked at Rafael, so you turned to Rafael as well.

“...Wha--are you asking me?” He asked.

“I mean it is your face,” You shrugged. “What do you think, baby?”

“I’m leaning towards a doppelganger, sorry Chloe,” He shrugged as well.

“Yeah well, you’re probably right,” Chloe nodded as she read her own phone, still on Raul Esparza info. “Most likely because he’s five years YOUNGER than you,”

“WHAT?!” Rafael grabbed her phone; as he read it, his face fell. “Oh God, no…”

“Wha--What does it matter how old he is, Rafa?” You furrowed your brows.

“Or the fact that he’s clearly thinner and more attractive,” Chloe added with a smirk.

“CHLOE,” You scolded her. “What the ever loving fuck?”

“Well, I’m just saying-- Look at them side by side,” Chloe had a photo of Rafael from some mayor’s ball next to Raul Esparza at the Tonys, both in tuxedo’s. You wouldn’t admit to Rafael but Raul was definitely thinner, and...he looked a lot younger. It was probably Botox or something you were sure, but still….

“Okay but again WHY does it matter--?” You wanted to change the subject.

“Are you kidding me? Y/N-- This is what you want to do!” He gestured to Chloe’s phone.

“....I don’t want Raul--” You started.

“No, you want to be on Broadway though!! And, and what if someday, God forbid, you end up in a show with this guy? He clearly already has a leg up on me compatibility wise, and as Chloe so kindly pointed out, a leg up on me age and attractiveness wise, and--” Rafael started ranting and rambling, talking lightening fast, as he did when he got upset or excited.

“Whoa whoa whoa whoa, back up there counselor,” You put up a hand to his face. “Are you actually insinuating that if I worked with Raul Esparza, that I would magically fall in love with him?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Rafael was triggered by the mention of magic and love.

“Okay but I’m not even saying ‘magic’ magic, I’m just saying-- What do you think because he’s an actor, and younger than you I’m just going to think I’m better off with him? Just because he has your face?” You gave him a small “oh honey” smile as you placed your hands on either of his face.

“No, but if you have to play his love interest, and you spend every day with him, it might blur the lines--” He started grumbling.

“Rafael, baby--” You shook his head in your hands. “I am still in SCHOOL. I am nowhere NEAR being in a Broadway show as a freaking techie, let alone a love interest starring opposite Raul Esparza,”

“Yeah, I mean this guy is huge-- 3 Tonys, 2 Emmys, an Oscar--” Chloe rattled off, but stopped when she realized you were glaring at her. “What? I’m helping!”

“...See? He’s far too famous for me,” You pressed your forehead to Rafael’s.

“Right, and I’m just the lowly ADA,” He muttered.

“Lowly my ass, Rafa,” You hit him playfully. “You are the most respected ADA in all of New York,”

“I’m the only ADA of New York,” He made a face.

“Not true! Just the city,” You beamed, proud of yourself you did some research once you had gotten together.

“My point is Rafael,” You now put your hands on his collar and pulled yourself into him. “You are all the acclaim I need,” You kissed him softly. “You’re my everything, I mean for fuck’s sake you just held a one man flash mob to propose to me! Let’s Raul Esparza do THAT,” You laughed, hoping to make him feel better. As his scowl melted into a smile, you knew you had succeeded.

“That was pretty romantic wasn’t it?” He beamed, proud of himself.

“It was EPIC,” Chloe chimed in, for good this time.

“Your voice is beautiful by the way,” You had forgotten in the midst of all of the romantic hubbub to compliment him. “I’m really sorry you had to give up Broadway,”

“Yeah, well-- apparently some part of me didn’t,” He gestured to his phone.

“Well he doesn’t have me,” You pointed out.

“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Rafael grinned as he pulled you into a deep kiss.

“Now can we please just forget about--” You hesitated, deciding not to mention his name again. “Anything else, and just focus on our engagement night?”

“Well, I suppose--” He nodded as he put an arm around you, and the three of you continued to walk through the park.

-------

Across town in a swanky New York Penthouse, an alert went off on Raul Esparza’s phone. He had it set to notify him any time his name appeared in a headline on the internet. He glanced over and picked it up, reading the notification. As he read it, his eyes widened and his face grew red. He stood up and yelled to no one in particular,

“Who the FUCK is trying to impersonate me?!”

#rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanficton #raul esparza fanfiction #but not really #anon ask #black magic #doppelganger #law and order svu fanfiction

[sincerelyreidburke]

got hitched

Quick ficlet for my Bencole people. Featuring domestic Quindo. Cross-posted to the ao3 cricket ficlet collection.

//

eight years after graduation | august

 Sebastián is completely unsuspecting, when the Snapchat comes in.

The house is quiet, and he and Quinn are in bed. He figures they’ll actually go to sleep soon, or at least soonish, but for now, they sit up against their pillows, with the light still on. It’s long past Violet’s bedtime; Quinn put her down at least an hour and a half ago, and after sitting out on the patio with him for a bit, Sebastián carried his husband to bed for little to no reason other than he just felt like carrying him.

He’s watching a Coyotes preseason weekly recap on his phone, and next to him, Quinn is knitting. His yarn is royal blue and bright red; he’s working on a scarf he keeps swearing he’s going to mail up to Remy to wear to games when his season starts. To celebrate his contract , Quinn said, when he told Sebastián what he’d be doing, all self-satisfied smiles. I think he could use something new in Montreal colors, don’t you?

His needles clack together every now and then, and the audio on Sebastián’s phone is low, but it’s not like Quinn would be bothered by that anyway, seeing as he took his hearing aids out for the night hours ago. Their house, Sebastián is happily aware, is a safe zone for Quinn, has been since the day they bought it to build their life in together.

A notification buzzes his phone, and the banner at the top tells him he has a Snapchat from Ben. Which isn’t weird, until it is— because what time is it in France right now? It has to be, like, kind of early in the morning, right? In what world is Ben up early on vacation?

He opens Snapchat to investigate. The Snap has been sent into a group chat, but not a new one; it’s one containing himself, Ben, and Quinn, and has to have existed since college even though it hasn’t been used in a short while.

He opens the Snap. It loads. As it loads, he wonders if this is a leftover message from Cole’s show last night. That was, after all, the whole reason Ben crossed the Atlantic Ocean for vacation in the first place. It’s Cole’s first tour outside the US, and Ben and Remy created this whole scheme for Ben to surprise him, which Remy was on board with because he will use literally any excuse to travel to Europe, especially France, and Sebastián has heard about this over several elaborate text exchanges, phone calls, Snapchats, et cetera—

The Snap loads.

Sebastián looks at it.

Wait. Wait . WHAT?

It expires before he can fully process, but he knows what he saw. He scrambles to replay it, leaning forward and off the pillow.

It’s a picture, a selfie, of Ben in bed with Cole wrapped up in his arm. They’re both, like, clothed and everything, and they look all soft and in love, but that’s not the main point of interest.

Because Ben is holding both of their hands up to the camera, and although Cole has had his black engagement ring for upwards of two years, Ben… is also wearing a ring. And Cole is holding a piece of paper. A certificate.

The caption Ben has typed reads: got hitched

Cole is holding a marriage certificate .

Sebastián screenshots the picture before it can disappear again, and then immediately starts tapping-slash-whacking Quinn in the thigh to get his attention. He’s gentle about it, but he still feels bad when Quinn startles and shoots daggers up at him. He drops his needles and signs. What’s wrong?

In lieu of signing a response, he turns the phone to Quinn, because it’s easier than attempting to convey via sign his current stream of consciousness (Ben got married is he kidding how did he just get married in the middle of Paris on a whim oh my God he is going to bust his ass so much but also he’s pissed because he wanted to go to his actual wedding and Ben Shaley Is Actually Fucking Married he can’t believe it like yeah he knew this was coming because he’s been engaged for two years but like— Rho got married !!!!!!!?!??!????!!?!).

Quinn studies the photo, then his eyes widen with realization. In a moment, he shifts from his complete bedtime serenity to animated, excited confusion. He looks up to Sebastián, then back to the phone, then up to him again, and signs, in quick and snappy motions, They eloped? , and then, immediately, Call Ben.

Sebastián nods, as Quinn lunges to the bedside table and grabs his hearing aids. He opens the phone app, and picks Ben out of his favorites, and as it rings, he just sits there vibrating. He can’t believe it. He actually can’t believe it. Ben just went and got married. Like— okay, that’s admittedly the most Ben way he could possibly think to get married, but— is this real life?

Ben picks up on the second ring, as Sebastián is putting the call on speaker. “Helloooooo!” His voice is singsong, like he knows exactly what he did. Which, like, obviously he knows what he did. But Sebastián is still shook —

“ Dude !” he cries, half-laughing, as Quinn leans back over to him and scoots closer on the mattress. “How could you just send that out of context?”

Ben laughs. “In my defense,” he remarks, his voice the picture of chill, “it really doesn’t require that much context, right?”

Quinn fiddles with his ears, and then he must get them turned on, because he chooses that exact moment to cry, “Benjamin Shaley.”

“Mini!” The joy in Ben's voice is indescribable. “I knew you’d bitch me out for this!”

“I cannot believe you,” Quinn says. “You did not elope last night.”

“Oh, but I did,” Ben remarks, every bit the wise-ass he’s always been, and he sounds so happy , and Sebastián is, like, so fucking happy for him right now—

“Rho— congratulations , holy shit,” he tells him. “Did you plan this?”

“No,” Ben laughs. “Not even a little. And I think that’s maybe the best part. Hold on.” There’s rustling and mumbling on his end for a second, and then a fourth voice enters the conversation.

“Good morning, guys.” Cole’s voice is super raspy, like he just woke up. Sebastián tries to do some quick math, but all he can determine about time zones is that it has to be early over there. “Sorry we didn’t tell you.”

“Cole, I can’t believe this,” Quinn says. “How could you let his chaos influence you?”

“Mm.” Cole pauses, contemplatively, and then yawns. “I’ll actually be letting his chaos influence me for the rest of my life, now.”

Quinn takes a deep, therapeutic breath. Sebastián wraps an arm around his shoulders. He has, many times, seen his husband get simultaneously pissed and excited; it’s a hilarious thing to witness. “I love you both,” Quinn says, in a slightly less sharp voice. “And I’m so very happy for you. But words cannot describe how much I wanted to actually attend your wedding.”

“We’re gonna have a party, Q,” Ben replies, like he was ready for this question. “When we get home. Well. Like. Not right when we get home. But we’re gonna start planning it when we get home.”

Quinn pauses, like he’s contemplating this, and in the silence, Cole adds, “It was a spur-of-the-moment decision.”

“Well, I’ll say,” Quinn says. Sebastián thumbs at his shoulder, to soothe the good-natured rage. “My goodness , you two. I should have known you’d get married some crazy way.”

“Tell us the story!” Sebastián adds, because he is extremely eager to know.

Cole lets out a soft laugh. “It’s not a long story,” he says.

“We were at dinner,” Ben explains. “Last night, after the show, with Remy. And Cole just… out of nowhere. He was like, we should get married.”

“ Cole Kolinsky ,” Quinn gasps. “Your mother is going to kill you.”

“She knows!” Cole cries. “She knows. I promise. She’s the only person who knew before you. Her and Remy.”

“Was Rem with you?” Sebastián asks.

“He was with us when we decided to do it,” Ben says. “But not at the town hall.”

“That little shit,” Sebastián cries. “Where is he now?”

“Out galavanting in the streets, I bet,” Ben mutters, and Cole laughs at him.

“I’m sure Remy is asleep,” Cole amends. “We were out so late last night.”

Quinn rubs his temple, leans into Sebastián’s embrace, and whispers, “I cannot believe you two.”

“Oh, you love us, Quinny,” Ben says. “Don’t even try to hide it.”

“Of course I do,” Quinn replies, in that tone so characteristic of him , where he’s firm and kind at the exact same time. “My goodness,” he says. “You’re entirely too much for me.”

Cole laughs again. “I promise, Quinn,” he says, “it’ll be a really good party.”

“Oh, it best be.” The grin on Quinn’s face is so cute, Sebastián could combust. “I have very high standards.”

“Ah, yes,” Ben says, in a posh accent, “nothing but the best for the esteemed Quinny Cooper—”

“ Ben ,” Cole mumbles, and Ben laughs so loud.

“I’m so—” The initial shock has sort of worn off, but Sebastián still feels like he’s processing several things at once. “I’m so happy for you guys, jeez ! Why are you awake so early, anyway? It’s your honeymoon morning!”

“I have to—” Cole breaks his sentence with a yawn, like talking about being up early is making him more tired. “I have to be on my tour bus at eight-thirty.”

“Oh, Cole ,” Quinn whispers. “That’s a real wrench in your morning, huh?”

“Is what it is,” Cole replies.

“Wait, so… what time is it now?” As soon as he mentioned the fact that it’s their honeymoon morning, it started occurring to Sebastián that he and Quinn are… keeping them on the phone. On their first morning as a married couple. He loves his friends to death, but nobody interrupted him and Quinn the morning after they got married. It was just the two of them; even Vi was at Mama’s house for a sleepover. The only thing they had to do was bask in that fresh joy.

“It’s seven,” Ben announces. “Seven-oh-nine.”

“Okay, so,” he says, “I’m gonna, like, hang up the phone now.”

“ Nanny ,” Ben says, with a snort. “We knew you’d want to talk.”

“Yeah, but we talked,” he replies, “and now I’m hanging up so you guys don’t have to, like, talk to us until Cole leaves.”

“Hm.” Ben pauses, and then, in his peak wise-ass tone, remarks, “What if I hang up first?”

“Oh, goodness , you two,” Quinn mumbles, into Sebastián’s shoulder, “don’t get into one of these arguments.”

“Bro, you hang up first.”

“No, you hang up first—”

5,000 miles away, in a hotel bed in Paris, Ben Kolinsky hangs up the phone. He rolls over in bed and grins at his husband. “How did I do?”

Next to him under the nice white sheets, Cole is the best thing he has ever seen. He laughs, with his hand over his face, before he reaches for him. When they meet in the middle of the mattress, Cole presses a kiss to his lips. “You are an idiot,” he whispers.

“Mmm.” Ben kisses him again, and Cole wraps around him, and he thinks there’s absolutely no way heaven could be any better than this. “That’s a title I’ll proudly own, but only with an amendment.”

Cole tangles his fingers in Ben’s hair, long and now sort of messy from sleep, but who gives one single fuck what their hair looks like when they just got married to the love of their life last night. “What’s the amendment?” he asks, between kisses.

“That I’m your idiot.”

“ Oh .” Cole laughs. His eyes wrinkle shut, and Ben is going to be gone on him for the rest of his days. “You’re definitely my idiot.”

“Perfect,” Ben says, and kisses him again, and he doesn’t need anything else.

#ao3 link #ben/cole #quindo #nandoooooooo #mini quinny #rhode island headass #actually he's cole #ficlet #crickets #mel writes

[peachandmark]

Day6 Jae as your college senior (Political Science major since he’s one)

Jae is the senior who’s in charge in freshmen orientation and head of poli sci association, a very charismatic leader. He’s a sophomore. His tall figure, fair skin and cute eyes under those glasses caught you off guard.

Super friendly and jokes a round to make the juniors comfortable, always asks “Do you have any question?” with a cheeky smile.

Most girls in your batch probably having crush on him because you too. He’s even famous in the entire faculty. Super respectful towards everyone.

But you’re competitive so you’re a step ahead, asking for his number in case you have any question without anyone noticing even your new friends. At random times you will chat him first tru katalk

Though he would gladly answer but instead he suggest to meet you face to face to explain further. He always chooses library as a place to meet you.

He’ll explain all about the course and the subjects in every semester, a little bit introduction of the lecturers and some tips to excel the subjects of your first final. He’ll also tell his experience during first year over coffee, in which he treats you

Sometimes you’ll came across him on your way to the class and you’ll greet him first and he replies as friendly to you that Brian, his closest friend and also your fellow senior, teases him over his over friendliness to you. And Jae will hit him and shut his mouth after that. You chuckles and yes your day has been made just by looking at that handsome figure

Would try hard to explain why Nicollo Machiavelli’s thought is not as evil as you think and is necessary in modern politics because you’re such a softie and more likely into Mahatma Gandhi’s philosophy in which govern the nation with “love”

He would suggest some helpful tips and inspirational books/movies in politics to help you understand the whole field better

He would hit you up to ask how you’re doing on midterm quiz and if you’re doing bad he’ll cheer you up and continue supporting you. “Actually there’s formula in understanding World Politics, it’s heavily based on realism theory with three key points; Identity, Geography and Power. Anyway, let’s have a tutor lesson on Saturday. I will explain later. For now let’s grab a lunch, are you free now?” he says

Whenever it’s just the two of you, Jae becomes flirty but not too much that it makes you uncomfortable. He’a really keep it slow and not too much. Complimenting you has becomes one of his die-hard habits. Some of your female seniors (his fans) are annoyed with you. But you brush them off, because who cares? Whenever Jae see some of them trying to bully you, he becomes more protective of you

You will go supporting him for every debate competition he participates in. He’ll teach you the right way to debate too and make sure you’ll go practice with him whenever there’s time. He does that because he saw potential in you to replace him next year in the debate team. But stop the lesson if you’re too worn out in which you feel thankful for. He can be persuasive at times but knows too well about the limits. Anyway he’ll make sure you will do your best at it.

You and Jae will be in the same party in your campus. Besides, he would also run for campus elections and you’ll accompany him when he’s campaigning here and there even though it gets dark. He’s so thankful for it and always checks you up to make sure you’re okay. He would aslo asks your opinions on his manifesto and how he deliver his speeches

Whenever there’s issues regarding the university administration and national politics, he would lead the protest with all the students. Students and leaders from other universities also joining him. He and his friends will help solving the issues and if they’re successful, both of you will go out celebrating first then he’ll meet up with his friends later because you’re with him through thick and thin, giving ideas and supports, becoming his source of energy to go through it all

All of his friends know you even the political activist outside the campus because he won’t stop talking about you in front of them. You’ll be so shy but later on and change the subjects. You’re super comfortable and friendly with most of his friends and sometimes he’ll get jealous over it. “I shouldn’t tag you along!” He says with a cute pout while driving to your dorm

Jae will send you random memes and ugly pictures of himself when he gets bored in class and you will do the same. At the end you can’t concentrate in the class because it’s too funny. Your lecturer noticed that your mind is elsewhere and warns you. So whether you want it or not you have to keep your phone in your bag but still can’t stop laughing because of him.

When he holds a visit to the parliament/UN building for the freshmen to expose themselves to, you’ll sit beside him in the bus. You lost your breath a bit at how dashing he looks in suits (usually he’s looks fine but at that moment he’s looks the finest!)

Well, later Wonpil spill the tea that Jae purposefully bought a new one just to tease you. But Jae also secretly likes you in suits too, he captures your new look in his mind.

Whenever Jae is sick, you’ll take care of him, makes sure he’ll take his medicine on time and make him rest. Sometimes you’ll ask Brian about his health because he’s his roomate. Brian will guide you at what to do, what he can eat, wht he cannot eat etc. Usually Jae won’t be open so much about his health condition beacuse he doesn’t want to worry you

Jae likes to frame you in his lyrics and composing songs with his acoustic guitars, you probably not knowing this except Brian and Sungjin, a Music major who would help him with the composition.

Your faculty holds an annual dinner. You dressed up because Jae will be your date. You kind of want to sweep him off his feet that night. “Wow y/n, you’re...beautiful tonight” he says breathily. Yup, your mission cleared. “Shut up, Jae sunbaenim” you reply shyly.

To you surprise, he performed with a guitar in his hands that night on the stage. The song he sings is so unfamiliar, something you never heard of.

Sungjin whispers to you “He wrote this song himself”. “Oh really? He’s so good at it. Just how perfect a human can be?”

From the way he keeps looking at you while letting his beautiful vocals charm everyone, you kind of have a hunch that he sings about you. But you just be silence about it, don’t want to be upset if it’s the otherwise. Maybe he sings for another girl in this hall, no one that she knows of. Everyone claps and whistles for his amazing performance. His circles and your friends especially being loud for it.

“Being oblivious is one of her talents, does she?” Said Brian to Wonpil and Wonpil just laugh it off. “Hey, let Jae suffer a bit dude. It’s fun to watch”

“Ah...ahh... Sungjin asked me to perform tonight. Hahaha...he said it will make my popularity rise among the students, so...it’s kind of important for the campus election, if you know what I mean hehe” , “But you’ve always been popular among the students what do you mean? I can see the girls almost...fainted” you pout and Jae captures this sight again in his mind

He shut you up as he takes your hand in his “Well don’t you know my name? ‘Jae’ means ‘fame’ in Greek. I born with it ya know. It’s the most natural thing to happen hahahah” He laughs out loud at his lame joke. You just laugh along with him since his laugh is that contagious. If he’a not Jae, you will slap this boy for sure with savage remark

“Hey you’re cute when you’re jealous, y/n.” Jae said while tapping his fingers on the steering. “Shut up, sunbaenim!”

After that you’ll bug him to make him sing again, so he had no other options but to send you several videos of him jamming or when he’s practicing

But when you’re having bad time, concerns or trouble sleeping, he’ll sing to you while face timing with you. At that time you never know you need a voice to put you to sleep since your busy parents never did that

Whenever Jae gives a speech at any events, because he won the elections and become one of the student leaders, you’ll take photos of him and once he recognises it, he looks at the camera with a smirk and you sequeled over it

Study week is approaching, apart from your own circles doing revision together, sometimes you’ll ask Jae for help. So you guys will go to library together and have a little library “date”. He would also share some of his old notes with you. After teaching you something, he would go ask you some questions to test your understanding. “What’s the differences between oligarchy and aristocracy? Which one is better in Aristotle philosophy?” He asks but then you failed to answer it to his liking so he pinch your cheeks as a punishment

The library date is so fun, apart from being serious when it has has to be, Jae is so damn playful. He would tell some jokes about his friends, mostly about Dowoon and Wonpil, and make a fool of himself whenever you’re stress. The librarian sometimes will warn you guys to keep it down a little

Your last paper has ended and Jae finished his first so he picked you and your friends up from the examination hall. Later he make excuses so that your friends get the fuck out of his car and that you’ll go on date with him peacefully. As usual, your friends kind of expected it and fake sulking about it but got out of the car nevertheless, warning him to take care of you and get you to the dorm safely that night

After both of you got the result, you asked him first. He doesn’t want to reveal it unless you reveal yours. So you sent him your cute selfie, he doesn’t have a choice but to let you the screen shot of it. His cgpa is higher than you but regardless both of you are in the dean list. He sincerely hapy for you and deliver a bouquet of flowers to your house. Roses and baby breath to be exact because it’s your favourite

As the new semester begins, both of you’re able to meet now. It’s not a secret anymore that you and Jae are a thing now. Though both of you want to keep it low but he lowkey want to let the world know. Event the lecturer noticed and smirked to him whenever he see you guys talking while walking to the class

Jae asks you out the first day of the semester and both of you going to his favourite lobster restaurant. Yup, after working so hard saving up for this moment. He’s a simple person and you like that a lot bout him. Since you’re new to eating lobster, he cracks the lobsters for you and feeds you

Nothing too fancy, as he damn sure about his feelings and the probability of you liking him back, he asks you to be his girlfriend on the way to grab coffees before sending you back to the dorm. You hide your face with the sleeves of your hoodie and turn your face away from him as you say yes.

“Do I have to call you oppa now?”, “You can when it’s just the two of us. But if it’s in front of other people, just use sunbaenim, will you be okay with it? Either way my heart flutters whenever you said both hehe” , “Aren’t we obvious enough to hides it anymore?” , “You’re right but let’s just keep it simple, okay?” , “Sure Jaehyung oppa” you smile while locking hands with his free hand

(Since I’m also a poli sci and ‘Jae’ major so why not?)

#day6funny #day6memes #incorrectday6quotes #incorrect kpop texts #DAY6 #jae #jaehyung #park jaehyung #brian kang #youngk #brian #sungjin #kang younghyun #park sungjin #wonpil #kim wonpil #dowoon #yoon dowoon

[nad-zeta]

Match up duo (◠‿◠✿)

if it’s not bothering you i want to request a matchups for ikevamp. i’m not sure if it’s okay to just sent my photos alone but i’ll gave you a short description of myself.

i’m very very short (4'9"). i’m asian and have long black hair. i usually like to wear comfortable clothes but i’m also into goth and pastel.

for my personalities i’m an aquarius, infp-t, i like writing stories/drawing. i like rock/metal music, i like travelling and nature but i don’t mind being inside a lot. i’m a sweet tooth too. mostly i like things that are unique, that not many people know about it.

i consider myself open minded, adventurous, i like to learn new things, i value my freedom. i don’t easily get along with new people but i can be the most talkative person if i knew them well enough. sorry if it’s too long, thank you so much.. i love your blog

Hi, love thank you so much for the request! @blue-imagica​ No way its never a bother I love doing these requests (◕ω◕✿) I’m so sorry it took me 2 million years to get this to ya! Also, I apologise in advance if it sucks hehe I decided to try my hand at the ikevamp match up in honour of best boi Isaacs route dropping lol Thanx so much for being so sweet I’m super glad you have been enjoying my writing

(/‿＼✿) ❤🔥

Anyways...... hope you have a wonderful day dear and I hope you enjoy it, love! ❤🌼

So I match you with.......................... Vincent

Selfie match up part

The first time this boy sees you he is completely captivated

You remind him of the summer, so bright, pure and innocent

He can’t tear his eyes away from you or, your jet black hair, its unparalleled dimension and the way it naturally flowed in the wind catching the rays of sun and shining

Your dark hair is so thick and shiny, and he is inspired by the way it cascades down your delicate soft skin like waves of midnight on a sandy beach

He is utterly and entirely inspired by you, and he wishes nothing more than go up to his art studio and paint you

All he wanted to do was paint those dark eyes of your, those eyes reflecting the deepest shades of the earth, shining with so much love and warmth.

And oh how easy it is for him to get lost in the universe of your eyes, he loves the way they sparkle and shine, lighting up with a thousand stars when you introduce yourself to him.  

If Vincent had to describe you as something it would be an angel, the way you extrude warmth and love, and all he wanted to do was get to know you.

He could easily envision himself with you, the two of you laughing and cuddled up together under the shade of a tree in the midst of a flower field.

Matchup part

You wandered through the mansion aimlessly thinking it was still part of the museum. You found yourself walking into the most beautiful art studio. You looked around and hung on the wall was a painting you knew all too well. Starry Night, you loved that painting, TBH you loved it so much it was actually your phone’s wallpaper at some point. As you continued to admire the paintings that filled the room, a young man with soft blond hair and ocean blue eyes walked through the door. You were awestruck, he was absolutely beautiful, you wondered if you had died and gone to heaven. Your face flushed, as you were rather shy and didn’t do too well with new people. It definitely didn’t help that he was staring at you with stars in his eyes. 

Finally, the young artist broke the silence “Oooh I’m terribly sorry for staring, how rude of me, my name is Vincent.” You gave a small smile, how ironic was it that his name was Vincent, he certainly had the same painting style as Thee Vincent van Gogh. You gave a small introduction, and before the two of you could chat, Sabatian burst through the door. He looked at you in shock and disbelief “You, Miss, how did you get in here”, you stared at the butler in confusion “Through the big wooded door, wait isn’t this part of the museum.” With that, Sabastian grabbed your wrist and escorted you to Comte’s room.

Le Comte explained your current situation very calmly over snacks and tea. You were shook, not only did you go back in time, but you were now roommates with the worlds most historical figures and to top it all off they were vampires! You didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or scream. You low key though all of this was a dream that is until, Arthur almost bit you when you went to get a glass of water. Luckily for you, Vincent appeared just in time to save you. “Arthur, what do you think you are doing? You mustn’t scare her like that, it’s quite rude,” before Arthur could defend himself or spit out a flirty comment Vincent gently grabbed your hand and lead you away to his room “I’m terribly sorry for Arthur’s rude behaviour, he is super nice once you get to know him.”

You were honestly so spooked and freaked out, that you felt uneasy sleeping in a house full of vampires, especially after one just tried to bite you. As if reading your thoughts Vincent gave you the most angelic smile and asked “Would you like me to stay with you and guard you tonight? I was planning on staying up and painting anyways” You gave a small nod, you were already starting to drift off to sleep, from the long day full of surprises.

You woke up the next day to Vincent’s sunshine smile and honesty you wouldn’t mind waking up to that beautiful smile every day. It was so bright and warm and seemed to melt away all your troubles. You and Vincent made your way downstairs for breakfast. To say Vincent was overjoyed when he found out you were a fellow sweet tooth would be an understatement! It was something the two of you bonded over, and it actually brought you out of your shell a bit. Since that day Vincent would take you to all his favourite cafes to treat you to all sorts of sweet treats. 

As the two of you ate your delicious dessert, you found yourself opening up more and more to the painter. The two of you would literally talk each other’s ears off for hours and hours. By the time the two of you made your way home from a day out in the town the sun was already setting

You loved to draw and sketch, and when Vincent discovered this fact, he was overjoyed. One night as the two of you were sitting and sipping on tea together, he spotted your sketchbook laying on the table, and his eyes lit up in delight at your beautiful sketches. As he continued to page, you remembered that you had sketched him paining one day and before you could reach to stop him from paging through your book, he spotted at the exact sketch you didn't want him to see. Your face went red in the sweetest of blushes. You keenly eyed Vincent as he traced his fingers over the sketch, he was completely awestruck. He turned to give you the biggest brightest smile, you definitely didn’t miss the faint blush on his cheeks

Honestly, the two of you had long ago fallen madly in love with the other.

Vincent was determined to make his feelings known one day. The two of you often walked together through nature in search of the perfect scene to paint and draw. The two of you had recently come across a vast, beautiful flower field. It had become somewhat a tradition for the two of you to once a week have a picnic in the field and just enjoy the quiet, peaceful scenery. Often the two of you would lay on the blankie and look up at the sky, cloud watching. One day as the two of you were laying beside each other watching the clouds, Vincents hand gently bumped yours. You smiled and bumped his hand back. He then slowly moved his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. Both of you turned your heads to look at each other. “I have something I need to tell you” Vincent had a slight blush forming on his face as he beamed up at you “ik hou van jou.” As the phrase left his mouth, he turned away in embarrassment, you sat up and tugged at his hand, you gave him the biggest brightest smile as your other hand moved to cup his cheek “I love you too Vincent”. The two of you then gravitated to meet in the sweetest of kisses. That afternoon the two of you cuties walked back home together hand in hand. You were going to ask Comte of you could stay in the past indefinitely.

The two of you angels made the cutest couple. Often the two of you could be found spending hours and hours together. Vincent would paint, and you would draw. Your favourite was travelling with the young artist. You loved to travel with Vincent and go to all sorts of art exhibitions that would showcase his beautiful paintings. After, the two of you would always wander around hand in hand, on the hunt for a café selling sweet treats. After both of you stuffed your faces with confectioneries, you would walk it off, by wandering around the park/nature together. As the two of you walked Vincent would occasionally lift your hand that he was holding to his lips and kiss the back of it, just to give you a small reminder of how much he loves you. 

In fact, this boy absolutely adores you and will 100% drop small little kisses on your temples, forehead, nose and cheeks. Vincent’s all-time favourite is to just rest his head on your lap after a long day of fun and adventures, learning new things together and having fun new experiences. He loves it when you pull your fingers through his golden locks and read your newest piece of writing to him. He absolutely loves to listen to your short stories and poems. Sometimes as he rests on your lap, his mind drifts back to the first day you met, and he thinks it must have been fate, for you to have not only wandered through the door into the mansion, but also for him to have found you in his art studio. Like the universe itself sending him his very own angel to love and to hold for all eternity

Other potential matches................. Theo 

I hope you enjoyed this love and i hope you have the best day ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀🌈🔥

#ikevamp matchup #ikevamp #ikevamp vincent #vincent van gogh #Ikemen vampire vincent #vincent #ikesen matchup #ikemen matchup #match ups #vincent matchup

[iamperfectlyimperfect]

My Sexy Fire Fighter As short lived as it was. This has probably been my most eye opening relationship and here is our story. September 17th, I was on Facebook. This same guy kept popping up in my suggested friends. I thought he was the cutest thing ever and I figure I would tell him that. I sent “I like your smile!” a very short response of “Thank You.” September 26th, I was on Facebook and he just kept showing up. I sent a message “Facebook sure thinks we should be friends.” and he sent a friend request. I was off to shoot a wedding. But after I was done we began to exchange in conversation. Learning about what he does for work. Where he lives.  how many kids we have etc.. Normal getting to know you conversation.   I realized I knew this guy! Dec 17, 2016 the Sick Puppies concert, I had dropped my press pass and this was the really cute guy that picked up my press pass and tapped me on the shoulder to let me know I dropped it. Shortly after we started flirting, he was let go from his main job as emergency roadside assistance. I know how badly those days suck. how dark and gloomy they can be and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to go at it alone. So we went for a walk, a walk turned into a movie. Within a few short days I had the worlds biggest crush on this guy, I loved how calm he was. How the safe I felt when I was around him. He has very simple lifestyle choices. He really wanted to ovoid any sort of drama, he made sure it was clear he didn’t want to date a girl who hung out/talked to with ex’s. He had a certain way of letting me know the things he didn’t like when I did them. He would send me a selfie and my whole world would light up. I could not think about anything other then him. Enough to the point my boss’s sat me down one day and told me to slow my roll! I couldn’t help it he was keeping my world bright. Sure he was struggling through losing a job and was really beating himself up. But in all relationships there are ups and downs and you stand by your man in good times and bad. I want to show him I thought he was worth it. Not very long after we started talking roughly one week to be exact. We were having a late night BBQ and I invited him. I wanted him to step into my world and see if it was to much for him. This night happened to be WAY more drama then I expected out of the crew. Lots of different things were being talked about one topic of discussion is someone we all know to be a whore and that everyone had had a turn. Then we went on to talk about breaks up and other things. When We got in the car to drive home that night he asked me if “I had slept with the person we were referring to.” 7 days into dating I felt very uncomfortable with the question. I felt very judged. I knew he was keeping score in his head at this point. and I could feel whatever I answered was a trick. I said “no”. As time went on I enjoyed getting to know him. Watching movies, Playing Pokémon Go, sitting next to him while I edited photos. I wanted to be there every day. With kids and working a full time job + my part time own photography company I was stretched very thin, But I would still go over almost every night. You see his second job was an on call fire fighter so he couldn’t be fair from his station in case he got paged. Me being 100% understanding knowing that was his only source of income I didn’t except him to come to me. When I was not with him I called him my boyfriend. Although it was never “official” I wanted it more then anything. Omg did I talk about him every chance I got to anyone that would listen. He was the background on my phone. I just liked looking at him. I couldn’t wait to tell them world about this amazing guy I met. Then It got rocky…. one night I had a girls night I was dressed as a sexy witch, of course. Once all the girls had left I quickly darted out the door to head to his house. Hoping he would rip my clothes off and love me the second I walked in the door. That’s not was happened. Actually it was the exact opposite. I felt unattractive and unwanted. I laid awake all night. hurting. The next morning he didn’t kiss me goodbye when he walked out the door for drill. I walked out to my car to find a ticket. I got home and My brother headed out the door to play frisbee golf and I crawled into bed. When he got back he has Sean with him. (an Ex boyfriend) I told Allan Sean was there but that was not enough. He really felt I was being disrespectful that he was there. I did talk to both Todd and Sean and explained that Sean couldn’t be there because I wanted to eliminate the drama out of my life and Ex’s just aren’t good company to keep. But that was not good enough Allan. Really laid into me for 3 days. 2 of which he wouldn’t even look at me. He was short. Would barley say Hi. Yet, Me being who I am still went over there. Was still looking for the love and affection because I was crashing mentally. I just wanted a HUG. I needed love and affirmations from someone anyone and at that point in time it was him. He was the only thing that could have gotten my brain to stop. ***looking back I put myself in to an abusive situation, For him to not say hello or knowledge me as a person. for him to sit in silence and know I was struggling as bad as I was.  I should have got up and walked the fuck out the door. But I didn’t**** THEN IT HAPPENED! Remember that night I felt uncomfortable to tell the truth. Yeah well, I decided to have the conversation with him knowing he would be upset but hoping he would be understanding.  That was not the case that was actually his deal breaker. One lie puts doubt in every truth. That was it. Like I never existed. Nothing I could say or do about it. He was gone like he was never there to begin with. He wouldn’t let me show him. He wouldn’t me prove that that was so far out of character.  Period even of conversation. I hurt. I deleted all of our conversations. I deleted all of his sexy adorable amazing photos that I had spent hours staring at. I tired to not talk to him but I would only make it a few hours. I needed to delete and block him on all social media! I needed him gone. I wanted to stop thinking about him. It’s been 21 days and it still hurts like it did the day he walked away Today is his birthday. I had planned today to be as special as he is. I was really excited to give him his birthday present. He would have loved it! I wanted to see his face light up. I think I hurt because 1. I have never been dumped before. 2. because what I did was so out of character. I don’t lie and everyone I know will tell you I am the most honest and trust worthy person there is. but some how I lost site of that and I ruined the one thing I never wanted to loose. As I said this was short lived but so many take aways! https://youtu.be/aM3yH37ehRI

https://youtu.be/FBd-_gMlXpg https://youtu.be/A4z-vgUjvKg https://youtu.be/WRVohS0JPk0 https://youtu.be/aT_htzkOzHE

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

Centuries

A/N: Welcome back to Tim's disaster, AKA we don't post for months and then get inspiration for one story before dropping off the face of the Earth again! we hope you enjoy this one, though we know it's not everyone's cup of tea, so we'll be skipping the taglist except for those who specifically asked to be tagged!

Warnings: Moceit (Morality/Deceit), Sympathetic Deceit, Discussions about Death

Delta didn't quite understand what happened when he walked out of the shop and ran into a man with barrettes in his hair and a huge smile on his face. He fumbled his new journals and the man immediately rushed over to help him. "Oh, are you okay? You seemed somewhat distracted," he said with a grin.

"I'm...fine," Delta said. Something about this man drew Delta closer. Made him want to know what this new person was like.

"My name's Patton," the man said, tweaking his glasses and sticking his hand out to shake.

"...Delta," Delta said, shaking Patton's hand uncertainly. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

The man laughed, and his smile turned mysterious. "I don't think I've ever met you before, Delta. But you do remind me of a friend."

"Oh," Delta said, frowning. He didn't know what to do with this information. He could have sworn he had met Patton somewhere before.

Patton messed with his hair a bit, taking out some of the barrettes and putting them back in different places. "This might seem out of the blue, but...do you want to get some coffee or something?" he asked.

Delta was taken aback, but something inside him was begging him to say yes. "Sure," Delta said. "I can give you my number?"

"That works!" Patton said agreeably.

They swapped numbers and went their separate ways. Delta had to get to class and Patton had to go to work. But Delta couldn't get Patton off of his mind.

When they went to lunch, they immediately hit it off. Patton was funny, and charming, and always seemed to know the exact right thing to say to make Delta laugh. They agreed to meet again. And again. And again. Soon enough they were going on dates at least once a week, and no matter how stressed Delta was, being with Patton always gave him a certain sense of peace.

When one night, they went out into the middle of a field an hour away from Patton's place to stargaze, Patton shifted uncomfortably. Delta frowned. He had never seen Patton nervous or uncomfortable before. "You okay, Pat?" he asked.

"Yeah," Patton laughed weakly, pulling out his phone. "I just need to tell you something, and I know you probably won't believe me."

"What is it?" Delta asked, stomach flipping uncomfortably. He sincerely hoped that Patton wasn't going to break up with him.

Patton opened the gallery on his phone, and Delta looked at Patton's phone curiously. It was filled with selfies the both of them had taken, once Patton had convinced Delta he didn't mind the birthmark covering half of his face. "This is us, right?" Patton said, pointing to the first picture they had taken together.

"Well, duh," Delta said. "Where are you going with this?"

"Well...this," Patton said, sliding his finger to the left, revealing a photo of a polaroid, with Patton looking exactly the same age as he did in this picture, and an older man with Delta's exact birthmark on his face, "Is also us."

Delta stared in wonder at the phone, taking it gingerly in his hands and observing the photo. Patton slid his finger to the left again and a photo that looked fresh out of the sixties was played. "So is this," Patton said. He swiped again and Delta's jaw dropped as he saw yet another man who looked like him, but in a uniform from World War Two. Patton didn't look a single day older. "And this," Patton said.

"Wh...what is this?" he asked, looking at Patton.

Patton had a slightly bitter smile as he said, "Delta, I'm immortal. And every twenty to thirty years after you die in one life, I fall in love with you in another."

Delta's mind was reeling. He couldn't comprehend that. "I...what? For how long?"

Patton looked up at the stars as he said, "Centuries."

Delta couldn't quite believe it. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea of being alive that long, let alone falling in love with him...more than once. "Why me?" Delta asked.

Patton shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I always recognize you. You always have that birthmark, or a scar, and you look just close enough to your previous self that I know it's you. I've been waiting thirty years to see you again. That polaroid? Was taken the day you died last time."

Delta swallowed, hard. He couldn't believe this. He was shaking, and tears were starting to fall from his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

Patton smiled. "You always find out sooner or later, I figured I'd cut right to the chase this time."

Delta felt something flicker in the back of his mind, a memory that didn't necessarily feel like his, and yet he knew that was the case. "We danced that night," Delta said, frowning and looking at Patton. "I had been sick for a long time, and I used the last of my strength to slow dance with you one last time."

Patton's eyes lit up and grew glassy, and he smiled, completely genuine and yet melancholy too. "Yeah, we did. You went by Deceit a lot back then. It was a nickname that just...stuck."

Another memory struck Delta, and his eyes widened in realization. "You said you'd see me in about thirty years," he said in complete shock and awe. "You waited for me."

"Yeah, I did, Dee. I love you, I always have," Patton said, tears falling. "Even if you haven't always loved me the same."

Delta's heart felt like it might burst, and he moved towards Patton before he could think, kissing him like mad.

Patton's eyes were shocked for a split second before they fluttered closed, and he kissed back. They stayed intertwined even after they broke the kiss, until Delta felt strange. Without warning, his whole body started to glow a bright yellow, and he jumped. "What...?!" he asked.

Patton stared at him, wide-eyed. 'I don't believe it," he breathed. "I mean, I always hoped, but I never thought it would happen!"

"What? You never thought what would happen?!" Delta asked.

"It looks like some of my immortality finally rubbed off on you!" Patton said, tears welling up in his eyes for an entirely different reason. "You're immortal, Delta!"

Delta blinked in shock. Memories were flooding his brain all at once, from past lives spent with Patton, all the way back to the sixteen-hundreds at least, and probably farther. He looked at Patton, and Patton stared back. Delta grinned, and then he laughed, and then he might have cried, just a bit. "My love," he said, "How long have you been trying to break that curse?"

Patton's grin split in two. "Centuries, Dee. If not millenia."

Delta shook his head and kissed Patton again. "Well, thank you. For being able to put up with me not knowing who you were all those years."

Patton hugged Delta tight and said, "You were so close in the eighties, I thought I almost had you. But I didn't mind waiting all this time. After all, it meant that I would get to fall in love with you all over again and again. I grew to look forward to it."

Delta chuckled, shook his head, and looked up at Patton from below his eyelashes. "Now that we're together again, though..." he trailed off. "Are you willing to spend an eternity with me?"

Patton smiled and kissed Delta softly, before parting just enough to murmur an, "Always, my dear."

Taglist: @pendragonqueen09 @rose-gold-roman @do-your-socks-have-holes-in-them @kaioanxiety

#sanders sides fanfiction #moceit #patton sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides #sympathetic deceit #our creations

[akinnie75]

Love; Weakness

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, Slow Burn, Borderline Smut

Word Count: 22.7k

Summary: Jungkook’s dreams died years ago because he was told that he can’t love anything. But all of that is about to change during a coincidental meeting with you.

Warnings: I’m categorizing this as borderline smut because there is one rape scene involved, so be warned.

“Your portrayal of love is annoying”. Those are the words that Jungkook will never forget. It will linger with him for as long as he lives. Even if the years go by and he forgets the face of who said those words, those exact words will be the only thing that will ring true to him. Those words are what provides aid to him on his future endeavors for as long as he lives, and he vows that nothing should and will ever change that. Because to him, he is unable to satisfy his love for others.

It’s the middle of the night, and Jungkook is idly walking alone in a park devoid of life. His phone is ringing nonstop, and every time he checks the caller, it’s one of his hyungs. They are calling and texting him constantly, worried that he have done his usual habit of running off. But he puts his phone on silent, ignoring them in the meantime. For now, he just wants to be alone.

Far away from the eyes of city folks who can possibly identify him, Jungkook feels that it’s safer to take off his hood so he can get a better view of the stars. He sits down at the base of a small, green hill, resting his back against the cold, prickly grass. Normally, he would listen to music, but he isn’t in the mood to be reminded that he’s the face of Korea’s pop culture. Just thinking about music reminds him that he can’t escape his reputation of being an idol.

He wants to be alone—feel alone—to be reminded in this bare park walled by trees and fences that he isn’t an idol, but just another insignificant human. It may be insulting for him to say as there are millions of people who would want to be in his position, but once they actually learn how restricting it is to be an idol, then they’ll understand and want to escape this hell hole as much as he wants to.

His train of thought is broken by a disruption and an odd one at that. Initially, Jungkook heard footsteps at the top of the hill, but right after that, he can hear the sound of someone falling to the ground. The next thing he knows, he sees someone tumbling down the same hill he was just relaxing on, stopping right at the base of it, face down and unmoving. Since the lack of light in this area of the park isn’t helping him in identifying who it is that had just rolled down the hill, he debates whether he should run off in fear his identity might be discovered or to ask if that person is alright. After a short contemplation, he decides that it’s morally right to ask if that person is alright. It’s dark, so that person might not be able to see his face.

Jungkook gets up and approaches the person. Upon closer inspection, based on the figure, the person who fell is a girl, wearing what seems to be a large, black sweater with its hood over her head. She’s wearing basketball shorts and converse, and he thought that it’s a rather strange pair of clothes to be wearing, as he would normally assume that a girl would be wearing something more feminine, but then again, it is late into the night, and comfortable clothes are the best to wear at night.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jungkook asks as he leans forward, reaching his hand out.

“Yea, I’m fine.” You say as you rub the back of your head, raising your head up. Jungkook is surprised that despite you not looking Korean, you’re speaking in Korean. “I wasn’t watching where I was going and…”

You trail off as you gaze at Jungkook. You know immediately who is standing by your side, and based on your wide, shocked eyes, he knew that you know him. He curses under his breath as he pulls his hoodie over his head again.

“J-Jeon Ju-Jungkook…” You mutter quietly to yourself.

He knew it was a bad idea to help you. Because of this careless choice, his identity has been uncovered, and he can no longer return to this park, as you might expose his location to the media and desperately search for him the following days.

Without knowing what else to do, Jungkook stands up straight and turns around to leave when suddenly, you, still sitting on the ground, grab him by the sleeves of his sweater. “J-Jungkook! I...I…”

Your impulsive grab stops Jungkook from escaping. He sighs quietly, having to deal with yet another typical fan, most likely wanting to confess about how much she loves him and how he’s so drop-dead gorgeous. He curves his head down to hear what you have to say, but what he gets catches him off-guard. Instead of screaming, hyperventilating, or laughing, you’re crying. You’re biting the bottom of your lip, sniffing and hiccuping as you stare directly at Jungkook. He can feel your hands shaking as you hold onto the end of his sleeve.

“Jungkook...th-thank you so much. I…I...”

Jungkook gets impatient with you and rolls his eyes. He aggressively pulls his sleeve off of your grip. Seeing this sudden change from Jungkook, you’re shocked by what you see, but Jungkook doesn’t even bat an eye at you.

“Get off of me.”

Not expecting Jungkook to give you this sort of response, you’re staring blankly in front of you as it hits you that Jungkook told you to get off of him. A quick second later, you scoff, wiping the tears away from your eyes, which is not the kind of response Jungkook was expecting.

“Ah ha ha ha...I grabbed you without permission. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, and I grabbed you-”

“I don’t care what you have to say. Just leave me alone.”

Never in another dimension would you have thought Jungkook would be this rude, especially since just moments ago, he was concerned for you. On television shows, he seemed so hilarious and charismatic, but the Jungkook that you see in front of you is not the same person. This Jungkook looks dead in the eyes, not a spec of the Jungkook that you know.

You move away from him, worried that you might’ve mistaken him for Jungkook (though, it is Jungkook). “Sorry, I should really get going now.”

You step away, then proceed to run off in the opposite direction of Jungkook. And just like that, you disappeared as quickly as you appeared. This can be considered as one of Jungkook’s weirdest encounters with a fan. You didn’t scream or didn’t ask for a photo. You thanked him, but he has no idea why. He’s never met you before, but then again, it’s not like he remembers every fan’s face. Feeling like this night is already strange enough, Jungkook decides that it’s best to head back. He doesn’t want the night to get any weirder than it should.

Jungkook accidentally steps on something flat and hard. He looks down to see that he’s stepped on a phone. He picks it up, not recognizing his phone as his, nor has he seen this phone before. He also doesn’t recall seeing it before he got here.

He turns on the phone, and he becomes disgusted to see that the lock screen wallpaper is his own selfie that he uploaded on Twitter a couple days ago. He is aware that fans do take his photos and use it on their own accord, whether it be using it as a wallpaper or converting it to a photo card and selling it for a quick pay, but just seeing it in front of him freaks him out. People he doesn’t know and will never meet use his face as their ‘avatar’ and it somewhat disturbs him.

It doesn’t take him that long to know that this is your phone, and you dropped it by accident. He isn’t sure what to do with it because it isn’t like you two are going to meet again. Still, it feels wrong to leave it on the ground for someone else to potentially steal it. For now, he decides to hold onto it, and he’ll wait for you to call it so you can pick it up.

------

It began with merely an innocent dream of becoming a singer. Jungkook auditioned for BigHit and got in, then he moved from Busan to Seoul, where he would be making his dream a reality. Even though their CEO wants them to focus on their music careers, he also understands the importance of an education. Jungkook was transferred to the School of Performing Arts in Seoul, into a world filled with idols, trainees, and wealthy students.

Jungkook felt intimidated by the various students who also has similar ambitions as him, but he tried to not let it deter him from his goal. Even though Jungkook couldn’t go to school every day, he made sure that during his past time, he would study so that he can use his free time to practice singing and dancing. All he wanted to do is to become famous.

It’s six in the morning, and Jungkook is sitting in the dressing room while the makeup artist pampers his face. He keeps staring at your phone, twisting it around to catch little glimpses of what kind of person you are. Your phone isn’t too poppy in terms of colors, since your phone cover is a simple black color, and the corners of your phone case have scratch marks or have been scraped off, indicating that you’ve dropped this phone dozens of times.

He turns on the phone, and he sees himself again. It’s a selfie that he took really late at night when he thought about how the other members complained to him for the lack of selfies he posted on their social media accounts. He thought that for tonight, he’d so this so it would suffice the thirst of his fans and stop the nagging from his hyungs. He didn’t think too much about it, not really thinking about how people will use it as their face for various other social platforms. Jungkook turns it off again, trying not to think about how creepy it feels for his face to be used for some stranger’s wallpaper.

To get it out of his mind, Jungkook sets the phone down on his lap and takes out his script. About a week ago, their director told them that they’re going to hold a huge project called Behind the Stage, where it’s a month-long filming project where BTS ‘supposedly’ shows the true side to themselves to their fans, which includes their daily schedules, practice hours, and showing their studios for the fifth or sixth time. For something as hypocritical as ‘showing the true side to BTS’, they have a script that limits them to what they have to say. Script does give them some freedom and let them talk freely, but there are some limitations, such as not showing some brands on screen or cursing.

Like many of their recordings, the production team included a set of missions for each member to accomplish before the end of the month, though they haven’t revealed it to them yet. Jungkook dislikes how in everything they do, they have to include a game. For once, he wants to go somewhere where they don’t have to constantly entertain the camera for their fans and just relax.

But besides that, the script is a broad standard of what their schedule will be like for the next month or so. He knows for sure that Jin will show off his two sugar gliders and Namjoon doing a breakdown of his lyrics, so it gives him time to think about what to show to the fans. Jungkook feels like he’s already shown enough of what he wants to show them, so he’s running out of ideas. Should he show the same thing he’s done in previous shows, or should he last minute think of a hobby he picked up but quickly dropped it?

“Jungkook, you have to be on set! Everyone else is waiting for you.” One of the staff members shouts from across the room.

“Okay.”

The makeup artist makes one last correction to his cheekbones, then Jungkook gets up, leaving the script on the table. He nearly forgot about your phone as it almost falls off his lap. He picks it up just in time before it can hit the ground. Jungkook debates whether he should bring it or leave it in the dressing room, but since phones aren’t even allowed on set, he thinks it’s better to leave it here.

------

On the filming set, Jungkook is with the six other members. Since there are finally no cameras on them, they can freely do whatever they want. Many of them are warming up their vocals, while a few others are getting their mics placed on their shirts.

Being the last one on the set, Jungkook has yet to have a mic on him. Normally, he would wait until someone would approach him and put on the mic, but since he’s a little late, the staffs are busy with everything else. It isn’t until the director notices Jungkook. He looks noticeably upset that Jungkook hasn’t been prepared yet.

“Can someone please get a mic on Jungkook??” The director sighs in frustration. “Hey intern! You’re not doing anything, so you do it!”

Jungkook stands idly by myself, hands in his pocket as he waits for the supposed intern to put a mic on him. A young girl runs to him, with the mic equipment in her hands. He pays no attention to her, but for some reason, the girl looks somewhat familiar. Her black sweater, her height, and even her natural scent. He looks down to see that the intern is you. He moves back a little, surprised to see you.

You smile awkwardly, unable to forget your embarrassing introduction with him. “Hi, Jungkook.”

He demands some answers. Why is his stalker here?? How did she get in?? He wants you out, but then he remembers the directing calling you an intern. What are the possibilities that someone who he met last night is the intern?!

“I won’t do anything. Let me put the mic on you, then I’ll leave you alone.” You whisper.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow, but he complies. If it means that you’ll leave him alone, then he’ll do what you say. He raises his chin up, clearing his throat as he finds this situation very uncomfortable. Every so often, he would glance down at you, and you don’t seem to be bothered by this situation.

Once you’re done, you let him know, and you walk off, hidden amongst the crowd of other staff members. He stares at the direction you walked into, curious to know who you are, but then, his train of thought is broken when the director insists that he hurries to the front of their camera to start the recording.

------

Just as it said in the script, each member must accomplish a mission by the end of the month. On the last day of the recording, they are to show their final result. For some of the members, they are rather easy: J-Hope having to cook meals for each member at least three times, Jin watching at least ten horror movies, and V coming up with a new choreography. All of these missions do not make sense, and it seems like some are meant for other members but got mixed up while they were choosing their month-long missions.

For Jungkook, his mission is to “compose a heartfelt song to the ARMYs without the help of the composers,” meaning that he has to write a song from scratch. His older brothers complain that their missions are difficult, but to him, his mission is the hardest. He has written lyrics and edited a few before, but he has never made one from scratch. Even when he did compose music, the producers usually have him revise it a million times, and the end result is still not what he envisioned it to be. In the words of RM, Jungkook doesn’t ‘put himself into the music.’

In the back room, Jungkook is heading back to the makeup table that he was at, and he sees that your phone is still on top of the table. He picks it up, gives it a good glance to double-check that it’s yours, then searches for you to return it. The recording took all day to do because they were doing a behind-the-scenes for their popular Vlive show, BTS Run. The producers gave them a list of games they had to accomplish by the end of the day, which is exhausting having to use all your energy just to try and be entertaining, but he still had to keep his smile up.

With it being late at night, Jungkook and everyone else still has to rehearse for their new song that has yet to be released. The staff is packing up to go home, so he looks for you, making sure that you haven’t gone home yet. He was about to ask the staff members for your location, but then he realized that he never got your name. Not wanting to look like an idiot, he refrained from asking staff members where you are.

He can’t find a trace of you in the building anywhere, so he’s worried that you might’ve gone home already. He curses under his breath, since you’re making it difficult for him to search for you. Since you’re not inside the building, Jungkook looks for you outside. He looks at the front of the building, and you’re not there either.

Jungkook was about to give up when he searches in the back area of the building, only to find you. You’re standing all alone in the center of a dirt field, staring up at the moon. You’re wearing your thick, black sweater, so your hoodie is over your head and your hands are in your pockets. Seeing this scenario, it looks tranquil, you looking up at the moon without a single movement. He almost doesn’t want to interrupt you, but he doesn’t want to be responsible for your phone anymore either.

“Hey.” He calls out to you.

You turn around, and you’re surprised that Jungkook is here. “Oh, good evening.”

Who the hell says ‘good evening’ nowadays? Whatever. Jungkook approaches you and takes out your phone. He shows it to you, and you’re shocked that he has your phone. That’s when you remember that you set Jungkook as your lock screen, so you quickly swipe your phone from him, cheeks blushed.

“I was looking for my phone everywhere. Where did you find it?” You hide your phone in your baggy sweater pocket.

“You dropped it back at the park.”

You’re feeling even more embarrassed having to be reminded of what happened that night. You wish you can re-introduce yourself to Jungkook again instead of that humiliating first introduction.

“So...care to explain everything?”

You look at him, a bit confused with what he means by that. “What do you mean?”

He sighs in frustration, calling you ‘stupid’ in his mind. “How you knew where I was last night, why and how you’re an intern, and why your lockscreen is a picture of me.”

Your face turns red when he mentions your lockscreen. You wish he hadn’t seen that, but it’s already too late. You brush your hair behind your ear, keeping your hoodie over your head to hide your flustered expression.

“I can answer the second question first. I’m an international student studying in film, and Mr. Lumpens was giving out internships, and I was the only one who got accepted.”

He never knew that Lumpens gave out internships, but then again, Jungkook is so busy with his job that he has no time to know what’s going on behind the scenes with the company. BigHit is holding auditions anyways so it would make sense if they’re also holding internships and job opportunities for the next generation as well.

“I started my internship last week, but you never noticed me. And...about last night, I saw you walking out of the building by yourself. I was kind of worried something might happen, so I followed you.”

Jungkook can’t think of anything other than to call you a: “Stalker.”

You make a small yelp under your breath, hoping he didn’t call you that, but he still did. You try to think of ways to redeem yourself, but nothing comes to mind. It feels like every time you meet Jungkook, you just embarrass yourself more and more.

“I have a question for you, Stalker.”

“Hm?”

“I thought my agency doesn’t hire fans, so how the hell did you get the internship?”

From what it seems from last night, you look like a huge fan of BTS, specifically a fan of him. You even have a wallpaper of him on your phone, so there’s no question that you’re not a fan of them.

You look down, trying to be careful with your next response, in case you don’t embarrass yourself again. “I’m not a fan of your band really...I mean, I am, but I’m more of a fan of your production.”

“My production?”

“Golden Closet Films.”

“Oh, you mean that.”

Golden Closet Films is nothing more than a hobby for him, so there’s no reason for you to be a ‘fan’ of his videos. He doesn’t do them because he wants to become a director in the future or anything, but only because he likes to film things that seem cinematic.

“I’m also a fan of Director Lumpens’s work as well. I love how detailed he is with everything he does, the way he establishes a setting in the beginning of his music videos, what kind of world he wants to introduce to the viewers, his use of front, middle, and background lighting. Oh! And also the usage of the eyeliner shot to switch perspectives from a third person to a first person is phenomenal. He doesn’t rely on the usage of dialogue, but more so on the behavior, expressions, and movements of the actors, A.K.A., you guys. He’s also super creative in putting so much information into one scene, especially since he’s limited to three to seven-minute long videos, it’s just so fascinating that I-” You abruptly stop yourself, realizing that you were fangirling over film techniques.

Rather than a fan of his work, you seem to be more of a fan for Lumpens. Why does it dishearten him to learn that your eyes gleam brighter when talking about Lumpens’s work rather than his? It isn’t like he was expecting you to like it, and if anything, he doesn’t want anything to do with you.

“But anyways, thank you for keeping my phone. It must’ve been extra weight that you had to carry.”

“Yea, it was extra weight, so you better appreciate it.”

You smile cheekily, tilting your head a bit childishly. “I should be going back, and you should too. Get some rest because tomorrow is going to be another early day.”

“I don’t need to fucking hear that from an intern!!”

You chuckle. “Okay, sorry.”

You walk away, but with your phone this time. Jungkook watches you walk away, and he curses under his breath. You never answered why you have a picture of Jungkook on your lockscreen. If you’re such a huge of Lumpens, then why is it him on the lockscreen, not of their director? Actually, it’ll be creepy if he thinks about you having a married man on your phone screen...

------

Debut wasn’t the easiest. Jungkook thought that after he and his hyungs debut, they would automatically become successful. But when their first music video came out, they merely got 10,000 views. That may seem like a lot to some people, but compared to other established bands, this is nothing. Jungkook thought that after all their hard work, people would acknowledge it and appreciate them. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the general audience, they can’t see it from their music video, and thus they were swept off of the platform.

That was the first time Jungkook ever doubted his future as a singer, and that’s when that feeling of being lonely really started to eat up Jungkook.

For this particular scene, it’s going to be filmed in their living room. Everyone is sitting in their positions, and the staff members who aren’t in charge of the sound, cameras, or any equipment in general are sitting on the floor, including you. Since you’re still an intern, Lumpens hasn’t given you any hands-on jobs yet. For now, you’re in charge of the extra jobs that others don’t have time to do.

Jungkook and the other members are sitting around the couch and chairs. Suga is introducing their activity for today, which isn’t all that different from your daily lives. After this, Suga, RM, and J-Hope will most likely hide in their studios and won’t come out for days. Jimin’s mission is to film a music video, so he most likely will be out all day looking for inspiration. Jin is going to a meeting to meet with their producer, and V will most likely be in the practice room.

Jungkook doesn’t know what he’s going to do. If anything, he’d like to go to the dance room with V or hang out with Jimin, but since they’ll be working on their missions, their director will most likely want him to do the same too.

In his bedroom, he’s trying to think of inspiration, but his mind draws to nothing. Jungkook taps the end of his pencil to at least start a beat, but still nothing. He groans in frustration as he messes with his hair. He stares at his camera, wondering when he has to start filming himself.  He needs to at least get some footage of himself so that he has enough screen time on the second episode at least.

Right before he is about to press the record button on his camera, he hears a knock on his door. Jungkook sighs, not wanting to be interrupted. He gets up from his seat grudgingly to open the door. And at his door, he’s surprised to see you. When you make eye contact with him, you immediately look away from him, suddenly feeling bashful, but he’s in no mood to meet you.

“Hi, Jungkook. I heard that you’ll be working on your mission, so I just wanted to drop by and drop off some food,” You show him a lunchbox that you bought from the convenience store. “Sorry, I’m not a chef, so I just bought this from the store.”

“How the hell did you get in here?” Jungkook is sure that they made it clear that they didn’t want any of their staffs members anywhere beyond the living room.

You point your thumb to the living room. “V needed someone to help hold the camera while he tries to think of his choreograph. I had some time, so Mr. Lumpens finally gave me the opportunity to shoot something, so I had to take the opp-”

“I don’t need you to tell me the entire story, and I’m not hungry, so take the food away.”

“Oh, sorry,” You bow your head slightly as a way of apologizing. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know.”

You walk away from the door, and Jungkook closes it behind him. He can’t believe that you wasted your time offering him lunch when he could’ve been doing his work. Now that you’ve fully distracted him, Jungkook returns to his chair, clearing his throat so that he can start recording. He leans forward to his camera, pressing the recording button.

“Hello everyone, welcome to my room,” Jungkook begins his introduction. “I didn’t get the chance to clean my room before the recording, so sorry.”

He looks away from the camera, trying to think of other things to say. It’s been a while since he last did a recording in his bedroom, so he feels a little uncomfortable on screen. He spins around in his chair, trying to looks for some sort of inspiration to talk about. That’s when he lays his eyes on his keyboard, so he starts pressing a few keys.

“I’m currently working on the song that’s supposed to be done by the end of the month,” He stares at the corner of his ceiling, cocking his head as he whines a little. “It’s a little difficult starting from scratch. I wish I was like Suga hyung or RM hyung and write songs from the top of my head.”

Jungkook doesn’t even remember why he has a keyboard in his room, he barely knows how to play it. Occasionally he plays a key so when he records his cover songs, he can hit the right note, but that’s about it.

“I hope that by the end of the month, I will write a song that will ARMY really happy.” Jungkook says without even thinking.

“OH MY GOD!!!! YEONTAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!”

Suddenly, your voice from across the living room can be heard from Jungkook’s room. He jumps, not expecting you to scream, but soon after, he grunts with frustration. You ruined his recording, and he has to restart now. Jungkook wants you to have a piece of his mind, so he turns off his camera and barges out of his room.

He marches to the living room where he sees you and V. V has Yeontan by the leash, and you’re on your knees, just dying to hold him. Even from a distance, Jungkook can see your eyes glittering with glee.

“Can I hold him?!” You ask while feeling restless.

V is happy to see anyone excited to see Yeontan, so he gives you permission, taking him off the lease. You put Yeontan on your lap, unable to contain all this happiness in your chest. You pet him on his back and play with his tiny paws, laughing as he tries to lick your nose.

“He’s so cute! You’re so lucky to have a dog as cute as him.”

V crouches down, can’t get his eyes off of Yeontan as his dog plays around with you. “You don’t have any pets?”

“My apartment has a strict no-pets rule, but I do have a German shepard husky back home. Her name is Coco Ono, but we call her Coco for short.”

“Coco Ono?”

“Inspired by John Lennon’s wife, Yoko Ono. Every time my siblings and I watch her performances, Coco always howls with her. It’s really cute. Maybe I can show you a video of her one day.”

V already thinks that it’s cute just thinking about it. He already seems more interested in your dog than you. Yeontan jumps off of your lap, sensing that his owner is thinking about another dog. Feeling inferior, Yeontan stands by V’s leg, wiggling his tag.

You and V finally notice Jungkook, who’s standing at the end of the hallway. You two were so immersed in talking about dogs that you forgot that Jungkook was here too. You get up, cleaning your knees from any dust that was on the ground.

“Oh, Jungkook. I’m so sorry if we were disturbing you.”

“If you ever act unprofessional like this ever again, I’ll report this to Lumpens and have you fired.”

Hearing that threat from him, you feel like a stab to the chest. You can’t respond to him, looking down and feeling ashamed.

“Hey Jungkook, don’t talk to her like that. I was being loud, too, so apologize to her.”

But Jungkook doesn’t care about V’s order. He turns around and returns to his bedroom. He already said what needed to be said. From behind, he can hear V trying to comfort you, but you keep telling him that it’s alright. Soon after, you and V leave the dorm.

------

Jungkook has been stuck in his room all day, trying to write a good enough song. In total, he’s thought of ten different beats and twenty different melodies. Now he’s trying to figure out what fits with what. These only came to him from the top of his head, so he’s trying to fit the puzzle pieces together.

Since he’s been locked up in his room for hours, his stomach is feeling empty. His stomach wouldn’t be quiet about being hungry, and it would distract him from his work. Jungkook sighs, having to waste more time than he needs to, and heads to the kitchen.

They would normally have takeout, so Jungkook can just take something from the fridge and deal with his hyungs yelling at him for eating their food later. If not, he can always heat up some noodles, but he’s getting tired of eating that ten times a day too.

He leans down as he opens the fridge, scouring through the shelves for something to eat. That’s when he sees a familiar lunch tray sitting by itself in the corner. It looks like a full tray of food that hasn’t been touched, so he takes out and notices a sticky note on the lid. It reads:

Just in case you get hungry, Jungkook. - (Y/N)

When Jungkook read the name, he had no idea who it was, until he recognizes the tray. It’s the same tray that you bought for him earlier. He’s a little surprised that you left it in the fridge for him to eat, despite turning you away. You even wrote his name on it, as if you wanted him to eat it, no one else. In his mind, he calls you an idiot because you could’ve given it to V, but it isn’t like he hated that you left it for him.

While heating up the tray, he’s starting to feel bad about what he said to you—threatening to have you fired. He was just irritated because your voice was really loud, and that was the first thing that came to mind. He rubs his hand all over his face in frustration. Why did he have to say that to you?

The microwave beeps once the time limit hit 0:00, and he takes out the warm plate of food. He sets it down on the counter to let it cool down. Next to the tray is the lid with the sticky note still intact. He reads the sticky note again, studying your handwriting, then his eyes trace down to your name.

“...So her name is (Y/N)...”

------

After eating the food, he had this innate desire to go see you. He hopes that you’ll still be at their practice studio with V, and if not, he just made himself look like an idiot for going there for nothing.

While standing in front of their studio, Jungkook sighs, as he doesn’t know what to say when he sees you. V might be there, so it’s a little embarrassing having to say thank you whenever his hyungs are around. He knows that he will never hear the end of it from V, and he’ll tell the other members too. Regardless, he made the trek here, so might as well check now.

Thankfully, you’re still in the practice studio, and V and Yeontan are still there too. Jungkook looks through the window on the door, spying on you two. Instead of dancing, V and Yeontan are sitting on the floor, playing with each other. V doesn’t say a word, but you can tell from his expression that he’s feeling the utmost happiness.

Jungkook sees that your mouth is moving. When he looks closely at you, you’re holding your phone in your hands, facing the camera at V, as if you’re recording him. Curious about what you two are talking about, he opens the door slightly to eavesdrop.

“I think Tannie knows when I’m feeling sad, even when I’m hiding it. I’m really bad at expressing how I feel, and sometimes it rubs off to other people in the wrong way. Even with Tan, I’m not good at expressing how I feel, but with just one look on my face, he knows how I’m feeling, and I love him for that,” He giggles while Yeontan chases after his hand.

“But you and Yeontan don’t live together anymore. Does your love for him fade away the longer you two are apart?”

“Of course not. It only makes our bond stronger. We spent so much time together that it feels weird not to be with each other. So when we finally get to be together, we’ve never felt so happy.”

You can’t help but smile at V’s relationship with Yeontan. You tilt your head while staring at V and Yeontan playing with each other. Their relationship is definitely something to be jealous of. Fans already know how much V loves Yeontan, but not many see the behind the scenes where V expresses his genuine love for him. It’s hard seeing it from a computer screen, but if anyone were to be in the same room as Yeontan and V, you can see the look in V’s eyes that he truly cherishes Yeontan.

Jungkook interrupts the moment by cracking the door open a bit more. You and V are alerted by Jungkook’s appearance, and Yeontan runs towards Jungkook, nibbling on the ends of his shoe. Jungkook crouches down and pets Yeontan on the head.

“What are you doing here, Jungkook? I thought you were working on your song.”

“I needed some fresh air.”

“By coming here?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer back. You stop the recording on your phone, then you get on your feet, since you got what you needed. You put on one strap of your backpack, checking the time on your phone.

“I’m going to be heading back home. Thank you again, V, for letting me interview you.”

“Ah, it’s no problem. And thank you too for helping me with recording the choreograph all day too.”

Still wearing that huge jacket, you pull the hoodie over your head, since the night outside is fairly cold. You walk to the door, acknowledging Jungkook and saying farewell to Yeontan, and head out. Jungkook is a bit confused, looking at V, then back at you.

Yeontan runs back to V, and V plays with him. Jungkook looks annoyed for some reason. V senses the vibe from Jungkook and finally looks up from his dog.

“What’s wrong, Jungkook?”

“Are you just going to let her walk back home on her own?”

“What?”

Jungkook sighs in frustration. “It’s midnight, and you’re going to let a girl walk home alone?? Some weird guy might approach her and force her into his car!”

V doesn’t understand why Jungkook is getting so upset about this. Since when did Jungkook care about you so much? If he remembers earlier today, Jungkook acted like he hated your presence.

Seeing as V looks like he won’t answer, Jungkook groans in frustration. “Are any of our managers still here?”

“Manager Sejin is still here. Why?”

“I’m going to borrow one of the company’s car.” Jungkook runs across the hallway to look for their manager.

“Wait! Why??”

But Jungkook is gone as fast as the speed of lightning. V decides not to call after him, assuming that Jungkook is going to take you back home. V wonders if Jungkook understands the irony of his concern that you might get into some stranger’s car when Jungkook is pretty much a stranger to you, and he’s going to force you to get into the car.

It’s been awhile since the last time Jungkook showed concern for a staff member. Usually, he would be polite only because he doesn’t want to look bad when his hyungs do it. It’s nice to see something fresh in Jungkook’s eyes.

------

You’re walking alone, hands in your sweater pockets while staring up at the starry night. The night looks so beautiful; it makes you not want to look down. Since it’s midnight, there’s not that many people wandering the streets, but you’re fine with that. Sometimes, you have your moments when you like to be left alone to your own thoughts.

You wonder if it seemed like you didn’t want to be in the same room as Jungkook earlier. When he just got to the practice room, you stood up and left. You hope he didn’t see it as that. You just so happened to finish recording V, and you were planning to leave regardless. Jungkook already hates you as it is, and you feel like you’re just making it worse.

While lost in your own thoughts, you see a bright light shining from behind you, hearing the sound of an engine running. You automatically think that it’s a car, but you pay no attention to it. However, when the car slows down next to you, that’s when it starts to concern you. You increase your walking speed, trying to beat the pace of the car.

The driver opens the window, revealing it to be Jungkook. “Hey stalker, slow the fuck down!”

You pull down your hoodie, surprised to see him. Rather, you’re even more surprised to see Jungkook driving. “Jungkook?? What are you doing?”

“Shut up and get in the car.”

“Why?”

“Just get the hell in!”

“U-uhm, okay.”

Jungkook stops the car so that you can get in. You hop into the passenger seat, seat belting yourself. You rest your backpack on your stomach, hugging it close to you. You feel a bit awkward, not knowing what to do since this is so sudden. You knew that Jungkook has a driver’s license, but you never pictured being in the same car as him.

“Geez, you’re so annoying.”

Usually, you’d let Jungkook hammer you with insults, but this time you didn’t do anything, so that insult irked you a little. “Wait, what did I do??”

“Do you not have any common sense?? Everyone knows that it’s dangerous to be walking alone at night. It’s even more annoying that V hyung didn’t have any common sense to take you home either.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.

Though that was meant to offend you, you can’t help but blush a little. Underneath all those mean words, Jungkook was worried about you, so he came to pick you up. You clutch onto your backpack tighter, hoping that Jungkook doesn’t see how embarrassed you look right now.

“Did you drive your car here?”

Jungkook looks at you, eyebrow raised. “How stupid are you? This is the company’s car. I don’t have time to even drive, so I don’t have a car.”

“Oh, sorry.” He didn’t have to call you stupid though. Your head perks up, something hitting you just now. “Wait a minute, then how did you get to the studio?”

“Walk. How else?”

“But didn’t you say that it’s dangerous to be walking around this late at night alone? Like, it’s common sense to not be walking alone.” You’re not saying this because you’re trying to mock him for harking you on that, but you genuinely want to know why he did something so dangerous.

Realizing how hypocritical he sounds for even saying that in the first place, Jungkook blushes. Thankfully, you aren’t making fun of him for not abiding by his words, or even giving him backlash that he called you stupid, even though he’s the bigger idiot.

“But you’re a girl, so you’re prone to being in danger.”

“But you’re an international celebrity. Wouldn’t that expose you to more danger?”

Why do you always know a way to make Jungkook feel tongue-tied? He opens his mouth to say something, but he’s quick to close it when he realizes that he has nothing to say back to you.

Seeing how he won’t answer back to you, you sit back, hugging your backpack once more. “Well...as long as you weren’t put in danger. Besides, I think...you’re kinda cool...for picking me up even though you didn’t have to. So thank you.”

Jungkook turns to you, and although he can’t exactly see your face, he can tell that you’re trying to hide your face behind your backpack. Your face must be flushed with red. Hearing you compliment him and imagining how red your cheeks are almost makes Jungkook want to pull down your backpack to see your blushing face. He’s curious to know how your flustered expression looks like.

Immediately, he slaps that thought out of his head. Why would be want to see your face? You don’t wear makeup and you definitely do not have body of a model. You’re nowhere near his ideal type, and you have no sense of fashion. You’re also socially awkward, and your foreign accent makes it so obvious that you’re not Korean.

...And yet, his heart still tugs just thinking about how cute your face must look right now. He kept thinking about that so much that he forgot to thank you for the meal you left for him.

------

Jungkook’s classmates are always talking about their math teacher, Ms. Kang. She’s fresh out of college, and she’s drop-dead gorgeous. The male classmates are always hovering around her, and the female students always glare at her with envy.  Jungkook, on the other hand, is more focused on training hard so that he and his hyungs can become successful.

“How can you not fall for Ms. Kang??! I would kiss her foot if it means to be with her!”

“Kissing her foot is even a blessing itself.”

Jungkook can see why she attracts so many students to her, but he isn’t interested in her. If anything, she’s too old for him. As of right now, he has no interest in dating or girls in that manner. All he wants to do is work.

“I don’t know. I think she’s really pretty...but I wouldn’t kiss up to her.” Jungkook answers.

“What?! Well, makes sense. You’re like the purest boy we know, which is so weird. At this age, every girl is a possibility for boys. And you claim you’ve never had your first love yet.”

“It’s true!” As much as Jungkook hates to admit it, it really is true. “And I’m not really in the mood for dating right now. I just want to focus on practicing.”

“Whatever you say, goody two-shoes.”

It does make Jungkook wonder though...How do you know if someone is in love with you? He’s never experienced it himself, so he wouldn’t know.

“How do you know if you’re in love?”

“Well, my friend, I think the purest kind of love is when that person notices the small things that others won’t notice. It could be the tiniest of details, and it’s because they’re always looking at your direction. Now, that is when you know you’re in love.”

However, unbeknownst to them, Ms. Kang was already in the classroom. She must’ve heard Jungkook’s conversation with his two classmates because she keeps eyeing them. Thinking that they might get in trouble, they turn away from each other, pretending to be well-behaved students. But Ms. Kang doesn’t say or do anything.

She just keeps staring.

“No...this isn’t right,” Pdogg says.

“But I did what you said last time. What’s wrong with it now?” Jungkook insists on knowing.

In Pdogg’s studio room, Jungkook is sitting across from him. He has just listened to Jungkook’s latest song he created for the show. For the past few days, Jungkook has been giving Pdogg a few of his drafts to see if any of them are acceptable enough to be published during the filming of Behind the Stage. So far Pdogg has turned down every one of his works.

“You’re just regurgitating everything I tell you to do.”

“Isn’t that what you want me to do?”

“No, it’s not. I tell you so that you can create it yourself. If you just copy everything I say, then it’s pretty much a song that I wrote, not you.”

The fans don’t have to know that Pdogg wrote it. Just write it and Jungkook will just plaster his name over it. That way, it’ll just make his life a lot easier. Jungkook wishes he can do that, but the agency is very big on crediting the artist, so that option is impossible.

“Look, your song isn’t bad, but it sounds no different than a generic song played on the radio. A song won’t hit you naturally if you write it just because you have to. Give it some time, you’ll be inspired by something.” He unplugs Jungkook’s USB drive that contained his song and returns it to Jungkook.

Jungkook looks dumbfounded. He did exactly what Pdogg told him to do. How is he still not accepting it? Jungkook wants to get angry at him, but knowing their age difference and having to show respect to him, Jungkook simply thanks him for the advice and exits his studio.

Jungkook sighs, feeling anxious about when that time for his ‘inspiration’ is supposed to show up. He’s worried that his inspiration will come too late, or never come at all. From what it seems, the other members’ missions are flowing very well, as if Jungkook is the only one struggling. They have another shoot to film in a couple of hours, so he has to go to that soon. From what it seems, it looks have he’ll have no time to edit his work tonight.

Jungkook walks across the hall when he hears a familiar voice from the hallway. He peeks his head from the corner and sees their CEO, Bang Sihyuk, talking to an unfamiliar woman. Though Jungkook has never seen the woman before, he can definitely tell that she is beautiful. Her long black hair, pale skin complimenting her red lipstick, and that smile that shows all of her white, straight teeth. Any guy would fall for a woman like her.

But to Jungkook, she looks like any other woman.

The woman notices Jungkook staring at them, and he flinches when he gets caught. Now that he’s been caught staring, he wants to run away, but it’s too late when Mr. Bang notices him too.

“Oh, Jungkook! I didn’t know you were here! It feels so long since I last saw you.” Mr. Bang smiles, excited to see Jungkook.

Jungkook forces a fake and uncomfortable smile as Mr. Bang shakes his hand. It really has been a while since he last saw Mr. Bang; he looks like he lost some weight. Mr. Bang steps aside so Jungkook can see who this woman he’s been talking to.

“This is Sue Chin, and she’s the new head of the casting department.”

“Hello, Jeon Jungkook. I hear a lot of good things about BTS, and it’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Hello.”

“Ms. Chin here is a UCLA graduate, and she has her own experience in the performing arts. It’s been really stressful handling the third Hit It audition, so she’s been helping us. I can definitely tell you that she’s been helpful, alright.”

Sue laughs, looking down as if she’s flattered. “Oh, I didn’t do much.”

Jungkook can tell that Mr. Bang has definitely fallen for her beauty with the way he looks at her. Jungkook looks unimpressed as Mr. Bang continues to shower her with compliments, while Sue pretends to be happy with the flattery.

But what disturbs Jungkook a bit is that while Mr. Bang is complimenting her, Sue’s eyes do not leave Jungkook whatsoever. Occasionally, she’ll look down and smile timidly, but she always looks up at Jungkook. It’s as if she’s already become infatuated with him.

She just keeps staring.

Jungkook feels his chest tightening, and his heart thumping really hard—as if he’s experiencing deja vu at this moment. All he wants now is to leave.

“I have work to do, so it was cool seeing you again, Mr. Bang.”

“Okay, I’ll see you soon, Jungkook! Keep working hard.”

Jungkook waves goodbye to Mr. Bang, flashing a quick smile before leaving. He finally feels like he can breathe again after leaving that room. He didn’t like the vibe that the Sue person was giving, even though he knows nothing about her. Just something about her feels so...familiar. He doesn’t want to think about it for now, and scurries further away from that hall.

In another section of the building, Jungkook sees you from a distance. What’s strange is that you’re pacing back and forth in front of Suga’s Genius Lab. He wants to know why you’re standing in front of Suga’s studio, looking conflicted.

Jungkook decides to approach you without a second thought. “Hey Stalker, are you spying on other people now?”

Your head perks up, and but then your eyes look down, still looking troubled. “Oh, good afternoon, Jungkook.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You’re blushing slightly, a bit embarrassed to tell him why you’re here in the first place. “Uhm, nothing too special. What about you?”

“What I’m doing here has nothing to do with you. Don’t brush off my question.”

“...It’s kind of embarrass-”

“Tell me.”

“I want to ask Suga if I can record him playing the piano.”

What? “What the hell? Why?”

You knew his reaction would be exactly that. “I know it’s really weird to ask him, especially since I’m in no position because I’m just an intern, but I really want to record him playing the piano. It’s okay though...Actually when I think about it, it’s a really dumb question.”

You didn’t even try, and you’re already defeated. Jungkook creases his eyebrows, not enjoying that expression you have on your face right now. He can already tell that you’re the type to chicken out real quick, and he hates to see that.

Without even asking, Jungkook rings Suga’s doorbell, and you look frantic, unable to believe that he just did that. “Wh-what are you doing?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you and waits for Suga to open the door. He knows the passcode to his studio, but it feels like it’s more polite to ask him before entering. Suga doesn’t answer the door immediately, assuming that he might have his headphones on and blasting music in his eardrums.

Jungkook rings the doorbell a second time, and after a few seconds, Suga finally opens the door. He opens just a little, but not enough where you two can fit in. Without the usual makeup, Suga’s eye bags look really obvious, as if he hasn’t slept for weeks. His hair is a mess, and he looks has he hasn’t see daylight in days. Judging by how he opened the door without flashing a smile or even a greeting, he’s probably grouchy.

Unphased by his intimidating looks, Jungkook points his thumb to you. “She wants to record you playing the piano.”

However, instead of answering, Suga stares at you, making you feel nervous. Unfortunately, Suga doesn’t bother saying a word and just closes the door on you two. You’re disappointed that he didn’t comply, but then again, you somewhat expected it. Jungkook already knew that Suga was going to decline, but he still wanted to give it a try.

Jungkook looks from the corner of his eyes and sees how bothered you are by Suga’s rejection. There’s a mix of emotions that he’s feeling right now. He doesn’t like seeing your disappointed face, but he also didn’t like how Suga just rejected her straight-up. What’s with it with his hyungs and not treating you properly? ...If I were them, I’d take care of yo- Jungkook cuts himself off, making him embarrassed that he even thought of that.

Jungkook rustles with your hair, and you jumped, not expecting him to touch you like that so suddenly. “You know, you’re always ugly, but you’re uglier when you look distressed.”

You aren’t quite sure whether he’s trying to insult you or cheer you up. It sounds like a mixture of both.

“Suga hyung is always pushing people away like that whenever he’s in the middle of composing music. I’m pretty sure once he’s done, he’ll give you the chance to record him.”

Now you know that Jungkook’s just trying to cheer you up. You smile, feeling the temperature of your cheeks rising. Jungkook sees how you’ve brightened up, and he feels something in his chest. It’s not the same feeling he had when he met Sue. He doesn’t feel disgusted when he sees you smile, but he feels...giddy?

“Okay, I’ll take note of that.”

------

In the lobby on the second floor of the building, you’re sitting on a chair, and Jungkook returns from the vending machine with two drinks. One is a Cola for himself, and another is a fizzy orange juice. Since you’re spacing out, he tries to get your attention by putting the cold drink to your cheek.

“Eep!” You yelp.

Jungkook wants to laugh at your reaction, but he tries to contain it. He shows you the drink he bought for you, and you take it, a bit confused why he’s giving it to you in the first place.

“You didn’t have to buy me something…”

“But I already wasted my money on it, so take it.”

“O-oh, okay. I’ll pay you back.”

Jungkook glares at you. “I didn’t give this to you so that you owe me a favor.”

“Okay…”

Jungkook pops open his soda, taking a huge gulp of it. Meanwhile, you haven’t opened yours yet. You’re just spacing out.

“Why did you need to record Suga hyung?”

“Hm?”

“It was the same for V hyung that night too. You were recording him on your phone. Did it have something to do with the Behind the Stage show?”

“Oh, no. It’s just a personal thing I’m working on.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow, needing more information.

“It’s...a project I’m working on.”

“Which is…??” Jungkook keeps trying to press forward.

“Uhm...it’s a bit embarrassing.”

Jungkook groans and twirls his head in frustration. “Stop saying that it’s embarrassing and just tell me.”

“Okay…” You laugh nervously. “Uhm...I’m working on a project I call ‘Love; Weakness.’”

“Love Weakness?”

“Yea. ‘Love’, semicolon, ‘Weakness.’”

Jungkook still looks confused. Seeing as he doesn’t understand, you can already feeling yourself cringing at your own title. Saying it out loud sounds dumber than reading it on paper.

“I don’t know if you know this, but if you search up the word ‘love’ in the thesaurus website, one of the synonyms for it is the word ‘weakness.’”

Really? Jungkook didn’t know, and what are you doing on the thesaurus website too?

“It’s not a direct synonym, but I still thought it was fairly strange that weakness is one of the synonyms for love. When I click on the link to the synonyms for weakness, another word that stood out for me is the word ‘vulnerability.’”

You lean back, circling your index finger around the ring of the soda can.

“So I thought, ‘is this website trying to tell me that feeling love is a sign of weakness?’ I didn’t think that was right.”

Weakness is a synonym for love? When Jungkook thinks about it, it is true. He thinks that being in love with someone or something is rather weak. You end up becoming desperate for their love, and you feel like you can’t live without them. You expose your vulnerable side to them, and they can use that to their advantage. Jungkook finds that unnecessary and gets in the way with work.

“But while looking through more words that fall under weakness, there was another word, ‘fondness.’”

Jungkook is alerted by this.

“And that’s when it hit me: love doesn’t necessarily mean that you are weak, but weak for what makes you love it, hence a ‘fondness’ for it. You build a relationship through that bond, making it more firm as time goes on. You may fall weak to Yeontan’s cuteness, but your fondness for him makes your relationship stronger. That’s what I’m trying to get out of this project.”

It makes sense why you were recording Yeontan and V playing around, even possibly interviewing him. You were trying to get a snippet of V’s bond with his pet.

“That’s also why I wanted to record Suga playing the piano. There’s something about his lack of expression that shows...an array or expressions when he plays the piano. Does that make sense? You can see from the movements of his fingertips and that complete focus on only the piano keys that he truly loves music.” You smile just imagining that. “But if he doesn’t want to show it, then it’s fine. After all, I’m just a student, and he’s a professional musician.”

You stand up. Putting the can of soda in your large sweater pocket. You give Jungkook a smile as you check the time on your phone. When he gets a quick glance of your lockscreen, he sees that you still haven’t changed your wallpaper; it’s still a selfie of Jungkook.

“I have to go now. One of the staffs is having me help with the sound editing team. Well, mostly just serving them drinks and watching what they’re doing. I won’t be on set this time.”

There’s this sense of displeasure when Jungkook heard that. You’ve been on set since day one, but now you won’t be there. It isn’t like you two even talk on set, and if anything, Jungkook intentionally ignores you. But having you not actually be there makes him feel...empty.

Even after you’re gone from the room, it leaves Jungkook thinking about what you just said. ‘Being weak to love doesn’t mean showing your vulnerable side, but how fond you are with it,’ you tell him. As strong of an opinion you have with that, Jungkook can’t help but disagree with you. There is a reason why ‘vulnerability’ is under the same category as ‘weakness’ in the first place.

------

No matter how much Jungkook studies, he just doesn’t quite understand. Why is it that Jungkook is always failing his math tests? He made sure that he asked his hyungs, the tutors, everyone to help him with math. He did every step that everyone told him to do, and when he thinks he’s finally confident, he fails a test.

“Hey, can I see your test score too?” Jungkook leans over to a fellow classmate.

“What? No! What are you trying to do, show off that you got a better score??”

“No! I failed my test. I just want to check our answers.”

His classmate still doesn’t seem convinced by that. But still, his classmate gives him his test paper, and Jungkook looks at every question. There were a few that they both got wrong, a few others where they were both right.

However, one pattern he spotted that was quite odd is that even for the ones that Jungkook got right, Ms. Kang marked them as wrong. Majority of the answers that were marked as incorrect are actually right. Jungkook keeps looking back and forth between his paper and his classmate’s paper. She marked only the incorrect ones for him.

“That’s odd. Ms. Kang even took off points for the ones I got right.”

“Whoa, really?”

Jungkook is annoyed by this. He asks for his classmate’s previous test papers so he can compare. Just like the most recent test, Ms. Kang marked many of his math problems as wrong, even though he got them right. However, she doesn’t make a single mistake for his classmate’s paper.

“That’s really weird. Maybe it’s because she’s still new that she’s making all these mistakes.”

Jungkook doesn’t find that as a reliable excuse. She went to college for a reason, so she should learn at least the basics of high school math.

“Maybe you gotta talk to her about this.”

“Yea, I will, but not anytime soon because we’re going to shoot another music video right after school.”

“Ohhh!! That’s right, Mr. Jeon-I’m-starting-to-become-popular-Jungkook! How does it feel finally getting some recognition?”

“It’s good...but I honestly don’t feel any different.”

“What are you talking about? You got thousands of girls fawning for you now! Geez, I think any guy would want to be in your position.”

His classmate says that, but Jungkook doesn't see his fans in that light. Jungkook truly appreciates all of the fans that care and support them. He would never hook up with a fan; he’d like to take the time to sit down and get to know them. He loves all of his fans.

“Anyways, you gotta get that checked man before you fail. Plus, you get some quality time with Ms. Kang.” his classmate nudges his arm.

Jungkook walks out of his bedroom like a zombie, barely picking up his feet. He can feel his exhaustion creeping up to him after staying up all night composing the song. In the living room, he sees you, Jimin, and V are together, hanging out. V asked you again to help him film for his choreograph and has asked Jimin for help about dancing. In exchange, Jimin is asking V for advice on camera work, since he has to make a music video. He could ask Jungkook for advice, but lately, Jungkook has been busy with his own mission, so he doesn’t want to bother him.

When you see Jungkook heading to the kitchen, your face brightens up. “Oh! Good morning, Jungkook!”

You wave your arm to Jungkook, but he doesn’t wave back. He’s too tired that he doesn’t even have the energy to raise his hand. Also, when did you become close to Jimin and V? It isn’t unusual for Jimin and V to become close with the staff, regardless if they’re male or female, but why you? You’re still an intern. Jungkook doesn't know why, but he doesn’t like seeing you with them.

“Ohhhh, Jungkook! You look very dead, and it’s just the morning.” Jimin teases Jungkook.

But Jungkook isn’t in the mood to answer. He simply nods to Jimin’s remarks. While Jimin and V are used to seeing Jungkook looking this exhausted, they don’t pay much attention and continue their conversation about dancing and cameras. You, on the other hand, are concerned about him.

“Jungkook? Are you okay? Do you need some coffee?” You asked in a worried tone.

Jungkook ignores you, then drags his feet back to his bedroom after grabbing a can of Cola. He closes the door behind him, and you’re left unanswered.

“It’s okay, leave him be. He gets like that when he’s stressed.”

“It’s better not to talk to him when he’s in that mood. His anger gets to him sometimes.” V added.

Although Jimin and V warned you, you still can’t help but be concerned. You’re aware that being an idol takes up a person’s life, but this is the first time you’re seeing it. At least, you’d like to know if Jungkook is alright.

------

Jungkook can feel his eyes becoming heavy. He gulped down the entire can of soda, but the caffeine isn’t helping him stay up. He’s sitting in front of his computer, stumped on writing his song, but also struggling to stay focused. He keeps blinking, and it becomes more difficult for him to keep his eyes open. He leans back in his chair, rubbing his hands up and down his face to wake himself up.

Even though he closed the door, he can hear your voice, along with Jimin’s and V’s. His hyungs’ voices are the loudest, while you talk in a more calming voice. He wants to know what you three are talking about. Though the wall muzzles your voice, Jungkook can still hear it, and it’s somewhat soothing.

Even though Jungkook always sounds angry with you, you never once raised your voice. You always spoke in that calm tone. If he can remember, the last time you raised your voice was his first encounter with you. You weren’t mad at him or anything, but rather, you were surprised to see him. Instead of getting angry, you thanked him, but he doesn’t know why you thanked him. He never met you before, so what did he do to deserve that thanks?

When he looks at his past conversations with you, you’re alway thanking and complimenting him. However, Jungkook always mouthed foul words at you. There were so many times when he wanted to thank you, but the words never came out. He never got the chance to thank you.While listening to his two older hyungs and you talk, Jungkook’s eyes start to close.

------

Jungkook is awaken by the sound of his phone ringing nonstop. It’s the ringtone for Kakaotalk, and it won’t stop ringing. It starts to annoy him, so he decides to check to see who’s spamming him. However, when he sees the innumerable amount of unknown numbers texting him, Jungkook is alarmed. His inbox is filled with countless of messages that reads:

I love you Jungkook-oppa! 💕

Is this really Jungkook’s ID?

Hi, Jungkook!!! 💞✨😄😁😙😭

Are you really Jungkook from BTS?

Omg, im actually crying

Hi Jungkook! Been a fan of BTS since I Need U era and I just want to say…

Jungkook learns quickly that all of these numbers are his fans, but how did they get access to his Kakao ID? There are hundreds of fans who are texting him all at once, making it impossible for him to block every one of these fans. He starts to get anxious, trying to figure out a way to delete all of them as well as figure out how they got his ID.

Jungkook stands up from his chair, about to go out and ask one of their managers to handle this, but due to his hasty nature, Jungkook accidentally drops his phone right on top of his computer keyboard. Jungkook tries to pick up his phone, but his fingers also hits a few of the keys while he tried to catch it.

But as he grabbed it, he didn’t realize that he had accidentally pressed a couple of keys together that would delete everything on his USB drive—the same drive that contained all of his work for the song he was composing. During that midst of silence (with the exception of his text tone going off every millisecond), Jungkook’s jaw dropped, unable to believe that he had just accidentally wiped clean of weeks worth of work just like that.

Finally, panic sets in, and Jungkook scavenges for his files anywhere on his computer. He looks through every folder in the USB, looking through his files explorer, his downloads, even his recycle bin. But he can’t find it anywhere. He can feel his sweat starting to form on his forehead upon the realization that he actually deleted all of his work in mere seconds.

Weeks of sleepless nights working on the song and continuous rejection from their producer down the drain just like that. While rustling with his hair in frustration, the ringing from his phone won’t stop; fans are still messaging him by the moment, telling him they love and support him. He glares down at his noisy phone, the source of his troubles. This is their fault.

In a fit of rage, Jungkook grabs his phone and throws it across the room, shouting to release all of his anger from within. He threw it so hard that the corner of his phone made a hole in the wall, but he doesn’t care. Jungkook flips his piano keyboard over, crashing to the floor, and he throws his figurines and papers everywhere.

During his tantrum, his phone is still ringing, fans still dropping by and leaving thousands of text messages. The sound of his phone only increase his temper, so he runs to his wall and begins punching it. He punches his hand repeatedly against the wall that it starts to scrape his knuckles. His knuckles start to turn red and sore from the repeatedly blows, creating a dent.

Hearing all of this commotion from the living room, you—who had been left behind by Jimin and V so they can make a quick trip to the convenience store to buy ramen—run to Jungkook’s bedroom, swinging his door open to see his room a mess. You see him in the corner of his room, punching his wall, so you leapt over the papers and items on the floor to reach him.

You pull his arm away from the wall. “Jungkook! What are you doing?? Stop it!”

“I fucking hate my fans! All they ever do is fucking ruin my life!”

He remembers all the times when fans were being disrespectful: grabbing his hair and shirt just to get a chance to touch him, pushing and chasing after him in the airport, and even started a petition to kick him out of BTS.

But he thinks the worst thing about his fans is that majority of his fans only like him because of his looks. They don’t really care about him, only his looks. No one really cares what he’s like inside, not even his own fans. This is exactly why Jungkook hates being an idol.

“Don’t ever say that about your fans!” You blurt out. “You don’t really mean that! Think about all the times when the fans loved and supported you—the times when you felt the most alone, and they were there for you!”

Jungkook turns to you, unwilling to listen to you. That right, he thought, you’re a fan of me too. Jungkook jerks his arm off of you.

“You’re only saying that because you’re a fan of me too. I offended you, too Isn’t that right?”

A bit shocked that he said that, you froze in spot. He knew it—he hit it directly in the center. All this time when you showed him care, it was only because you think of him as a celebrity; you see him merely as Jeon Jungkook from BTS.

“Get the fuck away from me. Your face is annoying me.” Jungkook says right before he leaves.

He leaves you alone in his bedroom, and you’re left feeling confused. What had happened to make him throw a fit this violent? Something must’ve happened for him to get this upset.

You look around the room, and all you can hear is the sound of a text tone constantly going off. You look through the piles of paper and novelties on the floor, and you find Jungkook’s phone and the millions of text messages that he’s getting from his fans.

------

It’s eleven o’clock in the evening, and he’s been out all day. Luckily, they didn’t have anything particularly important to do today, and RM, J-Hope, and Suga were going to be in today’s episode only. It felt nice he got to be alone without his phone because this time, there were no distractions. His hyungs and managers aren’t texting/calling him, and he doesn’t have to read messages from his fans. He just got to be alone.

Even though he was alone, you kept popping up in his head. The last expression he saw from you was a look of hurt. He knew that his words stabbed you right in the heart because in a way, he was directly talking to you too. You’ve always had a high tolerance when his insults were directly towards you, but this time, it seemed like you took it to heart.

At the front of Jungkook’s apartment complex, sitting right outside of the lobby is you. When you sit there alone, you really do look like a stalker. What the hell are you doing here so late at night? Not only that, but it’s chilly outside. He can tell that you’re really cold because you’re all balled up, and your hands are in your pockets.

Not wanting to approach you, but also not having any other way to get around you, Jungkook grudgingly pulls his feet to the lobby entrance. Just as he predicted, you noticed him, so you stand up and run to him.

“Jungkook! Are you okay?”

“You know, you really look like a stalker just sitting there.”

You ignore his remarks, waiting for him to answer you back.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Don’t you have your internship shit you have to worry about?”

“It’s okay, that’s my own problem that I can deal with later.” You brushed it off rather quickly.

You show Jungkook his phone that he left behind. You kept it warm in your sweater pocket, making sure that the cold temperature doesn’t affect it in any way.

“I figured out how they got your ID,” You start off. “Someone hacked into your account and released it. I think it was a fan.”

How did she find out about that? Jungkook wonders if you actually spent the whole day tracking down the person responsible for the leak.

“It took a while, but I was able to have someone relay the information to the company, so the hacker should get a warning from BigHit, but I’m not sure.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. You spent the whole day just doing this for him. But why though? Why sacrifice the possibility of losing your internship for someone as ignorant as Jungkook? Why are you so nice to him?

“I didn’t ask you to solve this for me. The fans would’ve figured this out and sent a mass email to the head of my agency about this anyway.” He walks past you so he can get to the entrance door.

“I know you didn’t ask me to do this, but...I wasn’t the one who discovered it first.”

Jungkook pauses.

“Jungkook, it was your fans who solved this, way before I ever did. I learned about this situation from them, and they emailed your company, but since they were emails from fans, they didn’t think too much about it. So I wanted to help some sort of help and at least gather all of the emails and the evidence that they sent to make it easier for them to read,” You smile, proud of the fans who took the time to do all this. “I just wanted to tell you this.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you. He’s speechless by the works of his fans, like he didn’t really expect them to do what they always say they would. He was just joking about fans dealing with this first.

“So...please take back what you said about your fans. They really do care for you because you’ve helped them in ways that other people couldn’t.”

He looks at you, and you look so desperate, as if you really want him to forgive the fans who messages you as well as thank the ones who helped. Of course, looking at the situation like this, Jungkook can’t help but feel appreciative. Plus, the fans who did text meant no harm. After all, he was the one who panicked and accidentally deleted all of his work.

It reminds him of the time when he and his band hardly had any fans, and receiving fan letters was the best thing in the world. Reading a letter from a fan meant that there were really people who acknowledged that they’re alive. He even remembers the time when a fan sent him a basket of fruits, and he was so delighted that he didn’t want to share any with his hyungs. Jungkook can never forget those moments.

“Alright...I was wrong to say that I hate them. I was just upset at the moment.” Jungkook realized that he can never truly hate his fans. After all, many of them stayed by their side, so he should do them a favor and stay with them as well.

There’s a glimmer of hope in your eyes, happy to see that Jungkook’s faith in his fans hasn’t completely been wiped away. You were worried that because they have so many fans, they would only see them as numbers, not individual people.

You can’t help smile, and your cheeks start to turn red. This isn’t really something to be happy about because Jungkook’s information still got hacked, meaning that the hacker found his email and phone number. But seeing how Jungkook forgave them, you can’t hide how happy you are.

There it is again, that look on your face that has been tugging on Jungkook’s chest lately. He hates seeing you smile, not because he thinks you look ugly when you smile, but because he feels undeserving of it. He’s been nothing but crude to you, and in return, you give him kindness. He can never understand you and why you’re so nice to him. It makes him feel guilty...but he wants more of it.

Jungkook pulls you towards him. You fall in his chest, and you can feel his heart thumping really fast. He wraps his arms around you, hugging you tightly so you can feel his warmth. You’re surprised by this, your face turning to a tomato, but you don’t reject him either. Jungkook feels more at ease, having you in his arms like this. It’s as if all of his troubles is gone when you’re around. With this silent but heartfelt embrace, he can confirm that he’s fallen for you.

“...I…”

Do you really think you can satisfy another girl?

Suddenly, a flashback runs through his memories—a memory that he made sure that he forgot. Jungkook pushes you away out of the blue, and you don’t know what’s going on. Without a warning, Jungkook runs into the lobby, leaving you all alone by the front of the entrance door. You don’t know what that hug was for, and you don’t know why he pushed you away like that.

------

In the elevator, Jungkook leans against the wall opposite of the door. He slides down, falling to his knees as he realized that he likes you, but he doesn’t want to. He curls up into a ball, covering his ears as a waterfall of unwanted memories return to him.

“I never liked you.”

“You started to become boring, so I moved on.”

“With the way you are right now, no one will ever want to be with you.”

“Remember this when you continue to pursue your career: no one will truthfully love you because you’re Jeon Jungkook from BTS.”

But the one thing that he can never forget—the one that will forever be embedded in his memories is that one sentence: your portrayal of love is annoying. That’s right...Jungkook can never love someone, can he? Jungkook can never satisfy your needs, because he’s unable to love, just like what that person told him. You being with him would only bring you tragedy. You’ll eventually become annoyed of him, then you’ll leave him too.

His phone rings suddenly, and it’s a text message. It’s not from Kakaotalk, but from normal text app. It’s from an unknown number. But when he see the name in the message, he knew immediately who this is.

Hi, Jungkook. This is Sue Kim, the new head of the casting department. I heard from Mr. Bang about your information being leaked. I’m so sorry about what happened. If there’s anything you need, don’t be afraid to come to me if you ever need someone to comfort you. - Sue Kim.

Jungkook knows what she means by ‘comfort’. No one ever says that to a stranger unless they want to get in bed with them. He knows that...but he still returns the text to her. If there is one thing that he can satisfy people with, it’s ‘that’. Jungkook is too filthy to be with someone like you.

Thank you. I’ll come to you whenever I need someone by my side.

------

Jungkook enters the classroom, peeking his head in first to see if Ms. Kang is in here. She’s the only one in the classroom, so he enters. She takes notice of him, and she looks delighted to see him. She stands up from her chair, but not saying a word.

“Jungkook, is there a reason why you’re here?”

“Uh, yes. I wanted to talk about my test scores.”

‘It’s about time,’ Jungkook hears her mumble, but he pays no attention to that, as he must’ve imagined that. Ms. Kang pulls out a chair from a nearby desk, and she pats the seat of it, signaling him to sit.

“Sit down. This talk might take a while.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook obliges and sits down.  Ms. Kang doesn’t sit down, but instead stands in front of him. That’s when Jungkook sees that she’s wearing a rather provocatively short skirt.

“I noticed that a lot of my test scores have a lot of incorrect marks, but I got most of the questions right. I checked with one of my classmates, and it seems like you’ve accidentally gave me the wrong incorrections.”

Jungkook is trying to explain, but it seems like Ms. Kang isn’t even listening. She just keeps breathing heavily while staring at him. Actually, not directly at Jungkook’s face...but more down.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Jungkook. I didn’t mean for that to happen but...I’ve already put your test scores down in the system, and I can’t undo it. However, I can give you extra credit to make up for my mistakes.”

Ms. Kang walks behind Jungkook, and it sounds like she’s taking out a piece of cloth. She takes Jungkook by the hands, making him flinch. “Ms. Kang, what are you doing?”

“Just trust me. You’ll like this.”

She puts both of Jungkook’s hands together, then ties them together. When he realized that Ms. Kang tied his hands behind the chair, Jungkook struggles to get them off, but then he stops fighting when he sees that Ms. Kang is taking off her underwear right in front of him.

Face red, Jungkook turns away. “M-Ms. Kang, what are you doing?! Let me go!”

“What’s wrong? I’m just trying to help you.”

Ms. Kang unbuttons her shirt, exposing her chest, but Jungkook dares not to look. He doesn’t know if this is actually happening, or if this is a dream, but all he knows is that he wants to get out of this situation. Jungkook wants to scream for help, but he’s so frightened that his voice won’t come out.

Ms. Kang gets on his lap, and Jungkook jumps from fright. His head is still turned away, but Ms. Kang forces his head to look at her bare chest. This is the first time Jungkook has ever seen breasts before. Suddenly, Ms. Kang puts her hand on Jungkook’s thigh, moving it up to his pelvic area, followed by her hand moving back and forth to entice it.

Jungkook doesn’t like this, but his body is reacting differently. He hates this, and he wants to throw up. He didn’t come here for this. Jungkook starts to cry, not wanting to do this with his math teacher.

“Ms. Kang…please stop it...I’m scared.”

But instead of stopping, Jungkook’s scared expression only excites her more. She tilts her head to the side, her red lips curling up to form a lustful grin.

She leans close to Jungkook’s ear to whisper something. “Jungkook, my innocent, precious student, what you’re feeling isn’t fear, but desire. You want more from me. You’re craving for me, too, and you just don’t know it. It’s not fear but love. Believe me, because after all, I’m your teacher, and I’m teaching you right now.”

Is that true? Jungkook wouldn’t know...he’s never been in love before. Could he be mistaking this feeling of terror for love?

“Jungkook...I’m tired of teaching a bunch of thirsty students. They’re all so immature, and that’s why I love you. You’re always working hard to achieve your goals, never looking at me like those brainless boys. You’re much more mature than they are, and it makes me want to have a piece of that. Jungkook, I love you, so give me all of you.”

Once she feels like Jungkook is ready, she unzips his pants and spreads her legs.

“You must’ve been feeling alone after you became an idol, right? Let me fill that void for you.” She whispers one more time before tainting him.

How did she know that he was lonely? Jungkook heard from his classmates that you’re truly in love with another person if they notice the small thing about you. He made sure that no one knew that he was feeling lonely. So if Ms. Kang noticed that, then does that mean that she really loves him? If that is so, then his innocent mind thinks that it’s better if he returns the feelings.

But...if that’s what he thinks, then why does he feel like he disappointed his hyungs, his family, his friends, his fans, and most of all—himself?

“Did you hear what happened to Jungkook?” One staff member whispers to another.

“About the Kakaotalk thing?”

“Yea! That was crazy, wasn’t it?”

“It was. Poor Jungkook, he had to deal with his fans annoying him.”

Two staff members are talking to each other while organizing the different outfits on the shelf. You’re helping as well, folding them neatly and making sure that there aren’t any creases. You wish you can tell them that Jungkook doesn’t think of his fans like that.

What happened that night was definitely strange, but what’s stranger is that after that, Jungkook completely cut ties with you. He stopped acknowledging you completely. Whenever you greet him, he ignores you, walking off as if you weren’t in the room. You don’t know what you could’ve done to make him do that.

“(Y/N)?” A staff member calls out to you.

“Oh, yes?”

“Do you think you can get us the clothes from the next room too?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The woman thanks you, and you head out of the room, heading to the room right next to this one. While on your way there, you hear an all too familiar voice talking across the hall. It’s Jungkook’s voice, and he’s speaking with a woman. You stop to listen as their voices get louder, passing through the halls perpendicular to you.

You see Jungkook and Sue walking with each other, and they’re smiling. Sue is clinging onto Jungkook’s arm. You’re feeling this ache in your chest when you see Jungkook smiling—something he’s never done with you. Jungkook looks so happy with Sue, but when he’s with you, he looks miserable.

Because you’re standing there, taken aback by the scene, Jungkook catches you staring. You both make eye contact for a brief moment, and you debate whether or not you should greet him. But before you can, Jungkook returns his gaze to Sue, continuing his conversation with her. You can feel your heart drop when he looked away as if you two have never met before. Your throat chokes up and you try to hold back on your tears, heading to the room to get the rest of the clothes.

Jungkook keeps looking back, but every time he does, you’re not there. He wonders if you saw him with Sue, which you most likely did because you two make eye contact.

Because Jungkook’s attention isn’t on Sue, Sue tugs on his arm in a cutesy manner, pursing her bottom lip up to form a sulking expression. “Jungkook, where are you looking? I’m right here.”

Jungkook grudgingly returns his gaze to Sue, who’s smile returns once all of his attention is back to her. He hates how clingy she is, and how this middle-aged woman is trying to act like she’s young again. He dislikes this situation he put himself into, being stuck with a woman who wants nothing more than his body.

But he prefers this than to be with you because Jungkook knows that he’s not capable of loving you. He would rather have himself spiral down a rabbit hole filled with greed and lust rather than to have you stuck with him and be miserable for making that choice. Once you learn about his weak side, you’ll no longer want to be with him, and that’s what he doesn’t want.

Sue wraps her arms around Jungkook’s tighter, having his elbow feel the side of her breast. She keeps looking down at his body with desire, then she raises her gaze up at Jungkook’s handsome, structured face. “You know, I’m free tonight. We can do something if you like.”

Jungkook looks at her, knowing exactly what she means by that. “Okay.”

Jungkook doesn’t know what brought him to say that. Perhaps it’s because no matter how many times he tries to forget about you, you always pop up in his mind, and he wants to forget about you.

Your kindness is not what he deserves.

Every time he’s with Sue, his guilty conscious always returns to you. And yet, he’s trying to move away from the feelings he has with you by being with a woman who doesn’t even love him.

------

In the hotel room, Sue pushes Jungkook against the wall, kissing him passionately on the lips. Sue has her arms all around Jungkook, but he leaves his arms hanging lifelessly as she caresses him. She undoes her bun, letting her long hair fall down, and she takes Jungkook’s hands and places them on her waist.

She pulls back, breathing heavily. “You know, from the moment I saw you, I was wondering how you’re like in bed.”

He’s not surprised she thought like that. Sue unbuttons Jungkook’s shirt, exposing his chest and abdomen to her. She smiles once she laid eyes on his body, impatient to know how it’ll feel like when she touches them. Jungkook and Sue head to the bed, where Sue pushes him down first. She takes off her clothes, only to be wearing her black bra and underwear.

Sue climbs on top of him, kissing his neck repeatedly while he looks away, unphased by her moans and kisses. He keeps staring at the clock that’s hanging on the wall, time ticking slowly. He doesn’t know why he’s here, or why he’s letting Sue do this to him when he isn’t even enjoying it. This is not the first time he’s done it, but it isn’t like he has enough experience either. He lets Sue take the lead, which she gladly decides to do so.

Sue’s hand rests on Jungkook’s chest, and it traces down to abdomen. She begins to rub at Jungkook’s privates while she kisses Jungkook all over his mouth. However, when Jungkook feels her rubbing his bulge, he is immediately struck with a sense of familiarity—one that he chooses not to remember:

That one afternoon after school, in that empty classroom filled with nothing but the orange color of the sun. There is not a single sound in that room except for his math teacher’s moans and Jungkook’s cries. He kept his eyes shut, biting his bottom lip. He couldn’t cry for help because he was so deathly scared of getting in trouble. The only words ever echoed in that classroom was from Ms. Kang—her repeated I love you’s as she moved up and down.

Jungkook couldn’t comprehend, but he knew that this was going to be a secret between him and his teacher. Even after the deed was done, Ms. Kang still told him how much she loved him. Jungkook, convinced that what he experienced wasn’t fear, but romantic feelings towards his teacher, can only nod. He can only assume that he and Ms. Kang has started a scandalous relationship.

But...despite her repeated confession, not once has Ms. Kang actually showed him affection.

Feeling that familiar, disgusting feeling he once had in high school resurfacing, Jungkook pushes Sue off of him. Catching her off guard, Sue falls to the ground. She looks at Jungkook, surprised and annoyed as to why Jungkook did that.

“Jungkook, what-”

“Don’t call me by my name!” Jungkook blurts out.

Sue stands up while Jungkook sits up, hiding his face beneath his hands. She leans over to touch Jungkook’s hand.

“Honey, what’s gotten into you?”

Hearing her call him ‘honey’ disgusts him. Jungkook wants to throw up just hearing that nickname. Jungkook whacks her hand away from him.

“GO AWAY! Don’t contact me ever again. If you try to talk to me after this, I’m going to file a complaint.”

Feeling disrespected, Sue scoffs at Jungkook. She grabs her clothes on the ground and puts it on. She glares at Jungkook, feeling as though she’s the victim because Jungkook led her on.

“I thought you were better than that. Turns out that you’re no different from other men.” Sue says just to get under his skin. “I only wanted to have sex with you anyways because you were famous. I never liked you.”

Even though Jungkook never developed feelings for Sue, her words still stung. Just being reminded that he is nothing more than a toy, it hurts. This is exactly why he’s tired of being an idol. He’s nothing more than an action figure to be played with, a figure seen on TV to be advertised and bought. The light will never shine on who Jungkook really is.

Everywhere that Sue touched starts to tingle, as if her germs are drilling themselves into his skin, and he feels dirty. He tries to scratch her germs off of him, but no matter how hard he tries, it feels like it’ll never go away. Her germs have become imprinted into his skin, and it’ll never come off.

Wanting to be cleansed of this filth, Jungkook can only think of you.

------

Ever since that day, Jungkook and Ms. Kang have been meeting up secretly to have sex. Jungkook never initiates the moves though—it was always Ms. Kang. The first couple of times, Jungkook felt so disgusting doing something as dirty and forbidden as this, but after a while, he was able to convince himself that this is what he should like. If Ms. Kang loves him like she says she does, then he should return the favor. As her boyfriend, Jungkook should learn how to treat her right.

But as time went on, Jungkook and Ms. Kang started seeing each other less and less. Every time he goes to meet her, Ms. Kang is always telling him that she’s busy correcting papers or tutoring. Being the understandable person that he is, Jungkook believed her and gave her space. But it started to become normal for Ms. Kang to brush Jungkook aside, and Jungkook started to become worried that it might be because he’s not treating her right.

Jungkook started asking for advice from his friends on how to treat a girlfriend. He did everything they told him to do, but it never seemed to satisfied Ms. Kang. He would always compliment her looks help her whenever she needed it, and even went out his way to buy her flowers. Nothing worked, and he’s left questioning what he can do.

“A heartfelt letter?” Jungkook asks.

“Yea, I’m pretty sure she’ll like it.” Namjoon tells him. “For some things, it’s hard to express it through speech, so I think it’s better to write it down and tell her how you truly feel.”

Jungkook had asked Namjoon for advice. He didn’t tell him that it’s his teacher he’s trying to appease but did say that it’s a girl from school. Since Namjoon is very good at writing lyrics, Jungkook asked him for help, and he’s one of the few hyungs who knows how to keep a secret.

“Tell me how it goes. I hope she accepts your confession.” Namjoon smiles, rooting for him.

Jungkook smiles, thinking that this might be it.

It took him a while to write a whole paper-worth for Ms. Kang, but he did it. What he wrote might be a bit cheesy, but he thinks that he might get his feelings across to his teacher with this letter. All he has to do now is give it to her.

One day after school, Jungkook is standing in front of Ms. Kang’s classroom. His heart is thumping like crazy, unsure of whether or not this will work. It’s been awhile since he and Ms. Kang had a conversation, so he might feel a bit uncomfortable coming to her and confessing his feelings. However, Jungkook won’t know anything if he doesn’t do anything, so he opens the door.

What he sees in front of him shocks him. Ms Kang is there, but there’s a male student there too. The student is tied to a chair, and Ms. Kang is on his lap. This feels all too familiar, and Jungkook can feel his legs become weak. He can barely hold the letter in his hand. Fearing that they might get in trouble, Ms. Kang unties the student’s hands from the chair to let him escape. With the student gone, Ms. Kang looks frustrated, crossing her arms.

“What do you want?”

Jungkook shakes his head, trying to get the image of Ms. Kang climbing another student out of his mind “I-I just wanted to talk to you.”

With his fingers feeling weak, barely holding onto the paper in his hands now, raises the letter that he worked on to show his teacher.

“I know you’ve been busy with grading and everything for us to see each other...so I thought that it’d be better if I wrote you a letter, and you can read it whenever you have time.”

Ms. Kang doesn’t respond whatsoever. She approaches Jungkook, the sound of her heels echoing the classroom. She takes the letter from Jungkook’s hand, and instead of reading—or even glancing at it—Ms. Kang rips it into pieces. Jungkook heart drops, seeing the letter he put all of his feeling down being torn as if it’s nothing meaningful.

“Since you’re not getting the hints I’m trying to give you, I’ll spell it out for you,” Ms. Kang drops the torn pieces of Jungkook’s letter to the floor. “You started to become boring, so I moved on.”

Jungkook eyes widen, but Ms. Kang scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t act so surprised.  It was all because you’re an up and rising celebrity, and I wanted to know how it feels like to do it with one.” She says so frankly and emotionlessly.

Ms. Kang leans closer to Jungkook, poking his shoulder with her index finger.

“You really thought we were in a relationship? Get your head out of fantasyland and learn that romance doesn’t work so dream-like.”

Jungkook bottom lip starts to tremble, having a difficult time swallowing Ms. Kang’s words. “...W-was it because I didn’t treat you right? I-I can change. I’ll do whatever you say to make things work out. Just…”

Just don’t tell me that you never loved me.

Ms. Kang bursts into laughter. “Wow! You’re really delusional, you know that? Are you really that dumb? Our relationship was nothing more than physical, but you were so innocent that you didn’t want to believe that. You knew all this time that I never liked you. Jungkook, your portrayal of love is annoying. And with the way you are right now, no one will ever want to be with you.”

Ms. Kang leans close to Jungkook’s ear to whisper something.

“Remember this when you continue to pursue your career: no one will truthfully love you for you, but because you’re Jeon Jungkook from BTS. You threw away your real self the moment you signed your contract to become an idol, so forget about ever finding a lover who’ll really love you.”

Ms. Kang moves away from Jungkook, exiting the classroom to get space from him. Jungkook doesn’t know how to react; he can only look down at his trembling hands. He sees his tears landing on the palms of his hands. Jungkook knew that Ms. Kang didn’t like him, but he wanted to believe that true love is real. She broke that illusion. It never existed in the first place, and those are the words that Jungkook will never forget.

It will linger with him for as long as he lives. Even if the years go by and he forgets the face of who said those words, those exact words will be the only thing that will ring true to him. Those words are what provides aid to him on his future endeavours for as long as he lives, and he vows that nothing should and will ever change that. Because to him, he is unable to satisfy his love for others.

Jungkook is walking around the empty section of the park by himself. After canceling their hotel room, Jungkook can’t bring himself to return home, so he went to the park to clear his mind. He looks up at the sky, staring at every single star, wishing that one of them and come flying down and crush him for his sins.

Jungkook finds an isolated playground, and he’s never seen it before. Maybe it’s because it’s in a hidden part of the park, so he never found it. He goes ahead and sits on one of the rusty swings. His feet pushes him back and forth, wanting nothing more than to become forgotten just like this playground. Jungkook regrets ever coming to Seoul to become an idol. He wish he stayed in Busan, become another one of those faceless people doing everyday activities. Why couldn’t he just given up on his dreams earlier in life?

However, he isn’t alone. He can hear the sound of the playground’s sand crunching. Jungkook looks up and is shocked to see you, standing in front of him. Jungkook has no idea how you knew he was here, but whatever the reason, he’s so happy to see you.

“I thought I’d see you here. V told me to look for you, and I had a feeling that I should go here first.”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything, but he only looks down with a stoic expression. Even from this, you can sense that something is not right about Jungkook, like he’s feeling more down than usual.

“I have an idea. Let’s go somewhere.”

------

You and Jungkook leave the convenient store with a grocery bag filled with candy and snacks. Of all places, he didn’t expect you to take him to a convenient store. It almost makes him somewhat disappointed that out of everywhere, you chose this place.

“I can’t believe you actually wanted to come here.” Jungkook says with a monotone voice.

“What? It has almost everything you need, and for pretty cheap too! It’s called a ‘convenient’ store for a reason,” As much as you let Jungkook’s insults slide, you’re not letting this one off so easily. “Back in my home country, our convenient stores aren’t as cool as the ones here, so I kind of go here often.”

He remembers the time when you bought him a meal from this store and left it in the fridge for him. You really do love stores like these.

“Plus, my grandma told me that eating sweets helps you take out the bitterness in your body.” You hand Jungkook a chocolate bar.

Jungkook takes the chocolate bar, though he wonders what kind of adult would still believe in that. That’s something that grandmothers tell their five-year-old grandchildren. But still, Jungkook is no different, so he unwraps the bar and takes a bite out of it.

Jungkook notices that when you talk about your family, it always seems like life was perfect for you. It makes him feel a little jealous because he left his parents at a young age, and he rarely talks to them on the phone either.

“Must be nice.”

“What is?”

“To be close to your family like that.”

“What? Oh…” You look away, feeling slightly distraught. “I wouldn’t call it that. I haven’t seen or spoken to them in four years.”

Jungkook is surprised.

“Yea, they didn’t approve of me going to Korea to study film. Actually, they were never supportive of me studying film in general. They wanted me to become a doctor or something that makes a lot of money. They told me that I was going to be unsuccessful and become homeless, and I do, they won’t help me because they already warned me...I guess you can say that before I left, our relationship was unsteady.”

For someone who’s so laid-back and talks about their family, your family isn’t as caring as you make them to be. That might explain why his insulting words mean nothing to you, which makes Jungkook feel bad for always being mean.

“But at some point, I got tired of holding a grudge against them, and I started to feel a bit lonely. I was in a foreign country that I knew very little of its language, and I had no one to turn to. So, I guess you can say that this film project I’m working on is in hopes that my family sees it.”

“...To let them know that you can become successful?”

You shake your head. “Just to let them know that I’m doing alright.”

Jungkook wishes that he can think like you, just to let things go so easily so it wouldn’t eat him up like this. He wishes he can move on from what happened in the past and look forward to the future like you.

Speaking of films, Jungkook does recall that you once mentioned that you like this videos, but you never got around to answering it. “You know, you never explained to me why you like G. C. F.”

“Huh? Oh…” You feel a bit embarrassed telling him though. “It’s nothing too big…”

“Just tell me.”

“Well...I like the simplicity of it,” You start off. “How do I explain it…? I think...when you film, it’s because you’re not trying to get some deep meaning out of anything, but to remember it as a piece of memory. It’s so raw...so real. It makes me forget that you’re all celebrities—that you’re no different from us.”

Jungkook didn’t think of his videos in that sense, but he still finds your interpretation of it interesting.

“You all are so comfortable in your videos that…I felt like I was looking at a clip of a friend’s memory. During those the first year here, I felt so alone, and I had no one. There was this gnawing feeling in my chest when I felt homesick, and it was horrible. I regretted leaving my family for a career as risky as filming, I felt alone, but I was too shy to talk to other people, and at some point, I hated filming.”

You turn to Jungkook with a gleeful, yet gentle smile.

“But it changed when I found your video. It was so calming and friendly, and I haven’t felt that ever since I left. Just hearing you and the other members laughing and having a fun time made me feel happy, like as long as you were happy, then I was alright. I told myself that if I ever saw you, then I would thank you. So...thank you...for pulling me through the hardest time in my life.”

Remembering those nights when you were either insomniac or cried yourself to sleep was common, or when you tried to call home, but your parents ignore your calls. It drove you insane, but you knew your parents did that on purpose to push you to that limit and have you return. You just felt so disconnected from the world and that there was no way for you to return.

But just one video from Jungkook was enough to make you forget all of that. It didn’t have to be a high-produced video for it to express how passionate it is. It reminded you of why you love to film in the first place; it returned you to the path that you walking on. That’s why your theme is ‘Love; Weakness’, because you’re returning to your roots and pursue what you see as love in the purest form.

You were supposed to be the one to comfort Jungkook, and here you are, crying your eyes out. Jungkook doesn’t know what you went through, but he can feel empathetic. He knows how it feels like to be alone in a new place without your family and having to grow up on your own. Jungkook saw himself in you, and maybe that’s why he was so rough with you.

His past was eating him so much that he once forgot about that young boy who dreamed of becoming a singer, but that teacher took it all away from him. She took away his innocence and brainwashed him into thinking that what they were doing was right, then turned it against him by making it his fault for infatuating her.

“It’s so weird though...when I first met you, I wanted it to be professional only, but I wanted to get to know more about you. And then at some point, I think I started liking you…”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat when you confessed. His heart stopped for a moment, then it began to beat rapidly. Rather than feeling excited to hear your confession, he felt guilty. Even though you give him nothing but affection, he’s been doing nothing but treating you wrong. He did all of it with the purpose of pushing you away because he felt like he doesn’t deserve you, but it still ended up the way it is.

You’re unaware that Jungkook just tried to sleep with Sue, and you don’t know how filthy Jungkook is. You know nothing of it, and yet you still like him.

“Don’t say that when you don’t know anything about me.” Jungkook huffs out.

You’re surprised Jungkook said that.

“You only like the Jungkook you saw in those videos, right? You don’t like the one who’s offscreen, the one who’s aggressive and hard to get along with. You only let it off so easily when I insulted you because I’m the one that you like from those videos, right?”

You open your mouth to say something, but you close it.

“It’s better if you don’t talk to me anymore.”

His warning stabs you right in the heart. You didn’t expect him to accept your confession, but you didn’t expect him to say that either.

“But...you’re still the same person.” You whimper out.

“Would you still like me, knowing that I purposely started talking to Sue just to hurt you?” Jungkook says. “Earlier, I went out just so I can have sex with Sue.”

You’re absolutely speechless. Just moments before you met him, he was with Sue to sleep with her. Hearing that hurts you more than knowing that Jungkook won’t accept your feelings.

“None of it is your fault, it’s all me. You saw how I treated you, right? I’m broken in the head, and I don’t think I’ll ever be fixed. I won’t be able to reciprocate your feelings, and I don’t think I ever will. The way I portray love is...annoying,” He echoes Ms. Kang’s words, but then he gives you a painful smile. “So (Y/N)...don't chase after me anymore, alright? You’ll just waste your time.”

Jungkook reaches out to touch you, but then he pulls himself back. He’s worried that he’ll taint you with all the sins that he’s committed. Instead, he walks away, leaving you with the bag of candy that you two bought. You thought about running after him, but you can’t bring yourself to. Your heart hurts hearing that he had sex with Sue, but he looks like he’s in more pain.

Jungkook felt like what he did was right. It’s better that you rip yourself away from idolizing Jungkook and find someone who’s better. Even if this is his last meeting with you or if you grow to hate him, Jungkook never regretted meeting you. All he hopes now is that you find that happiness you’ve been looking for.

------

A month has gone by since the first time Jungkook met you. The filming for Behind the Stage has ended, and Jungkook was the only member who failed his mission. In the end, he couldn’t write a heartfelt song for his fans.

Lumpens had you transferred to another agency with him to work on another idol’s music video. Jungkook thought that meant that you and him will never see each other again, but he was wrong. Even though you’ve been transferred, you still come by to the main building, waiting for Jungkook to talk to him.

Unfortunately, every time Jungkook sees you leaning against a building, waiting for him across the street, he would take the back door. He’d expected you to give up within a few days, but it’s already been weeks, and you’re still out there, waiting for him.

Today as well, Jungkook sees you from the sixth story floor that you’re outside, waiting for him. Your hands are in your pockets, sighing as the frosty night is getting to you. Thankfully, you’re wearing your thick sweater so you wouldn’t fall ill. Still, Jungkook is worried that you will get sick because it seems like you’ve been spending all your free time just waiting by the front building.

RM spots Jungkook leaning over the window, so he gets close to him and pats him on the back. “We’re heading back to the apartment now. You coming?”

“Yea.” Jungkook replies, not taking his eyes off of you.

Curious to what he’s staring at, Namjoon looks out the window and sees you. “She’s still there? She’s got some will power, or she’s a stalker. Do you want me to call the police on her for harassment or something?”

“No!” Jungkook blurts out. “She would never…”

“Then why not talk to her?”

“T-talk? No...I can’t bring myself to talk to her...especially after the way I treated her.”

“But running away from her won’t solve anything either.”

Jungkook knows that, but what does he say to you after pushing you around, then kissing you? “I know that, but approaching her will only encourage her. It’s better if she grows tired of me and move on.”

RM has never really spoken to you, but he knows enough that you spend a lot of time with Jungkook. There’s also V too, but V did once mention that you talk about Jungkook too much. It’s annoying having to see two stubborn people refusing to move from their spot.

RM pats Jungkook on the shoulder, sighing. “If you really do care about her, then how about give her some closure at least? Let her know how you truly feel, then let her respond.”

RM wishes him good luck, then he leaves the room. Jungkook looks out the window again, watching as you wait for him to come out the door. The last time he told a girl how he felt, she ripped his letter to pieces and made him scared to like another person ever again. You two are completely different people, but there’s still that fear lurking behind him that you’ll do the same.

Jungkook considers about confronting you one last time, end things once and for all. RM’s right; he can’t leave you hanging like that without giving you some sort of closure. Jungkook will tell you to leave, and that’ll be the end of it.

------

Your feet are starting to hurt because you’ve been standing outside for a few hours. You don’t want to go on your phone, afraid that if you’re on your phone, you’ll miss Jungkook. Though, it isn’t as if Jungkook has been going in and out of through the front. You’re starting to wonder if you’re even waiting at the right building, or if Jungkook will ever show up. But after a few days thinking about what happened that night, you were able to put your thoughts together, and you want to tell Jungkook everything.

“You know, you really live up to your nickname, Stalker.” You hear a familiar voice next to you.

You turn to the side, and you see Jungkook. He doesn’t look excited to talk to you, but he also looks like he doesn’t look like he’s unwilling to talk to you either.

You get off from the building, standing straight when you see him. “Jungkook! I have something to tell you.”

------

At the park that you two have been together twice already, you and Jungkook are sitting at the same swing set where you confessed your feelings and Jungkook tried to reject you. You both aren’t looking at each other, but down at the cold sand under this dark sky.

“You said that you had something to tell me, right? Go ahead and start.” Jungkook thinks that it’s better that he goes second and lets you say what you have to say.

“...I’ve thought a lot about what you said to me, about what you and Sue. So I asked her about it.”

“You WHAT?!”

“She said you two didn’t go all the way. Is that true?”

Jungkook doesn’t have anything to say to you. He can’t believe you actually confronted Sue about it, and he also can’t believe that she told you the truth as well. You stare at him intently for an answer.

Jungkook sighs. “No, we didn’t.”

You sigh in relief. But why are you so relieved? It isn’t like Jungkook is a virgin anymore either.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Why do you want to know the details?”

“Answer my question, please.”

“No, I won’t tell you. This is dumb.”

Jungkook gets up and tries to leave, but then you grab him by the sleeve. “No! I won’t let you leave until you answer my question!”

“Let me go!”

“No! You told me that you won’t be able to return my feelings, but why?? Is it because of Sue?? Do you not like me?? Why do you think you’re annoying??”

“Stop it!”

“No!! Jungkook, I won’t leave you until you answer me-”

“It’s because I’m scared!”

Jungkook stops struggling, and you stare at him, surprised and confused at  the same time. You loosen your grip around his arm, and Jungkook looks down in shame and embarrassment.

“I did so many stupid things in the past that I can’t forgive myself. I was used by my own teacher so that I can satisfy her needs. She told me that she loved me, and I...I believed her because I was naive. I thought that just because you tell someone you love them, then it’s only the right thing to return the feelings back to her too, right?? No, I was wrong.”

All this pent-up emotions is leaking out of Jungkook, and he can’t stop. He’s hid this from everyone—his hyungs, friends, family—because he was so ashamed of himself. He thought that it was better to keep it a secret and never let this come out.

But it only made Jungkook’s mental state deteriorate. Hiding it rather than facing it only made him feel small, insignificant, and really fucking stupid. He had more physical strength than Ms. Kang, and yet he didn’t fight her off. He hates himself for not stopping the mess that he created, and he hates it even more that you have to learn about the ugly side to him.

“You know what she said to me?? She said that I’m...annoying. And (Y/N), I don’t know how it feels like to be loved, but I think with you, I might finally know how it feels.”

Jungkook can no longer hide his tears anymore. His vision becomes blurry from all the tears falling down. All he can think right is how much he hates himself and how he wished he can redo the past. Maybe if he hadn’t let Ms. Kang do what she did, then you and Jungkook might have a chance at a normal relationship.

But he knows that he can’t, and he’s scared that you and he won’t have a happy ending. Jungkook is just meant to never have a bad ending.

“But...I’m scared...I’m scared that you’ll also tell me that I’m annoying, that I’m boring...that I’m delusional. I’m so terrified that if I show you my vulnerable side, you’ll leave me.”

Jungkook continues to sob. Just in that instance, he finally admitted something he’d hidden for years. He was manipulated by his own teacher, but he put all the blame on himself. Jungkook thought that he’s the reason why his teacher said all those things to him. He was scared that if he told others about this, then more people will leave him.

He blamed himself all these years, and he convinced himself that what his teacher told him is the truth. Jungkook said all those mean things to you because he wanted to build a wall before he can get hurt again. That’s why Jungkook said that he can’t reciprocate his feelings, because he’s scared that the past will repeat itself.

You put both of your hands on his cheeks, tiptoeing as you close your eyes, pressing your lips softly on Jungkook’s. His eyes widen and he’s frozen, trying to register what you just did. But you did this only because you want to have Jungkook confirm for himself that you aren’t lying that you like him.

You pull yourself back, blushing as you aren’t experienced in kissing, but you still hope that Jungkook understands you through that if words can’t. “How would you know that I’d leave without even trying?”

You move back to give Jungkook space.

“Jungkook, I’m not that woman, nor am I Sue. My reasons for liking you is different from theirs. But I understand...maybe right now would be too fast for you. I can’t promise you that I’ll leave you right now, but if you give me time, then I’ll prove it to you. I won’t ever leave you like that.”

Jungkook can’t bring himself to say anything. All he can do is sob as he leans down, pressing his forehead on your shoulder.

“I’m filthy, you know? I’ve done things that I regret doing...things that made me become this broken shell of a human.”

You smile, combing his hair with your hand. “Well, if you’re broken, then give me the opportunity to put you back together.”

“But I’ve already been broken so many times. Putting me back together only means that I’ll break easier.”

“Then I’ll just be more careful. I’ll keep fixing you until you can finally stand on you own. I don’t care how long it takes.”

Hearing you give him words of comfort—something that he desired for so long, scares him to death. What if there’s that possibility that your words mean nothing, and you’re just using him? What if you’re no different from Sue and Ms. Kang?

But all the while, it gives him hope that maybe Ms. Kang might be wrong. Maybe there is someone out there willing to learn and understand him, someone who doesn’t look at him with greedy eyes.

Jungkook holds onto you as he starts to sob. You wrap your arms around him, letting him release all the stress he’s hidden so well. He feels like all the weight on his shoulders have been uplifted, like he can be free from his burdens. Maybe with you, Jungkook has a chance of experiencing nothing but an authentic relationship. You two don’t have to date, as long as you’re by Jungkook’s side, then that’s all that matters.

“(Y/N)...can I trust you?” Jungkook tries to say in between his sobs.

“Of course!”

He continues to cry, promising that he’ll give the world to you. Someone like you deserves everything. You gave him that chance to conquer his fears, and in return, he’ll repay you for everything you’ve done for him. One day, Jungkook will tell you that he loves you with ease, not being scared of holding you like how you’re holding him right now, and no longer doubt you.

------

Epilogue

There once was a young boy who aspired to become a singer. He traveled to the big cities to make his dreams a reality, and it did. But what comes with dreams also comes with reality. The young boy learned how to dance, come out of his shell, and become a well-rounded performer, but he also learned loneliness, betrayal, and hopelessness.

His career did not start off well. He trained for years for this only to be ignored because he wasn’t famous enough. He became obsessed with work, working alone during his free time, and never having enough time to make friends. He struggled with his own challenges all by himself. That was the first time he experienced loneliness.

One day, an older woman saw those three flaws in his eyes and used it to her advantage. She casted a lustful spell on him and used him whenever she desired. But she grew tired of him, and thus, replaced him with something stronger and better. That was the first time he experienced betrayal.

He wandered through life aimlessly without a goal, letting time moving forward to allow it to eat him up. But then, he met a woman who changed his worldview. She didn’t do anything spectacular, as she was on a journey to discover herself as well. He started falling in love with her, but then he told himself that he could never make someone as special as her happy. He knew from the beginning that he has nothing to contribute to her. That was the first time he experienced hopelessness.

But that woman didn’t give up. She healed him of his lifelong wounds, though it was not easy. There were times when the young boy doubted himself and pushed her away, but she still remained. There were challenges they had to overcome, but they still stood by each other’s sides. She gave him everything that he once lost, and even though it took a long time, the young boy can finally experience a happy ending.

It’s a start of a new season, and Spring has finally arrived. All of the flowers have bloomed, and the sun shines brightly over the world. The sounds of the busy street filled with people bustling through their everyday lives and cars getting from one point to another. The city is always busy like this, and it’s a great place for opportunities to unfold.

But for you, you don’t live there anymore. The toxic air hovering around the city is too toxic for you and your husband. Though people came there for success, they also came for greed. There were times when the sun shined bright like today, but many days were cloudy from the industrial smoke.

Despite that, that is also where you met people who changed your life. The city life changed you forever, and you finally decide to settle in the outskirts. You knew from the very beginning that you want to spend your last days not in the city, but with your husband.

In the hospital, you’re walking down the hall, holding a small pile of papers, an outdated laptop, and a USB drive. Because you look like a fragile, old lady, many nurses often asked if you needed help, but you always declined their offer. You’re much stronger than they think you are. Besides, it would be embarrassing to come visit your husband with a nurse assisting you.

You find the room where your husband is staying in, and you open the door to find him reading a book and wearing his reading glasses. He’s reading that same book that the leader of his band wrote decades ago about self-care and self-love, but it’s one of his favorite books, and he can never put it down.

He sees you enter the room, and he smiles. “Oh, I wasn’t expecting you to come here again.”

“I wasn’t planning to come, but while cleaning out our attic, I found a few things that I think you’d like to see again.”

You walk to him, turning on the laptop.

“Oh goodness, I haven’t seen a dinosaur this old in such a long time.” He cringes at it.

You smile as you put in the password that you still surprisingly remember, despite your old age. You insert the USB in, and a tab file opens up.

“Let’s see if I remember how to use this…”

You open up the only folder in the USB, and in there sits only two files. There’s a video file and a song file, but they’re both called ‘Love; Weakness’.

“Is this what I think it is?”

“It’s my college project and your final draft of your first published song. I didn’t know you still kept the files.”

“Oh geez, it’s been decades since I last saw this. I can’t remember what it feels like again to be twenty and with healthy muscles.” He lets out a weak laughter.

You laugh with him. “But I still think you’re a strong man. Let’s watch these before we show our kids.”

Jungkook agrees to watching and listening to them. You click on the video, and it starts to play. The video has the song file with the same name played over it. Jungkook remembers that he never completed that one mission to compose a song, and it bothered him that he couldn’t. So he worked on and thus came out with this song in the folder. Even though he hasn’t heard this song in years, Jungkook can still the passion he put into it for his fans. They have long since moved on from him. They either passed away, or they’re living a life of their own.

But there has been one fan who stood by his side for majority of his life, and that fan eventually became his girlfriend, who he proposed and thus became his wife. They shared their whole life with each other, having kids who then built a life of their own.

The video shows clips of each individual member, V with his dog, Suga playing the piano, Jimin and J-Hope dancing, Jin singing, and RM composing music. All of these hyungs have contributed in his life, and he will never forget what they’ve done to help him.

But at the end of the video the music stops, and it’s a clip of Jungkook filming you as you two are star gazing at the park.

“Oh god, I remember this.” You turn away, feeling embarrassed.

“Wait, don’t film me!”

You say in the video.

“But I want to capture this moment and have you remember this forever.”

“Then I’m going to cover my ears!”

“Then I’ll say it as loudly as I can. (Y/N), I really, reeeeally love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever bring myself to love another person as much as you. Since you helped me with so much, then I’m going to return the favor to make sure that every single day, I’ll express how much I love you. From this point on and til the end, my feelings for you won’t day from this day forward.”

Even after decades of being married, that still embarrasses you. “Oh goodness, you were such a cheesy kid back then.”

But the Jungkook in that video lied in the last part. His feelings for you didn’t remain the same, he ended up loving you even more. Even after fifty years of being married, it felt like every day, he fell in love with you more and more. He never got tired of you, and when the day comes for his last breath, he will still not feel tired of you. Jungkook will never express how much you changed his life and how much he’s grown to love you this strongly.

Even his Jungkook closes his eyes forever in this moment, and you are the last thing that he sees, he wouldn’t mind. Because in the end, you proved him wrong. You did end up staying with him for his entire life.

The End

A/N: Thank you to everyone who read this until the end, especially since Jungkook was a real butthole lol. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and as always, don’t be afraid to message me if you have anything to say!

Masterlist

#bts scenarios #bangtan scenarios #bts #bangtan #bangtan seonyeondan #jungkook #bts jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic #fanfiction #oneshot #fluff #bts fluff #long reads #angst #smut #reader #x reader #jeon jungkook #romance #slow burn #kpop

[solastia]

Faith | 6

Chapters:  [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Word Count: 2,600 (short, but good)

Genre & Warnings: Angst, fluff. Smut free chapter. 

Notes: One more official chapter left. Maybe a Namjoon POV if y’all want it. I might be able to be talked into drabbles if you’re nice. 

Silence. 

That’s all you’d heard from Namjoon for the past week. He wasn’t answering the calls or texts you’d sent, although you knew that he’d at least read them. There hadn’t been any sightings of him on the gossip channels either. It was like he’d disappeared, but you knew he was probably at his Mom’s or the hotel. You’d considered trying to stop by the room, but you’d envisioned horrible enough scenarios to talk yourself out of that. You also knew that appearing at his Mom’s when even his family didn’t know about Faith would just make the situation worse. So you backed off. You knew he’d come to talk to you when he was ready. 

Still, the waiting was not easy. 

Even knowing that Namjoon would never do something like snatch Faith away, you still thanked the powers that be for you having a job in a daycare where you were able to keep an eye on her at all times. Even if Namjoon himself wouldn’t do it, there were still plenty of people around him that very well could. 

You were so upset with yourself. All of this could have been avoided if you had been less of a coward and trusted him a little more. At the same time, you were still a little happy he’d gotten to fulfill his dream and live his little rich and famous lifestyle without baggage. At least now, if he forgave you at least, you’d be able to go forward without worrying about him thinking he’d missed out on anything.

You sigh wearily, reminding yourself to buck up and focus on work. Snacktime was not a good time for self-reflection. 

“Come on, Monkey.” You pick up Faith and strap her in booster chair next to you, setting out her apples and cheese. She munches away, happily unaware of the drama happening in her life. God, you hope Namjoon chooses to at least want to see Faith. This little girl would be so blessed to have a father like him. 

Your phone vibrates, and you take the chance to look at it, quirking an eyebrow when you see that it’s from Keisha’s Instagram. She’d followed you last week, no doubt to try and keep tabs on you, and you’d followed her right back to show you weren’t afraid. You don’t know why you bothered to check the update right now other than morbid curiosity. It was probably just yet another selfie that was 75% boob. 

The picture is of her in a familiar looking bed, the sheets drawn up to just barely cover her, but low enough to tell she wasn’t wearing anything under it. She was grinning smugly into the camera. You inhaled sharply when you realized that she wasn’t alone. It was just the back of him, but there was Namjoon. He was shirtless and turned away from her, most likely asleep, but the implications were clear. And by Keisha’s expression and the fact that she posted such a photo publicly, she wanted you to see it. 

Message received. 

The rest of your day went by in somewhat of a blur. You finished work and drove home. Took the dog for a walk around the complex. Fed and bathed Faith. Got her to bed and asleep with minimal fuss. When everything else was done you sprawled across the couch and stared at the television. You couldn’t focus enough to watch anything, but it was better than silence. Snoop jumped up and settled between your legs, staring up at you with a gaze that suspiciously looked like sympathy. Great, even the dog knew you sucked. 

Just as you’re about to give in to your exhaustion and doze off, a knock sounded at your door. The pattern was familiar, and you couldn’t help a quick fond smile over how music was so ingrained into his soul even his knocking was a catchy beat. You release a tense breath before unlocking the door and open it to reveal a very rumpled looking Namjoon. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi. You wanna come in?”

“Sure. Cool.”

You open the door wider to allow him to come inside, cringing inwardly at the awkward beginning. Still, at least he was here. 

Snoop made his presence known, jumping all over Namjoon and knocking him over onto the couch. 

“Hey there, little man. Jesus, you’ve gotten a little chubby, huh? Mom’s been feeding you well?” Namjoon chuckled as Snoop rolled onto his back and demanded belly rubs on his admittedly bigger than usual tummy. Although that could be blamed on Faith, who thought it was hilarious to throw her lunch on the ground for him to eat. 

Namjoon sighed, patting Snoop one last time before turning to you. 

“Is she asleep?” 

“Yeah. I try to have her in bed by eight every night.”

He nods, looking nervously at his hands. 

“That’s good. I’d like to see her, but this makes it easier to...talk.” Namjoon ruffles his hair and sinks into the couch a bit. “I don’t even know where to start.” 

“I can at least start by saying sorry. I know it can’t erase anything, but I truly am sorry. I made a decision that affected you without your knowledge, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn’t have let my fears of what might happen influence me.”

You plop onto the other side of Snoop, grateful for the little buffer to help calm your nerves. Namjoon thinly smiles at you before nodding. 

“Thank you. I’m still hurt, and it’s probably going to be hard for me to trust you like I used to, at least for a while. But, I had a lot of time to think this past week, and I think I understand your reasoning. I don’t think that would have happened with us, though. You were my whole world, and you having my child would have made me the happiest person alive. It would have just motivated me to work harder. I’m probably always going to be a little upset with you for the time I lost with her, I’m not going to lie, but I think we can move past this. I want to try.” 

Your stare at Namjoon in shock, hope trying desperately to fight its way into your heart. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m mean I’m as in as I ever was. I want you, all of you. I want to marry you and be a father to my child. Maybe give you a few more.” 

You blush wildly, the image everything you’d ever dreamed. But...

“What about...I thought you’d gotten back with Keisha?”

“Oh, you mean that picture? Naw, she got someone to give her a key to my hotel room and posed while I was asleep. Creepy as hell. Told her that too. And now thanks to Trey, I don’t have to deal with her at all anymore.” 

“How so?” 

“Trey was getting ready to release his debut album. He’s really talented, and I’m really excited for him. Apparently, he offered to give her a verse and let her be in his MV. She dropped me so fast it was hilarious. She got off the phone with him and said, “Sorry, Nam Nams. This could be it for me, you know. It’s been real.” Then she just waltzed off. I mean, I knew she didn’t have any actual feelings for me, so it’s not that much of a surprise. I’m just sorry for Trey because now his debut’s success is reliant on her not fucking up.” 

“So, just like that? She’s gone? Seems...I don’t know. A little anticlimactic,” you frown. The woman you’d met seemed like she’d fight until the end. 

“Babe, this is real life, not the movies. Did you expect her to melt after throwing water on her? Or, what was that one lifetime movie you made me watch? The sister drugged the husband until she was knocked up or something and then she tried to kill the wife?” Namjoon chuckled, looking at you fondly. 

“Yeah, okay. I got it,” you roll your eyes, before taking a deep breath as you felt some of your burdens fall right off your shoulders. That was at least one worry done. It still seemed too good to be true, but maybe Namjoon was right, and you just watched too much damn television. 

“She went where there was the most chance for her to get famous. That’s all I was for her, and I knew that.” Namjoon shrugged. 

The silence that followed was pleasant now, comfortable. Snoop reveled in the attention as the two of you pet him while you collected your thoughts. 

“So what now?” Namjoon finally asked softly. You glance up and meet his eyes, eyes that were surprisingly full of hope and want. God, you did not deserve this man. 

“I think that should be up to you. I’m the one that messed up here, so I will take whatever you can give,” you tell him hesitantly. You wanted to tell him you wanted everything, all of it, your entire soul belonged to him. But you’d lost the right to demand anything. You’d happily do whatever he wanted. 

“We’ll take it slow at first then? Date a little, get to know Faith. I still have a couple weeks here that we can use to figure things out. I’d like to eventually let my family meet Faith. I kinda already blurted out her existence to them the other day. They are excited about her.”

“That sounds reasonable,” you nod. Fuck, his family probably hated you now. It was such a shame because you adored them. 

“So...how much touching is allowed when one is taking it slow?”

You gape at Namjoon, surprised to find him wearing that look. The look that was so filled with dark promise and love. You wanted to weep because you’d thought you’d never see it again. 

“Once again, up to you,” you responded, your voice thick with unshed tears. 

“Cool. Get your ass over here and cuddle me then,” Namjoon smirked and gently pushed Snoop off the couch, hauling you closer so you were draped on top of him. He wrapped his arms around you, practically crushing you to his chest. The both of you released contented sighs as you just relaxed and enjoyed each other, watching the television silently. 

“Are you staying the night?” You finally ask after about a half hour, knowing you needed to ask now as you were dangerously close to falling asleep. 

“If that’s alright. I’d like to meet Faith in the morning.” 

“That sounds good. Cuddle in the bed then? I’m too old to sleep on the couch.” 

“Yeah,” Namjoon says quietly, but with a little soft smile that showed off one of his dimples. 

You jump up and hold your hand out to him, pulling him into the room and the exact bed that you’d once shared. His snores soon brought you the best nights sleep you’d had in that bed since he’d left.

You were finally awakened when the sun was hitting you right in the face. That struck you as odd for a moment, but you couldn’t remember why. 

You kept your eyes closed but slowly sat up, stretching your arms and arching your back. You managed to crack your eyes open a bit and looked around, your mind finally starting to catch up with you. 

The sun in your face was weird because it had been so long since Faith had let you sleep past six. It was always dark when you started your day. Which led to you realizing that Faith was not in her crib and you didn’t hear her. 

Namjoon wasn’t in your bed either. 

You shot up and jogged out of the bedroom in a panic, not really sure what it was you feared yet, only to freeze once the dining room comes into view. 

Faith is in her high chair, giggling and covered in different colored globs of food. Namjoon is sitting in front of her, also covered in food, but making up some rap about the wonders of fruits that she seems to enjoy enough to open her mouth for another bite. 

“Good morning,” you snort as you grab some wipes out of the nearby diaper bag and stalk towards the pair. 

Namjoon is absolutely beaming as he smiles at you, and Faith smacks her lips in demand for a kiss, which you give her after wiping her face a bit. 

“Morning, babe. She woke up a few hours ago, and I wanted to let you sleep in. I think she likes me. Aside from our battle to figure out what baby food she likes. Which, we decided that the peas suck.”

You laugh and eyeball the chucks of hardening green stuff all over his shirt. 

“I can see that. You have to trick her. Give her a toy to distract her then shove a spoonful in there.”

“That’s sneaky but smart.” Namjoon chuckles then waves another spoonful of applesauce towards Faith, who accepts it without a fight.

“She also let me change her diaper. I think I put it on wrong, but so far she doesn’t seem to mind. Wasn’t as gross as I thought it would be.” Namjoon bounced happily as he told you all of his accomplishments. You sneak a peek towards Faith’s seat, and sure enough, the diaper is on backward. 

You snort and bump him with your hip. “You wanna see gross, you should have seen her newborn diapers. I thought I’d killed her when black stuff came out of her. Didn’t read about that happening beforehand,” Namjoon’s look of horror made you giggle, and you walked towards the kitchen to start your coffee. 

That was already made. And also surrounded by four open containers of baby food, obviously rejected.

You shake your head fondly and make yourself a cup before leaning with your back against the counter, watching the two.

You wanted to cry because it was so perfect. Namjoon was so very happy just being able to do something as simple as feed his daughter, so proud of himself. He was so good with her and she seemed to like him just as much. That you’d nearly messed things up so much that you would have never gotten see how cute they were together made you want to sob.  

“She’s probably going to need a bath because we both have peas and weird pasta stuff dripping off of us. I can take care of it if you want? I promise not to break her,” Namjoon asks earnestly, watching you with big eyes as Faith further dirties herself with the unattended spoon of applesauce. 

You laugh and wave him towards the bathroom. 

“Have at it, handsome. I’ll make breakfast. Waffles okay?” 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” 

Namjoon picks up Faith and comes over to kiss your cheek. The vision of two adorable dimpled smiles shining down on you with happiness fills your heart with joy. 

#kwriterskollection #kpopwritingnet #btswriters #bts #bts fanfic #Namjoon fanfic #bts angst #bts fluff #namjoon angst #namjoon x reader #namjoon scenarios #bts scenarios #rapper!au

[watchmegetobsessed]

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 11

HAPPY EFFING 2019 YOU GUYS!!! hope yall had a great night, mine was pretty chill but honestly i loved it haha. anyways, here is part 11 to celebrate the new year!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9  - Part 10

Going home the next morning feels like going to my own funeral. Everyone is so quiet, no one dares to say a word to us and I guess this has something to do with how we look and act.

On our way to the airport we are basically inseparable, we never let go of each other’s hand, I’m so clingy normally I would feel ashamed, but Shawn is the exact same. I’m constantly on the verge of crying, but I’m trying my best to look tough and I also don’t want any photos of me with red and puffy eyes. We have to make it look like we are more in love than ever, which is kinda true, but also, we only have hours left together.

Shawn doesn’t try to change my mind though I really thought he would at least make an attempt in the morning hoping I softened through the night, but for my biggest surprise, he says nothing. Instead, he is trying to use our final hours together wisely just like me. Neither of us sleeps on the flight, we share a seat and watch the clouds swimming under the jet in silence, we share kisses from time to time, but it’s mostly just us silently enjoying having the other one close for the last time.

Shawn cancelled on our last appointment on Sunday, he called Andrew and told him he isn’t feeling too well so the interview got postponed to a later date. I’m happy I don’t have to see him once more, saying goodbye is already hard enough, I don’t know if I would have enough strength in me to spend one more day with him without breaking down in tears.

Arriving back to New York Shawn puts on his best fake smile as he takes selfies with the fans waiting for him while I go straight to our car. Ten minutes later he follows and we are on our way to my place. My stomach is in a knot, my throat is dry as I’m staring out of the window, Shawn’s hand still holding mine and I’m thinking about what I should say to him before walking out of his life. I’m cursing myself for making it this hard, I should have been smarter.

When the driver stops in front of the café, our usual spot he suddenly gets out of the car and stands next to it as Shawn turns to me. I guess he asked him to give us some privacy beforehand.

“I guess this is our goodbye,” I mumble under my breath, already feeling the tears dwelling in my eyes.

“I want you to promise me one thing,” he starts looking into my eyes and I nod. “Call me if you need help. With anything. Even if it’s the slightest problem ever, I want you to know that you can always count on me, okay?”

Feeling a tear rolling down my cheek I smile at him sadly as I nod.

“Okay,” I whisper.

“And… if you change your mind in the future… about us… just call me,” he adds and I can’t help but chuckle. He did try for one last time after all.

Cupping his face I pull him into one last kiss and it turns out longer and more passionate than what I planned, but I don’t mind. I let his tongue dominate mine, he is nibbling down on my lip gently and I moan into his mouth, all kind of emotions mixing in me at the same time.

“I love you,” he whispers to me once we part and he rests his forehead against mine. I’m shutting my eyes closed tight and I fight the urge to say it back immediately. If I say it now, I feel like I won’t be able to get out of the car and leave him behind. “It’s fine,” he smiles at me when I open my eyes. “I’m happy I got to meet you. Take care, Naya.”

“You too, Shawn,” I smile as I reach for the handle and using everything in me I turn away from him and get out of the car.

I avoid looking at him one more time, I just start walking. I hear the driver getting back into the car and when I hear the car’s engine starting again I turn around and watch the black Range Rover drive away and then disappear from my sight.

My days without Shawn are just one dark blur from the moment I get home after Paris. All my stuff gets delivered to my place and he even let me keep the dresses I wore to the fashion shows. I want to call him to say thank you so badly, but I decide not to.

The next Friday we have the Assembly, everyone gets their new deals and clients, except me. Joshua explains to me that I need to lay low for a while, so I get signed up for shifts in the Nook as a hostess and I’m honestly happy I don’t have to get back to my usual work. I don’t think I would be able to work with another client so soon.

I spend a lot of time with Elisa and the kids. I volunteer to babysit as much as possible, and when Riley asks about Shawn my heart breaks every time. I tell her she’ll meet him again soon, and I hate myself for lying to a kid, but I guess these lies are making me feel better as well. Playing with the thought of seeing him again occurs to me often and it’s soothing to think about possible alternative universes where we are still seeing each other.

But no matter what I do, how hard I’m trying to keep myself occupied nothing really eases the numbing pain I constantly feel in my chest. I spend all my freetime in my room, mostly sleeping, because this is the only time I can avoid thinking about Shawn, but sometime my brain finds a way to torture me in my dreams too, because I often wake up in the middle of the night looking for him besides me only to find no one in bed with me. I usually can’t fall back to sleep when this happens so I just lie in bed awake, staring at the ceiling until the Sun comes up.

The money gets transferred to me on Monday, after we parted and in the following days I do what I’ve been doing for months. I transfer almost the whole amount to different accounts that belong to people that I owe to. When I finish I have just the right amount of money to get through the month, but at least I have the thought that I took a huge step closer to my freedom with this money as I was able to pay back a lot more than I usually am capable of.

It’s the third week now and I’m somehow feeling more… normal. Everyday things don’t take as much effort as they did in the past weeks. I’m on my way to the Nook for my night shift, Elisa is with her client tonight and I’m just hoping Josie is in tonight so I can hang out with her in my breaks.

The dim lighting and loud music with a chest banging bass feels like the best place on Earth tonight. I woke up a bit dizzy today, felt like I was about to throw up, but I’m pretty sure it’s because I ate a whole pack of salty crackers before going to be and my stomach just couldn’t deal with it properly. But now I’m all good.

I put my stuff down and get changed before sitting in front of my mirror to put on some more makeup and my black pixie cut wig that helps me keep my identity hidden and no one recognizes me as Shawn’s mystery girlfriend, who is by the way very much missed lately.

Yes, I kind of got obsessed with reading gossip sites since we parted our ways, I’m very ashamed of it, but I couldn’t resist. We went from one hundred to zero pretty quickly and I needed a daily dose of info about him to keep me sane, this is when I started browsing these sites and searched for his name. I read articles about him, saw paparazzi photos of him and the guys leaving places, he apparently spent a lot of time with them after our split and I checked his social media profiles regularly. Every time I saw a new post from him my heart started racing and stared at the photos he posted for an hour at least. I’m not proud of the way I’ve been acting, but I think I’ve been doing better in the past couple days and I can actually see a time when I’m not thinking about him for an entire day.

“Honey! I didn’t know you’d be in tonight!”

Josie’s chirpy voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I see her in the mirror, standing behind me in her neon pink dress that she paired with blue thigh high boots and a pearly necklace. Honestly, I have no idea where she gets these stuff.

I smile at her putting the eye-pencil down and turning around I get up to give her a hug.

“Hi J, I’m glad to see you.”

“You are looking better tonight, Sweetheart. How are you?” She gives me a knowing look and I just shrug my shoulders.

After the Assembly I stayed for half a shift at the club, but I wasn’t feeling too good. Josie found me crying in the bathroom and I told her everything. She listened to me whine about how much I’m missing Shawn and that I don’t think I’ll ever love someone the way I love him. I cried for long minutes choking on the words and cursing myself for being so stupid. When I was finally breathing somehow normally Josie gave me the best pep-talk of history. She didn’t try to tell me to just forget about it and stop thinking about him, because it’s obviously the shittiest thing to say. She sat with me on the floor and told me:

“I know how much it hurts. It will hurt, for a long time, but you are strong enough to put up with it. Breaking doesn’t mean you will never feel better, it’s just a temporary thing now. Cry for as long as you want, scream or shout, whatever makes you feel better, but also be patient with yourself. You will get through this and if in weeks you still feel like you can’t get over him, we will figure something out. But time can heal everything and I believe you’ll feel better soon.”

She covered for me for another hour until I somehow covered my puffy eyes and stopped crying. I knew she was right and I just did what she told and I decided to be patient with myself. Three weeks into my No-Shawn life and I’m starting to feel better, just like she told me I would.

“I’m doing okay,” I say as I let go of her and she fixes my wig a bit giving me a proud smile.

“Good. You look stunning, I’m sure you’ll break some hearts tonight.” She winks at me giving my arm a squeeze.

Half an hour later I’m out with my best fake smile as I serve cocktails to a group of men sitting in the VIP section in their expensive suits. I let my mind go blank, I only focus on the music that’s blasting through the place and when I’m not talking to a guest I’m just staring at the stage, watching the girls perform.

It’s around 1 am when the suited men order fruit flavored shots and I walk over to the bar. The bartender places ten shots on a tray and the deep red liquors dance in the small glasses as I’m walking over to their table. When no one is watching I lean closer and sniff at one of the glasses. I love the sweet smell of the syrup we use to make these shots, but this time, when the smell hits my nose my stomach takes a double flip.

I stop for a moment as I feel like I’m about to throw up. The tray almost loses balance on my hand but I quickly recover and catch it from falling. I close my eyes for a moment taking a deep breath as I feel my stomach growl in disagreement.

I serve the shots and rush to the back as fast as possible. As I’m on my way to the bathroom Josie steps out one of the dressing rooms.

“Honey, everything alright?” she asks, but I just shake my head and run past her, right into the bathroom where I barely reach a toilet before throwing up.

I hear Josie coming in and a moment later two hands reach for my wig and she is keeping the hair out of my face while I put everything out from me. When it seems like I’m done she disappears for a moment only to return with a glass of water and some paper towels in her hands.

“Thanks,” I choke out wiping my mouth and flushing the toilet.

“What happened?” she asks with concern all over her face. I’m sweating and I need a few more seconds before I find my voice.

“I don’t know. I smelled one of those fruity shots and just… lost it,” I breathe out still panting a bit.

“Have you been feeling nauseous?”

“In the morning yeah, but I didn’t throw up. I thought I just ate too much crackers before going to bed.” I finally get up from the floor and walk to the sink to wash my hands and mouth. My throat is burning and just the thought of throwing up makes me want to vomit again, but I keep it under control this time.

“Honey, I hate to ask this but… did you use protection with him?”

I freeze the moment these words leave her mouth. She is standing behind me, the water is still running from the tap as I lock eyes with her through the mirror. My stomach drops and my heart starts beating crazily as my thoughts drift back to Paris.

He did not use a condom, because I told him not to. Because I told him I would get a morning after pill, which I had in my purse, but with everything happening between and around us… it slipped my mind. Therefore, we had unprotected sex and I forgot to take the pill afterwards, meaning…

Meaning I now have a chance of being pregnant.

 My hands are shaking, I feel like I’m about to throw up again but I’m ready to swallow it back as my unsteady fingers flip through my small calendar I usually keep with me. Josie is standing right behind me as we are standing in the corner of the room, girls are chattering happily in the back not even knowing what is going on here.

When I finally find the right month I look for the red marks, I’m clinging onto the last straws of hope, but when I find them, I almost start crying.

I mark the days when I should start my period with empty circles and then when I actually get it I usually just fill them in so I know which day is the first of my cycle. The damn circles are staring back at me from the previous week, meaning I should have gotten my period eight days ago. Sometimes I’m late, but only with maximum two days. Never eight. Never.

“Is that what I think it is?” Josie whispers and I can’t speak right now, I just nod my head. I close the calendar and show it back to my bag turning to Josie as I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“What do I do now?” I ask with wide eyes. The thought of being pregnant is so foreign me at this moment and I think my mind hasn’t really processed what this means.

“You have to make a test or go to the doctor. Being late can mean a lot, maybe it’s just the stress.”

I nod my head think about it. She is right, I’ve had some pretty stressful weeks behind me, it wouldn’t be surprising if my hormones were all over the place and make my period late somehow.

Josie tries to convince me to tell Joshua that I’m not feeling well, which is true, but I choose to finish my shift. When I get off at three am I’m already a mental wreck, but there I have to face some more waiting since nothing is open at this time.

When I arrive home Elisa is sleeping in her room, she has a morning class tomorrow. I take a quick shower, put on some clean pj’s and crawl into bed with my phone. I open the contacts and I start scrolling down until my finger lingers through a name. The urge to call Shawn is tempting, I almost press on the button, but not even knowing what I would tell him I lock the phone and put it to my nightstand. I can’t talk to him until I find out for sure.

For my biggest surprise I sleep pretty okay. I set an alarm last night so I can go to the pharmacy in time to get a pregnancy test and do it while Elisa is in school. I keep my cool as I run to the nearest pharmacy and try to look as unbothered as possible when I pay for the test. I hide the box in my bag and I’m dying to finally get back home and take it.

   Time has never went by slower than at this moment as I’m sitting on the floor of our small and messy bathroom. I watch as the numbers change on my phone’s screen and I almost start thinking time has stopped, but I know it’s just in my mind.

I turn my head trying to make myself busy, so I pick up a set of false lashes from next to the bathtub and hold it up in front of my face. It can be mine, but I think it’s Elisa’s. It’s longer than what I usually use. Setting it to the edge of the tub I stare at it as if I’m waiting for it to start talking to me and tell its story. Waiting is really making me go crazy.

I stand up, carefully not looking at the stick at the edge of the sink as I throw the lashes into the small trashcan and I start sorting all the makeup products that are everywhere. I already know what’s mine and what’s Elisa’s, we have lived together long enough to get used to each other and know what we use. I was always afraid that if I live with another woman we will start using each other’s stuff, like in the movies. I always thought it’s weird. I mean, it’s fine a few times, but not all the time. It’s not too sanitary and budget friendly. It’s better if everyone sticks to their own things. Elisa thinks the same. We are happy to help each other out if one of us runs out of lipstick, or needs a specific color of eyeshadow. But we never touch what’s not ours without asking first. I think this is one reason why we are so good together. Another one is our shared history, I guess.

I check the time and it’s the last ten seconds, finally. I take a deep breath and hold it as I watch the numbers change on the screen until it hits zero. I switch the alarm off, but I don’t do anything. I stand there like a statue, my limbs feel like rocks and I don’t have the energy to lift them up. My throat is so dry, I could drink a gallon of water at once.

I look at myself in the mirror and furrowing my eyebrows I tell myself that I can’t just ignore this. I have to find out the truth so I can carry on or… or find a solution if the result is what I was afraid of.

I blow out the breath I was holding and glance down at the stick that’s lying face down. I slowly reach for it and take it between by pointing finger and thumb. It’s now or never.

I turn it over and when I see it I forget to breathe for the longest second of history. I freeze and my eyes are glued to the two little lines on the stick that means one thing. The one thing I was so worried and the one thing that is now freaking me out to the point where I feel like I’m about to pass out.

I’m pregnant and I have no idea how I’m going to deal with this situation. I’m twenty-one, practically a child myself, I can’t take care of a baby, not with the way I’ve lived in the past two years, it’s impossible. I can’t do this alone and even if Elisa helps me out it’s still not enough. I have only one choice, the person I never thought I would see again and I promised not to think about ever, but I have no choice. I wasn’t alone when this baby conceived and as much as I would love to figure it out on my own, he deserves to know.

I wipe away the warm tears from my cheeks and reach for my phone, still holding the pregnancy test in my hands. Opening my contacts I scroll down and I stop at his name. Biting into my bottom lip my thumb linger over it as I hesitate and try to think about what I want to tell him. But I slowly realize that it’s not something I should tell over the phone, so instead of calling I open a new message.

To: Shawn Mendes Hey. Can we meet? We need to talk about something.

I press send before I can change my mind and I finally walk out of the bathroom. I walk through our small, but cozy living room and don’t stop until I’m in my room. First, I hide the test into one of my drawers and then I check the time. Elisa will be home in an hour from her class to get ready for work, there is no way I can face her right now, so I better not be here. As I’m gathering a few stuff my phone buzzes from a new message. It’s from him.

From: Shawn Mendes Somewhere private or do you want to have drink somewhere?

I could use a drink right now, but then I realize, I won’t taste any alcohol in the upcoming months. And a private place would be the most ideal for this conversation.

To: Shawn Mendes Can we meet at your place?

His reply arrives a few seconds later.

From: Shawn Mendes I’ll send a car for you. Where do you want it to go?

I text him to pick me up at the usual spot at the café and he assures me that a car will be there to pick me up in thirty minutes. Perfect, this way I won’t meet Elisa. I grab my bag, put everything I think I need in it and leave the place, but before I could step out, I stop at the mirror that’s right next to our front door. I see myself in an entirely different way than how I did when I arrived home, though I was already suspicious back then. But now I know that somewhere under my oversized black sweater there is a baby in my stomach. I’m not alone anymore, not even when there is no one around me.

I slide my hand under my sweater and touch my lower belly, but I don’t feel anything yet it’s so different. Nothing will be the same from now on and it frightens me so much I can’t even describe.

I shake my head, fix my clothes and switch the lights off before leaving to meet the father of my unborn child, Shawn Mendes.

-

taglist:  @damnigotadime @jrock-1987 @dacutiehart @ricchhelle @shar-is-my-name

#shawn #mendes #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #shawn mendes x reader #mendes army #boundaries #boundaries series

[emilyplaysotome]

Dating Diaries - Chapter 4 - One Day

Inspired by real events, Emi enters the dating world after her long term relationship ends. Determined to move forward, she starts dating and quickly finds herself in over her head.

In case you missed it, here are the previous chapters:

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

I paced like a caged lioness in my now spotless apartment.

I’d cleaned every inch of it in anticipation of Kazumi’s arrival, and as our reunion became more and more imminent, the anxiety within me began to spiral out of control.

On this particular visit, we’d planned for him to stay with me in my apartment - rather than get a hotel room which seemed like a waste. 

I already regretted that decision seeing as how I was mentally preparing to ask Kazumi straight up how he felt about me. With no hotel room available, should the answer be the one I didn’t care for I’d be forced to suffer through a night with a man who had rejected me.

This would be the fifth time we saw each other in real life. 

It would be the third month of knowing each other as we communicated most days over TalkTime. I knew that my feelings were starting to become something real, and at times I felt as if I were on a runaway train with Kazumi as the conductor.

I’d taken the time spent away from Makoto (who was on holiday but still texted), before Kazumi’s arrival to reflect and had realized that our whole nebulous relationship had played out on his terms up until this point. 

Granted, I had not explicitly made any demands but it was obvious that he was in charge. We spoke on his terms - when he had time, not when I wanted to.

He made me wonder how he felt about me - if I was just a fling or maybe something more...

...and I needed to know if I could be something more because my heart was beginning to hope.

Hey Sunshine! I’m almost at your place - do you need me to pick you up anything?

No, that’s sweet but I’m really nervous. Just hurry up and get here already...

To that Kazu sent me a selfie of himself in the cab he was currently en route in, along with the caption, “How can you be nervous over such a simple guy with such a simple smile?”

You had to laugh at the fact that an award winning author with an impressive wikipedia page and tragic life story would dare call himself “simple”, but that was just another reason I adored him so much. 

He was full of contradictions and always fun.

You’re the least simple person I know. See you soon.

On our second date, Kazumi had made the trip from Kyoto to Tokyo under the guise that he had “meetings” to attend. He had gotten a hotel room for himself and texted me the day of to his arrival to ask if I was around.

His visit had come after 2 weeks of being apart and texting everyday. 

He’d told me that he missed my eyes, and hands, and smile the day after we’d met. From there he’d ask me about my day, or tell me about his, always letting me know that I was beautiful and that he missed me despite barely knowing me.

A few days before he’d arrived I had a sneaking suspicion he might try and visit as he covertly attempted to figure out what my plans were that weekend via TalkTime. When he did show up, the thing that surprised me most was when he bashfully admitted that the real purpose of this trip was not work meetings on Monday but to see me again.

I remember being happy and also incredibly freaked out that he would go so out of his way for me - a woman he’d only met once.

Mostly though, I was happy.

Neither Shizuo, nor any other man I’d ever met had done something so romantic on what seemed like a whim, and even though I made it clear that I was not going to sleep with him, I still ended up spending the night - talking and cuddling with him until I fell asleep in his arms.

We didn’t see each other for three weeks after that.

While apart, we continued to talk but he admitted that he was not able to keep up with my texting. What used to be in-depth, hour long conversations became a bit more infrequent but with that said, I didn’t mind.

I got used to his weird old-man texts.

For a writer, Kazu was pretty funny over TalkTime. 

Whenever he was upset he’d used multiple “!” and whenever I sent him something he liked (for example my corporate headshot for our company website) he’d use extra consonants to try and express that he thought I was pretty (”wowwwwwwww” he’d said).

These little Kazu-isms filled my heart with warmth, and I giggled over how pure they were in a sense, especially considering the fact that they were coming from a 40 year old man.

There was one night that we were talking when Kazu told me I’d become special to him. 

It had been out of left field to a degree - I’d told him that I’d read a book of his finally and as a result had gone down a bit of an intellectual rabbit hole which led me to an article that I thought he might appreciate.

Sunshine...I am so happy my words make you think like this :) I am looking forward to reading this article.

You don’t have to but you might like it. I thought it was a good “truth is stranger than fiction” companion to your murder mystery.

I will read it! I want to say this too...I know that I’m going to care about you forever and I hope that I’ll be able to keep you close to me in some way...even if you find some young man you like better than me.

I can’t see liking anyone more than you Kazu. 

I’d meant that too.

A week after that exchange Kazu came to Tokyo and it was during that visit when I’d learn about his “other lady” in Kyoto per my request. I respected and appreciated his transparency with me, and because it was obvious that he was honest despite the discomfort in having to be, I felt safe enough to sleep with him.

Before Shizuo I’d been with a few other guys, but being with Kazumi was like a completely different experience for me. It was passionate and animalistic, but somehow also kind and loving.

When he left I found myself feeling happier than I’d ever been in my life, and a week later he came back, noting that he “had to see me again before a month of [his] book tour.”

That fourth date was when he really started to open up to me. 

While in his arms he quietly told me about his childhood, and how at 7 years old his parents had died in a car accident. As a writer, he was able to go into detail about his grief and trauma surrounding the incident and I found tears quietly streaming down my face as he spoke.

He also told me about his first heartbreak (though not in detail), and how in some ways that was just as difficult as losing his parents. He quietly explained (and apologized) for keeping people at arm’s length for fear of growing too close and losing someone special.

“I’ve lost too many people in my life Sunshine...but I can already tell that I don’t want to lose you.”

Those moments are the reason why I held on to Kazumi in his absence. 

They’re the reason why I pined for him despite the fact that he was unable to be as “present” as Makoto had been in the week we’d been together.

They felt deeper...but at the same time words are pretty, but actions speak louder.

Knowing that there were many moments that Kazumi was in Kyoto or elsewhere using the app we’d met on (thanks to public geotracking) plunged my heart into darkness. I knew that it had only been four dates spread over 2 months, but if he had asked me to be his I would have said yes without a second thought.

Why did he feel the need to go out with others if I was someone he was sure he didn’t want to lose?

He was maybe lying...

...or just selfish.

These were the thoughts that plagued me while apart from him, and I knew that on this fifth date I would need to get answers - even if it meant that this would be the last time I’d ever see him.

The intercom rang and I could feel myself shaking with nerves as I buzzed him into my apartment building. I slowly unlocked the door, preparing myself to see him after a month.

What if he looked different? What if he thought I looked different? What if we didn’t -

“Sunshine...”

Kazumi looked at me with those kind eyes of his that were never quite the same in the photos we sent each other while apart. He held out a bouquet of flowers for me (tulips to be exact) and with a grin added.

“It came with flower food. Very advanced.”

“Kazu...”

I could feel myself starting to shake. 

My nerves were getting the better of me, and I could feel affection welling up to the point I wondered if I should tell him that I wasn’t just starting to fall for him, but that I had already fallen.

Kazumi gently rested the flowers on the small table in my foyer and closed the front door behind him before taking me in his arms.

“I missed you so much Sunshine. I missed this so much.”

“Me too.”

I don’t know how long we stood there, but I knew that I was the happiest I’d been all week. 

I knew that unless something went awry, I was just going to fall more hopelessly in love with the man in front of me and because of how deep I already was in, I needed to know how he felt or run the risk of setting myself up for heartbreak so soon after Shizuo.

I know it sounds dramatic, but that moment at my door I wished that time would stretch on in a way that allowed me to live in that moment for longer than I’d be able. 

I found myself so scared that the answers wouldn’t be what I wanted, and that this was the last time I would be near him like this. That moment of being able to feel him and hold onto him was a moment that let me love him and pretend that he might love me too.

However, time doesn’t work that way and before I knew it he pulled his body away from mine before kissing me gently.

“You’ll get a real kiss once I’ve eaten and your nerves have calmed.”

I nodded, unable to speak, still shaking from the anxiety.

“I found a curry place around the corner from here - is that ok?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah Emi. My sweet Emi. I really did miss you.”

The walk over to the restaurant was uneventful. 

I’d managed to stop shaking and had started psyching myself up to deliver a speech of sorts where I would tell Kazumi that I couldn’t figure him out and that I wanted him to be honest about what his feelings were towards me.

I prepared myself for my biggest fear, which was that he would say I was fun and cute and if this stopped being fun for me he would understand.

“Kazu...”

“Alright. I know what I want - do you know what you want?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh boy,” he said with a chuckle. “I know that look of yours...”

“I...”

“You’ve got all the time in the world with me today Emi - let’s order first and then you can say as much as you want, alright?”

He reached across the table and took my hand in his, rubbing the back of it gently with his thumb. It reminded me of our first date, when we’d sat together at a restaurant and he’d somehow managed to do the same thing despite the fact that up until that point I hadn’t let a man touch me since Shizuo.

For some reason that day, I’d let him and with a mischievous smile he’d asked me if I liked the way he touched me.

I did then, and I did now.

When the waiter had left us, I took a deep breath and delivered my speech to Kazumi.

I told him that I couldn’t figure him out. I told him that he hid his feelings too well behind his words and his playfulness. I told him that I was starting to feel a lot for him and that I was frightened - convinced at times that I was just a young plaything to him that was nothing more than an exciting fuck, which in turn helped him to feel youthful again.

I asked him what he wanted from me. 

What this was exactly and what his ideal scenario was with us.

And then I waited - my eyes glued to a spot on the table for fear of what his expression might be.

“Sunshine...”

“What?”

“Sunshine...look at me.”

Kazumi’s gaze was soft and sweet, and I felt myself relax a little under it. 

“I don’t take a train 6 hours just because you’re good in the sack. I mean you are...but that’s not why I do it.”

“So why then?”

“Mmmm why indeed...”

“Kazu stop - I’m serious. I know you’re seeing that...other lady and I’m just confused why you bother when you have someone in the same city. And that’s not even a jealousy thing - it just doesn’t make sense to me.”

“It’s simple. I really like you Emi. I want you in my life - I can already tell that you’re someone who is going to be really special to me.”

“But what’s your ideal in all this? Like...I know you’ve said you don’t want to know about if I’m seeing anyone but do you care if I am?”

“Of course. I don’t want to know because I think I’d go mad with jealousy.”

“But then...I just don’t understand what you want.”

“What I want...I guess...maybe one day when you feel more ready, and when I’m ready...you’d be my girlfriend. I’d visit you here and you’d come to Kyoto to see me.”

"But what about...”

“There’s no future there for me, just fun...but you’re not there yet anyway right? That ex of yours...you’re not over him.”

Kazumi was right, but in that moment it just felt like a bit of an excuse. That said, I had no real retort.

The waiter took advantage of my pause to deliver our food, and with a big smile Kazumi exclaimed, “wow this looks great!” before taking a bite.

We ate in silence for a bit before Kazu looked at me with a serious expression and asked, “You’re not satisfied, are you? Tell me Sunshine - what do you want?”

“Huh?”

“What’s your ideal? If you could have things your way - what would that be?”

It was obvious - a world in which Kazumi lived full-time in Tokyo and was committed to dating me and only me. However, that wasn’t reality and if I thought about it, I found that my chest tightened ever so slightly at the thought of rushing into another relationship so quickly after Shizuo, and with that my bottom lip began to quiver on its own.

“I don’t know. I feel so confused.”

“Emi...it’s okay. There’s no rush. I’m not going anywhere...”

“I just...I don’t know what it is about you Kazu. You scare me so much. In the past when I’ve felt this way it’s never been reciprocated and I just feel like there’s gotta be a catch or something. I’m so scared you’re going to break my heart and after Shizuo - I just don’t think I can handle it. So please, if you’re the good person I think you are, and if there’s any chance you’re going to hurt me let’s just say goodbye after today.”

“Don’t say that. That’s too sad - please, don’t say that. I’d be heartbroken if you stopped talking to me.”

I knew he was serious by the way he looked at me. He could tell that I was starting to pull away, tempted to cut and run, and he grabbed my hand the way I liked, lacing his fingers through mine and giving it a squeeze.

“Don’t go anywhere, okay? Let’s just enjoy this together.”

At that moment, something changed for me.

I think it was due to the fact that it was obvious that he meant what he said. At the very least I was not just some plaything and his feelings for me were incredibly real. 

I had a hard time believing that I consumed his thoughts as much as he did mine, but at least I knew I was there somewhat.

It’s hard to be in the presence of the great Kazumi Kagami and not enjoy yourself. The ease in which he brings people out, and to that point, the ease in which he allows me to feel comfortable as myself soon had me back to normal.

By the end of our meal I was laughing and grilling him about all his adventures on the road. 

I learned about the nights out with his publisher, heard funny stories, and got travel and restaurant recommendations as he happily disclosed what he got up to while we were apart without realizing that many of those nights I figured his silence meant that he was with another woman. 

Instead I learned that he often would drink with Kotoko (his editor) and the people who organized each event, often returning to his hotel room in the early morning and ending his day by reading whatever it was I had sent him via TalkTime.

With a playful twinkle he took my hand as we left the restaurant to walk around my neighborhood and whispered, “Reading your texts made me feel a little less lonely in that room every night.”

That sentiment alone made me feel loved, and soon all the concerns I’d had about continuing down this path with him had melted away. 

We were back to being our happiest, best selves together as we enjoyed the park near my apartment before watching a film, and finally heading home for the night.

Every moment was filled with affection from Kazumi who either held my hand, or my waist, or kissed my cheek as we went from place to place. He not only had an ability to get me to relax and be myself but to make the person I was feel special and loved.

And perhaps it was for that reason alone that come nightfall I felt in my heart that I loved him.

At the time, it wasn’t a scary thought but a nice one. 

I had been so skeptical that I could ever be capable of feeling something like that again after Shizuo had betrayed me so deeply, yet I found myself naked in the arms of a man I’d grown to love after a few short months and in a way far deeper, and more honest than I ever had with Shizuo.

From the second I’d met Kazumi I’d felt this instant spark. Nothing had to be worked on - it was like magic.

I thought that kerosine and fire feeling would quickly wear off yet every time we were together it was the same and it had stretched on far longer than I thought it possible.

For the first time in my life I wondered if it was possible to convert that elusive instant connection into something that could stand the test of time.

Kazumi nuzzled my neck and I squirmed in his arms until I was facing him again. Our eyes locked, and my giggles subsided and instead were replaced by a deep feeling of contentment I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. I stared deep into his eyes, which at the moment reflected back the same placid feeling I was experiencing. 

My hand acted on its own, cupping his cheek before gently stroking his hair, eventually pushing it back and off his forehead. I then lovingly touched the hair on the side of his head, and then the back of his neck as I brought his face closer to mine and kissed him in a way which I hoped would communicate my feelings without words.

I don’t know when it was that we fell asleep after that. 

We quietly talked for a bit about our past relationships and once more, Kazumi opened up about the loss of an ex girlfriend (in far more detail this time) who was the root of why he was so noncommittal. At the time my back was to him but I could hear the hurt in his voice and felt a tear trickle down his face onto mine.

“You deserve a guy with a lot less baggage Sunshine.”

“You know a very smart man once told me that every experience you’ve been through, good or bad, makes you who you are today. And I really like the person you are today so I don’t mind.”

“Emi...I’m not used to having my own words turned on me...”

Kazumi buried his face in my hair by my neck and I felt his body as it held me tight, letting go of all the quiet tears he’d been holding inside.

Intimacy is a funny thing.

Some people mistake sex for intimacy, but what we experienced that night was intimacy in its truest form. Both of us allowed each other to be fully naked in front of the other, and as we opened up we were relieved to find that the person beside us did not push us aside, but instead pulled us closer.

Having experienced real intimacy with Kazumi reminded me of how superficial my current relationship with Makoto was. 

This was not to say Mako and I could not achieve something deeper, but in that moment if I had to choose there was no real choice.

It was Kazumi.

It’s always been Kazumi.

That realization only made his departure that much more difficult. 

“I wish I could keep you,” I muttered sadly, clinging onto him in my foyer.

“I’ll be back soon enough. I can’t have you getting sick of me.”

“I’d never get sick of you. You’re too weird, and funny, and handsome.”

“Emi...my beautiful Emi. My heart - I’m so happy we met.”

He kissed me again for a final time before leaving. It was a long, drawn out sweet kiss that tricked me into believing he loved me as much as I loved him.

We had not said those words, both cognizant that it was far too soon to say something so serious, but my heart whispered them as we kissed.

“Goodbye.”

“Not goodbye - see you soon Sunshine.”

An hour later I was coming down from the high of seeing Kazumi.

In the middle of our movie date, I’d covertly checked my TalkTime in the bathroom and saw Makoto had let me know he was back in Toyko and was hoping to meet up. I told him that I had a friend from out of town visiting, but that I could meet him the following day (Sunday).

We quickly made plans and I felt like a bit of a player as I’d returned to Kazumi.

All this had occurred before we’d shared such an intimate night together, and now that I had another date in a few hours I found myself conflicted. 

I didn’t want to lead Makoto on, but technically we just started seeing each other.

Would I have to disclose what I’d been up to? He knew that since my ex (who cheated on me) I had rebounded with someone else and not gotten tested. Kazumi’s status was the same - one additional partner and protected sex.

Either way, I couldn’t in good conscience go on a date with Mako until I showered and changed my sheets...

...just in case.

I took my time getting ready and thinking things over. I was so in my head that I didn’t realize I had pending messages - one from Kazumi and two from Makoto.

I opened Mako’s messages first:

Hey! I’m looking forward to seeing you again :)

Do you still want me to come over around 7?

I wasn’t sure. Seeing Kazumi reminded me how much I liked him and it was so hard to think about shifting gears and seeing Makoto even though I knew we had something together as well.

Not wanting to decide in that moment, I opened Kazu’s text:

Thanks for being so sweet and kind and beautiful and funny.

It was sweet and ironically not super elegant for a man who was a brilliant writer.

For some reason, as my heart swelled, I found myself compelled to open the app I met Kazumi on. He was only in town for a few more hours and we’d been apart two at most.

I wanted to believe that after our weekend he wouldn’t need to log in. 

He would feel so full of love and affection that a dating app would be the last thing on his mind, however when I went to see his profile my heart sank.

He was on and only a few miles away.

I knew that he was not mine and that I was not his. 

I knew that I was a hypocrite, seeing as how I used the apps still and even worse, had another young man waiting in the wings to see me.

Despite understanding that logically, my emotions got the better of me. Not wanting to feel like the “loser” in the situation I found that fear gripped me in an uncontrollable way and I wrote back to Makoto:

I was just thinking of all the reasons why I’m happy we met. 7 works - see you then.

Read Chapter 5

So...I’m curious if you guys have experienced what our MC is going through. These apps seem to create the perfect environment for jealousy and paranoia to flourish. Has anyone ever confronted someone they were seeing about always using them? Do you think Emi should ask Kazumi why he’s always on?

As always, I hope you guys are enjoying them as much as my purely fictional works and that you’ll comment and share with thoughts.

If you’re feeling really generous I hope you’ll consider buying me a coffee!

Thanks for reading and if you want to be untagged just let me know!

@robotloveskitten

@airashime

@kingdomzeldaquest

@hifftn

@speakfearlessly1989

@nitelotus

@scorpioslover

@untilsmidnight

@dreamfar628

@bluebutterflyrose

@aftertheclockstrikes

@mai-dreaming

@cupcakezprototype

@rose-of-yonezawa

@kitty-kat-ty

@kiniloves-yoi

@mandakatt

@111archravenue

@lone-wolf155

@lilombc123

@frywen-babbles

@bolt8826

@lxvescramble

@ticoerica

@huntressofsheep

@rapmotaku

@taecifer

@wickedtiff

@sleepdeprivedlunatics

@venuslively

@aeirwen

@itshaejinju

@lostfish-03

@sapphirerosero

@galaxyinqkxy

@maolvirahdani

@juliettebbgamer

@itshouldcometothis

Thanks for reading and let me know if you’re not tagged and would like to be!

#Kazumi Kagami #makoto morimachi #my last first kiss fanfic #liar! uncover the truth fanfic #voltage fanfic #my last first kiss #voltage games #voltage romance sims #voltage inc #voltage fan

[finn-nelson-for-the-win]

Before the World Stops Turning: Pt.3

Hello again! I’ve spent the last week doing A LOT of writing because for whatever reason my Uni classes haven’t been as time consuming, so I decided to make the most of my lack of social life and just write the next 5 or so chapters of this fic so they’ll be ready to edit and post even once I begin to get busy again…Anyways, this chapter is a little boring, but it explains a couple things and acts as a short transition chapter to get to some more fun stuff in the next chapters.

If you’d like to be added/removed from my tags list, don’t hesitate to let me know!

Everything I’ve written can be found right here!

I hope you enjoy this chapter! (As always, additional notes and random commentary I have will be at the end beneath the tags)

Rae and Izzie had spent a few hours at the café the previous night eating, recapping the highlights of the concert, and posting some of the better pictures that had been taken using both of their phones to Izzie’s social media accounts.

By the time Rae made it back to her apartment in the taxi that Izzie and her had split, it was already in the early hours of the morning and Rae’s exhaustion had caught up to her so much so that she fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow when she got in bed.

It could not have been more than a few hours later when Rae was awoken by the bright morning sun streaming in through her partially open curtains and the sound of her phone buzzing violently on her bedside table.

Who the fuck would be trying to video call me right now?!?

“Uh, yes, hello?” Rae replied when she answered the video call without checking to see who it was that was calling her at such an early time.

“Rae-Rae! I’m so glad you’re awake! I didn’t wake you, did I?” Izzie replied with a cheerful smile.

“Uh, ‘course not, Izz…” Rae replied, her voice still thick with sleep, as she rubbed her eyes slightly to finish waking up.

“Wonderful! So you’ll never guess how many social media notifications I woke up to when I checked my phone a little while before I called you…”

“Oh really? I bet your friends that bailed on going to the concert with you are ruing the day, huh?” Rae replied as she sat up in her bed with a pillow propped up behind her back to get into a more comfortable position.

“Probably, yeah, but even better than that…So you know how I posted all the concert photos online last night, yeah? And you know how I tagged the bands and band members that were in the pictures? Well…” Izzie smirked and paused for dramatic effect, causing Rae to chuckle.

“C’mon Izz! You can’t keep me in suspense like this…you simply must tell me everything,” Rae replied with a teasing edge to her voice.

“Hey now! The sass is unnecessary, but I’m a good friend, so I will tell you the rest of the story…so this morning I woke up to see notifications on my phone saying that a couple members of Kings and Queens liked and shared the group photo I posted of all of us!”

“Oh, that’s wonderful, Izzie! I’m so happy for you!” Rae replied in complete sincerity because she could tell how excited her mate truly was

“Oh that’s not all…I also saw that I was followed by the Kings and Queens Band account as well as one of the band members! Isn’t that so exciting, Rae? I simply had to call you and I felt this warranted a video call instead of a boring old phone call…I also had a question to ask you…”

“Yeah, that’s so great, Izz! They were all really nice guys, so it’s no surprise that they like to interact with fans like this…What did you want to ask me?”

“Do you remember how many band members were in Kings and Queens, Rae?”

“Uhm, maybe five? Lead singer, drummer, bassist, and two guitar players I think…so yeah, five! Why do you ask?”

“Huh, that’s what I thought…it’s not a big deal, but I was looking at the group photo that we took that I posted online and only see four band members and I wasn’t sure who could be missing. I’m pretty sure everyone was there when we posed for the picture…” Izzie replied, her eyebrows knitting together slightly in confusion.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure everyone made it in…wait a second! Maybe not…There was one guy that was busy and rushed in at the last second, but I’m not sure if he made it into the picture.”

Rae powered up her laptop and brought up Izzie’s account where that picture—along with about a dozen others—was posted and zoomed into the photo to get a closer look.

Izzie sat waiting patiently for Rae to speak after taking another look at the photo, but she was soon caught off-guard when Rae laughed aloud suddenly.

“Holy shit, Izz! Take a look at this! You’re right—well sort of…the photo we took has all band members, but it technically only has three fingers from the fifth band member on the far side of the frame.”

Rae turned the camera of her phone to show the group photo that she been looking at on her laptop and began to show Izzie what she meant.

“As you can see, there’s the two of us and Chop next to me…there’s two guys back behind the three of us…and on Chop’s other side is one of the other band members, but if you look very closely at this fourth guy’s shoulder, you can see three fingers and someone’s hand resting on his shoulder!”

“Okay, I think I see that…but are you sure it’s not someone else’s hand though?”

“That’s what I thought at first too, but the angle that the hand is resting on his shoulder makes it seem like there had to be another person standing just outside the frame of the photo!”

“That’s so funny, Rae! I wonder which of them got left out…”

“Huh, yeah…do you remember who was who? Or what was the name of the band member that followed you after you posted the pictures online, Izz? Maybe we can figure it out like that.”

“Uh, okay…well I know that the one with the glasses next to Chop is named Archie. I’ve been following him on social media since I first found out about the band a while back. I think the taller guy in the back is named Alex…and I’m pretty sure the guy with the drumsticks next to Alex is the drummer, Danny…I don’t remember who else could have been left out…”

“Okay, well that’s four of five band members. Did any of them follow you on social media?” Rae asked as she tried to recall the names of the different band members that Chop had told them when he introduced her and Izzie to everyone in the band mere hours ago.

“Uh, no, actually! The guy who followed me is someone called ‘Finn Nelson’…huh, I guess that settles it! Finn is our three-fingered mystery boy!”

“Mystery solved! I knew we’d be able to figure this out!” Rae called triumphantly before shifting her attention to her mat that seemed to be engrossed in whatever she was currently doing on her phone.

“Dear lord, Rae…I’m looking through our mystery boy’s profile and he’s great…there’s a lot of cool sunset and photography-type posts, but the few selfies and band promos where you can see him…wow,” Izzie replied looking away from her phone only for a brief moment to make sure that Rae was still paying attention before continuing, “it’s a shame all you can see of him in our group photo are his fingers because he is proper fit!”

“Oh is he, now? I thought you had a thing for a certain lead singer of Kings and Queens, Izz…”

“I do still like Chop…he’s quirky…but this lad? Holy shit, Rae, he’s perfect for you!” Izzie replied giving Rae a suggestive smirk and eyebrow raise.

“Uh huh…well, I guess I’m just going to have to take your word for it, Izzie!”

***

It had been nearly a month since Rae had first agreed to accompany Izzie to a concert in the city in which four bands she had never heard of were performing at a local bar, but in that time, Rae’s interest in the bands that they had seen had only continued to grow.

Upon Izzie’s insistence, Rae had even borrowed the Kings and Queens CD Izzie had purchased after the show and Rae spent a week listening to the album end-to-end. By the time she returned the CD to her mate, she had familiarized herself with most of the songs and had chosen her favorites.

“So Izzie, how have you been as of late? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” Rae playfully whined during one of her weekly Thursday lunch dates with Izzie when they both happened to have a break in their schedules to hang out for a few hours.

“It’s only been about a week and a half since I last saw you, Rae! Remember when we had the movie night at your apartment and you returned my Kings and Queens CD to me that you had borrowed?” Izzie replied as she lifted the sandwich she had ordered from her plate and took a large bite.

“Has it really been that long?” Rae replied with a chuckle as she used her fork to stab a cherry tomato from her salad and brought it to her mouth.

“Oh, that reminds me! Did you see that Kings and Queens announced that they’re playing a show at the same bar we saw them last time in a couple weeks?”

“No, I didn’t see that! Where did you find that out? I’m pretty sure I’d remember if they had posted something on the band page…”

“Do you not follow all the individual band members as well as the main band account?”

“No, I just follow the band’s page, I think…”

“Ah, well that explains it then! I think Archie might have posted it? I’m pretty sure he mentioned that they have discounted tickets for sale too if we don’t want to pay the fees for buying the tickets online or wait to get them on the day of the show. I think we just have to let them know how many tickets we want and they’ll deliver the tickets directly to us!”

“Oh wow, that’s perfect! Do you know what day the show is? If we’re both free we should definitely go see them play again!”

“I don’t know the exact date, but I can check…So you don’t even follow Finn’s account, Rae? Why the hell not, babe?”

“Because, Izzie! I’m not going to be one of those girls that thirst follow band members and try to be a groupie at every single show! He’s just a normal person, even if he is as perfect looking as you seem to think he is!”

“Well, I suppose…wait a second…have you still not seen what he looks like yet?”

“Erm…no, I guess I haven’t…well not specifically, at least. Every time you tell me that I should check out his profile, I forget or get distracted and I’ve never gotten around to it, I guess…”

“Well then, love…prepare to be blessed by the beautiful specimen of a man that is Finn Nelson, lead guitarist of the band Kings and Queens…” Izzie said without removing her eyes from her phone as she typed and clicked rapidly before passing Rae her cellphone as if it was a sacred object that must be handled with extreme care.

“Holy fuck…”

 “I know, right?”

 He looks so familiar…wait a second, is that—no, it couldn’t possibly be the guy that I stumbled into before the show…could it?

“So Rae…was I right or was I right? Finn is basically a god, don’t you think?”

“Yeah…he’s definitely, uh, well…I think I know him…”

“Holy shit, really? How?”

“Well, I don’t know-know him…do you remember how when we were standing outside the bar before the concert I told you that I ran into a guy and I dropped my phone…well this is the guy I bumped into…I just don’t know how I never made that connection!”

“That’s so crazy! What a weird coincidence though…”

“No kidding! Well, I have an Abnormal Psychology class to get to right now, but it was really nice meeting you for lunch today! I’ll check when Kings and Queens are performing and maybe we can reach out to them for a pair of discounted tickets?”

“Yeah, for sure! Just let me know if you think you’ll be free and we can work out all the details.”

***

By the time Rae walked into her apartment after a busy day of classes and studying for the finals she had coming up in all her Uni courses, the sun was already mostly set and the sky was streaked with the final remnants of pinks and oranges in a mostly blue and purple backdrop.

She immediately changed into an oversized t-shirt and a pair of patterned lounge pants before sitting down at the desk in the far corner of her bedroom and powering on her laptop.

Okay, let’s take a look to see when this upcoming Kings and Queens concert is gonna be…

Rae pulled up the band’s social media profile and saw a post that was only a few hours old with a picture of the promotional poster for this particular show.

Rae: Hiya Izz! I just checked the date for the K&Q show and I’m free if you still wanna go! It’s two Fridays from now…the Friday of exam week, I think?

Izzie: YES I STILL WANT TO GO! I have a final exam that morning, but I’ll definitely be free that evening.

 Rae: Great! I’ll go ahead and let them know that we want tickets so we can get the discounted price for the tickets, yeah?

 Izzie: Perfect! That sounds good to me, just let me know how much I owe you for my ticket, yeah?

 Rae: Will do!

 Rae set her phone back down on her desk beside her laptop and went back to reading the post in which the Kings and Queens band page had announced that they were playing the show and were selling a limited number of tickets at the lowest possible prices.

 Rae was debating between commenting on the post about needing tickets or sending them a private message before ultimately deciding to ask them about the tickets privately.

Hello there! I saw your post about the show you are playing at the end of the month and I saw that you have a limited number of tickets available for purchase at reduced prices. I’m interested in purchasing a pair, please…

@eveerez @tinakegg @hey1tskat1e @lurkernolonger @milllott @nutinanutshell @i-dream-of-emus @milymargot @vivammfd @bitchesbecrazy89 @arathewallflower @mallyallyandra​ @kneekeyta

A/N: Poor Finn :( First Rae brushes him off when he’s trying to be friendly and now we find out that he was “accidentally” cut out of the frame for the photo that they took after the first show. All I can say is you really have to be careful who you ask to take pictures for you using your phone at concerts because you never know what you’re gonna get…

So I don’t know about you guys, but I’m really enjoying what I’m dong with switching POV between what’s going on with Rae and what’s happening with Finn. I’m also making a point to have the timelines match us as much as possible from one POV to another with no overlap, so fingers crossed that I don’t end up fucking this up or making the story too hard to follow lol…

Also, how cool is it that their band is willing to sell discounted tickets to fans and deliver them to the people wanting the tickets. I know a number of people that are in local and mid-level bands where I live and this is something that they commonly do when the bands playing are lesser known or when there hasn’t been enough time for the concert to really be promoted in order to have a full crowd, so a lot of local bands will try to entice friends/family/previous fans that have seen them by offering to give them discounted tickets. I’m not sure if this is a common practice in other places too, but I think it’s pretty cool.

Writing this story is making me really miss all the concerts in sketchy bars and small venues I went to with my best friend at the time when I was 15/16/17 years old…ah, the memories *looks wistfully into the distance*

This entire thing has been super scatter-brained and confusing, but this is me we’re talking about, so what did you all really expect? Hahaha…I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the next one should be coming very soon as well…I’m still trying to decide exactly when, but I can assure you that it will be relatively soon. Stay awesome, my friends!

#Finn-Nelson-for-the-win #Before the World Stops Turning #Part 3 #mmfd #my mad fat diary #mmfd fanfic #my mad fat diary fanfiction #My writing #the concert series

[engekihaikyuu]

Anonymous Asks Answered

All answers under the Read More!  If you’re viewing this on the app, you won’t be able to read under the Read More apparently, so please view it in Desktop mode on your phone browser.

Thanks for the questions everyone!

If you get that tattoo, I demand pictures.  (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))

So, they do not rehearse ‘separately.’  They’re all in the same building, working in the same space with one another, but with some productions, there are rules in place that prevent male and female cast from posting online about interacting with each other.  Haikyuu has always been oddly strict in this area.  I wish I could say it’s a trend for JUMP series, but I’ve seen Naruto stage cast do pretty much whatever they want, so that’s not the case.  Burimyu had some restrictions, but the authorized costume photos were pretty shippy at times, so they didn’t care that much about being ‘proper.’ 

Engeki Haikyuu has never allowed the actors to take backstage photos while in costume or full make-up, and I figured this would extend to forbidding the actors and actresses from posting unauthorized shots of them working together.  I guarantee that they’re all having fun with guys and girls combined, and that once a DVD is out for this show we’d see that in backstage footage (assuming they include backstage footage).  

Yes, it is a cultural thing, but it’s a slightly old-fashioned way of doing things and it also doesn’t apply to every show that these actors will ever work on.  Most productions nowadays don’t care so much about backstage selfies in-costume or having guys and girls take photos together.  But the productions with rules about it are ones that tend to care very deeply about separating the characters from the actors and making sure that there is no room for misinterpretation or misrepresentation of a character by an actor goofing around backstage.  

Eventually as they begin touring and they start taking authorized costume selfies backstage, we’ll probably see Yacchan with Kageyama and Hinata... or Saeko and Tanaka... but prior to that I highly doubt it.  

Back when I first started doing this... it was mostly for organizational purposes.  I follow all of them on Twitter and IG and track their ameblos, but trying to find an old post on Twitter is a PAIN and archiving isn’t what you use that site for.  Tumblr is pretty good for archiving purposes assuming you tag everything properly, and then eventually as the posts I made gained traction, it just sort of spiraled into... this.  

Nothing happened to them, they’re just not going to be in the next show.  It’ll be focused on the summer training camp arc, and their characters aren’t in the story.  Allen and Kousuke are working on other productions, and I’ve always had a general rule about not updating on actors that aren’t currently working on Engeki Haikyuu.  This is why I don’t update on Datekou or Seijoh and other previous cast members unless they’re interacting with current cast members.  

I mean... whatever they post, I’ll post as they occur.

I can tell you general character ships, but I think you’re asking me if I ship the actors, which I don’t.  I love when they interact in the pairs that allow me to indulge and pretend it’s one of my ships, but I don’t actually ship them as people.  I know I use ‘Ryouken’ as a tag on this blog, but I don’t mean it as a romantic ship name, it’s just that those two hang out a lot and usually interact very cutely.  

Assuming that I’m remembering the exact thing you’re talking about... that bit of choreography did not end up being in the final play.  A lot of times they mess around with ideas and choreography during rehearsals, and they don’t make it to the final show or they get modified heavily from original concept to finished product.  I’ve read in interviews where sometimes an actor will have to change a bit of choreography a week or less before the curtain rises on opening night; just how it goes~

---

If you love the work I do for this blog and the translations I provide, please consider donating a ko-fi~  (x)

#asks #replies #anonymous

[imagines-corner]

Tierra, Part 2: Peter Parker

requested: by anonymous

pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

word count: 2.8k

warnings: Lots of fluff, some embarrassment, and nervous Peter

summary: You and Peter finally go on that date he asked you about in Germany.

Read Part 1 Here

“You’re going on a date?” Tony asked, standing across from you at the kitchen island, “With him?”

“I don’t know why you find this so shocking,” You replied, continuing to study from one of your textbooks as you slowly sipped tea from a mug. Today’s work was all about history.

“Aren’t you a little old for him?” Tony asked.

“We’re the same age,” You sighed.

“You’re not 15.” Tony furrowed his brow as he thought back to the last few years with you. He could’ve sworn you were at least 17.

“Yes I am,” You smiled, “I just act more like an adult than most kids my age.”

“Fine. Aren’t you a little… mature for him?” Tony asked once more, pulling out his phone as it began to vibrate.

“I like him,” You sighed, checking your phone to see if he had texted you. You stared at the blank lock screen, hoping that he would text you back.

Boys.

“You’re going on a date?” Aunt May exclaimed, sitting across from Peter in their favorite tiny Thai restaurant.

“Yeah,” Peter smiled, “On Friday.”

“This is so exciting!” She exclaimed, “Who are you going with? Is it someone from school?”

“You remember Mr. Stark’s assistant,” Peter replied, “We got to know each other on the trip to Germany.”

“Isn’t (Y/N) a bit old for you?” May asked, watching as the waiter brought out the food and placed it in front of them.

“No, we’re the same age,” Peter answered, “Everyone always thinks that.”

“How’d you ask?” It was clear from her long list of questions that May was excited Peter was finally going on a date. Though she never had any kids of her own, she longed for the day that she could watch one of her own fall in love like she had so many years prior.

“I called,” Peter replied.

“Why didn’t you ask in person?” May asked. She knew she had told him several times that asking someone on a date in person was much more romantic than asking them over the phone. “Don’t you two work together?”

“It’s not like we work side by side,” Peter replied, “Mr. Stark always takes (Y/N) on his trips and stuff while the rest of the interns work in a different part of the tower. It's not like I can just go sneak around Stark Tower.”

May nodded. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m so nervous,” Peter breathed.

“Sounds like we need to have the talk,” May spoke, continuing to eat her meal.

Peter practically jumped out of his seat when he heard those words come out of May’s mouth. “No we don’t,” He exclaimed, “They- They- They teach you that kinda stuff in school now, it's why they have Sex Ed-“

“Whoa, hold on there, mister,” Aunt May interrupted, “I was talking about first date etiquette, not the sex talk. I’m starting to rethink this whole date thing.”

“No, May, please,” Peter protested, watching as May’s face returned to a smile.

“Just be safe,” She continued, “I don’t wanna hear about any horror stories, alright?”

“Alright,” Peter sighed, suddenly panicking about all the possible ways the date could go wrong.

Should he get tested?

“You’re going on a date?” Ned exclaimed, slamming his locker closed with excitement, “With who?”

“I’m going with someone I met in Germany,” Peter replied, walking nervously down the hallways of Midtown High, “(Y/N).”

“A German?” Ned asked, “How are you guys gonna go on a date if you live so far apart-“

“(Y/N) lives in New York, Ned,” Peter sighed, turning the corner to head to Chemistry, “We both work for Mr. Stark.”

“As interns?”

“(Y/N)'s Mr. Stark’s assistant. Here, I’ll show you a picture.” Peter pulled out his phone, opening the most recent photo - a selfie of the two of you, on the plane back to New York, curled up under a blanket. You two had been watching a movie when Happy told the two of you that they were about to land, meaning that Peter only had a limited amount of time with you until you went your separate ways.

“Isn't there an age difference you should be thinking about?” Ned asked, “(Y/N) looks a lot older-“

“We’re the same age!” Peter exclaimed, “Why does everyone think I'm younger?”

“(Y/N) looks more professional.”

Peter sighed, walking into his classroom before taking a seat in the back, next to Ned. Peter couldn’t think of anything other than his date, his hands shaking constantly as he tried to think of different ways to impress you. To Peter, it was impossible to read you.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

How’s school treating you?

Peter smiled at the sight of a text from you. Even if it wasn’t a profession of your love for him, it still meant he was on your mind.

He thought of how to reply. School sucks because I can’t see you. That was too much. Good. That was too plain. What if he tried School is boring, how’s the Tower?

“Mr. Parker,” His teacher sighed, “Phone away.”

“So sorry,” Peter blushed, immediately throwing his phone into his bag without responding.

You stood in your room, nervously inspecting yourself before your date. Peter was coming to pick you up soon, and all you could think about was what you were going to say. Your mind was blank, panic rushing through your body with the slightest thought of Peter, while your heart raced with excitement. Frankly, it was a recipe for disaster.

“You look wonderful, (Y/N),” Vision spoke, startling you as he entered your room through the wall.

“I thought we talked about using the door more often?” You asked, turning quickly to look at him before continuing to find and fix every imperfection.

“Sorry,” He replied, “It can be hard to remember.”

You sighed, fixing your hair once more before exiting the room, checking your phone again. All that was left was the text Peter had sent you.

I’m leaving now, I’ll see you in 10 minutes!

It had been 15 minutes, and although you knew that New York was a big and busy city, you feared that something had happened. Did Peter change his mind and decided not to come? Was he fighting crime back in Queens? Did his Aunt May ground him? Did the train get stuck?

“(Y/N), Tony says that Mr. Parker is in the lobby to see you,” One of the various pieces of household technology informed you. You nodded, heading towards the elevator with your heart racing in your chest.

“Mr. Parker,” Tony spoke, walking through the elevator as Peter stood in the front door, his phone in his hands as he began to pull up his text messages with you, “I assume you’re here for the date.”

“Y-Yeah,” Peter nodded, quickly closing his phone before sliding it into his back pocket nervously, “Is- is (Y/N) here?”

“Yeah, of course,” Tony replied, “I just thought we could have a quick... chat.”

Peter didn’t expect the typical ‘meeting the parents’ on the first date was going to happen, let alone with a man he idolized and considered his boss and mentor. As if it wasn’t racing before, Peter's heart rate increased.

“Listen, kid,” Tony started, placing his hand on Peter’s shoulder as he walked him over to one of the couches, “(Y/N) is… special to me. I’m not saying this to scare you, I’m saying this because Pepper is making me, as the legal guardian of that pain-in-the-ass. Don't make her more of a pain, alright?”

“A-absolutely, Mr.-Mr. Stark,” Peter nodded, “I-I won’t do anything stup-“

“Hold that thought,” Tony continued, “Me first.” Peter nodded, closing his mouth as he listened. “Now that I’ve done the whole ‘protective parent’ thing, I’m gonna give you some ‘male-figure advice.’” Tony took a second to inspect Peter. “I assumed May helped you get dressed, because you look great. Now, when (Y/N) comes walking through those elevator doors, you’re gonna say something along the lines of ‘wow, you look great’ or however you kids say it these days before holding open the door and going off on your date. Did you drive?”

“I can’t,” Peter replied, “I take- I take the train.”

“Hm,” Tony sighed, “(Y/N) can’t drive either, something about State Law.” He shook his head before continuing. “Forget that. You guys are going to the movies? Don’t do that stupid ‘fake-yawn-turns-arm-around-the-shoulder’ thing you see all the time, either do it and commit to it or don’t do it at all. If your hands get clammy, don’t go for hand holding. And lastly, don’t try to make out through the whole movie on the first date, save that for the tenth or something. It’s not classy. You only kiss your date at the end of the night, when you drop (Y/N) off. Seals the deal, (Y/N) will be thinking about you for the rest of the night and then some.”

“Thanks,” Peter nodded, hearing almost the exact same thing from Aunt May not even 30 minutes earlier.

“Can you tell (Y/N) that Mr. Parker is here to see her?” Tony called out.

“Absolutely, Mr. Stark,” The Tower responded.

As the elevator headed down, you played with your phone in your fingers, trying to find some way to decrease the racing in your chest. When the doors finally opened, you found Peter sitting on the couch with Tony, likely talking about something Avengers-related.

Peter stood up quickly when he saw you, his jaw falling open as he stared. You felt your cheeks turn red as you walked over, your eyes falling to the ground.

“You- you- you look amazing,” Peter smiled, his eyes refusing to watch anything else.

“Thanks,” You smiled, “Ready?”

“I want you home by midnight,” Tony spoke before turning to mouth to you, “Home by one.” Clearly, Pepper was calling the shots, but Tony wanted you to have fun. You smiled, nodding as you turned back to Peter, who was nervously playing with his sleeves. Together, you walked towards the door, heading off for what you hoped would be the first of many dates.

First, Peter took you to the Thai restaurant he and Aunt May went to constantly. He decided it was a safe choice, mostly because you both agreed on Thai, but also the fact that it wasn’t expensive (but wasn’t cheap, either), and that he already knew the food was good. He wanted nothing but the best for you, but with the allowance of a 15 year old, he couldn’t afford to take you to one of the fancy restaurants that Tony must’ve gone to with all of his dates.

You two talked almost the entire time. Though the nerves were still there, they had died down significantly once you two remembered how much you enjoyed each other’s company and the amazing stories you each had to tell.

“So,” Peter asked, leaning forward in his chair after finishing his meal, “How did you find out you were… y’know… special?”

“Well,” You started, “I’ve kinda always known I was different. I mean, to most people it just seemed like I was a little antisocial and had a weird love for nature and animals, but to me I could… feel something. There was something so much more special to me about sitting outside by a tree while reading than hanging out in apartments watching television. I could feel its energy, the buzzing inside of something that didn’t look alive but felt alive.” You smiled, thinking back to your first experiences manipulating plant life. “I had a little DIY terrarium when I was a kid. It was really just a plastic container with some dirt and a few seeds my mom and I had picked up when grocery shopping. I remember it so vividly… I had put the seeds in the dirt, watered it and just… willed it to grow.”

“Did they?” Peter asked, infatuated with the look of wonder and excitement on your face.

“They did,” You smiled, “A lot. I realized quickly that I had to hide them somehow before my parents found out I could freakily will plants to grow.” You bit your lip before continuing, watching as the waiter cleared your plates and headed back for the check. “It was then that I also realized I could destroy life. I ended up freaking out and the plants responded by dying.”

“Back in Germany,” Peter spoke, “You said you woke me up by manipulating my hormones.”

“That’s something I’ve more recently developed,” You replied, “People are living things, just like plants. They’re just a little more complicated. Tony has had me practice on smaller things - rats, bugs, lab animals - but I also practice on him a little.” You smiled, standing as Peter finished writing down the generous tip on the check.

As the two of you left the restaurant, walking towards the movie theatre, Peter talked about how he was bitten by a spider and realized he now had weird, superhuman capabilities.

“It was the weirdest thing,” Peter spoke, staring up at the dark sky before speeding up to get the door for you, “When you and Mr. Stark came by, I was totally shocked.”

“I mean, you should’ve expected that,” You smiled, “If you’re swinging around New York City, of course someone’s gonna find you.”

“I just don’t know how you guys figured out my identity.” Peter walked up to the ticket counter, paying for two tickets before the two of you headed inside.

“That was all him,” You informed Peter, “I just found the videos.”

The two of you found the correct theatre, walking in and sitting down somewhere in the middle of the fairly empty theatre. Peter’s hands were placed close to his knees, almost as if he was scared to come in contact with you before you had the movie to distract yourself. You loved how much of a gentleman he was.

After the previews ended and the movie started, you felt Peter begin to warm up again. Your hand was leaning on the arm rest, open and ready for his, and when he finally worked up the courage to wrap his fingers between yours, you felt your heart explode with excitement while your cheeks burned. You tried hard to hide your face from his view, trying not to show him how giddy he made you.

The walk home was one of the best parts of the night. You and Peter had officially warmed up to each other, having new conversation points from the movie. Peter's hand remained laced with yours the entire trip, his thumb occasionally rubbing your hand as you stood on the train or waited to cross the street. It was the most comforting and exhilarating thing.

As you approached the front door, your heart sank into your stomach. This had been one of the best nights of your life, and you didn’t want it to end. For the first time, you felt normal, unlike every other point in your life where you felt like a freak. Peter made you feel human.

“I- I had a lot of fun tonight,” Peter smiled, stopping as you stood under the illumination of the street lights to pull open the lobby door for you. Together, the two of you walked inside, the lights dimmer to preserve energy at this time of night.

“Me too,” You smiled, “We should do this again sometime.”

Peter nodded, his eyes glancing down at his shoes. “Can- Can I kiss you?”

Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of those words once again, just like it had in Germany.

“You can always kiss me,” You whispered, watching as Peter lightly placed both hands on your cheeks, pulling your face closer to his before his lips came to meet yours once again. It was just as wondrous as the last, pulling you away from reality and into a moment that was indescribable. Even though the two of you were young, inexperienced, and naive, it felt completely natural for you to be in his arms.

“Hands off, Mr. Parker,” Tony’s voice sounded from the walls, clearly watching from one of the security cameras. Peter immediately pulled away, his cheeks redder than they had been all night, a smile making its way onto his face as you began to laugh.

“Goodnight, Peter,” You smiled, locking eyes with him as his cheeks began to cool.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” He reciprocated. As he began to turn towards the door, you rushed up to him, giving him one last kiss goodnight before running towards the elevator, watching as he stood there in disbelief and happiness, your eyes locking as the doors closed.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker #spiderman imagine #tom holland imagine #marvel imagine #spiderman: homecoming #marvel #marvel: spiderman

[aoibaratraveler]

UK Road Trip Week 6.... plus the final two days! (first two days of week 7)

Day 36:

We drove from Inverness to Fort William today. The road there was gorgeous with lots of lochs, valleys, and mountains. I mean, it’s nothing we hadn’t seen before on the NC 500, but I do feel bad about not filming it. I was just so focused on admiring it myself. I do need to get the hang of filming more of the amazing sights I see if I want to start a youtube channel at some point though. I did film a herd of sheep with their shepherd so that was cool. Shortly after that, we saw a fenced-off area full of male and female deer. We think they’re being protected. The antlers of a stag are just so beautiful. Whenever I see a stag I think of Harry Potter or Princess Mononoke because they look so magical. Once we got to Fort William, we drove through the city centre and came to the decision that we’d be hiking Ben Nevis the following day. We grabbed lunch at Aldi and then drove to Glenfinnan which is just the next town over and home to the Glenfinnan viaduct where the Hogwarts Express famously goes over in the HP movies. We explored Glenfinnan station and I bought a postcard to add to my postcard collection of all of the cool places that I’ve been to. Later on, we walked down to the viaduct for photos. It was pretty interesting and not as crowded as I thought and I pictured the Hogwarts express going over. Luckily we parked near Glenfinnan station and were actually able to watch the train go on the tracks near there and through the valley. Afterward, we drove back to Fort William and had a bite at the Costa and tried to watch the fourth Harry Potter movie, but couldn’t get through it, I had just read the books so I was too confused by how much they skipped and it was hard to watch. We ended the night with the usual, by finding a layby and pitching up.

Day 37:

We hiked Ben Nevis, the tallest mountain in Scotland and the British Isles! I’m glad we managed to in the end. We were both somewhat apprehensive about it because we were so tired and weren’t sure if the weather would stay decent enough for it. We took our time getting ready which isn’t smart when you’re going on a long hike but what can you do when you’re tired. We wanted to make sure we’d had our coffee this time. We finally set off at 10:36 on the hike. It actually took us about the same time to hike it as it did for Snowdon even though Ben Nevis is 260m taller but that’s because we didn’t have to walk through as many valleys and ridges with Ben Nevis as we did with Snowdon. It was a bit steeper though, but we didn’t have to scramble up anywhere like Snowdon either. The bf tells me that I shouldn’t compare the mountains because they’re different but I can’t help it because I’ve never done hikes before like this and none that were more than a couple of hours at most. It certainly wasn’t as crowded at the Ben Nevis summit. But you still had the inconsiderate fools smoking there and during the hike which made it harder for people like me who have sinus/breathing issues to breathe after a strenuous hike. It was honestly pretty upsetting that there was such a large amount of people smoking everywhere on the trail. Then we also had two young girls playing music loudly on speakers that were inside their bag and then the foolish tourists wearing the most inappropriate clothing for a hike (dresses, fancy sandals, jewelry, flats, jeans.etc). Ugh, I sound bitter, I’m not. Really. I should know that with a tourist mountain like this one, unfortunately, that there are gonna be fools. Overall, even though the weather wasn’t as great as when we did Snowdon, I really enjoyed it and I’m proud to say that I did it. It reaffirmed my wish to try and hike many more mountains and definitely a bunch when I get to Japan; especially Mt. Fuji. The bf and I even met some older men on the trail that had just come back from hiking Kilimanjaro in Tanzania. We were pretty impressed since they said they did it twice. The bf and I would definitely like to hike that too someday. I mean he’s already done it, (he’s done many hikes, I’m pretty jealous) but he said he’d do it again with me. At another point on the trail, we met someone doing the 24-hour peak to peak challenge where one tries to hike Snowdon, Scafell Pike, and Ben Nevis in 24 hours…I couldn’t do that…I wouldn’t want to do that, I mean kudos to him but why would I want to kill my legs like that for no reason. I do love hikes and I feel so good after a hike, exhausted, but overall good, you know? If I did something like that without rest though…I feel like I’d be bedridden for at least a week afterward. I’d rather enjoy myself and the wilderness and just accomplish major hikes like that one at a time with lots of rest in between. My goal is to start doing nice long hikes/walks in the lake or peak district every other or every weekend before I leave the UK. Our knees were destroyed by the time we got down from Ben Nevis so I definitely need to buy knee braces before my next big hike. We ended the day by watching the Liverpool game and taking it easy.

Day 38:

Today we rode the Hogwarts Express! Aka the Jacobite and well not the exact model apparently but similar and..actually kind of a waste of money, but I’ll get to that in a bit. I woke up at 6:30 am and I was super excited about what lay ahead, but I also woke up so early because I was restless all night and awake until 2 am. It was the first hot night we’d experienced in a while and I just felt hot and dry all night and not to mention sore and in pain in my legs/knees from the Ben Nevis hike. Eventually, the bf woke up and we drove to Fort William station to get ready for the train ride. What struck me as disappointing right away is that it looked nothing like the Hogwarts Express from the inside unless you were to be seated in first class where they actually do have private carriages. The rest though just looks like a regular, old, worn (emphasis on old and worn) train. You’d think from the amount that it costs that they’d be able to afford to do some upkeep on it but nope. It is purely a cash grab that sets you back 40 pounds. It was a complete tourist trap. There were so many loud tourists, it was so crowded and people kept constantly trying to hog the window space for stunning views outside. Yes, the views were lovely, but it’s really hard to enjoy them from how loud and stuffy it was in there (since it clearly is an old train, no air conditioner). You could tell that half the people on there weren’t even fans or there for the views (which you could have gotten for much cheaper on a regular Scotrail train I bet), but just to say that they’d ridden it which was a bit annoying. There were people sleeping and elderly/middle-aged people drinking or taking selfies and I just kept asking myself what they were doing there. Curiously though, there were hardly any people from our age group, you know the people that grew up with the fandom, books, movies, etc. It was just a really disappointing experience since I had been looking forward to doing this ever since I arrived in the UK so I’m sorry, I know I sound bitter and annoyed. I’ve ridden much nicer, quieter, scenic and less expensive trains in Japan and have gone to the wizarding world of Harry Potter at Universal Studios there which I think is a much better use of my money and had a great time. I shouldn’t really compare though but it’s a shame because I honestly don’t think it was worth our time or money. They even got the HP story wrong in the 1 pound tour guide book that we bought! 

We would have been much better off just finding a good spot and filming the train from there which we kinda did but a shot over the Glenfinnan viaduct would have been the perfect shot and the only thing worth doing unfortunately but I’m glad I know I suppose although I guess I should have done my research on the train journey before buying a ticket. Once we got back to Fort William on the train’s return leg from Mallaig, we hopped in the car and decided to drive South toward loch Lomond. The drive there was excellent. We drove through valleys and mountains and that paired with the good weather made me feel better about the lousy train trip. I definitely want to invest in a proper camera for my next travels because so far I have just been using my phone and I’m running out of space for photos and videos so I’m forced to have to use my phone camera very wisely for the next 5 days so as to not run out of space before the trip is over. When we arrived in loch Lomond, we found the perfect layby, made some noodles and just chilled for the rest of the night. 

Day 39:

It’s great waking up knowing that you’re going to have a scenic drive, that’s why I love staying overnight in a national park or AONB, it’s just a lovely thing to wake up to. The plan today was just to drive from loch Lomond through Cairngorms national park and finally to Aberdeen. We decided to cut out Cairngorms for today because we figured that take too long and just save it for tomorrow. We were both really hungry so we decided to stop at a cafe called “Skoosh” along our drive in the loch Lomond national park. We both decided to get full Scottish breakfasts. We were able to choose from a list of breakfast items. I chose everything that wasn’t pork essentially while the bf chose a typical breakfast with sausage, bacon, fried egg, etc. I did also imply to the waitress that I couldn’t eat pork by asking if something that I ordered contained any and then ordering it when she said it didn’t. Unfortunately, when our order arrived, both our plates had bacon. I really enjoy ordering full breakfasts (of the veggie variety but with haggis when I’m in Scotland since the only thing I can’t eat is pork) so it was a shame that I couldn’t eat half my plate because the bacon/bacon grease was touching/mixed up with the other stuff. I didn’t complain but in retrospect, I should have said something. I just gave more than half my plate to the bf to eat and tried to eat the rest myself but felt physically ill at the thought that what I ate may have touched the bacon grease on the plate. It’s more of a psychological thing, but I felt uncomfortable and couldn’t enjoy anything else. I hate food going to waste too; I couldn’t eat my mushrooms and tomatoes because they were with the bacon and the bf didn’t want them either because he doesn’t like them in a restaurant/cafe fry up. When the waitress came to collect the plates I told her what happened and why I had left items on my plate. She apologized and then we could hear her telling the cook what we said. It was a small cafe so the cook herself came to give us the machine when we went up to pay. She half-heartedly apologized and said she must have gone into “overdrive” while cooking. I didn’t really get this because the bf and I had ordered a good 10 minutes before any other customers came in and we were the only ones in the shop at the time so it’s not like she was busy but it’s whatever, it’s my fault for not bringing it up right away. I suppose I would have just liked her to show a bit more empathy. We drove straight to Aberdeen after that. We weren’t really in the mood to sightsee and just wanted to find a place to shower and chill. After a bit of searching online, the bf found a park and ride just 5 miles out that apparently had showers. When we got there we saw that the place was huge and so oddly clean. I looked it up properly and apparently, it was built in 2017 by the city council to help combat congestion and has 1000 spaces, but unfortunately, it’s not popular for whatever reason which is a shame. It is only used by seven people a day! It had free 36-hour parking, the building itself has a big waiting room, two big washrooms for men and women with a shower stall in each and the place is spotless. It is supposed to have free wifi and hot water but since it is hardly used the council stopped providing these things. We were the only ones there so we decided to spend the next several hours chilling there and have a shower (seriously, no one else came in except for one bus driver at the end of the night for the toilet). We made dinner and it was nice to have a big, quiet space to ourselves that wasn’t the car for a while. It sounds bizarre to hang out in a park and ride, I know, but if you come here then you’ll understand what I mean. It had a soothing atmosphere to it after spending so long in the car. It was like going to a campsite and you were the only ones with access to the facilities. Later on, the bf even gave me some driving lessons in the huge car park. I have my full license in driving automatic vehicles but I have only once before had a go at driving a standard vehicle and that was also with the bf, in 2017 when I studied abroad here during my degree. Driving a standard vehicle is a lot harder then I give the bf credit for and it was pretty nerve-wracking to think about when to use each gear and the clutch but it was still a lot of fun to be back behind the wheel since I haven’t driven since I left Canada. I definitely have more respect for the bf now when he drives especially on long trips like this one or when he’s on the road with awful drivers and is always able to keep his cool–well, for the most part (mild road rage). I can’t wait for my next lesson though, I’d like to become as good at driving standard as I am with automatic and besides I just enjoy driving and don’t want to get out of practice. It wasn’t until nearly 1 am that we decided to call it a night and pitch up at a nearby country park.

Day 40:

Today was essentially a transit day to get back down to England and continue from Carlisle for the final 3 days of our road tour. The drive was about 5 hours long. Honestly, I was exhausted the whole time. My legs are still sore and swollen and I even fell asleep for an hour. I still enjoyed some of the mountainous views of Scotland and I felt a bit sad to be leaving. Scotland has had the most beautiful scenery in the UK and just all of Scotland in general, particularly the highlands is just my favourite place by far to explore in the UK. Once we got to Carlisle, we wandered around the city for an hour and a half to stretch our legs and to play pokemon go. Later on, on our way to finding a layby in the North Pennines AONB to pitch up, we stopped to try and help a mother and daughter jump-start the battery of their car. They had parked it in Tesco’s for two weeks (the mom works there) while they were in France on holiday and the battery had gone completely flat because the daughter forgot to turn the lights off. The mother seemed to be a French national and was really funny and friendly and interested in our travels. She reminded me a lot of what my mom can be like. After that, we made our way to the North Pennines and just before parking up we came across a sign that said:e “Castle Carrock, please dance”. We had to do a double-take when we saw it - literally, the bf applied the brakes and reversed back to be sure he read the sign properly (it was late at night on a country road, so no risk of a car being behind him!).

Day 41:

Today was meant to be the day that we try and see, again, if we could hike Scafell Pike. Sadly, the bf and I were still sore from Ben Nevis because all we’ve done since is pretty much just sit in a car which has also led to our ankles and legs being very swollen; we haven’t really done ourselves any favours really. Although we managed to hike the tallest peaks in both Wales and Scotland, it seems that Scafell Pike, which is shorter than both at 978 meters (Snowdon is 1085 m and Ben Nevis is 1345 m), is also considered to be the toughest owing to it being incredibly steep in some parts. So…we’ll just save it for a little later on after we’ve recuperated from this trip. Besides, it rained today anyway and I prefer dry weather on hikes. Instead, we chose to go national park/AONB hoping to ultimately end up in Whitby. We started off by driving through the North Pennines AONB. Honestly, I must be out of steam because not even 30 mins into this first AONB and I fell asleep for almost an hour. I felt bad for the bf because he does all the driving and it really isn’t fair to him. We’d gone through all the rolling hills of the North Pennines and stopped for coffee at Starbucks and I finally convinced the bf to get a Starbucks card since he buys coffee there at least once a day. We then set off to continue through the Yorkshire Dales National Park then the Nidderdale AONB and finally through the North York Moors National Park before arriving in Whitby. The scenery of the National Parks/AONBs was very similar especially since it was raining and foggy. Lovely, huge, rolling hills, lots of sheep messing about; the usual, but still great and worth a visit again in good weather. I’ve probably seen more sheep on this trip than I have seen, or any other animal for that matter, in my life. Once we arrived in Whitby, I decided that the first order of business was to get some fish and chips. I found a well-rated and cheap one online called Silver Street Fisheries. The customer service there was amazing, probably the best I’ve experienced in the UK and certainly the best fish and chips I’ve had here too. I mentioned to the woman behind the counter that I’d never had mushy peas before and wanted to try them and then she said that people here either love them or hate them and so she scooped some up in a cup for me to sample them. I didn’t absolutely hate it but it wasn’t something that I wanted to pay for either so I passed on that but she also gave me a sample of curry sauce and gravy to try which I much preferred and she said I could keep the samples (they were really big samples to be fair). The fish and chips themselves were so crispy and delicious. The batter on the fish was amazing and not doughy at all. The cod that I got was also full of flavour. I learned during this experience that I like vinegar on chips and regret not having put it on my fish (I realized this after I finished my fish). As for the bf, he ordered a large sausage and chips with curry sauce. The sausage came battered which he didn’t ask for but doesn’t regret because he also really enjoyed how crispy the batter was. After our dinner, we walked it off by strolling through Whitby and trying to find the hotel where the bf’s grandmother used to work which is unfortunately now owned by Wetherspoons. After that, we climbed the 199 steps up to Whitby abbey and then set up there for a bit and watched the gorgeous sunset over the town. We had a lovely and somewhat romantic end to our day and I’m happy that I finally got to see Whitby, I really liked it there. I hope I’ll be able to go back there soon for some awesome fish and chips!

Day 42:

I awoke to find that we had pretty much pitched in the middle of nowhere. Technically, we’ve been doing that a lot by parking in national parks/AONBs overnight but even as I sat there waiting for the bf to wake up and then eventually falling back to sleep myself, hardly any cars passed when normally there would be a few cars every few minutes. We drove to a shopping park in York to freshen up and grab some coffee and then grabbed lunch at Aldi (it was pretty late by the time we left the place we had parked). We managed to park near the city centre of York and began ambling towards there while hunting pokemon and working on the Jirachi quest. Our main three goals for the day was to see the York shambles which was a spot highlighted on google maps that looked interesting, general exploration of York, and to try “Britain’s second-best burger” at a place called “Burgsy”. We arrived at the shambles first and right away (with the help of all the Harry Potter shops) we noticed that it was the filming location/inspiration for Diagon Alley in the HP movies! We, of course, explored all the HP shops, the bf and I talked about how we’d like to buy the series with the newly redone illustrations on the covers. I pined over the Hufflepuff letterman’s jacket (I’ve taken the Pottermore test twice, can’t remember why, but each time I got a different result, once my result was Hufflepuff and the other was Gryffindor) and a little figure of Hedwig in a birdcage that I’d love to have at my bedside table. We soon found that the shambles was too crowded with tourists for our liking so we escaped to Burgsy for some refuge and burgers. The bf and I ordered two burgers to cut in half and share. Now, they were super delicious, yes, with great sauce and delicious patties, but the bun was mediocre and I don’t think the overall burger should be qualified of the “Britain’s second-best” title (a quick google search is what told us this). I did still enjoy them but they were rather expensive and I’ve had better burgers made at home by the bf so I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to go there again. Afterward, we wombled about and played pokemon go. My adventure sync doesn’t work while the bf’s does so he was able to easily complete the mission of walking to evolve Feebas during the Ben Nevis hike while I can only walk my buddy/hatch eggs when the app is open so that’s annoying and what I was trying to do during our stroll through the city. We later decided we were craving some Five Guys fries so we went to go get some. I wasn’t really paying attention when our order was given out but when a number was called out, the bf seemed so sure of himself and grabbed the bag and then proceeded to grab some mayo but I thought I saw something that said relish on the sheet of paper attached to the bag so I was confused but just trusted that the bf had grabbed the right bag and then took a fry out to eat it….but he hadn’t grabbed the right bag…when we sat down, we looked inside and realized this wasn’t our order because there was a burger and when looking at our receipt we saw that we were order 41, not 43 which was the number on the receipt attached to the bag that we were given. I felt so guilty for not saying anything when I was confused earlier so I rushed back to the counter with the bag to apologize and give back the order we took while getting our correct one. The employee asked if I touched it and I said no…I lied but I only took one fry out, that’s not the end of the world, you could see that we clearly hadn’t opened the burger wrapping so he could have just taken out the fries if need be and, I don’t know, eaten them himself or something (I’ve worked in fast food, it happens) and then put in new ones. He seemed like he was going to accept the bag but another employee immediately took them from him and gave it back to me, asking me to throw it away…I suppose because of food safety and they couldn’t be sure how much we had actually touched but I’m sorry I’m not going to just waste food like that and I felt bad but we took it for ourselves and had much more fries than we had bargained for. We ate it outside and watched as crowds lined up for an apparent ghost tour of of the city. We ended the night by venturing over to the peak district to pitch up.

Week 7

Day 43:

Today was the unofficial last day of the trip and I say unofficial because we plan to be on the road tomorrow. I’d been wanting to check out the peak district for a while and here I was waking up in it. I’ve heard lots of people talking about it all year so I wanted to go for a walk in it but we were both very tired so I settled for a short but steep one in Bamford, up Bamford hill. There’s a spot at the top called Bamford edge that’s a rocky platform that is popular to take photos on. It was a nice little walk especially because no one else was around but it was terribly windy so we didn’t stay up there long after taking photos. From there, we drove to Sheffield to spend a few hours walking around the city, grabbing a coffee (mine was really bitter, very few Starbucks in the UK seem to be able to make an americano properly), and check out a popular park for playing pokemon go. Sheffield was very much an industrial city…with interesting people. It was definitely full of characters. It also felt like Sheffield never left the 90′s in the sense that no one seemed to have any sense of style/very out there kind of style/no one cared about their style. Now don’t get me wrong, I love 90′s grunge and was a fan of how Rachel, Pheobe, and Monica from Friends dressed, but for me, the 90s felt like a time when no one cared about their style…either that or the early naughties. Once we were done in Sheffield we made instant noodles for lunch and went to our final sightseeing stop which was Sherwood forest, just outside Nottingham, and the place where the legend of Robin Hood started. We were honestly so drained and tired by this point, we could really feel that it was the last day so we just had a lazy walk around the forest and completed a couple of missions on pokemon go. It was a pretty good day to call our last day. At around 6, we decided it was a good time to head down to the North Wessex Downs to find a place to park up for the last time since we had plans to see the bf’s friend in Reading the next day.

Day 44:

Well, today was…something. I’m writing this five days in the future owing to the stressful time we had on the last day of our trip. The day was meant to go smoothly as all days should really, no one plans for accidents to happen, they just do. That’s why they’re called accidents. We got up, went to a services area to freshen up and met with the bf’s friend from university who currently lives in Reading. We stayed there for a couple of hours and had a nice time. His friend is really nice and loves animals which makes him a stand-up guy. He also had a big, funny, orange, cross-eyed half Maine Coon cat that I got to play with. From there we finally made the journey home. It wasn’t too long of a trip and when we were about 30 minutes away we stopped for a snack at Lidl. We weren’t even five minutes into the drive from Lidl when we got into a car accident. Yup. What a way to end a road trip, am I right?…..Yea, well it’s been tough dealing with the aftermath of that. I truly don’t believe the bf is at fault but it was our car that crashed into another one. I was on my phone up until the last few seconds so I’m not sure of what exactly happened but traffic is being diverted onto a smaller much narrow road owing to road works and as you go onto that small road there are traffic lights which we stopped at and then five seconds after there is a give way area and I’m sure the bf noticed and only looked away for a second but all of the sudden the car in front stopped and the bf was quick to press on the brakes with enough time but (maybe because the tires were worn from our long time on the road) the car just slid and crashed into the car in front. We were so shaken up and in disbelief at what just happened that it didn’t help that the guy we hit came out and yelled at us and berated the bf and was just a complete chav…..well long story short, the car is a write-off and the bf is currently trying to find a new one while we stay with his grandparents. It was such a freak thing to happen and unbelievable because we spent so long on the road and this happened only 15 minutes before reaching home but they do say that accidents always happen close to home, right?

#nc500 #ukroadtrip2019 #ukroadtrip #ukexplore #roadtrip #scotland #englishcoast #england #ben nevis #harry potter #hogwarts express #wanderlustuk #Wanderlust #wanderlove #britishnature #naturelovers #expattravel #travellover #lifeontheroad #travelblog #travelblogger #firsttimeblogging #longpost #longread #blogpost #accidentshappen #whatawaytoend #lifehappens #summertravel #burgers

[banshee-cheekbones]

title: seasons change (but people don’t) [ao3: here]

main pairing: Malia/Kira

rating: G

word count: ~2300 words

written for: for the Femslash Big Bang April Monthly Challenge (where the prompt was ‘changes’), for the ‘social media au’ square on my Teen Wolf Rare Character Bingo card, and for the following prompt sent to me a few months ago by the lovely @veronicabunch: 

"Kira/Malia + "oh god, oh no, oh shit, oh fuck." "um. excuse me, are you okay?" "do I look okay? my life is a mess."

summary: The one where Malia hates airports but is willing to brave the chaos so that she can finally meet Kira in person

Given the choice between spending four hours in a cage full of rabid wolves and spending four hours standing in the middle of an airport, Malia would choose the former every single time.

Even though she’s never flown before, which means she’s bypassed the parts of travelling that people seem to really enjoy whining about, airports are still a test of patience that she just doesn’t have. There’s too much noise, too much movement, too much damn chaos. Children screaming at the top of their lungs, families standing dumb in the middle of the hallways and causing a traffic jam as they peer down at a smartphone, constant announcements overhead, constant rushes of people racing to catch a flight, the wheels of their bags rattling on the tiled floors; it’s all just so much.

If it was anyone else she was picking up at the airport, even if it was her own family, she’d do the same thing she’s been doing for years: she’d make them come to her, meet her in the parking lot outside the arrivals gate.

But this isn’t just her family. This is her girlfriend.

This is Kira.

She’s never met Kira in person, even though they’ve been talking for almost a year and a half and dating for a little over six months. They met online in a discussion board for young musicians that Malia had been frequenting since middle school, when she’d first fallen in love with playing the drums. She’d been scrolling through the board one day before class when she’d come across a new thread posted by a user named foxfire, asking for advice on what drumsticks would be best for someone with absolutely no experience. Malia had jumped in with advice honed from years of users asking the exact same question and, looking back, it was possible that she’d been a little terse, a little snippy.

Okay, she'd been a lot snippy.

But, to her surprise, her response had been followed up with a private message that revealed that, while foxfire didn’t have experience with the drums, they did have musical training that was on the more classical end of the spectrum. That was followed by a few more specific questions that were follow-ups to the information Malia had provided in her response.

Malia had let the message percolate in her inbox for a few days before she finally answered.

Kira had responded only hours later.

Eventually, once their conversation began to veer away from topics unrelated to music, Malia had sent Kira a link to her blog. They’d followed each other and continued talking, leaving comments and likes on each other’s personal posts.

(It was around that time that Malia had received a number of anonymous messages that were all along the lines of you are so amazing!

She’d brought it up to Kira once, later, once they’d moved to Skype and started talking face to face, or the closest thing to it, and while Kira had denied it, her face had been scarlet as she’d done so, and that had given Malia all the answer she’d needed.)

Eventually, barely an hour went by without them talking to each other. It was easy to forget that they hadn’t been best friends since childhood, so long as Malia didn’t think about the thousands of miles between them.

It’d been Kira who brought up becoming something more, one late night while they were Skyping. Kira had been lying on her side in bed in an oversized sweater, loose tendrils of hair falling from her face, breaking out into yawns every so often. Just when Malia had been ready to hang up and let Kira get some sleep, Kira had snuggled deeper into her pillow and murmured seven words.

“You know, my friends think we’re dating.”

“They do?” Malia asked, feeling herself smiling. “Would that be so bad?” She’d meant it as a joke, something to make Kira blush a little; her own friends had been bugging her about the same thing for months, and Malia would have been lying if she said she hadn’t thought about a few times. If it wasn’t for the sheer distance between them, she would have already asked.

Even with the pixelation of the screen, it’d been easy to see the red flush that had spread across Kira’s cheeks, but instead of simply changing the subject, she’d shaken her head and smiled.

“No. I’d like that, actually.”

Kira’s smile had been contagious. Malia felt like an idiot for how quickly a matching grin spread across her face, but there’d been no stopping it even if she had wanted to.

“Yeah. Me too.”

And now, here she is, waiting in what is possibly the most chaotic environment she’s ever stepped foot in, and Kira’s flight was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago, but there’s absolutely no sign of her, and every time Malia looks up at the multiple screens scattered around the arrivals area, she just ends up more confused.

If she doesn’t figure something out soon, Kira’s first day with her is going to be a disaster.

“Oh God,” she mutters, stepping backwards to avoid getting run over by an entire family with a massive amount of luggage. “Shit. Fuck."

"Excuse me. Are you okay?"

Malia whips around and expects to find herself staring at a TSA agent, ready to escort her out of the airport for loitering. Instead, she’s met with a man who looks to be her own age, frowning softly with concern, noticeably not carrying any luggage.

“Do I look okay?” she snaps, shoving a chunk of hair away from her face. “My girlfriend’s flight was already supposed to be here, and I have no idea where I’m supposed to wait for her, or if her flight has been delayed, or what is happening. This place is a fucking nightmare.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty confusing,” the man agrees. “My girlfriend isn’t getting in for another half hour. I can help you find your gate, if you want?”

Malia raises an eyebrow. Airports don’t seem like the kind of environment to breed kindness, just panic and stress. “You sure?”

“Yeah! I could have used some guidance the first time I had to pick someone up here. Do you know her flight information?” Malia has screencaps of all the information about Kira’s flights, both her arriving and departing ones, and she brings the photos up, keeping an iron grip on her phone with one hand, just in case this whole offer to help turns out to be a play to try and steal her phone.

Thankfully, the guy makes no attempt to do so. He simply peers at Malia’s screen and nods once before he looks up at one of the huge screens dotting the cavernous room. The scrolling text still looks like gibberish to Malia, but he must find something useful in it, because he nods again and points across the vast room.

“They must have changed her gate for some reason,” he says. “Her plane just landed at gate 12. If we move fast, you should be able to catch her just as she gets out.”

“Lead the way,” Malia says, shoving her phone back in her pocket and taking off across the room at her fastest walk. The guy quickly catches up to her, keeps pace without a struggle (which is a feat, she’s been told.)

“I’m Scott, by the way,” he says, right before he effortlessly steps around a couple who are taking a selfie for some godforsaken reason.

“Malia,” she responds. She momentarily debates on sticking her hand out so he can shake it, but that would just slow them down too much, so she settles for a quick nod. “Do you give complimentary tours of this place often?”

“Honestly, pretty much every time I’m here,” he replies with an easy laugh. “My girlfriend travels a lot for business, so I’m usually here at least once a month to pick her up. There’s always someone who needs the help while I wait.”

“The airport should start paying you.”

“Maybe one day,” he says, laughing again. He slows slightly, pulling his phone from his pocket, and his lips crinkle into a frown. “Speaking of my girlfriend, looks like they got in a little early. Do you mind if I-”

“Go for it,” Malia answers, slowing to a stop, even though every nerve in her body demands that she keeps going, that she get to Kira as soon as she can. “Thanks for the help.”

“No problem!” Scott flashes her a beaming grin before he points ahead, the way they were going. “Gate 12 is just a little further. You can’t miss it.” With that, he turns on his heel and starts easily threading his way back through the crowd, moving against the stream. Malia doesn’t waste much time looking after him; one of the speakers over her head blares an announcement, and while she can only half hear it over the hubbub, she does catch the words gate 12, which means she needs to move if she doesn't want to leave Kira waiting.

By the time she reaches the gate, her stomach is cramping with nerves, and there’s sweat gathering on the back of her neck. She hasn’t felt this nervous in literally years, and the feeling is so overwhelming that she kind of wants to vomit. All the questions, the negative thoughts, that she’s been trying to keep at bay since the day Kira officially bought her tickets to come visit, have rushed up into an overwhelming deluge that she can’t even begin to handle.

The doors connecting the gate to the tunnel leading to the plane open, and a group of passengers start making their way out agonizingly slowly. Even though she has a relatively clear line of sight, Malia still can’t help leaning up onto her toes, searching for Kira.

Her whole body feels jittery. Her heartbeat is pounding in her ears. With every second that passes by without Kira emerging from the tunnel, Malia’s stomach inches further and further up her throat.

Just when she’s ready to find the nearest garbage can, Malia sees her.

She’s one of the last people off the plane, wheeling a carry-on suitcase that’s patterned with red and blue elephants. Her sleek black hair is pulled into two braids that dangle down over her shoulders, and she’s dressed for comfort, in a pair of leggings, neon-orange sneakers and an oversized zip-up hoodie that reaches almost to her knees.

She’s the most beautiful person Malia has ever seen.

Her heart takes the place of her stomach, hovering in the base of her throat.

Kira’s face crinkles with concern as she scans the area, but before Malia can call out her name, Kira finds her, and her face illuminates from within. She smiles wide, and she starts jogging forward, suitcase bouncing along behind her.

Malia means to say something cool, something nonchalant that doesn’t make her sound completely gone on Kira; she doesn’t want to be too obvious, after all. She thinks that maybe a simple hey would be a good place to start.

But before she can open her mouth, she realizes that Kira is about to jump on her, and Malia barely has the foresight to open her arms before Kira crashes into her hard enough to make Malia rock back on her feet. She immediately wraps her arms tight around Kira’s slim waist, just as Kira threads her arms tight around Malia’s neck, tight enough to almost cut off Malia’s breath.

For a moment, they don’t say anything. They don’t move. They simply stay like that, wrapped up in each other, Kira’s toes just barely skimming the ground, mostly held up by Malia’s arms. Malia’s face is tucked into the spot where Kira’s neck meets her shoulder, and every single time that she breathes in, all she can smell is Kira, the floral scent of her shampoo and clean sweat and a hint of fabric softener. When she shifts, her nose drags over the curve of Kira’s neck, and Malia tightens her arms further, until it doesn’t feel like even air could worm its way between them.

She’d known, objectively, how amazing it would be to have Kira in front of her, to be able to actually touch and see her. But knowing that had in no way prepared her for how simply amazing the reality is, how amazing it is to feel Kira’s heart beating in her throat, to feel the simple human warmth of her, to feel her squeeze her arms around Malia’s neck.

It’s infinitely more real and more wonderful than she could have imagined in her wildest dreams.

“You’re here,” she mumbles, moving back slightly when Kira wiggles in her arms. She doesn’t end up far; once their foreheads are touching, Kira locks her arms around Malia’s neck, keeping her from moving back any further. “You’re actually here. In front of me.” Kira nods rapidly, a quiet laugh slipping from between her lips, which are still parted in the brightest smile Malia has ever seen.

“Yeah,” she says quietly, dark brown eyes sparkling with wetness. “I am.” For a moment, it looks like she might say something further, but instead, she leans forward and presses her lips against Malia’s. It’s firmer than Malia expects, but she quickly reciprocates in kind, wrapping her fingers in the back of Kira’s hoodie, biting back a moan when Kira’s fingers twist into the hair falling against the nape of her neck.

Malia can’t believe that she ever thought seeing Kira in person, actually meeting her, would somehow make things different between them, would be awkward and complicated, would change things for the worse.

Things have definitely changed between them; all she needs is one kiss to know that.

But it’s the most natural change of her life, as normal and fluid as switching from inhaling to exhaling and, just like breathing, she has no intentions on stopping, on letting Kira go, anytime soon.

#twfemslash #twrarepair #twrarecharbingo #malira #twpoc #mine #mine: fic #maliakira #this is absolute tooth rotting fluff