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#original poetry
Changes and miracles. 3.24.19. ach.

‘I know you don’t see me
and I know you don’t care.
'Move on’ you say.
'Stop acting like a child.’
'Shut up!’
I’m sorry.
They destroyed me.
Let me heal.

We argue.
Throw punches
then scatter.
Too soon,
it starts again.
I keep wishing for change.
A better cycle.
but wishes and dreams
do not come true.

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I know the tears flow from me like a river destroying everything within its current

I try to hide within the shadows between the cracks in our foundation

I scream in between the chorus of our favourite song to muffle my doubts

But its only a fraction of what i feel

I know my soul seeks your finger tips to stroke it better

My eyes always seek the headlights of your car you are my northern star in the night sky

I wait for you every second we are apart every strand of my hair wanting to get tangled up between the sheets with you

I take photographs in my mind when you look at me , through me

You are my lighthouse guiding me home, my swansong and my fiery beacon

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Summer Snow

I asked for warmth,

wanted you to set me ablaze,

but you left me frozen

under your icey gaze.

Your hands warmed my skin,

but your silence chilled my soul.

I wanted you to love me,

release was your only goal.

You were a snowstorm in summer,

a freezing wind on my spine.

I knew it wouldn’t last,

but I was frozen in time.

I loved you despite the cold,

I found home in your drifts,

but my breath froze in the air,

with each and every kiss.

The snowstorm is gone,

vanished when I walked out your door,

but my soul is still cold,

forever frozen to my core.


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Why did you let me leave,

walk out to never return?

Why couldn’t you say the words,

feel the things for which I yearn?

Your hands on my hips,

pulling me back against your chest.

Why didn’t you tell me to stay?

Why did you have to fail the test?

I miss the touch of your lips,

your breath in my ears.

I miss the hunger in your eyes,

now I’m blinded by my tears.

I feel your hands on my skin,

and it takes my breath away,

but then the feeling passes,

because you didn’t tell me to stay.

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We built a glass house

All sparkling crystal

All mirrors

All beautiful sunlight bouncing except

Mirrors reflect back on you every second

Even when you don’t want them to

You see your face twist from every angle and

They shatter baby

They all shatter in

Each shard reflecting

Glass houses are only made to shatter

The beauty

And the shatter

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Pains of a Heartbreak

It’s not the pain of deleting the pictures that capture a brief moment of happiness in a sea of memories,

nor the pain of watching them, from the sidelines, pursue a future that you promised to fulfil together that hurts the most—


It’s the pain of playing a concert and looking for their face in the crowd with a smile on your face, to realize that there’ are only strangers.

It’s the pain of missing them in the middle of the day, wanting to share a funny story, to realize that only the ghost of them in your heart is there to listen.

It’s the pain of going to sleep utterly exhausted and, out of habit, grabbing your phone to text them goodnight, to realize that their number is no longer yours to text.

It’s the pain of breaking the small habits you shared together

that breaks the fragile heart the most.

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Alone with My Scars

Once I danced with the stars,

rejuvenated in their light.

I filled my soul with their fire,

each sleepless night.

They embraced me with their warmth,

chased the chill from my bones,

but now I only feel cold,

since my stars have gone home.

My soul wasn’t enough,

to feed the hunger of the stars.

They left me drifting in the dark,

alone with my scars.

I used to beg and plead,

for the stars to come back,

now I waste away,

faced with the qualities I lack.


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Missing you hurts

It’s not like I didn’t know it would

I’m just noticing it now

I’m here tonight and I just realized that there is no way you will be here too

Missing you really hurts

I wish I could see you, one more time

I feel like I took every glance for granted

A conversation or a laugh is unfathomable to me now

I feel your absence like a dagger through my heart

The pain is sharp

It has taken me by surprise

And there is no end in sight

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have you ever felt                                                                                                         a feeling you can’t explain                                                                                             it’s an all-consuming emotion                                                                                 but feels like kissing in the rain                        

it’s amorous and gauzelike                                                                                     a bunch of daisies in my hands                                                                               small sketches stitched in schoolbooks                                                                 the bliss of joy unplanned

it’s mesmerising and it’s potent                                                                                    quickly filling up my mind                                                                                       this feeling leaves after a moment                                                                                 the reverb subtly trapped inside

it’s connected to a person                                                                                             it’s the gem behind the curtain                                                                               that I’ve constructed just to keep the thoughts away                                                 

but when it sets in, I don’t want to                                                                         my facade falls, my heart is see-through                                                                      careful defences gone, to love it leaves me prey                                                                                         

I believe that’s what it is                                                                                             l-o-v-e, toying with my heartstrings                                                                                 

daisies in my hands                                                                                                      kisses in the rain

how can I picture the moment in the drizzly mist                                                         if I have never been kissed?

how can I resist this love,                                                                                             when I don’t yet know what love is?               

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I’m a skyscraper
Bare metal black backed emotionless stable I’m
Stone faced statue never feels lonely
Never gets bones broken by stick words stone’s never felt bitter, angry

never hurt never sad never bleeding open glass heart broken never talks never shares never wants never feels

I’m a band aid a fan made creation no emotion only smiles
Metal slash camera flash
So brave, unbreakable, untoucable
I’m a skyscraper built in layers for years and years cenemt on crumbling brickwork built-up
Cover up shut up never feel never cry let them lean against you
Don’t fall don’t feel dont falter

Sky scraper, statue, static

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