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Interior: A Bar.  Linda is a Bartender.  She is not actually a Bartender.  She has set up a fake bar and is wiping it down with something that is not actually a rag.  It’s in a field because Linda McCartneys love fields.  John Lennon enters and sits down at one end of the bar. She pours him an imaginary drink.

John: So anyway, Paul McCarney is the most important person in my life.  Also, lol get this… I’m debilitatingly afraid of abandonment.

Linda: Sounds rough, my dude.  Maybe you should try talking about it.

John: Nah, we don’t have to talk about it because we have our own way of communicating that defies the logic of anyone else but ourselves, peasant.  We totally get how important we are to each other without having to say it in like… human words?

Linda: And you’re sure he gets it?  Cause when I’ve talked to him it seems like maybe he doesn’t get it.  Have you like asked him?

John: I literally just said we don’t have to.  Keep up.  Plus, I mean, everyone leaves me and no one really loves me, and Paul is the most important person in my entire life, so if he leaves me, I literally won’t be able to function, so I can’t like… say it out loud. Because then when he inevitably leaves me, it’ll be worse because I’ll have like…. said it out loud.

Linda: Kinda sounds like maybe you don’t get how important you are to each other?  And like… maybe you should try talking about it.

A bell that does not exist rings indicating that Paul McCartney enters.  He sits down at the opposite end of the bar.  Linda pours him an imaginary drink.

Paul: The thing is, Lin, John knows I’ll always be here, so we don’t have to say it.

Linda: Yeah, sounds like you should try talking about it.

Paul: Lol, the love we have for each other goes without saying haha… like… I mean… he does love me though, right? Like… he never says it so how am I supposed to know.

Linda: Have you tried asking him?

Paul: Oh my god, Linda, you’re so lame.  You just don’t get me and John.

John: Another imaginary bevy please, Madame?

Paul: Oh hey omg it’s you. I totally wasn’t just talking about you. That’d be weird.

John: I also was not talking about you at all because we don’t have to.  We just get each other.

Paul: Yeah we totally get each other.

Linda: Hey, while I have you here. You should try talking about it.

Paul: Lol.

John: What a bunch of squares.

Paul: Nobody understands us like we do.

John: Yeah, you suck lol.

Paul: You suck, too.

Linda pours John his imaginary drink.

John: Omg I can’t believe he said I suck, why would he say something like that?

Linda: He’s right there maybe you should ask him.

Paul holds up his imaginary drink and waves.

John: Hey you suck, Macca.

Paul: Sod off.

John: We’re not really mad at each other.

Linda: Maybe you should tell him that.

John: You’re right.  I’m totally going to tell him.  Hey Paul? You’re a pansy.

Paul: I know you are but what am I? Lol.

John: What a git.

Linda is becoming mildly exasperated and goes back to see if Paul could use any vegetation snacks.

Paul: Oh my God why would he say that.

Linda: I don’t know, babe.  He’s right there.  Maybe you should try talking about it.

Paul: Yeah, yeah, I’ll talk about it.

Paul winks.

Linda: You will?

Paul: Oh yeah, totally. For sure.

Paul winks again.

Linda: Cause the fact that you’re winking makes me think maybe you aren’t gonna talk about it.

Paul: No I totally am.

Paul winks again.

Linda: Okay so do it.

Paul: Fine watch this. Hey John, you’re an arsehole.

Paul turns to Linda reassuringly.

Paul: He’ll know what that means.

John starts throwing imaginary pretzels at him to get his attention.

John: Hey. Hey Paul hey.

Paul: What?!

John: Your music is dumb and you’re a sellout. Lol.

Paul: Your music is annoying and preachy.

Linda gives him A Look.

Paul: And also you’re my best friend.

Paul says that last part trailing off into his hands.

Paul: Look, see I did it Linda.

Linda: Um…

John: Oh hey Paul, so you’re like, really pretty and talented and the reason I’m angry or whatever is because I’m afraid that I’ll never write anything as good as Yesterday and I miss you and that makes me sad because you’re like my best friend and I like love you so much that I don’t know how to talk about it and you’re like the best bassist ever or whatever.

John puts air quotes around all of this.

Paul: Oh my god that’s so mean.

John: Don’t worry, Linda.  He knows now.

Linda: Are you sure? Cause it seems like maybe you should ask him.

Paul stands and brushes imaginary pretzels off is sweater vest.

Paul: I’ve had enough of this.  I’m going home.

John: See everyone leaves me.

Linda: Oh my God.

Curtain.

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FoxyXPaul domestic?
image

Hella. Human Foxy is named Felix, just plays ‘Foxy’ in the shows. 

  • Who reaches out to new neighbours? Felix!
  • Who remembers to buy healthy food? Paul!
  • Who remembers to buy junk food? Felix!
  • Who fixes the oven when it breaks? Felix!
  • Who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)? Paul!
  • Who wakes up earlier? Felix!
  • Who makes the bed? Paul!
  • Who makes the coffee? Paul!
  • Who burns breakfast? Felix!
  • How do they let each other know they’re leaving the house? Paul always gives him a hug and sometimes a kiss, Felix always goes for the quick kiss.
  • How do they greet each other when one of them gets home? Same as leaving! But instead, they talk about their day.
  • Who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often? Felix!
  • Who picks the movie for movie night? Felix!
  • Their favourite kind of movie to watch? They like adventure and pirate movies! Also, horror movies because it means cuddle time.  
  • Who first suggests a pillow fort? Felix!
  • Who builds the pillow fort? Felix!
  • Who tries to distract the other during the movie? Felix!
  • Who falls asleep first? Paul!
  • Who is big spoon/little spoon? Paul is normally the little spoon; Felix is the big spoon! Sometimes they switch, but normally it stays the same.
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Have the boys met a wendigo?

Yes they have! But David found it distasteful after several failed attempts at trying to communicate with it. And Paul kept messing with it, making it and David even more agitated. He even tried to stick a joint into an incense holder in order to let the smoke calm it down. I know, that’s silly, it was just an idea! That’s what Paul says. Dwayne showed little interest. He agreed they should just let it be, and Marko didn’t care. In fact, he wanted to stick around and just study it a little, you know, without bothering it.

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