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#peter parker is a dork

[Tony, Bruce and Peter trying to put together some flat pack furniture]

Nat: *reading on the couch*

Nat: You know what never ceases to amaze me? Between the three of you you have nearly 600 IQ points yet you still insist on sharing a single brain cell.

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Dad!Peter

I want Peter B Parker to. Be. A. Dad! Imagine him with a little girl, though! Like, imagine how much of a goofball dad he would be messing around with his kid (especially if they had spider powers) like just chasing each other on the walls and ceiling. Or, just Peter NEVER getting tired of holding his little angel when she cries, rocking her around until she falls back asleep. Picture when she’s born and Peter just melts when he sees her and totally crying next to MJ and he just keeps whispering to her in the happiest tone “Hey there, you remember me?” “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

I just need to see Peter chasing around toddlers in little dresses with MJ giggling along with them. I wanna see how proud he is when his kid thwips out a web onto the ceiling, or how he smiles whenever he has to carry their backpacks to preschool when the have his Spidey logo on them. I can hear how excited Peter gets when MJ tells him their kid is gonna be a big sister.

I could go on and on about how much I wanna see Peter as a Spidey Dad with MJ.

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Thor: *Yeeting a pack of photos across the living room* Man Of Spiders! I have for you some photographs of our recent battles that you might exchange for gold!

Peter: Er… thanks Thor?! But next time maybe don’t lob them at me?

Thor: But Man of Spiders, is it not common for young Misguardians to Air Drop photographs to their friends?

Peter:

Thor:

Peter: Oh crap you were being serious

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Your that spider guy from YouTube

So what if a big movie company *cough* Marvel *cough* reaches out to Spider-Man and asks

“Hey can we make a movie about you?”

And Peter decides, I graduate already so what the heck. Bye-bye secret identity, wave as it passes. His conditions are that he gets to tell him his actual story and give the thumbs up to the movie before it’s released, he gets to help with the auditions with everyone except Spider-Man. He wanted to audition for himself and get it because of talent not because he was Spider-Man.

So Peter somehow manages everyone that was with him during the Homecoming incident to audition, and he so did not give them the best review because they were the actual people. (Hint; he so did)

When the movies announced everyone hoses INSANE. Spider-Mans Social media explodes. He’s getting tweets everyday asking if the movies true.

“Every word”

In an interview right before it was released Peter says

“As a disclaimer- I was young and stupid during the time these events were taking place. I wish I handled these events better but what you see in this movie has made me the person that I am today. Do I regret some of these things, absolutely. Would I change them, no. I learned a much needed lesson and I’m forever grateful that I learned it.”

“Can you give us a description of the movie?”

“Sorry man, spoilers. There’s a reason there wasn’t a trailer. All I can say is this: I may have a spider sense, but I don’t have common sense.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You’ll know.”

“Is there a love interest?”

“Oh man is there a love interest. You see my crush at the time, and then you get to see my girlfriend now. Let’s just say there VERY different.”

When the movie comes out everyone is SHOOKETH.

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