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bunnidid-reviews · 10 months

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DID book Review

DID Book Review

Facts -

Book Title: Pieces of Me by Kate Mclaughlin

Publication date: 2023 (very recent!)

Fiction or Nonfiction: Fiction

Was there a diagnosis of DID? Yes! And very carefully done too

Was the person with DID presented as evil for having DID? Nope!

Major Trigger warning list:

- Mild sexual scenes/mentions of having sex

- Mentions of alcohol and vape usage

- A surprise suicide attempt (ch. 7-8) with descriptions of cutting and blood

- Lots of time spent in a hospital/psyche ward

- Loss of autonomy with lotsss of involvement with her family watching over her

- Non-descriptive incest

- Locking an alter away

Subjective Review(this is how I felt about it) -

Personal triggering scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not triggering at all, 10 being a badly overwhelming experience that might cause personal harm): 2 with the occasional 4-5(the surprise suicide attempt startled me)

Personal relatability scale from 1 to 10 (1 being unrelatable, 10 being OMG THAT’S ME!): 6

Personal avoidance scale from 1 to 10(1 being eager to get on with it, 10 being impossible to finish): 2, very easy!

My interpretation of the media(Includes spoilers):

The book opens with the main character waking up from a three-day long dissociative fugue state, beside a man she doesn’t quite recognize, but finds she can trust, beside her. Nothing dubious happened, there were no drugs or alcohol involved like she initially assumed (having a history with alcohol abuse and similar fugues). Our main character is sent into a spiral when her new friends address her as Lannie.. But her name’s Dylan.

We find out Dylan’s living a very idyllic life for the most part; her mother’s a semi-famous actress who’s able to give her two children a very comfortable life, including a nice house and letting them both study their respective arts. Dylan’s brother, Mark, is following in his mother’s footsteps into acting. Dylan finds herself to be the black sheep of the family in comparison, struggling with depression, anxiety and BPD all her life. There’s always something amiss with her that doctors haven’t yet figured out, particularly with the memory loss and dissociative tendencies. There’s obviously some tension in the family due to her having so many issues.

With this latest fugue state, it kicks off the search for an answer, any answer, as to why Dylan ends up in these situations. She finds art of hers in all different styles, and the characters she’s been drawing forever seemingly have a presence in her head. Her family and best friend become overbearing in the meanwhile, insisting she can’t be alone anymore, especially in the midst of her blooming romance with the mystery boy she woke up with, Connor. I appreciated that even in the book, Dylan finds it triggering to be so closely watched and loosing her autonomy, because personally that sounds like a nightmare.

After seeing some doctors in the search for something physically wrong with her, Dylan’s best friend suggests Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something she’d seen in youtube videos and did some further research into. She overloads Dylan with information, so she pulls away to process this all..

And wakes up again, this time evidently having attempted suicide in the bathtub.

That’s when the story cracks, and it’s taken from Dylan’s point of view to the other parts, as Dylan floats into the Inner world in a very vivid dream on the cusp of her attempt.

Her inner world is the same house she’d had some dreams of before, loaded with detail and personality that really makes the space her own, inside and out. She has a room of her own there, where she’s introduced to a host(ha) of new characters, like Lannie, Kaz, Dali, Alyss and Scratch. (Scratch being the one who evidently made the attempt on their life)

While in the hospital, Dylan goes through a carousel of parts, especially as her therapist works with her through taking the DES(Is that right? The diagnosis tests, all of em). Dylan is diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and she launches herself straight into trying to understand herself with this fresh lens.

She goes quickly into trying to figure out what was The Trauma that did this to her, and everyone around her hedges around the same question. As she switches through her posse of alters, what’s left behind paints(or draws in this case) a pretty clear picture of childhood sexual abuse.. By who? No one knows. Everyone wants to know

After about two weeks or so in the hospital, Dylan comes home and gently eases into a life with DID very quickly, smoothly, easily. She builds relationships with her parts, especially Kaz and Lannie, who hang around often for daily life things. Her family, best friend and boyfriend all accept and love her as she is, even if they don’t always get it. But they try, especially the boyfriend, who studies up on helping his new girlfriend ground. (I thought that was very sweet, R does that for me)

It's decided though that Dylan needs to be monitored through her fugue states, and has very little privacy. This is shown.. As a good thing, now that she’s been diagnosed and all.. (I will expand on my thoughts here in a bit)

Halloween comes, it’s the twin’s birthday. Things are going very well, Dylan’s feeling very close to her system as they’d communicated more and switched out less. Life is on a high! She meets with her father and her little half sister and is able to rule out her father as any potential of having abused her…

And then the Uncle Travis shows up to the party. She just knows in her gut, all at once, that it was because of him.

In an instant, Dylan’s pulled back into the inner world to a movie theatre-like room, where all the Main Parts are gathered there. Monet, the part who greets them there, declares that it’s time to know Everything. So they sit down and watch all the memories together on the screen as a different part, Vincent, takes over the front. All together, they remember all the abuse that took place. (It’s described very vaguely, but there’s enough indication to understand that it’s grooming and repeated sexual abuse that took place with Uncle Travis)

Understandably, Dylan is overwhelmed and stays inside a few days. Lannie takes over. No one but the boyfriend had picked up that it was the uncle that did it yet, so the people around her are confused by the sudden change and kinda nudge for Dylan to come back out as soon as possible and adding pressure onto the “What Happened To You” thing again. With the therapists’ help, Lannie is able to switch back to Dylan and communicate to her mother that she can’t be pressured about telling her trauma.

At a family dinner out and about, Dylan is starting to pick up more and more of what makes her uncle a creep. With some concerning mentions of her little half sister spending time with him, she starts to panic when she sees he sits a little too close for comfort with the little sister, and as a hand touches her shoulder.. Dylan cracks.

Scratch comes out immediately, walks straight over and threatens Travis to keep his hands off and that she knows what he’d done. It’s enough to shake him off, the day is saved. the abuser is confronted.

When they get home from eating out, Dylan sits down her family(minus Travis) and explains that she now knows it’s Uncle Travis that had hurt her, and expresses concern for him to continuing the cycle of abuse with other girls, namely the little sister. Everyone is very accepting very quickly for her accusation of incest, but her father and brother stammer in shock to accept. This is snapped down on pretty quickly, though.

Dylan reports the uncle to the police very easily. Evidently everything is very cleanly taken care of because Uncle Travis is arrested shortly after. He attempts suicide in prison, and Dylan only feels the correct feelings feels no shame or apprehension, because he obviously only attempted it because he got caught.

Dylan has the perfect night with her boyfriend. With some warming up, they have the perfect sex.

Dali(the gatekeeper) and Scratch(Persecutor) relent their now obsolete roles and have a very nice, gentle fusion.

Everyone lives happily ever after in the land of functional multiplicity after a month and a half of being diagnosed!

~~~

This book is a Good book. By that I mean that it’s very very carefully written to be respectful and cleaned up to have the right representation. The kind of book you pat on the head and say “Good book!” like a pet who’s successfully fetched the morning paper. It’s written to be very appropriate without any explicit details especially with the trauma memories, to be good for teens to read. I’m absolutely certain that YA DID books are a good niche for this to fill.

But it’s.. Very.. Very clean for a DID representation.

I think all the details for the diagnosis process and healing are correctly written.. For a character who has all the privileges in the world handed to her. A good, honest family who genuinely loves her. Financial support enough that no medical assistance is barred off from her. A good boyfriend who immediately understands. Communication that goes really fucking well right off the bat, the ability to traverse the inner world very quickly.

An immediate understanding of who did it to her. Confrontation of her abuser and his very squeaky clean arrest. All the Correct Feelings. There’s no fighting back from a family confronting the reality of incestuous abuse. There’s no questioning her own memories or real denial portrayed with Dylan aside from a couple of tiny instances sprinkled in.

This is a good book, I’m sure!! But when I read it, I came away feeling.. like I was the dirty one, someone who wasn’t doing it ‘right’, because my healing is incredibly messy and I don’t have an ounce of support from my family like that. I have all the incorrect, messy feelings that lead me to me wanting my own sexual abuser to confirm that I’m lying and that I’m actually the one who hurt him, and have this massive terror of him facing consequences or being hurt.

I’m certain that a lot of the limitations to depth were due to a word count and a genre limitation, as well as the author’s inexperience with dissociation.

There’s a lot of leaning into some tropes that leave a slightly bitter taste in my mouth, like the insistence that Dylan is the Host and therefore Most Important Of Them All. The family having such a hands-on approach with how she heals makes my skin crawl(as I’m sure many others would feel, because a majority of childhood trauma survivors come from abusive, controlling families), as if Dylan is no longer trustworthy of her own safety because of her new diagnosis. The slap-on-the-persecutor’s-wrist-for-doing-their-job thing.

(By the way, I want to add that anyone who needs extra support for having a CDD is completely valid!! I do too! But having the family partake in this just.. aaaaa it feels very scary to me!! Especially since Dylan’s persecutor part is an introject of her own mother, and that’s.. Really not touched upon much at all)

The book is Correct. But it’s also.. I don’t know, it leaves me wondering who it’s written for, with such a sanitized version of DID shown here. I’m sure lots might actually find this book empowering, especially if you relate more to Dylan. It’s also a very very easy read because the triggers are kept thankfully super minimal. Maybe this is the book for you? It might be good for you, or it might be alienating, only you can be the judge of that. It feels more like a curiosity for those without a CDD to read(like the author herself)

What they got Right in my opinion:

- The research and terms used to describe trauma and dissociation seem all up to date

- Dylan gets a formal, proper diagnosis with both her therapist anddd a phycologist. (It sounds accurate based on what I’ve heard)

- Each of the Parts that part-take(hehe) in the book seem fleshed out and very well thought-through. They feel like very believable and real parts with believable attachments to each-other. The writer did really nice on building the relationships

- I really liked the grounding exercises they used in the book! (I tried the one of thinking of animals for the first 5 letters of the alphabet, it really worked?) The boyfriend using multiple senses to calm her down from overstimulation was really nice(a lottt like what R does,..ahh I miss him so)

- I liked that Dylan was an artist and had actually been drawing Lannie all her life.

- Scratch being an introject of her mother and having references to the movie Coraline actually line up pretty well with the age Scratch probably split off from, so I found that a bit sneat

- I liked that Scratch was the one to call out her abuser to protect her little sister, because Scratch was made of resentment for her mother’s not protecting her.

- Subtle clues throughout that Dylan has trauma before the diagnosis(aversion to touch, inability to connect to people, past alcohol abuse)

What they got Wrong in my opinion:

- The extreme ease to which Dylan accesses the inner world, starts communicating and figuring out her memories within… 2 weeks…?

- Hardly an ounce of denial, either from Dylan, or any of the characters around her. A lot of people aren’t open to understanding DID like that, or even accepting it as a reason for why the way you are.

- I almost feel like it’s dangerous to insinuate that you should trust your family with so many details about your disorder. (Driven by DID youtube, I told my mom everything once and I’ve regretted it horribly since. This is a memory disorder!! BE CAREFUL OF WHO YOU TELL!! People take advantage of that!!!!!!)

- Again, in the case of incest in the family, I highly highly doubt telling the family about it ever goes this smoothly. Especially since this is for teens, who likely still have to live with their families, I worry about the influence of ‘must trust your family with details’ might have (again speaking from experience :’) ) I really would have preferred if Dylan’s safety was a found family thing instead

- The reporting it to the police and having everything solved extremely easily is just.. Insulting to anyone who’s actually had to go through that. Especially for those of who never could find the safe resolve they deserve :(

- Blackout switches nearly every switch

- The many mentions of locking away and punishing Scratch for attempting suicide was really difficult to read.. Especially when this was shown as a net positive

- Host Is Most Important Part trope

- Host is the only one who Doesn’t Know Yet trope

- Everything happening in like 2 months???? Extremely easy healing

- No conflicting worries or feelings about Travis, just all the Right emotions pretty much right away(hatred, desire for justice, ect)

- A weird line of thinking about how Dylan Created this, as if she had any choice in splitting.

Would I recommend this to someone with DID to read?: It’s up to you. In some cases, positive reps with happy endings might be just what you need, so I say go for it! But in other cases, it might fuel denial or feelings of self hatred for not being ‘easy’ like this.

If you choose to read, please keep these two things in your pocket: This story is about someone who’s incredibly privileged, and You are not Broken for not healing in 2 MONTHS

#pieces of me #Kate McLaughlin #dissociative identity disorder #complex dissociative disorder #DID in media #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder fiction #dissociative identity disorder book #did book #bunnidid reviews

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