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#pieces of my heart

I mean you can try to decipher the codes of my algorithms but you’ll never understand the history and the mazes behind them

The way my eyes dart across forgotten hearts or how my soul has a way with dancing

Spirits always find their way to me

Let’s just sit back

Drink

and forget for a bit

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We can press our skin against each others and we can skip our hearts alongside the edge of the river

We can dance and sing and drink and forget about everything

But our hearts will never stop beating and your soul will always know the secrets of mine

we can skinny dip and keep back tracking but you’ll always know the roads of my map

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You can keep whispering little sweet nothings into ghost ears and you can keep the sweet scent of forgotten lips on your nose but nobody knows what you’re really thinking and when the sinking blue hits the bottom of your stomach you’re the only one treading water and trying to keep your head up you can smile and laugh but the pressure of your anxiety never really leaves the surface of your bones and when they look at you for answers you just have to keep running around in your own circles pretending you already know

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May this heart learn to break quieter this time, as I let you go again tonight. May these bruised hands learn to tremble less, as they find their way out of the silhouette of your ghost. This time, may this soul learn to fill the void in these veins, as I look for you no more when the Sun comes.

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What happens when the floor drops?

When the heartbeat skips and the sounds start to blur?

What happens when bones dance and souls come together?

What happens to the shadows and the lights when they kiss?

And what happens when our finger tips dip into caves unexplored or our hands go places without asking any questions?

Where is the sun and where is the moon?

Do the two sneak off together in space and go around in circles no one else can chase?

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today, you stood behind my chair as you talked to me, and it felt like we fit together. it felt as though I could just tilt my head back, and I would feel at home, and you could wrap your arms around me, like we were each other’s.

but I know we aren’t, and we will never be, but in this moment, I allowed myself to think it could be possible.  

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Kissed by the Moon


Darkness slowly crept across the midnight sky, swallowing the world and reminding the moon to come out soon. The fog peered over the one tree that silently stood in the soil, parched and deprived of water. The moon, isolated and distant, merely hung above for all to see. Its gauzy, white light was followed by the looming shadows of secrets and reflected its to the world underneath it. The moon came and kissed the world, promising to return once again when darkness echoed it name.

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The snow fell down the earth like never before as she knew that someday, she will find her way. On the path she followed all these years, there were temporary people, oh so amazing and beautiful, but the pain they leave behind when they decide that she does not belong in their tiny universes makes her hands tremble and her mind sour ( the pretty smile fades as she breaths in the cigarette’s smoke). ‘’Oh you are young and so dramatic’’ She is a mountain stone, she passes everything through the filters of her mind and soul, living passionately every experience as if it was a first time. She quited smoking years ago, but from time to time she needs a cigarette to remind her that she is on the edge of lost and found. In the middle of this place, she knew that this world is composed of nothing but people who are lost and willing to give their souls away to feel found.

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So I was reading a fanfic about finding love and its supposed to be cute and soft and warm, but the author gives it a twist and all of a sudden everything you read that didn’t make sense, fit like pieces in a puzzle and I find myself holding onto that last piece. Not wanting to complete it. Not wanting to finish because I think I know how its going to end, but I don’t. I don’t know how it ends so I keep reading, I move my hands to my heart to make sure its still beating….to make sure I keep going. It was facing the loss and dealing with the aftermath that this character was facing that made me realize that everyone has secrets, everyone has their demons no matter how much they shine….it, its hard to keep going, but it was the love and support of all the people around this character that made me keep reading. 😭😭😭😭

So my message if you will is that, if you feel like you can’t keep up or your demons make the dark come faster, its okay to take your time. Its okay to take a long and shaky breath and stop for a little while, just as long as you keep going. Someone or something will carry your light for you. Believe in yourself and you’ll be okay. Turn the page….it’s going to be okay.

Okay?

😭😭😭😭 darn fanfiction 😭😭😭

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It feels like years since the last time we talked

When did you suddenly become so distant

I can never help feeling like I’ve done something wrong

As though I’ve disturbed your inner peace or caused some erratic disturbance in your warped chaos that you surround yourself in

So I leave you alone, as best I can

Try not to disturb unless I’m feeling deeply suicidal, which is all the time

But I don’t hit that message unless I feel like I’d die if I didn’t

Somewhere deep down I wonder if you still care

Why can’t we just go back to the way we were

Why don’t you just talk to me

Please

I miss you

So much, and it hurts

Please come back

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