#please let my soup boil and thrive

[preppernewstoday]

Inflation is very high. It has reached at most a 40-year peak (depending on which source you listen to) with no signs of slowing down. The 20-year record for mortgage interest rates is unbeatable. More households are having difficulty paying for groceries, fuel, medical treatment, and housing than ever before. Our influence on inflation is almost non-existent so we must focus on simple, but fundamental solutions to frugal living. Our goal is to stretch our dollars until our next paycheck! My husband claims that I am frugal to a point where it is almost miserly. This is a compliment. Let's now talk about being frugal. TEOTWAWKI will benefit those who are frugal. Frugality is also a benefit now, in these times of record-high inflation. What does it actually mean to be frugal, you ask? What is the best way to develop this trait? Frugality can be defined as being thrifty; being economical with money or food. It can also mean many other things, and we can thrive in a world that is struggling. In the 1930s, there was a saying that said: "Use it up and wear it out." Do it or not !" This attitude is contrary to American culture, which has existed for 50+ years. There is no reason why we shouldn't shop online to get what we want - and it can be delivered the same day. We live in a society that is constantly in need of things. Even items that are still useful and full of life can be thrown away. Why should we be frugal? You can find many reasons why you should be frugal in my other articles. This article aims to show you how to be frugal. You won't be pleased if you expect me to tell you to "Create and stick to a budget" and to "develop self-discipline in spending money". I will cover basic, practical ways to save money that anyone can do - without or with a budget. There are many other resources we waste, such as our time, our energy, our talents. But I would like us to concentrate on the three areas that I feel our frugality is lacking: fuel, food, and funds. WE EAT FOOD According to Feeding America we Americans throw away more food than any other country in the world. We throw away 80 million tons food each year. This is equivalent to 219 pounds per individual. But 35 million Americans are still insecure about their food. How can we save money on food? 1. Reuse leftovers. My humble opinion is that food insecurity can be reduced by eating leftovers and not throwing away good food. 2. Reuse leftovers. There are many websites that will give you some ideas. I would like to share my own. A. Burgers - These are great in chili and spaghetti sauce b. Spaghetti with sauce - You can make a pasta salad from the noodles by adding salad dressing. You can add the sauce to soups, or make sloppy Joe sandwiches with it. c. Vegetables: What do you do with the few corn kernels or green beans that nobody wants to eat? Put them in a container or plastic bag and label them. Place them in the freezer. It's time to make vegetable soup when the container/bag is full. You can also add any leftover tomato soup/spaghetti to the container. d. Roast/steak leftovers-Add these to the vegetable container (mentioned previously) for a meaty vegetable soup. e. Bread: If your bread is getting dry and you don't plan to finish it, place it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. This can later be used as a stuffing, or (my favorite) bread pudding. F. Bones of poultry cooking - Place these bones in a stockpot with water. Boil the water until it boils to make your broth. Example 1: We had roasted whole chicken, mashed potatoes and acorn squash last night. Tonight's dinner will include chicken and noodles, in which we added the mashed potatoes to thicken our broth. The bones of the chicken will then be boiled in water and frozen as chicken stock. Later in the week, we will make soup. I can then add the chicken stock to enhance its flavor. Example #2: We had meatloaf, potatoes wedges, and beans another night. Leftover meatloaf, beans and potatoes will be made into tortilla bean soup.

The potatoes will then be diced and fried for breakfast. 3. Compost - Most people don't compost. Compost is the act of saving food scraps and making fertilizer for your garden. (Most people don't do this). I do both, so I bought a countertop composting container I saw at Aldi. It was only $7.49 and came with biodegradable bags, a filter top, and was on sale. It was not more expensive, as I discovered that the lid did not keep fruit flies out. It lasted only two weeks in my home. You can also keep your compost pile from being emptied after each meal by keeping a plastic container in your freezer. Add to it as necessary. This container should be labeled so that it doesn't get mixed up with your vegetable leftovers. 4. Your livestock will love food scraps. I've found that our chickens love our table scraps more than we do. Yes, there are scraps that can be harmful to livestock. Do your research before you offer table scrap treats. 5. Consider dumpster diving. My friend often took me along on her weekly dumpster diving trips. It was quite an adventure! It was an adventure! We started at 10 pm and ended around 5 am. We visited multiple stores dumpsters and returned home with a van filled with edible, but sometimes not so good, food for our family and pets. Warning: check local ordinances regarding "trash removal" from local stores and always be aware of your surroundings/personal safety. It is dangerous to be out with two women at night, if you are not careful. Both of us have concealed carry permits, and we are both well-versed on personal safety. 6. Make your laundry soap. Or soup mixes. Or dryer sheets. These recipes are all online and can save you money. WE WASTE FUEL (electricity, gasoline, propane, LNG) 7. Turn it off When no one is home, turn off the TV. When you are done, turn off the lights. Instead of traditional filament bulbs, or compact fluorescent lightbulbs, use LED bulbs. 8. Your trips to the town should be memorable. I learned that running to the grocery store was a waste of time and fuel after moving to the country over ten years ago. Since I'm now retired, and don't have many reasons to travel to the city anymore, I try to make one weekly visit to the town during the week. This is in addition to our church trip. Instead of just grabbing a car and driving, I'll make a list with all the things I need to do while I'm out and about. 9. Your thermostat should be lowered by a degree in winter, and raised by a degree in summer. This is especially important when you have no one home! ! 10. Instead of drying your clothes, use a clothesline. This is something I do during good weather. It leaves clothes with a fresh, clean scent. WE WASTE FUNDS 11. Have a yard sale. Although it is difficult to have a yard sale at your house and you must deal with OPSEC, it can be done safely. 12. Visit yard sales, auctions, thrift stores frequently. The yard sales and thrift shops saved my children from being bored and without clothes. Sometimes, new isn't always the best or most necessary. 13. When you order online, wait. Wait. This is not something we enjoy in this age of instant gratification. Let's wait. Next, ask yourself these questions: Is it a need or a desire? Is the selling price worth it? Is it reliable? What are the reviews? What are the reviews? 14. Do not always buy brand-named products. We will occasionally buy brand-named items like dish soap, trash bags, and toilet paper. But most of the time we will stick with store-brand products. Many generic brand products can be "doctored" to enhance their taste! 15. You can reuse your old paint - those empty paint cans that you used when you redecorated last year. I save one pint of paint for touch-ups and then use the primer layer in another room. This saved me nearly $150 in paint when I did it recently. 16. Recycle - Recently, I loaded my old farm truck with metal scraps that were left over from the barn build. I went into town anyway so I stopped by the recycling center and turned it in.

It was out of my field and I received $18 for it! Recycling aluminum can be very profitable, but beverage containers can be recycled into pocket money. This is a way to help the planet with its limited resources. 17. Consider eating out as a luxury and not a norm. If you're running to town for errands or to shop, you should plan to leave after one meal and bring a snack to share with your family before you return to your home. 18. Do not buy bottled water. Drink what is available from your tap if it tastes good. These are some truly radical ideas... 19. Reuse your aluminum foil if possible. Sometimes, the foil can be as clean as when it came in its original box. You can simply lay the foil flat and use warm soapy water with a dish towel to clean it. Speaking of dish rags... 20. You can save some plastic containers, such as 32-ounce yogurt containers. These containers make excellent leftover holders. Or seed starters. Hardware holders. 21. Dish rags/towels can be used in place of paper towels. 22. Use your shopping bags as trash can liners by reusing them. 23. After washing your plastic bags with soapy water, you can reuse them. 24. Instead of using toilet paper, use family cloths. You can save money by buying a bidet for less than $40 and using the family cloths to dry your "down below". 25. Do not get into debt to pay for your vacation. You can find cheaper, more convenient activities that will entertain your entire family. The most radical idea of all... Consider not gifting Christmas presents. My grown children suggested to me that we get together and just enjoy each other's company rather than exchanging gifts after my mom died. This idea was not something I liked at first, as I am a giver. After much thought, I finally agreed to it and I'm so glad that I did. It is almost effortless to relax during the holiday season. There aren't any huge bills due in January. Here it is: the 2022 version. Wear it, or wear it down. You can do it or not!

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.

#solomon #obey me #solomon fluff #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #swd obey me #obey me solomon #solomon x reader #solomon hcs #mine #swd solomon #long post #??? i think it is #mobile formatting SUCKS

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

I Don't Know How to Love Him, Pt. 2

Bruce Banner x GenderNeutral!Reader, Set during the entirety of The Avengers. Part I of Unknown- will likely span all of Avengers, Age of Ultron, and Infinity War.

You are a former shield agent who gets dragged back into the business after Loki steals the tesseract. You meet a cast of fun characters along the way, and maybe even fall in love.

Part 1

Word Count: 2,050

Contains: Mistrust/Angst?, Research, Discussions of Norse Mythology, Sleipnir

Inspiration: I Don't Know How to Love Him

Facial recognition technology detects Loki in Stuttgart, Germany. Instead of flying down to confront Loki in the quinjet, you are held back as a last resort in case something goes terribly wrong with the mission. Fury doesn’t want to blow his best assets on a capture mission.

After taking a shower and checking out your new, temporary bedroom, you head back to the lab to check in on what Bruce is up to. Turns out, nothing that interesting.

“Hey Bruce”

“y/n? I thought they’d send you out with the others.” He is startled by your entrance.

“I’m just the backup, Bruce. Only needed if things go south out there. Which, hopefully, they won’t” You respond.

“Or you're here to babysit me” He retorts, still not trusting you.

You roll your eyes. “Bruce. Do you really think I would have left you alone for almost 5 hours if I was really just here to make sure you didn’t turn into the Hulk?”

“Maybe that was just to make me feel comfortable. There are at least 5 surveillance cameras in this lab alone. I counted 10 in my room.”

“If it makes you any better, I have 20 in my room.”

His facial expression tells you that he doesn’t believe you. Still, his blood pressure is remaining even, a significant improvement from a few hours earlier. Not really concerned for any of Shield’s property and wanting to gain his trust, you systematically destroy every camera in the room by flinging an ice spike through them one by one.

“Better?”

“Why are you so desperate for me to trust you?”

Ouch. “I didn’t realize one of your several doctorate degrees was in psychology”

“It’s not. I’m sorry, that was rude.” He nervously fidgets with his hands.

“It’s fine. And you're right- I want you to trust me because I want to help you gain control over the Hulk.”

“Why?” He’s still searching for reasons not to trust you. You won’t give him any.

“I would’ve wanted someone to help me.”

“Your powers seem a little easier to control”

You scoff. “Yeah, now. Not when I first got them. Do you know how many people I almost boiled alive back then?”

“A non-zero number.”

“I once was so angry that I accidentally evaporated my high school’s swimming pool. Thankfully, no one was in it- but if they had been- I would’ve made people soup.”

“That’s not a pleasant thought.” He shakes his head, having unfortunately imagined the worst outcome.

“Exactly. Look, even if you don’t trust me, I think I can still help you get things under control with the Hulk. And in return, you can try to figure out my powers.”

“What makes you think I’m interested?” At least he’s stopped doubting that you are there out of genuine interest in helping him, and not for some nefarious reason.

“I have yet to meet a scientist who hasn’t been.”

“Okay. Deal.” He holds out his hand, and you shake on it.

“Deal. Now. Where would you like to start?” You say, having a ball of water in your right hand and ice in the other.

“Farther back than that. Are you spontaneously creating water or are you using the water in the air around you?”

“The latter. I’ve been in zero humidity climates before and the only water I was able to control was my own bodily fluids and those of the people around me.” You respond, evaporating the balls.

“And as far as you're aware, your ability to change the state of water is unlimited?” He has brought up a notepad on one of the computers and is typing away.

“As far as I know. I’ve never tried anything extreme, like evaporating the ocean or pulling all of the water out of the atmosphere. So there might be a limit- but I’ll probably never have to discover it.”

“You mentioned the ocean. Did you ever try controlling it or pushing part of it aside while in the Coast Guard?”

“Oh, all the time,” You begin to explain, “I couldn’t be too obvious about it or the other members of my team would’ve found out about my powers- but I would hold back a few waves to make rescue operations go smoother, or make the area around the person who needed to be rescued oddly calm. Those sorts of things. I think I probably could have created a dry spot in the center of the ocean if I wanted to, but that was never necessary, and probably would’ve led to a couple broken bones”

You can see him thinking of various possibilities as he continues jotting down notes.

“So, it sounds like you change the states of water in your immediate surroundings, and are then able to manipulate that water in whichever way you choose.”

“That sounds about right.”

“Can you make an ice ball encircling your hand, please?” He asks you, looking up from his notes.

You comply, and he begins to make his way closer to you. “Do you mind?” He asks.

“Go for it” You respond, having been poked and prodded by scientists before. He gives you a slight smile before gently touching the iceball currently encircling your fist.

“And you're not feeling that, are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Either my touch or the iceball surrounding your fist” He responds, still running his fingers across the top of it.

“Nope, It’s not even cold.” You respond.

This seems to set off a lightbulb, as he walks over to another part of the lab, grabbing a portable microscope. He puts it directly on the iceball, even with the top of your hand.

“I’m going to need to hold onto your arm to make sure it doesn’t move. Is that okay?” He asks for consent again, which you appreciate. The Shield scientists took one yes to mean you were okay with everything.

“Absolutely.”

His left arm steadies your right, as he keeps his right arm where it was previously positioned on the iceball, holding the microscope. He peers through it and smiles to himself, letting go of your arm and removing the microscope from the iceball.

“You’ve got a barrier between your skin and the ice.”

“I do?” You ask, melting away the iceball. “I didn’t know that.”

“You’ve tried to manipulate your own internal fluids before, right?” He asks.

You think back to times where you’ve tried to stop yourself from choking on a glass of water with your powers- it’s never worked.

“Unsuccessfully, yes.”

“That’s because of the barrier. It must have been part of the mutation- preventing you from injuring yourself with your powers.” He explains to you, just as Fury walks into the room.

You eye him suspiciously as he announces, “We’ve captured Loki. Dr. Banner, this is for you.” Behind him, a few shield agents roll a cart in holding the scepter, which they’ve placed in some sort of holder. They take it off the cart and place it on the table, closest to the windows facing outside the ship.

“Colonel Y/n, with me.” Fury directs.

“Dr. Banner,” You say, giving him a polite wave goodbye, before following Director Fury out of the room. Bruce watches as you leave until you are no longer in his line of vision.

“So you’ve caught him?”

“With some help.” Fury admits, begrudgingly. He hands you an earpiece, which you promptly put in your ear.

“Let me guess. Stark?” You weren’t sure Fury had ever been directly involved with Stark before this, as news of him being Iron Man made it to you through regular news media. But you were sure he was now, even if he hadn’t been before.

“Yup. Another Asgardian, too.”

You raise your eyebrow, but don’t say anything. You arrive at the empty containment cell, waiting for the Shield escort team to follow behind you. You can feel his eyes on you before you see him- they’re piercing. You look eyes with him as he is shoved into the glass cell, right after a shield agent uncuffs him. He doesn’t seem to react to this treatment- in fact, he seems to be thriving. His blood pressure is also suspiciously even for someone who just got captured.

You stand by as Fury and Loki exchange words, Fury trying to emphasize that he’s lost and Loki hinting at the fact he hasn’t. After insulting Bruce, Loki turns his attention towards you.

“And who’s this supposed to be? Your personal bodyguard?” Loki attempts to insult him.

“This is Colonel y/n. They’re going to keep you company for a little while.” Fury responds, walking away from him.

“You expect this agent of yours to withstand me?” Loki calls after him.

“Yes,” You begin, stepping into Loki’s field of view, “And I have a lot of questions.”

“Do you, now? Tell me, do you expect me to reveal my plan to you?” He asks, pacing around his cell.

You chuckle, “Of course not. My questions have nothing to do with your plans.”

Loki is slightly puzzled, but his facial expression remains even. He gives no hints about what he’s thinking. “Only if I can ask you questions.”

“That sounds like a fair deal. But since I’m the one outside of the cage, I’ll ask my question first. I admit it’s been burning in my mind since I first heard it was you trying to invade the Earth. Did you or did you not give birth to a horse?” You are dead serious when asking this question.

“What?” He is so surprised that his facade has dropped, giving way to genuine confusion.

“You know, Sleipnir. You transformed into a horse to distract a giant’s horse so he wouldn’t complete the fortification of Asgard in time. Your distraction caused you to become pregnant with Sleipnir, which you later gifted to Odin.” You say, pacing in a large circle around his cell.

“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Sleipnir is my father’s horse, yes, but that’s the only part of the story that’s true.” He responds, now intrigued by your odd tale.

“That’s. Admittedly a little disappointing, as I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make fun of you for that now.”

“Why did Fury send you to guard me?” He asks you his first question.

“That’s a loaded question with many different answers. I don’t know exactly, but if I had to guess, it was because of my interest in Norse mythology. Fury probably thought I would be an annoying distraction because of the many questions I want to ask.” You are technically telling the truth, although without your powers, Fury probably would’ve been way more hesitant to put you in this situation.

“I see.”

“Wait. Did you say Odin is your father?” You ask, having just realized the implications of his earlier response.

“Yes. I believe my brother is on this ship as well.”

You turn away from him and ask the name of the other Asgardian over your earpiece. The name that is given back to you is not one that makes sense.

“Hold on. Thor’s your brother? What? That’s not-”

Loki cuts you off, “I believe it’s my turn to ask a question.”

“Yes. Go ahead” You are trying to figure out how the myths could have been so wrong, and are scratching your head about what happened to Helblindi and Býleistr.

“A lot of the other members of the team sent to capture me are enhanced somehow. Do you have powers?”

“Yes.” You do not elaborate before asking your question. “You are still married to Sigyn, though, right?”

“Your mythology says I have a wife?” His entire demeanor changes in a way you find hard to describe.

“Yes. She’s sometimes described as the Goddess of Victory, sometimes the Goddess of Fidelity. Mostly she pictured trying to ease the burden of your various punishments.”

“Wrap it up, Aqua Marine.” You hear in your earpiece. You roll your eyes- Stark.

“While I’d love to stick around and continue asking questions- I’m needed elsewhere. Enjoy contemplating your existence.”

“One last question-”

You cut him off. “It’s not your turn, Loki.” You announce, before walking out of the chamber holding his cell. You begin the trek back towards the lab, to figure out whatever Stark wanted.

#bruce banner x you #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner x gender neutral reader #bruce banner x y/n #marvel x reader #part 2 of i don't know how to love him

[hoodwinkd1]

the stars that shine - Ch 1

Fic Summary: “Eva, darling, Dorian has a few questions for you,” Lysandra interrupted. She tilted her head as she looked Hollin over, an eerily animalistic quality in her gaze. “Will you be attending the same classes?”

He turned his head to Dorian. “Will I be what?”

His brother took a sip of wine. “I’m sure I told you about this. Evangeline will be staying with us for the next few months to expand her education.” Placing the glass down, he looked at the girl in question with clear affection in his eyes. ------ Coming of age in a post-war world could never be easy. Growing up under the watchful eye of Erilea's most powerful and famous heroes is just a little bit harder. Figuring out what the hell they're supposed to do in this big, wide world might require a little more teamwork than either of them realize.

Ch 2 here.

Chapter 1: just two kids

The first time they met, neither of them knew what the hell was going on. The adults spoke in whispers and shed tears that they couldn’t understand, being only eleven years old. Evangeline grew tired of hiding behind Lysandra and clinging to Aedion; she wanted to explore this massive palace that served as her temporary home. Aelin had insisted that they all remain together for a few weeks after her coronation, giving them all some time to figure out how to be a court and a family.

For once, Evangeline’s short stature helped her as she ducked behind people and columns until she found the exit. She picked a direction at random, happy to wander around the hallways and take in the décor, even if some of it looked worse for wear. She hummed to herself as she walked, so focused on absorbing every piece of Terrasen that she could glean from the paintings that hung proudly (if not a bit slanted).

Terrasen. Her new kingdom. Evangeline had never felt any sort of connection to Adarlan. No one had ever held her hand at a celebratory parade or taught her the national song, if there even was such a thing. Her childhood contained no memories of pride or patriotism, nothing beyond a lingering resentment for what her parents did to survive.

“Evangeline! What are you doing away from the party?” She nearly jumped out of her skin at that cheery voice, her eyes darting up to meet the King’s kind smile. Dorian might have deserved her patriotism, if Lysandra and her had remained in Rifthold.

“I was exploring.” She shifted her weight a couple times. Although his face was kind, she really didn’t know him that well. And grown men, especially those with power, cause her to clam up. She remembered her manners just in time to add: “I hope I’m not disturbing you, Your Majesty.”

He waved a hand. “Please, just Dorian. We’ve all been through too much for fancy titles, don’t you think? We were just about to say our goodbyes and head out.”

At his statement, Evangeline finally noticed the boy sulking behind Dorian. Hollin didn’t acknowledge her at all, never even looked at her despite their similar age and forced proximity. She shoved down her irritation, choosing to be the mature and polite one.

“Are you excited to go home?” she asked sweetly, staring directly at the prince. He continued to study the wall next to him, ignoring her yet again, until Dorian shoved his shoulder lightly.

Hollin sighed in a way that made Evangeline’s blood boil. “I cannot wait to sleep in a chamber that doesn’t look like it might collapse on me in my sleep,” he answered, scrunching his nose in disgust.

Her eyes widened. She could have died, not a full two weeks ago, during the final battle against the Valg and Hollin was complaining about the state of his bedroom? Hundreds of replies ran through her mind, most of them including telling him where he could shove that selfish opinion--

“What my brother means to say, is that he wishes Terrasen a speedy recovery after so many trials,” Dorian interjected, placing his hand on Hollin’s shoulder. His grip tightened as he steered his younger brother around Evangeline, mouthing a quick “sorry” as they passed. “I hope you know that you’re welcome in Adarlan at any time. Until next time!”

“Thank you,” Evangeline replied uncertainly, spinning on her heel to watch them walk away. She still couldn’t truly say how she felt about Dorian, but she had never been more grateful for the crown on his head. At the very least, it kept that nasty little boy from having any sort of power he would surely abuse.

She kept walking. Sparing a glance over her shoulder to make sure they no longer lingered, Evangeline pushed into the chambers the royals had just vacated. She wasn’t snooping, just curious if their bed was bigger than hers.

The room was in perfectly fine condition, maybe lacking some of the over-the-top amenities that the former conquering nation of Adarlan could afford. She peeked into the first bedroom and let out a small gasp. So Aelin had given them nicer accommodations. The bed was massive, even bigger than Aedion’s bed (which Lysandra snuck into every night when she thought Evangeline was asleep). Logically, the larger man deserved the larger bed, right?

She looked into the next bedroom. This one was much more comparable to her room, only containing a queen-size mattress and a dresser. Evangeline ran her fingers along the silk sheets, wondering if it would be selfish to ask for these chambers for herself. She might enjoy having the space to herself, and Lysandra might not feel so guilty about spending time with her beloved.

A ray of the setting sun cut through the curtains, reflecting sharply off something in the corner of her eye. There, mostly hidden beneath the dresser, was a small piece of metal. Evangeline dropped to her knees and reached for it, fingers closing around the wiry texture.

It was a ship. Fashioned out of a long piece of aluminum that may have once been a large kitchen utensil. She examined the trinket, trying to imagine how one might have bent the shape hundreds of times to form a tiny replica of the boats that floated in the docks of Ilium.

Evangeline happened to love trinkets and tiny things, so she shoved it in her pocket, considering today’s exploration a wonderful success.

---

Hollin stared at the feast in front of him, wanting nothing more than to snatch up a plate full of food and run to his rooms to devour it in peace. Unfortunately, if he vacated his hiding spot behind one of the larger ice chests, the kitchen staff would surely see him and report his location to Queen Mother Georgina. And then she would surely force him back into the dining room to rejoin the most boring conversation he had ever had to sit through.

As part of his education, Hollin’s tutor taught him the importance of treating guests with civility and respect through proper socialization. While the prince normally managed to suffer through an entire dinner without running away, Hollin simply couldn’t pretend any longer. Not after he stayed up almost until dawn the night before, completely caught up in a new research project.

And although the prince had managed great strides in the two years since the war, shedding some of his more immature and selfish tendencies, he had never learned how to love a crowd the way his brother could. Dorian positively thrived in front of an audience, telling witty stories and navigating even the trickiest of topics with an easy smile.

He watched the head chef finish plating the soups, adding a fried green leek to each bowl. Hollin’s stomach growled, hidden by the noise of crashing plates and rolling carts.

“Hollin!” A sharp voice cut through the clatter. “If you’re in here, come out at once before you embarrass us any further.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. His mother had caught on to his hiding spot far too quickly. Rather than facing the indignation of getting literally dragged out of the corner by the indignant queen, he stood and brushed the lint of his pants.

Walking towards where Georgina stood, her arms crossed, Hollin searched his mind for any excuse that might explain his absence. “I wasn’t feeling well?”

“I planned on serving dinner as soon as the last guest arrived, but now everyone had to wait. Does that make you happy?” she demanded, reaching over to shove some of his hair back. “Remind me to send Donya your way tomorrow. This is getting out of hand.”

Hollin preferred his hair long, brushing his forehead and the back of his neck, but there was no arguing with her. “The dinner?” he prompted, warding off any further complaints about his appearance.

“Go, now. I need to run a final check on everything.” She made a shooing gesture with her hands. Hollin ran out the door at that point, marveling at how much better the dinner party sounded after one simple interaction with his mother.

Pushing through the swinging doors, he was relieved to find most people standing around, finishing up their chatter and their drinks. Darting past a couple of particularly dull nobles and keeping his head down to avoid detection, Hollin scanned the table for his name card.

“Your Highness!” He winced at the nasally voice of Lord Ramdon and the impending doom of yet another economic lecture. “I was just telling your brother about the effects of his new trade agreement on the price of coal over the next five--”

“Please take your seats. Dinner will be served momentarily.” The voice rang out through the room, giving Hollin the opportunity to escape and finally sink into his seat, two chairs away from the head of the table.

Dorian slipped into the massive chair a moment later. “Mother tracked you down?” he asked, offering Hollin a sympathetic look.

“Obviously.” Hollin grabbed his napkin and threw it on his lap, a bit forcefully. “Enjoying the stimulating conversation tonight?”

Dorian laughed. “It was getting a bit dull for awhile there. Thankfully, some more exciting guests showed up at the last minute-oh, speak of the devil!” He stood up, waving to someone over Hollin’s shoulder.

The prince stifled a groan. He glanced at the nametag to his right, at the same time as the person in question filled the seat.

“Hello,” Evangeline smiled at him. “I didn’t notice you when we first arrived.”

Aedion Ashryver and Lysandra Ennar took their places across the table, also smiling warmly at him. Hollin never understood how these people managed to be so happy all of the damned time. Something like jealousy always churned in his stomach when he saw the familiarity and love shared between them, as if a devastating war hadn’t almost ripped them apart.

“I had a...prince thing to do.” He winced at how weak the words sounded. “I hope the journey was easy for you.”

“It was! We travelled quite light for this visit, since it’s much more informal and last-minute” Evangeline perked up as she spoke, starting on a tangent about the route they had taken. In all his fourteen years, Hollin had never met a group of people who talked quite as much as Queen Aelin’s court.

At least he grew out of his snark and pettiness since he left Terrasen for the last time. He forced a polite smile on his face as she rambled.

“Eva, darling, Dorian has a few questions for you,” Lysandra interrupted. She tilted her head as she looked Hollin over, an eerily animalistic quality in her gaze. “Will you be attending the same classes?”

He turned his head to Dorian. “Will I be what?”

His brother took a sip of wine. “I’m sure I told you about this. Evangeline will be staying with us for the next few months to expand her education.” Placing the glass down, he looked at the girl in question with clear affection in his eyes. “I wanted to know, are there any additional activities you’d like to pursue while in Rifthold? Perhaps something in the arts?”

“Oh goodness, I’d love that,” Evangeline gushed. “I know that the theater here is beyond what we have in Terrasen; I’m sure there’s so much to learn from the actors and writers there.”

Hollin’s head hurt. He knew that Dorian would try to force them to get along while she stayed with them, in some bizarre attempt to expose him to so-called good people.

Even after the king had dedicated his time to being an older brother, even though Hollin tried so hard to avoid being another problem Dorian had to handle, he would never garner the look of affection that Evangeline did. He would never be Dorian’s friend in a way the Terrasen court was.

“Hollin attended one of the performances last week.” Dorian leaned forward, catching his brother’s eye with a meaningful look. “Perhaps you could take a look at the upcoming schedule, recommend something for her.”

The meddling had begun a whooping five minutes into the first course.

“I would be happy to,” Hollin replied. “Do you have any particular interests?”

For better or for worse, that question set Evangaline off on another tangent. Dorian gave him a subtle thumbs up as she chattered away, returning his focus to Lysandra and Aedion.

Hollin took the reprieve gratefully, digging into his soup. He mentally calculated how many minutes stood between him and the final course, already considering the night a massive failure.

#tog #throne of glass #dorian havilliard #hollin havilliard #evangeline #evangeline tog #lysaedion #sjm #fic #fanfic #sarahjmaas

[aphrodites-law]

A Bit of Clarity 🍂 (5/?) The visions had started last autumn, a year ago now. It had caused a bit of chaos for some, a bit of clarity for others. Two days ago, Clarke Griffin had been perfectly fine managing both her Café and her stress. But now she was curious - so deeply curious about the vision of herself entwined with the aloof Lexa Woods that it was leading her to complete distraction.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4]

If there was someone or something overseeing their lives, pulling the strings of their destiny and purposefully nudging them toward specific paths, then Clarke wanted a fucking word with them.  

It was a surprise, if not a shock, when she saw Lexa stroll into the shop with her laptop bag slung over her shoulder. It was barely a week after Clarke had resolved not to think about her anymore, a plan that hadn't always been successful. Lexa walked toward the counter with a proud chin, as if nothing had changed.

"Good morning," she said.

Clarke could have thrown a mini Bundt cake at her if Wells hadn't nearly burnt his apron making them.

"It was," she answered, deciding that professionalism was not in the cards today.

“I’ll have some pie, please."

“Humble?”

Lexa set her jaw. “And what would that taste like?”

Clarke smiled sardonically. “Bitter.”

Lexa held her stare before looking at the display. "I think I'll try the mini Bundt."

"For here or to go?" Clarke asked as she rang it up.

Lexa seemed disappointed to see that her usual seat by the weeping fig was occupied.

"Looks like it's busy."

"Faithful clientele," Clarke retorted, and then, "for the most part."

Lexa exhaled sharply before pulling out her wallet to pay in cash. "No problem, I'll have it to go."

Clarke put the mini Bundt in a paper bag. "No coffee?" she asked, though she didn't care much for the answer.

"Not today."

"I'm sorry we're fresh out of kale juice." It was a snippy comment that Clarke knew she was above making, but Lexa's sudden reappearance had touched a nerve.  

Whatever Lexa wanted to say, she visibly stopped herself. She grabbed her mini Bundt and then pulled out a sheet of paper from her bag.

"Would you mind if I put this up? It's the ad for interviews."

"I offered, didn't I?"

"Offers change."

"I don't go back on my word," Clarke answered stubbornly.

Lexa challenged her stare before nodding and walking toward the board. She scanned over each flyer, seemingly trying to figure out which one she could put hers next to. Finally she pinned it near the middle right. It was a sober flyer; no bold colors or giant fonts, but eye-catching in its minimalism compared to the busier ads surrounding it. As always, Lexa stuck to the basics.

Carrying her mini Bundt, she gave Clarke one last look before leaving. Clarke noticed the tip she'd left and hung her head before going back to her doodles. It was going to be a slow, rainy day.

* * *

It was a slow, rainy week. The wind came first; strong gusts that swept up old leaves and knocked down hats. A downpour followed on Wednesday, unrelenting and miserable. Customers came into the shop drenched, sticking their umbrellas in the already full rack by the entrance before rubbing their cold hands together.

Clarke liked watching their faces; the expressions of relief at finally finding some shelter and comfort from the brutal rain. It was gloomy outside but the café was everyone's home for a little while, the colors still warm and the plants still thriving. She couldn't help but enjoy these moments regardless of the cold, remembering this feeling was exactly why she'd gotten into this business in the first place.

Still, Clarke was human. An hour before closing time she was already fantasizing about hot tomato soup and the comfort of her bed. She'd finished chatting with a regular when Wells came in looking like he'd run a mile to get here. He usually left much earlier than she did, but sometimes swung back to check on things before driving to meet Raven at the theater.

"You want to read this," he told her with barely contained excitement, clutching his phone against his soaked raincoat.

He rounded the counter and showed her the screen. It was an article from the Costial Gazette with a damning title:

Finn's Coffee & Bagels: Neither Fresh nor Clean

"What is this?" Clarke asked, skimming the article. There were mentions of false advertising, misleading business practices, trouble brewing with the Federal Trade Commission, mentions of artificial preservatives despite claims of the contrary, and, to top off the proverbial shit cake, an anonymous employee detailing horrid management. It was a scalding report - one Clarke had dreamed of writing herself.  

Understandably, Wells couldn't stop grinning. "This is good, right? Especially the FTC stuff. Bad for him, good for us."

Clarke was about to answer when a thought struck her. She quickly scrolled back up: By Echo Blake and Lexa Woods.

Clarke shut her eyes closed. So maybe she'd jumped to conclusions when she'd seen Lexa at his shop. Maybe she'd made it personal. Who wouldn't? Lexa was still… Lexa. Impossible to read and impossible to understand.

"Titus will drop him for sure," Wells mused aloud. "How the hell did Finn get the old man to carry his brand anyway?"

"Money. Connections. Empty promises." Clarke had no doubt about that. "That's mostly how Finn gets what he wants."

Wells was still smiling from ear to ear when he texted Raven a link to the article. "Looks like it finally bit him in the ass. We should send the Gazette a Thank You cake."

Clarke leaned her elbows on the counter and let out a noncommittal grunt.

"What's wrong?" Wells asked. "I thought you'd be happy about this."

"Oh I'm happy. Just thinking about the humble pie I'm gonna have to eat myself."

* * *

Naturally, Clarke had to wait another week before Lexa dared show up again. She'd noticed that her ad had attracted some attention - curious customers reading it and then pocketing a tear-off tab - and was anticipating Lexa would come in to either replace it or take it down.

When she did, it was during the usual afternoon lull and Clarke felt nervous. Now that she knew her anger had stemmed from… well, a combination of things but also an overreaction, she was embarrassed by the way she'd previously spoken to Lexa.

When Lexa walked in, Clarke was cleaning one of the coffee machines. It was her distorted reflection that she saw in the nozzle; her discreet gait as she walked toward the board and unpinned her ad. Clarke figured she would leave immediately, but Lexa approached the counter. Her eyes scanned over the display glass.

"Can I get you anything?" Clarke tentatively asked.

Lexa looked up and readjusted the strap of her satchel. "Are there any baby Bundts left?"

Clarke shook her head. "All out. It's pecan tartlet week. But Wells liked making them, burnt apron aside - we could put them back in the rotation this month."

Lexa seemed surprised Clarke even suggested something that would please her. "That's alright; I'll just wait."

"Regular coffee?" Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded while looking away. "Sure."

As Clarke poured Lexa's regular in a paper cup, she couldn't help but feel like this was their first conversation all over again. Odd and stilted but also one that she didn't want to end so soon. Clarke capped the coffee and turned to her.

"I read your article on FC&B. It's really good." She gave her the cup. "Personal bias aside."

A small smile graced Lexa's face and Clarke felt a thrill. "My co-writer did most of the investigative work."

"But you did some too," Clarke remembered, knowing Lexa would also recollect the time Clarke had spotted her in Finn's shop. "Tried their juice and everything."

Lexa's nose scrunched subtly. "If that's what you want to call it. But still, Echo deserves the credit for the piece. It was her story from the beginning; I was mostly a sounding board."

Something about Lexa dismissing her own work bothered Clarke. "Don't do that."  

"Do what?"

"I've read your stuff before; I know there was some of you in that article. Just take the compliment, Lexa."

There was that fierce light in Lexa's eyes again. "It's not fully mine to take."

"I guess they just put your name on there to fill space?"

Lexa pressed her lips together, unimpressed with the sarcasm.

Clarke huffed. "Why are you so-" She couldn't even finish her question, unsure where to start. Why couldn't they communicate normally? Why did every sentence feel like a mountain to climb? And how on earth did Lexa push her buttons without even lifting a finger?

"You're frustrated," Lexa pointed out.

"I am."

"With me?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"No. I've been told I can be frustrating before."

She said it with such a jaded expression that Clarke couldn't help but laugh. "God, how could I ever think…"

"Think what?" Lexa asked without skipping a beat.

Clarke shook her head and walked to the end of the counter. "Nothing."

Lexa followed. "You know, I'm not the only one who sidesteps questions."

There was something unnerving about her tone, like she was challenging her, and Clarke wasn't known to be a graceful loser.  

"You don't want the answers."

"Try me. You might be surprised."

Clarke scoffed, then decided she wouldn't back away any longer. "What do you really want to ask, Lexa?" It was the same turn of phrase Lexa had used on her at the bar; the frustration of unspoken truths reaching a boiling point. 

"What did you see?" Lexa inquired, never once looking away from her.  

Clarke hesitated. They couldn't do this here, now… could they?

"Clarke," Lexa said, almost like a plea. 

Clarke wasn't sure she'd ever heard her name said that way. She waited a beat. "Fine. I saw you."

Lexa visibly swallowed. "What about me?"

"You're a journalist. Guess."

"Good journalists don't guess. I would need some information to first form a hypothesis and then-"

"You kissed me," Clarke interjected, fed up with logic.

Lexa's mouth clamped shut, so Clarke continued:

"And I mean you kissed me everywhere. Is that enough to form a hypothesis?"

Lexa processed for a moment, her cheeks a shade darker. "It explains… things."

"Why?" Clarke paused, thinking it through. "Did you have…"

"Yes."

"The same?"

"Not exactly."

"Well? Spit it out."

Lexa looked around them, but no one paid them any attention. "I was making coffee. In my underwear.”

Clarke frowned, unsure she'd heard her correctly. "You're kidding, right? I make coffee every day, how is that so embarrassing you couldn't tell me?"

"No, you don't understand," Lexa weakly said. "I don't… like… coffee. Hate it. Any hot beverage actually."

"You hate coffee," Clarke repeated incredulously, eyes going to the very cup Lexa was holding.  

"But I was making it," Lexa reiterated. "In an apartment that wasn't mine. With doodles framed everywhere. After recognizing the style, I figured… I was making it for you."

Clarke stepped back, bewildered. She had never once thought that Lexa might've seen the same thing she had, or something close, or even seen her. She wasn't even sure what that meant, if anything at all.

"Oh."

"Yes."

It was like everything had shifted in the span of a few seconds, the before and after she had revealed what she'd seen. It was different now. Lexa knew, and she knew, and everything that had brought them here took on a different meaning. Lexa starting a dialogue; Lexa inviting her to a play; Lexa catching her eyes from across a room. She had been trying to solve a puzzle too; trying to understand what she might've missed before.

But.

Something between them never quite… locked. For the first time, Clarke realized that Lexa was just as wildly out of her depth as she was. Even in her anger she'd put Lexa on a pedestal; seen her as the diligent journalist with the clever words and the impenetrable stare. Now she saw Lexa as someone looking for answers just as she was. They'd both been trying to form a connection based on a vision - maybe that was the problem.

"Well, that kind of takes the surprise out of it," she said, finally exhaling.

Lexa opened and shut her mouth, unsure where to go from there. She settled on a mute nod while Clarke fiddled with her hands, glancing toward the front door and praying for someone to walk in. No such miracle happened quickly enough.

"Thank you for telling me." Lexa had gone quieter; introspective in the way Clarke was used to.

"Yep." Clarke rubbed the back of her neck. "It's probably for the best that- I mean, it's a relief actually."

"It is. I'm sorry if I acted strangely," Lexa said. "I was confused."

"Right. Because we barely knew each other."

"Exactly."

"And I mean… we were both clearly trying to see if there was something… there, and, I don't know that-"

Lexa's eyes flashed to hers. "No, of course not. I'm just a customer."

Clarke frowned. "I didn't say that."

"But it's true. We were drawn to each other because of something out of our control. It's something I've heard a lot in recent interviews. A guy walking up to a woman after he had a vision of her dress. A wife divorcing her husband because she had a vision of herself accepting a drink from a stranger."  

Lexa seemed to have gone back into business mode and Clarke didn't know if it was some sort of deflecting mechanism. Regardless, Clarke had never felt this awkward in her life. Like she might trip on her own feet if she even moved.

"So the visions push us to act a certain way," she tried to catch on.

Lexa nodded. "I'm exploring the theory that they're just one thread among hundreds of others. No one is forced to pull that one specifically. Nothing is ever inevitable."

Clarke didn't know what else she could do but nod in acknowledgment. That was it? People got life-altering information from their visions but she got a theory from the woman she shared the supposedly most exciting event of her life with?

"I'm glad we could clear the air."

"Absolutely," Lexa agreed.

Silence stretched for what felt like a minute before Lexa looked at her watch. "Speaking of interviews, I have a phone call soon."

"Great. Hope it's helpful."

"I'm sure it will be."

When Lexa started to leave, Clarke suddenly remembered something. "Wait!"

Lexa looked at her with wide eyes, practically in disbelief Clarke would want to prolong the excruciating moment.

"One more thing," Clarke said.  

"Yes?"

Clarke took a deep breath. "Was it a date?"

Lexa frowned. "What?"

"When you offered me a ticket to Lincoln's play. When you mentioned the after party. Were you asking me out?"

"You'd mentioned wanting to see a play," Lexa stammered. "I had the spare ticket."

"Did you want to pull the thread, Lexa?" Clarke asked, feeling a surge of confidence. Now that the secret was out, she needed to know everything. She needed their bizarre back-and-forths to have an explanation.  

Lexa froze. "I'm a journalist; I investigate. You were my only lead."

It affected her more than it should have, considering Clarke had promised herself she wouldn't let Lexa Woods get to her again.

Lexa must've noticed. "I didn't mean - you're obviously not just-"

"It's fine. I get it. I wanted to be sure too." Clarke turned to grab a towel for the counter. "It's like you said: nothing is inevitable. I'm glad we got it squared away."

Lexa nodded weakly. "So everything can go back to the way it used to be."

"Sure."  

"I look forward to tomorrow's new batch," Lexa told her politely before leaving.

Clarke dropped her towel and sat on the stool they kept behind the counter. Lexa was back in her life, but somehow it felt worse to return to normal. Somehow all Clarke could think about was that Lexa wanted to pull their damn thread but something was keeping her from it.

And maybe it was time to admit she might’ve hoped Lexa and her were inevitable.

- 

[part six]

#clexa #clarke x lexa #clexa fic #f: a bit of clarity #w

[techmomma]

Barto wasn’t an unkind man; only a cautious one. Sufficient teasing by Marden had been plenty to make Barto feel guilty for mistrusting the old man, and really, Marden was right: however unnerving it was to have the old sheikah pop up out of nowhere, that seemed to be all of his preternatural abilities. The rest of the old man’s abilities seemed to be sitting, making his joints pop without trying, enjoying the sunlight, and making their children and other travelers smile; anyone who spoke with him for a time seemed to leave a little lighter. Considering how rude, abrasive, or entitled customers could be to them, this man was breath of fresh air, Barto thought.

The old man, Barto found, had a particular way of speaking. Rhythmic, rough and worn like the side of a mountain but softened like a stone in the sea and usually accompanied by that particular lilt that came from speaking in a smile. And smile he did, whether he had a wispy, sad gaze to the far horizon or a bright gleam as Gaila and Matu offered him a lizard they’d just found under the tree, and with as much enthusiasm, let it crawl around his hands to their delight. Barto only really saw the smile fade—but not entirely disappear—when the little old man sat with a traveler, nodding and listening and though Barto never knew quite what about, he knew enough about the regulars to have a good idea.

Then again, he could have just been giving them more worldly advice, Barto thought. Catching fish. Tying knots. Sheikah things. He could already hear Marden scolding him.

The old man’s latest conversation companion stood and left as daylight waned, giving him a warm farewell before heading inside to the lodging area. Her name was Fyjo, Barto knew, a young traveler set on proving she was a somebody from a nobody village—whatever that might mean to her. She’d never been aloof, per se, but rarely gave words freely to those too much older than her. Somehow, though, the old man had gotten an hour or so of willing conversation from her.

“Got a teenager to talk. I’m impressed,” Barto noted with some dry amusement as he approached the cooking pot where the old man had taken sentry. If Barto knew his schedule, and he did, no one else was due to come in for the night. Save for the old man’s friend, but they had a more erratic schedule and if the old man knew when they were returning, he never said. They’d paid for plenty of nights though and Marden wasn’t worried, so Barto wasn’t worried. As un-worried as Barto could be.

The old man looked up, silent for a moment but with a laughing twinkle in his eyes as he smiled. “Just hafta let them choose the topic. Most times they’ll go on fer days if ya let’em.” Barto took a seat nearby on one of the vaguely-hewn logs they used as chairs around the stable.

“That’ll come in handy when my two are teenagers.”

“Take it, you’ll need all the help you c’n git.” This time the old man did laugh, a soft, wheezy sound.

“No kiddin’.” So that was how the old man did it. Barto already felt his defenses lowered. “You got teenagers in your family?”

“Ah… no.” The old man smiled but Barto knew immediately he’d hit a spot that shouldn’t have been touched. He couldn’t have known better, but felt guilty all the same. The old man carried on. “Might be over a hunnerd ‘n twenty but I do still vaguely recall bein’ a teenager ‘n wishin’ people might take me seriously.”

“Still feel that way sometimes,” Barto offered, and this seemed to please the old man, making him smile.

“No kiddin’.” He winked coyly. Barto grinned a suspicious half-grin; oh, the old man was good.

Barto then, took pause, as the previous sentence only then registered, the impact dawning on him.

“… You’re a hundred and twenty?” He asked, and this only made the old sheikah smile brighter.

“Don’t look a day over ninety, do I?”

“How—“

“We may not be zora, but sheikah tend ta average ‘bout a century. Even I’m purty old fer a sheikah, though, young as I look.”

This man wasn’t just old; he was a piece of history, himself. He’d lived through the end of the world—a world, not Barto’s world, not Marden’s world. Not the world of anyone Barto knew, himself. He’d lived through the end of the old world, when they made towering structures and the kingdom was alive and real, not myth and folktale. This man was one of the last pieces of evidence that the old world had existed and thrived with people and names—and wasn’t just a story in a children’s book. He was a little bit of the past, peeking into the present.

Barto didn’t have the eloquence to express these ideas that twinkled and went out like stars in his subconscious, clouds of ambiguous thought that were more shapes than words.

The Calamity had never been an interest, per se, for Barto. Or Marden, or most who lived in the wilds. It was a footnote in history, like a catastrophic flood that left scars on the countryside but could not be felt by the living more than a vague melancholy. That was the only reference anyone in the wilds could really compare it to; none had the ability to gauge the true and terrible scope of the end of the world. Even the eldest who’d lived through that dire time just after, the Age of Burning Fields, could rarely articulate the devastation in a way that their descendants could tangibly grasp.

But in that moment, all of Barto wanted nothing more than to ask what the Calamity had been like, and ached because he knew he could not ask. Maybe he could ask around the subject though. Before and after! Or at least see how the old man reacted. Curiosity compelled Barto, but he was, ultimately, a man who did want to do good, and did not like hurting others.

He realized, suddenly (and terribly chastised himself for not seeing this sooner), that the old man was missing an ear. Had he gotten that, too, in the Calamity? It seemed only natural.

“You uh… you wouldn’t have been much older than her, just before the. Y’know.” Barto nodded his head to where Fyjo had gone off to. He couldn’t see Marden watching the two fondly, smiling to himself before attending another guest.

“Mm-hm. Was a royal researcher, if that’s what yer itchin’ ta ask.”

A royal researcher. A sheikah researcher? “You worked with the royal family?”

“Which one?”

Barto leaned away. “I. Which one?”

“Which one, Hyrulean ‘r Zora?”

“Nooooo, you worked with both?”

“And Gerudo. ‘N the Rito ‘n Gorons, but they don’t got a royal family, per se. The royal researchers worked with just ‘bout every part o’ Hyrule ‘n every race.”

“Do you miss it?”

The question had come before Barto could really examine its angles, decipher if it was appropriately curious without overstepping boundaries or encroaching on unwanted emotions, but the loss of the gleam in the old man’s eyes told him how much he’d overstepped.

“… I do.” The old man answered with a soft vulnerability that made Barto immediately regret the question.

“I—don’t worry about it, I shouldn’t have asked that—“ The old man held up his hand, shaking his head fondly.

“The Calamity wove itself into every family that survived it. I’d wanna know what tore through my family history, too.”

Barto’s family had been through something when Calamity struck. He didn’t care much; he’d left them behind a long time ago. But Marden’s family, he did care. They were his family, and the Calamity bled through every generation into even the children who would be tucked into bed later that night.

The old man waited patiently for an answer, and Barto supplied it by propping his hands on his knees to push himself up onto his feet. “Y’know what, we don’t normally cook for travelers, but I think we have some ingredients to spare.” He stood akimbo, asking cautiously.

“… What did you research?”

“Guardians.” The old man answered, watching the color drain from Barto’s face.

 In the time it had taken Barto to light the fire, bring water to a boil and add rations of a hardened meat broth to flavor the soup, he’d watched the old man’s head start to nod, lifting with every intent to stay up as he wavered between sleep and waking. Eventually, sleep won over and the old man dozed off. Drooling.

“Missed your chores today.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Marden had taken a break from his post at the reception counter, as he did every night for dinner when travelers had either made their way to the stable or pitched their tents on the road as the sun set and smoldering twilight fell over the hills.

“Look at that, Barto made a friend.”

“He’s not—he looked lonely.”

“The one who’s been making conversation with all the guests? Sure.” All the same, he produced a blanket he’d brought over, draping it over the old man’s shoulders. He had no idea it was unnecessary, as sheikah clothing kept the wearer warm no matter the chill and cool no matter the heat, but it was the gesture that counted.

“Marden. He’s a hundred and twenty.”

“What.”

“’Swhat he said.”  

Marden looked over at the man, bobbing his head in an agreeing shrug and a mumbled yeah okay that checks out.

“He researched Guardians.”

“Oh now you’re pullin’ my leg.”

“I’m serious, that’s what he said.”

The stablekeeper threw a glance to the sleeping man and then to Barto, taking a seat next to him. “… Well shit.”

“I’ll say.”

Guardians, rarely encountered by the more sane individuals who kept to the pockets of safety left in Hyrule, were the nightmares of any Hyrulean child and many Hyrulean adults. Their blue, ghoulish eyes haunted the dreams of most born after the Calamity and Marden wondered, glancing again to the old man, if they haunted the dreams of those born before, too. They were called machines but they may as well have been monsters, the worst of Ganon’s lot with Lynels and Hinox. But perhaps most maddening was the fact that Ganon had not made them, but people.

Sheikah.

Not this man in particular, Barto and Marden knew. The stories differed slightly but the core remained the same: Guardians were sheikah technology, corrupted, and they had been used to blight the land then and terrorize the land now.

What part did this sleeping old man play in the end of the world?

“Can I join?”

Marden and Barto found Fyjo just outside the ring of light around the cooking pot. Without her backpack and rusty sword at her hip, she looked much younger—her actual age, Marden corrected himself. Somewhere around 18, if he remembered right. He nodded her over and she sat on the dirt.

“Thought you didn’t serve food,” she noted with more than a hint of satisfaction, recalling the times she’d asked.

“Thought you didn’t talk much,” Barto quipped and Marden nearly nudged him off of his seat, Fyjo glaring in response.

“I talk to cool people.”

“He’s cool and I’m not? After all the times I let you pet the horses?” Barto complained. Fyjo folded her arms over her knees.

“He told me how to stun a guardian, that makes him like a solid eight times cooler. Maybe nine.”

Barto and Marden exchanged glances with a mutual understanding that, okay, maybe there was substance to the old man’s claims (and also they were definitely cooler, yes, totally). Not that they disbelieved him, but they were inclined to take everyone’s claims with a grain of salt. Exaggerated tales were, after all, every bit of a trade-good as rice and barley and eggs and weapons at stables.

As if the man himself were about to refute them, the old man breathed in sharply, lifting his head and blinking languidly behind his now-askew glasses, wiping his chin with the butt of his palm. He looked around, visibly putting pieces together in his head, one eye squinted.

“Food’s almost ready.” Marden spoke helpfully, in a tone a little too sweet even if he was trying his best to reign it in. The old man nodded absently, licking his lips as he squinted through a sleepy haze, trying to remember the faces around him. Yes, there they were. The stablekeepers, and… and… the young lady! Yes. He was pleased to remember them. He didn’t quite remember what was going on just before nodding off, but he was sitting among nice people he’d spoken with before. That seemed enough for him.

“Thought you were goin’ ta sleep.” The old man smiled to Fyjo, who attempted nonchalance with a shrug and a glance away.

“Smelled food, was hungry.”

He nodded, the particular smirk on his face clearly betraying his disbelief in her defense. But the old man didn’t press the issue, instead looking around at the others gathered around the cooking pot. Something about the sight felt warm in the old man’s heart and a fond and distant look crossed his face.

“She says you told her how to stun a guardian, old man.” Barto spoke aloud, more question than statement.

“He did!” Fyjo protested.

“I did.” The old man answered.

“Seems awful dangerous information.” Barto noted, the old man watching him with a patient but knowing look in his eyes.

“Seems more dangerous ta go without.”

Barto acceded to this, nodding his head. “You learn that being a royal researcher?”

“You were a royal researcher?” Fyjo lit up again, recalling the ruins she’d gone exploring at the Serenne Stable’s prompting, just northwest of the castle where the lingering spirit of evil turned the earth grey and dead and lifeless.

“I was. And no. Didn’t learn that bein’ a researcher.” The old man turned his eyes to Barto--eyes on an endlessly tired face but flickering with intelligence and wryness. “Learned that from experience.”

The three watched him expectantly and the old man knew every thought by the looks on their faces. But before he could address that subject, he looked away from them to the timid man who’d been peeking from around the entrance to the stable. “C’mon, there’s plenty room,” the old man offered and after a flash of embarrassment at being caught, the man approached, sitting on the ground between the stablekeepers and Fyjo.

Karn, Marden knew. A scavenger but a good fellow; quiet, self-effacing, usually tried to pay too much even though Marden knew he didn’t have much on him at any given time. Flinchy. But Marden had also seen the man make careful, stuttering conversation with the old sheikah earlier. Everyone seemed to have a little piece of him but no one really had the whole picture, Marden thought.

“When… you hunted… guardians…?” Karn asked, so quietly that Marden worried the old man wouldn’t be able to pick up his voice.

“Just afore then.” Nope, heard him just fine.

Fyjo turned slowly to the old-timer sitting next to her. “You hunted them.”

“I did. Used ta be one right over the hills there, a wanderer.” The old man pointed his thin hand to the hill just down the road. Fyjo had been there, knew there were long-smoldered ruins of a tiny settlement there that had been destroyed decades ago. Barto and Marden were none the wiser, despite their years in the area. “Most guardians are coded with set perimeters ta patrol but some had their perimeters corrupted, when they were infected with Malice, sos they go wanderin’ without any set routes. There was a lady named Hehla who was tryin’ ta make a stable here, sos I cleared that one out fer her.”

“Gramma?” Marden leaned in, the old man smiling.

“Was wonderin’ how you were related. You got her nose.” He winked, tapping his own. Marden touched his nose unconsciously.

“How, swords don’t work on them. Guardians.” Fyjo asked, and the old man didn’t answer.

He leaned toward Fyjo, offering his walking stick. She took it, holding it in both hands and immediately noting that she could have not only held it in one hand, but it would have remained balanced no matter where she held it. She was moderately certain she could have placed it on either end and it would have remained standing. She looked up, waiting for a prompt, and he gave her a motion to follow. She gave the middle part a sharp flick and felt a sudden heat from one end of the walking stick, realizing only as she dropped it,

“It’s a spear!”

Marden, Barto, and Karn nearly fell out of their places learning forward to get a look at the pale blue spearhead, condensed blue fire with a sharp blade, a light and a solid object all at once that left a trailing blue vapor from the edge. It felt ethereal and Fyjo was half-tempted to touch the blade in some primal instinct were it not from the heat she felt radiating like another campfire just next to hear. She lifted it, noting the still-glowing embers in the dirt it had left behind, cooling into a transparent, glassy material.

Barto looked again to the little old man, sitting there with his hands in his lap and a blanket over his shoulders, who’d recently woken up from a nap sitting up. The old man who shuffled around and needed extra pillows and sometimes had to be helped up because he’d gotten stuck sitting, the old man with a trembling voice and hands and gait. He tried to imagine a younger version of him, hunting, killing the things of his nightmares and just couldn’t do it.

“This was found at one o’ the dig sites. I kept it, studyin’ it, fer years after the Calamity. On my way up ta Akkala, some guardians ambushed me. I stuck this inta a guardian’s eye in a panic, ‘n I wish I could say it was ‘cause I remembered somethin’ from an incident the Hero. But it was just lucky desperation… It found the eye, ‘n stunned the Guardian long enough that I could do it again. ‘N that seemed enough ta kill it.”

Something courageous swelled in Fyjo then. Some streak of defiance and empowerment as she realized she had, in her hands, something that could kill the monster of her childhood and the monsters that plagued the roads now and made inhospitable, impassable patches that no traveler dared venture.

“You just used a spear?”

“Hylia, no, no.” The old man laughed. “That just gave me the idea fer how ta do it.” He offered his hands and for a single, irrational moment, Fyjo considered taking the spear. Making the old man upset bothered her more than the idea of stealing the thing, though, and she returned it gently. “The Guardians run on blue flame, this substance here.” He pointed to the blade, flicking the spear with his wrist to make the blade disappear as if it had never been there. “’N blue flame is precisely what hurts’em most. So I made it inta arrows.”

He winked to Fyjo, leaning on his spear again, once more a weird but convincingly mundane walking stick. “That’s what I used ta hunt’em with.”  

When silence fell over the four, Marden knew they were in a similar state of both awe and excitement, or perhaps letting this new facet of their new friend sink in. Fyjo, the youngest and least socially graceful of them, spoke up though to cut through the moment.

“Why’d you stop?”

The old man laughed. “I ain’t exactly the picture o’ finesse ‘n fitness I used ta be—‘n that’s bein’ mighty kind ta myself. I just got old, darlin’.” The answer seemed acceptable if mildly disappointing for Fyjo.

Barto, at that moment, deemed the soup done. Why now was anyone’s guess but perhaps he’d noticed the lull, perhaps he’d noticed something no one else had. In careful portions in crude-but-sturdy wooden bowls, he ladled out enough for each, glad to test the meat and vegetable pieces to find they broke easily. He didn’t want to assume about the old man but had a pretty solid idea these would be just right for him.

They ate in silence. A comfortable, if expectant silence, a silence in appreciation for good food but with an eagerness to pick up where they’d left. Pry a little more into an old man’s life, Marden corrected himself, but if the others shared the sentiment, he couldn’t tell. Fyjo, certainly, Hylia bless her, seemed more than eager to pry.

“What was it like before the Calamity?” There it was. The question they’d all desperately wanted to ask but only Fyjo had the bravery—or bluntness—to ask. Marden felt a flush of secondhand embarrassment and yet couldn’t bring himself to say anything against the question. Barto and Karn too looked morbidly curious with judging glances to Fyjo but inquisitive looks to the old man. Perhaps silently hoping he’d answer, but knowing they couldn’t push him on if he couldn’t.

Thankfully, the old man seemed willing to oblige.

#botwau

[georgipopovich-voiceblog]

Writing prompt to distract you?: Overworked Serik and Overworked pregnant Georgi (pregnatn with Sergei? Or any other future babies or au babies)

“Serik!”

“Pot, down.” Serik says, grabbing the large soup pot from his hands. “Too heavy.”

The omega groans, watching the alpha pull the pot over towards his study area, the place where the books, the laundry basket, and all the mail has been piling. “Right, the pot is too heavy, the laundry basket is too heavy, the fucking air is too heavy. Let me do things! I’m pregnant, not dying!” He turns back to the pot cabinet, and settles his hand on the counter above it, attempting to pull out a different pan, perhaps get away with something small. The weight of a massive belly before him is hard to bend down with, but, if he puts his feet wide, he can do it, with a deep breath, and if their son doesn’t start stretching a storm. 

There’s a short growl, that’s bitten back behind him, from the alpha. “Please....”

He glances behind him, once he manages a very useless tiny pan, in time for a big stretch from that baby in his tummy, earning him a grunt as he stands back up, and rubs at his side. “You know I’m right. You have to eat, and so do I. We can’t just do carry out every night until the baby’s born. And, not only that, but I have to do the laundry. That’s unavoidable, since I’m a walking sweat storm, and you gotta let me actually take the laundry basket, with the clothes in it, for me to get it folded ANYWHERE!” The pan is taken again. 

The past two weeks, Georgi hasn’t been able to do anything, without Serik hovering over him. He values his independence, he thrives on the fact that he can do things on his own. Right now, though, his boyfriend may as well scoop him up and chain him to the bed for the most unsexy reasons in the entire world. 

Groaaannn. The Russian reaches over, snagging both pans from him to set on the stove. “I can make simple shit, like eggs, or soup, something, because you’ve got your test coming up, and studying isn’t going to do shit for a brain that doesn’t have any fuel. I will be done in like, two minutes!” He turns his head towards the fridge, to perhaps grab some ingredients to just throw together, to find the alpha there, again, standing in his way, though, this time, his eyes aren’t their soft rested way they usually are, the way his brows settle looks stern. To most.... the expression does not mean much, but to Georgi, there’s eyes on the way he stands. It’s almost.... eerie.

For once, Georgi finds it in him to shut up.  That look could murder a man. A chill goes up his spine, as he hears the low rumble of frustration. It makes his hair stand on end, not that he fears Serik, not that he thinks he’ll be hurt. But, he’s never seen him look at him like that before. 

His large hands grab the large pot, and the small pan, before he walks over to the cabinet once more, and pulls them all out, to take with him towards the study area, and set beside the laundry basket. In the corner where Georgi can’t fit, right now. It’s the side of the table where, with the chairs scooted in, it’s difficult for him to wiggle back there, and he’s too out of breath to make it there. Though, the alpha doesn’t stop there, he returns to the cabinet, where the pans are, and grabs the remaining four, stacking them, and walking them over to that corner to place on top of clean laundry, that he will be getting to later, after he finishes.  The heavy ones go on top of the China Cabinet, scooted way back against the wall, where he can easily reach, but, Georgi, while pregnant cannot. The laundry basket is lifted, and placed right under the table, where he studies, where he will be able to keep an eye on it.

The alpha turns back around to his chair, and plops down heavily, as he hunches over the next book, and grabs a highlighter, to get back to what he’s doing. Each strike of it is harsh, now, loud enough that Georgi winces at the way it squeaks. He’s in place, staring at the large man over the books, for a good few moments, as though he’s worried to make a noise. A lump in his throat, thick and dry, arises, as well as the heat in his eyes, from welling up tears. 

He slowly backs out of the room, and makes a rushed waddle for the stairs. He’d never made Serik mad like that before, he’d never felt the air grow so heated. Reaction like this is far outside the norm, when Serik is in the mix. Georgi, yes, he’s hormonal, he hasn’t slept well, he can’t eat big meals anymore, he can’t exercise without getting out of breath. He’s a vessel of frustration, at everything he says and does. He can’t even stand up without help, right now.

Selfishly, he hasn’t even thought about how Serik may have also been frustrated. Georgi’s tossing and turning all night long, having to get up to pace, to get rid of restless energy, to relieve aches and pains, surely that may be felt in the bond mark. He’s keeping Serik up, and he’s not cooking as much, anymore, which, Serik hardly knows how to boil water during study time, it’ll be forgotten. In the mix of trying to take care of him, in ways he would do without being nine months pregnant, he hasn’t considered that he’s creating extra steps for his mate. Serik is making shortcuts, because he’s the only one who can do most of the housework, now that Georgi, who’s working almost forty hours a week on his feet, is exhausted by the time he gets home. It’s come to the point where he’s got a leotard to wear under his clothes for work, he can’t fit into his clothing, let alone stay upright after six hours straight of choreography. His ankles are swollen, his back aches, but, he still wants to hold onto this little piece of himself that can do it alone.

“You can’t just call me sobbing like crazy, boy. I thought you were in labor.” Yakov sighs on the other end of the line. “Come on, now. How bad was it? Did he yell?”

“N-No....” Georgi hiccups, hugging onto his pregnancy pillow, resembling a rather colorful worm. “N-No yelling.... He just..... he looked so.... so tired of me...”

“No, no, he’s not tired of you, Gosha.....” The old man on the other line seems to plop down in his chair, judging by the thump. “You two are nearing the end of this pregnancy fast. You have had only five months to prepare for this baby. Tell me. Have you two eaten today...?”

“I-I had some fruit, h-he hasn’t... -hic- left the table.....”

“Mmm..... have you two slept?”

“I-I didn’t, I th-think he was...-hic- pulling another study night.....” Georgi wipes his eyes, and rests the phone beside him on the pillow. “I-I just.... I-I wanted to make dinner, and h-he wanted me to.. to not.”

“I wouldn’t let you either. You look like the wind could knock you down. You have to let him help you, you can’t be the stubborn mule that you always are. You are carrying his child, you are his mate, and it is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and each other. You have to do that, if not yourselves, than for the baby. Which, you have to tell me the name, please. ‘the baby’ is so informal.”

“Y-Yakov.....”

“Right, off topic... You’re both stressed the hell out. You need to focus on yourself for a minute, so he can focus on school. Okay? You know he wouldn’t hurt you, never on purpose. He’s not taking the pans away from you to piss you off. You get your head out of your ass, you’ll be just fine.”

Why does Yakov have to be so harsh? He called him for emotional support, and instead.... he’s getting reamed, and he knows that the coach is right. Georgi wants to do everything, but, his legs are ready to give out after all he does, his back is killing him, and if he runs into something sharp, he’s certain he’s just going to entirely pop. There’s a sigh to his voice.  “......Can.... Can you just... tell me about your day...?” He asks, voice trembling still. 

Yakov is silent for a moment, before clearing his throat. “..... Had my morning tea outside this morning...... Got to listen to the birds. That damn raccoon is back... I’m thinking about asking the neighbors to stop feeding him, he’s fat enough already......”

"This is bullshit, why did Viktor get Laundry Duty? Why did I have to fucking cook?”

“You didn’t.” Viktor snaps back to Yuri, pulling some laundry detergent out from the back of his car, and a spare basket. “You bought it.”

“I bought the veggies frozen, dipshit. I made the other stuff.” Yuri sneers, holding up the various tupperware in his possession, along with a shopping bag of ready-made veggies to steam in the microwave.

Yakov grumbles, turning to smack both of them upside the heads. “The both of you heathens shut your gobs, this is not a competition, this is you helping someone who needs it.” He grabs at the grocery bags. “Stop flinging these around everywhere, you’ll drop everything.” A stern finger points to Mila’s face, who seems to walk up the sidewalk from her faraway parking spot, still in pajama pants, holding a DVD case in her hand. “As for you, you’re late. Where’s your contribution?”

“Brought “The Miracle of Life”.” She holds up.

Insert Yakov losing his hair.

 “And Sara’s bringing her grandmother’s favorite noodle casseroles from the trunk, she was making the pasta all night, because apparently, it’s the devil’s temptation to buy hard store bought noodles.”

“Congrats, Mila.” Viktor smiles. “You brought the most useless gift.”

“As always.” She finger guns at him, earning a groan from Yakov.

“The lot of you are going to kill me, you’re killing your poor coach. He has done nothing but give to you, and you’re killing him.” He turns, and rings the doorbell. Surely, they wouldn’t be asleep now, it’s ten in the morning, and both parents-to-be are avid morning people, who constantly run. “Now, don’t take no for an answer. Don’t stress them out. Don’t fight. Bully Georgi into sitting, and putting his feet up, and give Serik privacy for studying.”

The door clicks, the sign of a lock being undone, as Serik’s face appears in the door crack, his same face that he ever wears still on, save for some dark circles. “.....Uh.”

“You didn’t invite us.” Yakov holds a hand up, and pushes the door the rest of the way open, leading a parade of assholes behind him. “Come get some food, and get back to the table. Is Georgi up? ... Don’t answer that. We’ll find out, we don’t want to wake him if he’s still asleep.”

“Morning, Serik!” Viktor chimes, as he heads straight for the laundry room, only to be stopped by the basket still sitting, unfolded on the kitchen table. “Tsk, tsk, tsk. I’ve got this.” His long arms yank it over, and he walks over towards the couch to sit while he gets to work.

Mila opens the door for Sara, who’s carrying in three medium sized casserole pans carefully, and the pair move towards the kitchen with Yuri. “I brought some veggies that you microwave, and some potatoes, I guess. I just got what we had. But, Beka says these are his favorite that I make him, so I guess it’s good.”

They scatter, like ants. Silent cogs in a working machine, of who is folding laundry, who is working on unloading the dishwasher, who is putting food away, and also making Serik a quick bowl of food, to place at his study station. They leave the alpha at the door, staring at the directions they’ve all run off to. Georgi is still asleep, he suspects, but....not for long, if they keep all muttering to each other.

There’s a slight lift from his shoulders, as he glances to the bowl of food, and then to the family members, who avoid him at all costs. No conversation, after the food was placed, just towards each other. Yakov even points at Serik to return to the table. 

His long list of things to do is slowly cutting down, from the foot traffic through the house. Even Athena leaves her spot on his chair, and goes off to follow them.

Leaving a very confused, very..... relieved man, at the front door.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Tips to Prevent and Recover from a Trying Day

“Be proactive not reactive, for an apparently insignificant issue ignored today can spawn tomorrow’s catastrophe.” – Ken Poirot

Do you ever have one of those mornings where the battle against annoying minutiae begins before you’re even truly awake? One of those days where you feel the illusion of control fully slipping away. You try to grasp and pull it back, but you really have no control over this day or its outcome, at all.

We dread these types of days, don’t we? The control freak in me gets uncomfortable thinking about it. Even the Meet The Parents movies make me unsettled, because as more and more things go wrong, I just want to cry out, “Stop it already! Stop making bad choices!”

I can’t guarantee that I can help you stop making bad choices, but I can give you tips for handling those days when everything minor breaks, stalls, or gets in your way.

I had a day like this when I was pregnant with my youngest. I never regained my energy back like they say you will in the second trimester. I was tired, achy, and feeling uncomfortably large one morning last spring. Still, being pregnant, with all its discomforts, was the highlight of my day.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off—well, we didn’t set alarms anymore. My daughter always wakes early, so no need. That day, she took the morning off. No wakeup call from the toddler.

We woke up running late in a panic. Then, as our cats had been doing lately, just for fun, they threw up their breakfast on the kitchen floor.

I looked at the stream of cat vomit and told my husband, “Your turn, I cleaned it up last time.”

He gaped at the floor, and then looked as if he was considering adding his own vomit to the pile. “No. Can’t do it.”

“UHHH!!” I fumed, and thus began a morning squabble, the bane of my existence. I hate fighting in the morning more than cleaning up cat vomit, but I was rattled from waking up quickly, so I just went for it and dove headfirst into a fight.

Fight over, we went our separate ways—he went to work and I stayed at home with our kid.

Later, my first new phone in four years showed up in the mail. Now, if you have ever tried to set up anything with a toddler in tow, you know it’s like trying to build Ikea furniture in a tornado. But I was excited and needed to reset the vibe of the day, so I called to set it up.

A new phone shouldn’t have problems from the start, right? Seems reasonable, but I had to keep explaining to the representative that I was setting up a new phone.

We lost phone connection three times. My toddler needed helping five times. Suddenly both my old phone (that I was talking to the rep on) and my new one wouldn’t work. Confused, I was interrupted by a loud hissing.

I was making split pea soup in the cooker, which I had forgotten. The neglected pot was spewing hot soup goo all over. Meanwhile my sink, countertop, and the stove were full of dishes.

Old-fashioned pressure cookers are unpopular because if you move them quickly, you get burning steam shooting out at you. Most people don’t use old-fashioned pressure cookers because of this—smart people.

There was nowhere to move the pot.

So I had to move the pressure cooker pot in slow motion. I watched in horror as more and more hot goo spilled over the stove, counter, and flowed like a green boiling waterfall onto the floor.

I huffed with frustration and started cleaning up—phone temporarily a backseat issue—while trying to keep my kid away from the literal hot mess.

But I was also proud of myself. I hadn’t taken my frustrations out on anyone. I had carried myself with calm, even though I was boiling over, like the soup pot.

Smiling, I went to place the cleanup towels in the hamper. There, one entire corner of the floor was covered with broken picture frames and glass. I was shocked. And now broken glass? I hadn’t heard anything fall?? What?!

Suddenly, it was all too much. I felt anger and frustration rising inside of me. I had enough! I walked into the room away from my daughter and dad, and gave a little scream—not loud enough to scare anyone, but it was enough to release my steam valve.

I’m guessing you’ve had a day like this before. When one irritating thing after another happened, building major annoyance and frustration, making it hard to keep your cool.

How can we stop getting riled up by everything that goes wrong in a day?

Most of us in the Western world have become very busy and, by default, very reactive. This does not set us up well to handle unexpected annoyances. But there are a few things we can do to prepare for these days in advance, and a number of ways we can cope better so we don’t get epically annoyed with all the irritations happening around us.

A Preventative Plan for Managing Murphy’s-Law-Kinda Days

1. Be mindful of the influences around you.

The people we surround ourselves with and the information we consume affect our overall mood. If you��re constantly bombarded with criticism, judgment, or negativity, you’ll likely be primed to snap at little things.

Are your interactions with others positive and supportive? Is your partner or best friend kind to you? Do you have people around you who have your best interests at heart? Or is getting through every day like walking through a minefield of aggressive, explosive people?

I don’t have expertise in the area of extricating yourself from abusive or trying relationships, but there are plenty of people who do, so if you find yourself being mistreated and traumatized, take action to help yourself today.

If you aren’t surrounded by intentionally harmful people, yet you listen to news that drags you down and spend a lot of time with complainers and energy drainers, you are not protecting your sweet soul from the tarnishing effects of others.

I’m not suggesting that you insulate yourself from every negative thing, but can you minimize that which is optional?

Can you make an effort to consciously choose to surround yourself with people and media who lift you up and make you a better version of yourself?

2. Take good care of yourself so you’re balanced going in.

To thrive even with adversity, you need to take care of the animal that is your human body. This body needs fresh air, water, exercise, rest, and quality food. If you are depriving your body of any of these on a regular basis, it is simply a matter of time until you’re an angry, reactive mess.

Keeping up your good habits of exercising and eating well is essential. The food you put into your body affects your mood. Sugar can give us an energy high, but after it wears off then there’s an energy low, which can leave you feeling worse than before.

An unhealthy diet high in sugar and processed food can contribute to depression. And living a sedentary life is a risk factor is well. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, which can help you keep calm when things go wrong.

If you don’t currently eat well and exercise regularly, a reactive, frustrating day can be a wake up call to start supporting a good foundation of health. Then you can weather these storms better.

3. Find some time during the day to be quiet, meditate, and get calm.

Meditation is like training for your mind. It literally rewires your brain to be calmer and less reactive, and it can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By taking time on a regular basis to be quiet and contemplate, you can sometimes identify nagging small concerns before they become large concerns.

Spending time in nature can have a similar relaxing effect. Being in nature helps you center yourself and recharge—and there’s even some research to show that a certain bacteria in soil can act as a natural antidepressant.

If you can get out to nature, please do so as soon as possible. It always helps me immensely to get outside.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me?

This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what’s really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day, or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you’re avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

2. Release your pent up emotions.

Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us).

Elevated stress levels can be stored in the body and create muscle tension, and cause many other physical/emotional strain. But if we release the stress, we can fluidly move forward. Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

3. Take the pressure off.

On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

4. Lastly, remember that it is okay to have a low day.

Life will ebb and flow. It’s all right for us to feel low, defeated, or sad some days. If you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment and tell yourself, “Well, that was one bad day. Tomorrow will be different,” you can release your feelings about what happened. It isn’t personal.

You can acknowledge that one low day might just be a dip in a life that is largely good overall. If it’s just one annoying day that is bothering you, you’ve likely got a lot still that you can be grateful for. When you can see that you are doing okay, that you have so many things going for you, even in the midst of challenging situations, then you know things are actually going quite well in your life!

Here’s to rolling with the tricky days and relishing in the good ones.

This post courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-to-prevent-and-recover-from-a-trying-day/

#World of Psychology

[positivepsychologyinterventions]

Tips to Prevent and Recover from a Trying Day

“Be proactive not reactive, for an apparently insignificant issue ignored today can spawn tomorrow’s catastrophe.” – Ken Poirot

Do you ever have one of those mornings where the battle against annoying minutiae begins before you’re even truly awake? One of those days where you feel the illusion of control fully slipping away. You try to grasp and pull it back, but you really have no control over this day or its outcome, at all.

We dread these types of days, don’t we? The control freak in me gets uncomfortable thinking about it. Even the Meet The Parents movies make me unsettled, because as more and more things go wrong, I just want to cry out, “Stop it already! Stop making bad choices!”

I can’t guarantee that I can help you stop making bad choices, but I can give you tips for handling those days when everything minor breaks, stalls, or gets in your way.

I had a day like this when I was pregnant with my youngest. I never regained my energy back like they say you will in the second trimester. I was tired, achy, and feeling uncomfortably large one morning last spring. Still, being pregnant, with all its discomforts, was the highlight of my day.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off—well, we didn’t set alarms anymore. My daughter always wakes early, so no need. That day, she took the morning off. No wakeup call from the toddler.

We woke up running late in a panic. Then, as our cats had been doing lately, just for fun, they threw up their breakfast on the kitchen floor.

I looked at the stream of cat vomit and told my husband, “Your turn, I cleaned it up last time.”

He gaped at the floor, and then looked as if he was considering adding his own vomit to the pile. “No. Can’t do it.”

“UHHH!!” I fumed, and thus began a morning squabble, the bane of my existence. I hate fighting in the morning more than cleaning up cat vomit, but I was rattled from waking up quickly, so I just went for it and dove headfirst into a fight.

Fight over, we went our separate ways—he went to work and I stayed at home with our kid.

Later, my first new phone in four years showed up in the mail. Now, if you have ever tried to set up anything with a toddler in tow, you know it’s like trying to build Ikea furniture in a tornado. But I was excited and needed to reset the vibe of the day, so I called to set it up.

A new phone shouldn’t have problems from the start, right? Seems reasonable, but I had to keep explaining to the representative that I was setting up a new phone.

We lost phone connection three times. My toddler needed helping five times. Suddenly both my old phone (that I was talking to the rep on) and my new one wouldn’t work. Confused, I was interrupted by a loud hissing.

I was making split pea soup in the cooker, which I had forgotten. The neglected pot was spewing hot soup goo all over. Meanwhile my sink, countertop, and the stove were full of dishes.

Old-fashioned pressure cookers are unpopular because if you move them quickly, you get burning steam shooting out at you. Most people don’t use old-fashioned pressure cookers because of this—smart people.

There was nowhere to move the pot.

So I had to move the pressure cooker pot in slow motion. I watched in horror as more and more hot goo spilled over the stove, counter, and flowed like a green boiling waterfall onto the floor.

I huffed with frustration and started cleaning up—phone temporarily a backseat issue—while trying to keep my kid away from the literal hot mess.

But I was also proud of myself. I hadn’t taken my frustrations out on anyone. I had carried myself with calm, even though I was boiling over, like the soup pot.

Smiling, I went to place the cleanup towels in the hamper. There, one entire corner of the floor was covered with broken picture frames and glass. I was shocked. And now broken glass? I hadn’t heard anything fall?? What?!

Suddenly, it was all too much. I felt anger and frustration rising inside of me. I had enough! I walked into the room away from my daughter and dad, and gave a little scream—not loud enough to scare anyone, but it was enough to release my steam valve.

I’m guessing you’ve had a day like this before. When one irritating thing after another happened, building major annoyance and frustration, making it hard to keep your cool.

How can we stop getting riled up by everything that goes wrong in a day?

Most of us in the Western world have become very busy and, by default, very reactive. This does not set us up well to handle unexpected annoyances. But there are a few things we can do to prepare for these days in advance, and a number of ways we can cope better so we don’t get epically annoyed with all the irritations happening around us.

A Preventative Plan for Managing Murphy’s-Law-Kinda Days

1. Be mindful of the influences around you.

The people we surround ourselves with and the information we consume affect our overall mood. If you’re constantly bombarded with criticism, judgment, or negativity, you’ll likely be primed to snap at little things.

Are your interactions with others positive and supportive? Is your partner or best friend kind to you? Do you have people around you who have your best interests at heart? Or is getting through every day like walking through a minefield of aggressive, explosive people?

I don’t have expertise in the area of extricating yourself from abusive or trying relationships, but there are plenty of people who do, so if you find yourself being mistreated and traumatized, take action to help yourself today.

If you aren’t surrounded by intentionally harmful people, yet you listen to news that drags you down and spend a lot of time with complainers and energy drainers, you are not protecting your sweet soul from the tarnishing effects of others.

I’m not suggesting that you insulate yourself from every negative thing, but can you minimize that which is optional?

Can you make an effort to consciously choose to surround yourself with people and media who lift you up and make you a better version of yourself?

2. Take good care of yourself so you’re balanced going in.

To thrive even with adversity, you need to take care of the animal that is your human body. This body needs fresh air, water, exercise, rest, and quality food. If you are depriving your body of any of these on a regular basis, it is simply a matter of time until you’re an angry, reactive mess.

Keeping up your good habits of exercising and eating well is essential. The food you put into your body affects your mood. Sugar can give us an energy high, but after it wears off then there’s an energy low, which can leave you feeling worse than before.

An unhealthy diet high in sugar and processed food can contribute to depression. And living a sedentary life is a risk factor is well. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, which can help you keep calm when things go wrong.

If you don’t currently eat well and exercise regularly, a reactive, frustrating day can be a wake up call to start supporting a good foundation of health. Then you can weather these storms better.

3. Find some time during the day to be quiet, meditate, and get calm.

Meditation is like training for your mind. It literally rewires your brain to be calmer and less reactive, and it can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By taking time on a regular basis to be quiet and contemplate, you can sometimes identify nagging small concerns before they become large concerns.

Spending time in nature can have a similar relaxing effect. Being in nature helps you center yourself and recharge—and there’s even some research to show that a certain bacteria in soil can act as a natural antidepressant.

If you can get out to nature, please do so as soon as possible. It always helps me immensely to get outside.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me?

This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what’s really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day, or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you’re avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

2. Release your pent up emotions.

Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us).

Elevated stress levels can be stored in the body and create muscle tension, and cause many other physical/emotional strain. But if we release the stress, we can fluidly move forward. Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

3. Take the pressure off.

On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

4. Lastly, remember that it is okay to have a low day.

Life will ebb and flow. It’s all right for us to feel low, defeated, or sad some days. If you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment and tell yourself, “Well, that was one bad day. Tomorrow will be different,” you can release your feelings about what happened. It isn’t personal.

You can acknowledge that one low day might just be a dip in a life that is largely good overall. If it’s just one annoying day that is bothering you, you’ve likely got a lot still that you can be grateful for. When you can see that you are doing okay, that you have so many things going for you, even in the midst of challenging situations, then you know things are actually going quite well in your life!

Here’s to rolling with the tricky days and relishing in the good ones.

This post courtesy of Tiny Buddha.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/2TeEStm via IFTTT

#IFTTT #World of Psychology

[sarahburness]

One of Those Days? How to Deal When Everything Irritates You

“Be proactive not reactive, for an apparently insignificant issue ignored today can spawn tomorrow’s catastrophe.” ~Ken Poirot 

Do you ever have one of those mornings where the battle against annoying minutiae begins before you’re even truly awake?

One of those days where you feel the illusion of control fully slipping away. You try to grasp and pull it back, but you really have no control over this day or its outcome, at all.

We dread these types of days, don’t we? The control freak in me gets uncomfortable thinking about it. Even the Meet The Parents movies make me unsettled, because as more and more things go wrong, I just want to cry out, “Stop it already! Stop making bad choices!”

I can’t guarantee that I can help you to stop making bad choices, but I can give you tips for handling those days when everything minor breaks, stalls, or gets in your way.

I had a day like this when I was pregnant with my youngest. I never regained my energy back like they say you will in the second trimester. I was tired, achy, and feeling uncomfortably large one morning last spring. Still, being pregnant, with all its discomforts, was the highlight of my day.

It started with an alarm that didn’t go off—well, we didn’t set alarms anymore. My daughter always wakes early, so no need. That day, she took the morning off. No wakeup call from the toddler.

We woke up running late in a panic. Then, as our cats had been doing lately, just for fun, they threw up their breakfast on the kitchen floor.

I looked at the stream of cat vomit and told my husband, “Your turn, I cleaned it up last time.”

He gaped at the floor, and then looked as if he was considering adding his own vomit to the pile. “No. Can’t do it.”

“UHHH!!” I fumed, and thus began a morning squabble, the bane of my existence. I hate fighting in the morning more than cleaning up cat vomit, but I was rattled from waking up quickly, so I just went for it and dove headfirst into a fight.

Fight over, we went our separate ways—he went to work and I stayed at home with our kid.

Later, my first new phone in four years showed up in the mail. Now, if you have ever tried to set up anything with a toddler in tow, you know it’s like trying to build Ikea furniture in a tornado. But I was excited and needed to reset the vibe of the day, so I called to set it up.

A new phone shouldn’t have problems from the start, right? Seems reasonable, but I had to keep explaining to the representative that I was setting up a new phone.

We lost phone connection three times. My toddler needed helping five times. Suddenly both my old phone (that I was talking to the rep on) and my new one wouldn’t work. Confused, I was interrupted by a loud hissing.

I was making split pea soup in the cooker, which I had forgotten. The neglected pot was spewing hot soup goo all over. Meanwhile my sink, countertop, and the stove were full of dishes.

Old-fashioned pressure cookers are unpopular because if you move them quickly, you get burning steam shooting out at you. Most people don’t use old-fashioned pressure cookers because of this—smart people.

There was nowhere to move the pot.

So I had to move the pressure cooker pot in slow motion. I watched in horror as more and more hot goo spilled over the stove, counter, and flowed like a green boiling waterfall onto the floor.

I huffed with frustration and started cleaning up—phone temporarily a backseat issue—while trying to keep my kid away from the literal hot mess.

But I was also proud of myself. I hadn’t taken my frustrations out on anyone. I had carried myself with calm, even though I was boiling over, like the soup pot.

Smiling, I went to place the cleanup towels in the hamper. There, one entire corner of the floor was covered with broken picture frames and glass. I was shocked. And now broken glass? I hadn’t heard anything fall?? What?!

Suddenly, it was all too much. I felt anger and frustration rising inside of me. I had enough! I walked into the room away from my daughter and dad, and gave a little scream—not loud enough to scary anyone, but it was enough to release my steam valve.

I’m guessing you’ve had a day like this before. When one irritating thing after another happened, building major annoyance and frustration, making it hard to keep your cool.

How can we stop getting riled up by everything that goes wrong in a day?

Most of us in the Western world have become very busy and, by default, very reactive. This does not set us up well to handle unexpected annoyances. But there are a few things we can do to prepare for these days in advance, and a number of ways we can cope better so we don’t get epically annoyed with all the irritations happening around us.

A Preventative Plan for Managing Murphy’s-Law-Kinda Days

1. Be mindful of the influences around you.

The people we surround ourselves with and the information we consume affect our overall mood. If you’re constantly bombarded with criticism, judgment, or negativity, you’ll likely be primed to snap at little things.

Are your interactions with others positive and supportive? Is your partner or best friend kind to you? Do you have people around you who have your best interests at heart? Or is getting through every day like walking through a minefield of aggressive, explosive people?

I don’t have expertise in the area of extricating yourself from abusive or trying relationships, but there are plenty of people who do, so if you find yourself being mistreated and traumatized, take action to help yourself today.

If you aren’t surrounded by intentionally harmful people, yet you listen to news that drags you down and spend a lot of time with complainers and energy drainers, you are not protecting your sweet soul from the tarnishing effects of others.

I’m not suggesting that you insulate yourself from every negative thing, but can you minimize that which is optional?

Can you make an effort to consciously choose to surround yourself with people and media who lift you up and make you a better version of yourself?

2. Take good care of yourself so you’re balanced going in.

To thrive even with adversity, you need to take care of the animal that is your human body. This body needs fresh air, water, exercise, rest, and quality food. If you are depriving your body of any of these on a regular basis, it is simply a matter of time until you’re an angry, reactive mess.

Keeping up your good habits of exercising and eating well is essential. The food you put into your body affects your mood. Sugar can give us an energy high, but after it wears off then there’s an energy low, which can leave you feeling worse than before.

An unhealthy diet high in sugar and processed food can contribute to depression. And living a sedentary life is a risk factor is well. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone, which can help you keep calm when things go wrong.

If you don’t currently eat well and exercise regularly, a reactive, frustrating day can be a wake up call to start supporting a good foundation of health. Then you can weather these storms better.

3. Find some time during the day to be quiet, meditate, and get calm.

Meditation is like training for your mind. It literally rewires your brain to be calmer and less reactive, and it can significantly reduce stress and anxiety. By taking time on a regular basis to be quiet and contemplate, you can sometimes identify nagging small concerns before they become large concerns.

Spending time in nature can have a similar relaxing effect. Being in nature helps you center yourself and recharge—and there’s even some research to show that a certain bacteria in soil can act as a natural antidepressant.

If you can get out to nature, please do so as soon as possible. It always helps me immensely to get outside.

How to Handle Trying Days When They Happen

 1. Ask yourself: Is it the day that is a problem, or is it me?

 This is a tough love type of question, but I think it’s essential to pause and ask yourself what is really going on. When you have a day in which everything and anything annoys you, take time to reflect. Ask yourself if it’s just a rough day or if your reaction is a sign that something in your life is out of whack.

It might just be a fluke of a day where things are going funky right and left. Or maybe you’ve been letting little things build up, and things are boiling over because there’s something big you need to address that you’re ignoring—dissatisfaction with your work, or a compatibility issue in your relationship, for example.

If there is something big that you are avoiding, can you face it? Can you find someone who will help you find the courage to address what you need to do—to face what you are afraid of?

 2. Release your pent up emotions.

 Modern living and working close with others means there are lots of times where we have to filter our words and our reactions to act like a responsible adult. All too often we stuff our feelings down until we’re ready to explode—and often on some innocent bystander who doesn’t deserve our rage.

A healthier approach is to feel and work through our feelings as they arise, and sometimes the best approach is to physically release them from our bodies.

The relief that a good primal scream or pillow punching episode can provide is so incredible (though these things are best done in solitude, so we don’t offload our emotions onto the people around us).

Elevated stress levels can be stored in the body and create muscle tension, and cause many other physical/emotional strain. But if we release the stress, we can fluidly move forward. Exercise can also help with this, since it gets our muscles moving, and our heart pumping—another good reason to get active!

3. Take the pressure off.

On some of my worst bad days, I give myself permission to check out and chill out. I take time to watch funny videos on YouTube or do a calming visualization meditation. It can feel tempting to plow through our to-do list, especially since we often tie our worth to our busyness and productivity. But sometimes you just need a break to regroup.

For example, can you find a few moments when you can sit or lie down? Then you can either relax or fill yourself with something silly and lighthearted. Animal videos, anyone?

4. Lastly, remember that it is okay to have a low day.

Life will ebb and flow. It’s all right for us to feel low, defeated, or sad some days. If you can cultivate a sense of non-attachment and tell yourself, “Well, that was one bad day. Tomorrow will be different,” you can release your feelings about what happened. It isn’t personal.

You can acknowledge that one low day might just be a dip in a life that is largely good overall. If it’s just one annoying day that is bothering you, you’ve likely got a lot still that you can be grateful for. When you can see that you are doing okay, that you have so many things going for you, even in the midst of challenging situations, then you know things are actually going quite well in your life!

Here’s to rolling with the tricky days and relishing in the good ones.

About Rachel Strivelli

Rachel Strivelli is a Happiness and Confidence Expander who can help you step into your own power with confidence and happiness. She regularly emails her subscribers uplifting content that helps them relax and smile. If you want to fall in deep love with your life, visit SoulPioneer.com to download your free guide to Reclaim your Joy.

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The post One of Those Days? How to Deal When Everything Irritates You appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/one-of-those-days-how-to-deal-when-everything-irritates-you/

[edgewaterfarmcsa]

CSA WEEK 15

Pick List:

 potatoes - jalapenos - carmen peppers - tomatoes - cherry tomatoes -

winter squash - onion - garlic - spinach - cilantro

KITCHEN CSA:

Sides of September: potatoes, delicata squash, green beans, and ENCHANTRESS DRESSING

Alright ya’ll, to be perfectly honest we are completely behind with most things around here.  Thankfully, the weather has tricked us into thinking we are still in August, but something tells me that as we go about our business over the next few days, with more seasonal weather weather surrounding us, we will be reminded of all the potatoes that need digging, the cherry tomatoes that need picking, the chickens that need moving, the winter squash that is begging to be picked up out of the field and stored, and so on and so forth.  

On the winter squash pumpkin harvest:  For those of you that keep up with local news, or even just go outside, you will notice or have read about this season’s acorn bumper crop and the Upper Valley squirrel population that is thriving.  The population of squirrels is on the rise and as a result, our crop of winter squash is on the low. They are literally demolishing every bit of butternut, delicata, acorn, spaghetti, buttercup, red kuri, that they can sink their grubby little teeth in to, leaving orange and green crumbs in their wake.  As a result, my hatred of squirrels in on the rise (sorry PETA and other small critter loving humans). And we are literally cheering on our dog with every squirrel she battles as she is our one form of pest control. Our goal, of course, is to pick the squash out of the field as fast as possible, but with everything else around the farm that needs tending to, it’s hard to prioritize.  So please, enjoy your winter squash this week, and over the next few weeks. And if you see a squirrel, feel free to give it the evil eye for me, or better call for Sugar (our dog).

In other (and way more important) news:  This week our dear friend and beloved tractor driver George, mowed a bit too close to the bees we keep on our farm for our neighboring apiarist, Troy Hall.  In no time he was swarmed and got stung hundreds of times. Y’all, at 87 years old, this man is an actual legend. He jumped off the mower and ran across the field trying to escape the swarm.  THANKFULLY, he survived and is now home with his wife, Margie recovering from last Friday’s events that landed him an overnight stay at the hospital due to severe swelling and anaphylactic shock.  This will certainly take him some time to recover, but I bet as soon as he gets his bearings he will be back to tractor work. Or maybe, just maybe he will take up golf and 3 o’clock gin & tonics, GET WELL SOON GEORGE!!  

TIPS - TRICKS - RECIPES: 

THE VERY SIMPLEST Pico de gallo RECIPE… BYO CHIPS

1 medium white onion, diced 4 cups diced tomatoes (DESEEDED)

1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro 2 tablespoon minced jalapeño (optional)

Kosher salt lime to taste

Combine all ingredients in a bowl, mix, and devour with your chip/taco of choice… make ahead of time to let the flavors really shine here.  

 ROASTED TOMATO SOUP WITH GOAT CHEESE  

From Lucid Food by Louisa Shafia  ...makes 4 servings 

Make sure you have enough liquid (about 3 inches or so, or enough to fully cover the head of the blender) before you start the immersion blender.  If the liquid is too shallow, the blender will fling it around your kitchen.  

12 ripe tomatoes 2 cloves garlic, peeled and smashed

1 yellow onion, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon honey

2 springs fresh rosemary 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar

4 tablespoons olive oil Salt and pepper

1 bay leaf 1/4 cup fresh goat cheese

 Heat oven to 425 degrees F.

 Core and quarter tomatoes, and remove and reserve the seeds for the stock.  In a large bowl, toss the tomatoes with the garlic, onion, honey (if using) or pitted, halved plum, rosemary, 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar, 3 tablespoons of the olive oil, and a dash of salt.  Spread the mixture on a baking sheet and roast for 40 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove the rosemary .

 Combine the tomato seeds, bay leaf, and 1 cup water in a pot and bring to a boil over high heat.  Lower heat and simmer, uncovered, for 15 minutes. Strain the stock into a bowl. Rinse the pot and return the stock to it, and add the roasted tomatoes.  Bring to a boil over high heat, then lower heat and simmer, uncovered, for 5 minutes.

 Turn heat off and let soup cool a tiny bit.  Add goat cheese and remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil and blend 'til smooth with an immersion blender.  Or pour the soup carefully into a blender or food processor and blend 'til smooth. Season to taste with salt, and reheat a bit if necessary.

 Garnish each bowl with a few drops of balsamic vinegar, a few grinds of black pepper, and perhaps a little rosemary if you wish.

[titheguerrero]

Dander Still Up, And Also Down, All OVer the Place. What Gives?

A. I've started this piece a whole bunch of times. So in fairness to you, reader, you have a few paths through it. If you don't feel like starting by sharing some navel-staring about today's bizarre predicament, please skip to 'D.' Or 'B,' or 'C.' Wouldn't blame you in the least. I've still got my dander up about what's happening in the many troubled reaches of health care in the United States. OK, truth to tell, also about what's up world-wide. Scary stuff. Readers have no doubt waited patiently for me to recover from confusion about this sudden mess, much of said predicament stemming from various delayed reactions to the 2008 disasters. (For the wildly popular, broader and verbally less restrained version of this consternation, from a compelling voice, see this newsletter.) Or, at least, I've waited to get over this confusion. Now I'm over it: see 'C,' below. Overall, anyone paying attention to the press—or even for that one lone DC Legislative Assistant just reading this blog for all her health policy info—you know things just ain't right. Not in academia, not in government, not in the private sector despite a record-shattering bull market run. (Leave aside for just a moment all those other issues in US foreign and economic policy, equally in the soup.) We thought matters couldn't get worse before the arrival of the latest residents of board rooms and corner (or oval) offices in each of those sectors. But, oh, wait: then, after January 2017, they did. But what gives beneath the surface? The news waves have become a deluge. But, to get to the "so what?", where are the rip-currents beneath today's tsunami of chaotic news? Why are things seemingly better in some areas than others? (For some specific examples see my Grade Point Average—GPA—scores below, introduced in this edition of the CDR (Cetona Dander Report),  I've been off the air while scrambling for some way of understanding the why behind the what. Now I think I've gotten what're at least some part-answers to my writer's block. And mirabile dictu, my dander's gone back down a little, especially over there in the Department of Health and Human Services. For one thing, as Margot Sanger-Katz recently pointed out in the Times, and we're seeing this in many places, the troubled crazy-quilt of American health care, especially among the federal branches, and the antics of the DIC (disloyalist-in-chief, or my preference, doofus-in-chief), all have paradoxically made the organization of health care somewhat less anechoic. ("You see how I did that double negative in there?") This anechoic effect I began talking about over a decade ago, during the perhaps slightly calmer Shrub and Obama years—corrupt and autocratic behavior operating under everyone's radar, and I don't miss those days—this effect has repeatedly been decried by those blogging here, especially your intrepid editor. But today, like immigration, health care is back in the political ads and it's no longer quite so anechoic, now the DIC has lanced the boil with his shrill. Hell, DIC's our poster child for health care reverb. He even claims as he campaigned on the notion of lower drug prices and better care. Just not for those people. No matter. You can't unring this bell. Everyone left with anything resembling an open mind—come November we'll get more on the 'N' of said group—they all know what far too many in his party are trying to do. Those with brains already fully devoured (burp) by QAnon are, of course, excepted. Biggest place the GOP and DIC overlap in goals: dance with all the lobbyists and Fat Cats who want to kill the baby in the bathtub. Kill the VA. Kill the ACA. Kill kill kill. If this all starts to sound a little schizzy, that's precisely the point. This is a big clue to what's become the inner dynamic of federal health policy (and economic and foreign policy) in the second half of 2018. There's campaigning to the base, and there's governing. I mean, I know, I must be the last person in Montana to recognize this dynamic, especially after everybody saw the latest blind-siding on the Russian affair. No offense to Montana. I'm not from there. I know great folks there. The executive branch of our government has cleaved in two. The White House today—quite unlike any of its predecessor administrations arguably including that of Bush II—is a perpetual political campaign. I know, others have compared it more to television reality show or one variant of the same thing: WWE. Anyway, it's a perpetual political campaign, and solely that. Its purpose is not to govern but to retain power in order to reward friends. This goes for everything it touches in health care. Campaigns depend interminably on donors and, fitfully, even voters. The problem is, there are cabinet departments, for our purposes notably the VA and HHS, where something else, something else besides perpetually rabble- and fund-raising, has to happen. Something we used to call "government." More and more a rare bird. In the White House, the bird is as extinct as the dodo. (Charlottesville was clear-cut proof of this point, when the DIC ducked his constitutional responsibility to console and unify, in order to play exclusively to his base.) "Government" clearly can't be effective by defaulting to sheer adversarialism and destruction. But interestingly, it's still there outside the White House. If not thriving, as least surviving and fitfully accomplishing some important tasks. In matters of health, like the tiny furry mammals scurrying among the dinosaurs after the asteroid, government is actually beginning to make some hopeful moves. It's time we called those out as well, and scored the agencies on how they're doing as we get close to mid-term elections. It's a balancing act between the campaigning DIC and his few fitfully effective folks. (If they tick him off and get fired, they'll be retroactively labelled "deep state.") It looks to me like health care policy management, whether around how care gets paid for, or around reuniting kids suffering from child-abuse-as-foreign-policy, has become an absurdist pas de deux between these two factions. Never have they been more distinct. In this corner, the White House, with its hacks, its DIC, its billionaire donors just a phone call away, and its campaign-job explant moles planted in key departments. And in this other corner, until maybe they get fired, cabinet appointees and sub-appointees, including some pretty good old time GOP types, who want to get the job done. The first either lets these second types do their jobs, or somebody--often one of the hacks--gets to them first. (In all of this, of course, Rule Number One is always, don't piss off the DIC. Get the job done without losing your own job.) Among the hacks closest to the ear of the DIC, and man is that an image, chief are Larry Kudlow, Mick Mulvaney, both on money matters; and John Bolton on matters involving anyone who looks, y'know, a little foreign. (Norwegians, good. The rest: maybe, y'know, drug dealers and rapists.) In 'D' below we talk about some of the other B. Here's how to get out of the distracting, enervating, confusing obsession so many of us complain about when considering health care and pretty much else coming out of today's Washington. (Not just the White House and the 15 executive departments. But especially.) Extricate yourself, that is, without sticking head in sand. Don't just take a break from all the crazy. Take a cue from the DIC Head himself. Note how fond he is calling everybody a dog. But in fact his prey, take for instance, are not dogs at all. It's the secret joy of more right wing GOP Trump-heads: we're all acting like cats. Laser cats. Just let him move that pointer around and we all go batshit batting at it. Dudes love it when we do that. We don't have to do that. Just be quiet and keep paying attention. We're on to them. Don't pounce until there's more there there than just a flickering red light. Recognize what he's doing across the board. Read Health Care Renewal. Remember, every time the red light blinks and you leap into the air, somewhere a puppy dies and a spook's security clearance goes kerplooey. C. Why mention Montana? Well, actually turns out a big source of impact on our health comes right from our natural environment and the failure of Big DIC to insure its stewardship. He appointed an Associate DIC (ADIC) to the Interior department. Ryan Zinke, best known for a career as football player (Whitefish HS, University of Oregon) and Navy Seal. (Navy.) Zinke believes the California wildfires are best explained by "environmental terrorists" rather than climate change. Not cool. The Secretary has now appointed a Whitefish team-mate essentially to vet any program that might affect our health. Steve Howke has an undergraduate business degree and a life in credit unions. So clearly he's a great pick to vet any proposed money involving more than budget-dust (i.e., > 50k) on programs. This is to make sure such expenditures "align with the administration’s priorities." Pretty much kills any chance Interior will pay attention to our health. Guy's the designated goalie to assuage the boss's desire to focus on really hopeful matters such as Clean Coal. On a slightly brighter note, when it comes to the looming underwater loss of, oh, maybe the East Coast and all of Florida, the Big DIC seems to be appointing a real expert, Kelvin Droegemeier, as his White House Science Adviser. Job's been vacant for a long time. Maybe we'll keep Florida a little longer. Guy's impressive. See for example this actual piece of science for weather prediction. Let's fly to Oklahoma and talk to this guy. Ah, the outsized influence of Whitefish, Montana. Is there a Trump Hotel in Whitefish? I know people there. I'll find out. If there's a solid gold toilet in Whitefish, we're finished. D. So finally, after such all this preamble, how's life been playing out in health care? With the exception of the comparatively tiny program to reunite refugee kids with their parents, which is hapless, until now such life's not been so very vivid for most citizens glancing at their screens. Average Joe probably can't comment on either of the biggest items. But the noisy numbers, for 2019 are as follows.

A nearly 200 billion dollar request for the VA, well over a third of which is for health care and an over 15% request over 2918.

Almost 800 billion dollars for Medicare, most of which is for Medicare reimbursements, and just a 3% increase from the previous year.

Compare this with a bit over two billion for all HHS-supervised vulnerable-populations programs, even with a whopping 29% increase over 2018.

Only a tenth or so of this two billion is devoted to refugee programs. Two hundred million divided by a trillion. Hmmm, too many zeros here, so you do the math. Rounding error. But with close to a 30% increase for forcibly orphaned kids and others, maybe the Secretary tried.

So final tally: the three above total a trillion, 80% Medicare and 20% VA.

Keep it all in perspective, bearint these things in mind.

These are budget requests. Medicare they want to gut, even beyond ACA, so in the end maybe the aforesaid 3% will drop down into negative numbers.

Even here, with the 800B request, the HHS Secretary's clearly trying to be realistic on Medicare, knowing the temper of his bosses at both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue.

Ain't it odd! VA gets a barely passing grade despite the huge increase year-over-year. But this is the reality, as we'll see below.

Back to our echo chamber and the din of the 2018 election. It's all changing now, not so anechoic any more, as Dr. Poses recently pointed out. The fact is, and you'll hear much more of this in state-by-state campaigns just now getting off the ground for the fall run-up to November 6th, it's all now as vivid as hell. We should all remember how much more vividly people feel the loss of a dollar than they feel the bestowal of a dollar. Politicians know this. The anechoic chamber fills with a joyful noise. If only because, as occurred with other earlier water-boarding-style excesses, this same political party just gave us this most recent instance of politically weaponizing cruelty. Really, not so joyful. But likely to command attention this fall. What else will command attention? Access to health care. And something for the vets who provided proud service to their nation. I wrote earlier about the VA versus political donors' influence, in that case a Koch brother and a hack somehow attached to said brother. For a while seemingly, until he alienated them too, Trump and his people acted as though "things go better with Koch." In my previous dander-post, I pointed out the "Concerned Veterans," who've always seemed most concerned with privately outsourcing veterans' services while sundering the agency that protected them. (I provided medical care to these brave warriors from both inside and outside the VA. They rarely had anything bad to say about the organization. Certainly a lot less bad than I did when dealing with that hoary bureaucracy. Certainly they don't want it to go away. David Shulkin felt the same way, and lost a battle with the DIC's hacks.) But now it's much worse. So I want to go out on this here limb and give Trump's two key departments for health care, their respective mid-term GPAs. For the VA: charitably, a D-minus. But interestingly, GPA for HHS: maybe as good as a B-, albeit constantly threatening to slide into a Gentleman's C to placate the boss DIC. Why the qualitative disparity? Well, first let's back it up a little and rack up some of the recent events upon which this GPA result is based. First let's take the VA. The place has had major problems for years and years, many of them self-inflicted with a self-referential bureaucracy second only to the Catholic Church. (David Shulkin knew he needed to fix this and was actively trying to do so when he was fired.) But the place just can't seem to catch a break. So harsh as it is for what's hopefully a work in progress that can still be salvaged either now or after 2020, the grade for this place is D- on a good day. Here are some of the hour-exams that go into the dismal assessment.

The VA's own internal watchdog just recently ripped it for failing in a recent program to help veterans' caregivers. This started before and continues during the Trump administration.

The effort to privatize VA care continues to ramify. Chasing down all the leads on this issue feels like trying to lop off the head of Medusa.

A proposed law to pay for privatization is bizarrely popular with bipartisan lip service. But it may shut down the government when you get down to finding the money.

There's a pathetic White House VA hotline about this, which reaches some hapless third party call-center folks who're powerless and clueless.

Most recently, Trump has essentially abdicated VA oversight to cronies, much like our high school footballer vetting spending at Interior. Specifically the "Shadow Rulers," a threesome of alte kakers—Palm Beach concierge doctor Bruce Moskowitz, sometime Marvel Entertainment chair Ike Perlmutter, and attorney Mark Sherman—who have in common one great thing: Mar-A-Lago! You can't make this stuff up. We owe it to politico.com (see here, here, and here) for providing superb coverage of the narrative of their undue influence. Whether official or unofficial, it's abdication of authority, with weak official leadership.

After Shulkin left, the place was forced to thrash around leaderless. It now has a guy Richard Stone, an unimpressive managerialist, but at least an Army Veteran. Not nearly enough!

Stone replaced a far better suited expert, Carolyn Clancy, who was sidelined into a looking-out-the-window job under questionable circumstances. See here.

Worth an entire blog of its own but start here: the VA's saga of health IT is a surpassingly strange, long and sordid one. The VA was among the first to have a workable EMR. It  ultimately got scrapped for lack of support and interoperability with the far more egregious and expensive failure of DOD's EMR program. (Which Shulkin sought to fix via COTS outsourcing.) Many billions down the drain on both sides. The VA system's lack of interoperability was in no way the VA's fault. They can't catch a break.

One of Trump's earliest attempts to "deal" with the VA was to put Omarosa in charge! This early episode again underlines the White House's difficulty in dealing with government organizations that give off the scent of unprivatized "deep state" players. Veterans hated her—now why would that be?

Another Cohen, not Michael, enters the picture. Also courtesy of New York's blogger-journalists at ProPublica, we learn that hedge fund billionaire (and of course DIC crony) Steve Cohen is cashing in with the VA. Altruistically, of caws. Just wants to help out all those PTSD patients. Privately, employing something modestly called "The Cohen Network." Read this whole sordid story at ProPublica. I'm seeing double Cohens in here.

Why does the VA story seem so haplessly fragmented, with lovers and haters constantly duking it out? A recent piece in Washington Monthly, by noted authors Suzanne Gordon and Jasper Craven, offers a simple and I think largely correct answer. Its supporters, especially those in Congress, know VA medicine is popular but they keep ragging on it as though it hurts its patients more than the private sector does. Not true! These guys just don't like government-run programs when the private sector friends want in. The private sector is also beset with inefficiencies, IT disconnects, and corruption. Shulkin was on the right track but got derailed. In every case, the common denominator is how VA medicine is a single frog in a single barrel. Shoot it or slowly boil it. Either way, a far easier target for meddling than HHS. This is the answer, folks. It's not that the VA needs more help than HHS, or that publicly supported health care's inherently bad. VA and HHS certainly both need a lot of help, but the VA did many fine things over recent decades. But boy is it an easy target.

Now to HHS, a very different story. A much more elusive target, for any journalist but more importantly for any DIC-hack or -backer. And now it has a Secretary about whom we may at least point to dramatic improvement over his spendthrift predecessor. The latter was a physician at that, should have had his head on straight, but who proved to be so far right, and frankly so peculiar, that at any given time he clearly could take a bite out of his own prostate. Salient points about HHS's performance under Trump:

Key people are Alex Azar, the Secretary and Seema Verma over at CMS.

They're both clearly being forced to walk a tight-rope between White House and DIC-backers' ideology, and getting a whole host of jobs done. And those jobs require a great deal of organic interaction with the private sector.

PBM companies

Big Pharma

The AMA

The payers

Patient advocates.

Last and probably least, advocates for vulnerable populations—for reasons stated above.

They both seem to be learning on the job. B.

Not all's well. Trimming back access to ACA benefits, hotly opposed by many, is still a campaign in the Congress and White House, but seemingly opposed at least in part by many within HHS. Jury's out on this one, as ACA is super-popular nation-wide. D-.

Evidence for this: tackling the ticklish issue of stabilizing the Obamacare marketplaces. Much ink-shed over this, e.g. here and here and here.  Devilishly complex but suffice it to say that some states and perhaps the Congress will go ahead (one of the above links even refers to Scott Walker and Wisconsin) and make sure reinsurance is assured. Can this be anything other than the insurance industry pushing back on the nihilists? B+.

Medicaid and its expansion are also fighting back from the preferred GOP method of compression and extinction. The abusive work requirements, playing to the DIC's base and its resentment of "free-loaders," are not likely to last. The WaPo in fact now reports the emergence of multiple objective health-services-research studies showing the salutary effects of expanded Medicaid, especially for chronic illness like diabetes. So risk payments may be restored. B+.

Drug-price negotiations are see-sawing like crazy. Trump says he believes strongly in this. Do we believe him or the PHRMA lobbyists? He touts token prize freezes. Azar seems on the fence, though he talks a good game. Congress tries to be encouraging. Jury's out. C-.

The corner of Medicare known as Advantage programs, emphasizing Accountable Care Organizations or ACOs, is another complicated matter. Verma seems to be looking to restrict ACOs to those with real accountability. Some view this as more draconian behavior, but I see her point. B+.

PBM companies—those lucrative outfits that "manage" pharmaceutical benefits—are also on the DIC's hit list. I see little progress. What I see is rural pharmacies dying out because they get caught in the PBM companies' baroque pricing schemes. D- to F.

A almost wholly unnoticed federal regulation from last month deserves much more attention. This voluminous document dramatically revises fee schedules for Medicare patients, emphasizing many of the services traditionally provided with little or no reimbursement by primary care physicians. New billing codes are proposed. For the first time the playing field may soon be leveled for many PCPs. This is a potential big win for those working for Verma. A solid A+.

The above's an excellent example of emerging claims, for example those in a worthy new Brookings piece, that real cause for optimism exists in health care reform. At least some of that stems from activities within HHS. The conservative author, Stuart Butler, deserves a careful read. He signals several "under the radar" patterns from both the states and HHS itself, flowing from increased flexibility that HHS now has. (For all its strengths, ACA was hamstrung by some fairly inflexible regulations on matters such as metrics for improving Health IT.) A+.

Average grade for HHS: B-. Why this good in an abysmal administration? As I've intimated, for every meddling White House apparatchik there's an outside interest pushing back on Azar and Verma. Lots of IT vendors. Lots of payers. Lots of innovators. (And, of course, lots of outraged citizens in the one conspicuous but miniature case of the separated children.) The very protean and risibly shuffling-buffalo scale nature of HHS may have been its greatest virtue. In an effort to satisfy the spirit of "anything but Obama," they're trying some new stuff, and some of it isn't half bad.

Thus VA and HHS are fascinating bookends juxtaposing the risks and benefits of homogeneous versus heterogeneous health planning. Right now HHS is winning, if only because of a political atmosphere in which the latter is better adapted to thrive. It could, of course, go the other way. Personally I hope the VA is restored to its former strength, perhaps in a spruced-up and more streamlined form: less bureaucratically stodgy to get away from the current predicament in which everyone from a bad manager to a bad nurse can tie the place in knots. I also hope HHS, even if Medicare For All becomes a reality, preserves opportunities for experimentation and innovation.

Article source:Health Care Renewal

[gloriacumming43-blog]

Purdue Extension Means Business

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[cultivatinggems]

Often when people begin most lifestyle protocols such as Whole30, Paleo, AIP (Autoimmune Paleo/Protocol); etc, they have questions about what a certain product is or where to find it.  I decided to compile a list of some of my must-haves and favorite items.  Hopefully, this will help you on your journey to a healthier you.

Let’s start with the basics:

High-Quality Meats/Seafood (antibiotic/steroid free, pasture raised, grass-fed, sustainable, wild as much as possible) & Vegetables (organic preferably) – All of these can be found at most supermarkets and large warehouse stores like Sam’s Club, BJ’s, or Costco. You can also find them at Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Kroger’s, and Aldi’s. These items and other health-related products can often be found online at sites like ThriveMarket and/or Amazon.  Find the High-Quality meats at US Wellness Meats and places like ButcherBox (free bacon in each box).  If there are any Asian Markets in your area, please take advantage of their enormous selection of fresh fruits, vegetables and sometimes fresh seafood (they will clean and filet the fish for you right there).  Farmer’s Markets are great to get your fresh meats/fish/seafood/vegetables as well.

Next, we’ll discuss the Quality Fats. Unrefined, Organic, and Extra Virgin are preferred:

EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) – The oil is mechanically pressed from the olives without heat or chemistry. Opt for cold pressed, a darker bottle and a harvest date when choosing your EVOO. Look for Lucero, Corto Olive, Kirkland Organic, California Olive Ranch, Cobram Estate, or McEvoy Ranch Organic.  I normally purchase mine from Amazon (links included) or Sams Club.

Unrefined Virgin Coconut Oil (The label can say extra virgin or virgin…it’s the same thing) This oil is either extracted from moist coconut meat, the water and oil are divided by boiling, fermenting, and refrigeration or the fresh meat is quick-dried and mechanically pressed to release the oil.  You can cook with this, add it to your smoothies, and hot drinks. *Remember this coconut oil is solid at room temperatures below 76 degrees.  My preferred place of purchase is Amazon (link included) & Sams Club.  I purchase this in bulk.

Expeller Pressed Refined Coconut Oil – The unrefined is the healthiest but if you don’t like the taste of coconut you can opt for this one. *This particular refined oil is also solid.  Do not get the “refined” oil that is liquid at all temperatures.

Avocado Oil – I get this from Sam’s Club, Amazon, Thrive Market.

Palm Oil/Shortening – I’ve purchased this from Amazon and Thrive Market.

Lard, Tallow, or/and Duck Fat (organic/grass-fed/pasture raised) – I purchase this from Thrive Market.

Ghee (Whole30 only) – I grab this from Amazon and Thrive Market

Nut Oils (Paleo/Whole30) – Walnut, Almond, Macadamia, Hazelnut; etc. – These can be purchased at most stores.

The 2 Favorite & Most Mentioned Kinds of Vinegar:

Balsamic Vinegar – Add it to salad dressing, sauces, meats, vegetables, marinades; etc.  I purchase this from Amazon and Sam’s Club.

Apple Cider Vinegar – There are so many uses for this one…use it the same as the Balsamic Vinegar, add to your drinking water, use it to extract nutrients when preparing vegetable/meat/bone broth and so much more.  Chose Organic Raw Unfiltered w/the Mother in it.  I order it from Amazon and usually in bulk.

Milk products from animals are a “no” on the above protocols.  If you are looking for something to drink, bake with, make into yogurt, add to your porridge, or gluten-free cereal…opt for:

Coconut Milk – Preferably full fat without guar gum or other unnatural ingredients. Read the label or make your own!  I purchase mine from Amazon or Trader Joe’s. 

Almond/Cashew Milk (Paleo/Whole30 only) – Free of carrageenan/additives/chemicals and unsweetened. Read the label or make your own!  I grab mine from Weis.

Then there are the starches and flours which you can use to bake gluten-free foods, make porridges, and thicken gravy, soups, or sauces:

Coconut Flour – Sam’s Club

Tapioca Starch/Flour – Amazon or Big Lots

Arrowroot Starch/Flour – Amazon or Big Lots

Cassava Flour – Amazon or Otto’s online

Almond Flour – Amazon or Weis

A few other highly recommended nutritious and/or gut healing products are:

Bone Broth – Nutrient Dense, rich in protein/gelatin and minerals. Does wonders for the gut.  Drink it, add to soups, or braise vegetables with it.  You can also make this at home. You can grab this at any store.  Just make sure it’s compliant.  I grab it from Butcher Box, Kettle & Fire, and make my own.

Gelatin/Collagen – Supports skin/hair/nail health and your digestive tract.  I purchase this from Amazon

Probiotics/Prebiotics/Fermented Drinks & Foods – Supports your Digestive Health – Kombucha, Sauerkraut, Coconut Milk Yogurt; etc.  I purchase these from Amazon, Sam’s Club, Aldi’s, and Whole Foods.

Two highly recommended & useful gadgets to help with either lifestyle protocol are the:

Spiralizer – Use this to make zoodles (Zucchini Noodles) or noodles from any other vegetable. Then you can top them with your own sauce, add them to soups or even salads. 

Instant Pot – Cook anything in this gadget in less than ½ the time of most kitchen appliances. You can also slow cook, steam, sauté, boil, etc.; all in one appliance.

Four of my absolute favorites are:

Coconut Butter or Manna – I never knew this existed until I started AIP. It is basically coconut ground into a butter.  You can purchase or even make this yourself.  Add it to desserts, spread on sweet potatoes/fruits, add to your coffee or/and warm drinks.  You can even make fat bombs or candy bars with it.  I, myself, like to simply eat a spoonful (or two…lol) from time to time.  Stops my sugar craving.  I purchase this from Amazon and make my own.

Coconut Aminos – Organic Coconut Tree Sap & Organic Sea Salt. This is used to replace soy sauce and add extra flavor to foods.  Add this to your homemade salad dressing, sauces, gravy, soups, sautés, hashes, skillets, cooked meats, or vegetables and enjoy.  I usually grab this from Amazon.

Artisan Tropic Cassava Strips w/Sea Salt – Perfect savory/salty snack. Gives you the feeling of eating potato chips.  Sometimes I sprinkle a little garlic powder in the bag and they are even better.  Mmmm!  I’ve grabbed this from Amazon and Whole Foods.

Plantain Chips/Strips (Sea Salt or Cinnamon) – Takes care of that salty or sweet craving. I sprinkle garlic powder in the Sea Salt Plantains bag too sometimes.  You can also make your own.  My favorite store bought sea salt ones are Inka Plantain Chips and for a naturally sweet treat, I like Artisan Tropic Plantain Strips-Cinnamon.  I’ve grabbed these from Amazon, Big Lots, and Whole Foods.

A few tips other tips:

For those who do not live near Sam’s Club, Costco & BJ’s normally carry the same products.

If you are not sure if a particular store carries your product, you can always call ahead or search the store’s website before going there.

Don’t hesitate to check the specialty grocery sections of places like Ross, Marshall’s, and TJ Max while there.  I’ve found some real goodies in there that are compliant at a major discount.

Once you’ve decided an item will be a regular, a good idea is to buy it in bulk.

Some Wholesale Warehouses and Supermarkets have their own brand of healthier food products…like Giant’s Nature’s Promise. Sometimes they will just happen to have packages of “high quality” meats.  You may have to do your own research.

If you are following a new healthier eating/living protocol, what is your absolute favorite or must-have?  Do you have any questions about products that are not mentioned above?

Most Used Products for Healthy Lifestyle Protocols Often when people begin most lifestyle protocols such as Whole30, Paleo, AIP (Autoimmune Paleo/Protocol); etc, they have questions about what a certain product is or where to find it. 

#weight-loss #AIP #aldis #amazon #aminos #apple cider vinegar #arrowroot #artisan #artisan tropic #avocado oil #balsamic vinegar #bj&039;s #bone broth #braggs #butcherbox #cassava chips #coconut #coconut aminos #coconut butter #coconut flour #coconut oil #collagen #costco #evoo #farmers&039; market #gelatin #ghee #health #health journey #health protocol

[opalmothnightingale]

Why I Believe Most Crises are Not Really as Big or as They Seem, and Most Causes Not as Powerful as they Seem, if at All

10- 5- 17 - 

I think there are valid problems and crises in the world, but how urgent they are is also up for debate,...  

And many of the problems of the world, I feel, aren’t really problems, but just facts of life that we ought to accept rather than fight, like fighting death, the inevitable, uncontrollable forces of nature and life and human nature and society and power and the elite with their concentration of resources and information and the human ignorance of even the elite and scientists and the general lack of caring and lack of knowing they should care or lack of emotional and physical energy to care enough, among many people...  

Like, yes, IF and ONLY if it’s where your passion calls you,...  Then, go on, fight a little, but don’t think it’s gonna make that much impact, so don’t get all gung-ho behind it with all your energy and emotion and life and mind...  Just put a little hope that it will have a little difference, and probably not more unless a whole lot of people start mobilizing together, which seems a really far way from honestly happening.  

If your passions call you elsewhere, don’t feel guilty for not joining that fight, because it probably made a piddly little difference, anyway, and these rebels for a cause really aren’t making that much progress and their causes fail and don’t help that many people or issues that much...  The suffering continues at a monumental rate....  So sorry, but it seems true to me...  It’s sad, but what can you really do?  Deny the power stacked against you?  Why bury your head in the sand about that?  

And ignorance and misinformation on all fronts, and the proneness of all people to this misinformation, even the smartest people, even scientists, because of human perceptual bias and ego defenses and cognitive dissonance, etc...   What are we left with then, here?  A soup of confusion,...  A hope for a chance, but no clear answers...  

But overwhelming odds stacked against chances of any success, if you try to band together with some movement or cause....  So why try so hard, then?  Please don’t delude yourself, that is the message I would like to spread.  

Please don’t because I did and it made me fall from a great height of ignorance into a pit of despair and disillusionment,...  Thinking I’d failed to “do my part” or understand and so on, what was important, etc...  

But really, the truth is there is just less that you can even do, if you wanted to, and best focus energy elsewhere, like your personal life, family, friends, if you ask me, based on what I’ve learned in my searching for information...  

There are no guarantees for big change, not even a decent chance for it, on many levels, and great odds stacked against sustainable big change,...  And so?  You wait for humanity to change, internally...  But till the wide sweeping change of human society, which seems a very far way away from now...  

Till then you start in your own little patch of garden, and do what you can there, I think,...  The only way to stay sane, keep heart, joy, in the face of such dark, oppressing odds and threats and realities that are everywhere in this often dystopian-seeming world and society as it is.  

Hope for the best and let go of the things you can’t control.  Let go emotionally and mentally of them, too, and put them out of your mind, so you don’t get sucked into compassion fatigue on a global scale... So it seems to me, after reading so much about so many things.  

And I have built this worldview on many different sources of information and also searching deeper and deeper, until I found out that much commonly believed information (yes commonly believed, even among the smart and scientific, academic, experts, and official, etc people)...  

Much of that common “knowledge” information and studies I found  on deeper searching instead proven to be misinformation or sweeping assumptions,... The final straw I guess to make the card castle seem so transparent and meaningless...  That was it...  

What could I believe, anymore, with any firmness, what does anyone, ANYone really know about the whole bigger picture,...?  How could I believe much, when I learned that much of what even smart and even scientific or official people spread around and take as information is in fact false or baseless, not firm reliable good studies, not enough congruent studies, flaws and limits and very assuming, very much jumping to conclusions, are many studies too,...  

And that most people are in fact totally unqualified to deeply evaluate studies, but if they could, and if they tried (exhausting and tedious, hugely time consuming work), they’d find that many studies are very flawed and limited,...  And vast assumptions are promoted from them, by the “official” or “expert” people who are supposed to guide and inform us lay people.  

Science is not so smart, just big-headed and egotistical and blinded to its own limited knowledge, generally, it seems to me...  When it comes to pronouncements about society, the state of society, crises, the environment, etc...  

Yes, there is some basis, but a LOT of assumption, for the various “crisis” scenarios.  Even when there is valid basis, the ability to mobilize and change it is out of the hands of the masses,...  Because they are not even aware that they should care or they’re too preoccupied and don’t have the energy, mentally, emotionally, physically...  Or spiritually, psychologically, for that matter... Wrapped up in traumas, dramas, problems...  Lol  That is the human nature of things...  The state of human nature and life, and what can you do?  

Even among scientists, universities, medical doctors and their practices, and etc, etc, etc...  

And the world doesn’t want to know it, or see it.  Aside from conspiracy theorists, who run the other direction to extreme credulity, believing all kinds of stuff with no basis, yet skeptical of all kinds of stuff with no clear reason to be so skeptical aside from their baseless sources of misinformation.  Ah... *sigh*  (Not saying all conspiracy theories are totally false either,... 

But I’m highly skeptical to completely disbelieving of much of it that has no reliable or even believable sounding sources to go on, just hearsay and totally false looking news and “studies”... hahaha  *sigh*  Oh well...  

Such is the internet age, and sometimes it’s a little scary in it’s potential to fool seemingly smart people though with delusional nonsense...  Hmm...  Oh!  ...  *sigh*  What can a person do but avert their eyes from the shame of others who will do what they will do, regardless, mostly, you know,...?  I say... )

I would like to go more in depth with sources that led me to these conclusions, and also the lines of reasoning...  Because some of it is not in the realm of science, but sociological, psychological and philosophical ponderings that hit me,...  

Where do you make the most difference?  What is most likely to make the most difference, now and also, what’s the most likely to make the most difference over time, and if you compare the two, what’s more powerful, the over time or the right now?  

I think the over time and small, subtle, undercurrent changes are often more powerful, like the frog boiling,...  And I think those changes are often more likely to happen at a level of family, friends and things in the personal sphere, and, also the inner development of oneself and how that ripples out,...  

...And also how that can be passed down with intergenerational patterns,...  So each generation improving because their parents improved their knowledge, wisdom, values, and lifestyle and passed on that inner wisdom,...  Then the next generation starts much younger learning what it took their parents maybe a whole lifetime to figure out and heal, with inner psychological healing or personal learning and studies, etc...  

So, these kids start out young knowing how to thrive and be happy internally and socially, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually...  And these things are things that much of society has no clue about, but they can be taught intergenerationally, parent to child,...  

And, then these things make a person a really “good” person, an effective person, a wise, compassionate and skillful person socially, too affects others more than vapid “acts of kindness” or against great odds “causes”, often...  And so on...  

Yet inner development, introspection, etc,..  Spending vast amounts of time on oneself is often scoffed at...  And often it takes vast amounts of time and energy to make really deep progress against all the harms and lies and traumas that one suffered, that will likely be perpetuated onto the next generation, unless someone does all that vast amounts of inner work to change the cycle.  

Yes, it’s true,...  That spending so much time and energy on oneself, and personal development, spiritual development, healing oneself, etc...  These are things generally scoffed at by those who insist on their “causes” being more important, so urgent, so powerful...  I daresay most of society sees it this way, and they either jump on some “cause” bandwagon,...  or else run away from their guilt into the materialism and working and feeling proud they made so much money for their family,...  

Or arrogant they climbed the corporate ladder and beat the Joneses, etc...  Or they avert their energy to Heaven and entitled sense of holiness and superioirty to everyone, instead of face the real problem...

The real answer and problem, that often lie in inner development and introspection...  But I don’t think enough people see that when all the other above mentioned options are glorified as the answers instead.  

And again and again, so many of the causes and movements out there,...  They only ever seem to meet mediocre results, as far as I’ve seen...  With a few exceptions...  And, why make it everyone’s losing battle to waste their life on things their heart isn’t even personally called by?  Some people are called by them, but I think most aren’t called to these causes.  It’s one thing to occasionally do this or that small thing, like donate to a charity, do some minor involvement in a cause here and there.  

One day I’d like to make a post explaining the reasoning for my thoughts, and sources of information to back it up...  A future post.  When I have time, focus, energy, inclination...  For now I just want to say, the reason I am so hands-off about things is because of these things...

#post ideas