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I’m bored of not being loved the way I feel entitled to be loved

I always thought that I’d find it,


When you least expect it is what everybody says

So I wait

Expecting to not expect, to find it

To fill the hole that keeps expanding

I feel like I’m forgetting

What it’s like to be adored

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I want so badly to let him in again but even as he’s been slowly inching his way back in, it hurts incredibly because this time I know it’s all on me and I have to draw the lines or else it’ll be my heart that takes the bullet once again. He painted the picture clear last time, and now I understand what lines he must paint within.

(Via amons-abyss)

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Como el cielo y el mar,
se funden en uno solo,
allá en el horizonte,
a ladito de tu pecho.

Colores que forman explosiones,
de vida y sueños tristes,
que se mueven del amarillo al verde,
del verde a un profundo azul.

Porque tus obsesiones son muchas
y todas llevan un color,
no sé si favorito,
pero si familiar.

Un azul brillante,
un azul triste,
que te devuelven tus recuerdos,
negros como la noche.

O. Vega

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Something Good

A spot of oil jumps up to bite the tender underside of your wrist,

Even as you hiss,

Its lightning hot bite turning your blue veined flesh vermillion,

You assure me that some pain is good.

And this is so typical of you,

pleasure between you and I was torture, even on our best days,

Your hands an apothecary for all things bitter and burning and biting

And always holding too hard.

In these poems I only use the most flattering animals to represent me,

And you are written in as little more the sour taste that lives at the back of a seasick mouth.

But the truth is we are both beasts,

Both turned by cruel teeth which fell down on us

With no greater warning that the sudden, unexplainable,

Gut-deep realization that you are about to lose something irreplaceable.

How lucky that I have grown so fond of the feeling of healing,

When I know what pleasure you’ve come to find in the breaking of things.

Not to say I was never asking for it,

In fact at times it seemed like there was nothing in the world so sacred that I wouldn’t tear its legs off to feel something again.

No, I was never afraid of you,

Only of forgetting  yet another sensation.

Of never knowing again what it’s like to feel deeply,

When those canyons in me where anger and elation and all else used to well out unbidden

Swelled shut like a black eye,

Your hard hands could still squeeze something out of me,

So maybe you were right,

Some pain is good.

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In My Mind

Anchored is my body

To these circumstances

These chains

Weigh me down

Though I’m numb to their pull

In my mind

I’m a nomad

With no chains to bind me

I frequent far away places

Cherry blossom petals kiss my forehead

As I stroll through their territory

They know it won’t be long

Until I find new scenery

I bid them adieu

Their imagery morphing into fog

It is not me who flees

I am constant as the illusions shift and sway

I am a nomad

Whose journey cannot be measured

By ordinary means

I am a nomad

Wild and free

Only in my mind

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My throbs and the edge of my peripherals static with fuzz.

It’s not tunnel vision, it’s overwhelming.

Three hours out of my day isnt helping and it ain’t stabilizing anytime soon.

Nor is it giving me a reason to perpetuate my optimism.

I want to be sad on my own,

As I do happy.

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Where it starts

Where it ends

Far from my touch

I wish I could tell him

Before it got too late.

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go sleep, my sheep - Pierrot Ruivo 

I lost you to the demands
the stars are the wedding
Sustaining life already in death
Where it lasts a minute

The construction of fifteen months
The lobby of fifteen decades
The love of fifteen years
We will celebrate the debutant dance

Follow me into my veins
I’ll drown you
What you call sea
I wander through rencarnations

Since no one has held back your guilty habit
Your cold and indirect contact addiction
Your Lenten and Festim Burns
Celebrate hollow saints like scented candles

Did love give you total surrender?
Not? So how dare you say that you love
Do you love who and for how long?
Love the defect first and respect the weight of the word

The lost temple
Answer your prayers
Come to meet you
I smiled slyly in comfort.

The verticalization of the disused goddess,
Fertility like a stupid kiss
In vitro spring
The sun dug in small drives of Apollo

Oh my Lord, forgive me I have sinned
I admit that I also enjoyed it and I still continue to sin
My sacred has many arms and no shield
Only his bare chest and a golden dagger …

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