I was asked how I take my coffee,
To which I replied..
I like mine sweet with a touch of bitter. To remind me that things that are often sweet, when they leave, will still stain a dirty taste in your mouth while they're gone..
but the taste will never compare to anything else and will forever be craved each day again..
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Child, oh child,
Am I raising you well?
Do you like it when I wrap you with heavy blankets and soft pillows?
I'm sorry I don't bathe you often enough.
I'm sorry I don't feed you on time.
But, please understand, it was what I used to get in my days.
I love you, though it wasn't something I got.
Is that enough?
For me, it was the only thing lacking.
Voiceless child,
I hear your cries.
I hear your pleas.
I try to help.
Sightless child,
I'll be your eyes.
I'll tell you what is
wrong and right.
Overhearing child,
I'll cover your ears.
So you do not hear
what your father says.
Broken child,
I will love you.
Crying child,
I will hug you.
Lonely child,
I will try,
try to heal you, try to raise you.
Even if you exist
In a mirror only.
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The Heir of Addiction
These patterns, whom I think I know
which held me up
but pulled me down
which killed me, yet they gave me ground
to stand, and grasp for air
; whom which I am their heir
These patterns whom I grew up with
they’re dangerous
real dangerous
my young, decaying hands of filth
these frantic hands are pale;
while scribbling mystic tales
These patterns, they are all I know
they keep me held
then let me go
seducing my hidden shadow
to come and have some tea
while playing catch with me
These patterns show me what I owe
protecting me
and strangling me
they tell me what I need to know
that I have no real worth
; a message told at birth
And then I fell to ground
because of this, I turned around
and I have grown;
Yes, I have grown,
I’ll tell you now
what I’ve been shown
Now I know the truth, I’ve learned to see
these patterns are
a gift to me
but they are not in charge of me
they saved my Life of Old,
for this, they are my gold
Though they are not my Inner Truth
my blueprints? Yes
though Inner Truth
is not for them to grasp and know
their role is: my shadow
that’s all it needs to know
But one more thing; it needs to be
in regular
contact with me
for it’s my Inner Child of Dark
my love for her is deep
it makes my life complete
Though I’m Addictions Proper Heir
I do not weep
am not despaired
I know it’s not my cracks to fix
in truth, and with my soul
I’ll find The Life of Whole
The Heir of Addiction
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Innocent bleeds through the pages I used to write
I miss that girl I was
But she doesn't live here anymore
She has grown; but still depressed
A beautiful and tragic mess
I would look through the glass
And long to be myself again
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Walking past the loudest voice in the room, feels effortless and familiar, in many ways it still feels safe, but it only works behind those iron gates. A beautiful mind is often revealed over time and by life. I can’t get back all the nights, I spent trying to deconstruct the depravity of the criminal mind. It helped pass all the countless hours spent glancing down, to hide from the eyes, I found looking back into mine.
After a while, it all fails to ignite, any sense of natural fear, and toxic shame begins to smell the same, a different story for every face, it all feels the same. I am thankful for the sunrises that happened anyway, and the nights I found comfort in the stars that still shine bright, on either side of the thin grey line. Keep walking past the loudest voices in every room. After all, that’s what I spent most of those years learning how to do.
The Thin Grey Line
“She Planted Her Own Flowers”
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When I was a kid I used to hate being compared to my sisters. I used to think it meant that people only saw me as a second version of them.
But now I feel so silly for thinking that way. Because I realised I have parts of them just as they have parts of me.
They are the ones that taught me it was okay to be myself because I saw them be that way.
They taught me to accept myself and helped me grow into who I am.
Some of us are so awfully alike. And some of us are so different but have small similarities others won't notice. And that's okay.
Because the parts that we hold of each other is a testimony to our love and childhood bond.
It doesn't mean that I'm a second them. It means I hold parts of their personality that helped me form myself. It means I am their younger sister.
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Freedom
Grey clouds above your head like angels wishing you peace,
The shaking of the car feels new,
You're getting home soon, boy.
Grey clouds that open up like flowers for the sun,
You can feel the heat of the sun inside your body,
Are you scared to go home, boy?
But still. You yearn for your home.
Yearn for the walls that don't grip around your wrists and keep you in. Yearn for your neighbours you've never seen the faces of. Yearn for your dusty room that keeps your secrets.
The bland taste of your everyday home. A taste that keeps you real.
A taste that is free.
You're free, sweet boy.
(photo taken on my nintendo 3DS)
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