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#positive mental attitude

I appreciate the heck out of Jack. This dude is a big time youtuber. One of the best, one of the most known- and yet he still takes a bit of time to come to tumblr, to reblog art people have spent time making, to laugh at memes, to thank people for meeting him at conventions. Like.. this dude doesn’t HAVE to do all this, but he does it because he actually, genuinely cares about people, and about the community he’s built up. It’s astonishing really, and I will never ever take that for granted ☺️💚

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Today is change day

Ok, so monday was awful. I talked and behaved in terrible ways. There is no excuse, I take full responsibility for that.

However, depressed, anxious, lonely, scared people can act in those ways, chuck in a big dose of anger due to a feeling of disloyalty…. BOOM! All the ingredients of a major relationship conflict.

One episode of such behaviour isn’t a pattern though and certainly isn’t evidence of the narcissistic abuse I’m being tarred with. What it is, is evidence of pain being expressed in a non constructive manner.

A narcissist doesn’t reflect, they don’t take responsibility, they don’t (genuinely) apologise, they don’t self flagellate and beat themselves up over it.

I’m sorry for my (re)actions, I’m sorry for the pain. I’m sorry I lost awareness of the potential for creation of a codependent relationship.

I’m not an abuser.

A narcissist would at this point, turn these accusations around (reapportioning blame in the heat of the conflict, when emotions override sanity isn’t a sign of narcissism either) and blame the “victim”. Yet I don’t, I don’t blame either of us. We are both just two people with our other life challenges conspiring against us.

2 days of painful conflict after 5 months of intense love and supportive care of each other isn’t a sign of anything

The pop psychology of tumblr would say, “aha but what about the things you said about ‘our friends’?” Again, saying what is actually true (with no comment on why or how their perceptions of me had changed so dramatically (before expressing my observations of them, not after, observations you voluntarily agreed with in the main)) isn’t a sign of narcissism.

I hope you heal from this horrid experience at the end of a beautiful time shared. We are both good people suffering our individual troubles. When we worked well together, we were amazing. When we conflicted, we were as intensely terrible.

I’ve forgiven you the transgressions as I perceive them, I hope you can do the same in your heart for me.

I hope we can both forgive ourselves for the pain we carry within also.

I loved and love you still. We will both recover. I hope we both find our happiness even though that won’t be together

Bye Dee, take care

Xxx

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Hey guys! I made something that I’m actually kinda proud of! I have tried so many times this week to draw anything for the ego art week but I kept doubting myself because I’m not as good as a lot of other artists on here I see. And I wish I did that less because events like these where the community gets together are supposed to be fun and positive and not about your skill. So please enjoy my piece I’m posting of our favorite mute boy inside of a broken compass. Lots of love to you all, I’m so proud of you, I’m glad this community exists.

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I work really really hard to be positive and progressing towards my goals but for the last few days I’ve been super down and just really deeply upset and I think it’s because of my period but it’s been really hard. I really wish I had someone who I could talk to about 100% anything so I’m posting here brcause sometimes it feels like somebody might be listening. I’m just hurting a lot right now and not really sure what to do with it :(

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