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#potatowebs
parkneroses · 4 years
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Harley: Okay, I’m gonna need you to swear-
Peter: Fuck
Harley: I’m gonna need you to PROMISE
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peter-parkner · 4 years
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Only Good at Being Bad
“What, cat got your tongue? Normally, I can never get you to shut up.” The criminals’ tone was light, teasing almost as he stood over Peter.
The fist to his face, however, was not.
“Oh, fuck you,” Peter retorted while his head lulled to the side. He’d feel that tomorrow, super-healing aside.
Peter Parker is a superhero. Harley Keener is a career criminal. It started a game between them – some harmless banter with a little shameless flirting on Harley’s part. It was never meant to go this far.
AO3 Link
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science-lings · 4 years
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peter x harley enemies to lovers. p l e a s e.
The first time Peter met Harley, he was visiting Tony for summer vacation, driving all the way from Tennessee for a real internship, not like the fake one that Peter had. Peter was trying not to feel like Harley was replacing him but Tony only seemed to care about this teenager with a slight country accent whenever he was in the room. Peter tried to get along with him but Harley was cold and always seemed to be begging for a fight or for a rivalry. 
Harley seemed desperate to one-up Peter at every opportunity. While Peter was playing with ideas for new kinds of webbing, Harley shot him down and tried to convince him that the idea was useless and stupid. 
If Harley wanted a rivalry, Peter was willing to comply. They argued about mechanics problems which Harley usually won as Peter wasn’t specialized in engineering. At least Peter won the Physics and Chemistry arguments. 
Tony seemed bewildered at the situation and Peter heard him talking to Pepper as ‘I really thought they’d get along...’ 
After weeks of knowing Harley, Peter decided that he would try to be nice, no matter what. Harley probably was probably angry or frustrated with something else and taking it out on Peter because he refused to fight back. He just tried to have some sarcastic response and give up on having the last word. 
Peter started by making Harley coffee. He didn’t know if he added too much milk or sugar but he made it the way he liked it as he had no clue how his new ‘friend’ liked it. 
It was fair to say that Harley was surprised. He had spent a lot of time giving Peter a hard time, borderline bullying him. And he just handed him a cup of coffee. His natural reaction was that Peter put laxatives in it or something. He literally had FRIDAY do a test on the liquid for any foreign substances. He only took a careful sip after it came back clean. Okay, it was actually kind of good, he just had to figure out Peter’s motives. 
It took entirely too long for Harley to realize that Peter was being nice to him because he was a genuinely nice person. Only then did he feel especially guilty for giving him a hard time. 
On one of the few times Tony had left them alone to take care of something boring, Harley built up his courage enough to apologize. He was too embarrassed to look into Peter’s eyes as he said it, he tried to give reasons as to why he was being an asshole, His mom had sent him to new york to send back the money he got from the internship and he felt like he was under a lot of pressure. He was missing home and he felt terrible for letting out his frustrations on someone that he barely knew. 
After they worked things out, everything seemed to get easier. This sudden change also left Tony bewildered as he had no idea what changed and it wasn’t like FRIDAY was going to tell him anything besides ‘the interns worked everything out boss!’ 
After a month and a half of ever-vigilant rivalry, Harley and Peter became something like friends. Harley still teased him from time to time but there was no malice behind his words now. He would lean on Peter’s shoulders as he looked through his code, he would laugh softly closer to his ear. Peter found that he liked it. He probably liked it too much as he had to actively try not to blush when Harley got too close. 
This was a turn Peter really didn’t expect. He didn’t hate it. He found himself drawn to Harley like a magnet and he started smiling a whole lot more when they were around each other. 
He had no idea how he got to that point but he realized that he had a crush on Harley. Shit. He spared glances while Harley was working, sometimes he came to the workshop in a tank top when he planned on working on something big like an Iron Man suit and that made Peter feel things. 
Eventually, it got to a point where Peter was sure that he was in love. The funny thing was that while Peter wasn’t looking, Harley did the same thing. The only person who seemed to notice anything was Tony, who was starting to get frustrated. 
Tony would leave the workshop for no reason just to pressure them into talking to each other, which to their credit, they did. However, they avoided talking about what was going on between them. It was driving Tony insane. 
Tony started doing subtle things to bring them together, like ‘accidentally’ demolishing half of the compound so that there was only one guest room left that they would have to share for a week. He ditched them at a fancy restaurant and planned a gala for no other reason than to have them go together. 
None of these worked. However, something definitely changed on their first mission. Peter surfed on Tony’s back as they flew towards where the Avengers were being assembled. 
The fight didn’t end up being anything serious until Harley got shot down. 
Tony had never seen Peter go so fast as he desperately webbed Harley in his new iron suit to stop his plummet. It almost worked. Harley crashed to the ground fast enough to be worrying but it would’ve been so much worse if Peter had never intervened. 
Tony followed behind Peter and got there just in time to see Peter pull a bleeding and bruised Harley from his black and gold suit. Tony promptly banned them from the fight and had Peter take Harley to medical through all of the protests. 
The fear of Harley falling to his death seemed to be enough of a push to make confessions happen, as when Tony came to check on them after the fight there seemed to be a wall that had been broken down as they were making out. He muttered a ‘finally’ before leaving them alone as they were obviously fine and a little busy. 
After that, Tony kind of regretted pushing so hard to get them together as they clung to each other more often than not, but he didn’t regret it that much as there was such a dramatic difference between what they first met to now. It was a little bit of an improvement. 
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Peter Parker: “You question how much I love potatoes”
Harley Keener: “Potatoes are nasty”
Peter: “...how DARE YOU”
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thompsborn · 4 years
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“you and your soulmate’s clocks have each other’s life spans on it but you can give your time to your soulmate if you want to so they can live longer” for parkner?
i’m changing it a little bit — instead of having ur soulmates lifespan, you have your own, but u can only transfer time to ur soulmate(s). so mostly the same but vaguely different. you’ll see why i changed it when u read this lol.
WARNINGS: talks about death and the acceptance of dying young
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Peter only gives a little bit at a time, in order to not raise a red flag, in order to keep it hidden. He smiles and he laughs and he holds Harley’s hand, and when Harley is throwing his head back with a cackle, Peter lets out a heavy breath and transfers two days to Harley’s clock, and Harley, who chooses not to watch his time because, “It’s depressing and pointless counting down to your death,” never realizes that his clock has changed the slightest bit.
Peter notices, just like he always does, and when he looks down at his own clock, now two days shorter than it was before, he feels a sense of ease.
For as long as Peter’s been alive, his time has been fairly less than most peoples. According to Aunt May’s clock, she won’t be dying until well into her seventies, and most of the kids at his school have clocks that won’t run out until they’re old enough to have grandkids and retire.
When Peter was born, his parents looked at his clock, the numbers constantly shifting and counting down on his forearm, and they saw that his life span ended when he was twenty eight. Of course, their own clocks told them they’d be dying when Peter was only four, so Peter thinks they didn’t have a reason to be so upset, but May tells him that his parents were inconsolable because their son would never grow old. “They hoped,” May told him, “that your soulmate would have more time, and that they’d want to share it with you.”
Well, Harley did, when they first met. He was a 5’10 mess of an eighteen year old boy, carrying a large box down the hall, towards his dorm at MIT, and Peter had rounded the corner, and the box had fallen to the floor the moment their eyes met. Everyone describes the feeling of meeting their soulmate differently — Ben used to say that the first time he saw May, his heart settled in his chest and ached for her. May said seeing Ben for the first time made her head spin and her hands shake, but in good ways. Only one thing is commonly expressed throughout all these stories, and it’s that, once you see your soulmate, you know, somehow, that they are who you belong with.
Peter saw Harley and it felt like coming home.
Once they managed to snap out of it, Peter had offered to carry the box for Harley, and while picking it up, Harley saw the flash of numbers on Peter’s skin — at the time, ten years, two months, ten days, fourty minutes, and twelve seconds — and he reached out without thinking, wrapped his fingers around Peter’s wrist, and gave him ten more years.
Thankfully, there was nothing important in the box, because Peter dropped it, too, after that.
Harley’s clock, before giving those ten years, said that he was to die in his mid fifties — long after Peter, but still too young in Peter’s mind. As soon as they met, Peter was head over heels, as is the case for a majority of soulmates, and the idea of Harley giving up his already too short life span in order for Peter to make it to his thirties made him feel sick. He didn’t deserve that time more than Harley did. He still doesn’t. He never will.
And that’s why he gives his time away.
Because, thanks to Peter slowly giving Harley a few days here and there, Harley’s clock now says he’ll make it to sixty, and if he keeps transferring his time over at the rate he has been, then Harley will be able to make it to sixty six before Peter runs out of time to give him. So, he continues to transfer that time over, a few days here, a couple months one day because Harley is kind of tipsy and doesn’t notice the drastic change, and Peter’s own time keeps on dwindling, but he’s okay with that. He was never gonna live that long anyway.
May says Ben had a few hours on his clock when he got shot, says that he wasn’t supposed to die until later that night, but when they reached the hospital and May held his hand, he chose to transfer his last few hours to her, instead, just to give her that little bit of extra time. Peter thinks he’s a lot like his Uncle Ben, wanting to give their soulmates more time.
But Harley isn’t stupid, and one day, he sees.
He sees the fact that Peter’s clock only gives him a few more years, sees that Peter is scheduled to die at twenty-one now, and when he realizes this, he goes stiff in shock, fingertips skating over the countdown with narrowed eyes and his mouth set in a line.Voice low and monotone, he asks,  “What did you do?”
“I—” Peter doesn’t get the chance to respond before Harley is yanking up his sleeve and looking at his own clock, features pinched.
“Peter,” Harley says, strained and airy and somewhere between horribly sad and horribly angry. Peter flinches when Harley levels him with a look so twisted and vulnerable that it’s painful to see. “I’m not taking your time.”
Peter stares down at his hands and shrugs. “I’ll just give it back to you if you don’t keep it.”
With more seriousness than Peter has ever seen him with before, Harley says, “If I have to give you back your time and then never see you again to make sure you can’t reverse it, then I fucking will. You are not dying that young for me.”
“I was gonna die young anyway,” Peter says, looking at Harley with wide eyes — he can’t fathom the thought of not having Harley in his life, can barely even conceptualize the mere idea of Harley leaving like that. Soulmates are a forever sort of thing - or, at least, as close to forever as the mortal soul can get, an until someone dies type of agenda, an as close to always as possible. Harley is his almost always. “You deserve more time, and I want to give it to you.”
“I already had more time than you,” Harley argues, and he looks somewhere between pleading and furious, like he just wants Peter to understand where he’s coming from but is angry that Peter doesn’t already get it. “I had thirty eight more years on my clock, and you only had ten. And now you- now you don’t even have two, Peter. This isn’t- I- with your clock as it is you won’t even make it to graduation. That isn’t- that’s not- Peter, you can’t fucking do that!”
It looks like Harley is about to devolve into a full blown melt down of some kind, and it makes something in Peter ache, like a knife twisting in his gut. He reaches out without meaning to, and it hurts even more when Harley flinches away. “I just…” Peter trails off, a hand hovering in the air, feeling hopeless. “I don’t… Harley, you don’t get it. You don’t understand what it’s like to… to have everyone you love die before you, okay? I have- I have two people, Harley. Two. I have May, and I have you, and that’s it. Sure, we have some friends here, but the people I love, I…” He stops, shakes his head and swallows a sob. “May can’t lose any more time now that Ben’s gone, so I know she won’t die before me, but you- you could. You can change your time, and I can’t- I can’t lose- I am physically incapable of losing you, okay? I won’t be able to handle that. And you, giving me ten years like that? I can’t- I can’t take that from you. I can’t do it.”
“Even with those ten years, I still had more time than you,” Harley says, and that anger is gone, replaced with a desperation that burns in his eyes like a forest fire, the heat of which consumes them both as Harley chokes out, “What makes you think I could lose you so soon? That—” he lightly grabs Peter’s wrist and turns it around, staring down at the clock with pained eyes. “That’s a year and a half, Peter. You wouldn’t even make it to twenty two.”
Peter nods. “I know, and I’m okay with that.”
The noise that rips it’s way from Harley’s throat is one of devastation, raw and hurt as Harley exclaims, “But I’m not, Peter! I’m not okay with that! I’d rather give you some of my time so that we might actually have some kind of future together instead of having to grow old without you, okay? If we- if we make it even, if we share our time equally, we could die together, or at least make it to our thirties before you go. We can do something that doesn’t involve you dying so young.”
“I want you to live longer,” Peter tells him, hushed and sad.
“And I want to live with you,” Harley counters. “I don’t care about making it to my sixties, okay? I care about making the most of my time with you. Don’t you get that, Peter? I love you. Me, Harley Keener--I am head over fucking heels in love with Peter Parker because you’re my soulmate and I won’t let you die for me.”
Shaking his head, Peter, now choked up by the tears he’s trying so hard to fight off, pleads, “Let me do this. Harley, please let me do this, you have to let me-”
“I’m sharing my time with you,” Harley states, firm and unwavering. “If you really can’t fathom the idea of me dying first, then we can make sure I have a little bit more, a few minutes maybe, but I choose you over a longer life. I will always choose you over having more time. Always. Is that clear?”
A painful sort of sob rips its way from the back of Peter’s throat, the sound grating and harsh and so hard to hear. “No, no, Harley, you have to keep it!”
But there’s no budging this decision as Harley gently brushes his fingertips over the timer on Peter’s inner wrist, and he lets out a long, slow breath, watches as his clock goes up, the numbers steadily rising as Peter continues to sob and plead and beg, and it doesn’t stop until their times are almost exactly the same, save for an extra two minutes on Harley’s countdown to ensure that he won’t die first. Then, as soon as it’s done, Harley pulls Peter in for a tight hug, lets him cry into his neck and blinks away his own tears. “Don’t give it back,” he murmurs, holds Peter as close to him as possible, runs trembling fingers through tangled hair while his other shaking hand attempts to rub circles against Peter’s back. “It’s not just my time, okay? It’s ours. Don’t give it back. Keep it.”
“Harley,” Peter tries to say, but it comes out with a rough hiccup, so he gives up the attempt to talk and only nods. He wants a future with Harley, he’s selfish enough to admit that, even if he does want Harley to live longer more, but the pure conviction in Harley’s tone, the knowledge that Harley will leave and never come back if that’s what it takes for Peter to keep this time, is enough to suck the fight out of Peter. Everyone says that he’s strong, and he knows, in a lot of ways, that they’re right, but when it comes to his soulmate, Peter is weak.
When it comes to Harley Keener and his baby blue eyes and the way he can make Peter’s knees turn to jelly with a simple smile, Peter is hopeless.
“Okay,” Peter rasps, hoarse and uneven but honest and true. “I’ll keep it. I won’t give it back, I promise, I love you, Harley. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
Harley’s exhale is shaky. He holds Peter tighter. “Thank you. Thank you.”
“I love you,” Peter says again. It feels like all he can remember to say.
Harley’s lower lip wobbles, his eyes squeeze shut. “I love you, too. So much.”
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parknerficrecs · 4 years
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Parkner College Aus
Please make sure you pay attention to tags, and don’t forget to leave kudos and comments!
whiskey kiss, straight to my heart Harley falls headfirst through a pool of high-proof alcohol and in love with Peter Parker.
Detour Parkner Week Day 1: "Road work ahead?"
OR: It's time for yet another one of Harley and Peter's road trips!
movie night “Okay, Grumpy,” Peter smiled sunnily. Harley hated him a little for how cute the expression was. “Are you too whiny for movie night tonight?”
Movie night was a standing tradition in their dorm because of their wildly different movie tastes. While they both loved sci fi, Peter’s guilty pleasure was rom coms, while Harley preferred horror and action films. Every Friday night, they’d use Peter’s Netflix account to introduce the other to a good movie in their preferred genre. If they had to cuddle close to see the small screen of Peter’s phone, well, Harley wasn’t complaining.
“I get first choice,” Harley conceded. “And you have to make the popcorn.
Tangled Up In You (incomplete/NSFW) Besides him Harley seems to need a moment to collect himself. “Hey,” he says, fingers touching tentatively at Peter knuckles. Peter nearly flinches, tingles chasing Harley’s touch. “It’s okay—look at me—it’s okay.”
Even in the darkness Harley’s eyes glint and they’re so beautiful for a moment Peter can’t look away.
“I don’t mind this.” Harley tells him, firm and genuine. “If you’re curious about… about kissing a guy, I don’t mind.”
Why Count Bases When You Can Count Gears “Seriously, dude,” Peter says, cutting him off before he can say anything else. “We just take the train everywhere. It’s kinda what we do here.”
“Peter,” Harley says, a little conspiratorially, “do you not know how to drive?”
The B train blasts through the station just in time to mask Peter's groan. He gives up on fancy cell phone gymnastics and plucks it from his shoulder before the subway’s hot, nasty backdraft grabs it for him, moving away from the platform. “I… I don’t, no.”
He Made Me Who I Am When Harley Keener was eleven, Iron Man showed up and changed his life.
Then he left, and Harley's life became exponentially worse.
how novel is a novel that can fit in one sheet It's 8AM on a Monday, the bane of any minimum wage worker or student anywhere. Unfortunately for Harley, he is both.
lights are gonna find me (shining like the sun) Harley Keener is like sunshine. Peter contemplates whether or not he’s actually Apollo, chariot-ing the sun across the earth. He’s got the golden curly locks, the sharp jaw, and the strong shoulders. Peter is actually one hundred percent sure that there’s a marble statue in the MET that was modeled after the other boy.
Peter might be a little in love
Day 2 (Parkner Week) Harley, Peter and Ned are starting their first year at MIT. They didn't end up rooming together and Harley does NOT like Peter's roommate, who happens to really like Peter.
The Only Living Boy in New York Peter and Harley are both college students. Peter prefers to frequent bougie, hipster cafes while Harley works at the campus Starbucks. Fate brings them together over a blonde Americano and it just goes downhill from there.
The coffeehouse/college AU I've been waiting my entire career to write.
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capfalcon · 5 years
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only getting started
"Today was a shitty day," Peter complains as he climbs through the window of his and Harley's one bedroom apartment. "I want a sandwich."
In response, Harley, because he's perfect, swivels around and tosses Peter a sandwich, pre made. Peter catches it midair and instantly eats half of it in one bite.
"Mmhm" he mumbles around a mouthful of bread and turkey, "I loge uou."
"Swallow," Harley instructs, standing up and reaching over to pat Peter on the back as his boyfriend chokes. "And then meet me on the roof."
Harley grabs something off his various workshop desks before climbing up through the window and up to the roof using the fire escape.
A few moments and a lot of coughing later, Peter joins him. They end up lying on their backs, the wind ruffling through their hair, half looking out at the city and half looking up at the stars.
"What did you bring up?" Peter asks gently, the heat of Harley's skin next to his soothing and comforting.
"This," Harley says, pressing a small box into Peter's hand.
Peter lifts it up to his face, and his heart swells in his chest. It's not a ring, but a necklace, small and thin, with a simple wrench pendant on the end.
"I'm sorry you had a bad day," Harley adds on, still staring up at the sky. He speaks quietly and firmer nowadays, he's less of the bubbly kid Peter fell in love with, but Peter loves this Harley too, the quiet, soft young man who cares more than he lets on. He reminds Peter of Tony, actually. If they could be considered his kids, Harley would be the most similar to Tony.
That thought, coupled with the necklace, makes Peter have to reach over and trace gentle fingers across Harley's various freckles. "Thank you," he whispers, and when Harley turns towards him to smile gently, Peter swears Harley's what angels should look like.
"You're welcome," Harley says back, honest and soft, eyes staring back at Peter even as he tilts his head to press a kiss to Peter's palm.
They end up lying next to each other, fingers interlaced, breathing slow and deep as they look up at the sky.
"Don't get burnt out now, Peter. You're just getting started," Harley eventually says, coupled with a gentle squeeze of his hand. "You've got a lot more life to live, Peter Parker."
Peter laughs a little and smiles. It sounds strange, and it sorta is, but it's also slightly...perfect.
"Only if I have you," he teases, squeezing Harley's hand in return.
"Always."
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deadpooly · 5 years
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I’m so proud of how much the parkner/potatowebs fandom has grown. I remember there only being like fifteen fics (and some of them were literally unreadable and scary, if u were there u know which ones I’m talking about) and now there are hundreds of amazing fics feeding us with content.
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untoasted-ravioli · 4 years
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jesus fuck guys i just found the best fucking parkner fic in existence i was screaming at midnight because of how funny it is I-
Also its kinda smutty
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itsallavengers · 5 years
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Ship name rec for Harley x Peter : parley.
That sounds like a strange sort of fruit
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Link
by potatowebs (chuuyaya)
“Why do I get a sense of déjà vu?”
"I... uhh." Peter falls down from his hammock, eyes wide in surprise as he looks over to where the voice comes from. Peter stares at the man. He’s wearing his pajama’s, hair unkempt and on his arms was a gun? “Is that a gun?”
“Potato gun.” The man replies, shrugging. He lets the gun down on the nearest table, leaning back as he stares at Peter. “Honestly, what is with you superheroes and breaking into my garage?”
Words: 1362, Chapters: 1/5, Language: English
Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Categories: M/M
Characters: Harley Keener, Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man), Pepper Potts, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Tony Stark
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Additional Tags: Kind of Far From Home Compliant, BAMF Pepper Potts, Protective May Parker (Spider-Man), Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Peter Breaks Down™, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, no beta we die like quintin beck
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parkneroses · 4 years
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the avengers swap bodies. so do peter and harley. a series of thoughts collected very messily and badly.
peter isn’t scared of things that go bump in the night anymore
mostly because with his enhanced senses, everything goes bump all the time
but knowing he can fight off anything that comes his way helps with the nerves too
plus he’s like, a maximum of two rooms away from multiple supersoldiers, ex-assassins and men who fly around in metal death suits at all times when he stays in the tower after missions
so he’s fine
immune, almost
which turns out to be a bad thing when he wakes up and his whole room is just, glowing??
it’s a weird colour that he can’t exactly put a finger on
he doesn’t like it
but that’s probably not what he should be focusing on, so he pulls the cover off his body and gets out of bed
except he’s hit by a cold front as soon as he exposes his skin to the air
his.. skin...
he doesn’t sleep naked. where did his shirt go?
no matter. he gets up, and then- when the hell did he get so tall? 
he avoids falling over his feet long enough to make it to the common area where the avengers have assembled, and so has harley
except peter’s sleepy post-mission brain hasn’t registered that it’s harley, instead showing a mirror image of himself
and what the fuck? that’s so weird, does his brain not remember what harley looks like? are his eyes allergic to him?
-
so they’ve swapped fucking bodies. this is fine.
he is in harley’s very tall, very lean body and he’s fine. everything’s fine.
he knows tony’s in the lab trying to figure out how to get everyone back into their own bodies but tony is clearly lounging on the couch pouring doritos down his throat
so that’s probably clint
rhodey is nowhere to be seen, so he’s probably the one hosting tony’s erratic brain
steve and bucky, who conveniently switched bodies with each other, have retreated to their room
no doubt as to what they’re doing in there but peter doesn’t want to think about it
he scans the  rest of room, and is immediately so put off by seeing clint sitting with his legs crossed elegantly, a calm expression on his face as he reads a book
peter’s not sure clint can read, so that’s probably natasha.
bruce is unnaturally still. whoever’s in his body is probably under a lot of unexpected stress this early in the morning
and thor’s incapable of staying still for that long, so that must be rhodey
a search reveals natasha in the kitchen determinedly trying to eat a portion of lucky charms that is far too big for her: so there’s thor.
but thor’s body is lying on the area rug in the common room
every couple of minutes he runs his hands down his abs with a look of bewilderment on his face
by process of elimination this is bruce. this revelation would be a lot more interesting if peter had like, slept a little more
he’s been warned by harley that he’s not allowed to drink his usual 2,000 calorie coffee to wake himself up
apparently that’s like, difficult to metabolise? peter can’t relate.
-
peter who is not peter but in fact harley in a skinsuit looks very grumpy
and he sounds even grumpier when he speaks in peter’s high pitched voice which just sounds so stupid
“i can’t start my day without showering” good for you harley. hygiene is important. but sleepy peter don’t care.
“what do you want me to do? shower in your body? you smell fine”
harley in peter’s body is being mean to peter in harley’s body
“you’re so fucking stupid. how on earth would that help me? i need to shower in your body”
peter doesn’t give a shit what harley does in his body, he trusts him, it’s whatever
-
until it’s not whatever
harley is SHRIEKING at friday
he slips but he didn’t fall and he’s just wobbling aggressively 
and leaning his hands on the wall while he tries to lift up one of his feet but it’s stuck? even though the floor of the shower is wet
and he tries lifting his hand off the shower wall but it won’t come off? 
“friday get peter RIGHT NOW GET HIM RIGHT NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING”
peter is super weird about coming in, because “you’re naked, harls”
and Harley’s like “it’s YOUR BODY just TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON”
but peter is adamant. and very uncomfy.  “they’re YOUR eyes”
“my eyes are in my head i hate you so much if you were worried about me seeing you naked you shouldn’t have let me take a fucking shower”
he's so mean why is he so mean
-
turns out its because he’s, like, terrified for his life or something like that
so peter has to sit on the toilet seat and explain that he’s spider-man
and harley freaks out but he can’t move so he’s still stuck butt naked and shaking
peter has to explain how to unstick himself
and when harley finally gets free he goes to tackle peter for not telling him about being spider-man
but he’s naked and in peters body
peter is completely irrevocably scarred for life.
-
tony’s a crazy genius and gets them back in their bodies soon after
but apparently the alien glow stains? peter’s whole room is tinted chartreuse
so is every other room in the penthouse
but those ones are irrelevant and peter is sad 
chartreuse is such an ugly colour
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peter-parkner · 4 years
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All I Want
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“Pep, I don’t think I went overboard.”
“Didn’t go overboard!? Tony, there’s fifteen boxes of gingerbread cookies on our counter!” Pepper jabbed a finger toward the offending baked goods while she spoke.
Tony’s lips quirked into a nervous smile as he rubbed idly at the back of his head. When he opened his mouth to speak, Pepper pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, you said we needed cookies for Christmas.”
“Yes, Tony. I asked you to order a few boxes of cookies, not the entire bakery! We’re only having four people over!”
“I kept telling you I could have made them.” The moment the words left his mouth, Tony instantly regretted them. Pepper’s left eyebrow rose and her stare hardened as she continued glaring at her husband. Gaping like a fish, Tony desperately grasped coherent sentences, “I mean, you’re completely right sweetheart. I would have burned the kitchen down if I tried to bake.”
Tony slowly moved toward his wife. His eyes never left her while he approached, like prey warily eyeing a predator. “You gave me one job and I definitely screwed it up. Royally.” Pepper’s resolve cracked a little as a small smile appeared on her face. “Think of it this way,” Tony’s hands came up to rest comfortingly on her shoulders, “now Morgan won’t be pestering us for dessert for at least another six months.”
Pepper broke into a grin and rested her forehead on Tony’s chest as he hugged her. She emitted a small laugh that Tony felt in his chest. Pepper’s voice came out muffled as she spoke, “At least they’re good cookies.”
Four hours, three showers, two disasters and one hour in the oven later, the Stark penthouse smelled of lasagna, cookies and home. Normally, Tony and Pepper would host Christmas at the lake house, but this year they decided to use Stark Tower in an effort to create new, good memories. Pepper was setting out the last of the plates on their dining room table when JARVIS alerted them to visitors at the door.
“Morguna, can you go get the door for our guests?” Tony smiled sweetly at his daughter while carefully balancing the lasagna straight out of the oven.
She nodded in affirmation before setting off down the hall on her mission. Somewhere, a door opened and muffled voices spilled down the corridor. They became clearer the closer they got until the entourage, led by Morgan, entered the kitchen.
“Merry Christmas!” May gleefully exclaimed as she wrapped Pepper into an expected, unexpected hug. Happy trailed close behind and delicately shook Tony’s hand while his other balanced a boatload of presents.
Behind the couple were Harley and Peter, the latter of which was holding Morgan in his arms. “Merry Christmas old man! Thanks for having us again.” Harley nodded in Tony’s direction while he made his way over to the ceiling high Christmas tree in the living room. He whistled while looking up at the evergreen monstrosity and started unloading his miniature pile of presents. The Stark’s Christmas tree was at least twenty feet high and lit up brighter than Rockefeller Center’s.
While Harley admired the Christmas décor strung about, Peter set Morgan down and walked over to Pepper. He wrapped her into a tight hug and tried to ignore the fact that, in heels, Pepper stood three inches taller than him.
“Is there anything we can help you with?” May asked while Happy followed Harley’s lead by setting their gifts down under the tree. “I feel so bad not even bringing anything!”
“Oh May, we insisted. All you needed to bring was yourselves and an appetite!” As if on cue, Peter’s stomach growled from the living room.
“Well, guess that’s our cue to start dinner!” Tony chuckled and led everyone to the dining room.
After dinner, everyone moved to the living room to open their presents. Morgan had already unwrapped a majority of hers in the morning, but Tony and Pepper saved a few for the evening when company was over. The flurry of presents and laughter fueled the unwrapping chaos while Nat King Cole’s Christmas album blasted in the background.
“Pepper, I have literally never been this full in my entire life,” May groaned while slumped over in an end chair. A slew of wrapping paper was at her feet.
“Yeah, I’m feeling full and that shouldn’t even be possible with my metabolism,” Peter chipped in from the loveseat, where he sat plastered to Harley’s side. The older boy had an arm contentedly slung around Peter’s shoulders.
The adults idly chatted while Morgan nodded in and out of consciousness on the couch. Her head was propped up on Tony’s lap, and his hands intermittently ran through his daughter’s hair. Surveying the scene, Peter nervously running his hands through his curls before turning toward Harley.
“Hey, I have one last gift I want to give you if – if you don’t mind going somewhere more private.”
“Oh?” Harley waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Normally, that move alone would send Peter into a flurry of giggles. When it didn’t, Harley’s expression morphed from playful to worried. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is it something I said?”
“No, no. It’s fine. Just, uh, follow me.” Peter grabbed his boyfriend’s hand reassuringly and stood from the loveseat, hauling Harley up as well. “Guys, we’ll be right back! I have to, uh, grab something from my room.” He gestured weakly down the hall toward his part-time bedroom, where Peter would stay when he was too exhausted to go home after a long night working or on patrol.
Pepper nodded, businesslike, while Tony smiled and tried to suppress his laughter at Peter’s badly concealed lie. Thankfully, May was in the kitchen pouring more wine so she didn’t have to witness the funeral of Peter’s finessing skills. Ignoring all of the adults, Peter continued towing Harley down the hall toward his room.
Inside, Peter paced nervously while Harley shut the door behind them. The lights came on automatically while the glittering city outside illuminated the room further. Peter’s pacing came to a stop in front of Harley. “I have one last gift for you, but I’m kind of scared of how you’ll react.”
“React? What are you talking about, Peter?” Harley’s faced was scrunched up in confusion.
Peter thought it was adorable, but now was neither the time nor place. “I know we’ve only been dating for six months, but I already feel like I’ve known you for my whole life.”
“Yeah, the feeling’s mutual.” Harley flashed Peter a small smile.
During the stretch of silence, Peter reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small, plainly wrapped box. Harley’s eyes widened impossibly larger as he zeroed in on the present. “I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not a ring,” Peter chuckled as he gingerly plopped the box into Harley’s outstretched hands.
The other man hesitated before slipping his index finger underneath the wrapping paper and neatly tearing it open. The silence in the room was deafening, and the anticipation caused Peter to bounce lightly from foot to foot. He could hear Harley’s heartbeat quicken as shaky hands flipped open the lid of the now unwrapped gift box.A brief look of confusion flit across Harley’s face before he broke out into a wide grin. He looked up, “Peter, is this the key to your apartment?”
“Spare key, actually,” Peter cleared his throat. The grin on his face mirrored Harley’s. “You’re already over so much anyway, that I thought moving in with me would just make things…more convenient. I know we haven’t been dating for a long time, and that moving in with me is obviously a huge commitment, but it just feels right. You know?”
Harley nodded, considering Peter’s words while he fumbled to take his keyring out of his pocket. As he fixed the precious piece of metal onto his key ring, Harley spoke in a serious tone, “What exactly will be made more…convenient by this arrangement?”
With an eye roll, Peter let out an exasperated sigh and held his head in his hands. “You’re impossible, Harley Keener.
“I know, but you love me.”
Peter leaned up on his tip toes to give Harley a peck on the lips before dragging him back to the living room, where their small family and the rest of Christmas waited.
Merry Christmas @the-fifth-marauder101​ !!!! I hope you like your gift for 2019′s @parkner-secret-santa​ exchange
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science-lings · 5 years
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potatowebs (Harley/Peter) for the ship asks???? ❤️❤️❤️
when I started shipping it if I did: Idk like infinity war era when I realized they’re the same age
my thoughts: Good, valid, even though I mostly write them as bros I am pro the ship
What makes me happy about them: everything
What makes me sad about them: I mean they probably met at Tony’s funeral so that’s fucked up.
things done in fanfic that annoys me: Peter being a cringy teenager, i mean it’s realistic but i hate it
things I look for in fanfic: I don’t read a ton of ship fics but i do look for irondad and nonsexual content, fluff and stuff. I’m too sad irl to look for sad stuff.
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Interwebs and maybe Harley/ Cassie like the comics? 
My happily ever after for them: Superkids a la BillyTeddy in the comics, like they’re still superheroes but gay
who is the big spoon/little spoon: Peter is the Little Spoon. Don’t argue with me. 
what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Working in the workshop to loud music or Harley flying around the city with Peter in his arms. 
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#2 with parkner please! Extra points if it’d peter who steals the sweater because it’s soft and it smells like Harley and it keeps him calm and it helps him out of the beginnings of sensory overload
2. Your shirt/jumper was in the laundry pile and I couldn’t help but steal it
Harley was so glad he was sitting down, because he would have fallen over had he been standing. He knew Peter was smaller than him, but this was... honestly shocking.
“Darlin’, you look like you’re drowning in fabric. There a reason you’re wearin my sweater, or is it just because?”
To his credit, Peter blushed. “I-uh,” he cleared his throat. “You left this at my house. It smells like you.”
“You look cute in my clothes, doll. I think I like that sweater better on you.”
If it was possible, he blushed even harder. “You must have thrown it in my laundry bin. Made me realize you ground me.”
Now it was Harley’s turn to blush. “I-”
“You smell like home, Harles. When my senses go haywire, everything about you brings me back to baseline. Your scent must have been a big part of that, because I put this on this morning, and everything felt right, ya know?”
Harley felt so loved, it was overwhelming. He let a small smile escape him. “Well, I can tell you for certain that seeing you wearing it feels right.” He rose from his seat, preparing to go to class.
“And for the record,” Harley said over his shoulder as he started walking away, “you ground me too, baby.”
(Harley totally forgot that sweater had his last name on the back. So, no, you can’t blame him for crashing into that pole having gone blind and stupid with possession. Peter was understandably concerned)
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thompsborn · 4 years
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harley and peter watch insidious and harley’s like “that kid looks like me” and peter’s like “lol ok” and harley’s like “no seriously that looks exactly like how i looked as a kid what the fuck peter im not kidding peter whats happening what the fuck is that actually me peter wh—”
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