#psychology hermione

[austenpoppy]

Nightfall: at dusk - Prologue: Night monsters

Ao3 link: Nightfall : at dusk - Chapter 1 - Austenpoppy - Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling [Archive of Our Own]

Fanfiction.net link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14301937/1/Nightfall-At-Dusk

Summary:

2001. Ron and Harry are working hard at the Auror Academy to become full-fledged Aurors, while Hermione is trying to find her place in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and Ginny is training with the Holyhead Harpies. Everybody is trying to overcome what happened in the war to focus on building a better future, and life seems easier than it has ever been. However, darkness is looming on the horizon as Muggleborn and Half-Blood wizards and witches disappear before being found out weeks later, their dead bodies having been experimented upon. Meanwhile, Ron has more and more trouble dealing with the aftermath of what happened with the locket...

I can't believe I'm actually starting to post this. This is going to be the first fanfiction I publish, but it is a gigantic project that I have started years ago, when I was barely out of high school - and it's very close to my heart. It all began in a rather boring geography class in 2017 (I'm sorry, Mr. D, I can't say I care about mussel culture in Thailand) where I had let my imagination wander, doing one of my favourite hobbies: inventing stories with one of my favourite characters of all time (in case that was not clear, I'm talking about Ron). I was thinking about one scene from one of my favourite childhood movies (the fantastic "Azur and Asmar" by Michel Ocelot) and I was replacing the characters from the animation film with Harry and Ron, imagining how they could have ended up in that situation and what could happen after.

The entire universe of Nightfall was born from this one scene alone.

If you start this journey with me, my fellow Internet friend, this is going to be a long, very long ride. The story is so huge I divided it into three parts, each of which have their own "arcs" so to speak. The good thing is that I know exactly where I'm going, and I can assure you that considering there are already six years of work put into this project I am not likely to ever abandon it. You should rather feel sorry for my dear friend and beta Vivithefolle who not only had to hear me talk about this project for years, but also had to read some chapters in complete disorder, with some notes from me to explain the context or background information. Thank you so much, Vivi, you motivated me to write at a time you were my only reader and I had this crazy idea I would write all the chapters before publishing them (no this did not work out, but no one can accuse me of being impatient... six freaking years of work...).

However I want to be clear and honest to my potential readers: this is not going to be a happy-go-lucky story by any stretch of the imagination. I am going to write about mature and sometimes very dark subjects, even though if you know me, you may have guessed I rather like humour and am not really fond of cynical and hopeless works. I, however, am a sadist, as you will have the displeasure to discover once you see how I treat Ron (I'm joking, I'm joking...or am I ?). I don't want to say too much, but let's just say people who came here for a feel-good story without any angst will be thoroughly disappointed.

As a side note, I consider this work to be canon-compliant, given that I only consider the seven original books as canon and take what J. K. Rowling wrote on Pottermore with a grain of salt; but "Nightfall" is not my headcanon of what happened after the war either. Consider it more like an evil twin of my actual headcanon.

Now let me introduce you to the world of "Nightfall", or the story that has been living rent free in my head nearly everyday for the past few years. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it, and I'm proud and extremely touched to present you with my first published fanfiction (I also feel very self-conscious, but I guess that was to be expected).

Disclaimer: All characters and events depicted in the original book series belong to J.K. Rowling. Most unfortunately.

Trigger warnings for this chapter: graphic depictions of violence, disturbing imagery

(See the end of the work for more notes).

Prologue : Night monsters

Sunday 7th January, 2001 - 2 am.

It was a very cold night. Thaddeus gripped the pants of his cloak tighter against himself, trying to warm himself up as best as he could. As he exhaled loudly, his breath came out in a silvery steam before disappearing. His lips were chapped, and he could feel the cracks on them that would probably end up bleeding.

He found himself thinking wistfully of the warm bed in which his wife was waiting for him at home. Images of himself with his head going deep into his soft pillow, pulling back his fluffy blankets over his body, and kissing Magdalene goodnight before going to sleep with a contented smile on his face flooded his mind. He fidgeted, feeling irritation slowly rising inside him. How long would he have to wait?

Magdalene was certainly trying to fight off sleep until he came back, though she was most likely too groggy to last long – Calder, who had turned three in November, was in his oppositional phase and was exhausting them both. Thaddeus had been in the Auror Task Force for more than twenty years, and Magdalene had been his wife for well over fifteen years now, but she still worried almost as much as she did back when they started dating.

She worried even more those days considering what had been happening lately. Eight wizards and witches had vanished in the last month and a half in mysterious circumstances;  two of them had ended up dead, their corpses dropped in random places all over the United Kingdom. And to top it off, all of the missing people had either been Muggleborn or Half-Blood, something that the media had been quick to point out.

Of course, worried whispers had emerged ever since Fidvi Khokhar, the second victim, had disappeared, and those whispers had grown louder and louder every time another person had gone missing. A collective shiver had taken over the wizarding community, that was paralyzed with fear at the idea that somehow, You-Know-Who had managed to come back from the dead yet again.

About two weeks earlier, when Conri Hartnett's body had been found five hundred miles away from the place he had last been seen, stupor had seized Aurors and civils alike. Of course, everyone had felt very sorry for his family, though nobody had ever doubted that the former Unspeakable had been killed - there was even a strange relief that had gone hand in hand with the discovery of the corpse, since victims of Death Eater who had disappeared were very rarely found.

Yet, despite this small relief, horror and fright had quickly made their way into everybody's hearts at the knowledge that Hartnett's body had been experimented upon. Thaddeus had not seen the body himself, and photographs of the corpse had been forbidden despite outcries from scoops-hungry journalists, but he had heard other Aurors shiver while recounting the tale in the common room.

The picture those Aurors had painted was the kind that you only saw in the most terrible nightmares. Hartnett's fingers, hands, arms, legs and foot had apparently disappeared, replaced instead with translucid tentacles reminiscent of a jellyfish. Meanwhile, his head had taken up a more cubic-shaped form, while his hair had completely fallen off. Furthermore, the rest of his body had been covered with a bad rash. The Aurors who were at the crime scene had said you could barely make out the place the human body ended and the jellyfish started, as if the two were one and the same.

Really Thaddeus couldn't imagine much more terrible fate. The Auror department had not even allowed Hartnett's family to see the body, let alone get it back for a proper funeral. As of now the scientific team was still trying to figure out what had happened to Hartnett exactly. So far the only things they were sure about were that the kind of jellyfish Hartnett had been merged with was a species of the family Oceaniidae, and that dark magic had been involved in the twisted process of Transfiguration.

Two days after Hartnett, another body had been found in Cardiff. This one, too, had been awfully disfigured. After a bit of investigation, it had turned out to be Donovan Kovalenko, a British Ukrainian citizen who had worked as a secretary in the Ukrainian embassy until his disappearance, and the last person to have disappeared.

Unlike Bartnett, he had not been blended with a jellyfish, but with a bowhead whale. His face had been completely unrecognizable, and it was only because of a very specific birthmark that the scientific team had been able to identify the body.

Just like with Bartnett, Kovalenko's transfigured corpse had been found very far away from the place he had last been seen, since the Ukrainian embassy was based in London. What was more, he had also been found in a completely different region than Bartnett, whose body had been discovered in a little town in Scotland, Tobermory.

All in all, Thaddeus thought with a shudder, there was something really dark going on, but no one could tell whether this was the work of a serial killer, of Pureblood fanatics, of a human trafficking ring, or something else entirely.

Thaddeus didn't think Magdalene had any reason to fret today, though. If the situation he'd been required to deal with had been dangerous, he wouldn't be hanging around waiting for the Hit wizard on duty to come and let him know what was going on. It was probably some kind of drunk wizard who'd destroyed public property thinking Trolls were attacking him. Two months ago he'd arrested a man who had been bothering a neighbourhood in London, believing himself to be Celestina Warbeck. The fella had sung all night with a croaky falsetto voice that seemed immune to the most powerful Silencios.

Merlin, he hated being the reserve Auror at night, but he needed the extra money.

Just as his mind was going to go down a rather dark route he was nonetheless accustomed to, he noticed a familiar figure coming right toward him, looking grim. He couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Harvey?" he asked as they showed each other their Auror badges and checked each other's identity. "What're you doing here?"

"Nasty business, Thaddeus", Harvey replied sombrely, shaking his head, while Thaddeus followed him. "A young witch who was on her way home after a party stumbled upon the body of Lucinda Backstreet. Lynn's team is already on the crime scene."

Immediately, Thaddeus felt his shoulders slump, and his heart constricted. It was going to be a long night. Magdalene's eyes would give up the fight against sleep well before he would be able to go home, and the first thing he would do when he did go back to his house wouldn't be to kiss his children or wife but take a huge glass of Firewhisky.

Lucinda Backstreet was one of the eight people who had disappeared in the last weeks. A young girl from Bristol, enthusiastic and passionate about the protection of magical animals. One day she had left her home to go to the weekly meeting of her club dedicated to the defense of the rights of magical creatures, and then nobody had ever seen her again. Her disappearance had really caused a stir nationwide. Not only was she the youngest victim, but her father, Cyneric Backstreet, was a well-known businessman who had made a fortune selling transportable strongboxes that were charmed to repel most common spells.

Walking toward her corpse reminded Thaddeus as to why some days he thought that he should find another job.

Neither Harvey nor he were speaking, and the only sounds that could be heard were that of their boots on gravel. After a few minutes spent in silence, they finally approached the crime scene. Thaddeus noticed that a few members of the scientific team were already there, looking for evidence and preparing the body for transport, including the Team Leader of the scientific team herself, Auror Lynn Oliver. Thaddeus gave a nod in her direction, which she answered grimly.

Thaddeus looked around for familiar faces, and he saw Monica and Griffiths acknowledge his presence with a small wave, though they quickly got back to what they were doing, both of their faces incredibly serious.

When Thaddeus finally laid eyes on Lucinda's body, he felt himself repress a gag and he had to quickly avert his eyes. The young girl was spread out on the pavement, her face turned toward the starry night. Her expression would give Thaddeus nightmares for months. Her mouth was contorted in pain, her cheeks were tear-stained, and her glassy eyes were wide open in terror, telling a story of terrible suffering.

Though her face and chest had remained human, her stretched-out arms had been turned into something else, just like the previous victims. This time, as far as Thaddeus could tell, the monsters responsible for the murders had tried to turn Lucinda into some sort of part-Phoenix creature. While the shape of her arms was visible, they had been saddled with very big wings, covered in those unmistakable red feathers typical of Phoenixes. Some of them had seemingly burnt, as they had turned black and were emitting a dark smoke that Thaddeus instinctively backed away from.

Lucinda's hands were still present, but her fingers had elongated, and were contracted, as if she had had a seizure. Her legs, too, had been partially Transfigured. Thaddeus could see feathers coming out from under her pants, that had clearly been buttoned up hastily, and her feet had been turned into sharp talons, onto which no shoe could be put, though her shoes had still been put beside her body.

"I can't believe I'll have to be the one who'll tell Cyneric Backstreet that his daughter is dead, and that her death was clearly not a quick, painless one", sighed Harvey next to Thaddeus.

"Is that why you arrived at the crime scene before me?" Thaddeus asked, his voice laced with sympathy as he looked up at Harvey. "The emergency code for the missing persons' case?"

"Yeah, I was the one from my squad on duty tonight", Harvey replied, his breath turning into vapor as he exhaled. "The witness fortunately remembered it, and I received the signal thirty minutes ago. Right now Gallaway is taking her deposition."

Harvey jutted his chin toward a young woman, who couldn't be older than twenty-five and was in a clear state of great agitation. She was standing a few feet away from the crime scene, and was talking to a black-haired Auror in uniform that Thaddeus had only met a few times.

Thaddeus crouched down to look at Lucinda. He could not imagine the horrors she must have been through, and he shuddered as he thought of her father, who had openly wept in the Aurors' Office when he had been told there were few chances that Lucinda was alive after the first two bodies had been found.

As a father himself, Thaddeus could barely bear to think about that happening to his own children. Lucinda's face was so youthful that it was just plain wrong to imagine her doing anything other than laughing with her friends, complaining that she had too much homework, or giving animated speeches about endangered species.

Feeling dejected, Thaddeus turned his face toward Harvey and declared quietly: "Poor girl. She wasn't even seventeen."

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He was stuck on a chair in the tent and felt dirty. He looked down at his hands. He had been so sure he had cleaned them several times before, yet they looked filthy, dusty - all those adjectives finishing with a - y that applied to him because he was such a terrible person.

"Nothing will ever wipe your hands off your betrayal. It's too late. But has there been a time when you were at their level? Has there ever been a time when you were worth their brightness? No, and you know it. You're a dark creature, Ron Weasley, with even darker and hideous thoughts. I have seen your heart, and it is black. You have tried to keep your jealousy and your mediocrity hidden, you have tried to ignore the calls of your inner nature, but hear me out - you have failed."

"Do you see them? They are outside, in the sun, in the light. They shine very brightly, don't they, Ron? Their skins glow, their eyes sparkle, their smiles warm up everything around them. Do you see how much happier the world seems to be with them in it? Birds sing again, flowers are blooming, and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are the stars the sky was waiting for."

“You are in the dark, and you will remain in the dark. You are seated in dust because you are nothing more than dust yourself. Actually, to be perfectly honest, your surroundings were welcoming and comfortable until you showed up and sat down in this chair. Crazy how you spoil everything around you. See, here, the tissue the tent is made of is quickly falling into pieces. Your mere presence is enough to destroy what is around you... Unless the objects you are surrounded by somehow feel how evil you are, and they'd rather turn to dust than stay with you any longer. Choose which hypothesis you prefer."

"Aaaah, they're coming your way. I will never understand why they decided to keep you with them, despite your darkness. But I will never understand real kindness either, so I will drop the subject. It was your redemption, Ronald. They were your redemption. You could have atoned for your sins. You could have let them crush you so they would climb higher and finally reach the sky where they belong. You could have done something useful for a change. Yet you spoiled your only opportunity. You spoiled everything, as usual."

"Now you're not even worthy enough to be a footboard for them to climb. You are just dust on their shoes. Dust, dust, dust. They will be so happy to wipe this dirt off their shoes. Even coming near you dampens their spirits. Their smiles are less warm, their eyes are less bright, their skins a lot paler. So are you going to spoil them, Ronald, like you did with the tent, or will they finally beat you and turn you into dust? Given how furious they look, I bet it's the latter."

He felt cold. Harry and Hermione were looking at him with a freezing glare and a scornful snarl at their lips. He shivered. And swallowed. He knew he had fucked everything up. He knew he deserved their anger and more. He just didn't want them to be upset over this, over him and his stupidity. And if he was honest with himself, it was also terrifying to be on the receiving end of their hatred.

"Listen", he choked, "I-I can't say how sorry I am, because no word will ever be enough. I am also...I am also so happy that you accepted to take me back to help you. I promise I won't be a bother. Don't mind me. I'll just do what you need me to do and disappear from your lives forever after if-if that's what you want. Please don't throw me out !"

But Harry and Hermione were not listening to him. Their freezing glare had turned into a flaming and scalding hot look and they were burning him. He was very hot. He was sweating. He felt drops falling on his face. The locket was weighing on his chest. It was so heavy. It hurt. He felt like he was melting.

He looked down at his hands again. He was actually melting. The skin of his fingers was going brown and was softening; small drops began to fall on the floor of the tent. Ploc, Ploc. They were forming a puddle and it looked like mud. In fact, he was sure it was mud. He wanted to yell, but he couldn't. His face was already melting, joining the puddle on the floor.

Ron woke up with a start and sat up, gasping for air. It had been a nightmare. Just a fucking nightmare. He ran a hand across his face, shivering from head to toe, and felt wetness on his cheeks. Fuck it, he had once again been crying in his sleep. It was the fourth time in seven days. Even as a child Ron hadn't been that much of a wuss, even though George liked to remind him that he'd kept taking refuge into one of his brothers' beds (or Ginny's) whenever he was scared, and that until he was eight.

It wouldn't matter as much if he had been crying for anything else. Not that he preferred the other nightmares, mind you, but he just felt pathetic for turning into a sobbing mess all because he'd been too weak to resist an effing necklace. Harry was particularly affected by Dementors. Nothing less than Bellatrix Lestrange could make Hermione truly terrified. Ginny, who had been possessed by a diary, didn't flinch at the mere presence of a book.

But him ? Ron could already imagine George making grand gestures wherever he went: "Alas, my dear Sirs, gentlemen, thou shall make place for the delicate Ronniekins in his worn-out PJs, for he fainted when the dreaded locket came into his dainty view. Please bring the smelling salts while we're fanning his pasty white and freckled face and he's letting out little whines of distress. He's the king of wimps, thou see, and he can't bear the sight of lockets, less he be crying like a famished baby !"

Yeah. George'd be the kind of asshole who'd offer him a pacifier if he knew what kind of nightmares was making Ron cry in his sleep.

Ron looked down at his hands, the real ones this time. Goddammit, they were still shaking. Bloody frickity freakering fuck, he thought as he closed his eyes in frustration, why did he have no control over his own body? Why did he have to act like he was a ninety-something-old buffer who needed help to take a piss?

Why did he have to ask himself stupid questions that nobody would answer?

Even though the bedroom was completely silent at this hour of the night, Ron could still hear his heart thumping madly in his ears, and despite himself he couldn't help but feel like the locket was still whistling behind him, making his skin crawl. Sweat was running down his back and had already soaked his armpits, and yet for some reason he was cold, goosebumps erupting all over his flesh.

And he still had this impression of someone hissing near him, and the room was closing on him, and his pyjama top was glued to his skin, and he didn't like the way the sheets were trapping his legs, preventing him from moving... Unable to bear the situation any longer and feeling like he was suffocating, Ron yanked the sheets off his part of the bed and got up quickly, before pulling his sticky pyjama top over his head and throwing it on the ground.

He took his wand and started walking toward the door, though he couldn't help himself and stopped to throw a glance at Hermione once he was in the doorframe. She was sleeping peacefully, her wild brown curls framing her head like some kind of fairy tale princess. The moonlight was lighting up her beautiful face, and she had a contented smile that almost made him want to go back to bed to kiss it.

Leaving the bedroom, Ron crossed the corridor and went into the small kitchen of the flat, and immediately put water into the kettle to make himself tea. He cast a heating charm on the kettle, took his favourite mug, and put a teabag in it. Waiting for the water to boil, he put his outstretched arms on the counter and sighed, his head lowered toward the sink.

It was the third time in a week that he'd had a nightmare about the locket. It wasn't surprising per say, because it was January and it was always around this time of the year that Ron had the most vivid nightmares in regard to the locket, but it still sucked. Especially because it'd been three years already, and some part of Ron had - foolishly - hoped that the nightmares and his locket-related terror would have subsided by now.

But nope, he mused as he stared at the happy light brown dog on the mug running around and chasing a butterfly. He still had dreams in which he could feel the heavy weight of the locket on his chest, preventing him from breathing. In which he was trapped in an endless stream of dark thoughts echoed by the locket's whispers, reminding him of all the times he had felt worthless. In which he kept leaving the tent as Harry's scornful stares and Hermione's cries followed him even after he woke up.

At the same time, he knew the nightmares were the last thing he deserved for ever having walked out on Harry and Hermione. He'd never been good enough for them in the first place, but deserting them when they needed him most was irredeemable, something that the locket, whether it be through his nightmares or flashes, kept reminding him of.

At this moment a whistling sound made Ron's heart do a somersault before he realized that it was only the kettle boiling. He poured the hot water into his mug, added two and a half sugar cubes to his drink, steeped the teabags in the water, and as he adopted the same waiting position as before his thoughts went back to the place he had among his two best friends.

He was thankful Harry and Hermione still wanted him in their lives, and somehow he kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, when they'd wake up and realize he'd been nothing but a cock-up all this time. Truth be told, part of Ron had to pinch himself every morning when he was reminded that Hermione wanted to be with him, of all people, and that he got to be an Auror Trainee with Harry, who still thought Ron had his back.

So he'd keep trying to enjoy every moment while it lasted. It was not always easy, because every little thing seemed to remind him of a memory in which he'd fucked up or that showed how insignificant he was. Yet Ron had learned to cast the memories aside in order to focus on more important things, like his family, Harry, Hermione, his other friends, or his studies. The hardest part in all this was to not let his useless feelings get in the way of things.

Ron could say with some pride that he'd grown way better at dismissing his gross feelings of jealousy and insecurity compared to when he was a teenager. Sure, sometimes he slipped up because he was still a moron, he pondered as he turned a spoon inside his mug. But all in all, so far he had managed to keep his selfish desires in check - mostly.

He kept making efforts to show others, and more particularly Harry and Hermione, that he had changed. For that he needed to make sure they didn't notice he still had the same old feelings, or at least he needed to let them know that those feelings would never be a burden to them again. Of course sometimes they couldn't help but notice a few things, like this time Ron had casually let slip that he thought Hermione often favoured Harry over him and it had ended up in a huge row with Hermione as she yelled he was just being a possessive jealous sod trying to stifle her. Or this time he had jokingly told Harry he was Mum's favourite and Harry, disturbed, had replied that however important Mrs. Weasley was in his life, she was not his mother. Harry had been weird for days after that, all because of Ron, his stupid mouth and his stupid brain.

That was the reason why he made sure no one knew the extent of the mess he had in his head. While he had never been a great liar, he tried not to be too specific if someone asked him what was wrong, he tried to take their attention away from whatever face he was making, he tried to dismiss his reactions whenever they were related to this pathetic sticky, stinky magma of insecurity inside him.

And it was somewhat working, but for how long would it last?

Right as his mood was turning as bitter as the tea he had brewed, considering he had let the teabag steep for more than ten minutes, he heard footsteps coming in his direction. He didn't bother to take his wand or even turn around. Ron would recognize Hermione's light but determined steps anywhere.

She entered the kitchen and stopped in the hallway for a few seconds, before walking toward him and enveloping him from behind. Even though she had wrapped a warm nightgown around her, her hands were still cold on his chest. Yet he didn't mind. The contact of her skin on his, the touch of her curls and cheek on his back made everything better, and despite himself he closed his eyes for a brief instant, savouring the moment.

"A nightmare again ?" she asked in a low voice.

"Yeah..." Ron admitted with a sigh. "I didn't want to wake you up, but I needed to get up."

"It's okay", Hermione replied in a reassuring tone. "But I'm starting to get worried. You've had many nightmares in the last three weeks and haven't been able to sleep properly even though you have exams coming up. Perhaps you should see a healer to get a Sleeping potion ?" she added anxiously.

"Not until I really have to", he retorted firmly. "We've already had far too many problems with Sleeping potions, I don't want to risk it. Besides, I'd have to tell the Auror Academy's specialist Healer about it and I'd like to avoid it if I can."

"I know", Hermione sighed. "I'm just worried about you. You always seem to get so stressed out before your exams at the Auror Academy, even worse than I've ever been at Hogwarts. I wished you would stop doubting yourself so much."

Ron did not reply, but he squeezed Hermione's hands that were still clasped on his chest, right next to his heart. It was strange how the people around him seemed to know him so well while at the same time not knowing anything about the exact reasons that were making him upset.

"What can I say ?" He finally acknowledged after a few moments of silence, though he hoped his tone appeared casual. "You can't change old habits with a wave of your wand. I guess it's hard for me to think I won't fuck up somewhere. But you shouldn't worry about me", he added gently. Go back to sleep."

"I woke up because you were not beside me in the bed, I'm not going back in there without you", she retorted assertively.

"I'm gonna lose the debate if I try to argue, won't I ?" Ron snorted.

"Of course you would lose, I'm more stubborn than you", she said confidently, and Ron could feel that she was sporting a small smile.

"Even if that were true, which remains to be seen, that's nothing to boast about, Miss Granger", he tutted in a fake formal voice. "I've been told that I'm more stubborn than a brooding mule having been raised by Harry, so imagine what could be worse than that... Apart from Harry himself, of course."

Ron felt Hermione shake behind him as she laughed heartily. He could not help but feel a surge of pride at having made her laugh after having made her worry for no good reason. Being able to make Hermione laugh as much as possible was one of his goals in life, and the sound of her laughter was one of the things he cherished most.

"I love you", she said fondly, as if it was the only logical answer to his antics.

At that, Ron turned around, and it was his turn to envelop Hermione in his arms, her smaller body fitting perfectly with his own. He kissed the top of her head, her brown curls tickling his face, before putting his chin on top of the mass of her unruly hair.

"I love you too", he whispered, and he hoped she could not detect how emotional he was.

He was glad that she could not see his face in the dark kitchen that was only lit up by the moonbeams that went through the main window. If she had, she would have seen in his eyes, of which Hermione always said they could never lie, the one thing that kept playing on a loop in his head but that was stuck in his throat.

I don't deserve you.

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Notes:

I suppose I should add a bit of information concerning my own vision of the Wizarding World that may seem surprising in future chapters:

1. I rather like to think the wizarding community is not small. I consider that there are hundreds of thousands, or even millions of wizards and witches in the United Kingdom, scattered in many different cities and villages.

2. For the same reason, I do not think Hogwarts is the sole magical school of the entire United Kingdom. It is the most reputed one, but I imagine there are thousands of smaller schools everywhere, allowing for people who do not want their children to go to a boarding school to learn magic and to learn how to control their powers nonetheless.

3. Only old wizards and witches actually dress in robes the way one would picture a typical wizard robe. I have my own ideas of what wizarding fashion is.

#hp #hp fanfiction #ron weasley #hermione granger #angst #mystery #psychological trauma #look this is my first published fanfiction #i feel like a young child showing their bizarre drawing to adults

[prettyy-psyche]

Introduction

Hello Everyone! My name is Kitty. I am creating this blog to showcase little days in my life. I would like for this blog to be a sort of diary, but to also let people feel less lonely.

I am going to primarily post:

Life

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If you need/want any of the following that I have listed, then this blog is for you. Feel free to message me, send asks and reblog my posts anytime. I'll see you around!~ <3

A Lil bit about Moi...

pink <3

Virgo

born in Okinawa, Japan

INFJ

20

Psych Student (Bachelor's of Science)

Learning French

#study motivation #studyblr #studyspo #moodboard #positive affirmations #french #psychology #psych student #motivation #studyinspo #college #college studyblr #university #girlblogging #rory gilmore #hermione granger #black academia #light academia #soft academia #soft black girls #degree #dream girl #dream life #manifesting #clean girl #coquette #that girl #fashion #light academia fashion #ootdfashion

[soulsanitarium]

"And I carefully watched what she did, and saw that, against the nature of water poured in to the vase, she caused water to rise in its vessel." After three days witches curse against this witness started to work and she was in great pain. (Malleus Maleficarum XII.)

👩‍🍳Magical things happen in the witch's cauldron. The cauldron is a powerful symbol. It is connected to the realm of the kitchen and the home, but the familiar thing has become something unknown and threatening. It appears most in stories of a fantasy witch.

🐸 Undoubtedly Weird Sisters scene is in the play Macbeth is the most famous Witches cauldron text: "The cauldron contents also signify the ridiculousness of popular superstition; the witches ingredients are grisly, but they are also infantile in their dirtiness, silliness, elaboreteness - - . Their messiness, disorder and rather simplistic otherness, involving a body-part from every racial or religious Other, do indeed invert the order, but also act as a comic inversion - - (Purkiss 1996)."

Presented to us at first as cannibalistic cooks and murderous mothers, their cauldron also becomes the locus of birth as well as death and dismemberment, suggestive of vagina and womb as well as cooking vessel. (Willis 1995.)

🍪Hansel & Gretel's ingenuity helps the child learn how to deal with distressing and conflicting emotions (Bettelheim 1985). The image of the good, providing mother has to be protected (in mind) against the destructive power of the bad, punitive and depriving mother. The opposed images must be actively kept apart at all times, like in the Folktale Hansel & Gretel and many other fairytales. We might view the witch as an imago of the bad mother, oral-aggressive character, the witch harms people, has an evil mind and kills children. In real life stealing milk was one of the major accusations against witches. (Heinemann 2000.)

🍼From a kleinian (Melanie Klein) perspective, the black-and-white state of mind is the earliest attempt by a human child to find a solution to the problem of evil. Self-related emotions are placed outside the self. The evil mother’s breast evokes feelings of paranoid horror and evokes a fear of revenge. (Hyrck 2012.) Cauldron is a kind of Malevolent Nurture🍎

#harry potter #hermione granger #the love witch #häxan #movies #witchcraft #witch #cauldron #spells #history #folklore #hansel and gretel #malevolent #psychoanalysis #witches #cinema #film #horror film #psychology #horror #veonica lake

[forestdeath1]

People say that Sirius never realised how offensive his words were until James or Remus said it to him.

I personally disagree with this take. I think, Sirius was very aware of how offensive his words and actions were. James didn't realise, but Sirius did.

Sirius finds people's sore spots and deliberately hits them. This is not James's "morally orientated" and rather impersonal bullying, this is a deliberate way of humiliating people Sirius doesn't particularly respect. People want to believe Sirius "didn't realise" what he was doing because it's easier to love Sirius and justify their Wolfstar that way, but Sirius always understood what he was doing, unlike James. Sirius probably rarely crossed the line beyond psychological bullying, but didn't stop James from physical bullying – he found it fun. But he himself hardly participated in physical aggression, although he obviously could have, being magically and physically gifted. It seems Sirius had drawn the line for himself.

Sirius wasn’t a little stupid boy, he matured very early, he had a very good understanding of boundaries and was always very aware of where he and James were crossing those boundaries.

“Bad luck, Prongs,” said Sirius briskly.

Sirius knew about James's crush on Lily and found it even funny that she rejected him. Because Sirius understood that James often crossed the line, and Lily’s reaction was quite fair.

‘What is it with her?’ said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throwaway question of no real importance to him. 

‘Reading between the lines, I’d say she thinks you’re a bit conceited, mate,’ said Sirius.

While James played the splendid knight in shining armor, Sirius found it all amusing. Because it was fun for him. And no one told him he was doing anything wrong, he already knew it. Remus mostly stayed quiet, sometimes making them “feel ashamed", haha. He's just much more socially anxious than Sirius, he doesn't like being "unliked." Sirius has zero social anxiety, he didn't care whether people loved him or not (besides, James loved him, what else did he need? Right, nothing).

And I think Sirius truly only respected James. Someone who Sirius truly respects, he never hurt. The moment when Sirius "hurts" Harry in book five is a pretty harsh moment, because Sirius loses respect for Harry for a brief moment because Harry turns out to be different from James. But then Sirius shows a new and even stronger respect for Harry. It's a good moment. This moment allowed Sirius to grow in his relationship with Harry.

And it's obvious Sirius respected Lily by fifth year. And after Azkaban, he "learned" to respect others (he reacted pretty gently in his argument with Molly), but his arrogance still showed sometimes (ie, he rudely cut off Hermione, not letting her finish her thought).

Anyway, what had changed with age wasn't that Sirius had realised that his words and actions were offensive. He always knew that. And he had shown even after Azkaban how cruel he could be to those he didn't respect. The only thing that changed was that Sirius started respecting random people more, instead of sitting around like a shiny royal arse.

But there is a NUANCE here. Sirius most likely always treated girls with respect by default. Idk why I just feel it :D With Hermione, they just didn't see eye to eye.

#sirius black #the marauders #sirius black meta

[frm9pm]

Ghost Tom idea

Half baked idea for fun don’t take me too seriously please :’P

This idea comes from the game mechanic of HPMA where when you use AvadaKedavra 4 times in a row, Voldemort appears. There is an alternate skin for this attack that puts Tom Riddle instead of Voldie. I couldn’t find HD versions of this skin so I thought it was child Tom Riddle following the character around, which I thought was very funny.

Anyways my thinking is Harry has been an auror for about 9 years or so and in that time he became so jaded by the ministry and how corrupted the system is. Even though he swore never to use the killing curse after the war, after a hostage situation gone bad, he allows himself to use AK when the situation is dire enough. No one says anything because he’s Harry Potter and doing his job. It doesn’t become an issue until his 4th AK when a child Tom Riddle starts following him around. Tom isn’t shy and constantly talks, which drives Harry fucking insane. Nobody else can see Tom but Harry. After confiding in Hermione and Ron, they’re convinced it’s a curse of some kind and make him go to a dark arts specialist.

The Dark Arts specialist is of course, Draco Malfoy. After days of testing Draco figures it’s not a curse but all psychological. Cue questionable therapy ethics, Draco not a therapist but using the techniques his muggle therapist does for him to try and help Harry out. (Or maybe there is a bit of dark magic in there idk)

The point of the story is to highlight the parallels between Harry and Tom(and Draco?) Obviously nothing Tom did is excused, but Harry understands things arent B/W. It allows for Harry to understand Draco better too

Draco is allowed the dark arts specialist role because the aurors thought he would immediately slip up and they could send him back to Azkaban. He has a trace imposed on him to make sure he doesn’t do anything shady. This is embarassing for Draco, so he has embraced the muggle method of doing things manually, so that the aurors have no ammunition to make fun of him.

Obviously I’m not a writer and don’t know where to go with this x’) I was just very tickled with the initial idea of a baby Tom Riddle ghost and tried to expand.

[crackishincorrecthp]

Voldemort, to Harry: I've got a Weasley kid here and the Malfoy kid. They're both arguing on who you're going to save Harry: And? I don't fucking care, keep them Voldemort: Voldemort: Is this some reverse psychology thing? Harry: No, I'm just pissed off with both of them. Keep them. Voldemort: No, I actually was just about to ask you where we can meet so I can give them both back to you 'cause they're giving me a giant headache, how do you even deal with them?! Harry: Honestly? I don't, I just walk away when they start arguing on who comes first in my life, boyfriend or best friend, and take Hermione, my real best friend let's be honest, with me and we drink a lot of firewhisky

#harry potter incorrect quotes #incorrect harry potter quotes #incorrect hp quotes #incorrect drarry quotes #harry potter #harry james potter #draco malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #hermione granger #hermione jean granger #ron weasley #ronald weasley #ronald bilius weasley #lord voldemort #voldemort #tom marvolo riddle

[saintsenara]

thoughts on ron weasley/tom riddle?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

guess it's time to out myself as a ronmort girly...

obviously, as far as fandom stats go, this is the niche crack pairing when it comes to lord voldemort getting into the funky way with a member of the golden trio. both tomarrymort and tomione/volmione have thousands upon thousands of works and stans prepared to fight to the death over insignificant things.

ronmort has... three fans in a trench coat and immaculate vibes.

i am genuinely shocked that it isn't bigger as a pairing - surely we're all agreed that "i have seen your heart, and it is mine" is an outrageously romantic thing for the locket-horcrux to say to ron? surely we've all deeped that the locket makes its bid to save itself by showing ron softcore pornography? - but not, i think it's worth saying, because i think there's any merit in the tedious fanon [particularly prevalent in ships which pair hermione with other men] that ron is a closet blood-supremacist who'd make an amazing death eater. he's not - he's principled and loyal and, even in a world where voldemort wins and he's the only member of the trio left alive, he's not going over to the dark side. it sounds too much like hard work. 

instead, i back ronmort as a pairing because ron is... kind of mother. and we all know lord v's very much in want of one of those.

he likes to look after people and he channels his negative emotions into doing so [he wouldn’t have left the tent if harry and hermione had learned how to shoplift properly and he could be settled in front of a nice pot, and i’ll die on that hill]. just imagine little captive ron - maybe the snatchers recognised him, maybe voldemort’s won and everyone else is dead - bustling around his gilded prison in malfoy manor making the dark lord a cup of tea when he turns up to psychologically torture him. voldemort would - as i am - be intrigued.

i have two recs for the pairing - wind tunnels by @mrmxlemons and ghouls in the attic by speechwriter - and i also have a statement of fact which I know many of the girlies [gender neutral] won't like to hear...

ronmort is less of a crack ship than tomione, sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

#asks answered #asenora's opinions on ships #ronmort #tom riddle #lord voldemort #ron weasley

[browneyesandhair]

Dark/Evil Tom Recs for Tomione

I was pulling this list for someone on discord and thought I’d share here too. Please mind the tags and be aware that these are DARK Tom stories. Yes they’re Tomione but they probably won’t have happy endings.

The Darkness Sings to Her by Ariel_Riddle (E, Mermaid AU, 6K)

Summary:

She was always watching him.

From beneath the cover of the water, or from behind a rock a ways from the shore, she would find herself lurking behind the waves and sneaking surreptitious glances whenever she could.

King of Nothing by NinjaFairy (E, Cruel Prince AU, 7K)

Summary:

As a child, strange creatures visited me. The left me gifts, sung me songs; they adored me. One day, an odd boy arrives and vows his revenge on me, then vanishes without a trace. Years go by, and on Samhain night, I wake up to a fey nightmare. I will do anything to survive this labyrinth. Anything. I wonder if he knows that.

[Tomione. The Cruel Prince AU.]

The Heir From District 2 by PenelopeGrace (E, Hunger Games AU, 16K)

Summary:

They thought he would win.

Hunger Games AU + District 2!Tom Riddle + District 12!Hermione Granger

Murky Waters by Nekositting (E, psychological thriller, 28K)

Summary:

“Do I frighten you?”

Lips pressed against her ear, an arctic wind settling over her spine. It drained her of her warmth, left her with nothing but the chill its words only could evoke in her.

“Good—”

Hermione’s vision swam, the constant flow of water along her back dissipating into nothing. It was as if she’d been stripped bare. Unmade in that moment. She was only consciousness, only a mind wading through the nebulous unknown.

“—Remember this fear, Hermione.”

#Harry Potter #Tomione #Tom/hermione #dark Tom #evil Tom #not really hea #less I can fix him and more I can get manipulated by him #fanfic #complete #fanfiction #mind the tags #rec list

[asifyoucouldoutreadme]

Have to give my favorite character to write for some love on this beautiful WIP Wednesday.

Excerpt, Chapter 17: The Cat

“This is Crookshanks.” She said gruffly, bending her leg to brace the heavy creature against her knee.

“What is a Crookshanks?” Blaise asked, eyes wide with revulsion, but also a bit of wonder.

“He’s Hermione’s.” Weasley explained. She tucked an arm around the cat’s midsection, freeing her other hand to move hair out of her face. The tendrils stuck to the perspiration gathering on her pale skin, which Draco watched Blaise note with rapt attention.

“It’ll make her happy.” She said quietly, bending to give the creature a kiss on its great dome of a head.

“It smells like death.” Blaise commented, walking back. The cat moved its ugly eyes to glare at him, as if he could discern insults.

“Well, he’s quite old. He mostly just sleeps nowadays.”

“And you cannot continue to care for him until his imminent demise?” Draco asked, shuffling backwards himself. This Crookshanks did indeed stink.

“My son irritates him, so it’s never been a good fit. I just thought Hermione could use a friend.”

“A friend who is about to die.” Blaise stated with a grin, as if this was an exciting new frontier for psychological torture.

The Empress of all Maladies

AsIfYouCouldOutReadMe on AO3

#dramione #fanfiction #draco malfoy #draco x hermione #fanfic writer #hermione granger #ao3 #dramioneasks #fiction writing #draco fanfiction #blaise zabini #hermione x draco #hermione fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #fanfiction writing #hp fanfic #crookshanks

[marauding-almond]

Harry Potter Next Gen Headcanons Part 2

Inspired by @ravenclawsweety

James Potter Full name: James Sirius Potter Date of birth: 27 February 2004 Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Kind of messy black hair (bit not as untameable as Harry's), bad eyesight, tan skin, brown eyes REALLY popular Chaser for Gryffindor (kind of a jock) Training to be and auror Looks like his dad but he's quite a bit more snobbish Pulls quite a lot of pranks Acts like he hates his siblings and cousins but is actually is quite protective of them (especially Lily) His godparents are Ron and Hermione

Albus Potter Full name: Albus Severus Potter Date of birth: 7 May 2006 Hogwarts House: Slytherin Black hair, green eyes (but doesn't need glasses, lucky him) Hates Quidditch but goes to every single game his siblings or mom plays Bisexual and is dating Scorpius The first person he came out to was Lily Wants to study psychology at a muggle uni but is really just having an quarter life crisis Kind of sucks at school Bill is his godfather

Lily Potter Full name: Lily Luna Potter Date of Birth: 17 August 2008 Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Looks like her Ginny but with Harry’s eyes) and glasses Everyone’s favourite Very artsy Kind of hippie? Nature and flow-y skirts an pants and flowers Gay Her patronus is a butterfly Luna is obviously her godmother and Neville is her godparent

#wizarding world #harry potter #hp headcanon #hp fandom #hp next gen #lily luna potter #albus severus potter #albus potter #james sirius potter #scorbus #scorpius x albus #scorpius malfoy #ginny weasley #ginny potter

[moonschocolate]

Tom Riddle headcanons!!

because lately i've been thinking about this tragic little human <3

tw: mention of torture as a topic

first of all I wanted to clarify that in this there's no Voldemort, no interest in practicing dark magic, just a teen who goes to Hogwarts soo... :)

proud slytherin. no matter how much other people can say 'slytherin = bad' he just doesn't care, he will not argue with you if you think or say that cause he will find it pointless

I don't now where I read this, but if I'll find it I will tag the person who said this before me: he has autism!!

which means he is not a very social person, and he has little/no friends

and he is deeply attached to an object/topic

the topic in question is dark magic

he doesnt want to practice it, he just finds the whole thing interesting

which deeply concerns professors

he knows everything. about horcruxes, the three unforgivable curses, origin and all

he simply thinks that knowledge is knowledge

IF HE READS?!?! OH DAMN

i strongly believe he has one hell of a library in his dorm

the most dramatic myths ever? knows them

he's just a nerd

read books about t0rture, c0mmunism, n@zism, because knowledge is knowledge

also reads light books of course i dont want to scare you

maths is not his thing

like yes he's good at it but he doesnt really care

did i say hes dramatic?

and an absolute pessimist

since i do not believe that his hair is like that just because it is, he HAS to have a hair routine (DROP IT TOM)

has an infinite collection of bookmarks

no person is allowed to touch his books

doesnt write on books even with pencils

listens to DRAMATIC classical music

EXAMPLE

(also y'all have to teach me how to put spotify songs with the blue rectangle cuz i dont have a clue on how)

JUST THE START

Idk it reminds me of him (and regulus but this is not about him)

this goes against the fact that he's dramatic, but i think that in a relationship he would be a good-old fashioned lover boy

flowers, love letters, POEMS, kissing in the rain, handing you his jacket when you're cold

and of course he wears suits

NOT a sports kid

mf doesn't know a single sport

he just learned how to swim

that's it

is defo the kind of person who is SOSOSOSOSO SKINNY

He's skeptical af on food

like i believe he's a picky eater

and i dont think he eats a lot

like he will go through the day with some coffees, some water, breakfast and a snack in the afternoon

is always gentle doing anything

when he's mad he's even more mad that he can't throw anything because then he would be even more angry that it got broken

has NO PHYSICAL FORCE AT ALL

Like his arms are spaghetti

im sorry but imo he's short

like 1.70 cm (5'5''-5'6'')

which is not really short

I CANT SEE HIM AS A TALL BEING

will not admit it but hates the sea

like as long as he can reach with his feet the "land" below then it's no problem

if he can't he'll try to act cool and say he's tired and immediately get out of the sea

it gives him a sense of pure confusion because he doesnt know what he could run into

which annoys him

because when he cant know something it hurts him physically emotionally psychologically

he knows plenty of languages

english, french, latin, russian and german

why?

because it's cool

also knows how to play the piano and the flute and the viola

"never judge a book by its cover" he does exactly the opposite

especially with books he judges the book by the cover, if he likes the cover he'll like the book too

and people can gain his interest only at first sight

he hates how lots of people can easily change their opinions as long as their group/loved ones have a different opinion

or how people always follow the crowd

people who judge mudbloods just because they're mudbloods are too stupid for him

i think we all know that he is THE teachers' pet

he's the Hermione of his generation

which means that while there are plenty of people with their hands raised the only one who will be listened to is tom

is a MANIAC in cleaning

his bed and his overall room is always tidy af

he hates getting his uniform dirty

he has plenty of nightmares about his past

which he never talks about with anyone

is the kind of person to have 4 or 5 cats

he is absolutely quiet

i got a strong feeling that this man was bullied before hogwarts at the orphanage

he has a cute little stuffed animal in really bad shape which he has from his years at the orphanage and it's hidden at the end of his wardrobe

he strongly despises children because he doesn't have a clue how to deal with them

acts like he has patience

lacks patience

in a modern au, the only thing he'd have going to school would be a black pen

not because he didnt care or was too lazy to get other things but because he didnt find having 3985729947 pens and highliters necessary

dada would be boring for him because out of curiosity he would've already learned most of the spells or wtv

i dont remember if i said it but quidditch is NOT something he likes

or just flying on a broom in general

(remus lupin behavior)

(I had to say it)

studying consists in him burying his face in the books for like 4 or 5 hours straight (my man has some serious issues)

you could tell im completely delusional because he became a killer and nothing's good-old fashioned lover boy about canon him but oh well🥰

#tom riddle #tom marvolo riddle #tom #tom riddle headcanons #slytherin #slytherin boys #i dont know how to deal with trigger warnings but i put that one just in case cus yk #i have an idea of tom in my mind #you could tell #harry potter #harry potter fandom #hp #hp headcanon #hp headcanons #thomas marvolo riddle #tommy #IM PUTTING AS MANY TAGS AS I CAN THINK OF #harry potter headcanons #also did i say his friends are walburga and abraxas? #idk honestly i just thought of the first slytherin people of that era and i thought of them #and also hed be homophobic #and he believed he was wrong #because that's what they teached him #but he changed #and said 'it's none of my fucking business' #and hes not homophobic >:)

[hdowlpost]

OWL GIFTS for @stargazing-enby

[Fanbinding] Eye of the Storm Summary: This is a bound copy of Eye of the Storm, as made for the author, as part of H/D Owl Post 2023 Link to Fic:Eye of the Storm by Doom Summary of Fic: Harry is struck by a vicious curse that makes him relive his most painful memories. Not trusting the starry-eyed fools who jump at the opportunity to poke inside his mind, Harry’s friends go to Mind Healer Draco Malfoy for help. They've assumed Harry is reliving the war and Voldemort's cruelty, but Draco soon finds the worst moments of Harry's life happened years before he entered the Magical world. Medium: Handbound book, 172 pages (Quarto, letter) Rating: Not Rated (story inside is also Not Rated) Contains: Legilimens Draco, Cursed!Harry, happy ending. Heed the warnings of fic: *child abuse, psychological abuse, abusive Dursleys, age regression/de-aging* Notes: This came out as the perfect cute little book and it was so much fun to find the endpapers (so appropriate for the fic AND the season -- must have been fate!) and make the title page with watercolors (and a little photo manipulation!) Highly recommend reading the fic -- it's absolutely beautiful!

[Podfic of] Stubborn as a Cursed Vault Link to Fic: Stubborn as a Cursed Vault by Doom Summary: Harry and Draco are assigned a case together. Feelings ensue. Podfic Length: 8:12 minutes Rating: Mature Podfic Cover: made by an as of yet unrevealed cover artist :)

Never Have I Ever Thought That You Might Want Me, Too Summary:

When it’s his turn, Ron gives Harry an ominous look. “Never have I ever wanted to kiss any of the boys in this room.” Harry freezes. Dean, Seamus, Hermione, Hannah, Pansy, and even Blaise are all immediately lifting their drinks. Malfoy moves to pick his up as well and Harry tracks the movement as if watching in slow-motion…The ridge of Malfoy’s bottle of cider pushes against his lower lip as he takes a sip. Harry nearly groans. Steeling himself, Harry drinks.

Harry and the crew take a ski trip. Harry can’t seem to keep his eyes and thoughts off a certain blonde. Word Count: 8,244 words Rating: Explicit Contains: Pining, Party Games, Frottage Notes: Doom, I had so much fun writing this for you!! Huge thank yous to my alpha fast_brother, my beta RainstormRadish, and my cheer reader Apricitydays for their invaluable advice and encouragement!

#otpshipper98 #drarry #harry x draco #hdowlpost2023 #stargazing enby

[forestdeath1]

I see many Snape Stans (I dislike Snape but I see why he turned out the way he did) saying James sexually assaulted him, especially on TikTok, when it’s not the truth at all, we don’t know if he ever actually took off his pants because and it wasn’t his fault that Snape wasn’t wearing any trousers. While he did bully him he never sexually assaulted him, and so many people are now saying this and I’m just flabbergasted, why did no one read the books? Why does everyone get their informations off TikTok and Twitter?

I don't really like this topic, to be honest. But here's how I perceive it.

1. In the canon, as far as I remember, it wasn't even implied that wizards wore trousers under their robes. They all just wore their underwear. And Lupin says:

"Oh, that one had a great vogue during my time at Hogwarts," said Lupin reminiscently. "There were a few months in my fifth year when you couldn’t move for being hoisted into the air by your ankle."

"Yes," he said, "but he wasn't the only one. As I say, it was very popular. . . . You know how these spells come and go. . . ."

So Snape not only created this spell himself, but it also became popular at school. So many students were hanging upside down, showing off their underwear.

From this, we can infer that wizards perceived it slightly differently than we do now, and even than Harry. It was "fun" bullying, but nothing more. Even Lupin himself sounds like he's justifying it, although he probably got hung upside down too ("There were a few months in my fifth year when you couldn’t move for being hoisted into the air by your ankle.").

2. We don't know for sure if James ended up taking Snape's pants off. Logically speaking, JKR simply didn't describe it, assuming that he did. Given the time the book was written, she probably didn't intend to invest it with such a horrible meaning. This all happens in the 70s in the WW. For our time, of course, it's SA. And that's awful. But the perception of that time could leave its mark. For example, when I was in school, many things that are now considered "awful" were seen as "not so bad". Those who did those awful things back then didn't even really understand how awful their actions truly were. Society evolves and we increasingly respect people's personal psychological and physical boundaries. What we didn't perceive as SA back then is considered SA today. A simple example you've probably seen in movies, spanking children was considered normal and right. That's how society raised those people. Surely today those same people wouldn't spank their children, because they would understand it's bad.

So it's likely that nobody at school perceived this action as SA. Moreover, James always played to the crowd. And if he really, according to the author's intention, took Snape's pants off, and the whole school saw it as normal, and didn't start looking at James with disgust... it raises big questions for the school students, doesn't it? If my friend did this today, he wouldn't be my friend anymore. Most people would look at such a person with disgust. But James's popularity didn't diminish at all.

This brings us back to the fact that nobody back then saw it as worse than bullying. So the society of that time hadn't yet formed enough understanding of what SA was and how bad it was to expose someone else's genitals. So James didn't fully understand either how awful it was, much more awful than pink bubbles out of your mouth or doubling someone's head in size. So for them it was all on the same level — taking someone's pants off or making them hang upside down or doubling their head in size.

I'm not justifying it, but the wizarding world is pretty harsh. Neville was thrown out of a window, Harry almost killed Draco, Fred and George literally made a kid disappear for a week, and Hermione kept Rita Skeeter captive in a jar for over a month. All of this is awful, but the wizarding world operates by different moral standards.

If judged in terms of our morality, there are almost no morally pure characters in these books.

I especially don't understand Snape stans (I mean I like Snape, but I don’t understand their logic). In terms of our morality, both Snape and James deserve to be punished. Snape would have got a much bigger sentence for joining and helping a terrorist organisation. What are Snape stans trying to prove? That Snape was better? No, he wasn't. They're all arseholes in terms of the muggle world of 2024.

#james potter #severus snape #james potter meta #hp meta #severus snape meta

[evesaintyves]

Ok long annoying question incoming: Whenever I read your remadora stories im always interested in how you portray lupin with his relationship with sex. I always got the feel that werewolves were looked as sort of sexual predators in the wizarding world. I mean the way greyback is written was very creepy, “specializing in children”, wanting to eat hermione because of her “soft skin”, yikes.

Because of that reputation do you think lupin views himself as a sexual predator when he’s feeling just basic lust? Not even specific to tonks, like do you think he has trouble with his feelings of attraction to anyone. How do you think puberty was like for him? How does gender play into this, does he feel like he’s objectifying whatever person he’s attracted to? Would he even have sex before a relationship like tonks? Is he jealous of Sirius and James because they can be more free with their sexuality? Lol so many questions sorry

hi anon! not annoying at all, thanks for sending an ask! i'm always happy to get them, even if i'm not great about answering them in a timely manner (or at all)

tbh i'm not really a meta-writer and i don't usually fw headcanons too much outside the context of developing a story - but here are some thoughts based on the characterization choices i've made in my work. they are entirely speculative; canon has very little to say about how Remus Lupin uses his dick.

TW for sex, violence, sexual violence, wizard porn, endnotes, Moonchaser*, stuff i wrote at 4 am

so to start there are a couple of much better metas out there by other authors that you might like:

@bikelock28 has a really good meta on werewolves as sexual predators that covers this really well and explores lupin's struggle with it.

@ashesandhackles also has a great meta on the psychology of lupin's lycanthropy/marginalization called the gentleman monster

so yeah, i think you're dead on about the sexual subtext of greyback. in canon we first see people disgusted by and afraid of werewolves¹ and eventually we find out about greyback's notoriety as a child predator². Lupin obviously expresses occasional self-loathing in canon, and my take on that is that he's internalized some of the responses he gets from people aware of his status and some generally-held prejudices against werewolves—he pushes back against Harry's assertion that he's a normal person with a problem³, he refers to himself as "dangerous⁴**," he speaks of himself as having "tried to live amongst wizards⁵," which to me implies that he thinks of other wizards not as peers but as betters who tolerate him. i think his carefully neutral, people-pleasing, equivocating tendencies are his attempt to build a self around the rejection of whatever people might believe about werewolves.

do you think Lupin views himself asa predator when he's feeling basic lust?

my feeling is that, because of all these ideas he's absorbed about what werewolves are like, Lupin might pathologize and abhor some of his own thoughts & behaviors, maybe even normal/typical ones, and have a difficult relationship with urge, impulse, and desire.

How does gender play into this?

he's a boomer who hangs out with a bunch of bros, he takes a kind of patronizing attitude with Tonks in their confrontation in the hospital wing⁶, and he was written by an author who went on to make gender essentialism her whole entire deal as a person, so i feel like he's probably at least a little sexist. i think, just because it's part of the sexist background radiation we all receive, he probably understands women as vulnerable and passive-receptive in heterosexual relationships - so my thought is that he probably has extra hangups about hooking up with women. i think he'd probably have hangups about any sex where the power dynamic favored him, and there are a lot of things about penetration, exchange of fluids, etc. that seem like they might trigger any internalized ideas about himself as violent, sexually rapacious, diseased, etc.

Would he even have sex before a relationship like Tonks?

I don't particularly headcanon Lupin as lifelong-celibate before Tonks, but I get why some people do and it's fine. My personal instinct is that if he experiences sexual desire, he probably finds an outlet for it one way or another***. I think one of Lupin's specific hangups with Tonks is that she's asking for a relationship, she's asking to love him and for some kind of commitment on his part - I think he'd struggle with those more than he might struggle with casual sex. Not just because of the risks to which they'd expose Tonks; some of Lupin's behavior in canon is pretty self-serving - specifically, self-protective against conflict or rejection⁷ - and I think being in any kind of serious relationship might expose him to an uncomfortable kind of vulnerability. personally, i think that's probably a key factor in his apparent misery in the early days of his marriage and his eventual ditching of Tonks—yes, he was trying to protect her, but my suspicion is that he was trying to protect himself too: from the permanent commitments of family after a life spent moving between places and jobs and societies, from the guilt of producing a werewolf kid, and from all the risks of pain and failure that a relationship would bring.

What would puberty be like for him?

Lupin's relationship with his body seems like it must have been pretty fucked up at baseline so starting to grow face & body hair and get physically bigger (and thus harder to control during full moons at home) was probably kind of rough. early sexual feelings and the realization that sexual relationships are going to be difficult and fraught at best for him probably sucked too

Is he jealous of Sirius and James?

so there's that line in the extracanonical Lupin bio where he says of Sirius "he always got the women." i really hate the incelness of this line, but if you want to consider it canon, then sure. tbh i think most of the Pottermore stuff is kind of trash

there's no interaction i'm aware of between Lupin & Sirius in book-canon that would give me the impression that he's jealous, and Lupin always seems to warmly & fondly remember James so... i think it'd be fine if a writer wanted to try and build a case for this dynamic between Lupin and his friends, but it doesn't resonate with me specifically. honestly, I think it'd be easier to make the case that he had a little crush on James than that he was jealous.

if you've read this far, hi, and also i just wanted to mention that i have a fic coming out in July that explores some of Lupin's struggle with—and terror of—his sexuality so stay tuned if you're into that

*god i fucking hate ship names how about "Rames" "Jemus" "Pupin"

** obviously, a werewolf is dangerous at the full moon and it makes sense to be afraid of encountering one. as a reason not to be in a romantic relationship, though, it suggests to me that Lupin thinks of himself as violent/untrustworthy/impure in a general sense

*** ok new headcanon Lupin is one of those guys with an absolutely massive and meticulously-organized porn collection. i bet wizards could make a pretty dope fleshlight. like remember that care of magical creatures book that's just like a weird hairy animal mouth? okay i'll stop

¹ PoA, pp. 336-337

² HBP, pp. 334-335

³ HBP, p. 335

⁴ HBP, p. 615

⁵ HBP, p. 333

⁶ HBP, p. 615

⁷ PoA, pp. 345-346; OoTP, pp. 719, 721

#remus lupin #remadora #hp meta #hp headcanon

[loneamaryllis]

More recs for @hprecfest

Day 11: A dark fic

Sings to Scars by tuesdayspectacular (Fem!Harry/Snape, Not Rated, 156k)

A very dark fic dealing with the heavy topics of sexual assault and mutilation. The author's depiction of those traumatic events is heartwrenching and every word hits true. Snape is the one person in this fic that can understand what Harrie went through, and even though he had a part in it, he chooses to help her heal from it. The eventual happy ending feels very earned. Nothing gets suddenly fixed by magic.

I really love this fic and the story it tells.

Day 12: A WIP you’re following

Wasted for Love by @danpuff-ao3 (Harry/Hermione/Ron and Harry/Snape, E, 9k with more chapters planned)

I love the idea of the Golden trio being in a polyamorous relationship! The way danpuff depicts them being together and happy in a post-war world warms my heart. And then there's Snape. Snape, who is so alluring to Harry. Snape, who is still bitter and mean. Snape, whom Harry cannot stay away from...

I can't wait to see where this fic goes. :D

Day 13: A fic with over 100k words

"Your tears are of no relevance to me" by @hirukochan (Snape/Reader, E, 400k+, still updating)

Mmm, so many words, and they're all delicious. This fic starts as dark smut and develops into so much more. The journey from the first chapter to the current one is a wild one, and one that I deeply enjoyed. Snape is written so well in this fic, with so many layers. So is the Reader. So is Voldemort. All the characters are, really.

This fic has everything. Scorching hot smut, an interesting plot, well-crafted characters, cliffhangers that will make you scream, fluffy scenes that will melt your heart, and it's not even done yet!

Day 15: The most recent fic you bookmarked

The Blood of the Enemy by @rose-colored-glasses7 (Fem!Harry/Snape, M, 85k with more chapters planned)

Okay, so this is my second most recent bookmark (yes, I'm cheating). This fic features a female Harry named Emma who is a tad darker than her canon counterpart. Things don't go exactly as in canon either, and during the summer before her fifth year at Hogwarts, events happen that leave Emma reeling. The author does a superb job at portraying her psychology. And of course sparks fly between her and Snape...

Day 16: A fic that made you laughed

Aquatic by lary (Harry/Snape, E, 2,4k)

Snape's Animagus form is a penguin. Need I say more? I don't think so.

Day 17: A fic that made you cry

Broken Silence by @witchimagefanfic (Snape/Reader, M, 500k+ with more chapters planned)

This fic made me cry multiple times. The relationship between the Reader and Snape is so well written. There are highs and lows, there are moments of tooth-rotting fluff and moments of vicious, dark tension, and there are moments where I cheered and moments where I cried.

The fic integrates canon events with a deft hand, and the way the plot unfolds will keep you on the edge of your seat.

#fic recs #hprecfest2023