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#riddler x reader
finniestoncrane · 3 days
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Almost There
Capullo!Riddler x Fem!Reader, word count: 4k commission: eddie desperately trying to get someone to like him, but failing a bit miserably before he starts succeeding, as he was always bound to 💚 commission me here! request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: whiny/desperate eddie, teensy bit of angst
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With a sigh of resignation, Eddie looked out of his window on to the streets of Gotham below. People, like ants, below the feet of a God they didn’t even know they worshipped yet. But he could take very little joy in that usually comforting fact, as he knew there was one ant of great subordination who refused to bend to his will. And that was despite knowing everything he could offer them in exchange for their undying and unquestioning devotion.
No amount of anything he had would fix this situation. This was him now. He was stuck. Edward Nygma. Stuck. Stuck on a puzzle, on a question, on a task, for which there seemed to be no possible outcome for. Or at least, not one that he deemed reasonable, not one that he would be happy with. Which, after all, in the mind of the Riddler, was not the correct answer at all.
The phone he clutched in his hand was quickly tossed onto the nearest surface. It was just a hopeless distraction at this point. A symbol of futility. Of his seeming failure.
Eddie’s fingers were getting tangled in his fringe. The greasy strands of his usually neatly swept back shock of red hair were getting caught as he twisted and pulled at them. Teasing at them nervously, he paced around his pre-furnished, and entirely impersonal, apartment. Looking at the extravagant wall clock he sighed and groaned, letting it form a soft growl as he ripped a few extra strands of his hair out in his closed and trembling fists. He was thankful for the thick, soundproof walls in this building. It meant he could talk, or groan, or yell, to himself as loudly as he wanted without fear of anyone hearing his plans. Or his pathetic whining.
“How long does it take someone to answer a text? Is she really that stupid? And if she’s that dull and so incapable of typing a message out, do I really want to be associated with her?”
His self-serving insults regarding your intelligence only helped to make him feel worse about himself. You were perfect. Beautiful, but in a way he’d never really seen before. Interesting, more so than any other woman he’d bothered giving the time of day or willingly chose to get to know. And you weren’t stupid. In fact, you seemed scarily competent and able to hold your own against him. Which he hated.
Another thirty seconds of anxious pacing, as he wondered what could possibly keep someone busy for this long. It wasn’t as if you could have anything important to do. Or anything more important than responding to his message. You weren’t him, after all. He was the busy one, the important one, the mastermind genius that had barely had time to focus on anything but himself. What could possibly be distracting you?
With a finger raised almost comically in the air, one floating light bulb short of looking like a caricature, Eddie shouted out.
“Unless! Unless… she’s really not as stupid as I thought. And… all this… is a clever ploy! Oh! Oh-ho-ho! That is… well, that’s frankly almost brilliant. I hate to admit it, but credit where credit is due, I suppose.”
He picked up his phone from where he had tossed it, laying on the polished marble surface of the sideboard he hated so much but refused to give up, as he’d been assured by the realtor that it was something a woman would appreciate. And of course “a handsome bachelor such as himself would definitely be looking to entice a woman”. He was glad that realtor was dead.
Gripping the soft velvet on the back of the sofa, he leapt over it, landing with a thud with his legs up on the cushions, head leaning back on the soft pillows as his red hair spread messily behind him. And he held his phone steadily in his hands, trying hard to exude confidence, even falsified, just to give himself something to cling to.
Behind him, the large, floor to ceiling windows gave view of the sunset, which was slowly stealing the remaining light from Gotham and sinking it once again into complete, dangerous darkness. And as that beautiful sight disappeared, wasted entirely on Eddie, he typed a quick message out, one that he felt sounded casual, despite it being agonised over in his hyperactive mind.
“Hey, you get my text? Maybe you missed it. Maybe you missed it on purpose. I’m on to you, baby ;)”
He paused for a moment, reading over the words on the screen with a twisted expression of disgust.
“Hm… maybe not baby… at least not yet.”
Deleting the final word, he read the text again. And then again. And then once more, before he decided to delete the whole thing. Throwing his phone to the floor with an exasperated grunt, he realised that you might have been watching his little ellipses, the telling dots that screamed “HERE COMES EDDIE! TYPING ANOTHER MESSAGE! LOOK HOW DESPERATE HE IS!”
Up until recently, everything had been going exactly his way. He’d scammed his bosses, embezzled expertly from the company that owed him everything and had until that point given him nothing, and bought himself a luxurious and ridiculous apartment that he had wild dreams of turning into a bachelor pad, with endless parties that revitalised every night with new guests and new drinks and new experiences. Money hadn’t quite been enough to buy him the necessary friends or women, however. Although, when he thought about it, technically his money had bought him the company of several pleasant enough women. But it felt like an offence to him that he had to pay for their services, to beg, essentially, for their affections, and then had to add on an extra few if he wanted to have them pretend to listen to him as he talked to them. By his calculations, women should have been falling for him. They should have been paying him for the opportunity to be talked at. He was Edward Nygma! He was intelligent, he was handsome, and now, he was wealthy.
Realistically, there was an obvious solution here. And an easy one at that. He could go out, flash some cash, and find the first suitably pretty girl who reacted positively to his shtick or his flaunted wealth and take her home. But that routine had gotten old, it felt like those cheap sudoku puzzle books you could buy at the corner store. Easy, too easy. Though he might be loathe to admit that to anyone, given that he felt it was part of his reputation, his lore, his borderline misogynistic use of woman as a status symbol as an essential aspect of his character by this point. In his illusions of grandeur, and his misinformed concept that everyone knew who he was, he felt like everyone knew that about him, this staple of his personality, especially the girls at the clubs he frequented when his loneliness became intolerable. What Eddie wanted in a woman reflected his desires for the entirety of Gotham, and eventually the world. He wanted immediate adoration with nothing in return. An endless willingness to please him. And key, above all: subservience. Complete and utter subservience.
So why was he all of the sudden chasing someone who refused to give him the time of day? Who couldn’t even reply to a text with due diligence? He mused out loud, pondering this interesting conundrum, before he spoke his assumed answer.
“The… challenge? Maybe?”
As he spoke the answer to his empty apartment, he realised the confusion within him. One part of him knew the answer, the other too stubborn to learn it or accept it. He supposed it was the right answer though. It made sense, after all. Everything had been too easy lately. Very little ever posed a threat or a challenge to him anymore. And life had, unfortunately, become boring. Perhaps the fact that his plans and dreams were falling into his lap made him question whether or not he was actually achieving anything. This one act, going against the grain, against everything that he was, and wanted, to his core, felt like the first time he had actually engage his brain in something. And that was good practice, because sure enough, when his greater plans were in motion, he would have to be well-versed in thinking on his feet. Especially if he wanted to outwit the GCPD and his future, pointy-eared nemesis.
And of course, besides all of that, he was Edward Nygma. There wasn’t a puzzle he couldn’t solve, no challenge he couldn’t eventually meet. The last thing he was going to do was let some ungrateful woman get him down. No way. Even if it took all of his determination and might, and every ounce of his brain power, which as previously concluded was not really up to much else at the moment, he would have you.
With a renewed, and somewhat misplaced, sense of confidence in his abilities, something he found hard to admit had even been diminished in the first place by your ridiculous behaviour, Eddie typed a simple message. Admiring it before sending it as though it were a piece of minimalistic art. A masterpiece. One to be looked on by the ages.
“Hey.”
That was enough. And quite frankly, it was all you deserved right now after your negligence and rude behaviour. He would let you come running to him. Let you get intrigued by his casual interest. You could – no­ – you would come to him. As he sat, grinning smugly at his self-congratulatory pride, his phone pinged. The small chime was enough to make him jump, his heart thumping as it missed a beat, a strange sense of arousal that surged through him at the mere suggestion of you paying a tiny iota of attention to him. And as he picked up his phone, he muttered to himself.
“A response already! See, Nygma, you know what you’re doing.”
Looking at the screen of his phone, his grin was immediately forced down by the immense emotional gravity into a large, comical frown, his brows scowling as he read the brief message you had decided to grace him with.
“What do you want?”
Seething, and through gritted teeth, Edward hissed into the empty apartment.
“Oh, you little…”
He managed o stop himself before he said something even he might have regretted. But still, enraged by your lack of interesting and your crude wording, Eddie felt his fingers tense around his phone painfully. Any more pressure, or strength in his slender body, and he may have cracked the device in half. Relaxing his digits, he typed a quick message in response, pleased with himself, but still deeply upset with yours. If that’s how you wanted to play it, then you could get ready to be met with a formidable opponent.
“Sorry, might be the wrong number. I have two girls’ numbers in my phone right now without names yet… which one are you?”
That would show you. False competition for his attention might engage you better. If you thought there was even the most slender, most remote chance, that you might not get to be with him, then it might encourage you to a little bit more receptive. Or at least, slightly more polite. But your response, coming incredibly quick, only served to snuff out that idea.
“I’m the one you should delete and block.”
“Fuck!”
Eddie tossed the phone once more, letting it land with a thud on the soft carpet on the floor as he rolled over on the sofa, burying his head in the cushions and letting out a variety of grunts and groans, though mostly mewling and pathetic whimpers. After a suitable amount of time spent feeling sorry for himself, and trying to convince his own ego that the backfiring of that particular approach was down to your difficult personality, he rolled back over. Staring blankly at the ceiling, he tugged nervously at his hair again as he tried to reason with the silence.
“Come on, Nygma. Solve the puzzle. She’s a Rubik’s cube, and you need to get your fingers all over her, twist her the right way until she makes sense.”
With an exasperated sigh, he reached to the floor and picked up his phone. There was a chance, he thought, that being himself might, for the first time ever, work when dealing with a woman. After all, it was foolish to keep trying the same methods and approaches, madness to think it might yield different results. Something completely different, something out of left field. A shock factor. It might just be the thing to loosen you up.
“Perhaps…”
Delighting in the idea that perhaps he was the solution to the puzzle after all, he typed out a new message. Very flirty, very cheeky, and typically Eddie all over.
“Oh!  It’s you. I’d recognise that attitude anywhere. Spicy. Off-putting. I won’t be deleting you, so what do you want your name to be in my contacts? Would ‘babe’ do?”
You were typing already. Hook, line and sinker. He had you, and even if you were only replying in order to tell him off, at least you were communicating with him. It was better than nothing. And it meant he might have another chance before you decided to block him.
“Absolutely not.”
“Ok then. What about ‘cutie’?”
“If you think ‘cutie’ suits me, then I think you still have my identity mistake.”
“Ok, fine then. If we’re going for descriptive accuracy, how would ‘Stone Cold Bitch From Hell’ suit you?”
The back and forth stopped. There was no immediate response from you, and panic began to settle in Eddie’s chest. If this backfired, it would take a lot to come back from it, effort he wasn’t sure he was ready to put into even a committed relationship let alone a hook-up with someone he barely knew. Even he might not be able to rescue this situation from the hole he had dug for it. Maybe, he should have clarified it was a joke. Text you back immediately with a smile and a laughing emoji. After all, not everyone was as intelligent as he was, and the nuances of his humour did often go unrecognised or misconstrued, through no fault of his own obviously.
When his phone finally pinged, Eddie held his breath as he looked at the screen, his skin dimpling and his hairs standing on edge as he waited for the disastrous consequences of his actions to rear their ugly head.
“Actually, that one kind of suits me. Maybe you’re a bit more perceptive than I thought you were. And don’t get excited, because that really isn’t saying a lot.”
With a smug grin washing over his face, Eddie elected not to respond any further than sending you one solitary winking face. That would do, for now. He had to take it slowly, even still. Weeks of pandering to you, of trying to be someone else. And now, finally, he found out that you were one of the rare few who responded positively to his true self. A woman of refined taste, it seemed. But he was still wary, cautious.
As he got himself ready for bed, he thought back on how much time he had wasted so far on you, trying to convince you that he was perfect for you from behind a façade that you clearly had no interest in. He’d learnt the lesson, yet again, the hard way. Be himself.
“Be yourself, Eddie. That’s how you’ve won everything you have so far in life. Who can resist your charms? I mean, come on!”
He grinned wide into the mirror above the sink, shooting himself a quick wink, sly smile spreading further. He brushed his teeth quickly, spitting into the basin before focusing his attentions back on his reflection, picking at his teeth and combing back his hair before stopping to pose in front of the mirror. He flexed his almost non-existent muscles, self-obsession and illusions of grandeur once again assuring him he had the body of an Adonis, and then he laughed.
“I am genuinely almost jealous of her. She gets to be with this! Hoe wonderful for her. I truly am a gift.”
Thoroughly enamoured with himself, he took his self-satisfaction and headed to his bed to celebrate it in the disgustingly lewd way only he could. And, surprisingly, beyond the thoughts of how wonderful he was, he was thinking of you as he congratulated himself over, and over again.
And he was still thinking of you in the morning when he woke up. It had been a long time, concerningly so, since someone other than himself, or that ridiculous vigilante with his tight-fitting costume and penchant for leather, had been able to steal the focus of his attention. The excitement at the novelty of the situation had him giddy as he got out of bed. Purposefully ignoring the pull of desire to check his phone for any notifications, he opted to primp and preen first. The longer he held off checking, the longer he could live in ignorant bliss of the true, and potentially heartbreaking, outcome.
“Schrödinger’s booty call…”
He winced at his own joke, the thought of it distressing him. What if that’s all he could get out of you, in the end, after all of this?
“OK, but do I really want more?”
Yes was the answer to that, although his empty apartment could hardly scream that back at him. This was beyond a quickie, a one-night stand with someone he found physically enticing. He had deeper feelings for you, maybe only slightly underneath his callous and crude surface. But they were definitely there. What they might amount to in the future even he couldn’t be sure of yet. But all he knew was that once with you would not be enough. Not for the trouble he considered himself having gone through for you.
Finally dressed and smothered in his obnoxious cologne, Eddie turned his attentions back to his bedroom as he left the ensuite to find out whether he had a reason to live this morning. And if you hadn’t replied, his plans to destroy Gotham would be enacted far sooner, spurred on by your cruelty.
Luckily, however, for the citizens of Gotham and Eddies own ego, given that with so little preparation he was sure to fall flat on his face if he commenced his grand scheme so early, he had one message and it was from you.
“Nygma. That’s right, consider yourself lucky that I remembered your name. You’re good with computers, yes? I seem to recall you bragging about it.”
“Ha ha! I’ve got you now!”
A typical ploy! How many times had he asked for help from someone, which he never needed given he was the smartest and most competent person who had ever lived, just to get closer to them or to spend time with them? Far too many for him to count. He was very aware of what you were trying to do. And he was more than happy to play ignorant, to play along and give you what you so clearly wanted.
On the edge of his seat, quite literally he realised as he shuffled back into the centre of his bed, his fingers tapped quickly, furiously, as he replied to your message.
“Obviously, of course I am. It’s kind of my thing. Although, you obviously knew that.”
Was he too smug? Maybe… But you clearly liked him. It was impossible for you to deny it now. It was only a matter of time before he lured you into his web and kept you there… willingly of course… unless…
Eddie’s more villainous daydream was cut short, thankfully, by the slight vibration of his phone against his palm, a tingle sent through him like an electric shock as he took a breath and looked to his screen, or looked to his future.
“Great. Is this guy any good? I need someone to fix my laptop and he looks competent.”
Attached to your words was a screenshot of some less man, the Computer King he was calling himself, who was offering extortionate prices for no doubt shoddy, subpar work, regardless of what it was that you needed.
Were you joking? He couldn’t be sure. It could be an effort to make him jealous, retaliation for his own efforts the night before. It felt as though you were goading him into offering himself up on a platter, detailing his skills and positive attributes like you were interviewing him for the job of “gracious boyfriend”. And that just wouldn’t stand, not even…
“It would stand though. Only for her. But still, irritatingly so…”
Laying back in his bed with a soft thump, he clutched the phone to his chest, reminiscent of how he had been the night before, and so many other moments leading up to this one. You were in his head, and he could feel you slipping into every other facet of his being. But still, he was slightly pissed off with your constant back and forth, your cold attitude, flaunting the concept of communication in front of him and then snatching it away cruelly with the suggestion that you’d be giving it to some other, lesser, man.
Fed up, and already annoyed at this early hour, he typed a droll message.
“Yep. He’d be good enough for you, anyway.”
With a falsified grin that faded into a genuinely emotional frown, he placed his phone down and went to the kitchen to grab some coffee. He managed to convince himself he’d done the right thing. Pretending to be proud of himself, he sipped slowly, a dramatic “ah” at the end of each slurp as he continued the farce. Who he was performing to, he wasn’t even sure himself. But given that he spent most of his time in solitary isolation, self-congratulatory arrogance with the aim of tricking himself into feeling comfortable was the least strange thing he did alone.
When he realised he hadn’t heard his phone chime, though, he began to feel tense and nervous. He was fidgeting, tapping the edge of his coffee mug with his fingers, shaking his leg, his foot bouncing on the ledge of the breakfast bar. One moment of, albeit in his mind rightfully placed, anger, and he’d undone his weeks of hard work.
“Idiot, idiot, idiot.”
In a rare moment of self-reflection that bordered on a breakthrough, Eddie considered his life as a whole, and how many things had actually gone right for him. The years of slaving away at a job that didn’t respect or value him, his tortuous formative years filled with bullying and excommunication from every social group he had tried to enter, his lack of luck in social situations with anyone he dared to interact with, his formidable and deeply unloving parents. The possible, but likely inevitable, end to his great schemes when the vigilante of Gotham decided to crack down on him. Surely, all of these amounted to an understanding that Eddie might just not be lucky, or made for good fortune. Or, could it be that Eddie was the problem? That he was the common denominator in all of the unfortunate things in his life?
It was a self-hating thread that he rarely pulled, for fear that his entire existence would become unravelled. But then, a glimmer of hope as he heard the chime, finally.
Tripping over himself in a bid to reach the phone as quickly as possible, he read the message wide-eyed and hopefully.
“I don’t want to regret this, Eddie. You seem to not understand. If I get another guy to look at my laptop for me, then I can meet you for a coffee while he works on it. You seem like you might be adequate entertainment for an hour. And besides, I feel like hating myself today. So?”
Eddie’s wide smirk pressed into his cheeks as he sighed dreamily. With any luck, you’d be willing to commit to hating yourself every day if he could just make sure this date went well. And since he had already managed to get this far with you, he assumed his natural charms would see him the rest of the way.
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meeowdrey · 28 days
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HE IS SO NERVOUS,,,, HE IS SHAKING.
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strawberrybyers · 4 months
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being a slut and mentally ill means i’d do really well as a patient in arkham asylum
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angelofthenight · 3 months
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Ed: My (s/o)’s been listening to these true crime podcasts and now they know too much
Ed: they just said,
You: “bodies don’t float if you puncture the lungs”
Ed: So if I go missing TELL THE COPS THEY DID IT
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cl3fairyyy · 5 months
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edward nashton coded send tweet
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chucklenutsz · 5 months
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The riddler, done in ancient oil pastels
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stickparrot · 4 months
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These five little nerds has been hovering in my brain for a month so congrats
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What do you mean I dont have type (lie)
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Who fell first and who fell harder
Joker: You fell first and harder
Harley Quinn: She fell first and harder
Catwoman: She fell first and harder
Riddler: He fell first but you fell harder
Penguin: He fell first and harder
Scarecrow: You fell first but he fell harder
Deathstroke: You fell first and harder
Bane: He fell first but you fell harder
Mr Freeze: He fell first and harder
Two-Face: He fell first but you fell harder
Poison Ivy: You fell first but she fell harder
Killer Croc: You fell first and harder
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cannedbeefaroni · 7 months
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needy!reader distracting touch-starved edward while he’s working !!! kissing his neck, playing with his hair, etc etc. he’s so pathetic i wanna give him a big ol kiss
this is so me coded (gave it a gay little drawing)
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Leaving the bathroom wrapped in a towel, you noticed Edward sitting at the desk in your room, on his laptop, seemingly preoccupied. He just got home, still in his work clothes at this late hour. He was hunched in his seat not even paying attention as you came into the room. You peeked over his shoulder at what he was doing, it seemingly being something boring and tedious for his job. You threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, still not sure if Edward even knew you were in the room. Slowly, you crept up behind him reaching forward until your trembling fingers grazed the back of his neck, making him instantly jump in his seat. 
“Shit!” he exclaims, slapping your hands away instinctively. 
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” you leap backwards, holding your hands up. 
“Your hands are cold,” he laughs, still facing his screen. You walk back up to him, wrapping yourself around his shoulders, resting your chin on his head. 
“You’re just so warm,” you sigh, tilting your head so your cheek rests atop his head. He simply resumes his work, tolerating your affection as you watch him. Closing your eyes, you listen as his fingers tap the keyboard, enjoying the repetitive sound as your fingers run through his hair, searching for something to fidget with. Mindlessly twirling the strands, you couldn’t ignore how incredibly bored you were. “Aren’t you tired?”
“No. I’m not going to bed for a while,” he responds bluntly, and you roll your eyes. 
“Oh, okay,” you stay firmly planted in place, determined not to leave him until he’d come to bed with you. Hands dropping around his shoulders, you toyed with the collar of his top. He always looked so handsome in his office attire. It was hard not to admire the way his tucked in white button up and dress pants fit his frame. Usually the moment he walked through the door he’d instantly change out of his work clothes, but  the rare occasions he didn’t were a treat. You loved the feeling of his body heat through the fabric as you felt his shoulders and chest. Your thumb finds the top button of his shirt, flicking at it. 
“What are you trying to do?” he asks, becoming tense, holding himself back from melting at your touch. 
“Nothing, Eddie,” you coo as you bend down to kiss his cheek, feeling the heat of his face on your lips. You kiss him again, then again, then you lose track. It’s so easy to lose yourself in your adoration for him. 
“I really shouldn’t- I need to-” he stutters, then stops in his tracks as your kisses lower to his neck, causing him to gasp, almost inaudibly. 
“A minute won’t hurt,” you mumble, still nuzzled into his neck. Not having the willpower to stop, his head falls to the side as he groans, inviting you deeper into his skin. You nip at his neck, ripping a high pitched whine from his throat. Finally turning his head toward yours, your hands cup his cheeks, catching his lips with yours. For a minute, he sits still, letting you kiss him how you please, but then he kisses back, tightly holding the back of your head in place as he locks his lips with yours. Bringing yourself even closer, you bring a knee onto the chair, climbing onto his lap. Kissing the tip of his nose and cheeks, he pants and whimpers while you shift in your seat. His hands plant firmly on your hips, as if he’s worried you’ll leave. “Eddie, you’re so cute,” you whisper in his ear, causing him to shiver. He stutters as he tries to find words while kissing his jaw and neck. 
“Oh god, I love you so much. So, so much,” he initiates a kiss on the lips, leaning into you. 
“I love you too,” you whisper, pulling away from his lips before he gets the chance to kiss you again, growing possessive as his arms pull you in a tight embrace.
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hxney-lemcn · 3 months
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Affections + First Kiss — General! Scarecrow, Riddler, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman x gn! reader
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summery: affection and first kiss headcanons.
tw: mentions of abuse (physical and verbal), mentions of toxic dynamics
a/n: I've never wrote headcanons for multiple characters in one thing before, so enjoy! I love them all.
wc: 2k
Master List
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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Scarecrow
❥Jonathan wasn’t used to a kind touch. Being bullied growing up, being beaten by the bat. No, all he knew was the harsh touch of a fist. The relentless shoves. The purpling of bruises that always showed after. The red blood that would drip from his nose. The burning hatred that steadily grew towards those who wronged him.
❥So when you came into his life, he would flinch if you raised a hand. He would unconsciously back away. The warmth in his heart that you stirred was unusual to him, a feeling he’s never felt towards anyone. He was used to the bitterness after an interaction, not longing. 
❥You eased him into it. Only when you two started dating did he ever think twice about your touch. He knew you held back your affections. He watched you lift a hand up, only to bring it back down to your side. And to Jon, that meant the world. He felt relief when you didn’t push him into uncomfortable territory, and he respected you all the more for it.
❥Although a part of him wished you would hold him. Touch him. He wondered if your skin felt as soft as it looked. Though he also feared that your touch would sting, and the comfort you brought would be no more. No, he would never reach out first.
❥Starting out slow, he let you hold his shoulder. No matter how careful you’ve been for however long, you slipped slightly. It was a gesture not many think twice about. Holding onto someone's shoulder as you look over them, holding onto them for balance. It was only when you felt him tense under you, his ramblings pausing, that you realized your mistake. Yet, Jon had only reassured you that you did nothing wrong. 
❥Having realized that Jon seemed to open your touch, you continued. Lightly brushing your hands, shoulder touches, even just sitting closer. It was like you were single handedly rewiring Jon’s brain, teaching him that not all touch hurts. That he too deserves a kind hand. The flinching had dulled, and he would even look forward to you being near him. 
❥So when you finally got to kiss him? He was a dead man. You got him hook line and sinker. I hope you weren’t expecting to leave him any time soon, because after you opened him into a world of warm affection, he doesn’t want to let go. 
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Riddler
❥Touch is a big no no. Similar to Jonathan, Edward had been bullied from a young age. Teased and ridiculed, shoved and hit. If not from his peers, then from his own father. His world was cruel for as long as he could remember. In fact, his brain started to warp, perceiving the hits as a form of love, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.
❥Edward Nygma is a touch starved man. He longs for the comforts others seem to get so seamlessly. Yet at the same time, he doesn’t want anyone touching him. Tap his shoulder if you dare.
❥You were no different, at first. You quickly caught on to his distaste of touch when he reprimanded someone for getting a little too friendly with him. But you managed to weasel your way into his estranged heart. With how respectful and kind you were, he quickly found himself ensnared with your affection. Even hands free you managed to boost his ego and make him feel, should he dare say, loved for. You gave him praise that he had longed for, which earned you a seat right by his side.
❥It was also partly to keep a closer eye on you. Part of him preened at your praise, and another was weary. Why were you so kind? He was a well known criminal, he knew better than to just believe you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart. Y’know the saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
❥I honestly don’t know how you deal with it. He always tries to catch you off guard with a riddle or puzzle. He pushes you away by ridiculing you and belittling you. Yet you won’t stop. You keep spilling his praises, and it’s so baffling to him. Yes, he is the smartest man in the world, but you managed to become a riddle. Good luck now.
❥When you first touched him, it was an innocent hug. He had managed to pull off a heist and got away from Batman without a scratch! Of course he had no doubts about his success, you didn’t either. When he got back to the hideout, you were clapping while singing his praises. Edward felt on top of the world, adrenaline rushing through his veins. When your arms wrapped around him, your scent clouding his thoughts, your warmth leaching into him, he found himself reciprocating.
❥Now, whether your dating or you’re just friends, it matters little to the green clad man. You had given him a taste of a touch he’s always longed for. And he realized that he’s more comfortable around you than he’d like to admit. He never reaches out first, but he’ll never turn you down if you want to hold his arm. 
❥His teasing towards you turns lighter, just as his heart feels. So when you finally seal the deal with a kiss, he’ll make sure you never slip through his fingers. 
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Harley Quinn
❥She will smother you with affection right out the bat. Hugs, hand holding, kisses, you name it. You don’t even have to date her for her to leave a smooch on your lips. Harley Quinn easily trusts people, and you’re no exception. She finds comfort in touch, so why should she deny herself it? She also finds it expresses her genuine affection for you in ways she couldn’t verbalize. 
❥If you don’t like PDA, please tell her right away. She doesn’t understand it, I mean why wouldn’t you want to show your love to the world? But she also doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, so if you wanna keep it behind closed doors, she’ll try her best. But don’t be too surprised if she sneaks in a little smooch or hug if no one’s looking.
❥Harley Quinn is one of the most affectionate rogues out there. But it’s not always sunshine and rainbows with her. She had been in a seriously abusive relationship, and you have to help her remember that she doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around you. That no matter the argument, you won’t raise your hand to strike her. It takes her a long time to come out of that headspace, if ever. It’s a good thing you’re by her side to help coax her into healthier practices. 
❥If we want to get a little darker, Harley may try to treat you like the Joker treated her. It’s scary to see her go from bubbly to dark. Her features twisted into a wicked sneer as she asks that you’ll never leave her. That no matter what, you’ll always love her. During these moments, you gotta stand up for yourself. She’s trying to gain a sense of control she never felt in her previous relationship, and you have to make her snap out of it. When she comes to and realizes what she just did, the look of utter terror in her eyes is the most heart wrenching thing. She’ll sob, pleading that she didn’t mean to, that she never wanted you to go through that, that she’s terrified of becoming him.
❥Please hug her, kiss her, squeeze her gently. She loves it. All Harley wants is to be loved and to love, and getting affection shows her how genuine you are and is the biggest comfort for her. Feeling your warmth, feeling the softness of your skin, it brings her peace. 
❥The first time you made the first move to kiss Harley, she nearly did a backflip. Her little sugar plum made the first move! I hope you didn’t have anything planned, because Harley won’t let you go for the rest of the day.
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Poison Ivy
❥I’m not sure how you weren’t just killed or turned into one of her goons. She’s not one for humanity. She keeps a sharp eye on those who dare tread into her territory. There’s no way to beat around it. She drugs you, finding out what your true intentions are. It has to be something she deems worthy enough to keep you around. She barely puts up with Harley as it is. 
❥Once you gain your free will again, you have to continuously prove your loyalty. Of course she can guarantee it herself if she has to, but you’ve managed to catch her eye. So prove your worth to her, prove that her interest in you isn’t just a mistake. It will take a long time. She’s been wronged one too many times, and she won’t make that mistake again.
❥Even if you manage to gain her trust, she won’t drop her walls around you. Though she’s a bit nicer. Ivy knows that a person works better with praise, but she also means it deep down. She doesn’t say what she doesn’t mean, so don’t take her words for granted. Not that you really can when her perfume scent always seems to cloud your senses. 
❥You let Ivy make the first move when it comes to touch. For a seductress, she won’t touch you if she doesn’t have to. Not to mention the toxins that fill her blood. Who knew if one tap on her shoulder meant your certain doom…but maybe that was a bit of the thrill you loved when being by her side. Though you’ve seemed to find a small soft spot in her heart, right next to Harley Quinn. She wouldn’t tell you that though, best to leave you on your toes lest you get too comfortable. 
❥After going so long without a single touch from the green goddess, when she started playing with your hair, you found yourself seizing up. Ivy brushed her fingers through it so gently, yet all you could wonder is if it was finally over. If she grew bored of you, or if she started to find you bothersome. But her gentle reassurances lulled you. Her warm voice and gentle hands relaxed you. It was then that you realized her affections for you ran deeper than she led on.
❥You’re first kiss was electrifying. That underlying thrill that your life was held in her hands. That she killed men with the very action she committed tenderly with you. Yet deep down you knew she wouldn’t hurt you.
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Catwoman 
❥It's not easy catching her attention. She won’t settle for less than perfection. She is catwoman after all, she has a reputation to uphold. So when she looked at you, and I mean really looked at you, she decided why not have a little fun? Whether you’re a villain, anti-hero, vigilante, or civilian, she’ll take time out of her busy schedule to drop by.
❥She likes to give mixed signals. It keeps you far enough for her to feel in control, yet it also satiates her hunger. She’ll lean in real close, only to grab something from behind you type of beat. She loves to watch you become a stuttering mess, but she doesn’t mind if you banter back. It’s all a part of the fun.
❥No matter how close you seem to get, you’re somehow still a mile away from Selina. She slips away from your affection without you even realizing it. She always turns the moment into a suggestive one. If she left it tender, then it would be too real. It takes time for her to warm up to you and really trust you.
❥If anything, the first kiss happens before anything truly tender. The kiss catches you both off guard, neither sure who started it. Selina tries to wrap it into something that doesn’t make her heart stutter. Tries to turn it suggestively like she always does, but with the way you tenderly hold her cheeks, she feels herself melt. Finally, she succumbs to these feelings you managed to stir within her, and she isn’t sure if she wants to thank you or curse you out. Maybe she’ll settle for a dinner, tab on you of course.
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Being a Magical Girl in Gotham (Platonic)
Y/n is 15 in this and started being a magical girl at 10
I don’t read the comics so the timeline is likely fucked along with some characters maybe being out of character. I don’t care tho cause this took a long ass time to write and I had fun writing this. So please enjoy
Part 2 Part 3 part 4
3302 word count lol
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Becoming a magical girl like in the cartoons you watched as a young girl initially seemed like a dream come true
A wish wrapped in a big pink sparkly bow that when unwrapped opened Pandora’s box to the amount of responsibilities that would be carried over to you
You were naive back then, but after years of being one your much mature now
That initially girly sense of joy soon fading away as the glitter and glam could no longer shield your eyes from the weight of something bigger than yourself was voluntarily placed on your shoulders
Doesn’t matter much in the end. there's no turning back time no matter how you longed to reset its hands
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life
It’s no surprise that they ended up gravitating towards earth. Even more so Gotham, a breeding ground for the worst of the worst
Their mindless creatures. Just feeding and taking over entire universe’s to suck them dry until moving to the next
You used to feel sympathy for them, how horrific it would be to one of them. but now you feel nothing for them. 5 Years of watching them shrivel into nothing and hurt others made that go away though
Their screeches of pain becoming background noise along with their snarls of hunger.
You're now desensitised to it all. The loneliness and sadness at watching others you age enjoys their lives oblivious to everything.
Sometimes it makes you smile though. Knowing that because of your actions those same girls can live their lives, happy and full of joy.
At least you're not truly alone though. Your mentor/companion/eldritch-type being in the form of a ferret named Rigel.
They're an odd company. A being of seemingly endless knowledge and power, one that traversed through countless dimensions and universes, something that could end the world with a single thought…in the body of a adorable ferret that curls around your neck and perched on your shoulder
Rigel is stern but caring. A mentor who pushes you to your limits but knows when to stop and when you need a break despite how much you protest.
Someone/something that cares for you despite the fact that compared to them you're a single dim star in an entire cosmos of brighter shining ones.
As a Gothamite you know the streets well, and its people even better. Giving you the advantage at tracking down and stopping shadowmites as the midnight hour ticks onwards
You usually get rid of around 7-16 a night. Most being weaker varieties but occasionally having to toughen up to defeat the strong ones who had found a particular rageful host.
During the 5 years you had been doing this ever since your 10th birthday you surprisingly (and luckily) hadn’t had the chance to meet Batman face to face
Sure, they had been times you saw him off in the distance but you hadn’t fully talked to him by a stroke of chance
His enemy’s on the other hand, oh boy do you know them well
You had saved quite a few of them.
The goal was to eliminate the shadowmites, it didn't matter who you saved in the process…unless it’s Joker.
Even Rigel would allow you to let Joker be sucked dry like a cool-aid packet lol
Anyways
Because of you saving a ton of them you're on their good lists. A metaphorical safe card given to you as you spend your nights saving more people
After saving Penguin the older man allowed you free use to the iceberg despite your complaints of not wanting anything
You have your own little private table set up.
Mr.Cobblepot insists you don’t need to pay but you do so anyway
The food is much better than the McDonald’s you buy on a daily basis. It deserves the money you insist to spend on it
Most of His goons now know you. Sometimes joking you when off duty to talk while you eat
Most are pretty nice (to you anyways), often times rambling about their day or talking about their families
Some have kids your age. Some of them you even recognize from Gotham academy
The waitresses are also nice. Most of them very pretty and always fawning over how cute you look.
Penguin himself occasionally joins you in his spare time. Making causal talk, asking of your hunting and how your life has been
It’s….nice?. Kinda weird to be having a mob boss ask about your day but it’s a change of pace from your relatively lonely life
Kinda reminds you of some rich uncle who swoops by every now or then. Spoiling you before being whisked off on a new endeavor
He tells you that you're welcome during closing hours as well. This place serving as a safe haven of sorts if you should need it
Riddler is another though you see him less than Penguin
It’s the occasional blink and you see it kinda encounters but their amusing
The green clad man finds it fun to bitch about how the Gotham time’s riddles are too easy or how Batman is a dick
He (of course) also tells riddles. Seemingly getting a ride out of watching you try to figure them out
He also seems weirdly protective. Warning that if the bat gave you trouble then come to him
He’s not the only one to say that to you but you appreciate the sentiment
Seems oddly worried that if your in school and if your getting a good education
You tell him you are but don’t specify where just in case
He’s satisfied with that answer though. Even offers to help with math and or science homework
Gloats a lot and talks even more. Seems to appreciate that you actually listen to him and his ramblings
At one point he suggests making your colour scheme to match his
You politely decline saying you couldn’t pull it off like he did which makes his ego expand
Sometimes he hacks into security cameras or large screens to give you a riddle cause he’s bored
May or may not slip Rigel a 20 for you to have some spare change that you desperately need
Harley, Ivy and Catwoman fucking love you
You had initially only saved Harley but after that the two just joined in with her on basically becoming your honorary aunts
You end up running into them a lot during your long nights. Usually stopping by Ivy’s and Harley’s apartment for small breaks
They patch you up as best they can, ivy fixing you a cup of tea as Harley’s hyena’s curl up near your lap
Catwoman usually stops by during these breaks. Sometimes with a box of kittens whom she has you name
All of them are worried for you both mentally and physically so they make you a deal. On Saturdays after 12am unless super urgent you have a girls night with them, in return you have their help in patching up your wounds
They prep popcorn, drinks and the whole 9 yards to give you a break. They play a movie (usually a chick flick) and just let you rewind
If they hadn’t made this deal you probably wouldn’t have taken any breaks
Their all silently impressed that you’ve not only survived this long but also somehow ended up befriending half the villains in this damn city
You say that their just acquaintances but Ivy argues that Mr.Cobblepot is a cheapskate who wouldn’t give you a basically lifetime pass to his lounge for nothing
Harley warns you to stay away from Joker no matter what. And that if he even walks 10 metres near you he’s getting a lifetime trip to deadsville
Red Hood is the first of the bats that you run into. During his whole escapade to take over the underworld something that was kinda considered a myth to the rest of Gotham but was confirmed by the many people you saved
The meeting was ok…but then derailed when you noticed the black clawed tendrils clinging into his shoulders
His shadowmite that feed off his rage was fucking hard to beat. It took a lot out of you, almost killed you and left you hobbling to Harley’s for help before passing out
You woke up in a warehouse, patched up by him personally before he began to question you
Like usual you gave him the rundown of things. The entities that feed off negative emotions, eventually drained their life force, your the only one who can stop them with your magical powers etc etc
What catches you off guard though is when he asks if your parents know
The silence answers his question. One that feels deafening to his ears as he realizes that your basically alone in this
Pitted against a cruel world with no one but yourself and the kindness of literal criminals to accomplish an impossible task
It seems to shake something in him, something that’s not your business to ask about but makes him seem fragile in that moment
It’s not a word you’d associate with him yet that’s the only thing you can describe him as in the moment
The dim blue glow of his helmet’s eyes seeming now less intimidating to your smaller shaking form
He then asks how you got away with this so long without the bat (he says it with a certain poison in his voice) didn’t stop this
You just answer that you were just lucky in evading his notice. You were careful not to gain public attention and just focused on your job (his fists tightened a bit at this wording)
He helps you after this, dropping you off at Harley and Ivy’s
He seems hesitant in letting you go but trusts your decision enough once he sees the two fuss over you from a distance
He appears commonly to you after that. Inviting you to sit atop the old Gotham library with a bag of Dairy Queen in hand
It makes you wonder if he has younger siblings, if this is how it felt to be cared for by a older brother
You used to wonder what that felt like along with having parents. It makes your normally hollow chest feel warm and fuzzy
Couple months later he ends up working with batman. Whatever disagreement with the man now resolved as his uniform now has a red bat added to his chest
Your initially nervous until he promises not to “rat you out to the old man” as he put it
He opens up a bit more during your talks with him. Talking of how he grew up in the slums, had to rely on himself to survive just as you do
It’s kinda comical to see the gun wielding, motorcycle driving, leather jacket clad vigilante talk about Jane Austen but it certainly becomes a fun pastime as you work on an english essay
Just like the Gotham Sirens he worries. But even more than they do
He suggests tagging along with you on some of your hunts but you decline. Appreciating the sentiment but making a clear line in what you are comfortable with.
He accepts but there’s still a sense of worry that seems to claw at him everytime he finds you with cuts, bruises and dried blood caking your elaborate uniform
Eventually during your meetups with him your talk of pride and prejudice is interrupted by Nightwing
It’s kinda awkward sitting there eating ice cream with Rigel as the two grown men bicker like brothers about you
You end up leaving midway though to hunt again
But then the blue wearing hero ends up finding you much to your displeasure of just wanting to get back to work
He’s much more cheery and charismatic compared to Red hood. More of a people person by how he easily seems to break down your hesitation to talk to him
Like hood he’s definitely worried for you but seems to hide it a bit better with humour and general polite talk
You notice he does acrobatics a lot, leading to you asking him him about it
He kinda ends up being your teacher and you now know how to cartwheel and a few other tricks
Like hood he promises not to tell Batman he even jokes that at this point he should get red Robin and Robin so Batman is the last to know
He talks about a variety of subjects but kinda focuses in on how you have a healthy way to relive the stress you have
Doesn’t exactly approve of you stopping by the Gotham sirens for that but he relents after red hood calls him out on also being friends with villains before (an apparently more than friends in some cases?)
Both he and Red hood argue quite a bit but it’s funny especially when it has both grown men throwing fries at one another like 10 year olds
He has you swear not to drink coffee cause apparently red Robin is addicted to that shit and he doesn’t need another coffee adict
Briefly mentions how he has a friend named Raven whom you should meet
Y’all have mock battles cause he wants to see you in battle. Safe to say he likes the sparkles and the glamour of it all
He finds it interesting that your magical girl weapon can change depending on the situation and still looks cute
Those once cold and lonely nights that you spent fighting evil shadow creatures has changed seemingly for the better
Despite the fact that frost nips at your fingertips through your gloves, attempting to suck the warmth from your flesh you feel oddly warm inside
During the day your a seemingly normal 15 year old student at Gotham academy. Someone who blends into the Background, someone who no one really knows about but doesn’t question why
The only really noticeable thing about you is your above average grades and quiet nature
You're just known as that one seemingly nice student. That’s really the only thing people can label you as, you don’t really mind.
It was your goal to be unnoticeable, to just be another face to everyone.
It kinda becomes a bit complicated though as through your normal school year you notice the infamous Damien Wayne seemingly gaining an interest in you?
Odd. You never really interacted with him other than polite hello’s and the occasional moment you’d sit near somewhat near him in the library for lunch
Hell he wasn’t even in the same grade as you. He was 13, you never even had a project or something that led you to actually talk to him.
And now for some reason he decided to have a curiosity in you. The one thing you didn’t want happening.
During lunch you end up eating in random places. Randomly Rotating between areas and locations like the courtyard, library, empty classrooms and the gym
He’s smart though, scarily so. Almost as if he was experienced in tracking people down. Leaving you light on your toes as you dance to weave past and try to outsmart and outlast him until the bell rings
It doesn’t get any better when you leave for the end of the though. He waits for a few minutes by the front of the school, limo ready to take him home yet he still tries to spot you as you leave.
Eventually you up and ask him why he's been stalking you for the past 2 weeks, turns out Damien saw Rigel and wanted to pet them plus his older brothers encouraged him to make a friend
Safe to say he got to pet Rigel who crawled out your bag and scurried up his arm
The friend bit is a bit more complicated
You never had a friend your age after gaining your abilities. Being so busy had deterred people at the orphanage before you ran off, faked some paperwork and found yourself an apartment who didn’t ask questions as long as you paid for rent.
You had purposefully made yourself invisible to everyone, to avoid becoming gaining attention and becoming attached knowing they’d leave you for being so busy
You know you should say no but…your heart tugs at the somewhat nervous look he has in his eyes despite how much he tries to hide it along with the feeling of joy clawing at your heart
For the first time at school you smile genuinely as you nod. His eyes light up with joy, a small somewhat prideful smile painting his face
Your days at school after this are much more eventful, less of a cycle like it was before
Due to your new friendship with the elusive and loner wayne it causes some stir but the young boy quickly silences all hushed talking with his infamous glare
He’s actually quite fun to be around, always talking about his pets or how his step-brothers were a pain in the ass
He still sometimes has an attitude but you got to eventually see past that. To see the real Damien who nerded out over random animal facts or had his dog as his screensaver
It took a long time to get to this point but you don’t find yourself regretting the decision because of the fact he’s understanding of you being busy or having a far off look in your eyes that looked eternally tired.
His are the same sometimes, drained and empty of colour and life
You asked him one day while you both ate lunch in the courtyard, laying down on the dark green grass, why he decided out of all people to befriend you. The wallflower, the name without a face, the kid whom everyone just knew as nice and that’s it
He said it's because of your eyes. How they reminded him of himself, not in personality per say but in the fact they held untold secrets and a weight that no one else but you would understand.
That day he invited you to his home. The glorious wayne manor as to finally meet his canine friend Titus
It feels kinda out of nowhere but with some hesitance you agree, hopping into the limo that picked him up everyday as a old butler greeted you with a surprised smile
Damien greets him with the same fondness he seemed to hold for you, introducing the older british man as Alfred
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meeowdrey · 1 year
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Office Crush
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low-key dont like this but whatever
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finniestoncrane · 2 months
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Ik this is sorta late depending on time zones and this ask being cheesy as hell but what would the Riddlers do for Valentine's Day with reader? Something cheesy asf? Or not celebrating it at all? I wanna know I'm curious as hell now
Valentine's Date
Riddler Headcanons gosh i rushed so fast to get this done today!! luckily, it was a blessing as work was SLOW! so here are the boys and how they would celebrate valentine's day in my mind because i am down bad for them all and live in a fantasy world where they would all try and do something nice for you 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: suggestive stuff but it's mostly fluff!!
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young justice
i can almost guarantee that if you're spending valentine's day with him, it'll be the first one he's had with a partner
so he is pushing the boat out. or... as best as he can... what with the nerves
he wouldn't do something too extravagant, not too fancy or big. that would only increase the number of people he might embarrass himself in front of
he's far more keen on taking you to a quiet, unexpected but comfortable restaurant with quiet music and only a few tables, so he can talk to you and hear you properly
he'd buy you a single rose, hire the violinist to play a song by your table, your favourite tune
no dancing, he's got two left feet, but he will reach across the table and hold your hand, stroking it with his thumb and looking into your eyes
and when he takes you home, he'll walk you to your door and offer you a shy, reserved kiss
whether or not you pull him through the door by his tie and ravage the poor beast is up to you
unburied
he wouldn't actually ask you out for valentine's day
he'd give you a rant about capitalism and how it's a made up holiday and that you should keep your calendar clear anyway just in case he decides to do an ironic date
you'd think his goal was to embarrass you, in fact, because he's showing up to your house with a little remote control and blasting your favourite song out of every speaker system you own
"hey, sh... don't ask how i know your favourite song or how i got control of your devices. just... stop thinking about it. hey. hey! you're thinking about it... don't think about it, sh you're too pretty to think about it. let me think about it, i'm smarter and prettier"
dinner isn't anything too special either. takeout pizza on a rooftop in gotham somewhere. it could be romantic though, and it would be to someone desperately in love with him like you
listening to him talk about light pollution, asking if you want to hear some riddles about constellations, pointing out the various places he's hid from his enemies
it's not traditional by any means, but it is oddly romantic. dinner, music, time alone under the dulled stars. maybe that was his plan all along
gotham
oh we are going WHOLE HOG here for valentine's day!! you know he's an old romantic, a sweet and gentle soul
so don't think for a moment that you'll be seeing any other people that day, your attention will be solely focused on each other
he's sent, uh... someone has sent in some miscellaneous threat to your workplace, so luckily for you(!) you're not required to go in! SO SURPRISE!! he's here to make you breakfast
and then a brief walk down some of the quieter streets, where he might be brave enough to ask if he can hold your hand
once you're at his apartment, you're in for some respectable but tension filled cuddles on his sofa while you watch some classic romance movies
and then he's making a beautiful three course meal for you both! pressed tablecloth on his little dining table, roses in a conical flask, candles in test tubes (is he stealing these from work?)
he'll feed you little bits of food, wiping your face with a napkin, staring into your eyes dreamily
and then the night will end with a perfect and very polite kiss that you'll wish wouldn't end
telltale
he knows how to do romance, he's been around long enough. it's more a question of whether he can be bothered to celebrate
but he'll pull himself together and act the perfect gentleman for you, regardless of how tired he is after a day of committing violent/cyber crime and being oddly agile for a man in receipt of a state pension
(a fact which will come in handy at the end of the evening...)
he'll start off the evening with the traditional gifts. a box of expensive chocolates or candy, perfectly suited to your dietary requirements of course. and a bouquet of flowers. not roses, but your favourites. he knows they'll make you happier
he's not one for being out in public, what with the whole "is he dead" thing, so you'll be dining in BUT to make it special, he has hired a discreet personal chef to provide the food for the evening
slow, quiet jazz playing in the background, just you, him, and the waiters he has hired and has threatened under extreme violence to keep their mouths shut about this particular shift
could it get any more romantic??
arkham
bless his heart but this eddie is forgetting that it's valentine's day until you're handing him a card, grasping it between his dirty fingers, smudging the soft pink colour with grimy fingerprints
then, you'll endure a fifteen minute long lecture about why you should have at least had the sense to warn him in advance, or to remind him, since you know how he can be
and when he's done, he'll be pushing you out of the room, getting rid of you so he can "finish his important work" and only then can you consider "doing something for this silly holiday"
really, he's just looking for an excuse to get you away so he can work on your very last minute present without you seeing
which of course, he'll present to you as though he had been pretending to forget all along
"i made you this, it's a symbol of our relationship"
it's the remnants of a neon question mark bent into place to resemble a heart. and there's hot glue still drying on it. and a screw stuck to it
but it's the thought that counts, and the thought is there! after all he loves you enough to have lied and put aside his important welding or whatever to haphazardly craft the lie
dano
for him, valentine's day is about showing your love for someone. because you can love them every day, but this is an excuse to make a display out of it
so expect a myriad of gifts, food, perfumes, vouchers, jewellery, stuffed animals, flowers, a handmade valentine's card
enough that it makes you guilty (and enough that you wonder if he really has just been saving all his salary instead of spending it on... furniture or therapy)
then, the personalised activities! most of which involve you doing his quiz all about you and your relationship with him, solving several riddles that lead you to a hidden compartment in the wall of his bedroom (weird.) where he's stuffed his poems to you (sweet!) which he will then recite to you, stuttering over the words and blushing the whole time
but it's not enough for him, he wants to shout it from the rooftops, show the world how much he loves you and appreciates you
he's had all this love bottled up for so long with no one deserving to give it to! let's just hope it comes out in a healthy way...
btaa
he's swooping in to your apartment very late at night
"it's only 11pm, it's still valentine's day mi amorrrrr"
look, he's very sorry that he wasn't able to spend the day with you, and that he's incredibly late to the dinner you had planned
but he's a busy little criminal, he has so many things to do AND he had to do it all by himself because he gave miss tuesday the day off so she could go on a date of her own and-
oh see! you've changed your mind now, no longer grumpy, because he was actually doing something kind for someone else
he really is a generous soul, emphasised by the fact that the reason he was late was because he was pulling off a perfect heist in a jewellery store uptown
so... did you save any leftovers for him? or is he going to have to return this beautiful ring/watch/necklace he bought you?
twojar
he's a curveball, like seriously give you whiplash kind of valentine's date
you think it's going to be a very standard evening, after all there you both are in black tie best, sipping expensive champagne, him talking about himself while you try hard not to stare at his tits
but when the meal is finished, he goes to pay in secret and then rushes you out into a car with tinted windows, and it's lucky he can get you so hot and flushed and eager that quickly, since it's not long before you arrive at the next spot
a strip club
which is? i mean not a traditional valentine's day date location, but it could be very hot
and he's booked one of the private rooms for you both, so at least you won't have to hide your blushing cheeks from the rest of the guests
but it becomes very obvious that there isn't a dancer coming to entertain you, and you worry that he expects you to get up there and put on a show, which would be a disaster because you haven't planned anything and-
"happy valentine's day"
ah. of course. why would the world's most self-absorbed man think you would want anything else for valentine's day than a private strip tease from him
and he's annoyingly very right in that assumption
btas
he absolutely does the most! and the most is often cheesy and dorky and therefor a million times more precious
the kind of guy who would buy you a rose for every day he's known you, regardless of how many days he has known you
the kind of guy who gets those little personalised lego figures made of you and him, or gets a plushie of him to give to you so he'll always be near you (and you know he's putting the personalised message in if he gets it from build a bear)
he knows your favourite starter, main and dessert are all from different restaurants, so he's made the reservations at all three with plenty of time for romantic rides in the back of cabs between each stop
it's important he has plenty of time to cover your neck with kisses, and for you to tell him how adorable he is
and then, because he is the cheesiest but in the best way, it's more than likely he'd use valentine's day as an excuse to propose to you, so he's down on one knee under the cloudy gotham night sky to ask you to marry him (and you're obviously not going to say no)
zero year
he doesn't do valentine's day, what a waste of time! he's nice enough to you the rest of the year, why should there be one day where he has to do something extra fo-
oh? oh! oh ok, if it means you have to do something for him too, then he's down for it
yes... that sounds like a wonderful excuse to get up to some mischief... (it's concerning how evil his little face looks when he's supposedly considering activities for the most romantic of holidays...)
although, why bother going out somewhere on a date, it's such a waste of time and effort
he has to keep his energy for more important things, and speaking of... he can think of very few ways to spend an evening that are better than taking you into the bedroom and sharing an exchange of giving for a few solid hours
no need to wear something nice, it's only going to get stripped off
no need to get him a gift, you'll be giving him plenty
and no need to eat something, he'll make sure you don't leave hungry, trust him
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angelofthenight · 2 months
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Dano!Riddler: Free my girl (y/n), she not in jail she just in the wrong relationship
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cl3fairyyy · 2 months
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i have not stopped thinking about this image since it dropped. it haunts my thoughts 24/7. i have to pay tribute to it before bed every night. i have a shrine in every room of my house dedicated to it. i will never be the same again.
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bejeweledraven · 9 months
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call it what you want
All the drama queens taking swings All the jokers dressin' up as kings They fade to nothin' when I look at him
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relationship headcanons with the gotham villains
parrings: oswald cobblepot x gn!reader, ed nygma x gn!reader, victor zsasz x gn!reader, jerome valeska x gn!reader, jeremiah valeska x gn!reader
genre: fluff, slight angst
warnings: mentions of criminal activity, mentions of toxic and unhealthy behaviors in romantic relationships/mentions of unhealthy relationships
requested?: yes
request: anon: can i request general relationship hc with oswald cobblepot, ed nygma, victor zsasz, jerome valeska and jeremiah valeska with a gn reader
song prompt: call it what you want by taylor swift
word count: 1392
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oswald cobblepot:
first and foremost his love language is 100% gift giving
it would be both subtle and dramatic
subtle, because he would never ask directly; he'd listen
was there something you were talking about currently? or maybe something you've wanted forever? he would pick up on the slightest mention of it
but like i said, it would also be dramatic
an artist you've been listening to lately? he'll make sure you have every possible record on vinyl and cd, concert tickets, merch
a car that you've dreamed of for years? in your driveway, with every possible upgrade
growing up he didn't have much, so he wanted to make sure someone that he cares about never feels like that
although he's not really the one for physical intimacy, there are some small gestures he really loves
great example are forehead kisses - long evenings after tiring days, right by the fire places
he might not be huge with PDA, but everyone knows that you're involved with each other, making you untouchable
and when i say everyone, i mean everyone; his enemies, his allies, his staff
his worst fear is someone hurting you to hurt him; makes him extremely protective, making sure you're safe 24/7
your relationship is the definition of "private, but not secret"
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ed nygma:
although the pre and post riddler ed might have fair share of differences when it comes to dating, there's definitely a lot of similarities
for example, for ed you're always the number one priority, not matter what
the pre-riddler ed would cancel any plans for you (not that he had loads of those anyways lol)
it would take one phone call from you for him to drop everything and meet you somewhere
if ed liked you, he would have the hardest time telling you; even if you were involved with someone else, he would be your shoulder to cry on, no matter how much it broke his heart
once you got together he would need regular reassuring of how much he means to you
would be a combination of his own insecurities and how highly he thinks of you
both before and after you start dating, you smiling in his direction would be enough to make his day
post-riddler is much more confident, cares significantly less of what people think of him
but even given all of his confidence, his old insecurities still get the best of him
he would get very jealous at times
whenever he would suspect you could have feelings for someone else (which is a conclusion he makes way too rapidly) he would feel like the awkward and practically invisible technician working at the police station all over again
takes a ton of reassuring to for him to seem confident again- because deep down he will always feel like that to an extent
being his partner means being his best friend- it's such a special connection
he relies on your support so so much
although it took him a while to learn to come to you with his issues, you're definitely the best support system he's ever had, and he makes sure you know how much that means to him
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victor zsasz:
one word: TEASING
so so so much teasing
oddly enough, this might be the healthiest relationship on the list
he has an understanding of personal space and time
i mean don't get it wrong: he WILL show up unannounced in your living room in the middle of the night on a random tuesday, just chilling on the couch because "he missed you"
but if there is ever a situation where you tell him that you need space and time alone, he just respects it
he has a very laid back attitude towards you, but if the situation requires he will act very quick to protect you; whether you disapprove of his methods or not
even though like i said he gives you space and time if needed, he has his subtle ways of knowing whether you're staying safe and out of trouble
i can for sure see him with a fellow assassin, even, or maybe especially, working for a rival gang
business is business, and he doesn't see a reason why it should interfere with his personal life after work
and the constant competition is kind of fun and exciting to him, which is ironic, given the line of work
one time you were ordered by your bosses to take each other out, and for shits and giggles you even pretended to attempt it, but gave up easily just cause you couldn't take one another and this whole situation seriously
overall it's a very playful relationship of equal time teasing and strong sense of protection, on both sides
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jerome valeska:
the best word to describe the relationship with this man is 'rollercoaster'
with the highest of highs and lowest of lows
good moments make you feel on top of the worlds and bad moments make your stomach drop
no two days are the same with this guy
no surprise that he is very obsessive
the second he saw you and was utterly and completely fixated on you and you only
it was obsession at first sight for sure (bonus points if you met at arkham)
and you can't really blame yourself, he was very charming
just something completely captivating about him
although his attention is all over the place, he would make sure to always have a good look at you, even with the corner of his eye
he just needs you around 24/7
the respect for personal space and time? yeah don't really count on that
at a certain point there's some sort of addiction formed, where you can't really function without him either
say what you want about jerome, but his energy is absolutely infectious and sometimes you just need someone who will make you feel like you're on top of the world
another thing about him is that his obsessive sense of protection mostly extends to guarding you from the GCPD, but not really to a basic sense of safety
he will take you with him to all of his most dangerous heists, because he doesn't want you 'missing out on all the fun'
he regularly finds places to break into in the middle of the night, like theme parks and big malls, and just goes CRAZY
he is there to make any absurd wish of yours come true
if during the time where everyone just assumed he was dead you moved on with your life and god forbid found happiness with someone else- he is changing that the second he's back
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jeremiah valeska:
the jeremiah before the transformation was paranoid about absolutely everything
including your safety, mostly because of jerome
his childhood made him put up this shield around him and it wasn't easy to let you into his life - but once he did he shielded you even more than he ever did for himself
if it was up to him, you'd never leave his super-secure home/facility, because he's that worried
and many times he's begged you do to so
out of sheer sense of protectiveness over you
but staying in a windowless bunker is not really easy for many people
and he knows that he can't really argue you on that, so all he has left is worrying until you're back
you always were back, and he had to fight the urge to beg you not to ever leave again
the post-transformation jeremiah is also insanely protective- with the added effect of more confidence is slight obsessiveness
his obsessiveness would be much more subtle than one that his brother displayed - jeremiah would just always know where you are and who you're with
he would go to actual insane measures to protect you; he'd burn entire cities if it meant keeping you safe
both before and after the transformation he's not really the best at communicating his feelings, but his way of making up for it is acts of service - subtle before transformation and less subtle after the transformation
oddly enough, he also became a lot more openly romantic than before, with grand, dramatic gestures
not that he wasn't romantic before; just in a lot more shy and delicate way
one thing never changed - how much keeping you safe meant to him
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