#s: me at 2am crying on the phone with my mom | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

atinydise · 4 years

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Ateez reacting to their s/o being insecure during a pregnancy

❦ Genre: Fluff.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 2k2.

❦ Requested: Yes, thank you! 🦋

❦ Masterlist.

HONGJOONG

Hongjoong heard you growl or roar, he couldn’t figure it out, in the bathroom. He stood up from his chair and joined you in the room, maybe you needed help. But when he saw that you were standing up well, he asked: “Is everything okay?” You turned around, to face him. “Does it look like I’m okay?” He stepped back. He tried to know if your hormones hit you or if he did something bad. Unexpectedly, you lifted your shirt to show your round belly. “Have you seen these stretches marks?” You asked him. Hongjoong raised a brow, “is it a big deal?” You fixed back your top and walked to the kitchen, still angry. Your fiancé stared at you, ignoring what to do or what to say. Your pregnancy was something uncontrollable for him. Sometimes, he could choose the right words and comfort you but other time, it was a complete failure.

Anyway, this time again he needed to give it a try. Hongjoong followed you and said: “Are you angry because of your hormones?” “No! I’m angry because my body changed a lot! Especially those stretches marks! It’s everywhere on my body.” You sniffled, ready to cry. Hongjoong passed his hands on your belly and kissed your cheek. “I’m pretty sure you can get rid of these marks. And because of your mental and physical strength, you are going to give us an amazing present.” You pouted, resting your hand in his, “are you still going to love me? Even if I look like a zebra?” He chuckled, “of course idiot.” “Promise!” You tend your little finger. “Promise babe.” He replied.

SEONGHWA

It was just a matter of time before you give birth to your daughter. You were buying the last items or outfits she would need to be comfy. Suddenly, something on the rocking-chair got your attention. “What is this babe?” Seonghwa smiled at you, “are you serious?” You stared dumbly at the strange gloves. “Babe, it’s the scratch mittens. Like that she won’t scratch her baby face.” He explained, playing with the imaginary baby fingers. “Ah... I see.” You simply said. Seonghwa was ready to welcome this baby but day by day, you started to doubt about your ability to become a good mom. You were ignoring so many things. Yesterday, you couldn’t even remember how to prepare a good and not too hot bib. You sat on the little seat in the corner of the room. “Y/N? Are you crying?” He asked, not sure. You nodded, hiding your face in your hands. “Are you hurt? Do you want to go at-“ “How did you learn to be such a good father?” You asked. “I forget or ignore so much things! I’m already a terrible mom!” You busted in tears. Seonghwa crouched down at your level. “I just do my best. And you know like 75% of ‘how to take care of a baby’. I just know the 25% left.” He rested his head on your laps. “There no perfect parents. We are just going to do our best for our little princess.” “Okay,” you sniffled. “I’ll do my best.” “You are already a really good mom. Thank you for taking care of our little angel so well.” He rubbed your face.

YUNHO

This documentary about being a single mom made you anxious. Everything was doing well with Yunho but no one knows what could happen tomorrow. Yunho noticed that you were a bit lost in your thoughts today. It wasn’t the first time since the beginning of your pregnancy. “Do you want to go out for a little walk?” He asked you. “Now? It’s pretty late?” You looked at the time on your phone. “But the weather is really good! Come on! When the baby will be here, we won’t do that before a long time!” He had a point, you thought. “Okay... but no more than 1 hour! I don’t want to be a single mom!” Yunho didn’t add anything but your comment made him curious. During your little walk, your fiancé noticed that you were holding his hand the whole time. But not like usual. It was tighter. “Are you okay sweetheart?” He finally asked. “Hum? Yes, why?” “You look... anxious or lost in your thoughts.” Yunho knew you to well. “It’s okay,” you smiled. “It’s just a stupid insecurity.” He stopped, pulling you closer to him by your hand. “Tell me. Don’t keep this for yourself.” You stared right at him. He was your fiancé and the future dad of your baby. But you didn’t want to worry him, so you just said: “You are not going to leave me, right?” You asked. “When the baby will be here... we are going to be a happy family huh?” Yunho was surprised but it made him soft in the same time. “I am not going anywhere babe. I will always be there for you and our little boy okay?” He kissed your knuckles. “Don’t ever think of leaving me okay?” You repeated. “I would never do that Y/N.” He smiled.

YEOSANG

You changed your position for the 36th time. With the size of your belly and now your breasts, you couldn’t find the perfect position to lay on. You were aware that your belly rounded a lot but your breasts, it’s another story. Pissed, you turned on the light stand and stood up to reach your mirror. You looked at your whole body. Your face was almost the same. The only thing which surprised you was your breast. It had a huge difference. All of your bras would end in the trash after this pregnancy. “Y/N? Why are you awake?” Asked Yeosang, sleepily. You turned around and sat on the edge of the bed. “Are my breasts disgusting?” You asked, worried. Yeosang blinked few times. Were you really worrying about your body proportions at 2AM? “So? Should I take this long silence for a yes?” “Huh? Wait Y/N, this is non-sense.” He instantly gulped when he saw the look you gave him. “I mean, no- it’s not disgusting! Just different. But in a good way!” “Are you sure? I feel like it’s too much.” You claimed, cupping your breasts sadly. Your fiancé could almost get a blood running nose at the scene you showed him. “You are still pretty.” He looked away. “To be honest, pregnancy fits you well.” “Really?” You smiled widely. He nodded, “really, you are glowing?” You narrowed your eyebrows, “are you telling me this so you can go back to sleep? Or to comfort me?” He kissed your cheek before slipping back under the sheets. “Both. But for real. You are gorgeous. I’ll need to make you pregnant again. And sooner with your new breast size.” “Perv!” You throw your pillow on him.

SAN

You were at your 6 months of pregnancy. It was a new world for you. Your body was getting different, your hormones were playing with you too and sometimes on San too. You started to get used to your new body but the only thing you couldn’t deal with was your weight. You gained so much weight in only 6 months that you started to be insecure. San was always saying that you looked more loveable now. But you could get a piece of lettuce in your teeth, he would say that you look cute. “A whale...” you whispered, looking at your profile. “Whale?” Repeated San, lifting his eyes off his phone. “Yes! For real! Look at me San!” You turned around. “This baby is driving me crazy.” You busted in tears. “Wow wow wow Y/N! Relax!” Claimed San. “Relax?” You grabbed a tissue on your nightstand. “Do you know how it feels to see your body, if I still can call it like that, changing like this?” You almost shouted. “I can’t even see my feet anymore.” “Y/N... your weight isn’t a big deal?” Said San calmly. “It’s just a matter of time.” “It’s only 6 months... how I will look at the end? You are going to leave me for a prettiest girl.” You sobbed. “Babe. I would never leave you. I love you when you are skinny, chubby or thick. Even when you have make-up on or not. I love all of your facade. And I love you more because you were strong enough to carry our baby.” He hugged you. “You couldn’t tell me that earlier? I would not cry like a baby!” You pinched his arm, sobbing. “It’s okay, like that I’ll get 2 crybabies.” He giggled. You scoffed, “I can’t wait.”

MINGI

Even if your doctor almost begged you to rest and stay on your bed till the end of your pregnancy. But you had so much things to do or to adjust before, to welcome this baby well. When Mingi came back from his practice, he would never imagine finding you cleaning all the cupboards on the kitchen. “Y/N? Are you crazy?” He yelled at you. “You should be on the bed right now.” “I know. But I was thirsty.” “Then why are you cleaning?” He ripped the sponge off your hand. “I saw a dirty spot and another one there, and there too, and-“ you pointed at all the cupboards. “Y/N. What is going on? I know that you go on this extreme cleaning phase when you are stressed.” “Yes, I’m insecure right now!” You explained. “What if we are not enough ready huh? Do you know how this baby can be happy?” You asked, almost crying. “What? Yes of course, he’s going to be happy.” He simply relied. “This baby is going to be the happiest baby in the world.” “You said that because you want me to rest.” You rolled your eyes. “No! I said that because you are already a good mom.” He rubbed the back of your head. “I know that he’s already the happiest. You told him uncountable of jokes and stories. I’m sure he’s laughing inside.” He pinched your cheeks playfully. “Or, he’s simply happy to be your son.” Seeing Mingi so happy made your emotional but you busted in tears there. “Thank you so much,” you whined, hugging your boyfriend tightly. “Hormones...” whispered Mingi a bit done.

WOOYOUNG

“Y/N? Are you ready? We are going to be late!” Yelled Wooyoung from the living-room. You entered the room, throwing your favorite dress on the couch. “I don’t go to the restaurant anymore.” You let him know. “What? Why? You know that San would be happy to see you at this birthday party!” “Then I’ll send him a text and apologize.” Wooyoung grabbed your dress. “Why do you want to stay at home?” “Because nothing fits me anymore!” You confessed. “My favorite outfit, my make-up! Even my shoes!” You pointed at your feet. “Do you know that feet could gain weight too?” You yelled before storming back to your bedroom. Wooyoung blinked, not understand why a sudden change. [“We are going to be late.”] He texted his friends. Your fiancé entered the bedroom slowly. Seeing you so sad made him feel ashamed. He needs to find something to comfort you. He sat on the bed, rubbing your arm. “Babe... do you want me to bring snacks and drinks?” You shook your head. “I need to lose weight. I can’t it eat.” “Y/N... I don’t know what you are going through because I am not a woman but... I know that you are a strong and smart girl.” He claimed. “Yes... your body is going to change a lot. You will need some time to get used to this change, but you will be and stay a really attractive girl. No matter what. Weight isn’t going to define how pretty you are.” He kissed your shoulders. You finally turned around, “when did you learned to be so mature?” You asked, wiping your tears. “Since I’m going to be a dad.” He winked. You smiled, holding his hand. “Okay mature boy. Let’s get ready for San’s birthday.”

JONGHO

“So, Y/N, when are you going to give us our little niece?” Asked Yunho, giving you a glass of orange water. “Hum... in 3 weeks. If this little girl wants to.” You giggled. “Are you prepared enough?” Made sure Seonghwa. “Huh... I guess?” You replied not really sure. “She’s going to do well,” added Hongjoong. “Are you going to give birth at home or at the hospital?” Asked Mingi. “Huh-“ “Hospital! What if something bad happens?” Stated Yunho. “Well okay... I need to go to the restroom okay?” You said, trying to leave as fast as possible. When you exited the living-room, you stood up against the wall trying to calm down your heartbeat an reduce the stress. Being pregnant made you feel insecure but the thought of giving birth was worse. What if you do something wrong? “Y/N? You are not with the boys?” Asked Jongho, pizzas in his hands. You just shook your head, still doubting about your abilities. “Do you think I’ll do great?” “Great? Do what?” He removed his shoes. “Giving birth. Do you think I will do great?” Jongho stayed speechless for few seconds. “You are one of the bravest women I know. You will do good for sure!” I could bet my career.” He pecked your lips lightly. “But what if something-“ you stated. “We can make a new world with “ifs” Y/N.” He smiled. “Don’t be afraid. I will be right there with you.” “Then okay...” you said, not fully reassured but convinced that you will go through this big step with your fiancé. “Let’s go eat! Pretty sure our baby is hungry too.” He rubbed your belly softly.

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not-your-damsel · 3 years

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I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

#man 😔#i don’t know anymore #damsel rants #damsel’s hurting #heartbroken 💔

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hatsukeii · 4 years

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hey! can i request some headcanons about how tsukki, kuroo, and kageyama would act if they had a really short s/o. i’m vv short and i feel like some headcanons about them teasing their short s/o is bound to have me laughing :)

Tysm for the request ahsgjs😳💕

Under 5’5 gang wya😔✌️

Btw these are for fem s/o because I don’t know how to write male s/o, sorry🥺

I mean you can totally imagine it as a male s/o those, it’s only bc I made a period joke that I say it’s for fem s/o:)

Tiny bit of thought up headcanon for the boys too, just a tiny bit.

Btw imagine their partner as one of the managers for the volleyball team, gives me more ideas to work with haha:DD

(Slight angst that I made up for Tsukki because no one knows where the fuck his dad is and I love him so much oh my god-)

🌊Kageyama🌊

- “Aww look at you cutie.”

- “Hey, smack that dumbass for me. I’m too tall to.”

- “Is that a dress for you?”

- Actually doesn’t constantly remind you of how short you are.

- Knows how genes work and understands there was almost nothing you could do to prevent being short.

- Doesn’t mean he won’t occasionally tease you for it though.

- “Oh? You want some milk? Is it to grow taller? Your bones probably need it. Here, have as much as you want-” *Smack.

- Thinks you look adorable when you’re mad.

- “You really expect me to feel threatened when you look like Kirby?”

- Piggyback rides all the time.

- “Tobio, I’m tired.”

- “Hop on.”

- You once slept over at his because of a storm after his volleyball training, without your parents knowing because they were on vacation.

- It was really late at night, and Kageyama didn’t want you going home yourself.

- This meant you didn’t have any clothes.

- I mean yeah you brought extra shorts to school because of your time of the month, but you didn’t have a shirt.

- “You can borrow mine, don’t worry. Go clean yourself up.”

- You came out of his bathroom, and he almost passed out.

- “Wh-why arent you wearing any pan-”

- “I’m wearing shorts under this. Your shirt’s just really long.”

- He was so flustered he avoided looking anywhere under your torso for an hour.

- “Thanks for letting me stay over last week, here’s your shirt back.”

- “Keep it. It looks cute on you and I get to see you wear a makeshift dress.”

- Cuddle sessions are great.

- You can lie on him in any position, and he would still be able to reach out and grab your hand or play with your hair.

- He gets to be the big spoon, and he loves it.

- Protecting you is Kageyama’s new duty.

- He takes it a bit too seriously.

- He once threw Tsukishima into a wall because the middle blocker decided it would be a good idea to take your phone and go through it.

- “Do that one more time, and I’ll do something way worse than that.”

- He looked like he was about to go on a killing spree.

- Even Tsukishima was taken aback. He hasn’t messed with you since.

- Whenever Hinata does something stupid, you’re on smack duty.

- Apparently Kageyama’s “too tall” to do it.

- It’s a bit hard for you to give him forehead kisses, or cute little cheek pecks.

- But he doesn’t mind at all.

- Because he fell in love with your short cutie pie kirby chipmunk tiny ass, and he wouldn’t change anything about you.

♠️Kuroo♠️

- Makes fun of you like at least 3 times a day about your height.

- “How’s it feel like to be like shrimpy over there?”

- “Oh, sorry, I can’t hear you whining from down there.”

- “I’d totally let you kill me, provided you can reach my neck.”

- Knows not to make you mad though.

- Last time he decided to tease you by holding the coffee you brought to school above his head.

- You pounced onto his back and choked him with your arms until he gave you the cold brew you got from Starbucks.

- Being his short girlfriend had its advantages though.

- Kuroo, being the extra™️ boy he is, can pick your tiny body up with ease.

- Meaning whenever he hugged you, he’d pick you up and spin you around like in a broadway musical.

- After that, he would continue to hold you up and nuzzle your head into his neck while laughing about that grand gesture.

- Loves it when you wrap your legs around him while he gives you piggyback rides.

- You once fell asleep on his back.

- So he brought you home and carried you up to your room in a bridal carry.

- Likes to play with your hair while waiting for the bus with you.

- Also like to hoist you over his shoulder when you get annoyed just for shits and giggles.

- Likes to give you nose kisses. A lot.

- He knows you’re tiny, but that doesn’t mean he thinks you’re weak.

- He knows fully well your fiery ass will stick up for yourself, so he’s not super pressed about it when people make fun of your height.

- However he will get protective if he’s thinks you’re starting to get offended by the comments.

- Likes to compare you to Kenma, much to his annoyance.

- “I am nowhere near as short as your girlfriend Kuroo fuck off.”

- Likes to go on trampoline park dates.

- Wants to see how high you can jump. (Spoiler alert: pretty fucking high.)

- Tries his best to get onto the wall every time you guys go there, but always fails.

- You just sit on top of the wall staring back down at him, enjoying the temporary height you have.

- “Kuroo, how’s the weather down there?”

- “Screw you!”

- Laughs his ass off at your random outbursts in the morning when you haven’t finished your coffee.

- Holds your head back when you try and punch him.

- Secretly wants to see you mad, because you look so fucking cute.

- Compares you to fluffy things like marshmallows and chipmunks.

- “You look like a baby squirrel, I love you.”

- And whenever he says that, he means it.

- He would take your short ass over anyone anyday. No questions asked.

🌙Tsukishima🌙

- *Breathes in deeply* Here we go.

- Will not stop fucking making fun of your height.

- I repeat: Will NOT.

- “Hey shorty.”

- “You can’t fight me. You can’t even reach my shoulders.”

- Balances his stuff on your head when he’s going through his bag.

- Uses your head like an armrest.

- He once balanced his water bottle on your head, and you spilled the water all over him.

- You were laughing your ass off at how pissed he was.

- No one in your classes knows how you two ended up together.

- It doesn’t matter at all though.

- Your first kiss was awkward, to say the least.

- He has to bend down a whole ass 20-30 centimetres to reach you.

- Couldn’t be happier when it happened though.

- The entire Karasuno volleyball team was watching secretly.

- From then on, you two have been the power couple of the school.

- You guys didn’t seem like a couple though.

- You two playfully banter so much other students that didn’t know you guys thought you were enemies.

- Now onto the advantages of being Tsukishima’s short partner.

- One thing Tsukishima is great at, is being a bodyguard.

- Anyone else that makes fun of your height will be destroyed.

- He once blocked a ball and aimed it at Lev’s face during the training camp because the Russian told you you were “too short to be Tsukishima’s girlfriend” and that there was “no way you guys are dating.”

- It took half an hour to stop his nose from bleeding.

- No he didn’t break Lev’s nose, just made it bleed.

- Thinks you’re the absolute best at cuddling with him.

- Made you a dinosaur plush. Made. Not bought.

- Watching dinosaur documentaries curled up on Tsukishima’s chest while he strokes your hair and gives you forehead kisses is the best feeling in the world.

- When times call for it though you don’t hesitate to give the blond affection even if you’re a small bean that has to be protected.

- There was this one time before the match against Shiratorizawa, where Tsukishima had a huge anxiety attack in the middle of the night. Like 2am in the middle of the night.

- “Hey- Love are you okay?”

- “Plea-please, help, I’m- please, there’s no one home I need someone-”

- “I’ll be right here, give me five minutes.”

- With both your parents gone for a very long business trip, you basically zoomed to Tsukishima’s house. His brother was in his university dorm for the night because of early morning training the next day.

- Being the bad bitch you were you picked the lock to his house and swung open the door to him room, to see his tall figure curled up in the corner of his room on the floor, shaking, strained sobs coming out of his mouth.

- You kneeled down next to him, burying his head in your sweater, cradling his head while he sobbed.

- “My dad... he’s dead. Fucking dead. I was waiting for him to come back from Tokyo but then mom fucking called and he got hit by some drunk hunk of shit and now I don’t know what the fuck I can do-“

- “Oh shit... it’s okay, cry it out, it’s fine, shhh...”

- This went on for about half an hour. Just you, letting him whimper and sob into your sweater while you whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

- It was that night, that he realised he had fallen in love with your pipsqueak ass.

Whooo Jesus got a bit carried away there, I don’t care though, I like writing angst anyways lmao I’m keeping that in and using it for fanfictions someday;)

#haikyuu x reader #anime #haikyuu imagines #tsukishima kei #kageyama tobio #kuroo testuro #hq headcanons #hq x reader #hq tsukki #hq kageyama #hq kuroo

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wispsoffrankiepratt · 4 years

Text

When I die and they play the end credits of my life I would like to thank:

Jesus (the real MVP)

My mom (kinda)

My sister

Not my dad

My husband

Not by ex-best friend

My dog kia (rip)

My winter biome minecraft village that I've spent 500+ hours on (it still looks like crap <3 )

Piano

Oroun Highschool Host Club

Professor Layton

Undertale

Fanfiction of the above 3 that kept me sane in highschool/uni

Grass stains

Rice with too much butter

2am anime

In class anime

At work anime

Anime

The sunglasses that I wore for four years straight until they broke and I cried and still have them in a box (rip)

Owl City

The t r a m a

Noodles with butter and too much permasan cheese

Tik tok

Biology class

The color purple

No my therapist

My nintendo dogs (rip)

Drunk family at Christmas (lol & BYE)

The fact that I (like most people) didn't have a year off of school from preschool until I was 23, that sh*ts messed up and responsible for so much of what I dislike about myself

Chocolate

Phineas and Ferb

Heck the whole (old) Family Channel

My 4 chronic health conditions

4 leaf clovers

Dear Canada/America books

100% cotton anything

My shrimp tank

Crying in bathroom stalls

Crying in the shower

Crying in the hallway

Crying on people's shoulders

Crying at night

Crying in the office(s)

c r y i n g

Dandelions

The blanket a grandma I don't know made me (still have the worn pieces)

Shelters

Steven Universe

The orange/brown aesthetic

My egyptian phase

My monstera

Needing a phone since grade 2 (for reasons) and no probably dying of cancer from having a phone one at all times other wise I have bad anxiety

The 100+ mugs I've bought from thrift stores

Black curly hair

Spider-Man

Ukelele

Wearing pjs all day

That time I pooped my pants and was old enough to remember to this day

The color yellow

Night in the woods

And finally:

My first period stain that made me cry eyes out at bible camp (I didn't know what a period was an my 20 something MALE camp councillor had to explain it to me because I wouldnt talk to anybody else and he ended up driving 1h+ back into town for me to buy me another pair of shorts because my favourite ones where ruined so thanks and sorry man I forget your name but I'll never forget how much you helped me a scared 11 year old with her first period I still look back on those too big turquoise cargo shorts help up with string you got me as being my fav even to this day you restore my hope in men)

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hwangdol · 5 years

Text

l.hc: stay with me

summary: the confusing subject of lee haechan

pairing: highschool!stoner-boi!haechan x reader

warning: a shit ton of cursing, still got a lot of crackheadness, and DRUGS. no i’m not kidding, if you aren’t okay with that shit don’t read ahead. also! still part of my semi-collab with @huangsren! read her fic here: art-hoe!renjun BEWARE OF GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES!!!!!

it’s your favorite local stoner-boi!haechan’s turn

like norenmin, haechan’s name gets tossed around on the daily at NCT Highschool, except not with the same positive connotation

haehcan’s reputation isn’t the best but it could be worse

no it can’t

it’s actually really bad

everyone knows haechan to either be taking a gigantic nap in class or vaping in the bathroom. he gets into detention weekly bc the boy skips school like every other day

the only reason why haechan hasn’t been expelled was bc he was the principal’s son

don’t bring that up or he’ll actually cuss you out no cap

although he’s well-known, he’s only got like two friends + college-freshmen!mark lee (hA what a loser)

and one of them was currently in some type of situation with fboi!jaemin that haechan can’t be bothered to deal with –> y/n from fboi!jaemin’s au who will be further known as ara in this story

the other one was you, he liked to keep that one a little more private

it was never explicitly stated that you would maintain your sorta friendship a secret

although could you really call it friendship if you’re doing all of the things people in relationships actually do?

like haechan would always call you up in the middle of the night to get boba or frozen yogurt for no reason

or sometimes yall would be cuddling in your bedroom watching some stupid movie on netflix,,,haechan would probably be throwing popcorn at the laptop screen bc of something stupid the main protagonist would do

the other times, he would text a simple “pick me up”

and you knew that that meant that haechan was too high or drunk to operate

there would be nights where you would be chilling in your car as haechan vaped

you hated it

but you could never hate lee donghyuck who now went by lee haechan

yall met around the middle of sophomore year

damn so much shit goes down sophomore year at NCT high

aNYways, you were stressed out from studying so you decided to take a stroll in the park at like ten at night.

was that a stupid idea? yes, but at least that’s when you met haechan dressed in a navy green hoodie and a puff of smoke leaving his lips

sophomore!you was like highkey shookth seeing the lee donghyuck smoking in a park

bc at this time, lee donghyuck wasn’t lee haechan

he was one of the school’s golden boys

yeah that’s right norenmin used to be norenminhyuck or the 00′s

he was the star of the school’s choir and the biggest class clown that still managed to get good grades

so imagine your shock when you see him with a cigarette in his hand

you figured that it was best to leave donghyuck alone since you weren’t the nosy type of person

except you weren’t that discreet in leaving when your eyes met donghyuck’s bright red ones

you stood there for a second, both of you locked in what seemed to be staring contest, before turning to leave since it wasn’t any of your business what donghyuck was getting up to

the next day of school, donghyuck was back to his bubbly, fun self which seemed to be a drastic contrast from the one you saw at the park

when your eyes interlocked in the hallways, donghyuck raised a finger to his lips when he was sure no one else was looking

and you understood

somehow you found yourself in this strange no-talking sit-downs in the park relationship with donghyuck while he smoked on the bench next to you

this went down for a couple of weeks where the two of you would just sit in heavy silence. the only noises were the cicadas chirping in the background

until one night when donghyuck dressed in the same navy hoodie wasn’t smoking but his eyes were still red

“why haven’t you told anyone yet?”

you shrugged “because it’s not my secret to tell”

“you were shocked when you first saw me that night.” haechan commented

“yeah, i just never expected it from someone like you,” you admitted

you could hear the boy next to let out a dry chuckle, “you’re not the first person i disappointed”

“it ruins your lungs btw”

“i know, i want it to”

“why do you do it?”

“because it actually makes me feel alive”

something changed that night bc the next day donghyuck into a physical fight with the student-athlete!jeno who everyone knew was a pacifist.

that night haechan showed up with a black eye and you didn’t ask why

donghyuck still gave you an explanation even though it was complete bs

“because he was getting on my nerves”

but it seemed like the whole group of the golden boys was getting on his nerves bc donghyuck stopped hanging around them for the rest of the year

you saw him sometimes sitting outside on the bleachers during lunch, sleeping or smoking, not afraid to be caught

you never had the courage to approach him in person at school, bc it seemed like your relationship was strictly limited to the park

but you couldn’t help to be worried about him with the drastic change in character he was undergoing

one day, he showed up to school with bright red hair and did nothing in all of his classes but take a nap

sometimes he didn’t even show up to school

you heard from someone that he quit choir which was shame bc you always wanted to hear him sing

and sophomore year bled into junior year and donghyuck was no longer known as donghyuck but as haechan

it was weird, every time you would get the urge to take a midnight stroll in the park, haechan would be sitting there on his usual bench sometimes smoking sometimes not

you always sat down next to him even if you knew that you were just going to sit there in silence

“give me your phone number,” he said bluntly holding out his hand for your phone

“why”

“i’m tired of waiting for you to come to the park”

and you really confuse because does that mean that haechan wanted to be your friend???

as if he can read your mind, he rolls his eyes “yes, let’s be friends. you’re a lot better than those fakes in our goddamn school.”

so that’s how your friendship began with the lee donghyuck, rebranded as haechan

he doesn’t let anyone call him donghyuck but you,,, you still try your best not to call him that bc he doesn't like it

gotta respect your friends’ wishes y’know

it wasn’t until haechan was over at like 2am in your room, both of you talking in small whispers bc you don’t want your parents to wake up and find you laying in bed with a BOI, that y'all reached the final level of closeness and haechan let slip one of the reason behind his reckless actions

“you know what sucks? even when i’m acting out like this, my parents still refuse to acknowledge me. it’s like they don’t care”

and your like :(((

“i’m pretty sure they care about you a lot,” you didn’t like the listlessly way he was talking

“you don’t get it. when my dad saw my hair, all he told me to do was to dye it back. my mom didn’t even freak out when she saw me smoking a blunt with my friend in my room. they could care less”

and haechan begins to spill

“even when i was achieving so much, they rarely ever bat an eye at me. do you know how hard it is to come to school and put on the facade of that i have no worries in the world? that i’m that cheery happy-go-lucky kid? even renjun is allowed to have moody days, but i’m expected to always be the mood maker. i fucking hate it.”

you stayed silent listening to his rant

“when jeno was complaining about how his parents invited his whole family to his stupid basketball game, i just got so angry because my parents haven’t been to one recital ever since i joined the choir. nor did they go to the science fair where i actually won first place with that stupid potato rocket i did with renjun.”

haechan let’s out a bittersweet laugh

“after that fight with jeno, no one asked if i was okay or why i even did it. none of them did. my dad didn’t even look at me in the eye when i went to his office, all he cared about was if the school’s basketball mvp was okay.”

“god, i’m so numb to all of this shit. i don’t even know how to be happy anymore”

that night you didn’t say anything to haechan bc you didn’t know what to say. but that night was the first and last night you ever saw haechan cry or that emotionally vulnerable bc the next day, he acted like it never happened

by junior year, everyone already knew that the old donghyuck was gone and haechan was here to stay

BUT your relationship with haechan wasn’t one-sided at all

nooooo there were nights where you were the one crying and haechan was the one comforting you even though his advice was bs

you best bet that when haechan got his license, he dragged your ass to midnight drives to the cliff, but you would be the one to drive him home bc he probably vaped a little too much on the cliff

despite breaking down that one night, haechan was very emotionally closed off. he didn’t smile as often as he used to in public unless it was with you

sometimes he would catch himself smiling when you said something really dumb or when he found your antics adorable, but he would never admit it and the smile would be quickly gone from his face.

your hangouts were so lowkey

one night, junior year, you were just chilling in your car with hyuck and he just leans over and kisses you.

you could still smell the strawberry vape juice on him but you didn’t stop the kiss,,,cuz it felt nice

his lips felt like soft little cloud pillows

and when haechan pulls away he has this little smirk on his face while you're flustered as fuck

let’s be honest, that wouldn’t be the last time y'all locked lips

cause it happened a lot

especially in the car and sometimes in your room

you can’t lie and say you don’t have any sort of feelings for haechan

especially when you do see his real smile that he doesn’t let anyone see or when he made the effort to stop smoking cigarettes

although you still highly disapprove of his drug usage

drugs are bad kids!

haechan has his own reasons for continuing to use it so as much as you try to discourage him, you don’t stop him

you’d like to say that you’re the only girl in his life, but your not

bc you were only hyuck’s friend at night,,,he has a day friend who was also a girl who he didn’t seem to care to be seen w at school

a really pretty (AKA y/n from jaemin’s au) one who you also saw on multiple occasion haechan flashes his breathtaking smile too

one of your friends had gossip that that girl was ara, who was dropped by her friend group bc she was dating haechan who had beef w jaemin who was dating ara’s ex-bestfriend? confusing, yeah i thought so too.

you knew better than to listen to stupid highschool rumors but you couldn’t help but come to your own assumptions about the closeness of their friendship

bECause haechan never mentioned ara in any of your conversations

at lunch, you can’t but let your eyes drift to the two of them in their own world laughing away

you only met her once when mark was dropping haechan off at your house bc he much rather be at yours then his

you were a little bit hurt since she got to know mark before you did

you knew that mark was one of haechan’s closest friend and someone he really respected even though he liked to bag on him 24/7

as much as you tried not to, you found yourself repeatedly comparing yourself to her

the subject of ara was left alone, forever stored in your insecurities

you didn’t want to confront haechan about it bc you didn’t want to admit it but you caught the big bad feels for the boy

so your feelings were left untouched until senior year

when the two of you were making out in your room and haechan suddenly pulls away with wide eyes

and he lets out an “oh fuck”

now, you were worried

did you somehow do something wrong?

“ara is going to fucking kill me,” haechan muttered grabbing his phone, calling someone up

“hey gramps, can you pick ara up? i kinda left her at school,” haechan said through the phone to someone you presume to be mark

“okay, fine i’ll bring you weed brownies and hurry up before she gives me shit tomorrow. you know how high-maintenance she gets” and he hangs up the phone, throwing it aside

“sorry about that,” haechan says going to resume what the two of you started but you stop him

cause it hurts too much and you don’t know what the hell you are to haechan

“i can’t do this anymore, hyuck” you say in a small voice, not daring to look him in the eyes bc u know damn well that he’ll see the tears in your eyes

“what do you mean?” you could hear the worry in the voice

“this,” you gesture between the two of you “i can’t anymore”

and haechan knows what you’re talking about

he’s been dreading the moment,,,he could sense the end

which is the last thing he wants

“what’s wrong?”

you bite your lip not wanting to start breaking down in front of the boy you grew to love so much

your heart was hurting so bad,,,but you couldn’t continue on pining over a boy that would never love you the same way

“what am i to you, hyuck?”

one of the things that haechan hated the most was seeing you sad

he hated how you saying his nickname in that teary voice made his heart drop

“you’re my friend, y/n. actually, you're my bestfriend”

you look him in the eyes this time, but haechan wished you didn’t

“i’d never be more than that, right?” you smiled sadly at the boy

for once in his life, haechan is rendered completely speechless

“i think you should leave”

he knew that he should have put up a fight

yet he couldn’t bring himself to

there was this pang of hurt in his chest that he couldn’t quite explain

so he left

he wished he didn’t

the minute he walked out the door he felt all of the happiness leave his body,, he knew that when he walked out the door, he would never be walking back

when he got home in his room that night, he didn’t have it in him to pick up his usual blunt or his vape pen

instead, he flopped onto his bed staring up at his ceiling

there was wetness on his cheeks,,,his vision was blurry,,,and his heart hurt

he almost contemplated skipping school the next day, but he didn’t want to spend his day wallowing in his despair that he didn’t even know why he felt

his eyes were red as fuck so he tried to play if off as if he were high because who would question it?

so that’s why he went to school with a pair of sunglasses to hide his puffy, red eyes

he was expecting everyone to leave him alone cuz he looked like he was faded but his shithead friend ara marched over to him and pulled him away leaving behind a very confused looking jaemin

that’s probably a story i’ll hear later. he thought.

“you fucking moron,” ara exclaimed at him punching him in the arm “this is like the eighteenth time you have gone to school fucking high! get a grip man!”

“don’t lecture me as if you weren’t talking to the parasite,” haechan huffed, rubbing his arm from the pain

damn she packed a punch

ara squinted and haechan realized he fucked up with his fake high act

so the girl reached out and grabbed his sunglasses much to his protest and saw his puffy eyes

“hOLY sHIt, dude were you crying?”

haechan snatched back his sunglasses and quickly put them back on, “fuck you”

“sorry man, what happened?”

“i don’t even know”

“you want a pity hug?”

“why the fuck not”

the thing was haechan wasn’t touchy with other girls except for you, so the hug w ara was like a bro hug

all that awkward patting and shit

stupid haechan failed to notice that you were standing at the end of the hallway, witnessing the whole scene

now it was clear to you that you didn’t mean shit to haechan

you were just a girl that could make him feel less lonely in secret, nothing more

he had no trouble displaying his relationship w ara in public

why did he make it seem like he wanted to keep you a secret?

you were tired of it

spinning on your heel, heart-shattering into pieces, you walked away from lee haechan for the very last time

basically now, it was simp hours 24/7 for the both of you

even college-freshmen! mark knew something was off with his highschool weed buddy

“dude, what’s goin on with you lately?”

the two of them were on their regular get-high cliff except mark was the only one doing the deed, haechan was just spaced out

“i dunno” haechan shrugged

mark made a face that was like “if you don’t tell me i’m beating the shit out of you”

“okay fine, y/n doesn’t want me in her life anymore,” haechan spilled the beans on the whole situation between the two of you and mark is like “and i thought i was the fucking idiot”

haechan is like wdym bruh?

“are you dumb, bro? like are you out of touch with your feelings or sum shit?”

“huh”

“goddamn i have to do everything in this household, listen to me you little bitch boy, grow a pair and admit that you have feelings for her!”

haechan’s face is like O.o

“are you high right now, mark?”

instant smack on the back of his head

“no you dumb shit; just say that you like her and that ara is just a friend!”

“what does this have to do ara?”

mark is like BOI IF YOU DON’t

“obviously, you failed to mention that you managed to befriend a person who just happens to be a really pretty girl-”

“dude, ara is fucking ugly. i’d date you before i’d ever date her”

“stfu and listen bitch boy. anyways, y/n is probably highkey confused bc she probably thinks you’re interested in ara since you’ve been spending a shit ton of time w ara in the day time but you only come to y/n at night.”

“i do that because i don’t want people to associate her with the things i do just because i’m friends with her. she’s doesn’t deserve to be roped into the same category as me”

aNOTHer smack in the head

“go clean up the mess you made and admit your feelings you fucking shithead.”

“how?”

“i dunno, ask her to prom or some shit”

“i don’t want to go to prom”

“DO SOME ROMEO AND JULIET SHIT IDFC JUST STOP BEING A DUMB PUSSY” enuff said

so haechan gets dropped back at his house and he does some thinking about his so-called “feelings”

which is a fat surprise bc haechan is the living embodiment of impulsiveness,, he had only one brain cell to do his thinking

did he like you? idk man

he liked the way you smiled every time you told him something good about your day while the two of you cuddled. or when you would watch a funny clip on your phone and share it with him

he liked the way your hair smelled liked vanilla and was always so soft every time he ran his fingers through you hair

he liked the way you never turned him away even when he knew that you hated the way he was living his life.

all of his other friends didn’t even make the effort to reach out to him when he was so obviously out of it. he felt unimportant with them

you were different

you made him feel happy, loved, and cared for

he no longer craved the attention of his parents or anyone in fact because he has you

or well he HAD you

right now, all of the phone calls, text messages, and even snaps went straight to delivered, voicemail, or unopened

every time you’d see him in the halls, you would go the other direction

all of the times haechan tried to reach out to you, all of his attempts were deflected

now how the fuck does one confessed when they’re being ignored???

“that sounds like a personal problem,” ara stated, stabbing her food angrily after haechan told her his predicament during lunch

na jaemin had just gone by their table and did someone bullshit that haechan could care less about, he stopped associating himself w him a long time ago

“no shit sherlock, help me bitch.”

ara glared at him “you got yourself into this mess so fix it yourself”

“i hope you fucking choke on an ice cube”

“i’ll slit your throat in your sleep, lee haechan”

wow everyone really out here expecting haechan to solve his own problems. how selfish of them.

which is probably why his plan of execution was shitty as fuccck

you, on the other side of the equation, was currently in the depths of your despair as all of your friends had managed to score dates to senior prom which was this weekend

you’re highly disappointed bc if it wasn’t for you being so preoccupied with the thought of haechan you’d probably have a date by now

hell you even lied to haechan saying how you didn’t want to go to prom bc it was too extravagant for your taste when in actuality, you wanted to get dressed up, take pretty pictures, and dance awkwardly to a slow song

the typical highschool prom experience

one thing that you didn’t want to admit was that the only boy you could picture as your date was donghyuck, the same boy that you wanted to get out of your thoughts and heart

the night of prom, you were stuck in your bed in a pair of sweats and some random oversized t-shirt scrolling through social media

to say you weren’t jealous of all the fun senior prom seemed to be was a giANT lie you could’ve just went alone!!!

honestly, even your parents were out having fun on a date night while you were being depresso espresso at home

you flopped in bed with a giant huff bc who was haechan to stop you from experiencing your highschool years! who was he to make you feel so bad that you couldn’t even go to prom!

your phoned buzzed in your hand causing you to look down and nearly scowled at the message that was sent to you

hyuck: open up

you ignored it, turning your attention back to that stupid rom-com you were watching on your laptop

your phone continued to ding w messages you were sure were from haechan but you don’t want to open bc you knew that you would probably be launched into another wave of sadness and maybe even break-down cry in front of him so you turned your ringer off

but out of nowhere, you hear this loud thud against your window

wtf was that? alert mode on

then you hear a loud shout

“BITCH ISTG IF YOU DON’T OPEN TF UP”

you already knew who it was, so you contemplated on whether or not you wanted to actually confront him or run away from all of your problems (*coughs* ara *coughs* haechan)

you didn’t get much time to think bc another thing was launched at your window

haechan’s shoe

walking over you opened ur window to see below haechan on your lawn with a giant cheeky smile on his face you knew for a fact it was genuine

he only smiled like that when the two of you were bent over laughing at something stupid he or you did

aww shit here comes the sad bugs again

“what do you want?” you say loud enough for him to hear “go to prom with me!” haechan shouts up making you and your heart flustered af

“prom already started, you idiot”

“then let’s dance in your room”

as much as you knew you should have turned him away, you couldn’t

you were so in love with haechan

the minute you open the door you were engulfed into his chest

you froze up not knowing how to react

“don’t let me go please,” haechan says barely louder than a whisper

goDAmmit haechan’s making me tear the fuck up

“you’re the only one in my life that hasn’t left me. the only one that was willing to understand me. i know that i’m not the best guy out there, i know that i’m nothing great, but when you look at me with that stupid smile of yours i feel so god damn on top of the world.”

he hugs you tighter “please, please, y/n don’t leave me. i need you in my life.”

something wet drops on your shoulder but you don’t dare to look up at haechan’s teary eyes

closing your eyes you fall into his chest, his familiar scent triggering tears of your own

“i love you” he pulls away from you to look at your face for a response, your eyes meeting his shaking brown orbs

you have to raise your head slightly up to look at him while he was looking down at you

his hair was a mess of a light pastel rainbow (we go up broski)

that’s when you notice how red his eyes were but there was no stench of weed or alcohol on him

lee haechan was completely sober

“i’ve always been yours, lee donghyuck”

lee haechan wasn’t like other guys. he was lee donghyuck. he was complex and it would take you years to completely unravel him. even when you knew him for so long, you still had no idea was going through his mind. there were times where you found yourself stumped on the subject of haechan, but it was okay

because you were willing to take the time to understand.

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mermaidxatxheart · 4 years

Text

Homesick

Ok. This is my addition to @panicfob‘s 25 Days of Christmas!

Day 7: Ice Skating.

I picked Steve. This one was really fun to write, but also very personal to me. It’s based on some real events, and clearly not the ones with Steve. Anyways! I hope you like it, let me know what you think.

Pairing: Steve X Reader

Summary: You’ve been Tony Stark’s intern for a while now, and you’re having a hard time making friends at Stark Tower. Which only adds to your melancholy of being away from your family during the holidays. Steve does his best to take your mind of everything that’s going wrong

Word Count: 6269

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of cancer, slight depression

Tony Stark is a madman.

Insanely generous, and so nice that it makes you melt. But fuck, he never sleeps. And that means that you never sleep.

He doesn’t mean it, he gets so involved in his projects, unaware of time passing. So, he’s calling for coffee, made paint-thinner strong, and it’s 2AM.

You knew this would be hard. Moving away from your home, your parents back in Chicago. Everything you know left behind for a cold, unwelcoming city. You had yet to find a friendly person.

No one in your apartment building even knows what you look like. And most of the people you see on a daily basis in Stark Tower aren’t friendly at all. They tend to avoid you, averting their gaze as they pass you in the hallways and you can’t figure out why. It’s certainly not because you’re assistant to one of the most powerful men in the world; because they definitely have no problem greeting Tony.

He doesn’t hear half of them, his head always a million miles away. And what’s worse, the people you’re sure would be welcoming and friendly haven’t been around in months.

The rest of the Avengers.

They come back to shower, sleep, debrief and then they’re gone again. You’ve only been able to greet them a few times in passing.

Steve was genuinely kind, welcoming you to the team. Sam thanked you for keeping Tony out of their hair, even though you haven’t done anything but rush around after the lunatic.

Natasha stopped in front of you, hands placed lightly on your shoulders as she looked you dead in the eye.

“There’s a number to call in case Stark starts harassing you too much.” She deadpans, tucking a business card into your pocket.

“Romanoff, leave my intern alone!” Stark called and she dropped a sultry wink at you before stepping around you.

That was the first time you’ve seen them. And the only time you’ve been able to actually speak more than a ‘hey’ as you rush past them.

Safe to say, your last ten months in New York have been lonely.

This is leading up to your current situation: the dreaded phone call with your mom. You love talking to her, but she was supposed to wait for you to call later when you had a little free time. But in typical mom fashion, she had to do it on her own time.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you just come home? The holidays are just around the corner. Just two weeks away.”

“That’s exactly why I can’t. Mr. Stark needs me around. Trust me, I miss you guys. You’ll have to send me pictures of the tree.” Your voice wobbles like a traitor, and you clear your throat harshly.

“We will, sweetheart. Do you need anything?”

“No, Mom. I’m okay. How’s Dad?” You ask, the struggle to force back your tears is a true fight.

“He’s okay. Making sausage bread right now.” She gasps loudly. “I know! We can send you some. How would you like that?” She asks happily, and you just have to crush your eyes shut and nod, the lump in your throat making it nearly impossible to actually talk. But your mom doesn’t need you to say anything. She knows.

“Alright, my sweet girl. Don’t cry. Maybe your dad and I will take a trip out to see you. We’ll come out for New Year’s.”

“Mom, I can’t ask you to spend money on me like that.” You croak, your voice thick with emotion. Talking around the lump hurts and you feel like you can’t breathe.

“You’re not asking, dear.” She reminds you. “And we would love to come to see your fancy new life out there.” There’s mumbling in the background, your dad’s deep voice, but you can’t really make out what he’s saying.

You have no trouble picturing him in your cramped kitchen, the cutting board that’s half the size of you taking up almost all of the kitchen table. Flour, big bowls of browned sausage and hard-boiled eggs and olives scattered around it. You can almost smell the loaf baking in the oven and you feel your entire chest twist.

You sniffle, feeling your whole face screw up as you try to fucking hard not to cry. Your lips are mashed together and you don’t dare inhale because you just know that that’s gonna set you off. You open your mouth to try and tell your mom you have to go so you can sob in peace somewhere that isn’t a public stairwell. But you can’t make yourself say the words.

Just to listen to their lives, going on the way they always have, so constant, so loving and generous. You don’t want to stop listening even for a second, no matter the tears blurring your vision or how the lump in your throat now feels like you’re trying to swallow knives.

Christ, you miss them.

“Mom,” you choke.

“Oh, hold on, Y/N. Dad wants to talk to you. I’m gonna put you on speaker-phone...as soon as I can figure out how.”

You give a watery chuckle but offer no help. As mean as it sounds, you like listening to her struggle with it. Your mom, who can’t even manage to sign in to Amazon without help.

“Oh, got it.” She says proudly.

“Hey, kiddo.” Your dad greets happily and you fucking lose it.

“Hi, daddy.” You choke, your voice barely more than a strangled whisper.

“Are you crying?” He chuckles and you could just smack him.

“No, don’t be stupid.” You grumble.

“Why are you crying? Honey, we’re fine, there’s nothing to worry about.” He says and you have to cover your face because you’re crying so hard.

“Mom said you were making sausage bread.” You try and it comes out as a sob, but at least the words were audible.

“I am. Want me to send you some?” He asks.

“Yeah. Just put it in a box with you and mom and mail yourselves to me.” You rub furiously at your eyes, even though it won’t do any good. You’re a fucking waterfall now.

“I’m not sure we’ll all fit, but I’ll try.” He jokes and your knuckles dig into the fleshy softness of your eyes. “I know you miss us, trust me, we miss you, too. But we’ll see each other soon. There are so many things to be happy about. You have a good job, you’re healthy, I’m making you sausage bread that you don’t have to share, you have all your teeth.” He lists, knowing one of them is going to make you laugh.

“I know. I’m just worried about you. And, I don’t really have anyone to talk to here.” You sigh.

“Everyone still being cold?” He asks.

“It could be summer here and I would still be feeling that frigid breeze.” You wipe your eyes. “But, hey, at least I still have my teeth.” A noise on the stairs makes you hesitate. “I have to get back to work. I’ll call you guys later, okay?” You say softly.

“Alright, kiddo. We love you. Call us if you need anything.” He says gently.

“Bye, Y/N. I love you.” Your mom chimes in and you manage a mumbled return before you hang up, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes.

“Ugh. Idiot.” You grumble, trying to wipe them dry. A hand reaches out in front of you, holding a soft white square of tissue. You follow the tissue up to the masculine hand, up the well-defined arm to Captain fucking America’s perfect face.

“Thanks.” You mutter, taking the tissue and wishing you could die quickly.

“Everything okay? I couldn’t help but overhear...” he has the nerve to fucking look bashful. “Sorry, I shouldn’t pry.” He shrugs.

You wipe your eyes dry, wishing you could do something about your eyelashes so they wouldn’t remind you how much you can’t stop crying.

“I’m okay. Just homesick.” You shrug, mimicking him without even realizing it. “My parents are still in Chicago, so the holidays are especially hard.” You unlock your phone to text your mom to keep you updated on your dad’s tests.

“I understand.” He nods, offering you a hand to pull you to your feet. You slip yours into his big one and it dwarfs it. “Tell me about them.” He prompts, following you back towards the door.

“Oh, well...” you start uncertainly.

“Y/L/N, get in here. I need a target!” Stark calls to the hallway.

“Sorry, duty calls.” You mutter, ducking into the large workspace, leaving Steve Rogers watching after you, hands shoved into his pockets, a frown on his face.

Steve

“Hey, Sam.” Steve greets, coming into the kitchen.

“Hey, man.” Sam glances at him. “Everything okay?”

“Just ran into Tony’s intern.” He rubs the back of his neck, the encounter still hanging in his mind.

“Oh yeah. How’s she doing? It’s been what? Six months?”

“I think so. I think she’s having a hard time. She was crying while on the phone.”

“Stark finally got to her, huh?” Sam jokes.

“I’m not sure. I might ask around and see if anyone’s noticed anything strange.” Steve says, pouring a cup of coffee for himself. “She said something about her parents, but she also alluded to it being cold here, even in the summer.”

“You think Stark’s being vicious again?”

Steve shrugs. “I hope not.” He pictures the girl’s face, unchanged since the last time he saw her, perhaps a little more tired. Still beautiful, though.

Natasha walks in, digging the milk out of the fridge. “What are you two love birds talking about?” She grins.

“Stark’s intern,” Sam replies.

“After ten months, can she really still be an intern?”

“I’m sorry, ten months?” Steve frowns. Can it really have been that long? He still remembers the first time he saw her face like it had just been a week ago.

“Rogers, you need a better calendar.” Nat laughs.

“Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark needs you in his lab.” FRIDAY comes on the overhead.

“Thank you.” He gives a wave to the other two, heading for Stark’s lab. People greet him with a warm smile, a friendly nod.

He swipes his card at the door and enters. “Hey, Tony. You needed me?” He says, looking around, hoping to spot Y/N somewhere.

“I saw you making eyes at my assistant,” Stark says, elbows deep in a machine up in the high corner.

Steve rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t making eyes.” He mutters.

“Big, disgusting, doe heart eyes. So, I have a job for you.” Tony says.

“I already have a job. And I’m confused. Am I here for you to yell at me?”

“No. I’m not an idiot. Blind sometimes, sure, but I’m not dumb. Something’s wrong with her. She won’t tell me, says she’s fine. I want you to find out what it is. You’re trustworthy. People tell you shit.”

“And why would she tell a complete stranger instead of you?” He asks, ignoring the pathetically obvious attempt at a language joke.

“She wouldn’t tell a ‘complete stranger’ but I bet she’d tell Steve Rogers. Genuine, heartfelt, romantic sap who just loves to help a damsel in distress. Also. She, probably like every other hot-blooded woman in the last 90 years, thinks you’re attractive.” He shrugs, the wicked smirk is back. The one Steve daydreams about punching off his face.

“What are you even talking about?” He sighs, keeping his hands dutifully by his side.

Tony returns to the ground level and picks up a box, thrusting it at Steve. It’s filled about three-quarters of the way with letters of all different colors. “Fan letters for Captain America. I read some of them, but after the one-hundredth one describing you as the sexiest golden retriever, I gave up.” Tony says. “Needless to say, women like you. I’m not asking you to marry the girl. I just want to know what’s wrong with her.”

“There’s nothing wrong with her, Tony. She’s a person with emotions.” He snaps.

“You have your marching orders, Rogers.” Tony waves him away.

He drops the box back on the counter. “Where is she?” He sighs.

“I sent her to get me coffee. I stopped vibrating, so I need more.”

Steve rolls his eyes and walks back outside, heading back for the kitchen. He stops someone on his way, one of the friendliest people he knows in the building.

“Hey, Mike. Have you noticed anything strange with Y/N?” He asks.

The bald, stocky man frowns. “No, but I don’t really talk to her.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.” Steve mutters and keeps walking.

Everyone he asks all seems to have the same answers. ‘I don’t talk to her.’ ‘She doesn’t socialize with anyone.’ ‘I’ve never even spoken to her.’

All of these statements are swirling around his head as he turns down a hallway. Maybe he just happened to find all the people that you’ve never spoken to-unlikely.

In ten months, you don’t appear to have made a single friend in Stark Tower. That’s concerning. It also doesn’t give him much hope for you wanting to talk to him.

“FRIDAY? What’s Y/N’s location?” He calls.

“Approaching the Tower front doors. Mr. Stark likes his coffee from a shop eight blocks away.” The AI reports. Steve bolts for the stairs, taking them two or more at a time, knowing it would be faster than the elevator.

He skids to a stop just inside the front doors only slightly out of breath. You’re standing outside, glaring at the handles with undisguised frustration. He rushes forward and opens the door for you.

You blink up at him, surprised. “Captain Rogers.” You start, your hands are full of coffee cups, eight in total, all labeled with Stark’s name.

“Please, it’s Steve.” He says, holding the door wide for you to step through. You have to pass close to his body, your perfume swirling around him. There’s something else, but he can’t quite detect what.

“Thank you, Steve.”

“Want me to carry those for you?” He offers, standing back and letting you decide.

“You can carry the top one.” You nod and he lifts it gently.

“How are you feeling? From before?” He asks as they head for the elevators. The doors open and it’s full of people headed up from the basement. They all immediately stop talking as they spot you. The scrutiny, the hostile feelings emanating from them was something Steve hasn’t felt directed his way in a long time. Not since his days as a showgirl for the USO.

He wants to do something to ease the tension, to put you and the others at ease, but he doesn’t even know what’s going on! One of the occupants reaches forward slowly and presses the button for the doors to close.

“Sorry, Cap. Maximum occupancy.” He says, meeting Steve’s eyes apologetically.

Steve doesn’t even manage to nod in response before the doors slide shut in his face. He turns to look at you, his face is frozen in confusion.

“I should get these to Mr. Stark. He doesn’t like it when he can start to feel his face.” You mumble, taking the tray back from his hands and heading for the stairs.

“Please explain!” He practically shouts after you. But you don’t stop. “Y/N!” He jogs up the stairs, easily catching up with you. “What was that?” He asks, taking the second tray from you.

“Nothing.” You shrug.

“Didn’t look like nothing.” He looks down at you, but you’re carefully watching your every step. He can feel you fighting yourself, some sort of internal battle. Or maybe he’s just hoping you’ll tell him instead of pretending to be deaf.

“It’s nothing,” you repeat. And then quietly add “new.”

“This happens a lot?” He asks.

“Can we talk about something else?” You mumble.

He works the muscle in his jaw as he looks at you. “You never answered my question. Are you feeling better?” It’s stupid. Of course, you’re not. Everyone is treating you like some sort of leper. God, he’s a fucking idiot.

“Yeah. Sorry about that, by the way. I didn’t mean for anyone to see that.” You sigh, but your shoulders have relaxed noticeably.

“You were talking to your parents, right?” He asks.

“Yeah. I told my mom I would call her later, but she just can’t wait sometimes.” You shake your head, leading him off the stairwell and across the fifth floor.

“Where are they again?” He asks softly, not eager for you to start crying again.

“Chicago. They’re getting ready for the holidays.” You reply, voice remaining mostly calm.

“And what does that include these days?” He asks and you blink up at him before you make a small ‘o’ with your mouth.

“Right. Well, my parents have a pretty big family and some really close friends. So, they make cookie trays as far as the eye can see.”

“What kind of cookies?” He asks as you nudge him up a different set of stairs.

“Oh gosh. So many. Let’s see, there are Russian tea cookies, peanut butter blossoms, snickerdoodles, hermits-“

He laughs loudly. “What are those?”

“Peanut butter, cocoa powder, and I think butter and sugar melted in a pan and then you mix in some oats. They’re a no-bake cookie.” You explain easily, pausing to lean against the railing.

“They sound good.” He admits, feeling his sweet tooth taking over.

“They were my favorite when I was little.” You smile fondly. “Then, of course, chocolate chip, and there’s another kind that is peanut butter with fork impressions in the center, but I can’t remember what it’s called.” You push off and start walking.

“You’re making me hungry.” He laughs.

“I haven’t even told you the best part.” You grin, a delighted sparkle in your eye as you talk.

“I’m listening intently.”

“He makes his own dough and then he makes sausage bread. Mozzarella cheese, olives, eggs, Italian sausage all rolled up and baked.” You pause for a second, breathing hitching in your throat and you’re silent for an entire flight of stairs as you struggle.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you.” He frowns.

“It’s not your fault.” You mutter.

“It’s hard being away from them.” He guesses.

“Yeah, but it’s more than that.” You stop on the floor with Tony’s lab and swipe your card. The door beeps and you step inside.

“Ah, perfect timing,” Tony says, glancing over at you. “You know, the elevators work just fine. You don’t have to keep taking the stairs.” He gestures to the table.

You set the coffees down and pick up a small wrench, placing it in his outstretched hand. “I like the exercise.” You say casually.

“Gross.” Tony glances at Steve, his dark eyes seeming to catch something. “Y/N, you’re dismissed. I won’t be needing you for the rest of the day.” He says briskly, and your face visibly falls.

“Did I do something? If I took too long with your coffee, sir, I’m sorry. There was a long line and-“

“Y/N. Stop.” Tony says, setting down the wrench and gripping your shoulders tightly. “You didn’t do anything.” He frowns, looking you up and down. “Are you holding your breath?” He asks and you shake your head, but Steve can clearly see that your chest has stopped expanding.

You’re fighting more tears.

“I’m perfectly satisfied with your work. But I honestly just need peace and quiet right now. Maybe Steve can show you around. He has nothing to do.”

“But what about your lunch? It’s barely noon.” You protest.

“FRIDAY, order me a pizza,” Tony calls, never looking away from your face. “There. Problem solved.” He smiles, turning you around and nudging you towards Steve.

Obediently, you follow the Captain out into the hallway, the door locking behind you. Steve looks at you, feeling the bomb clicking down to detonation. Plump bottom lip caught between your teeth, eyes look, unseeingly, straight ahead. He watches as they fill with tears, but you refuse to blink. Your chest stutters as your breath comes close to hyperventilating.

“Wanna go get cookies?” He asks awkwardly.

The tears spill over and you close your eyes. “Shit.” You mutter, voice is thick with emotion as you brush them away roughly. Steve doesn’t know what to do, so he holds his big arms open offering you a hug. Never in a million years did he think you would actually accept.

You almost crumple against his chest, small hands gripping at the back of his shirt as you try to stop crying. He wraps you tightly in his arms, rubbing your back slowly.

“I feel like I just got fired.” You gasp into his shirt.

“He’s just giving you the day off. Y’know... being nice?”

You’re quiet for a long second, pulling away and wiping your eyes. Honestly, he would have let you stay there for as long as you wanted.

“You said something about cookies.” You mutter.

“I did.” He chuckles. “There’s a good bakery a few blocks away. Wanna go?”

You nod and he gestures towards the stairs. “The elevators should be empty now.” You mutter, heading for the bank of elevators.

“Do you wanna talk about that?” He asks.

“Only when my mouth is full of cookies.” You reply and he chuckles.

“That’s fair.”

***

The bakery is warm, smelling of crystallized sugar, chocolate, and melting butter. Your eyes close slightly and Steve very gently touches your elbow to guide you over to the counter. As soon as you start walking, he drops his arm, respecting your space.

The lady behind the counter is nice, smiles at Steve in a friendly sort of way. “Your usual?” She asks, already reaching for a set of tongs.

“Actually, not this time,” Steve says, glancing towards the display case. “Pick anything you want.”

You look at the glass, perusing over the cupcakes, brownies, cakes, and cookies. They all look so good, how does he expect you to choose?

“Um,” you fidget, glancing at Steve, his lovely blue eyes watching you curiously. “Can I get a chocolate chip cookie?” You ask and the woman nods, grabbing a plate.

“You know what? Let’s just get two of all of them.” Steve says, and you look at him, feeling your forehead pinching together. “Yeah. You need to try them all, and I’m certainly not about to share mine with you.” He grins effortlessly and you feel your face moving in kind.

“That’s fine. I’m not that good at sharing, anyway.” You reply.

“Two glasses of milk?” She asks, watching you.

“Decaf coffee, please? Enough space for a lot of creamer.”

“You got it, sweetheart.” She looks at Steve.

“Coffee, black.” He replies.

“Boring.” You mutter. He rolls his eyes and shoos you away.

“Find a table.” He says, heading for the counter. You select a table toward the back, a little more privacy for what was sure to be a very difficult conversation. You make sure you grab a pile of napkins, getting prepared. Steve joins you a few minutes later and eyes the stack of napkins, but doesn’t comment on them.

The woman brings a tray over; two plates of cookies, two mugs of coffee, one already with a spoon, and a small pitcher of cream.

“Spoon is yours, love.” She says, nodding to you as she sets everything on the table. You pull the mug towards yourself and begin to make your coffee.

“Thank you so much.” You say softly. You wait until she walks away and your coffee is made before your hands curl around your mug and you sit back.

“Okay, where do you want to start?” You ask, letting the porcelain warm your hands.

“The elevator.” He says carefully.

“It’s not unusual. I take the stairs more often than not. I don’t know what I did to make everyone act like that, but they definitely don’t like me. No one but Tony and Pepper. You guys were really nice, but you’re not here all the time.” You shrug, breaking apart the chocolate chip cookie. It practically melts on your tongue and you stop talking to savor the buttery sweetness.

“Oh man.” You hum. “This was a good decision.” You close your eyes and he chuckles slightly.

“No one’s said anything? When did this start?”

“Immediately.” You sigh, focusing on chewing slowly.

“Shit.” He mutters, rubbing a hand down his face.

“Are you allowed to swear?” You ask, peaking at him and he rolls his eyes.

“Yes. Tony needs to knock that off.” He grumbles and you give a little laugh.

“He’s put swear jars on every floor in honor of Captain America. FRIDAY keeps everyone honest.” You say, watching the most adorable blush creeps up his neck.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He mutters.

You polish off your first cookie, shaking your head. “Nah. He loves you. He donates the money to a VA hospital downtown.” You say and he blinks in surprise.

“I definitely didn’t see that coming,” Steve admits.

“What else do you wanna know?”

“When we walked into Tony’s lab, you were saying something about it being more than just being away from your parents.” He prompts.

Your stomach plummets, and you set the next cookie down. You know you’re going to cry, again, and you hate it. “My dad went to the doctor’s a week ago for a colonoscopy and they found some polyps that turned out to be cancerous.” Your voice breaks and your vision goes blurry again. Steve quickly hands you a napkin and you crush it to your eyes.

The thought of your dad not being around anymore is what terrifies you. He’s indestructible, he has to be here forever. No less is accepted.

You take a deep breath, trying to finish. “He’s gone back for a PET scan and now we’re just waiting for results.”

“Do you have a picture of them?” He asks and you’ve never been more grateful for the big man across from you. You dig your phone out and pull up a picture of your parents.

“How long have they been married?” He asks.

“Almost forty years.” You sigh wistfully.

“How’d they meet?”

“High school. But they didn’t date until after he got out of the Navy. He said that he came back and saw her in the bowling alley and everything else just disappeared.” You say, remembering the way your dad’s whole face changed when he talked about that moment. A big, dopey smile and heart-eyes as big as his face. “And the first time he kissed her; he saw fireworks.” You hang your head, feeling totally inadequate compared to their love story.”

You’ve had a few steady boyfriends, but none that have made you feel that way. And none that have looked at you like you were the only thing in the room.

“That’s really sweet.” Steve smiles and you nod. “Y/N, what are you thinking about?” He asks, taking your hand gently.

“Kind of like I failed compared to them. I don’t have any friends here. They had everything so... so together by the time they were my age. Already on their way to buying a house and starting a family.” You press another napkin to your eyes.

“Just because it happened like that for them, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you for taking your time. Some people are born lucky that their soulmate is so close. Others have to search a little bit longer. It definitely doesn’t mean you’re a failure.” He says, squeezing your fingers gently.

“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about you.” You say and he launches into an enthusiastic story about the Howling Commandos getting into a drinking contest in a French bar.

He’s a good storyteller, has you gasping for breath as you laugh to his memories. He tells story after story as you both work through your cookies. You realize that this is as bittersweet for him as talking about your parents was for you. He misses them just as much.

It’s late afternoon when he finally sits back, a satisfied smile on his handsome face. You take a long sip of your refreshed coffee and your phone rings. You jerk unexpectedly, digging in your pocket. Your mom’s face is on the screen and your stomach plummets, twisting uncomfortably.

“I have to get this.” You whisper. He nods, pulling out his own phone as you stand up, hurrying outside. “Mom?” You answer nervously.

“Hi, my lovely.” She says, using her serious mom's voice.

“Oh no.” You mumble.

***

Steve finds you out there a few minutes later. He pauses, watching you the same way the first time he found you crying. Hands over your face, shaking from trying to hold your sobs back.

“Bad news?” He asks softly. His hand is soft and gentle on your shoulders, breaking your resolve to stop fucking crying. He pulls you against his chest and you absolutely crumble, letting yourself just get it all out for a minute.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He mutters, rubbing your back gently.

“His tests came back clear.” You manage to mumble into his shirt.

“Wait, really??” His voice perks up and you nod. “That’s great!” He scoops you up and spins you around. “We should celebrate.” He says, setting you back down and using his shirt to wipe your eyes.

“You would want to?” You ask, looking at him.

“Of course. Anything you wanna do.” He nods.

You tilt your head, thinking for a minute. “Can we go ice skating? It’s cold enough and I haven’t been in forever.”

His fingers tighten around yours for a second. “If that’s what you wanna do, absolutely! Let’s go back to the Tower to change and then we’ll go, okay?”

“Deal. Thank you, Steve. I promise I’m not usually such a mess.”

“You’re not a mess.” He promises. “Come on.” He offers you his arm.

***

Steve

“FRIDAY? Where’s Agent Romanoff?” He asks, pulling on a sweater.

“She’s in the kitchen on this floor with Sam.” She replies. Steve heads for the small kitchen to find out what Nat found out. He had texted her when you had gone outside at the bakery.

He just had to know.

“Hey.” He greets as he walks inside.

“Hey, man.” Sam waves with his spoon. “How is she?”

“Tough. Nat, did you do what I asked?” He looks at the small redhead.

“You didn’t give me much time, Rogers.” She sighs dramatically. “But, yeah. These people would not last one second in enemy hands.” She scoffs.

“And?”

“And apparently, Stark’s personal slave is a highly coveted position for some reason. And she got it over someone who supposedly deserved it ‘way more’ so, everyone decided to be a bunch of children and ice her out.”

“I don’t think it worked,” Sam smirks.

“Definitely not.” Steve agrees. “Do I even wanna know how you found this out?”

“Spy trick.” She shrugs. “I sidled up to someone and complained about her. The rest was easy. They couldn’t wait to bitch about her.” She rolls her eyes.

“Thanks. I’m not sure if I should tell her or not.” Steve sighs.

“Where are you going?” Sam asks, eying him suspiciously.

“She wants to go ice skating. She wants to celebrate some good news she got.”

Sam looks at him for a full minute before cracking up. “Oh man, I think I love this girl.” He wheezes.

“Laugh it up, Wilson.” Steve rolls his eyes.

“You won’t even need your hat and sunglasses disguise.” Nat grins.

“Not you, too. I thought you were my friend.”

“You might be in the wrong business, Rogers.” She winks.

“Miss Y/L/N is approaching,” FRIDAY warns. Sam straightens up and they all peer at the doorway Steve had come through just moments before.

“What are you staring at?” Your voice behind them makes them jump.

“Waiting for you,” Natasha says brightly. “We hear you’re going ice skating.”

“I haven’t been in a long time and Steve was nice enough to let me choose.”

Sam stands up and drapes his arm around your shoulders like you’re old friends. “I, for one, wholeheartedly approve.”

“Ready?” Steve asks you, trying not to notice how cute you look in your coat and hat and gloves.

“Ready.” You glance around Natasha and Sam. Steve can see the words before they can escape your pretty lips.

“They already have plans. Looks like it’s just the two of us.”

“Maybe next time?” You look hopefully between the two of them.

“Definitely next time.” Sam grins with a wink at Steve.

***

You were right about it being cold enough. Your face is already feeling the effects of it, flushed and a little wind bitten. You hope you don’t look too ridiculous.

Skating comes back to you easily and you glide around, turning in small circles as you get the feel for it again, smiling to yourself. You can feel Steve watching you from one of the entrances, leaning against the frame.

“Come on, Steve. The ice is great.” You taunt and he chuckles.

“Alright.” He slowly puts one skate to the ice, tentative, testing. You glide to a stop, watching curiously. He slowly pushes out, hands outstretched for balance, knees bent slightly.

“Steve?”

“Yeah, I got this.” He says, completely focused.

“Mhm.” You hum, watching as Captain America wobbles on ice skates. “Have you ever been ice skating before?

“Once or twice, recently...on a mission.” He admits.

“And how did it go?” You ask and he looks up at you, promptly losing his balance and falling on his butt.

“About like that.” He sighs. “Sam still laughs about it.”

You glide over and offer him your hand. He pulls himself up unsteadily. “Well.”

“You don’t have to wait for me.” He says, shooing you away.

“Nope. You were here for me all day today. I’m not leaving you now.” You say firmly, taking his hand again. “By the time we leave, Sam won’t have anything to laugh about.” You guide him forward slowly, giving him time to adjust.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks after a minute.

You glance at his face, finding his bright blue eyes on you. “Oh, I was actually thinking about how nice it is to know that you’re not perfect at everything.” You say with an impish grin.

“Oh, thank god. I can’t live with that kind of pressure.” He grins, starting to lose his balance again.

“Also, I’ve seen you fight. You’re so graceful. How is this so different?” You ask, pushing him a little faster.

“Not sure.” He huffs, squeezing your fingers a little more. “How do I stop?”

“You drive a motorcycle, right?” You ask and he nods. “Isn’t there a brake pedal you push down with your heel?”

“Yeah.”

“Same concept. Or if you turn your bike sideways, you don’t go forward anymore, do you?”

“Right.”

You carefully let go of his hands and do a lap around him, demonstrating how you side stop. “Tada.” You grin.

“Tada.” He sighs and you laugh, skating back over to him.

“You’ll get the hang of it. You’re a fast learner.” You say, leading him around some more.

***

Steve

He does pick it up quickly, but not as quickly as he would have liked. He’s fallen half a dozen times and his ass is sore.

You’ve been so fantastic, so patient. He can easily see why you got Stark’s intern over anyone else. He would need someone patient.

“Are you having fun?” You ask, keeping next to him now that he’s gotten somewhat better.

“I am.” He smiles, pulling you close without thinking. It bumps him off balance and you tumble with him, a yelp ringing out as he takes the impact on the ice and you fall on top of him, arms and legs tangled together.

“Shit, I’m so sorry.”

You free your arms, but you’re still half laying on him. “It’s okay.”

How are you so warm after being out here for so long? Your eyes meet his and then his hand is brushing your hair back out of your face, cupping your cheek gently.

The rest of the rink disappears as your face drifts closer, pulled in by some kind of magnet. He couldn’t care less that they’re on the floor as people skate around them. Those people no longer exist.

You tilt your head slightly and then your soft lips are pressed against his, shy at first until he pulls you closer and you melt into him. Your hands cup his face and he’s struck with bright multicolored lights flashing behind his eyes. The world seems to vibrate with sounds and time seems to have frozen, just for a little bit. His senses dialed to ten, his nerve endings are alive with every soft press of your lips. His pulse booms in his ears.

You pull back slightly and he watches you, face flushed.

“Hi.” He whispers.

“Hi.” You reply quietly. “You probably wanna get up.” You say, slow to pull back more.

“I’m definitely fine right here.” He mumbles, his arms around you.

You chuckle. “Wanna go get hot chocolate?” You ask and he nods.

“Sure.”

You kneel back and pull him to his feet. Your hand linked in his as you skate towards the exit. He watches you unlace your skates, thinking about the story you told about the first time your dad kissed your mom.

He wondered at the time what that would have sounded like.

Now he knows. And he can’t wait to do it again.

Tags:

@panicfob @everythingisoverrated @dsakita @shreddedparchment @bitsandbobsandstuff @after-avenging-hours @alexblrus @thinkingsofamadwoman @i-dont-want-to-be-called @thefridgeismybestie @fortheloveofallthatsholy @crazychaotic @pleasureoftheguiltiestvariety @redstarstan @septic-boye @justreadingfics @themistsofmyavalon @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @wkemeup @thiccbinch @glide-thru @moli1497 @ellaenchanted91 @part-time-patronus @janeyboo @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @thirstybitchqueen @xxloki81xx @stuckonjbbarnes @browngirlmagic @geeksareunique @nicoleplacee

#panic's 25 days of christmas #marvel #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers #mermaidxatxheart writes #romance #ice skating #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #writing challenge #christmas fanfic #avengers fanfiction

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

When was the last time you bitched someone out? I don’t bitch people out. What does your ex look like? He’s Mexican, like 5′8, short dark brown hair, brown eyes, wears glasses.

Would you rather give or receive oral sex? I haven’t done either.

Is your best friend a virgin? Well, my best friend is my mom...

Have you ever given a lap dance? No.

When was the last time you cried in school? I don’t think I’ve ever actually cried at school. I know I’ve fought the urge and probably teared up, but I think I always managed to hold it in.

Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich. I don’t want fame at all.

How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning? Not this morning, but I did set an alarm for later on in the afternoon cause I knew I’d fall back asleep and wanted to catch my brother when he got off work to get me food haha. Anyway, I think I ended up hitting the snooze button 3 times.

Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make mega bucks? The money would be nice. Probably not a permanent thing, but perhaps I’d try it out for awhile. Guess it would depend.

What’s your dream job? I don’t have one.

Do you eat your vegetables? I eat spinach, green onions, and potatoes. That’s something.

Have you ever made a prank call? Yeah, my friends and I did that in middle school before.

Have you ever broken the law? Nothing major.

Have you ever tipped over a portable potty? Gah, no.

Have you ever used your parents’ credit card before? With their permission, yes.

Where do you want your wedding? I don’t want to get married.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Uh, all the time?

Do you wish a past relationship could have lasted longer? I wish something could have happened with Ty and I.

Write random lyrics to the song you’re listening to? I’m not listening to music.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a S? Nope.

Ever kissed anyone 18 or older? Uh, yeah. I’m well over 18.

In the run of a week, how many times do you straighten your hair? Zero. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

Do you have feelings for anyone? Not romantic feelings, no.

Math or English? English. I’ve never had a good relationship with math, it’s the worst.

When was the last time you saw your father? Last night before he went to bed. He goes to work early in the morning and he’s not off yet.

When was the last time you cried really really hard? That’s been a common occurrence lately.

How many times have you been pulled over by the police? Zero.

This time last month, were you single? Yes. I’ve been single for almost 10 years.

What about now? Yeppp.

Were you happy when you woke up today? No. I don’t wake up happy. I wake up feeling like a zombie.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Not anymore.

Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t? Of course. Many times. I downplay a lot, too.

It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely? I have no idea cause no one texts me besides my parents and brother, all of which live with me and would be here at home at 2AM. Unless they were texting me from their room, which we do sometimes.

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Yes.

Who did you last ride in a car with besides family? A friend years ago.

When someone says “we need to talk”, what runs through your head? I immediately jump to the worst.

How do you know the last male you texted? He’s my brother.

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Yes. It was at our friend’s birthday dinner.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you? I feel like he forgot I even exist, ha. Like, I’m just not on the radar.

Are any of your friends so close that you consider them family? I don’t have any friends.

Are you good at giving directions? I’m the worst, don’t ask me.

What does your mom call you? Sis, usually.

Are you wearing any make up right now? Nope. I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years.

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? My family members.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? Yeah, a few years ago with Ty.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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flirting-with-psychology · 3 years

Text

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Yes

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? He was celebrating thanksgiving with his parents during my birthday but he called me

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? I

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’ve gotten more anxiety and gotten fatter

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? I Almost Do, Red, and If This Was A Movie (all by taylor swift). Yes I still listen

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? Not in the post I shared, but in my last original post I tagged my boyfriend

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Usually giggly and overexcited

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Disappointed that the gym won’t let me cancel over the phone and might still charge me for february

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? Not always

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Get into bed with him

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Being annoyed at my dad’s snoring through the walls

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe

Are you okay right now? I haven’t been okay this whole year

What time did you get up today? Like 1:30

When was the last time you saw your mom? The other day

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Donald trump and Mitch McConnell

Where is your best friend right now? At home I assume

When will your next kiss be? As soon as we get negative test results

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? No

Does anyone completely understand you? No

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? I don’t remember, it’s been a long time

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Probably wasting time

How often do you straighten your hair? Never now, I used to when it was short

What are you currently looking forward to? The costume sale that hopefully I will be able to go to

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Lol probably not

Who did you last hang out with? My dad

Did anyone see your last kiss? No

Could things possibly get any better? I fucking hope so

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I assume it will be my boyfriend

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Stress

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? Not sure

How often do you see your ex? Rarely

Who was the last person to text you? My boyfriend

Did you like anyone last summer? Yes, my boyfriend

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yeah

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My boyfriend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? I enjoy having one

Are you currently in a relationship? Yes

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Most days

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? I would like to reconnect with my friend Shaina

What are you planning on doing after this? Idk

Is there a girl you would do anything for? No

Who IMed you on facebook last? My mom

How old are you? 26

Do you love dogs? Yes

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Probably

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I have cowboy rainboots

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Apple

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? If I could do either of them, a backflip in water would be cool

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yes

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, just didn’t have anything in common with them

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Lol no

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Watching TV. Listening for music needs to be accompanied by another activity

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Theater is fun, but right now at home

Do you prefer brown or white rice? White

Do you like spaghetti? I love spaghetti

What about lasagna? No, I don’t like red sauce

Do you celebrate Christmas? No

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? Who does that?

Do you like chocolate bars? Yes

what about ice cream? Mostly, although sometimes the plain flavors are boring

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Wasps a few times

Do you get tired easily? Only in the morning

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? No

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered as a teaching assistant What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but it made my vision all swimmy

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? Maybe if I got some that worked

Are your ears pierced? How many times? One on each ear

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but I don’t believe it’s god-given

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? I don’t think so. Both of my parents kept their hair color for awhile so hopefully I got that gene

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Yes, on my arm

Have you ever been screened for STDs? Yes

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I'm not sure. If it was someone I loved and there wasn’t one already on hand, maybe

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? ewww no

Do you like Harry Potter? Yes

What about Twilight? It was ok, I liked it at the time I read it How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I like the movies

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I did

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? I have a bunch of shotglasses from places I visit

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7.5-8 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Kind of dorito-shaped, so some shoe types just don’t fit

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Probably bright color

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? Decently

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m probably a little closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was like 5 the first time I put a word to it and his name was Aidan, but I probably had sort-of crushes even before that

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Blond, bowl-cut at the time. He actually grew up to be really hot so I guess I knew how to pick em

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Maybe

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? A little

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I might have had some minor things

Do you collect DVDs? Not as a collection, but I buy movies I like a lot

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, those are like twice as much

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No, I was bad at it

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? Only roly polies

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes but not well

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? Yes

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? A little

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter for a sandwich, nutella for eating straight out of the jar

Have you ever stepped on a snail? No

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? I can’t remember

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t have one

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Probably not

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Yes

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, but I do wear short sleeves year round

What state were you born in? Colorado

Have you ever had a nose bleed? All the time

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Like 15 minutes

Do you have a weak stomach? No

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? Yes

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Slightly but not really

Do you *really* like donuts? Yes

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? At some point

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Yes

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Jewelry and nerd stuff

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I am talking to him right now

What do you usually order on a pizza? No sauce, cheese, garlic, pinapple Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? Not really

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? Mac

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Kitten

How old will you be on your next birthday? 27 yikes

What color are your underwear? Turquoise

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? If it’s messy

#survey

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chicagocryptid · 5 years

Note

uh... if get a minute then either 3am misdial or 2am gym showers depending on which u like better?

75. I’m an insomniac who calls my best friend at 3am except I misdial on my landline and I tell you all about my nightmare before letting you talk and now I’m mortified but you don’t hang up.

Misdial // Sal x Ash (WC: 1163)

Warnings: Mild gore

She must have forgotten to turn the phone off before she fell asleep. Or maybe she fell asleep still on it, but either way, the sound of the ringtone cut through her dreams and jolted her awake. She felt for the phone in the dark, groggy, and didn't even bother to look at the number flashing across it before answering. She held her phone up to her ear, lips barely parted to breathe a hello, when the voice on the other end cut her off.

[[MORE]]

"Larry? Thank God you picked up, man. Sorry it's so late." The voice on the other end was also heavy with sleep, thick and rough. A man's voice, though the inflection sounded young. She opened her mouth again, to apologize. This is not Larry, sorry, but I hope you find him. Again, he cut her off.

"I had that dream again... The one with the accident. Only worse this time. It was like... I was outside of myself. I could see myself walking away from my mom, and I knew what was coming. I kept trying to call out, to stop myself from going forward. I tried telling myself to go back to the picnic but he - I... Couldn't hear me. And even though I was outside my body, somehow I could still feel my feet moving and they were so heavy. And slow, like I was walking through molasses." He paused to take a breath, his voice shaky, and though she could have taken the opportunity to correct his mistake, she didn't. She was hanging on his every word, wide awake and rapturous.

"I watched the whole thing. I've never seen it that way before," he continued."Like as an onlooker, you know? I just wanted to pet it... I put my hand out, and I think in my dream I screamed. Not the me who was trying to pet the dog but the me who was watching. I put my hand out, and I screamed, and then it was on me. And I could see myself underneath it, while it tore at me. The version of me on the ground kept opening his mouth but no sound came out, he just kept making the shape, like a fish." The strangers voice was even shakier now, and rushed, like if he didn't get it all out now it might poison him from the inside.

"I wanted to look away but I couldn't stop watching. It was ripping me apart and I could see the blood... I could feel it's teeth in my flesh, Larry. And then my mom was there, but it was too late. And the dog was too strong and it was her flesh, her blood I was watching fly across the pavement and I..." The voice on the other end hitched, and Ash realized she was crying. Embarrassed, she wiped her face with the back of her hand and waited for him to go on.

"I couldn't do anything. Even in my dreams. I just watched until... Until..." He trailed off, and Ash, too caught up to stop herself, let the question slip.

"Did she die?"

The breathing on the other end paused, and she thought she could hear him pull the phone away from his face, and then put it up to his ear again. This time when he spoke, his voice was angry.

"Who is this?"

Ash's heart fluttered, and guilt settled on her chest like a cement block. "Don't be angry."

"Who. Is. This?" It sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth.

"I'm Ash. I'm so sorry, I was going to say something right when you called but you started talking right away and it sounded so serious I couldn't just... hang up on you." Silence."Please. Don't be angry," she said again, her voice pleading. More silence.

After a minute she thought he'd hung up on her, and then, very softly; "Yes."

"What?"

"Yes. She died." The weight increased, and Ash squeezed her eyes shut against the dark of her bedroom. When she opened them again, she looked at the clock for the first time since she'd answered the phone. 3:33. It was so late.

"Did all that really happen?" She regretted the question as soon as it came out of her mouth.

His answer came faster this time, though his voice was still slow. "Yes." The sleep was gone from his speech now, but it had kept all its warm undertone. She tried to imagine what he looked like on the other end. Handsome, she guessed, with a voice like that. Tall and dark haired. Rougish.

"I'm sorry," she said, because she didn't know what else to say.

"Thanks, but I think I've embarrassed myself for one night. I'm gonna go. Goodnight, Ash."

"Wait!" In her moment of panic, she'd forgotten the rest of the house was asleep. She lowered her volume and tried again. "Wait." She wasn't sure why, but she couldn't let him hang up. She knew, somehow, that he wouldn't call Larry. He would hang up with her, and sit on his own with all those horrible things, and no one to help.

"What's your name?"

"...Sal." He sounded hesitant, but at least he was there.

"I'm really sorry about your mom, Sal. That must be horrible."

"It was a long time ago..." The idea that the person on the other end could be 40 struck her suddenly.

"How long?"

"I was 7, so... 8 years ago now?" She relaxed a little, and let out a breathy 'oh,' and he laughed, which surprised her.

"Wondering if I was in my 30's?"

She exhaled, and found her mouth pulling upwards too. "Just a little."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Well, one year is a lot less uncomfortable than 20."

"Older or younger?"

"Older."

"Oof." Sal sucked on his teeth. "We could've been so great together." She could hear him smiling. She liked the sound.

"Opposite actually. They turn me on too much, I have to stay 50 feet away at all times." Ash covered her mouth to laugh into her palm.

"Well, at least the phone doesn't count." She could hear him laughing at her again, short and sweet.

He was quiet for a moment after that and then said, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Anyone else might have hung up on me. Or made fun of me... I don't usually tell people about what happened unless I really trust them, you know?"

She did. "I understand. I'm sorry this is how I found out."

"Me too. But you listened anyway. So thank you."

Ash felt her heart do a little twist in her chest. "Anytime, Sal."

He laughed again. She was beginning to grow fond of the sound.

"So I'll call you tomorrow then?"

#sally face #ash x sal #sal fisher #ashley sally face #ash sally face #sal sally face #sally face fanfic

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bohemianrhapsody86 · 5 years

Text

200 Things About Me (originally 200 Things You Can Put In My Ask)

I got this off of @rami-malek-trash - don’t know who the original poster was, sorry if it’s you. I’m bored and cramping and no one usually sends me asks anyway, so I’m just going to answer all of these myself

200: My crush’s name is: Drew (Now boyfriend, but he was my middle school crush) 199: I was born in: 1986 198: I am really: cool 197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile 196: My eye color is: green 195: My shoe size is: 9.5/10 194: My ring size is: 9/10 193: My height is: 5′6″ 192: I am allergic to: Nothing 191: My 1st car was: 2001 PT Cruiser 190: My 1st job was: Server at a local pizzeria 189: Last book you read: Startalk: Everything You Ever Need to Know About Space Travel, Sci-Fi, the Human Race, the Universe, and Beyond by Neil DeGrasse Tyson 188: My bed is: Not very comfortable. I need a new mattress, but I need a job first. 187: My pet: A siamese cat named Chico. 186: My best friend: Amanda 185: My favorite shampoo is: I like using Aussie 2-in-1, I also like using Shimmer Lights occasionally so I can keep my gray hairs nice and shiny. 184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I have one that counts my change lol 182: In my pockets: Nothing because they hate putting usable pockets in women’s pants. 181: On my calendar: I marked where I started my period yesterday, and my boyfriends 32nd birthday is next Tuesday. 180: Marriage is: Something I want everyone to have the option for if they want it. 179: Spongebob can: use his imagination 178: My mom: is amazing! 177: The last three songs I bought were? Cool and Sucker by The Jonas Brothers, Don’t really buy many singles, just albums if I’m interested and their cheap. 176: Last YouTube video watched: Brooke Candy - Paper or Plastic 175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to remember 174: Do you have any siblings? Yes, an older brother and older half-sister. 173: Are your parents divorced? Yes, they divorced back in 1999 172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes. We used to be the same height, but gravity has taken a hold of her and squashed her down. 171: Do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone in middle school, but that was 20 years ago. I’m sure if I ever got my hands on one again, I might remember a scale or two. 170: What did you do yesterday? Went around town job hunting and then bought a maxi dress at a local craft store. [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:Yes 168: Luck: Yes 167: Fate: Yes 166: Yourself: Sometimes 165: Aliens: Yes 164: Heaven: Yes and No 163: Hell: We live there now. 162: God: No 161: Horoscopes: Yes 160: Soul mates: Yes 159: Ghosts: Yes 158: Gay Marriage: Yes 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Yes/No 155: Magic: Yes [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Kisses 153: Drunk or High: High 152: Phone or Online: Online 151: Red heads or Black haired: Black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunette 149: Hot or cold: Cold 148: Summer or winter: Winter 147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla:Chocolate 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk Chocolate 140: Mac or PC: PC 139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip Flops 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and Poor 137: Coke or Pepsi: Always been a Pepsi girl 136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 135: Burried or cremated: Cremated and turned into a tree or my ashes made into a vinyl 134: Singing or Dancing: Singing 133: Coach or Chanel: Neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: Katherine McPhee 131: Small town or Big city: Small Town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Ben Stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: Mani 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast - never been to the West Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday because it sometimes falls on Thanksgiving. 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither, Cubbies til the day I die. [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: Pointless 121: George Bush: Better than the asshat in office now. 120: Gay Marriage: If I can get married to my boyfriend, the my friend Jerry should be able to get married to his boyfriend, Josh. 119: The presidential election: I hate that orange buffoon. 118: Abortion: I’m pro-choice. 117: MySpace: Always had trouble figuring out my Top 8 and what background I wanted to use. 116: Reality TV: Only thing I really watch are cooking competitions. Those are the only ones that matter. Not a fan of the Kardashians or the Bachelor/ette bullcrap. 115: Parents: My mom is amazing, my ‘dad’ was never really there. 114: Back stabbers: Asshats 113: Ebay: Hardly use it. 112: Facebook: Good to stay in touch with people you want to/some of the groups on there are awesome. 111: Work: Don’t have a job as of yet. *keeps fingers crossed I hear back from someone soon* 110: My Neighbors: Loud AF and nasty. I live in an apartment and the neighbors upstairs have so many kids and animals up there it’s ridiculous. I wish they’d leave. 109: Gas Prices: Ridiculous, but not as bad as I’ve seen it before. 108: Designer Clothes: Meh, not my style unless I find something in my size at Goodwill. 107: College: Been there, done that. Not really for me. Never graduated. 106: Sports: I like watching them, mainly baseball and basketball. The NFL can go fuck themselves. 105: My family: Love my blood relatives and my chosen family. 104: The future: It’s so bright, I gotta wear shades. [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: last night when my boyfriend came over and brought me my phone charger. 102: Last time you ate: An hour ago. 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: At my bestie’s baby shower. 100: Cried in front of someone: Sometime last week 99: Went to a movie theater: When Endgame came out 98: Took a vacation: 2010 97: Swam in a pool: A few summers ago 96: Changed a diaper: 2007? 95: Got my nails done: 2007? 94: Went to a wedding: 1999 93: Broke a bone: Never *keeps fingers crossed* 92: Got a peircing: 2012? 91: Broke the law: I probably broke the speed limit yesterday at some point. 90: Texted: about 2am this morning. [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: My bestie Amanda and boyfriend Drew 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat. 87: The last movie I saw: Ant-Man 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting a job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: Interviewing for a job 84: People call me: loyal 83: The most difficult thing to do is: finding a job 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Yep, 77 in a 55. 81: My zodiac sign is: Sun - Sagittarius, Moon - Leo

80: The first person i talked to today was: If you count texting my boyfriend at 2am, then him. 79: First time you had a crush: Sometime in Elemetary School. 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 76: Right now I am talking to: myself 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I have no clue 74: I have/will get a job: soon 73: Tomorrow: Never Comes 72: Today: Is the day 71: Next Summer: Not here 70: Next Weekend: I have no clue 69: I have these pets: 12 year old 17 lb cat named Striper. 68: The worst sound in the world: My cat hacking up a hairball. 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: myself 66: People that make you happy: my mom, brother, sister-in-law, boyfriend, best friend. 65: Last time I cried: sometime last week 64: My friends are: amazing 63: My computer is: pretty cool and loaded up with Sims stuff. 62: My School: I don’t go to school anymore. 61: My Car: gets me there. 60: I lose all respect for people who: disrespect me or my loved one. 59: The movie I cried at was: Endgame 58: Your hair color is: salt & pepper 57: TV shows you watch: Legends of Tomorrow, Worst Cooks in America, Any cooking show really. 56: Favorite web site: Tumblr 55: Your dream vacation: Somewhere away from my town 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I had that ovarian cyst. 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy 51: My favorite celebrity is: too many to list 50: Where would you like to be: in bed 49: Do you want children: nope 48: Ever been in love: yes 47: Who’s your best friend: Amanda 46: More guy friends or girl friends: About the same. 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my grandma 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I don’t even have a 5 minute plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: Kinda, not really 41: Have you pre-named your children: Nope 40: Last person I got mad at: The Dump, but that’s a daily thing. 39: I would like to move to: out of the US 38: I wish I was a professional: crocheter/crafter [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: Butterfinger Cups 36: Vehicle: Don’t really have one 35: President: Barack Obama 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Always been with T-Mobile 32: Athlete: Anthony Rizzo 31: Actor: Tom Hanks 30: Actress: Sandra Bullock 29: Singer: Freddie Mercury 28: Band: Queen 27: Clothing store: Lane Bryant 26: Grocery store: Aldi 25: TV show: Don’t really have one 24: Movie: Too many to count 23: Website: This black hole of a site 22: Animal: Cat 21: Theme park: Don’t really have one. I did enjoy Six Flags over Georgia when I went back in 2002. Dollywood is always fun but it’s been even longer than that since I’ve been there. 20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: Baseball 18: Sport to play: Nothing. 17: Magazine: Entertainment Weekly 16: Book: Harry Potter 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Virginia Beach 13: Concert attended: Jonas Brothers in VA Beach 12: Thing to cook: bacon 11: Food: bacon 10: Restaurant: Hmmm....don’t know that one. 9: Radio station: Classic Hits 102.7...hardly any commercials and they tell you the artist and song title after every song. 70s, 80s, and 90s songs. 8: Yankee candle scent: Don’t have one 7: Perfume: The scented oils from a local curiosity shop have some of my fave scents. 6: Flower: Iris 5: Color: Blue 4: Talk show host: Jimmy Fallon 3: Comedian: I’ve got several 2: Dog breed: Corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes.

#personal #200 things about me #bored #cramping #I need some sleep but can't sleep #period brain

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ohmygoshimmovingon · 5 years

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Comfort

Comfort (noun)

1. a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.

2. the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress.

Comfort (verb)

1. ease the grief or distress of; console.

One of the best feelings is comfort. Everyone’s comfort is different. You can find comfort in so many things. Comfort comes from being in your bed, or being in bed with someone who brings you comfort. Comfort comes with eating your favorite food, or a home cooked meal (especially after you’ve been eating caf food in college every day). Comfort comes from being with family and friends. Comfort comes from watching your favorite movie, even if it is the 50th time, and you’ve memorized every word. Comfort comes from driving late at night, listening to that song (you know the song, it may not be your absolute fav, but it is your fav to listen to when you’re doing the late night drive. You know the one). Comfort comes from the things you do when you’re sad, even if it is listening to sad songs, when you’re already sad, that only makes you MORE sad. Comfort comes from a random feeling from people around you, there is no way you could even put the feeling into words. Comfort comes from reading and reflecting on your favorite bible verse. Comfort comes from hearing someones voice or someone’s laugh. Comfort comes from just being in the presence of the right person. Comfort comes from shopping at your favorite store, even if you spend wayyyy too much money. Comfort comes from seeing the right person’s name pop up on your phone. Comfort comes from that scent, like the song, you just have to know the scent. Comfort comes from taking off that outfit that you only where that you only wore to look cute, and not for comfort. Comfort comes from a hug from someone, whether it is a greeting hug, a hug when you’re sad, any type of hug. Comfort comes from the people you surround yourself with hyping you up, when you don’t feel like you look your best. Comfort comes from the hobby you do to take your mind off of things, and just escape. Comfort comes from your favorite pair of shoes, all types, shapes, and sizes. Comfort comes from your favorite late night snack (Like when you wake up at 2am, can’t sleep, get bored, and decide, to put your boredom to rest, you’re gonna eat. EVEN THOUGH, you’re not even hungry). Comfort comes from that nail color you get when you’re at a loss of what to get. Comfort comes from wearing all your normal rings and jewelry (I know we all feel naked without them). Comfort comes from a shower, perfect temperature, nice playlist, and towel ready. Comfort comes from where you find it, because it is different for everyone.

Who, what, and where does my comfort come from? My bed is my favorite place in the world to feel comfortable, but I also find comfort sleeping anywhere with my Bub next to me. My favorite food is wings, you alreaddyyyy knowwww, but my favorite home cooked meal is my Gmoney’s baked macaroni, roast, and veggies (Big Al’s crawfish is a HOT second). Being around family is great, shoutout to my Gmoney, my Ten, and Trent. Friends can always make things better, honorable mention: Bub (shocking, I know), Hoes Don’t Get Cold, THOSE bitches, and even Sands and Drakey. My favorite movie(s), because I can’t pick one, are The Greatest Showman, Moana, and The Blind Side. My late night drive go to is Oceans by Hillsong United, but right after that, it is either Crazy Beautiful by Luke Combs or Speechless by Dan and Shay (honestly I have a late night playlist, these are just the ones I like the best, right now, subject to change). When I’m sad, I watch David Dobrik, possibly James Charles and Jeffree Star (mainly David, I will normally start then in order, over and over). I also, have a sad song playlist (It WILL make you cry, hit me up if you’re tryna cry, I’ll give you the deets). My random comfort feeling comes in the Dome at the Saints games. There is no other feeling like it. My favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 16:24 “Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul”. This is my favorite Bible verse because my Gramps would always remind me of it constantly (this is always why I tend to call everyone honey, well hunny). My favorite voice and laugh to hear is, yes, you guess it, Bub’s. I’m sorry he brings me so much comfort y’all, I’m just being honest. The person whose presence brings me comfort, well, Bub, again, but also Maria. They both make me feel so much less alone, even if we aren’t talking and we are just being together. As bad as it is for my wallet, Lulu Lemon brings me a whole new world of comfort. Okay, I shouldn’t even touch on this one, because YES, THE PERSON WHOSE NAME POPPING UP ON MY PHONE THAT I LOVE THE MOST IS BUB. Special shoutout though, my favorite time it pops up is when it says “Juan Raymundo answered incorrectly” on Trivia Crack. The scent of my Gmoney brings me a serious comfort, and the smell of a certain someone’s (yes.) clothes when I miss them. Every night I go out or wear fricken JEANS, it is the greatest feeling to take the outfit off, wash my face, and put on a big tshirt (no bra of course) and shorts. The hug thing is specific for each thing, and kinda works the same for everyone. If you haven’t seen someone in a while, it feels great to hug them (it’s that long good snug hug). When I cry, I like to be held by Maria, and Bub. I have to say, there was one time, in Lafayette, when Maria and I were leaving, and Sands knew I was sad. He hugged me and we exchanged a look, and it was like a mutual (everything will be okay look). That hug was one that definitely brought comfort. My friends HYPE. ME. UP. Hoes Don’t Get Cold, THOSE bitches, even Bub most times. To escape from the world, I like to paint (watercolor hits the spot). This is the thing I do when I don’t nap to escape. My pair of shoes of choice, is indeed, my very classic 270s. You’ve all seen them, because I wear them, uhhh pretty much everyday. At night, thanks to Juan Manuel Raymundo, my fav snack is purple Doritos and fucking Queso. I am well aware that is unnecessary calories, but YALL, it is so good. White, light blue, or black, and white again. Those are my go to nail colors, and by go to, I mean they are the ONLY colors I have ever and will ever get. I wear 4 rings. My class ring on my middle finger on the left hand. On my right hand, the index finger is home to the cursive s ring Juan’s mom got me for Christmas, my middle finger houses the thick ring with a raised cross my Ten gave me, and my ring finger is for my 3 shotgun house ring from Jose Bali that my Gmoney got me. I wear my S THOSE bitches necklace everyday, and my star cuff bracelet. I ALWAYS have a ponytail and a scrunchie on my wrist, if the scrunchie isn’t in my hair (but i always have the extra ponytail, because you never know). Recently, I have been wearing my colorful “Sophie” thread bracelet next to my star cuff too. I CANNOT forget the four piercings in each of my ears. I don’t even care what earrings are in them. I just need them in. I like my showers absolutely SCALDING hot, like burn my skin please. I would like the water temperature to be so hot, it fogs up the mirror almost immediately. I tend to listen to very mellow music.

I know it seems like I have so many things that make me comfortable, and there are probably more. As you all noticed, a lot of my comforts root from Juan. I would like to think that I am a good amount of his too. I don’t think it is a bad thing that he makes me feel so comfortable. I think it just another thing to add to the list of reasons he is my best friend. I am sure you think that these all have an underlying message that relates back to Bub. You’re not wrong, but it isn’t completely intentional (the last one obviously was). He is extremely important to me, and he has helped me so much. Things are hard, and have been for a while now, and he has been my distraction and hope. Finding someone you can connect with like I connect with him, is a 20/10 experience. Just don’t pick him, -20/10 would recommend that, because I’ll kill you. He’s my best friend mofos. LOML.

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blurrybethny · 5 years

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Diary entry #8

So I’m gonna start this entry the same way I did in the last post.

So. MUCH. has. happened. like so much

okey, so since the last post, it’s almost been 2 years. Isn’t that crazy, 2 years. Well, the main reason for that has been F. So let’s just start where we left of.

So we’re in May or something now, and I finally finished my finals and got my results which where incredibly great. So with that result I had the chance to apply to the University of my dreams for the major Online-Media-Management. I thought that it would be great to make Instagram and Facebook to your Job. So meanwhile, I was still hanging out with F everyday, and since I already finished my finals, F was allowed to sleep at my place.

Now we are at the end of June and it is my high school prom which I have been exited about, I had a beautiful long, blue dress and F was wearing a really handsome suit. The funny thing was the next morning at 6am we had to catch out flight to Tenerife. So F was drinking kind of a bit of alcohol at my prom and at like 1 or 2am we drove back to my place and slept for like an hour and then headed to the airport.

We’re in July now, for 10 days we had the greatest vacation ever. The whole time we did what we wanted, the explored the whole city with a scooter und took many pictures. On one of the days we went up to the biggest mountain of Tenerife and then WALKED down it. We were almost on the ground again, when we lost track of the path and kinda got lost. But at the end we came back home safely. On another day we drove to this cool looking beach, it was really windy tho and the sand was hurting so much when it hit you skin. On one of the last days we drove to an animal park, which was also a great experience.

Just 2 weeks later, me and my mom flew to Los Angeles for kind of a road trip with a bigger group of tourists. The trip was really great because we explored LA, Hollywood, Las Vegas, San Francisco and other nice towns and sights. That was really one of my biggest dreams to travel through a part of the US. Honestly, at the beginning of the trip I missed F so much, and we talked everyday on the phone. I also was getting really angry at him, because at the beginning he seemed like he didn’t miss me at all and he went to two parties where he was having fun and getting drunk. And I also got quite jealous, because I was scared he would make a mistake with another girl.

So we’re in August now, and I came back home from the US trip and F and my dad picked us up from the air port and I was so excited so see him again. Also btw during the trip I got the message that they accepted me at the university I wanted to go to. So I was really happy about that. And because of that, now it was the time to search for a flat near the university, because it is actually 300km away from my hometown. The question that was upcoming now was, if F would move with me or not. And he said to me that he would move to anywhere I was. Which was really sweet of him and I was so happy about that. Now we had to search for a flat with at least 2 rooms. The search was kinda difficult because the flats where really expensive up there and especially in the middle of the city. However, my mom finally found one that was having a visitors day, so we drove up to the city and visited the flat. The flat already had furniture in it and it was not the prettiest. After that we kind of spontaneously drove to another flat that was also having a visitor day the same day, but there were no pictures on the internet. So we got there and the landlord was really nice, the little town was pretty and quiet and the flat was light and had no furniture in it. So we drove back home and the same day, the landlord from the first flat denied our request. However, the one from the second flat, sent my mom an email the next day, that the flat was ours!! So the renovating began. We drove up there on the weekends again to paint the walls and buy furniture. It was a lot of fun.

September. Not a lot happened in September, at least I can’t remember it. The only thing was, that it was my 19th birthday and I really wanted to go to a club, so we went to the club. I was wearing a really sexy dress obviously. Then we only stayed until 1am and left again because it was kinda boring and I felt a little sick. So, surprise surprise, on my birthday I was sick.

October. At the beginning of October, a week before Uni officially started my major had a kick-off to get to know the other students and teachers. I was really confident in myself and ambitious to meet new people and hopefully make some friends. The first day, started not that bad, I picked up 3 other girls to drive to the meeting place. There I got to know other girls as well. I actually talked with almost everybody - which is not common for me - and still groups were already forming and I was left behind. I kind of thought that I was getting closer to some girls, but they always left and did other stuff and I’m just not the type of girl to run after everybody. So even there I was sitting alone sometime. And I was turning into an outsider more and more because me and another girl were the only ones not drinking. It was also annoying for me because they played all kinds of drinking games and that’s just not my thing. The next day was not so great because I just felt uncomfortable and left out. The evening was even worse, I felt even more left out, and I felt so sad because I missed F so much and I just wanted to be home. I was really glad when the 3 days were over. Overall, the start of the major was not bad, I kind of liked the subjects - however, I was still the odd one out all the time, because everybody already had a friends group and everybody is just shallow - I also started to get better friends with the other girl that was not drinking alcohol and we actually had quite a few things in common. I even invited her for a sleepover once and we initially wanted to watch Riverdale but we ended up talking about all kinds of stuff. Since then she is like the only one I really talk to.

The following months until February were not really exciting. It was a really hard time for me because during the week I was all alone in my flat and I only saw F on the weekends and holidays. I literally cried every time we had to say goodbye. Also during that time, we had a lot of fights because when we talked over video call he usually fell a sleep which made me angry. And also when we saw each other on the weekends, he still had stuff to do or met up with people or even had to work Saturday and Sunday. This things always made me really angry and frustrated because I was all alone the whole time, I just wanted to spend time with him on the weekends and then he would have even less time. Sometimes we had really heavy fights where he really hurt me with his words. I know that I was not always fair to him and how I reacted, but he also never understood me. What I maybe have to add here is that, since F this one fight between me, S and F after the theatre the friendship between the two guys and between me and S was kind of over. So in August F told me that S was diagnosed with cancer. In the following months F and S started to talk again and meet up, which I was happy about because they have been friends for a long time and I felt really guilty that I was the reason for the breakup of this friendship. Also for new years eve we planned a bigger party because S wanted it to. It was not too bad, and I was really glad about the fact that S was talking to me again, because I missed being friends with him. In the following months there were ups and downs with his health.

February. Most of this month F and me spent in Thailand because his mom is from Thailand. However, this vacation was probably the worst one I have ever had. First, everything was just new to me and I met a lot of new people I could not talk to because they only spoke Thai, then another thing was that F did not really keep me in mind because this was his second home and everything was just normal for him but not for me. Especially the missing hygiene and the weird food. Also I got pretty sick with fever and everything and I had to go to the hospital for two days. After that I still stayed home a bit and F always wanted to go fishing at night. And I was just so frustrated about him because I was still exhausted from the sickness and he did not really pay attention to me and always got angry at me because I didn’t want to leave the house and I always started crying. So I basically did not leave the house for two days, when we finally got together again. The last few days were the best of the whole holiday because he finally adapted his actions to my needs.

March. F finally moved in with me because his education for his job finally ended, so he had to find a job up here. It took quite a while but he finally found a job which he likes. Also I got the results of my first semester’s tests and they were all really great actually.

April. We finally had our one year anniversary for which we went out on a date.

May. F, me and his family drove to Hungary for a weekend trip which was also okey. But I prefer the alone time between F and me. In Uni, I finally started to become kind of friends with two other girls, and we also formed a group for a school project, however, one of the girls quite uni during that.

June. This is the month of S’s death day. I was so sorry for F, because they were finally best friends again and it seemed to get better. I was also in shock because I just couldn’t image S not being here anymore, to never see him again.

July. Not much happened in this month, except that I had my finals and I applied for a job that I could do over the summer break, and I actually got one in a cafe not far from my flat. Also the other girl I was talking about, that I thought I was also kinda getting friends with, switched to another major at the end of the semester. So again, I had no friends.

August. I worked the whole month in this cafe, and it was actually so much fun, because I did not have to think about school and it was just something different for me. Also my coworkers were really nice and funny.

September. I had my last week to work, and everybody was telling me how much they would miss me and that I was the best worker here for the summer and why I can't stay, and honestly this makes me so proud, because I never thought I would be so good in this job. After the last week in work, F and me drove to Hungary again because we wanted to have some vacation and also work on the house his parents have there. After we got back home, F and his friend B planned a kind of funeral for S, because since his death there has not been a funeral. The “party” was really nice and emotionally. For me it was really hard because until then I always tried to ignore my thoughts and feelings about this topic because I had to be strong for F. But at this day everything was just coming up. A few days later we drove back to our flat.

October. The 3rd semester of my university was starting. After only the first week, I knew there was a lot a head of me. - short cut, because I have to tell a backstory to what's following, so I’ve always wanted a dog since I have been a kid and F also always wanted a dog, for the past year I was pretty obsessed with pugs, then I was obsessed with french bulldogs because they’re just cute. Back in January we already talked about this topic with my mom and she just said that me and F have not been together for so long and that we would talk about this another time. So until October we were kinda over this topic already.- But on one day where we both were home, he brought the topic back up and just for information purposes he searched for people, that were selling french bulldog puppies. On the same day, we were driving to there place - keep in mind we just wanted to ask them how much space the puppies would need, how much affection and just general stuff. - But oh my god, the puppies were so cute and adorable. When they said the dogs only need around 50-60 square meters, I was initially in the mode of picking my favorite puppy (our flat has 56 square meters). On the way home we both knew that we would be getting a dog. When we drove home, F called our landlord and asked him, if it would be okey if we would get a dog and I called my mom to tell her all the facts, because against that she would not be able to say something against it. She was not impressed but also not angry, so I was like okey let’s get a dog. The next day, we drove to the breeders again to pick our puppy. I originally said that I would either want a grey or spotted one - they had both - however, the spotted ones were not that pretty. So we had to make the decision between a lazy fat black one or a quirky playful grey one. Characteristically, we would more be like the black one, but I wanted to have the grey one so we could play a lot. So there you have it, within two days, we made the decision to get a dog and already picked out a puppy. Four weeks later, we would be able to pick him up.

November. The time has finally come, and we were able to pick up our puppy and bring him home. He was really, great. He was not scared of anything and he was also not crying a lot. It was so funny to watch him run around and play and jump. Back then he was so little, you can't even imagine. But he’s also a lot of work, at the beginning he peed and pooped into the flat which was not so great. Another topic: Uni. During October and November I did not have the best time in uni, because there were so many things I did not understand and I was exhausted and it was just so much that I was not even interested in. I was so stressed out, I had a break down almost everyday because of the tasks we had to do. I was also considering, switching to another major that was about marketing and advertisement. Because I was way more interested in that kind of stuff. However, the problem was the timing, because the semester had just started, so I either had to finish this semester anyways or I would stop right now and then do nothing until March, which my mom would not allow. And if it was the first option, I would already been done with 3 Semesters, and if I would switch to another major I would have to start at zero again. I also saw, that the major I wanted to switch to had really shity times to be at uni, and with our puppy it was better if I was the most time at home. So it was a really shit time for me, because I wanted to switch but then I would be even longer in Uni. But also a reason, why I wanted to switch was that in my major I did not really have any friends and I was just hoping that I would maybe gain some new friends in the other major. So it was the first weekend that we drove home with the puppy because also my grandpa had died and the funeral was on a Friday. When we got home I noticed that my mom was annoyed the whole time. - my dad was in love with the puppy tho - so the funeral was pretty sad and I could not believe that my grandpa was gone now. It was for the better tho, because his health got worse, sometimes he would not even remember me and his body was just shutting down. At the funeral I also had to think of S, and that I lost two people this year. The day after, me and my parents talked about a lot of things. First, me and my dad about the houses and some stuff and that I would get one of the houses. And then all together about why my mom was so angry about the dog and yea. Then I told her the situation about the decision I would want to make considering the major and obviously she was not happy about it. Like she's paying my rent and everything. So her condition was that, if I would switch, I would have to find a mini-job during the semester. So that was not really optional because I would have to do so much for uni itself. So I got over the idea and said to myself that I just have to live through it.

December. I’m still here in my original major and I finally found peace with it because now I’m almost done with everything and the things don’t seem impossible anymore. But I’m really glad that this semester is over soon, because I hate everything about it. I also feel really uncomfortable in the lessons again, because I always sit next to the girl - from the very beginning I’m still friends with her - but she always wants to sit in the front which means that it is always just me and her in the front and everybody else is always behind us. Which I feel so uncomfortable about. It is also always really awkward when we have to build groups of 4 or something because then it always us two outsiders and usually two other outsiders. - Just so you know, I have nothing against foreign people, like my boyfriend is half Thai - but these other two outsiders are from russia I think, and they have this strong accent and because I already worked together with them and I sit with them, I think I am also considered an outsider and I feel so uncomfortable with that. Also another thing that’s been on my mind lately is, that the relationship between me and F is getting quite dry and boring because we just have our routine and there is nothing exciting anymore. It’s also really difficult to change this, because our routines are fixed because of work and uni but also because every time I talked with F about our relationship and that I want more love and affection, he does it for like two days and then it’s just like how it was before that. And this is so frustrating. I just want the feelings from the start again, where everything was exciting and new. Like he is still my favorite person and I prefer spending time with him over being alone or with someone else, but this is probably the problem why it is so boring. I just need a friend or an activity without him, so when I come back I’m excited to see him. Or we need a new routine, I just don’t know honestly. Last but not least, on Saturday we are finally driving home for the christmas break which I’m excited for because I don’t have uni for two weeks and yea. Also we maybe celebrate New Years Eve at my place which is also exciting, because I never really had a party at my place. Also another thing, in February and March next year I will be working at the coffee shop again which I am very excited for. I am also really excited for the next semester because then we will do a lot of marketing stuff and media production which I’m really interested in. - One last thing, last weekend F, two of his friends and I drove over 1000km on one day to look at a car F wanted to buy and guess what he bought it. But it is a crash car so he has to work on it still before he can drive it. Also our puppy is getting bigger and bigger and I am such a proud mommy.

- See you probably in 4 years

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